#but i need a job. to live. so i also need to play the game and i am SO BAD at the game
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Foster Care (KerstinCasparijXRuthBrownXTeenReader)
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Warning: talks about foster care and slight trauma mentioned.
A/N: i hope you like this. It is a bit short but it won't be the last time writing about them.
Summary: Kerstin and Ruth take you in when you make your Manchester City Debut and they find Out you are living in a Foster group Home. you are not feeling well so they step up.
You had moved in with Kerstin and Ruth around three months ago. You made your Manchester City Debut for the Senior Team around five months ago. As soon as they found out that you lived in a Foster group Home they applied to Foster you and are planning on adopting you.
They really made you feel so loved. Something you never really had experienced in your life. So this was nice.
They were really caring and protective of you. You realized that once again when you woke up in the middle of the night, coughing like crazy. So you dragged yourself to the kitchen to make yourself a tea.
Ruth heard you and went to check on you.
"y/n, darling is everything okay?" She asked. Looking quite concerned when she noticed the sweat on your forehead and the glassy eyes.
"yes, just wanted to make myself a tea." You answered . "Maybe i am getting sick!" You added. She gently placed her hand on your forehead.
"you are burning up, Angel! I think you already are pretty sick. get back to bed please. I will make you some tea!" She told you and offered you a sympathic smile.
Before you could say something, Kerstin walked over.
"is everything okay?" She asked.
"y/n is sick. She has a fever." Ruth explained. Kerstin frowned softly.
"oh kiddo, i am sorry to hear that! Anything i can do?" Kerstin wanted to know.
"can you go with me and tuck me in?" You asked, biting down on your bottom lip.
Kerstin offered her hand to you, which you gladly took.
"yes of course!"she told you, smiling at you.
She then walked you back to bed. You got into bed and cuddled up to your Manchester City pillow.
"Can you lay with me until i am back to sleep, please?"
You asked her and she nodded her head softly. "Of course liefje." Kerstin laid next to you and you cuddled up to her. At the age of 15 right now was the first time you felt like you have found your place, where you could show weakness and be vulnerable. Kerstin held you and gently rubbed your back, you were coughing softly.
"Thank you!" You whispered out.
Ruth walked into your room 10 minutes later to found you asleep, you weren't the only one though. Kerstin was also asleep. Holding you protectively in her arms. Ruth smiled to herself. Placing the Cup of the on your nightstand and taking a picture of the two of you all cuddled up. She thought it was very cute. She went back to bed so you could get some rest. You made it until 5am before waking up from coughing so much. Kerstin was woken up by that as well. She helped you sit up and rub your back. Ruth walked into your room as well.
"Oh sweetie, it's okay. We are here!" Kerstin answered.
"thank you!" You slowly calmed down from that coughing fit.
"i will stay home with you today! Gonna call work to let them know i won't be coming in!" Ruth said, sitting down on the bed as well. Checking your fever again. "you are still burning up!" She stated and frowned softly.
"you don't have to stay home for me! I know your Job is important!" You said softly.
"you are way more important, lovely." Ruth told you.
"i can also stay home if you want." Kerstin offered.
"No, it's okay. The Team needs you. Both of us missing out on practice and most likely the Game won't help anyone." You said softly. "Oh what about my homework?" You added.
"i will tell Viv to ask Helene to take your homework with her so i can grab it from Viv." Kerstin replied. Helene was Viv's and Beth's adoptive daughter and also your best friend. She also played for Manchester City and was a year older then you.
"thank you." You answered. Ruth gave you some meds and then you went back to sleep while she was cooking some soup for you to eat later and Kerstin getting ready for early morning practice.
You almost slept through the entire day. You ate some soup, took a bath and cuddled with Ruth.
It was 6pm when Kerstin came back Home from another round of practice and you had some Family cuddles. Slowly starting to feel better.
"thank you for everything Mama & Mom." You whispered out before drifting off to sleep. The two couldn't help but smile and tear up a little when you said that. Knowing that you felt Safe enough to call them your moms was a big thing. They couldn't wait until the Adoption was finalized. And neither could you.
