#but i cant say that part truly bothers me though

[rampant-testiculitis]

i knew it was about me to some degree

[nmakii]

somewhere in the crowd, there’s you.

— happy birthday, @itoshiluvbot. sweet sixteen, but you’re sweeter than fiction.

— celebrating your birthday alone was pretty depressing, but sae decided to surprise you.

part 2 in the sae fic? heh.. chat, this might be it.. IM NOT GAY I SWEAR!!!!! HUGS AND KISSES XOXO ps: j cant stop ending my sae fics the same way its so addictive but also so lazy

you knew that your boyfriend’s job caused him to travel a lot. he’d be all over in italy, america, and even japan, competing in different leagues. and even when he was in spain, he’d always be training.

it was hard to work with, but he made it worth it

stress the fact that it’s hard to work with. what with him always being busy, the media always trying to get into your business, sae’s own emotional constipation, and the hard work of just being a generally functioning person, your relationship with sae was… strained, to say the least.

you couldn’t deny the fact that you love him— that’s more than just fact. and there’s no doubt amidst journalists that sae is truly infatuated with you, what with his off-handed mentions to how you use the delicate touch of your thumb to wipe off a bit of egg caught on his lip when the two of you cook breakfast in the morning together. or, the way he listens intently to whatever it is you’re rambling about again; how the paparazzis stalking another one of your dates perfectly captures the sight of sae’s cheek resting in his palm, fighting back the urge to smile at the way you talk with your hands.

there was just no denying it.

but while it all was true, you couldn’t help the inkling feeling you had. that small part of your heart that wishes that you had a normal boyfriend with a regular job. you always felt guilty whenever you wished for it, but you always wished that sae wasn’t a football player at times.

“amor, ill be back in a week. the embassy is taking a while to renew my visa…” sae sighs through the facetime. by the looks of it, it’s about 7 PM in japan. it looks as if the temperature is almost subzero from the look of the snow that falls on sae, melting and dampening his reddish-brown hair.

unlike there in japan, it’s only noon. and while it is cold outside, the warm kiss of the spanish sun shines bright on the surface of barcelona.

“a week..?” you frown, “but, ah… my birthday’s in 2 days though…” your eyes trail away from the camera. sae’s eyebrows crease at your disappointment— he can hear your little heart breaking, even while he’s continents away. “i know…” his downturned eyes show his evident disappointment. “i’ll send you ten thousand euros, and buy yourself something. okay?”

“ten thousand euros..?! sae, that’s way too much!” your widened eyes yell out to him. “it’s your birthday gift. and considering that it’s supposed to make up for my disappearance, it’s not enough.”

you’d try to argue with him about it, but you’ve already known sae long enough to learn that it’s easier to accept his gifts, rather than fight him over it. “i… alright…” you sigh in surrender, “but, you really don’t have do all of this.”

“but i want to.” is all he says back. “so, just accept it, okay? treat yourself to something nice, amor.” he smiles.

“i wish i could be in japan with you, sae…” you sigh, a big pout visible. sae only hums and responds, “i know, but it’d be a hassle for your work schedule. i shouldn’t bother you to travel with me.”

his reasons are solid enough, but it doesn’t stop you from being upset. sae can see it in your face, so he tries to fix it. “hey, what about… i take you to japan during the off-season? ill even take you to mt. fuji.”

his offer sounds quite enticing, and it gets you out of your slump. “really?” you smile. and he nods back, “really. i promise you. so, stop frowning. it’s not a good look on you.” he teases, yet still in his ever so flat tone, it’s hard to tell he’s joking.

the rest of your call isn’t too different from all your other long-distance travel calls, you call him until sae has to go to sleep. and, you leave the call feeling slightly disappointed. stupid embassy… keeping sae in japan on your birthday…

you roll your eyes from the thought, before a notification catches your attention. it’s from your cash app.

“YOU HAVE RECEIVED €15,000 FROM S*E IT***I”

‘happy birthday, amorcita. i love you, i’m sorry. 💗’

your jaw is slack from the egregiously large amount of cash, not to mention the fact that he added in an extra five thousand euros. but when sae tells you to spend his cash, you can’t tell him no. it’s something he won’t accept.

the next day; saturday, came about, and you went out on the town. a hang out with all your friends, going about and doing whatever, and spending the €15,000 sae had generously given you.

the day ended by 11 PM. your friends had insisted that you hang out until your birthday at 12. but without sae, all you really wanted was to be alone. maybe if you were lucky, you could call him before the clock strikes.

your luxury apartment felt sadder than usual. your basket of laundry on the table, waiting to be put away. sae’s arrangement of soccer cleats and rubber shoes by the front door, as well as the awkward space by the door in which his luggage typically fills. you miss him.

you take a shower, and change into your pajamas. 11:43… should you stay up? you might as well, it’s only about 15 more minutes.

you waste some moments scrolling on tiktok in the dark. until that constant flashing from the window start to annoy you. your complex is filled with tons of celebrities, so it’s not a surprise. but, it’s still annoying nonetheless.

you move to the window, thinking ‘oh, great. who is it this time?’. you internally roll your eyes at the swarm of paparazzi’s blocking your view, until you see who it actually is.

sae?

but, he was supposed to be in japan, right?! he can’t legally be in spain..!

you put on a cardigan, and run to the elevator. waiting to reach the bottom felt like forever! you anxiously paced the enclosed space, wondering if it was really sae, or if what you saw was even real!

when the elevator door finally opens, you’re greeted with sae who was impatiently waiting for the elevator. his frown suddenly ridding itself from his face when he sees you.

“so, you were the one holding it up.” he scoffs, his accusatory tone holding no actual malice. and you didn’t know what else to do, but just hug him.

the hug wasn’t expected, but it wasn’t unwelcomed either. he paused for a moment to process, before reciprocating your hug. his left hand resting at your waist, the band of his watch pressing itself on your back, while his right hand cradles the back of your head with his soft palm.

his posture softens as he rests his jaw on your head. he raises his left arm to check the clock on his watch. it’s 12:00.

“happy birthday, amorcita.” sae mutters, kissing the crown of your head. your phone starts blowing up in the pocket of your coat, all of your friends greeting you happy birthday. but, the only greeting that mattered right now was sae’s.

“…thanks.” you mumble back. the hug lasts for what seems forever. all of the subtle movements or gestures being a silent ‘i missed you’ or ‘i love you’

and, when you finally pull away, you notice that there’s a strange lump in sae’s team jacket. sharp and edged, you can’t help but wonder what it is.

“you said you wouldn’t be back in until next friday..! why are you here?!” you question. sae looks to the side, not even trying to hide the cheeky smirk on his face. “i.. lied. the embassy renewed my visa just in time. but, i wanted to surprise you.” he admits.

“huh..?! for what..?” your eyebrows scrunch, trying to comprehend the mysteriousness of his words. “…it might be too early for that. but, i promise you’ll know in time.” he promises.

“for now, this’ll have to make up for it.” he opens the width of his suitcase, and reveals the treasure of gifts he bought for you. a big stand-out being the large, traditional incense holder. it looks to be made of tin, as well containing a miniature replica of mt. fuji’s view.

he seems to have noticed that you saw the incense holder, so he says, “i can’t exactly bring you to mt. fuji right now. so, i brought mt. fuji to you.”

the line was incredibly corny. nothing sae would typically say. it was such a bad line, you started laughing into your palm. “hah..! were you waiting to say that line?”

“…” he pauses, hesitant to answer.

