#but i had so much shit i needed to do today after work and i just fucking COULDN'T bc being at work that long took all of my goddamn spoons
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get over it! - l.n - p.2
Warnings: Angst, swearing, mental breakdown, breaking glass.
Pairing: Lando Norris x fem!reader
A/N - sorry this took so long, I was doing all Lando’s birthday ones x
parts 🧡
Time Skip - Formula One Baku Grand Prix Pre-Race
Baku had always been a city of contrasts—historical yet modern, chaotic yet beautiful. And today, it felt like the perfect reflection of Lando's mood as he walked down the paddock, his eyes hidden behind his dark sunglasses, jaw clenched tight.
Since your little ‘incident’ with Lando at Qualifying, you’d made sure to steer well out of his way. You would rather not be blamed for his driving by Zak or Andrea anyhow. It did slightly piss off the mechanics on Lando’s side of the garage, however.
Your energy was something that helped a lot of them to keep going, and now you were steering clear of Lando’s while side of the garage. You hadn’t even noticed him sliding into Oscar’s garage, as you handed around drinks.
“Y/N,” he said, tapping you on the shoulder, your shoulders immediately raising defensively, your head turning away from, signalling your dislike in speaking to him. “Y/N," he pressed, this time with more urgency. "Can we talk?"
You shook your head, still not looking at him. "I don’t think there’s anything left to say,” you said simply, handing some of Oscar’s mechanics some drinks. "You’re avoiding me," he said, his voice tinged with frustration. "You can’t just walk away, not after what happened,” he said firmly.
“Yes I can, besides, why do you even care? It’s not like you to do so,” you said, placing your tray down, taking some new cups from the stack. “Some of my mechanics are pissed about you not being in the garage and stuff,” he mumbled, slightly annoyed.
“Oh, and they made you drag your ass here to ask?” you asked, a scoff on your lips as Lando rolled his eyes. “Sorry for asking you to do your own damn job,” he snapped, his voice filling with the frustration and bite from earlier.
“Let me do my fucking job, and stop talking to me, then,” you said, your voice with equally as much spite as you glared at him, his jaw set firm, eyes narrowed. You rolled your eyes, walking past him, your chin held high - so what if he was a driver? He didn’t own you!
You’d had many fights with Lando, countless, some of them about such minor things, you almost laughed when you looked back at them. Of course, there was a time, even after the Sochi incident, where maybe, just maybe, there was a chance he could have forgiven you.
But then again, it was Lando Norris. He’d do anything just to fuck shit up.
Flashback - 2021 Mexican Grand Prix
It had started innocently enough - a late-night discussion about his diet. He had asked you to double-check his hydration formula before heading to the gym. You’d pointed out that it didn’t seem balanced, that he'd been skipping meals. He’d brushed it off like it was nothing. But that was just the start.
“Why do you always act like you know better?” he had snapped, voice low but cutting. “I’m the one racing out there. You’re just a helper,”. His words stung. You didn’t respond immediately, too shocked by the sudden shift in his tone. But when you did, your voice was tight with restraint.
“Just a helper?” you’d repeated, incredulous. “I’ve been working with you for years, Lando. Don’t act like I don’t know how to do my job,” you had said, your voice edged with a hint of shock and hurt. “You don’t work with me, Y/N, you’re not on my level, you won’t ever be on my level. You work for the team, at least get it right,”.
“You can’t just skip meals and expect your hydration to be perfect,” you had replied, a little more firmly. “Your body needs food to process all the fluids properly. If you’re running on empty, no amount of water is going to make a difference.”
“I’m fine,” Lando shot back immediately, his tone defensive. “I told you, I’m good. I just didn’t feel like eating. It’s not a big deal,” he said, his voice becoming more and more frustrated. Why couldn’t he understand what you were saying? And why did all your arguments have to be centred around water?
For a moment, it seemed like Lando was going to say something else, but instead, he crossed his arms, letting out a long, frustrated sigh. “I don’t need a babysitter, Y/N. I’m not a child. I know how to do my job,” he had said, his eyes narrowed once more.
The words hit harder than they should have. You’d been working with him for quite a while, supporting him in every way you could, and this was the first time you felt like he didn’t appreciate it. “I never said you were,” you had said, your voice cold now, your patience worn thin.
“But when you start acting like a diva and skipping meals while I’m the one having to pick up the pieces, then yeah, maybe I do need to step in,” you said, your jaw set firmly and your eyes narrowed. Lando opened his mouth to retort, but you turned away before he could, your back to him as you grabbed your tablet from the table.
Your hands had been shaking with frustration, but you tried to keep your voice steady. “I don’t have time for this right now,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him. “I’ve got a hundred other things to do,” you moved to his door, only stopped by his voice.
He didn’t respond immediately, but you could feel his eyes on you. After a long, charged silence, he finally spoke. “You think I’m just acting like a diva, huh?” he asked, his voice colder than you would have thought, sharp and almost like a snarl.
“Im not the one who fucking acts like I run the whole team off my own back - all you do is give water to people, Y/N, you’re useless!” he snapped, his voice raising as you flinched. “Useless? I’m not-,” you started, your own voice becoming louder.
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Y/N! You think, just coz a few people like you, that you’re the one managing this whole team? You don’t do shit, Y/N, you’re not important! People would be sad you left your day or two and forget about it, okay? You’d be replaced in an instant, you have no skill!”.
All of this. Over a water plan. “I…fuck you, Lando,” you said, your eyes brimming with tears, voice cracking as you stepped out the door, not even sparing him a glance as you rushed away from him,”
Present Time - Formula One Baku Grand Prix
Sure, you were pissed at Lando, but it really wasn’t fair to take it out on the whole team, do, begrudgingly, you dragged yourself to Lando’s side of the garage to hand out refreshments, much to the relief of the mechanics and engineers.
Just imagining if Sochi had never happened in 2021, or you’d never said the comment that you’d said, it would’ve been some different, and you would’ve been cheering and going crazy with the team, watching Lando climb higher and higher from his low position.
You could practically feel the tension radiating off of Lando’s car, the stress of a potential championship fight that could be washed away due to one bad qualifying session, or the struggles of getting through to at least a points playing position, everyone was on edge.
Lando had a lot of positions to make up if he wanted to salvage his weekend, or at least begin to try and gain some points. And boy, did he make up positions. One after another, he passed car after car, refusing to let the mistake of qualifying 16th define his race. He was determined to prove himself.
As the race wore on, Lando's mood lifted. Every overtake, every clean pass, brought him closer to his goal. He had no idea what position he was in now—he was just racing, just pushing harder than he ever had. When the final laps came, he found himself fighting for 4th. And when he crossed the line, there it was: 4th place.
But all you could do was bury it deep inside of you and push Lando out of your mind - sometimes there were times when you wished you could have screamed and cheered with the team, like in Miami. But you had Oscar’s current winning margin to distract you from the hurt in the pit of your belly.
Time Skip - Post Race - Baku
The mechanics jostled round the garage, all talking, but slowly leaving, exiting the garage as the sky darkened, a pale shade of greyish-blue, a colour you found quite beautiful actually. Like a reflection of the ocean, in some ways.
“Why are you still here?” a voice snapped you from your train of thought, ruining what was otherwise quite a peaceful movement, your gaze forced sway from the clouds. “None of your business,” you scoffed, picking up your drinks tray from the side as Lando stared.
“I mean, kinda is,” he replied, his nose scrunched distastefully, like you were something or someone lower than him, which was how he perceived you anyways. “Everyone else has gone home,” he pointed out.
“Cheers Captain Obvious,” you said sarcastically, the glasses tinkling on your tray, some with lines of red wine at the bottom, beams of white from the lights above reflecting off the glass. “Whatever,” Lando said, his voice nearly a mumble as he dug he is hands into his pockets.
“Look, I’d appreciate if you stayed the fuck out of my way,” Lando said sarcastically, “I can’t stand your stupid presence,” he snapped, “there’s nothing to fucking be so happy about, I can’t have you annoyingly positive energy around all the time,”.
“Excuse me?” you said, not quite sure what to say after that little outburst of his came from. “You heard me, you’re stupidly positive and all you do is frolic around with that stupid little tray of yours,” Lando snapped, pushing the tray out of your hand, the plate clattering onto the floor, the glasses shattering at your feet.
“Lando, what the fuck is your issue?!” you half-screamed, scrambling away from the shards of glass scattered on the floor, cutting at the soles of your sneakers. “Just….fuck off, okay?!” he said, his curls a messy heap on his head, his eyes wild.
He looked on the verge of a full breakdown as you stared, in shock at the whole thing. He’d been fine a few seconds ago, what the hell had happened? “Lando, I didn’t-,” you started, raising your hands almost in surrender.
“I don’t care, I don’t care, Y/N!” he covered his ears, “Just fuck off!”. You said nothing, swallowing the lump in your throat as you stumbled back, away from the glassy heap on the floor, and rushing away from the garage. You’d never seen Lando break down before.
Was he…Was he okay?
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris x you#lando x reader#f1#lando norris smut
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♛- Down It
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➸ INTERESTS; -normal au! ryomen sukuna x f!reader
➸ BACKGROUND; - another drabble, sukuna being your work boss within his firm and you his assistant. Giving you another reminder of what an assistants placement is, to serve and provide for whatever their boss needs, and today he was needy.