#woso x reader#woso request#kerstin casparij x ruth brown x teen reader#Manchester City women x reader
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i know u guys love inho but gihun isn't and will never be at his level.
inho willingly let hundreds of people die every year in a competition. he called the players trash, he has no regard for their well-being and he doesn't believe they are worth anything and that he is doing everyone a favor by eliminating them from society.
he lets his guard remove organs off the almost-dead players so they can be sold. he turns a blind eye to his guards raping dead female players, actually saying that they can do whatever they want with the organs and not even considering the players as anything more than unwilling donors.
inho shot his own brother. he felt remorse, yes, but he knew who junho was. he did not need to lead the guards right to him. yes, he hired captain park to rescue junho but i think we underplay how traumatic it must have been for junho to get shot by his own brother.
inho manipulated gihun just to hurt him even more, he wants to break down gihun down and bring him to his level so he can prove to himself that what he became was inevitable. that anyone who won the games becomes jaded and ruthless and uncaring.
in his mind, gihun mainting his faith in humankind, his kind heart, his belief that people are intrinsically good, is at odds with what he went through because inho himself lost that part of his personality. he will never be the man he was before, the man who had a family whom he loved and a respected job.
i'm not saying he's the devil. he's a victim of the games as well, obvious, but he is a classic story of the abused becoming the abuser. i would say he's a cautionary tale, even, a warning sign that this is what happens when the rich prey on the poor. (i see people refer to the guards as class traitors, but i can see inho as one as well. he won the prize money and believed himself to be above all those who played despite having been in their shoes.)
he has positive traits of course. for as much as he wants to break gihun down, during the games he was rooting for him. a small, hidden away part of him wants to believe that people are worth saving, that gihun's idealistic view of the world is valid and a correct way of living. but i'm also sure he's seen a lot of terrible things, both as front man of the game and as a police officer to dissuade him from that idea.
he wants gihun to be right, i think, because then it means that he can still be saved.
gihun is not like this. when faced with the choice of killing sangwoo or letting him be killed by a guard, gihun chose a third option. he chose for them both to leave without the money, because them being together was more important than the prize.
yes, gihun has done bad things. his ptsd from the strike and witnessing his friend's death caused him to develop a gamblig addiction and he was unemplyed for years; although, not that many since he had been working as a chauffer for five years and he had a chicken shop for two years before the time of s1.
he stole money from his mother and canceled her health insurance to support his addiction, he stayed out late drinking with his friends, both of which led to his divorce.
even when gihun was making plans to revolt, i don't think he was planning to sacrifice people outright. we can see his face as they die that he feels each of their deaths like they are his best friend. he feels guilty for doing this but he doesn't believe he has a choice. the Os were going to kill them either way and gihun was running out of time. waiting for the next vote would mean that their numbers would be obliterated and they would all die.
now, i'm the first to say that gihun's plan didn't make a lot of sense. but the truth is that they got very close. if it weren't for inho's treachery they could maybe have gotten to the control room or at least to a phone. gihun would call for junho's help and the mercenary team would arrive at the island. it's not a solid plan by any means but they didn't exactly have a lot of options.
he's not a saint. but he tries. he tries to be a better person, tries to see the good in others.
and that's more than inho has done since winning the games.
(disclaimer: i love inho's character! but whitewashing him is such a diservice. he's complex and morally gray and he's done horrible things. he doesn't need to be a uwu goody two shoes never hurt a fly type of character to be liked! u can love him and still think he's kind of a bad person! they aren't mutually exclusive.)
#this isn't an invitation for discourse!#i can love inho all u want but lets just not compare the two characters#or act as if gihun is equally as bad as inho#or that inho is without guilt#squid game#seong gi-hun#hwang in-ho#seong gihun#seong gi hun#hwang inho#hwang in ho#i feel like im gonna regret posting this but whatever#yapping 4ever
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SimCare Medical Clinic
Sim File Share (currently slow due to traffic/site errors. I will keep trying to upload so check my Downloads page for updates.) Dropbox
Our SimCare team is dedicated to nurturing your health through proactive care and patient-centered treatment - whether you're seeking routine check-ups or specialized care. We’re here to support your journey toward a healthier life and ensure that you receive the best support for your health, every step of the way.
Price: 184, 065 Lot Size: 30x20 Lot Type: No Visitors Allowed Store Content: Click here CC Used: Click here File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Pets (buydebug object), LN (elevator, floor, wallpaper), Ambitions, Generations, Seasons Simlish Clinic Signs (Add-on CC): Price: 1500 Environment: 7 HLOD: 122 Features: Shiftable, Frame is CASTable Category: Buy > Decor > Wall Decor Room: Living, Dining, Bedroom, Study EA Mesh Used: Painting Ranch 2x1 from The Sims 3 File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Late Night
Hello and welcome back to my blog!
