#it only makes sense that i dont know half the terms being thrown around

[rampant-testiculitis]

i knew it was about me to some degree

[solardick]

Lovely portent that was. A redwing’s mate guiding me to eye contact. The redwings themselves not being aggressive. Pretty, awkward, blond and slim.

Aside from that on the fallowing day. I give up at life. 40 years is too much. I suspect I’m not survive much longer. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. All there is is evil in life. I don’t want a part of it. Anymore. It only grows stronger. They wont leave me alone. There’s nothing to do. I hate life. I fucken hate. All it wants is to hurt me. 40’years is too much. Im done.

Go get my bottle of liquer. Throw the noose over door, step off the chair. Thats my future. Unconscious in a few long painful seconds. Dead in a few more.

If i cant develop and grow on my own fucken terms. Im not living at all. Keep my locked up in is mind raping prison. Im done.

Maybe my death will give a pause with hesitation in the next abuse victim they have an aim for.

And the cops are hareaing me with rheir pressence today. Again. Fun fun.

And blocking me out of xbox. On a roll with fucking with me today.

Lets go see if i can buy another fycken dictionairy. Cant even learn a new language without nazi cockskrs perverting with slut faget bs.

I dont care what i say anymore. Im goign to be fucked with either way. Km just an asshole who needs to be reminded how much im someones bitch everyday. Only been 40 straight fucken years. Its the reason im born. Theres no getting away from it. So fuck you amd uou and uou. The world decided yo make me its enemy the day i was born so fuck you too.

Neither am i able to buy an actual russian dictionary. Its only bilingual dictionaries. Which are all lackluster. So much for creating a russian tarot deck. Uh, i dont know why i still try and do stuff. Im not allowed doug. Anythign but doing this. Fuck you and fuck and you.

Should make another card of policemen, and crime mobs, raping men, hold billy clibs and knifes with severed cocks in their hands, laughing with a poor mother trying to protect her son. Replace waites gay death card with it. Half the victims smiling amd the other half crying.

And then people will be like. No, i don’t want to die. I want to live.

Maybe temperance fallowing will make a little more sense. The death card and gold. The italiano is better. Removal of all resources. Temperance becomes a mandatory. Instead of being thrown around from one incompatible place to the next, from one abusive place to the next, one supervised conditioning place after the next manipulative place. Constant cues of inevitability, this will happen. None of this, this may happen. I almost died three times in the last couple years. Then its the devil card. Being all like do it, do it. On the superficial retard level spoken by the lowcuning, who have no temperance themselves. To the narsicists and sadists. A constant line of attack that never ceases and hasn’t ceased in decades. Turning from the up front aggressive, to the back, side, friendly but, none of it is real. Everyones playing an act. No real genuine communication from anyone. The odd couple txts now and a -long -gain. The gain gets highlighted but its pronunciation is wrong. It’s not strong enough to count very high.

All sources of information, perverted. Conditioning, a veil to side track attention. Little prison cell made to fell like nothing is to blame and this is how it is. It’s destiny. У.

So much for ever learning how to act. Nope. You don’t get to. Wish i could act. Then id be a two-faced asshole. The french call them crosseur. Or somethign spelt like that. The french never did make me feel welcome.

And the only places that ever did. Had an agenda. That is currently still in play. Thats what now? 8 years stolen? On that scene alone. The whole homo agenda scheme, all part of the picture leading years in before hand. Best decision i ever made. Fuck you.

What’s next gonna hit me even harder? Im just a punching bag. Always was. My narcissist father thinks that kid of thing is funny. Used to talk about it all the time. How much he loved his punching bag.

Keeping an open dialogue to this. Intentionally. Aggravating, frustrating, shaming, while pleading temperance?

Fuck this prison cell. Get me out. Maybe id have somethign positive to say. Maybe they’d be no righteous belligerence in the face of outsode forces m that have not once stoped ever. For any amount of time on that entire line. Maybe my attention would phase out to soemthign else. Maybe id have a healthier mentality. Maybe id have aome someblamce of a life of my own creation. But no. Not allowed. Just this. This is where i belong. Being beaten on from above. Whoch isn t hard considering im in the gutter.

I choose to fuck death. Go back to where i came from, hell. Im not human. Never was.

The next card is the father given his son a gun. And the mother is sucking him off while he does it.

Go “Temperate” son.

Maybe, i wouldn’t be so kind to people. Helpful and generous. Even to the very people fucken with me. Like i’m not aware. I don’t have the strength left for that last one anymore.

No positivity is better than fake positivity or, hopeful positivity.

Looking at america from an outside perspective. Uou got the states alpha prick. And you got canada right besides him. His little bitch. Who can’t raise its voice and has to live by their alpha fag. And fallow his news. More than their own. And then you got mexico on the other side, his personal drug dealer that he keeps his guard up around. The Us the ultimate wife beater.

The oilers losed?! What?! No shit. It happened. Course they were going to lose. Their canadian in their own field. And they’re named after petroleum. Not going to give hype to pollution and carbon gases. Like the games are ‘t fixed to begin with. And with that all the fans and the beer drinking men lost some pride, again. Oh, no, the masculine spreading and hoping for toxic waste. You lose.

Where’s my boyfriend(s), i want to defy nature, and get fucked tonight. And then feel disgusted with myself and a shamed, so i desire more. Afterwards.

Tarot… whats the point of temperance. You meet the devil and you lose anyway. Fuck inhate tarot.

Shame on you for wanting the oilers to win. Go get shame fucked. Even though its just a name and has nothing to do with sport. But that diesnt matter to the magical world of rainbow land. Shining your true colours after being stormed through and through.

Think i need another covid injection.

Cheers to suffering for the rest of my life with no one. Just me and enemies. Cause i won’t do it. I don’t want to be alive anymore. 25 straight years of being beaten in and manipulated. Vicious circle. I was born in hell.

Wonder what being human feels like. ´ast thing i want is a life based on sex. Thats all the world is. Sex and abuse. Im done.

I’m done. Im not talking to or being friendly with anyone anymore. I tried. Tried for 30 years with my family. But that was a waste of life. All

Life does is try and rule over me and cause me harm. Àways did. Always will. Im

Done. I dotn want to be alive anymore.

Ok, its back to being a concrete game plan. Again. With this added pressure. It may just pull through.

[drorey]

3rd/last life for the blorbo game

(Just a disclamer, english is not my first languish and I didnt have autocorrect for half this pretty long post. Im bad at spelling in particular, so there are going to be a lot of spelling errors, please be kind.)

(Answers to the blorbo ask game)

oh man thank you for this

now, I usually don't post mcyt stuff here on my main, I have a dedicated sideblog for that (@mcytnoodles), however since the ask was sent to the inbox of this blog I'm gonna answer it here and then rb it on my mcyt sideblog, I'm also probably gonna talk there a bit more about 3rd life and last life, so head over there if you wanna hear it!

(For my none mcyt mutuals. This is about characters in a roleplay series, not actual people!)

I am going to answer this ask once for third life and once for last life, both in this post! since I consider them both different stories, and while the last life characters are technically just the 3rd life characters thrown into yet another death game, they change a lot in those two seasons, since in 3rd life they all went in with no experience, and with rules that don't limit them much, the mindset they went in with is different than last life, where the rules were much more limiting in terms of player interaction and they knew what they were getting into a bit more, not to talk about the fact that they had actual experience that time, most of them, at least. so yeah! Im gonna answer separately for each season!

3RD LIFE:

(now, for reference, I didn't watch every 3rd life pov, I wish I could. I watched five povs overall, which were grian, martyn, scott, bdubs, and jimmy, with the logic of watching the person who survived longest from each duo and then also jimmy bcs I wanted to. I didn't manage to finish martyns pov, stopping around two or three episodes before the ending, But I still know a lot of stuff from povs I didn't watch, both from liveblogs when the show was still happening and from posts after it ended, so that's my reference point).

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

I think that this is the only one I cant actually decide on, since the character or duo I obsess over with this smp changes every couple of months. I ended up crying over all the major duos since the series ended. like no joke I have shed actual tears over multiple characters from this smp. I am in severe psychological distress please send help/j

My first answer to who it is currently was ren, but then I realised just how much of a comlicated, interesting character 3rd life scott is for me?? In the highet of my fixation on his character, I used to compere him to achilles quite a bit? I dont remember engouh about achilles now to tell you how much that actually made sense, but it worked well in my head at the time. I think one of the reasons I find scott facinating is that his character, along with jimmy, are one of the closest people on 3rd life to being "innocent". I dont believe anyone on 3rd life was actually, like, evil, and I think they all oparated from a mindset that made their actions feel necissery and justifide, but as far as Ive seen, scott is one of the only characters that people seem to agree didnt do anything really. Morally contrevertial. Theres not a lot of morallty discourse in trafficblr in general as far as Ive seen, but in the little I was aware of, scott and jimmy were seen as a largly innocent party, all they wanted was to live in peace together, even knowing that wouldnt really last, and that innocence makes the way things ended for them all the more tragic. I honestly still love every character and please talk to me about literally anyone there please please plea

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me "adorable" aggression, character that is So Shaped)

I think this is not going to come as a surprise to anyone. bdubs is so very shaped and his feral energy is unmatched. while first watching and then rewatching the show multiple times, both from his pov and from other povs, I at multiple points just ASSUMED the man was foaming at the mouth. I think he even said it at one point? anyways, 3rd life bdubs is a menace to society and his chaotic energy is all I want for myself.

I think this category might have been intended as more of a character you go "awww" upon seeing, in a more of a "cinnamon role" kind of way? But Im choosing to take it as a character that I would go "awww" to in the same way I would to a small, angry animal doing something funny. like "oh my god you store so much rage and hate inside your tiny body bless your heart".

Another thing I love about his character is that his chaotic energy ends up making the emotional bits that come later hit SO MUCH HARDER. when he called out for cleo after she died, not realizing shes gone??? pain and agony and tears.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

tango. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE HELMET THING??? NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THE HELMET THING WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. that was so fucked up. but yeah! I didn't watch his pov, but some of the things he does?? like, making a lava death game DURING a death game? king shit. good for him. also something something after being executed despite still teaming up with the crastle it was out of necessity more than their actual connection since them executing him severed a bond that couldn't be restored in the time they all had left something something.

I think cleo also fits in this category, since while. once again, I didn't watch her pov, I did watch bdubs, and these two were together for the majority of the series. but I don't see anyone ever really?? talk about her??? like. her kidnapping pizza and then scamming scar out of most of his stuff as revenge for being scammed by him herself is already. 10/10 excellent you go you funky zombie gal. but like. also. her final death lives in my mind rent free. she went down directly attacking a stronger oponent in front of his allies. she KNEW she was going to lose. there was no logic there. she just. did it. and she died for it.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

JOEL SMALLISHBEANS AND HIS LIKE MILLION DOGS. I have no idea what joel was doing for most of the series. he just apeared once in a while, caused chaos, and disappered. only to show up in session 8 with like a million dogs I had no idea he had. I mean. him burning down the wall in the flower forest just because?? him saying he'll join dogwarts and than taking down their banner and proceeding to basiclly do the oppist??? iconic. good for him.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

now, Im not sure how ""controversial"" this is currently, (or well, ""controversial"" as much as a character can be considering the fact that theres not really any morality discourse. but I do remember the actions of this character being discussed quiet a bit when the series was going) but I think I would have to go with impulse.

I just. I remember so many posts about impulse trying to play all sides, not really being loyal to anyone, using whoever he could for his own personal gain, I dont know if that was actually his intention, since I didnt watch his pov, but from an outsiders perspective he really seemed loyal to his day one alliance?? if I remember correctly, he originally started spying on dogwarts at (I think??) cleos request, to prove his loyalty to the crastle, and than joined back with the crastle when he was asked to, but by this point no one there really. trusted him anymore. despite him doing everything he did to prove his loyalty. you could argue that some actions he took (or rather, the actions he didnt take) could be signs that hes not loyal as he tires to be, but to me it just reads as him trying to maintain his cover for as much as he could. so when bdubs turns on him in session 8, he sounds so betrayed. so suprised. like he genuanly did not expect this to happen. I just. he makes me sad :(( he tried so hard :((

(Also, the fact that the clock scar gave bdubs to turn him against impulse, if Im not mistaken, was actually impulse's clock?? I am heartbroken.)

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

jimmy. I love this man with all my heart dont get me wrong. but the urge to bully him is simply too strong. would it be friendly bullying and torment? sure. but this man is too fun to mess with. I just have to.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

for 3rd life? honestly? no one. the thing about 3rd life is that I really, truly feel like no one was just. no one wanted things to end in the bloody tragedy they did. no one intended for this to happen. every person simply did what they thought they needed to do to survive as things around them just got worse and worse. scar was influanced by the server induced bloodlust of being a red life. ren just wanted to protect his home. scott and jimmy just wanted to keep eachother safe. impulse just wanted to prove his loyalty. ect. things ending the way they did hurt everyone, and I dont think any character deserves to get blamed for it. I am so deeply sad.

LAST LIFE:

(I feel like I need to point out that Im not as invested in last life as I am in 3rd life. I still love it, don't get me wrong, but my opinions on last life might be more casual and vibe-based rather then have a bunch of logic behind them. also, pov-wise, since I went into last life already deeply caring for most of the characters, I didnt really stick to one pov? since I didnt really have a character I cared about more then the others, I just kinda watched whatever pov I heard there was drama on that week, and then watched another episode or two during the week. tho a lot of the time, the person I watched first was lizzie, since I had something that caused me to come home very late every Tuesday back then, and I was very tired, and her episodes are the shortest.)

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

martyn littlewoods. You guys know that one unfuckable post that goes "the watchers from the evo smp are unfuckable" that someone tagged with "this post was ghostwritten by martyn littlewoods"? Thats all the explantion Im gonna give you. I wish to give this guy a hug he seems like hes going through a lot.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me "adorable" aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Rendog. Listen. LISTEN. I just. I remember watching lizzies second (I think??) session and being so excited for her and ren teaming up. Something that we see in both 3rd life and last life is that ren is one of the most loyal characters in these smps. He CARES about the people he allies with. He has no problem dedicating himself to a person otherly and completly. Now. Is this good and healthy? Probably not. But it makes me like his character so much. And I just. I feel his character arc in last life kind of builds on and even parelels his 3rd life character arc so, so well!! We see him go from being surronded by friends, defined by his care and loyalty and closness to the people important to him, to being so, so alone. We see him, just for a second, go from winter to fire. We see him go from a king to a knight, dedicating himself to the first person willing to accept him because its better being with someone. We see him go from being the person to go out in a blaze of glory to one of the only two people left in an empty world, with only the person hes fighting to wittness him going down. His character is just. I love him.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

skizz. he makes me so sad :( he tried so hard :( the dude wanted to be a hero in this server, he wanted to do good, because OF COURSE he did!! Hes skizzle!! Hes like that!! And all it did was come back to bite him in the ass. He tried to be kind to the world and the world was only cruel in returen. :(

I also think cleo once again fits in this category. A big, consistent theme we see in cleos character in both 3rd life and last life is revenge. Scar scams her, she steals his pet and blackmails him in returne. Bigb kills her, she burns down the fairy fort, targeting him and not stopping until he is dead. She had every right to, but I feel like its an aspect of her that either gets completly ignored or blown to be the only part about her people look at. Also!! Her, scott and pearl!! Amazing!! I wanted to see cleo and scott working together since 3rd life, and pearl in the mix just made them such a better, more powerful alliance. Guys I feel like we need to talk about cleo more please.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Tango!! I just. I love this funky dude!! His tendency to immidatly just make. Death games upon being thrown into a death game is. Very funny to me. And him running "you bet your life" was something I found very cool and interesting. Also. My dude was betrayed by his teamates so much. Bdubs in particular. He was so angry after that and he couldnt even properly let it out and just. :(. I am sad.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

bigb. DUDE LISTEN. OK LISTEN. I just have a thing for characters whos arc involves some kind of theme of betrayle. Like. DUDE. the way he didnt want to betray cleo but he went ahead and did it anyway, because he was feeling the time limit pushing him and didnt want to drop down to red. Because no one wanted to be red in last life. The way he killed her and then immidatly regetted it so much, but it wasnt something that could be made up for. The fact that he ruined a relationship with someone he deeply cared about and there wasnt a way to mend it or fix it. That friendship was just gone. And if I remember correctly, cleo also being the one killing him for the final time? Ouch.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

mumbo jumbo. I do not understand why people said he went feral in this series. I do not understand why people called him a killing machine. I could snap him in half like a twig if I tried. I am 5'0 if were being kind with arms like spagetti and even I could take him. This man has nothing on me. I would kick his knees and laugh as he falls to the ground weeping.

Either him or joel. I just feel like last life joel would be kinda fun to mess with. Not too much bcs I kinda feel bad for him, but I would probably bully him for. Being so bad at killing people. My dude. I am giving him a gold star that says "you tried :("

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Grian.