➸ WARNINGS; - wc. roughly 1k, dirty talk, smut, oral sex (m!recieving), face-fucking, mentions of crying, mentions of troubled breathing, messy oral sex, mentions of drooling/access saliva, orgasm (m!engaging), messy ejaculation, kissing, etc.
➸a.i; - super freak super freak, also tysm for over 300 notes on the katsuki drabble and 100 on the toji one what u guys are insane i’ll keep feeding u i swear!!
⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺
“There you go- fuck, I bet your slut ass is already soaked by just suckin’ me off huh?” Sukuna grunted, one hand keeping a grip on the back of your head with a handful of your hair as the other gripped at his desk. His eyes shut tight for a minute, embracing the warm and wet feeling of your mouth around him.
Every time he would take in your appearance you could feel his cock twitch in your mouth. He couldn’t help it, you just looked so beautiful to him, his pretty little assistant underneath his desk on her knees as her hands were pressed against his thighs. Practically gripping onto him for dear life as you breathed heavily through your nose, your makeup running down your cheeks, especially your mascara.
He even cheered you on for a little while, thankful you hadn’t worn your waterproof mascara that day as it suited you much better to look like such a mess underneath him. With the way your saliva and tears mixed together below your chin he felt as if he was going to heaven, you looked gorgeous.
Ryomen Sukuna knows he’s a dirty man, filthy if anything. Filthy with his words and his actions, the way he runs his firm and let alone his personal assistant. As he had pointed out and highlighted on your resume, the purpose of an assistant was to help with any of their bosses needs, especially personal.
Right now was one of those moments, and honestly you couldn’t complain. You liked seeing his worn out expression and how beads of sweat dripped down his temple. You favorited how his Adam’s apple flexed and he bit his bottom lip when you would begin to hum around his tip as your hand made its way into his pants.
Oh if you weren’t continuously teasing him he would’ve came so long ago. He knew what you were doing, and you did too, you loved to tease him just as much as he had with you before. As of right now however he was tired of the teasing, he was so close and just wanted to cum.
“Keep hummin’ on me like that m’gonna- shit, m’close.” He moaned, immediately covering his mouth with his hand after realizing he did so. He didn’t like being vocal, or at least as vocal as you were, but times like this he couldn’t help it.
You did as you were told, slowing your pace as you did so before looking up at him with a sort of glossy eyed look. He bit his bottom lip softly, now placing both of his hands on the back of your head before telling you to breath through your nose.
You wore a confused expression on your face before it was ripped away from you, moaning loudly as he thrusted his entire cock into your mouth repeatedly. You were initially taken by surprise, now clawing into his thighs with all your night as his pace quickened. The head of his cock repeatedly punching at a small part at the tip of your throat.
If you hadn’t been practicing with him before you would’ve been gagging to the point of nearly vomiting, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. You kept up with his pace, now relaxing a bit as he continued to throat fuck you for only a few more seconds before reaching his high.
He grunted loudly, quickly pulling back and leaving your mouth with a ‘pop’ before painting your face. You knew better than deny him of what he wanted, and what you secretly loved, so you kept your mouth wide open, sticking your tongue out. His cum was quick to coat your face, and your exposed breast as your button up and bra were open and pulled down, most of it entering your mouth as he watched you swallow it with a big grin on your face.
He was quick to kiss you, passionately before making you stand up and sit on his desk. He was quick to unzip your work skirt and pull it aside, now poking and prodding at the large and sticky wet spot made at the center of your underwear with a smirk.
He was quick to hook his thumbs underneath both sides of your underwear, loving the sound and scent that came after removing them and stuffing it in his pocket. You were quick to call him a pervert because of it, but he promised he’d give it back after he was done with you.
He toyed and teased with you as you began to fuss, squirming around slightly. He only took his large firm hands to weigh your hips down as he kissed between your thighs, licking at the mess you’d left behind on them from your arousal before kissing your wet cunt.
“Now let’s take care of this needy lil’ thing here yea?”
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✴🕷 please do not copy, plagiarize, edit, or translate any works submitted by me. all works are originated and all other pictures used within those works are online images. thank you!! @kryptznnn
#kryptznnn#ryomen sukuna#jjk ryomen#jjk#jjk au#jjk spoilers#jjk x reader#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukuna smut#ryomen x reader#sukuna ryomen smut#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#sukuna drabble#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#jjk x you#jjk smut#jjk fanfic
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Girl At The Rock Show Part 5
Characters: Jensen Ackles (xreader). Mac(o.c), Jared Padalecki. Val (o.c). Phil (o.c)
Warnings: Language, Fluff, Talk of abusive/controlling relationship. A hint of PTSD from an abusive relationship maybe. Let me know if I forgot any.
Summary: Getting dragged to that live show might have been the best thing that ever happened to you. Now you are falling. Falling fast.
Word count: 6.268 words
A/N: Part 5 Y'all. I am having so much fun with this story. Thank you all for the kind words and the inspiration to keep writing.🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Hope y'all enjoy it. 💗
Please don't copy my work and post it elsewhere.
Like, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated 💗
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}
You plopped in your bed with a heavy sigh. You lay there replaying the day in your head.
“Hey, do you still need a ride to the dealership tomorrow?” Mac asked from your doorway.
“Not necessarily, I can Uber if something came up.”
“It’s not that. I just didn’t know if you wanted Jen.”
“No.” You cut her off. “Sorry, that came out bitchy.”
“You, ok?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do I need to hurt him?”
You chuckled. “No.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know.” You sighed again. Just then your phone buzzed. It was a picture from Jensen. “Well, shit!” you said opening the message.
“What?”
“I forgot about my cowboy hat.” She laughed at your pouty face.
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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}
He put your bags in the armchair then threw his keys on the coffee table as he slumped onto the couch. Somehow his house seemed even more empty tonight. He slid his phone out of his pocket debating whether to send you a picture of him in your hat. Fuck it. He jumped up and tossed his hat. He got the angle and his smile just right then snapped the picture.
As he waited for a reply, he figured he had better call Jared. It only rang once.
“Finally, I was just about to call in a search party.”
Jensen chuckled. “What’s up, man?”
“Nothing just hanging out.”
“Yea. What are Gen and the kids doing?”
“Jensen!”
“What?” Jensen asked laughing.
“Tell me about her.”
“Like I said earlier. She just moved to Austin. I met her at the show last night and I showed her around Austin today.”
“And?”
“She smells like caramel and sandalwood, likes Garth Brooks, plays pool better than me, likes Zeppelin, has great banter, and she’s fun. And she’s smart J.P. She went to Columbia. She’s a Cowboys’ fan adjacent.”
Jared chuckled. “What does that mean?”
“Her mama was a Cowboys fan.”
“So, you like her?” He could hear the smile in Jared’s voice.
“No, I just take random girls all over the city and spend the whole day with them.”
“Sarcastic answer. So, you really like her.” Jensen sighed heavily. “What’s so wrong with that?” Jared asked.
“24 hours Jared. I’ve known her for 24 hours.”
“Dude, the first time I met Gen I knew there was something special about her.”
“Yea well, I don’t have the luck you do.”
“Eh. Maybe you’re luckier than you think Jensen.”
“What if.” There was a beep. “Hold on.” He tapped the speaker phone option and opened the text.
Y/N: I expect that hat back in the same exact condition I left it in Jensen Ross.
Jensen chuckled.
“What?!” Jared asked. Jensen explained about your hat and read the message out loud. “Middle naming you already huh?”
“I guess so.”
“When are you gonna see her again?”
“Not sure. She’s supposed to call me tomorrow after she gets her car.”
“Listen Ackles, you can sit around all day and play that what-if game. It’s a waste of time. I’m not saying hop on a plane and head to Vegas, but obviously, you like her. So stop being scared about it and just take it one day at a time.”
“You’re right, but it’s easier said than done my friend.”
Jared chuckled. “Which part?”
“Both.”
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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}
He stopped mid-bicep curl when “call from (y/n)” came through his earbuds, a smile spread across his face when he heard her name.
He sat the dumbbell down and tapped his earbud. “Well, hey there, sweetheart.”
“Hello, Mr. Ackles.” His smile got bigger when he heard her voice. “Are you at a club? Sir, It’s 10 in the morning.”
He chuckled. “I’m at the gym.” He started walking toward the door. “Hold on a sec”
“Wanna call me back?”
“No.” He stepped outside. “Better?”
“Yes. So, the gym huh?”
He smiled. “Yep.”
“What are you wearing?”
“Nothing…”
“I’m gonna need proof.”
Throwing his head back he let out a laugh. “How’s your morning going?”
“Pretty good. I got my car and called Erica.”
“Well?”
“I have an interview tomorrow.”
“That’s exciting! Congrats.”
“Thank you. Still a wee bit nervous though.”
“Don’t be you will crush it.”
“Speaking of crushing it, do you wanna finish your workout?”
“Gimme 20 minutes?”
“You don’t have to rush.”
“I was almost done anyhow.”
“Ok then. Talk to you then.”