It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? Life got in the way and honestly, I’ve been taking my sweet time with this new build. It also didn’t help that the Sim File Share site kept giving me errors whenever I tried to upload it and I was supposed to post this last month.
Even now, I’m still dealing with errors on the site and after some frustration, I’ve decided to look into alternative sites for uploading content in the future. But after all the setbacks, it’s finally ready!
Thanks for sticking around and I really appreciate all the likes/reblogs, you all are the best! 💜
Click on the ’Keep Reading’ below for more information and pictures on this lot.
📣 Right-click on a picture and select ’Open image in new tab’ for a clearer view.
This clinic is designed to give a real-life feeling of visiting a healthcare facility. Inside, you’ll find a: reception area, consultation/exam rooms, pharmacy, laboratory, x-ray/radiology, restroom, locker room, staff break room, doctors office and a large empty room for the rabbit hole rug/door. Now, a couple of things to keep in mind - the layout is designed with a small staff in mind but you can use the extra space in the second floor, where the rabbit hole rug/door is placed, if you want to add more offices or any other services. Just make sure that there is enough space for the rabbit hole rug/door to avoid routing issues. I had to get creative with the signs for this build as I couldn’t find anything that felt right or any CCs that matches the layout of the clinic so I made my own directory signs. It is included in the download file and I’ve posted the details along with this post as it is an add-on for the clinic. I’m using a font called Simlish Deja Vu by gazifu@MTS for the signs and I’ve also included translations in the picture above. It’s not perfect but you know what? It does the job! I have also placed a big sign shown on the clinic that translates to 'Pharmacy' and I know it might seem a bit out of place but honestly, it’s the only large sign I liked that fit the building aesthetic I was going for. 📣 Please note that the CC included in the lot are not included on the download file. I’ve compiled a list for those interested in downloading them separately (please click the links above or go to WCIF Navigation page) but those are not required and will be automatically replaced in the game. Any expansion packs with build items listed in the Details section above may be required for this lot to show up in your game. This clinic has been such a fun build to put together and I hope you all enjoy the build. This lot has been play-tested and let me know if you experience any problems on your end!
TSR Tutorial - Create Custom Paintings Sims Wiki - Poly Counts for Creators TSR Workshop Simlish Deja Vu font by gazifu Pixabay
#petalruesimblr#community lot#the sims 3#the sims 3 hospital#the sims 3 clinic#decorative obj#lots#ts3#sims 3#sims 3 lots#ts3 simblr#ts3 simmer#ts3 download#ts3 screenshots#ts3 community#sims 3 download#sims 3 screenshots#ts3 hospital#ts3 clinic#ts3cc#the sims 3 custom paintings#ts3 custom paintings#s3ccfinds#s3cc download#the sims 3 wall decor#ts3 wall decor
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small gestures of love
승철 - s.coups
although i never said it, seungcheol knows i really like his dog, kkuma. so each time he walks her, he offers me to come with him. we spend time together, most often in silence, while we melt at kkuma's cutness. he jockingly forces me to pose for his pictures, but i know that it's just that he enjoys taking pictures of him.
정한 - jeonghan
it is often seen in gose episodes, but it also happens off-cameras : living in dorms with thirteen energetic men, i get tired quite soon in the evening. each time i start getting sleepy, jeonghan notices my shift in behaviour and he stays with me a bit away from the others, and eventually takes me to my bedroom before kissing my forehead as i falll asleep.
지수 - joshua
joshua is very well known for having crafty hobbies, especially making bracelets. each time he takes out his box of beads, i can be sure to end up with another bracelet to my collection. sometimes it'll be a matching one with him, other times, it'll just be a random design that he thought i would like (which i always do). i have tons of them now and he always has that (◠‿◠) smile when i wear one of them.
준휘 - jun
i don't always remember to eat. being busy with my job, hobbies, wanting to get better at a lot of things, eating doesn't always comes to my mind or i tell myself that i'll eat later. despite reassuring the members about that, jun always comes to me with bags of food, and doesn't go away until we eat together. he always make me discover new food, that i end up like it pretty much every time.
순영 - hoshi
hoshi is very well known for being precise and strict during dance practice. he goes from being friendly to cold and perfectionist. as a girl, some moves require more efforts for me than the others and it sometimes takes me more time to get the parts right. despite that, hoshi is always kind and caring, showing as many times as needed the moves, without caring about me slowing the practice.
