#and that one anon in my other blog who almost got me to cry just because they said “i love your writing” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

depravitycentral · 1 year ago

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im sorry if this is a lame ask, but i just had the idea and thought i would share it to see if it would strike any inspo! of course on this blog you’ve talked about all the things our beloved troupe members are into, but have you ever considered what their absolute turn offs are? like things that pull them out of the mood almost immediately? or kinks that would seem to fit certain members, but end up not being their thing for one reason or another

Ooh yes anon this strikes inspo !!

This is a good point - it's all fine and dandy to imagine sex with your yandere as being so bad but so good, as if they know every secret, dirty kink and fantasy you have. (That's because they do know, whether through extensive stalking, pouring through your search histories, or raw, natural sexual chemistry with you. They all think they've got that last one, but normally any positive sexual encounters between the two of you will be a consequence of the former two rather than the latter.)

But of course, everyone has turn offs, and while your yandere would be willing to do pretty much anything to please you, even the most obsessed, unhinged yanderes have a few hard, fast exceptions.

I'm assuming you meant just hxh yanderes for this, so let's proceed moving forward with that in mind! If you meant for another fandom, please let me know and I'd be happy to discuss those yanderes too <3

Let's discuss !!

(Tw for petnames, watersports, recording, anal, pegging, crying, hitting, and other smutty things)

Chrollo Lucilfer is pretty hard to frazzle in bed, and is one of those who have done extensive, eager research into both your own personal sexual preferences, and made educated guesses on kinks that seem to correlate with ones he already knows you possess. That said, Chrollo himself isn't especially risky in bed - he'll indulge you, sure, but he doesn't have a strong desire to try anything especially crazy unless you're a big fan. And while he'll let you have your fun (particularly in the beginning of your sexual relationship, just because promising you that he'll choke you or dominate you or whatever else you may like just to get you into bed with him and somewhat willing, just because he needs to pleasure you and get you warming up to him) , most of the time sex with him is quite vanilla. He's open to listening to whatever you want, with one very, very large exception: there is no amount of pleading or bargaining that will let you peg him. He doesn't inherently believe that men should always be dominant over women, but he does believe that he should always be dominant over you. And if you were to peg him, this power structure would collapse, allowing you too much control over both his pleasure and him. He doesn't mind being in a more physically submissive position (he'll never deny you when you straddle him and tell him that you're in charge for the evening, the only response you get being a twinkle in his eye, a soft smirk and a hummed we will see, my love), but the idea of you fucking him just rubs him the wrong way. He's more vulnerable with you than he is anyone else, but Chrollo has his limits. (Besides, the idea of absolutely falling apart for you is both alluring and terrifying, because the moment you discover his prostate, he'll be a gasping mess, his cheeks tinged a light pink and his grip on the sheets below him very, very tight. It would be embarrassing, and he can't allow you to see him in such a weak position - it would derail all the hard work he's done to convince you that you need him.)

Feitan Portor really detests being called Daddy. He thinks it's weird, and even if you - sweet, perfect, irritatingly attractive you - were to say it, he still wouldn't like it. There's just something about it that rubs him the wrong way - it feels too paternal, and while he doesn't remember having a family in any biological capacity, it still just makes his skin crawl. He won't get soft immediately upon hearing you say it (he's always just slightly hard when you're in his vicinity, so rarely ever is he truly flaccid around you), but he'll need to pull out and take a breather, mentally trying to erase the sound of the petname rolling off your tongue. He can deal with other petnames - he'd be okay with sir, if only because he's always kind of had a thing for roleplaying, or at least having some sort of overarching power dynamic present during sex, and being called sir would place him in a position of absolute authority, meaning he could do whatever he wants to you and you'd just obediently obey. (You already kind of do, too scared to say no to him, but it doesn't feel as authentic - he feels less comfortable, more vulnerable and exposed and raw, and he doesn't like that.) You could even call him master if you really wanted to - similarly, it feeds his desire for playing a powerful, dominant role, but he doesn't have any sort of particularly liking towards maid costumes or anything of the sort, so it wouldn't do too much for him. He's good with nearly anything else you could throw at him, but never Daddy. Frankly, he really just prefers his own, actual name - it just sounds so damn good when you gasp it, the sound going straight to both his cock and heart.

Phinks Magcub's brows always get pinched and his lips quirk down when he thinks about the idea of you bleeding during sex. It makes his hands itch, this protectiveness welling up inside him that makes him antsy and nervous and jittery, the energy all pent up and needing to be released because god, he doesn't like seeing you hurt. Even if it makes you feel good, your moans increasing because of the pain twinged pleasure, he's unwilling to indulge you - he couldn't bring himself to purposefully make you bleed, and while he does occasionally (often) leave you bruised and incredibly sore after having his way with you, that's a whole different thing from seeing that crimson color against your pretty skin. It just makes him uncomfortable - if you asked nicely enough he'd consider maybe lightly slapping you or getting rough with you (though he's already pretty rough when he gets lost in the moment - finger shaped bruises litter your body and hickeys dance along your collarbone and neck), but he'll draw the line at drawing blood. (Similarly, he doesn't really want to bleed himself either, but he'd be more willing to be in the position of pain than putting you into that position of pain. Besides, it might help him last longer, the pleasure warded off by negative stimulation - and god knows Phinks needs all the help he can get in delaying his orgasms.)

Uvogin is pretty adventurous in bed, all things considered, but even he has a few hard turn offs, one of which being degrading you. He doesn't mind calling you needy or possessive terms of endearment, but anything with even a slight negative connotation is always preceded by a 'my', so that when he's calling you a slut it always becomes my slut. Even then, he doesn't like doing this - his natural default when he's naked with you is to be praising you, because those are honestly the thoughts running through his mind when he's got his hands on you and he's feeling your soft skin against his. He genuinely only has good, lustful, reverent things to say about your body and the fact that he's getting to touch, kiss, squeeze, and fuck you, and he's not shy about telling the truth. And so, if you were to request for him to degrade you a bit in bed or be a little meaner, he'll oblige, but it'll feel just slightly forced, his words not holding their usual deep, growling timber that always sends shivers down your spine. He ends up compromising by mixing praise and degradation, but absolutely destroying you with his thrusts and well placed circles on your clit, channeling all the harsh, humiliating energy of verbal degradation instead into how he assaults your body with an overwhelming amount of pleasure. He just doesn't like the idea of lying to you, even if it turns you on in this context, because it just feels wrong to tell you that you're only a hole for me to fuck, and holes don't talk. You're not - you're so much more than that, and he doesn't want you to think otherwise. Hell no, not with all the work he's put into making you get comfortable with him and want him. One roll around on the liviing room floor (he'd gotten impatient and didn't feel like making the thirty step journey to the bedroom) isn't worth reversing months worth of warming you up to him. Not even if you leave his back scratched up or end up so stuffed full of his cum that you're literally leaking.

Nobunaga Hazama is, frankly, just thankful and elated that you're touching him. He's delusional, compeltely out of touch with reality, and fucking weird, but he's also a major sap and literally gets heart eyes everytime he sees you. And so, in the bedroom he wants everything to be as close and sensual as possible, and for every bit of pleasure and love shared between the two of you to be expressed in full. This, of course, includes any and all noises he draws out of you - that is, Nobunaga has to have you gasping and keening and moaning. He's loud himself, and he expects sex to be full of wanton cries and a cacophany of sound; one that you are expected to eagerly contribute to. And if you don't deliver? Well, Nobunaga will just try harder, licking at your faster or thrusting harder or pinching tighter - anything and everything to get you to make a damn sound, to give stop him from having to confront the reality that you aren't enjoying this nearly as much as he is. He gets turned off when you're quiet, which is a real bummer if you aren't naturally loud - you have to be, because he won't quite until you are, even if that takes hours and hours and hours.

