#but fundamentally you are wrong
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i'm really not a podcast listener, but occasionally will listen. and my favorite is when the host(s) start talking about something that you know more about than they do and they get stuff so wrong that you're like should i submit a review to correct you? like you aren't being factually incorrect because you're talking about your experience with something, it's just you clearly don't know enough about this tangential topic to realize the stuff you're saying is hilarious to people who know more
#like a host was talking about how his son plays flag football#and the thing that makes him the happiest about it#(which i thought would be the head injury stuff but this was a topic on play)#was that there's no future in flag football#like no college scholarships or pro leagues etc. so it's just for fun#which in their experience meant a lot less intensity from parents and stuff than say little league#which fair#but also#flag football is going to be in the la 2028 olympics#and there's a league i'm pretty sure that's relatively new#(not that i think it's going to ever have college sports) but the nfl itself is making flag football their youth program#and basically use that to probably recruit people into full tackle football#so like your experience is valid#but fundamentally you are wrong#mine
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yeas i am a triple threat. mommy issues. daddy issues. Issues
#well whatever it is there’s SOMETHING fundamentally wrong with you but we have neither the time nor tools to unpack all that. so#under the rug it goes!
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It's interesting (if often frustrating) to see the renewed Orc Discourse after the last few episodes of ROP. I've seen arguments that orcs have to be personifications of evil rather than people as such or else the ethics of our heroes' approach to them becomes much more fraught. Tolkien's work, as written, seems an odd choice to me for not wrangling with difficult questions, and of course, more diehard fans are going to immediately bring up Shagrat and Gorbag.
If you haven't read LOTR recently, Shagrat and Gorbag are two orcs who briefly have a conversation about how they're being screwed over by Sauron but have no other real options, about their opinions of mistakes that have been made, that they think Sauron himself has made one, but it's not safe to discuss because Sauron has spies in their own ranks. They reminisce about better times when they had more freedom and fantasize about a future when they can go elsewhere and set up a small-scale banditry operation rather than being involved in this huge-scale war. Eventually, however, they end up turning on each other.
Basically any time that someone brings up the "humanity" of this conversation, someone else will point out that they're still bad people. They're not at all guilty about what they're part of. They just resent the dangers to themselves, the pressure from above, failures of competence, the surveillance they're under, and their lack of realistic alternative options. The dream of another life mentioned in the conversation is still one of preying on innocent people, just on a much smaller and more immediate scale, etc.
I think this misses the reason it keeps getting brought up, though. The point is not that Shagrat and Gorbag are good people. The point is that they are people.
There's something very normal and recognizable about their resentment of their superiors, their fears of reprisal and betrayal that ultimately are realized, their dislike of this kind of industrial war machine that erases their individual work and contributions, the tinge of wistfulness in their hope of escape into a different kind of life. Their dialect is deliberately "common"—and there's a lot more to say about that and the fact that it's another commoner, Sam, who outwits them—but one of the main effects is to make them sound familiar and ordinary. And it's interesting that one of the points they specifically raise is that they're not going to get better treatment from "the good guys" so they can't defect, either.
This is self-interested, yes, but it's not the self-interest of some mystical being or spirit or whatnot, but of people.
Tolkien's later remarks tend to back this up. He said that female orcs do exist, but are rarely seen in the story because the characters only interact with the all-male warrior class of orcs. Whatever female orcs "do," it isn't going to war. Maybe they do a lot of the agricultural work that is apparently happening in distant parts of Mordor, maybe they are chiefly responsible for young orcs, maybe both and/or something else, we don't know. But we know they're out there and we know that they reproduce sexually and we know that they're not part of the orcish warrior class.
Regardless of all the problems with this, the idea that orcs have a gender-restricted warrior class at all and we're just not seeing any of their other classes because of where the story is set doesn't sound like automatons of evil. It sounds like an actual culture of people that we only see along the fringes.
And this whole matter of "but if they're people, we have to think about ethics, so they can't be people" is a weird circular argument that cannot account for what's in LOTR or for much of what Tolkien said afterwards. Yes, he struggled with The Problem of Orcs and how to reconcile it with his world building and his ethical system, but "maybe they're not people" is ultimately not a workable solution as far as LOTR goes and can't even account for much of the later evolution of his ideas, including explicit statements in his letters.
And in the end, the real response that comes to mind to that circular argument is "maybe you should think about ethics more."
