#Anyways I’ll go in depth later

[heart-0f-a-rebel16]

see I think like the main problem with tcw is that it has this sitcom energy where everything is set back to zero after every arc which absolutely demolishes any sense of progression or character development

[mars-ipan]

green day was really really fun and probably one of those nights you remember for the rest of your life :) we watched howl’s moving castle when we got back (i’d never seen it!) and i understand why everyone wants howl bad. i do too

[danzainosolitude]

I thought I swore off my hero academia years ago but here I am reading Yesterday Upon the Stair. Not particularly interesting (not a fan of Fanon Deku) and hard to read (cringy) at some points, but I was curious about what people were raving about. Maybe it’ll get better in the next 50 chapters. Just gotta hold out and maybe I’ll find a great fic. 4/10 so far.

[yamujiburo]

Why I Love Hanamusa

I get this question very frequently but have never given a really in depth, definitive answer. All just kinda implied through my comics and spread out asks. So here's this I guess! Long post ahead:

First, as a Pokémon fan in her mid 20s, I love seeing a ship where the characters are both in their mid/late 20s. Already, they’re much more relatable to me and my current experiences. Most Pokémon ships are between preteens, which can be cute but ultimately don’t interest me as much as they used to when I was a kid myself. Not enough to get super invested in and draw a lot of fanart for anyways haha.

I’ll also start by saying that canon doesn’t always influence whether or not I’ll ship something. I’m much more drawn to potential. Could the characters work together? Do their personalities work together in a nice way? I feel like this so much of fanon is anyways. Especially with queer relationships because they’re rarely depicted in the first place. A lot of the context for these ships is usually up to the fans to piece together or make up in general. And that’s the fun part to me!

Jessie and Delia have only met in the anime a handful of times. Any interaction they’ve had has either been pleasant, or just a typical Team Rocket interaction, with Delia dismissing them/not seeing them as a threat. Already a great jumping off point for me since, truly, they don’t have any actual beef or true, ill feelings towards each other. It’s not TOO out of the realm of possibility for them to potentially fall for each other. “But Jessie chased Delia’s son around trying to steal his Pokémon!” That’s where that dismissive and aloof attitude that Delia has comes into play. I’ll go more into Delia’s whole deal a bit later but I do think this aspect of her personality is a large reason why this ship can work. It’s not that she doesn’t care that Jessie has a bad past, but she can tell that, on the inside, Jessie’s a good person. And, in a scenario where Jessie is trying to become a better person, is forgiving enough to give her a shot. I feel like this is such a solid foundation for a ship. A character who has done wrong but is trying to be better and another character who is willing to help them be better. A classic dynamic!

It’s not just one-sided though; where Jessie is the only one benefitting and learning from the relationship. I believe Delia could get a lot out of being with someone like Jessie. To understand why, I think it’s important to know these characters’ respective backstories.

Jessie is an orphan/foster child who grew up in poverty. Her mother Miyamoto (from The Birth of Mewtwo) was a Team Rocket operative herself, who went on a mission to find Mew. In order to do this, she had to leave Jessie when she was just a toddler. Unfortunately, Miyamoto went MIA on her mission leaving Jessie to more or less fend for herself. Jessie went through life with zero stability, evident by her MANY different careers and constant moving around. It’s implied in the show that she went from foster home to foster home, and later in life tried being an idol, weather girl, florist, wine connoisseur, actress, most notably a nurse and finally a Team Rocket field agent. And even while in Team Rocket, she, James and Meowth were always doing odd jobs to get by. We see that Jessie used to be a sweet kid, and even adult, but the world and her circumstances repeatedly did her dirty, leading her to become the character we know today. Hot tempered, mean, selfish, etc. But despite this, her soft side does still shine through for the people and Pokémon she cares about. She is incredibly loyal.

Delia, unbeknownst to a lot of fans, also had a rough past (see Pocket Monsters: The Animation). Like Jessie, she had a lot of dreams and aspirations like wanting to be a model and even a trainer. But when she was 10, her mother didn’t let her, telling her that she had to stay home and learn to run the family restaurant (she’s an only child). Delia’s father left her and her mother to be a trainer, and never returned. When she was 18, she married Ash’s father and became pregnant shortly after. But right after Ash was born, he also set off to be a Pokémon trainer. And soon after that, her mother passed away, leaving Delia with just the restaurant and baby Ash. This gives so much context to Delia’s attitude in the show. We see that Delia is pained whenever Ash leaves on a journey, but she never shows that pain to anyone. ESPECIALLY Ash. She’s very quick to shoo him off when he shows any sign of wanting to go on another journey and even when he returns home, she acts more excited to see Pikachu than him almost every time. Without all this backstory, it’s easy to just read this as a funny gag, BUT with context, I think it really shows how quickly Delia shuts down and detaches in order to not confront her own feelings. She’s afraid of losing people and getting hurt again.

All that said, I think Jessie and Delia provide each other with EXACTLY what the other needs. 

Aside from becoming rich and famous, Jessie’s biggest aspiration is to get married. In my opinion, this is more so an underlying want for love and stability. There is no one more stable in the show than Delia. Delia’s lived in Pallet her whole life, she’s worked at the same restaurant since she was young and she is always there when Ash comes back home. She has all the love, patience and stability Jessie needs and craves. While forgiving, Delia’s not stupid and can keep Jessie in check. Delia’s also just an angel, which I feel, would make Jessie want to be better. And on top of all this, on more of a surface level, Delia’s a chef and excellent cook. She shows love through cooking and Jessie, who grew up poor, regularly starving and eating snow, happily receives that love. Jessie’s able to live a happy and healthy life with someone like Delia.

Delia, as stated, is very stable. Likely pretty monotonous and solitary, especially living in such a small town like Pallet. This isn’t a bad thing but it’s a little sad when you consider that Delia also had dreams of traveling, being a model and a trainer. She had to give up so many dreams in order to fulfill her duties as a restaurant owner and mother. And even now, when Ash is off on his journey, she feels the need to always be home and be that stable pillar, leaving behind any ambitions she had, thinking it’s too late for her (she’s only 29 btw). But then along comes Jessie, dangerous, passionate, an absolute firecracker. Someone who’s whole life has been about chasing dreams and either, never giving up on them or finding a new dream to chase. Upon learning about Delia’s past aspirations, I could see Jessie pushing her towards them, letting her know that life’s too short and she has nothing to lose from trying. On top of this, Jessie’s also loyal. She, James and Meowth are depicted as doing anything for anyone who gives them food or shows them kindness. Delia does both so there’s no way Jessie would leave her. This fulfills an essential need for Delia, who is afraid of the people in her life leaving her.

There’s so much potential for mutual growth and learning between these two and I adore that. They compliment each other, they help each other and they bring out the best qualities in one another.

I’m not really sure how to end this and I could truly talk about them even more but I don’t want this to be tooooo long haha. OH I could end it with maybe the most funny aspect of this ship that I've brushed over and also what drew me to it in the first place. Jessie. As Ash’s stepmom. THE END.

[willyoubemycherryy]

What I hear now… (Salesman x reader)

Summary: Piano strings thrum in place of the ones belonging to your heart; playing a requiem for feelings that were never supposed to bloom or even make it.

Contains: angst, hurt, longing, conflicted feelings, music, confusion, he likes you in a way that isn’t homicidal and struggles to deal, you’re just emotional, fear and hopelessness with a few flickers of comfort

A/N- this is how I’m coping with TikTok being banned. I miss everyone so much right now. Cried writing this so I’m sorry.

｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ｡˚ ｡ ˚ ︶︶✩︶︶‌ ₊ ˚ ︶︶

This was new.

Tentative breaths shake the atmosphere of the unfamiliar space as you try to quietly adjust. You don’t even remember how you got here, to his apartment but here you are. It’s comfortable, furnished and organized with monochromatic colors and a piano in the middle of the large space and that’s when you remember.

You’d asked him after one of your trysts if he had any secret talents. The question- like you- was unusual but he answers out of the barb-teethed fondness he’s grown for you.

“I’m quite good on the piano.”

Your eyebrows shoot to your hairline at the unexpectedness and you wonder if anyone who’s ever known him knows about his hidden gift.

“You’ve gotta play for me one day.” It’s the first time he’s heard that word without any of the usual foreboding. Play. He can’t recall the last time he ever has in such a meaningful way. He surprises himself by agreeing, nodding with one of his pretty disarming smiles.

“Sure. Maybe I’ll even sing for you too.”

And that’s how you got here. Laying on plush carpet as you lean up on your elbows, next to the large piano as you watch the man sitting at its keys. He’s in a simple dress shirt with the forearms rolled up, black slacks and grey socks. Less put together as strands of hair fall in his face but still beautiful and you feel your heart ache. He shuffles closer before glancing down at you, smiling with the side of his mouth then turning back to the instrument. Seconds later music fills the quiet space around you, stopping your heart before it jumps to your throat as your recognize the melody from the first few notes alone.

He hears your gasp and knows you know exactly what song he’s playing but he doesn’t stop to taunt you- instead he keeps playing. Notes growing in volume then tempo as they spin over each other, cascading in and out of depth before they descend. You go still with wide eyes as you listen, lips shaking from the onslaught of sudden emotion and you swear you hear the words as he shatters your defenses with sure, precise fingers on ivory keys; leaving you bare in all the ways that matter and it’s as mesmerizing as it is heartbreaking.

