#but i cant help it when i feel like such a fucking failure
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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augghh ,.....
#girl i wanna cry so bad#im so tired#and my gormones are not helping#my mother just fucking bombarded me with so mant questions about uni and i know shes trying to help#but im genuenly so tired i just want to go to sleep#and she keeps asking me stuff and im standing up and my uterus hirsts so bad but she didnt stop expanding#on shit that was SO unnecesary#fucking . have u not heard me before#i told you 5 times that im not recursing this class because it would be so bad#and you keep asking my stuff about what if i did retook it#why do you never listen !!!!!!! and then when im tired of trying to get a word in#you start complaining that this is jow a lonologue and not a concersation !!!!!#my sister in christ whenever i try to speak you dont stop tlaking. what do yoh mean#and i took 2 bugs out of the house and now i have phantoms bugs feelings . feel like there are moths flying toward sme#would be ok in other situations but i cant deal with the phantom sensation rn#crying from frsutration. help!!!!!#im genuenly so sad and angry and upset#not even at my mom. shes ok but rn shes getting on my nerves because im very sensitive and im so tired#i just want to sleeeeep. please.#girl i frel like such a failure#the 10 girl goes from getting 10 in four classes to barelt passing 5 classes. devaststing#i prommy i know im more than my grades but my ego is not feeling it this time#i feel so burned out time is slipping through my fingers#i want a hug 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪 fuck#sorry for the long venty post. if u read this far u deserve an award
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#i miss art man fuck#i wish i knew a way to like. fast forward this mental dip bc its hell#i just keep seeing time go by and realize another day has passed and I've done nothing with myself.#no art. no writing. i don't do anything expect lay here and waste away#like yeah i do adulting stuff#i do my chores i go to work#but thats kinda it?#even when i hang out with people its just. rotting in a different location.#i miss the stuff that i adore doing#i miss having the attention span to sit and enjoy a game or show#i miss sitting down and drawing for hours or staying up writing#i think about it constantly#but that wall is so firmly up that i never DO it#and everyone in my life just keeps telling me 'just do it!' as a solution#i cant stand it#the longer it goes on the more i feel like a failure. or like i only exist to help other people#there is no 'me'. just a person people can rely on#i have no ability to be me anymore and it sucks#vent
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#so the hospital group that diagnosed my stroke as an anxiety attack&let me sit in their er for roughly five hours is in the news#bc body cam footage came out showing them having called the police on a patient who was 'refusing to leave'#despite the fact that he 'had no medical reason for being there'.#he had ODd&they had given in narcan. he was also homeless. so all the actual rules about watching a patient post resus#went out the window in favor of calling police&being incredibly cruel about it.#the man died at the police station. where they took him bc they looked him up&he had bench warrants.#they couldn't process him bc he was totally unresponsive. they tried tho. best believe they tried.#&when they had to explain why they were didnt try to get him medical help they released the body cam footage.#prob the only time they didnt throw tantrums over it too seeing as it successfully shifted the blame.#the hospital has had to apologize publically for the 'failure' on their part.#i cant even put my feelings into words.#ive said it once ill say it every fucking time learning medicine was not&is not hard. its not worthy of special note.#its something you do bc you care. &if thats not the case i hope you die of the medical neglect you would force onto those#who come to you for fucking help.#pathetic. absolutely fucking pathetic.#i might not ever be able to work in traditional medicine but w stories like these why the fuck would i ever want to?#why would i ever want to be associated w willful fucking murderers? bc thats what medical neglect from a medical pro at their work is.#fucking murder.
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feeling so pathetic that i cant get up and be normal without medication but i suppose its like. whatever works works, right!
