#reason for the time switch is that my moms starting to like. actually use our gym equipment now

[todayisafridaynight]

psst for my stream regulars

How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)

Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty

[opposums-love-arson]

Scream Queen Book 1: Conventional Final Girl

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Stu Macher x Reader x Billy Loomis

Okay so basically let's just cut to the chase, the main character "(y/n)" is Sidney Prescott's little stepsister, yeah? Well, what happens when she takes Sid's place as the final girl? A whole lot. Disclaimer: All rights reserved to the copy righted owners of the Scream franchise. The only creative input I had in this fan fiction was the part of (y/n), almost everything else can be found in the movie. Follows the movie very closely. I mean the actual movie, not the script. Obviously switching out some parts to fit the narrative. It takes a couple of chapters to really get it kicking but I promise it gets good. *NO SMUT* these are still high school students and I do not want to overtly sexualize KIDS! And if you make the argument of "I'm not a kid" I'm 18 been there, done that, don't try it.

  "Hello, who is it?" I asked into the large telephone. 

"No one in particular..." Sounds like another one of the boys' prank calls.

"Okay Mr. No one in particular, any reason for the call?" 

"No reason in particular, just wanted to talk." 

"Hmm okay then talk," I said as I swiveled around in my chair.

"What's your favorite scary movie?" The raspy but oddly pitched voice asked. 

"Oh I've got plenty but you might want to sit down, it'll take a while." 

"I've got time." 

"Ya know, stuff like Halloween, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw. Then there's creature features like The Thing. B-horror like Slumber Part Massacre or Sleepaway Camp." I finally finish my rambling when I hear my step sister and her boyfriend in the other room. 

"Do you really like scary movies?" 

"Oh yeah definitely but I think it's mainly because of my step sister's friends?" 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah, I mean I always liked horror but they really got me into it. Especially our friends Randy, Billy and Stu, they're crazy about that stuff!" I said as I flopped down onto my bed. 

"What's a pretty girl like you doing with all those guys?" 

"They're not a lot of guys, if anything it equals out our group," I said, completely avoiding the whole 'pretty girl' thing... that was kind of weird. 

Hearing a knock at my door completely startled me. 

"Oh um hey I have to go but feel free to call me back anytime," I whisper into the phone quickly placing it back on the body. 

It was obvious the person on the line was saying something before I hung up but I didn't bother to listen 

  In popped Neil's head from the other side of the door. "Hey kiddo who ya talking to?" He said as he looked around. "Hm? Oh no one, what's up Neil?" I asked, now back in my desk chair. Neil was a good guy, I'm glad he and my mom started dating, they actually just got engaged! I think I was more excited about it than my step sister, Sindey, she's still grieving. "Just got done talking to your sister, I'm going to hit the sack, remember I'm not back until sunday. Cash on the table and call if you need anything," He said waiting for me to say something. "Alright got it Neil, have fun at the expo!" I waved him off before he closed the door. 

  My mom and I didn't move to Woodsoro until she really started dating Neil. It's always just been her and I for as long as I can remember, but it feels good to be part of a complete family again. I missed our old home at first with all my friends and family but Sid quickly took me under her wing. I met all of her friends including Stu, Tatum, Randy and Sid's boyfriend Billy. I'll admit it was weird at first because they just saw me as the little step sister but once Randy and I went on a ranting debate about which was the real pioneer of Slasher; Texas Chainsaw or Black Christmas, it got a lot easier. Even though Stu and Billy were pretty cute I'll never be used to Stu's wild energy, nor Billy's slightly shady behavior.

  The next morning didn't go quite as expected... There were reporters, cameras, and news vans posted up all around school. Sid and I were freaked the moment we got off the bus. She was looking around bewildered by everything going on until we spotted one woman in particular, Gale Weathers. To say the least, Weathers was a total bitch towards Sid's mom's name. 

"Can you believe this shit?!" We heard a voice pop up from behind us. Sid totally jumped. 

"Tatum, what is going on?" Sidney asks, waving her arm out to the school. 

"Yeah, since when was Woodsboro flooded with reporters?" I looked over at Tatum, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"You don't know?" Tatum asked both of us, a hint of amusement on her face.

"No," Sid and I said in unison, still confused. 

"Casey Becker and Steve Orth were killed last night," She said with a harsh but light tone just above a whisper. 

"What?! No way!" Sid softly exclaimed. 

I was too shocked to say a single word so I just listened. 

"And we're not just talking killed, we're talking splatter movie killed. Ripped open, from end to end," Tatum talked about it with entertaining ease, like it was just gossip. 

I think I'm going to be sick. 

"Casey Becker, she sits next to me in English," Sid said looking over at her best friend. 

I think you mean sat, Sid. I thought. 

"Not anymore," Said Tatum with a wobble of her head. 

She went on saying, "It's so sad, her mom and dad found her hanging from a tree. Her insides on the outside." Shoving her hands near her stomach. 

"Oh my god," Sid said as she reached for the back of her neck, probably to feel the goosebumps that appeared. 

"Do they know who did it?" I finally asked, feeling the urge to know. 

The two looked over at me with Tatum saying, "Fucking clueless, I mean they're interogating the entire school? Teacher, students, janitors." 

"They think someone at school did it?" Sid asked

"They don't know, I mean Dewy was saying this is the worst crime he's seen in years. Even worse than-" Tatum paused when I nudged her side, "Well, it's bad." She finished. 

The bell signaling the start of the first period rang.

"C'mon Sid, we gotta get to class..." I said as I lightly grabbed her hand, giving it a slight reassuring squeeze. 

"Yeah, alright..." She responded, removing her hand from mine. She's just going through a lot right now. 

  Sitting through the first period is weird when you have a seat that was right behind a dead person. Not Casey Becker but Steve Orth. He'd ask me for a pencil or notes every day because he forgot his. Claimed it was because of football practice. Soon enough the five minute bell for next class rang. A class that didn't have any dead students.

  Walking to my locker to rotate my books I was blocked by none other than Stu Macher. 

"Hey, (y/n)," He drawled out my name with a big smile, "Whatcha up to?" 

"Getting my books Stu, same thing you should be doing." 

"C'mon, you're not still upset with me, are you?" He asked with a fake pout 

"Yeah actually I am Stu!" I shouted in a whisper 

"I couldn't help myself, I mean look at you?" He said as he squished my face. 

Swatting his hand away I said, "That's no excuse!" 

"You can be such a prude," he said as he leaned his head on my locker. 

"No, it's called being a good friend with a balanced moral compass that can see when her friend's boyfriend is about to cheat with her." I huffed as I slammed my locker door. 

"C'mon, (y/n)! You can't stay pissed forever! You'll come around eventually!" Stu shouted after me. 

"Like hell I will!" I shouted back. No matter how abundantly clear my feelings for him are, I would never do that behind Tatum's back.

[sparklingcid3r]

Do you have headcanons for the Curtis parents

HELL yeah i do‼️ a lot of these are inspired by my own childhood bc i got nostalgic😭

- I’m gonna call Mrs. Curtis Josephine because I saw it once and ran with it, also it’s not fair we don’t know her name :(

- But in my head, Josephine accidentally got pregnant in her senior year to Darrel Sr., who’d already dropped out of high school, and they decided to keep the baby, and Josephine ended up dropping out

- Josephine’s parents were furious over the situation, both her dropping out and getting pregnant to someone like Darrel. They kicked her out of the house

- Darrel worked like hell to provide for her and his own family put up money for them to try and help, but it wasn’t much. Despite that, they were happy

- Shotgun wedding! Not a big thing or anything, Josephine wore her patchy homecoming dress and Darrel’s mom sewed up one of her husband’s suits for him, and it was a quiet affair

- Darry lowkey tricked them into thinking parenting would be easy because he wasn’t a crier even when he was born. He was well-behaved and didn’t cause them that much stress. Like he still cried but not nearly as much as a normal baby would. It was a little nerve wracking as they wondered if something was wrong with him or if this whole parenting thing was easy asl

- Uh yeah so then Soda was born

- Josephine had bad post partem depression after Soda where she couldn’t spend a lot of time with Soda and kind of used Darry as a crutch, spending more time with him as a result was Darrel spent more time with Soda. I imagine this being the reason Soda took on more of his dad’s mannerisms while Darry took his mom’s

- Slowly Josephine started coming around, but it was still hard. She spent as much time as she could handle with Soda, but Darrel always told her not to pressure herself and that she just needed to give it time, but he was anxious about the situation too

- Darry was actually the one who coined Pony’s name. When Josephine was pregnant with him, she let Darry and Soda touch her stomach and feel for him, and Darry said he kicked like a pony and Darrel and Josephine looked at each other like 👁️👄👁️☝️

- Originally it was just going to be Pony, but Darrel started saying “How’s our Ponykid doing in there?” and so when he was born and they found out he was a he, Josephine switched it because she didn’t want him to be called a kid his whole life

- Josephine was the cook of the family, but some days Darrel would make pancakes for the family while Josephine would make faces out of syrup and fruit for the boys

- Same with the grill, Darrel would ask for everyone’s order: burger, cheeseburger, hotdog, and Josephine would help them making faces and (not very good) pictures with the ketchup

- Darrel always woke the boys up saying “Time to make the donuts!” and while Darry and Soda knew what that meant, it took Pony a little longer to stop getting disappointed when there weren’t any donuts waiting for them in the kitchen

- Josephine was the one who tucked the boys in, but Darrel usually came in a few minutes later to say goodnight to them as well, and if he hadn’t shaved that morning he’d rub his face against theirs without them expecting it and hurt like a mf, Soda swore he’d always be clean-shaven

- Even though they didn’t call him Superman, Darrel was the one they all associated Superman with. Before closing their doors at night, he’d always do the motion of ripping his shirt across the middle as if to reveal the logo on his chest, so Pony calling Darry Superman meant more to Darry than he ever wants to admit

- Josephine was always singing or humming, just making music. When she was cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, music was always going in the Curtis home. I’m pretty sure in the movie there’s a piano in the house, and it absolutely belonged to Josephine. She tried to teach all three of her kids how to play, but Darry was the only one who really took to it

- Josephine could have died from joy hearing Pony and Soda singing Andy Williams and Hal David off key while Darry stumbled through a song on the piano

totally feel like i could go on about this family, they mean so much to me🙏

[steventhusiast]

steve’s in the middle of trying to organise a pile of returned tapes by genre when he hears the bell on the door ring. his eyes flicker up to family video’s door, and he intends to only check the customer doesn’t look suspicious, but when he sees who’s entered the store he can’t help the smile that creeps onto his face.

“eds!” he greets his boyfriend, happily abandoning his task to lean onto the counter and watch eddie walk up to him.

“your highness.” eddie greets dramatically, and steve watches as he does a quick scope of the store as he reaches the counter. it’s empty, so of course eddie hops up and over the obstacle to stand next to steve.

“what the hell, eddie!” robin complains as eddie knocks into her half-organised tape pile on his way over, sending a couple tapes onto the ground.

eddie looks at her with a wide-eyed ‘oops’ expression, and then picks up the tapes, attempting to put them back in their place.

“sorry, buck.”

“yeah, yeah.” she huffs, but she’s smiling a little so steve knows she’s not actually mad. she holds up a copy of back to the future, and raises an eyebrow, “you put this in the romance pile.”

“stevie says marty tries to bang his mom in that, so am i really wrong?”

robin blinks at him a couple times, and then shakes her head and resumes her pile-sorting, seemingly done with them for now.

eddie finally smiles at steve from where he is next to him, and gently takes his hand and squeezes it under the counter.

“missed you last night.” he says. steve shuffles his feet a little in response, and squeezes his hand back.

“missed you too. you know how my parents are when they’re in town.”

“yeah, i know.” eddie’s soft smile switches to something more playful as he pauses, “too bad though, had biiig plans for us involving.. one of our most recent purchases in indy.”

robin makes a gagging sound from where she’s stood, and as steve blushes and opens his mouth to say something in reply she reaches over to push at his shoulder and then starts talking before he gets the chance to.