It was a dangerous dance feeling what you’re feeling for him because he was so limited in both heart and character.

You still didn’t even know what he did for a living but you became familiar with him anyways, what was a fun convenient thing bled into something more with each time he sought you out.

The quiet life you maintained was like a soothing balm to the mangled parts of him he’d given up on healing years ago; accepting that he was just too far gone.

But then there was suddenly you. Scolding him on the train that he “shouldn’t bully the misfortunate” or else one day he’d wake up ugly and even agreeing to play one of his games only the beat him the first and only time you did, refusing to entertain him. Sticking your tongue out at him before getting off at your stop.

“Not hot shit now are you? Dirtbag…”, glaring with a curled lip as you walked off. Maybe it was then. You picked an issue with him not for profit but to stand up for someone you didn’t even know and he couldn’t wrap his head around it. So, he settled for his arms instead and you were nice but nicer when he was nice too and it gave him a glimpse into the other side of life. One he’d never given a thought to.

Yes; he might be able to live with you one day but he could never stay and you could never know why. He refused to drown you in the heavy blood of his world.

When he winds the chorus back, and you find yourself close to tears as you listen to each key; phantom lyrics ringing in your ears.

“I used to hear a simple song,

That was until you came along.

You took my broken melody-

and now I hear a symphony.”

You close your eyes to stop the water because when it rains it pours and against everything, unfortunately- you like him.

The final string of notes soften their crescendo as the song ends and silence fills the space once again. Even with the music gone, you still feel like crying.

He really was quite good on the piano.

You can’t keep your eyes closed forever though but when you open them, he’s already looking at you and your misty eyes, cooing at the tremble in your bottom lip.

“Aw. You’re sensitive to music too-?” You ignore the flippancy in his tone as you cut him off, voice small when you throw caution to the wind for the comfort you so desperately need right now before you fall apart wanting to keep something that was decaying.

“Can I please have a hug?”

Your request shocks him enough to knock his usual ever-present grin off his face for a minute before he wordlessly slides down to where your sitting on the floor, watery eyes firmly fixed onto the carpet before he pulls you into his lap, wrapping you in his arms and you stiffen before melting into him with a sigh, burying your head in his chest.

He doesn’t say anything. If he did, it would end in disaster because he’s never comforted anyone honestly in his life. He could’ve ignored you but he found he didn’t want to, instead he let you need him- wanted you to need him as he consoled you.

You were so unlike him. So different from the strife he normally caused and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“If I knew it would’ve upset you so much, I’d have said something pointless like solving a rubix cube.” You snort at that and the sound gives him a strange sense of relief.

“It’s fine, I’m not upset so don’t worry. It’s not like you.” He stays silent because he knows. He knows any kind of concern that comes from him is abnormal but it’s you.

“Getting soft on me-“

“I could make you cry again if that’s what you’d prefer?”

You two bicker way too casually for the amount of gaps in your relationship but somehow it fits, driving you to settle into him more with a deep breath, enjoying his scent. Neither of you knew what was going on but you’d cross that bridge when it got to burning. For now though;

“You can do that later but let’s just stay like this for a little while longer?”

“….”

“..alright.”

[maknaeswrld]

here | h.js

wc: 3.7k

genre: childhood best friends to strangers to lovers; gn!reader; idiots in love; fluff; angst.

cw: mentions of marriage; in depth-ish depictions of panic attack; I think that's really it, please let me know

a/n: The Hannie POV nobody asked for and I wrote anyways bc I missed my first fic dumbass babies. if you'd like to experience the full story and haven't yet, start here

roadmap: starts in present; gives his perspective on the time just before and after losing contact; ends back in present (The SOUND + 5 Star era) ((yes it's been that long since I released the original story))

Felix comes bounding in, practically shaking in excitement as he grabs Jeongin and disappears just as fast. Jisung blinks at it, not really paying much attention, his younger members are always up to stuff, but curious about what had garnered Felix’s attention.

He chose not to think about it too much as he fiddled with his mic pack.

Until Jeongin and Felix came back with Jeongin buzzing with just as much excitement.

“Y/n’s here!” Felix shouts. “I just had Innie confirm it for me, they’re actually here! They’re sitting-” Jisung lost all ability to pay attention as his head whipped toward Chan, who was already pulling his shirt back on.

“Go inform the band, I’ll tell production.” Chan says, looking directly at Han as the others seem to fade to the background. “And do not do anything stupid.” Han nods and all but runs out of the room, grabbing band members as he sees them.

“We’re gonna do There during intermission.” He says, sounding as breathless as he feels. “And don’t worry, this isn’t gonna be a regular thing I just, I really need to perform it tonight.” His drummer just pats his shoulder encouragingly. 

“Don’t worry man, we’ve got your back.”

As the spotlight hits his face, he’s smacked with the realization that he has no idea where you even are. There’s hundreds of people in the stadium, thousands of eyes watching him curiously as he nervously clears his throat. The crowds have never affected him quite like they were in that moment.

“This wasn’t exactly scheduled, and I’m sorry about that, but I just talked it over with the others and with the band and we’re going to perform There for all of you tonight. This song is, well it’s really important to me.”

As the opening chords start, Jisung feels his heart in his throat as he prepares to sing, eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of you.

He hadn’t written this particular song, though there were plenty he had written for you, but when Changbin and Chan showed it to him, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was one that would resonate with you. He knew, or at least he very deeply hoped, that if you ever heard it, you’d think of him. When he had told them this, they agreed they’d perform it live should they ever find you in the crowd, should Jisung ever get the second chance they all wanted for him. 

They all knew he was in love with you, they knew before they ever even met you. Han Jisung has never been good at hiding his emotions, and when it came to you, it was almost as if there was nothing to hide because when they met you they could all see you felt the exact same way. 

What none of them could ever figure out was why you never told each other and how Jisung let you slip away so easily. It was like one day you were there as you always had been and the next you didn’t exist. No one knew why Jisung let communication dwindle to nothing, but they had all felt the loss when you fully exited their lives.

***

For as long as he could remember, Jisung had you by his side. He remembers playing in puddles and bathing together before it was considered weird. He remembers you hitting his bullies and getting suspended in elementary school, he remembers when puberty hit and he realized you were hot, and then later when he came to the conclusion you weren’t just hot you were also exactly who he wanted to spend his whole life with, in a non platonic way.

That realization hadn’t freaked him out as much as he thought it should have, he already knew he had never wanted you to leave him, so the addition of emotions his young mind couldn’t fully comprehend wasn’t that big of a deal. Not really. 

You supported him like no one else. You took care of him, helped him through his anxiety attacks, protected him even if he didn’t necessarily need it. He was young, he knew it’d likely mess up your friendship if he said anything, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that you would be his fairy tale ending,,, one day. If you felt the same. 

So instead of outright telling you how he felt, he started fishing for how you might feel. The joke of ‘are you in love with me or something’ quickly became an ongoing thing that you would both use when the other did something that resembled even the smallest bit of possible affection. It went from a way for him to see if you felt the same to a safety net for you both to use to say it without actually saying it. 

It was obvious to everyone, including the both of you, that the relationship went beyond friendship, but he never acted on it, too terrified of being wrong to risk it; and then later too afraid of pulling you into a world that you didn’t want to be a part of. 

As Jisungs fame grew, his need to keep you by his side both intensified and dwindled. 

In all reality, he was terrified of rising to fame alone, of having the spotlight on him and not being able to look to his side and see you. The thought of you not supporting him every step of the way, of not being with him, of losing touch and never being able to find his way back to you scared him more than anything he’d ever faced. But on the same hand, he wanted you nowhere near the spotlight. 

He knew the risks that come with the industry, and he knew how much worse it could potentially be if people thought you were romantically involved. The music industry isn’t always the most pleasant and he knew it, you knew it, so as much as he despised the idea of losing you, the thought of you losing yourself by following him seemed so much worse. 

Jisung wanted to always protect you, keep you from the dangers and toxicity of relations of any kind with an idol. He was torn in half about it. He wanted to be selfish and keep you close, but he needed to keep you away. He knew the boys would take care of you if he had tried to keep you close, he knew Bang Chan would never let the company dictate your life in any way, but the risk far outweighed the reward at the time. Jisung didn’t know what he would do should he ever have to watch you get dragged into a lifestyle you never wanted.

When you told him you were moving to America for your promotion, it was as if it were the answer he didn’t know he needed. Between the timezones, him and the members getting busier, and your new work schedule, losing communication all together wouldn’t be too difficult.

The thought of purposely losing contact with you made his stomach twist horribly, guilt riddling him, but he had to, it was the only way to keep you safe. The only way to keep you untainted by the dark side of the world he threw himself into. 

He didn’t bank on his members caring for you so much, making it drag out longer than he anticipated, asking when he was going to call you so they could steal his phone to talk to you themselves. They would ask him why you stopped calling every night, to which he’d shrug and pretend he hadn’t silenced your number. As they got busier, the thought of you slipped further and further from everyone's minds, and by the end of your first year in America, it was as if you didn’t even exist.