#i had a whole 'nother tangent that i split off into a separate draft#but i've been thinking about why the 'but shagrat and gorbag are still BAD people' thing seems so inane and missing the point#but yeah. i feel like people desperately want to find some justification in tolkien (and elsewhere) for the idea#that doing something wrong to a person will become doing something right if you can find someone who 'deserves it'#and that literally anything can be justified if someone has been defined as a valid target (i.e. less than a person)#(you see this a lot in the whole twitter main character of the day thing - the idea that the problem is directing the firehose#against the wrong person by mistake rather than the firehose itself)#but it's super weird for a novel built on a metaphor about how using the tools of evil for a good end or against existential enemies#is fundamentally corrupting and only further props up what it's meant to oppose#and i mean... the character most like tolkien literally says he could not morally justify lying to an orc and rejects the ring#it's not exactly a deeply buried theme of the book#anghraine babbles#long post#anghraine rants#legendarium fanwank#legendarium blogging#shagrat#gorbag#tv: lotr#jrr tolkien
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I hope someone hasn’t asked but what did you use to rig the deformed Maleanor? It looks so cool!!
thank you! :D :D :D I drew her in Photoshop (there's an overly-long speedrun video here) and rigged her in Spine Professional! her rig is...very messy...but it works for a silly little fanproject where nobody needs to know how many bones I kept shoving in to try and force her cape to stop breaking. :')
it was easier to just export images directly from Spine, so all the backgrounds and credit text are in there too as separate skeletons! who needs compositing when you can just throw everything into one project and let it simmer. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
(I figured I should probably have a tag for this stuff by this point, so I've added #spineposting to posts of/about my Twst chibis and Spine!) (once again I am reminded that I really need to go back and fix poor Che'nya for a third time...)
#spineposting#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#i don't know if 5 is out in eng yet so i will continue to tag until forced to stop#me: should i just accept that i did a bad job on her cape meshes and restart from scratch to fix the fundamental problem 🤔#me: no it's the bones that are wrong (adds eight more bones to control a single stray vertex)#thank you for this though because when i was looking back at the project to take a screenshot i did notice#one of her arm attachments had somehow rebelled and was giving her an extra elbow for her history lesson...#w h o o p s time to very quickly make some edits
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i dont think kim dokja is transgender unfortunately but he makes up for this by being so wholly disconnected from his body that he gets about the same experience anyways
#plus the guilt and shame and belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with you and feeling unable to connect with those around you#hes got so many problems he gets in the door of any support group#hes got everything disease hes speedrunning the dsm 5#orv
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THIS SCENE—
#DO YOU SEE THE DISDAIN ON HIS FACE—#THAT’S MY KING!!!! THAT’S MY GOAT!!!!!#the sheer aura i felt from ezran in this scene will power me through the next twenty years of life#GOD HE LOOKS SO ✨DISGUSTED✨ IN THAT SECOND FRAME THATS MY FUCKING SON#IN TRUE TDP FASHION RAYLLUM SPENDS THE SEASON BEING ALL CUTE AND LOVEY DOVEY WHILE EZRAN GOES THROUGH FUCKING 9/11#THE FUCKING RED WEDDING#my son is a VETERAN#god ezran ik you’re fundamentally a pacifist and i LOVE that for you but my boy. son. you deserve your hater era more than ANYONE#my boy needs more screen time more love more tlc and by GOD he needs to FIGHT WITH CALLUM#bc WHY is he dealing with XADIA’S BATTLE OF THE SOMME and KATOLIS 9/11 A L O N E#i mean i’m kinda kidding bc ofc ezran gave the go-ahead for rayllum to transport the pearl so callum’s like. not in the wrong here#i jUST THINK ITS FUNNY HOW—#anyway. i stan one (1) king of katolis#tdp#tdp s6#tdp season 6#tdp spoilers#spoilers#ezran tdp#tdp ezran#the dragon prince s6 spoilers#the dragon prince#the dragon prince s6#the dragon prince season 6
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i am like obsessed with the way christina ricci always describes misty with such a finality. “she knows no one’s ever going to like her” and “isn’t capable of being the best version of herself”. and by obsessed i mean it makes me miserable.
#girls who are just fundamentally wrong people 😍#yellowjackets#misty quigley#if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more (me abt misty)#*
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behold: black sails procreate floating heads from the airbnb
#i don't want to talk abt how thomas and mr. scott turned out but everyone else fucks idc#lion.txt#black sails#woodes rogers#james flint#charles vane#billy bones#jack rackham#john silver#ned low#edward teach#mr. scott#thomas hamilton#also ned low glowering in the corner is so fucking funny to me. girl there is something so fundamentally wrong with you and it shows#my art
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sigh feeling nostalgic for my old fics/the old community these days. I miss it man.
#this post is brought to you by the fact that I've been rereading world forgetting the past few days#I've reread parts of it plenty of times#but I haven't actually reread the fic in full... since I wrote it maybe?#does that even count as reading it#it's a fundamentally different experience I think so#anyway I miss having that level of brainrot...#I cringe so much at a lot of the stuff in that fic#but man there were so many great moments#ngl as my 'big fic' i'm most unhappy with I do sometimes think about rewriting some of it#not that theres much of an audience for it anymore#but also that would take too much time and I wouldn't have the patience for it#plus I don't even know how I'd fix it theres so much wrong structurally#it would have to be so much longer which is the opposite of what I'd want for it#I literally am way too busy for that anyway so#ramblings
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petty gripe but the bad-faith reading of Armand that most annoys me is when people say "the dick is mid". Ma'am. Madame. One thing a man with Armand's background will be left with, for better or worse, is knowing his way around a bedroom. You really think Louis would hang around an immortal theater kid polycule longer than five seconds for mid dick?? Like...people who are ultimately incompatible can still have a good time folding each other into origami
THANK YOU!!!! Armand didn't go through all of this shit to be bad in bed. Being undesirable or a bad lover is literally never a problem for him. In fact!! Most of his issues stem from people being unable to be normal about how into him they are.