[antiloreolympus]

8 Anti LO Asks

1. It doesn’t really make sense for a long term comic such as LO to have such a drastic change in the artstyle, and even more you can’t really call it an improvement when all the interesting parts of the art style are now gone and all that it is now it’s just some basic same-face and body art style with barely any backgrounds. RS is incredibly talented for illustrative artwork and it’s really a shame she’s not doing that anymore and instead has left it to her team, with leaving them very messy sketches. The artstyle in the beginning had life and glamour and now it’s just very dull and boring. That’s not an improvement

2. I genuinely can’t think of any man in LO that’s even half way decent. Poseidon maybe? Hephaestus? Those are the only two I can manage, meanwhile the rest are either Rachel purposely ruining them because of her own biases (Zeus, Apollo, Thanatos to an extent) or are “good” men who are just creeps who disrespect all the women around them and are super creepy and obsessed over a literal teenager who acts like a child (Hades, Ares, Hermee, Eros, etc). The women aren’t much better either. 

3. About Perse making Hades childish: (this is no way defending him, just some speculation, and tbh I doubt that RS has thought this through haha) I wonder if he becomes a horny teenager around her because she’s a goddess of fertility? Would that have any affect on him? Doesn’t excuse his creepy ass behavior, but could explain it a bit, I guess?

4. Okay so I'll be honest I dont really see any reason to 'simp' over Any of the LO characters?

Also, not to start sh*t, but - I think part of the reason why some of the LO fandom does not like Zeus (and perhaps gives Hera more leeway - at least in terms of cheating) is because:

Mythologically Zeus is a known cheater / rapist (Io for example, or Semele)

They see Hera cheating a Zeus as okay (its not) because he's been known to cheat on her in the past / fans see Hera cheating on Zeus with Hades as 'justified revenge' for what he's (Zeus) put her through

I'll be honest I dont really see Zeus (or Hades for that matter) as good rulers because

Despite other deities (like Eros) doing 'acts of wrath' - they get away with it because they often have someone to back them up (like Aphrodite offering to sleep with Zeus to get her son out of trouble) - but the one time Persephone does something wrong (an act of wrath) - Zeus wants to give her the Prometheus treatment - mainly so he can feel like an in control king whos subjects respect him

The reason this sound so odd is because of RS writing choices. Zeus is a grade A d*ck who is willing to destroy a 'young girls promising career' because she made 1 mistake that one time. But at the same time the act of wrath is framed oddly because Demeter doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble so she covers it up (its like the equivalent of hiding a murder from the cops).

Zeus wanting to Prometheus Kore seems overly harsh because she is a Child. (Well a teenager) - so it adds to the "Zeus is a d*ck" card, because she doesnt have the life experience to "get away with" stuff like the other deities because she is young AND sheltered.

Like again, the whole concept of Human Laws applying to Gods is so confusing:

Would Zeus have been this harsh if Demeter had simply come forward in the first place about Persephone's murder rampage? Why did she blackmail / get other deities involved to cover it up? Is Zeus THAT much of a d*ck in Demeters eyes that she knows he would harshly punish a child for something "she didnt mean to do" (killed mortals based on a feeling?)

Why is there a motherf*cking trial in the first place? Do All the other deities get the right to a fair trial or is this a special case? (Like can any deity just offer to sleep with Zeus and he'll let them off the hook?). If the other deities had commited the same crime would the trial / punishment be the same or does Zeus just have a rage boner because he was lied to? If thats the case then why are the other deities taking Persephones side during the trial? (Ares I can maybe understand cause hes the God of War and stuff but everyone else is taking Perse's side because their either her personal friend or family member (Hecate, Hermes, Demeter, Hades etc).

Why are there certain laws like "Zeus cant get to Persephone because she has clemency in the underworld" but other deities - including Leto, Demeter and others (like Perse's nymph family) can just stroll into Hades house? Why is Hermes still on house arrest? Why are Hades + Persephone throwing a house party when shes on trial for scythe crimes??!!!

Why are the gods bound by such petty squabbles?

The way RS set up the governing "laws" in universe just doesnt make a whole lotta sense. Also, sorry this got ramblely.  

5. Tbh i don’t think that Hades acting differently when he’s with Persephone is a bad thing, as a concept. But there are many issues with this such as the fact that Persephone is barely legal and Hades act like an actual child around her. Obviously when you’re with someone they are going to act different than they do when they are at work. The problem is that Hades essentially goes from the “cold-scary king” to a 17 year old hormonal boy when he’s with Persephone. And him making out with her in a middle of a store or them golfing with diamonds or him making out with Persephone again in front of his workplace is not exactly acceptable behaviour from a king. If Hades acts all lovey-dovey with Persephone when their at their home together it’s different, but when they’re at a public place they can’t really do that. I would say that he has to keep a status about him but from what we’ve seen all the citizens of the underworld hate him and don’t respect him at all, from yelling at him to actually fighting with him, so idk how much status there is actually attached to him 

6. I swear, the majority of the “cute” HxP moments in LO just seem like a single father dealing with his hyperactive 8 year old over the supposed future intimidating rulers who Rachel is obsessed about talking and drawing their sex life. Is it really that hard to depict Persephone even acting like a smart teenager at the very least, as opposed to an airhead grade schooler? It doesn’t scream cute to me, it seems more like a father/daughter relationship. It’s just weird. 

7. i mean, i have a LO oc who's persephone's brother (fertility god) between demeter and zeus. dude got thrown into tartyrus to cover up the affair and now serves cronus. he was the god of summer, and my reasoning was demeter's seasons/harvest + summer thunderstorms. wrote a whole minific i will never post about him and persephone realizing everyone around them are assholes and healing together. so the mistress-of-zeus oc isnt that weird.

8. I’m not a Zeus stan by any means, but I do find him one of the most interesting characters, and one that RS has, in her attempts to make him be the worst ever to make Hades look better, actually way more interesting and compelling than the majority of the cast. He doesn’t lie or whine to the audience he’s some good person like Hades when he’s not, he owns that he’s a dick and doesn’t bullshit the audience into thinking he’s someone he’s not. RS tries to show us he’s a “bad” king, yet we see no proof it beyond what, he wants to uphold the law P broke and doesnt kiss Hades’ butt? That’s not a bad king, it’s a good one that he doesn’t let family ties or lust cloud his judgement, unlike Hades or Hera, for example. I don’t condone his cheating either, but it’s not fair to hate him for it, but love it that Hades cheated on Minthe so he could get into a teenager’s skirt and praise Hera for sleeping with her brother in law while punishing Zeus’ mistresses because she’s being a fake “loyal” wife. Just because he’s a deeply flawed, even a bad person doesn’t make him a bad character. Hades and Hera and even Persephone are awful people who do worse than Zeus, yet they’re loved and praised for it, all while being written with the depth of a puddle. 

[jasonsscar]

for the fic thing!! percabeth + jealous percy bc we dont have enough of this

aaaa i got really excited reading both of these and i combined them together 🥺 hope you don’t mind!!!

It’s a little over 1k! Hope you enjoy!

Annabeth was paranoid over Percy for obvious reasons. 

Ever since they returned back from Greece, Annabeth had been a wreck over him. She found it impossible to not think about him for .5 seconds. She had talked about it with her dad over the phone and he told her it was the result of them being separated for months. Annabeth was suffering from some severe attachment issues.

Percy was more than her boyfriend. He was more than her best friend. He was a lot more than a label could give him. The only word that even maade close to sense for the two of them was soulmate. Annabeth felt like even that wasn’t enough to describe their relationship.

When they returned home, Annabeth was adamant on making sure that the two of them never got separated again. Her father hadn’t argued too much over it and Sally Jackson - the brilliant soul she was - didn’t mind if Annabeth was going to be staying over at her place with Percy. Annabeth had already been over at the Jackson’s residence enough where Sally was accustomed to seeing her and Paul thought that she was a great person to talk to.

So, of course, when Annabeth chose to stay around, Percy and his step-father managed to get Annabeth enrolled into Goode High School.

Annabeth wasn’t a particular fan of public school, she much rather preferred the teachings at Camp Half-Blood but she knew she wasn’t about to leave Percy’s side and agreed to attend. Percy showed her around the school. They hardly had any classes together but most of their classes happened to be close to each other thanks to Paul’s hand in being friendly with the guidance counselors. Most of Annabeth’s classes tended to do with AP courses since she appreciated a challenge. Percy was taking one AP course, despite his own reluctance, thanks to Annabeth’s influence. 

Also, because having a class with Paul would make it easier. Paul was a nice teacher, he wouldn’t get angry at Percy if he was lacking- which Percy swore up and down he wouldn’t do.

All of their elective courses were together and they also got the pleasure of sharing lunch with one another.

Although Annabeth was attending Goode for just two years, their junior and senior year, Annabeth was immediately classified as the “new girl”. The term bothered Annabeth. She wasn’t a big fan of attention. Naturally, she got even more attention because the entire school seemed to know Percy Jackson- the troublemaker- and were surprised that she was sticking around him the whole time.

Annabeth remembered one day during lunch when she was heading over to their usual table and saw a group of guys bothering Percy. Percy didn’t look phased as the leader of the four guys- a scrawny looking red head kid with a lot of acne- got up in Percy’s face. Annabeth’s eyes narrowed defensively as she got to the table and crossed her arms.

“Is there a problem?”

Annabeth had heard the term thrown around loosely that she was the “hot new girl” at school. Though, they would take it back and she would hear gossiping that she was rather intimidating, which in all honesty she liked a lot better. Better to be intimidating then to have people hitting on her when she was clearly taken.

The red head looked over in Annabeth’s direction and seemed taken aback that the “hot new girl” was talking to him. By the looks of it, Annabeth doubted that he got any action. 

Percy looked over at his girlfriend and offered her a grin, then seemed to notice the four guys checking her out. Percy didn’t really get jealous. Most guys hardly ever bothered to actually go through with flirting with Annabeth after she scares them away with her, as Piper calls it, “resting-bitch-face”.

Annabeth really hated labels.

“Hey babe,” Percy said a little louder than his usual speaking voice. It caught Annabeth off guard and seemed to even throw the other guys off guard. And not to mention the other twenty people who were nearby.

Annabeth felt her ears turn hot. 

The red head was gaping between the two of them, he almost looked like a fish out of water. “B-Babe?” he stammered incredulously. “Jackson, no fucking way this is your girlfriend. She’s way out of your league.”

That brought Annabeth back to reality and she stared at the red head. “And you think you aren’t?” Annabeth asked, her voice dripping with mockery. 

Annabeth had heard the stories of people picking on her boyfriend plenty of times but to see it in action made her own blood boil. If only they knew how he had saved the world’s ass more time than one.

His face turned beet red against his pale skin and his friends all seemed to be holding back laughter. Annabeth just smirked, going ahead and joining Percy at the table. Before the group turned away, she heard the red head mutter something under his breath, insulting Annabeth.

“Bitch.”

In the blink of an eye, Percy was up on his feet and grabbed the bully by the collar of his shirt and stared him down. The two of them were around the same height, but it was clear that Percy had the upper hand. He was a lot stronger and he was also way more intimidating than Annabeth could ever be. Lupa had taught him well.

“What’d you just call her?” Percy muttered, causing for the red head to gulp nervously. 

“Nothing! Geez, Jackson!”

Annabeth just watched in amusement then gently reached out her hand and placed it on Percy’s arm. The touch sent him back to reality and he relaxed and let the guy go. His look was fierce and it was clear that if Annabeth hadn’t done that, he probably would have slaughtered him.

The four guys scrambled off in fear and Percy resigned back in his seat beside his girlfriend. Annabeth went ahead and placed her lunch box on the table where she had packed both of them lunch and began to set it out. She looked over at Percy who was still watching the guys. A couple of people kept looking back at them. Percy had, of course, made them a spectacle. 

“If you ever call me babe again,” Annabeth said, reaching out and pinching his cheek, “I will kill you.”

Percy blinked once and looked over at Annabeth and he grinned at her. That troublemaker smile that always made her heart do a weird somersault. How did he still have that effect on her? Annabeth had no idea.

Percy kissed her cheek and chuckled. “I don’t doubt that.”

[shsldepressedlesbian]

If you want, could you do 20 for komahina?? Thank you!!!

aright now here is a longer and angstier one. feel like i could have improved, but im honestly chill with how this turned out. i sorta allowed the definition of the prompt go lose, so i apologize if it wasnt what u were expecting lol

ao3

20: things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

"I love you."

Three simple words, that weren't to be thrown around so carelessly.

Three simple words Komaeda wasn't meant to hear.

Especially not coming from a talentless figure of hope.

No, no. Calling Hajime Hinata a figure of hope was a term he wasn't sure if he liked.

That title was better suited for the man he had been before. An amazing man, made out of artificial hope and a lack of empathy. A man that only succeeded in going against his very purpose, and following the goal of that despairful bitch with bright red nails.

Surely though, at the very end, Kamukura could have brought hope, like he was meant to. All bad things lead to hopeful things, afterall. Or so he seemed to try to ponder.

...Hajime Hinata.

Hinata-kun.

The boy Komaeda couldn't wrap his head around at all.

Because he didn't make sense.

Hajime Hinata was supposed to be a bug Komaeda could squash under his foot. Nothing more than a measly reserve course student. Living on nothing more than a lie.

But Hinata… was more like a roach. Or a fly. No matter what seemed to happen, Komaeda couldn't squish him under his heel, and so that bug stayed, as pesky as ever.

An annoyance that lived on impossible circumstances.

Yet an annoyance that had seemed to capture the hearts of the others who lived on the island. The ultimates who had once succumbed to despair, and hardly deserved to live unpunished.

But it would be hypocritical for Komaeda to leave himself out.

And he tried to burn himself out, to put an end to the game of despair.

But his bad luck didn't seem to go away. Which was why he was here in the first place, lying in a hospital bed with a discarded hand, instead of being rightfully gone with those flames.

Still on the same island he had thought he had destroyed.

He can't understand why he was still here. Why? Why?

He had asked the same question to Hinata, he remembered, after the pest came to visit him once again in that same hospital room.

Yet Komaeda had only been met with a cocked eyebrow and a question right back at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't act dumb with me," a disgruntled sound emitted from Komaeda. "We both know I should be dead."

"But you aren't. So stop saying shit like that."

A chuckle, sounding more like a choke.

"Why are you even bothering me anymore, Hinata-kun?"

"I'm bothering you?" was a light response, before Hinata looked away from him. "Well, the answer's obvious, so I'm not sure why you're even asking, especially when it's embarrassing to say. I care about you, alright?"

I care about you.

Komaeda had found another four words he wasn't meant to hear. Because the idea of them felt far too unreal.

He can't remember when it started. A bit before the robotic replacement had been installed, perhaps.

Perhaps it was because the tension had grown too strong, or Hinata had grown too sick of his voice. But either way the two of them had ended up with their lips crashed together in Komaeda's cabin, and things had only shamelessly progressed.

A relationship that may have been better to never exist, but at the same time, probably couldn't not exist.

That was always something Komaeda couldn't understand about Hinata.

How the other could possibly bare to look at him in the eyes, at his body, at anything about him. How the other could possibly bare to wake up with him in the morning, and to check on him so often.

If Hinata was a fly, Komaeda was definitely trash. An unhealthy attraction.

He questions it. How someone as worthless as Hinata could possibly become so great. How someone like him could be aspiring, to work alongside the Ultimate Hope himself.

How someone like him could possibly spend time with someone like Komaeda, who disappointed even himself.

It's one of those nights, where he hears it for the first time.

Sitting in bed, at whatever god forsaken time, with his mind going too fast, but still with a compulsion to leave, run away. A spiral.

But in that state, he gets up way too quickly, and it's not really a surprise when he hears the mumbling beside him.

"Komaeda…?"

Hinata sounds half asleep, of course. Komaeda doesn’t turn around to look at him.

"Ah, Hinata-kun, don't worry. Go back to bed." Some half hearted reassurance, all he can muster, as he tries to get his feet off and onto the floor, but he's stopped by a forceful grab to his wrist.

Had Hinata-kun always had such a firm grip?

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Just for a walk."

"What are you talking about? It's the middle of the night, Komaeda."

This is where Komaeda finally turns his head to meet the eyes of the boy laying aside him. Hinata had prompted himself with his other arm, his eyes rather active for someone who had just been woken up, glaring.

(Perhaps he's disillusioned, but he could swear they were glowing, as well.)

"And I can make my own decisions, can I not?"

"Obviously," is Hinata's almost distrungled sounding voice, "but I'm not sure if I…"

"Trust me?" Komaeda fills in, and in the second of silence after that, he chuckles dryly, a gross sound even to his own ears.

"That's not the point." Is the only denial. Well, of course. Hinata-kun wasn't one to lie about that kind of stuff, but he wouldn't agree with Komaeda either.

