#but i really dont like 2/3 of the managers
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Here Are My 100 DBDA IDEAS
As some of you may know, i started a list of all my ideas expecting to reach maybe 40? And well i was at 40 by the time i finished going through some old tumblr posts. And then i kinda kept having an idea or two (or 3 or 5) a day and here we are. i dont think i will ever write all of these, lets be real the list is going to keep growing, but i have no intention of writing some of these but i had the thought so i wrote it down
this is a long post friends
IF YOU SEE AN IDEA YOU LIKE FEEL FREE TO TAKE IT AS INSPIRATION BUT PLEASE TAG ME WHEN YOU POST IT, not because i want credit but because id love to read it <3
The numbers are what they are on the list, mostly in order of when i had the idea but a few are old ideas i remembered. But for reading convenience i organized them a bit, categories are loosy goosey but there was an effort
Posted ideas
1. Ghosthunting AU
3. Mechanic AU
38. Charles gets a teddy bear
39. Charles under a love potion 100. (actually the first fic i wrote for this fandom but i havent thought about it in so long) Monty's first bit as a human 2. Charles gets stuck in a mirror learning to mirror hop
Kinda Canon Compliant
4. Gladys isnt a made up character for episode 6
5. Esther's Backstory
12. Post s1 with Jenny being able to see ghosts, she sees her parents
13. NN tries to teach Charles manners (hes so adhd)
14. The boys first night together (and as ghosts)
27. Mick takes Monty in after Esther dies
49. Edwin cant orb beacuse of his experience in Hell
Not Really Canon Compliant
46. Charles has never been on a date
57. Monty is a vulture instead of a crow
68. Esther is Edwin's mom
89. Edwin has glasses (with the little hanging chains)
Media AUs (musicals and movies)
11. Monty Tangled AU
19. Newsies (musical) AU
20. Wicked AU
21. The Grear Gatsby (musical) AU
24. LOTR AU
33. Huntchback of Notre Dame (musical not disney movie) AU
37. Princess Bride AU
45. Adjustment Bureau AU
51. Bonnie and Clyde (musical) AU
52. Palaski Howls Moving Castle AU
53. Paynland Les Mis AU
61. Tinkerbell AU
64. Beetlejuice AU
65. Spirited Away AU
66. Nonstop & Hurricane (from Hamilton) Edwin in Hell/with his journal au?
71. Payneland Heathers JD/Veronica (more movie) AU
77. Payneland Twisters (2024) AU
83. Bring Him Home (from Les Mis) Jenny as Valjean, Niko as Marius
84. Stardust AU
90. Coraline AU
92. HTTYD AU
93. Kimberly Akimbo AU
94. Palaski Dash & Lily AU
Other Conneted to Media AUs
8. Payneland Hades and Persephone Au
9. Edwin is Crowley and Azi's (good omens) son
56. Payneland Joker and Harley Quinn AU
58. Freaky Friday with Edwin and Crystal
87. Payneland Post Hadestown (they both get out) AU
88. Payneland Tale Tale Heart AU
91. Stardew Valley AU
97. Starwars fan Charles
98. Movie night boys watch Dead Poets Society
Other AUs
10. DND AU
15. Foster family AU
16. Jenny "The Butcher" zombie apocalypse AU
17. Coffee shop AU
18. College AU : poli-sci Edwin, social justice Charles
23. Journalist/reporter Edwin, military Charles
26. Highschool AU
31. Modern Charles using dead Edwin's poems in his songs (rock ballads)
32. Payneland musician and tour manager
28. Historical anatomist Edwin and grave robber Charles
35. Alien/hybrid AU
40. Chef Charles and food critic Edwin
41. Archeologist Edwin and Treasure hunter Charles
43. Nail tech Niko and makeup artist Crystal
44. Spy AU
47. Payneland actor AU
54. Formal fantasy's Gala
55. Serial killer Edwin just trying to keep detective Charles attention
60. Med student Edwin
62. Arranged marriage
63. Drag performance
67. If the boys were ghosts during the Blitz
69. Payneland gladiator fighters
72. They're bakers
73. Criminal Crystal with Edwin as her parole officer
74. Cyclist Charles and Runner Edwin
78. Payneland Scuba diver and mermaid
79. Drunk driving Charles meets Edwin in the ER after a crash
80. Edwin's a sniper
81. Prison Break
82. Payneland streamer AU (charles on camera edwin private)
99. Horse racer Edwin
Long Winded Explinations
36. Apprenticeship au (charles&jenny, niko&kashi, monty&mick,crystal&esther, edwin&maxine)
48. Football star charles leaving the sport after he meets clueless about sports edwin to who he is smart edwin and realizes how dangerous it is
85. Kashi is some prince or something imprisoned in angie.....mick is a pirate bounty hunter or something going to save him
86. Mick is going through his stock and finds a trinket thats muttering - its a sending stone and kashi has the other half, he keeps it as a companion
95. kashi is a sailor turned pirate who always takes home little treasures (small things like rocks and shells) back to mick on land
96. Edwin losses his parents to a car crash and refuses to use cars or buses and then meets charles whos some maniac racer or back street drag driver and Payneland and angst ensues
Named But Unwritten (unposted, living rent free in my mind and google docs)
6. Captain of Hell
75. Where the Road Meets the Roots
Everything Else
7. Tragic mick pirate captain
22. Charles brings a cat back to the office
25. Vigilante Edwin
29. Charles with a motorcycle
30. Werewolf Charles
34. Crystal and Esther witch rivalry
42. Kashi pulls NN away from work so they can go on a date
50. Alive AU snowday
59. Kashi/mick pirare au (general)
70. Zamboni Monty one shot
76. Pre (my) valentines fic, dead bride
if you made it this far thanks for reading, please tell me your favorite idea from the list!!
