#i listened to burning love like probably 10 times today and i have this thing that i want to listen to a certain track on the album it first

[omanu]

.

[preciadosbass]

31/7/24

woke up at 10 and had my breakfast [blehh] while looking at r/scene. also, heard about and saw the GERARD WAY SIGHTING??? RAA I LITERALLY WENT FERAL. HES SO COOL — my dad immediately started talking about my ARFID appointment today and i said that i didn’t know whether i was going yet. [which is what i’ve been saying for weeks.] but he said that id said yes to going. i love my parents, but they [mostly always my mum] do/does switch my words a lot and tend to think things happened/didn’t happen when they did/didnt.

i ended up going to my room after saying good morning to boris because he [my dad] started raising his voice and getting defensive even though i’d already explained that i’m scared to go and that i wont know how to tell the truth. my mum recommended me going and just listening to what the dietitian has to say but i didn’t see the point in listening to my parents talk about my ARFID and get everything wrong. [which isn’t entirely their fault, because i don’t talk about it — it’d just be triggering. especially because i cant speak for myself to a total adult stranger and if i did i’d expose my restrictive eating.]

he followed me into my room and started shouting so we got into an argument and when i verified i wasn’t going because everyone was being pushy he caved in and told me that i’m not allowed any of my safe foods and walked off. which i genuinely don’t understand as the whole appointment is about trying to get me to eat and he’s ultimately banning that for when i am willing to eat. i know my parents try their best but they don’t always have the best ways of putting it across. i get it, though. i know going to meetings is annoying for them but they’re always talking about how useless it is and how they can’t be bothered etc but if i confront them they say that they’ve never said such things.

after all that they’d already left and i obviously felt unmotivated to do anything for the rest of the day. my parents also told me that i’m not allowed to go on a walk today because i wasn’t deciding if i was going to go [even though they know i do terribly making decisions under pressure and they were rushing me and shouting] so that sucks. a lot. i cant eat now incase i go over my cals because i wont be able to burn it off. i feel so guilty about getting upset at my parents because it must be so hard to have a kid like me, genuinely.

i went back off to my room after checking boris is okay and started reading heartstopper again. i haven’t read the books since i was in school and i much prefer them to the series. i listening to my sad-ish playlist while reading because it’s more calming and easier to concentrate with. i finished the first book within around 13 minutes and then went on my phone for a bit. i was just scrolling aimlessly so i had a nap for 2/3 hours.

after waking up a had a bit of food and sat outside on the driveway with boris while playing ‘better music?’ on roblox because i had nothing better to do on my phone. then i did literally nothing up until 10:50 when i got boris inside and started listening to blur [cuz i’m bri’sh innit]. i started playing roblox again at around 11 and was on it for a short while until my mum came into my room and said that her and my dad are ready for me to ask my questions about boris.

i did it decently quickly although my dad did talk about me going through it quite fast today because he has the hospital tomorrow and i immediately felt even worse about putting them through this every night and the altercation we had earlier today. i know he’s going through so much and i wish i could be a better kid so badly. i wish i was better at expressing how i feel so they don’t mistaken me for being frustrated at them all the time. i love them so much. i know he was probably just pushy this morning because he’s stressed and he’s trying to show me he cares.

i then came down to say goodnight to boris first thing because ive once again had a headache all day supposedly cuz of my eating and i was falling asleep. its a little awkward to cuddle him when his new favourite spot is on the windowsill as there’s tons of stuff in the way, but i still managed to do what i needed to do. i went to sleep early at 1:40 after boris came into my room and i listened to some of slipknots’ the gray chapter. im going to embarrass myself and say i technically went over my cals today because i didn’t go on a walk.

have a good day/night -_<

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 12

If you thought I'd make it easy for my boys to be together....honey, you've got another thing coming.

I'm so sorry 🙃

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 11, 12, 13 Word Count: 3349 (average 25 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, homophobia, fantasy racisms. Steamy scenes will come to those who are patient. :) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil.

Altan POV

The Council was a group of old men who should have probably died or retired ages ago and they still believed their opinions mattered to generations much younger than them. I sat at the front of the long, rectangular room next to the seat of my father. There were nine council members, five on one side, four on the other, all regarding each other like they were better than all the others. I wondered if any of them even considered anyone else in this room their friend, or if they were all in this just to barter their way of life into this town.

I was equal parts frustrated by their traditional methodology and scared at the power they still held over a society that had evolved since their time. They were capable of so much simply because they had climbed up the ranks until there was nowhere else to go. 

My father had been summoning me to each Council meeting for the past week and I found myself bored to tears each time. I contributed very little to their conversations, and I already knew that I was doomed to disappoint all of them again today.

Most of the items of business were small, inconsequential things like adding more roads, where to expand for more homes as more people come to our town. With each one we offered our vote, when there really wasn’t much to vote on. I found my fingers itching to be playing with something other than the fringe on the hem of my sleeve. 

I couldn’t deny that my father - despicable as he is - was a committed leader. His attention was fully invested in each person’s comments, and he weighed all of the options equally. 

My father was an intelligent man, and a deep thinker and I think that’s why it hurt me so much every time that he didn’t seem to have the heart to make sense of me. I wasn’t worth his time mulling over and understanding - to him I was simply broken and in need of his repair.

Time moved slowly, but I did my best to keep my mind on the present conversation. I was surprised that my father didn’t ask more of me since he insisted that I be there, but I was also grateful to not be put at the center of attention in front of these old men. 

After a long laundry list of things, my father cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, “Council Orin, I seem to recall you mentioned to me an issue you were having in the Northern district?” 

I watched closely as the man named Orin nodded sagely towards the Duke. “Ah yes, thank you, Your Grace. Gentlemen, I’d like to discuss the matter of a newcomer that’s been in town. A well respected innkeeper came to me with some concern that an orc has been staying in his inn for the past nine days now. He doesn’t appear to be here for any particular reason besides to loiter in our streets. We’ve been good enough to attract very little of the other folk in Faerun, and I wonder if there is something to be done with this newcomer?”

I gripped the armchair of my seat as I was forced to listen to these men discuss their distaste for orcs. With one mention of Drun’s race, they suddenly all felt it was their right and permission to exclaim their opinion - all of the despicable and completely wrong. They were talking about Drunrag, my Drun. They called him unclean, and one of the cursed races because they had sided centuries ago with the enemy. A long dead enemy that Drun had nothing to do with. They were formulating plans to get him out of town. I had to say something, but I couldn’t, not when I looked over and saw the way my father was watching me with such a smug look.

He shifted in his seat again and cleared his throat, the room fell into expectant silence. 

My Father spoke, “Altan, son, what do you say is the best course of action? Perhaps your youth can help us see a different light?”

I refused to look back at him. He was mocking me. I knew he was cornering me to fold and not say anything. I knew if I said what I felt, it would fall on deaf and racist ears. Instead I sat straight and held my fingers tight like claws on the armchair. “Perhaps it would be wise to avoid making a rash decision until we learn why he’s here.”

“The innkeeper says the orc won’t speak when he talks to him. Says he’s practically mute.” Councilman Orin responded.

Another Councilman jumped in, “I thought I saw him working with that Dragonborn Doxxah in the Northern District, perhaps they’re plotting something.”

I couldn’t believe them. Doxxah had been here for years and had proven themselves again and again to be an honest, hardworking contributor to the town. I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another round of the men exclaiming their dislike of Dragonborns, of Orc of all the races they felt uncomfortable around.

“It’s not as if we don’t want them in our town.” One of them said, “But it must be understood that our town was built centuries ago as a fortress to protect our ancestors from the dangers that these very same races brought outside our day every day. Do we ignore our past and history just to embrace these newcomers into our town?”

“I don’t see any reason why we should be the same as our ancestors from hundreds of years ago.” I replied. They all looked at me with furrowed brows. “Perhaps Berdusk is more than about keeping tradition, but about making traditions that provide comfort and safety for all folks who pass through. Neither Doxxah or this orc you speak of has caused any true offense that warrants this amount of distrust towards them. Perhaps change is not so bad for a town and we simply need more time.”

My father tapped his finger on his armrest, “So you would erase our history from us?”

I shook my head, “That’s not what I'm suggesting at all. I see it as an expansion of what we could offer.”

“But we can’t please everyone, young lord.” One man said, “We are not as impressive of a town as those larger, more advanced cities like Waterdeep, or Baldur’s Gate. We cannot easily accommodate them and our people would not be comfortable to change for them. Wouldn’t it be safer for them to not be here?”

“So you’re saying we force this gentleman to vacate our town?”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to call him a gentlemen, young lord. He’s an orc, he’s from the wild plains in the South. They’re undignified and so uncouth there.” 

My voice was shaking as I spoke. “I don’t see any sound reason to kick him out.”

“It’s for the safety of the town. You must remember that the North District is where families live. An orc living there is…well…it’s preposterous and it cannot stand.”

Tradition. Family. Protecting what’s always been. These were the grumblings that this town rested everything on. It was a narrative that had pervaded and infected the way the Council viewed anything. They had used the same disgusting rant on my mother when she had tried to change things here to help her children and other people's children. Remembering her then made my blood turn hot and I couldn’t listen to any of that bullshit anymore. I sprung to my feet, my chair making a loud clatter as it fell back. The room fell silent.

“You are the ones who are preposterous. Look at you! You all live in denial that times have changed since you were young. Times have changed since our ancestors. Time changes people, it changes us. We have a chance to be more than just Berdusk, a town where all Men live and thrive. Why must it just be humans? Because you’re more comfortable looking at someone who looks and thinks exactly like you! It's easier, isn't it? It’s too uncomfortable to have to consider that other races could be better at your job than you! It's too uncomfortable to have to recognize that maybe your traditions are worse than outright violence. You don’t like that the world is changing to make you less important and you would drive out every last race that isn’t human if you had the chance, wouldn’t you? Including me.” 

The silence in the room was deafening and none of the Councilmen would meet my eyes as I let them have a taste of what I thought of each of them.

I turned to look at my father, who was looking at me with a smug look. 

“I’m dismissing myself from this meeting.” I said, before stepping down and racing out of the room. 

I caught the eye of Commander Gideon who was standing outside the door into the room. He didn’t move, but I caught something in his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. I didn’t bother dwelling on it as I continued my march out of the room, out of the building and down the steps towards the town below me. 

The guards weren’t prepared as I barreled passed them and down the street. They tried to follow me, but I shook them off quickly as I wound through the crowds and into another crowded street. My head was pounding, my heart was racing and I only had one place I wanted to be. 

I burst into Doxxah’s bakery, out of breath and heaving. “Where is he?” I asked.

Doxxah broke into a grin and pointed behind them. “In the back, young lord.” 

I didn’t wait for permission to walk around the counter. I wove my way through the various obstacles until I found my way into the back where the room was so much more warm with all of the ovens burning. There was Drun, covered in flour and sweat. He hadn’t seen me and was bent over a tray of rolls, sprinkling a dusting of cinnamon over the top of them. He was biting his bottom lip and was deep in concentration.

All of the tension inside of me loosened at being able to see him. He was adorable in that moment, and I would have loved to take in the image of him like this, but I needed him. I cleared my throat and waited for him to look at me. 

His eyes, his beautiful stormy grey eyes found mine and he raised to his full height. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. He looked behind me with a worried expression. He seemed afraid to approach me.

“I just needed to see you.” I said. “I’m…” I felt hot tears as I looked at him. Why couldn’t they see him the way I saw him? He was gentle, he was beautiful, he carried himself so carefully and thoughtfully. How could someone look at him - sprinkling cinnamon on a roll with such care for gods’ sake- and tell me he was of a lesser race? There was nothing about Drunrag that I didn't find lovely and safe and good. I closed the distance and barreled into him, wrapping my arms around him with my head buried in his chest. “Please, let’s go.”

“Where?” He asked.

“Anywhere,” I said, my voice was muffled in his chest and I felt like some pathetic child. 

I felt Drun’s hands settle around me. Holding me around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. His body was so warm.

“Will we be safe?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to answer.

“Altan.” he said and he pulled me back so he could look at me, he took my hand and placed it on his chest. Oh all of the nine hells consume me, my name on his lips was sin. Gods I needed him.  “Do you feel it?” he asked, using the same words I had said to him.