���우 - wonwoo
wonwoo is a gamer and so am i. we play totally different kinds of games, and our taste doesn't always match. however, i still find him looking for multi-player games, that i could like. when he finds one, he tells me about it and buys or downloads it right after. we have a special night in the week when, wherever we are, we play a game together.
지훈 - woozi
as the main producers of seventeen, we spend a lot of time in the studios together, especially late at night. the studio sessions rarely end before 3 a.m or later. while woozi is doing some arangements on the songs, i drift off and fall asleep. although i clearly remember falling asleep on a desk chair, i wake up half an hour later on the couch of woozi's studio, with his jacket on me as a blanket.
reminder : this is shifting content, nothing mentioned above is to be applied here; i also haven't fully shifted to that dr yet, these are only things i've scripted or thought off
#kpop#shifting community#shifters#shiftblr#reality shifting#kpop seventeen#seventeen#seventeen shifting#seventeen dr#seventeen 14th member#kpop shifting
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okay ill bite why do u hate kaoru sakuraba sidem aside from the fact that they went from hokuto as a main blue to downgrade to kaoru. to make it less awkward that I’m asking abt sidem on ur osomatsu side blog, what sidem idols would u assign to each matsu ?
i think sideM should collab w osomatsu-san and put them all in Beit so they can all get JOBS!!!!!!
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anyways i hate kaoru from idolmaster sideM. i need all my osomatsu-san side blog followers to know that i hate this man. "i need a lot of money fast to pursue an extremely niche medical research track, which is why i quit my stable and high paying job as a surgeon to become an idol while having no soft skills, physical strength or stamina, or interest in getting along with people" are you Stupid??
he's not even using his idol clout to spread awareness of the rare disease he's trying to cure (like SEM does) so it can secure funding, he sees it 100% as a job and refuses to have fun, he is actively unpleasant and uncooperative in every interaction with his coworkers because he's trying to "rise to the top". it seems like the only thing he has going for him are his looks and that he kind of liked to sing when he was a kid. why not become a model at that point when you have the personality of a wet tree trunk. or better yet why not STAY A FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!!
also, i don't like meganes, so write that down.
#context for oomfiematsus: idolmaster sideM's gimmick is that all the idols were other things before becoming idols#Beit is the unit whose gimmick is that all their members have part time jobs (baito)#others are like. lawyer -> idol; pilot -> idol; pianist -> idol; rakugoka -> idol; etc#finding out the backstories/previous lives of these idols is like the main appeal of this branch#a lot of times it's like trauma and stuff that causes them to switch careers. like there's a pair of twins who were former soccer pros#but one suffers a career-ending injury and it's sad. and theyre like well we were pretty good at PR and stuff though so let's be idols#(the other twin follows him because yknow twinsies <3 cant be apart)#and this guy is in the main unit so you meet him and he's just a fucking dick the whole time and he just seems to fucking hate being an ido#so the whole time youre like what's this guy's deal#(note i experienced this through the anime cuz all the games are EOS lol)#and then like 3/4ths into the anime in you finally get his backstory#and it's that his sister died of a very rare disease so he needs money to fund research to find the cure but no one will fund it#but instead of staying a doctor he decides the best way to do this is to BECOME AN IDOL?!!!?!?#like sure i bet the top idols do make more than an average surgeon? but it's like do you want a .01% chance to make a $2 million salary#or an 100% chance to make a $300k salary BECAUSE YOURE ALREADY A SURGEON!!!!#and it'd be another thing if he was like. kinda having fun with it. kinda being jovial#like there's literally another guy in the teacher unit who became an idol for the exact same reason (heard it was lucrative)#but then after he finds out being an idol actually isnt all that much cash#so he just decides to have fun being an idol instead!!!!#this guy NEVER GETS THERE. he's always a SERIOUS RUDE STICK IN THE MUD who is NEVER FUN TO BE AROUND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE#I'm Here For Work. I'm Here To Be The Best Idol. I Don't Want To Make Friends#LIKE GET REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL DUDE YOUR COWORKERS ARE 10 YEAR OLDS IN ANIMAL COSTUMES AND 30 YEAR OLD MEN IN PINK TIGHTS.#anyways everyone likes him i guess he's supposed to be the “cold guy eventually opens his heart” kind of guy but he has always just come of#as very annoying to me. and also DUMB AS FUCK i cannot stress enough how STUPID OF A CAREER CHOICE THIS WAS#so i cant take him seriously when they try to play him up as this cool all-knowing guy when he's the STUPIDEST PERSON AT THIS COMPANY#INCLUDING THE 9 YEAR OLDS
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i do think, aside from mercury bias, if bg had been in all season she would have been all wnba, first or at least second. i think people undervalue her because of the rebounding but she is 1000% the worst officiated player in the league, on both sides of the court. so the fact that she's been able to have the performance that she had is incredible, and that she didn't get the acknowledgment really just underscores how much people take what she does for granted.