Plus, real facts on Louis. If the sex was bad he wouldn't have been running around for a year n' a half calling Armand everything but his boyfriend. LDPDL has stuck through a lot of -ish, but putting up with boring sex is not one of them. If Loumand got absolutely nothing else out of their relationship, they were getting off
#char.txt#interview with the vampire#answered#anon you have freed me to talk about this because I find the joke so profondly unfunny i block people over it HA#did we not all hear ''amadeo had a skill'' like what did yall think he meant? close up magic???#people are fundamentally wrong about loumand's sex life and it makes my eye twitch so i try not to think about it <- failing
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Jason Todd is a damn good example of how superheroes can’t be parents. I’m not saying heroes should be forbidden from having children, but the moment you do, you choose one or the other. You either cease to be a hero or you must fundamentally fail your child.
Because that’s the basis of being a parent—choosing your child. Day in and day out, no matter what. There is no bigger picture, no greater good. Between a bus full of people and your kid, your kid has to count on you to be the one person in the world who would let the bus fall. A hero can’t do that. A hero shouldn’t do that.
Jason Todd so desperately wanted Bruce, his father, the one person he needed to let the bus fall. But Bruce had chosen “hero” two decades ago, and there was no room for Jason Todd, son. So Jason Todd, Robin died a martyr with no one left to carry the cause. An unfortunate casualty. He came back as the only thing left, the only version of Jason Todd that a clown didn’t beat to death in warehouse in Ethiopia. Jason Todd, son. And there was no father. He kept reaching and reaching and there should have been something to meet him. But Bruce Wayne was a hero. And Jason Todd was a son.
#sorry I’m tired and weirdly emotional about children of superheroes#because that’s the thing#you shouldn’t let the bus drop#morally you shouldn’t#it’s hard to look at a hero doing the right thing and go ‘you chose wrong’#because that wasn’t the choice they fucked up on#it was a thousand choices before this moment#it was one choice in the middle#i love the robins#i love superheroes with children#but fundamentally someone has been failed in that situation#and unless you’ve been in the running for the flash mantel at least once#it’s probably your kid#dc#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#dc comics#superheroes#clark kent#i think we all know why he’s tagged#justice league
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Jun Wu headcanons because he's on my last nerve
◾His ancient ass secretly bathes in the blood of virgins for youthful and supple skin. That's why he keeps that freaky sword on him every day.
◾Generally he's considered to be a pretty good boss. Unless you're young and pretty or you ask Ling Wen about all the HR violations.
◾He thinks of Xie Lian as a weird mix of a son, an object he can self project onto, and a boytoy.
◾He is bisexual but closest thing to a significant other he's ever had was a homoerotic friendship with a childhood peer who broke it off when Jun Wu turned WEIRD around like 18.
◾Only drinks alone because he's a whiny drunk.
◾He gives really ominous vague advice. You could be sitting and peeling an orange, he'd hover over you and go "I wouldn't do that if I were you..." and just leave.
#im halfway into book 6 if my reading is accurate please be vague about it#something is so fundamentally wrong about him i just can't put my finger on it#old ass bitch#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#tgcf headcanon#jun wu#xie lian#apologies to the bisexuals im sorry for bringing you up in the same sentence as this man
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This might sound so cringe and cliche, but I wanna be of help in some way-
how about price faking injuries to see a specific nurse he has a crush on but won’t admit.
Cringe and cliche are quite on brand for me, tbh.
It starts as a concussion, a stiffness in his neck. A pinch in his shoulder.
Then it changes shape, shifting, evolving, into something more. A tenuous dance held together by silken threads. He tugs on the ends sometimes, just to watch little pieces of you begin to unravel. Raw skin, untouched and new bared to his curious eyes.
You’ve thrown him off-kilter, left him feeling strange. All asunder.
He shouldn’t be too surprised by the way you unmoor him so easily. Your eyes swallow the atmosphere around him, eating through gravity. Weightless, he’s left to drift in the aether until you snatch him from the air, leaving him wing-clipped, and kept cupped in the soft swells of your palm.
It’s greed, he thinks. That awful little thing that makes him keep coming back for more.
The helicopter crash did a number of things on him—mild concussion, a fractured rib, sprained wrist; it seemed to have flipped his insides all askew for a moment when he plunged to the earth before somehow righting themselves when he'd landed—but in retrospect, hindsight, whatever, it could have been a lot worst.
A fact Gaz seemed to have picked up on quicker than he had when they'd met in the medical bay together, holding their broken bodies with trembling hands.
(Or maybe threaded together by a statuette of Nefertem laced in the fibres of their hearts.)
"What's this now," Gaz asked when he limped in, knee smarting without the surge of adrenaline keeping him upright. Mirth rolling through his teeth, ge offered Price a fractured grin that very likely might have been a grimace. "Two for two? Might be a sign, cap…"
"A sign for what?"