“…just a bit.” he admits, and that’s the punchline that really gets you to laugh.

you grab on to the suitcase, trying your best to stabilize yourself, but nothing you do can stop the tears of laughter dripping from your tears ducts.

sae notices your tears, the redness of your face from laughing too much, the wrinkles in your shut eyes, and the way your lips strains to contain your smile— and is a victim to that funny feeling in the pit of his stomach of butterflies; the lump in his throat being swallowed and caught in his heart as it attempts to stretch and make way for all the love he has for you. it spreads like a wildfire to the rest of his body as he has the urge to hide his face in embarrassment

sae was never the type to get nervous or embarrassed. but everything hit different when he was doing it in front of you. at games, he’d abandon his midfielder post and try to score his own goals in order to show you how capable he was, and on your first date, he wore his sunday’s best and brought roses. and now, when you’re clinging to his suitcase for dear life, red in the face and tears in your eyes, laughing at his expense, he’s wondering how he got so lucky.

a girl who’s willing to stick with him even when it’s hard, and a girl who balances out his no-nonsense temperament with her fun-loving and charismatic personality. he’s serious about you.

he knew it from the moment he picked out that ring for you.

a pink diamond engagement ring, a gold band gracefully enclosing the diamond in its center, and both your’s and sae’s initials delicately carved on the inside. it was perfect for you.

but with your busy life, and sae’s schedule, he knew that now wasn’t the right time. he’d probably have to wait a few more years, when you’re both ready.

his train of thought is stopped when he notices you’ve gotten up from his suitcase, and switched to grabbing on to his shoulders, and cry-laughing into his chest.

“…it’s not that funny, don’t laugh…” he huffs, frowning like the sore loser that he really is. “it’s not..! but, it’s funny cause you said it..!” your body shakes with laughter, and it makes sae pout more than he already had.

he sighs, letting you laugh freely, subtly moving his jacket pocket to the side and making sure that your body doesn’t feel the sharp edge of the engagement ring box, a sable black velvet casing the box which contains your ring.

“right…” he frowns, his nostrils flared from frustration.

your laughter finally ceases, and you move to kiss sae, a feeling he’s missed. the soft plush of your lips pressing against his, and your hand below moving to intertwine with his as his other uses his thumb and index finger to lovingly pull your face up. oh, how he loves you.

when you finally pull away, his eyebrows scrunches in annoyance. but manages to soften when you run your hands through the short silky strands of his hair.

“i love you.” you whisper to him, and he smiles. “happy birthday, amorcita. now that you’ve had your fun with your friends, i get you all to myself now, right?” he asks, hopeful in his tone.

you giggle at his question, but nod nonetheless. “yeah. today, i’m all your’s.” to which sae hastily moves to kiss you once again, leaning over to press the elevator button.

the kiss catches you off guard, but once the elevator doors open again, he pulls away. “good. i didn’t plan on letting you sneak away from me today.”

his hand resting at your waist pulls you forward into the elevator with him, and pressing the button to your floor. you lean to rest on his side, checking all the messages from your friends. while sae looks down and simply admires you.

how he’d go to the ends of the earth to return to you couldn’t even be described with the most detailed of words in the world. every day in japan that he’d wait for that damned jeweller to complete the perfect ring for his more than perfect girl was as if his skin was on fire. sure, japan was his home country. but how could he think that any other place is home, when he’s got a girl on the other side of the world waiting for him to return?

he turns his head, and he can see your thumbs rapidly moving to text your friends. and his heart warms and twists, seeing what you’ve texted…

OMG HE LIED TO SURPRISE ME

IM GONNA SRSLY MARRY THIS MANNNN 😻😻😻

and though to sae, it sounded like a joke; another one of your unserious declarations, you really meant it.

even though it was hard, he made all of it worth it.

[astravv]

PROMPT 11 (SMUT) FOR ALHAITHAM IS SO BEING ON MY MIND RN I CANT GET IT OUT

smut prompt 11 — alhaitham x fem! reader

a/n : NO CUZ ME TOO :,) here’s prompt 11 with alhaitham!!

prompt 11 — ❝i want to watch you take your clothes off❞

cw — sexual content , praising

pairing(s) — alhaitham x fem! reader

story — alhaitham and y/n have been together for awhile, but they have never experienced sex or anything remotely close to it before. y/n wears his clothes, which makes alhaitham feel things he hasn’t felt before with y/n.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

it was so cold. probably the coldest it’s been in sumeru for awhile. usually it’s nasty, humid weather. you didn’t really bother buying clothes for cold weather because it’s not like it ever really got cold. usually the coldest it would get would be 60s or 70s.

today was different however. when you walked outside for some fresh air and to drink your freshly brewed tea, the cold air just hit you like a truck. so you decided to set the tea down inside and dig through you and your boyfriend, alhaitham’s shared closet to find some warmer clothes.

you didn’t find anything that belonged to you that would keep you warm, but you did find something in alhaitham’s clothing. a nice big gray hoodie. you decided to just throw on some of your black leggings on too, just to tie it together.

you didn’t realize how comfy alhaitham’s clothing truly was, even though it was sorta big on you.

throughout the day, you lounged around on the couch and in the kitchen, waiting for your boyfriend to come home. he had to be at the akadeymia today for a meeting. these times always bored you because alhaitham said you weren’t aloud to go with him. so dumb. doesn’t he know that you wouldn’t cause trouble? he just tells you he’s very sorry and gives you a big hug and kiss before he walks right out the door. it’s also not like kaveh was there to keep you company either. he was also gone to do whatever architecture thing he was doing now.

but once that final hour came, you started getting more and more impatient. you just wanted your boyfriend to come home and cuddle with you on the couch as you both watch some movies and enjoy some snacks.

as soon as you heard alhaitham’s keys trying to unlock the door, you immediately jumped to your feet, ready to greet him at the door.

once the wooden door opened, alhaitham appeared at the door, looking up and down at you.

“oh hey, y/n.” he gave me a small smile, still looking at every part of you. “are you wearing my clothes?”

“yeah, it was really cold out today and i didn’t have anything to wear, so i just took one of your hoodies.” you reply. “that’s ok, right?”

“uhh,” he gets lost in his thoughts for a second. “yes, of course.”

you grin and grab his hand, pulling him towards the couch where you already have snacks, drinks and the tv set on a movie.

“i’ve missed you all day, so i wanted to surprise you with a movie date!” you exclaim. he blushes a bit but doesn’t say anything for a minute and you quickly sit him down on the couch. “do you want a soda or just some water? or you can have both if you’d like.”

“water, please.” you notice that alhaitham can’t keep his eyes off you, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but it starts to make you feel like you got something on your face or you’re doing something wrong.

“is everything ok? you keep staring at me.” you say, as you pour ice cold water into a cup for him.

“um.. yeah, everything’s fine.” alhaitham murmurs, watching you pour the water.

“uh.. okay.” you hand him the cup and he takes a big swig of it, then goes right back to looking at you.

“do you wanna cuddle?” you question. he doesn’t reply, but he wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him. he slowly gets on top of you and you both just look at each other in the eyes.

“al-haitham!” you squeak. he leans in and presses his lips onto yours. they’re a little chapped, but it’s okay, you still melt into the kiss. he starts to push his tongue between your lips, asking for an entrance. you open your lips and he slides his tongue in, licking all around your mouth, feeling every inch of it. you melt into his arms.

alhaitham releases the kiss, looking back into your eyes again.

“take your clothes off.” alhaitham says, still staring into your eyes, like he’s staring into your soul.

“what?” you reply, extremely confused on what your boyfriend just said. he’s never said anything like that before.