And I felt it, the quick beating of his heart. It was strong and steady and purposeful. I pressed my hands there, feeling comfort in its power.

“Do you understand?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Do you trust us?” He asked.

“I trust us.” I said. “But my father will never allow me to be with you. We’ll never be safe.” I looked up at him, “The city intends to kick you out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they plan to do worse. If I can’t go with you, then promise me you’ll go and be safe.”

He shook his head, “Not without you.”

“Then let’s go.” I said. “I’ll leave it all behind, right now.”

I heard Doxxah’s throat clear behind me and I whirled around to see Commander Gideon standing next to them. 

“Your grace.” He said, his voice was gentle. “Your father asked that I get you…he wanted me to inform you that you should say your goodbyes now.”

It was a threat. Say goodbye to your lover and come back repentant or face the punishment. My body tensed and I resisted moving. 

“It’s alright, Altan.” Drun said softly, his hand was on my arm, and he gently coaxed me to return my attention to him. 

I nodded, my face wet with tears. “Drun…I love you.”

He nodded, his hand tightened around me. “And I you.” He leaned forward and his forehead was pressed to mine. “I’m yours, djenifad. Don’t give up on me.” 

He pushed me gently towards the door and I resisted every time. I saw the pain reflected in his eyes as I was being pulled away again from him. “Drun, Drunrag. I love you. I love you...” I could only say it again and again as Commander Gideon took my arm and gently began to pull me away. Drun was standing there, watching me and I saw a faint glint of wet light in his eyes. 

Commander Gideon was gentle as he pulled me discreetly into the carriage that was waiting outside the bakery’s steps. Of course there were still many eyes on us as I pulled myself in. 

“Commander,” I managed to say, struggling to stay composed. “What does my father intend to do to him?”

He remained calm, and he was gentle in his answer, “The Duke did not make any mention of the young orc, only to return you home.”

Somehow, that left me more scared, but I could do nothing else but nod and utter my gratitude to him. He was being surprisingly gentle and kind about all of this. 

Doxxah stood at the door, but not before approaching me and placing in my hands a small box. “He made this one, he added so much cinnamon I couldn’t sell them. I think they’re for you.” 

I laughed before immediately coughing and choking on my tears. My Drun, he remembered I loved cinnamon. I couldn’t speak. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Doxxah closed the door and backed away, waving gently at me. They didn’t say anything, but I saw an ally in them. They would take care of Drun while I couldn’t be by his side.

The ride was silent, uncomfortable and the Commander was once again patient and gentle as he told me that I was to be escorted to the Duke’s chambers to meet with him. In all of this, I could sense a reluctance in the Commander’s actions. I’m sure he felt a bit like a babysitter and could easily resent me for making his job such a headache, but he continued to remain neutral and impassive. 

My father’s chambers was a room I only saw when I was in trouble and I only ever associated it with bad memories. I never remembered seeing it until I started to disobey my father’s rules and resist his instructions for me, and then I would be taken there to be given a stern talking to. When stern talkings to didn’t work for him, it turned into ridicule, chastisement and sometimes physical punishment. I hated that room.

The room was all dark wood panels, red velvet curtains that kept the room dark and moody. He had little furniture in there, just a round room that was dark and shadowy. When the Commander let me walk in, he waited outside and I stepped in alone.

“You made quite the impression in the Council meeting today.” The Duke said. He was sitting at a chair, a scroll in his hand that he was reading.

My jaw was tight as I took in the sight. “You can do anything you want to me, but you can’t hurt him, do you understand?”

“By our laws, we have no grounds to do anything to him yet.” My father said coolly, not looking up from his readings. “But if I hear or see that he has touched you in any way…I can promise you that I will remove him from your life in one fell swoop and ruin any chance of you seeing him again. I have him right where I want him to keep an eye on him. And you, my son, will be kept under a more severe supervision. So I know where you will be at all times. Be careful of your actions.” 

“Why is it so important to you to control me?” I asked, fighting back the emotion in my voice. I had to stay in control. “There is no love lost between us. Why must we suffer ourselves through this? I’ll never be the person you want me to be. Just let me go, let me be happy with him. I’ll never speak your name again. I’ll change my name if I must. But we don’t have to keep doing this anymore.”

“You ungrateful, insolent boy.” My father seethed, “You have been given everything since the day you were born and I have been the one to give it to you. I could have taken you from your mother as soon as I saw how she was turning your mind against me. But I let her keep you. You were always hers and I was gracious enough to let it be that way. But she is gone and you are mine now, and I will see you thanking me for the mercy I continue to show you.”

“I’m not grateful.” I spat, “How can I be grateful when you intentionally keep me from being who I am? Just…please…let us go.”

He sighed, feigning exhaustion. “I know the moment I set either of you free, you’ll be crawling right back to each other. I see it in both your eyes, you're sick for each other.” 

“I’m not sick, I’ve never been sick. This is my choice.” I pleaded back, “Your Grace…Father. I love him, he means more to me than my own life.”

His eyes became wild at those words, “You would bring yourself this low to get the attention you so crave? If you desire to be nothing more than a whore, then I will find you someone better than this. You depraved child.” He rose to his feet. “I do not see how you became so wrong as you grew, but this would disappoint even your mother to see you as wanton as you are for that beast. You will not see him again, and if either of you seek each other out, it will cost him his freedom.”

I flinched, the words bit into me and I felt tears form once again on the surface of my eyelids, but I did not blink, nor back down, “So what will you have of me, now that I am your depraved, sick, deranged prisoner?” I asked “Should I worship you? Kiss your feet for your bounteous generosity for saving me from my own choices? Or would you prefer your prisoners to stay silent, meek and submissive?”

“You will be grateful and you will follow my instructions with obedience. Do you understand?” His eyes were cold and heartless as he regarded me. “Your life will be easier once you start to see what I’m doing for you and you’ll thank me someday.”

I could not bring myself to beg anymore. I saw the finality of his words in his eyes. He intended to break me, and I was afraid there was no hope to be free this time.

[thesinglesjukebox]

SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR - "MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR" (2001) (2024)

23 years on and this groove's still got some life in it...

[7.11]

Thomas Inskeep: Sophie Ellis-Bextor should've been the next Kylie — and for a couple years, almost was. Her 2001 debut album Read My Lips spun off a trio of top 3 singles in the UK, including this one, which has over time become her true classic. Dua Lipa's entire career was birthed in this single, the dictionary definition of ebullient dance-pop. (It's fitting that Lipa's "Houdini" is currently the most-played song on UK radio as this single is re-ascendant.) SEB has never gone anywhere: she's still making music, touring (based on her 2022 Sophie Ellis-Bextor's Kitchen Disco (Live at the London Palladium), she still sounds great), and is now a DJ on BBC Radio 2. She just didn't become the massive pop star she deserved to be. Now, thanks to its placement in a climactic scene in Saltburn, her greatest single is getting its flowers, climbing back up to #2 in the UK (so far — my fingers are crossed it can make it that final notch higher). "Dancefloor" still sounds fresh, certainly fresher than the glut of '90s-sampling dance-pop dominating the UK charts. This single sparkles, SEB giving a knowing wink as she sings, especially on the line "gonna burn this goddamn house right down." She knows what she's doing here: making magic.   [10]

Edward Okulicz: I bought this on single back in 2002, which tells you something (other than that I am old): it was an irresistible bit of sparkly disco radio pop back in the day. Move it forward or backwards a few years and it might have been an indie rock song for someone else, a filter house record, or (gulp) a Ronan Keating record. Fortunately that never occurred, and it's a delight to see a classic gain new fans from age groups and territories that didn't get it on saturation rotation. Part of it's the solid song by Gregg Alexander, who at his best was a master craftsman of a much-maligned form. Another part of it's the much nimbler, slinky production compared to the rest of his soft-rock oeuvre. And a very, very large part of it is the Debbie-Harry-but-English pose of Ellis-Bextor, too cool to do anything but be filmed dancing from the waist up while she stomps her heel into your eardrums. "Murder" really has everything — a catchy chorus, the tinniest guitar solo ever, hooks that fall as much off the words as the melody — and so is perfect for every occasion, even a movie I am never, ever going to see.  [10]

Alfred Soto: Like the Pet Shop Boys' "Rent," waaayyyy too good for Saltburn — perhaps Emerald Fennell thought their incandescence would rub off on her as if it were glitter. Part of a vanished climate of French house-inspired crossover pop like Kylie Minogue's "Love at First Sight," Sophie Ellis-Bextor presages Katy B's regular-person anonymity: she surveys the strings and rhythm guitar licks like a party hostess keeping an eye on the band while sipping her prosecco. [8]

Alex Clifton: I haven't seen Saltburn and frankly have no interest in it, but this film has led to the Sophie Ellis-Bextor renaissance which is a net good for society. "Murder on the Dancefloor" is just brilliantly composed and produced; it feels as fresh today as it did twenty years ago. There are so many thrilling little moments from Ellis-Bextor's vocal delivery: the way her voice curves into "about your kiiiiiind," the little rasp in "there may be others," the little trill of "dancefloor" in the bridge. I feel so biased writing this review because I've literally been listening to this song since I was a kid, but I'm so jazzed about "Murder" finally receiving the love it deserves.  [10]

Ian Mathers: How can you not love pop music when it'll randomly do things like this, suddenly giving us a song to review from before the earliest days of the Jukebox, that is here purely because of its use in a movie that I have not seen but am informed was probably picked on the basis of Ellis-Bextor's plot arc in the music video. And if I'm not willing to go to bat for it quite as hard as I would for "Running Up That Hill," I did love "Murder on the Dancefloor" in 2001 and it still sounds great now. I don't find myself having any reaction more complicated than happiness at hearing it again and that particular joy of people liking something you like. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: If you told me this came out in 2021 and Emerald Fennell asked Sophie to use it in her movie set in 2001 because it was just that on point in depicting the time, I would agree. Then after taking out my phone, I'd be punched in the face and meekly give up my phone. Then, after watching you sprint into a nightclub, I'd immediately thank goodness you didn't ask for the passcode and run like hell for the closest subway. I am three stops from home before I remember this did not actually come out in 2021; there are other Sophie Ellis-Bextor songs and jailbreaking is a thing now. [10]

Leah Isobel: RIP Mark Fisher. You would've written a hell of a blog post about Saltburn. [7]

Mark Sinker: Necessary digression 1: heraldry as a science in Europe is roughly 900 years old, a bright and stylised easy-read guide, highly rule-bound and policed, to class and land and title — which is to say to material history (its jargon-field is still mostly words not otherwise used in the UK since the 14th century; even property law is less lousy with extinct Norman French terms). And like many very aged things, it has necessarily also passed through phases and fashions, as technologies of display arrive and depart. In fact the first inkling I had that I wasn’t going to get on with Saltburn was the typeface chosen for the title on-screen at the outset. It’s a font with a fairly specific ill-set ungainliness to it: it wants to have the weight of "pleasingly and weirdly old; not how we do things now," but it might just as well be some off-the-peg super-modern studio confection — or even (though I slightly doubt this) something custom-fashioned purely for the film. There’s no discernible care to the choice. Necessary digression 2: back in the late '70s when Peter Saville was busily and insouciantly borrowing from this or that actual-real document or design, of such-and-such era, part of the point was the severity of the decontextualisation — except there was a rigour to the carelessness. The item was being supplied with an iconicity (the very word) pulling you in towards whatever the item was that Factory Records was then placing on the market. The surface glamour of the original was to be funneled through in such a way that its weight amplified only the new relationship. In fact (in its stylised easy-read way) Saville’s work was ruthlessly the opposite of heraldry, so very good at managing the ambient melancholy that suffuses the wider Factory moment; all the blocks and counterspells necessary to conjure here beyond the end of creative time as the context for the music to have presence. Anyway, long story short (lol) Saltburn – which would love to believe it has accessed the aura, for example, of the cover of New Order’s Technique — is attempting to juggle the same double burden. It wants to conjure a play between the decontextualised pull of 24-hour-party-people hedonism and the real ineluctable unremovable weight of actual history and actual class and actual land and actual title. Except for its story to work it needs both dimensions (hedonism and weight; heraldry and careless scribble) to register, as Saville absolutely didn’t. No block, no counterspells, nothing to dampen the disturbances — so when poor old Sophie EB’s voice and poise are scalpeled out of their 20-year-old chart context and abruptly c/p-ed into whichever late-stage scene it is, well, here they are, as a clumsy synopsis (calculation, side-eye, dancing, death) the structure really shouldn’t require, in a role the song is the wrong mood (a faintly gauche trifle, a chirpy hustle) to deliver. The movie never works out where it gets its deep reveal from, or what shape its politics are (if politics is even a useful word here). Ill-set ungainliness all over again: the carelessness floods back into the borrowed adornment, and breaks it in pieces. I don’t even love this song that much but I hate how it gets what value it has so gracelessly driven out of it.  [2]

