#but i cant remember how to do it..... i wanna use that for my journal entries so i dont have to manually update the entries section

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we���re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[puppyeared]

oh yea.. its all coming together

[productivefairy]

your guide to build a morning routine:

So, do u wanna build a morning routine because it can give your day a structure, boost productivity and just makes you feel better? Here is how :-

start your day atleast 2-1.5 hour before your work or school. so u are not in a rush.

your morning routine should be realistic so that u can stick to it. cause' lets not lie the morning routine u see your fav wellness influencer have is hard to do.

Consistency is the key. The more days you follow your routine the more it becomes as habit.

Dont use phone or social media during mornings There are four pillars essential to have a morning routine which is healthy for your body and mind.

1.Things that keeps your body healthy.

2.Things that keeps your mind healthy.

3.Things that keeps your surrounding healthy.

4.Things that you enjoy.

Lets talk about each one, one by one:-

Things that keep you healthy :-

i) Drink water first thing in morning. If you dont like the taste of water. Add lemon or lime in it or maybe citrus infused water. But please drink water it'll help you sm.

ii)Do stretching, yoga, cardio, pilates, hot girl walks. Basically anything that keeps your body moving. It boosts productivity and puts you in good mood.

iii) eat healthy. Well it doesnt mean count all your calories or drink nasty juices NO. This means eating a healthy breakfast that will keep you full.

iv) Do your skincare and take shower in mornings.

v) Brush and floss your teeth. Oral healths are often neglected but hot girl like you shouldnt do that.

2.Things that keep your mind healthy :-

i) Meditating. Meditate for atleast 5-10 mins before starting your work day. It just stops the rush going in your mind. you can do guided meditation.

ii) If you believe in this then you can do affirmations in front of mirror. universalitgirlblog2 has some amazing affirmations you should check it out.

iii) Journal. If you are someone who enjoys journal then do it as it can set the tone of your day.

iv) . Make to do lists in morning it helps you declutter your day.

3.Things that keeps your surrounding healthy.

i)If you happen to have windows in your room then open them up. Lets the wind and sun come through.

ii)Make your bed. Its a kind gesture toward yourself and a less messy bed can fasten up your productivity.

iii) wash your breakfast dishes. or atleast the plate you ate in. It helps you not have a pile of dishes.

iv) optional but take a dusting cloth and play a song as your timer and just clean the surfaces which seems to have dirt. Just 3-4 mins and you'll feel better.

4.Things that you enjoy:-

This part is super important cause' if you follow a morning routine you deserve a reward and if one someday when u are not your best even then you deserve pamper. I dont know you or your intrest but you do so just add what you like in your routine. You wanna read that book go ahead read it, grab a starbucks drink on your way home, cook yourself a beautiful breakfast, get dressed as main character, water your plants or maybe just stare at the sky admiring them.

What do you do when you are not in the mood or you are on your periods or feeling underweather?

i) Make an altearnate easy routine to do which mostly consist of things that you like.

ii)Do only first step of your regular routine like you dont wanna excercise then just play the video of routine that you follow.

Additional tips-

ROMANTICIZE. This is the key. Enjoying and being grateful for most mundane moments of your day. Buy yourself a flowers. Acts as you are on vogue while doing skincare. Blast your fav playlist in morning.

Dont overwhelm yourself. You cant change your life in a day but you can add habits each day one by one.

Remember why you are doing this. You are doing this cause you love yourself thats why you wanna give everything to your body and your mind to make it its best version.

I try my best to make these post as concise as I can but I just feel like everything is necessary and dont wanna miss out on anything. I hope this helps.

[dewffin]

soo... I think I accidentally began to make a Silmarillion Fangame...

For some unknown reason i was like "I wanna make textures :D" but i didn't want to model shit, so i just used VROID studio as a painting book... but then i was like "ummm, i never tried to draw a character an then tried to make it 3D in vroid" so uh-

yeah...

and then i was like "let´s drop this bad boy in Unreal to see how he looks" and because, well, i don't know why i decided to try to make him look a bit 2D? like he was drawn? like doing the complete opposite of what i just did?

so this is what he looked when i began to play with post process stuff

and because i wanted to look around and stuff i added a little guy i had, and it turns out that he was really little and i had to make him a box to take pics of Fëanor's face

Then i did more stuff and i ended up with these cute flowers :D

And then I said fuck it, i think I'm making a game...

So the thing is that doing a game doing a game while being a one person studio is a biiiiiit difficult.

By that i mean i had to try to keep my head leveled in what i could do, so I ended up with this...

Tecilwë's Adventures in Arda

(yeah, i don't have a name for this)

So, you play as Tecilwë, a noldorin journalist that travels around trying to document the best stories of Arda. You can find out what is happening around by talking with people, sneaking around or finding clues. Then, you can write your take on what happens, and depending on what you say, how you say it and what secrets do you keep your reputation as a journalist and your relationship with the different character you find can change for better or worse.

A little bit about Tecilwë...

Q Tecilwë Autanna -  S Tegilu

Tecilwë - The one who writes [tecil “pen”, wë “person”] or as i like to call them "El pibe birome"

Autanna - the lost sign, the fool sign [au “away, lost”, aut “fool”, tanna “sign, token”]

A young lore master from Tirion. Studied under Rumil, and is excited to document all that happens in the course of the story. 