“take your clothes off.” alhaitham repeats. “i want to watch you take your clothes off.”

you gulp a bit, pushing yourself a bit away from him, not losing the eye contact. he lets go of you, still keeping his eyes on every inch of your body.

you start by slowly taking your leggings off, which are harder to get off. you pull them all the way down and off your legs, revealing your black underwear underneath. they weren’t anything fancy.

then you grab the gray hoodie, pulling it over your head slowly. you didn’t have a bra on, since you were just at home. your chest now exposed to alhaitham, who averts his attention to them.

your breathing is hitched, and you slowly start to slide your underwear off. once they’re off and thrown into the floor with the other clothes, you sit in front of alhaitham with your knees up to your chest.

alhaitham smirks and leans pushed your chest away from your legs so he can see every inch of you. he takes you all in, all of your beauty outside of the clothes that was previously restraining it.

“alhaitham..” you mutter softly.

“y/n..” he leans down and connects his lips to yours again. his hands can’t help but latch onto your body, feeling up your soft curves and crevices. he grabs your thighs and pulls them up so you wrap your legs around his waist.

“i’m gonna make you feel good, baby.” he says between the passionate kisses. he lets go off your lips and quickly pulls his shirt off, revealing is very nice toned abs and torso. then he moves your legs and tears off his pants and underwear, leaving no time to slowly get undressed.

you can’t help but stare at his dick, taking it all in. alhaitham licks his lips a little and leans down to start kissing your chest. his lips hover over your right nipple, just enough so you can feel his hot breath. it makes you tingle a bit in your stomach, giving you butterflies.

“alhaitham..” you cry out.

“baby..” he answers, immediately latching onto your nipple and sucking on it, making you arch your back and wrapping your arms around his neck. you also slide your fingers all in his gray locks of hair.

his tongue laps around your nipple, sucking at every bit of it. your moan keeps getting louder and louder.

he lets go and continues down, leaving small kisses along your stomach and down to your womb. once he gets below, he rests his lips on your slit, leaving small kisses, teasing you. he then raises his lips to your clit, sucking your clit and licking all around it, driving you nuts. he places one of his fingers on your clit, rubbing it around and pressing on it like it’s a button.

his mouth does all the work below, sticking his tongue as far as he can into you, licking all around your entrance as he licks in and out of your body.

“you’re driving me crazy, ‘haitham..” you moan out, your hands still gripping onto his hair, pushing his face further into your core. he keeps on rubbing your clit and causing you to squirm underneath him. “‘haitham, please!”

all of a sudden, your legs quiver and you cum onto his face. you let out a long sigh and let go of alhaitham’s hair, resting them beside you.

alhaitham sits up and rubs your juices off his face and onto his arm. he then wraps his arms around your body and sits you up. you rest your head on his chest, opening your eyes slightly to look at his still very excited cock. you smile a bit and lean down, taking his length all into your mouth, sliding it in and out. drool spills out of your mouth as you sloppily go up and down on his cock, soaking it.

“mmm, baby, keep going.” he softly tugs on your hair, guiding you.

you choke on his length trying to stick it all into your mouth, you want to show him that you can take it. you hum against your boyfriend’s dick.

“that feels amazing, baby.” he praises you, which makes you feel like you need to keep going to get more praises. you pick up your speed, and then alhaitham presses your head down all the way on his cock. you choke on it, coughing very loudly as he lets out a loud groan, releasing into your mouth.

he lets go of your head and you quickly pull away, coughing up the cum a little bit also trying to regain your breath.

“i’m sorry.” alhaitham apologizes. “it just felt so good, i couldn’t help myself.”

you smile at him, then leave a small kiss on his cheek. you wrap your arms around him, and sit yourself down onto his dick, which is still semi-hard.

“you still want to keep going, baby?” he asks, grabbing onto your waist and hovering you over his dick.

“yes, i want to make you feel good.” you reply, sweetly. you slowly sit down onto him, sliding his dick inside your sopping insides. you rest your hands on alhaitham’s shoulders, helping yourself balance as you bounce up and down on his cock.

you stare into his eyes as he’s watching every part of your body, especially your chest. your chest jiggles as you bounce up and down on him quickly. the wet slapping noises echoing throughout the house. the couch starts making lots of noise too from the impact.

“god, you do this so well.” alhaitham lets out a short, but semi-loud moan. he throws his head back and closes his eyes as he takes in the feeling of you bouncing up and down so quickly.

“‘haitham.. i’m about to..” you cry out as you lift yourself up and cum onto his twitching dick. you slide back onto his dick, stick moving up and down to pleasure alhaitham.

“baby, i’m about to go crazy.” he grunts, digging his hands into your waist, in which he starts to move you faster. “do you want me to cum in you?”

“umm.. probably not for awhile..” you manage to get out as he quickly pulls himself out, ejaculating onto your stomach and chest. “fuck…”

he throw you onto the couch and grabs a cracker off the charcuterie board you had made earlier. he looks at you and smiles softly.

“let me go get a towel for you, then we can continue your plan.”

[ender-cloud]

That new TGS update made me physically ill holy shit! Spoilers under cut

I feel like we all knew that this would happen but I wasn’t actually ready for it, Like god Lanyon you truly were screwed over

THIS MADE ME LIKE AGAHBAGWGAVEVS!!!

Also after this the “I wanted to be the person you needed me to be” makes me just feel so agshabaggas JEKYLLLL!!! It broke my heart and im still not ok.

Even after jekyll admitted it was him Lanyon still wanted to find an excuse how it couldn’t be at first and it’s just like, Lanyon! You can’t be doing this to me man!

Also, just, Jekyll saying that Hyde was a mistake is a punch to the gut, because i get how he can think that but Hyde is still like a part of Jekyll he separated from himself! Does he think that part of himself was a mistake? Or does he think that ever separating Hyde from him was a mistake? Because these two things can have very different meanings.

If he thinks that part of himself was a mistake: he hates a part of himself that he cant control which is something a lot of people experience but its still not ideal, But its also Fucked up, Because Hyde has become his own person and Jekyll is acting like he Dosent exist, like Hyde can’t hear all of this

But on the other hand if he thinks it was a mistake separating Hyde from himself might mean that he can see that maybe it would be better if he still had that part with him and this shows his growth from who he used to be. Finally realizing that it still makes him, him, again something some people need to overcome in real life.

Though it is most likely the first option but i can only hope its the second

I know that Lanyon’s reaction is probably the most important but I really want to see Jaspers and Rachels reactions too because we havent even gotten a glimpse of them in the background and it’s just heightening my curiosity, because Rachel was close to both of them so she’s the one im most interested in after Lanyon.

ANYWAY! BACK TO THE PAIN!!!

Im going to be honest i think Lanyon is valid for this because yes it has been 2 years and He and Jekyll have been friends for long enough to where you would have this trust base relationship.

Also they just got together romantically which would fuck up Lanyons mind even more. Like way to go Jekyll breaking the foundation of trust in a relationship in your first day of being in one. I can see how he might feel like his feelings are being played with, Hyde would avoid him, and ive been mentioning this so often but like if someone you thought was your friend and they had an Alter ego that avoided you wouldnt you be hurt?

I feel like im shitting on Jekyll a lot, and I don’t mean to because I like Jekyll!! Dont get me wrong!!! But you have to admit that it is his fault, he’s not always the victim, its the people around him who’s being affected by his actions. It was Jekyll’s choice to continue to drink the potion, it was Jekyll’s choice not to tell Lanyon, there was no outside force making him do this.

