#but i dont even know if she remembers me when i was a kid so shed be so confused when this random guy contacts her

[shikaizer]

PAIGENEXTDOOR p.b x reader PART II

summary : PART I The aftermath of hooking up with your enemy has been lurking discomfort towards the both you, the firm avoidance towards each other and the unsolved feelings has you dumbfounded.

warning : smut 18+, agressive, confusing feelings, degration, slight angst? hair pulling.

a/n : my writing in the first part was kinda ass 😭 as because i was finishing up two drafts at the same time.

eversince what happend between the both of you, you both stumbled upon the akwardness and the avoidance towards each other, therefore, you didn't want to ignore her or whatever, she was making it harder for the both of you by acting like you never exist at all whenever its only the two of you in the same area, she just acts like shes all alone, she would only talk to you when it was you who would inititate a conversation.

you never figured why she was acting like this, because what you remembered, she was the first one to make the move, and all of the it felt like she felt a sudden shame wash over her body.

of course you are enraged by this, you tried to understand, you wanted to but whenever you would bring it up she would dodge the question.

just when you had enough with her constant bypass, without hesistation you have paige pinned, both hands on the counter, glancing up at her, she looked irritated but her eyes is telling you a different story.

"what are you doing?" paige uttured under her breath looking down at you, even though you were small it seemed like you had full control over the situation making paige gag at the thought.

"tell me, why the fuck, your avoiding what happend" you gnarled between words, pressing yourself closer to her your warm breath hitting her face.

"what happend?" she asked makeshift of her confused words, you slammed your hand on the counter aggresively making her flinch

"if this is about that night, forget about it." she states composed as if its not a big deal, meanwhile you on the other hand is going crazy so close to pulling out your hair.

"are you serious right now?" you murmur in disbelief, you backed away slightly and relaxed your shoulders.

she stayed quiet and the both of you just looked at each other for a moment, you hesitated to speak up, but you already took the courage to bring the situation up, so there was no turning back now.

but before you could open your mouth words came out of her mouth first. "i was confused." she state and you scoffed letting out a snort cocking your head.

"fucking confused? you gotta be kidding me!" you yelled at her completely losing it, and she sighed as if you are the one stressing whos in the wrong.

"was that a one night stand then?" you gained composure letting your hands rest on your hip and she looked down probably trying to gather some words to say, "i wanted to shut you up." she mumbled somehow unsure of what she just said

"your fucking stupid, do you have any idea what i feel right now?" you whimpered and she finally gain back her gaze towards you and her face softening when she saw the tears swelling in the corner of your eyes.

"im... sorry.. i was just fazed.. i.. i dont know.." she looked down on the floor feeling guilty as she stammer thru sentence, you clench your jaw your eyes relaxing, and you spoke up again.

"fuck me." you cut her off, she was quick to look back at you her mouth slightly open, stunned at what she just heard.

"what..?" she voiced out like she didn't hear what you said clearly, you walked up to her again this time your fingers had reached for your zipper pulling them down to reveal your bare body, with nothing underneath but just a sweater which you have now threw aside.

you pressed your body against her, your boobs pressing on her body making her let out a small whimper before both hands are now rested on your hips.

she leaned down to your level pulling you in for a kiss, her grasp on your hips tightening as the kiss becomes more rough and passionate.

you moaned thru the kiss when you felt her hand make its way to your tits pressing and squeezing them, pulling away from the kiss.

"cant fucking resist you.." you confesses and she cooed smirking, her lips brushing on your jaw as her hand reaches at the center of your short, she lifted you up with ease placing you on the counter, she looked up at you and moved a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"cant get enough of me huh?" she teased sliding your shorts down and she chuckled amused at the sight of your bare cunt. "not even a fucking underwear, been waiting for this moment are you? slut."

she spat on her hand and rubbed them on your clit making you grunt "fuck yes." you express jerk your hips forward and without warning, she slammed her fingers inside you the only source of lube is her spit and the build up wetness inside you.

"oh shit!" you threw your head back, your hips twitching adjusting to her fingers. "wanted this so bad right? fucking take it." she spat her fingers starting to move faster, her other hand slapping the side of your hips keeping her eyes on you.

she kept her focus on you, entertained at the sight of you and your fucked out face, her current view was enough for her to be pleased.