“i say this with love because you are my favourite dingus and dongus, if you make me stand here and listen to you make vague sexual references while i get paid minimum wage to organise these stupid tapes, i might do something drastic.”

eddie snorts at her words.

“you have such a way with words, robs.”

for some reason she looks offended at that, and steve chuckles to himself as he waits for the verbal tennis match to start between them.

they’re interrupted by the bell at the door telling them another customer has walked in, so steve glances over again and-

oh. it’s tommy’s mom.

somehow, for some reason, tommy never told his parents that they’re not on speaking terms anymore. steve had been absolutely dumbfounded the first time mrs hagan came over to say hello after their fight. he’d been expecting her to start chewing him out for upsetting her baby, but instead she’d asked how his mother was doing and had given him a motherly hug like always.

so, he steels himself for an interaction that will later make him feel a strange mix of nostalgic, sad and angry.

“steve! i forgot you work here.” mrs hagan grins at him as she walks over, a copy of pretty in pink in her hand.

“hi mrs hagan.” he offers her a half-hearted smile, and she puts the tape on the counter.

“just came to return this. such a lovely surprise to see you, though. it’s been too long honey! i’m sure tommy misses having you around, i know i do.” she says, and steve winces slightly as he feels robin’s eyes on him.

“oh, yeah. it’s, it’s real nice to see you too mrs h.” there’s an awkward pause where mrs hagan frowns a little at his lack of response to her tommy-related words, so he continues, “time really does fly when you’re not at high school anymore. barely have time to see any of my friends, really.”

he pointedly doesn’t look over to where eddie is now helping robin through the pile of tapes. mrs hagan nods uncertainly, and after steve’s finished with her return and a couple seconds of awkward silence have passed, she nods to herself.

“right, well.. i’ll be off then. we’re actually having a small gathering this weekend, honey. i bet tommy would love to see you there!” she tries at a smile again, but steve can’t really hide the panic in his eyes at the offer.

“oh! i’d- i’d love to mrs h, but i am just-“ he makes a vague gesture with his hands, “so swamped. really busy weekend.”

mrs hagan looks sad at his words, but nods again slowly.

“another time then.”

“sure.” steve lies, and watches as she leaves.

once she’s gone, he thinks about what the party would be like if he does go. he won’t, obviously, but.. what if?

realistically, he knows tommy would be the same jerk he’d been when they last talked a few years ago. but the more childish part of him that remembers his friendship with tommy through rose-coloured glasses wants to believe it could be fun.

maybe it’d be like old times, and he and tommy would take turns pushing each other into the pool. then they’d get each other a plate of food, purposely putting something they know the other doesn’t like on it because they think it’s funny. and finally, after a few hours they’d sneak off to tommy’s room and hang out, talking about anything and everything that comes to mind.

a big part of steve knows tommy was a toxic friend, that they weren’t good for each other and their relationship was strained and unhealthy. but a small part of him misses him more deeply than he wants to admit.

sometimes, when robin asks him a question about his childhood and he realises she hasn’t been his friend since birth, he thinks about how tommy would know that because he’d been there since the start. or she’ll falter when looking for a plate and steve knows tommy could navigate his kitchen with his eyes closed.

but in the same vain, robin will know that he’s got a migraine coming just from the smallest of winces, and steve thinks about how tommy doesn’t even know he gets migraines now. and she knows which floorboard in his room covers a pile of polaroids of him and eddie, and he thinks about how tommy wouldn’t even be safe enough to tell about their relationship.

“you in there, stevie?” eddie says from beside him, jokingly knocking on the top of his head.

steve smiles at him, and bumps him with his shoulder affectionately.

“yeah, just thinking.” he says, and looks at the glass door again. mrs hagan’s car is pulling out of the lot now.

“careful, that sounds dangerous.” robin jokes, and then makes trumpet noises with her mouth as she sorts the final tape into the correct pile.

eddie joins in with her dramatics, going as far as to mime playing his trumpet. robin critiques the way he’s miming holding one, and eddie scoffs at her and tells her to mime playing guitar so he can make fun of her back.

steve smiles to himself, and looks away from the car as it drives away.

he may miss his friendship with tommy sometimes, but this? he wouldn’t trade this for the world.

-

idk what this is but i hope u enjoyed it

inspired by one of my old best friends’ parents who used to come into the store i worked at and say hi to me because they didn’t know our friendship group had a MASSIVE falling out. i miss that friendship a lot sometimes even though it was toxic, and those thoughts inspired this because every thought i have can be projected onto steve if i try hard enough

[strawberryseeded]

thinking abt bllk (no surprise there) and how (at least until now) all (well, most of?) the characters backstories aka basically the reason for their most prominent issues are, instead of extremely tragic and complex events, simply children's logic applied to recurrent situations in their daily lives (and especially the sport they love):

bachira feels lonely: bachira was a weird and lonely kid who was also extremely passionate abt (and talented in) football, more than any other kid, making bachira feel isolated even when he was playing with others. this got even worse when the kids he played with started to resent him, calling him a "monster" and bullying him. while talking with his mom, she told him to keep believing in his inner voice and ignore those who dont understand him, resulting in bachira giving that voice the form of a "monster" that can play football with him to feel less lonely. which, obviously, made him even more lonely, even if it was an imaginary friend created to aliviate that feeling. because bachira still felt lonely, even after many years and even after playing with other people in school who werent any fun for him, he kept the monster by his side. believing no one could ever beat this monster (thank GODNESS he did 🎉!!! HE is the monster no one can beat!!!! his arc is one of my favs hes literally unstoppable now, i love him dude i love h)

isagi holds himself back too much: isagi (i read the light novel abt him hehe) was a timid and mild mannered kid until he discovered football, which he fell in love with. while playing the sport he could let go of his shyness and actually be selfish and go all out. uuuntil... he entered his high school's reputable football club, where the motto was to play as a team above everything else (a very anti-blue lock logic lol). isagi then, in an effort to accomodate to the social norms of the club (bc hes isagi, and off the field hes calmer and timider), had to simmer down in the field as well. supress himself. at times it seems like his on and off switch is kind of stuck.

barou has main character syndrome: barou was a very, on top of talented, meticulous kid and therefore the best in football out of every other kid he knew, who didnt take it as seriously and were more than happy to let him score all the goals. he didnt understand why they were satisfied with letting other people take all the glory, so he secluded himself, convinced that he was the only player that actually mattered on the field. the best. the Main Character. everyone else was completely worthless, their only use being to serve HIM. (until he got his ass kicked by isagi and became the villan instead of the main character, bc oh, shit, barou's not actually the main character???? then he'll hunt down & DESTROY the main character).

rin (god, rin) has a brother complex (i used to hate when ppl oversimplify whats wrong w him w this term but tbh it does boil down to this lol ToT): rin idolized his older brother like crazy and wanted to be just like him. bc he was also blessed with talent and also had a great relationship w sae, he had everything he needed to fulfill his dream of being the 2nd best striker, the 1st obviously being his older brother, who rin viewed as the best, most talented player in the world. when sae comes back from spain and tells him 'the world is big and im not actually the best, you go and be the best striker by yourself' (basically: our (your) dream is over), rin has a fucking breakdown. its not really a tragic, despair-inducing event, objectively speaking. but in the manga its framed as such bc for rin, in his childish logic, it is. bc his brother IS the BEST player, what the fuck do you mean hes not number 1 outside of japan?? ....then what about rin? if his brother cant be the best, rin cant be the 2nd best either, let alone the best. he feels like sae ruined everything, gave up, broke their (rin's) dream!!!! after sae humilliates him, rin directs all of his frustrations at him and bows to defeat him. as long as rin sees himself as sae's little brother, he's never gonna be able to surpass him, bc in rin's mind, sae is still the best, his talented big brother.

ness believes kaiser, not him, is the magician: ness's case is more serious bc his family was (is?) emotionally abusive towards him. basically, like every other kid, ness believed in magic. the concept of magic is exciting for children and gives them, in the form of play, the opportunity to express their creativity and exercise their imagination; work out a way to make the impossible come true. bc this is so important for their development, usually its the parents role to, at least to a certain degree, keep alive the belief that magic is real. ness's parents, on the contrary, shut down this belief bc it didnt match with their own views. they saw his interests as a waste of time, even letting his sibilings bully him and treat him badly to make him give up on them. ness, however, didnt, and instead found a more socially acceptable way to 'do magic' and express his creativity: football. he feared greatly, however, that football would be taken away from him, so in that faithful match in which he met kaiser he decided to put all of his trust and hard work on him, bc ness believed kaiser was the person who would be able to make the impossible, the magic that ness wanted to create, happen. i think the key to unlock his full potential is stop relying on kaiser so much and start believing in his own magic (kind of like what happened in hiori's arc). we have yet to know kaiser's backstory but i have a feeling those two enable each other's worst traits...

ETC !!!! sorry i got tired of writing lol

anyways these r just my interpretations of the characters feel free 2 b like "was is she ON about"

[omnium-gatherums]

We've been having so many realizations, God. I'm so happy and proud of us.

So, first: it took me all these years, all this time to realize this recently that I have continuously denied things as being DID or alters or related to either of these things for so long, so much, because they'll be things that don't feel like it's my own thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc. and things like "well this doesn't fit into my life, so it can't be trauma-related or related to DID at all" and it took me all this time to realize. Wait. That is literally just exactly what DID is, what alters are.

I was giving examples to my therapist when I was talking about this about how in particular I deny alters if they don't feel like or seem like they make any sense or fit into my life.

Like, it's easy to accept that I must've had (and likely still have) a Hello Kitty alter as a very young child because I have, like, 0 memories of anything Hello Kitty related. My mom said I used to pretend to be a cat because of Hello Kitty and I was extremely obsessed with Hello Kitty. Easy. I can conclude there was an alter there. I have 0 memories of that and "pretending" has been a lens through which we've viewed ourselves and our switches practically our entire lives, and it's generally common for alters in children to seem like "pretending."

But when it's, like, an alter that doesn't seem like it would make sense in my life at all, I don't remember anything that could hint them ever existing throughout my life, it feels like that should be proof that it's not really an alter.

And, since our last session with our therapist, we've been realizing so many more things that we've kind of always noticed, but never really realized or accepted I guess?

In this post, I explained how I was talking to her about other reasons why it's so difficult to figure out Who I Am is because multiple names feel correct at any given moment and I listed off the names that felt fine to me in that moment and the first one I gave was Sprite, and then she soon kinda referred to me as Sprite and I was like huh and she said that had suspected that I was Sprite and then when I said it it confirmed it for her LMFAO

But that moment has been so helpful for us lately because it made us realize. Wait. Nearly every time I've Vibed with a name, is it actually fair to assume I'm that alter?

But I started to apply this to so many more things lately.

If I'm thinking about if I switched or not, I probably switched and it's fair to assume that I did.

If I'm thinking about something and it's associated with a specific alter, it's probably safe to assume that alter is around or something.

If I'm listening to a certain song that's associated with a certain alter and wondering if I am that alter, it's probably safe to assume that I am.

If I'm thinking that xyz thought is another alter, it probably is and it's fair to assume it is.

And even more than that - if I associated xyz things with xyz things related to an alter or something, it's fair to assume that's Correct.

This has been our thought process ever since our last session and it's been really eye-opening.

[theeccentricraven]

The 13th Day of Writemas 🤶🎅🍒❤️🎀🛷

Another day of Writemas thanks to @agirlandherquill 💚🤍🫂 I feel that Friday the 13th in December isn't so scary because the Christmas cheer cancels out bad luck, and because I have bad luck everyday anyway 😄

For the Day 13 Writing Prompt list, I chose the narration prompt: "The damage was done. The ruin irreparable. It would leave scars and plenty of them, but at least, along with the pain, there remained a story to tell." I liked this and thought of how I could use it in the opening of Brigid Aideen. This novel is a YA Scifi fantasy superhero story. I tried to write Draft 1 about ten years ago, but it miserably failed. So now I'm going to try again. I like how these writing prompts have helped me work on Draft 2 AND Draft 3 of my main WIP and helped me get started on three other WIPs. Ah 2025 will be a fun year 😃Content warning: The story deals with a sensitive topic. I'll be careful with what I sample and post.