Curious and eager to learn. More often than not ends up in trouble for documenting what was not supposed to be seen.

Tecilwë believes in the power of the word, and on how truth is composed by those who write it.

Not often remembered, wants to be remembered as one of the great lore masters. But the curse of the Noldor runs deep…

Basically a player insert

Y alto chismoso

What i have for now in gameplay is that you can run around a location (and you'll be able to travel to different places, but time passes so, for example, if you leave Aman you cannot go back, or if Gondolin fell then you cant go there). There as i wrote you can talk to people and find out stuff, and all what you find you write in your journal, which you can check to remember what you have seen. With all of that you can unlock new dialogues, and when you get enough information you can end the day and write like a newspaper or magazine. If, for example, you found that gasp Maedhros and Fingon are being two love birds behind a tree, you can write about that in different ways. A- You just say thing as they are. B- You say that is great to see the unity in the House of Finwë. C- Accuse Fingon of corrupting the innocent eldest of Fëanor. D- say nothing about this. With A you get lower relationship points with Russingon for exposing them. B gets you a good realtionship with them, but lower with Fëanor. C gets you a good amount of points with Fëanor, but the other two will hate your guts. And with D, nothing changes, but you can confront them about their relationship and tell them to be more careful if they want to keep it a secret.

Also if you write a lot about gossip stuff you will lose credibility and that is kinda a way to not being remember as the great Lore Master you want to be...

Also i love how FIngon's hair is coming out. This is like a first draft but it was fun to make.

Also this motherfucker is so fucking tall

And this is one of my favourite screenshots from when i had Fëanor as the playable character

(also here is really noticeable that i added lights to their eyes, and it switches form golden to silver light)

In short, a gossip simulator

Also i cannot wait to make the "Who is Gil-Galad's dad" level

Version 0.1.0

Other updates

[astonmartinii]

F1 ASKS!

i saw this tag floating around and wanted to let yall get to know me better since i’ve been doing this a while and have only really spoken in the form of authors notes! also im not going to tag anyone so just do it if you wanna!

who is your favourite driver?

i think for anyone who has read anything i’ve ever written it’s probably a bit obvious but max verstappen! what can i say little me was told we’re supporting red bull and here was this little charmer (emphasis on little who let that child get into an F1 car)

do you have other favourite drivers?

also based on my writing you can probably tell that my top three are max, charles and oscar! however, i will also say that alex is a close fourth for me (he’s also very nice irl). also as for retired drivers i think the mamma mia series is a bit of a spoiler but i love jenson, seb and kimi

who is your least favourite driver?

i used to say i didn’t dislike anyone on the grid - that was a lie. i’ll still write for anyone within reason but you can also probably tell with how in detail the back and forth is on certain pieces that i am really not a fan of sainz, actually people who get yelled at while i write them would argue it’s more than “not really being a fan of” but i am fake and i have maintained that if i meet him at silverstone (which i very nearly did last year) ill tell him im his biggest fan! also not the biggest fan of like pierre he’s just kinda there for me and a wee bit too cringey ALSO what you may not be able to guess from how i write him… im not really a fan of lando! ive really, really tried especially after his win but he just kinda rubs me the wrong way (i was immediately proven right with the trump comments lol). people say i should pull for him cause he’s from bristol which is where i live but he’s from glastonbury babe - also ive done a few swimming competitions at the school he went to a WOAH baby has so much money.

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

i mostly pull for drivers but like i guess i like red bull? well i did. i love max so i would follow him everywhere but i did like red bull as well as a team (i like alex, danny and checo so that also helps) but this whole protection of christian horner shtick is really disappointing so id say im a driver person.

if you like teams, who do you pull for?

like i said red bull were the team id pick if i HAD to follow a team - i support chelsea so i cant handle even more disappointment if i followed ferrari and also i only like charles there and they’re the source of all of his misfortune so …

how long have you been into F1?

so my family has always been into F1, my cousin karts and my uncle is a mechanic and makes karts on the side but i had always been more into football cause i could actually go to that with my dad - and also for young me who didn’t know what the fuck a strategy was it seemed kinda boring. but i’d say from maybe 2016ish i started watching it more regularly (hence the max stanship). my mum loves it and her first love in the sport was mark webber which is why we like red bull. but yeah i remember watching max’s first win and was like MUM I WANT THAT ONE (and i have technically met him? idk we made eye contact when his taxi nearly ran over my foot)

what got you into F1?

my mum! i love her and she’s just as much a passionate fan (and hater when appropriate) so it’s a nice thing to do together - especially because me and my dad are season ticket holders at chelsea so spend a lot of time together doing that so this is like my sport time with my mum (along with the olympics that’s our shit we’re very excited for the swimming). so i guess it was being around her watching it and listening to her and my dad argue about it! my mum is an ardent seb supporter and my dad is like a twitter account away from being in teamLH so canada 2018 (2019?) was VERY entertaining. also my uncle loves it so he likes that im proper into it (like have a sports journalism degree) and so we always chat about it - he’s trying to recruit me into motogp next

do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

i mean i’ve written so much i must love it. lol jokes i do enjoy it and i feel like it helps me like people more (case in point: when i was trying to make myself enjoy the lando win i just read my own fics of him LOL)

but also its something fun to do that’s also creative and has helped me make new friends from all over

how do you view new fans?