He smiled. “Lookin forward to it.”
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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}
Mac sat down in your car as you said goodbye. “What no argument on who hangs up first?” She said, smiling at you.
You rolled your eyes, “Which coffee shop would you like to go to?”
“Ghoul. You will freaking love it.” She put the address in your maps app. You started following the directions. “So, you called him?”
“I called him.” You confirmed.
“And?”
“And nothing. We talked for a few minutes, teased a little, and he was at the gym, so I told him to finish and call me later.” You said following the curve to E St Elmo Rd.
She nodded and turned the volume up as Burin’ For You by Blue Oyster Cult started to play. The two of you jammed for 3 more songs before making it to the coffee shop.
“Well, that was fun.” You admitted as you parked on the street.
“Just like old times.” She said opening her door.
“This is cute.” You said as you walked past the picnic tables to the coffee truck.
“I knew you would like it.”
You looked over the menu. Mac ordered her drink and then looked at you “Maple boob butter please.” The barista gave you the total and you handed her your card.
“(Y/N)!!” who the hell is yelling my name in Austin you thought as you turned around.
Mac didn’t even have to turn around. “Is Jared Padalecki really yelling your name right now?”
“Babe, I hate to tell you this, but if you know their voice without a face, you may have watched the show too many times”
She turned around, “No such thing!”
“Well, well, if it ain’t the O.G Dean.” You said as Jared approached you making him chuckle. “How are.” He cut you off with a hug. Making you let out a small gasp.
“I’m good,” he said releasing you. “How are you?”
“Good.” You told him and Mac cleared her throat.
“Jared. This is Mckinnley. My Supernatural and everything about Jensen and Jared obsessed best friend.
He smiled. “Howdy, Mckinnley.” He stuck his hand out. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Mac, call me Mac.” She shook his hand
“Mac” he repeated, and she giggled “How come you haven’t got her to watch Supernatural yet?”
“I have been trying. James was a stupid.”
“Mac!”
“Shit I’m sorry.”
The barista called out your order and Mac turned to grab your drinks.
“Should I ask?” Jared asked you.
“Long story short. There was a thing, but the thing is gone now. I have every intention of watching it.”
“A thing?”
“My ex.”
“Oh.”
“Yea. He was a jealous, manipulative, controlling douche. I wasn’t allowed to watch Supernatural.”
“And he can rot in hell,” Mac said holding your coffee out to you.
“Look, I shouldn’t have pried. I’m sor”
“Jared it's ok.” You took a drink. Damn, it was good. “Jensen knows.”
“Not my business.”
“Yes, it is. He’s your best friend.”
“Jared, you want your usual?” The barista asked him.
“Yes, please.” he walked to the window and handed her his card. “Hey,” he turned back to you. “I have an odd request.”
“Hit me, Padalecki.”
He got out his phone and tapped a couple of things. “Here.” He handed it to you. The screen was set up to FaceTime Jensen. “Just hit the green button.
“Jared,”
“Oh, come on. he’ll be so confused,”
“Ok.” Jared chuckled as you tapped the icon.
Jensen answered but all you saw was sky. “Hey bud, can I call you back, I promised I would call...”
“Me?”
He looked at the phone when he heard your voice. “Hey!”
“Hi.” You giggled.
“Um got a question for you sweetheart.”
“Shoot.”
“Why do you have Jared’s phone?”
“I pick-pocketed him last night and his phone is just way better than mine.”
Jensen, Jared, and Mac all laughed.
“Why do I hear his dumb laugh then?”
“Hey, buddy.” Jared leaned into the screen.
“What’s up?’
“Hanging out, Grabbing some coffee.”
Jensen nodded. “So, you guys hang out now?”
“Well yeah didn’t you hear?” you asked, and Jensen raised his eyebrows “I’m Jared’s new best friend.”
“Sorry, Bruh” Jared teased
“Alright, I’ll take Mac.”
“Um, the hell you will.”
“You can’t have both of them. That’s just not fair.”
“Well doll face, sometimes life just isn’t far.”
Jensen laughed. The barista called out Jared’s name and he went up to the window.
“Hey Jared, I’m not stealing your phone. Just going to sit down.” Jensen laughed again.
You and Mac went over to a table and sat. Jared joined you after he grabbed his coffee.
“So, how’d you end up hanging out with Padalecki?” Jensen asked.
“Mac and I wanted coffee. So, we came to Ghouls, and guess who we ran into?
“Oh my gosh. Who?”
“Jared freaking Padalecki!”
“No. Freaking. Way.”
“True story.”
“Hey, can I call you right back?”
“Sure.” He puckered his lips and hung up.
“Ok then.” You said disappointed.
“I got a 10-dollar bill that says he will be here soon,” Jared said.
“I’m not taking that bet,” Mac said.
“So, (y/n) how was the rest of your date?” Jared asked you.
“Good.”
“That’s all I get? Where’d you go after Paperboy?”
“Wimberly Zipline Adventures.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Did he really not tell you about it?”
“Well, we didn’t really focus on the activities.”
“You gonna tell me what that means exactly?”
“Nope,” he pretended to lock his lips.
You rolled your eyes. “So, Where’s Gen? How are the kiddos?”
He chuckled. “Gen is working today. I dropped the kids off at school earlier.” He took a drink and smirked. “What’s new with you? Where’s your boyfriend?”
“On his way.” Mac chimed in.
“I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Yet.” Mac and Jared said at the same time.
You sighed. “I do have an interview tomorrow though”
“Where’s your interview at?” Jared asked
“Pediatric Associates of Austin.”
“You’re a freaking doctor?”
“Not technically. I would be a physician assistant. I dropped out my second year of residency.”
“Close enough (y/n)” Jared said.
“That’s what I said.” Mac agreed.
“Can I ask why you dropped out?”
Mac looked at you. “it’s ok. My mama got sick and didn’t make it. I lost motivation for medicine,”
“I am so sorry (y/n)”
“Thank you. It was a while ago.” You took another drink. “After debating with Mac, soul searching, and a talk with Jensen I decided I wanted back in.”
Jared looked up and you followed his gaze. You saw a big black Chevy drive by.
“Speak of the devil,” Jared said and you looked at him with furrowed brows. “That was Jensen.”
“In the Silverado?”
“Yes.”
You whipped out your phone.
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Y/N: What do you want to drink?
Jensen: I’ll get it.
Y/N: Stop being stubborn and tell me.
Jensen: Iced Americano with cream, please.
Y/N: Was that so hard?
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“I’ll be right back.” You walked up to the window and ordered his drink. You turned around and your knees went weak when you saw him walk around the corner. It baffled you how someone could look so stunning in gym clothes, but he did. He would look in anything or nothing. You shook the dirty thoughts out of your mind. He nodded at Jared as he walked past him. Your heartbeat quickened with every step closer. “Hey there cowgirl.” He said when he got to you.
You chuckled and grabbed his face, bringing his lips down to yours. His arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you off the ground as he kissed you back.
“Well, hello there, Mr. Ackles.” You said when the kiss ended. He smiled his dazzling smile, and he put your feet back on the ground.
“Here Jensen.” The barista said smiling at you guys as she held his coffee out the window “Thanks, Val. “He unwrapped one of his arms and took the coffee. “And thank you.” He kissed your cheek.
“No problem.” You guys turned to your friends who were in a debate about something.
Mac looked up and saw you walking back over. “Shh,” she told Jared. “But this isn’t over.” he nodded. You sat back in the same spot and Jared scooted so Jensen could sit in front of you.
“So, (y/n) I hear you’re a pool shark.”
“Oh, you did?”
“Yep.”
“From which one?” He pointed a finger at Jensen.
You squinted your eyes at Jensen. He looked up “Look. A cool-looking bird.” Jared looked up, You and Mac started laughing.
“Jensen, did (y/n) tell you she has an interview tomorrow?” Mac asked
“She did,” Jensen said
“Did she tell you where?” Jared asked.
“No, she didn’t.” He looked at you
“Pediatric Associates of Austin.” You told him.
“Dude, that’s you take your kids.” He turned to Jared.
“I know.” Jared finished his coffee.
“Why didn’t you say that when I told you?” you asked Jared.
“Well, I was caught off guard. Jensen said you went to Columbia, but he didn’t say anything about med school.”
You raised your eyebrows and looked at Jensen. He looked at the sky and pointed. You rolled your eyes and looked back at Jared. “Yep. Pre-med, med school, Internship, and the year and half of residency I did was all through Columbia.”
“Damn. So, you’re like a genius.”
“I wouldn’t”
Mac cut you off. “Yes, and don’t even bother with any trivia game.”
Your cheeks turned pink. “She’s over-exaggerating.”
Mac shook her head and mouthed no I’m not at Jared and Jensen, they chuckled.
“Well, kids. I gotta get this shit done.”
“Aw come one Padalecki.” Jensen teased.
“Dude, Gen will kill me.”
“Yea… I wouldn’t risk it. Coffee for the road?” Jensen asked.
“Sure.”
“You ladies want anything else?”
“None for me. Thank you though.” Mac said. Jensen looked at you.
“I’m good. Thanks.” He winked at you.
They guys walked back up to the coffee truck.