Gaz shrugged, pressing tender fingers against the gash on his forehead. "Stay the fuck out of helicopters. Take the bloody bus instead."
There's a retort in the back of his throat, but it's swallowed when you walk in, hands gripping a medical bag between blanching knuckles. He's closest to the door, and you turn to him with an air of pensive uncertainty that nudges the spot inside of him that preens under authority. That likes law, order, and the simplicity of life. A natural-born leader. He plays the part, of commander and captain, and dips his head toward Gaz, a silent motion meant to convey him first.
The always in that is ironclad, he thinks. Brassbound. Even if he was bleeding out on the pavement. His men, his boys, first.
Except, he catches Gaz doing the same thing toward him. A stalemate, then.
You're new, he notes; ears still wet, face still green. He braces himself to step in, to lay down the authority you need before you flounder, unsure what to do, but instead of being met with uncertainty, he finds himself breathing in your ire.
"Well, heroes," you snip, brow pinching together in displeasure. "One of you has to go first, don't you? So while I put my stuff on the table, I expect you to have figured it out amongst yourself, yeah?"
And it's—
It's something.
A strand of static in the air. Direct current to his heart. It thuds in a strange murmuration, off rhythm, off balance. But it makes sense. You'd thrown him so wildly off kilter.
He clears his throat of the soot that congeals the back, and nods once. Sharp and jerky.
"Right, yeah…"
Price turns to Gaz, brows pinched in the middle. A messy bow.
It isn't like him to be so askew, but you turned everything upside down before he could familiarise himself with the world in its right state. He's adrift for a moment. Floundering, he notes, tasting something sweet behind his teeth.
Gaz meets his eyes somewhere in the fog, the furrow in his brow asking the questions he won't voice aloud—you alright, cap?—but he isn't sure what he's meant to say. Everything feels like it was knocked loose inside of him, left to roll off shelves and clatter to the floor. Disorganised chaos. Awash. Lost in tangled webs. He isn't used to this. To feeling so useless, so askew.
He later finds it just the concussion warping the edges of his mind, turning his thoughts into a slurry. That the mild part was an oversight, one that was immediately corrected by you—firm fingers holding his chin still, nails scratching against his beard as you peered into his eyes with a clinical air of detachment that shouldn't have made his heart beat as loud as it was.
You smell of summer rain. The musk of water on a hot pavement. He breathes it in until it's clogging the back of his throat, so thick he can almost taste it. So heavy, so heady, his head swims. Ozone. Charred wood. War tucked in a bottle.
The soft fingers against his pulse was a shock, made potent by the little curl of your brow when you counted the beats per minute and found they were much too fast. He isn't embarrassed. Doesn't think he has it in him anymore to feel that way, but there's a sense of frustration in the back of his mind as you move around him, commandeering him with an ease that leaves him feeling a little breathless.
"You're concussed," you say at last, lips pitching downward as you read his charts, the scrawl left behind by the nurse who'd seen him earlier. The one who promptly sent him to you. "And it isn't mild."
With that, and a list of things he ought to do (non-negotiable), you send him on his way. Gaz, too. Fixed up with gauze and made shiny and new.
Soap asks why he's so quiet later when they meet for a debriefing later on (one that he knows is definitely on the list of things you told him not to do), and has to stop the rip current from spilling past his lips.
"He's concussed," Gaz supplied, narrowed eyes clipping the side of his face when it lands; a physical blow. "Doc said he needed rest. But good luck telling him that."
"Don't need rest," he grumbles. There's a blossom of pain in his temple. A little sapling that flourishes under the waning sunlight. "'M fine."
They don't believe him, but the debriefing is too short to push him to lay down, and he spends the next hour pretending he's not seeing shadows in his periphery. That the words on the pages don't bleed together.
(That the scent of Petrichor doesn't glue to the back of his throat.)
When the hurt in his head dims, he finds his thoughts drifting back to you. Meek and unassuming. A wolf in sheep's clothing. It lingers long after the meeting has ended and he's ushered to the barracks for rest. Home tomorrow, Gaz promises on the tail end of yawn. Gonna sleep for a whole year, I think.
Aye, gonna head home in the morning, Soap murmurs, but his eyes don't stray from the corner where Ghost leans, chin dipped low to his chest.
(Price wouldn't put it past him to be asleep already.)
They tell him to get some sleep, dressing the worry in their voice as a friendly admonishment, and he takes it as it is.
But rest doesn't come.
He's curious about you. The little hellion that managed to snatch him clean from the air, and cup him in the palm of your too-small hands.
(He wants to feel it again.)
It begins as idle curiosity.
Price is a large man full of bulk and grit. The snarls in his throat command authority, respect. He isn't used to feeling so wing clipped, sidelined, and he blames that on why he seeks you out.
A pinch in his shoulder. His chest feels swollen around the broken rib. His knee hurts. There's an ache in his throat. A throb in his kidneys.
Each time is met with the same stern expression, firm hands. You commandeer him around the room, dragging out the ailments with ease that always seems to leave him off-kilter and breathless.