Jacob Satter: At the risk of killing the groove, this is a pretty boring choice for a manufactured revival track. Call me back when the kids discover "It's In Our Hands." [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I'm glad everyone's having fun here but the more I try to enjoy this — either on its own terms or as an icon of nostalgia — I get nothing. Unremarkable in any year. [4]

Lauren Gilbert: It was a [10] in 2001, it's still a [10] now. [10]

Katherine St. Asaph: The thing about it being 2024 is that in the intervening 20-plus years since "Murder on the Dancefloor" came out, approximately ninety million more disco-revival tracks came out. Some of them are by Sophie Ellis-Bextor, even. And so many of those tracks are smooth where this is stiff, magisterial where this is timid (and not in a winsome Katy B kind of way; Katy got better arrangements), charged where this is inert and just generally unmurderous. It's actually startling how inessential this sounds by comparison. [3]

Oliver Maier: Even as a youth, before my brain was burdened with indulgent critical vocabulary, I felt like this song just didn't work. I can't pin down whether "Murder" is knowingly a little chintzy (dare I say camp?) or if it's just cheap tat trying sincerely to sound boutique. Benefit of the doubt granted or not, Ellis-Bextor sounds like she's doing karaoke off the sofa. [4]

Michael Hong: When Ellis-Bextor pauses, it's easy, like a quick and graceful end to a conversation rather than the expectant response to her more spirited word choice. She's committed to this casualness, easily slipping away at the hint of a faux pas, which makes the occasional lingering word more charming. "About your kind," she sings, as if looking you up and down, wondering if she's got it wrong this time; the word "others" is trailed as if she's daring you to eliminate the competition. In that way, "you better not kill the groove," delivered with such nonchalance, becomes a fervid instruction. [7]

Will Adams: It's cute, Sophie is ever-charming, but there's real problem when you've got songs in your catalog with titles like "Bittersweet" and "Heartbreak Make Me a Dancer" that offer way more palpable drama than the one with the word "Murder." [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Every other line is threatening here. “Stay another song,” “Don’t think you’ll get away,” “You better not kill the groove.” Sophie Ellis-Bextor isn’t demanding fear, though. That’s what makes “Murder on the Dancefloor” so irresistible: she sounds like a friend, albeit one who’s deathly serious about having a good time. When you hear her, you believe it can be this good for you too. [8]

Taylor Alatorre: Wow. They were allowed to make these slick disco-pop reimaginings with actual guitar solos back then? We must retvrn. [8]

Tara Hillegeist: It feels like a time capsule from another era in pop music entirely, because it is. There was a time when Ellis-Bextor's stately, imperial, nigh-inhuman precision of a delivery felt like nothing so much as the edifice within which pop star royalty could be crowned, particularly in the world of UK pop; it's still hard, even now, to deny the simple pleasures of someone who knows what her job is and then executes it flawlessly. But it's been over two decades since this song originally bowed, and it must be said that it was the impact of songs like, yes, "Murder" itself that raised pop music's skill floor high enough that such icy professionalism now feels like the most tiresome part of it — Dua Lipa does this regularly, after all, and with equal anonymity. No, what saves it, and ensures the song remains nothing so much as a delightful diversion (conditions of its resurgence be damned, I say), are the sampled whoops that come in beneath the guitar solo; notwithstanding that such a slice of controlled disco can credit itself with having a guitar solo to begin with, but the canned hype is such a stupendously goofy touch. It humanizes the song instantly, stripping the archness of its artifice aside to reveal the awkward smile underneath. The moment passes, of course. But the smile lingers. [7]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: I've been waiting 20+ years for an opportunity to issue a dissertation on the songwriting genius of Gregg Alexander and by god am I ready. Though it's hard to imagine it in a different form, "Murder on the Dancefloor" was apparently a cast-off single for Alexander's New Radicals debut, replaced by the equally glorious "You Get What You Give" — like, imagine being such a talented songwriter that you can just cast off a song like this, knowing you've got an equally great one to replace it with! "Murder on the Dancefloor" is just perfection in Ellis-Bextor's hands, with a galaxy of terrific choices in its production to go along with the amazing melodic structure. I still can't help but burst out laughing at the initial vocal hit in the intro on occasion, a perfect, delicately harmonized coo of "Murder!," cutting through the disco instrumental setup occurring all around. It's as great a moment of pop songwriting as I'm aware of — setting the expectation of the song's vibe from the outset. Ellis-Bextor's lyrics are outstanding, cleverly arch but not too shiny, in the thick of it yet also gliding past suavely. The song is incredibly detailed, a carefully calibrated piece — it lopes by with a relaxed stride rather than a reckless dash, a well-tailored Savile Row suit as opposed to an H&M tunic, cut to the millimeter. Yet it's also very clearly of the disco, built for singing along, difficult to avoid dancing to when it comes on. It turns on its heel at moments' notice, with layers of melody playing off each other throughout. Matt Rowe's efforts in production also deserve notice — this song sounds great, so distinctive that it is still eminently listenable 23 years on. I honestly have not a single thing to criticize about "Murder on the Dancefloor," and it's been a long time that I've considered it to be one of the truly great pop songs of my lifetime. It feels like incredibly just desserts to see it garnering so much praise now.  [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[themissingnumbers]

What's good, y'all! It's me again, so you know what that means :) You all know how I function by now. I write things down in the order they appear in my brain, so things may be a bit scattered, but if you can look past that, then I hope you enjoy my ramblings.

In today's issue of The New Yap Times: THOSE FUCKIN' CHARACTER REFS HOLY SHIT—

So, those character references, amirite? First off, those things are fricking fabulous. Good stuff, Starry. Secondly, y'all know how this goes by now. I've got a lot of things I wanna say and I don't know how to say it, but hopefully, this will get easier the further I go. So! Let's start going down the line--shall we?

"Fire" Red Yuuji: MY BABY-! Okay, okay, lemme stop lmao. But like, look at him. He looks so good! Y'all have no idea how much I celebrated when I saw that my boy Fire got a pair of snow pants and some boots like LET'S GO-! He's not on a mountain in jeans and sneakers anymore; he's got some (keyword: some) appropriate snow gear! Plus, that jacket is still clean as hell. Not gonna lie though, I was kinda like Ehhhhh (unsure) about the new frostbite for him, but after looking at it for awhile I'm more like Ehhhhh (positive). I like it! He looks like he toes the line between being cold/unapproachable and lookin' like a sad baby seal. 9.5/10. (I only have one major complaint about Fire as a whole, and it's a big one: I don't know how you've done it, but you've somehow made him look even more huggable and yet I still cannot hug him. It's a sin >:( Don't worry though, he's really a 10/10, I'm just sad and petty-)

Leaf Aoyama: The Babygirl! Yes ma'am! (I'm so happy that she and Fire tied for once-) She's so beautiful, and I love her hair and eyes! I liked the subtlety of the old markings, but I mess with the new ones heavily. She looks like she's got some gnarly burns on her hands, which is kinda worrying. Plus, I really like the little additions to her outfit. I like her little socks (I think they're socks??) and the necklace/heart locket, too! Where'd she get it? Who's in there? I wanna know! Hopefully, she will share it with us one day. 10/10. (Bonus for Leaf: I know I already mentioned it in the comments of the actual Leaf post, but THE ESPEON!? HELLO?! Imma need the lore for that-)

Blue Gary Oak: PRETTY BOY ALERT HOLY MOLY- Okay, genuinely, Starry, why did you make him so pretty? Jesus- Anyway, moving on- This man is fabulous, and I need him to help me with my wardrobe. He's got STYLE! And his eyes, man, his eyes are GORGEOUS! The jewelry, the aviator jacket, the button-up—he got that shit on tho! Onto his body though, I really like all of his freckles. And I had always wondered why he had bandages on his wrist for his researcher outfit, and I kinda put two and two together to speculate why, but I didn't want to be right. But I have confirmation that I was right with the updated reference, and now I'm just sad :( But in spite of that, his design is still clean with lots of effort put into it. Another 10/10. (Also, Blue named some of his Pokémon and I think that's sweet. Otto and Akira are adorable names and I would like to meet them and spoil them with treats thank you-) (It also makes me really sad that Blue self-harms. Like, I expected it, but still. He hurt himself, and from the looks of things, still does. He doesn't deserve that. Hopefully, we can help Blue wean off of SH later down the line by offering some alternatives and a listening ear.)

"Glitchy" Red Tajiri: Then there's this rat bastard (affectionate). Where... where do I even start with this dude? Don't take anything I say about this man the wrong way, his design is peak and the art is amazing, but he looks so... wrong. Like, ewww, bro. I know he hasn't eaten in god knows how long, but why doesn't he look alive? Why tf is he printer paper white? He just ain't right man. (Slenderman lookin' ass. Bro looks like he bites. Probably microwaves his cereal before he eats it, too. Don't tell him I said that-) Nevertheless, creepy shit aside, I really like how disheveled he looks! Torn, dirty clothes, shoes with holes in them, and long messy hair—it fits him and I mess with that heavy. Also, the viscera that comes with that super glitchy form is crazy! It looks so cool, but it can't feel good in any manner. He's so skinny, too! I am deeply concerned for this man, probably more than I initially was for Fire, and that's saying something. Again, another 10/10. This man has grown on me significantly. (Also, his poor Pokémon team :( What happened to them? I'm curious but also afraid to find out. I also like how his Team has Gen 1 sprites. Nice touch-) (Also, me looking at that digital viscera form with MissingNo limbs ripping out of his chest. "Mhm..." Adds it to the Parasite theory. "Mhm.")

Okay! It's been a while since I started writing this (it's currently 2 AM for me lmao I started at 11) and I think I'm done—with this version! You thought I was finished? NO. I have more thoughts about these references—lots of thoughts—mostly about the Spoiler Edits and Blacked out parts, along with the new Biographies/Descriptions. But that's for a different time and post. This was just me rambling about the updated designs because I have no one else to yap to about it at the moment. So, there will be another, more theory-driven edition of The New Yap Times coming eventually, but not tonight.

Anyway, time for my closing statements. To Starry, you cooked with these drawings bruh. These are awesome and your art just keeps getting better and better. Keep it up! But be careful not to burn yourself out. To the Mods, I know y'all're probably cooking something up in secret. You guys always be moving in the shadows, so just know that I look forward to it ya sneaky little devils, and I hope y'all are all doing well. And specifically to Mod Hells, I hope you feel better soon homie. Being sick sucks, so I'm prayin' for you :) Take care of yourself.

But that's all, folks! Until next time. Thank you for reading The New Yap Times!