“So, I introduce you to Jared Padalecki and you fight with him? What the hell?”
She laughed. “We were not fighting. Just a little debate.”
“A heated debate.”
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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}
“So, Mac let something slip before you got here and (y/n) told me about her ex,” Jared confessed. While they waited in line.
Jensen pressed his lips in a hard line. “I’d love 5 minutes in a room with him.”
“Seems like you both have been through some rough shit.”
“Her more than me.”
“Jensen. Having the girl, you loved give up because of something you couldn’t control is not easy.”
“It was a mutual decision.” He said as they moved up.
“Still not easy.”
He sighed “Padalecki, get to the point.”
Jared continued. “Look I’m just saying I understand your hesitation now. I don’t think it’s necessary, but I understand it.”
“She is pretty great huh?” a smile spread across his face.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen you smile this much in years.” They moved up “Does she know you’re going to Vancouver tomorrow?” Jensen’s smile faded.
“I mentioned it yesterday.” He signed “Full disclosure, I’m not looking forward to it.”
“I know, but 2 weeks really isn’t that long. And it's not like you won’t be texting and Facetiming whenever you can.”
“Good point.” He sighed again.
“Trust me Ackles. I got a good feeling about this.”
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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}
Jensen and Jared made their way back over to the table.
“Mac it was nice meeting you. We will finish that discussion next time.” He held his hand out
“Yes, and you will see my side.” She teased and shook his hand. He chuckled.
You got up as Jared walked over to you. “Einstein.” He opened his arms.
“Sasquatch.” You said opening yours.
“Always a pleasure.” He said as he squeezed you.
“Same, Next time bring the wife. K?” you said sitting back down.
“Will do.”
“Love you buddy.” Jensen put his fist out.
Jared bumped it with his own “Love you more.” He said turning to walk away.
“So, what are you ladies doing today?” Jensen turns towards you and Mac.
You turned to Mac. “Uh not sure yet. Maybe hit some shops, or maybe just ride around and jam out.”
“Oh, yeah I wanna see this car.”
“Ok.” You picked up your empty cup and then grabbed Mac’s.
“Thanks, babe.”
“No problem.” You said as you stood up and headed for the trash can. You could hear them talking, but they were talking too low to make out the words. You threw the trash away and turned back around. You gave them a silly grin when you found both looking at you.
“Y’all ready?” you asked when you got back to the table.
“Yep,” Mac said getting up. “I’m gonna grab a water. Go ahead. I’ll check up.”
“You sure?” you asked. She widened her eyes at you “Alright.” You started walking toward the street. Jensen wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
“Is it the Camaro?” He asked
“How did.”
“45-day tags kind of gave it away darlin’”
“He’s pretty huh?”
“He?”
“Yes, he. I’m still not sure of a name yet though. He smirked at you. “no.”
He chuckled. “You don’t even know what I was thinking.”
“Yes, I do, and no.”
“Fine.” He teased. “I still get to drive it right?”
You clicked your tongue, “Well I guess. 2 outta 3 ain't bad”
“Um, What?”
“Well, you played with my hair, and you do the nose thing, but”
“Really?!” you shrugged and raised your eyebrows. He stopped and spun you to face him. He slid his hand onto your cheek, “Baby you are so beautiful.” In a silly over-dramatic tone.
“Jerk!”
“Bit.” He stopped himself and pressed his lips in a tight line.
You gasped “What?!”
“Fuck! No, I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes and hung his head. “I’m sorry. It’s a Supernatural thing between Sam and Dean. Sam calls Dean a jerk, and Dean calls Sam a bitch.” He rambled on “I really wasn’t trying to call you a bitch, it’s like a reflex. I…”
“Jensen. I know about the bitch, jerk thing.” You cut him off “Mac and Zoey do it all the time. I’m sorry I was trying to mess with you.”
“Seriously?”
“I’m sorry.” You brought your hands over your face. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Hey.” He said as he grabbed you and pulled you into his arms. Burying your face into his chest You inhaled the scent of Oud Wood. He tightened his arms, and you could feel the tension in your muscles melt. He sighed in relief. “I thought I really fucked up.”
“I’m sorry.” You mumbled in his chest.
“Sweetheart, stop apologizing. I’m just glad you didn’t punch me and walk away.” His chest vibrated on your face as he chuckled, and you couldn’t help but joy in.
“But ya know something Ackles,” you said as you looked up at him. He raised his eyebrows “You’re pretty cute when you ramble.”
He laughed and squeezed you into his chest again.
“Can I take you out to dinner tonight?”
“Hmm, I don’t know I’m gonna have to check my schedule.” You teased.
“I’ll pick you up at 6?”
“sounds good.”
He kissed your forehead then your lips. “I’ll see you later sweetheart.”
“Looking forward to it.” He chuckled as he headed for his truck.
Mac stepped beside you “You don’t happen to have a sexy dress for a fancy dinner, do you?” you gave her a blank stare. “Alright, let’s go.”
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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}
You could hear Mac cackling from the other side of the fitting room door.
“Aw poor Jensen,” She tried to check her breath.
You stepped into the lavender dress and opened the door. “Zip me?” you said as you turned your back to her. “I know I felt so bad.” Mac got up and zipped the dress. You looked at yourself in the big 3-way mirror, “I don’t think this one is it boo.” You said posing trying to like it.
“I like the black one better,” Mac told you.
“Me too, but it's so low cut.” You sighed. You walked back to the open fitting room door. Turning around you asked “Hey Mac you think I took it too far? Do you think it will cause..."
“No (y/n). I think you are overthinking this. It will be fine.” You sighed.” Stop he’s not like that and you know it.” You nodded and went back into the fitting room.
“Hey, how’s it going?” the sales lady asked as she walked up to Mac.
“I didn’t like the lavender one. I like the black one, but didn’t like how low cut it was.” You told her as you wiggled into another black dress. You didn’t like this one either.
“Maybe dresses just aren’t for me.” You said, opening the door.
“Oh, I like that one,” Mac said. “But you don’t. Ok next.”
“How many am I going to try before we give up?”
“We are not giving up!” The sales lady chimed in “I have an idea.” She started towards the front of the store.
“She is determined,” Mac said playfully making you smile. The sales lady made her way back to you.
“Alright, Try this one.” Then she handed you a white vintage western-looking dress. You took it and headed back into the dressing room.
You turned to look at yourself in the mirror. “Oh my gosh,” you said pulling the belt around your waist and buckling it. “Oh my gosh, you repeated.”
“Did we find it?” Mac asked.
You came out of the fitting room and twirled. “I love it.”
“Babe!” Mac said, smiling. “That is it. And your boots will go great with it. Aw, and he always calls you cowgirl.”
You giggled. “Well, how could I say no now.”
“Oh, wait right there. We got a necklace the other day that would look great with this.” She went and grabbed it. You lowered your head for her to put it around your neck. “Aw, you look incredible.”
“Thank you. I’ll take ”
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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}
He wrapped the towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower. He made his way across the bedroom floor hurrying to get to his phone before it went to voicemail.
“Jay-rod.” He said after hitting the green icon.
“Hey buddy, I have some bad news.
“What’s wrong?”
“We think Odette has an ear infection. The only time the pediatrician was available was 2. Gen stayed in Houston they have another random acts meeting tomorrow. What time do you have to be at the airport?”
“2:30, but dude don’t worry about me. Is she ok?”
“Yeah, I gave her some Motrin. It helped with the fever and pain. She’s sleeping now.”
“Ok, I hope she feels better, give her lovins for me.”
“Will do. You could always ask (y/n) for a ride, ya know.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna ask her to be my taxi. And I don’t know what time her interview is.”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”
“No.” he turned on his hair trimmer and started trimming around his beard.
“Whatcha doin'?”
“Getting ready for my date.”
“Oh. I’ll let you finish. Have fun bud, Talk to you later.”
“Later.”
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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}
You looked in the mirror when Mac finished your hair. “Oh, I love it.” She did a half-up going back in braids look and curled the hair that rested on your shoulders.
“Good. Now sit down and let me do your makeup.”
“Nothing too.”
“Yes, I know nothing too fancy. Plus, you have neutral colors on anyway.”
“Alright love,” she said as she finished. “You look freaking stunning!”
You stood up and looked in your bathroom mirror. “Mac you are a miracle worker.”
“Please. You’d be gorgeous without it.”
You smiled. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
“What time is it?” you asked sliding your boots on.
Mac looked at her watch “5:45. At least you’re not freaking out this time.”
“Yeah, not on the outside.” You heard the doorbell. “Early again.”
“That’s not a bad thing.” She said walking out of your room to go get the door.
You took one last look in the mirror and headed downstairs.
You heard Mac and Jensen in the living room. You took the back stairs to walk out of the kitchen. You stopped mid-step in the living room doorway when you saw him. His shaggy brown hair framed his face. That black suit jacket with brown accents and a black button-up shirt underneath. Black slacks that hugged his hips. You swallowed hard as your heart raced. He licked his lips, and a smile spread over his face.
“Well look at you cowgirl.” He said as he started walking towards you. “You look absolutely stunning.”
“Me? Have you looked in a mirror, Mr. Ackles.?”