Also if you'd like to join this tag game, check out the invitation post.

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Chapter 1

That’s me, the dark-haired teenage girl you see on the hospital bed in the trauma center. You may see that my eyes tell of the invisible blows hitting my essence. I curl in a fetal position and cry. I tell the hospital staff to leave me alone. I know I need to see a counselor soon. No backstroke or healing touch can stop a girl’s cry. I know that I’m not alone among the other patients - women and girls who emerged from the darkest moments of their lives. I still feel alone. I don’t understand why I had to survive to live with this hell in my head. I look back to the moment mere hours ago that changed my life forever and brought me here. The damage was done. The ruin, irreparable. It would leave scars and plenty of them, but at least, along with the pain, there remained a story to tell. And so I tell that story, all the way to where it began. How did I come here? How did this all happen? Where did I come from? How did everything come down to this? Why? Who am I really? Why don’t I bleed when reason says that I should? Imagine a slim, dark-eyed sixteen-year-old girl, nervously carrying a box of Mom’s favorite Delft Blue up the stone stairs to the new house. That same ginger-haired mother carries my crying two-year old sister right behind me. My dark-haired Dad carries a box of books. My younger brother closest to my age, who looks almost exactly like our dad, carries the Samsung TV. My other frisky junior high brother carries the boxed bookshelf that will house the books in my Dad’s box. My little sister and little brother play on the lawn, him proudly holding the ball that our youngest sister cried over losing. Actually, I have to go back further to what my brother said before hell broke loose. We are in our family van, big enough to hold my parents and us six kids. Dad is driving. Twelve year old Tyler sits in the passenger seat, playing Skyrim on his Switch. Mom is in the middle seat with the two youngest, six year old Roger drawing in a color book while two year old Ashley eats her Cheerios. In the back, nine year old Kathy sits by the window reading Anne of Green Gables. Fourteen year old Patrick sits in the middle, reading a Naruto book. As for me, I’ve held two things for much of our trip. My Samsung Galaxy in one hand. My lacrosse stick in my other hand. When I’m not looking at the things in my hands, I’m looking out the window. Watching the country before me has given me a lot of time to think. Did Paula stop caring for me? Did she have a problem that she never told me? Will Alana continue to message me? Will I share her pictures in my lacrosse gear at my new school? Will Alana dump me like Paula did? What is my purpose in life? I swing around my stick. I’m going to show my new school that I’ll be a rockstar player. ____________________________________________________________

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[sarahdogoc80]

Lily is fetishizing Codependency and disabilities

So I watched a video on Lily story on Iris and Keira and skimmed the story it's self. It's so fucking gross. Something I don't think I've mentioned in this blog is my brother is autistic and has some kind of cognitive hearing issues that can only be fixed with an implant. He was also mute still he was 5. So I feel I have a little bit of knowledge I can spread.

First thing I want to talk about is something that generally pissed me off. It was how as children their so called doctor handled their translation thing. Because funny thing I had to do that for my brother because he was still having problems on structuring sentence and actually being able to say words correctly. As my parents didn't get him the implant so he just doesn't hear like the rest of us. And this effected his speech significantly because of his issues. So because I was the one consiently working with my brother (my mom had sent him to a special school from age 2-6 at which point he was ready to start public school. But he also had teachers helping him) on his speech and trying to get him to talk. We had a close sibling relationship and I could understand him best both my mom and his school confirmed this. So I would have to translate for him as he usually only said one word (like Max from Max and Ruby).

An example due to him not being able to say a lot of the word he went up to my mom and said cookie. So my mom thought he wanted a cookie. But when she tired to give him an oreo he backed up and said no. Then said cookie (thought it came out more as Okie) again so my mom calls me in and my brother says cookie. So I asked if that's what he wanted he shook his head then said "ear airl" . He was trying to say cereal then pointed that the TV. Then I remember a commercial had come on for that cookie cereal I forgot what it's called but it has a wolf mascot. So I figured out that's what he was asking for. So told my mom. When I figured it out and told our mom he clapped and said yeah yeah. So he could understand us he just couldn't communicate. Due to his hearing issues he just doesn't hear words like us and no matter how much speech therapy our stupid school tries to put him into it was never going to help when he just can't hear like us. You can say "rain water" all you want but all he'll ever hear without the implant is "ain otter." He has been infantlized for this problem and our step mom thought he was stupid just because of his hearing cognitive issues causing him to talk differently. While the autism does effect some of his learning he is capable of understanding shit like automation class which fun fact is something he thought he wanted to do till he switched class to be a paramedic. Honestly if he wasn't in such a horrible home environment and our life wasn't hell at that time I do believe he could have been a paramedic. We just didn't handle our crumbling home life the best because we are both autistic and without surpost just crumbled. So as of now he is just refusing to get therapy thus he is stuck in a depression. But I do talk to him, he still wants to go back to school to be a paramedic he just lost his drive...

Back to how the school handled this translation relationship be and my brother had. The school brought me in and pulled me aside and explained to me why we needed my brother to not rely on me for his communication. As at the time as an 8 year old I told the school I was fine being his translator. But for obvious reasons they realized one they needed me to help him in his steps to become independent. And two they wanted to explain to me why this was for he best. So because Lily is stupid I will tell you what the school told me as an 8 year old girl. They started off by asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I don't remember my awnser but not important. They then asked well what if your brother wants to do something different. I then said we can use a phone. They then asked what about when I'm school or what if he can't get a hold of me and it's an emergency. I then went quite. They then said see he needs to be able to communicate without you. They said I know you love your brother but it's not healthy for him or me if he needs to rely on me like this. They said I was a good big sister for helping him. Then said they needed me as part of their plan to help him though. I said okay. So they told me when I'm translating insed of me just saying what he said. Tell my brother what he's trying to say and encourage him to try and say it. They told me to keep it short and sweet and make longer sentences as he got better. So that's what I did. An example if he is asking for a cookie I told my brother to say "mom can I have a cookie?" And at the beginning it was rough and mostly incomprehensible. But with encouragement and me gently corrected him he eventually caught on on how to form sentences and get better with his speech. Now Lily's character I think is supposed to be incapable of speaking. So I understand this plan wouldn't help. But like no doctor would just be like yeah this Codependency is healthy and good.

Another thing I want to talk about is how Lily seems to only use the beating kids into speaking as a way to justify her character to belittle the parents and make her seem "moral superior". And while yes belittle them but my dad wanted to take at approach and I'm the one who had to step in and stop him. I know Lily doesn't have a protective bone in her body but this is also a criticism in these siblings fake feelings relationship and what actually sibling love is. One night when my dad was watching us he came in pissed off and asked a question. My brother just started babbling his word of the day which was monster trucks. My dad got pissed off and said stop saying monster truck and awnser the question. My brother turned to me and he starting babbling and I couldn't make out what he was saying probably because he was scared. So my dad grabs my 5 year old brother face and makes him look at him. And my brother clearly said let go. He started crying and my dad started screaming I told my dad to stop. But he didn't. My brother started sighing which is something he hadn't done for weeks at that point. And because neither me or my dad knew sigh language my dad didn't know what he was doing/ trying to say. So he grabbed his hands and said use his words. My brother with his free hand started smacking my dads hand to get him to let go. I was frozen in fear as I was terrified of my dad. He does let go and takes of his belt and waves it in his face asking his dumb questions again and my brother was just crying at this point. I saw him raise that belt and without hesitation I jumped throwing myself over my brother with my body and the metal part of the belt made contact with my hand and split open my hand and blood started running down my hand. My brother and me started screaming bloody murder. I thought my hand was broken (it wasn't) but the blood was getting everything. My dad backed up and with every bit of courage I had. I got off that couch and pushed him though it didn't do much. And yelled I will tell mom and the school that he hit me with the belt and split my hand open if he didn't leave use alone. My dad just stormed in to the bedroom and slammed the door. I grab my crying brother with my good hand and ran into the bathroom. He has blood on his shirt so I changed his shirt and I tired patching up my hand. My mom came home at some point and started banging on the bathroom door. I let her in and my brother runs into her arms crying. My mom seeing the blood and my shoty patch job as I was 8 and didn't know what the fuck I was doing. She patches it up and cleans it then asked what happened. My dad heard my mom and came out the bedroom (which was right next to the bathroom) and my brother started screaming again. But as part of the deal I felt I made I lied for his ass and said I hit it on the corner of the table. I looked at my dad and he just nodded and walked away. He never tried to hit my brother because of his special needs again.

But hey I get it Lily you don't have a protective bone in your body you just abused your sister. Your little sister who looked up to you. You took advantage of that and hurt her in the most reprehensible ways and try to claim her trauma as your own. If that story is what you think a good sibling relationship should be your fucked in the head. It's clear you don't understand how to be a good sister by your writing and your creepy incent shit is loud and clear. I love my brother like a brother and not like a boyfriend. He was the only family member I felt I had that gave a shit about me as I was dying of cancer, he's the only family I had that didn't try and distance themselves from me as I was dying. Granted he was a baby but that's the best part. It was unconditional love. I know you want that so bad and you will never have that because of how horrible you are and self centered. My brother also loved me as his sister. One time he shoved our mother (he was always a Mama's boy) when she pinned me again the counter to get a tick out of my hair. I didn't realize what she was doing and started screaming to stop because I was having a PTSD flashback and didn't know what she was doing. He may have only been 6 years old but when I was screaming for help and trying to get away he shoved himself on our mother's leg to get her away. Once I calmed down everything was okay. But in that moment we're I was scared and screaming for help. My brother also defended me against our own mother. Once our life got bad my brother always knew he had me and I always had him. And dispite all this me and my brother still managed to have a healthy relationship and set boundaries and understand each other. I never once looked at my brother like your characters do. He is MY BROTHER and I am HIS SISTER. We weren't replacements for each other partner, or parent, or whatever.

I want to sort out my feelings on other problems I have with her gross writing. But I will be back with more criticisms. I'm working on talking about how gross it is Lily thinks the only reason parents might want their child to speak is ablism while that it a huge reason I want to explain why I wanted my brother to talk and why it was so devastating to think i wouldn't be able to.

[grimalkinmessor]

Do you have any trans fem light headcanons?

I always have Light headcanons 👁️👁️

Usually I hc Light as bigender (she/her used generally as Kira-specific given that I think that's the only other spot in his life that he could acknowledge as a change in who he was SUPPOSED to be rather than who she really IS), because I do think Light actually does feel mentally aligned to his masculinity in a solid capacity, just not completely so, but! I can totally cook up something for trans fem Light :3

I actually have thought about this before—it's somewhere in my long ass wip ideas list—but the snag I always hit is Light even,,,,figuring out that she's trans :/ Because canon Light tends to just ignore when he feels bad in any sort of emotional or mental capacity, so dysphoria would probably ping "his" radar as something to go "Welp, time to ignore that! ᕕ(; ᐛ )ᕗ" about. So I see Light discovering it either young enough that she doesn't know that she should be denying it yet, or old enough that she could move towns and change her name with little fuss—never speaking to her family again, of course, but that's the price of being trans in early 2000s Japan with traditionalist parents :') Sayu might eventually go looking for her though. Sayu strikes me as someone open-minded.

BUT, these two options have different catalysts. If Light discovers it young enough for Sachiko to see it as "okay" to socially transition, then Sayu is the catalyst. Sayu has lots of pretty, traditionally feminine things, and she wants to play with her brother—which, of course, Light indulges. Sayu bullies Light into dressing up to play with her, she does makeovers with him, he does her hair and make-up and she does his (and while I usually hc Soichiro finding out and gently but firmly putting a stop to that, for this AU let's say he doesn't find out). Light, after enough times doing this with Sayu, probably notices the fact that he actually prefers Sayu's things to his own. He probably permanently borrows a hair pin or two, maybe even buys a few of his own when he runs errands for his mom. And Sachiko inevitably finds out about it, but again. Sachiko is just as much of a snake as Light in that she's cunning and able to switch faces quickly. So she probably has a long talk with Light about why he bought them and what's going on, and he confesses (after much manipulative prodding) that he doesn't "feel right", that he hasn't for a while, and he thinks it might be because he's a boy.