#idk it makes me feel like a failure sometimes bc its such a basic thing i cant even do on my own#fucking. waking up in the morning.#but whatever! i need this thing to help me and when i do i can have a great day and feel good so. yay for me#also YAY for having access to medication in the first place truly#anyway back to fighting the inexorable urge to just go back to bed i am so strong i can do it
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i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing
#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but#it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that#and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the#ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad#i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he#gets offended like thats not fair#and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job.#i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car#i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so#much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution#everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it#nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a#failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they#would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die#anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get#the benifit of not having to do this anymore#god thats so. dark. its how i feel.#its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels#like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again.#im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more#refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish.#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
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who even give a fuck. yknow
#getting drunk before work because who gives a shit ^_^d#yesterday was real fucking bad so im thinking like why am i even fucking trying you know none of these assholes even talk to me#unless its to go ermmmm i cant help noticing your department isnt achieving infinite growth when will you guys stop sucking#shit? just curious yhaha and if they want to talk about me they go behind my back and ask other people why im cutting#which a) i wear short sleeves this isnt a secret im keeping and 2) fuck you for deciding its your business and then NOT EVEN#ASKING /ME/ but whatever thy want to get pissy at me for their own failure to communicate fucking let them i dont care#ive been killing myself for this stupid job for a year now i wake up in the morning and my first thought is how bad my knee hurts#im one of the best we've got and what do i have to show for it no one fucking talks to me i dont care#no one will go 'hey did you get fucking sloshed before coming here' becaus etheyre scared of talking to m e for some reason#i literally dont know but if they ask then like who fucking cares this isnt on me i dont feel human doing this job i dont feel like a perso#no one treats me like one unless i waste time quote unquote to not do my job and talk to people who like care if i live or die or whatever#so like who fucking cares even ill do whatever i want ill get drunk before work ill do shit at my job ill talk to someone i love fuck it#whatever!!! should have acted like i was a person instead of ignoring the people youre throwing into a meatgrinder for profit i guess#who fucking cares!#already had my MOTHER get weird about me buyng booze for reasons that are none of her fucking business and that she#wouldnt know the details of anyway if she hadnt been snooping because i have no privacy and no space of my own lol#so might as well drink it i guess it was 30 bucks anyway and i dont have any fucking moneyyyyyyyy so what am i#who am i fucking KIDDINGGGGGGGGGG lol its fucked its all fucked!!! whatever!!! who give a shit!!! nothing fucking matters
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anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.
#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else#it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m#doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school#to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive#they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor#in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks#it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering#oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt
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Damn. One thing going wrong and I'm going full mental breakdown huh.
#probably because of bottling my feelings up#honestly at this point i'm considering giving up but some people were really sweet to me and that's really been helping#and that one anon in my other blog who almost got me to cry just because they said “i love your writing��#shit i am legit tearing up#people are so nice sometimes i just. fucking hell i love when people are caring but i have feelings that are kept in a bottle from before#i was even like. in 3rd grade.#i want to keep reaching out i do#but i feel so insignificant when i do some stupid shit and. people want to talk to me. they care. and they listen.#i feel so. bad for taking up their time. surely they have something better to do than waste their time on me im a failure. i cant do anythi#g. but. they do. and that fucks me up so badly. those people do not know how much i appreciate even a brief chat.#i am starving for humanity and its connections.#i am also struggling#and living in times of war is so fucking hard when no one cares about you. it was so hard to come to terms with that i'm a war child.#a child of war. fathered by a soldier who had seen horrors of it beforehand. and who has not spoken of them despite screaming in the dead#of night. i am. having a full on breakdown huh. apparently. it's just. fucking insane. i really need to talk to someone about this. and hav#a ten hour nap preferably.#looks at crow bubbles miss detective log and hannah and my old old mutuals. i love you all still no matter how brief or insignificant our#interactions were. i love you. you mean the world to me. you made me who i am like an amateur makes a silly clay figure never meant for muc#it is so hard to go on with old memories as bugs in my brain#this.. started as a drawing program error vent and became me pouring my feelings here. same as always ig.#i love you humanity i love you reaching out i love you desire to care and ve cared about i love you yearning i love you helping without a#need to ask i love you human emotions i love you people#it feels like i'm not one myself honestly. humans are so.. so horrifyingly endearing to me i am suffocating with unspoken love#fucking my love is mine all mine and poison and ghosting and oleander fuck you songs you make me emotional too. humans are so humans.