“I’d rather look at you,” he said with raised brows. Your cheeks turned pink, and he smirked. “You ready?”
“Yep.” He gestured for you to go first. You started walking towards the door and he followed.
“Do you wanna take my truck or your car?” He said shutting the door behind him.
“Depends, can you drive a stick?” He gave you an unamused look and you giggled. “We can take Beau if you want. I did tell you that could drive him”
He chuckled. “Beau?”
“Yeah, Mac gave me the idea.” He smiled when the realization showed in your eyes. “Motherfucker. Let me guess, one of your characters.”
“Yeah kinda.”
“Dang it. I really liked Beau.” You admitted walking to the car.
“What Beau were you thinking of?”
“Well, Duke of course.”
He came around to the passenger side and opened your door. Then he made his way to the driver’s side. He sat down and readjusted the seat and mirror. “Why do you have to change it?
“Because it’s lame to name him after one of your characters. Don’t you think?”
“No, and technically you didn’t name him after Beau Arlen.” He started the car. Beau’s engine purred. “He sounds good though. What year is it?”
“He is a 2019 Zl1 6-speed with a V8 and 650 horsepower.” He smiled at you. “Yeah, he’s badass.” Your phone connected via Bluetooth and Teardrops on My Guitar starts to play. He looked at you “What? It’s a cute song. If you have a problem with Taylor Swift, I don’t think this will work Ackles.”
“I didn’t say anything, I just didn’t peg you for a swiftie.”
“I don’t think I’d be considered a swiftie, but I like her music.”
He nodded as he put the car in reverse and backed onto the street.
“Don’t stall him now.” He squinted at you. He rolled along without any problems. He turned right onto Nuckols Crossing Rd and then right again onto Teri Rd. You stayed silent watching him drive. He caught you and chuckled. He Turned right onto N Interstate 35 Frontage Rd then merged all the way left to take the ramp onto I-35 N.
Once on the highway, he put the cruise control on. Butterflies came to life in your stomach when he rested his hand on your bare thigh. You took a deep breath.
“What no car games tonight?” He said, smiling. You couldn’t form words. All you could think about was his hand sliding up under the hem of your dress... “Babe?” His raised voice snapped you out of your dirty thoughts.
You answered with pink cheeks. “Yea?”
“You alright over there?”
“Yep. What’s up?”
“Whatcha thinkin' about?”
“Nothing. Just enjoying the ride.” Oh, and you sure would enjoy that ride. You relax when he downshifted to slow down for traffic and you let out an involuntary sigh of relief.
“You sure you’re, ok?”
“Yep, never better.” Just thinking about how much I wanna jump your bones. No big deal. Traffic started to go. He got back on to the speed limit and set the cruise again. Your leg tensed this time when he laid his hand back on your thigh. Trying to stop your thoughts you took a deep breath.
“Does my hand on your thigh bother you?”
“No.”
He looked at you with a malicious grin on his face. “Oh really?” he slid his hand up an inch. Your leg muscles tense harder as your core twitches.
“Really.”
He slid his hand another inch up, stopping at the hem of your dress. “You know I can feel your muscles tensing up right?”
“And?”
“And so, I know you’re lying.”
“No. You asked if it bothered me.”
“Yeah.”
You smirked at him “That's not the adjective I would use.”
He chuckled as he downshifted to slow down for exit 234B then got into the left turn lane at the light. Heaven by Bryan Adams started to play. He started singing and the butterflies came back. He slowed down for the next light. You sighed and looked at it at him. He smiled and kept singing. The light turned green, he grabbed your hand and held it around the shifter as he shifted into first gear. “Oh, once in your life you find someone. Who will turn your world around. Bring you up when you're feelin' down” Your heart melted as he sang along.
He hit the next 3 lights green and slowed for the fourth turning his right blinker on. “I should have brought your hat. It would look good with that dress.”
“Am I ever going to get my hat back?” you teased.
“Eh maybe. I’ve grown quite fond of it.”
“It’s just a cowboy hat there sweetheart.”
“Yeah well, it reminds me of you.” Your cheeks turned pink again and he smiled.
“Well, can you at least tell me where to find it? So it's easier for me when I break into your house to retrieve it after you leave?”
His head raised as he let out a laugh. “It’s in my bedroom.”
“Hm. Maybe I should break in before you leave.”
He looked at you and raised his eyebrows. “That could be fun.” You giggled.
He turned as the light turned green and then left at the next light. He slowed down and pulled into the valet lane.
“Really? You’re gonna let some valet drive my Beau?” you teased.
“He will be fine.” You crossed your arms. “if anything happens to him I will buy you a new one.”
“Shh, you will hurt his feelings. You can’t just replace him.”
He chuckled. “You’re being ridiculous.”
You shrugged and started laughing. The valet came over and opened your door for you. “Thank you.” You said as you took his hand to get out.
Jensen handed the valet the keys and slipped him some cash. “Take good care of him ok?”
“Yes sir.” The man said handing Jensen the valet slip.
Jensen held his elbow out. You slipped your hand into it. “There. That make you feel better?”
“A little.” You said as the two of you walked to the front door. The sign read Dean’s Italian Steakhouse. “Really?!”
Jensen chuckled. “What? They have the best steaks here.” He said opening the door for you. You rolled your eyes and walked in. With the soft lighting and the chandeliers hanging from the ceilings, this place was so pretty.
His hand found the small of your back walking to the hostess stand. “Mr. Ackles. Your table is ready for you. She eyed him up and down. Well, I guess I’d have to get used to that. “Right this way.” You followed the hostess to a table in the back corner with 4 chairs around it. Jensen pulled a chair out and gestured for you to sit down. He scooted you up and sat in the chair beside you.
“Pulling out all the stops tonight are we?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He grinned.
“Phil will be right with you.” She flashed a flirty smile at Jensen, but he didn’t notice. You had all of his attention.
“thank you.” He said. She walked away annoyed. You chuckled. “What?” he asked.
“You really didn’t notice?” you said as you found the wine list.
“Oh, I did. I’m just not interested.” He said, making you smile.
“Hello. My name is Phil I will be your waiter this evening. Would you like to start with some wine or a cocktail?”
“I’ll have a glass of Riesling please”
“And for you sir?”
“Scotch and soda please.”
“I will be right back.”
Jensen leaned back in his chair. “You really do look amazing tonight.”
You looked up from the menu and smiled at him. “thank you. So do you.” He smiled back. “You don’t need a menu?”
“Nope. I already know what I want.” He winked at you
Phil came back with your drinks. “Do you need more time?” he asked.
Jensen looked over at you. “Go ahead.” You told him. You debated between 2 dishes. You made your mind up and ordered after Jensen was done.
“So, I have a question,” Jensen said. You looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Where did you live before New York?”
“How do you know there’s a before New York?”
“You say y’all, you know the Dukes of Hazzard, and you like country music. I’m thinking somewhere south.”
“So, I can’t be a Yankee and like those things?”
“Also, you said you talked your mom into moving to New York after your dad passed.” He chuckled. “And you just used the term Yankee.”
“Wow look at you Ackles, you paid attention. I grew up in a very small town in Michigan. So, no I’m not from the South, but I inherited the mannerisms and taste from my mama.”
“Let me guess. Texas?”
“Did ya think she was randomly a Cowboys fan? We had planned to move back down here once I got my surgical licenses and certifications.”
“Was she from Dallas?”
“No, Canton.” You took a drink of your wine.
“So how did you meet Mac?”
“Oh, she’s from Saugatuck too.” He gave you a confused look. “That very small town in Michigan I mentioned. I really didn’t think I had a shot at Columbia, so my mom’s college was my backup school. Mac and I both got accepted at Texas University. She understood that I couldn’t say no when I finally got my acceptance letter from Columbia.”
“Interesting.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” You took another drink, “Your turn.”
“Oh, darlin’ I really ain’t interesting.”
“Right.” You said in a sarcastic tone.
He chuckled. “What do you wanna know?”
“Everything.” His cheeks turned pink as a grin spread on his face.
“Miss your Seafood Risotto and your New York strip. Would you like another glass of wine?”
You looked at Jensen. “I can drive if you wanna drink babe.”
“You sure?” Jensen nodded.” Yes please.”
“Coming right up.”
You were looking at his steak as he cut it. “Can I help you?” He asked.
“Nope.” You looked back at your plate. “Just looks pretty tasty.”
He chuckled. “Ya know you’re lucky you're cute.” He said as he held a bite in your direction. “I usually don’t share my steak.”
“Aw, how sweet. Thank you for letting me put your meat in my mouth.” You took the bite, and he threw his head back laughing. “Damn. That’s a good steak.”
“Probably the best meat you’ve ever had in your mouth huh?”
“I don’t know haven’t had it yet.” He laughed again.” Oh, you meant the steak. Yes, it’s delicious.”
“Yet being the keyword there.” He smirked. “What did you get again?” You fed him a bite. “That’s pretty damn good too.”
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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}
“Hey, what time is your interview tomorrow?” He asked as he sat down in the driver’s seat of her car.
“8:30. Why?”
“Just wondering.” Should I ask her for a ride? He debated
“What time is your flight?” she asked.
“I have to be at the airport at 2:30.” Or would it be harder to leave?