He realises what it is the fourth time he comes to your office, exacerbating some mild pain.
You take up space. All of it. Any crevasse, or corner is immediately filled by you. You have this presence about you that is so at odds with the meek façade you carried on your countenance like an ill-fitting mask when he'd first laid eyes on you.
You're an enigma, a paradox. A riddle begging to be solved. He wants to take you into his hands and pull you apart until your insides are bared to him, true and real, and known.
He's met people like you in his lifetime. Leaders in roles that don't fit them. He thinks you belong in worn pages of history, tucked behind a desk as you commandeer the world around you with firm hands and a gnarled smile instead of standing before him, musing softly at whatever ailments he throws your way.
Despite his plethora of issues, you tackle them all with an air of severity and seriousness that he finds kinship in, touching softly at the twined mass that writhes before him. The cuts in your gaze are made from the same shorn razor as his, and he wants to see what's behind that ill-fitting mask.
He wants to see you slip.
But you don't.
Tongue between teeth, clenched so hard that blood blooms and swells in the tip, you keep everything locked tight to your chest, and usher him out with pantomime remedies to heal his farcical hurts.
Price isn't sure why he keeps going—curiosity, maybe. An attraction that cracks like lightning striking through his chest. A gale of turbulence that leaves him seaswept and standing on shaking knees. He doesn’t know what to do with the kinetic energy that buzzes in his veins, begging to be free, and so he tests. Pulls and tugs at the seams that keep you spooled tightly together just to see that fissure that once split across your face, leaking fury and fire into the air until it ripped through his nerves, an electrical fire, and set him alight from the inside out.
(He finds he likes the way it hurts.)
As much as he tugs, he finds he likes it when you pull back.
"Should be careful," you coo, and the syrupy sweetness of your voice sparks against some dormant part of his mind. "You seem to have a lot of bad luck when it comes to ailments."
He shrugs. "Just unlucky."
"Or you're being cursed."
"Oh, yeah?" He hums. "Could be."
You offer a flimsy smile, but it’s enough to soothe the ruffle through his plumage.
"What's your name?" He asks, fingers plucking at the gossamer that sits between you, unsettled by the quiver in his chest.
The smile you flash at him is all teeth. "Sekhmet."
Laswell doesn't ask why when he requests your records, but he senses the confusion in her voice when she calls.
"All of them?"
He grunts in response.
"I vetted them personally, John… but," there's a shuffle in the background. Boxes sliding on linoleum. She's overseeing the tearing up of Shepherd's office, and this minute request suddenly turns his stomach sour. "Fine. If that's what you want."
"It's just—"
He isn't quite sure what to say. He was weakened and flummoxed by the world around him. You turned the tipping axis on its head, leaving him feeling asunder.
"Heard they were quite rough with you," she teases, an olive branch. An excuse. "Bossing around the boss. Is this what it's about?"
He scoffs, then, and only feels an inkling of pain. "No, Laswell. And I wasn't bossed around."
"Manhandled?"
It gives him pause. That feeling from before swells in his chest. Soft hands against his talons, clipping his wings.
"No," he mutters, but the airiness of his voice gives him away.
Laswell, in a feat of mercy, just hums. "They're good, John. Good for this team."
Good for you, she doesn't say. John thinks she doesn't have to. He hears it, anyway.
There are cracks inside of him, ones made from the chipped clay that once concealed an unslaked black hole.
You fill space, he thinks.
He isn’t surprised to find you fill the gaps inside of him, too.
He goes again, but this time it’s real. A bullet grazed his shin, deep enough to warrant stitches, and finds you waiting for him with that clipboard pinched between your hands.
The look on your face gives him pause. It’s pulled taut, coiled like a defensive viper, but where he expects the same clinical efficiency and detached airs, he instead is met with a palpable sense of uncertainty—too much, he thinks, like the first time you walked into the room, unsure and wobbling on unsteady feet.
His heart thunders under your prying gaze. “Need some stitches,” he says, if only to fill in the terse silence that settles over the room, hushed and aggrieved.
“Right,” you echo, eyes dropping to the blood that runs in streaking rivulets down his leg.
And you say nothing else after, working quietly as you knit skin back together and sponge the drying blood from the wry thatch of curls that blanket his shin.
Price takes in the paleness of your lip, pinched tight against your clenched teeth. The deep ravine that cuts a line between your brows, heavy with shadows and flooded in some strange amalgamation of anger—potent enough that he can catch the embers in the air on his tongue—and this uncharacteristic sense of disquiet that makes your shoulders tense, your hands slacken. The firm, sure touch is gone—replaced, instead, with clouded unease—and you no longer commandeer him around the room, catch him from the air and manoeuvre him to your fanciful whims. You nudge, now. Soft utterances; requests.
You don’t move space to fit yourself between the brackets. You linger in the periphery.
He isn’t accustomed to this, and the hesitancy in your brow needles behind his ribs, pinching and pushing until he’s left feeling that same, strange sense of weightlessness as before. But where you led him around by the tip of his ears, he finds himself unmoored.
(He likes the loss of control, but only when it’s tethered to your hand.)
