#but i cant and so im just tired and sad
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#i take every hurt and rejection and loneliness and bottle it up and never talk about it#because ive tried a thousand times and it never changes anything#and one day#ill die#i just wish people wanted me the same way i want them#i wish i was good enough to be wanted#i cant change or control what anyone does so im only doing the things that will make me happy with myself#but i wish i could expect better#not just about my relationships but in general#but i cant and so im just tired and sad#typing this out is hard because i know im in the wrong somehow#it's my fault because im not doing something#i don't know what it is but something#or maybe i just want too much or the impossible#it doesnt matter none of this matters theres nothing that can be done so im just going to keep swallowing it#i dont know why i even typed this out
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i’m so tired….i want someone to lay next to me so i can cling onto them like a koala
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#cant stop thinking about this lately#like let me hold onto you so tightly with all my limbs#sorry you are Not allowed to escape#like i wanna cuddle but like in a ‘i want you stuck with me forever’ kinda way#in a you try to get up for one second and i hold you tighter and make sad eyes at you#sorry im tired and feeling clingy for once😴#just come closer everything is fine *with the intention of trapping you with my full strength for as long as possible*#romance to me tbh#im gay and i like sleeping
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hauling ass
#i love when smithers carries that old man around like its such a funny visual#i know his ass weighs as much as a plastic bag#that episode where they have a fun day at the mall and it ends w smithers carrying burns home. well i tee hee-ed i cant lie#i just imagine burns tugging on smithers sleeve and looking at him all sad like ''im tired smithers :('' fluttering his eyelashes#god hes so fucking funny#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#the simpsons#mr burns#montgomery burns#waylon smithers#mr smithers#if any hands are backwards no they arent <3
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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ignoring him bc i miss him but idk what i feel for him and i don't want to talk to him but i want to see him and hold him but i don't want to ask anything from him but i want him to want me but i don't want to want him and i want to tell him how i feel but idk how so i'll just ignore him
#actually mentally ill#girlblogging#girlhood#female hysteria#im just a girl#female manipulator#hell is a teenage girl#this is what makes us girls#female rage#ughhhh#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#this is a girlblog#sadgirl#sad thoughts#i miss him#i need him#i'm so tired#:(#girl hysteria#send help#thought daughter#just girly things#i need sleep#i cant do this#relationship#dating#lonelly#boys#boy drama#ugh
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there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to
#i wish people understood that it's so hard to be present in their lives and that closeness for me isnt about frequency of contact#but how open we feel during that contact#my brain is such a difficult place to live in it is so loud and so busy all the time#24 hours a day is a constant monologue and argument with myself for everything and it means that i just dont have the capacity to talk to#others most of the time#and like. i know this is so unreasonable. obviously we have to be present in the lives of people that care for us#but it just feels like every day i have to like. get on a stage and perform to every person in my life that cares about me so i can meet the#criteria of being a Good Friend or Good Girlfriend or Good Fan Artist or Good Mutual or Good Server Member#i feel like it is such a blessing to be seen by others as someone to expect things from#but as more people have started to love me it feels like i have to 'go out and perform' more and more and i am very exhausted#i wish i was someone that was easy to love and care for in the way that i am. and i dont mean that self deprecatingly it's just#i know im very hard to care about and love. because i disappear all the time and come back in a big flurry as soon as i get the energy back#and im just feeling it a Lot More lately because im starting to think this isnt going to be a short term thing i have to do before i start#feeling comfortable with a person#this is going to be my whole life#if i get married im going to have to 'go out and perform' and be a good wife and be affectionate and happy and not closed into my own brain#for days#if im going to make friends with colleagues I'll have to go out when they invite me and have to reply ro their texts and i cant just go#silent for weeks while i try to negotiate with my thoughts and then reappear once i make the slightest breakthrough#im very tired and sad. i want companionship but i feel like the kind of person i am is not fair for people who would be my companion#vent post#♡alizeh talks♡
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day 12
Sibyl, What Do You Want?
She Replied, I Want to Die.