He pushed the clutch in as he shifted the car into first and gave it gas. “Is Jared taking you to the airport?” she asked.
“Well, that was the plan, but his youngest has an ear infection and Gen ended up staying in Houston. So, he’s gotta take her to the doctor.” He explained stopping at the red light.
“Do you need a ride?”
“You don’t have to.”
“Jensen. It’s not a problem. Mac has to work tomorrow. So literally the only thing I have planned is my interview.”
“I’d appreciate it.” He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers around the gear stick again.
“Like I said. Not a problem.” He heard her take a deep breath, “So any more plans for tonight Ackles?”
“Maybe. Did you have something in mind?”
“Maybe. Is your place far?” She waggled her eyebrows.
“Um..” Really? He was at a loss for words. “N- no, not too far.”
His body tensed as she leaned towards him. “Good.” His breath hitched when he felt her warm breath on his ear. She leaned back in her seat smirking. “Because I’d like my hat back.”
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I've spent most of my writing time working on chapter 3 of Now We're at the Starting Line (I Did My Time) this month. The good news is that the chapter will be out on the 15th as planned! The bad news is that I didn't write anything for Crystal week.
Luckily, this chapter has a Crystal-and-Edwin scene in it that I'm extremely proud of! I'm posting it independently a few days before the chapter for @crystal-week, because I love our little psychic so much and want to post something for her.
Starting Line spoilers under the cut!
CONTEXT: After getting home from an awful meeting with her mother, Crystal finds herself crying on the stairway of the Agency building. Edwin, after a rather emotional moment with Charles, ascends the stairs and sees her there.
-
Crystal should go home. She knew that she should – her bed would be a great distraction right now, and the promise of a night sleeping beside Niko’s ghostly form was a comfort. But she didn’t want to go home to Niko a crying mess, so she sat on the stairs between the parking lot and the Agency above with her knees pulled to her chest.
Her mom really didn’t care about her. She didn’t give two shits what happened to her daughter. It had never been clearer to Crystal than it was today, and it had already been pretty fucking clear.
You have twelve minutes, she had said.
This conversation has been a perfect waste of time.
Crystal, I’ve let you have your little delusion for long enough.
She should be beyond sadness. She shouldn’t be such a baby. She was Crystal Palace Surname Von-Hoverkraft, and she’d always been a force to be reckoned with. Not just psychic, not just magical, but strong. Emotionally sturdy. Reliable.
Even if her memories didn’t feel like her own, she recalled feeling that way. Powerful.
And, apparently, she couldn’t catch a break. Not even to have a good long humiliating cry on her own. Because the last voice she wanted to hear sounded behind her, echoing through the rickety stairwell louder than she’d ever wanted it to. “Crystal?” Edwin sounded weirdly worried. “Are you… crying?”
“No,” she said. “Someone’s fucking chopping onions.”
Edwin sat down beside Crystal gingerly, lowering himself with his hands awkwardly. He cocked his head to the side and hummed. “I can in fact recognize when you are being sarcastic,” he said. “You are not particularly subtle.”
Crystal snorted. “Did you think I was trying to be?”
“I do sometimes,” Edwin said lightly. “Perhaps not now, though, as you seem rather… tense.” He paused. When he finally spoke, his voice was oddly stiff. “Would you like to… discuss your particular malady?”
Crystal touched the buns in her hair, one after the next. She was already crying, and Edwin knew it. She might as well talk to him. What was the worst he could do?
And, as much as she hated admitting it, somewhere deep inside her she knew that she and Edwin were birds of a feather. Crystal might as well talk to him, right? Besides, she didn’t really care what he thought about her. He’d see her, and he’d be honest. Maybe that was all she needed right now. So she took a breath and said, with absolutely no prelude, “it was my mother.”
Edwin’s response was short, and his voice was light. “Oh?”
“Yeah,” Crystal said, grateful for his brevity. It made her feel like she could go on. “When Charles and I met up with her today, she was… I don’t know. A real asshole, honestly. But I hate saying that. She’s my mom, even if she was super clear that she didn’t want to see me.” She paused. “Did you know that she only gave me a fifteen-minute appointment? I’m her daughter, and she gave me a fifteen-minute scheduling block.”
“That is… less than positive,” Edwin agreed in an oddly sympathetic voice.
“That’s very British of you,” Crystal told him, and he smirked. She did, too, but felt her face fall again after a few seconds. “Just… and, like, I don’t want to bitch and moan about it, even if I’m speaking to the world record holder for bitching and moaning.”
“Now you are just needlessly instigating,” Edwin said, but there was an undercurrent of laughter in his voice. “A well-known facet of your personality, to be sure, but unnecessary right now.”
Crystal rolled her eyes. “Well, like I was saying, I don’t want to gripe too much, but like… she didn’t care that I was missing. She didn’t even fucking notice, and neither did my dad. What kind of parent doesn’t even notice when their child is missing? What kind of parent doesn’t even give it a second thought when they learned that their kid was a literal missing person?”
She was angry. She was indignant. But Edwin was looking off into the distance, his expression calm and contemplative. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was holding back for some reason.
Which sucked, because one of the reasons that she liked Edwin – though, ugh, why would she think that – was that he never bit his tongue. But his face was careful now, even if his eyes shone with some unidentifiable emotion.
“What is it?”
Edwin turned his head toward her, his shoulders rolling. He assessed her with an almost practiced nonchalance before speaking. His voice was kind, but there was an undercurrent of anger in it that Crystal didn’t understand.
Not yet, anyway.
“I do actually know something of that,” Edwin said. “Believe it or not.”
Crystal blinked. “What does that mean?”
Edwin paused. He opened his mouth once, shut it, and shook his head quickly. “When I went to Hell - ”
“God, Edwin,” Crystal said. “I know that what’s happened to me isn’t as bad as literal Hell. You don’t always have to compare.”
“I’m not,” Edwin said. His fists clenched and pressed together on his lap. “I am very sorry that I have given you reason to believe that I am.”
All the fight went out of Crystal then. “It’s fine,” she said.
“Might I go on now?”
“Fine.”
“When I went to Hell,” Edwin continued, “my disappearance was labeled an Act of God. I believe I have told you that, but… well, I have had decades to contemplate the implications of that, and to research precisely what the declaration entailed.” He paused. “One facet of such a statement is that I was not looked for. Not by anyone. Society at large, to be sure, but I do not care much for the opinions of that lot. I do, however, care that my family abandoned my search.”
“Jesus,” Crystal said.
“Yes, I do believe that is a likely reason that no one searched for me.” Edwin’s voice was saucy, but Crystal sensed an undertone of real hurt. “They did not even start, in fact. I was an Act of God from the day I went missing. To this day, my death is what Charles calls a ‘cold case.’ I remain unburied, and my mother and father could not even be bothered to purchase an empty casket for me despite their abundance of money.”
“That sucks,” Crystal said sympathetically.
“Yes,” Edwin agreed. “It is not an ideal outcome. And I know that you think me unemotional, or cold. But remembering that no one around me cared to search for me – it is the only time that I remember that I was once a person.” He cocked his head. “But this is not about me. It is about the truth that you are far from alone in your sentiments, and-” Edwin made a vibrating sound with his lips, his eyes wide. “Well. That is rather enough emotion for one sitting. I daresay that I had far too many feelings after… well. I shall have to find a way to cleanse myself of it.”
Crystal snorted, and in that moment, she felt a bit herself again.
Then, to bring the mood back to something adjacent to normal, she turned toward Edwin. “Did you know that when I was born my mom signed my forehead?”
Edwin gave her an odd look. “With one of those… magical markers? Whyever would she do that?”
Crystal laughed slightly. “No, it was a temporary tattoo of her signature. It was like I was an art piece they were curating. They wanted to make some weird statement online.”
“Your internet is indeed an odd place. A wealth of knowledge, but also a wealth of independent publications waiting to be ridiculed.”
Edwin sidled off the stair next to her wordlessly and walked away, up the stairs and toward the comfort of his books and notes. Crystal watched him go, and he never turned back.
And she knew what she had to do.
She couldn’t give up, not for herself. Not just for her own sake, though that would have been a pretty damn good reason in itself. She had to understand her powers for Charles, for Edwin… and for Niko, who had been lighting her up inside in a weirdass way lately that she didn’t even understand. She had to know who she was, even beyond her memories, and if Maddy Surname wasn’t going to help her…
Well, fuck her.
Aicha, she thought, are you there?
Her eyes went white as Aicha responded.
Always, my sweet child.
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There’s this one jump that Marcia can’t get right, so she works herself to the bone trying to perfect it, and every time she falls she just hears trips voice in her ear telling her that it isn’t good enough. Two bit coming to pick her up for dinner but her telling him that she can’t stop practicing, and when he tries to convince her to go with him she just yells at him- they stand there for a moment then she breaks down crying in this arms. I’m going insane.
Her falling back into the same cycle will always make me so sick. Her just not being able to land this jump. She's just utterly exhausted at that point, she hasn't eaten and she's just mentally beating herself up. OMG Imagine like this causes her to first telling him about trip and how he would yell at her and hes just utterly horrified.