Alternatively, Franklin Bordeau can tell when you're faking it, and he doesn't like that. At all. He doesn't want your forced moans or fabricated shaking or anything that isn't real - he wants you, your genuine reactions to his touch, and your genuine personality in bed. He doesn't want you to sound like some pornstar - with your moans constant and high and shrill and more pained than pleasured - for two main reasons, the first of which being that it's just annoying. He's never understood the allure of a woman screaming during sex, and even in the context of actual, real pleasure, it still makes him uncomfortable. It's too close to the sounds he hears when he's working a heist - he doesn't want you to sound like them, because he has no intentions of hurting you and just the mere thought of you bloodied is enough to get him soft immediately and clutching onto you like you'll disappear any moment. The second reason why he doesn't want you to be forcing anything is because although he's decently confident in his sexual abilities, he knows he isn't making you feel that good. He's sure him fingering you isn't capable of getting you gasping and whining his name constantly - sure, it feels good, and you'll probably moan and sigh, but still. When he's fucking you, he's hopeful that you'll cry out his name, but he knows you shouldn't be screaming and rythmically, shrilly moaning. He values honesty, and hearing your real, raw reactions to his touch and his presence feels a thousand times more pleasurable than anything you could ever forcibly manufacture - especially your orgasms. He can always tell when you're faking, so don't try it. Don't.

Honestly, it's pretty difficult to get Shalnark turned off. He's kinky, adventurous, and misinterprets a lot of your responses during sex - he likes to think you're just as wild as he is, and even when you clearly don't like something, he still thinks seeing you struggle is just as arousing. (Besides, most of the time he will get you to orgasm - and seeing the internal dilemma of hating what he's doing alongside the pleasure you can't hold back is absolutely delicious.) That said, there are very specific situations that Shalnark doesn't find any attraction in - specifically, he absolutely is not willing to be cucked. Having another person in the room while he fucks you hard enough to make you cry isn't a problem at all - on the contrary, he's very, very interested in that idea, because having another man watch him claim you makes both his possessiveness and nostrils flare, his palms getting sweaty and his pants feeling tight. Cucking, on the other hand, implies that there's someone else touching you - another person sullying you, getting their disgusting hands on your perfect skin that's all his his his, and that's just simply unacceptable. He didn't go through all that trouble of kidnapping you and keeping you in a secure location just to have you touched, fucked, loved by another man. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or someone Shalnark trusts with his life - you will not be getting intimate with another soul for the rest of your life, simply because he firmly sees you as his property, and him yours. So don't even bother bringing the idea up - he'll fuck you in front of the stranger, no problem, but they're prohibited to strictly watching. (Or, maybe, they'd be good at helping get those camera angles that are really tough to capture - right up in your face, or right zoomed into where his length - flushed red and swollen - is sinking into you over and over, the home video the perfect thing to watch tonight as he cuddles you to sleep.)

Alternatively, Machi Komacine can't stomach the thought of doing anything public. It's not that she fears getting caught, but rather that it makes her uncomfortable that anyone could see the two of you. Someone could just pass by and happen to get an eyeful of you - your pretty skin and curves, your lovely body that her eyes always seem to get stuck on, watching, wanting, yearning. She's not spontaneous in any way when it comes to sex, and she just doesn't see the allure of the risk or danger involved. She's too possessive; it takes her so long to even allow herself to see you naked, and to have a stranger do that and even see your face while she's pleasuring you, while you're coming? The thought makes her nen flare up, the urge to wrap you in her arms and keep the world from even catching a glimpse of you only growing stronger. Even aside from her possessiveness, the idea of doing something where others could see you makes her nervous, too, because Machi isn't entirely confident in her abilities to actually please you in the bedroom. Sure, she understands female anatomy and has a good sense of what you like from all that stalking, but actually doing it? That's a different thing entirely - and the pressure of pleasing you coupled with the pressure of other people potentially watching her struggle makes her feel uncomfortable, a foreign, heavy sense of self doubt settling heavily in her gut. It's just not for her - sex belongs in the bedroom, or perhaps the couch or kitchen table. Not outside of your 'shared' apartment, and certainly not where someone else could get an eyeful of what's hers.

Pakunoda will still jump on the opportunity to pleasure you and be pleasured, but in general she'll be hesitant if the both of you are still fully clothed. She doesn't see the appeal of clothed sex - she wants you completely bared to her, utterly raw, your body on display for her to worship and touch and mark. She thinks keeping the clothing on is not only impractical, but diminishes the intimacy between the two of you. You'll get all sorts of sticky, hard to clean things staining the clothes, and because she can be a little snobby about materialistic delights like luxury clothing, she's not exactly keen on getting your slick all over her nice clothes. (Although, she wouldn't be entirely opposed to having your slick all over her skin, like you're leaving a mark of possession on her. Just not the clothes.) Clothes stop her from being able to fully explore your body, and, as much as she'd never admit it, when you have your clothing on it makes it much harder to use her nen on you. That is, while it makes her feel a little dirty and slimy, she will be using her ability to dig into your memories for any information on your kinks and fantasies, just because she wants to make sex as perfect and pleasurable for you as she possibly can. So shed the layers with her - it makes things so much better. Plus, the sight of you bare and squirming underneath her, looking all pretty and submissive and cute is certainly a drool worthy sight.

All things considered, Shizuku Murasaki is actually kind of picky about sex. She likes things to be her way or the highway, and as her darling you'll be forced to go along with all of her preferences and wants. And while she loves all things oral, there are a few things she's absolutely unwilling to do. Namely, while she worships you and cherishes you as much as a mass-murderer can, she will not indulge you in anything involving your asshole. It's a cleanliness thing for her; she knows you're clean (she'd just bathed with you this morning and personally hand washed you, paying very, very careful attention to your cunt), but she has a mental block against having her mouth anywhere near that part of you. She's always felt this way with every partner she's had - she just doesn't understand the allure of anal, whether that be fingering, oral, or penetration. She'd much, much rather pay attention to other areas of your body - your pussy, your thighs, your breasts, your mouth. She'll always shy away when she's got her face between your legs, but unfortunately for you, this courtesy does not extend to you too. She doesn't expect you to do anything with her ass, but she certainly won't stop you if you're getting too close, or if you get the desire. She'll just blink at you and tell you to be careful, then pull your head in by your hair and get you closer and closer and closer, enjoying the experience despite herself. Shizuku is a little hypocritical in a lot of aspects in sex, but this is one particular area where she's absolutely unfair.

Hisoka Marrow is a freak in every sense of the word. Genuinely, there is very, very little you could do that would cause him to fall out of the mood, or to rid him of the insistant, raging boner nearly everything you do gives him. He'll try anything once, and he firmly believes in keeping your sex life interesting and varied. That said, he certainly has preferences, and one thing that sits quite low on his list of preferred bedroom activities is to be worshipped. It's not that he doesn't want your attention and praise (he does, urgently), but rather that there's something about the position of being the one drowned in compliments and confessions of love that makes him a little uncomfortable. Perhaps it's because he's not used to being in such a submissive, vulnerable position, or maybe it's because he doesn't feel like he's got enough control of the situation. It doesn't really matter, because Hisoka will always send teasing remarks your way when you get the courage to be the dominant one, and that will almost always derail you enough to get you steering away from any territory that gets dangerously close to becoming too vulnerable and real for him. He loves you in his own twisted, strange way, but he's not ready to open himself up fully to you, to let you take full charge and just take care of him. He may never be ready, really, so any dreams you have of fully dominating him and reducing him to a trembling, fucked out mess will have to remain just that - dreams.