And you can’t say that Hyde was making him continue to drink the potion because for 1; i doubt that in the beginning Hyde would be able to bother him that much only starting out, im sure it was another thing that developed over time with the potions use and 2; as we saw Jekyll could’ve thrown away those potions on his own terms at any time, he didn’t have to make more.

I just wanted to make this known because i feel like it needs to, do i like Jekyll? Yes. Do i feel bad for him? Yes. Do i think he’s the victim in the situation? No, because of the reasons above. But really, I don’t hate Jekyll, and its not like its always his fault, no, but in this situation it was his actions that lead to this.

I got really sidetracked so heres some of the other images i saved because this is getting really long.

Them both crying Makes this so much worse like, these two almost never show their emotions around people, and now in front of everyone they are about to breakdown, it just makes my chest tight, God dammit Sage this Chapter was painful

[sad-scarred-sassy]

E/riel has no reason making me so furious, I was wondering why it bothers me so much.

Maybe is my love and empathy for Lucien and THE FACT THAT any scenario where he doesn’t end up with Elain will be tragic, and people don’t seem to care.

In a universe where fated mates exist and are basically the most precious thing to even the most powerful lords, where it is canon that its a bond that cant be broken and that will follow them forever, you really mean to look me in the eyes and say that a rejection will not end in a tragic story? FOR BOTH OF THEM.

And even if the bond is fake (its not) it is also just CRUEL to have it placed on a male that has had the woman he loved (who he thought was his mate) KILLED in front of him, just to spend his life counting out any type of romantic love, just to suddenly find his actual mate and have his whole LIFE turned around, giving up EVERYTHING to just SEE if shes okay, to then it not being real????

What then? He will find his true true mate? That is just insane and will never happen. At least not in one book and being realistic, if the concept of mates is stretched as some people say, then what is this if not a stretch and a completely illogical plot. (Also I dont think Lucien will get his own book without Elain).

Of all the situations in which SJM could have written a rejected bond/fake bond, why choose to do it with the one character who has already sworn off love, who has already lost all hope of ever experiencing love again, the one that has ZERO people who truly care about him, who had to deal with abuse and rejection HIS WHOLE LIFE and STILL IS. Why subject him to something that will not yield into his character development but just throw him even further into his doom. All for nothing. All to just feed the plot of a rejected bond and a “forbidden romance” for Elriel?

Cruel. Its just cruel.

When people say they want to see a rejected bond with Lucien and Elain specifically they are just saying they do not care about Lucien (he’s not part of the IC so why would they right?) and they just want Azriel to end up with Elain even though that ship is already sinking.

[vrisrezis]

Dabihawks + satsugu hcs where you take care of them after they get injured;;; reader has a cat quirk, // reader is special grade sorcerer, reader comes across and stoic and uncaring but they care a lot. Reader is gn like always but they are called a bitch (affectionate)

Sorry if Dabi is ooc he’s having a soft boy moment

You didn’t really acknowledge touya when he walked into your shared home, but he didn’t want you to in all honestly. Part of him hoped you would not smell the blood seeping from what should be his stitched up skin, but he knows you can smell it from the way your eyes narrow. Even for a normal person with no cat like smell, the odor is rather potent.

You close your eyes, letting out a deep sigh as he tries to walk past you and he physically cringes, shutting his eyes tightly. He feels like a child about to be scolded by his mother or something, but only you can illicit such a childish reaction from him.

You close the book your reading, placing it on the table in front of you and you stand up, walking behind him. He knows better than to just walk away from you so he stands in place, frozen. You can be rather intimidating when you’re angry, even if those feelings aren’t obvious, he’s known you for so long now he can just feel it. It’s not like he’s scared of you or anything, as you are his partner that deep down loves and cares for him, but he still knows better than to get on your bad side.

You place a hand on his shoulder, your hard gaze doesn’t soften. You make him look at you by turning his body with the hand placed on his shoulder, your claws threatening to dig into his skin if he doesn’t turn to look at you.

“You interrupted my reading time.” you say, but you don’t seem annoyed. Then again, you’re a cold hearted bitch that never seems to indicate any emotion. “And what’s more..? You look like shit. Cant have my boyfriend looking like shit, it makes me look bad.” you say in order to try to mask that you care for him, even though you both know how much you truly love the man before you. It’s just in your nature, and perhaps he’s the same exact way. “come, I will patch you up.”

You walk into the bathroom to get what you needed to help stitch back some of the skin on dabis mouth and hands. You don’t bother asking him how he managed this, as he’s been abnormally silent. Must’ve been a tougher mission. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” you ask, referring to when he first walked in your shared abandoned house. Your boyfriend lets out a hiss as you patch his skin back together. You truly show no remorse nor mercy when it comes to this stuff, or anything really.

“Maybe.. who knows?” he shrugs, looking the other way, “figured maybe you would ignore it.” he says before looking you in the eyes. “Hate it when you care for me. Means you’ll be making fun of me for the next week for being too pathetic.” he says with a little smirk.

“While that is entirely true,” you admit, “I am your partner, so it is my job to take care of you. You’d do the same if the roles were reversed. Besides, you love it when I make fun of you.” “No I don’t.” He groans, “you’re relentless, give your man a damn break. I gotta deal with toga all day, I don’t need to deal with you too.”

You place a hand to his cheek, and you notice the blush form. “Too bad.” you say, kissing the shell of his ear. “It’s too fun to tease you.” you say with the same, nonchalant expression you wear.

You know he’s probably having a rough day, as indicated with how soft he’s being right now. Typically he’s more bratty. As a result, you figure you’ll take care of him.

“Now go take a shower. You smell like a rotting corpse.” “You know I hate taking those.” he rolls his eyes, “hurts my skin.” “Don’t care.” you reply.

“Tch. Have a little compassion, bitch.” “I’ll kill you. Take a shower, you smelly bastard.”

You’re silent. And while that isn’t exactly uncommon for you, right now it does not put Keigo at ease like it normally may have. While you know of his past, know of his father being a criminal, you know that he had not intended o killing twice. You’d like to say you don’t particularly care, but that would be a lie. For as uncaring as you are, you have ideals of your own that you take seriously.

But you know keigo, although you would reprimand anyone for not holding certain people accountable because of a stupid emotional attachment, you know keigo just wanted to help. He’s just an idiot at times. Besides that, you know how this goes. You cannot save everyone, that is the hardest part about this job. Some people are beyond saving.

For once, you don’t insult him too much for his personal failures, knowing that he’s probably being hard on himself right now. You’ve both been quiet, he’s looking anywhere but you, and you’ve been staring into his soul for quite awhile. Eventually you look away, and keigo isn’t sure if he’s thankful your sharp gaze is no longer on him.

“Want anything?” you ask, uncaring as always. As if nothing was happening. He lets out a sigh, “no..”

“Okay.” you simply say, before walking up to him, he’s alarmed by this as first, but you then ruffle is hair. “Relax you dumb bird,” you say with a sigh, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. You look down at him, and he finally gathers the courage to look up at you. “I’m sorry…” he says, and you shake your head. “Don’t apologize.” you say simply, before adding “bird brain.”

While keigo is normally one to start some petty argument over the nickname, his heart flutters upon hearing it. Maybe cause he expected you to hate him, which he wouldn’t blame you for. He doesn’t expect the cute nickname from you.

He feels as though he may be pushing his luck, but he tries anyway. “Can you… hold me?” he asks, rather hopeful.