id like to thank @makemeimmortalwithahug @ahyperactivehero @genevievefangirl the most, for hanging out in the DBDA Haunt sever and being there when i come up with most of these ideas
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Wait I actually got the job at Chipotle?
#i msan i didnt interview badly or anything#and i have strong food service experience#im just not used to places I apply to. responding to me#the job market is bleak#am i really about to have a full time job so i can comfortably pay the bills again?#one of my managers has been teasing an 'opportunistic' meeting for the past few weeks#and i was considering staying because this is a place thag would be good to grow in#but i really just sat my manager down and said 'look i have another opportunity. what's the opportunity youve been talking about?'#and he said that it likely couldnt happen anymore#so idk if he was fucking with me or if something just changed#ill be a little sad to leave this job#there are coworkers i really like#but i really dont like 2/3 of the managers#and its only part time#the hours are really unstable and therefore so are my paychecks#and shit is expensive#but a steady full time job? damn that sounds nice#i just texted the manager to clarify that it's full time#and if she confirms then im probs gonna onboard on friday!#the benefits at chipotle are also pretty solid while at this job theyre nonexistent#im looking forward to it
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#mod chilchuck#dungeon meshi#kabru#we have inventory tomorrow so i was asked to pick up a shift today#i really dont wanna#i already had to get xrays today and i have something else later in the evening#so today is a long day :(#this is usually my day off#i hate being one of 3 people at my store that isnt a highschooler (besides the managers)#< and one of the other 2 doesnt even work during the day so its really like. just me and another person that isnt good at very much
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the rituals are intricate
florida panthers @ new york islanders | 10.26.24 (x)
#gustav forsling#aaron ekblad#niko mikkola#florida panthers#2425#these rituals back to back... catmin wanted me DEAD FR FR#you think forsy “come on 5”-ed him again#so the mikksyekky bumpy ritual has been workshopped to only 2 bumpies i see im taking notes#once again its not enough ekky gets laid out on the ice for 60 minutes a game he has to get it from his teammates too#on another episode of i dont know how exactly ekky managed to convince mikksy to go all out on the bumpy ritual#but damn if he didnt do mikksy really does put his all into this very strange request#the forsyekky ritual where ekky can barely make any eyecontact with forsy#versus w mikksy where he stares into his soul to ensure hes not holding out on him strength wise#utterly fascinating coupling we have here#the dynamic is 3 farmdogs. the pyrs that stands in your way. an obstacle. and a jungle gym for the baby goats. has become one with the gras#the berner thats a little too happy to be here and in lieu of doing their job follows you around instead#like sweetheart go watch the herd with the pyrs what are you doing here i love you but im just making sure the bunnies are okay go on git#and the insane border collie that the farm is scared of because they literally vibrate when not given a job and despite being run to the#ground will still find the energy to run some more what is this thing made of oh its just a smart workaholic yeah i guess that tracks#oh the pyrs barely gives the berner the time of day for playtime because the only playing they really tolerate is from the lambs and kids#and the only one who can keep up with the berners high energy is also the insane herder who is just a vibrating string at all times. yeah.