In general, Illumi Zoldyck will try most things you suggest. It's not that he's especially adventurous in the bedroom, but rather that you're the first person he's ever had any sexual contact with, and everything with you feels good, so he wants to try it all. He has very few boundries when it comes to you, and so consequently, there aren't too many things that turn him off. However, he does have two surefire things that he'll immediately and vehemently outright refuse. Firstly, he will absolutely not wear any protection. He turns his nose at the thought of condoms, and will only laugh in your face if you suggest using them for obvious reasons. He will be entering you in the most natural way possible, and he will be finishing as deeply inside of you as he can manage. Secondly, he absolutely will not allow another person to be involved in your sex life. There will be no third person in your bed, no other person for you to be pleasuring and be pleasured by. There is only you and Illumi - it's your sex life, and it makes his possessiveness flare up to dangerous proportions to imagine another person seeing you in such a vulnerable, intimate position. So really, don't even bother bringing up the idea - he won't even consider it, already shooting it down before you're finished getting the sentence out. (And after he finishes lecturing you about how another man or woman has no place in your bed, he'll promptly fuck you right then and there - no matter where you are - just to prove his point. He's all you need, after all.)

Sex with Kurapika Kurta is soft and sensual. It can be a little rougher if he's had a particularly bad day, or if he's recently had a run in with the Troupe, but for the most part he makes love rather than fucks. And because of this, he really, really doesn't like seeing you cry during sex. It makes him uncomfortable, his instincts begging him to comfort you and eliminate whatever caused your tears. He associates crying with the early days of when he'd kidnapped you, back when you were still terrified of him and much too scared to even stand to look at him, much less allow him to touch you. And particularly in the context of sex, he does not want to be reminded of all the horrible things he's done to you - things are good now, happy, and you've finally come around to the idea that he loves you, that you'll spend the rest of your life with him. And so, the moment there are tears beading at your eyes, he's immediately going soft, his palms cupping your cheeks as he stares wildly at you, asking in a rushed, still breathless voice if you're alright, if you're hurt, if you're upset and who he needs to kill to right this wrong. He overreacts, and it always, always turns into either self hatred aimed at himself for ruining your happiness, or a bloodthirsty desire to kill whoever is upsetting you. The only exception to his hatred of you crying is when it's done because you're too overstimulated, the pleasure too much for you to even process. When you're so fucked out from the pleasure he gave you, then the tears are acceptable. He still doesn't like them all that much, but it's at least a sign that he's treating you well, that he's able to make you feel good and pleasured, and it makes pride swell in his chest. So in general, try not to cry in front of him - he goes flaccid in mere seconds, his protective nature ramping up and any semblance of sexiness gone immediately.

When Leorio Paradinight has you in bed, he's almost in a state of utter awe, almost unable to really process what's going on. He's just so incredibly aroused by you, even if you're just laying beside him with your clothes fully on, and because of this he's game to try pretty much anything you want in bed. He's genuinely just so fucking excited to be with you that he'll do basically anything you want, no matter how degrading or gross or off the wall. That said, however, he doesn't really understand the appeal of pet play. He doesn't harbor any fantasies of you donning a set of bunny ears or a tail or anything of the sort, simply because he doesn't really like fantasies that change you, even if it's something as trivial as your ears. He thinks of you as perfection, and that includes every proportion of your body, every freckle, mole, hair and blemish you could have, and he doesn't want to pretend that you aren't exactly who - and what - you are. Besides, he just doesn't see the appeal; he wants you to talk and moan for him when he's touching you, not have you purr or whine or any other animal noise. He thinks it's a little weird, if he's being honest, and while he'll begrudgingly agree if you beg him to try it out (he'll do anything to see you smile, after all), his orgasm won't come as pathetically easily as normal. This extends to pet play where he's the one dressing up as a pet, too - he's more likely to enjoy it this way, but there's something humiliating about the butt plug tail and the fox ears, and it's humiliating in all the wrong ways. He's just not too big of a fan - now if you wanted to get some sort of ownership roleplay going that didn't involve pets or animals, he'd be all over that - the moment you refer to yourself as mommy or his mistress, he's practically creaming his pants, getting on his knees for you and begging for you to touch him. (And maybe even step on him, depending on how needy he's feeling that day.)

Razor, despite sometimes losing control in bed and getting a little rougher than he means to, will never willingly hit you in bed. He doesn't like the idea of slapping you. He might gently pat your ass when you're bouncing on top of him, but it's only just enough to make you yelp, only enough to make a slight smack noise of skin against skin. Hitting you - even in the context of sexual pleasure - reminds him too much of his younger days, back when he was a criminal and was much less controlled, much more dangerous. And really, that's the last thing he wants you to see him as - he wants you to take comfort in him, to want him to hold you and touch you, and he's sure that even if you want him to get rough with you and manhandle you, to smack your cheek and tell you to behave for him, you will start associating him with pain and violence. And he just can't have that - not after all the work he's gone through to prove that despite kidnapping you, he's not the monster you think he is. (Besides, there's just something more meaningful about softer, sweeter sex - he's fucked more women than he'd care to admit, but you're the first one he's gone slow with, the first one he's really taken his time with. And while it might be stupid, that makes you different in his eyes - like he's saved something special for you, like the passionate, romantic side of him that comes out when he's got you naked and stretched out on his fingers is something only you'll ever get to see.)

Another man who tries to keep things a bit vanilla in the bedroom (not for the same reasons as Razor, but rather because he just genuinely prefers more intimate and tame sex) is Knuckle, who can't stand the thought of recording your intimate times. He does objectively think the idea is a bit hot, but he's too worried that somehow the recordings will get leaked, that somehow other people will get their hands on precious recordings of him making love to you, of him making you moan and sigh and fall apart on his tongue and fingers and cock. He views the time you both spend together in the sheets as being almost sacred, like something special that's reserved only for the two of you, and having a camera rolling would just make everything feel too impersonal. It would make him nervous, too, because he'd want to rewatch the tapes with you just so he can see your face the whole time (he tends to lose himself the closer he gets to his orgasm, and always buries his face in your neck to try and make himself last longer, so he misses seeing your facial expressions when he's finishing inside you), but he'd be worried about the way he looks, about whether he looks attractive to you, dominant to you, sexy to you. However, despite his reservations about recording himself fucking you, he will photograph you in the pretty, feminine lingerie he buys for you. He'll get a new color or cut, and have you try on the set, posing for the camera while he takes a few shots, his pants visibly straining around his swollen cock because god, you look good. He'll keep the photographs in his pants pocket and never, ever share them, always looking back at them when he's away on missions and missing you. He's a bit hypocritical, but the moment a camera gets trained on him, he's turning red and clamming up.

Morel is another one who's very flexible in the bedroom, and would be difficult to completely turn off. However, one thing that Morel just simply can't get behind is watersports. He'll try it, if you really beg him to, but he just doesn't like it. It feels unsanitary to him (and god, the mess), but even beyond that it just feels a little degrading, and not in a good way. If you really, really pushed him on it, he'd give in and do as you please, reluctantly forcing himself to release onto you, but the entire time he'd be feeling guilty, discomfort eating at him because isn't it horribly disrespectful to be literally pissing on you? He loves you, and it just sits wrong with him. He'll refuse after that first time, and while he's not particularly into it, if you really, really wanted to, he'd let you reverse the roles. He's not particularly eager to have you wet yourself or piss on him, but that's better because now at least you're the one in the position of power. Plus, you're begrudgingly a little cute when you get all embarrassed about it. But still, it's most definitely not something he desires, and while he'd entertain your fantasies once in a blue moon, it certainly won't be a regular occurrence in your sex life together.