Even you don’t have it in you to turn him down. With a roll of your eyes you say, “fine, but don’t expect this to happen everytime you happen to injure yourself.”

You don’t see it, but he’s got the biggest grin under all the bandages.

Gojo seriously cannot believe it. He was just defeated by Toji Fushiguro, yet somehow the young male was still breathing. Both he and the man that attacked him thought he was dead, but here you were, standing before him, and he acknowledges your existence. You stood there, as uncaring as ever. He seriously wonders if you give a shit about him at all.

“Get up, moron.” you say, “or he’ll kill geto too.” you tilt your head in the direction he went, your eyes looking in that direction but your head never once turns to look as if it’s unneeded.

You see your stupid boyfriend let out a laugh in a sudden realization. “I think I finally figured it out.” he whispers, and even you’re surprised you managed to hear him. “I know that, dumbass. That’s why I just said, you need to find him.”

Gojo gets up, without your assistance. He lets out a sigh, “you’re so mean to me.” he pouts, and you roll your eyes. “Promise me you’ll nurse me back to health when this is over?”

For once, you nod. A part of you wants to take care of gojo, but you don’t admit that to him. “Yes. Now go you piece of shit.”

He can’t help but let out a strained laugh.

Geto has never been injured before. Seeing him in such a state after the fight wth toji bothered you deep down, though he never got the sense you worried too much. You were there for him, and got him to safety, but you two never talked about what happened directly with one another.

You aren’t sure how to assist him in his time of need, for a multitude of reasons. But you know he needs you.

You don’t bother to knock on his door, you come in anyways. Which isn’t like you. For as rude as you can be, you still respected him (and anyone else) enough to knock. But you didn’t care about formalities at the moment.

He turns around, “oh… hey hun…” he says quietly. You don’t bother saying anything back, and sit next to him on the bed. Neither of you say anything for awhile.

“It bothers me too, you know.” you say, looking at him.

For the first time in weeks, he turns back to you, he is able to hold back a gasp, but can’t help but leave his mouth agape. You look exhausted, just like him. You look so tired with the bags under your eyes, sullen cheeks, and you look incredibly skinny. He can’t imagine he looks much better himself, but he never would’ve imagined ever seeing you in this state given your hard personality. Even so, you still held a stoic expression, you still kept it all together despite how obvious it was you were hurting too.

He feels his lips quiver, and for the first time ever, he sees your hard gaze soften and cup his cheek. He feels his eyes water. “I failed her..” he whispers as he lets the tears fall on his cheeks.

You don’t disagree with him, because you can’t. To you, it would be dishonest.

“I failed her too.” you say. “We both failed her.” you continued. “But that’s why we have to keep going. Keep trying. So that we don’t have to fail anyone else, ever again.”

He allows himself to cry more. Because for once, you allow it. You allow the vulnerability that you’ve never once allowed. He allows himself to feel everything he needs to. Cause at the end of the day, he knows you’re the one person who truly understands.

“Thank you.. you’re so good to me..” he says, and you shake your head.

“Shut up. I am unworthy of your praise.”

[salad-006]

hi salad

I've been thinking about this for a long time... so, theoretically, can I (or anyone) ship oliver and evelyn (his girlfriend)? you just pointed out that you are not glad to see shipping content, and at the same time your character has a partner.

Honestly i can totally see why this makes me sound like a hypocrite , so let me try to explain it in a bit more detail (INCOMING LONG RAMBLEY RANT)

To put it simply: im acearo. Im one of those who's so heavily detatched from sex and romance that i just have zero interest in it at all, and I never have. So hopefully you can understand how romance being such a massive and reoccurring trope in effectively All media can get pretty tiresome and annoying for someone who doesn't really understand the nuances of love. One of the many reasons I like eddsworld so much is it's one of the few shows out there that's almost Never used romance in any sort of serious or long-lasting way. I can fully enjoy all of the writing.

And this isn't to say I'm AGAINST portrayal of romance in media, obviously it's a huge part of human history in many ways. I think what i truly dislike the most is when shipping stories are introduced via fanon that weren't there before. If that makes sense?? Like I dont like canon romance storylines, but I can just ignore them. But when a fandom turns what's left into a romantic story as well I cant really enjoy the fandom content the same way everyone else does. I don't even bother reading fanfic anymore just because i know it'll aways be there and I'll always be uncomfortable and close out early. (This isn't me demanding everyone stops shipping btw. I've done just fine for years by simply ignoring it. You do you, I'll just look the other way while you do it)

With oli and eli they're dating in cannon, but i never truly ever draw them being like romantic romantic, nor do i ever dive into the intricacies of their relationship. The fact that he's with eli barely has plot relevance in the overarching zomverse story (name patent pending) and that's how I like it. There is no story to them being in love its just how it is, and how it always will be.

This was long and nonsensical so

TLDR: what i dont like more specifically is romance-central stories, not just romance in itself. Oli and elis relationship has no story to it and i never do anything with it, which is why its there. So as long as you're not going too crazy (they're all minors as a reminder) I'm okay with that yeah . (Though realistically i dont think you're really shipping when the pairing already exists lol. The ships already sailed)

[lupiinee]

Thoughts on the wolfstar ship 👀

you want me to go there? really? this is opening a can of worms that i think i really do not want to do.

okay. fine. fine. if you're so eager to know.

i have problems with it.

now, lets be VERY VERY CLEAR HERE. before you twist my words and bend them out of shape and make me sound like something truly awful and h*mophobic when i'm not and just giving an opinion I WAS ASKED FOR. I am a trans, queer man. i am part of the lgbtqia + movement. i have been here a very very very long time.

the ship itself i have NO ISSUES WITH. that is, the pairing between remus/sirius i really enjoy

personally? i've always preferred the marauders as brothers, but i have shipped w*lfstar in the past and it DOES NOT BOTHER ME if people want to write about it with me, or have me write about it. i'll happily write about it. the more love for remus? the better.

but the ship is ultimately a doomed one. sirius is very blasé when it comes to the circumstances around the "prank", he considers remus to be the spy for most if not all of the war, sewing seeds of doubt into remus' mind about whether he's a good person (and for remus that is bad because he already is full of self doubt and loathing for himself) it goes to the point where sirius trusts pettigrew over remus and that leads to the downfall of james and lily.

i think it's a beautiful ship within remembering the context of which they would have been engaging with the world around them. it quickly falls apart very rapidly when they start accusing each other of being spies. this isn't some little push and pull game. this is war. active war where their friends are dying. and contextually, remus believed sirius to be the spy for 14 years. lily and james death proved as much until pettigrew was revealed. it is a doomed ship. one that i enjoy exploring because that is the tragedy of the marauders.

i think it works in the case of them being 17-20, but they would have fought a lot. their relationship would have disintegrated and that makes for an interesting narrative. but like i say, remus didn't secretly believe that sirius was innocent, he didn't wait 14 years for sirius to escape (not when no one had ever escaped from azkaban before) remus truly did believe sirius, who was from a pure blood family, was the spy for voldemort.

so let's get to the crux of the matter okay?

i like w*lfstar when we look at it like that. in that context it is beautiful and dramatic and ultimately tragic. it ends in tragedy for them both. that's what makes it appealing to me because if it wasn't for the circumstances, they could have maybe made it work.

what i hate, and i mean loathe, is the fandom that surrounds this ship. the absolute vitriol i see shoved day in and day out towards the female characters, particularly tonks, is absolutely fucking vile. i've seen claims ranging from "remus is in a lavender marriage" to "remus never loved her" to "remus just used her because she could make herself look like sirius."