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I haven't seen anyone else talk about it, so I wanted to share that Logan's rant monologue insulting Wade in the Honda Odyssey, before Wade decides to beat him up and they ~fight~ all night... that so clearly to me, was Logan projecting. It started as a tempered rant to cope with how annoyed and pent up he was, with the heat of everything and with Wade's muchness that makes him, him, but the longer he went on, the more he started ranting and exposing himself in the process.
"THE XMEN REJECTED YOU, AND THEY'LL TAKE FUCKING ANYONE!!!" That was my first hit, that he was referring to himself. He sees himself so lowly, so failed, that's canonical to the film. And canonically, he didn't even quite originally feel worthy or want to be with the XMEN. Didn't feel like there was a place for him there, a place for him anywhere. One of his biggest healings was Professor X not giving up on helping him believe that he deserved to be there, was wanted, was worthy, was a good guy. That's canon to his character. So we know he was speaking about himself. He was chewing Wade out, but he was also talking and focusing moreso on what upset him about himself. (He sees himself as just any jo shmo, when he IS literally THE X MAN ㅠㅠ)
He was seeing himself in Wade, how he "can't even save a relationship with a gd stripper", (he sees himself as not able to save anything either, and he's angry for that more than anything else he's angry or annoyed at) projecting SO HARD as he pieced together saying it out loud, that Wade was exactly like him. Logan hated himself for not saving anything. For being a "loser", a "failure", for all of the same reasons he was lashing out at Wade for. He was so angry and annoyed by Wade reminding him of himself, because he related to him. Wade was his reflection, in his eyes, calling him out so loudly with his own behaviors. And he hated himself. He deeply was suffering with that hatred for himself, and as a result, he lashed out on Wade when really he was chewing out himself, inside, admitting it.
"God's CRUELEST JOKE, IS THAT YOU *WONT* DIE ALONE. BECAUSE YOU! CANT! DIE! SO THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER YOU THE REST OF OUR EXISTENCE!" (something along that.)
He didn't know for sure that Wade can't die. He picked up on that Wade can't be killed. Logan is the one who can't die. They are two flipped sides of the same immortal power coin. When he finished his screaming at him, and everyone was silent at how cruel and shocking the confrontation and his words were, I was sinking with a very empathetically whispered "oh, Logan..." Because I felt his misery. I immediately picked up on him really talking about himself, and I think that was genius and layered. I was upset for how awful that was to say to Wade, heartbroken for Wade taking that to heart, and I was heartbroken that Logan was saying that because he believes that about himself. Because they are, oddly, a lot alike. Very compatible.
This scene here:
I read that Hugh said that Ryan wrote that. He's brilliant with these films. It was so genius. I really needed to share this and bring this thought, meta, analysis to light. For all of us to have.
Is Logan mad at God's "cruel joke" of his immortality, yet ability to feel so much pain through it still? Yes. He punched the roof in rage, because it's not fair. Venting his own pain. He sees his powers, his own and Wade's too, empathetically, as their curse. The curse of being the one who lives, and the guilt with that. The one who can't die. The one who lives, who is forced to live, while everyone who "deserves to live" dies. And WILL die, around them.
"And You can't die. That's on all of US!" Logan says, clearly referring to himself living forever... And "us" being the people HE loved. He saw himself as a burden for existing with them, for them. He deflected that onto Wade, as if the people in Wade's life must feel that way too, but didn't really mean that. He meant it about himself. Logan believes he was a burden on the people he loves, the people he lost. That's probably why he left too, and didn't come back when they called out for him to. He distanced himself to protect them, and protect himself from that fear of rejection that he feels is so imminent, and them not having him, is the one element that led to none of them surviving without him. He was always the key. He was always wanted, and he was always important and needed. He just couldn't ever believe that.
Man, that's why it became so personal for Logan too, when he was shown Wade's photograph of his family. Because HE had a family, and he would do anything now to save them. Just like Wade. He held that photograph all night, he went and got it when it fell out of the car, he kept looking at it. It became personal for him, when he identified with it. That Honda scene really was their turning point of everything. That's when Logan cared with everything. He got it. Wade is the him he couldn't be. But now he can.
I dropped some heat with this one.