So Sachiko does what any good mom would do; she fixes it. Light would be young here, seven to ten I'm thinking, enough that it wouldn't be hard for Sachiko to buy Light some new clothes and start introducing her as a daughter. When Soichiro comes home, she sits him down after the kids are asleep and tells him what's going to happen. She does not ask for permission or his thoughts on it. She goes "Light is our daughter now and you'll treat her as such. We're moving cities in two weeks so she can have a new start in a new school. If anyone ever asks we've always had two daughters." Soichiro is bewildered of course, and instinctively affronted at the idea, but Sachiko steamrolls him. Queen Gaslighter, your honor, and her new Princess Gaslighter who learned from the best. They do as Sachiko bids, and Light is able to live her life unimpeded.

HOWEVER. If Light figures it out as an adult, then RYUK is the catalyst. Human Ryuk, of course, as I don't see grown-up Light with the Death Note having time to realize anything like that when he's busy manipulating the Task Force and his own father and the SPK and Misa and Mikami and—you get it. Anyway, Ryuk is the one who makes Light realize that she's a she instead of a he. And, being the terrible influence/cynical voice of (sarcasm) reason he is, Ryuk is the one who encourages Light to go whole hog with vanishing off the face of the Earth and changing her name instead of transitioning in secret or telling her family. But again, by this time it's too late for Light to socially transition and keep her family; everyone knows Chief Yagami and his brilliant son, their extended family knows Sachiko had a boy and a girl. They wouldn't be able to take Light in as a daughter, only disown her as a son. And Light knows this, Ryuk knows this, but Ryuk is the one that knocks Light out of her self-sacrificing "I shall simply swallow it down and deal with the lot I've been handed, continue living my life as a man even though it grows ever-chafing and suffocating :)" and into "Fuck that. I'll be doing whatever I fucking want, actually, because I'm better than literally every other conceivable human being and I should be able to revel in my own splendor as the person I want to see in the mirror." Encouraging Light's ego is double-edged sword here, obviously, but try getting Ryuk to give a fuck ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Light abandons her life as a Yagami and Ryuk helps her forge some papers so she can get a job in Fukushima as an accountant/architect/designer/whatever the hell she wants to do as Asahi Tsuki. (This is one of the few scenarios I ever picture Light changing her name in. Only ever out of necessity. Her name was never the problem, and she likes it—she keeps it if she can).

I don't see Light's personality changing all that much? Save for the fact that transitioning probably yanks down the veil of her politeness a little and she acts a little bit more herself. I.e. mean and sarcastic but in a way you only realize three hours after the fact. Light's learned to go after what she wants viciously in this case, and is probably a little more indulgent of herself as well. Unlike canon Light, trans fem Light has learned to ask herself "What do I want?". She probably lets herself have things that she didn't before, like sweets and beautiful clothes and shiny trinkets and expensive stationary—things she actually likes instead of things she's expected to have. After all, if Light's going to be "selfish" why not go all in? ;3

[neoyongz]

no body, no crime 🩸 | alex turner

you aren’t letting up until you dig into the reason alex cheated on your friend.

warnings: this is fully based in no body, no crime by taylor swift & haim, the fic is centered around alex but there’s plenty of louise mentions since a part of the plot revolves around her, no smut, no fluff, criminal theme & plot, death

words count: 2.4k

disclaimer: english is not my first language so, in advantage, i apologize for grammar mistakes 🤭

“Louise! here!” you said as you saw your friend enter by the restaurant’s door. Louise was your best friend, you two met some years ago at work but even after you both left the company, you kept in contact with her.

“There you are! How are you?” Louise hugged you as her pearly-white smile showed up between her lips.

“Pretty good, no complaints. How ‘bout you? Have a seat, please” After the hug, she took her seat in front of you right before the waiter came to serve the drinks. “I already ordered, don’t worry” It was always the same menu for the both of you: pasta and a glass of wine for each.

“Oh, many things happened” You both thanked the waiter and he left. “Remember what I told you about Alex? That he started coming home very late and acting very weird?” You nodded and took a sip of your wine. “Well, today I checked our joint account and he sent some very expensive jewelry. Woman jewelry” She sighed. “Not mine”

You gasped and opened your eyes like big plates. “Wait a minute. It could be… his mom’s? maybe?” Louise took a sip of her wine and took her phone out of her pocket.

“Nah, her mom hasn’t left any jewelry for him as far as I know. I guess I should start, you know… coming to terms with this situation. Since the merlot incident, he left a bottle in his car which neither of us bought and he also had the taste of it, I've been watching him very closely, and he’s definitely hiding shit” Louise never cursed but she was really angry at her husband. For her, it felt like throwing 3 years of marriage to the garbage.

“That ain’t my merlot on his mouth, that ain’t my jewelry on our joint account…”

“I’m so sorry about that… Are you planning on divorcing? I could help you with that, my sister’s a lawyer” You took her hand and looked at her with a sad expression. You knew Alex very well, enough to know that he wasn’t like that. He would never cheat on anyone, say less about someone like Verneuil. He loved her with her whole heart, how did this happen?

“Yes, but I know this is nothing more than suspicions and there’s no proof that he actually… cheated” That last word hitted Louise on her chest like a bullet to her heart. “I know about your sister though, no need to worry, I’ll call her if I need to” Her phone vibrated. The screen showed a message from Alex; are u coming home babe?

Louise didn’t even think about replying, she was sick of thinking about Alex. The man that had enough balls to cheat on her and call her “babe” every fucking night. She had so much remorse, but nothing could be proven yet.

“For now, I just think he did it but there’s no way to prove it” Louise turned off her phone and looked at you, searching for any excuse to change the way of the talk as she felt her eyes tearing up.

“I think he did it but I just can’t prove it…”

[ . . . ]

You opened the front door and took your bag and car keys. It was a sunny Thursday at 9 am, you were just about to go to work at your dad’s house to clean it and take care of him. You were unemployed but weren’t looking for a job anyway, you made your way to survive with your savings and the thing you were most looking for was a time to relax alone and maybe go on a vacation.

You entered your car and right after switching it on, you started driving. It was common routine to pass Louise’s and Alex’s house as both houses were very close, only 2 blocks away. You saw Alex carrying a big black bag with some tools, not his regular work tools and getting in his car too, an old fashioned red Ford Capri which was actually very dirty after the couple went on a trip to the desert less than a week ago.

Well, the bottom of the car was quite dirty but the tires weren’t: were they new? You drove slowly when you passed by his side to wave at him, and so he did. Actually, you were looking at his car’s brand new tires. It wasn’t too weird at all because it isn’t like no one gets new tires, but his old ones didn’t seem damaged at all… or maybe you were in your head a little too much trying to help getting proofs for Louise.

Once you passed their house’s block, you kept on driving while listening to the radio. Well, you couldn’t say you weren't mad at Alex for what Louise supposed he did, he claimed to be extremely loyal to her and the whole relationship was very good for both of them, they seemed really happy with each other. So, what was the reason behind him cheating? The whole situation was very blurry, and if you were already feeling that much remorse for Alex, you couldn’t imagine how heartbroken Louise would be feeling as you were thinking about them.

Thinking about the situation helped the time to go faster than usual and before you could even realize, you were already parking at your dad’s house. Driving there was a muscle memory thing for you to do. Once you left your car, you went inside the house and found your dad watching his old TV, as usual.

“Darling” He said with a smile and got up to greet you.

“Hi, have you been feeling well?” You left your bag on the sofa and approached him. “Did you take your meds?” He was sick and not able to go to work, so taking care of him was important for you right now.

“Yes, don’t worry. Want some coffee?” You said no before looking at the TV, it’s sound became a little loud as the news channel announced something important, or it seemed like so.

“Nah, I had breakfast. Thanks. Let me clean this for you” You took your dad’s cup, he had breakfast not a while ago. You carried the cup and the little plate he used for his biscuits to the kitchen while keeping your ears fixed on the TV.

“We are live from your local News Channel sadly reporting that a 34 years old blonde and short haired, slim and tall girl in Sheffield named Louise Verneuil went missing Wednesday’s morning. We have her husband on the line giving the first clues, can you hear us?”

“He reports his missing wife and I noticed when I passed his house his truck has got some brand new tires…”

The plate and the cup fell off your hands as soon as you heard Louise’s name. You were frightened. Your face was pale, your whole body started shaking and you walked to the TV.

“What?…” You whispered. Your dad looked at you, concerned.

“Is everything okay?” He got close to you and hugged you as soon as he noticed your eyes getting wet and filled with tears.

“Dad… it’s Louise” You whispered and bursted out crying while hiding in your dad’s chest, hearing Alex’s voice on the TV.

“I don’t know what happened, she left for work yesterday’s morning but hasn’t come back since and her phone is off. Her phone is always on, she is not getting the calls either… I’m scared, we’ve been married for years and I don’t know what could’ve happened to her”

You clenched your teeth as you heard his sayings, there was something off in his tone. His voice didn’t connect to his “scared” feeling. There was something wrong and you knew it.

[ . . . ]

You’ve been watching Alex very closely. You recently noticed a new woman coming to his house and your blood has been boiling since. It was true. He was cheating on Louise, but still no news about her. It’s been about a week since her going missing and your heart has been aching more than ever, you knew Louise wouldn’t do something like that, and that someone made her do it or even worse. Someone could have hurted her or something like that. But no news about that, only a few signs you saw Louise’s mom putting up on the street.

On the other side of the street, a few blocks away, Alex was setting himself to go to bed, calm as he has never been before. After having dinner with his former mistress, the woman he cheated on Louise with.

“Al, I just know you’re hiding something. Tell me right now” The woman followed him around the house.

“I have nothing to hide” He said, opening the closet. “Just stop asking, I don’t fucking know anything about Louise. Stop bringing her up”

“You act like you haven't been married to her for 3 years! You don’t even look sad” She screamed, even if she knew she was in the wrong position to be reclaiming Alex’s sadness towards Louise, it was impossible to not feel frightened by the fact that he didn’t shed a single tear in a week after her wife went missing.

“Let me cope with it alone. I don’t like showing off my emotions” His stupid excuse ended up convincing the woman. “Leave me alone” She sighed and left the room, going towards Louise’s former bed just to watch her own things all over the bed. Her heart ached at the thought of sleeping in that woman’s bed, and felt extremely guilty.

“And his mistress moved in, sleeps in Este’s bed and everything…”

[ . . . ]

You put on your latex gloves as you start to clean up the table, making sure to get rid of every little thing that would look off-putting. You were very meticulous with this cleaning, it was a very special case. You mopped the floor and once you finished, you considered it was enough, so you took the big and heavy bag that had been waiting for you at the backdoor for around an hour and opened the wood door.

You rushed through the backyard and threw the bag on your car’s backseat. You pulled the zipper all the way up and got on the driver’s seat, before slamming the pedal and heading to the river you visited last night. You were very calm even if your actions felt rushed: you just wanted the situation to end and just get over it.

You took the highway and drove for around 45 minutes. It was late at night and the stars were sparkling white, shining all around the dark blue sky above your head. The jazz music on the radio helped you relax even more, breathing slowly and even smiling while getting out of the highway to take a dirt road, heading to the entrance of the river. Once you arrived, you knew no one was there, so you took the bag out of the backseat and threw it to the boat you set up last night, and went even further on the river. It was loud as the water slammed your boat and the rocks around. After a few minutes getting deep into the river, you decided it was about time. You opened the zipper and looked at what you had in there for a few seconds. You doubted a little bit, but there was no coming back after this. After coming to terms with your own mind, you took the bag and threw it to the water. You watched the bag disappear before your eyes, feeling a bit of remorse. But never regretted it.