Note: I was cooking so hard this turned into a small drabble so I apologize that it took me so long to answer.
Note: another thing tumblr kept deleting my work so I had to take a step back bc I got upset 😔
By the time Two-Bit enters the rink, he sees Marcia attempt some jump he couldn't remember the name of and fall. He watches her for a second, and the clear frustration is written all over her face as she smacks the ice next to her before pushing herself up and preparing to try it again. He glances around the rink, there was no one other person there than her. Making his way to the entrance of the rink, he called out to her to make sure she at least knows he's there and ended up with no response.
With a sigh, he stops at the opening of the rink and watches her try the jump again and fail it again. He knows she's too exhausted to even do the jump right. He calls out to her again, and thankfully, this time, she turns to him, her face scrunched up as her chest rises and falls far too fast. "C'mon Mar, you ain't goin' to get that jump right. Not tonight. Plus you promised me a dinner doll. " A soft smile rested on his face, and he slowly fell the second he realized that she wasn't even planning on leaving any time soon.
"I can't. I'm sorry Two, I can't get this jump, and I need to perfect it. Maybe another time."
She offers him a half ass attempt of a smile before turning and preparing to try the jump again. "You're never going to get it, Mar, not today, at least. Look, I know you want to get it, but you're exhausted, and I bet you haven't paused to eat anything. Just-"
"You don't know shit Keith." She snapped, turning towards him again. He has never heard Marcia yell, let alone at him, so it catches him by complete surprise.
"You what? Know the basics? You don't get it, and you never will. You'll just know You'll never be good enough no matter where you go!" They both just stand there for a moment staring at each other. Two-bit knows that her anger is directed towards herself. He could see the millions of voices screaming at her, telling her the exact words she just told him. For a moment, she reminded him of Darry. God knows how much that boy works himself into the ground. There was one time after a long practice where Two had tried to get Darry to take a break. Darry had turned and yelled at him. At first, Two-bit was hurt, but standing their wide-eyed, he had seen the pain and anger Darry had, and now here he was standing and looking at Marcia, who held the same look in her eye. Well the anger long gone, just replaced by guilt.
She looked like a ghost when the words she said must’ve hit her because her face drops and she looks just about ready to cry. "Shit, I'm sorry - I," she pushes herself over towards him, guilt written all over her. He took a second to gather his thoughts. He knew she didn't mean it. More than likely, she meant it towards herself.
He gave her a small squeeze before attempting to pull away. He stopped the second he heard a small sob. His eyebrows furrowed,
" it's alright, ain't the first time i've been yelled at. Look, I know you're upset, but let's just take a second to breathe. " he took a deep breath and let it out. She followed his actions, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "There we go. Are you good now?" He watched as she fought back the tears that rolled down her face. Panic quickly filled his body. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. "Hey, hey-hey, whoa, it's alright," he stepped forward, pulling her into a hug.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly, just sobbing into his chest. The genuine pain in her sobs made his heart squeeze because all he wanted was to take all her pain away. He wasn't sure what had gotten her so shook up. The genuine look of fear on her face caught him off guard.
They had stood there for a while, him gently rubbing her back as she cried. Once she seemed to calm down for the most part, he pulled back a bit, just enough to see her face. "Mar hey c'mon talk to me, what's wrong?" She wasn't looking at him. It was the first thing he noticed. Her eyes just burned holes at his chest and her mouth opening and closing a few times before she spoke up. "I'm sorry for yelling at you- God you didn't deserve that.."
"Hey, it's alright, I forgive you. Truly, it happens to the best of us, " his eyes darting around her face, looking for any hints that would tell him what was wrong. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but it might help."
That's when she told him about her old partner. At some point, they had sat down as she spoke. Told him about how when things got real stressful, most practices were just her getting screamed at. Yelled at about something that she had done wrong. She then started apologizing and explaining how she could just hear him screaming and the frustration building like it had back then.
It horrified him. Hearing her not only talk about some guy berating her but also berating herself. He gently grabbed her hand and just stared at her for a moment. Marcia took a heavy breath before looking over at him. "Marcia, you never deserved that." Her eyes searched his face, probably trying to find any deceit. "But only if-"
"No, buts. You didn't deserve that point blank no matter how much stress he might’ve been through." Most people think he couldn't be serious, mostly since he's always joking around even in most serious moments, but he can, and in this very moment, he was showing that. He knew Marcia wouldn't believe him, maybe not for a while, but he needed her to know that she didn't deserve getting yelled at. "You swear?"
"I promise. Now how about that dinner?"
She smiled softly, standing up from where she was sitting. For a moment, he thought she was just gonna throw herself back onto the rink, but she headed towards her bag. "Yeah, yeah, just let me pack up"
Watching her unlace her skates and place them onto the bench, he knew that it would all work out. That one day they'd be living life good hand in hand.
#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#marcia the outsiders#marbit#darry curtis#two bit mathews#the outsiders figure skating au#the outsiders ice skating au#trust i am thinking about this so much#like its so bad#ahould i be doing work insead of this?#yes#yes i should#Trevor Wayne as Ponyboy save me#anyways jean i hope you enjoy this#bc i cooked#the outsiders fanfiction#the outsiders headcanons
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Yesterday I got the chance to go on the zip line, and I'm desperately afraid of heights but I still want to do things at heights, like the climbing wall or a high ropes course. And I've tried both of those things but quit very soon or before even starting, because I can't fucking do heights. But last night I got the chance to do zip line and I really wanted to, but was incredibly terrified.
So one of my dearest friends, a woman I deeply like and love, first reassured me (I was afraid I was too heavy for the zip line) and then said "Would it help if I went with you?" And yeah, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and she's an incredibly comforting presence, of course I said yes.
So we walked up to the zip line platform, and this is her job so she's very good at reassuring people (usually little children, but it worked for me too) who are scared to go on the climbing wall or zip line. So as I was trying to comfort myself, she told me how it would work, and that I could just sit and the harness would hold me, so I tried that and it helped, and she told me I could just lift my legs and I'd go. So I did, and she went at the same time as me, and
My god, the anxiety and the thrill, flying through the air with her next to me, seeing her wave at me as we went, getting off at the end and her asking, "So do you want to do it again?" And wanting to do it again with her, it was one of the most amazing feelings I've ever felt. I truly felt like I could've done anything I wanted with her by my side.
#if it wasnt clear i have a massive fucking crush on her and last night solidified it so much#i volunteered to work at the wall and zip line because she works there and i wanted to spend more time with her#so shes been training me a little and also just been staying near me#like today there was open zip line and her favoeite job is sending#today she had the option to send but instead stayed doing helmets and harnesses with me and one other person#she has so much experience and certifications that she did not need to be at helmets and harnesses#i think she just wanted to be near me but maybe im crazy. but it was so nice to spend time around her#i think she knows i like her. i just havent said anything yet#today i said 'i need to tell you something but i cant' andshe said 'its okay. take your time' very clearly me needing to confess my feelings#im just bad at shit like this#but last night on the zip line with her... her reassuring me...#she said if i got up there and decided i couldn't then we would just walk back down and it would be alright#it was sincerely life changing. something out of a movie based on a ya book#on the zip line. trees around me. gorgeous scenery. looking and seeing her smiling at me. she waved. we were both laughing#fucking life changing. one of the coolest experiences ive ever had. definitely helped me get over my fear a bit#after the first time on the zip line she told me experiences like that are why she loves cope and climbing#helping someone overcome their fear and develop a love for something they were scared of#it made me feel very close to her and altogether very fulfilled#and today ive spent most of the day with her. just constantly chatting and playing card games#shes been jokingly antagonizing me today with various games (how many horses and mao) but i love her playfulness#i love her humor and creativity and laugh and mind. shes horribly snart and makes it a problem /lh#shes amazing and has changed my life as long as weve been friends and i desperately wish i could tell her my feelings#but last night was. the most amazing time ive had in quite awhile#goodnight
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justttttt as i predicted, the new girl finally flaked out completely 🙃
#and on a day when i have SO MUCH SHIT TO DO#i literally had everything scheduled for today that i couldn’t do during the week bc of work#like#i can’t cancel any of this i need to get it done#and i hate to do that to my client but brooo if she fucking listened to me in the first place#and don’t give her 20 million chances#we wouldn’t be in this situation 😭#also i have my date tonight and i am NOT canceling that#i’m sick of having to cancel shit bc of other people’s incompetence fr#i have a fucking life i have things to do just like everyone else#haven’t answered any of my clients calls or texts bc i’m so fucking annoyed lmao goddd#why does no one EVER LISTEN TO ME ABOUT THIS SHIT#i knew she wasn’t going to fucking work out i KNEW there were gonna be problems#the minute she started demanding money and showing up over an hour late bc she was drunk af#like no it’s not my goddamn fault you kept giving her chance after chance#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#jfc idk wtf is up with the world or the ppl in it but it’s such a goddamn mess fr
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You know
For once in my life
I dont dread going to work
#im counting school as “work” here too#like#i would still rather be doing other things (like sleeping)#but now that ive been doing it a couple weeks the anxiety has kinda cleared#im a lil annoyed at my dad rn cuz hes taking forever in the bathroom and i need to brush my teeth#but im not like. anxious.#i might be a lil late today but nobody cares#as long as i get my work done#and my boxes havent had any mistakes so far so i dont usually have to talk to anyone unless i have a question#omg#why is he taking a shower#DUDE#i havent left yet#i need to brush my teeth#eh#i wear a mask and dont talk to people much so its probably not a necessity#but fuck man#did you forget i got shit to do in there too???#you dont have any place you need to be this early you could literally wait until after ive left#youre interrupting the routine man i dont appreciate it#ugh alright no tooth brushing today
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#food tw#body image tw#hi i feel like this whole week has been a lot and it’s culminated today in me having an anxiety attack over my body#so i thought i’d just let some feelings out please feel free to just skip over this#logically i know that my body and what it looks like isn’t representative of my value as a person#i completely get that and i know that the thought is insane#but growing up with the specific model of being skinny and pretty so ppl find you attractive / appealing is so hard to unlearn some days#this is the heaviest weight i’ve been in my life probably and it isn’t even that much but it just means my body looks different#which makes it fit and look differently in clothes i used to take comfort in#and sure i’ve gotten bigger sizes and it’s no big deal but my brain chose today to hyperfixate on the fact that my love handles are bigger#and create this dip in my hips that didn’t use to be there and now i’m panicking over eating so much bread and carbs and not working out and#winter season coming up and all the carb rich food endorsed during that time and my mom craving more sweets and offering me as well#and IT SHOULDN’T FUCKING MATTER but for YEARS one of the only things i had ‘control’ over was my weight#and now that everything else has gone to shit i can’t get myself to have control over this thing and it’s making me feel even worse#and then i think of eating better but it just seems so hard when i have no motivation to actually make myself healthier meals and i just#i’m stuck in a standstill of wanting to get better but my brain shutting down and being exhausted after work and idk what to do#i know i need to be kinder on myself but also i want to change but idk where or how to start#i know i have to do it alone but fuck everything is so much scarier alone
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Honestly the store has come a long, long way since last January where we were legitimately going to hold a store-wide strike b4 the boss and then-manager panicked and started holding meetings with all of us to try to figure out what to do about it
It's still a workplace, but our current employees r in general much happier and content. + there's a better community in general. It's nice to know I had a part in making this happen.