[OHHEHEHEHE do NOT ever apologize for your long analysis asks idc how messy you consider it these are a huge highlight of this blog for me and it makes all the work i put into the refs worth it!!

i need to respond to this stuff without giving too much away now.. trust me when I say that for these design updates, a LOT of thought went into the changes, both aesthetically AND for what they mean regarding the stories. but though i know all the meaning and intent being them, i wanna leave it all open to interpretation and theorizing as best as i can...

that said i want to talk a LITTLE about it bc dear god this is such a good analysis and observations LOL

re: Fire - his new snow fit was smth that took a lot of mulling over and was decided on based on the fact that he'd get it in universe from... somewhere. :) the updates to his frostbite were also VERY deliberate- for one i was worried the old stylizing would be read as blush when seeing him out of context... i wanted it to be clear that this is a severe injury. i def did my best to make him toe the line of..... Unapproachable, and Aesthetically Pleasing. im very glad i pulled that off!!

re: Leaf - ill admit to keep it real a large drive behind changing her markings into burn scars was bc i didn't like drawing the chain markings on her arms LOL. but the change is also a deliberate choice that i won't elaborate much more on.. its definitely less subtle, but i think weird scars can be easily justified in the world of pokemon. as for her pokemon... all can be explained in due time! though id certainly suggest putting that scanner and dex to use ;)

re: Blue - blue's always been focused more on Fashion over Function- if there's one thing he cares about, it's appearances. him being more of a prettyboy is intentional by virtue of the fact that he tries to look attractive and such. the.... other thing is smth ive mostly kept as subtext, particularly happening in... recent works. :) but its not something i intend to treat lightly once it's explicitly acknowledged. i honestly considered hiding it like with other things on these refs but that just seemed like overkill ultimately.

as for nicknames- god i really want to give other pokemon nicknames that reflect their trainer's personalities. the problem is that immm just bad at naming things tbh. Leaf would have a fully named team, and Blue would too, or at least a few more than just Otto and Akira. i was thinking Dusty for his Jolteon... ill probably head back and edit names in as we work em out! the refs will definitely be good to glance at from time to time. fires team is nameless and reds team would be .......... immature.

re: Glitchy -

this is the best possible thing you could've said about him. thats all i can really say

anyways!! thank you so so much for all your thoughts- again, things like this really do make it all worth it! i really look forward to your next theory session, but you take care and take all the time you need, okay?

thank u so much for the compliments man,, 🥺 it really does mean a lot. i can really tell ive improved a lot esp looking at the new and old refs side by side and it makes me so happy!! ^-^ im glad u can see it too eheheh.. ill put my side by sides under the cut bc its kinda wild to look at

and as someone whos been seeing all the behind the scenes work unfold.... god im so excited for when the secret the other mods have been working on gets to come out !!! they've been trucking away and its exciting to see :D]

((ps from mod hell: thank you so much our strongest soldier i love you))

old vs new comparisons:

[angellayercake]

Does anyone else feel like their fandom is the only stopping them succumbing to the crushing weight of everything?

I feel actually sick going back to work today and not just because i am coming back from a lovely weekend where I actually felt something other than stress for the first time in ages.

I mentioned a while ago that I had a promotion right? Well that was already going to be a massive step up for me because I was going from a store at the bottom of the range of sales targets to a store at the top so I was expecting a big jump in expectations and having to manage my time better etc etc

But I also started at the beginning of the new financial year and that has brought with it a whole bunch of changes that I fear might actually break me.

This probably won't really mean much but before managers were basically an extra person in the store. We were free to jump in whenever things got busy or there was something complex that needed dealing with or cover shifts when staff called in sick etc but the rest of the time we were able to do all the tasks that are needed to run the store, some set weekly things and some that just need to be dealt with as they came up.

But now to minimise costs we are required to be 'on rota' so covering an area of the store in place of a member of staff for at minimum two thirds of our time, leaving us with about 12 hours (hahahaha it hasn't happened yet though) a week to do what we need to do. And I just can't. What was already a steep learning curve has become an expectation that I can never hope to meet and I hate HATE not being good at my job. Because it isn't hard. It is just being made impossible by head office assholes that only want more and more profit.

I was trying to get hold of a hr advisor for three days last week and even though I called them 10+ times they called me back twice but when I was on rota with no one to cover so I couldn't take the call because how am I going to ask for advice on a difficult and confidential situation while I am also supposed to be covering somewhere. AND THEN the last hr advisor I spoke to when I explained that I was going to be away for a few days said oh well why don't you email because then you can check your email while you are out of store. Excuse me what???

I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I did a stress burn out survey once to get a gift card but then the organiser of the survey emailed me to say they were really concerned about my answers but I was too scared to reply because I don't actually care to know how much this is probably ruining my life 🙃🙃🙃 I don't even want to do this but I have no idea what I should do and my partner is neither able or willing to really do more than he is doing now for me to be able to take a pay cut so I just have to exist I guess

At least I can listen to the future is a foreign land on repeat for the rest of time 🥺

[declanlikesmusic]

Listening Highlights: Episode 001

August 13th to 20th, 2023

Hello! Just as soon as I've started a new series, I've decided to put it off and make a new series! (Expect this.) Trying to keep up with daily posts was simply not worth it. Much as I was so excited to kick that series off, I thankfully decided to turn it off before it became too much of a chore for me and I'm glad that I did. Because now, we have a different format to substitute it!

Welcome to Listening Highlights, where I go over what I've been listening to as of recently! There's no set time for each episode, I just talk about music when I feel Autistic enough to do it. I also wanted to be more selective with what I talk about this time around; for the most part, that didn't happen, I'm just so Autistic that I went over pretty much all of the past week. So let's go!

Drake – If You're Reading This It's Too Late (2015)

The first thing I listened to after the last Today's Listens episode, I spent that morning with the 6 God himself, the man behind such classics as Way 2 Sexy and that one line where he calls himself a lesbian. He's one of the most popular figures of music right now and it's to the point where either you detest his trajectory as one of the most bland musicians going or you're LosPollosTV. I'm in the former camp and I do not look forward to having to try out his latest records any time soon, but at least I have this mixtape to fall back on whenever I need a reminder that Drake can spit. This turned out surprisingly great & consistent. I especially loved most of the beats on here, especially the ones that were sampled on I'll Try Living Like This (a cool album & also vaporwave). The energy is great and Drake even has some touching vulnerable moments as well. I highly recommend it and probably no other Drake release.

7.8 / 10

Highlights: Legend, Energy, Know Yourself, No Tellin', Madonna, 6 God, Now & Forever, You & the 6

The rest of that day was not too interesting. I listened to Western Digital's lost signal, which was a decent vaporwave and broken transmission EP. I bring it up because its closing track, glowing (disintegration), is one of the most haunting, harrowing and almost hopeless pieces of plunderphonic music I have ever heard. I highly recommend it for that alone, it sounded like distantly watching the world burn and collapse in front of you while bunkered away. I then finally gave a listen to lilien rosarian's second album every flower in my garden, which I didn't care all too much for. As much as I appreciate the production & the pretty soundscapes, they felt much less like songs than her 2019 debut. After that, I took another very slow step in conquering waterfront dining's monotonous discography with the FEELS 感じている EP, which was actually his first release in general and not his debut album that I rated before. I cared for it even less; it was a much rougher batch of vaporwave that was particularly underproduced & repetitive.

billy woods & Kenny Segal – Maps (2023)

So I decided to go through with another 2023 release and this one I wasn't too particularly excited about. Abstract Hip Hop has been hit or miss for me most days and that's usually to do with the production, so when I heard that billy woods was joining up with producer Kenny Segal again after 2019's Hiding Places, I was even less thrilled at the idea, because I did not like that at all at the time and I only now think that album was okay. But holy shit, Maps blew my expectations way out of the water! The beats are far better here, by miles, the samples are awesome and the beat drums are consistently excellent. billy woods continues to be a great rapper but it's not usually the lyricism that sells a hip hop record to me. It's the production that helps make me wanna look into the lyrics and this album handily succeeds at letting billy shine like that. I came out of this record with so many favourites, way more memorable highlights across the board than on most other billy records I've heard so far. Extremely high recommendation, genuinely makes me feel like I've been missing something from billy's records all this time.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: Soft Landing, Soundcheck, Blue Smoke, Babylon by Bus, Year Zero, Baby Steps, The Layover, FaceTime, Houdini, Waiting Around

Skimming through some more albums here, you'll notice one of them is home to one of the biggest vaporwave & future funk songs of all time, Private Caller. This is SAINT PEPSI's split album with ショッピングワールドjp titled Winner's Circle. I wanted to give this another fair shake, just in case SP's overshadowing of JP's side comes off as undeserved. But no, that first side is genuinely some weak & weirdly produced mallsoft-ish vaporwave. Not my cup of tea in comparison to the great second half. Speaking of giving lower vaporwave albums a fair shake, when christtt tells you this is one of the best vaporwave albums of all time, it's always a coin flip as to whether that's even close. Careless Messenger Recordings✆ (division under Comtex)'s sole album Suddenly Mega is not close at all. It's one of the slowest & most lethargic listens I've had in a vaporwave album and some of its many cuts are especially poorly produced.

Skymmr – your new home (2017)

Back in 2017, there was this group of very tiny vaporwave & plunderphonics producers who were given the password to a Bandcamp page and told to run wild with it. It was a practice that, in many ways, was horrible in hindsight, with how shoddily it was managed and how toxic some of the people in the group were. But underneath all of the gunk they shoved out, one record by fellow Aussie Skymmr stood out as not only a captivating example of the extremely abstract ethos of the music released there, but also was great & conceptully fascinating. your new home is a 7-minute 7-part suite of experimental plunderphonics & vaporwave sound collage and it's very cryptic about this theme of entering a new home and it not being at all what it seems. The result is probably the only record of that collective I ever regularly came back to and it even held up for me today. It's not my highest recommendation, this is definitely a more personal thing to me, but if you're curious, do check it out.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: gazing through the window, the man in the bathroom pipe cleaning (he isn't what he says he is), isn't this your new home?

The next day, I felt like kicking off the morning with some metal and one of my girlfriend's highest recommendations was Between the Buried and Me's Colours. It was a damn great time with some incredibly high energy throughout. After that was Ariana Grande's Sweetener, not my first full-length experience with her music, but one that I decided to rate first here anyway thanks to my favourite discog diver. That evening, me and my girlfriend decided to do a discog diving listening party ourselves by listening to every song netbooks.WRLD publically released to Bandcamp, which amounted to only two and a half hours. It was an excellent time and constantly high energy & fun. I recommend his debut album ENDLESS STAIRCASE for getting into his currently short but incredibly promising catalogue.

The day after that, I slogged through DJ VLAD's frankly exhausting Hardvapour. double mix. It was an okay time with some highlights, but it frankly served as a reminder of why that submovement of vapour burned bright & fast with toxic fumes. A few months back, I was recommended You're Doomed. Be Nice. by Rob Crow's Gloomy Place and to my pleasant surprise, this was a genuinely great indie rock record. The riffs & choruses were shockingly well-written and pretty catchy, through my only gripe was how understated the majority of it sounded. Still, I fully loved my experience with that album, unlike Facade by one of vaporwave's earliest come-and-go producers Psychic LCD, which I only loved about half the time. This was a full detour into progressive electronic ambient music and hoo boy, it sure sounds like it. It's definitely an ambient album with hints of progressive electronic music. It's decent, but I just don't think it should necessarily be noticed.

stab something – the art of copyright infringement (2014)

The end of that day, I tackled the final multi-track release by the early 2010s duo of stab something, which comprised of then-upcoming vaporwave legend christtt alongside then-upcoming beloved trans songwriter & producer Jamie Paige. They went on their separate ways after this particular EP, but my god, at least it still they had the magic in them together. Their full-length self-titled album is frankly astounding; it's some of the creative, upbeat & fun glitch hop / plunderphonics records I have ever heard and while this EP is much more small-scaled by comparison, it continues what made the duo so good. It's only 15 minutes, 5 tracks but it's just as creative, upbeat & fun with glitch hop & plunderphonics as that album, albeit without fully-fledged cohesion, which is kind of in its nature. I dearly recommend both of these records, at least the sole album itself.

8.6 / 10

Highlights: in and out, cheesecake

What else have I heard this week? Well, there was this one time two vaportrap icons VAPERROR & COCAINEJESUS collaborated under the Love Potion duo moniker with their album XXX. That was amazing at the time and even now, it's still an incredibly consistent and great wave album. I also listened to non-canon by Late Arcane after hearing their great album PreQuel from this year. This was more of the same punchy and creatively chopped together vaporfunk that was provided there, although on first listen, it's a lot lesser for me by comparison. There was also the first of a series of EPs by Street Sects, Gentrification I. It was mid. Whatever magic they were forcing through on their debut album End Position might just be a fluke after all these years.