His heart ached at every little thing that would bring a reminder of you to his mind, from seeing your favorite flower to trying a new restaurant and wishing he could share it with you. You were a ghost that haunted him in everything he did. Every song he wrote was a story of you or to you. 

The members never pushed him to try and contact you, but he sometimes wished they would, that they’d force his hand and call the number he wasn’t even positive belonged to you anymore. The closest anyone ever got into making him remember you was when one of the members would buy something that reminded them of you. Between the eight of them, there was an entire bookshelf in each dorm dedicated to gifts they should have been giving you throughout the years, although not a single one of them ever acknowledged that being the case.

Han wished they’d bring you up, he wished they’d force him into remembering you and everything he had, everything he could have had. 

It was shortly after the release of NoEasy that he’d bought the ring. He was out shopping with Jeongin and Hyunjin when he saw it, and all he could see was it resting on your hand. He’d purchased it and stashed the small box carefully away so there could be no possible pictures spread, and therefore no rumors. 

Jisung never truly believed he’d see you again, part of him might’ve even hoped he’d never see you again, it’d be easier to suffer in his choices than it’d be to try explaining them to you. 

But a much bigger part of him couldn’t leave his apartment without that ring. After buying it that day, it’d taken up permanent residence in his bag, never once separating from his side. Changbin had laughed after seeing it the first time.

“What, do you plan to just drop to one knee and pop the question the second you reunite?”

Jisung’s cheeks turned bright red at the teasing. 

“And what if I do?”

Changbin just looked at him like he was his own special kind of stupid and was wearing a giant sign that announced the fact. 

Sometimes, when the studio was empty and the hour too late for any human being, Jisung would let himself dwell in the memories of the past, trying to remember how it felt to have you in his orbit, your gravity keeping him on his axis. He’d let his mind drift through the memories that he typically kept tucked away. 

Thinking of your smile, your shared inside jokes, the way you’d loved him so hesitantly for so many years, both eased his heart and made it contract with regret every single time, but it’s also where so many of his songs started. He was an emotion writer and you were his favorite emotion.

As the years passed, he grew more confident in the fact that he’d successfully run you off. The ring remained in his bag, but was handled less. The songs were still written, but not as often. He was comfortable in the fact that you were good and gone, that he would never see you again.