"You're sweating, Komaeda. You need to relax. Lay back down."

Ah… was he sweating? Komaeda places his real hand to his face, and only then that he realises that it's shaking, as he feels what definitely is cold damp sweat running down his brow.

He hadn't even noticed. How hilarious.

He wants to laugh again, but he finds it getting stuck in his throat.

"That doesn't matter," he musters instead. "Hinata-kun, we both know it doesn't matter-"

But he's cut off by an arm around his chest, and before he can resist he's pulled onto his side, that same arm keeping him in place.

"Breathe."

A one word request, yet somehow demanding.

But Komaeda can't deny that it feels warm and firm in the half embrace, and he attempts to focus on that, shutting his eyes.

Security.

He tries to focus on the sounds of the other person beside one, Hinata's own breathing. A rhythmic sound, that pulls him to copy. His breathing slowly, evening… quieting down. He realises just then how bad it had been.

There's a moment of silence, nothing but the two's breathing, before he hears Hinata sigh and suddenly he's being pulled in closer, until he's inches away from the other's chest.

Komaeda can practically hear the other's heartbeat, if he focuses on it, and for some reason that causes his own heartbeat to go a little faster.

"You're here, Komaeda."

Words that dont really make sense, but weren't any less reassuring, said in a delicate tone.

He was here. With Hinata.

And there's some shifting, with Hinata moving his legs and tilting his head inwards in order to get comfortable, and Komaeda follows suit, with less movements.

And that's when it happens. The small three words, barely above a whisper, as though Hinata was trying to make sure Komaeda didn't catch it.

"I love you."

And Komaeda's breath hitches in his throat, and his fingers grasp to the bedsheets.

(Had Hinata-kun even realised what he said that night? Wasn't it most likely he was still half asleep, still in a disillusioned state?)

Ah. Ah.

It's strange, because logically, that sentence should be something that would bring him comfort, as out of the blue as it was.

But no, it was far too casual, and he doesn't get it, why would Hinata-kun say something like that to him-

(Half asleep. Not thinking. That had to be it.)

To throw around stuff like that so casually. It's disturbing, and truly, Hinata-kun must be cruel.

(He couldn't have meant it.)

Those words were something Komaeda had craved with his whole being. To be held like this, to be told that, to be loved.

But those thoughts had always been a fantasy, something that he knew he was never actually meant to hear. Something that he'd never get the chance to hear.

He can barely remember ever being told it. Not even when he was younger, when even his father refused to say it, and his mother only whispered it at times and places where it was certain no harm would befall them, for fear of bad luck.

(But none of those precautions had mattered in the end.)

He knew what those words meant, what they foretold. Words anyone else could listen to, but not him, because the punishment was far too harsh, too harsh-

He doesn't even realize he's grabbed onto the night shirt Hinata still had on, so hard his knuckles were turning white. Afterall, Hinata didn't make a movement. It was clear he had fallen back asleep already.

Unaware of Komaeda, who was not even able to emit a noise, even as he trembles.

Komaeda isn't sure whether to be grateful he wasn't disturbing him,

or to wish for him to wake up, as he finds he can't fall asleep for the next few hours. Pondering, pestering thoughts, but not being able to move.

Three simple words Komaeda wasn't meant to hear.

Especially not coming from Hinata-kun.

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

5 times you infuriated me and 1 time you made it okay

A/N: okay so the 5 times concept is something i enjoy writing very much, however i am aware that in this piece in particular, a lot of the ideas are underdeveloped and probably especially dont make sense with the ending when you look at the relationship, but please keep in mind that this ‘5 times’ theme i chose focuses on those kinds of incidents so there are a lot of other times in between (and i dont have the time or energy to turn this into a super long fic but perhaps one day.. ) so this is what happened!

Warnings: mentions of torture (like in the 7th when Bellatrix takes to Hermione)

Tags: @expellimarvelous and for some reason my hp taglist got lost so let me know if you’d like to be added!

↠↠↠↠↠↠

I. Bad Start to the Sixth Year

Your sixth year at Hogwarts seems to be off to a good start as you laugh and snack on sweets with two of your three your best friends on Hogwarts Express. Or at least it seemed like it was off to a good start until the train arrives at the station, and Harry is nowhere to be found.

Waving off Ron and Hermione with a promise to catch up, you insist on going to look for him by yourself. Your search leads you all the way to the other side of the strain where the blinds are conveniently drawn. You can hear a voice muffled through the closed door, and you become filled with dread when you identify who it belongs to.

Sliding the door open a crack, you see a familiar head of slicked-back platinum hair. You aren’t able to make out what he says, but you do see him bring down a foot to meet Harry’s nose.

“Malfoy, what the fuck?!” you burst out, causing the Slytherin boy to jump in surprise.

“Y-Y/N- I-I—”

“I don’t know what the bloody hell you think you’re getting away with, but you better get the fuck off this train before I curse you,” you snarl, shoving him aside to get to Harry. Seeing that he’s been petrified, you take your wand out of your jacket pocket and mutter, “finite,” to which your friend thankfully wakes up, blinking a few times. He doesn’t move much, as he tries to regain control of his muscles, and you insist he takes a moment to do so.

Throughout this, Draco has gone so quiet you think he might have actually left, but when you turn your head to meet his stormy eyes, you’re filled with rage, once again.

“What the fuck are you still doing here?! Get out!”

“But Y/N, I-I'm—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” you say in a lower tone as you tend to your friend, not even sparing him another glance.

Why is it that just when you think there might be a redeemable quality buried deep in Draco Malfoy, he always does something that proves otherwise?

II. Welcome to the Slugclub

“Okay, okay! I was gate-crashing! Happy?” He admits, trying to shake off Filch’s grasp on his jacket.

His eyes that used to be sharp and bright, have recently become sullen. They lock with yours for a solid moment before he’s ushered out by Snape.

Your eyes linger on his figure as he’s led away from the party— probably longer than they should have, but you can’t help noticing how thin he’s become. You’ve barely seen him all year, despite having a few classes together. He was never that hefty to begin with, but it looks like he hasn’t eaten or slept in ages. Other than his usual perfectly tailored wardrobe, he now wears dark circles under his eyes, and it’s impossible not to notice how the contours of his face have become that much sharper and his already pale skin has adopted a sickly pigmentation.

You and Harry follow the pair out, but for different reasons. You know that Harry wouldn’t be happy about yours because of his suspicions, but Draco looks like he’s crumbling under stress.

Eavesdropping only proves Harry’s doubts about Malfoy, and he then decides to rejoin the party as to not get caught by Snape, but you hang back, telling him you need to go to the loo.

You wait in the shadows until you hear Snape’s steps scurry away before approaching Malfoy who stays behind, sitting on a ledge. A half-smirk appears on his face upon noticing you like he’s been gathering an arsenal of insults to shoot at you, but really, under the snide mask, he marvels at how lovely you look tonight.

“Straying from your date with Potter?” he spits out Harry’s name like it’s revolting to have on his tongue. “Wouldn’t want anyone to think Potter’s lady is ditching him in favour of a more refined pureblood—”

“He’s one of my best friends!” You roll your eyes and flail your hands up in exasperation. “And how is the nature of our relationship any of your business?!”

He snorts, leaning his back on the walk behind him and crosses his arms over his chest nonchalantly.

“You know, I came out here to check and make sure you were okay!” You shout at him hands coming up to furiously push your hair back. “I can’t believe that for a second I thought that— no- but you—”

“You thought what?” His voice has become softer, hard exterior starting to peel away in your presence. He stands from his seat, mild concern washing over his features.

You shake your head, looking anywhere but at him. “N-Nothing—”

“Tell me,” his hands place themselves on your biceps, long fingers curling around your arms gently.

You fall victim to his intense gaze, getting lost in the grey seas of his irises. His features aren’t as hard as they usually are and the grasp he has on you is delicate; like he’s afraid to hurt you and you almost feel like you can let your guard down. Almost.

“Is it true?” you ask him, diverging from the subject and he raises an eyebrow in response. “Did you hex Katie Bell?”

He opens his mouth, and then closes it without a word when he realizes he has nothing to answer to that and you’re the only person he can’t lie to. That’s enough of a confirmation for you. You let out a breath of disbelief and he starts to panic, because contrary to the backwards dynamic the two of you share, part of him does care what you think. “Y/N- p-please listen—”

All emotion leaves your voice as you tell him, “Just leave me alone, Malfoy.”

You shrug him off, and spin on your heel, breaking the eye contact. Walking down the hall, you leave him there to bask in the silence and his dark thoughts.

III. Hair Like You

You’re already teeming with rage as you scour the castle for Ron, who slipped you one of Fred and George’s prank snacks that ended up changing your hair color. Running into Draco Malfoy, of all people, really puts the cherry on top of the shit sundae.

To make things worse, it looks as though he’s going out of his way to get to you when he spots you from across the courtyard. At first he squints, not fully sure if it’s you with the new physical change, and then tails you down two hallways, not giving a single damn how creepy he may look.

“What do you want, Malfoy—”

“It seems like you’re more obsessed with me than I had originally thought,” he snickers, catching up with your quickened pace.

That’s when it hits you, and you instantly halt, causing him to smack into your back. Spinning around to face him, your eyes widen in horror as you take in the familiar platinum blonde hair— the same shade you saw in the mirror earlier.

“That’s just great!” You throw your hands up dramatically. “Now I look like you!”

“Please, don’t flatter yourself—”

“Oh, sod off, Malfoy!”

“You know, it really doesn’t look that bad. Maybe you’re starting to have better taste.”

Despite knowing full well that that was Malfoy speak for a compliment, you’re in no mood for it. “Oh, well I’m so glad that the Slytherin prince thinks me, a lowly commoner, 'doesn��t look that bad’ just fu—”

“No! No! No! Y/N! I didn’t mean—”

“—ck off! Because on top of looking like the most insufferable git in the entire school what I really wanted was to receive a backhanded compliment—” And just then, you spot the familiar redhead with bad influences for older brothers from across the hall who you’re even more pissed off at than Malfoy.

“I don’t have time for this,” is all you say as you bolt down the hall towards Ron, screaming, “YOU’RE DEAD, WEASLEY!”

IV. Held Hostage

Hermione’s screams are enough to make you feel like you’re being gutted, and when Bellatrix takes her knife to your arm, you’re absolutely terrified. At least this means your best friend has a break from her torture. In the meantime, you nearly bite through your cheek to hold in your own screams whilst the saddistic woman spells out the hateful term that’s been thrown at you your whole life, carving it into your flesh.

After what feels like hours, the death eater sits back up, admiring the her work with a sickening grin on her face, and you want nothing more than to smack it off. Or at least you would if you didn’t feel like you’ve been drained. What you do feel is defiled; like your own skin is no longer yours, and the blood that runs through your veins doesn’t belong to you.

And Draco Malfoy has been standing on the other end of the room this whole time whilst his barbaric aunt tries to get information out of you.

The rest of what happens is experienced through the blur of hopeless tears your eyes are clouded with, until Harry picks you up off the floor after Bellatrix had pushed you and Hermione to save herself from the falling chandelier. A certain fire surges through you as you regain full consciousness.

You see Harry and Draco fight over his wand, and instinct kicks in as you lunge forward, efficiently tackling the latter to the ground. Snatching the wand out of his hand, you throw it to Harry. The blonde boy’s struggles are weak under your weight, almost half-assed as you feel the tension start to leave his muscles.

“Why?!” you shout in his face, grabbing him by the collar to keep him down. Tears well your eyes, but your gaze pierces through him nonetheless. The feelings of helplessness and emptiness are long gone as angry tracks burn down your cheeks. “Why—”

“Y/N!” Harry scoops you off him in one swift motion, pulling you to where your allies have regrouped. “This isn’t the time- w-we have to get out of here!”

You don’t say another word, and your infuriated eyes target the conflict and fear that resides in Draco’s. He’s left with the image of your anguish and fury engrained in his mind long after you disapparate.

V. Crossing Over

The Dark Lord himself beckoned him, and for a second you thought he might resist, but then his mother called him, extending her hand for him to come to her, and you saw him break.

“No!” You cry out as he starts to take hesitant steps towards the death eaters. “Draco, don’t do this!” His already shaky demeanor falters for a moment at the sound of his first name falling from your lips. “You have a choice.”

Steeling his nerves, he doesn’t allow himself to look back, because he would surely crumble under the weight of your gaze and the pain etched into your features. He continues forward, into the arms of a proud tyrant, and you swear your heart drops out of your chest.

Then, the whole scene with Neville’s heroic spirit ensues and you feel the fire within you flare up again when Harry tumbles out of Hagrid’s arms. Death Eaters that have been backing Voldemort start to disappear, leaving an unevenly distributed cloud of darkness.

Everyone else starts to retreat to the castle to regroup and fight as one, but you chase after the fleeing Malfoy family. It’s as though you have no control as your legs move under you on autopilot and as fast as they can go.

You’ve almost caught up to the trio on the bridge and can no longer help yourself.

“Coward!” You yell, trying your best not to let your voice crack, with no avail. It’s all you can do to keep the tears from spilling freely. Draco meets your eyes with his own that portray a boy who is terrified out of his mind, but you’re relentless. The truth isn’t always easy. “You’re a bloody coward, Malfoy!”

Avoiding your fiery gaze, he turns into his mother’s comfort. Not once do his eyes meet yours again before he disappears in a whisp of black smoke.

What you feel is rage, but with that rage comes with an added indescribable pain and disappointment.

+ Midsummer Night’s Dream

The next time you see the infamous Draco Malfoy is just over a year since he disapparated in a whisp of black smoke. Little do you know, immediately after apparating, the boy fell to his knees in the arms of his mother. He broke that day, and hasn’t been able to put himself back together since, contrary to the proud Malfoy mask he wears out in public. He hides behind crisp suits and perfectly-coiffed platinum locks. It’s enough to have anyone who reads the Daily Prophet fooled about how the heir carries onto a successful path despite everything that has happened.

But not you. He never could fool you of anything, really. So when you and your friends spot him taking a seat alone at the Three Broomsticks you know something’s up, because a refined Malfoy doesn’t just hang out amongst mere commoners like that.

“What is he doing here?” Ron spits out, red fury already starting at the tips of his ears and seething from his narrowed eyes.

As if on cue, Draco’s eyes lift from his glass to meet yours.

Hermione sends you a sympathetic smile before mumbling calming words to her boyfriend. The Malfoys and Weasleys always did get each other riled up.

Harry, who sits beside you, gives you a gentle nudge with his shoulder to get your attention and you can immediately read his expression. He can read yours just as easily and can see that you’re starting to get anxious. “Y/N…”

“Harry, it’s okay,” you simper, standing slowly from your seat. “I’ve got this.”

He casts a glance towards the blond across the room before his eyes come back meet yours, sending you a look as though to ask if you’re sure. You give him a nod and he sends you off with a comforting squeeze of your hand.

As you make your way to the table for one, you’re so focused on slowing your heart rate that you’ve arrived at your destination before you know it, seeing the shiny black dress shoes in contrast to the uneven wood panels of the pub’s floor. When you lift your gaze, it’s then that you realize he’s been staring at you the whole time.

“Malfoy.”

“Y/N.”

The sound of your first name rolling off his tongue lights something inside you— and it’s not pretty.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, your voice is steady, but with a strong undertone of something darker. Like the calm before a storm.

“Can’t a man enjoy a butterbeer on his own?” Despite him being absolutely terrified of you, he somehow manages to exude a certain lightness. You look at his untouched pint and raise an eyebrow and he knows you aren’t in the mood for small talk.

“Cut the shit, Malfoy.”

Recognizing the beginnings of anger in your tone, he stands as smoothly as he can manage and gestures towards the door. The last thing he wants is for you to snap because he knows very well what it’s like to be on the receiving end of your fury.

He follows closely behind as you lead him out into the dim lighting of Hogsmead. The summer air doesn’t feel as heavy as it has for the last week, and the sky proudly shows off the twinkling stars. It would be a perfect night if not for your circumstances.

You stop in your tracks and spin to face him so briskly, your forehead almost hits his chin. “You have one minute to talk before I hex you where you stand.”

“You always did excel in hexes and jinxes—”

“Fifty-five seconds, Malfoy.”

“Uh- erm- o-okay—”

You have about zero patience left. The anger thats been quietly bubbling for the last year has been on the brim of overflowing the second he walked in tonight, but so has all the pain and sadness you’ve kept locked up all this time. “You’re wasting my time.” You prepare to stalk off, but a firm hand pulls you back by your elbow, and for the the first time since the war, your face with Draco Malfoy. It’s the first time tonight that you can really see him. He looks worse than ever.

The silver pools that once resided in his irises look like shells of what they once were. And he sure felt that way, until he saw you. That’s when he realizes how empty he always is until he’s around you. My, how he took that for granted all these years.