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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one thing about particularly the dreamtonics voicebanks is sometimes their vibratos are like. out of control. almost sounds like theyve been exaggerated further from their voice providers? putting way too much sauce into it in autopitch mode even when the vibrato modulation is all the way down to zero. its not bad but it is funny. mai you gotta relax girl we're singing like some idol-y character-y anime song not mariah carey <3
#and based off what we've seen in the demos of sv2 with felicia and such they have made them. stronger LOL#ALTHOUGH what i saw in a video someone took at namm it does look like they can get decently flatter compared to sv1's autopitch#(of course we're all bummed about the lack of pitchsnapping options but thats a separate issue)#then again i think that was an ES voicebank not a DT inhouse bank. ES knows what theyre doing#asterians autopitch does great - his vibratos are HUGE obvs but they make sense and fit his intonation#and the vibrato modulation can bring them shockingly down if you need to! pretty great#i wonder how ES feels about the entire eng es community wanting to kiss them. with tongue.#plus it does depend on the voicebank. i like big vibratos on deeper and chestier voices like sora asterian etc#but on lighter thinner and most high voices i prefer subtler vibratos. sometimes with heavier high voices i like big vibratos tho#it was really funny in the sv2 reveal video where they showed felicia 1 and 2 and the big change we heard first was like. louder vibrato#and i was like kings i dont know if that sounds Better.................... whats going on with you guys and vibrato man#(now the other features for sv2 look fantastic of course. mouth opening is gonna be monumental)#MORE VIBRATO -> MORE REALLLLLL#jk jk its just a taste thing. i like variety in vibratos between different singers because i listen to too much charactery anison#some voices i like with heavy vibrato... some i like with little... some i like with both..... i dont want them all to have the same tho <3#vocal synths are my own personal idol group im managing in my head. im doing corporate management in there. dont worry about it
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Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn
#covid#life of sponty#ive been sick since i got back home on 12th#infected probably 1 to 3 days before that#so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid#and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion#i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed#it's effort to stroke the cat#the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery#just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them#shits fucked bruh#also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke#it's wild#desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever#i love onions#i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine#cough was only monstrous for like a day#rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable#the fatigue is wack though#I've never been this weak before#it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective#this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks
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.
#so far in my sporadic picking away at various manga series i feel i have the weirdest reader relationships with JJBA and Attack on Titan#when reading JJBA i am not really that invested in the characters or even whats happening to them and yet i still never decide to dnf it#and i dont even know what it is that keeps me reading except that its just very unique i suppose?#such an odd combo of different things that somehow manages to eventually have its own sorta cohesive logic and charm#also the art is just fun. its ornate and goofy and macho and flamboyant and gross#but as soon as i put it down i stop thinking about it too#and dont feel like picking it up again for at least several more days#with attack on titan i found the art style mostly really bad at first ngl#it reminded me of awkward drawings a high schooler would make like the inconsistentness#of like there are good action poses here but the people also look weird ugly bland and stiff and the backgrounds are often so empty#idk i was feeling pretty blah about it but something about how starkly straight-forward the story is was interesting to me#where its literally exactly what you heard its just#theres a bunch of humanoid giants attacking our city#and we have to stop them. that's it#and also the awkwardness of the art style i find works extremely well when it comes to the titans#like they are genuinely creepy to me. and they do actually feel massive the way theyre drawn. and the mystery around them interests me too#anyways im like 60% through part 1 of jojo(also read most of part 4 a few years ago) and only on vol 3 of AoT#but yeah those are the 2 series i have the most mixed feelings about so far#wouldnt say i love or hate either of them but still also continue to want to find out more#13readsmanga#p
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oh my god i get what the tankies are on about you guys are infuriatingly pro-biden
#us politics#who are you preaching to?#yes im voting biden for the record. im also aware this is futile and not just because i live in florida#my genuine legitimate advice for people who understand that we are not at a place where revolution is feasible currently:#1) get organized. i dont mean “shitty poser insurrectionist book club that does nothing”#i dont even mean “arguing platform for the 7 anarchists and 2 MLs in your entire town”#i mean mutual aid groups. i mean “find out what resources are avalible in your area and work with them”#instagram is sadly a really good place to find local mutual aid groups#2) fucking vote like crazy in your local elections. vote for your state governor for your city mayor for your district manager#vote for everyone you fucking can. because im voting for biden but he isnt gonna win this. figure out what to do next#3) focus on voting methods specifically. look at implementing ranked-choice voting. anything that will give third parties a chance#because under this system winning third party is impossible. so *change the system*#anyways. welcome to project 2025!!! :D
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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies
Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now#graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner#Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect#plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes#our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it#could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat#im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha#anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room#(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday#i just kinda. exist. @:P#i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh#wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this#i promise im normal#@:|