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olderthannetfic · 9 months ago

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People going to you to say they didn't like a book instead of just posting that in their own blog and blocking the rabid fans is so fucking sad to me. Is this where we're at? Instead of blocking the sea of lost teens and 20-somethings in the dark academia tag who try to use "dark academia" as a substitute for having to develop their own interests and hobbies, we're now going to whisper on anon, "I don't like this one book"? That's how scared of negative interaction people are? It's the dark academia fandom. They're morons. They don't even argue with you that The Secret History is good, they reply with your post quoted and emojis inserted inbetween every sentence and think they're big smarty smart-smarts who showed you, or they say you didn't get it. "The fandom is absolutely insane" by what metric? Speaking as someone who's been sent suicide bait, death threats, rape threats, pictures of dead animals, Holocaust pics and actual CSEM by other fandoms, if you're too afraid of someone replying, "wow lmao ur not smart like us u no get it" or spamming your original post's text with emojis, maybe you're not old enough to be on tumblr or be reading a book aimed at adults.

The fact that people are now so afraid of pushback that they won't even say they dislike something off anon is honestly really pathetic. This is like people on Reddit who say, "I wouldn't say this if I weren't deleting my account later today, but I don't like MCU movies." It's the same vibe and I have the same question: you know you can just block people if they cry about shit you say, right? I got sent a dead rat once by a Yandere Simulator fan and the police + a restraining order is basically blocking but for RL, but most people in the fandom for The Secret History aren't going to actually interact with another person. They don't even usually bother to write fic or make art for it, they just repost quotes from it with some pics they swiped off of Pinterest for it.

Those are the people who you're so afraid of that you can't even say, "I don't like a book" lest they hurt you. You're afraid of Pinterest moodboard makers who ask things like, "what religion is the most dark academia? I want to convert to that" with a straight face who think wearing a white button-down shirt and brown pants makes them the embodiment of wealth and class and quiet luxury.

As someone who's actually had interactions with crazy fans IRL - especially Star Wars fans, as they're almost all frothing at the mouth to rant about how much they hate Star Wars - I am happy to report that this is a survivable thing and not one you need to be so afraid of that you don't dare mention it for fear of backlash.

Speak freely. Block people. Move on. Their tears are embarrassing for them, not you.

I spent some time in anon spaces, and it felt like a nice break at the time... but I have to say, I really notice the difference now that I'm findable again. For all the shit that comes my way, a hell of a lot of people have tried to befriend me over the last few years. I wouldn't have met any of them if I hadn't been visible.

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tayloralisonswift · 11 months ago

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i'm researching bettygate and received this a few weeks ago. it's really important to read. bettygate was not just one night + it was much worse than we thought. i've made tiny cuts here and there because apparently tumblr has a word limit. it has to be under read more but please do!!

The truth is that I experienced Bettygate firsthand and I was surprised to come across this post and discover that there are people who still think about it and give it the importance it needs. At that time I was 17, so I was still a minor and had a blog for just a couple of years. I was a gaylor or rather kaylor, but despite following some theories and blogs, I did it mainly out of fanaticism and entertainment. If I ever made a post or posted a photo about it, it was out of pure innocence and humor, in the same way I get excited about a couple from a tv-show, although now I am aware that we are talking of real people and it's not appropriate. I did everything out of respect and ignorance though. I suppose, I felt comfortable with the community and made great friends, as I felt I was in a safe space where I could be myself and vibe with other queer swifties who felt the lyrics of her songs in the say way I do. That was freedom for me and it really felt like home. Maybe that was my mistake, I got to the point where I felt "too safe" and confident in this space, in theory free of judgment.

But then it happened. At first I began to receive anon insults and death threats, although I did not take them seriously and I continued to feel safe. Then they started to be daily and several times a day, so I ended up turning anon off. After a few weeks, I began to receive messages (both asks and private message) from newly created blogs, without a profile photo or anything, that threatened me more seriously so that I would stop talking (the threats were increasingly serious and more explicit, demanding me to commit suicide). From then on I began to be more afraid. Out of pure ignorance, I didn't realize that inside my blog I had an "about me" section where I also linked my socials (twitter and instagram) in case my friends and other swifties wanted to follow me in good faith and find me on other networks. That was the biggest mistake I ever made, that I have sadly learned not to repeat, which is why today I am so cautious with my privacy. The thing is that one of them managed to get my instagram and started threatening me there too, but this time it did alarm me. They were following me for several months and somehow managed to access personal data and even follow my own relatives that I had there (my family and my parents, above all, are very conservative and religious here in latam. Today although I am of legal age they still don't know about my sexual orientation and relationships, everything is taboo. I don't have a very good relationship with my father either and at that moment I'm sure that if he had found out about all of this he would have thrown me out of the house). But this person even told me my parents' names, and the area where I lived, and that if I didn't stop talking about conspiracy theories or expressing my gaylor feelings out loud, even if it was only about songs, they were going to make a move and talk to my parents, and tell them the "kind of person I was". That's when the world came crashing down on me, I was terrified. I took screenshots of all the conversations and deleted all my socials, including Instagram, something that also surprised my family and that I couldn't explain to them. But since they still had my parents' accounts, I was terrified and crying every day thinking that at some point, they would be able to talk to them. I became obsessed with this and was really depressed for almost a year. After a few months I couldn't take it anymore and decided to go back to tumblr, in case I found something else or there was someone talking about it. Maybe people had exposed those who attacked gaylors in such a cruel way, or maybe they had rectified and apologized for it. But no, there was nothing. No one was talking about it anymore, it was as if everything had been a nightmare that had evaporated. I realized that many of the blogs I followed, including friends, deactivated and since I no longer had any socials, I had no way to find them and regain contact or ask them about their own situation. Everything was gone. I felt very alone and disconcerted. I couldn't talk to anyone... Not even in private, and I never again felt comfortable or safe enough to post the slightest queer comment regarding Taylor and her music. I didn't even talk about my sexual orientation anymore or write it in my bio. At least it made me less anxious to know that my parents never received any strange comments or any type of threat. But just in case, although I was about to bring up the subject, I couldn't bring myself to risk it and as I saw that everything around me had returned to calm, I decided to try to forget about it in order to heal and so I deleted all the screenshots and everything that linked me to what happened. I became a new blog from scratch, someone who apparently wasn't even here when it happened, with almost a new identity (I now use another name online), without exposing any type of privacy and I decided to limit myself to reblog the photos of my favorite artist and not get into discourse, not even expressing my opinions too much, except for some vague comments in tags, up until this moment.

I'm sorry if the text is too long, I tried to explain myself the best I could and again I don't know if any of this is going to be helpful at all. Selfishly, I think I needed to get it off my chest after so much time in silence. I just wish some people get to see it and be aware of how serious a seemingly harmless case like this one can become.

#thank you anon. i love you so much #anon is on rn so you or anyone else are welcome to share more #i love you i love you i'm so glad you're okay i love you.#bettygate #tw suicide #(threats)

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russilton · 1 year ago

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Im new here and i must say that ur blog is a treasure to me (no dramatic). I enjoy ur postings a lot and I admire you sooo much!

It's a fascinating ship BUT sadly not a lot of people have realized this point i may say. and Im wondering when did you start to ship them? (cuz u know, the No1 gewis fan i may say? lol). Like when george came to merc? or even before? or it's like some special moments and everything suddenly clicks?

(feel free to ignore this if you don't wanna answer(but im lookin forward to it 😜)

Well anon you got me blushing at 10am, thank you very much

Wildly, I can give you the exact moment I started shipping it, because I documented it on discord.

See I’d sent @thatsmemate a gif of Bono earlier that day while explaining f1 to her, and she’d said Lewis and Bono looked like they were carnally in love, which to be fair in that gif they absolutely did. Then she went to bed, and I, a man with the flu and access to an ao3 account, did what any normal person does, and went “huh I wonder if there’s fic about Lewis on ao3”

And there sure was (fic is censored because I didn’t end up personally enjoying it but that’s not the authors fault, I just didn’t vibe with top George)

As we can all guess, it did indeed open Pandora’s box, because nobody reads just one fic when they’re sick.