Trying your very best, you fight against the urge to give into the part of you who still cares for him and wants to know the last time he had a good night’s sleep. You also try to fight against the water accumulation behind your eyelids, but it only makes it worse.

“What?! What do you want, Draco?!”

The use of his first name is the only sign he needs to be brave for once. Without further hesitation, he leans down to capture your lips in a kiss. Once over the initial shock, you give in for only a half second before you come to your senses and push him back, both hands planted firmly on his chest.

“What the bloody hell are you playing at?!”

“I-I- Y/N, I-I’m so—” Right then, is one of the few times you see what he’s really feeling on the inside be expressed on the outside. “I-I just-I thought—”

“You- you thought what?! We’d ride off into the sunset on the back of a unicorn and live happily ever after?!” You don’t care how frantic you look right now. You don’t care that the midsummer night wind is whipping your hair into complete and utter chaos. And you definitely don’t give a single fuck about how the drunk people stumbling by you giggle uncontrollably. You pause for a moment as you wait for them to be out of earshot, and once they are, you let out a frustrated breath and resume. “Did you honestly believe that you could kiss me, and then everything— all of the absolute shite of a mess would just go away?!”

His gaze drops to the ground that his shiny dress shoes stand on, with a few platinum strands that fall from their place. Those are the only visible signs of something amiss with the well-dressed man. But you see something else cloud his features: shame. The last time you saw that, which was also the last time you saw him, he left. He always left you while you were angry, enraged, and never stuck around to face the truth.

Draco Malfoy decides that this time is going to be different.

He has felt as empty as his eyes appeared for months, but when his gaze rolls back up to meet yours, you see the grey storms you saw when you first met him. Sure, they were masked by an outer shell that was brimming with entitlement, but they have now what they had then. Purpose.

“Y/N,” His hands twitch as he fights the urge to reach out for yours, deciding against it in favour of using two words you’ve been waiting to hear. “I’m sorry.” You soften, releasing the tension you didn’t realize you carried in your shoulders. The angry tears that stung the backs of your eyes melt to something peaceful as they escape their ducts. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I know I don’t deserve another chance, or any of the chances you’ve given me, but if you’ll give me one more I promise I’ll be better. Everything you’ve ever said about me is true; I am a coward, but I’m not leaving this time.”

“And what if I want you to leave?” You ask, testing the waters, more than anything else.

“If you tell me to leave— if that is what you truly want, then I will. Tell me to leave, and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“Okay, then leave.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“Y-Yes—” You stammer out a complete lie. Every cell on your body knows it’s a lie, and apparently so does he.

“I don’t believe you.”

More than anything, you want to fling yourself into his arms but you feel like your feet have been colashoo-ed to the ground. A corner of his mouth quirks up into a soft lopsided smile as his hands raise to thread fingers through the top of your hairline, smoothing wild strands away from your face. His touch is so careful and delicate than you could have ever imagined. He leans down slowly and stops just as his lips have brushed over yours, asking for permission, “I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

Syllables get caught in your throat, and channel themselves through you body as you move to slate your mouth over his. The sensation is so delicately mind-blowing, and it leaves you absolutely breathless when you pull away to lean your forehead against his.

All you can manage to breathe out is, “stay”.

The way your breath fans over his lips is intoxicating, and he’s certain he’s never seen anything more beautiful, no work of art finer, than the way you’re looking at him.

“I’m not leaving this time. Never again.”

His grasp tightens as he pulls you back to his lips and your fingers curl around the light fabric of his shirt. Every emotion and feeling accumulated over lost time is poured into this kiss.

This time, what you feel for him is something stronger and far different than anger.

[delbeugre]

Have you seen SADIE BEUGRE? DEL is in HER/THEIR SENIOR year. The MATHEMATICS MAJOR is 24 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE/THEY are GRITTY, BEWITCHING, RETICENT and WASPISH. Rumors say they’re a member of HASTINGS. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE BIT AN EX-BOYFRIEND’S PINKY FINGER OFF AFTER SHE FOUND OUT HE CHEATED, AND THEN HAPPILY SERVED TIME FOR IT.

im tommy im a freak and of course i am here to get freakalicious with u all... this is my newest frankenstein type creation named sadie i know .02% about her yet but i am more than confident she will b nothing but a fun time! like this if ur down to plot!

TW: VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF JAIL/PROSECUTION, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DRUG USE

BACKSTORY

capricorn sun / virgo moon / scorpio rising

raised by her uncle Big (his name) who is a hermit shut in town local in the depths of the florida marshland like some goosebumps protagonist. hes gone far past socially acceptable in terms of his ability to connect with the modern person but is wise beyond belief... his whole vibe is a warped cross between a cryptid and a mountain man that forages and cooks neighborhood plants. married for 27 years before his wife passed from illness. its quite possibly the only thing hes ever been emotional about

but dels entry to his life throws a wrench in his sadness (despite abandonment being what they bond over). she takes the focus away from his loss with her presence; her dad, his brother, died in a tragic train-car collision around the same time (which is speculated to be a suicide bt nobody can ever really be sure). he was a single parent so her custody is thrown up in the air for a few months as cps decides what they r gna do with this freshly orphaned little scrapper

she just kinda turns up on his doorstep n from there they cohabit a space. shes arnd 6-7 at this time... big never seemed to b phased by the fact tht she was a child n tended to treat her more like an apprentice or guest. he was never close to her father because of their age difference, being the older out of the two, so to have his daughter become his responsibility is just..... weird

this doesnt mean that he wouldnt provide for her bt it was. not very parental whatsoever.... no conversation or interaction beyond what was necessary. she was a mute fr a while and still is? to a degree.... very short spoken

when she got to her preteens he offered her an allowance in exchange for little odds and ends of stuff to be taken care of around the house. errands n all tht.... sometimes he wld purposefully leave things for her to pick up n take care of without mentioning it for a bonus. taught her the importance of saving your money and the horrid corruptness of a society basing everythings worth off paper. big exposed her to a lot of knowledge and took advantage of her silent curiosity by fueling it with books, homeschooling, life skills (catching a fish, setting a trap, knowing your berries in the woods...... the works)

her teens carried out the same way bt with the introduction of a real job, a spot down at the local butcher shop checking people out at the register and helping around the back of house. del knows a great deal abt cow/pig/chicken/etc anatomy from her years here..... she committed to being 100% vegan into her early twenties because of her trauma frm this occupation

it paid very well tho n was the best gig she was going to get within a reasonable biking route from home. so she settled!

the plan wasnt to keep it up for long anyway. she worked rly hard for her spot at yates and didnt intend to ever screw herself over. her plan was to get her bachelors, masters, become a professor, pursue a personal hobby of agriculture and build an elaborate greenhouse to live in

bt things happen..... 

some 35yr old douche with a green thumb woos her at a gardening store n swoops in to teach her a little more abt romance; all of this, of course, under the guise that he had all these tips and tricks for living environmentally friendly. a lame hippie wannabe that shouldve never even approached her bt alas.... he did

love is a touchy subject n it hadnt been something she set her sights on, but she was interested in wht this dude could teach her n at 19 she ended up falling in love. she delayed her education to stay an extra year back home and work out another plan which included him

this was very disappointing to her uncle bt he didnt have anything to say abt it. it was never parental before n it was never going to be, so this was another lesson she wld just have to overcome on her own

it turns out that she doesnt care for infidelity. when the confession comes out its met with a lot of screaming, bawling, blistering white hot anger. the whole incident is blacked out of her mind to b honest....

matters of the heart are no longer something to concern herself with because of the repercussions of her rash behavior regarding heartbreak O________O she spent a year in jail n still has to attend therapy / anger management meetings

deep down she is still hurting. there was a lot of pain... bt the sadness is not over the loss of some noob. she is in a state of constant disappointment, detaching from herself out of shame. putting her own life on pause only for it to turn out like that? stupid stupid stupid... 

PERSONALITY

chugging along! tldr spectre-like swamp nymph aura with the slightest (not so slight) unhinged feral tendencies

delicate like a moth resting in the gleam of a flashlight.... her anger singes her wings when shes too comfortable staying in one place, so theres always constant stimulation, always shifting gears. shes prone to feeling threatened; that being said, sadie is wary of walking in crowds, a little bit skittish when approached without making eye contact beforehand. like a small grey kitten..... in a big wide world

has a hard time keeping a conversation bt is very interested in debate, and even more so in studying alongside someone in complete silence. it reminds her of home in the same sense tht her uncle wld nudge her to keep reading by always having his own book open

doesnt have many friends and is alright with that. rumors are tht she is still a virgin bt who really knows? not i...... bt i wldnt be surprised if this was true. shes not impressed by people nor material items so this whole yates crowd is a turn off

she is truly clueless when it comes to how to behave around anyone her age. i think she understands but it just doesnt compute. she could come off as impolite bt it is just standoffishness? some people cld try to crack her but i dont think even she knows what that would be, or what that would look like. even in her one (1) failed relationship it was never deep heart to hearts or sharing dinner..... solitude is her realm

del is very comfortable with herself, very open with her wardrobe! doesnt leave too much to the imagination? she appreciates the human experience n expresses that thru this whole “body is a temple” type thing.... not quite confidence, but proudness of being. has gotten multiple notices frm professors for her tops being too sheer, nylons too ratted up, etc. has dirt under her fingernails half the time, chipped polish, some chapstick. smudges her eyeshadow on with her fingers

doesnt smoke cigarettes all too often but is dependent on weed. it kinda perpetuates her paranoid demeanor bt at the same time it keeps her lax enough to be able to mentally handle city life

her room is a playground for huge monstera plants, christmas cacti, ivy creeping along the doorway. she sleeps on a tiny thin mattress on the floor with a linen sheet and has her books stacked up on the ground next to it to hold her ashtray. the whole thing is dumb empty

takes her studies seriously and pinches every penny she can..... she has never ordered herself a coffee frm somewhere before, ordered food frm a restaurant... nothing. i wld think the most she would branch out from harvesting everything on her own is buying a bag of sunflower seeds frm a gas station, but even then, she much prefers eating stuff she grows herself. has a tomato plant, some basil beginning to sprout, etc.... manageable crops for any college students tiny space

...

bt yea thats it thats all! connections cld be all over the place. im legit open to anything. theres only a few tht come to mind right off that bat: 

a few people that get along with her? same classes? they shared a bowl n now theyre getting into the nitty gritty of some personal conversation that is veering into no mans land....

some sort of clueless makeover moment? arent rly into sadie as a person bt see a lot of potential... perhaps need a plus one to a party on the fly and figure thats the best option theyve got

crushes? this wld be fun n potentially dangerous! like playing with a hot cast iron pan or something :)

again im vry new to rp so i wld like to leave a lot of stuff up to chemistry, brainstorming n stuff like that, but please consider everything on the table! what i hav mentioned is the tip of the iceberg im so burnt out n i wrote a lot more than i intended to i am so sorry but i promise i am friendly

[ace-pervert]

Ive finished watching eleven seasons of rupauls drag race and now feel I am ready to briefly review each season

S1: A good start though it must be said, ONGINA WAS ROBBED! Also there was favoritism.

S2: Not a bad season but at least somewhat ruined by Rupauls rather overt favoritism towards Tyra and dislike of Pandora. While I didnt like Tyra on the show his callout of the entire drag community after leaving drag has given me massive respect for him and feels like karma for RuPauls rather blatant self promotion and attempts to turn himself into some kind of rolemodel. But aside from the callout and Jujube, and Pandora the season is unmemorable.

S3: The top three were all highly skilled and the winner seemed to deserve it though that was later put into doubt after it came to light that Raja had worked with RuPaul before the show aired, and lets be honest Manilla Luzon was much more talented.

S4: One of the best seasons in drag race history, has the best music video, and Sharron Needles is hands down the most influential and versatile queen in drag race history. The only bad part, aside from the editing against phi phi, is Latrice Royal, who, and I feel this needs to be said, wouldnt have been in the top four had Willam stayed, and certainly wouldnt have made top five if Alaska had been allowed to join, mostly because she kept showing a similar outfit, her not being a particularly good actor, being thrown off really easily, and quickly relying on a shtick.

S5: Good season, but I feel that Roxxxy really did end up in the top three only because Visage and Ru love drama and the Jersey Shore look that was at the time Roxxxy Andrews trademark look, and the Coco Alyssa drama was really dull, neither deserved to be as high as ended up, and ultimately both queens are unmemorable.

S6: Not a bad season but i'm not a fan of Courtney Act or miss Lake, mostly because I think they both get away with looks that really they shouldnt have gotten away with, though arguable so did Bendelacreme. Though it was nice that there wasnt any drama, and Bianca del Rio is really funny.

S7: Ive tried to come up with words to describe this season, I cant, its just that bad. No not bad just dull, really dull and awkward, and the worst part is that its not the queens who drag the season down, the queens themselves are fine and Pearl stands out as being a particularly interresting person when not on drag race, its RuPaul being a tool off camera and coming up with challenges that play to the queens weaknesses rather strengths.

S8: Unfortunately I found Bob the Drag Queen so attractive out of drag that I stopped caring about what he looked like in drag with the end result being that I have no idea if hes a good drag queen. But ignoring the moments where I was drooling over Bob it was a good season with some truly great outfits,and a good Snatch Game, that wether for good or bad did very quickly become the Bob the drag queen and Kim Chi show, making it in hindsight the second most plann

S9: The season started off with an appearance by Lady Gaga , whose reviews of the outfits consisted of little more than name dropping and not much else, unintentionally setting the tone for a dull and awkward season with a cheerleading challenge that causes one person to crack a rib and another to almost permanently lose their ability to dance, a Reality Star Rusical that is well just dull, painfully bad lipsinks, uninterresting outfits, and perhaps the blandest wierd drag queen in the history of the competition. Its also in this season that introduced the lipsink for the crown format that I personally despise as it takes the power away from the viewers and puts it back in Rupauls hand.

S10: Solid season, mostly focused on returning contestant Eureka but the other contestants are given enough focus that it feels natural. The challenges are interresting to watch, the snatchgame is funny, and the dresses are well made. The top four are all stars in their right and the winner of that season could have easily been any of them, making this the only season where a lipsink for the crown made sense.

S11: Starts off strong with people like Miss Vanjie, Brooke Lynne Hytes, Nina West and Yvie Oddly revealing a high degree of skill both as actors and as dress makers. Unfortunately the blatant favoritism of Rupaul, the judges, and the producers towards Silky Nutmeg Ganache (honestly they seem like a nice person in real life, but on the show they just seem like a tool), unimaginative challenges, distracting and irritating cameos by former drag race contestants including by Bianca whos dull and unentertaining appearance shows exactly why contestants shouldnt return at all, a rusical so god cringeworthy you'll pray for death (Trump the Rusical), the worst snatch game in drag race history, and painfully predictable twists result in a terrible season, with the only interresting things being the romance between Vanjie and Brooke (they broke up four months after the last episode before the reunion due to conflicting schedules), Miss Vanjie being well himself, Nina Wests acting, and Yvie Oddly's outfits .

S12: Havent seen it, but lets be honest this season is the one where the star is a sex offender. By now many fans have analysed the season and its become clear that the person who was intended to be the focal point and possible winner was Sherry Pie, which means that editing them out for very well known reasons also makes them the focal point just in a different way than intended. Hell it wouldnt surprise me if this season becomes known as the one with Sherry Pie, not the one where the winner won. Though it might also be the last season that RuPauls on, as there are rumors that hes stopping with drag race.

The Christmass Special: To short for a christmass special, to much like the other episodes to be special, to blatantly commercial to be Christmass, and to scripted, even by drag race standards, to be drag race.

And now for a review of the Judges themselves

RuPaul: On the outside a warm, outspoken, well meaning person whose done things which are truly groundbreaking. But beneath that warm exterior beats the stone cold heart of a businessman. He's calculating, manipulative, greedy, has no qualms about setting queens up for failure, and ultimately hasnt done much that could be seen as groundbreaking. Perhaps the worst part is that its clear that in terms of humor , mentality and fashion hes never left the 70s, which combined with his callous way of treating the enviroment (as shown by his fracking empire) and his history of transpobia, makes him a liability to the show. Even if you manage to ignore all of that, the show is ultimately about the drag queens, not about Rupaul, and Rupauls attemps to make it about him really drag the show down

Michelle Visage: Shes a mother of two teenagers with a stay at home husband pretending to be a bitchy whore on a tv show about drag queens, yeah thats her career. Now in truth thats not the biggest issue, the biggest issue is that shes got hangups and makes the same jokes over over again and that after being on the show for ten years she hasnt developed as a judge so the routine, to paphrase miss Visage herself, has been done to death. In truth the show needs something other than the same damn shtick and same damn comments all the time, and if she cant do it then she should quite so someone else can do it for her. Ok maybe thats the second biggest issue, the biggest is that she kisses RuPaul's ass untill it shines brighter than a mirror.

Valentino Rice: Good judge, and had great chemistry with the other judges.