ugh i hate the hate new fans get like not everyone can be born into loving a sport? if anything the more people that watch and love the sport the more money it’ll make? idk this whole superiority complex some fans have is just so unneeded for the sport and we all know why is majorly directed at girls. i do fear that some of the new fan behaviours could border on worrying - waiting outside hotels and ambushing drivers is stalking actually!

but overall im always happy to have new people in a sport - a bigger community is always good and new fans bring new perspectives which is good as older fans may just be desensitised to “normal” things in the sport but new eyes can remind them - hey halos are the best thing to happen to F1 and red flags in heavy rain are necessary.

if you could take over as any team principal for any team who would it be and why?

i know i previously dunked on ferrari but there needs to be an intervention because my girly max already has three championships and i need charles to get at least one so i can die happy - then ill move to mclaren, kick zak brown up the ass get a piastri championship and bounce (honourary race with willams or whatever team alex is with cause i need all three 2019 rookies to be race winners)

are your friends and family into F1 as well?

i feel like my other answers answered this but yeah! i also recently reconnected with an old primary school friend who is also really into it. i went to a sports uni so basically everyone there liked it as well (which means me and a friend did trek to the F1 arcade at 4am to watch aus 23 where she had a public meltdown over sainz (i enjoyed it)). also ive made a couple friends through working at races!

are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

i always am! i am a year out of uni and working from home with all my home friends still at uni after taking gap years so i am big time lonely so always feel free to slide into my messages!

[st4rshipr4nger]

things that help me//helped me minishift!! first im going to go over things before the methods and then yk yeah

i know alot of people dont like scripting, or just prefer not to do it but i enjoy doing it and it gets me pretty motivated because I know where im going more so than before when i just yk knew where i was going, i use notion scripts personally

but thats pretty well known so anyway what i was saying in response to that anon that my lovely mutual sent me was that i get my journal and i would write down affirmations for example 'i am happy in my dr, i am loved in my dr, i love my dr, i am shifting constantly, i shift everytime i breathe, i shift everytime i blink, i shift everytime i move, etc etc' and i would just write those down over and over repeating. I did that for like three days I wanna say and i minishifted to my umbrella dr and heard pojo knocking on my door, and even though that isnt how my umbrella dr is now because ive switched it up alot since then i might make a seperate post for that I STILL HEARD POGO. AND I SHIFTED EVEN THOUGH I PHYSICALLY JUMPED UP AND SHIFTED BACK. and i felt my couch turn more into a bed and the air smelled different and everything. So yes!! write down affirmations if you think it will help and even just to try it out.

make a pinterest board, a music playlist, consume the media that will make you feel closer and more at home with it !!

now for methods and how i do them//pair them up with eachother

void state method x affirmations x julia ??? method sort of

so i put a subliminal on throughout the day sometimes if i feel like it i just find one of youtube and i journal,,, then when i actually want to sit and try to shift i lay down, i personally lay down on my back because laying on my side trying to shift is UNCOMFORTABLE to me,,, then i do the void state part which is just detaching yourself kind of in my head i repeat 'i am pure consciousness' and 'i am not attatched to any reality and i can shift whenever where ever i please' mhmmhm and then once i do that for a while and i feel like i can move on, my body is asleep and i cant really like ...feel anything thats when i move on and start saying the affirmations that i had written down in my journal! and thats just what i do you can count when doing the void state method i know that can help stay like focused if youre into that.

remember its okay to let your mind wander, when youre told to stop thinking of something youre just gonna end up thinking of it more, so think about things and then let them go when you get distracted!

i hope this helped i tried to word it as best i could if you have any more questions just ask

MUCH LOVE!!!!

@v1trum

[ryan-selucreh]

oh look a regular post no need to press the blue read more

i think my worst fear is to be fragile. i dont like being fragile. i dont like how at any time my heart could be ripped out and thats it. i dont like how i could make one slip on a building and come crashing down, never to see my friends and family again. im strong, but everyones weak, people are built that way. humans, with or without the super strength i have, were made to die someday, and i hate it.

death isnt too easy to control. i learned that with connor. i know it was to save me and shit, but man, is his magic scary. i swear, it wasnt just those clothes and rats i saw disolve, but something in his eyes. nobody really remembers but us (and romeo) and its not like many people would believe the insane shit that happened. i know why connor has that book, what his goals with his powers are, but that doesnt make it feel...worse? im bad with words.

i think another thing is that, like, its not just the human body thats weak, but its not like im the strongest noggin around. i know im not exactly "stable", but its not super easy to confront it. these stupid writing things, they kinda help honestly. i just dont like it when my friends see it, they get worried, and i dont want them worried. im not, well i dont wanna be, something to worry about. id keep this in like a journal or whatever but i just. i dont wanna. i think part of me wants to show people this, some fucking "silent cry for help" or whatever connor talked about in his emo arc. just a part that wants to be fragile.

i hate that part. im meant to be strong, fragile things cant play floatball or rip mountains in half. that doesnt mean im weak though, huh. some stupid shit a therapist may say. god contradictions suck. i think ill try to be weak, if my bodys so fucking pissed about it. its not like its been not trying to fight me this whole time (and winning). i dont wanna be fragile, but i think thats why im gonna do it. i mean, ive pushed back shit for so long, maybe ive forgotten how to let it rise. i think ill try.

ryan selucreh, one of the strongest things i know, is gonna try to be fragile.