#i saw something interesting that kim milky basically has her players specialize and so they come out of college less well rounded#exhibit a angel's shooting vs rebounding#and i didn't watch bg in college so maybe i'm totally wrong on this but maybe rebounding just wasn't he job#and then i saw on reddit or something that maybe because she is so poorly officiated she'd get called for too many fouls on rebounding#for it to be worth it#and while i understand the value of rebounding really i do the mercy's problem wasn't that they weren't trying#well sometimes it was but it was that their whole system wasn't designed for it#if you have 4 players on the perimeter to space and shoot 3#you're going to hope they go in and run the floor instead#teams that rebound well dedicate bodies and time to rebounding#and i believe that it was a conscious choice the merc made to not do that#and if you look at old merc games they struggled with rebounding then too#i actually will have more to say about this in the future but the mercury's style of play has lived and died with dt's style for 20 years#the mercury have the most 100 point games of any franchise#and they are responsible for most of the 200 point total scores across the league#ie their fast break and bad defense lol#and while it's not entirely true - she is not responsible for every result they've ever had - i don't think you get westhead's style of pla#to work without her talent and the penny cappie dt trio in 2006#or at least it isn't successful and maybe doesn't change the pace of play in the league the way it did#it's also interesting that if the lottery draw goes differently in 2006 and merc have the first pick do they get seimone or do they stick#cappie? i think they stick with cappie bc they needed a true pg and from what i've seen seimone is a 2/3#and i don't think dt becomes the player the league knows without having a true pg [vs her playing point]#the thing is dt can play point better than most people but i think she plays better when she has someone else there to help#and her talking about oh i should've won mvp in 2006 [when i dropped 40] [lisa leslie won that year]#and in 2014 [best team ever] [maya moore won that year]#you look at the stats and there is for sure an argument to be made there#but it all comes back to post players#and i know wikipedia says maya is a power forward but she seems like more of a 3 sometimes? i haven't watched her enough#but i don't think dt can win mvp in 2009 without that team specifically#which means [and this is my theory of life] that everything happens the way it has to happen for you to end up where you are today
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🍪🥛
#out of sight out of mind....#im not gonna check his blogs every day from here on out#and i hid/archived our chat so i dont have to see it when i open the messaging app#i do have some kind of 'fomo' lol bc i dont wanna miss out on any potential glimpse into his mind or days#esp now when he doesnt tell me anything anymore. idk anything abt what goes on with him#but .. i am allowing and letting him control my life#i obsessively check my phone and refresh his blogs ALL day#it's extremely unhealthy and pathetic and i know this#it's just hard to stop bc i genuinely... love him sm#plus he told me he wanted me for real so he made me not only dream of a life i thought wasnt possible for me#but also WANT it. i only want him and to live with him and be his. that's all i want but he just cut me off out of nowhere lol#and im still hung up on it... i dont want my boring reality. current nor future. i just want the reality where im with him which he made me#think was smth i could have one day soon.#but anyway. if his feelings changed that's how it is. it's not even his fault it's just how things work in life#even if i dont want to accept it i have to. i cant keep living in this limbo. i try to talk to him but he's a wall so that's a No.#so i cant let him control my life and waste away all my days on him#i need to stop checking his blogs and our chat. that's the first step#im still gonna allow myself to think of him and daydream and fantasize. but that will have to stop soon too#then i have to focus on doing my assignments and read books and go to the gym#things that will help me get realistically where i want in my current reality#i want to finish highschool and then apply for a preschool or library program#and hopefully the plan is to get a student housing apartment so i can move out finally and live on my own and study#then when i finish i'll look for a job as either of those things. and a place to live (which is super fkn hard in these modern chaos times)#even if i have to live my life all alone... i want to be as comfortable as i can at least#i can live in my own row house and have pets and work and read and play games and watch shows#and see and talk to my mom#i mean hopefullyyyy i'll be able to try to make at least some shallow connections so i have ppl to hang out with#i can always hope to meet someone who'll fall in love with me but im not counting on it#ugh.. bc as it is now#i dont do ANYTHING but be on my phone
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discovered a food allergy by eating it(again)