Until that was no longer the case.

~~~

As the song came to an end and Jisung still hadn’t been able to find you, he tried to keep his shoulders straight. Tried with all his might to keep a semblance of a smile on his face. But he knew he wasn’t successful when Chan grabbed him and gently directed him backstage once again.

“Sungie, I really need you to come back to us, okay? Y/n or no Y/n, we’ve still got a job to do and getting into your head is just going to take you further away.” Chan, always the voice of reason, could hardly hide the concern clouding his eyes and voice. Han hated making Chan worry about him, especially in the middle of shows.

“You’re never gonna find them and get them back if you don’t get out there and keep trying.” Seungmin smacked him on the back, shoving a bottle of water into his hand and continuing past.

Taking a few anchoring breaths, Jisung quickly changed into the next stage's outfit, let the make-up staff do their job, and finally found his way back out on the stage. 

He never stopped searching. His eyes constantly looking over every single face he could see from the stage, begging his eyes to finally pick you out of the crowd. Stomach moving further and further up into his throat the longer he went without laying eyes on you. And then Minho laughed.

There weren’t many sounds that drew Jisung’s attention quite as fast as a genuine laugh from Minho, the noise caught him off guard and pulled him in his direction instantly, a genuine smile already making its way onto Jisungs face.

Han threw an arm over Minho’s shoulder, a grin splitting his lips as he lifted his mic for his upcoming part, before Minho shoved him into a downward spiral of losing all track of his surroundings.

“Straight ahead, about eighth row maybe.” His friend nodded slightly, and Jisung’s eyes were scanning the direction, instantly finding yours. 

The world didn’t stop, it didn’t go quiet or fade away entirely, but Jisung felt like it should have, like finally seeing you again was everything he needed in that moment and the rest of the world could find something else to do as long as you kept looking at him.

Minho’s hand squeezing Jisung’s side roughly snapped him back into the reality of the situation though. The rest of the world wasn’t going to just leave right now and the major choreography was coming up. He couldn’t help smiling at you again before getting ready to continue doing his job, barely recognizing that he completely missed his part.

After having finally found you, he couldn’t stomach losing sight of you, fearing the second he stopped looking at you, you’d vanish. As if he’d made you up. It caused plenty of mess ups in both choreography and lines, but by the time the concert came to an end, he was convinced you really, truly were right there.

After saying his goodbyes to Stay, he rushed to the closest member of security he could find and begged for him to go get you, giving him your name and approximate location. The energy of a good show was an adrenaline high unlike any other Jisung had ever experienced, the excitement coursing through the group aided with the joy of knowing you’d been in the crowd. 

Jisung realizes maybe too late that he should’ve asked if his members were okay with him pulling you backstage, if they wanted to see you and get to know you again as much as he did. He hunts down Chan to ask, albeit too late for his no to have any real effect. 

“If you hadn’t sent someone to find them, I would’ve done it myself. You’re crazy if you think we were going to let them leave without trying to reconnect. We all missed Y/n too, you know.”

Chan meant to be comforting, but it had the reverse effect. Jisung knew his members cared about you too but he’d never really stopped to think about how much him pushing you away may have affected each of them. 

Had the decision been completely selfish? Had he caused pain to everyone important to him for nothing if you accept the invitation and come backstage? In the end, Jisung knew blocking you out had been selfish, he knew that he should have left it to be your decision to make, that if you were going to leave it should have been because you wanted to not because he made you. If he hadn’t, would you be on tour with them right now? What would be different if he had talked to you about his fears instead of just choosing to act on them?

The further his brain went down that thought, the more he had to pace to try and keep his heart rate somewhat steady. He avoided messing with his hair, knowing that his stylist would chew him out for pulling it again, but damn it did he want to. The air felt too thin, the lights too bright, he hadn’t just hurt you, he’d hurt his band too. He hurt every single person he wanted to be the best version of himself for, every person he never, ever wanted to hurt.

“I need you to breathe for me Sungie, deep breaths. Can you follow my breathing?” Chan didn’t try to touch him, just hoped he listened while watching his friend spiral. “That’s it, there you go.” Chan could feel his whole body shake with relief as Jisung remembered his breathing techniques and started to calm down, even if only slightly.

He slowly reached into his pocket, fishing out the box Jisung insisted on taking with him everywhere. Gently, he reached out to place the box in Jisung’s shaky hands.

“I’m gonna go in there now. If you need me, you can send one of the guards in for me, okay? But remember, that is your best friend in this whole world in there. You’re going to be okay.”

Jiusng hugged him tightly before letting him go. He opened the box slowly, staring at the ring he’d picked out so many years before, his heart in his throat looking at it.

He snapped the box shut again, shoving it deep into his pocket, out of sight as if the box had burned him, eyes moving to the ground as his pacing started back up, Chan’s last words on repeat in his head. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just your best friend. Your best friend in the whole world that you’ve been out of touch with for years. You’ll be okay. It’s not like they wouldn’t want to see you. Oh my god, what if they don’t want to see me.”

“Han Jisung, would you stop rambling under your breath and hug me already?”

Han’s head whipped up, eyes wide, and for a moment all he could do was stare at you in shock, all he could think was that you are really here, truly in front of him and actually demanding a hug. 

And then he rushes towards you, pulling you into a hug so tight, as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. He sort of is.

“I missed you so much.” Jisung whispers, his voice watery even to his own ears, likely from his earlier breakdown.

You hug him back with just as much strength, clinging to him and willing away tears of your own.

“Careful, it almost sounds like you’re in love with me or something.” You try to joke, your voice just as unsteady as his.

Everything Jisung had ever thought and never said, every song he’s ever written and every night he’d stayed up remembering you and all the times he could have told you flash through his mind. His heart ached. 

“And what if I am?” He whispers. He could feel your breath catch in your throat. Tears still threatening his lash line.

Before you can say anything, he starts fumbling for his pocket before pulling out a small black box. He takes a deep breath, not bothering to try and decipher if it was a good idea before sinking down onto one knee, his mind fearful but determined as your eyes widen in shock.

“Because I am, ya know? I always have been. You’ve always been my ending, Y/n/n. And I had promised you once that you’d be stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life, and that I’d put a ring on it if it meant never losing you. Well, then I did lose you, and now that you’re here, I don’t intend on ever letting you slip away again. So, marry me, and let me spend the rest of my life by your side, because I joke about your miserable life a lot, but I know for a fact how miserable life is without you and I don’t want it.”

Jisung knows you better than he knows himself sometimes, but he’s never been good at dealing with you crying. But before he could put the ring up to attempt to console you instead, you drop to your knees in front of him, nodding as you grab his face and pull him in for a kiss.

Your lips are salty, likely from your shared tears, and his are a little chapped, but they meet yours just as eagerly. His heart swells with the utter completeness of it all, as if this is how it always should have been.

You both pull apart for air, Jisung leans his forehead against yours as he grabs your hand to slide the ring into place, the sounds of whooping and hollering not too far off. 

Jisung is unsurprised to see all of the Kids watching, but he can’t help but blush at the four strangers grinning from ear to ear accompanying them.

He blushes and you grin, tears still flowing as he wraps you up into his embrace, thrilled to finally have his best friend in the whole wide world back and beaming proudly as you showed off your ring to two of your apparent friends.

“I love you.” Jisung whispers as he helps you stand up after a few moments to recollect himself.

“I love you too.” You whisper back, leaning further into him and he swears he could live off of just hearing those words from you and feeling you in his arms.

“Sweetie, you’ve got some major explaining to do.” The tiny blonde girl glared at you.

“And so do we. Thanks Hannie.” Seungmin grumbled, being unable to hide his smile even as he said it.

Jisung looked at you, wearing his ring, back in his life where you should have always been, and despite the exhaustingly long conversations and apologies to come, as well as the amount of explaining Chan is probably looking forward to with the company, Jisung couldn’t find himself to feel anything but pure, unadulterated joy right in that moment.

thank you for reading! reblogs and comments are always always appreciated, I love to hear thoughts and opinions!🫶

[ryanmarshallryan]

Pride Pool Party

Here is a vore story inspired by a scenario requested by @malebellyvore987

Nathaniel and Jonathan were having a lot of fun celebrating their first pride month together as boyfriends. They went to the local parade and watched all the fun floats go by, waving to their friends who were marching along among the floats. Nathaniel’s younger brother, Hector, had never been to a pride parade but had always wanted to go, so they let him tag along.

“I think Mario’s hosting a pool party sometime later today,” Jonathan mentioned to Nathaniel as they watched a gay men’s chorus march by blasting Chappel Roan, “did you wanna stop by for a bit? Maybe after we drop off Hector?”

Before Nathaniel could chime in, Hector who had been listening blurted out “Pool party! I wanna come!”

“Hector, this won’t be like one of your college frat parties,” Nathaniel responded, adjusting his sunglasses in the hot sun, “I think the dress code is speedos… or less.”

“C’mon we don’t have a pool, and it is soooo hot. I don’t have a problem with guys there assuming I’m gay,” Hector retorted.

“Yeah, but isn't this like your first pride? We don’t wanna overwhelm you too much,” Jonathan added.

“Guys relax, I can blend in. Anyways I’d spend most of my time under the water, not bothering anybody…” Hector replied, now beginning to pull his sweat drenched shirt off over his head, “but I’ll let everyone enjoy the view.”

“Gross,” Nathaniel joked when Hector revealed his skinny toned frame. Someone on a float whistled at him and Hector spun his shirt around over his head in response.

After making their way back through the crowds and taking the subway, they found their friend Mario’s apartment complex and headed over to the secluded pool area. 

The scene had been decked out in the vomit of a rainbow monster. Multi-colored streamers adorned the fence. A rainbow-sequined fabric was strung up near a box of props for photo taking. The pool was littered with rainbow and pool donuts, and the snack table was arranged as well with donuts adorning rainbow designs. Hector admired some particularly lewd posters hanging by a changing area, and saw a caption underneath that read like “Made by an actual, full-time gay man, not but some money hungry conglomerate that showers the world in rainbows only one month a year.”