Extra little personal context/thought notes: Maybe I just spotted it because I have a natural knack for psychology, I'm hyperobservant, highly empathetic and deeply feeling, and I'm also years experienced of my parents and whole family treating me the same exact toxic lashout way almost every other day. That's a workweek for me to see through toxic lashout anger BS. These are not my gifs!!! They were created by another amazing account. I will refind their @ and tag them!! >>> It's @landoslastnerve ! Thank you friend! ����
Also wanted to include someone's tags from those gifs:
.
#fictionalmenmistress#original#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadclaws#poolverine#wolverpool#logan#logan howlett#logan james howlett#james howlett#james logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool 3#xmen#x men#xmen wolverine#the wolverine#the honda hatefuck#the honda odyssey#honda odyssey#honda odessy#logan x wade#wade x logan#my reviews#deadpool meta#deadpool 2#deadverine
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im so curious-- how well does DUDrow get on with the other companions? I've only seen your art and going off that I feel like: he gets along with Shadowheart, Gale I think he borderline cant stand, and Wyll/Lae'zel/Karlach I have no idea how he'd feel about them but id love to know!
So, funfact, because I was not familiar with these kinds of games at the time I played BG3, I practically stuck with the same exact party the entire playthrough. I distinctly remember swapping Wyll in for Astarion once at the end of act 2 because I thought he NEEDED to be there to find Mizora, and I replaced Gale with Karlach when I went to kill Gortash. Otherwise... It was pretty much always just DU drow, Shadowheart, Astarion and Gale. I did this because they were the characters I liked most, so I wanted to see all they had to offer.
Anyways, I mention this because it reflects how DU drow related to everyone - which is to say that he didn't. He picked his favorites (two because he liked them, one because he has fireball) and didn't get particularly close to anyone else.
BUT, there were definitely notable dynamics!
Lae'zel: She's dead. He killed her night 3 or something. Before that he thought her annoyingly demanding and over the top. I don't think DU drow even remembers her by the end of the game.
Gale: Just to add to your original observation, Gale and DU drow have a little bit of history. Gale tries, for about half of the campaign, to pursue him romantically. DU drow keeps turning him down and is either misinterpreted or ignored, and by the time Gale does give up on him their relationship has completely soured to the point where they are constantly shooting daggers at each other. (this reflects a romance bug I got in my first run, except I didn't realize it was a bug. Either way I think its more interesting storytelling than the intended experience.)
Wyll: DU drow was profoundly frustrated by Wyll every step of the way. He found him to be incredibly naive and a bit delusional in his pursuit for heroism, and could never relate to Wyll's perspective or choices - the few he made for himself, at least. They definitely had the least in common and DU drow avoided interacting with him most of the time.
Halsin: He didn't care for Halsin much. He was vaguely helpful but by the time they got to the shadow-cursed lands DU drow had the impression he'd only been dragged here to help him clear his conscience, which he didn't appreciate. Also, he couldn't bear to have someone in camp be taller than himself. Halsin was left behind in Act 2.
Jaheira: DU drow fucking loves Jaheira. They bickered and borderline insulted each other and had a great time doing it. He can respect anyone who will call him a monster, threaten to murder him in his sleep, and make light fun at him the next day. It helps that she's hot, also.
Minsc: Weird hamster man. Ocasionally rendered him speechless. Puzzling human being.
Karlach: He didn't get Karlach, but he was often amused by her and curious enough to want to hear what she had to say. There was a similar issue here as Wyll's where he just couldn't relate to her enough to have much to discuss, but Karlach at least had an edge to her that made her far better company. They got along pretty well when the topic wasn't serious, but when it came to the problems she actually faced their perspectives shifted significantly. DU drow thought everything could be fixed, that accepting her own demise was a cowardly thing to do - and as they approached the end, and she asked him if he would stay with her when she died, he thought she was weak. I don't know if he ever discusses it with anyone, but he feels guilty about her death to this day and sees it as personal failure.