“Good thing, my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen…”

[ . . . ]

The cameras followed Louise’s sister when she got out of the court, the reporters shoving their microphones on her face. “What happened inside? Any news about Alex? What did the mistress say? And Louise’s friend? What about her?”

“Guys, guys, stop” Louise’s sister stopped them and took a minute to breathe through the air gap the reporters left above her. “What we know so far is that the mistress was there the night Turner went missing. And Turner was the last one to ever put his sight on Louise” She sighed. “Louise’s friend has nothing to do with this case. She was with me the whole day Alex went missing”

“Good thing Este’s sister is gonna swear she was with me”

“Are you sure she was with you?” A reporter slammed her microphone into her face.

“She was with me, dude” She looked annoyed. “The mistress is just gonna get her payment for the life insurance. Really don’t know about her future in this case but all we can ask is justice for Louise”

“And good thing, the mistress took out a big life insurance policy…”

“Who is the main suspect?” The reporter didn’t seem satisfied with her answer.

“They think the mistress did it but there’s no actual proof. They both went missing but the only one found was Louise’s body, which had Alex’s DNA all over it. Pretty dumb of him if you ask me” She took a cigarette calmly, as if no one was around her. “It is clear that Turner killed Louise. But they don’t know how or why he went missing… maybe to not be held accountable” She lit the cigarette and took a puff. “Anyway, no one has found Turner, so the case will keep going for quite some time until they come up with a resolution. That’s all the news for today” She spoke now relaxed, and the reporters greeted her and left.

“They think she did it but they just can’t prove it…”

Once Louise’s sister was alone, she took her phone and called you. You were watching the whole case getting covered by the news, so even if you weren’t there, you were very updated with the info about it.

“Were you watching?” She said, and smiled as she heard your voice down the line, affirming. “It’s clear what that bitch is going for. She’s trying to get you involved in the Alex thing with a very weak argument in my opinion. But she’s not getting away with it” She took a puff from her cigarette.

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, we know what’s gonna happen next. Thanks” You said and took a sip out of your coffee. “I’ll call you later, gotta go”

“Okay, no worries. Goodbye” She said and after ending the call, she put her phone in her pocket.

“She thinks I did it but she just can’t prove it…”

“As they said… no body, no crime” You whispered as you saw Alex’s picture coming up on the TV screen. “You knew that I wasn’t letting up until the day you died”

[ . . . ]

haiii !! thank u so much for reading :p remember that this fic is purely based on the song and I added a few details to make it a little more realistic. I don’t think I will be doing any other fic similar to this one even if I absolutely enjoyed writing it hehe anyways, thank u for stopping by !! love ya xx

[risetherivermoon]

I WANNA HEAR YOUR CROUCH FAMILY THOUGHT GIB GIB FEED MOIII!!!

snail ur amazing, also yes i shall :)) im always happy to talk about them oh my godddd, some of this will be a mix of general thoughts and just convos me and Leo ( @lostforgottenspaces ) have had abt the crouch family, specifically for our fic SFTDWD (Sing For The Damage We've Done) be prepped for a long ass rant!!

anyways, i feel like people don't talk about their canonical story as much as they should because they're so interestingggg,

Snr being in the ministry and not w/ the deatheaters?? Barty getting involved with them through his time at hogwarts??? The trial flashback??? Bartys own trial??? Mrs. Crouch sacrificing herself for her son??? Snr openly hating his own son??? Snr locking Barty away for decades in his childhood home??? Barty killing Snr?? Barty going back to the deatheaters?? like helloooo????

the angst potential there is so good i wish people used it moreee,

in my mind i view their dynamic as; Snr meeting Bartys mom/Laura (I usually name her Laura so I'll probably just use that here) in Italy when they are young, probably around 18-19. Laura had been homeschooled as a witch there with her family, and she meets Snr and they actually have a very happy love story,

but as time goes on, Snr's drive for success within the ministry pulls the couple a part. Snr believes he knows Laura fully, and that she's an angel, which is not true! Laura is human person who makes mistakes, but Snr sees her as someone higher, so when she does makes mistakes he loses it. They have a child because of a societal expectations, Snr never wanted kids, he believes them having a child will only hold him back.

Barty is born, Snr doesn't pay him much mind, though he tries to get past his negative feelings to be a father to his son. He attempts to be a better father than his own father was to him, but as time goes on he starts to care less and less. I imagine something happens in the ministry, maybe he gets demoted, and he starts blaming Barty for those problems, as well as Laura too.

Barty attempts to get his fathers positive attention for most of his childhood, though he never gets it. His father uses curses on him, especially the imperius curse, to get him to leave Snr alone. Laura tries to get Snr to stop, because she loves Barty, but Snr won't.

Another thing I like to note is because of Snr's cruel treatment of his son, Barty is much closer with his mother. Though he, as well as Snr, start to see her in this perfect light, and is confused when she does something that is more siding with Snr than with Barty. I think it adds depth to the two of them, being similar like that, and it makes Laura quite the tragic character imo, so yk 🤭 i love tragedy

anywho, Barty isn't allowed to leave the house much as a child, his only way of refuge is books and studying, so thats what he does. He reads and takes notes, etc. This is one of the reasons why he decides to take on all of his OWLs when he's in Hogwarts.

id imagine Barty slowly gets involved with Deatheater stuff simply by association with his classmates, hearing them talk, being a part of things like that. He'll join the deatheaters with them, secretly.

when he turns 18 and graduates, he gets a job at the ministry per his fathers request, while still being in with the deatheaters. A year passes, and at only 19 he gets exposed during Karkaroff's trial, his father is shocked and so is his mother. During his own trial, (along with the Lestranges) he gets sentenced to Azkaban, both his mother and father are present.

his capture soon weakens Laura's health, and she becomes weak. She tells Snr her last request, which is to save her son from a life in Azkaban. Snr begrudgingly helps her with this, and she switches place with Barty. Barty resists at first, though his mother tells him everything will be okay, because his father will keep him safe. Laura doesn't know what Snr will do afterwards to keep Barty out of the Deatheaters and Voldemorts company.

Barty still remains a prisoner, although now one in his own home, his childhood home. He's barely 21 at the time, and he spends around a decade there. Snr mostly ignores him, only hearing of him from their house elf, Winky. She becomes Barty's caregiver, bringing him food and keeping him company. Barty would ask her for the current news, for books to keep him entertained, and simply just to be around. Though, Winky wasn't allowed to talk to him mostly, she would follow his requests, and would stay around sometimes.

Barty was the one to convince Winky to bring him to a quidditch match, she then convinced Snr, who begrudgingly accepted after being prodded quite a bit. Then...well yk most of the rest of the story, blah blah he escapes for a second, blah blah...yk the jist.

I also like to think that Barty talks to Moody while he's being held captive in the suitcase thingy. He doesn't have anyone else to talk to and he hasn't been out of captivity in a while, which is one of the reasons why people think Moody is acting so weird, as he's being freakishly antisocial and unaware of things. But Moody knows like a shit ton about Barty and his life, just because I think that would be fun lol,

Barty then kills his father finally in an act of revenge, something that had been replaying in his head for years...he'd been imagining that moment since forever. He finally kills the man who tormented him for his whole life, and he relishes in the fact of seeing that Snr is terrified of him now, bc finally Snr gets to feel the same way that he had made his son feel for Barty's entire life.

And then, Barty loses his soul from the dementors kiss, and he's all alone...yk i love that fact so much. Especially for those Slytherin Skittle fans, Barty dies last out of all of them, and he's all alone.

another thing id like to note is Barty's involvement with the deatheaters. I think that it was a mix of him being with the wrong crowd, as well as basically seeking them out. He's being abused and neglected by his father, and it causes him to act out more, and he finds these kids who are basically doing the same thing, so he joins them, and then follows them. He's just a child when he does, he's ignorant obviously, and i think that's what really gets to me about his character.

Barty is practically still a child when everything happens to him. He and a lot of the deatheater characters in the marauders era are just victims of being looped in as a child, if childhood ignorance and abuse. Even though the crouch family isn't involved in the deatheaters, Barty still seeks comfort in it because he can't find it anywhere else, which is just fkin heartbreakingggg,

i love this family so much, they're so goddamn interesting to me, i love barty angst and just his character in general, i would love to see more people explore it, and i will always continue to throw my bbg around like a ragdoll!!!

anyway, thank u for the ask!! i love talking about them, so i will actually die for anyone who asks me abt them,

[batscale]

I stepped outside barefoot, felt like myself, and Healed just a little.

I'm at my parent's home for the semester after about ~2 years of college, for both academic and mental health reasons. This morning I had the house to mostly myself, and already had most of the chores done for the day (because I woke up early to help sleepy teenagers get to school) when I got a knock on the door. I cracked the door open (after half knocking over one of my mom's pots, thankfully it didn't break) to an old man barely above my eye-line I never met before. (Thats how you know he was short, since I am a very short person who is often mistaken for someone 5-10 years younger.)

He explained that he thinks one of our packages arrived at his house, and asked if this was house and if (not the actual name) a Taylor Brown lived here. I told him no, a Taylor Brown didn't live here and the house number was one digit wrong, and he started to get a little jittery and worried. He handed me a cute note with a dog on it and tried to explain more, and the paper was clearly meant to be a message left if no one answered the door, and that the package was probably a crib mattress. Then, I remembered that; 1. I did have a package that was crib-mattress-sized I was waiting for, and there is the possibility it could be it even if it was slim 2. Even if the package wasn't mine, there was zero reason I couldn't at least help this man get the package to the right home It was like a switched flipped in my brain when the 2nd point entered my mind, I felt ten times lighter and offered to check if the package was mine and help even if it wasn't. He seemed a little taken aback, said he didn't want to take my time, and I admitted I had nothing to do that couldn't wait and that I wanted to help. In my excitement, I walked straight out the door and with him down the street, bare feet and pajamas and all. We were barely down a house when another neighbor, another older man, asked jokingly "what do your parents know you walk outside with bare feet? what do they think?", and I joked back that "yeah they do, and they hate it, but im a college student now so they can't do anything about it!" On the walk there, down the middle of the street (since the side of the road doesn't have a sidewalk) we exchanged some small talk. I asked about his job, he said he used to work with the country's embassy and traveling and staying in different countries for 20 odd years, and that his favorite was Tokyo because it was clean and not as overwhelming as he expected it would be. He seemed to have calmed his nerves by that point and, after we reached the top of a small hill, he pointed at his house which was at the corner of the block just like mine. "They either get the houses mixed up or don't want to make the final track up the hill" he joked, looking the most relaxed he had been since I met him. He further explained that packages at our houses often get mixed up, with stuff meant for our house being sent to him and stuff meant for his house sent to us. I realized then that this was the house my parents had talked about delivery always mixing our packages with, a face that has been mentioned to me before yet I never met. It ended up being my package, evident a hole worn into a corner revealing the item and by my name on it, which was completely different from Taylor Brown. He laughed about the mix up and apologized, and I joked again that the mix up was understandable, since I have an equally common first and last name. I'm remembering now how soft and airy the laugh was, it suited him very well.

He offered to help carry the package, but it was wooden and light and as much as I wanted to continue talking with him I didn't want to make him walk up the hill again and then back to his house alone. I leaned it under my arm and against my leg to prove I could carry it on my own, despite the box's length being up to my chin. He seemed a little surprised, yet at the same time not, like he somehow has ascertained my whole vibe from this one interaction with him. I waved goodbye with my whole arm, box in one hand and still walking barefoot and hand-on-god grinning. I walked past a guy pulling out of his driveway, who stopped to let me pass. At the top of the hill I could hear the old man greet the other guy happily from behind me and ask how he'd been doing.

The whole rest of the block down, after switching to balancing the box on my head (supported by both my hands), I was still smiling. I don't think anyone else but me understands how big of a deal this is for me. Sometime 4-5 years ago I developed social anxiety and agoraphobic tendencies that made meaningfully interacting with strangers feel impossible and uncomfortable leaving any designated "safe space". I've been very personally ashamed of it, because how could I (a person who has exhibited above average social skills in the past and complete comfort with small talk) now be so afraid of other people that I didn't want to leave my home? The whole point of being home this semester was working on myself, and I had been feeling like I had been failing since I haven't crossed little to any of the goals I've listed out thus far. But this week, I've been feeling better, and slowly working on one of the goals that, even though it was one I planned to be done over a month ago, I was making great progress and feeling good about the progress. Then today, with this interaction, it was like someone slid a mirror in front of me and showed me how my healing was coming along. This feels like progress.