His wound is patched up, skin knitted together with silken black lines that cut a neat crisscross through his tumid skin. There is no reason to linger, despite the weight on his tongue urging him to speak.
But you strike first, catching him at the door.
"Is there a problem?" You ask, words stripped bare, and masticated between clenched teeth. Reluctance is a heavy weight on your brow when he turns to you, as if you don't want to ask, but are compelled to. Forced to.
It's the first time he's felt any sense of control around you. He stretches his wings.
"Problem?" He echoes, and tucks his hands beneath his arms. Steadying his stance. Preparing for the fight.
You mimic his pose, but grab the knobs of your elbows between tense fingers instead. There's fire in your eyes. The room fills with smoke.
"You asked for my papers."
The meagre file tucked away in his cabinet spoke of your accomplishments in the same detached, clinical distance as one of the many façades you adopt. It listed your education, your former employment, and your accolades in Times New Roman, all standard affairs. Impressive, of course, but he found it all to be quite lacklustre.
It didn't mention the firmness of your fingers when you take his pulse or commandeer him to your liking. It said nothing about the paralysing weight in your gaze, vipers tucked in the corners of your eyes when he meets your stolid authority with his own fiery wrath.
(Or the softness of your cheeks when you try to hide a smile. The admonishing pinches made in jest when he says something that distracts you from your task.)
"I did."
"Okay," you breathe heavily through your nose. "Why?"
"Is there any reason why I shouldn't?"
"You just—" another breath. He has the peculiar urge to syphon the next directly from your lungs, to taste your air on his tongue. "You come here, week after week, with some—illness, and just—"
"Just what?"
"If you have a problem," you say at length, eyes flashing. "You could have come to me? One on one. I would have—"
"A problem?" He singles the word out, tossing it back at your teeth. “I don’t have a problem.”
You laugh, but it's scathing. "Are you undermining me? Is this—hazing?"
“Hazing? No,” he shakes his head, chasing the tail end of your derision. “Consider this vetting.”
And there it is—that fissure. Heat pops from the lavascape, spilling down the split of your lips.
“Right.” You snip, shaking your head. “Well, I hope I met your expectations, Price.”
He huffs, then. The noise is a broken facsimile of a laugh forced through crooked teeth. “Of course you do.” The pinch in your brow wobbles. “Wouldn’t be here if you didn’t, love.”
He rents the air with his admission, splits the seams of this tenuous dance you make each week he shows up, speaking of some phantom pain ripped the pages of the textbooks that sit, worn and well-loved, on the shelves behind your desk.
You say nothing when he leaves.
(Or when he rests a piece of himself on the doorframe—a glossy feather from his primary remiges just for you.)
He doesn’t go for the next three weeks, but it isn’t cowardice that drags him away from this oddly shaped choreography. He’s caught in a storm halfway across the world with sand in his hair, and the curve of your confusion nudged between the fibrils of his chest.
In the softness of night, he wonders what you've done with his clipped feather.
Price meets you at the beginning, but this time, he stands in the medical bay with firm knees, and a clear head. Searching, seeking.
The thread vibrates, and he finds you with your back to him, doling out gentle, firm, commands to the medical staff congregated around you. Clinging to your breathy orders with the same listless uncertainty that makes his chest swell with the urge to lead whenever it's rested on his shoulders.
He isn't sure if you can feel the reverberations through the thread, the leftover sutures from when you weaved a needle over the cut on his forearm, and accidentally sewed a piece of yourself into his skin, or if it's just the heavy weight of his gaze burning brands into your back that draws your attention.
(It certainly garners enough from the staff around you, their flighty eyes flickering from the mountain of a man seething at your back, to you—feigning obliviousness as he strips you bare beneath his glacial gaze, cutting a path to your membrane where he knows he'll find the piece of himself that you snipped off months ago.)
When you finally turn, you give a peculiar look over your shoulder, eyes clouded over, gaze inward. He watches you for a moment, taking in the curve of your cheek, the slope of your nose. Foreign, of course; but familiar under the cloak of darkness and the hail of gunfire.
The fire still burns in your unreachable depths, but the embers are smouldering. He feels the heat even from this distance, but when you return from whatever thoughts were racing through your head, he finds the look that fixes itself there to be strange. Pensive.
A quiet contemplation as you take in the length of his shoulders, the width of his chest.
His heart hammers against the cages of his sore ribs, leaping to the base of his throat where it pulses like a raw wound.
The whole of his body smarts like a massive contusion—muscles bending at odd angles, bones brittle—but he knows in an instant that he won't mention it to you. He'll tuck the hurt aside. Let it moulder. Let it rot.
This thing between you—crafted from the design of his heart—has been pulled and pinched, flexed and stretched too taut. It's ready to snap. To break.
He waits for that moment, bracing himself for the inevitability of the recoil clapping him against the chest, but it doesn't happen.
You give a small dip of your chin.
Then, you're gone.
You've been moulding him between form hands since the beginning, moving him around however you please.
So, it just feels natural when he follows.
This time it's his chest.