I do truly wonder had my first f1 rpf fic been sewis or galex if I’d be here now- I really don’t know! I can explain to you all the reasons gewis is so vibrant and important and meaningful to me, but I also know I imprint like a duck, and it may have been the fact that it was the first fic I read and I went “well, this is awesome, I would like more” and then when I tried other ships it just… didn’t do anything for me? I mean I was well aware of and still follow the sewis sub reddit but never felt inclined to the fic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I also blame @hamiltvn and @danielssmile for having posted fics that knocked me on my ass when I started reading gewis , like can’t argue with quality)

Whatever it was, it clicked with me, and while I tried to go “this is weird they’re real people we can’t read this” I just… kept going back all while watching the races. I’d already gotten SO fond of George at Merc as it was, I was a fan of his before he signed with them, and while I was sad when he was signed over Val, I was also excited as all hell. Val seemed like Merc was taking a huge toll on him, and George was so silly but incredibly committed.

I can also give you the moment it clicked. I was on IG, recommended to me between races, Merc had posted a clip of Lewis interrupting George’s Australia interview to hug him, and George’s face just… wobbles. When he comes back to the interview his lip quivers and he has to take a breath, he looks happy but so very ready to cry… that was it for me, I just sat there and though oh, you adore him, of course you do.

I have shown this clip to so many gewis people who do not feel the same way about it I do, which is fascinating but I spose we can’t decide what our spark is can we? This was just it for me, and it’s only gotten worse seeing George flourish as his own person, he’s not just… chasing Lewis now, but valued as his own person, WHILE still putting Lewis at the centre of his focus and admiration. He’s no longer standing within a shadow- he’s growing out of it while remaining firmly rooted in that emotion of respect.

AND Lewis gives it back hand over fist the more he describes George as the push that helps keep him driving, the more he sees George as an almost equal

I only get more in love with them, even if they frustrate me and their team frustrate me and their fans… sure are loud. They bring me joy.

#asks #anonymous #mark talks Britcedes #I think I’ve told this story before but I’m one of those old people

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pffbts · 6 months ago

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Well, it's one of those midnight where I stay awake, blinding my eyes with some contents of the phone that content me, comfort me. And I happened to stumble across your works, no scratch that, they aren't mere works anymore. Im not here to disturb you or distract you. I'm well aware of the goodbye that you bid to us. But...I don't know, I feel so connected with your words? Connected with the way you wrote? I know I'm blabbering, but I don't know, something in me said that I should definitely write this for you. I'm just thankful for whatever you left here for us, im thankful that I found you, your blog. Something about your whole blog is delicate, comforting, welcoming. And I happened to need that to fill my heart with some sort of reassurance even though I have this accompanied bittersweet feeling. I'm just truly, truly, grateful for the miracles you wrote. I was honestly crying, it made me feel better. I don't know how to evince this huge reverence I suddenly got over you.

But I'm just, thankful. So,so, thankful.

(this is a long reply, i'm extremely sorry)

“I don’t know how to evince this huge reverence I suddenly got over you.”

at 8 in the morning when you wake up, after the glaring indian sun hits your face and you read such words woven together into such a string of emotions, to be fair, what did i even expect to feel other than bittersweet happiness and a bit flabbergasted?

i wish there were words more meaningful than the boring ‘thank you(s)' because truly, you’ve left me speechless. all i can say is that my imperfect heart receives your praises and thoughts with all the warmth in the world and i hope even the lil bit of that warmth traverses through all the time zones that divide us against our wishes and gives you strength to carry on with your life, @tannedami.

regardless of my absence, i still want my blog to be one of the many corners for a breath of relief for all of you. this was once my escape, i'm grateful that the place i escaped to, a home i built amidst all my griefs became a shade under which you all take a breather from the glaring sun that represents each and every one of your lives.

it was the sole reason i left my blog untouched. i deleted not a single one of my letters or fics. i kept them all, even the unfinished and imperfect ones. my only hope was that in my farewell in every sense, a piece of me will always stay on the internet to give you all solace. in a world that flows parallel to yours, mine and all of the others, i hope my words move close to your home just to feel the air that surrounds you. in that world, my words carry all your griefs and your shortcomings like wearing rings that have all of your's names engraved on the insides.

[ID: “Even without knowing each other’s stories, we create moments of love that bridge the gap.”]

thank you for making me remembered as someone whom you pass by once in a while when you’re walking back home and that will always be enough.

this ask of yours reminded me a lot of some of those memorable asks from the past in this blog. an anon once wanted to write down the 2-part dad!hobi fic i wrote once as requested by them (tbh i found it a bit silly but at the same time quite endearing), another once sent me a dm about how they have screenshotted a letter they requested once during my talk to bangtan requests and now or then they would go back and read it for comfort. i also remember someone a year or two ago said how i almost saved their life during a low moment of their life and i still cannot for the life of me comprehend all these affections that i once and still now get from readers like you who take strolls through my little humble blog. you all should know that as much as you guys tell me how much i comfort you, these words from you all give me the strength to push the stubborn boulders that stand in my wretched life's road and keep walking on. life will keep happening and i will fight on as much as i can. i might always still wish i didn’t stay to see the new morning of the next day, but i want to keep myself going till there’s nothing left of me.

and, you and everyone must do the same. you have to. after all, there must be a reason why we were born into this damned world, right? even in passing, we must live a little in the minds of humans around us (and if you are lucky enough to have a pet, your existence is a miracle to them. trust me.)

i don’t know much about the reverence you talk about, Ami, perhaps it’s simply your emotions that has been catalyzed by my works. but really, i don’t feel myself to be deserving of any of it (this is my self-conscious, self-loathing persona talking, don’t mind her). i wish you a healthy life above anything. happiness will come and go but life will keep going on in various different shapes. we simply have to fit in. so be well because you will need a lot of strength for that, Ami.

sending all my love.

―K

#took me 2 days to stitch everything i wanted to reply to this ask #feeling simply surreal...considering it's been a long time #kind of like “oh ppl know a blog like this exists? ppl know me???” love myself being perceived as a ghost irl & on the web #anyway ami this was heartwarming....and a bit emotional #no regrets though all of these are happy tears #thanks for your thoughts #tannedami #a:pffbts #ask answered #(sorry again if this was too long to read...i just have a terribly inability to take in compliments)#bit of a hardcore self-critic myself

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moon7jay · 9 months ago

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I just want to thank you so much for inspiring me to create a blog. I've always been interested in writing fics since I got to know about fanfiction years ago but my anxiety and thoughts of getting criticized were stopping me. I discovered Tumblr weeks ago and I enjoy reading those blogs. I am even shy to request anonymously tbh. I discovered your account and read almost all your works and they were TOOOOO GOOD. The main thing about your blog that pushes me into writing is the way you interact with your readers, and how you always update your blogs makes me excited about writing a blog. You inspire me so much that you don't even know (believe it or not)And I was the one who asked you for a CEO Jay fic yesterday if you remember 🤓(that was with my other account btw)

This is my first work and I really want you to take a look at it even though it's not good. It seems like a kindergartener writing a story😓😓

https://www.tumblr.com/lovesjjay99/741291271242563584/thoughts-on-jay-as-a-boyfriend

Hi hi hi luv, I'm so glad my blog could inspire you omg, that's like the best compliment ever (literally crying rn) . And please never stop yourself from doing something you love because of the fear of getting criticized,no one here is good enough to criticize others(including me). Also Yes I remember the CEO Jay anon!