Progress that I have ached and clawed and screamed at myself (mentally) for a while now, and I only noticed it the moment I wasn't closely examining myself for it. What do you know, give myself a moment to breathe, to not be angry about myself over my own health, and I heal. World of Wonders. I don't expect every interaction I have after this will be perfect. But, this is the first interaction in years that I felt like I was truly me and uncaring about being me during it. This is enough to fuel the hope I was fighting to keep.

A hope that is burning in my ribcage now, a furnace that hasn't been on in so long that I only remembered how its heat felt.

A hope that I've fought to keep and had to repeatedly relight and desperately keep it going.

It cannot carry me everywhere, but this feels like enough fuel to make it to the next station. And this moment means everything to me because of it.

[evilpenguinrika]

The brain bees are making me think about my hosie/final fantasy 14 AU and will not leave me (literally started writing this post at 4am but stopped because it was almost 5am but now I've come to finish this post at an appropriate time in the late afternoon)

Youre free to check out what kind of weird niche AU I've created by going through my "hosie ffxiv au" tag on my blog!

Okay. So I've had a lot to think about in terms of what Jobs Hope, Josie, and their kids would have and despite my very first post saying otherwise, I've come to a new conclusion:

Hope Mikaelson, our favourite Tribrid, would have these Jobs in this exact order:

Dragoon (no Tribrid reasoning tbh. Dragoons are just fucking hot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ although one could argue it would fit her werewolf side)

Red Mage (there IS a Tribrid reasoning for this. Red Mages use magic, so that's a no brainer for Hope's witch side. But apart from magic casting, they also fight with rapiers, and I thought that was a cool little touch. Plus, it reminds me a lot of the blood sword we saw Hope use in the show. Not to mention Red Mage--like Dragoons--have some very fanciful moves that made me think of Hope as well. Very fitting.)

Dark Knight (another with Tribrid reasoning. I haven't actually gotten to Heaven's Ward expansion pack to unlock this Job or its Job Quest so all the information of Dark Knight are from videos I've seen. But the Job is perfect for Hope's vampires side as Dark Knight has this blood guage or something which was so fitting. And the lore behind this Job apparently goes super fucking hard lol. And edgy and broody, which is even more perfect for our resident Tribrid!)

//

For our lovely and favourite brunette siphoner, Josie Saltzman, here are the Jobs she would have in this order:

Black Mage (this felt like a no-brainer Job for her to have. Especially because this class focuses a lot with switching between your Blizzard spells and Fire spells. And we all know Josie is secretly a pyromaniac (lol I jest). So for her, Black Mage is perfect)

Blue Mage (this is another no-brainer and fits in theme with her Siphoner witch abilities. Blue Mages are able to copy the moves they've seen from their enemies, now sure this may not seem very Siphoner themed, but I assure you, it's sort of parallel to it. Siphoners are able to use magic if they siphon/take magic from someone or something magical right? Blue Mage is sort of like that in which they acquire spells of enemy moves to add to their arsenal of magic. So it makes sense in my book)

Honourable mention for Josie before I move on is the Bard Job. I felt like this Job would suit Josie nice because Bards have music stuff and I thought that fit. Though I don't quite remember if Josie being into or dabbling in music was canon or a fan fanon thing. Now, with the next Expansion Dawntrail coming out summer, I have been made aware that there are a few other Jobs that will be included in the pack--new jobs too (Viper being one of them but I'll get to that Job later). So it's possible that I will update this list for Josie once more when we get news of the rest of the new Jobs.

//

Moving onto my very precious Hosie Fankids!

Lana Mikaelson, she, like her mom Hope, is a Tribrid as well! So this will be pretty much the same except for one additional Job:

Dragoon (same reasoning as Hope)

Red Mage (originally I didn't think of Lana taking Red Mage, but when I realized Stormblood Expansion pack is now included in standard edition and free trial permanently, I had to try out Red Mage. And then I realized Red Mage is a perfect fit for Lana for the same reasons I gave in Hope's section)

Dark Knight (same reasoning as Hope)

Viper (this is one of the new Jobs that will be included in Dawntrail expansion and I am so excited. What information we have are from things that had been showcased already, with gameplay footage you could find on YouTube. But I chose this Job for Lana is because I'm a simple pal and loved the aesthetic. But also because YOU FIGHT WITH DUOBLADES THAT CAN THEN BE CONNECTED INTO ONE DOUBLE SIDED BLADE HOW COOL IS THAT PLUS it also fits well with a certain event and scene that I have plans for when it's time to write about Lana's adventures in my future kid fic series So I Swear That I'll Protect It. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up)

//

Hayley Mikaelson. The werewolf of the kids and one of Hosie's twins! I love Hayley she's the best:

Monk (felt this Job was fitting for her werewolf side. She's a heavy hitter, packs a mean punch, and werewolves sorta rely on that, most of the time I'm assuming. Sorry it's been a while since I've watched the series haha. But for Hayley, despite her werewolf side, I felt like Monk was the perfect fit!)

Rogue (now, I've already written up an in depth reasoning for picking this starting class here. But I'll paraphrase here anyways. I thought it might also be jnteresting to have Hayley, not only be a charge in type of girl, but also someone who knew how to be sneaky and use her cunning. She would have been taught to try out different battle tactics so she wouldn't just rely on her base instincts. The reason this is a starting class is because the next 'evolution' I guess is the Ninja Job, which I'm not sure if I want her to take. It's also very jarring to have a pirate-esque western-y feel and then evolve to something very Japanese-theme, but that's just me. Plus Jay is the anime weeb in the family lol

So literally after writing this post the other day I logged in to play as Hayley and ended up having her pick up the Marauder class so she can actually become Warrior haha

Warrior (like I've mentioned before, Hayley's fighting style is very rush in guns-a-blazing. She will do whatever it takes to have the focus on her so her friends or siblings/family can get the jump on the enemies without fear of getting targetted themselves. Which is absolutely fitting as a Tank role because Tanks pull mobs and enemies, they make sure all mobs and enemies are focusing on THEM while the rest of the party does their job without fear of being targetted. And I specifically chose Warrior as the Job for Hayley is because out of the four Tank Jobs: Paladin, Warrior, Dark Knight, and Gunbraker, I felt like Warrior fit better for Hayley in terms of her role and personality)

Reaper (I was writing this post about how to incorporate Hayley and Leo's TVDU backstory abilities into FFXIV AU and now I can't unsee Reaper being an excellent fit for Hayley because my hc is that Hayley is a werewolf yes, but she also has vampire blood running in her--courtesy of her Tribrid Mom) [RPR Job point added Feb 1, 2024]

Honourable mentions for other Jobs Hayley might take up. I have been humouring the idea of her taking on one of the four Tank Jobs (Paladin, Warrior, Dark Knight, and Gunbreaker), but I truly am unsure which of the Tank Jobs would be best suited for her. I mentioned previously that she's quite a "charge in head first" type, and that's usually what the Tank Jobs do where they pull enemies away from the party members so the party can do their thing. And I think Hayley is very much like that. Maybe Paladin or Warrior would be the two I could see for Hayley because iirc, in one of the intermission chapters for my very first Hosie fic Sad Bedroom Eyes, she was playing D&D and had chosen--nope never mind I just checked I had her pick the Monk class. Welp, that doesn't help me lol. I'll think more on this and then decide. Either that or wait to see what the new Jobs are for Dawntrail (I mean I guess Viper could also fit. And it would be nicely aligned with Rogue. We'll see though).

Also with her picking up a Tank job, I think Hosie would have very different outlooks and opinions on it. Hope--since Dark Knight is also a Tank--would be proud of Hayley and would probably help her fit into her role as a Tank until her daughter feels more confident and comfortable. As opposed to Josie who would be fretting about Hayley having to be the one to pull enemies and have all the attacks be aimed at her. I also think if the entire family goes do dungeons, Hope and Hayley would both be Tanks, Hope being main Tank and Hayley being off Tank at first--but I think they'll switch roles so that Hayley will get a chance to be main Tank. I think that would be really fun and really sweet bonding moment for the Hosie family.

//

Jay Mikaelson, the loveable goofball, twin to Hayley, big time anime weeb, and Siphoner. He will also have similar Jobs like his momma Josie, all except one additional Job:

Black Mage (same reasoning as Josie)

Blue Mage (same reasoning as Josie)

Dancer (in my fic So I Swear That I'll Protect It, Jay has taken dance classes and gymnastics and uses those moves to incorporate into his fighting in addition to his magic. It took me an embarrassingly long time to remember this information and only popped up when I was writing chapter 15 of We're Reckless And In Danger--second installment in SISTIPI series--so I quickly added this Job to Jay's list! And it's just so perfect for him)

//

Leo Mikaelson, the adopted son, youngest Mikaelson kid, and the ONLY HUMAN in a family of supernaturals. The kid's got his work cut out for him:

Scholar (I felt like this class was fitting for Leo since he wishes to learn all that he can about magic in order to relate more to his three older siblings. Of course Hayley is just a werewolf and does not have magic, but the sentiment is still there. And Scholars have a faerie that pretty much helps with buffs and heals and I think that's also nice for Leo. I see him as someone who's very friendly towards lots of creatures. And since Scholar is a Healing Job, I think it also works even more with Leo's need to want to support his siblings/family and help them out when he can.)

Bard (so I also wrote an in-depth reasoning for Leo taking up this class as well here, but I'll paraphrase. Asides from learning potions that do not require actual magic abilities, I think he'd also want to learn how to help protect his family and contribute a bit more. So he'd go to grandpa Alaric and ask for him to teach him how to fight with weapons. Obviously Hope and Josie were against that because Leo's too young to fight with weapons, but Alaric just teaches him archery--which works because Bards uses bows as their weapon. Another reason why I chose Bard is because in my first Hosie fic Sad Bedroom Eyes, I think I had Leo be really into theatre and performing arts, and Bards traditionally are performers, and in the game, they can play music. So that's why Bard is perfect for Leo!)

Summoner (in the game, Scholar and Summoners are Jobs that branched out of the Arcanist class. Summoners basically summon little versions of Ifrit, Garuda, and Titan to help fight them along with the Carbuncle. Oh, the Carbuncle is like a cute little fox creature anyways the Carbuncle turns into either Ifrit, Garuda, or Titan depending on the button you press anyways--like I said in Scholar, Leo would be out there befriending all the creatures like a tiny Snow White or Cinderella)

Astrologian (I mentioned how this is a great Job for Leo but never elaborated so now's my chance haha. Astrologian is also a Healing Job but they use tarot cards--which I thought would be excellent for Leo because it just connects back to Leo's wish to learn all that he can about magic. I'd like to think Freya teaches Leo how to read tarot and he's become very good at it)

Machinist (I think Machinist would be nice for Leo as well. The way I headcanon it, Leo would make potions and would somehow incorporate those into his fighting style. He'd probably tinker with things and build some sort of contraption or whatever. And Machinist are kind of like that--I mean they use guns in the game and I don't think Leo would actually use guns, but again, the sentiment is still there. The lore for this Job is that Machinist sort of follow the footsteps of Cid Garlond, a man who's great with utilizing magitek. So Machinist uses the knowledge that they know and turns it into something they can use in battle. And I think Leo would definitely--again--be creating trinkets of sorts to help his siblings/family that also incorporate the magic element)

White Mage (listen. Leo is a precious sunshine boi with a big imagination. Also White Mage are pure healers so that fits right up Leo's whole "i want to protect my family and make sure they're safe" and the fact that he is, in fact, the only damn healer in the goddamn family lmao. ALSO YOU GET A UNICORN WHEN YOU PLAY THIS JOB. OBVIOUSLY I'M GOING TO HAVE LEO PICK THIS JOB UP ARE YOU KIDDINGGGGG) [WHM Job point added Feb 14, 2024]

Wow I think that's about it for what Jobs Hosie and my Hosie Fankids would take up. Leo's ended up getting a lot more Jobs compared to the others, but I think it also makes sense considering how Leo is so eager to keep up pace with his supernatural family since he's the only human/non-supernatural.