#kiwi then peanut butter now AVOCADO??? IM CALIFORNIAN WHY WOULD MY BODY BETRAY ME LIKE THIS#also my FAT ASS brother keeps eating all my safe foods and ive been eating only snack bars twinkies and rice for the past week#and my parents cant get any new food bc we're dirt fucking poor rn and no one will fucking hire me or my dad anywhere and we're living off#my moms paycheck only which is not helped by her urge to buy 2nd hand furniture we dont have room for#she bought all this shit bc she wants us to fix it up and resell it but like! it takes so much work to do that and it wont turn out the way#she wants it to! plus she wants me my dad sister and brother to do it and doesn't wanna help with it#my brother is a whole other irritating story on top of all this stress bc he keeps trying to convince my parents to buy him new games etc#and it irritates me bc he does it constantly and my parents cave A LOT but when im like hey! please buy X food we're completely out of it i#get told i need to get a job so i can buy it myself#hes 19 btw and he also has NO ID which he needs to be able to get a job#hes haf multiple opportunities to get one and he made up excuses not to do it everytime#didn't get enough sleep or doesn't have clean pants#when he stays up to 5am playing video games and he showers once a week and the had a clean pair sitting in the clean laundry for days at#that point🙄
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Academic institutional imperatives are literally stacked against being a good teacher, so for all you people that suffer w/ bad professors I Am So Sorry
#being told that u just can't be a bad teacher. bc you need to be effective but u also gotta worry about tenure and your research#bc profs are researchers first.#usually.#every single day i'm reminded that i do not want to work at an r1 school bc it's so messed up odihgso#sorry you have an obligation to your students to actually teach them#but bc being a good teacher means SHIT for tenure and other evaluations#compared to how often you publish#and then they wonder why we have a replication crisis#and all this other stuff#it's because they literally set profs up to be terrible idfhgso#ooc.#tbd.#anyway being intrinsically and not extrinsically motivated is such a problem sometimes#bc i want to be good for ME not bc i can get a job#but i need a job. to live. so i also need to play the game and i am SO BAD at the game#i do not want to play the game i do not want to care about my livelihood more i do not want to be so worried about tenure and getting a job#that i fail my students sorry!
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How I learned to write smarter, not harder
(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)
A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.
The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.
As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!
2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)
Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.
Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.
I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.
Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD
People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.
What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!
What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.
You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.
And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.
And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.
If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?
And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD
In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)
And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)
#creative writing#writers block#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writers and poets#writerscommunity#fanfic writing#writeblr#writing advice
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Who knew that the stress of a part-time job on top of being a full-time student who either lived with hateful neonazis or was just straight up roughing it would stifle my ability to think about Me?
*I ran out of tag space, y'all.
#trans
#i dont know how else to put it... my ex and his friends are basically neonazis#and I'm mad at myself for falling into that mess through desperation#they're racist. homophobic. transphobic. antisemitic. you name it!#and Im mad that I had to conform to a degree just so I could have a place to live#im mostly mad at myself for putting me there... but... I had to leave one toxic environment and landed in another#my first roommates were pretty nice. but me having bipolar audhd and the girl being fucked up too and BOTH of us untreated really fucked up#but now#i just play video games. do tech work around the house. watch YouTube. sleep. and job hunt#so I can really begin to look at myself#hoping that the meds I'm on can help alleviate the depression and existentialism that comes with being trans#im making plans for my future. secure in the knowledge that it's never too late to transition#the current plan is to wait until my mom's dead (which is still a ways off) and then get going#I'll be 50 by then but#oh well#im fine#when I can become fully independent I can come out socially and even have dedicated binders and clothes and such#there are many ways to be trans! you don't need to medically transition if you don't want to!*#*or it just isn't safe#maybe my mom will become tolerant before I get to 40 but.... who knows. We can only hope#but I do truly love my mother and really dont want to lose her. so I'm fine staying in the closet for now#I can live a double life (I hope.. technically I already am!)#Idk if I'll change my name tho...#My birth name is pretty dope. Nikki is a cool name! but also#I really like 'Hans' and 'Gage' and 'Polibios' (I'll take criticism lol) maybe even 'Gregory' or 'Scott' or idfk 'Louis'?!?#so many choices#but what about my hair?#it's curly and really girly#but I honestly like it!!#I've got some Colonial bullshit going on#a low ponytail and some long fringe with waves... How some people draw Human!Hancock