Ross Mathews: Cute guy, wierdly charming, and interacts well with the others.

Carson Kressley: He comes across as a very tired, very frail, very gay but very very very dull ninety year old man, which makes sense given the fact that his entire career is based on being gay, and hes, well old. Ok hes not really old, hes 50, but on camera he looks and acts closer to 150. And the issue isnt that hes gay, its that hes doing a shtick, a very dull and fairly offensive shtick. Possibly the worst choice for a judge, and the show jumps in quality whenever hes not there.

Now for a few things that just bug me.

Favoritism: Unfortunately one of the biggest issues of the show is that seasons tend to be structured around Queens who are intended to be the winner, or at least the hero, from the get go, which has the advantage of allowing the creators of the show to change the structure and challenges from season to season, but also makes it hard to watch if the season is blatant in its favoritism, if the intended winner isnt that good, or if the winner gets eliminated for one reason or another.

Cameos by former contestants: Cameos are a great way to get people to say "I know that person" which is great in a tv show because you know that the cast wont change in the next episode, but not great in a competition where all it does is take away screentime from competitors and giving it to competitors who most likely did not do well enough to win in their own drag race, and even if they did, the show is not about them, but about the current contestants. As such if Ru wants them to return he should put them in All Stars.

Cameos by celebrities: Add nothing. Its drag race not the red carpet, i'm watching for the up and coming drag queens not famous people trying to boost their careers.

Adding politics to the show: No, just no. Dont do things like Trump the Rusical, dont have steven colbert do a voiceover, theres no way that can go well and it comes accross as virtue signaling. If Ru wants to do something good he should double the prize money and have half of the money go to a charity of the winners choosing, or stop fracking.

Adding politics outside of the Show: Drag queens are celebrities and entertainers, as such are constantly in the public eye and dependent on being in it for their income which means that anything they say in public, wether its gossiping, or discussing politics, needs to be viewed as being some form of self promotion. Now this might make things difficult for them, but it is a well known part of being an entertainer so it can be assumed that they were well aware of this before they joined Drag Race. If they do want to talk about politics without being viewed as self promoting, they are free to make an anonymous account on one of the many sites, like tumblr, where its assumed that no one knows who the other people are.

Family Friendly Drag: Lets be honest its men shoving their cocks up their own asses while dressing up as women, and naking refferences to sex, for the sake of entertainment. Thers nothing family friendly about it. Nor should there be as part of the appeal of drag is that its something that is restricted to adults. Likewise they arent heroes, they are entertainers, not doctors, not construction workers, entertainers no more worthy of praise then a person on a sitcom.

Drama outside of Drag Race: While drama on the show is to be expected and is part of what makes it entertaining, drama outside of the show is different its more personal and something that in truth should not be shared. However by presenting it as gossip on various shows they are saying its part of the show, which is unhealthy at best.

Final note.

While I am critising the Drag Race, I am not doing it because I dislike the show, I am infact a big fan of the show but at the same time I want to get my thoughts out there see how others view these topics.

[charismastaticarchive]

CLAUDE HC: LET ME KNOW THAT I’VE DONE WRONG / WHEN I’VE KNOWN THIS ALL ALONG. / I GO AROUND A TIME OR TWO. / JUST TO WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU. / TELL ME ALL THAT YOU’VE THROWN AWAY. / FIND OUT GAMES YOU DON’T WANT TO PLAY. / YOU ARE, THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS TO KNOW.

claude LOVES secrets. he makes this very apparent, all the time, and makes his love of secrets no secret. since everything with claude is a long con, a deliberate chess match of moving pieces forward while being as snarky and condescending towards all of fodlan (under the guise of charming, rogueish jabs at his ‘friendly rivals’), his love of secrets, and his desire to make said love known---is an important chess piece, a tool for manipulation and the self-degradation towards a casual aura that claude is so well known for.

this hc has two parts. ONE why does claude make  people THINK he loves secrets? how is that useful if he actually wants to uncover their secrets? wouldn’t that make people push their guard up even further?  and TWO. why does claude love secrets. does he REALLY love them, or are they just a tool he uses?

to begin with. there are a few things we know about claude for certain. they are the things he does not let ‘slip’ so much as tell with pointed accuracy because it suits his aims and goals in shocking his friends. he gives these secrets not freely---but as an exchange. he tells you something about his self that might have traumatized him, and u feel bad for him, bad enough that u decide to relate to him and tell him UR trauma, or bad enough that you pity him and feel closer to him.

 the things he tells about himself are things he does not SEEM to mind, because he tells these things just as freely as he talks about poisoning people with non-lethal poisons that can only give u food poisoning. this tells me two things: he tells half the story, and only the part of the story that doesn’t make him feel bad personally and that make him appear Different and Odd but also harmlesss. and the deeper issues at play when he talks about his past (namely, the attempts on his life, his warrior mother being vicious, him being dragged on the ground as he learned how to use a bow, how he wanted to wield byleth’s mountain shattering relic) DO bother him. 

the side of the story he’s telling is as simple as a non-lethal poison he wants to test out on a fellow student. but if you know how to make non-lethal poisons, it stands to reason u have better, ACTUALLY lethal poisons in ur arsenal. its a lot easier to kill people than to temper ur arrow and hit just the arrow in ur mouth. but he does so, and he does so in spades, literally all the time, to the point that no one ever really questions him or his intentions in even GATHERING secrets. so instead of people taking claude seriously as a manipulator----people see claude as a secret hound, that will always be obvious when he is being sneaky.

the reason claude makes it known he loves secrets----when people get tired of having their guard up all the time, they let it down, they get sloppy, they start to underestimate him as a hound instead of a true threat. then claude can hit them with genuine authenticity, and they open up as a FRIEND, even tho they dont know anything about claude really at all, and now? he knows JUST ENOUGH about them to hold it over their heads, to manipulate them further, and tbh, he’s already god enough at manipulating people in general just bc he’s got a good judge of character (though he does underestimate people, often), and is a cynical, analytical mind when it comes to patterns of behavior in humanity. and then? then people don’t view it as him ‘tricking’ their secrets out of them. they view it as opening up, as a cemented allegiance, and that’s worth a lot more---especially when claude NEEDS that before he can ever honestly open up to them.

so that brings us to part two. claude is only 17 at the start of the game, and he’s already had attempts on his life. if that’s what he’s TELLING US, if that’s what he WANTS US TO KNOW, then how much more horrible must it really be? he’s only 17 when he tells us this. he’s so fucking young. when did they start? how does he know about them? does he know anything about the people that attacked him? and then there’s the classic biracial kid story. his mom doesn’t look like any of the other moms. she’s tough and she’s strong and she doesn’t take any shit---but why does she look like that? and why won’t she say?

claude loves secrets, because, lets be real, he’s a prince from a fairy tale esque kingdom. there were secrets that were kept from him, secrets that were kept for a very long time, about who he really is, and why everyone seems to hate him so much that they’d try to kill him---but love him so much he still has people keeping him safe. you can see how claude, a genius and a prodigy at seventeen (so probably at least some time before then as well), would have a curious mind as a child, and want to know more information.... and therefore decide that, hey, knowledge is power. secrets are what connect you to other people. information and relationships are a currency that keep you safe and can also get you in trouble.

keep your secrets safe to your chest. dole them out when needed, exchange them when you have to, for sympathy, for love, for kindness, for allegiances. but learn everything you can about other people----not to the point they rule over you, but enough that that person needs you more than you need them.

secrets are EVERYTHING to claude. THEY’RE the real chess pieces. not just in his games of manipulation---but to his dreams, to his complete self-knowledge, to forging platonic and romantic relationships with other people (if he’ll ever let himself do that).

and the best lies aren’t lies at all. they’re half-truths. claude loves playing the game, more than he likes interacting with people in general, especially fodlan people, who he knows might try to kill him at a moment’s notice just for daring to be of almyran birth (and who have in the past). and while he hates that this system makes every drop of affection and connection he has feel transactional and also completely conditional---it makes more sense to him this way, makes PEOPLE make more sense to him, and the world make more sense. which is hard for him, because when u’ve been through some really, really terrible shit---sometimes it feels like there’s no way to come to terms with the awful things people have done to you, except to learn to live logically, and believe in a system that relies on you believing and knowing the worst about everyone all the time.

[daughterofsinsloth]

I heard from a friend of mine that you are suggesting great fics of soukoku! Everyday I always go to AO3 and look for Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya tags to find interesting stories but recently I dont feel anymore of enthusiastic when I see updates, probably just stress from school. If its okay do you have any skk amazing fics that you like to recommend me or some you read?

hello anon-chan!! and hello to your friend too!than k you very much for your words! they makle m e really happy!

now! I kinda understand what you mean. maybe coz lately there are more angst fics? also school can be a major reason! i freak out a lot too! neh I will give you some fluuf and romantic  or action fics so you can realx and forget all about school okay?

lets see!

first some great writers, that you will definatly enjoy, are:

ReaperStygian 

setosdarkness

photography_tea

Memos

Witheryvine

Avi_pizzapopolis

AnonLearnsToWrite

Konoha79

sodenoshirayuki_23

izanyas

stargazerlilith

SoukokuParadise

hellosweetie17

gureshintrash

TheGreatCatsby

hybridempress

Lake_Toya

Kohaku69

okay now some am amazing fics that my heart always skip a beat reading them!

Mother by WhisperingWinds99:

a really heart warming fic! Kouyou narrate skk life and we see her mother sight! well written and overwelming emotions . one shot

Movie Nights and Lazy Mornings by evie_maria:

a cute little one shot abouot skk weekend! pure fluff and calm feelings.

Seven days to show you my love by holdinglucy:

It takes Dazai seven days to prove Chuuya he’s still his partner in the things that matter. one shot and absolutely lovely! Im jealous of chuuya here! its nice seeing Dazai as a caring boyfriend who tries to find happiness and Chuuya deserve some too.

Chuuya’s Secret by Anonymous:

Chuuya’s behavior has become strange lately, but Dazai, with his insight, is certain he can figure it out. a hilarrious fic! one shot and a fluffy one! its mpreg too and its funny seeing Dazai as these dork dads!

Fire in the Night by ChubbyHippo:

I love this one. its one shot and AU. brothel!Chuuya and solder!Dazai fell in love under the bright moon and my hearet stopped!its lovely, romantic,bit sad but overwelm ing and leaves you full.

Five more minutes by counter_illumination:

from morning to night their typical day. cute and fluffy.crak makes an apperance too coz we are talking about Dazai.a really nice feeling in it. one shot

Shared Gravity by writingfromtheshadows, ZODIACHUUYA:

mind the writes too. multi-chptrs. the writers take turns with the chptrs leaving no hoe init and giving you the emotions open to see. AU!high school and reallyyyyy good.The first time they slept together, Dazai and Chuuya were little more than academic rivals thrown together in a haze of dancing and alcohol.Every time after that, well, they just seemed to be drawn to each other. its an awesome fic

A Hearts Desire by Kaokita :

AU and multi-chptrs.Chuuya works in a brothel when he meets Dazai, a journalist. Dazai thinks he can save Chuuya but Chuuya doesn’t need saving. The one who needs saving is the one who longs for a reason to keep living. Chuuya and Dazai end up saving each other. this two are like magnets and when they connect they are explode. Chuuya thinks that they are different but they are not really. A+++ for Oda being alive.

Feel My Love by eunrihae:

multi-chptrs, one going, mpreg.they are just in  love and noone thoought that Dazai was serious about Chuuya. but boy they are wrong. coz in the end of the day they will always be in love.

Five Times Dazai Didn’t Stay, and One Time He Did. by kidspawn02:

I honestly loe this one. its well written, well built and over welming. emotions bear for you to see and feel . it has smut b ut not graphic but its about Dazai and Chuuya don’t really know how to deal with sexual tension, and Chuuya doesn’t think it’s fair that he’s fallen in love and that Dazai leaves every time they share a bed. it hurts but the ending is perfect. one shot

Strangers and Painkillers by TheEnigmaticPhoenix:

thiiiiiiiis fic!!!!! best absolute perfect! fluff and light angst but its great! Chuuya has no right as a stranger to make assumptions that the man sitting in front of him is hurting more than he is, despite the huge bloody gash running down the length of Chuuya’s arm.So, in an attempt to become less of a stranger, Chuuya lets the man drag him to the hospital to get his arm treated, hoping that he’ll answer Chuuya’s questions.What Chuuya doesn’t realize is that it’s not that easy to get a certain Dazai Osamu to open up. (part of series)

(i believe) i think i said goodbye to my soul tonight by iskendaris:

this one has smut but I choose it for what it represent. the raw emotions and the writting just bring to light words and promises long buried and very much needed by afraid to be said. true emotions that no one wanted to say but they are not bad and its great how the writer portain them. Dazai OP is “This isn’t sex as much as its an interrogation. Whatever Chuuya wants from him, he doesn’t know why but he knows he can trust Chuuya not to fuck him up.Or rather, he knows why, but he doesn’t think about it too much about baseless trust issues, because therein lies hell and damnation.” and its nice seeing through him

Temporarily by prettypurplegirl08:

cutness overload and a very much needed happiness.multi-chptrs and you dont want it to end.In Dazai’s arms was a small child–Chuuya would guess he was probably around 3 or 4 years old–with, surprisingly, silver white hair staring at Chuuya with those wide purple-yellow mixture orbs of his. The little kid was only wearing an over-size white shirt–well it’s definitely oversized for the small kid. Chuuya fell silent as his gaze never left the child who was thumbsucking in Dazai’s arms, part of his brain trying to figure out where he had seen the kid and another part trying to fathom why Dazai had come to his apartment with him in the first place.//or Atsushi gets turned into a child and Chuuya and Dazai has tot ake care of him, Akutagawa is somehow involved?

I’ll Hold You Close, and Half of Us Closer by doubleblack :

multi-chptrs, on going, mpreg. a lovelly fic. a very needed fluff. “This is the baby.” The doctor smiled. “They look like a little spot right now since you’re not far along. And that is their very strong heartbeat.“Chuuya and Dazai smiled as they looked at the ultrasound of their baby. The doctor printed out the ultrasounds of their baby. She prescribed Chuuya prenatal vitamins, told him he was 10 weeks along, and that he would be due early December. Chuuya and Dazai were now on their way home, and Dazai held Chuuya’s hand as he was driving home.“If Mori finds out…”“He won’t.” Dazai stated. “And even if he did. I will not let anyone hurt you or our baby. Ever. I will destroy the whole Port Mafia before I ever let that happen.” its cuuuuuute. its a journey that i would love to see.

Lips by SilentSoukoku:

cut and unexpected! “My dearest Chuuya, do you even take care of your lips? Look at how cracked they are!” did you died yet? coz I did! one shot

Waste of Bandage’s by ChuuChan1994:

hilarious, cute, amazing! one shot. Chuuya is getting along better with the ADA, that still doesn’t mean he’s willing to put up with Dazai’s bullshit. Where Akutagawa was use to the sight, Atsushi was left gaping at the sight before him.

Just like we agreed by codenamecat:

I will say on thing : Yosano is a b adass  Goddnes. thats all. one shot and smut sorry but its funny and fluffy  too. “I’ve been giving you excuses to leave since the very beginning, why won’t you just do what we’re both waiting for and take your gross ass away from here?!”Dazai tilted his head, his expression suggesting that he suddenly forgot his mother tongue and didn’t understand a word of what Chuuya just said.“Who said that it’s what I want?”

bounded by fate by Nekito :

super interesting multi-chptrs, AU!!! kouyou never took chuuya in and chuuya never joins the mafia, thus never meeting dazai when they were kids; instead chuuya lives 22 years a normal life until he mets dazai; dazai’s connections with the port mafia however soon causes problems on going.

Without Gods, Without Guidance by dancing_dazai :

another super interesting AU but with Gods! niiice and very promising!Without gods, without guidance, By the window, a woman has passed on; the white sky is blind, the white wind is cold.-The Hour of Death, Chuuya NakaharaTwo lost souls find their way to Quindecim with no memories of who they are or how they got there, and they’re determined to get their lives back. No matter the cost. multi-chptrs and on going

centrifugal/centripetal by TopHat69 :

my absolute favorite! majestic, powerful, overwelming, lovelu, lovely fic! multi-shptrs, omegaverse, on going their story from the begging but they are true mates. problem is that its more than they can handle. it what they need but Chuuya is not good at this and Dazai is too afraid. Chuuya wants to learn, to reach Dazai and Dazai want to be free and filfull a promise.