[the-astrophel-system]

took those questions from one of the "system ask games" and answering them here. why? bc i wanna answer them, i dont wanna wait for asks, and you cant stop me /lh

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

yeah we do! or at least try to. we personally have done it through journalling and using simply plural. we mainly use sp now, as journalling is more so for communication / vent / memory purposes.

🫀 - do you have non-human alters? what species are they?

yeah! just over half of us are 'non-human', but that varies from part human (fae, hybrids, mermaids, etc) to full animals (cat, fox) and even objects.

🍄 - when did you realise you had a complex dissociative disorder?

i believe the body was 13? eh ill say 13-14 years old, as a bit of a range because there was about a year and a bit of researching and tracking symptoms and whatnot before we really understood / knew we had it.

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

yes a lot. whether it emotional amnesia or grey outs, or forgetting day-to-day things, yeah. a lot of amnesia can happen with switches, though its rarely black-outs for us, and sometimes we have amnesia even when there hasn't been a switch.

🥩 - who was the most recent split?

for personal reasons, not gonna answer this one <33

🦴 - do you have an innerworld? what does it look like?

oh my fuck, we could make a whole post about our innerworld and all the different areas. we do have an innerworld, and its existed for as long as i can remember. its changed over time and some places change how it looks daily, but we can make a whole post about it all.

🦷 - what’s a fun fact about the current fronter(s)?

ooooh a fun fact abt me. i would sayyyy, i named myself after a character in a fanfiction <3

💀 - is your system more overt or covert?

covert. when we're with people we trust and feel safe with, we present more overtly. however with day-to-day, its definitely covert. our switches can be smooth, or sometimes we straight up leave the room and have privacy. we all tend to mask, even if its just a little bit. if you knew we were a system, you might be able to catch a switch here or there. but i think thats only if you know what you're looking for.

🍷 - does your music taste differ from alter to alter? how?

a bit, yeah. mostly all of us kinda like alt or indie music. some of us love musicials while others dont. skye, she fucking loves raps, while others cant stand rap music. some like more heavier music, while pretty much all our syskids like soft songs. we have different playlists on spotify that haven't been updated in months </3

🦇 - do you have any friends with CDDs?

yes we have one with a cdd <3

📺 - are you “heavy” with any type of alter? (e.g. syskid-heavy, introject-heavy, etc.)

we are non-human (57.6%), and 'brainmade' heavy (65.8%). were the percentages needed? ofc not. did i still spend 20 mins figuring it out? yeah.

if you have any questions abt our system, or want us to do another of these (if we can find another) just let us know!

- clem (she/her)

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

U want to forget but I don't, no, not just yet

We smoked blow on the last subway cart on the train track. u used ur body to hide my high, remember when we ran away together that one nite? we were infinite like the perks of being a wallflower tunnel scene, we were laughing and panicking and kissing. Flowers growing just into the wrong tree.

ive spent so much time in unmemorizing but can u rly forget when

You bleached my hair with ur bare hands when it was all firetruck red

didn't use gloves

somehow u were always magic

The white pieces tht go thru a layer of ur skin always just came off

when u fucked me on the couch after I stopped going to therapy 

cuz u said she didn't understand me

She didn't understand addiction

Or any of the layers in me

When that uber driver from Chinatown drove us back home and farted so loud n didn't say sorry

when you met me at Greenpoint three times in one day 

To drop me off to work

Bring me fried chicken

Then an umbrella cuz it rained

U rode the subway the entire day on myrtle wycoff

And myrtle Broadway

At broadway junction, u carried crates of clothes for me for my children's fashion show date

Even ripped and cut apart ur own

Said u didn't need them anyway

Coffee in the greca 

hazelnut creamer 

"Dark and sweet"

Remember when we switched Starbucks drinks outside the farmers market in la?

I miss when u'd sing Beyonce

N how you'd sit on the sidewalk and call it “photosynthesis"

I just didn't know what love felt like til I saw u w that one dog u would dog sit

-----

i thought I had my heart broken before but

this feels like the very first time

Losing you feels like losing everyone ive ever lost in every god damn lifetime

Ive spent the entire night up but i still feel like i haven't been awake

figuring out who u were all along makes me regret saying yes to Sally's that day

i trusted u with no boundaries

So how do I begin to mend?

the holes in my heart

I don't wanna live for anything anymore

Not money nor my family not even art

Its like someone kicked me on the curb

Saw me bleeding 

Then kept kicking

and kicking 

and kicking me

still not stopping 

even when im crying red

i swear my heart just stopped beating

i can't feel it anymore 

cant feel u anymore

even in this feeling

feeling so close to death

-----

u were a wallflower

Just as lost as me 

My therapist said we found in each other what wasn't healed yet

we were flowers just growing into the wrong tree

i wish we blossomed into a mango tree 

u said u just wanted to be enough 

and I wish u knew I always thought u were

sometimes i still wish it was u id see on the living room floor 

Doing whatever u were doing

scratching off a ticket

eating dinner 

Drilling another hole into something 

nothing ever mattered when u laid beside me 

Not drugs

Or "intentional planned dates"

Just shared plates 

shared forks

shared home

With a ceiling

and a door

U were always self made

-----

If I told u I forgave u would u believe true love conquers hate?