There's about five more records that I heard after that, but at this rate, I kinda don't want to say much about any of them? Not because they're bad, not really, I just cannot say any notable things about each of these records, not even as much as I already did the rest of these. I adore Everything Everything as a band, but A Fever Dream is easily one of their weakest efforts, even if it's still a bit great. This weird STAR GIRL alias I heard many years ago put out the weirdly fascinating RNBW EP almost a decade ago (what the fuck) and I decided to finally listen to its predecessor, STAR. It was much less captivating & interesting despite being kinda similar in concept.Rebecca Peake was another side-project of death's dynamic shroud members, but even when compiling songs from the first two months of recording a song every day for a year, The World's Strongest was so inconsistent that I can hardly tell you what to make of it. Bladee & Ecco2K's Crest was just not a good listen to my ears. There's a 9 minute song that felt like 6 different tracks, I had to check what I was listening to multiple times. Plus, aside from Ecco clearly singing the higher passages, for the most part, I could not tell these two apart. Call me a not-member of the Drain Gang, I guess. Finally of this batch, I checked out bodyline's ファンタジーモニター、which was another healthy serving of really deceptively simple but clearly well-produced vaporwave. I do love what they're often going for, but this was just barely my least favourite so far; still very damn good.

I wanna close out this retrospective with two albums. First being Anderson .Paak's Oxnard, which is in my opinion, one of the most underrated albums of the past decade. Not that .Paak is not popular, he clearly is, that Silk Sonic album was excellent, but before that, people were dying for another Malibu from this guy and while they ended up getting that in the form of Ventura, it was not before the music community got "let down" by Oxnard and they dragged the album for it. I think it's a great album with some excellent singing, rapping, songwriting and producing across the board. It was really slept on. Lastly, Blank Banshee just incredibly recently dropped his fifth mainline album 4D. I have a lot of thoughts that I don't even think are cohesive yet on just one listen of this brand new thing, so that's why I've decided to give it its own review on RateYourMusic that you can check out right here.

There you have it. Where I've been with music for the past week! Will I do something like this again? Hopefully! Will I talk about a full week's worth of music again? Hopefully not! Until then, stay safe and tie your shoes!

[hsr-texts]

I didn't think I'd make a HSR OC but after seeing everyone elses idea, my made came up with one on the spot. Please bare with me cuz this is sorta a draft concept as I only thought of it today and she'll DEFO be getting fixed

~~~

Imagine a girl forced to dance due to angering something or even someone. (Aeon of Destruction?) Everyday she would have to continue dancing to the tune of her music box, the only thing keeping her sane in fact. She would hum it. Her life span even relies on the music box, her having to constantly figure out how keep the music box to continue playing, so she herself could stay alive.

Imagine her faint surprise when an aeon (Yaoshi - Aeon of Abundance) took pity on her, and although unable to take away her curse. They decide to help make it more bearable per say. Allowing her to move out of the music box. All she needed to do was not only keep the music box playing, but also listen to the music that flows out constantly.

Once she got blessed with this, she was quick to move out and ask a mechanic (Serval) to ensure she would not need to always wind it up. Of course that's impossible but Serval managed to make it so that she would not need to wind it up a lot. Perhaps once a month/a few weeks. Being grateful for the aeon who helped her make her curse more bearable, she now follows their path.

~~~

Name: Aniya Smirnov

Pronouns: She/It

Path: Abundance

Element: Ice

Rarity: 4*

~~~

Basic Attack: Gentle Dance - Hits enemies and has a 25% chance of affecting them with burn that will last for 3 rounds. Her damage dealt will be about 20-50% of their max attack

Technique: Using her technique will add 2 'Notes of the Past'

Notes of the Past Info (It's like, Blades whole 5/5 then follow up, idk the exact name of that kind of thing but I hope it makes sense. Tingyun, Asta and Jing Yuan have sm similar too if it helps understand?): Increase everyone's HP and resistance to dmg. Her max is 5, once it is maxed. The notes will be used to burn the enemies for an added 3 turns. For the 3 turns that was added (The burn effect that wasn't added from this will not be counted) the dmg taken from enemys will be used to heal allies. Healing the ally that attacked (Hopefully this makes sense) Once this is used, the increased HP and resistance to dmg will be reset until you build it up again. To increase it, all you need to do is attack enemies with either skill or basic with Aniya. It will increase only by 1 each time.

Skill: [No Name Yet] - Heals your chosen character and advances their turn by 50% The amount they heal is based off their attack again. (Haven't decided how much yet)

Ultimate: A Breezy Tune - Dealing dmg to about 3 of the enemies on the field, it'll decrease the dmg the enemies will inflict on allies by half. Heals the allys by 150-350% and will also heal ally's be an additional 10% after every turn for 3 turns.

~~~

I'll probably work on her attacks the most cuz idk if I'm satisfied with them...anyways I hope this is alright ^^ Also can I be known as 🫧 or 🍂 anon? I hope you're doing well :))

omg i love this!! the music box theme is SO AAAAAAA

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

09/29/2024 – 10/05/2024

Sunday

Week 34 of missing Cipher Academy

UNDEAD UNLUCK WE ARE SOOOOOOOO BACKKKKKKKK LET’S GET THESE FIGHTS ROLLING

Today was the last day of the mobile game Revue Starlight Re LIVE. I’ve been working for the last two months to archive the game’s story, and I’d been working on the wiki for this game for almost three years before that. Revue Starlight is one of if not my favourite anime of all time, and everything about it has irrevocably changed my life. The game’s been with me for the past six years. It’s become an integral part of my life – not just playing it, but thinking about it and documenting it and talking about it with others. Getting excited over datamines and theorycrafting about what could be next. Planning out troupe strategies and coordinating with my teammates. Waking up every six hours to use up my stamina for events or tearing my hair out over difficult stages. Saving for months and months until I could pull for my favourite girls in the gacha. Logging in every day without fail, at night or in the morning or at noon or in the afternoon. Playing while I ate or watched YouTube or listened to music or updated the wiki. I literally scheduled my life around wiki updates like a rock embedded in a tree that learned to grow around it. Even when people complained about the gacha system or the events, I always loved it. I love everything about it, even now. My only regret is that I never really got to read any of the stories. I always thought I’d do it eventually…I always thought I’d have more time. Archives exist, of course, and there’s a private server in the works, but it won’t ever be the same as having the game on my phone or tablet and being able to carry it with me wherever I went. As having it in my life every single day. Hopefully I’ll still be able to carry it with me, but just in my heart from now on. I love Revue Starlight Re LIVE so so so so so much, and I’ll miss it every day.

Monday

Finished Makeine and it was a pretty fun show. I really liked the Cultural Festival arc, even if it ended a bit messily – Nukumizu forcibly taking over the President role for Komari even though it was entrusted to her was never going to go over well, and it almost comes off as forcing Komari to admit defeat that she’ll never be good enough to do it… But that scene where she bares her feelings through text was really well done, and I can accept some teenage drama messiness where there really wasn’t a winning solution to be found. I probably won’t read the manga (unless they never make more of the anime, in which case I’ll wait until the light novels end and then see if I feel like reading Nukumizu and Anna’s slow burn romance), but the anime was a great watch and a 8/10 for me.

Tuesday

Nothing

Wednesday

Nui ni Koishite mo Ii desu ka? updated with its last chapter and man…I really wish this series was given more time to grow and develop. I would’ve loved to see the main couple overcome various wacky scenarios together and grow closer as a result, but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be. I enjoyed my time with it, though, so I’ll give it a 6/10.

Watched harmoe’s 3rd tour,  “ii’m here,” and it’s so beautiful… harmoe are just on an entirely different level when it comes to music and choreography. I thought All of Me was a little goofy, but I do love the way that it looks like they’re an anime character slowly creeping closer towards you. And then HyperLoveSong just absolutely blew me away…everything about it makes me think of the journey they’ve had so far, and the love that they have for each other and us… It’s everything.

Thursday

Nothing

Friday

Nothing

Saturday

Watched Grand Theft Hamlet and it was…okay. I thought I’d love it because I love emergent narratives and pursuing “silly” things with sincerity but this just tonally fell flat for me. They tried too hard to fit it into a conventional documentary story mould: the staged arguments about how “GTA Hamlet is all I have” and “You hardly spend time with me anymore because you’re so caught up in this project” were so cringe and forced, and they don’t even really get resolved by the end other than the assumed happy ending that comes from pulling the production off and winning an award for it. This probably seems like a crazy stupid idea for normies, but as someone who grew up in the YouTube Let’s Play mines (Car Boys and PBG’s Minecraft Hardcore series and any number of Nuzlockes come to mind), the so-called monumental task they were attempting seemed laughably easy to me, especially since they got people from outside of GTA to act in it (the alternate universe version of this movie where they recruited entirely within GTA and got gamers to care about Shakespeare would’ve been peak). The real difficulty seemed to be scheduling issues and getting the audience from place to place within the game, and that wasn’t all that compelling. And I was annoyed that they showed so little of the actual production. I didn’t enjoy the journey all that much, so I was at least looking forward to the destination… The postulating about Hamlet was also annoying because the observations were all so surface-level lol I would’ve rather the themes come up naturally through the course of this documentary rather than monologued to me by the director and tied back into the themes of Hamlet like a high schooler having to write a comparative essay. If you want to ruminate on creating art in a violent video game world and what humans can accomplish with a shared but insignificant seeming goal, go watch Griffin McElroy’s Peacecraft instead. 4/10.

I made the mistake of bingereading all of Shounen no Abyss in a single night and it was also mid. The suffering vortex certainly drew me in (otherwise I wouldn’t’ve read it in one sitting), but the ending was so lackluster that it made the rest of the series feel meaningless. I thought the writing was fairly competent and considered, even if certain backstory elements/character motivations were dialled up to an eleven for the sake of drama. I was willing to buy into that campiness (and the fact that everyone wants to fuck/control/own Reiji lol), but it really just reached an unsatisfying head by the end. Nagi was definitely the weakest point – for being Reiji’s number one fixation and the catalyst to this entire mess unravelling, she never had enough focus in the story to warrant this idolization of her. (Also the writer meeting her by chance right after finding out that Reiji liked her was ridiculous). But still, I did like a lot of the writing – I clocked Gen’s whole deal pretty early on, but I’m still surprised that they went through with it, even if it was kind of just for shock factor. I would’ve liked to see their identity properly explored, but the final chapter left So Much to be desired that we don’t even have time to get into all that. I liked Chako’s realistic feelings and how her Tragic Backstory was realistically down-to-earth but still understandably upsetting. I was fairly ambivalent to the mom and the writer’s torrid romance, but I did like that Shino’oka makes the point of the writer romanticizing his image of Reiji’s mom as being an innocent victim in need of saving, when in reality she was as flawed and greedy as the rest of them and kicked her own boyfriend to his death. It’s believable that so many would be taken in by her charm and vortex of manipulation. The teacher had the most insane ups and downs in this series, but my favourite part of the whole thing was seeing her go toe-to-toe with Reiji’s mom in the gaslight gatekeep girlboss Olympics LOL the psychological and social manipulation on both sides was really like watching a Shounen battle arc. But then everything just devolved into absolute misery porn with Nagi’s super evil villain uncle and the teacher redirecting her terminal yandere syndrome towards him instead, and Nagi and Reiji’s suicide pact being resolved off-screen and mentioned offhandedly in a timeskip… That whole last chapter was really such a mess, and just illuminated how there was no real thesis for all this suffering – it was just suffering for suffering’s sake, or suffering for increased readership’s sake, I suppose. At this point, I’m just glad it’s over. I’ve escaped. I’ll give it a 6/10, because the writing for most of the series did really engage me, and I loved a lot of the visuals (that one panel of Chako and Reiji hugging/trapping Gen took my breath away when I saw it).

Oh! Just realized that this is the 52nd Week in Review!!!!! I didn’t know if I could keep this up for a whole year, but it’s been a great outlet for expelling all the thoughts I have about media that no one cares to hear. I’ve gotten so comfortable with writing these things that I almost hope that no one reads them lol but the best part is being able to Ctrl+F and find my previous writings and reflect on my opinions. My memory isn’t the best, so having this record of my life is fun… Here��s to another year.