#speculation nation#i was starting out in a higher position back at the start of the year. but really freshly starting out.#and it wasnt assistant manager. it was lead supervisor. essentially a go between of supervisor and assistant manager#and then all this shit happened and Then the then assistant manager ended up being incredibly nasty towards me#and i put in my two weeks fully intending to leave b4 changing my mind on the very last day bc my tax return was delayed#and i didnt have the monetary security i needed to quit lol#manager gave me the assurance that i wouldnt have to work with the assistant manager. and it was good enough to last until she left.#ive had my insecurities regarding the now manager in training. mostly about what she thinks about me#but i think she does like me. boss told me today that she spoke up for me on my level of effort around the store#since im kinda bad at messaging everything i do lol he doesnt see it like he sees her efforts#but she sees it. and she stood up for me.#she also spent a good half hour ish the other day info dumping about the ateez universe lore. and it was so fucking endearing#me being like 'i have no personal interest in this but you seem so excited and i am really happy youre this comfortable with me. go on'#and especially with her being promoted to manager... makes me feel less bad about how much i do comparatively#im still gonna try of course. but im going to assume she will be paid more than me. bc she will be doing more than me.#as it stood my wage was actually a little higher than hers due to seniority. and it was making me feel pretty guilty#and i was soooo anxious about her possibly leaving after graduating college & the responsibility for the store falling onto me#but i can remain in a support position while she takes up the mantle of manager. and i am so much more comfortable with that#yea it feels a lil weird to be like 5 years older than her with like 5 years more seniority working here & her being higher ranked#but i can manage that lol. im happier not having too many responsibilities thanks#there r things we need to improve on with the store. but overall things r so much better#makes me feel like i can actually breathe easy for once. maybe at least a little bit.
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I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.
I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.
My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."
That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!
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i never internalize this lesson but do not become friends with your coworkers
#there are exceptions but my god#set boundaries that is where i know i failed#I made friends with a girl the day i started and it was always clear to me that she had an anxious attachment style#and i’m very much avoidant which didn’t prove to be an issue until I switched roles a few months back#i'm swamped with work and other life stuff so i've been even worse at texting lately than usual#I have a strong inclination that she’s taking it personally that we talk less but not addressing it with me#we met up last month and it got weird because she was venting about something that happened with our other mutual friend#but randomly segued into how that friend said I was acting like a bitch on pinpointed occasions from last year???#and I definitely was lmao but it kinda felt like she was indirectly telling me she shared those feelings and not admitting it#so i just said aww i wish she told me herself so we could talk about it and it was dropped#anyways she alluded to having news to share with me last week but said she’d probably wait to see me in person to share and I was like cool#and then she was randomly apart of my department meeting last week so I was like oh hey you're here! and she was elusive about it#last night I worked late and they sent an email after hours announcing she’s moving to our department which is what i assumed was happening#i sent her congrats through email and text and could see she was active on teams but didn't hear from her#today she messaged me on teams and said we should have a call and it took me a while to respond because i was prepping for a meeting#but i responded to say of course how about after lunch and she immediately put her status on do not disturb for the entire day?????#i usually don't care to read too much into things but the level of passive aggression is irking me#she's 35 too 😭 not trying to be holier than thou but it just feels so immature#will probably delete this i just needed to anonymously vent into a void as to not talk shit irl
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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#sorry. i cant access twt and bluesky wasnt doing it for me (bc of the ppl there) but i need ta talk about elvis wtf 😭😭😭#i listened to burning love like probably 10 times today and i have this thing that i want to listen to a certain track on the album it first#came out#which i couldn't really identify cuz it was a single and i could find the record on spotify so i had to pick an album to make it the one i#listen to burning love#to loop it basically lmfao#and honestly???? that song is so good it makes me so happy and his voice is just fucking amazing ive always known that i knew it but this#time ive been hit by him so hard idk what happened but im enjoying it so much 😭😭 i also discovered this is a cover actually and i went#after the one who wrote it and sang it his name is Arthur i forgot his last name but he was also covered by the beatles and all these rock#white ppl like honestly its sad this happens all the time but im grateful he made this song cuz the melody os just beautiful and the energy#is there all the times i loveeee it so much!!! elvis makes his thing and also the band. the band enhances so much what he does it works so#well it makes my heart jump and feel shit right down my stomach it's instant dopamine serotonin and all the happy shit#ik this song is well known but honestly it is my fav. it's something about his deep ass voice and confidence and appeal that makes fall for#it. it's so attractive and addictive and it always fucking catches me im so happy im feeling like this byeeee#i wanna watch some videos of him before sleeping but i need to tidy my Things Hole. i was such in a good mood that i started cleaning it but#i didnt finish cuz my video finished exporting and ive been editing it until now and its almost 11pm and i need to put everything back but i#cant do it without wiping it all down and stuff i am gonna sleep late lmfao#anyways i love elvis :^)
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#maisie and conan r both so funny silly goofy i love them sm😭#me trying not to be parasocial but literally their little speeches and stuff in btwn songs were so funny lol#conan said a little thank you after every song it was so sweet i love him ;-; and maisie was honestly just so funny i love herrr#goddamn they both went so hard 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 already post concert depresso fr#it was so so fun 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i got a bourgeoisieses shirt and it was way too expensive but i dont give a fuck i'm so excited to wear it#sang my little fucking heart out to both of their sets along w everyone else what a fucking vibe#especially everyone screaming along w conan#i want to do it again ;-; immediately ;-;;;;#god these two have th best bangers holy shit#lost the breakup was SO FUCKING FUN#top of my fucking lungs *OH SHIT!!!!!!!! YOU LOST THE BREAKUP!!!!!!!!!*#MANIAC WAS SOOOOO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNN#god fucking dammit#i have to be productive and stuff tmrw and whatever but i don't want to do anything#rip i dont even have like concert vids to look at tho bc my stupid camera only works in .5 lens so i didn't bother LOL#we were already kinda far away / not super close so .5 made it tiny#but it was fun anyway <3333 i'm literally not gonna be listening to any other music for the next idk like next month#i need to go get ready for bed but i rly don't want to lol 😭#i just want to live in today bc it's concert day 🥹 even tho concert is over but if i go to sleep#i'll wake up and be even more removed fromconcert than right now not going to sleep 🥹 LOL#wonder if my roommate can hear me typing on my laptop rn for this and is like wtf she doing#guys i fucking love music so much.#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#jeanne talks#i'm surprised by how much energy i had i was jumping up and down sm lol#the songs were too fun to jump to i couldn't help it 🥹🥹#A;JSHGAIFGALJGJLRJNGAKLJFDBJDJLKDNFREGLRGJAF;#conan and maisie i miss u already ;-;#ALSO SINGING ALONG SO LOUD IN THE CAR BEFORE AND AFTER W MY FRIEND WAS SO SO FUN 🥹🥹🥹#y can’t that just be my entire life . why can’t concerts be a thousand million times easier to go to
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will#where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also#there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay#boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there#luke.txt
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