it is fucked up the way that the fandom treats the female characters. i've seen absolute nonsense from tonks being made into a subdued housewife when she married remus (how? her hair is literally bright pink and women can be badasses and be moms. i have several friends who are exactly like tonks - from the hair to the piercings to the attitude and have 8 kids) being a mother doesn't mean you become something less of yourself. and because there's an age gap (not a huge one mind you but definitely an age gap) people like to label it as PDFilic (i cant say the actual word i will get thrown off tumblr) even though remus doesn't actively pursue tonks BECAUSE HE IS DEPRESSED AND THINKS HE'S INCAPABLE OF LOVE AND BEING LOVED.

there are complete misunderstandings about remus as a person when he tries to run away. remus would have literally done that with anyone. not because he doesn't love them, but because he thinks he's unworthy of being loved and is terrified of having any other option. his own depressed nature keeps him from finding people who care about him.

remus literally arrives at shell cottage "dazed by his own happiness" (word for word quote there i am not making it up) when tonks gives birth to teddy. and let me make it clear i GREATLY dislike when people use tonks as a womb so that sirius and remus can raise teddy. it makes me feel sick. the same way that people have used lily as a womb to give birth to harry then written out so they can have the jegulus ship work. it makes me feel physically sick to my stomach. don't treat women as wombs. don't treat them as disposable.

the idea that remus wouldn't have moved on, wouldn't have allowed himself the grace to feel his grief and live his life outside of seeing his whole friend group destroyed just speaks volumes to how people prioritise your 20s as being the most crucial time of your life and the only time that matters. remus had 14 years by himself. where he would have moved on. where he would have had to otherwise the guilt and the pain would have suffocated him. he would not have sat waiting for sirius. he wouldn't have sat pining over sirius - a man who used his lycanthropy as a weapon and considered him a spy. remus would have moved on.

td:lr for those not wanting to read the whole thing.

i like w*lfstar, i like remadora. i like both. but the way that the fandom has twisted and shaped w*lfstar into a fetishization of MLM ships, whilst treating female characters literally like horseshit is deeply, deeply troubling, deeply sexist, deeply misogynistic and deeply biphobic to the point where if i was to write w*lfstar i would need to do it with someone i trust and understands where i am coming from. i have been in this fandom for a long long time and seen the shift first hand where remus was considered bisexual, to just straight up bashing tonks or any female character that looks his way. it's also why i tend not to actively involve myself in the marauders spectrum because i just don't like what they've done and it's a bastardisation of these characters for all their faults and traumas they've gone through.

[voltronisanobsession]

Lance with a Genderfluid S/O who feels Insignificant

Ok!! so this was requested by @girlboypersonthingy , who wanted hcs with Lance and a gender-fluid/non-binary s/o who feels like he’s kinda pushing them aside/insignificant to him!

Ngl I had a little trouble writing this, so I hope i was able to execute this well!

You and Lance have built a really strong relationship with each other

Despite Lances’ initial confusion, he was quick to understand that you didn’t identify as one gender

He’s SOOO supportive of you like this boy would do anything to keep you feeling comfortable in your own skin

But it’s the little things he won’t truly understand, like how clothes never seemed to fit in the right places, or the weird feeling that would rise in you whenever you unknowingly compared yourself to another person

The latter seemed to happen more often though as the boy spoke with others around him

The flirty grins he’d send the girls he met, or the playful comments he would make that were different from the ones he would tell you

Was it just you or did it feel like you guys were growing apart?

It made you begin doubting if Lance even liked you in a romantic sense

Was it because you weren’t like the girls who would return his flirty grins with a sweet smile?

Were you just not good enough as you were? Did he have a preference for a specific gender?

Doubts and insecurities began gnawing in the back of your mind the longer Lance kept up his playboy act

Why didn’t he hold your hand? Was he afraid to be seen with you?

Should you were more feminine clothing? Even if there were days that you didn’t want to?

Lance began noticing the small changes in your appearance and mood though

The way you began wearing a little more makeup, the way you began curling in on yourself whenever there was a girl around

He grew suspicious of your behavior but decided not to say anything, thinking maybe it would pass

Wrong mistake buddy

I think he really starts noticing your changes when you start pulling away from his touch, avoiding him whenever he’s talking to someone or just in general

“Has y/n been acting weird? I feel like they’re acting weird. Are they acting weird?”

“Lance, if you think they’re acting weird, then why don’t you go ask them if somethings wrong??”

Lord someone save Pidge from this dude💔

He definitely drags her around, along with Hunk, trying to find clues on why you’re acting so differently now!

Finally after a couple of days of you avoiding him in the halls of the castle, he decides to just ask you what’s been bothering you

“Y/n hey! Um is something going on?”

“What uh, what do you mean?”

He would start listing all the stuff he’s noticed about you and this entire week, which makes you feel even more worse once you hear how obvious you had been

Lance is just so confused, bless his clueless soul

You would get frustrated and finally just spill it all out

It’s hard for you because it really does feel like your showing a part of your soul, it makes you feel vunerable

“I can’t be like those other girls Lance! I just feel like sometimes you would prefer if I were just a girl or just a boy, but I cant.”

It’s like the whole world stops for him because is this how you truly felt?

Did you really think that he didn’t want you, for you?

“I know I’m not the ideal partner, so if you want to find someone else who can-“

“WAIT WAIT WHAT NO!”

Seeing your eyes, Lance feels so bad for making you think that he didn’t want you and ugh he just feels terrible💔

“Why would you think I would want anyone besides you?!”

“W-well, the way you look at others made me… you know, think you wanted to be with someone else who could stick to one gender…”

Cue loud shattering effect cuz this dudes heart just BROKE

“No! No no aw man! I’m so sorry i made you feel that way! I know I can do that sometimes, habits die hard. But I promise you I don’t want anyone. Only you. Regardless of who you are and choose to be.”

After you both talk it out for a while, it still takes some time for you to feel fully secure in your relationship again

Lance does everything in his power to assure you that you’re the only he wants

When you’re feeling a certain way and want to be referred to a specific pronoun, he’s 100% supporting you no matter what

Fully believes that your gender, or uh lack of gender, doesn’t define your relationship

He’s so respectful of you and is always willing to talk to you whenever you’re feeling upset about yourself

Man he’s just so UGGHHHH💔💔💔💔

He’s so proud of you, and he makes sure to always reassure you about your guys’ relationship

I love Lance so much i can’t even💔

[wiresister]

14, 15, 18 :p

14 ) do you enjoy being lightheartedly teased? why or why not?

Yeah i do sometimes, it depends on my mood and whos doing it and how, so i guess im a little picky about it but when its nice its really nice. i think i like doing the teasing a little more tbh.

15) do you prefer to be numb or overly emotional? why?

ive long considered (and been told) that im overly emotional but the older i get the more numb i get and on some level getting number is has more utility, like im just not bothered by nearly as much. But there was something to be said about the rawness of being very emotional that i just dont feel anymore, and i do miss that. i cant say whether i truly prefer one over the other tbh.