Cover Up by Satquael:

one shot and beautiful! It wasn’t long after they’d first met that Dazai noticed the tattoo. It was on the back of his neck, a bunch of letters and numbers that didn’t make any real sense. A serial number, of sorts.Chuuya had tried to hide it, understandably. Under his clothes, and then makeup. These solutions didn’t really work. Not in the long term, anyway. Clothes shifted, and makeup rubbed off.Dazai had a better idea.

lastly, will be too bad of me to share my works? I think that you may mostly like this fic:

Can you sew my suit? : Akutagawa and Atsushi are getting married and who is a better person to be their best man, but Dazai Osamu? Unfortunally, all guests has to wear newly sew suits, but Dazai missed the deadline for the order!Now, eight days before the wedding, Akutagawa sends Dazai to his last resolt; his good friend’s tailor shop, Nakahara Chuuya.However, his Dazai’s suit will not be the only thing fixed.Ch1.: the prologueCh2.: the meetingCh3.: a bonus

aaaaaaaaaand thats some of my favorite and amazinf fics i LOVE! hope you like them and happy reading! tell me what you think okay?

be well! :)

have a nice day!!!

[tumblunni]

Also in retrospect some of the mook nobodies that are assigned to the organization bosses kinda dont make sense. Like why is Axel of.all people given the weakest low level Dusks? They dont look anything like him or have a similar fighting style. And he's not emthe weakest nor is he the first member which might justify having the least specialized army. I always thought axel.was the assassin nobodies, honestly! And why is xemnas the sorcerer? He's dual energy sword dude! And also why is that thing even called the sorcerer when it looks more like a dude in a weird priest robe. Like i dunno at least 'the cleric' would have made sense in an ironic way where the evilest evil has a holy paladin army.

Speaking of which, maybe that could be a good name for Vexen's mooks? Cos thats a class in final fantasy that (sometimes) has protective moves, without also being a big buff physical attack specialist. Its really hard to think of a class that fits him, when he has such an odd moveset! But man its real cool that all the low level nobodies were based on traditional jrpg job classes so i definateky wanna keep the pattern in my fanmade designs.

Hmm Lexaeus could probably be the Warrior or maybe Viking? Saix already is the beserker in the more literal sense of the term, rather than how in a lot of ff games its just 'warrior, but upgraded'. Does anyone know if they ever did any other types of Big Physical Attack Man that werent already taken by anotjer team member?

Marluxia maybe could be the geomancer, technicalky? Cos he uses plants while Lexeaus is the actual geo guy,but also Lexaeus isnt a magician and plants are a thing in the ground i guess. Shame there isnt really any class name thay could convey marluxia's bishie looks and love of beauty and such. I mean technically maybe Dancer/Bard but again thats already taken. Maybe the Summoner cos he has that boss form transformation where he rides around on a weird giant statue thats also.sorta his lower half like a centaur made of forehead.

Larxene would definateky be the thief! I wouls have said the assassin since she specializes in thrown knives and thats also like the even more sneaky evil version of a thief. But again, they already gave that one to someone else.

And i dunno i honestky would have picked roxas to be the master of the Dusks. Cos he' the inexperienced newbie who hasnt really established his place in the group yet, he has these weak primal squigglemens that he cant really control. And i just think the manga added a really big nuance to his introduction when they had it be not just him spotting a Dusk messing around with the town and thus stumbling into axel, but instead a dusk that tracked him down and tried to tell him what was really happening, but he didnt know what this monster was just freaked out. That one panel where its all like "i've finalky found you, my leige, everyone is waiting back at the castle'. I mean like thats the only time we evee see anyone being able ro understand the dusks?? They cant talk, he just somehow hears it telepathically, and thatd make a lot of sense if the boss nobodies each had like a psychic bond with their minions. Also man seriously yo it must have been so sad for them! Theyre just lil spaghetti friends, theyre not even smart enough to understand that they were once dead humans, how do you expect them to understand that their boss just mysteriously vanished and was brainwashed into thinking he was Normal Shonen Anime Boy, thus your attempts to rescue him are just ruining his one chance at seeing what a human life is like...man roxas' story is so good and sad aaaa...

OH MAN I REMEMBERED THAT ONE MANGA CHAPTER AGAIN WHERE ITS THE DAY IN THE LIFE OF MOOK NOBODY NUMBER 98 AND THEN ON THE LAST PAGE HE GETS JUST CASUALLY KILLED BY THE PROTAGONIST JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER MOOK

god i feel so much for these cute monsters god im more interested in them than any of the humans

[alicedoessurveys]

loooooong survey

Childhood

Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: real. I spent most summers/half terms with my cousins and my neighbour’s grandkids. Did people consider you an odd child?: not odd, just shy  Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: nope Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?: not really nope  

Were they intricate or simple thoughts?: probably simple but I can't remember 

If you answered “intricate”, give an example of one of those thoughts: n/a

Were you dreams very vivid as a child?: yes, still do. I also used to get really bad night terrors a lot as a kid What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: can't think of anything strange.. Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: I drew a lot, but I was no prodigy What was the most “grown-up” thing you ever said as a child?: I have no idea What were your favourite TV shows in early childhood?: I grew up on Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, Tracy Beaker Were you afraid of monsters?: yes, especially zombies Did you believe that fictional characters were real?: yes Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical? quiet and artistic  Issues and stuff Do you eat meat?: yup, but only beef, chicken and bacon/sausage  If you do, what is your justification for it?: I dont feel I need to justify it, just like I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to justify why they dont eat meat. each to their own.  If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: I dont live in the US, I dont really know their laws and I dont really care  Do you believe in the death penalty?: nope Did Mumia do it?: do what..? If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: I like that im English, I just wish I was born in a different part of England cause Birmingham is a shit hole What are your opinions of Michael Moore?: I dont know who that is  Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization: I think it should be for those who need it for medical stuff Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?: nope What television news coverage do you detest the most?: all of it, I dont watch the news What will you do if Bush is re-elected? Im British, I dont care  Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: idk Who do you consider “American Heros”?  I feel like these questions are very aimed at Americans  Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? yes  Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? Reason?: not yell, but talk to the telly yeah. and not even just while im alone.  Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently: I cant remember the last time I bought something off eBay  Are the Muppetes sinister? Think about it.: nope... o.O Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?: no ive never watched it  Ever gotten into an “in person” argument with a total stranger? Discuss: yup. basically I was at this event thing where they had boats and pretty floating lights and shit on a river. we had waited all day to see them and when they were finally coming past we couldn't see them because it was so crowded and there was a “security guy” stood in the way. There was kids infront of me who kept saying they couldn't see because of him so I yelled “MOVE” and he turned around and started arguing with me. Long story short, he eventually moved out the way and found a space where he wasn't blocking anyones view and the people around me thanked me. I felt so awkward after cause im not a confrontational person at all but I was so tired & irritated that I just snapped.  Sugar or Honey?: Sugar What’s on your desk right now?: im not sat at my desk atm  How many e-mails do you recieve a day?: about 20 Do you think that time travel is a possibility?: no Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: not addicted, I just enjoy doing them to pass time San Francisco or New York City?: ive never been to either, but I would like to go to New York  What are your favorite color combinations?: grey and light blush pink looks nice Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: I cant because im listening to hairspray so thats all I can see right now  Do you enjoy night or day better?: depends what im doing  Favorite animal: Dogs   Have you ever been to a protest?: Nope, but ive ended up in the same place as a protest was taking place and it was horrible Aggravated a cop on purpose?: No Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?: Nope If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?: I’m fine with this one Ever put your hand through a window?: no List a few words you hate the sound of: the c word And a few you like the sound of: idk Are you sick of this survey yet? not really  Emotions And Such Have you attempted suicide more than once?: No  Cutting?: Yes Do you get violent when you are angry?: Not with people, just with myself or just like throw stuff on the floor like a brat  Which emotion are you most consumed by?: fear Are you highly emotive?: Yes Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?: keep them to myself, and if I do discuss them I downplay or make jokes Do you fall in love easily?: not in love, but I do fall for people too easy What age/year was the most difficult for you?: around ages 19-now How do you channel your anger/sadness?: shut myself away and cry  Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?: No

Ever been homeless?: No List a few simple things that make you happy: playing sims, Tumblr, theatre When were you most recently your happiest?: hanging out with nick and Addison the other day  Do you consider yourself empathetic?: yes Friends Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: my main group of friends is only like 3 people and they have their differences but not drastic differences List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: my friends are all into gaming, watching films & eating Do you keep in touch with friends from high school?: yes, two of my best friends are from school Have you lost touch with many of your friends?: almost everyone I become friends with end up losing touch in the end but ive been friends with Addison for 10 years and Rhys for 20 years Are they mostly local or long distance?: local  When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?: usually go to the arcade, cinema and get food Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: yes If yes, are you still friends with that person?: no Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?: rhys & Addison are 23, nick is 25, I am 22

Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?: no, I have a hard time making friends because im socially awkward Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?: groups, it takes the pressure off in conversations Which of you online friends do you have the most in common with?: I dont have any online friends Family Are you close to your family?: yes What traits are you glad you inherited from them?: faithfulness & a good sense of humour  What sitcom does your family most remind you of?: I cant think of anything other than that me and my mom are a lot like Miranda and her mom from the sitcom ‘Miranda’ Does your family live locally or far away?: local Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?: yes Have either of your parents died?: no, thank god Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?: a lot like me  How many siblings do you have?: one older sister Has your family ever thrown food at each other?: yes, every christmas season we throw chocolates at each other from the Quality Street or Roses tins Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?: I love Christmas Day and I normally love christmas shopping but this year I found it all very stressful because I was so busy at the theatre and I had no money to buy gifts  Do you look like your parents?: ive been told I do List one interesting fact about your family: apparently my dads side of the family is descended from royalty Lovers Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Straight Married/partnered?: Single Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?: no Ever broken someones heart?: someone I “dated” in infant school told me when we reunited in senior school that I broke his heart. but I didn't actually do anything so I dont know where he got that from  How many serious relationships have you had?: none Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn’t have?: not obsessively lusted, but I have fancied guys that I knew nothing could ever happen.  Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?: yes Ever cheated?: No Been cheated on?: No Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Most important emotional qualities of a lover?: someone who makes me feel happy and can make me smile, makes me feel comfortable, is caring, trustworthy, honest, affectionate  Most important physical qualities?: I dont think physical qualities are super important but I do fall for peoples eyes & smile Food & Drink Non-alcoholic beverage of choice: cherry coke or caramel hot chocolate Alcoholic beverage of choice: cider Foods you crave on a regular basis: chocolate

Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?: neither Meat or Tofu?: Meat Soup or Salad?: soup Soda or Juice?: Soda Can I get you anything else?: You didn't get me anything..? :’) Favorite candy:: chocolate in general Favorite food to make: lasagne 

Food brand that you hate?: idk Do you try to buy all organic?: nope  Favorite fast food?: mcdonalds Final Questions Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?: yes

Ever yelled at an SUV?: nope A Hummer?: Nope Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?: yes If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: stay in college Bambi or Nemo?: Nemo List 3 things that are worrying you right now: 1, money. 2, a meeting I have to go to next week that im absolutely dreading. 3, I have this constant annoying anxiety that tells me my friends dont actually like me and that I get on everyones nerves.  Do you think you’ll ever have children if you don’t already?: not my own now, but I hope to adopt Do you think there is life on other planets?: no Have you ever broken a leg or arm?: nope Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: depends on my mood David Letterman or Jay Leno?: I dont know who they are  Last words?: Bye

[dreadedjenocide]

Cherry walk

Usually i have fun little dreams where my brain does some fun self insertion fan fiction and good time are had by all but this one was kinda fucked up. Even I'm like, "what the fuck brain!" And my brain is like "idfk! Skcnrjxjndkaxjbdievfkd!!!" So this dream had Captain fucking American and Thor god of poptarts and great hair trying to hunt down and stop 'me' who was some super human type with shifting powers. No one knew what my powers where because i had a bunch but my main goal was to get this scientist who successfully cloned things to help me bring back my son. Who had been murdered in WW2, in my arms, while we where gunned down by Nazis. Yes, WW2, my dream self was fighting in WW2 against the Nazis as a spy type but i was eventually captured and with other female spys and prisoners i was forced to go on a "cherry walk",(BTW ive never heard this term before but my dream self knew and so did Cap) In the dream a Cherry walk is being tied to a truck or other mode of transportation and forced to run until you collapsed so you would be too tired to fight off the soldiers when they raped you because Nazis are lazy. To make it more fun for them sometimes the women would be forced to hold a small piece of fruit between their legs and promised to be left untouched if they could hold the fruit. No one could, but they would take bets on who could hold on to it the longest and torment the ones who couldn't saying they wanted to be raped because they dropped the cherry sooner than the others. So after my cherry walks and when they got bored with me i was thrown into one of the camps where some how i still grew a baby inside me. I wanted it to die, i cried and screamed at it wanting it out but when it finally came out, instead of dropping it down an empty well i fell in love with him. I loved my son and protected him the best i could until the day they lined us up to be gunned down, i tried to sheild my toddlers body with my own but the bullets passed through me, and the American soldier trying to add to protecting my boy. I remember death and waking up covered in dirt and blood still holding my child, i was dead, i had died, i remember the bullets ripping through my body but hours later i was up and screaming in a pile of dead bodies with my dead son in my arms. Its was night and the camp empty because the nazis moved on to run from the end of the war. Much of those years where a haze because i wandered around for weeks with my child, and became a ghost to some. I put my babies bones tiny coffin and went on a flying rampage to hunt down Nazis. I was able to smell the blood on them, in a sense i was much like a vampire, but not a traditional vampire. No garlic, or stakes in the heart could stop me. I had a reflection and could move in the sun unhindered. It was just bright AF. So back to modern times, I'm more than a bit crazy because of my obsession with my sons bones, and being killed in so many ways over the years. Kind of takes a toll mentally. Thor and Cap stop me from taking the scientists i need but they cant stop me from taking the things i need but while im hunting down what i need, the grown children and grandchildren of my victims (nazis) hunt me and find my babies coffin. Thor and Cap fight with me and when they take my prize i snarl and walk to the edge of a building and jump falling through a shadow and disappearing. Back in my lair i talk to my sons coffin about how excited i am that i will see him soon but go mad when i find its empty and find a note with a nazi style logo (the kids started their own group to avenge their parents, how cute and ironic) so i kinda go insane and this time come to Thor and Cap trying to ask for help but Thor reacts by attacking swinging his hammer at me because the last time we fought things got really rough. Like half a building falling on us rough, but i catch his hammer. Stopping his swing and snatching it away, he stumbles back in shock and Nat (who was called in) whispers too loud "Oh, shit." Im a bit of a mad mess, rambling in German, French and Spanish, crying and waving around Mjölnir like it was a paper fan. All the while the windows rattle and walls crack, Nat is desperately trying to translate but all she can really get from me is: "THEY took my son, they took his bones, my son, hes gone, he'll be scared, they will hurt him, the children of the fallen have taken my son!" Cap is slowly trying to approach me at this point hes shirtless and kind of still bloody from our last fight (thank you brain 😄) Hes trying to calm me but hes backing me into a corner unknowingly because Thor is also creeping up. I start panicking and screaming, Nat pushes back Thor and is trying to speak to me in German but scream and throw an accusing finger at her half asking half claiming 'Nazi' at her. She spoke Russian at me telling she was a spy long ago, and points to Steve saying American, Captain America. I stop flailing around and clawing at the wall's long enough to ask him why he didnt save us from the camps, (i dont remember the name of the place where this character died) where was he? I sobbed in french telling him about the American who died trying to sheild me and my son and he replies back in French that he was fighting a different side of the war, and was frozen by the time they started shutting down the camps. Thor looks confused but Nat looks impressed with Steve and he sits on the floor with crossed legs and i sit across from him as he calms me down speaking in French. Nat is quietly translating to Thor and the scientist and the scientist looks heart broken suddenly. Steve promises me that they will help me get back my son but asks my to sit while he talks with his team. They go over my potential threat but outside of scaring a bunch of people i didn't hurt anyone and i didnt destroy anything until they showed up. (My dream POV is of them talking and me in the background playing with the hammer getting bored and wandering off) The scientist sadly explains that i might go crazy again because with the age of the bones its unlikely or rather, impossible that he would be able to clone anything because the DNA has to be fresh. He claims that he would feel more comfortable if they befriended me and could keep me calm because my powers are spooky and im unpredictable. Their conversation is interrupted when they hear a man screaming followed by others screaming and the sounds of chaos. They run to the sounds and they find me standing over Bucky as he lay writhing on the floor with blood shooting from his arm stump and me holding whats left of his robot arm. I also have blood dripping from my mouth and i look to Steve and say in an eerily calm voice; "He was broken..." Bucky screams in pain on the floor but no one can move in to help, there seems to be a force feild around us. Steve is desperately trying to get to his friend but its Nat who sees whats actually happening. Bucky is in so much pain because hes regrowing his lost arm. Much like in the birth scene in Hellraiser its piece by piece and not baby arm to adult arm. Steve can only watch horrified as meat attached to bone and new skin grows in. I hold Bucky in my arms singing to him, as this new pink arm twitches and lays limp at his side but soon starts to move at his command. He calms as the pain dies down and Steve and the others are able to move in. Steve is in shock and Bucky is crying with joy as he touches his new arm. Nat looks at me and asks what i am, i say i dont know but i know what she wants to be. Reflexively her hand touches her lower belly for a less then half a second but its enough. So this team of a Russian spy, a super soldier, a super assassin and a god track down nazi descendants to help me get back the bones of my son. They set a trap for me not knowing i wasn't alone to some how take my immortality for themselves and become man kinds better or something, Steves eyes where rolling really hard because he was so sick of this master race crap. Some how these people got it in their head that my sons bones where the source of my power and thought they could control me or steal my power through them. They crushed up his bones into a powder all save for his skull and ingested it. Realizing what they had done i collapsed leaving the rest to fight off these stupid wanna be occultist as i had a melt down. They kept the wanna be nazis away from me until i spoke again "You took my son..." Steve was the first to notice this, the shadows moved out of sync with the people. Bucky looked nervous suddenly and the air became thick and heavy. Time seemed to slow down and my eyes glowed red, my fingers grew out long black claws and i started to look less human. Seems that my transformation was triggered by losing the one part of me that kept me human. My son, dead or not, was my humanity that kept whatever had brought me back from coming out completely. I rose from the ground floating above it roaring out in some unknown voice that i would not spare one drop of blood but also taking their souls as well. The leader of this group panicking grabbed Davids skull (my son) and tried to call power from it or control me with it, trying anything as his followers screamed around him and where pulled into the liquid like blackness that surrounded me like a tentacled monster. Steve and the others where trying to kinda protect the other nazi group members but also mostly trying to stay out of the way. I pulled the leader closer as he clawed terrified at the ground trying to save himself dropping Davids skull on the way and i leaned in super close to him and told him how much he looked like his father, the one who laughed as he gunned down sick and helpless people. This one didnt die laughing but screaming as we did years ago. Nat gets my attention calling out to me, shes holding Davids skull in her arms like you would craddle a child. She speaks calmly to me, saying its over, and David wants to go home. I let out a sad almost laughing sigh and say, he doesnt want anything, hes dead. The air gets less heavy, and i say it again that hes dead and he can never come back. This time Bucky speaks up, saying that i can still love him but i have to let him go and i dont have to be consumed by revenge any more. As they talk me down i lose my demon like appearance and float back down but still look very vampirish. I fall to my knees and cry taking the skull from Nat and she puts her arm around me and Bucky actually moves into the other side putting his new arm around me as well and holding my hand. I just cry. Steve also has the urge to comfort me but holds off and asks Thor if hes ever seen anything like that before. Thor is very silent and shakes his head no, heard stories maybe, but long ago. The dream jumps to us having a funeral for my David and a proper grave. Bucky is holding my right hand, fingers interlaced with mine, and on my left is Steve also holding my but hand palm to palm, Nat is between him and Thor holding both their hands the same way. I say he would like it here. My mannerisms seem more controlled and less manic and crazy as i was before. I say my final goodbye to David and walk away. As we walk in silence for a few minutes Nat smirks says "So Thor, how crazy was it that she stopped your hammer and waved it around like a toy?" She needles Thor leaning into him and wrapping her arm around his. Steve smirks and Bucky looks confused and looks at me wide eyed. Thor replies, "It was a desperate time, obviously Mjölnir was responding to the distress of a mother in need... there is no greater pain than a parent worried for their child." Nat and Bucky nod, saying 'obviously' and Steve offers "Well, a parent in distress would be considered worthy to wield it, to save a child, thats worthy right?" Bucky leans over, holding my hand still "Uh, not to be mean, but you technically arent really human... not any more." I nod in agreement, "Technically, undead. Technically, hes correct. The best kind of correct." Thor still looks unsure but smiles through it while Nat laughs and we all walk arm in arm or hand in hand. Still not sure if i was really a vampire or demon or just some witch thing that drank and ate blood and souls. I know Bucky had my blood and having that bond made him feel close to me because through that exchange he was able to know my life. I tasted his blood to know him when i ripped out the last of the robot arm. Still not sure how that exchange came up. He was in his tube thing, not like he was in the kitchen making a sandwich. "Hey you want to grow back your old arm by consuming my blood?" "Golly! Do i ever!" Pretty sure thats not how it went. My dreams are fun not professionally written.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Finding what you truly need: Quantum Field-tripping - A Spiritual Log Post (Timeless)