And your writing is perfect for a beginner(since you mentioned you have no experience in it) and i hope you will continue writing more because practice is the key. Plus as long as you enjoy doing it, then that's all that matters🤍🤍

#xyn asks #◌✾lovesjjay99

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misc-obeyme · 1 year ago

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Hi!!! I’m bombarding your blogs with late-night thoughts/Scenarios again (hope u don’t mind :(( )

Just thinking about the trope “he fells inlove too late” alot lately. It just makes my heart aches so much and a good way to make yourself cry to sleep…

I imagine this with Lucifer, Belphie and Asmo alot, and my reasoning is this. With luci, he attempted to kill us three times…Ik he was only doing that to protect his family…? But i just know for sure that Mc (at least mine) can’t keep the crush on for long after those events. And Asmo, i mean…flirting and affection is kinda his thing yk? So you wouldn’t know of he was serious about flirting with u or not and well it’s hard to tell if u really have a chance lol. And Belphie, *cough* lesson 16 *cough*

And that trope could actually fit the whole LIs now that i think about it lol

Dearest anon, I do not mind. I never mind. Please feel free to leave all the thoughts and/or scenarios in my ask box. However, I am a touch concerned about crying yourself to sleep on purpose? I hope you’re doing all right!

Anyway, I know sometimes the ache just hurts so good. And wow you’re getting me with this idea.

I definitely think you could make it apply to any of the characters, but I like the ones you chose, too.

It’s interesting in the context of the other characters, too. I mean with Lucifer, if MC lost interest in him because of his death threats, they would almost certainly find another brother immediately. My first thought is Mammon. And then I’m like how would Lucifer feel if he realized he was in love with MC too late, after they’ve already given up on him and now they’re with Mammon? Like yeah he’d be happy for them because he knows how happy that’d make them both, but ouchies.

I think Asmo is an interesting option, too. Because I really like to think of it as maybe Asmo has never had feelings quite as deep as the ones he has for MC. And it isn’t that he fell too late, but more that he didn’t know what to do with them or perhaps didn’t even recognize them for what they were. I like to think Asmo never really got into a deep or long relationship until MC showed up. Then suddenly it was like who is this and why do I feel this way about them? But maybe it took him too long to figure it out and now MC has moved on…

Belphie is a lost cause, I think. I know there are some Belphie lovers and some Belphie haters. But that boy killed MC. And by the time MC sets him free, they could have fallen in love with any one of his brothers. Even after that, it takes a little time for Belphie to finally make a pact with MC, too. Perhaps MC just can’t get over what happened. My MC has that issue for a while. I think my MC could give Belphie a chance, but it’d take a long time and there are other characters they’d fall in love with faster. It’s an interesting concept though. Like if none of the other characters were meant to be for whatever reason and by the time MC is fully comfortable with Belphie again, they start to realize they’re falling in love with him.

Oops sorry I got a little off track.

Anyway, this is indeed an excellent source of angst!

#oof it really does hit the spot huh #what is up with that #never thought I’d fall out of my fluff era #but I feel like I kinda am lately?#anyway…#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me lucifer #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #anon asks #misc answers

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rrxnjun · 4 months ago

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Hello hi hi Bar <3, this is gonna be a bit long and yapful. Hope you are doing well and feeling good. I was the anon who asked about mxm fics around this time last year if you remember, removing my anon because why not (i feel bold and i like you). What actually prompted me to send this ask , I would talk about it later.

So I haven't read all your fics, honestly only some of them and I have loved literally all of them equally that I cannot choose the best. As a Renjun biased person I am always super crazy about blondes are done with fun and portrait of a blank slate (and they also had the smut tag sksks). Now now idk why am I explaining this but it is necessary I think. So I am someone who prefers to read longer fics with the smut tag among other tags because i am a bit 😈 lol and mainly because if they are completely wholesome (fluffy, angsty, etc) and innocent I get so attached and so delusional, especially because they are fan fics, and I start feeling crazy and am not able to get over easily because they are so pure. Smut personally gives me a sense of detachment and reality and it's a bit comic and hot of course. So yeah this is also one of the reasons I have read only a few fics of yours. But the latest one I read was Liebestraum and GOD OH MY GODDDDDD, idk where to begin, it's been a while, I think I read it last year and it didn't have any smut iirc, I got so so so so so attached, each time I looked at your blog, it reminded me of those long summer days, Jisung lying on the floor, feeling empty, the angst, the longing, the fic felt so real. The ending almost made me cry, and the almost crying feeling is the worst, because you're not able to let out anything but you're not able to keep it in either. It was very bittersweet. And the yearning, the longing for idk what, hurt, hurt so much but hurt so good. I listened to your playlist as well and after that I used to listen to Liebestraum a lot and each time I used to picture all that, the scenes, the feelings, etc. I think I am still not completely over it, to be able to read anything else from your blog. But it felt so painfully good. I really really loved it so much, I felt as if I lived it in real time. It felt like I was there, in the room when Jisung was lying on the floor in his aunt's house, not so fond of the summer break, or when him and y/n went to the beach(?) or when they did fun activities together, I was there with them, it felt so real, I could almost touch them... So yes that's what your writing feels like🥹🌻 (stopping or else I will go on forever) And like people usually hate summers but I like them, I was born during summer break and there is something bittersweet about the summer break, something nostalgic, yk summertime sadness lol, something nothing, something empty, something so full yet so light about it that I love oh so much, and I was able to feel all that through Liebestraum and hence it's special. And now I have come back after months, feeling like I finally moved on somewhat, because I take time with my feelings, to read more from you but it makes me nervous ngl.

Now coming back to my original purpose of this ask, I was reading your carrd and info again and I realized we are the same age (you won't believe me but I rarely find someone exactly my age like this) and I am psychology major as well🥺 and my mbti which I checked two years back was infp too(i think yours is different now). And the mutual groups that we stan, both of us have at least one bias in common ✨️ and all this coincidence got me excited like an 8 year old giggly kid. So idk lol, I just wanted to tell you skksks. You carrd was really cute and you sound really sweet. And if itxs not too personal, are you still doing something psychology related?? And what does your description refer to? (only if you're okay answering)

Love ya and your writing lots ❣️

hi hi hi!! omg this ask made me whip out my laptop to make sure i reply to everything omg,,, dw about it being long i enjoy those a whole lot!!! hope you're doing well and feeling good too! i do remember your ask, actually, and it makes me happy you came off anon bc you like me HAHA

DFJKLAFJ blondes are done with fun and portrait of a blank slate are actually the only smuts i've ever written and even those arent as explicit TT i do know what you mean with your reasoning, though!! for me i didnt use to enjoy smut if it had no plot ((still struggling with that a little, i feel like i need at least SOME plot to really enjoy reading a smut fic) so you kinda have the opposite problem?? HAHA. i do get kinda delulu too so i get you <//3 some fics ive read on here definitely made moving on from them kinda hard.

at first i didn't really like liebestraum, if im being completely honest. i had an innitial idea for this fic and posted a teaser for it and then deleted it because i hated it and then a sweet anon approached me and asked about that fic (we are now online best friends and met up irl three times can u believe that)) and i decided to give it another shot and rewrite it,, because i knew i kinda had to get the idea out somehow?? i think this fic is special in a way that jisung's inner monologue deeply resembles mine in some parts. summer is always very bittersweet for me and very difficult for me to handle, if im being honest, so getting this out really helped to cope with it all in a way? hearing you say you enjoyed it so much and felt such a connection to a personal work of mine makes me really happy, if i'm being honest. sometimes its hard to really wrap my head around the fact that somebody percieves my work and connects with it, so this whole ask feels kinda surreal, but i am insanely grateful for it. thank you so SO much for sending this ask in, i will treasure it for a long long LONG time. strangely enough, i only really know ppl who like summer, so it's strange to see you think it's otherwise?? but dont let anyone take that joy away from you. <3 i am a fall lover at my heart and i know people usually hate that season, but i enjoy it a lot:) hearing u call my work special makes me feel special and emotional, thank you so much. even if you dont manage to read another work from me, dont worry about it. i am already so grateful for this message and for your words i could never be "mad" at you, haha.