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me… sad boy
#I was going to whine a lot but why lot word when few word do trick?#I have been… soooooo anxious and depressed and I feel like I’m going to die soon & the world is ending the world is empty & I’m alone in it#I feel so sick#I need to get out and do something. I always need to get out and I never do and I’m dumb#so maybe I’ll just get messed up and stay in my room#I can’t sleep. I wake up tired and hurting. I can’t do anything.#woe is fucking me amirite?#also I just finished Black Sails and I cried a lot. why did I think getting emotionally attached to a show and finishing it was smart?#that’s not important. I mean it is but not really. what’s important is I constantly feel like the end is always looming over me#I miss my therapist but I’m scared to ever see him again.#same reason I’m scared to be around anyone outside of my immediate family: I’m a failure & I can’t bear to see that reflected in their eyes#so he joins a long list of people I can’t talk to anyone along with my dad and countless old friends#hey wait why did I segue to this?#boo hoo#analytically. logically. I can look past this and see how irrational these thoughts are#but goddamn if there’s not something chemical that just makes me feel sick and scared and I’m having a doozy of a time living with it#because Ian you need to work on long term goals. not just quick fixes like I dunno fucking eating pizza or playing video games#sorry. just wanted to vent. it’s been building up in me for days and I needed a quick whine#I shaved. I’m gonna get a haircut maybe tomorrow. if only to stave off my unhealthy feelings of ‘just shave your head at 3am’#my mom is finally reaching the point where she doesn’t need me to chauffeur her around all the time#and my brothers are finishing their semesters at school and also both have licenses now#so I think I can stop using those as excuses and try to… I dunno. live for myself now. that sounds cheesy.#gonna go get a low paying job doing something mindless so I can have extra cash for being alive#god I need a hug so bad#that’s not even… like… not even a lighthearted joke. I think if someone sincerely held me for a few minutes it would fix me. a little bit.#this is too much information#sorry I love you goodbye forever#but hey… really… I love ya… I mean maybe. not really. kind of. I appreciate ya and I’m here for ya… in spirit. like a ghost. a cool ghost.#you can ignore this#text
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google search should i be concerned that every time i tell people how i process social interaction they say i would be a good lawyer
#post#keyz lore#me: to me conversations are like a strategy game that i mostly play just to win#my mom: so are you . are you sure you don't want to be a lawyer#jokes on her my ideal job is in marketing so i can make people's lives harder on purpose while also fulfilling my desire for control#by manipulating the general public into spending money on things they don't need#no need to tell me I'm a bad person btw i am fully aware and I've made peace with that
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#not a vent but also am shy#but even if i did lose my job i am still gonna use this final pay for something important to me now that i live alone#the binder i got from gendergear was nice#now i've ordered one for swimming (in a slightly larger size) and packer stuff#briefs that can be used for play bc y'bitch be hopeful lmfao#i ALMOST got the stp but honestly i know enough cis men who sit to pee i am less pressed#idk how this is all gonna go but the binder feels good to wear and see myself in so i'ma try this#worst case scenario i get to hand it along to someone who needs it more#best case affirmation#the swim binder is important too bc i swim a lot and that'll be a huge game changer if it works as well as the reviews say
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bWAH 🎺
#cant sleep im rambling#i dont feel like trying anymore everything is so tiring#i dont want to go to classes i cant draw i cant play games or read or make my portfolio#moving is tiring. im exhausted#im doing mybest to ignore any paranoid thoughts i need to learn to live alone#people cant be keeping me company 24/7 so i dont feel as bad#but at the same time the second im leftalone ijustgo back to bed#im so nervous about the future i dont feel im good enough to get a job#how long until people stop being patient with me and realize im a burden#i want to lay down and rot and sleep until it all feels so far away#i know ineed to ask for help but like#when imwith friends im usually fine. so mybad feelings now mustnot be that serious...#like i can feel happy sometimes. so my depression surely is being exaggerated#but also i struggle to do somany things lately...
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You decide to sleep on the couch after an argument pt.2
pt1 here
love and deepspace
characters: Rafayel, Xavier
Rafayel
Stubborn, petty, and a total brat are the words that perfectly describe Rafayel during arguments. It doesn’t help that you’re as stubborn as he is, but most of the time you manage to find the middle ground. Except tonight. Tonight is the night you got fed up with his attitude and the argument it caused was just awful. For an hour, both of you argued something so stupid but he wasn’t backing down and at this point, it was getting so tiring you just wanted to put an end to this.