I miss the perfume samples u gave 

the journals you'd steal for me

the cheese it's at laguaria airport

when u forgot how to spell my last name

The 100 coconut waters

All of ur last last dollars

All I ever wanted was u

More than freedom I want u

More than my life together I want u

More than money more than drugs more than heaven more than being equally loved.

—

let my blood run down the sink drain

I always told u id die before u 

im sry we can't die together today 

my ears are ringing and time is impending 

i feel myself dying

i wish u were with me 

i miss ur voice i miss ur face

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i just journalled about it but im still kinda irritated. like i genuinely think that youre just annoyed at me for trying to have my life together, for having work and doing uni and that our parents are happy about that. its not really my fault that i made that choice? like its not my fault youre insecure about that. in the samr way its not your fault im insecure about my social life. hm. interesting

im still going to resent you for that. i dont really know how to stop it. maybe my psych could help with that.

idk

little things bother me. like you being fine being friendly with my ex because its 'just the way you are' well me being argumentative and temperamental is JUST THE WAY I AM. but god forbid i get (rightfully) annoyed at you for being flakey and unreliable, and i am so fucking evil for that. are you serious?

ive been like this forever and now all of the sudden you cant handle it. okay fine. fine. the last few months ive been slowly coming to terms with the fact that our relationship is going to have to have a massive shift. like massive in the fact that it cant really exist anymore. its not possible for us to be close without us both getting seriously triggered and upset at the other. so we stop hanging out and talking as much and its solved. literally how gross and pathetic, like all those toxic siblings we hear about and feel bad for.

ideally i could just move out and i wont have to deal with any of your weird energy at all. but its just so annoying being at home, even when we dont really see eachother or even talk, because your constant avoidant energy just seeps out everywhere. i notice it because youre always so quick to rush out and get away from the house. like we all fucking get it, you hate us all and dont wanna be around us. grow tf up. learn how to communicate your problems with people and cop the reaction from it. i learnt a long time ago.

its funny cause the more you try to avoid something, the more that problem grows. you dont want me to be angry and irritated at you, and the fact that youre avoiding makes me more irritated. you do realise that, right? i mean, i told you. i thought we made a breakthrough but youre still acting like a child.

is that why? do you feel like a child? do you feel immature because of what im doing with my life? is that the insecurity for you?

its annoying for me to have to sit here and overanalyse shit because you fail to communicate this stuff with me. i tried to have an adult conversation with you and you get so uncomfortable and avoidant. for the first time i feel like the therapist.

remind me to never trust your advice again. remember what happened with the taurus? to be fair you helped me confront the issue with him. but he completely gaslit me and you were like yea hes right, you were in the wrong. girl?

atp i have to treat myself as an only child now. because i certainly cant come to you with anything anymore. its not like youd come to me! and im actually open and trying to be here for you. how sad is that. its actually so sad. like the fear of abandonment do be coming true and it really do be the ones closest to you. and how is it always the youngest? the same thing happened with con and maeve. like how could you just dog your family like that.

i was and still am genuinely concerned that shes falling into a depression again but im just gonna put faith in and pray to god that her friends are actually there for her and providing her with the love and support she needs (if that was the case). at the very least she has her friends.

and back to square one for me. i have me myself and i, like always.

the thing i need to work on is being more appreciative of her, and the little things she does to be there for me. even if its not what i want or need or asked for. i have to grateful. i am grateful for my sister. i will put my pride aside and be the bigger person like i was earlier today. i know i hurt her and im sorry and i am grateful for her making time for me in her busy busy life. think about the slay it girls kylie and kendall. it took them till their mid 20s to reach a stable place as sisters. perhaps it will just take some more time.

its worth the wait. (thanks chan)

[usedtobeyours]

oh, well, here we go. super fucking weird dream

hey, hey, havent written in a while. will just let it out.

today has been a fucking good trip. i woke up overwhelmed by a fucking complete dream. been through therapy and work, and afterwork beer. has been alright, but dont wanna forget the dream.

it started with this fucked up reality where, three years later, i'd get my corona graduation. weird, if you think about how yesterday was the 15th of march, 2023. so, three years ago, i'd ve mastered miami ad.

imma try not to edit myself that much moving forward.

so, about that dream.

it started weird. graduating.

as i came into miami ad school - a whole new mas, and let me tell you, it was a different layout. not the entrance, in my dream at least.

i saw fucking tadeu schimdt. but i think we can overlook that. he was the desk person, checking in new graduates for the FUCKING ceremony that took three years to come.

in my dreams, it happened. good enough, i guess? okay, getting past my current big brother thing. i came in and the first person i saw was Shannon. She was sweet, and said hi, and handed me a plate of burger king food as it was a brand gift to all graduates.

i came in, and said hi to people. and by people i mean all the not right placely ones: bruna(s) from college, ursula, dilson (????wtf i hadnt thought about him in forever?). thats all i remember there. and then i went to the bathroom and they took my food away.

then i remember going back to shannon in a fast-food like counter with other employees. she put my plate back up in small, bite size burgers and salads. so many salads. this is important for therapy reasons.

then I go back to the cocktail party, and I remember being chatting with someone, and smoking a tabacco joint, and my mom coming by and seeing it with me. i remember saying: yup, you know i smoke this, but also...idk, traumatic repressive shit.

okay, i think at this point i woke up and tried to sleep again, so we went back to the dream.