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 🛐 - June 2024 - Scorpio

Singles:

Who is Coming In: Page of Cups & 3 Cups rev

Regarding: Ace of Cups rev

Long-Term Potential: 6 Cups rev

You already know this person, and still don’t *know* this person. You may have just been talking but never officially dated, or you could’ve had a friends with benefits thing, a random hookup…if it’s more than that to one, it’s not to the other. Their messages show it’s probably them, and you’d like to pursue this but they’re not feeling it. Emotionally. They’re more of a passion driven person, not a romantic or emotionally open sort of person - they don’t even possess the depth you hope that they have. But they’ll rock your socks off for as long as you’ll let them. I get that won’t be long, you’ll come at them more emotionally, start sending “good morning” messages and generally being a sweet person…letting it be known you’re into them - and they’re going to exist stage left, immediately. This may have already happened and you’ve been waiting around hoping they’ll make an effort - they won’t. Long term is realizing passionate encounters and Devil-like obsessing over relationships probably isn’t what you actually want - because it burns out eventually - and you’ll move forward towards something that actually does with The Sun ☀️ at the bottom.

Messages:

- We don’t want the same things.

- I just don’t know what to say.

PASSION 💋

- Insane Chemistry

- Sparks & Having Fun

- Equal Interest

- Burning Desire

Because I’m done listening.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Water 💦 generally, and Aries

Couples:

Them: Knight of Cups, The Fool rev, Knight of Swords

Regarding: Judgment

They are pissssssed off at you wow, that’s showing up in the mutual energy too. Something regarding friends or family, outside people getting involved or you value these people more than your person. Could be something that’s happened with them. Queen of Swords rev is a vicious biatch, her words *hurt* badly, and she’s not opposed to swiftly cutting someone off from her life when the bs goes down - which it seems to have. They have zero intention of apologizing, if anything they’ll just avoid you because if they talk to you, they’re going to bite your head off again and they know it. Kind is used to describe them, this is out of character, so it must be kind of a big deal to have them like this. And Not Today - they aren’t hearing it.

As for what actually happened, I’m getting some kind of romantic action being taken that was stupid/foolish, and this person cut off any possible movement forward. Judgment is literal for them, on the grand scope of things they refuse to give you another chance - nail the coffin shut, there will be consequences for these actions. Even Spirit is like “calm down” and no, they will not be calm.

Messages:

- Debt 💸

- Kind! 😊

NOT TODAY 😤

- Boundaries & Hurt

- Avoiding Conversation

- Not Dealing

- Still Upset

Chill. The. Fuck. Out.

You: 2 Cups, The Hanged Man rev, The Moon rev

Regarding: 10 Cups

I’m not seeing why you consider them no good, unless this is all switched. I see more like you have a happy relationship, happy family, everything is good and great - but you’re not an active part of that? You could spend a lot of time with friends vs. the people closest to you (lovers, family, etc.) and it’s an issue for this person because of something that’s happened or come to light. Maybe romantic intentions or actions playing out. Could be harmless and they’re taking it to the max, because they have a chill card - but they are also showing you dancing on their boundaries and they aren’t having it. You probably feel they’re overreacting, but they definitely don’t and they’re half of a whole union here 💯

10 Cups and 2 Cups show how deeply you love this person, you can see yourself spending forever with them. It’s also possible that these people aren’t just friends, but family, and they could be people that clap for you doing foolish shit? Super supportive but like - the ones cheering for you to jump off the bridge with everyone else. Maybe not looking out for your highest good. There’s been no work put into this, and if any perspective or attention has been brought to this issue, it has been strongly resisted and defended. Ace of Cups is missing an opportunity to heal by not taking action on problems in front of you - which here seem like people, and a lack of accountability.

Messages:

- My friends are more important than you.

- My senses tell me you are NO good!

PICTURE 🖼️

- Looking at Pictures

- Missing You

- Nostalgic

- Make New Memories

Chilling like a boss 🦥

Mutual: 7 Cups, Knight of Wands, Knight of Pentacles

Regarding: 3 Cups

Two oracles indicating pictures, either you’re both obsessing over pictures and memories of each other, or there’s some kind of incriminating proof - in a picture, it feels more like that. Like the red flags 🚩 weren’t waving until some kind of picture came onto the scene and then it was immediate - fuck that. The Moon rev, something became clear. There’s either a lot of passionate action being taken in a lot of different places, could be that; or there’s confusion over *what’s* actually taken place or are “friends” just lying about it? The confusion or distrust will ultimately keep this apart, you could be someone that likes to go out and party with 3 Cups - and that’s caused issues. Friends aren’t friends, not if they’re encouraging dumb shit, that’s coming through clearly. Could be family too, but I’m getting more friends. For some, something has been going on for a long time and there’s confusion around that too. Like one thing is known but how far does this actually go?? So long as this exists, I don’t see reuniting, your person refuses. They’re not receptive even if you tried.

CAMERA 📷

- Reminiscing

- Making Memories

- Learn from the Past

- Perception

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off 🤬

Signs you may be dealing with:

💦 Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio, Aries & Virgo

[aaronafgash]

10 NEW SONGS - 3/15/24

Some disappointing releases from some big artists today (*cough cough* Justin Timberlake *cough cough* Kacey Musgraves), but overall, a ton of new tunes today. Let’s get it.

P.S. To the 3 people who read this, next week is about to be a DOOZIE for new music. Full albums from Waxahatchee, Khruangbin, Good Morning, SiR, Matt Champion, and Future x Metro Boomin’, and that’s not even including any singles that will inevitably be dropping as well. What a year for music. Anyways, here we go.

1. I Guess - Lizzy McAlpine

Lizzy’s just going to keep dropping heat, eh? Absolutely adore this. The “beat drop” around two and a half minutes in borders on being a tiny bit corny, but also reminds me of Fleet Foxes, and I bet that melodic chant at the end will be fun to sing at her live shows. Really appreciate the choices she’s making production-wise, including brass horns and Phoebe Bridgers-esque electronic indie sounds to add some texture.

2. Classical - Vampire Weekend

Probably my favorite of the three singles Vampire Weekend has dropped so far. For lack of a better term, it’s just a classic VW song. That little synth lead (maybe synth? Genuinely cannot place what instrument I’m hearing) on the hook / chorus makes me want to hit an Irish jig, just in time for St Patrick’s Day. Really beautiful piano on the 2nd half of this (played by Ezra Koenig himself, according to Genius!).

3. HATE YOUR GUTS - INJI

It always blows me away when artists I’ve barely heard of casually have production like THIS so early in their careers. I heard “GASLIGHT” by INJI at some point last year and was immediately entranced - she’s done it again here. Her Spotify bio reads “making music you can scream along to :)” and that is exactly what my ass will be doing when that chorus comes on. This kind of lands somewhere between Kim Petras (sonically) and Olivia Rodrigo (thematically). If you feel like you’re in the middle of that Venn diagram, this is absolutely worth a listen. 

4. Down Swinging - Holly Humberstone

Holly Humberstone is the queen of “pretty sad songs that absolutely slap.” I love the chord progression when she sings “Watch me keep my cool tonight”. Also enjoyed the unexpected saxophone appearance.

5. Neva (feat. Monaleo) - Flo Milli

This was a standout from Flo Milli’s new album Fine Ho, Stay. The Juicy J x Lex Luther production was not something I expected to hear on a Flo Milli album but she sounds super comfortable here - I’m not used to hearing her on the more laid-back beats, but I dig it. Things I also dig: how her name appears on the album art like the VH1 logo back in the day.

6. BURNING BRAINS - Tierra Whack

I was a bit nervous going into this album considering my disdain for the two singles Tierra Whack had dropped for it, but I was delightfully surprised to hear quite a few songs I enjoyed. “BURNING BRAINS” specifically stood out to me. That chorus - “Soup too hot, ice too cold / Grass too green, sky too blue” - combined with the slow, prodding beat makes for a sad, depressing ass vibe, but one that I enjoy living in for a few minutes. Hip-hop has felt quite stale lately, so I appreciate Tierra doing something different and outside the box.

7. Enough (Miami) - Cardi B

Nothing crazy from Ms. Cardi here but it feels like a proper return to form - a catchy pop-rap beat, energetic raps, some memorable bars. No complaints!

8. Lonely Millionaire - Kacey Musgraves

This new Kacey Musgraves album was not for me, but this one landed - at least more than anything else did on Deeper Well. The “what good is being rich if you’re alone” sentiment is one that often works for me (thinking about Kanye West on “Welcome to Heartbreak”). Nothing revolutionary happening here, but the chords are nice, it’s a laid back vibe, and I can appreciate the message. More of this!

9. What Lovers Do - Justin Timberlake

This new Justin Timberlake album was ABSOLUTELY not for me, but there’s something funny about me perking up and enjoying the production on this song specifically only to realize it’s one of the few that Timbaland contributed to. Do I need to hear a 43-year-old JT sing about banging Jessica Biel? Absolutely not. But if he’s going to do it, at least he’s singing over a smooth ass Timbaland beat. I’m also really struggling to get to 10 songs now, so on a stronger week, I would have been happy to completely ignore this one. Alas!

10. STOP BY (feat. Garret Sparrow, Max Leonard, & Joshua Raw) - Bilking With Francis

I know truly nothing about Biking With Francis, nor do I know anything about the featured artists. But I heard this on my Discover Weekly on Spotify a few days ago and was so impressed by how catchy it is. Steve Lacy-esque production and I can’t get enough of this hook - I genuinely wish this was longer than 3 minutes.

[the-firebird69]

Supposed to accept the assignment and this is good now we're going to try some stuff and we can have to it seems to be a storm it was created to put out a fire that was supposed to devour the max

Michelle Caldwell

Remember the story we listen to it and we thought it was about her like who's this f** rod Stewart and it's almost similar clothes and she was happy about it this is trying to figure out what happened to Big Red and that's not Bob birdie's wife mine who's a bit shorter now I kind of the same size and you're hanging out with Bob burdys wife, and the one in the store is really believe it or not Sarah and she acts like a little girl that's what she is and it's funny as hell because a lot of people think it's a mark of royalty to be joyous and happy and flippant and sometimes it is a state of control and I've got some problems today it seems that the storm put out a fire they had meant for the max I miss my wife and I'm suddenly hopeful again I'm like years of agony of this kid if I was going back and forth and he says this I can sense it but they're not awake so how can you tell that a****** computers give me s*** knows where they are so we went to work on it and I figured out somebody else her computer knew where she was and said she's in jeopardy because of those people but this one acts differently I won't respond to certain things at all at all and it's weird since he has a huge team so it makes me nervous but they seem to have a plan so I'm looking forward to trying to find her now we're trying to find her visitation tubing everybody but someone had a plan to go up there and the only people that we know went up there were Max but later maybe Tommy f so sort of understanding something they may have fought and stuff and the computer took advantage of it it's only been a few weeks but I guess that's enough to do stuff and a lot of it would love this big ships and ships going all over the place it's not a bad plan unless you're us then it's bad and a conclude by saying this guy is doing a decent job I've never seen anyone stay on top of it like he is sometimes it's a bit behind but zoomed right up on it and we needed it bad he did it bad it's torture

Preston

I miss my wife too it's starting to think of something this guy is trying to get together with his and can't reveal where she is and people sort of nowhere and it's bad and we need to get going on all this we're in trouble too it's like they know where she is and they're not telling and there's some chaos here and these clones are fighting each other there's some real big ones fighting and we're going to say that we know how it goes with them and it's been a long time but they're going to get back at these clothes for horrifying them and that's what it is

Thrym

It's a lot going on here it's got some mosquitoes at him but hey they're all over but this is it okay there out there battling and five more households went out there and they went out there this morning and they're still fighting it's very overcast over half the battlefield and it's becoming the whole thing there's far as all over the place and they're going out now but the battlefield stretches for hundreds of miles and there's huge fires and golfing all of the rebels and they took it out and they tried using it and it fell on them and it started fires and it's blowing back on them a lot of them retreated no tried to go around it and they got caught and it's really bad the burning and usually they die in combat and but these numbers are huge it's probably 10 trillion and in Florida the population of warlock dropped it's about 3% and it was eight this morning everybody realizes they're in trouble and they're sending out for more and minority warlock realize that too and minorities and us and say if we had a freeze out now completely screwed there's not enough for us up there and we need to get on it and honk on it so he's saying to assign areas and assign Target numbers and to get going on it and have some used car Blanche to get it done I'm going to do that too and right now and I do appreciate it

Thor Freya

It's a good method and we're going to use it I'm going to add some methods to it but this is the basic method and we're going in this teams as well but this will work because we do have it kind of divvied up and it's per culture it works extremely well it leverages responsibility into the field where it should be and on to the team leaders and we're going to go for it now and have them report any deficiencies they immediately that they can't rectify

Olympus

[kikibridges13]

So I'm posting this here instead of anywhere else on the interwebs because shy of a select few friends I mutually follow from college, nobody from home, friends, family, or people at work know about this platform. And right now it's the only safe place I feel like I have.