omg my carrd is so outddated i should update the info DFKJJAL but omg fr?? i feel 03 liners are a rare breed tbh i only know a few on here so welcome into the gang !! oh fr??? thats crazy!!! my mbti is infj-t rn tho HAHAHA i retook the test this year after a debate with another psych major. and that is so cool omg we should definitely be friends now (thank u for the compliments on the carrd also! its a template so i didn't make it, i just added the pics in and tweaked it around to my liking haha)

i am still majoring in psychology! im gonna be in my 3rd year after summer break and working on my thesis so i can get my bachelors :) after that im applying for masters haha. i don't really know what i wanna do postgrad yet, but i don't really think therapy is for me, so maybe something diagnostic related?? maybe stats or research? we'll see.

oh and my blog description is a lyric from the song dark by dominic fike :) i am a big dominic fike fan and that song is very personal and special for me and it got me through some difficult times. i really love that lyric because of its symbolism :))

#💌ask

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kit-teung · 1 year ago

Text

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme ):)

template by @fiercynn, tagged by @hereforlou! this is exciting, thank you so much for tagging me <3

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

i'm (na)tasha, a freelance artist from eastern europe, i really love mountains, lemons, teal colour and when it's hot as hell outside. you might know me from c-drama/novel fandoms - that's what i mostly draw on my main blog (which i'm being weirdly secretive about, but if you want to know the url you can message me about it off anon)

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

episode 5 was trending on here and a mutual who abandoned tumblr almost completely suddenly came back to reblog like 15 rooftop kiss gifsets in a row, scream in tags and then disappear again which made me go huh. what's all this then. lemme check out the first episode. and then by the time episode 6 aired a few days later i'd been already all caught up (can't remember exactly but since i have a tendency towards binge-watching i have a suspicion i watched all five episodes nearly in one sitting). for some personal reasons i'd rather not get into i never got a chance to create anything back then when it was airing and after, and so here i am finally joining the fandom more than a year later!

favorite ship(s)

(apart from the obvious) 📢📢📢TONGYOD📢📢📢 !!! also i was never big on crossover ships but then our skyy 2 happened and altered my brain chemistry

favorite character(s)

sometimes it's pran, sometimes it's pat. i don't control the part of my brain that decides which one of them to hyperfixate on out of the blue

favorite episode(s)

(again, apart from the obvious) i really love episodes 2-4 where they get to reunite and just hang out with each other. i love you bus stop shenanigans. also episode 11 because i'm a sucker for beach episodes, especially when they are mellow and bittersweet

favorite scene(s)

episode 8 balcony scene my beloved. inkpa darkroom confession scene and the way love's voice was trembling as she was on the verge of crying. also that bit in episode 11 where pat wakes up alone, goes out and sees pran playing the guitar outside and pran turns to greet him and SMILES SO SO BIG ugh my heart is doing somersaults as i'm typing this

one thing you would change about the show if you could

put pat in crop tops. cmon

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

any of the artworks by @thatgothsamurai, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @shikanji, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @hereforlou, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @kornswasianguyswag, but especially this one

this fanvid, the best fanvid ever that i've accidentally stumbled upon when searching up "bad buddy same page" (i think i was looking for the mock trailer lol)

this fic by @oldlace

this fic by @aroceu

and a special shoutout to all the wonderful gifmakers and meta writers, you guys are the real mvps <3

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

well, i haven't drawn much bbs fanart yet, but from the ones i've done so far i especially love this inkpa

also pls look at this korn i drew in the bbs discord server

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

does same page count if it technically wasn't in the show ah no wait pat sang it in episode 12 damn it ok this one i guess

youtube

idk anything else you want us to know?

this show's name in my native language is a pun that i can't explain

unfortunately i don't really know anyone in this fandom yet (unless.. @aroceu have you done this thing?), so i'm not tagging anyone, but if you're reading this and you really want to do this, you can say i tagged you!

#bad buddy

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gremzoff · 1 year ago

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have you ever stopped whining to think that maybe,, just maybe, the hate you receive is true? Without whining and crying about it? That maybe, just maybe you're just not…good enough? Or as good as everyone else? People care about the 'basic' ocs because theyre just? Entertaining? Or maybe the artstyle is good? Have you thought about that? Obviously people will idolize who they think is cool. Also, you're 18? You're an adult now. And youre acting like this? Crying and getting your snot everywhere because you arent getting as much attention as the bigger blogs/creators? Or because your oc isnt that loved? Because the fandom got bigger and so the creators with actually good content are getting more notes? Is this your first fandom experience? I thought you were -12 y/o before seeing the bright "18" (shocked). Every fandom has its flaws, you said it yourself. The bigger the fandom, the bigger the flaws. Hat tipped to you for wanting to keep your peace and no longer interacting with the fandom.

Maybe before going in anon and sending these kinds of threatening/insulting asks calling others immature, you should look in the mirror. Attacking people for their personal decisions and opinions, calling them "12 yo" and immature, this is the real immature act. Why are you doing this, you need to make yourself feel tough? Anyway.

I'm not the only one complaining. If you really cared, you would look around and see I'm far from the only one nor the first complaining about these issues.

This is far from my first fandom experience, I've been in much worse places. I consider that I've grown enough since then to see and point out what's wrong in a community. I see so many new members making posts saying how this fandom feels like a "big family"- but all it takes is actually getting deeper into it to see how rotten the situation is. Idolizing isn't ok. Kissing people's toes isn't ok- and the hypocrisy of some of these people, saying, oh we should support small artists, but then they don't even take time to even look at our stuff- and again, I am not talking only about myself, we are a handful feeling this exact same way, and it's exhausting.

This feeling of anger, sadness, jealousy even maybe, us, small creators can feel towards others is normal. We are human, and we have feelings too, and we shouldn't oppress them. Maybe this is what you fail to realise, the world doesn't revolve around you, others can, too, express feelings. We are allowed to have these feelings and opinions, and real maturity is when you'll accept this fact and scroll past posts that upset you, instead of sending hate.

This has been an exhausting journey. I'm not going to say this fandom has been the worst I've ever joined, like I said, I've been in much darker places. But this is definitely the first time I witnessed such behaviour with my own eyes- sometimes, it almost felt like a cult. And I am not saying this to play around with words and exaggerate my feelings as a shock value, it just takes basic understanding of human behaviour to see what's wrong. This fandom may seem friendly for some, but it isn't the case for everyone, especially if you have experience, and you've been here for a while.

Even if I'm grateful towards this community for some things -like my ocs, my friends, but also the fact I've improved my skills a lot during this journey- , I definitely feel bitter for all the negativity I felt. Between people bashing me for my creations, self doubt and anxiety for not being "good enough", not being able to keep up with posting everyday on my askblogs, or just this uncomfortable feeling of constantly getting thrown under the bus by people who are "more popular". Seriously, nobody would want to meet people who are somewhat known in the community, all that to realise that even in "small" fandoms, people will think they are better than you, and won't hesitate to step on you and almost erase you, but then their fragile ego gets shattered as soon as you dare to speak out about these issues, or worse, express your opinion about not liking their stuff.

I have so many things to say. I hope you get off of your chair and go take a bowl of fresh air outside, because you definitely need it, and probably on the way, look at yourself and reflect on your own behaviour.