#im tired so take this low effort stuff#if i cant be funny then i'll just be sad and angsty#tbh i don't even know what this is supposed to mean or imply#mishaqing#yanmisha#honkai star rail#hsr#misha hsr#yanqing#daily yanmishaqing#yanqing honkai star rail#yanqing hsr
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ELLO!!!! GUESS WHO REDID HIS METAL SLUG DESIGNS!!!! i guess you could call it that uuhm
but YEA!! i've been thinking a lot about metal slug lately and i just... couldnt resist redrawing my versions, hopefully i do more in the future for more characters n all, i really want to post more metal slug stuff, i love LOVE these silly guys
im not writing anything at the moment cause i really didnt change my headcanons and im kind of tired to write proper paragraphs (i should stop staying up until 3 am to finish drawings? maybe).
#here comes the ramble......#its funny how with the og pic i was talking about how tactics was delayed for 2023 n i was sad#and here we are in 2024 and still no tactics lmao#ill still wait im hopeful that game is good#ANYWAY this is the first time im happy drawing their vests#and its because i used the tunshi figures as reference#man i really want those figures#but its so hard to get them when ur argentinian LMAO#thinking about opening cmms justs to get them........#WEELLLL#funfact! in 2023 i did some custom metal slug pins for an assingment#i never finished fio sadly#i also got this cool ms picture with lights n all#its not important i justwanted to share#i just go crazy with anything metal slug related#oh also i was at a convention n i asked this really cool artist if he could draw eri and we talked about the games for a lil while#i may have used all my savings on that one artist that day#he was really nice :-))#now i got a tarma and an eri from him#can you tell im tired by how much im rambling?#i just love this tagging system where i cant just go crazy n then regret it the day after#i should stop lmao im sorry#metal slug#eri kasamoto#fio germi#marco rossi#tarma roving#digital art#fanart#myart
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idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny
aka my average day as of now
#1. impulsive silly thoughts#2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i)#3. i get sad 🥱#4. tired#(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that)#vent art#wrylu#lu's canvas#negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐#sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be#but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth#im surprised im not dead yet#this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind#no i actually hate this#i wanna die#i wish i was dead#not really#but still#i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life#and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever#i wish i had a schlong (funny)#this is awful#sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard#am i manipulating you guys??#i feel like im being sad for attention#ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort#thats bad isnt it#i feel like an attention seeker#why am i even writing this 🥱🥱#i cant wait to fall asleep forever
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also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s#like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad#ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better#not happy but yk better#but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people#as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at#he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me#sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh#nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state#eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this#i dont think he should have to be alone like this#bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers#brain is fried.
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i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.
#not art#more than anything else its just Venting#i genuinely. want to die So Bad because of this shit dude.#like i built my whole entire life in digital spaces because there was Nothing for me outside of them#and now theres nothing Inside of them either#and i feel so fucking empty#my friends are hurting or Gone#my peers are Gone#the spaces only get Worse#my peers are being Stolen From over and over#the infighting is its OWN thing and i COULD tolerate that when it was Most of what i was dealing with#but now its . from the outside too#now theres outfighting and infighting! and i cant . theres just no space for me#theres no space for anyone! they were all fucking crushed#and its So Difficult to feel like theres ANY POINT to building your work online anymore#why should i keep fucking posting??? feed an art bot and an algorithm??? my friends arent going to see it#the people i like arent going to see it#whats the fucking point.#vent#vent post#-_- sorry#cw sui ideation#im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too#i never get any less sad looking around my spaces anymore :(#we had th and artfight and even those are fucking. a part of scraping now. and it is truly the final straw for me?#like you came into OUR spaces#OURS. for ARTISTS. and ARTISTS ALONE...#and you STOLE our work :(#that we put out FOR FREE ANYWAYS.#. :(
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#i turn 27 tomorrow and i feel like my life is collapsing in around me#i officially made the decision to take the summer off. which i hate. which means i have to get a summer job#when ive only ever had jobs in academia so my resume looks insane if im applying to work in a bakery or whatever#im just so tired. everything makes me so tired and sad. i still dont kno what im gonna do#im glad my dad is here bc he gets it more than most ppl bc hes also dyslexic and like everyone assumes im fine bc ive got this far#but like at what cost? im doing a job where im set up to suffer. and for what? im doing something so niche and weird#all i can do is more academia. but what if i cant cut it? what if i would b better off getting a epa job or something where i can do my job#and then go home and stop thinking abt it. how do i apply the stupid bullshit i decided to study? i should have done Ecosystem restoration#or something. its just that my dream was to study weird things in weird places and now it feels like that dream is collapsing#which is devastating. im gonna try to come back in the fall and give it a go but like i dunno it feels so hopeless rn#im just so tired. i have no joy. i just want to lay on the floor#unrelated
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#bro im so sad that i cant even think of anything to put on a christmas list....#the only thing i really want is like a fucking break.... lol#like to just not have to work for like 6 months. i just want to sleep im so tired#tbd
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uuhhh in other new that lmk s5 trailer dropped and people are very
mixed
for context the new season is being partly animated by wildbrain i think. flying bark is still working on the show but probably due to all the other projects they've been working on like the atla movie the animation is off.