Yesterday, I got a call from my doctor updating me on some CT results I had to get done over the weekend. Backstory: Almost 10 years ago (September 29th, to be exact) I was diagnosed with a brain tumor on the lower hemisphere of my brain - it had been a slow-growing, tangerine sized mass that had been there probably my entire life, it just had finally grown to the point it was affecting my life. Anyway, surgery was required, radiation followed, despite being benign. There was a 85% chance of it never returning. It wrecked my entire fucking life; I had been out of college 4 months at this point, and my doctor wanted me to do nothing for a year.

What a way to start your life, right?

Fast-forward 10 years. I've been married, divorced, been at a job for the last 5 years that I finally love and thinking about going back to school for social work so I can expand on my current discharge planning occupation. Been in a relationship for 4 years with the sweetest guy.

And then my dizziness symptoms return. First it was a couple of times when getting up and thought it was normal. Then I started having them completely stationary at work. So I called my doctor.

And that's what you missed on Glee!

Despite my dry attempt at humor and acting like it's not a big thing, I'm absolutely fucking terrified. After I got the call yesterday, I was shaking so back my supervisor kept asking me every 10 minutes or so if I was okay.

It seems like every time I get to a good place in my life, everything fucks up. Graduated college in 2013? Four months later, diagnosed with a brain tumor.

My first job once I was able to work at let me go the same day I decided to move in with my ex-husband.

Said ex-husband announced that he had been cheating on me pretty much our entire relationship when I suggested that we start trying to expand our family. Guess I should thank anybody out there listening that I never got pregnant by him.

Went on vacation once travel restrictions had let up post-Covid, just to wreck my car the next day.

Recently, I traded said car for a new one at the beginning of June. Got called into a department meeting a week later that our on-site call center was being removed to remote and some of us wouldn't have a job. My ever growing skill set and the fact I'm a reliable employee saved me, and I transferred to where I am now.

And now, here I am, about to maybe move in with my boyfriend, thinking of other life changes, and I get a call I've been absolutely dreading for the past 10 years.

I'm posting here because I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to come out of that neuro consult when I have to go to it. Most likely I'm going to have to do an MRI, I know that. But if they tell me another surgery? Another round of radiation? The last round damn near killed me, literally. I stopped eating, lost over 60 pounds in about 5 months, and it left me with no appetite and no will to even continue on with my life. I fought so hard to build where I am today. And I'm terrified of watching it all crumble down around me.

I'm tired of all the "thoughts and prayers" posts that now litter the post I made on the book of faces. I realize I live in the heart of the Bible Belt and there are more churches than literally anything in Southwest Virginia, but to be honest, I stopped believing in a lot of things related to religion years ago. I just need a place to feel scared for a moment, and to have my feelings valid, and to take a moment to get this all out somewhere. Because if I bottle it up, then somebody I love is going to get the brunt of this and it'll be another bridge burned to add to the pile that's been growing for the last 10 years.

[sakuraryomen01]

Valentino.. /Sukuna Ryomen x Female Reader/ .o2

warnings: asshole sukuna, college prep. school (aka bitch u at an expensive ass school), former friends to lovers, slow burned love, yuji is sukuna's little brother,

reader: female reader; 23 years of age, college prep.

plot: It's been years since you've moved from country life, since you've forgotten about all the things you used to love about your hometown and where you grew up from... you didn't think it'd chase you to college in the city after almost a decade..

words: 1.413k

fanfic masterlist: .o1 .o2 .o3 .o4 .o5 .o6 .o7 .o8 .o9 .10 (will be updated..)

a/n:: dear lord, i didn't know a new fanfic would have this kind of attention so soon! i love it, but it's really unexpected ^^ anyways, here's chapter two, and i hope i can keep the pacing of chapters the same~

~~

Thank you for reading this bit! Enjoy~

. . .

Should I?

It had felt like a few hours by now since you had first seen Sukuna at your class, when in fact, it's been days. You had been too scared to actually try and talk to him, to see if you could make things right.

What would he say? How would he act?

You didn't know, it was just a matter of time till you worked up the guts to speak to him. Constantly glancing over at his spot where he sat, simply trying to gain a glance from him.

He knew you were here, so why didn't he come say hello to you himself?

"That's all for today, class," Toji announced, running a hand through his hair and making a few students gush in the background. "You may leave a little ahead of time so have some fun before going to your next classes. Be sure to do your homework this evening too, it's twenty-five percent of your grade."

As the commotion of students standing and gathering their things buzzed around the room, your eyes fell onto the back of Sukuna's head again. He was currently packing his things in his bag as yet another suitor waddled over and began talking to him.

He seemed uninterested in the girl's tactics, as he simply stared and shook his head when they asked for a date and number. Sukuna didn't say anything as he put on his jacket and bag and then left.

This would be your only chance, you told yourself as you quickly grabbed your things and tossing your bag over your shoulder.

Rushing out of the room, you headed into the direction Sukuna left and stood confused in the middle of the hall, students and other teachers walking past you as you looked around. Sukuna had simply disappeared into thin air.

Damn, you sighed, fixing your bag up and heading towards your next class. Maybe next time.

. . .

One whole month. Still hadn't talked to Sukuna.

"You mean that little punk-ass kid you liked when you were little?" Getou asked, his weekly visit to your roomies being interrupted by your ranting.

"He wasn't a punk," You said, your cheeks flushed pink. "And it was just a little crush, get over it."

"That's my line."

Getou took a sip from his soda can, clicking to another channel on the T.V. as he waited for your roommate. "Shouldn't you just say hi?"

"I can't," You let out a groan, laying down on the couch next to Getou. "I'm nervous. I haven't seen him in over a decade.. it's insane he's here anyway!"

Getou gave a low chuckle to your little rants, listening calmly until your roommate called on him for her sexual needs. Sighing, Getou crushed his empty drink and stood, petting your head as he walked away.

"Hey, just go talk to him," He said as he tossed his can away, already undressing his torso and undoing his hair pin. "He probably misses you as much as you miss him.. or whatever cheesy romance movie you think you're in."

"I don't think I'm in a cheesy romance movie, asshole," You grunted, turning on your side and pulling up the couches decorative blanket.

Getou soon disappearing into your roomie's room and the sounds of a creaking bed soon echoing throughout the dorm rang loud as you grab the paper with Sukuna's dorm number on it. You quickly grabbed a few other things like your phone and a necktie and exited the, now noisy, dorm.

Quickly tying the tie to the doorknob, you looked up directions for your campus on your phone as you went down the dormitory hall. There wasn't much noise this week, most of your neighbors had practice or were nursing hangovers from their previous party the night before. It was a Friday. Normal behavior for them.

Not you though.

You weren't the average party goer, but you have been to a few with Gojo and Getou, and didn't really enjoy your time shared on scene. Most girls were hooking up with the closest thing they could grab, Gojo being one of the obvious targets and leaving the party with at least two women strapped to each arm.

You understood his charm, though it never worked for you.

"Why don't you just let me?" Gojo would often ask the moment he was drunk enough, his lips a pretty pink as usual with some type of alcoholic beverage tainting his normally minty breath.

"Bet I'd make that pussy cream so hard too~.."

And around then he'd earn a one-way ticket to getting his ass kicked. You were always reminded of how much of a man whore Gojo was during the weekends and breaks for school. Playing with more than one persons heart and ending up with another phone number under his belt.

Though, in your mind, Sukuna's behavior seemed different from Gojo's.

He was quiet and rather harsh to any girls that had wanted to "date" him during his younger years. If you'd even consider dating at such a young age.

Anyways, you had finally made your way into the men's dormitory. A weird smell hitting your nostrils that you assumed was a 'man's smell', though you choose to ignore it as you make your way to the second floor and try to find Sukuna's dorm. It wasn't long until you were stopped by some drunken boys that made you sigh and explain your situation. Though, it fell on deaf ears and you pushed past them to the next floor.

Third floor: No luck.

Fourth: No luck.

You were about to give up when you saw the long awaited number of Sukuna's dorm. With a relieved and nervous sigh, you gave yourself a proud smile and slowly walked up to the door. You didn't hear anything from inside, but you knocked all the more and waited patiently.

After a few agonizing minutes, the door clicked open and you saw a messy haired and sleepy Sukuna. His eyes were dazed and droopy, some indents of the bed sheets he was probably sleeping on imprinted on his face and arms. His shirt was messy and his sweats were not really much different except for their grey color.

It had been so long since you saw him, and it was strange to see such a difference in him.

He didn't have any bandages on him that'd signify that he was just in a fight, minus a band-aid that was on his finger. Sukuna also appeared more mature, and grown. Nothing like the boy that you left behind in the Sticks.

"Ah- H-Hello, Sukuna.." You mumbled to yourself, unable to take in the cute sight of Sukuna being tired. Maybe he just woke up?

"Hmmph.." He responded, rubbing his eye and trying to take in who you were. What was your name again?

"Wait.. Y/n?"

Sukuna's voice let out a croak, coughing as his eyes began to focus on you. There was little hesitation before you smiled even brighter and blushed a little, waiting for a hug from him, even if it was brief.

But what you expected wasn't what you got.

"What are you doing here?" Sukuna asked, his eyes narrowing and his posture changing. He went from tired and leaning against his door frame to arms folded and full attention on you.

It wasn't in a friendly manner either.

"I-I was asked by our Economics professor to come see you!" You stuttered out, feeling a small pit of sadness well inside you at what little recognition he had towards you.

Didn't he miss you? Not even a little bit?

"Well, you can go now," Sukuna huffed, his eyes more red than when he was little. "I'm doing fine."

Such harsh words. Not even a hello?

"Wait, don't you miss me?" You asked, your voice strained, that childish flutter in your heart. "It's been so long, don't you want to get to know each other again?"

"Not really."

Why were you so persistent? It was strange, you've never wanted to see someone this badly. And it had been years since you've even had a thought about Sukuna.

Were you coming down with something?

"Is that all?" Sukuna asked, his voice weak and tired, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes once again. "I want to get some sleep before classes."

"Um.. y-yeah," You mumbled, your heart aching as Sukuna closed to door on your face and left you confused.