at this point, i remember being at miami ad school, but a different location, a different class layout. and then i'm not sure of the order of this happening:

i met my godmom and for some reason she was taking some kind of losing weight drug that helped her (she was in class #3 after the mess). she had lost about 10 pounds and was about as mean as she ever was/though nothing towards me so I guess win?

i remember seeing bruno but he didn't see me. fitting. it was as if we're both in the waiting room to something and i'm trying to get his attention but nothing there.

there was a WEIRD class. i remember being in this class in an open room with other students (at least 20). nothing like mas, but also something that could only work there. we were having online class, with the teacher speaking on a headphone mic, but he was there. i dont remember specifically, but we had a PCD in class. what i do remember is the teacher being super specifically gross towards our fellow student, and us bringing it up to MAS direction and teachers and it being noticed. that would be a first, but still. I guess the way i remember is terrible and the way i feel about it everytime is bad enough, but no.

okay, moving on to step two of the fucking weird journal this dream was:

i guess three of those i spoke about in therapy. one not, because it's fuzzy and dreamy. like this dream should be:

i think isabelle came up at one point of the dream. cant be too sure. i think she was living in miami, and we were trying to find the nail salon together in the rain - or i think that was just me and she was a feature as a safespace in the dream.

i remember roaming in miami and waiting for the people i love (including dani) to finish their classes at MAS. at this point, as I was roaming, i remember: - this one weird lady coming up with a gun - not a gun, um fuzil - at this corner fashion shop at MAS. I think someone shot her back and I do think I got this from a videogame, but still. Weird. - this one homeless guy attacking me as i walked with one of my friends back to MAS, or through MIA. I called on the police on time, and they helped. - okay, not sure where this point of the dream falls in, but i think i was sitting in the middle of edgewater/wynwood with someone, and I left my backpack back. and I went on. a couple of meters ahead, someone said, go back and get it, and i did.

in my dream, miami could be either MAS or a videogame location. a scary place. maybe i shoudnt be watching last of us too much but yeah. i was either walking around and in danger or coming back home.

MAS was at a weird, soooo sicked up street. there were bars, a restaurant, a store, etc. oh gosh, there's so much in this dream...

[outofcontexturi]

fri 06th jan 2023 journal 

i havent done one of these in so long it feels like but i remember doing one on new years day but still that feels like a while ago. i just wanna write about my progress. i started breathing from the nose and let me fucking tell you how my life changed! tension that has been locked in my body for years is slowly going away!! IM SO HAPPY. that caps lock was absolutely not intentional but it seemed to fit the mood at the right time so hey. but back to the point. im happy that i can feel changes happening in me. now what i need is a job. i need a well paying job that can hold me down while i study and support my career. i need a tripod and some lights and shit. i also wanna get braces. maybe invasilgn or something cause my teeth dont feel aligned and when i smile on camera it looks super weird and im self conscious of it affecting me in the long run. im also looking to get some different clothing and change my hair and I EAT BLUEBERRIES as a snack now. the idea is to try eating blueberries everyday for 30 days and see if theres a difference in mood and cognitive functioning. I have sausages cooking in the oven and im gonna have some veg with gravy to go with it and then eat some frozen blueberries. i need to dry clean my clothes tomorrow and go for a walk with mum. breathing thru the nose has actually changed my life. im so much more active. it feels like what i feel like when im high in term of awareness to things but not exactly. its 20:53pm. i took some cbd gummies like 10 mins ago. im waiting for them to kick in so i can go to sleep before 1am preferably. I need to sort out my sleeping pattern for school. i cant believe im in a cost of living crisis. fuck this government. never have they ever cared about my well being. and the more i think about how much money and time they are taking away from the public to tap cocks with each other at these weird ass parties the angrier i get. rishi can get fucked. every conservative mp can get fucked cause thats your party and your party dont stand with the people. chale keir starmer you arent free either you rat. you and your chin can fuck off out of the labour party to you bland fuck. blander than a plank of wood. you have the personality of a brick. nothing, you give us nothing every time you’re on that podium. nothing is given. useless. anyways thats my rant over for today. i’ll see you guys on the other side. 

night! sign out time: 20:57pm

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[i-cant-sing]

Everyone asking about the Royal Gay au meanwhile I'm just gremlining in the corner waiting for anything related to Re8:TRP bc I don wanna ask about it and potentially annoy you

Hmm, okay I've got a particular scenario in my mind:

Okay, imagine post re8, when Ethan forgot about saving reader, died, then came back to life with realisation that he forgot about you, so he "saves" you but you're too pissed at him (rightfully) and tell him that as soon you get out of the village, you're moving out because you can't be around him and Mia since Rose will always be a priority for them and you can't risk losing more of your sanity and self respect.

To which Ethan says "Oh... request denied😃" and then proceeds to kidnap you and take you home, where Mia has started to realise how important you are to the smooth functioning of this dysfunctional family and agrees with Ethan about keeping you locked up in your room.

They both think that you're just acting this way because you're "a little jealous" of the attention they've been giving to Rose. And you're being "totally unreasonable" because Rose is a baby, she needs them more than you do.

It never even occurs to them that you hate them because of all the abuse they've subjected you to all these years.

They don't understand why you're being so rebellious right now? Throwing away the food they cook for you, refusing to eat anything, screaming at them to let you go, trying to break the chains around your feet.

When will this "phase" of yours end?

Mia thinks it'd be rather better if they gave you silent treatment and ignored you and your basic human needs- yeah, that'll teach you to not bite the hand that feeds you.