Nathaniel and Jonathan found their way into a changing area, visited with Mario and chatted a bit, then dove into the pool to cool off for a bit and socialize with the other swimmers. Jonathan began to remark “where’s Hector,” when they saw a flash above their heads as Hector jumped over them in only his underwear and did a cannonball in the center of the crowd.

“Well, there’s your answer,” said Nathaniel, wiping water out of his eyes.

Hector stayed true to his word and began exploring under the water to get out of the heat. At one point he came up to Jonathan and Nathaniel and whispered, “I’ve never seen so many yahoos in my life!”

“Yahoos? You sound like you're twelve,” Nathaniel replied.

“Hector, maybe don’t stalk guys' junk from under the water,” Jonathan added, “It’s kinda weird.”

“Only admiring, don’t worry,” Hector said, then pointing to a guy across the pool, “He’s been doing it, too.”

“I think I’m gonna go dive into the pool,” Nathaniel said, searching for an excuse to leave this uncomfortable conversation. 

Hector nodded goodbye, then went off jumping back underwater and splashing nearby swimmers who were caught off guard.

Nathaniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath and tried to convince himself that everything was going great, willing the universe to not let his brother mess up his pride pool party day. Apparently the universe had other plans. For the moment Nathaniel opened his eyes and lept head first to dive into the water, he saw a slim figure approaching from the depths of the pool, that was not his reflection.

It happened very quickly. Hector, who had been playing around sitting on the bottom of the deep end, then coming up for air at the last second, zoomed to the surface and opened his mouth as wide as he could to take in a big gulp of air. But instead he got a face full of his brother, Nathaniel, who slammed hard into the back of his throat, and kept sliding down with astonishing speed into his rapidly expanding stomach. Nathaniel felt his arms crumple against his body, as he was forced to curl up, tightly encased in the balloon of his brother’s stomach. Hector, had the wind knocked out of him from the unexpected gulp of Nathaniel, and experienced a short period of shock as he tried to suck in air but could not pull down his diaphragm. 

Jonathan swam over, planning to greet Nathaniel in the pool, and wiped the water out of his face to find Hector, who was now wheezing with his torso under the water.

“Hector, are you okay? Did you swallow a bunch of water or something?” Jonathan asked, concernedly.

Hector tried to respond but was still too out of breath to form words. But a guttural, mumbled and grumbling sound issued out of his throat. Hector took one more deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but instead found another voice issuing from out of his throat saying, “Oh he swallowed something all right!”

Jonathan looked down in surprise. He assumed the large view of Hector’s gut was simply an illusion of the light refracting in the water. He plunged under the water, opened his eyes to the stinging chlorine, and put his ear to Hector’s deformed and distended belly, which was forming the exact shape of his boyfriend in fetal position. He could hear frustrated grunting.

“Hector, you ate my boyfriend? You ate your brother?” Jonathan yelled in confusion.

Hector replied with a sheepish, toothy smile to show apology. “In my defense he literally dove down my throat,” Hector replied, now rubbing his tight gut.

“Regardless of how it happened, it’s time to get him out. Right now,” Jonathan tried to push on Hector’s stomach, but ended up just pushing Hector through the water to the shallow end. Swimmers they passed by stopped the conversation to gaze at the unexpected view of the tight man-filled belly emerging out of the water. “Nothing to see here people, unless you got some emetic drugs or something.”

Jonathan got Hector up against a wall of the pool and continued pushing, but that just made Nathaniel more uncomfortable, and as he tried to wriggle around to avoid being squeezed too hard by the stomach and added pressure of Jonathan’s hands, Hector moaned in discomfort as his insides were pressed tightly against his spine to make room for the comparatively gigantic mass in his gut. 

Next, Jonathan made Hector open his mouth wide again, and tried to shove his arms down Hector’s throat to grab Nathaniel and pull him out. This not only did not work, it had the opposite result, as Hector’s peristalsis kicked in and he began swallowing Jonathan as well.

Jonathan had just enough time to yell “I need a big strong bear to pull me out of this!!!” before his head was sucked in along with his arms into Hector’s powerful esophagus. 

By the time the bears had been summoned, Jonathan was up past his groin into Hector’s mouth and throat, and his arms and head had reached the stomach. Jonathan and Nathaniel got closer than they ever got before as they were crushed between Hector’s clammy stomach walls, with tingling stomach acid and sweat making it difficult to grip onto one another.

One of the bears reached his arms around the slender waist of Hector from the back and picked him up, with pressure on the lower half of Hector’s belly. Two other bears grabbed hold of Jonathan’s legs, which only the lower half of were showing outside of Hector’s mouth. Mario came over too and started chanting “1… 2… 3… Heave!!!” over and over again. LIttle by little, inch by inch, they pulled Jonathan’s body back out of Hector’s maw. Jonathan was trying his best to hold tight to Nathaniel, but as his head made it past Hector’s face, he felt his hands slipping. Luckily one of the bears noticed, grabbing onto Nathaniel’s wrist and pulling with a great might. 

Once Nathaniel and Jonathan were freed from Hector’s surprisingly powerful and durable stomach, the lot of them waded in the water with the bears, all catching their breath. The guys thanked the bears, who thanked them for an unexpected and interesting experience. One of the bears tickled Hector’s belly and joked that the little’s stomach was much bigger than his eyes it seemed. The other bear that had held Hector from the back gave Hector a slap on the butt, and swam on.

The last of the bears admired Nathaniel and Jonathan saying, “Hey if you two ever wanna have fun inside a gut that’s actually roomy enough to hold both of you, send me a message.” He pulled a sticky note pad and a pen out of his pocket and wrote his number down twice and gave it to each of them. The bear gave them a wink, and swam backwards, letting his belly rise above the water, looking like a whale coming up for air.

“How did that guy have a dry piece of paper in his pocket?” Jonathan asked.

“Honestly a lot of surprising things happened today and that’s the least of my concerns,” Nathaniel replied.

Jonathan held the paper up out of the water to avoid getting it wet, “Well, it could be fun to try something new.”

Mario dove into the water next to them and came to chat. “All right, Hector? Maybe refrain from eating these lads in the future,” he said, patting Jonathan and Nathaniel on the backs, “but if I run into any willing meals I’ll send them your way,” he said with a wink.

“Oh, no, that was all an accident, I didn’t mean to - wait, there are guys willing to - ” Hector began.

“Thanks so much for hosting, Mario. Sorry for my brother. He gets nervous and starts stress eating in crowds,” Nathaniel cut him off.

“No I don’t! Don’t make me - “ Hector began again.

“Well don’t just be food, come eat some! We’ve got a great buffet over by the changing rooms. And I mean eat as much as you can, I do not have the fridge space for all of this,” Mario implored them.

“I think I know a guy who could definitely help with that,” Nathaniel said, just before playfully punching Hector in the gut. “Race ya,” and they were off to the buffet to fill their bellies, and enjoy the rest of the pride pool party.

[colombinaa]

radfems, thank you.

my journey of becoming a radfem has been long and rather solitary. throughout 2024 i was able to listen to perspectives i had never heard of before and see new sides of this society, both in my real, personal life and through the voices and testimonies of other women. consequently, my views started developing and evolving.

during this time i never called myself a radical feminist, as i didn’t know all its core points and their meaning/explanation. i did recognise my leaning towards it though.

at the same time, i had no idea about the whole “terf” thing. being straight barred me from a lot of the misogyny around the matter. i had only seen that term in a specific occasion and shoved it back as a non-issue. looking back now, i shouldn’t have.

then november arrived and i peaked. it was heartbreaking, infuriating, disappointing, enraging. i felt betrayed, that stupid girl who never understood why she was always excluded, the foolish young woman who still has that slow heart.

contemporarly, i found out what “she’s a terf” actually meant. i researched radical feminism and its core values and saw my own reflected in it. i started trying to find like-minded women, at least online, and with that i found names of writers i had already heard of, quotes and paragraphs i had already read, women i should’ve looked up on google earlier. i can see how that class consciousness i have gained throughout last year would’ve lead me here anyway, sooner or later.

now i am here. i got basically all the theory to read, in-depth analysis i can’t wait to read and that is gonna help me set my thoughts and values into clear words, something my autistic brain definitely needs help with. i’ll have to learn how to put all this into action too. but the moral compass i’ve been building is already there, and so is the resolution of speaking up.

the female socialisation is still going hard, the internalised ableism and late diagnosis effects too; i’m young and in burnout, and still learning. but i’m happy to be here. i’m happy to have reached this place. both metaphorically and literally ahah. i’ve been on this app for like two months and i already feel like starting to make more personal and chill posts, like that etruscan woman that got the same tittie shape as me (i’ll never shut up about this) like i swear. and to the allistic girlies reading, trust me when i say for me it’s a big thing! (the being more chill thing, not the tittie shape one - i mean yes that too but you get what i mean).

so thank you, radfems, for never giving up.

and also thank you for creating a rather normal community in which we keep discussing topics and practicing criticism instead of preaching dogmas and shunning for thoughtcrimes, i was fucking exhausted tbh

[emphasisonthehomo]

Threshold teaser snippet! Vague spoilers.

•

“Were you serious about wanting to look for a new mattress?” Evan asks a week later.

It’s mid-morning. Tommy still has a little over 10 hours left of his shift, and is squirreled away in a corner of Harbor Station where he can have a conversation and be about 80% sure his coworkers won’t overhear. They’re talking just to talk. It’s nice. Evan must have slept in, because there’s still an obvious line on his cheek from the crease of a pillowcase.

“Yeah.” Tommy says, leaning against the wall and holding his phone close, “You were right, I do need a new one.”

“Good,” Evan says, all business, before picking up a pile of paper and tapping them on the counter a few times, “Because I did a little research, and I was thinking, you know. Since the squeaking of springs is kinda an issue, I’d look into some foam mattresses for you. And there’s some really good ones on the market right now–”

Tommy adjusts the volume to make sure he can hear everything Evan’s saying over the bustle of the station around him. Evan’s in his kitchen, his phone propped up on something. The top of his hair is out of frame. As Tommy squints, he can see that Evan’s holding several printed pages of consumer reports.

“–and obviously you’re gonna want to avoid something with fiberglass,” Evan continues seriously, “How that’s legal, I have no idea. Probably lobbyists. So anyway those are already out. IKEA apparently has some, but those seem really cheap. I didn’t want to make assumptions about your budget, but I did take those off the list, because you can do better than that–”

Tommy blinks. He’d made what was honestly a joke comment, and in the interim Evan apparently decided to study up and become a mattress expert on the possibility that Tommy was serious.