Disclaimer: This post is not a substitute for medical treatment, unless modern medicine has failed your needs and you need something else. But until that time comes, ALWAYS SEEK THE HELP OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. The information in this site is for educational purposes only, and as such the writer of this site has NO LIABILITY for any form of losses. Follow all instructions AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Abstract: Are you pushed back into a corner? Does it feel that the walls are closing in? Is there anything else to do in this life other than suffering? Honestly I don’t know, but for me, at some point, I have come to accept some things that my logical mind couldn’t explain but nevertheless just took it as a sign to continue living differently, from my own programming. Due to the timeless and etherial nature of life, including us humans, I would like to present the idea that everything is simultaneously happening right now, in all realms of existence, across all time, space, dimensions, and realities, and that at some point, what you need, what you’re doing your best to find, especially answers that eluded you or scenarios that you desperately wanted to have but just seem to keep slipping off your hands. What if I told you that everything you could ever need has always been with you, and by accepting that reality whole-heartedly, it can certainly change your life in ways outside of what you can already imagine... Will you choose to take on that idea and play with it?

Introduction

Escape has always been the best thing that ever got invented. When we escape, we feel powerful, we feel like we can do anything, we become more gutsy, more fearless, more peaceful, more or less we feel less stressed. Just think of all the ways that you can escape: escaping from your crappy job, escaping from a dysfunctional home, escaping from a failed relationship, escaping from reality, escaping from the worries of the mind, escaping from the pains of the physical body... Whatever kind of escape you want, there’s probably something that exists just for you. And now, more than ever, the world-wide pandemic has created so much chaos in the real world as well as in the minds of people, that people just wanted to escape, in all ways, shapes, and forms.

I am not immune to that. I mean, seriously right now if I get a chance to go to the Pacific Ocean without thinking about the consequences of such an action, I WOULD DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT. I have been cooped up in this house since mid-February and what would I do to go to the beach, to the mountain, to my beloved university sitting at the foot of a dormant volcano, visit the people that I love... Even if there’s a high chance of me dying or getting killed one way or another due to this process, as long as I can ESCAPE I will fricken do that. I just feel so contracted right now, it feels so suffocating, I am just like a pimple that needs to be popped in order to feel the sweet release from pain and suffering. To put it in emotional terms. Otherwise the cold version would be I’M SOOOO BORED I WANNA DO SOMETHING ELSE, ELSEWHERE.

If you get what I mean, thanks for feeling me where I’m at. Or rather, where I was before I did something radical, again.

Because frankly, I may have stumbled into something that could change not just my life, but yours as well.

Are you interested fam? If you are, please do read on. =) I’m so stoked for this!

Why I got into this whole quantum jumping thing

OK, so short introduction as to why I am so overly excited to share this information.

There was a time in my life when I was physically incapacitated, I couldn’t walk, I was in extreme pain, and even in my dreams the pain was unbearable. It was the ONLY time I ever got confined to a hospital, due to extreme shooting pains that not only make walking or standing up painful AF but also it turns off my ability to even use my legs and feet to stand up, like zero power to use legs plus worst pain ever. If hell can be described to a point, that was my own personal hell. It was worse than when I got ghosted and dumped, worse when my salaries were witheld from me and the person who did that was a trusted friend... That physical pain was so much sh*****r than the emotional turmoil I had the previous year, it just killed my will to live. Pain 24/7, 1 month straight, and the therapy took even longer. Mind you, I took really powerful prescription pain medications, one was a morphine derivative, so that should probably give you an idea on how intense the pain was.

Before that happened to me, I was proud to have a sturdy body with sufficient flexibility and more than enough power to lift really heavy things. I even told the doctors who examined me (spoiler alert: they didn’t find anything wrong with me, results of scans were all UNREMARKABLE despite all that pain in my lower limbs) that I used to throw a judo classmate whose weight was about 90Kgs/198lbs fairly easily, with my own strength. Not to brag but out of the entire class, she only goes to me to get thrown, lol she said I was her fave, I could sweep her over my shoulder easily she says. Hmmm... Then again one of my classmates who was around 44kgs/96.8lbs could throw me when I was at 54kgs/118.8lbs at the time so.. Maybe it’s relative. But still, it’s no joke doing a shoulder throw without any inertia, so of course I thought I had that identity established: maychan the people-thrower lol.

Of course, all of that changed... when the fire nation attacked. (srsly by now you guys should have an idea that I am so into the ATLA universe, have you seen my main lol I’m a trash queen over there gahahah but srsly pls dont)

I utterly lost that sense of strength, of identity, and I desperately needed an escape, from the pain, from the confinement of my bed, from having incontinence issues due to so much pain... Inability to enjoy eating or even eat properly because pain, I could go on and on. In a nutshell, my quality of life was hell on earth. Thus my need to escape grew stronger.

And surprisingly, in the weirdest way possible, I discovered binaural beats. The ones that helped me in particular were those that induced lucid dreaming. It’s funny though, before I got hospitalized I was researching how to lucid dream, but due to me trying to find work abroad I never got to revisit that idea. And what better way to do that than in that moment, when I just wanted the simple things that mobility brings, like, I just wanted to pet my doggy pain-free, without crying my eyes out due to pain. So I took a shot, downloaded some free ones, which included that lucid-dream inducing track. I also did my best to do WILD - Wake-induced Lucid Dreaming, since I don’t have herbal supplements to enhance or even induce lucidity. Also, since I was practically bedridden, might as well do the escaping from there lol

And boy oh boy fam, let me tell you, it’s definitely like acid-tripping. Not that I tried that before but... I have undergone certain meditative states that were apparently, similar to acid-tripping. Well, I’m saying that based on the descriptions from an old book about the effects of magic shrooms lol You can send me an anonymous ask and I’ll tell you the title of the book lol

I guess in a way, that period of my life, even if it was the sh*****st part of my life, it was one of the events that, in hindsight, catapulted me into this whole spiritual awakening/dark night of the soul combo sh**f**t that is pretty much what I’m living for right now. Unless I get to materialize Ignis Scientia or Cloud Strife into my life but yeah sure lol

So.... What does that got to do with quantum jumping?

A lot, actually. When I was doing lucid dreaming, I had small goals... I just wanted to walk again, sit on a chair (even that was impossible without any pain, and it took me half a year just to sit for 10 minutes straight), stooping down to pet my doggy (RIP doggy), do Taichi and what not... Just doing the normal stuff that normal people take for granted like grocery shopping or doing the laundry, the mundane everyday things. And when in the past I hated sleeping because I felt trapped and in pain, after learning lucid dreaming I was all excited. When I did get to sleep, not only did I get to walk a lot, but I also started flying, I was looking over people. I was going to places at a drop of a hat. I could fall down and float back up. I was eventually able to wean myself from the medications, and after 2 weeks of intense lucid dreaming I was able to stand and walk around. Yeah, sure, there was still a lot of pain so I had to take it slow. But still, I got to walk, and that was a huge miracle for me, it is, still.

But that wasn’t just the stuff that I learned.

Because apparently, being lucid in a dream means that you CAN choose what happens to you. You have greater control in what you want to happen. You can bitch-slap your enemies, cuddle and snuggle someone you love (not the ex lol guess who got bitch-slapped when I got lucid lololol not even kidding there). I guess that was the best part for me, being able to talk to my subconscious by acting out what I wanted to happen. Yeah sure, it’s funny to think that I hugged the life out of some nerdy eye-glassed person that I don’t even know (is that you, Ignis lol), even just in my dreams, but after that one incident, I became open to the possibility of finding love again. It was liberating, refreshing even. Like that time when Tanjirou killed that that spider mommy in Kimetsu no Yaiba, it was a long-awaited release: A soft rainshower after a long period of drought.

And this is where the fun starts for us all. Quantum jumping gives us these benefits, but... 

IT’S MORE POWERFUL!!!

Because you not only get to talk to your subconscious mind.... But more importantly... You have greater potentials, not just chances, to change the trajectory of your life.

I know that’s hard to believe but hear me out fam. Apparently, after discovering the Silva Method to improve my meditation habits, I started getting a sense that I have been doing these things before. When I was young, to escape the dysfunction in the household, and in my life in general, I just sat down and go blank. Then things would just randomly pop in my head. I didn’t even have to think, they just woosh in there, like a movie clip, and then leave me. And I’d choose what I’d want to do. I wanted to learn how to improve my drawing skills. I wanted to study away from here, where I have lived for a decade and a half. I wanted to be known for being myself. I just wanted the bullying to stop. I wanted someone, or a bunch of people to love me for who I am. And bit by bit, those small wishes came true, maybe not right away, but those things did happen for me, and those were also miracles for me, despite me co-creating them with the infinte realm of possibilities.

The drawback back then though, was that I was operating due to fears, insecurities, my desperate need to leave home without resolving the personal issues and scars first, so I started entertaining purely destructive thoughts, ideas, and the like. And, because the quantum field isn’t just a goldmine of nice and good stuff, but also a landmine of the most horrible stuff imaginable, it’s fairly easy to jump into the crappiest scenarios and situations as well. Yeah, sure, they’re all learning experiences that I can look back and laugh off but, if I didn’t know the things I knew now, I’d be simply holding on to so much trauma and drama, and frankly, I won’t even be here writing this blogpost at all.

The advantages of Quantum Jumping however, is that as long as you get relaxed enough to allow your brain to zone out aka reach the alpha brainwave state, or entraining your brain first by subjecting it to binaural beats to reach the alpha brainwave state faster, everything just flows out naturally. No need to sleep to reach your subconscious mind, you’re already walking on that bridge between the awake and the dream state, and it’s one of the best times to make your dreams into reality, this time consciously doing so and not just being at the mercy of other people who could readily brainwash you to do their bidding.

I mean really now..

If you’re going to choose between getting brainwashed by other people or brainwashing yourself, might as well do that on your own. You won’t have any hidden agendas from yourself, it’s always for your own good, and you’ll reap the rewards. An all-out win-win solution to life’s problems. What’s more, is that the effects can last for a lifetime, especially when combined with other tools for ascension and spiritual awakening. I haven’t maxed out my fullest potential on quantum jumping yet (still working on it) but right now, I’m at a point where my attachments to fears have decreased significantly, syncronicities have started popping up, and for some weird reason my channeling has gotten stronger, to the point that I don’t touch my card decks anymore, other than playing with them of course. Because I love shuffling cards lol even with my broken finger last year I was determined to shuffle my decks at least once a day, and even if I wasn’t into quantum jumping them, I found healing of some sort. I could just imagine, what if I started early in this thing? But right now, I am thankful to even know about it. It changed my life, so much so that despite the pandemic right now, I feel more connected to the divine realms, and still looking forward to feel that kind of expansion, so that no matter what happens to me, I’m not in that perpetual state of imprisonment anymore.

And I want you to have that kind of liberation too. Who knows, maybe your ability to manifest can become even better, that some years after learning you’ll look back and say to yourself that it was the best decision you have ever made, and it was well worth it.

What to expect, and not expect 

So before anything else, unless you’ve been meditating for a rather long time and you know exactly how to pace yourself, it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself, especially when you’re just trying it out for the first time. It’s OK to lower your expectations, maybe try it out for the simplest issues that you feel are easy to do but can be improved greatly by thinking outside the box.

Because that’s one major premise of Quantum Jumping - THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX. Outside the scope of normal thinking. Solutions to things that seem daunting, or at the very least, annoying can suddenly pop up out of nowhere, and in retrospect, you might start thinking “Why didn’t I think of that before?”. SImple, it’s because it’s outside the scope of your conscious mind, so why not let your subconscious do the leap and find the solutions for you? Even though they would seem outlandish at first, if you chose to do it, at least there’s a 50-50 chance that you’ll get a breakthrough. Which leads me to the next issue...

DON’T EXPECT IT TO WORK ALL THE TIME.

Why?

Mainly because truth be told, it’s a quirk of the subconscious mind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If it works, there are some possibilities:

You were able to remove the subconscious blocks that used to sabotage your dreams, thus allowing you to get what you want. Or

You were really meant to attain that goal, as it is part of your Karmic path

On the flip-side however, following the instructions in your jumps can lead to other problems, or there is a lack of seeing any form of solutions. Probably because:

You still have a lesson to learn aka Karmic lessons that needed to be resolved in layers, thus producing unwanted results unless you forgive and clear them all up

Part of your life path or Karmic destiny is entwined with another’s, thus you may need to just free this up and let it go (this is my major issue right now but I still do quantum jumping to see if I can reverse this, and I am still looking lol but I am easing the resistance bit by bit), Or

The solution makes no sense to you right now and you’re a bit hesitant to follow it, or it’s downright impossible at this point. Just do another jump if you must, but be warned, sometimes the leap of faith can do more wonders than harm so.. Eh. Your choice, fam lol

Of course, who knows, maybe one day you can program yourself to allow this kind of timeline jumping to work for you more times than not. Provided that you were able to fully-integrate it into your system, and be open and free with how it works for you. No need to force it, you have to allow it to flow into you, like breathing air, or something, to the extent that it feels natural to you. But until then, keep practicing doing tiny stuff, expect things to happen, and keep on going from there.