Ethan on the other hand, doesn't agree with that (mostly because he's incapable of ignoring you now that he's become a yandere). He thinks you just need to remember all the good times. So he goes to the store to look through some very old boxes to find your old journals. He remembers seeing you writing in them as a kid, and if memory serves him right, you still used to write in them.

Pulling out the dusty old box with your name on it, he picked out a journal and began flipping through them.

-

Hours later, Mia entered the house, only to find Ethan in the store room, absolutely bawling his eyes out.

"Ethan? Hun? What's wrong? Is Rose okay?" Mia asked, immeadiately crouching down to hold him.

Ethan just hugged hia wife, crying into her shoulder. "S-she hates us, Mia."

"What?"

"She hates us! Y/n hates us!" Ethan cried out, pointing at all the journals. Picking one up, Mia began reading them.

I hate mom. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her-

The words continued for several pages, before moving onto Ethan.

Dad- I never thought I'd hate him, but I hate him even more than mom. How could he- how could he ignore my croes for help? Am I that unimportant to them? Or just unlovable?

I hate dad, I hate him so much.

I wish he was dead. Wish they were both dead.

Mia's mouth fell open, completely in disbelief that you would say something like that. And more than one time. In fact, several of your notebooks were just filled with words of hatred for your parents.

Ethan went out for a walk, telling Mia he just cant be around all of this right now, asking her to get rid of all the journals for him. Mia just nods, her mind somewhere else.

-

While Ethan is taking a walk in the park, wondering how to change your mind about him and Mia, his wife has decided to take a different strategy to make you regret those words.

Currently, your head is being held under water as Mia flushed the toilet bowl once again.

You gasped for her air as she yanked your head up again. "You un-fucking-grateful brat! How fucking dare you wish death upon your own parents?! I'm gonna make you wish you were dead-!" She screamed as she pushed your head back in the water.

"MIA!" Ethan yelled, pulling his wife off you, as you came up, coughing up the water that got in your lungs. "What the fuck?!"

-

You're wrapped up in a towel, sitting in your room, a chain still around your foot, as you hear Ethan and Mia arguing downstairs.

Arguing over their "parental strategies" for you.

Arguing over you.

You smiled a little. You never imagined they'd ever take the time to argue or even talk about you.

And all it took was your sanity.

I just know this how they be arguing:

Mia: What the hell, Ethan?! You said you wanted to try the "good cop. Bad cop."thing!

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan:

Mia:

Ethan: YEAH! "GOOD COP- BAD COP" NOT "GOOD COP-HOMICIDAL COP" MIA!

Mia, voice breaking because no.1 manipulator: wow, I can't believe you're saying I'm the "bad cop". Is that what you think of me?

[ashyslashyy]

alright ive mentioned these headcanons before but since it is currently autism acceptance month and this show is my special interest i wanna go more in depth on my autism headcanons for the gravity falls characters!!!

dipper: obviously his interest in the supernatural can be considered a special interest, and he also tends to be very organized and gets upset when things dont go how he planned (best example of this is in double dipper). he also has trouble a lot in social situations and a lot of his behavior is stimming (like chewing on/clicking pens, chewing on his shirt, pacing, etc). also gf is a cartoon so its not too weird that he wears the same outfit every day but i am choosing to believe its because thats his routine.

mabel: very creative and eccentric i love her. she also stims a lot and tends to miss social cues, but unlike dipper she doesnt get nervous, she just tends to be a bit sillier and more outgoing in situations where it may not be appropriate. shes also pretty high empathy; she cares a lot about people and objects and in the hand that rocks the mabel its shown she has a hard time saying no because she doesnt want other people to be upset. she also wears the same outfit everyday (not Exactly the same but shes always wearing a headband, sweater, skirt, and the same socks and shoes).

ford: like dipper, ford also seems to have a special interest in the supernatural, as shown by the journals. ford is also a bit socially awkward and tends to only keep a few people close. he also gets stressed when things dont turn out the way he planned. ford is also shown to have trouble with empathy and understanding others, especially stan. he doesnt understand why he does what he does, and its hard for him to grasp decisions that arent logical.

stan: honestly i dont have too much to say about stan, hes a bit stubborn but beyond that i dont think theres too much explicit evidence from what i can remember. this one is less about actual traits and more just about vibes.

soos: hes interested in a lot of tv shows and games and has a somewhat unique sense of humor. he also has trouble in social situations, the best examples being in soos and the real girl. he also has interests in things that may be considered childish, which isnt an autistic trait in and of itself, but it is common. also soos is just awesome

wendy: once again this one is more about vibes. shes just really cool

fiddleford: i have less to go on for him, but theres still a lot. fiddleford very obviously has an interest in mechanics and technology; this strikes me as especially important as a special interest because even after losing his memory he still retains lots of mechanical knowledge and skill. hes also shown both in the show and the book to be stimming a lot, specifically bouncing his leg. he also gets overwhelmed easily, which is shown a lot more in the journal.

bill: HOOO BOY now this is where it gets rambley bc bills my personal favorite and we have quite a bit in common so i'll be listing off more stuff here. obviously bill cant really be judged by human standards because hes. not one. but personally i think he has a lot of autistic traits. number one his low empathy swag. bill is like ford and has difficulty understanding others and why they do things. he also gets thrown off when things dont go his way. his dialogue also tends to be pretty blunt (hes good at being vague about his intentions but in general he doesnt really use idioms and if hes not trying to hide anything he'll usually say what he means). his speech is also relatively flat; hes basically always yelling but beyond that he isnt super expressive with how he talks, at least not in comparison to some other characters. he also does a lot of stuff that can be considered stimming, which you can see a lot in sock opera (like ive picked up several stims from stuff he does in that episode). also, weirdmageddon is just what happens when you get understimulated. You know how it is

obviously these arent the only characters who i think are autistic, but these are some of the main characters that i have a decent amount of evidence for.