Of course, maybe this list will get updated once the rest of the new Jobs for the Dawntrail expansion pack gets revealed, but until that happens...

If you've actually made it to the very end of this post, I am so sorry lol. But also thank you for reading through this very niche Hosie AU that was born out of my love for the ship and my love for the Critically Acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV with an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award-winning Heavensward expansion and award-winning Stormblood expansion up to level 70 for free with no playtime restriction <3

[fanfalc-616]

The Rights of a Nindroid

Chapter 38: Never Say Never

(Previous Chapter)

(Also link to the playlist I made for this story- I keep updating it and changing it but yeah. It’s in order of events, and anything past “Who I Am” by Citizen Solider is a spoiler, so listen at your own risk)

No one is having a good time here <3

“They at least had a pretense for Zane,” Kai snaps from where he’s been pacing around the living room, “this is just ridiculous! I swear, next they’re going to go for P-”

He goes still.

“Guys, where is Pixal?”

Cole rubs at his temples. “She’s the new Samurai X and has been taking care of some people called the Time Twins while we’ve been focused on this,” he explains.

Jay squints. “There’s a new Samurai X? Does Nya know about that? I have a feeling she probably isn’t going to take it well. I mean, it is Pixal, so I guess she can’t be that mad probably, but at the same time-”

“She knows, Jay,” Cole huffs. “This has been going on for a while now. I know we’ve all been distracted-”

“Distracted?!” Kai sucks in a sharp breath. “Sorry, did you just call us trying to rescue Zane from being fucking TORTURED being distract-”

“That is not what I meant and you know it!”

Awkwardly, Jay sits back in his seat, watching his boyfriends get into a fight for the hundred thousandth time. They did it sometimes before, then cooled off when Zane first went missing, and recently-

“Right, of course, you obviously meant that you’ve been distracted by these Time Twins guys while we have been actually focusing on getting our boyfriend back?!”

“I- do you think I don’t want to save Zane?! That I’m not worrying about him?! Kai, for the love of all that is holy, would you just think rationally?! If we don’t pay attention to what other threats are-”

“I AM THINKING RATIONALLY!”

“NO YOU’RE NOT! YOU’RE JUST SCREAMING AT ME AGAIN!”

They’ve gotten worse.

A lot worse.

Jay’s not even sure if the two of them have realized how much worse they’ve gotten, but it’s, uh, it’s noticeable. Very noticeable. Worryingly noticeable.

“I CAN DO BOTH! AND THE ONLY REASON I’M RAISING MY VOICE IS BECAUSE YOU ARE-”

“YOU SERIOUSLY CANNOT BE BLAMING ME FOR THIS ARGUMENT RIGHT NOW! NOT WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO JUST STARTED-”

Tiredly, Jay puts his hands over his ears and slumps backwards against the couch. When Zane were here on times it got this bad, he would give them both the official Disappointed Mom Look™ until they noticed and stopped, then send one to cool off on their own before gently talking the other through their emotions before having the two switch, and once they had both finally figured out the root of the problem and fully calmed down, bring them back together to respectfully resolve things.

Unfortunately, Zane isn’t here, and hasn’t been for well over a year, which is honestly the entire root of the problem. And while in theory, Jay could try to step in and play his role here…

Yeah, emotions aren’t exactly his strong suit.

Then again, emotions were never Zane’s strong suit either. Nothing involving other people was. But he made an effort for them, and in exchange, they made an effort to understand his way of thinking and behaving, and…

They were always different. But somehow, they made it work. Because they love each other. And when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters, right?

Oh, First Master, please do not make him be the emotionally mature one-

Okay, okay, he can come up with something to fix this, right? Even- even if he isn’t good with words and knowing what to say besides cracking a joke to try and help with the tension that usually ends with everyone rolling their eyes or telling him to shut up or both but maybe- maybe that’s just what they need! A distraction! He can do that much, right? He’s always distracted himself, so it can’t be that hard to find a way to distract other people!

… right?

“Hey, guys-” his voice comes out high pitched and cracking and he winces at it but makes himself continue- “so, uh, if- they like, uh, they- they had a pretense for taking Zane, right? Like, they said that they were allowed to kidnap him because his dad didn’t have a will.”

Kai’s head snaps over to him, the argument between the two immediately cutting off.

Cool! He has their attention! Now to figure out where the hell he’s going with this!

“So- uh-” Think think think c’mon think- “what- what reason do they have for taking Sentry? I mean, Cyrus Borg is still alive, right?”

There’s a brief moment of silence.

Then Cole’s eyes widen.

“They broke the law,” he realizes. “We can call them on it. Get people on our side.”

Kai’s already fumbling for his phone, quickly pulling it out and tapping on the screen. “I’m going to Chirp-”

“We’re going to call Dr. Borg,” Cole corrects. “We need to have him on board with this before we make any moves.”

“We can’t waste any more time!”

“No, what we can’t do is run headfirst into things without a plan! We need to know exactly what our game plan is before-”

“We don’t have time-”

“Kai would you please just LISTEN-”

“No! No, we need to-”

Well. Uh. Heh.

That didn’t work.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

If Sentry didn’t know that Cryptor and Zane had been horribly and terribly broken, he absolutely does now.

Being dragged around by the security guards was one thing. But being taken to the training room by Zane? While the guy will barely look at him, much less respond or react to anything he says or does?

Yeah, this is a lot worse than the guards.

“So, uh, are you having a good day?” Sentry tries yet again, giving a weak smile. “Anything fun happen?”

Zane doesn’t spare him a glance, instead continuing to calmly keep him in a hold as he takes him down the halls. Which is the same reaction he’s gotten every time, but he’s still a little upset over it.

Really, Sentry thinks he’s earned the right to be upset over anything he wants after… all of this.

Once they reach the training room, Sentry sighs, waiting for… getting tied down. Getting zapped. Are they going to have Zane be the one to do it? So it’s a fellow nindroid? To try and ‘remind him of his place’ because ‘nindroids can’t have friends’?

Not that he ever really was close to Zane or interacted with him much, but still. It’s not about whether or not they’re actually friends, it’s about what these stupid government people are trying to imply. He-

“Original, wait!”

Zane immediately stops in his tracks, going absolutely motionless without the slightest moment of hesitation.

“Yes, Master?”

Damn it, every time he hears those words, hears the word ‘Master’, whether from Zane or Cryptor or from himself when the pain gets to be too much, it always makes him feel like he wants to cry.

But he won’t. He can’t. He can’t show weakness. Can’t let them think they’re winning. He has to keep his head high, to at the very least pretend that-

“What were you assigned to do here?”

Wait a second. He can’t twist enough to see the speaker, but is this-

Yeah, he recognizes that voice.

Kyle.

… Sentry has a lot of mixed feelings about Kyle.

“I was instructed to take it here, connect it to the chains, then apply shocks of slowly increasing power until it willingly agreed that all nindroids are lesser.”

Oh, goodie, ‘all nindroids’ in front of Zane, they want him to help reinforce what they’ve taught him- yeah, not a chance.

“And after that?” Kyle asks.

“Return it and its locker, then report to work on weapons training.”

There’s a brief pause before Kyle speaks, this time sounding uncertain when he does.

“You- you mean weapons design, right?”

“No. Weapons training. I am being taught combat maneuvers, as well as stealth and reconnaissance.”

… okay, so that statement is concerning. That is very, very concerning. Why would the government want him to know how to fight again? Sure, he was a ninja before, but they’re not exactly just going to return him, so-

“Why?” Kyle demands. Huh, did he… did he not know about this?

“My apologies, Master, but you do not have the authority to access this information.

… okay, so Kyle did not know about this. That’s interesting.

“What do you mean I don’t have the authority?!”

“I am not allowed to answer that question.”

“What?!”

“I said that I am not allowed to answer that question, Master.”

“No, I- I got that, but- why not?”

“I was instructed against informing you of what the weapons training is for, as well as who locked you out of that information.”

Yeah, Sentry is really wishing he could see Kyle’s face right now, because that would absolutely help him figure out what’s happening here- and he would very much like to know what that is because what the HECK-

“R- right. Okay. Original, you’re dismissed from your current task. I’ll handle it. You can go to weapons training now instead of later.”

“As you command, Master.” Yep, that word still makes him feel awful. “Would you like me to tie it down first?”

“Yeah, I would.”

Wait, what? Then what- hasn’t Kyle been helping him?! Taking him out of his locker and talking to him so he doesn’t lose his mind being trapped alone, not going as hard as anyone else when hurting him, arranging ways for him to just so happen to be in the same place as Cryptor so he can check up on him-

He’s distracted from his thoughts by being shoved down and connected to the chains, and gritting his teeth, Sentry lets it happen.

There’s no way he could beat Zane in a fight. All it’ll do is create more trouble for him, and Sentry… he’s tired of constantly being in some kind of trouble.

Not that he’s- not that he’s giving up! There’s no way he’s giving up. He’s just… picking his battles. Yeah, that’s it, picking his battles, picking his battles, carefully choosing the right ones so he can win this war even if it’s hard because he’s tired and hungry and has no idea if it’s been a week or the two weeks they were supposed to save him at or even a month-

Once Zane’s done, he calmly gets up and leaves, not even bothering to glance back at the member of his own species he just left to get tortured.

Sure, he’s not in his right mind, but again, Sentry thinks he’s earned the right to be upset and bitter after this. He’s absolutely entitled to that much and a heck of a lot more on top of it.

From this angle, he can see Kyle now, and while the traitorous jerk that he has to be allies with has a pretty calm expression, he knows by this point that the guy can act when he wants to, so that really doesn’t tell him anything.

“Sentry,” Kyle greets, and as much as Sentry really doesn’t like him, after how much he’s been called ‘Admiral’, hearing his real name is a relief.

“Kyle,” Sentry returns, doing his best to keep his tone neutral. “What was all that about?”

For a moment, emotion flickers across Kyle’s face. Stress. Worry. Discomfort.

Then it vanishes, either covered up or pushed down. Either way, it’s not visible anymore.

“Not important,” he says, very obviously lying because whatever that was is absolutely important in some way or another so how or what- “So, I’m able to give you a few options here.”

Fine, Sentry will let it go for now. But they will be coming back to it, mark his words. “I’m not gonna like any of them, am I?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

Kyle hesitates.

Yeah, he called it.

Sighing, Sentry shakes his head, looking down at the ground. “What are my options?” he asks tiredly.

Despite not looking at him, Sentry knows Kyle is wincing. “So, we are doing ‘training’ today-”

“And you’re doing it to me?”

“Sorry, Sentry, would you prefer it to be Zane or Cryptor?” Kyle snaps.

And Sentry flinches.

Cryptor… to have Cryptor being the one doing this, Cryptor hurting him, Cryptor staring with that horrifyingly blank expression as he-

“I didn’t mean that,” Kyle says quickly, voice coming out in a rush. “I- I’m tense right now, I didn’t-”

“Save it,” Sentry snaps, squeezing his eyes shut tight. No, he’s not thinking about that, not thinking about it, even though at this rate it’s really only a matter of time before they do it if they were going to have Zane do it then it’s bound to be Cryptor soon and-

No. No, he won’t- this wouldn’t- Cryptor would never-

… heh. ‘Never’ doesn’t really mean much here. Sentry swore to himself that he would never give in, never give them what they want from him, not even once.

He’s ended up doing it nearly every single time they get their hands on him.

Letting out a shaky breath, Sentry tries to just… put it out of his mind for now. First Master knows he has enough to worry about in just this moment alone.