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always thinking about the development of abed and Brittas dynamic. Pov ur Britta and ur starting community collage and u meet a visibly autistic guy in ur Spanish one class and when ur introduced to him u can’t help but think of ur older brother who works with autistic kids and u wonder if ur capable of making positive change in someone’s life the way he does or if ur always going to fuck everything up like everyone says u do, and u befriend this autistic guy in ur Spanish class who realize as u soon become close friends rlly needs a type of daily support that he isn’t and has never been accommodated with and ur like wow, sad, what if I can be the support he needs, and obviously you can’t, bcus ur one person and also u know nothing about autism and also this random man from ur Spanish one class has an acute mission to push u into emotional despair bcus ur earnest desire to help him bcus of ur personal internal conflict combined with ur huge amount of ignorance reminds him of his mother and he wants to consciously emulate his relationship with her with u so that he can use footage of u to make a shitty art film about his childhood trauma and that’s when u realize that u aren’t ur brother and also are stupid asf to think that u can be like ur brother for ur adult friend who is low key having some form of psychotic episode but even still you’ve grown to love this autistic Man U met at ur Spanish one class and it breaks ur heart everyday that u will never be enough to meet his neglected emotional needs so u decide to become a psychology major so that maybe one day u will be adequate enough to do this right, bcus rlly u have a lot of unaddressed existential terror that the world is a cruel unjust place that u are too insignificant to do anything about and it fills the hole in ur heart a little to feel like u are making an impact in at least one vulnerable persons life, but ultimately ur an ignorant and self centered collage student and ur autistic friend from Spanish one loves to remind u that u are not enough and ur attempts to help him will only ever backfire or register to him as infantilizing condescension and as u try to therapize ur adult friend u become the one getting therapied as he turns every attempt of urs on its head so that now u are the one being confronted by ur own psychological problems which eventually come to a head when he comforts u about ur own failure while he’s having a hallucinatory psychotic episode prompted by his mom giving up on him where he tells u in song form that you are “broken” bcus u desperately want to help people but u lack the tools to make any positive change and u cry a whole lot about this bcus from now forward u are forced to reckon with the reality that u are not qualified to fix ur disabled friend bcus ur a psychology student in collage and he has autism and psychosis and childhood trauma and all u can rlly do about that is be a good friend and an adult about it and also accept that ur disabled friend is just as much of a person and an adult as you are and u cant violate his autonomy by using him as a tool for ur own self betterment and now u don’t use ur baby voice on him quite as much bcus you’ve learned that ur friend is going to psychologically torture the shit out of u if u try to be his mom so instead u set ur sights on being his collage friend who he can talk shit with and such and everyone’s just going to try their best
Then pov ur abed and ur like lol. Britta is Talking to me Like im five. What if I stop talking to her to emulate my childhood speech delay so that she’s forced to deal with the burden my mom did and she leaves me like everyone else does so I can make a movie about it. Oops she’s still here. Well, her romantic subplots would make rlly good sitcom storylines in the tv show that is my life. 🍜🍜🍜🍜🍜coolcoll
#If this is gibberish is cuz I’m awake in the middle of the night feverishly scratching the hives on my legs#abed nadir#britta perry#abed community#nbc community#community nbc#community
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pairings: yang jungwon x f! reader
warnings: hybrids + barbed cock + noncon + babytrapping + creampies + breeding + cervix fucking + pregnancy + biting
kitty hybrid! jungwon is so clingy :( he cant help it, needs to be around you all the time n mewls when you deny his cock attention.
when he smells you ovulating he bides his time til you finally fall asleep n slips his dick inside your wet cunt. his barbed cock hurts so good n it wakes you up.
“wonie? what are you —ah — doing?” your kittyboy drops his head on your shoulder n sighs, “please let me fuck you.”
you try to find the nerve to make him stop but you can’t, not when it feels so good. “mkay wonie but you have to pull out.”
he whines in response, “‘m serious! don’t cum inside.” jungwon doesnt reply and you think it’s cus he’s so fucked out n just let him continue his movements.
he’s so close and can’t resist cumming inside, sinks his teeth deep in your neck n it makes you go limp, unable to push him away and the feeling of his load shooting directly into your womb combined with the pain from his bite makes your pussy clench n it’s not long before you reach your own orgasm.