18) what is something you can’t bring yourself to get rid of?

materially, i have a little dog stuffie that my ex gave me when we first started dating. im very sentimental and i imprint on objects very easily so ive been attached to it as long as ive had it even though now theres a lot of bad feelings attached to it as well, and its the only object i have to remember it by. part of me wants to keep it because like, its not the stuffies fault, it didnt do anything wrong and i dont wanna abandon my kiddo :( but on the other hand i cant even bare to look at it much less keep it in my bed or hold it so im neglecting it anyways and ive been thinking about finding it a new home with someone far away from here so it can have a new life for itself, and so i can too

[kaleidosouls]

im too lazy to put the vpn on to tweet so im gonna tumblr post; talk watch abt the amazing digital circus ep 3 (spoilers ofc) [Edit: i had more thoughts i guess il put it in the replies bc tumblr has those now? maybe itll be more accessible for my twitter generated yapping disorder)

finally some appreciation for my man and favourite character kingler like he goddamn DESERVES. i actually have not enjoyed tadc very much theres so much i rly dislike abt it but its like super well produced and indie so like you watch to be on the loop (i wish it was actually rendered closer to the quality of cd games from the 2000s that it seemed to be referencing but like, it looks how it looks and thats how it is), i rly disliked the script for the mpst part in the first 2 eps but ive loved kingler from day 1 so having an ep with mostly just him and pomni (i have mixed feelings on her too but w/e) was great great great and we had some lore n stuff but rly like i could smell a fellow traumatized man whos a bit wacky to cope from miles away and im glad to be proven Right

sorry im older man fucker so he rly hits all the boxes bc hes actually so sweet and helpful hes just mentally unstable (love him for that) and a lot of his endearing like caring nature comes thru in the physical aspect of the character and with less dialogue, rly the less dialogue the show has the better, idk who does the scripts and i dont wanna diss them but like oof i fucking hate it shkdh like its not like its never funny but its just, off, ive still not been able to properly explain to my wife the way that its off to me, and it bothers me to not be able to cohere those emotions! anyway

kingler so cute so very handsome and uwu so gentle and kind 💖💖💖 i love how gentle he is and good to pomni (ofc ppl are gonna call it fatherly or god forbid grandfatherly when hes like 40, and now if you ship them ppl will say its incesty when theyre two grown adults but w/e) like idk i just love a kind mentally unwell man!!! im simple!!! him just overexposing at the near end in dialogue was rly awkward in the writing like man they just, the dialogue is so not good. but in theory his character is so good and the thing abt the darkness and such was sweet. like hes just always been so endearing and the ep just gives a lot of free real estate kingler screentime to drink with my eyeballs, it doesnt change my opinion on the character at all bc ive always loved him this much

the rest was ok just the typical fare for the most part, like tadc rly often makes me so dissatisfied bc it has so So much potential but the ways it kinda just ends up like a dumbed down typical cartoon is really meh. i do love caine though and more proof that hes a non malicious (although maybe harmfully ignorant) ai. his gags almost land for me if they werent really Really lampshaded, i love how much he cares but is incapable (yet) of improving, i thought it was sweet zooble was so earnest with him. like, the whole tadc def improves the less mean spirited it is, for me. which is hard bc the most favoured character is rancid mean disney purple guy.

gghh why is this show so agdidhsifirh (gestures of anger) like its like, much worse ENA or smth but i know theres more that bothers me abt it than that, and i cant grasp it. im stil in hell irl so i cant cohere a lot in general so w/e, i need to chill and let go. i did like the horror trophy head designs of everyone that i could see (i wanted to get a better look at kinglers but i couldnt find a good frame from watching on my phone) like they were super over the top and fun. i wish the settings they travelled to still felt like, even remotely circusy? they truly feel like just we’re in a different cartoon. but its ok i only hate 749374947493 things abt the shows style choices

i want a framed photo of kingler so i could kiss it. or maybe i could trt to makena plush of him. he is my beloved to hurt/comfort. hes wacky and nice and traumatized and has memory issues and i wuv him

[sleepygaymerdisease]

shinji and kitaoka would be horrible for each other and they would not work out and they are truly polar opposites which the show constantly tells you at every possible moment with their color schemes being red and green and shinji being a highly unpredictable and emotional wrecking ball who crashes into everyone elses plans and has 2 jobs that he struggles with while kitaoka is a very calm and calculating guy who has a ton of money as a lawyer and gets help from his assistant boyfriend guy. but. that being said. shinji is also like a gay guy who has never thought about the fact that hes gay in his life and he is jsut now figuring that out at like the worst possible time in his life when hes in middle of a damn death game and it sucks but he hasnt totally figured it out yet?? but like its pretty obvious from the way he acts though like its just that shinji is the last person in the room to figure out that hes gay and everyone else is kind of waiting and well its kinds of fascinating to see shinji one of the most insane and distractable people ever trying to wrap his head around this while hes also making tons of nearly thoughtless decisions. so shinji is like weirdly obsessed with kitaoka in that way like he wants to be friends with him and get close to him even thouhg he sucks and hates him and he gets in that guy's personal space all the time and he tries going on a date with him and takes notes on his life and cant even fucking think of anything to say about him and kitaoka is so funny because he doesnt give a fuck about shinji not rlly but hes like ehhh sure ill entertain this. ill see where this is going. might as well mess with him. if hes gonna keep bothering me then i have nothing better to do. and thats how you get moments like that part when shinji cleans this fucker's house or the part where shinji gets absurdly close to this guy and does a little head tilt without thinking like theyre about to kiss.

[commodore64]

honestly it irks me that ppl think hsts is just about internalized homophobia and hating that youre gay/lesbian. not saying it cant be a factor for many (even most) and etc. but i think it's honestly more a way of coping with external issues than internal ones for the most part. thats how it is for myself at least.

ive seen it described as "making a rational decision to live as the other sex because it would be easier for the individual in the current society they exist in given their personality/traits/temperament" and honestly that resonates a lot with me, far more than any narratives about identity or other bullshit. its funny how radblr glorifies past lesbians who lived as men to make their lives easier, but when modern lesbians do it we're gender traitors ...? you'll acknowledge that women are still very much oppressed, but deny that there could EVER be a valid reason for one to do that.... hmm

not that i didnt/dont have gender/sex dysphoric feelings obviously but i think its very largely a rational decision on my end, where I've carefully weighed the costs and benefits and decided that overall it's worth it for me in my personal situation.

i know im a lesbian and im fine with it. the issue is that most people aren't or if they are it's very contingent on you being (hyper) feminine to make up for it. well, one of many anyway.... well thats one of many many factors going into play about it tbh.

like you can argue that in an ideal world nobody would feel the need to transition (esp not gnc homosexuals) and you might even be right (i don't think we'll ever truly know though, not in our lifetimes at least) but the fact of the matter is that we don't live in an ideal world and gender very much still permeates the fabric of society.

idk why that's judged so much more harshly than say, a feminine heterosexual or bisexual woman who marries a wealthy man for a better life. or etc. etc. (actually i know why and its definitely lesbophobia lmao)

you can disagree with that kind of decision of course, but it bothers me when radfems on here talk about ftms (esp lesbian ftms) as if they're all stupid brainwashed children lol

brazenly patronizing people is not a good way to get them to listen to you and take your points into serious consideration.

but anyway whatever I'm just rambling lol

[yourbigendergremlet]

I realised that i havent posted in a while

Things have happened at home recently and i just dont feel safe thinking about anything to do with my gender

Basically, my sister found out.

She confrontes me about it when ouur parents were asleep and for ages at least an hour, she tried to get answers from me. It was honestly what i was paranoid avout happening for the past year, someone from my family calling my name to come and then reveal that they knew. I spent the past year jumping whenever my name got called for seemingly no good reason and my heart rushing while i waited for them to talk to find out it was nothing like that.