#grem stuff #anon #onceler #tw onceler #also you must be determined to send anon hate to me since you went to my alt lmao

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melis-writes · 1 year ago

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Omfg Lily plagiarized your work 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Unfortunately, yeah. That was a whole thing. I was perhaps less than 15 chapters in writing Moth to Flame when it happened. Please don't harass/send that blog any hate in any way, shape or form; I don't condone that or want it. I don't even know if they're active nor do I honestly care about that, but I have to admit, it's pretty fucking disgusting to have people "like" your fics and writing and then plagiarize your work. There's a difference between being inspired by someone's work and then stealing almost everything from it and calling it your own.

The Godfather fandom in late 2021 was a real treat. It's insane to believe I got anon hate/death threats for writing a Michael Corleone x Reader fic lmao. I never had a "monopoly" on Michael fics but I guess the overwhelming popularity of Moth to Flame and attention my blog was getting sparked some insecurities because what else could that be...? 😐 All I wanted to do was interact with people in the fandom after having not been in one since 2014 and share my writing but instead I walked into a cesspool of toxicity and jealousy. That's all I can call it because I don't know wtf these people were on. Still to this day, the same people who sent me anon hate and made me feel unwanted in the fandom make secondary blogs just to follow me and secretly read/interact my fics as if I don't know. 💀💀 Sorry not sorry, but the bullying and harassment in fandoms over the stupidest fucking shit/random opinions and fics is pathetic, disgusting, and needs to stop.

I also never claimed to be "The Godfather authority" or some special shit either, I'm just overanalyzing my hyperfixation and constantly posting about it. 😂 Nowadays I see lots of new people joining our small fandom and just want them to have fun and feel welcomed instead of discovering drama over a 50+ year old film. 🥰 I have a love/hate relationship with The Godfather fandom because I've seen it's nasty side and the people who associated with it that reveled and had fun in spam sending vile, nasty shit to blogs (two of my mutuals deactivated due to this bullying, several others just outright left the fandom).

I literally got a message saying if I kept writing Moth to Flame that it would polarize the fandom, that by accepting/entertaining compliments over my fics/writing I was discreding other writers, and that I would cause people to leave and stop reading other people's fics. 💀 Never saw that much delusion in a fandom before jfc. I've almost been writing fics for three years in The Godfather fandom now and I promise you neither me nor my fics are going anywhere. 🤭❤️ No matter what fandom I write for, I'm here for good so anyone who doesn't like my fics/work can kindly continue scrolling away/don't interact with me or just sit and cry about it because I'm gonna keep writing lol. 🤷🏻‍♀️

#melly talks

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 years ago

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hi! first of all, thank you for your blog! i'm a questioning aroace but i don't know much about it. i used to consider myself ace when i was 16, then i thought i was too little to know and now, when i'm almost 21, i found out more about aroace experiences and it just... feels right? i've dated twice. never kissed though. first time my girlfriend used to complain we were "just friends" and not "real" partners but i would always tell her i truly love her and that i see real love as best friendship. my second girfriend just accepted my way of love but a new problem occured. when we were friends and i was crushing on her, i could be affectionate and e.g. hug her, but when we got into a relationship i freaked out and was no longer touchy or flirty. she was fine with it though, but i broke up with her about a year later because this whole dating thing didn't feel right. i haven't been in a relationship for what seems like ages and i want one so bad!! but recently i've realized that many people don't see love the way i do. the first time i thought i might be aro was a year ago when i wrote a fanfic and showed it to my best friend. she texted me "it's nice and all but you described friendship. it's not love". and i was like???? but that's how i feel love? and she started sending me some charts about how passion is an important part of "real" love and that my description wasn't right. it made me want to cry. i thought... was there something wrong with me? around that time i tried to find out more about aro community but it was a bit scary. i thought these people were heartless because how can you NOT love someone romantically? then, when i had another crush, i told about it to that best friend i've already mentioned. she asked me to describe my feelings and when i explained them she said "it's not love, you wanna be friends". but i don't feel that way towards friends! i know it was a different feeling. still, i came to a realization that i might be aroace after all. although, a bit later i met an aroace guy online. we weren't that close, just chatted in a gc, but i messaged him asking for advice. and when i shared i might be aroace and told him about my way of seeing it he said "you're not aroace, you just don't like lovey dovey stuff". and now i'm so confused... but your blog really comforts me. i want to find myself in this world. and i think i really am aroace. but i have no one to talk to about it... i'm too scared i won't "fit in" again. so thank you for reading my message!!!! have a nice day!

Do you think it's possible you might be experiencing a type of tertiary attraction, Anon? Tertiary attraction is any type of attraction that isn't romantic or sexual, some common types are

Platonic attraction/squishes: This can feel very similar to romantic attraction and have a lot of the same symptoms, but doesn't feel romantic at all. Instead you want to be close to the other person, or be important them.

Alterous attraction: This can have romantic or platonic elements, but won't be fully either. If you think of platonic and romantic as being binaries, this would be a non-binary option. Very useful for people who feel like neither platonic nor romantic feels quite right when describing their attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: Basically being drawn to someone on an aesthetic level, and strong desire to look at or study the other person. Sometimes this attraction is described as being similar to a particularly moving piece of art or looking at something particularly beautiful.

Sensual attraction: a desire to connect in a tactile way with other people. Especially in a way that feels sensual like touching, cuddling, smelling, etc.

There's other types of tertiary but these are some of the more common ones (if you want to explore attraction in more detail, the LGBTIA Wiki has a great page on it.)

But yeah, it definitely sounds from this ask like you are experiencing some kind of attraction, so looking into attraction and different types of attraction may be helpful. One of the most helpful tricks for telling attraction apart is asking yourself what is the attraction making you want? Or what kind of pull are you feeling? Imagine different scenarios and see which one holds the most appeal to you.

Romance in general is tricky because it's not very well defined and it's very often described as 'you know it when you feel it'. Unlike sex where, while there may be some gray areas, people generally do agree on what sex is or isn't, there aren't really an actions that are always romance. Holding hands, giving people flowers, etc can all be romantic actions, but also can be platonic depending on the scenario.

So how do you know if your feelings are romantic or not? Romantic feelings feel romantic (which is so useless, right?). But there is an actual romantic feeling that makes people want to be in a relationship labeled as romantic or do actions or be in scenarios they view as romantic. Romantic people will often have scenarios that just feel romantic to them too that they'll want to play out with the people they're attracted to.

So if the idea of something feeling romantic, or having romantic scenarios in your head feels foreign to you, that could be a sign what you're experiencing isn't romantic. Similarly if you're attracted to someone, but would be happy in a relationship not defined as romantic, that could be another strong sign.

It's not always clear cut what is romantic feelings or not either, there are gray areas. Since you mention a few times that romance and friendship feel the same to you internally, I'd also suggest looking into these two labels:

Idemromantic: Someone who categorizes relationships as romantic or platonic but experiences no internal differences.

Platoniromantic: When someone experiences no difference between romantic and platonic attraction.

One last thing, based on how you describe relationships, have you looked into or heard about QPRs, Anon? QPR stands for queerplatonic relationship (sometimes also called quasiplatonic relationships or quirklyplatonic relationships). And that just means a realtionship that isn't easily categorized by romance or friendship. And they can be tailored to the people in the relationship and include the things they want but not what they don't want. If you really want a relationship but romantic relationships aren't working out for you or feeling right, this may be worth looking into. And you can have committed long term relationships in QPRs too.

So this is a lot of information, and it may take you a bit of time to go through it and process it. You don't have to figure everything out right away. But hopefully it gives you some direction to go in and some things to look into.

I wouldn't put too much stock in what other people have told you up until now, other people can't interpret your internal feelings, only you can do that. And both the aromantic and romantic spectrum are quite broad, and people can experience both in a lot of different ways.

Try and trust your own internal feelings and interpretations and go with what makes sense to you or what way of looking at things is useful for you. And frankly sometimes these things are a bit subjective anyways.

If you have more questions or want anything clarified, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

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