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forgot how suffering it is to have ur favourite character in smth involved in a very popular pairing you Do Not Like that is 1. everywhere in their tag and 2. not tagged correctly a lot so you can't even flag it
#NO OFFENCE TO G*KUTS*MU. ok actually offence to gktm 18/22 is an uncomfortable gap to me personally but#i really just do not like Protagonist/Anyone ships in joseimukes at all. at least in the ones im into.#bc the ones im into are. well. 2/3 idol and 1 actor ones the protagonist is always in a role that sets them apart from the guys of the cast#tsumugi manager anzu producer izumi director. and they all comment on this in their respective series actually#but i really dont like pairings involving them bc it feels inappropriate & unprofessional to have that staff/talent relationship LOL#(a lot of the times it's also hard to distinguish between what could be genuine character interactions and yumebait. at least w es and a3.#so that knocks out a lot of pairings to begin with anyway.) but im just not really into that kind of manager talent dynamic#and all three of them comment on it in their respective series too that they have no interest in getting involved w someone at work LOL#bc of how it's kind of a no no and i know izumi talks abt how she would choose work over love bc she can always find a new lover but theres#only one mankai. so she definitely would NOT want to get in the way of any of that. anyways#anyways i 4got how hard it is to avoid this stuff. when my art block ends im drawing tsumugi on her own#bri.txt
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psst for my stream regulars
How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)
Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty
#snap chats#maybe end even sooner at like 4:50 idk point is how does this sound...#ik everyone shows up for the 3:30 time but im also wondering if 1 is just really too early for some people#maaaaybe 2 if not ???#reason for the time switch is that my moms starting to like. actually use our gym equipment now#and all of thats in the basement. Where I Hang Out#and she’s been getting home just a bit earlier nowadays so im tryig to play it safe#i dont want this arrangement to be permanent and if things go my way for once it shouldnt be#but just for now..#if its not alright then i’ll prob have to pause on streaming for a bit#not forever just. A Bit until i get some personal things sorted#‘personal things’ Wow So Im Not Oversharing For Once leave me ALONE its a complicated situation so we’re going with Personal Things#ok im gonna enjoy my walk. or try to#my therapist is making me take my blood pressure daily and yesterday it was like#149/107 or something and i was like ‘yeah i might as well have high blood pressure’#luckily. or unluckily to me i just took my blood pressure wrong#‘snap how the fuck do you manage that’ I Am Very Stupid. I Am An Idiot Even anyway i didnt know i had to sit POINT IS#took it today and it was actually a Normal reading but man it Would Not be unbelievable if i had HBP#when my dad was with my mom he had HBP all the time and as soon as he got out he was at a normal level... lol...#ok enough rambling bye#im lying I Had That bout myself cause theres a stereotype with filipinos#where bitches just Cannot Say Goodbye like fam will say ‘bye’ and talk another ten minutes and i keep proving it true ENOUGH#BYE FR THIS TIME PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW WE FEEL BOUT THIS TIME SHIFT
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finished assignments for today. welp off to the incinerator
#AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!#I think finals seasons upcoming is dawning on me#I was trying to take it easy for burn out i really was and it was helping!!!#I started being able to think about my special interest again!!#I stopped fantasizing about passing out in front of somebody so someone would notice how bad it is!!#But now its all coming back and I feel so bad. I cant focus I cant do any work#I barely managed to do 3 statistics questions and one paragraph for a project. in 9 hours#I really dont know what im going to do I feel so sick#Ive never had mental health issues impact my academics before like this#Its really bad and the worst part is i think its been bad for a while#my mom called me today about medical school prep and I felt sick to my stomach#I continue to be the family problem child only 2 steps away from being the family disappointment here we go!!!!!!!#shut up me
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...
#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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we stay silly <3
#love working a job where i do the work of 2-3 people while my coworkers dont do shit#does management know? yeah 😔 are they doing anything about it? not really 😔#but i must bee insane cus i also dont trust my coworkers to do a good job so it's like#i shouldn't bee doing all of this work myself and yet. y'all cant get it done properly and in a timely manner anyway#so.....here i am (i went to pee)
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finally did the math and i have/will be working 65 hours in one week lol, average of 9hrs per day, which is more time than i spend sleeping
not counting the time i spend travelling, which would make it ~73, which means an average of 10hrs every day
could pick up a shift tomorrow and make it 71 (80 with travel)
#this is so awesome i feel like im dying#i keep sleeping like. maybe 4-6hrs a night and now when i take my testosterone in the morning it feels like rebellious self care#bc i literally do not have time to between waking up and leaving without making myself late bc i sleep in way too late every day#so i keep being late bc im so fucking tired and then my manager gets mad at me for being late when i worked until midnight and its 8am now#i literally feel like my body is breaking down. my calf muscles have this stabbing pain behind my knee and my joints are so painful#i cant breathe properly bc im so tense and anxious and tired and ive had to rewear underwear 3x bc i havent had time/energy for laundry#i finally showered on friday after 2-3 weeks it was awesome and i keep crying on the bus and in the office#i feel like im going to collapse im in so much pain and i keep gettin really close to killing myself but i dont have time to be hospitalised#anyway. srry abt venting so much here#also i literally dont know if my bf is ok bc theres flooding in his area and i think hes asleep so he hasnt text back for hours#delete later#none of it would be so bad if going home was at least restful but theres literally no respite from it bc my room is a wreck#im so anhedonic that literally nothing feels good anymore so i cant even cheer myself up unless im drunk bc i dont have a weed dealer rn#might try to get some co-codamol for the pain tomorrow after my blood test but idk we'll see
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