“feels so good, wanna cum in you again,” he purrs, “will let me fill you up, sweetheart? wanna get you pregnant”
you’re too cockdrunk to focus on his words and he takes advantage of your failure to reply. “shouldn’t have even asked ‘s not like i was gonna stop if you said no, baby.”
you can hear the smirk on his face as he continues to plow into you, cockhead kissing your cervix with each thrust. his only mission is to breed you properly n knock you up <3
#flo if u see this : this is for u bc u put jungwon in my head#and now i#have hybrids on my mind 😵💫#decided to use hybrid won an experiment#if u guys want jungwon stuff lmk !!!! maybe i will write more :3#♡.the honeypot#yang jungwon#enhypen#yang jungwon x reader#yang jungwon smut#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut#💌.hybrids#💌.noncon#💌.babytrapping#💌.creampies#💌.breeding#💌.cervix fucking
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You tease Belphegor in bed but he wont have anyone doubting his sincerity, especially not his lover
Partially inspired by @ r0-boat for their takes on degen. Belphegor
"I missed you all week...I cant even sleep when you are gone for so long." He presses kisses to the back of your neck while lazily fucking you from behind. His arms wrapped around you, the positions intimacy makes up for the inevitable awkward thrusts.
"Uh-huh. Im sure you had an awful bout of insomnia" you laughed airely and teased him.
"What? You don't believe me?" Belphegor came to a stop and pulls away enough for you to look at him from the corner of your eye. You give him a sympathetic but wry smile.
"I just think we have different definitions of 'cant sleep'" you curl his hair back behind his ears, a show of affection that always makes his eyes flutter. Belphegor hasnt fully withdrawn from his position though.
He frowns and leans over you, completely bottoming out in the process. While he is reaching for something on the otherside of his bed, you are savoring the smooth hard metal of his piercings against your deepest walls. It feels like they are spinning when he readjusts to sit on his heels, leaving you in want of his warm chest against your back.
"Is this proof enough?" Just as Belphegor asks, something cool and wet hits your back. You reflexively jolt, making him groan.
"What-"
"Cum. Its all I can do while you are gone because I cant sleep. Especially when I know how hard you are working." His voice is a deep purr.
You hear a wet squelch against silicon and another glob of cum hits your back. Even knowing what was coming you still couldnt help but shiver.
"Belphegor Im getting cold" you chide gently, wiggling against him in hopes he will start thrusting.
Instead he squeezes another load out on your ass and follows it with a light slap. Pocket pussy discarded, now both of his hands are rubbing the cum against your skin.
"You work so hard, dont you? Sweet thing." He praises you softly, a privilege for you alone, "dont you need a massage for all those sore muscles?" He does just that, working up your back and spreading around his own cum. You are about to complain again when his knees push yours further apart to bounce his cock into you.
"Yeesss, I do." You moan in agreement, the stickiness on your skin felt uncomfortable but the stretch of his dick made it worthwhile.
"Mh-hm. I used that a lot, was bored and I couldnt sleep. You left me because you were needed elsewhere. I knew you were dealing with those rowdy punks..." his speed begins to pick up and he leaves masseuse-duty to fully grab your stomach and rock your body against his hips.
You can only moan and sigh in response, finally getting what you wanted. He leans against you again, chest pinning your shoulders. The cold metal of his clavicle piercings create a new sensation against your skin as it touches a web of cum.
"We are gonna do this until I can go back to sleep." He punctuates his sentence with a drag of his tongue behind your ear.
It's hard to form sentences and thoughts, Belphegor's pace becomes erratic and jittery. The only warning he can give you before he cums is a raspy moan and the tell-tale choking gasps of his failure to maintain control. Your groan is dwarfed by his own as your hole floods with cum. His hands are tightening on you as he sloppily continues to push into you with a now softening cock.
"All good?" you question him casually while your face is stuffed into the sheets, reaching behind to smooth back his hair. Belphegor is gasping.
"Been cumming so much, didn't realize how sensitive I got." He groans and finally pulls out with a wet squelch. Knowing demon stamina you aren't worried about him tapping out just yet, especially not when his hand slides forward to play with your sex. His rubs himself between your ass cheeks. "Thinking about fucking you."