Why didn't he miss you?

a/n: already so much attention?! i love it but wow, i was expecting it after a few days not this fast! anyways, idk when i'll be posting the next chapter but i thought i'd tag a few extra ppl that i thought would want to read this fanfiction, but if you wish to not be tagged, tell me. i don't want anyone uncomfortable ^^ i cannot believe it took so long to make this chapter! i'm sorry, i've been working on my Kinktober things! (i plan on posting ten drabbles for the last 10 days of kinktober so i hope i get those out soon>&lt;)

Chapter Song Theme: — bei maejor - lights down low // slowed + reverb

taglist: @mageyboo, @mzladyd, @mysticwonderlandangel, @sukunaspersonalfleshlight, @kawaiipenguin20, @k-indie, @okkotsufav, @cafeinthemoon93, @pulchritxde, @bontenbunny, @deepinballs, @kleeboomed, @fallenfeversstuff, @fiierytearzx, @wo-ming-bai, @ririkaxbz, @instantgalaxysheep, @watyousayin, @z3r0art, @sukunaobsessed, @lik0, @sukunasfirstlove, @princesstiti14, @nemoyr, @ladywolf44005, @cat-mak20, @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn, @hxlalokidottir

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[housebird]

OOOOOOO THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME i love hearing about this sorta thing

i also had a CD player from very little! it was to help me go to sleep and i still have the CDs today, but i don’t use them anymore (hence the angelina ballerina and moana CDs still living in the stack; i would never get rid of them). i burn CDs now as well, so i have a couple of blank jewel cases in there (i’m much more diligent on decorating them when i make em for other people, i still need to make the covers for the ones i own)

here is my collection!!! photos AND i’m putting the descriptions under the readmore (hopefully it works. never done one before) because it is WAY longer than i anticipated <\3

bluey, bluey: lonely cassette among the ranks. got it off bandcamp, i highly recommend this EP it’s good. luckily my old ass CD player can play cassettes

THE BURNED CDs:

cry club, spite will save me

the crane wives, the fool in her wedding gown

+ a spare mix i made for a friend which is missing a song, so i kept this one and gave her the right one

i love burning CDs! i try and get the actual CD when i can because i like the booklet inserts but burning is my go to after that. i usually buy the music off bandcamp! my only barrier is finding cases and making the covers. on the to do list is figuring out how to make booklets that fit inside, preferably in a square shape. i really want to make them for lyrics! especially when i drive my siblings places (little sister 2 loves to read the lyrics along with the song and ask me what every song means)

THE ODDS N ENDS:

the veronicas, all the hottest 100s, midnight oil, les mis anniversary concert, taylor swift, 1989

these are mostly ones i have from my dad! he has a huge collection (somewhere in a box… sigh, i miss you, regina spektor begin to hope CD i know you’re out there). i don’t listen to them as much, aside from 1989 when my sisters request it. 1989 was also the first CD i ever bought with my own money and it still has the sticker talking about the HIT SINGLE SHAKE IT OFF lol

THE MUSICALS:

wicked, be more chill, hadestown

these guys get their own category because i LOVE THEM. i bought the wicked CD when i saw it for my bday this year but i’ve been listening to my parents’ copy for roughly 10 years or so iirc? wicked is so so so special to me

THE REGULARS:

missy higgins, the sound of white

missy higgins, on a clear night

both of these i got from my dad’s collection and i do not intend to tell him because i want to keep them. i <3 you casualty and 100 round the bends!!!!

regina spektor, what we saw from the cheap seats: another stolen dad CD!

ball park music, ball park music

ball park music, good mood

ball park music, weirder and weirder

JB hifi grabs! i love these albums a ton. i really want to see BPM live again someday

montaigne, glorious heights: another JB hifi, it was on special for $10 (!!!!!)

the wombats, a guide to love, loss and desperation: my ONLY lucky find at an op shop. i was very excited to find this one, it’s probably the album i know best from them

hozier, hozier

hozier, wasteland, baby!

mitski, laurel hell

i bought these three together to kick start my collection for my car, so they’ve had a lot of driving time. hozier’s self titled in particular reminds me a lot of being on my Ls….

beach bunny, emotional creature

beach bunny, honeymoon

cavetown, sleepyhead

aside from honeymoon, these were the first CDs i bought online, again for the car collection. i have very specific personal associations with the emotional creature album!!

the beths, expert in a dying field: i bought myself this CD online and THEN found it instore so i had to do a quick online refund to grab it because i had been listening to it on spotify for a couple days and completely fell in love

wet leg, wet leg: i listened to this album a lot while doing uni work last year!

courtney barnett, things take time, take time: i originally borrowed this album from the library because i really liked one song from it (write a list of things to look forward to) and then fell in love with the whole thing (sunfair sundown is an extremely lucretia adventurezone thinking about magnus burnsides song to me!!!)

orla gartland, woman on the internet: this album is obviously fantastic but also the CD case itself is very cool. it’s the paper but the CD has its own little plastic turn tray which makes it super easy to pop out

odie, full colour book of cats

emily brown, a fish of earth

both of these are from bandcamp and i got the emily brown one for free with the odie CD!!!!! it was extremely sweet of them and i really need to buy emily’s first album at some point

boygenius, the record: i spent the last of a JB hifi gift card on it and i don’t regret it! it’s living in my car atm with weirder and weirder as my current commute CDs

wow. that’s so many. thank u for reading <3

HELLO please tell me about your cd collection?? i would love to hear about it genuinely

HAIII BELL!!! i am more than happy to talk about my cds!!!

i included pics of my current collection 🕺!

i’ve been collecting them most of my life. i got given a cd player at a young age which is why i started collecting. as a kid it was mostly so fresh & now hits of summer cds that are still somewhere in the house (also alvin & the chipmunks).

these days i collect them because my car is old and doesn’t have aux or bluetooth so cds and the radio get me through. i’ve included pics of my glovebox, the ones that live in a bag cause i have too many to fit in said glovebox & my current listen. i’ll just list them as they appear and where i got them from!!

gorillaz, the now now- bought first hand. at the time i was listening to it almost daily

gorillaz, demon days- actually belongs to my sister. she doesn’t have a cd player so it judt lives in my car for when we go on drives

twenty one pilots, trench- a gift for my birthday last year. i have most of tøps discography and i was obsessed with it when it released (saw them in concert & everything)

my chemical romance, the black parade- found this one in an op shop. there’s a few i got at the same time, some emo must’ve donated their collection in one go. love this album its one i listen to a lot

panic! at the disco, a fever you cant sweat out- also found in the op shop haul!

panic! at the disco, pretty odd- another op shop haul find. i didn’t listen to this album a load back then compared to the rest of their stuff but its one of my faves now

my chemical romance, three cheers for sweet revenge- shocking news, found this in the op shop haul!

bastille, all this bad blood- at some point during my teens i spend my pocket money on this. definitely glad i still have it, there’s so much music on that album & i still love bastille

twenty one pilots, blurryface- another one i spent my pocket money on!!

twenty one pilots, vessel- another pocket money purchase

fall out boy, folie à deux- found in the op shop haul. didn’t even listen to this album at the time & i forgot i had it until way after i fixated on it and then went through my collection again

fall out boy, infinity on high- another op shop find, very fun find!! was a fave at the time

fall out boy, american beauty/american psycho- op shop haul find!!

fall out boy, save rock and roll- op shop haul find!!!

my chemical romance, danger days- my brother found this one in an op shop for me

will wood and the tapeworms, everything is a lot- bought this one online when he dropped the last of the original pressings a few years back. its signed but the signature is rubbing off a bit

will wood, in case i make it- i got this one when i backed the album when he was fundraising for it

the libertines, up the bracket- i think my mum gave this to me, i’ve never listened to it lol

janelle monáe, the archandroid- dad gave this to me. one of my favourite albums of all time

sara bareilles, whats inside: songs from waitress- this was a pocket money buy. i think i bought this before i actually listened to the waitress musical? so it was my introduction to it and then waitress was what made me fall in love with musical theatre

the hush sound, like vines- found this in a record shop. was very excited, i was playing one of their songs on repeat at the time

pulp, different class- mum gave me this one as well

the breeders, cannonball- my dad got it for my brother who didn’t want it and i slid in like hi, yes i love the breeders, this is mine bye.

troye sivan, wild- a pocket money buy. i really wanted blue neighbourhood but they only had this ep so its what i got

sara bareilles, the blessed unrest- another pocket money buy, i had a huge sara bareilles phase at some point in highschool

the scary jokes, retinal bloom- bought this one in one of the packs when the album was about to be dropped. gawd i love the scary jokes

the scary jokes, burn pygmion!!! a better guide to romance- what i listened to todayyy. probably my number one album ever this was a christmas gift!!

theres two fob cds i skipped cause they’re just a compilation & cd that all the songs on are on my other cds.

theres so many more that have come and left my collection but this is where its at now and i can’t waiiiit to find more!! especially w my damn car. NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOURS (please ^3^!)

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

perfect mornings

Summary: A morning in the life with your husband and kid.

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x fem. Reader

Wordcount: around 1k

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, pregnancy, more fluff

A/N: I wrote this on my phone after seeing this picture.

The bed seemed cold for some reason. 

Blinking your eyes open you found the room enlightened into soft morning light, just before sunrise. Turning in your bed you reached to your left side, finding the bed abandoned and cold. 

You sighed, frowning as you listened for any noise to make out where your husband went. 

But all you were met with was silence.

Which had become a rare occasion ever since you gave birth to little Manuel almost a year ago. You looked out of the window, seeing the sun just about to rise, before you grabbed your husband's robe, pulling it tight around your body, before you started to investigate where he went. 

Your first stop was the bathroom, thinking maybe Javi took a shower but you found it empty. You took some time to wash your face and made yourself at least a little presentable, before you walked out and made your way to Manuel’s room. 

Which was empty too. 

You smiled as you saw the jumper you had put Manuel in to sleep with on the dresser. Putting it into the washing bin you made your way downstairs. 

You saw the door leading outside to the beach was open as you made your way to the kitchen. Seeing the mess of what looked like to be an attempt at breakfast on the kitchen counter you couldn’t help but smile. 

There were many things Javi could do, but cooking wasn’t one of them. You always joked that he probably would be able to burn water to what he would only say “It’s a talent, no?” before he kissed you softly. 

Javi and you had met almost 10 years ago when you had started working for his father. Before you knew just what exactly this business of his was. When you were just a secretary.

Javi had also been the one who had made sure you were protected once his father died and his maniac of a cousin took over. 

Javi had always been… a friend. Okay you might have had a crush on him since the first time you met, but nothing had happened until the whole Nic Cage thing went on and you had almost been killed. 

You had spent a lot of time together after, figuring out what to do with his business and helping him with his scripts.

You fell in love. 

Now here you were, in a beach house he had gifted you as a wedding gift two years ago, walking towards the two people you loved most. 

You could see a bigger and a smaller shadow down at the shore, a smile clinging to your lips as you crossed your arms in front of you, trying to fight the morning chill.

It might be a mediterranean island, but it still could get chilly in the early morning, even in summer. 

The closer you got, the better you could see them. Javi holding the little hands of Manuel as he stood in front of Javi. You could hear your son giggling and Javi laughing with him.

Manuel tried to jump up everytime a new wave came closer, failing every single time with a loud giggle his little feet stomping into the wet sand. 

The sand was soft beneath your feet as you walked towards them. Javi looked over his shoulder, giving you a warm smile. 

“I wanted to let you sleep in today,” Javi said softly, before you wrapped one arm around his middle, kissing his cheek as you leaned to his side. 

“The bed is too cold without you,” you hummed and he turned his head, giving you a proper kiss. 

Manuel jumped and laughed before he fell over, landing in the cold water. He looked up at you with wide eyes before he laughed.

Javi shook his head and put his arm around your waist, tucking your head beneath his chin as you put a hand on his chest. Manuel stood in front of you and Javi bent down to pick him up and prop him against his hip, hissing at the cold water drenching his soft shirt. 

Manuel was the twin of his father, brown curls framing his face, yet the eyes were all you. 

“Sissa!” Manuel squealed, putting his hand on your small belly.

“Yes your baby sister is in there, you’re right,” you said and looked at Javi who looked at you with those big brown eyes you had fallen in love with. You hadn’t planned to get pregnant so fast after Manuel, but one reckless night out without any protection around, had its consequences. 

Not that you were unhappy about it. 

The sun was rising as you stood there on the beach, letting your head drop back against Javi’s chest, while he kept you close. 

“I love you,” he hummed, kissing your head. 

“I love you too,” you mumbled, putting your arm around his middle as you enjoyed the moment of quiet before you had to walk back in and face the real life in the real world. 

“I will give Manuel a bath and you could make breakfast?” Javi asked and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Deal.”

“And then we could watch a movie later while Manuel naps?” he asks. 

You nodded and he leant down to catch your lips in a soft kiss, his warm hand resting on your belly. 

“You're shivering, let’s get inside,” he hummed against your lips. You nodded, looking up at Manuel who seemed to be dozing off on his other shoulder. 

You took one last look at the sunrise, hoping that even when life would get busy and stressful in the future, you could still have mornings like this. 

Lazy mornings with the people you loved most in the world.