You go through the same dance, steps known. Ingrained in muscle memory. Your hands are firm, authoritative as you lead him on this little chase, pushing and pulling, tugging on the threads that keep him sewn up and whole.
But an incipient path is born. A new routine. The hand on his cheek, as you read his temperature, lingers, thumb brushing over the dividing line that separates skin from wry curls.
The touch is familiar. You’re no strange to feeling around the phantom aches and pains he presents to you, but this is an electric shock that rattles through his nerves. The trail your thumb leaves behind as it strokes idly at his skin prickles and burns. Goosebumps rise, creating cresting hills and peaks along his topography. You map it all with nimble fingers, firm and sure.
You take the thermometer out of his mouth after a moment, not even pretending to read the results (thirty-seven degrees, always), and it’s tossed back on the tray quickly before your hand returns to his skin, drawn there by that same innate pull he feels in his iron bones. The warmth of your palm threatens to suffuse his skin, mated together in ferromagnetism.
His chin rests, plinthed in your palms, and there’s a sudden swell, a rush, that gorges on his heart. The façades fall, clattering to the ground. The broken pieces lay in remains by his feet.
Price doesn’t spare them a glance.
Can’t, maybe, because in azimuth he finds that solidary feather he plucked for you resting between your teeth.
Wonderment. Awe. He feels the surge of something ripping through his body—a paroxysm—but he can’t look away from the shapes of your bare face; the imperfect asymmetry, the wrought iron lines, the convulsing atoms. It’s mesmerising.
And maybe it’s an electrical phenomenon—no let go—but he doesn’t spare it a single thought, even as the current burrows deeper into his chest, igniting his tissue until red-hot, blistering, charred. Even then, even with the scent of smouldering, necrotising flesh brimming cloyingly into his scenes, the absolute apathy he feels for himself at that moment is a testament to the unshakeable draw, that primal magnetism that glues him to you; met in perfect equilibrium in the middle.
It’s you who moves, who splints the poles until they fall apart when you let your hand drop.
But you’re not finished. The tips of your fingers move, a long peregrination down the twisting, sloping topography of his visage; snaking down his temple, the dip of his nose, the rough bushel of curls, the soft pout of his lips, the ulotrichous hair along his cheek and jaw, the long decline of his check, the ridged of his collarbones, the swell of his chest. It’s there where it lingers, fingers spreading like webs along the birdcage of his thundering heart.
Price watches you, rapturous and nearly choking himself on the avarice that spills from his heaving lungs.
You rest the flat of your palm there for a beat; lost in perambulation. Feasting on the thud of his heart.
He thinks you’ve had your fill. Quenched yourself.
But when you look up from the slight tremor of your hand, pulsing in time with his hurried beats, the look in your eyes is distinctly unslaked.
(—and he can’t stop the rumble from spilling out of his chest at the sight.)
Price isn’t sure how long you stay like that. Minutes, seconds, hours. Aeons might have passed since you let your mask slip. Since he plucked at threads keeping it upright. But he shakes back into cognisance when you pull away, cutting through space and time, and filling the gaps once more with the heavy weight of your presence.
“You’ll be fine,” you say over your shoulder, reaching for your clipboard. “A little rest is all you need, captain.”
There’s an insurmountable number of things he can say, but you press on his throat, and he swallows them down, nodding at your back instead.
The cloven strands fall around him, broken with distance. There’s an urge in his bones to sew back into his skin, to press them like drying flowers into the folds of his heart where they’ll say, nurtured on his blood and suffused into his being. He rests his laurels on it for a moment, feels the weight of his want, his desire, and compares it to the fraying wisps dragging along the linoleum.
But he doesn’t reach for them.
He is wing clipped and flightless. You hold the only feather that gives him lift between the monoliths of your teeth.
A fine place to keep it, he thinks and turns around, ready to leave on unsteady feet, but—
"Seven," you say, firm and sure. No nonsense. But when he turns, he catches the pallor of your knuckles gripped tight around the clipboard. You hold it to your chest like a shield. The vipers in your eyes quiet their hissing, tongues lashing out to scent the air. "There's this place in Manchester that makes the best Beef Suya."
You're not asking him.
(But you don't really have to, do you?)
His lips pull up. He catches the drifting threads in his bare palm. "Manchester, mm?"
"I hope you like a little bit of spice."
"I can handle the heat."
You swallow thickly, and he thinks the action on anyone else might be easily mistaken for nerves, but the livewire that pulls taut between you thrums with a heavy sense of anticipation.
"I hope so, John," he startles at the mention of his name. It makes your lips curl back, and he shouldn't find it so mesmerising when can't tell if it's a smile or a sneer. "Otherwise I'd be quite disappointed."
His chin dips to his chest. It renders his voice to little more than smoke and ash, but you shudder from across the room at the growl.
"Wouldn't want that, now, would we?"
It isn't breathless when you speak, but he licks his lips and tastes the pulsing excitement that sparks in the air. It curls in his lungs. Saltwater on burning coals.
"Don't be late."
It's a promise, he thinks; a warning, too. A threat. "Wouldn't dream of it, love."