He leans in close again and pins you to the bed as he reinserts his cock and his hand rubs rough circles against your front. Caught between unrelenting digits that kept teasing you to the point of pain, and his still-quivering thrusts.
"Nhm, Belphegor I'm good I-" You are raising your hips to escape his hand, preferring the stretch of his dick to the burning overstimulation of his fingers.
"Nah, if I hurt then you can hurt a little too, right?" He fully sheathes himself into your hole and begins grinding. With his weight pressing on you, the piercings which had previously been savory ribbing against your walls became hard fixations.
You are clawing at the bed now, wriggling under him as your orgasm rips through you and then slips away to painful but addictive overstimulation.
"Feels good, doesn't it? Being teased until you're all red and swollen. Kept thinkin' about it." Belphegor was rarely this chatty but hours of yearning for you has made him talkative, "my piercings started leavin' impressions on that pocket pussy."
While he talks you come again, it's a good thing he is talking directly into your ear because you are too lightheaded to understand him otherwise.
"Beleth said you would like to have those same marks. Shape you to only fit my dick." His voice is dark and raspy as he cums again, just thinking about it making his balls empty, "So next time you're out there being a little hard worker," He gets hard again, "You're gonna be calling out for me to press you where you need to be pressed."
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Okay heres another Ballerina!reader x Dealer!chris idea:
Reader is WORN OUT from recital practice, but cant rest until she gets that ONE specific part just right (totally not projecting) so shes working on it for HOURS at home (even with the bloody feet, belive me, its a regualr thing) and REFUSES to stop
idk if that makes any sense but yea
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀you're in love
( warnings: angst (a little bit), mentions of blood, cursing, fluff.
( synopsis: chris helps you when things get harder and you can't stop practicing your choreography for the recital.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ꒰͡⠀🩰 𝅄 💸⠀��꒱
Perfectionism. You always were a perfectionist, at school, at university and at ballet. You have the urge to be perfect and thus fuck with your head, because you don't think you can stop until your good enough. Sometimes it seems like you never will be enough and this hurts, causes not only mentally bruises, but physically too.
Well, you're accustomed to this, because it's how your brain works. Even though the pain is killing you, consuming your feet and legs like a plague. Take a deep breath and keep going, that's what you always says.
It's been hours since you're trying to do a step of your choreography perfectly, but for some reason, you can't do it right. Well, not the way you want to do. Your phone buzzing on the floor takes your attention, almost making you fall in the middle of a pirouette, you groan as you lower down to grab. It was Chris, calling you for the fifth time.
"Damn, doll. I've been calling ya', where have you been?" Chris asks through the phone, you huffs opening the cap of the bottle, taking a few sips breathing hard. "What ya' doin'? I'm fishin' some deals, wanna eat something?"
"Thank you, baby, but now I can't." You reply, holding the phone with the shoulder against your ear. You shift your feet, feeling your fingers sore, you groan in pain. "Shit." You murmured.
"Ya' good, doll?" He asks, concerned about his girl. You nod, forgetting for a moment he's not seeing you.
"Yeah, I'm just practicing now." You bite your lower lip, you need to go back to your training. "Uh, baby, what about you brought us some food? I'll have finished when you arrive here."
"Fine, doll, mind if I choose?" You deny, so Chris okay it and turned off.
You finally could go back to your practice, now putting your phone on the mute. You can't stop more, not even for calls. Chris takes more than a half hour to arrive at your place, you didn't even notice when he gets in. The smell of fresh burgers makes your stomach groans, it's been hours since your last meal, but you didn't realize you were starving until now.
"You still doin' that shit? You said you'll be ready when I get home." He says, putting the bags on the kitchen table, he looks at the living room. The couch was out of his usual place, the tv paused on the song of your choreography and you.
You were kinda a mess. Your hair is tied in a messy bun, strands of hair sticking in your sweat forehead and your cheeks red.
"Did you get attacked by a rabid raccoon?" He chuckles, you roll your eyes ignoring him. Chris raised his eyebrows at her sassy behavior, sipping his soda. "Stop that shit, let's eat."