[vaguely-yandere]

omg!! chami chami!! thanks for always taking the time to respond and write out such long, meaningful responses!! u really do spoil me sm!! :D

that being said OMG pls dont take what i said about being friends too seriosuly!! i mean, ofc i wanna be friends w you but in my mind i meant like. just sending asks every so often and talking w u kinda like how we are rn!! i dont need you to remember my interests or anything!! anything i wanna discuss will be put in an ask, like i have been so far!! the great thing about asks is that YOU as the author get to choose when you respond to me!! the only reason i brought up how you might recognize my username is only bc i feel a little embarrassed liking everything and then sending messages on anon, it feels counterintuitive bc i feel like youll just know its me anyways. but please!! dont feel pressured into keeping my likes and dislikes into account bc i dont expect you to :3 were friends as in: i send in my silly little asks and you respond when u want and if u want!! <333

also, luckily im actually really good at setting boundaries!! one of my friends said that the only reason some of the people back in highschool didjt like me was because they thought they could step all over me without me complaining. im really friendly but i let people when i have a problem, which surprisingly, a lot of people cant comprehend?? the ‘mature adults’ were nowhere to be seen LOL ig it was back in highschool but still.

on another note, i honestly love taking up space (when its appropriate!) but i really dont want to overwhelm you!! i do have a tendency to talk a lot and freely express what i think (which is like. 4892992 things all at once as you may have noticed) this ties back into the whole ‘you choose when to respond’ thing bc i can wait as long as i need to to hear from you <33 i love hearing about ur yan OC’s(?) so far!! also dw, everything we discuss is purely fictional and for our silly little imaginations!! fantasy purposes only!! i just wanna make that clear for your comfort :D also idk if i made it clear enough but i am NOT in hs anymore, im a uni student and over 18 i just wanted to make that extra clear so you dont think im a minor!!

ONE LAST THING (i promise i’ll shorten these asks in the future omg): i could be wrong but im kinda getting the feeling you run a little on the mean side when it comes to yanderes(?) which is funny bc im a little on the opposite!! like im imagining us in a room w one of ur yans and theyre like all kneeling at ur feet and stuff while they shake and cry while you degrade them and step on them versus me maybe patting their head and holding them close afterwards to soothe them…the whiplash…<33 i mean, i have a little bit of a mean streak in me too, but i would feel too guilty to be TOO mean to ur yans whereas i feel like you wouldn’t care about that kinda thing and just go all out HAHA i could be wrong lmk!!! but it’s cool to know ur love language is acts of service!! i think that was my second highest, with my top being words of affirmation!! could u tell LOL

- sunny!! <3

aaa sunny darling!! youre spoiling ME with conversation!! honestly, answering asks is significantly easier for me than regular conversation because my monologues are much more socially acceptable and it also just tend to take pressure off of both parties! so dont feel pressured to send in a buncha asks! i just respond so often and so quickly because i too have many many thoughts and many words in my head and typing them out is very helpful! like a journal! and thank you for clarifying you arent a minor and its so nice knowing other people who tend to be disliked because theyre very sure in who they are! i used to struggle with setting boundaries which is very odd because of my personality and now, because i look very idk doormat-y, ppl commonly think they can walk all over me (another reason i like submissive yanderes/characters! they take me seriously from the start without turning me into a mother figure and dont have a weird complex that prevents them from seeing me as a fully functioning adult)

i also love talking a lot and taking up space when appropriate! ironic because i have agoraphobia dkajhfad but its also nice meeting ppl who are very much like me :33! and use yanderes and darker writing as a release from reality or just a nice fantasy instead of using my ideas as examples which has happened before because im pretty talented at writing horror or disturbing or niche things! twas not fun realizing the fanbase you gathered didnt understand the reason why you were writing the things you were writing!

also, dont shorten your asks!!!!! they took away the word limit on them for a REASON!!!! abuse your lack of a word limit to the fullest extent!!!

i do kinda run on the mean side when im being dominant, it kinda makes me feel a bit bad because i have issues even being fake mean but i just love humiliating my yanderes! seeing them get all red, teary eyed, its just so cute (i say that a lot lol)! besides, its so fun knocking them down a few pegs (sometimes with pegging for comedic sake) via some spanking, a slap, and a healthy dose of degrading! with a healthy amount of consent checks as well and soft stuff to balance it out <3 but i think it would be so funny seeing, say, the sensitive yandere having two darlings (the poor thing can barely handle one!!) where one is fairly mean and very degrading, teasing them for their issues controlling themselves, making fun of how red their face is, overstimulating them a bit and then getting passed to darling two who gently cleans them up and kisses away their tears and coos praises to them! their head would be spinning!

which i guess is also the allure of predatory darling! an aggressive side and a gentle side! perfect for everyone! <3