“You know what” You throw your hands in the air “I’m done. I’m going to sleep”
Rafayel scoffed muttering something about you running away from an argument under his breath. However, his face dropped when he saw you entering the living room with a pillow and a blanket. He rushed to you with such an offended look.
“Excuse me?”
“What?” You barked at him.
“Wha- seriously? what are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“Child’s tantrum, honestly”
You stopped making the bed on the couch and just looked at him unimpressed. The gesture made Rafayel scoff once again and retreat from you.
“You want to be petty? be my guest. I’m going to sleep in our room, in our bed”
With that, he left you and slammed his door on his way.
“Such a child” you mutter and lay down on the couch, too agitated to sleep, replaying the argument in your mind over and over. You both said horrible things to each other and you wanted to run to him and apologize, but what hurt more than an argument is how he left you here and he, himself, went to sleep. After hours of beating yourself up for tonight’s events, you finally fell asleep not knowing Rafayel was staring at the ceiling of the bedroom feeling just as guilty if not more. Also, he hates to admit it, but he cannot sleep without you, so with a defeated sigh he made a decision.
Sunlight stirs you awake in the morning. Your neck is sore from an uncomfortable position on the couch. With a groan, you turn around and open your eyes to be startled by a purple ball right into your face. Blinking, to adjust your eyesight you realise it’s Rafayel’s head. He’s sitting on the floor with his back leaning on the couch and a blanket around his shoulders.
“You have to be kidding me” you mutter with disbelief “Rafayel”
He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he opened them.
“Oh, hi”
You just look at him dumbfounded before bursting out laughing.
“Shut up, will you?” He grumbled.
“Oh my god, you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
He stayed silent and got up from the floor, with you following his suit.
“To what? to admit you were right? kind of… I mean you were wrong in some aspects… okay, fine you were right… and what else? to admit I couldn’t sleep without you?” He avoided your eyes and you couldn’t miss the blush spreading on his cheeks “Because I couldn’t… sleep without you, I mean”
You pinch his cheek before kissing him making his already red face even more red.
“I’m sorry too”
He quickly regained his composure walking past you.
“Yeah, yeah… c’mon let’s make breakfast”
And you follow him with a chuckle.
Xavier
You have to try really hard to have an argument with Xavier. Both of you are in perfect sync and hardly ever disagree with each other. Therefore, arguments are rare. But not nonexistent. Take tonight, for example. Xavier doesn’t need shouting and screaming to get his point through. His face devoid of any expression and cold voice make good enough job. You, on the other hand, feel like you’re on fire, and his calm nature, reassuring other times, only fuels your fire. Finally, you make the decision that you don’t want to spend any more time with him tonight… or until you calm down. So you take your blanket and set up a makeshift bed on the couch.
Xavier doesn’t pay you any mind. He didn’t even notice you reentering the living room as he started playing his video game to unwind from the previous argument. An hour passes, then another. At last, he’s had enough and turned off the video game you’ve been cursing in your mind past hour. He expects you to be asleep in your room so imagine his confusion when he sees you on the couch, still not asleep. Xavier then shrugs before going to the bedroom and coming back with his pajamas on.
“Move” he says when he walks up to you.
You turn to him.
“What?”
“Move, I’m sleepy”
“Then go to sleep”
“I’m trying to, but you won’t move” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. After a moment of hesitation, you move to make room for him. He silently slides under the blanket and since the couch is too small for both of you, he positions you in a way that you’re lying on top of him.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“I couldn’t sleep”
His hand started to caress the back of your head.
“Because you’re mad at me?”
“Because I’m mad at you”
A sigh escapes his lips.
“I didn’t mean… whatever I said. I don’t know, I don’t even remember what I said”
That made you giggle.
“Neither do I. But I’m sorry… for what I said”
“Yeah, me too”
You both stay silent after that. His hand stops caressing you after a while.
“We can go to bed if you want to”
You suggest but a soft snore Xavier releases lets you know that it won’t happen, so you just accept your fate.
#rafayel#lads xavier#rafayel love and deepspace#lnds rafayel#rafayel x reader#rafayel x mc#loveanddeepspace#xavier love and deepspace#xavier x reader#xavier x mc#rafayel fluff#xavier fluff#lnds
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