"In a few minutes, I need to finish this." You say, turning the music on again. Chris sits in the corner of the couch, watching you do your choreography. He smiles, he loves to watch you dance, your delicate movements and the way your body moves, drives he crazy. "Fuck!" You scream, visibly frustrated with your dance, Chris frowned his eyebrows, you were perfect for him. He rested his cup on the ground, lifting from the couch to move towards you.
"What's wrong, huh? You were perfect." Chris says, cupping your cheeks with his hands. Tears were pricking in your waterline from the frustration of failure, Chris sighs pulling you closer to his chest, caressing your back with his fingers. "You're doin' great, babydoll."
"I'm not perfect." You sob on his chest, Chris shakes his head moving you to the couch, he sits and puts you on his lap. He holds your chin, making you look at him with your tearing eyes. "If I stop now, I'll not be good enough." You say, trying to get out of his lap, to get back to your practice, but Chris holds your waist, holding you hard.
"You're good enough, doll. You're perfect f'me." Chris said, cleaning your tears with his thumbs. You sniff with a little pouty in the lips, Chris chuckles cupping your cheeks. "You're the best, babydoll." He kisses your nose.
"I don't feel like I am." You whisper, leaning your head to Chris shoulder, he sighs and massages your scalp. "I'm so tired, my feet hurt." You murmured.
"How about you stop for tonight? Tomorrow I can help you with this." He caresses your thighs through the pantyhose.
"You're gonna dance with me?" You ask, lifting your head with a smile on your lips and your eyes sparkling. You always ask Chris to dance with you, but he always denies.
"Of course no, ma." He rolls his eyes, shifting on the couch with you on his legs. You huff, crossing your arms on the chest, Chris laughed undoing the ribbon from the pointe shoe you were wearing. "I said that I'm gonna help you, not dance with you."
"You're so annoying." You say, removing the claw clip of your hair and putting it aside on the couch. Chris tugged off both of your pointe shoes, gently putting on the ground, he rubbed your feet and your fingers.
"I can leave with this." He shakes his shoulders. "Uh, doll? Your feet are bleeding, is that supposed to happen?" Chris asks with a concerned look at you, he frowns his eyebrows when you slightly nod.
"It happens sometimes, it's okay." You say, caressing his shoulder, you offer him a gentle smile, saying that's everything ok. He rubbed your legs, still worrying about your bloody feet.
"Let me take care of this, 'kay?" He kisses your jaw, gently putting you on the couch.
Chris cleaned the blood from your hurt feet, putting curatives on your fingers, he also put ice and massaged until the pain was gone. He didn't let you walk to the kitchen table, he brought the food to the couch and put on tv your favorite show, he makes sure you're comfortable and good. After finishing eating, he ran you a bath with your favorite products — he's favorite also, because he loves how you'll smell after shower — and he didn't let you move a finger, because he does all the work and you don't complain.
In your bedroom, laying on the bed and under the blanket with all of your stuffed animals on the floor, Chris caresses your thighs with his finger, kissing your lips passionately. Your hands resting on his chest, scratching a bit with your nails, a smile grows in your face when he breaks the kiss.
"You're really not gonna dance with me?" You ask, with a little pouty in your lips.
"Not doin' that shit, go to sleep." Chris says, rolling his blue eyes and lifting to turn the nightstand lamp off. The last sound in the room before the silence was the sound of your laugh, before Chris held your waist and pulled you closer.
he's just a boy in love (but he doesn't know lol) ;)
tags ; @lizzymacdonald06 @deliciousluminaryanchor @lushjunkie @sweetreliever @watercolorskyy @ivysturnss @brianna-grace12 @blahbel668 @gabri3la-sturns @strnlxlqve @stvrnzcherries @unknvhx @pvssychicken @all4l0vee @i4longhairchris @sluttybitchformattsturniolo @sophand4n4 @sturniololetstrip2
taglist | masterlist
#chrisbesitos 𝜗ৎ#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#ballerina!reader#dealer!chris#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris x reader#chris sturniolo x y/n#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo blurb#chris sturniolo imagine
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