I’m going to fall in love with this man.

It’s a ludicrous time to come to that conclusion. Tommy’s at work, this call could end at any moment because of any number of emergencies, and Evan is rambling on about mattress companies. The thought still bubbles to the front of Tommy’s mind perfectly formed. There’s no agonizing over it, no hesitation. It’s the natural answer to a question Tommy hadn’t consciously been thinking about.

Of course.

Of course it’s Evan.

“You should come mattress shopping with me,” Tommy says, when Evan stops to catch his breath in the middle of an in-depth account of the pros and cons of memory foam versus non memory foam.

“It’s your mattress Tommy,” Evan sounds caught off guard, and looks mildly irritated that Tommy stopped him in the middle of his explanation.

“It is,” Tommy admits, and then because he doesn’t want make assumptions and repeat the same mistake he made a few months ago, he continues, “But I’m serious about you. About us. Maybe it’s a little soon, but I hope that I’ll be waking up with you a lot for the foreseeable future. You should have some input too.”

Evan goes comically still, his mouth half open. He puts the papers down onto the counter. A few flop out of his hands and slide off of the counter and onto the floor.

“Evan?” Tommy asks, equal parts concerned and nervous.

Shit.

Tommy should have waited to bring this up in person. Evan blinks several times, before turning on his heel and walking out of frame.  

“Evan?” Tommy repeats sharply, brain scrambling as he tries to figure out what to say. How to fix this, “You don’t have to.”

Evan pops back into the frame, hunched over as he picks up the paper that fell. Tommy’s breath gets caught in his throat. Evan straightens, fidgets with the papers in his hands, and then looks back at the camera. His cheeks are pink, he’s biting at his lower lip, and his dimples are out in full force.

Tommy relaxes.

“Just to be clear,” Evan starts slowly, and he looks almost giddy as he continues, “You want to go furniture shopping with me?”

“Yes,” Tommy says, grinning himself because Evan’s delight is always infectious, “You’ve done a lot research, it’d be a shame to waste it. I was just going to order one online.”

“Well, thank god I’m here to stop that from happening,” Evan says, his smile widening before he gets serious again and goes right back to business, “What’s your preference for firmness levels?”

I’m going to fall in love with this man.

“Firm?” Tommy offers, because he does know he’s not a fan of super soft mattresses, “But not too firm.”

Evan’s shirt rides up as he stretches across his counter to grab something off screen, before he returns with a pen and starts scribbling something on another piece of paper.

“Mine is medium firm,” Evan says. Of course he knows that.

“Yours is nice,” Tommy says, even though he honestly hasn’t thought much about it before. The best thing about sleeping in Evan’s bed is that it comes with Evan.

“So I’ll narrow down firm and medium firm models,” Evan says, “We can bounce on some mattresses and take it from there.”

“Your next shift starts tonight, right?” Tommy asks, visualizing his calendar to figure out when they can bounce.

“Yes,” Evan nods seriously, “You can pick me up after if you want? I’ll find a place I think will be good.”

“That’d be perfe–”

In the distance Lucy yells Tommy’s name.

“Gotta go,” Tommy says, “Bye Evan.”

“Bye Tommy,” Evan says, “I l–I’ll text you!” 

[astrid-sorensen]

Desirous | Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: short and sweet 0.8k

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, cum play? Pregnancy

A/N: sorry this isn’t great, wrote it on a whim and couldn’t be fucked to fully proof read it so I thought I’d just post it anyway! Thank you for all my love on my last post, ideas for part 2s welcome!

MASTERLIST

For as long as you had known Joel, he would always say the same thing.

“I’m sorry darlin, I can’t.”

No matter how many times you’d plead and beg, it would always be the same stinging answer. No.

After a lovely evening spent with Joel, celebrating your one year anniversary of being together. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he dropped to your side, his thick white load dripping slowly down your back and onto the clean sheets.

You squashed your face into the pillow, the Texans thick huffs slowing as he regained his breath.

“Darlin, whats wrong?” His softness met the curve of your ear. “Hmmm?”

“Doesn’t matter.” You grumbled, lowly. Your stuffed nose making the words come out harsher than expected.

“Of course it matters baby, you’re crying.” He coos. “Was I too rough?”

“No that’s not it.” You answer speedily.

“What is it then?” Joel recollects the other times he’s seen your face like this after sex. It takes him a minutes but then it’s there.” Oh, Is it because I pulled out again?”

Bingo

You nod a handful of times, unable to make eye contact. “C’mere.”

He pulled you onto his lap, your back flush against his broad bare chest. His arms wrapped around your middle his chin tucking into your shoulder.

“M’sorry d’ya remember what we talked about? If I fill you with my sperm, you could get pregnant. It’s not safe for you.”

“I know, but- but it feels like you don’t want me.”

“Baby, if it were up to me I’d fuck this beautiful cunt with my cum all day long.” He said, one huge hand going down towards your pelvis and rubbing at the bone. “I promise baby, once it’s safer, I’ll fill you all you want.”

Two days later

“Joel don’t pull out please, please.” Your wonton pleas, echoing throughout the room. Your sweaty forms moulding against one another in the confines of his Jackson bedroom.

“Baby you know I can’t.” His voice is gruff, low. But there’s a desperation behind it.

“Please, stay in me please. Just this once. I need to feel you.” The words spill out your swollen lips, your legs wrapping around his back to pull him in closer. To show him just how bad you needed it. He didn’t say a word, and your words turned into tears. Hot wet droplets falling down the side of your cheeks and pooling in your ears from how you were lead down on the bed.

“Shhh baby don’t cry, don’t cry.” He coos, kissing at where the tears run.

“Joel, please, Joel.” Your hands wrap around his neck, curling through his wavy grey strands and tugging him close. A deep gravely sigh leaves the males chest.

“Okay darlin, just this once alright?”

A smile ripples across your complexion, teeth baring as you nod with glee.

“Okay baby, you ready for it? Ready to fuck all my cum into your needy little pussy? Want me to fuck it so deep for you?”

“Yes! Joel please! Fill me up so good.”

“Fuck arghh!”

With a loud groan, Joel slammed his hips to the hilt, your walls bruising around the depth he’d never reached before. His white hot spend was flooding into your fertile womb, his seed revenging through your tubes to find the egg.

He stilled as he came, before shallowing pumping in and out, making sure his semen was as deep as possible.

He did it for a few minutes before he began to soften, slipping out with ease as a white ocean pooled out of your abused hole and down your legs. Christ, you’ve never seen so much of it.

Joel smeared a thumb through the overstimulated folds, sliding the sticky white substance around as your knees shot together.

“Thank you Joel! Thank you!”

“You’re welcome baby, was it as good as you imagined?”

“Better! So much better!”

“I could feel your hot come filling me up, it felt so good!”

“For me too baby.”

After that, Joel was spellbound. It was slow at first, as few weeks after you first experimented with Joel filling you with his cum he wanted to do it again. Denying himself of orgasm for a few days up until he had you all alone, so he could fuck ropes of his load into you. Joel figured after you didn’t get pregnant the first time, it should be fine to do it on occasion.

But before long, he couldn’t stop his urges.

He couldn’t stop the feeling of your tight silky walls clamping around his thick cock, milking him for all he’s worth. You just feel too good. And after feeling that sweet burning ecstasy there was no going back.

By the time Joel was pounding you twice a week full of him, you’d started to come down with some sort of flu.

You’d decided to go the the commune infirmary, to see if there was anything there that would help you, til Maria begged the last question on your mind.

Is there a chance you could be pregnant?

Fuck

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Vincent tending to Chidi’s wounds when a medical professional isn’t near (with Vincent surprisingly having good knowledge on wounds) has always been on my mind and I thought to share with you ^_^

Anyways here’s a crappy screenshot of them because aaaaaaaaaaaaaa Chidi looks so small😭

Thank you so much for this ask! This ended up being almost chapter-length and I may use snippets of it in Those Who Have Something to Live For later on, oops!!

Also, small hearts for small chidi: 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

-⚜- I Want to Be Next to You -⚜-

TW: gunshot wound, discussion of self-sacrifice

The first thing Chidi noticed was the red pouring out of Vincent’s shoulder. The second thing he noticed was how fast he was breathing.

He didn’t say anything, just staggered back against the wall with alarmingly wide eyes almost rolling back in his head - that look of unspeakable terror that Chidi had seen only a few times in his service with Vincent.

Chidi was across the balcony and in contact with Vincent almost instantly, gripping both arms to slow his fall and guide him to the ground. Their legs folded under them in unison, almost gracefully, like two swans landing on water. And they both felt they were drifting on something like water, suddenly floating above a terrible, murky depth. Their eyes were locked together, mirroring each other’s desperation. “C'est bon [It’s okay],” he whispered, low enough to reach only Vincent.

He didn’t respond at first. Then, as if without breathing, “Non, ce n'est pas le cas, ils putain… ils… [No it’s not, they fucking…they…]”

Chidi couldn’t contradict him. They had been ambushed. A particularly crucial client had insisted on meeting Vincent on “neutral ground,” without much backup, in a remote villa. As he had feared, it was merely a ruse to make an attempt on Vincent’s life. And Chidi hadn’t stopped it…they’d laid hands on Vincent, they’d put metal in him…

“Get a medic, and arrange evacuation,” he barked over his shoulder, without breaking eye contact with Vincent. Chidi was scary like this.

The ground around them was littered with bodies. Only two other guards survived – and the enemy was demolished. One of those guards hesitated. “What should I tell them about the deal, sir? And the ambush?”

“I don’t care! I’m going to stay with my ward! GO!” My ward. Vincent was the ward of all the bodyguards, but Chidi didn’t say our. No, at moments like this, it became clearer than ever that Vincent was his responsibility in a way that none of the other Myrmadons shared.

In another moment, they were alone.

“Chidi…” It wasn’t the beginning of a question, it was an inarticulate plea. Vincent’s head was lolling from one side to the other against the wall, in danger of knocking against it from how badly he was shaking.

“Je suis là. [I’m here.]” He lowered him the rest of the way down, not against the hard marble, but into his lap, elevating the wounded shoulder above the rest of his body. Overwhelmed by the mixture of shock and human contact, he clenched his teeth and closed his eyes for half a second before staring desperately up at Chidi again. It was a magnetic look, impossible to break away from. Help me, it was saying. Chidi obeyed.

“Je vais vous attacher un garrot maintenant, monsieur. Cela signifie que je vais attacher un morceau de tissu autour de votre épaule. Cela pourrait faire mal mais je vais essayer d’être rapide. [I’m going to tie you a tourniquet now, sir. This means I’m going to tie a piece of cloth around your shoulder. It might hurt but I’ll try to be quick.]” For once, he was the one chattering away, trying to fill the silence, to keep Vincent’s mind from running away with him. He kept his breathing as steady as he could, and his face expressionless. He had to be the rock right now, something to hold onto.