"look at you.." she cooed scanning your body up and down watching the way you respond to her fingers, you wrapped your arms around her shoulder pulling her closer, she gladly took your embrace by placing one hand on your back the other one working its way to delight.

"fuck fuck fuck.." you cant even think straight, your mind is absent and the only thing your thinking about right now is how deep shes moving inside you.

the curl of her fingers made you yelp arching your back, she took a full of your hairing pulling them for you to meet her gaze.

"pai..paige i love you" you uttured out of the blue and she squinted her eyes taken back from the sudden confession, her pace slowed down trying to process what you said.

her jaw clenches and gained composure slamming inside you again this time it was very rough and deeper, and it seemed like there was a mix of anger in it.

you yelled out pulling her closer to you nails digging on the back of her neck your eyes rolling to the back of your eyes.

you dont even realize that you are close to cumming, and before you know it, you have squirted. paige slowed down and kissed your shoulder.

your cheeks quickly heat up when you felt the wetness between your thighs and you looked at paige, she just smiled at you kissing your forehead.

"lets get you cleaned up." she voiced out lifting you up to the bathroom, completely putting aside the fact that you just expressed your love towards her.

[npuppet]

LaDs rambles #6

Songs/mini playlists I think fit each LI + YouTube links (I don’t have Spotify)

‼️A lot of songs are explicit so listen at your own digression‼️

⭐️ are personal favorites (recommended)

(It starts out with overused Insta songs lol) (I branch into more niche songs out I promise)

Zayne:

Disease by Lady Gaga (obv) (“I could play the doctor, I can cure your disease, If you were a sinner I could make you believe”) (die Astra)

⭐️Digital Silence by Peter McPoland (what if Foreseer was in modern time and was a desperate to warn MC of her future?) (“They’re gonna blind date everyone until you love them too”)

Arcade by Duncan Laurence (“Loving you is a losing game” huh? Man)

Wash. by Bon Iver (“Where ice snaps and the hold clast are known”) (It just fits the calmness he has I dunno)

Changing of the Seasons by Two Door Cinema Club (not because he fell out of love with MC but he doesn’t seem to remember as much as the other LI’s) (“The door is open, you whispered to me, As you stood frozen in deep uncertainty”)

Christmas Kids by Roar (“The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift, And love is a tower where all of us can live”) (just thinking if Zayne did remember)

⭐️Cursed Romantics by Maude Latour (bc who said Zayne can’t be girlypop?) (“‘Cause I’m obsessive when you call me “baby”, Your love is poison and no don’t can save me”)

Heavy Eyes by Zach Bryan (I just know Zayne would have tired eyes if he didn’t deal with his myth trauma right) (“Remember all the days we had, I say it ain’t so bad, Keep those heavy eyes soft and kind”)

⭐️Am I Dreaming by Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky and Roisee (Dawnbreaker and Zayne) (“One of a kind, one of one, the only one, Got one shot and one chance to take it once”)

Rest of the LI’s under the cut

Caleb:

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens (based on Caleb and MC being experimented on and MC dying over and over, tragic and existential) (“What could I have said to raise you from the dead?…And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best, though it never felt right”) 🙂

⭐️i am not who i was by Chance Peña (“so if I fly to far, Will I still have a place inside your heart?…Will you love me for who I am not who I was”) (it’s him, it’s Caleb)

SPIT IN MY FACE! by ThxSoMch (man will do and tolerate anything to be with MC I mean) (“I don’t know what to say except you’re mine mine mine mine mine”)

⭐️Nobody’s Solider by Hozier (this song fits him like a glove, like his whole deal is that he’s trying to wrestle control back in his life) (“Holding my world together with a bootstring, Living the dream”)

Freaks by Surf Course (after he left MC in the explosion) (“My head is filled with parasites, Black holes cover up my eyes”)

Broken by lovelytheband (“I like that your lonely, Lonely like me, I could be lonely with you”) (our obsessive king)

⭐️Tangerine by Glass Animals (he would get on his knees anyways-) (“You only look at me properly now, When you’re drunk watching movies, Where are you? What happened?”)