How to do it - my personal suggestions

Step-by-step instructions which I usually do, as I feel guided to. Depending on your openness and calmness, the allotted time may vary, if you’re starting out it might take 20 minutes at least, just to calm down, but if you can maximize it at 5-10 minutes it’s also good, as long as it’s deliberate and you really feel all of the emotions as well as take in the information available. If you’re finding it hard to do it at times because nothing happens or you’ve ran out of motivation, just keep at it, or just do relaxation techniques instead, and you’ll eventually get a hang of it, and have some questions answered too. =) Or you can just straight up to go Mindvalley or Soulvana by Mindvalley and search this over there, or just go here so I won’t have to do this for you lol NO really, that’s where I got the full steps for the jump. I just used to do other techniques from the Silva Method and since the late Burt Goldman, the dude behind quantum jumping was also a certified Silva Method instructor, he just spruced it up to create this technique. There’s no right or wrong method to do this, just be open and willing to play with it, and above all, have fun, alright? =)

OK, let’s start!

Find a comfy position sitting up straight, your back fully- supported and your limbs limp and relaxed. If you’re energetically-sensitive, I don’t suggest sitting cross-legged, sit on a chair with your feet planted on the ground if you can, so that the energies can flow through you unhindered. Unless you’re like me who likes tingles lol not gonna judge you on that, OK?

If you’re new to relaxation techniques, there are many ways to do just that. It’s important to get relaxed so you can get to the alpha brainwave state faster. You’ll know that you’re in that state when you don’t feel any fears or you don’t start over-analyzing everything. Fears and overanalyzing are associated with the beta brainwave state, the consciously awake and problem-solving brainwave state, and we need to reach the alpha brainwave state, which is when we’re zoning out, listening to relaxing music, or watching calm and peaceful videos.

You can do breathing techniques like counting up to 5 on the inhale, holding that for 5 counts, exhaling for 5 counts, and holding that for 5 counts before your next inhale Do that for at least 3 times until you can sense that you’ve slowed down your breathing. I normally do it 7-8 counts each, but it took a while to get to that point, you can even start at 3 if you need to train your lungs. 

Alternatively, you can do a countdown technique. I learned this from doing the Silva Method, and it did wonders for me, I could touchdown into the alpha state 50% faster than before. You can count down from 20 to 1, 50 to 1, or 100 to 1. Start with 100 to 1 if you’re anxiety-ridden, and the more you do this, you’ll get better at it. Counting from 100 down to 1 is recommended to be done for 10 days, then 50 to 1 for 10 days, 20 to 1 for 10 days, 10 to 1 for 10 days, and 5 to 1 for 10 days, until you feel that you’ve mastered it enough to get down from beta to alpha in a few seconds. I’m still scared sh*****s that I can zone out within 5-10 seconds but hey, it’s a roller-coaster kind of scared. Fun, right?

The other countdown technique is called 3, 2, 1 Method. This involves more visualizations, which can both be a boon or bane for people. I suggest that don’t take my words on it, try researching on the Silva Method for yourself, take a good look at the full steps, and see if it works for you. This involves counting and visualizing 3 three times as you exhale slowly (your lungs will thank you for it lol), then relaxing each part of your body downward. Then counting and visualizing 2 three times, and visualizing tranquil and passive scenes to relax the mind. Then counting and visualizing 1 three times, and doing the aforementioned countdown technique (step 4).

Once you reached step 5 and you’ve reached a state of awake relaxation, give yourself a pat on the back. This is your baseline alpha level, and you can start your quantum jump from here. Start by visualizing your issue, whatever it is. Not just looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, RE-LIVE THE WHOLE THING. Feel everything, the horridness, the uncomfortable-ness, the awkwardness, the whole shindig. Feel the intensity of your emotions. Don’t worry, it’s safe to do so. Just let go.

Now, the most important part of the jump, set this intention and ask yourself this: If I can do this differently, how can it go?

Start visualizing a closed door in front of you. Doesn’t matter what it looks like, just see a closed door. Set the intention that whatever you need to know is behind that door of the entire realm of infinite possibilities. Keep doing that until your intent has been set and you feel ready.

Open the door and see yourself falling down into what seems like a gajillion portals to other dimensions. Don’t try controlling where you land, just let yourself fall into one hole, and be open and willing to receive whatever you find in there. You’ll find a version of yourself doing something, saying something, or whatnot. Ask that version of you, the question you wanted to ask. Take note what that version of you said or did, no matter how silly or weird the answers seem to you

Once you got all the information you need, visualize yourself getting pulled upwards back and through the door of infinite possibilities, going upwards and back to your starting point.

Repeat steps 7-10 for about 3 times.

Once you feel satisfied or you feel like there’s nothing more to fish out for, it’s time to go back to reality. This time you’re going to count up from 1 to 5. This is how it’s done in the Silva Method:

You’ll mentally tell yourself that at the count of 5, you’ll open your eyes, be wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health. Feeling better than before. Take a nice, deep, slow inhale. Start counting 1, 2, coming out slowly now, 3, at the count of 5 you will open your eyes, be wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health, feeling better than before. 4, 5 you are now wide awake, feeling fine and in perfect health, feeling better than before.

Take a deep, breath fam, you just made your first jump.

CONGRATULATIONS! *headpats*

Please note these things before doing the jump

I don’t recommend lying down, especially if you’re dead-tired. Just don’t do this jump at all when you’re tired. The good thing though, is that you can use steps 1-5 to get to sleep faster so.. Feel free to do that instead lol. If you’re asking why... Well, you’re supposed to do the jump with just enough awareness to bridge the gap between being awake and asleep, and if you’re tired in all levels the slope towards la-la land gets fairly easy to slip down into. That’s one of the harder aspects of doing meditation that turns people off: they end up sleeping instead of getting a breakthrough. So please, by all means, get some proper sleep. Rest. Do whatever it takes to get at least one sleep cycle. Not only will that help in your overall physical and mental well-being, but it also helps the brain release the toxins it accumulated while on beta brainwave mode, so do yourself a favor and do that instead. The quantum field is a timeless field anyway, and you can always go there anytime.

Are you sure that the problem/issue that you wanted to get solved, the REAL issue that you REALLY wanted to get solved, or is there something deeper beyond that? Because to be honest, for me, I did jumps a lot and the same solution keeps coming up, despite me asking different questions for different problems. Despite trying to find an alternative reality, I can only see one scenario. It sucks lol So in the end, and I have to make yet another jump, but this time I am going directly to the question of “Why do I keep seeing the same answer for different questions?” I already got the first few parts of that question answered so far, and that lead me to begin releasing as much of my resistance to the answer itself. Now my next jump is to find out HOW to BE that answer, and find the best one in all of my alternate timelines. Also, it doesn’t hurt to ask the universe questions too, so each time, before each jump, I ask the universe to guide me where I needed to go. I have yet to make an update on that, but I feel like I’m on to something, and I can’t wait for that, even though I don’t know it... Yet. Will give you guys a post on that, once I get something decent lol

Is visualization aka imagining things your forte? Or is something holding you back like fears/anxiety/unease? Or you just find it hard to imagine things and you just force yourself to think? Or.. You think you’re not good at imagining things? Guess what fam, if you’re imaginative as a kid, then being an adult right now should give you greater powers because of your accumulated experiences. Maybe you just need a refresher like this:

Imagine a lemon. See it’s shiny, bright-yellow skin. Feel how smooth the skin is. Smell the lovely, distinctly lemony scent. Now, imagine slicing that lemon in half, and then biting that half and chewing all that lemony flesh.

Did your mouth just started salivating? Puckering up due to the sourness? Feeling your face get all mushed up and crinkly? If it did...

Congratulations, you just did a successful visualization of eating a lemon. Now do more of these things until you get the hang of it. There are a lot of guided visualization videos and audios out there, try each one out. If you feel like anything above 5-10 minutes is too long, then just stick to that for now, so that you can find your anchor point aka base level alpha brainwave state, and once you’ve gotten the hang of how that feels for you, you can start doing the jumps with mostly just yourself and nothing else. Also, listening to binaural beats can help you entrain your brain so that you’ll have a sense of what being in an alpha brainwave state feels like. That’s gonna be your anchor point or reference point for many of your jumps.

More importantly though, by going down from a high frequency brainwave patter aka beta levels, down towards the alpha levels, you’re able to create that bridge that makes it more effective for your conscious mind to reprogram your subconscious mind through patterns, images, sounds, messages that do not rely on languages alone. Because to be honest, the subconscious mind isn’t particularly receptive to words or languages in general, it’s kinda more sensory-oriented. So instead of endlessly repeating affirmations that have no feeling nor intent and probably aren’t even your own, for a change, why not talk to your subconscious through images, sounds, feelings, smells? Let your subconscious mind, the imaginative, abstract, and subjective part of your brain, connect with your conscious mind, the logical, analytical and objective brain, in such a manner that it knows and understands, and who knows, maybe that’s the start of the breakthrough that you actually needed, and can lead to that as well. 

Again, disclaimer though, don’t expect too much in the beginning of this journey, just relax and play, until the situation feels natural for you. Enjoy that part.

In what situations can you use this?

Yeah, right, in what ways can you use a simple skill of visualizing things?

Actually, you can use this skill in many ways, to create a wide variety of results. Some include the following:

Creative problem solving - If you’re stumped on finding a solution to a stubborn or a new issue, you’re pinched for time to it, or if you just wanted to add some flair and poofiness on whatever ideas you already have, then maybe in an alternate timeline one of your fabulous selves had an even greater idea.

Resolving what happened in the past - Moving past your worries and fears by finding alternate ways on how you can better handle situations where you felt that you could have done more, and just be OK with that, forgive yourself, and accept it for what it really is: A lesson learned to improve your life. Then you can jump through various timelines to heal the feelings of shame, embarrassment, fears, anger, or however that transpired for you, so that not only can you be released from the trauma and drama, but you’re also reclaiming the power you have lost, thus empowering yourself in the process.

Healing your childhood issues - sometime some things are just so painful that it’s easier to forget that ever existed. But remember this: Your subconscious stores EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. Literally. And oftentimes, the crappy past rears its ugly head. For me, aside from undergoing Rapid Transformational Therapy and getting really great results, I also did quantum jumping to heal my wounded inner child, and I actually released a lot of painful memories, so even though I cried my eyes out, when I woke up the next day I felt so great. So getting triggered became less and less. I’ll probably post a separate log on that.

Allowing your life to reset - And I’m not just talking about simple erasures, but really, really change your outlook in your life, to the point that you’re so excited to change yourself, to be a better person, ever changing, ever growing, and allow the past to even be changed. Because really, while the events that happened in the past cannot be changed, our perception of how the events happened FOR us can really do so much healing. It’s like looking at things from a higher perspective, and understanding that such events lead us to become the person that we are right now. And I have seen this happen in my life. It’s truly magical, and I was able to authentically forgive so many people through this process, including myself. Even though I still tend to hold grudges against myself, sometime against others lol I am doing my best to be more loving and compassionate with other people, and especially with myself and all of my stupidities, so that I could move forward in this life too.

Find a new path or way of living - Before I discovered what quantum jumping was, I was already on the way to discovering this alternate way of living aka the spiritually-awakened life. And even though the beginning was rather slow, once I got the basics of meditation figured out, I started jumping timelines and had actually manifested a lot of stuff, it was creepy actually. But right now, even I am still in the process of finding out my life purpose (I am still a bit resistant to what I already know so far lol), I have started increasing my vibrations so that with each jump, I feel less scared of what I’d see, and be more excited on what I’ll see next. I jumped into a timeline where I was on a yacht, and that felt wonderful. I jumped into another timeline where I was living comfily in a house within a wooded area, and that felt great too. Not gonna delve into that deeper just yet though, I have to clear out a lot of my inner deemahns to even feel that those things are for my highest good and I deserve them. Still, getting just a little bit of happiness from those timelines kept me hopeful and giddy, that life can be better, more fun and wonderful. And speaking of fun, lastly...

Just have some fun and magic in your life - I mean really, why not, right? It’s free entertainment if you’d ask me. Just don’t get too-addicted though, or the thrill might wear off lol Just kidding, the more you enjoy doing this, the more you’ll actually want to keep doing this. And, each time you do it, you get better at it. That’s really a great side-effect if you ask me. And it also opens one up to all the realms of the infinite possibility fields. It makes living on this crappy piece of rock more exciting, you’d probably start wanting to do less astral projections or out-of-body experiences just for the heck of it, and instead do more stuff that actually makes things to manifest in the real world. Because that’s what we’re really here for: To BE THE POWERFUL BEINGS THAT WE REALLY ARE. And in these trying times, what better time to do that than right now?

This list can be endless, I mean, basically the premise is that you can use quantum jumping to improve your life, change it for the better, but the items in this list are what I use the jumps for. Maybe you can find other uses too, and as long as you’re doIng it for the highest good of everyone, including you, and not hurting or harming others, then feel free to change your life and fate! I support you, fam~

Summary, Conclusions and Recommendations

In summary, well, quantum jumping is an alternative way to empower the self, to bring forth ideas otherwise not found within the inner realms of the conscious mind, or to simply heal the self in all levels of existence: physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual and energetically. When used in the best way possible with the highest intents, it can change one’s life, or many people lives for the better. All one needs to do it to be good at it, while at the same time letting go of attachments and expectations on how things should go. Rather, one must need to be involved enough to want a change, yet also flexible enough to detach on the idea on how this change will happen. Instead, allow the infinite possibility field to provide the ideas, and then work from there.

To conclude, this post presents an alternate way of changing the trajectory of one’s life. All it takes is a willingness to do it, an openness to allow so many solutions to come forth, bravery to actually make these things into fruition, and having enough compassion to allow for things to happen as they may, whether it’s favorable for the jumper or not. Because sometimes, the solutions that we so desperately seek, lie also within the problems that we’re facing head on. We just needed to look into those things a bit deeper, and see the gold hiding behind all that gunk.

If you’re interested to learn more about the topic, I recommend that you search for the following keywords if you want to find out more details and specifics that I didn’t write here, especially when you wanna try many of the methods for yourself. You’ll find them readily in search engines, and some guided meditations in YT even exist for such purposes, so feel free to find out what works best for you. I can only give you here what worked for me personally. Keywords: Quantum timeline jumping, timeline jumping, quantum jumping, Silva Method, Burt Goldman, timeline shifting, timeline healing, visualizations

I have been doing meditations for a rather long time so I didn’t have much issues doing the jumps but if you’re a beginner or you haven’t meditated in a while or you’re a skeptic, you might wanna start with some preliminaries first. Guided visualizations is the best option, and I’d recommend learning the SILVA METHOD for that.

A word of caution though, if you have a lot of baggages and issues, sorry but based on my own experiences, the best option is to find peace within yourself first before even attempting to take the leap, because nothing good ever works out from moving a place of fear, so before doing any of these, or any of my other recommendations in this blog site, working out past issues can be really helpful. Don’t worry fam, if you’re guided to search for that stuff on this blog, I also got you on that, I have lots of stuff about that here too. Just check out the archives =)

Well, there you have it. I hope this post helps you in any way possible. If things aren’t looking so great, please give this method a try. It probably won’t work 100% of the time, but if done consistently and regularly as well as putting the intention that you are doing this for your highest good and the highest good of all involved, it’s gonna work for you in the best ways you haven’t yet imagined. If that doesn’t excite you even for a bit, sorry but I have no other ideas lol

I remain your friend and Soul sibling, wishing you the best in your journey of growth, healing, and evolution, and sending these messages with so much love and hugs,

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.com

Thank you so much and be blessed!

PSS. If you’re interested to get a personal card and energetic reading, for inquires please send an email or an anonymous ask in this page. Thank you! =)

PSSS. It’s both raining hard AND the sun’s also out while I’m writing this. I’m gonna take that as a good omen lol

PSSSS. I dedicate this post to my friend, who probably got so offended of my blunt and pushy obnoxiousness so there’s probably no way in heaven or hell would that friend ever see this post or read this or even wanna drop back into my realm of existence but... I hope that friend forgives me, doesn’t have to be now, or in this lifetime, maybe even if there’s a slim possibility of that happening within the universal quantum field, I’d put my hopes on that. Gomen nasai, I deeply apologize, for being an utterly stupid dumb@## baka-baka k***** **deep inhale before letting out a river of tears** I’m too-emotional for this sh** gah the things I do for love, dang it why on earth am I like this SMH