Mustering up what strength he can, he looks back up at Kyle, hating the fact that he’s on his knees and has to look up to whoever it is in the room with him. Another subtle way of showing who holds the power here. “What are my options?” he asks again. “Zane seemed pretty convinced that I was getting zapped.”

Glancing off to the side, Kyle has the decency to at least look guilty for once. “They, uh… don’t really leave too many decisions or options in his orders most of the time.”

Sentry takes a moment to process that.

Right. Of course they don’t. Because they don’t want him to remember that he can make decisions for himself and is more than just a robot made for following every given command.

And any time they do give him options, it’s probably to trick him into playing more into their hands.

Pulling in another breath, Sentry pushes that to the side. He’ll deal with his emotions on that later. “What are my options?” he asks again.

“Well, this-” Kyle gestures at the chains holding him “- is one of them.”

“Don’t like that one,” Sentry comments.

“Two would be the sensory room.”

“Hate that one even more.”

“And three is…” Kyle hesitates.

Oh, First Master. If it’s bad enough that it’s got him hesitating, what the heck is it?

“Three is…?” Sentry prompts. He’s not in the mood for suspense right now, so he’d rather Kyle just say it so he can weigh the choices he’s got.

Kyle isn’t looking at him. Interesting. “So, this is going to sound bad, but hear me out all the way before you freak out, alright?”

“What is it, Kyle?”

Wincing, Kyle digs one of his feet against the ground. “What do you know about the UR5U-9240 Universal Remotes?”

Oh.

Okay.

He understands exactly why Kyle was hesitating so much now.

“You mean the remote that got recalled because it messed with electronics it wasn’t supposed to pair to?” Sentry keeps his voice calm, slightly curious. “What about it?”

They both know he’s playing dumb.

“Sentry…”

Sentry pulls in a sharp breath. “You are not going to be hijacking my free will with a remote. How could you ever think I’d agree to something like that?!”

“Hear me out-”

“No! No I will not ‘hear you out’ what in the name of the FSM himself gave you the idea that-”

“IT WON’T HURT!”

And that makes him fall short, the words that were about to leave him evaporating in his mouth.

He swallows.

“What?”

Kyle lets out a breath. “The remote won’t hurt,” he explains. His voice is careful, slow. Like he’s trying to avoid pissing Sentry off. Good. He should do that more often. “The shocks, the sensory room, they hurt. With the remote… you’d just have to do a few tasks for a little while- fifteen, twenty minutes- and then you’d be done. You could go back to your locker without getting injured or having to dehumanize yourself.”

Gritting his teeth, Sentry turns his gaze away. “And all I have to do for that is sacrifice my bodily autonomy.”

“I’ll be the one holding it the entire time,” Kyle assures. “And I promise I won’t make you do anything bad.”

Pulling in a breath, Sentry grimaces. He hates the fact that he’s actually- actually considering it. The answer should be NO, a resounding, solid, unarguable NO.

But he’s… he’s tired. He’s so tired of hurting, of being in pain. The shocks already leave him sobbing with tears running down his face- and they had plenty of fun in the workshops investigating that ability of his- and the sensory room leaves him unable to hear his own thoughts for at least an ninety minutes for every one minute he spent inside.

But this… it wouldn’t be so bad, right? Sure, it’s dehumanizing and humiliating, but at least it won’t hurt, right?

That final thought breaks him out of it like a bucket of cold water over the head.

No. No. Agreeing to the remote is losing it’s jumping over to the losing side and it might be impossible to make up that ground again because he would be willfully allowing himself to become their puppet to avoid getting hurt and that’s- that’s-

That’s exactly what they want.

That’s exactly what their endgame is.

And the thought that he might’ve said yes if he hadn’t realized this is blood-curdling terrifying.

“Shocks,” Sentry gets out, forcing the words to sound strong and determined. “I choose the shocks.”

Kyle seems surprised. “Are you sure? Sentry, if we do this-”

“I am not your pawn or puppet or toy to be played with. I would rather get the shocks than ever connect to that thing. Now just-” His voice quavers- “z- zap me already so we can hurry up and get this over with.”

For a long few moments, the only answer he gets is silence.

Each second counted away grated on his nerves more and more, and Sentry finds himself starting to grit his teeth in frustration.

Finally, Kyle speaks, his voice hesitant when he does.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

Then electricity is coursing through him and quite frankly Sentry can’t process anything else but it and the pain it causes.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

“What the FUCK is civil asset forfeiture?!”

Jay crosses his arms as he glowers at the floor from his spot on the living room couch. “I don’t know, but whatever it is, I hate it.”

Still pacing around the room, Kai throws his hands up. “It’s bullshit. It doesn’t even sound like a real thing! Like they just slapped some words together and-”

Next to him on the couch, Cole shakes his head. “The meaning hasn’t changed since the last three times we’ve described it, Kai. Civil asset forfeiture means the government can take your property when they suspect it to be involved in crime. They don’t have to prove it was involved in crime, they can just take it.”

“How is it legal?!”

“It shouldn’t be!” Jay agrees. “And hello, nindroids still are not PROPERTY!”

“We’ve argued that before. They don’t care,” Cole reminds.

“I still disagree.”

“We all disagree,” Kai says. “Zane is a person, not some kind of tool. And that’s never changing.”

“Never,” Jay agrees.

“Never,” Cole confirms.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Heyo momdad! I have a friend who mentioned to me they were thinking about starting grocery shopping only once a month, only they weren't sure how to approach it, and I feel like I remember you making a post about something similar... Do you happen to know the post I'm talking about?? Tyvm

hi dear! i can't remember a specific post, i'm afraid, but i did personally switch from weekly to monthly grocery shopping at the start of the pandemic to limit my exposure, and since then i've actually expanded it to more like once every six weeks or so. i can talk a bit about how and why that works for me.

the biggest issue is that i shop for both my mom and myself, and we're both chronically ill and both have some dietary issues that mean i need to do a portion of our shopping at whole foods. the nearest one is about 45 minutes away, so it makes the most sense for me to a do a big shopping day where i hit three stores (a texas chain called h-e-b, whole foods, and trader joe's) so i only have one major expenditure of energy and gas.

i hit three stores because a) they don't all have the same items, and b) h-e-b and trader joe's have a lot of stuff for way cheaper than whole foods. i have a generally shitty memory, but i'm actually very good at remembering what things cost at the different stores.

i'm not great at meal planning, but i know the general things that i want to keep in stock (admittedly, this only works because we have two fridges and an upright freezer) and i do extensive pre-shopping planning.

i have a list in my phone of what i frequently buy at each store, and i'll add to it when i need something infrequently bought and temporarily strike out what i don't need this trip. keeping a master list helps me not forget things. i also try to have the list written in the order at which i walk through the store, so i don't get to the last aisle and find an item i needed from the other side of the store.

before i go out, i check the h-e-b and whole foods apps, because h-e-b has coupons and whole foods has sales. i mark down in the list what's on sale/has a coupon, and plan around those savings if i can. (trader joe's doesn't have an app, sales, or coupons, but their prices are always low.) i also have a pre-shopping conference with my mom so everything she needs is included in my list.

when i depart, i bring as many coolers and ice packs as can fit in the car (really important, since we live in texas). it's still often difficult to keep everything cold, and i've had the very frustrating experience of buying meat, not realizing which bag it's in, and arriving home hours later to find the meat warm. for that reason i group my cold stuff together on the checkout belt and help bag to try and keep cold things together. i'll stick produce from the beginning of the trip in a cooler, then take it out towards the end of the trip if i need that space.

it takes hours, and by the time i get home and unload everything i am fucking wiped, but in the end it just makes more sense than doing it more frequently. we've gotten used to it and it works.

in between the Big Shopping Trip, we supplement with a few things on amazon subscribe and save, usually one smallish h-e-b curbside pickup for fresh produce and anything i forgot/they didn't have last time, and i also do a pickup from a co-op called azure standard every 2-4 months or so.

azure is super helpful if you try to buy organic, have special dietary needs, or just cook/bake enough that buying 25lbs of dry beans or 50lbs of flour would be useful for you. i can get things like oats, sugar, cheese, and apples for enough of a savings that it's worth the 9% transport fee and driving out to the drop-off site now and then. it's also nice to support a smallish business and smallish farms.

NOW, having said all that, doing all this obviously consumes a great deal of my brain capacity, so shopping like this certainly isn't possible or beneficial for everyone. i happen to have an aptitude for grocery shopping and cooking, so this is the majority of what i bring to the table in terms of, you know, keeping us alive and not as ill as we would be if we had shittier diets.

i wrote this all out in case some of its useful to someone, but hey, whatever works for you is what works for you. endure and survive. ✌

also i have a shopping tag with some more advice.

ETA: also in terms of like, how to not let things go bad: i shop with the intention to either eat things that quickly spoil in the week following the trip or else freeze them soon after getting home (meat, some veg), and leave things that will last longer for after the first week (sturdier veg, fruit like apples and citrus, yogurt, eggs).

milk freezes pretty well, but i've also found it more useful to, for example, use powdered buttermilk in my baking instead of worrying about having enough milk/not using it before it spoils. i also have some quarts of shelf-stable nondairy milk on hand.

it's a big learning curve to figure out what spoils too quickly, what lasts a long time, and what work-arounds you can find, but if you get creative it can work really well.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 31

Chapter 31: “Emptiness”

Once again appreciating the small hints that get sprinkled in everywhere such as the bottle rockets which will come into play shortly.

It makes me so sad to see my boy like this. He spent his entire life stressing over a way to save his two best friends from the harsh reality of this world and now that one faced an unfortunate end, he’s so worn out and lost. All his efforts gone to waste and he can’t handle the weight of failing, not only himself but people who mean so much to him. To see someone who was silently fighting many battles alone finally break and give up hurts every part of my heart.

I know RE were both sharing the same brain cell about only looking defeated to trick Isabella, but I don’t doubt that most of Ray’s exhaustion had to be real after everything he endured. Whether or not he started his act here however, I dunno, but he sure makes it believable. I’m sure his feelings here are real though. With Isabella currently not around, there’s no reason to put on a mask around these tree.

The manga gives us Emma’s internal dialogue voicing her worries for a good page while in the anime it.. has her crying. It wouldn’t bother me so much if she didn’t already state way back in ch1 that she’ll never cry again, so for the anime to have her do just that doesn’t sit right with me. Granted, the anime never included that panel to begin with and it needed another way to convey her emotions here since it yet again leaves out internal dialogue like this completely, but whatever. I know she’s highly upset and has every right to cry given the circumstances, but I know she’s stronger than that. Not trying to say crying is a form of weakness either, because it isn’t, but I’m just looking for some consistency here.

We sure as hell didn’t hear anything, you sneaky bitch. Anime is all silent too (aside from the crying).

Isabella is so cold for outright telling her “Norman died. Ray’s not himself,” but this little bit of the conversation has hints of her speaking from experience with Leslie’s shipment and encountering the cliff.

I’m sure she was really hoping Emma would’ve taken the mom offer as well. Not even because Isabella wants to assist the farm as a proficient caretaker who raises the best children, but because she wishes for Emma to live a longer life. She’s only trying to help, albeit in the worse way possible..

The way Isabella goes from pity, to merciless then switches back to being concerned so swiftly and subtly.. ow, my heart.

Breaking news (as in something that isn’t new but rather breaks my heart): She cares.

Oh honey, you think you have them pinned? Haa, just you wait! But yes I love how often anything chess related is brought up in this manga.

The fact RE & everyone else manages to set up and pull off the escape in about twenty minutes is impressive. (but the time at which the actual plan starts confuses me between both medias, but I’ll mention that more once I get to ch33 I think.)

There’s also no indication that Ray’s humming the lullaby in the manga so that had to be a treat for manga readers once this episode aired. If I knew the significance of it back when I first watched ep10 I would’ve surely lost my mind.

Favorite panel/moment:

THIS ONE! Absolutely no other choice! Oh my god, no doubt one of favorite panels of her out of the entire manga. Our sweet sunshine child looking completely fierce and I am all for it!!

No way in hell the anime could’ve nail that expression. That’s Demizu perfection right there!