Sweet Talk by Saint Motel (at this point I think I’m just giving him a degradation kink…) (“Yeah, well, I’m not scared, I’m not going nowhere, Yeah, you might want me to drop dead, but I dont even care”)

She Said No by BoyWithUke (mmm angsty) (“I don’t blame you, I hate me too, but I can’t, Do a lot to change it or the thoughts in my head”)

Sylus:

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by Arctic Monkeys (just based off of reckless MC) (“Incapable of making alright decisions, and having bad ideas”)

⭐️Like Him by Tyler the Creator (but very Dawnbreaker coded too so) (based on when MC got flashbacks in the story with Sylus but still doesn’t remember fully) (“How could I miss something that I’ve never had?”)

MILLION DOLLAR BABY by Tommy Richman (bc why not) (“I could clean up good for you, Oh, I know right from wrong”)

The World We Knew by Frank Sinatra (when MC went on a rampage after Sylus left, she’s real for that) (“Each road we took turned into gold, But the dream was too much for you to hold”)

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs (just feels like Sylus)

Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay (ok but hear me out) (“I’m a dream that died by light of day, Gonna hold up half the sky and say, Only I own me”)

Bury Me Face Down by grandson (vengeful dragon) (“Wanted with a bounty on my head, But somehow someway, I’ma keep moving along”)

⭐️City on a Hill by Mon Rovîa (Sylus trying to comfort MC abt their past) (“Who was by your side, When the fire subsides, And it rains in your head?”)

⭐️Gold by Spandau Ballet (what was going through Sylus’ head when MC started to like him back lol) (“Nothing left to make me feel small, Luck has left me standing so tall”)

Rafayel:

Sex, Drugs, Etc. by Beach Weather (something I think he and MC should listen to on an open hood convertible kind of night by the sea) (“Dressing up for polaroids and cigarettes, Socilaize, romanticize the life”)

Softcore by The Neighborhood (kinda based off of the theory that Rafayel wears safety pins) (“You’ve been my muse for a long time, You get me through every dark night”)

⭐️All I Want by Kodaline (“When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside”) (ow)

Here With Me by d4vd (another slow heartbreak song what’s new) (“I wish I could live through every memory again, Just one more time before we float off in the wind”)

Applause by Lady Gaga (bc I’m on a Lady Gaga binge lol) (“Pop culture was in art, now art’s in pop culture in me!”)

⭐️Blood // Water by grandson (I think alternative fits Rafayel) (“The price of your greed, your son, and your daughter”)

Drama by Spencer Sutherland (Raf is just feeling himself)

Love Me Less by MAX (I think it’s fitting since he’s not as forthright with his underground activities as Sylus is)

Xavier:

I Love You So by The Walters (I think it fits his 5* Outcast’s Voyage and just his story in general) (“I’m going to pack my things and leave you behind, This feelings old, and I know that I’ve made up my mind”)

Army Dreamers by Kate Bush (based on that the people who came with Xavier all had dreams but turned into Wanderers instead) (“We’ve a bunch of purple flowers to decorate a mammy’s hero”)

Towards the Sun by Rihanna (“Shadows chase me far from home, I remember when my heart was filled with gold”) (also funny that the movie this song is from is based on aliens lol)

⭐️When Will I See You Again by Shakka (song is literally made for my poor boy) (“Shooting stars never fly for me, My hearts on Mars, kinda hard to see”)

Alien Boy by Oliver Tree (just bc) (“I still make it work, But it’s overrated and somehow, played out”)

⭐️Are We Ready? (Wreck) by Two Door Cinema Club (I dunno sometimes the lyrics aligned with his story to me) (“I saw the world today, It comes in green and gray”)

Jealous by Eyedress (our jealous possessive king lol)

All LI’s:

Mind Over Matter (Reprise) by Young the Giant

Harpy Hare by Yarlokre (yup)

⭐️Chamber of Reflection by Mac DeMarco

her by JVKE

Again and Again by The Bird and the Bee (need I explain?)

ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME by RØNIN (lmao)

⭐️Mr. Feel by John Michael Howell

can’t slow down by almost monday (kinda a song I imagine MC, Caleb, and Zayne playing on a roadtrip when they were younger)

Aphrodite by Ethan Gander (yearning my favorite (: )

We’ll Meet again by Very Lynn (obv)

MC lol:

Daydream by Gunter Kallmann Choir (MC and Sylus)

GONE, GONE / THANK YOU by Tyler the Creator (give girl a break yknow??)