She tried to talk to me about how she just wanted to keep me safe and make sure i wasn't doing anything permanent, and the worst part was that shhe wasn't even shouting, she was talking so gently but idk. She figured out like every detail and she did research and kept on telling me things likr "i know its not nessesarily a phase" (deffo probably telling me that because she saw online that we dont like that and is just saying it)

Anyway whatever, now im wondering how long she has known this for and now i can't trust her because im so paranoid that if i do the wrong thing she will spill it to my parents and i cant handle that. I now also have to be wayyyy more careful with what i say because i know that she knows and im scared what she thinks and now i dont have that vit of freedom with saying stupid things like "ladies first" to tease my little brother when they thought that i didnt know snything. This all happened about a bit more than a month or so ago.

There is more to what happened after but that is too emotionally draining to talk about here

Anyway ive just recently stopped feeling anyhing towards gender and idk if this is because school started again and i want to focus, my sister, or something else but i feel completely numb. I present myself mostly female because i cant be bothered to hhide it and no matter what i do, now that my hair is long its imppssible to not have it feel very femme, but i dont feel a connection at all to being a girl but i also dont feel a connection to being male and its throwing me off wildly. Factually i know o identifu as bigender, but im not feeling it anymore and ive just been doupting if i was making it up all along (i also just dont know who to trust anymore in general, not my family, not really my friends, not anyone online, it sucks because i dont know how to feel) and ive barely told anyone about it. Ive vented to my friends about what happened the day agter my sister found out but didnt tell them that my sister found out and i dont know if i can bring myself to tell them, but that was the first time i had ever truly vented in my life (ill be honest, venting online feels like nothing because i dont know anyone and it doesnt exactly feel real when i do it) and venting for the first time felt so weird i dont know how to feel but now i feel absolutely awkward when i continue to vent even though they tell me its okay but i feel like im just bothering the group chat

And recently my life has just been doing homework, then rotting away on my phone cycling through mindlessly scrolling on tumblr, mindlessly watching youtube shorts, and reading zelda fanfiction and it doesnt feel good and i dont feel happy but i cant imagine being able to even do anything that i know i like for example i pick a pencil to draw but i juust cannot start even when i do all the starting with a line or shaped because that will get your flow going

Ive just not been feeling good lately

[lqfiles]

MY ASK GOT DELETED NOOO

but brooo the way haechan is the epitome of “only i can annoy her” LIKE YES BROOO get your girl, defend herrr get herrr UGHHH I LOVE EM

and the way he called her baby and y/n just accept it at this point bc she knows it just makes him say it more 😭 (and the way she secretly likes it hehehehe) NO BUT I KNOW HAECHAN IS NOT GONNA PLAYYY ABOUT Y/N like he’s an annoying shit, but who dares annoy his girl that’s not him? 🤨 i can’t wait 🤭

also yangyang and renjun had me laughing to myself bc i was so caught off guard with “am i one of them?” “of course, you’re the baddest” heh

NO BUT OMG YOU EAT UP EVERY UPDATE IT LITERALLY GETS BETTER EVERY UPDATE AND I LOVE IT! the talent THE TALENT 👹

another spanish lesson; pet names (since you seem to like those 😭)

mi rosa = my rose

mi flor = my flower

mi mariposa = my butterfly

i know some people who rhyme like a compliment to the nickname, for example

mi rosa hermosa = my beautiful rose

my mariposa hermosa = my beautiful butterfly

here are some more names:

mi hermosa/o = my beautiful/handsome

mi vida linda = my beautiful life

cariño = dear

HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE AND THERES MORE BUT JUST LEMME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE!

thank you for the update!! 🫶🏼

- 🫧

(also, you make me excited to write my new smau series 🥲)

(ANOTHER also, bella’s mom is giving birth this upcoming week and bella loved biting on water bottles, so some pieces of the water bottle caps are buried in our carpet 😭 we keep finding little pieces)

(also, another sad fact, we have learned that bella’s friends have passed away, too, due to old age. so, it’s been a very sad month for everyone in our neighborhood. it’s been a weird feeling) (though, everyone is starting to cope with it and even though it hurts, we gave our puppies the life they deserved)

mc has a weakness for petnames so yesss this is doing smth to her but she would never tell haechan (though he knows but 🤫🤫🤫) and AAAHHHH YESS HE SOOOO IS like only he can annoy her how dare fuckass YANGYANG try to bother her?

that little renyang dialogue was one of my fave parts the write abt that chapter like yangyang will do anything for renjun.. he gets serious about renjun.. these soulmates..

OMGGGG i’ve heard the word mariposa before but i would’ve NEVER guessed it meant butterfly 😭😭 it sounds like smth you call someone e.g annoying, funny, weird but butterfly is cute 🥹 ALSO NOT YOU CLOCKING ME FOR BEING INTO PETNAMES THIS IS SO 😭😭😭😭 but these are so amazing i’ll remember them, ily mi mariposa hermosa bubble anon 🫂❤️

I LOW-KEY CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW YOUR SMAU IS GONNA GOOO you know i’m always rooting for you so i’m sure whatever you’re doing is gonna be magnificent. its nice to hear that bella’s mum is still giving birth, i hope you get a chance to see the new babies!!! and its cute that there are memories of her everywhere tbh, like she will truly always be with you :) its unfortunate to hear that more puppies are dying :((( but i’m sure they’re resting well knowing nothing can hurt them in the real world anymore, WE LOCE YOU BELLAAA

[misc-obeyme]

This is just a rant;

I think I realised that I didnt truly like any other characters in om but when thirteen was introduced i was in LOVE..like i like them all individuals and they have their own quirks, and its probably my own depression, but now its meh..and looking back, i think i need to be in mt feels like with Lucifer from othet media they intrest me and i dont know why i cant get that mindset in to OM, and im currently playing Twisted Wonderland and im in love, and when going back i feel the same...also same with Asmodeus a character and demon who i have been intrested in since i was a young teen...its the feels... i dont know if that makes sense.. i feel guilty for actually enjoying nightbringer than the OG, cuz i had so many memories with friends and this whole fandom,

but as the months and years went by with playing the game i just cant be bothered, but i love how the characters are presneted im fanart and fics.. i havent opened om in ages, amd im currently playing NB

Yeah thats it, rant over

Going to read a book and then read some fanfics

You are welcome to rant here whenever you like, anon! Sometimes you just gotta let it out.

I also love Thirteen, she is just so great. It's like the ultimate goth gf you know what I mean? Her hair, her eyes, her outfit, the way she giggles and gets all those sweet hearts whenever she's gushing about MC to someone... I just want to hug and kiss her.

But listen, I totally understand losing interest in a media that you've been part of for a while. It happens! Sometimes, you just don't get the same feelings from it that you used to get. I definitely get what you mean about needing to have the feels - it's not worth it, otherwise.

I don't know much about Twisted Wonderland, though I have seen people talking about it on here. I downloaded it for like a day but then I realized that there was no actual romance aspect to it. Not that this is bad or anything, but I just don't have a ton of time for games, so I have to be picky about what I play. And I like being able to romance characters lol. Making them blush is my favorite thing. But if it's working for you, then that's all that matters.

Also you should not feel guilty for enjoying Nightbringer more than the OG. I don't think you're alone in that, actually. I personally enjoy them about the same, but I also consider NB to essentially be a sequel of the OG, so they're basically the same game? Just some different mechanics.

I also think there's something to be said for remaining in a fandom after you're no longer interested in the media that fandom is based around. I think it's perfectly fine to enjoy fanart and fanfiction of Obey Me even if you haven't played the game in years. The only thing you might come across is spoilers if you ever considered picking it up again or possibly references to things you haven't experienced story wise. But other than that, I say continue to enjoy it!