He turns away from you, shielding the growing smile from your searching gaze, but your voice stops him short at the door, fingers curled around the frame.
“And Price?”
“Yes, love?” He calls, featherlight in a way he hasn’t felt since he was eighteen and free. Ready to soar, to fly.
"You know," you say, brows knotting together. Despite the severity of your expression, there's a note of playfulness between your teeth. "If you wanted to see me, you could have just asked."
After dinner, they fucked so nasty that Qadesh could be heard gagging across the aether.
#u ever just write a thing and then realise there's something fundamentally wrong with u on an atomic level? cause hey that's me#no one asked for Sekhmet x Ptah but my god did i tackle that task as if my life depended on it#John Price x Reader#Captain Price x Reader#Price x Reader#ughghghghg#i feel like that kid who just stares point blank at the barrel of a gun and says “shoot me”#i kinda just wanted an mc who was like#oh you big man lemme manhandle YOU#and i did it#maybe
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Wrap my eyes in bandages
Confessions I see through
I get everything I want
When I get part of you
#don’t take this as ship I’ll kill you#anyways this was torture and something is fundamentally wrong with it but I didn’t want it to go to waste so. whatever have it!!!!#mouthwashing#my.art#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#nine inch nails
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Ulysses obsession with the Courier is a special type of sad to me cause the Courier’s part was so important but so unwitting. They had no idea what was in the package they delivered and neither did he. Neither had an idea of what it could’ve done and the Courier was only caring out their job (mind you the Courier could be killed via notes in the express contract if they don’t). To them it was just another regular delivery to the divide and one that they likely thought would help, just like all the ones before.
It’s so tragic for Ulysses to hold so much ire to the Courier when it really was the case of it could’ve been anyone. Anyone could have delivered that package but they did and so he focused the blame on them and it destroys what he is trying to instill in the courier on a fundamental level.
#like yeah the courier delivered the package but in the end that’s a job#any random courier could’ve delivered it especially since we know in the past the factions were farther apart and this travel was a smidge#safer but courier six got it and this Ulysses blamed them#like I don’t care much for Ulysses because I think lonesome road embodies don’t shoot the messenger at it core#and what people focus on doesn’t focus on the fact that in the bigger picture#everything went wrong because two factions were at war and at some point the codes would have been delivered#and the divide destroyed cause with how close it is to NCR territory it would of been found#like there is an inevitable and too many people treat Ulysses as if he knows more or is more aware of the idiosyncrasies of conflict#when he’s like fundamentally flawed just at the standard of being a legion apologist STILL and just how focused he is on one persons#involvement cause yeah choices matter even the small one but I think Veronica’s quest says it best with a line from the courier#you can’t control what they do#like the courier couldn’t and can’t control what they deliver and yet it’s got them in hot water multiple times#like do you think they enjoy being shot or knowing they are indirectly responsible for activating the annihilation of a community#to me it’s hypocrisy to be willing to end the world or one world to prove a point and whatever argument made that only military factions#suffer forget there are innocent civilians suffering that had no part and Ulysses is no better than the Courier#I don’t like devils advocate and a lot of the dlc just feels like that but idk I know people love it but the depth is just not there for mr#ulysses fnv#fallout#fallout new vegas#courier six#the courier#lonesome road#the courier has very little personality outside what we give them but some lines and delivery paint a picture#like uhhhh undertale deltarune rules ig
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amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?
it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".
like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.
#iirc it was also common to tirf ideology and the baeddel group#< notoriously intersexist group#to say nothing of any other tirf beliefs#both of these misuses of agab and cagab come from the same source#but it is . deeply disconcerting with cagab#bc its like. that is such a lesser known term in the greater dyadic trans community#you would HAVE to have known what it originally meant#either YOU are misusing it INTENTIONALLY#or someone TAUGHT you to misuse it INTENTIONALLY#people that are cruel and bigoted always want to believe theyre good people#so its hard to convince them when they are being bigoted#esp as marginalized people#and especially as a marginalized people that is particularly affected by the same enforcement of normative sex#the more i learned about this the more i learned abt intersexism in trans spaces#the more i notice it. its so fucking pervasive#and like u should care abt intersexism on its own but its like#no surprise that the ppl misusing cagab terms usually are transandrophobic (as the discourse du jour) and exorsexist#these things go together and reinforce each other#anyways it sucks bc ill see a BEAUTIFULLY written analysis of transmisogyny but so often there will be#like one thing. two things maybe.#and ill go to ops blog search a few keywords and lo and behold#they are transphobic. they are intersexist. they are racist. they are aphobic.#all forms of exclusionist politic in the queer community just lead into each other ad infinitum#nauseating... and#i will read the theory of people who disgust me or who are fundamentally wrong abt other ppls experiences bc i think they still have#valuable things to say but i am SO FUCKING TIRED of running into the same goddamn problem EVERY fucking time#i think its just the posts that get circulated the most that are like that#bc i think the majority of people dont actively seek out and learn abt new queer theory as it rolls in#or other ppls experiences in general#so they dont learnt to recognize the red flags or even realize why its bad in the first place
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