Wasted Summers by juju<3 (after Caleb left her in the explosion)

I wanna be your lover by €CHO€D 4W4Y (yessir)

⭐️Apple by Charli xcx (once delulu, always delulu)

Sunshine by OneRepublic

Sick of Being Young by Krooked Kings

Feel free to leave ur songs u attribute to the LI’s ((:

[puppppppppy]

man

[xxplastic-cubexx]

seeing the scarlet witch comics made me wonder what do you think of wandavision / mcu wanda

i have legitimately like. no conscious memory i watched a movie with her in it but i did because i watched age of ultron nearly a decade ago with my bro and multiverse of madness within the last like. five years With My Bro so now what ...

[nexus-nebulae]

thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it

[jonny-b-meowborn]

Being trans and having daddy issues means I will watch Treasure Planet regularly for the most of my life, and whenever I do I become obsessed with it all over again. It's normal and healthy, actually

[sambusa]

Hey, this is Taylor from a few years back. Sorry for the ask. I haven't used this app in a few years and forgot how to message lol. I was looking through my old account and saw yours was still up and running, and I just wanted to tell you thank you for the time you were my friend and how patient you were with me. You were a great friend and an even better influence. Hope you're doing good!

This was such a wonderful surprise... I have so many words and yet none at all. Thank you for being my friend, too, and for the kindness you showed me. I hope the future has treated you kindly 🥹🫶🏾

[mechawolfie]

i get a therapist (HELL YEAH AWESOME, THIS IS GOOD !)

she tells me to apologize to my mom (HORRIBLE, I AM CONSIDERING MURDER)

[inbabylontheywept]

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

[kuroakikitsune]

.

[vaniliens]

For some reason this is making me feel nostalgic

[arolesbianism]

I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that

[chron0ph0bia]

you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth

[catmask]

it also made me very sad at one point one of the kids said her dad was being hateful towards drag queens and that he had a very skewed/incorrect view of what a drag queen was and wouldnt listen to her and told her she was “too naive” when she tried to explain

and i replied “if i remember correctly when youre at this age it seems adults will wave off any of your life experiences even if they lack their own because they refuse to see those younger than them as their own people” and EVERY SINGLE KID AT THE TABLE turned and said EXACTLY

and i was like. oh. so i wasnt alone in that. but also. i dont have to BE that. im not doing that. im listening and actually talking to them. i hope that there are older people in their life doing the same.

um. i dont know how to say. please listen to the children in your life. its true sometimes youll know better but, often times they have perspectives we may miss and dismissing them hurts everyone in the end. we have so much we can share and learn together.

[sasquotch]

the whole "trans men just have sexual trauma" thing absolutely infuriates me, as someone who was practically brainwashed into believing i was raped by conversion therapists as a kid.

i have been an obvious transsexual my entire life. i told everyone i was a boy. i was just told it was normal and nobody wants to be a girl. i told my mom i wanted a dick and balls and she said, "no you dont."

i was put in conversion therapy, diagnosed with autism, despite not having many of the symptoms, and put on Risperdal. an anti psychotic drug that was not meant to be used in children as young as i was, that also "just so happens" to cause out of control breast growth. (it also caused me to become obese and struggle with my weight for years even after i stopped taking it, despite never having weight problems before.)

therapists and my parents would constantly tell me that i was hiding something and try to hypnotize me into remembering it, i had no idea what it was, i was told something horrible happened to me and i had to remember it, i kept telling them i dont remember, and they told me i had memory problems. they kept telling me i had a memory locked away somewhere and i had to recover it, i had no idea what they meant by this.

i have no idea how to describe the way that i felt because of this. the feeling didnt go away when the therapy ended. it stayed with me for YEARS. my entire childhood and most of my teenage years i felt like i had a dark and evil secret that i couldnt even remember. it stuck with me, i didnt even know what it was. they marked me socially and mentally as a "rape victim" without it even happening, without me even understanding what they had done.

i didnt find out until i was a teenager that the therapists were telling my parents i had been raped. based on nothing. you know what happened in these therapy sessions? i played with animal toys and told the therapist i didnt want to go to school and that i wanted to be a boy. i told them i hated my name. and wanted to be called by a different name. they told me i had a deep dark secret i needed to remember and confess to them.

because marking me as someone who had been raped would emasculate me.

[itsalwaysdark]

aww its kinda cute finding me complaining abt my dads whole lisa thing from 2017. honestly so overshadowed by everything else and also i was so annoying when i was 12 aw .