its understandable that people are upset. lmk has some of the most consistently dynamic and lively animation ive ever seen, and going from that to ok animation kinda sucks. as a culmination of a lot of what the series has been building up to people were inevitably going to be disappointed
at the same time people shouldnt harass animators. like ever. no amount of trying to petition or anything will change the s5, people are just trying to do their job and theres no probably no major changing to the finished product by now. and theres still a lot of that lmk charm in there, and we haven't even seen the whole season yet to judge it. flying bark is still working on it, and even if the animation never reaches the peak of the old seasons it still has the same writers so at least the writing has the chance to live up old standards. idk though we'll just have to wait and see
#i do think they could have just delayed it after dealing with other projects but with the anniversary lego might have jsut forced them????#and with how the animation industry is i guess they didnt have a choice#tbh im still really sad about the downgrade but after rewatching the trailer a bit more its not that bad despite the tweening#we've been spoiled with the other seasons but i think people will get used to it at some point. maybe#though i cant forgive some of the new stuff like li jing and that dragon tiger duo they do not fit the artstyle at all#though for li jing i think the problem is mostly proportions and how small his eyes look#but the dragon and tigers snouts just look bad.#ok looking at it again i think it looks weird because theyre dissolving. the design's still off but it wasn't as bad as i first thought.#but the proportions and shapes feels like it just isn't from lmk#idk i could nitpick but negativity is tiring and these guys have big shoes to fill for a show they werent prepared for it was inevitable#for any last takeaways please do not be mean to the animators#also studio changes are normal so its not some horrible injustice or the sign of the end times im more upset lego didn't handle it better#i still hope s5 is good and i want to believe it'll still be satisfying by the end the plot so far sounds pretty interesting#or atleast that the atla movie is good enough to compensate#and if im feeling greedy there will be a 6th season that gets better#and there are still good shots throughout all of this so maybe it'll work out with the season as a whole#with how popular it is in china i dont think its out of the question#idk though a lot of information is still up in the air so i guess we just wait#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#alttalks
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#tko_art#hahah wrong eye shape#hers is more droopy and less awakey#wow colors suck#really hard#but i've noticed it doesn't feel like my brain is going to explode everytime I try to determine color and values#i kind of got too tired and wanted to giv eup so no tear drop#which made me sad because i did want to try that#but back hurts#gotta go to bed to fight god tomorrow/today#i love rendering skin tones#they're so much fun#lovely love#I have accidentally locked in#suddenly every single moment of time that i'm not spending to do art is unappealing and so damaging#i'm psyching myself out of doing things I know will give me instant gratification and will make me pretty happy for whattttttttt#it's kinda depressing#If i think about it too hard it's just a constant cycle of oh god this is it for the rest of my life#so no thinking it is!#blegh this seems so silly and trivial#i hope nobody reads this shit#i'd have to kill myself or something#im never gonna stop thinking about how i didnt say i loved you back#and it haunts me#and i cant stop thinking about what u said to me#and even tho u didnt say it harshly i cant stop my mind from running away from me#and theres something horribly wrong with me that i need to gouge out#i hope u never read this#i didnt want to be (x) how fucked up is that#i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt have to learn how to live with trauma i wish i was normal
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Hey can someone give me a several minute long hug that I may cry into
#im so tired and so lonely and so sad and there are like. two people that i feel close to and secure in our relationship#and theyre both so fucking far away#and i dont want to like. just break down on people. but please somebody give me more than just a brief hug or pat on the back#last night i had a dream about cute boy just. giving me a big long hug. nothing else. so thats where im at i guess#idk ill be fine i always am#im getting by with my cuddly dog and my two coworkers i give greeting hugs and farewell hugs to#i miss my little brother and my mom#i miss having physically close and touchy friendships#i dont know if being touch starved is a real thing or just pop psychology or whatever but#i feel like a stray dog that cant quite figure out how to find my own food after being abandoned#whatever#my eyes hurt im done
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