He took off his suitcoat and then ripped off his shirt sleeve from underneath, tying it around Vincent’s shoulder. As it squeezed the muscles around the wound, Vincent went even paler, panting in an effort not to scream. Even at a time like this, he didn’t want to look weak. It made Chidi’s heart twist. “Vous allez bien, monsieur. [You’re doing well, sir.]” He wasn’t. He was starting to hyperventilate, and it really concerned Chidi. “Peux-tu respirer avec moi, lentement ? De la même manière que je respire. [Can you breathe with me, slowly? The same way I’m breathing.]”

The Marquis struggled for a moment, staring at Chidi’s chest. He saw another wave of fear rise up behind Vincent’s eyes as he lost control. “Je – je ne peux pas – [I – I can’t – ]”

“Ce n'est pas grave alors. Continuez simplement d’essayer et concentrez-vous sur ma voix. Je vais faire pression sur toi pour arrêter le saignement maintenant, d'accord ? Et je continuerai à faire ça jusqu’à ce que l’aide arrive. [That’s okay then. Just keep trying and focus on my voice. I’m going to press on you to stop the bleeding now, okay? And I’ll keep doing that until help comes.]” Chidi did his best not to talk too fast, not to let the panic affect his voice. He felt like breaking down – seeing Vincent like this was too much. But he had to be reassuring for him.

“…d’accord… ça prend combien de temps? […okay…how long with that take?]”

“Je ne sais pas, monsieur. Pas longtemps. [I don’t know, sir. Not long.]” He lowered his hands over the wound and pressed down as hard as he could. Vincent made an awful, strangled sound. Even through the pressure, Chidi could feel how badly he was shivering. “Attendez, faisons ça aussi. [Wait, let’s do this too.]” He took his hands off the wound long enough to throw his coat over Vincent’s chest, and then pressed down again. Vincent snuggled involuntarily into the warmth, the shivering subsiding a little. After the initial pain of Chidi’s strength against his shoulder again, he relaxed into it. Then, following a long moment of hesitance, his hand rested on top of Chidi’s.

“Merci.” He stroked along Chidi’s hand just the way he would if they were just resting in bed together after making love.

“Bien sûr. [Of course.]”

His eyes were closed again and suddenly Chidi worried he might lose consciousness.

“Hé, pouvez-vous continuer à me regarder monsieur ? Reste éveillé s'il te plait. [Hey, can you keep looking at me sir? Stay awake please.]”

Vincent wrenched his eyelids open with what seemed a very great effort. “Parlez-moi alors. [Talk to me then.]” It was an order, but spoken so quietly, so vulnerably.

“D’accord.” Chidi thought for a moment. “Tu sais, j'ai appris la médecine de campagne pour toi. J'ai pris des cours le soir, pendant mon temps libre. Parce que si jamais tu étais bloqué comme ça, je voulais être sûr de pouvoir t'aider. [You know, I learned field medicine for you. I took lessons in the evenings, during my leisure time. Because if you were ever stranded like this, I wanted to make sure I could help you.]”

Vincent swallowed. “Je ne le savais pas. Je…te remercie. [I didn’t know that. I…thank you.]” His hand was stroking idly against Chidi’s, with deep affection, soothing both himself and his lover at once. He was getting into that zoned out space that he entered sometimes, when he was hurt or very sick. A space that forced his deeply defended heart to open a little.

“Ce n'était pas un problème, monsieur. Je suis content de l’avoir fait. [It was no trouble, sir. I’m glad I did.]”

“Je suis… je suis content que tu sois là. Peut-être… peut-être que je dramatise mais… [I’m…I’m glad you’re here. Maybe…maybe I’m being dramatic but…]” He went silent for a long time, so long that Chidi almost thought he was passing out. But he wasn’t. “Si je meurs, je veux qu'il soit à côté de toi. [If I die, I want it be next to you.]”

Chidi’s throat tightened. He looked away at the sunset, waves of pink and gold crashing down over jagged mountains. But it wasn’t half as beautiful as Vincent, so he looked back. “Si je meurs, je veux que ce soit pour vous, monsieur. Mais je préfère que nous vivions tous les deux. [If I die, I want it to be for you, sir. But I’d rather we both live.]”

Vincent didn’t answer for a long time, and when he did, it was in a rush, with his voice dropping quieter and quieter until Chidi could barely hear him.  “Je préfère ça aussi, ces jours-ci. Il y a quelques instants, quand on m'a tiré dessus, j'ai réalisé que… Pour une fois, je n'avais pas peur parce que j'étais seule, mais parce que je voulais continuer à vivre. Je veux être à côté de toi. [I’d rather that too, these days. A few moments ago, when I was shot, I realized that…For once, I wasn’t scared because I was alone, but because I want to keep living. I want to be next to you.]”

You will. You always will. “Je serai toujours à vos côtés, monsieur. [I will always be by your side, sir.]” Chidi wrapped himself around Vincent’s body, giving him all of his warmth, all of his presence, all of himself. For life.

[sandsoftide]

Haven’t seen enough people talking about why timebomb and specifically ekko also suffered from arcane s2 being bad. Spoilers and crit

I’ll say more in depth later when I have gone back and revisited it with a clearer head and let me make it entirely clear I LIKE timebomb in concept. Much like caitvi. Like I see the vision I just don’t like a lot of the creative choices

Ekko in s1 was a REVOLUTIONARY he built the firelights w his own two hands and was sort of a foil to jinx and silco, he hated them but he wasn’t going to roll over to piltover either. He wanted independence but not through exploitation. He was a leader and a caretaker and mature beyond his years bc he was forced to be. And he hates Jinx bc she reminds him of that trauma and he’s betrayed by what she became like there’s SO much there look at it

In s2 he goes “hm my tree is being weird” and then gets sucked into the timey wimey thing and disappears for a whole act and the firelights aren’t even MENTIONED (and ik he wasn’t a major character in s1 either but like, he was still important and relevant to the plot throughout bc of the firelights?)

Then he gets sucked into this au portal (cool concept and cool execution) and falls in love with powder or whatever. And she ISNT JINX. SHE IS NOT THE JINX WE KNOW BC JINX IN MAIN TIMELINE IS FULLY BUILT FROM HER EXPERIENCES AND TRAUMA AND MENTAL ILLNESS. Like what Jayce said to viktor that’s part of her whether it hurts her or not. Her trauma doesn’t define her but it’s a part of her! And then all of a sudden Ekko’s sad bc he misses jinx (who iirc last time he met they had the whole I hate you and I miss you talk and they fought and both thought the other dead or whatever?) and then he’s talking her off the ledge even though he has absolutely no reason to! Because he DOESNT KNOW HER he knows literally nothing she’s done since s1 finale!!! Even the “jinx as a symbol for revolution” stuff from act 1 that went nowhere he would know NOTHING ABOUT bc he basically immediately went to Jayce? And they never did the revolutionary jinx stuff that was implied w the flag waving either so there’s no connection there either

Like a full episode was spent developing timebomb and it was interesting but also contributed nothing bc that is not jinx. She just feels like a mpdg and he doesn’t feel like ekko bc he needs to be in love w her for the plot? So they do absolutely nothing interesting they could for timebomb and still make it the entirety of ekko’s plot while tossing out the firelights and the zaun v. Piltover plotline as a whole

i mean again its hard to say bc this is right. objectively. like the stuff w timebomb was objectively well written. i just feel like it doesnt give ekko the space to be his own character outside of the ship? my point isnt that the stuff was poorly written i actually enjoyed it a lot and i think they did a good job w it i just also feel like it does ekko a disservice to have that be his only plotline and how it doesnt feel like it connects to his character in s1

i feel similarly about other plots in s2, like mel's. like yes this is good stuff! i love seeing mel in the spotlight the black rose magic stuff is interesting in a vacuum but also its totally separate from the interesting thematic roles in s1 that dealt with AGAIN THE CLASS CONFLICT AND POLITICS and dropping that for something different feels. like its a disservice to the characters, i guess?

also by having the timebomb development take place primarily in an au with powder and NOT jinx we dont really get to see jinx's thoughts at all. it feels like a repeat of s1 where someone is trying to save POWDER and not jinx, they dont see her as who she is now but rather who she was or could have been. which couldve been interesting to explore but they clearly werent interested in that ANYWAYS

[microclown]

Crowley and Aziraphale's communication in the final 15 is bad, but going back through the season I've realized it's even more prevalent than I thought…

not all of these miscommunications are a problem, but they barely have one interaction that doesn't include some form of lack of communication, so I thought it was worth highlighting the pattern

List under the cut, analysis at the end

Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley about the naked man, Nina does

Aziraphale doesn't tell him it's Gabriel, he tell him it's Jim, Crowley sees it's Gabriel

"I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys" (aka miscommunication- assuming they're on the same page when they're not)

Cowley doesn't tell Aziraphale the stakes, that he could be erased from the book of life for helping Gabriel

The Apology dance is literally dancing around the issue. He doesn't want to apologize because he doesn't believe he is in the wrong, but they never talk through it, they just move forward

"Ah, we're going to the pub!" As they're walking in the door. so Aziraphale didn't tell him where they were going, he just lead him there??

Aziraphale and Crowley don't agree on how to get Nina and Maggie together, but they go ahead and execute their own plans without discussing it further. Crowley does ask "I'm lost, am I doing a rainstorm?" but Aziraphale has already moved on and doesn't answer him. He's already decided the ball is the better option, but he doesn't communicate that. Later, Crowley tries to tell Aziraphale about his plan with the rainstorm, but Aziraphale ignores him. "You don't want to hear about my plan?" Then when Crowley tells him the rainstorm plan was a bust, Aziraphale has no idea what he's talking about.

After telling Crowley about the Clue, Aziraphle doesn't let them discuss it at all. He literally cuts Crowley off from asking any questions about it "no! not another word."

When Aziraphale asks to take the Bentley, he doesn't really ask, he's telling Crowley he's going to take it. Crowley says no indirectly "You can't drive my Bentley." Aziraphale explains that he can drive because he has a license. So Crowley says "No" plainly. Aziraphale ignores him. Crowley says "No" again, louder, clearer, slaps Aziraphale's hand away, but Aziraphale still ignores him.

When Aziraphale tells Crowley what he learned about Gabriel in Edinburgh, they never discuss it fully because Crowley cuts him off to execute his rainstorm that they've also never fully discussed.

Neither Aziraphale or Crowley tell the other that Shax confronted them. More importantly, Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley that Shax tricked him into revealing that Gabriel is in the bookshop.

Aziraphale is very coy with Crowley while planning the ball "wait and see!" He never actually tells Crowley his plan.

When Aziraphale suggests "just talking" to Gabriel, he looks pleased when Crowley says "Actually, I will." He doesn't seems to read Crowley's tone. Crowley then proceeded to yell at Gabriel and tells him to jump out a window. Probably not what Aziraphale had in mind.

Of course, the whole scene in the ball. Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale about the demons straight away, he leads with a seemingly less urgent "somethings wrong". Aziraphale is barely listening anyway. He's too in his own world, too caught up in psyching himself up to ask Crowley to dance.

After the demons storm the ball, Aziraphale tells Crowley he's got a suggestion, but Crowley cuts him off "I've got it."

Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale what he learned in Heaven. He doesn't tell him about Armageddon part 2, or that Gabriel was fired for not wanting to go ahead with it. He doesn't even tell him this during their big fight at the end, when you would think it would be a convincing point towards Aziraphel staying.

Neil has revealed that Crowley never told Aziraphale that he was living in his car

And then their final argument is laden with miscommunication, (people have gone into great depths analyzing this already, but I’ll just sum it up so it’s included) - Aziraphale assumes Crowley would want to be an angel again, but they’ve clearly never discussed this. Crowley assumes Aziraphale is on the same page with why heaven is so bad, but they’ve clearly not fully discussed this either.  Crowley can barely look at Aziraphale when he’s confessing. He can’t get out the word “partner.” He can’t finish his sentence “I would like to spend…” Then there’s “nothing lasts forever” which Crowley interprets entirely differently from Aziraphale’s intention. “I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you” “I understand, and I think I understand a whole lot better than you.” And then, when Crowley has given up on trying to communicate verbally, he kisses Aziraphale as a last “Hail Mary” to get him to understand. But of course he doesn’t. That’s not communication. 

So.

If you’re still with me, what’s the point of laying all this out? Well, a couple of things. I’ll try to organize my thoughts coherently. 

 _

Crowley and Aziraphale’s communication is beyond a simple fix

It is so much worse than I originally thought. What they need is couples therapy. They both need to become aware of the broken way they relate to each other, and they need to do a lot of work on listening to each other, giving each other space to talk, and being honest with what they know and how they are feeling. We needed someone to call them out, make them aware of this, but Nina and Maggie TRIED this season, and it was not enough. Unfortunately, I’m fairly confident season 3 will not just be six hour long couples therapy sessions. I’m not sure how much room for working on communication skills there will be at all. Neil has described season three as big, loud, and action packed. I have no idea how this issue will be resolved in that context. 

_

Something horrible I realized when making this list. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale is beginning to mirror his toxic relationship with heaven. Aziraphale develops a plan- taking care of Gabriel, investigating the clue, organizing the ball. He wants things to go just the way he has in mind. He does not let Crowley say no. He does not let Crowley ask questions!!! And now Aziraphale is running heaven? What makes us think he would treat Crowley any differently in a real position of power? It would have been so. bad. if Crowley accepted Aziraphale’s offer. Yes, Aziraphale and Crowley are on the same page on preserving the world and humanity, and yes they love each other and want to be with each other, but when it comes to what to do about it, they don’t see eye to eye. And neither of them know how to properly collaborate or communicate. 

_

Finally, why do Aziraphale and Crowleyhide things from one another? Simply, they don’t really trust each other. I mean they do, sort of, but not entirely. They have a deeper trust. They trust that the other cares about them, and won't harm them intentionally, but they have so many deep rooted issues with trust from their past with heaven and hell that it overflows into their relationship. People have said Crowley keeps information from Aziraphale to protect him, but that also comes from a place of mistrust. He doesn’t trust Aziraphale to protect himself. He doesn’t trust him to do what he would do with that information. Similarly, Aziraphale doesn’t trust Crowley to let him do things his way. They don’t know how to collaborate! Not really. It's something they want, but were never taught. Collaboration was never encouraged in Heaven or hell.

[teineplaysveilguard]

I first bought Dragon Age: Origins about two days after release, and I was instantly hooked. I played it six times back-to-back, just to experience every origin story. After that, I kept replaying to see every possible decision and its impact. Honestly I am not sure how many times I finished origins as it was over several platforms and accounts… but it is a LOT.

DA2 came out while I was in hospital (severe manic episode and psychosis) but as soon as I got home, I dove into it. I’ve written before on my main about how much I related to Anders, partially because of the timing, but honestly, I adore everything about DA2.

I have since finished DA2 NINETEEN TIMES! Honestly I love Kirkwall so much… I love everything about the tragedy that was Hawkes live. The tragedy of Hawke’s life, the way no amount of effort or care could fix the deeply ingrained, systemic issues—it’s gut-wrenching and perfect.

Fifthteen years later there are aspects of that game I still onbsess over, the enigma of Kirkwall for example… I had so many theories, none of which are likely to ever be addressed now…

Yes, the game had issues. All games do. Some of the writing was shallow in places; occasionally a companion says or does something that feels a little out of character. Anders and Fenris were treated like narrative mouthpieces at points. Aveline’s character development is a little questionable, and, of course, the copy-paste environments were rough. But for me, the positives—the depth of the narrative, the snippets of lore and background, the things I loved—overshadowed the negatives.

Do you know how shitty it is to know that all my left in the fade Hawkes just don't matter? Which ye I guess in some ways is fitting for the guy who accomplished nothing, who couldn’t even actually kill Meredith or Corypheus, for their final sacrifice to mean nothing… but still…

Then there was Inquisition. Once again I gain it on the day of release, I may have even pre-ordered it I can't rememeber… Anyway, I’ll admit I wasn’t sold on it at first. It felt too much like a “hero narrative”—which is hard to explain, but I couldn’t connect with it initially. The companions didn’t grab me right away either. But over time, I warmed to it, and now I’ve played it six (almost seven) times, obsessively picking up every bit of lore.

same with the books… the comics… that game in the keep that I forget the name of… I've even played the table top game and DMed it

And now we have veilguard...

I was so excited to go to Tevinter in game. Tevinter has fascinated by for so long.

And I… I cannot even put into words just how disappointed I am in veilguard…

I don’t want to be “that guy” who just tears it apart—plenty of people have already done the analysis, pointed out the retcons, and broken down how much lore feels ignored.

But I need to vent somewhere, and none of my IRL friends care.

In essence, the game feels sanitised...

But here is the crux of my issue, or at least the disturbing part:

I have zero desire to replay veilguard…

[artisiumstudios]

Separation at Birth- Ford

(Not the best sketches but oh well) imma go a bit more into depth, but ever since Ford could remember his father had been constantly complimenting his fingers saying they were a gift and something to be proud of. Ford, being a child obviously thought his father was being genuine, but in reality he was being manipulated.

Filbrick wanted to use Stanford as some sort of freakish attraction because of his six fingers, the whole reason he kept him and not “the normal” one aka Stanley. One day he stumbled upon this man who was selling amulets, ciphertology amulets, with abilities to see into the mind of others and take peeks into their possible futures, so of course he took one in hopes of finally making something with Ford.

Thus starting the Psycic Sixir, the kid who sees it all. Many paid 2 dollars an hour just to talk to the kid, not to mention they could sell merchandise like the Silixir, the magical potion meant to strengthen your brain, also known as watered down apple juice. Caryn wasn’t too keen on the idea but she didn’t argue. Until it started taking a toll on Ford, causing his hair to become white, exhausting him to the point where he would sleep almost all day, not to mention his growth was impacted and he was even malnourished despite eating all the time. It caused a lot of arguments between Fords parents.

Eventually he was allowed more breaks which was mostly him sleeping, reading, or walking around the beach, which lead him to an old rotting ship at 14, who he called The Grand Escape. He loved working on her thinking about how one day he might be able to escape his father and the name they had created for himself. Unfortunately at 15 he fell so ill that he had to be on a year long break , unable to really do anything he dove into his studies.

He finally started gaining weight, his height finally started increasing, he slept less ad overall he felt better. Of course his hair had to keep a few strands of white and he had to use a cane to walk long distances but overall he was feeling way better. Too bad he couldn’t say the same about the ship. She was falling apart and any hope of sailing away was slowly getting away, so he decided that college was his best next choice.

One promise to come back and a whole lot of studied and building finally landed him in west tech, a prestigious enough university that he could convince filbrick was worth stoping this whole Psychic Sixir and far enough from Jersey to finally be him.

I’ll add better sketches later, and Stanley’s part later but anyways hope yall enjoyed

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

question, have you written anything about ian's avoidant attachment?? i just dont really see anyone mention it even though its a big part of his character

i’ve said things about it off and on but i’ve never really talked about it in depth, but i’ve been wanting to post more so i’m gonna take this as an opportunity to:)

i do think it’s strange that nobody talks about it because as you said, it is SUCH a big and important part of his character. even in season one minor things like him running upstairs when people tried to help him with his broken nose or bigger things like running away from the chaos at home to go see mickey. the way fiona acted when he left also indicates it’s a common occurrence. ian always runs away. we even hear stories about him running away as a kid, specifically from his foster home with carl (there was probably abuse going on, but still, he runs away from conflict frequently and later on we see he can’t commit).

a lot of ian and mickey’s relationship early on wasn’t like how it ended up being, where ian runs. instead it was mickey always running, and we all know why- fear. i think he was trying so hard to keep mickey because he really was in love with him but also because he was so used to being left or being treated like garbage, and he didn’t want that. then obviously, season three he leaves, and the mania contributes for sure but i definitely think a big part of it is again, his tendency to run away. fiona even says, “he’ll be back when he’s back” (which i hated), but again it kind of proves he runs a lot. this time he just ran further and didn’t return for months.

anyway, ian’s avoidant attachment becomes more prevalent around the season five break up, which i could talk about for days because i feel like ian’s perspective isn’t talked about as often. but one of the reasons that he leaves is because they love each other and he doesn’t want mickey to be stuck with him, he can’t commit to this and he doesn’t want to drag mickey down with him. after this we see his struggles with commitment more often, visiting mickey in prison is a pretty good example, which is also something i’ll never really hate ian for. he tells svetlana that he doesn’t want to go because he’s done with that part of his life, he wants to leave everything behind him. when mickey shows him that he tattooed ian on his chest and asks him to wait years for him, it’s a big commitment, which ian is afraid of. he even states in season ten his parents contributed to this fear. he’s never known much about commitment, his parents could never commit to him, the men he fucked never commited to him, and mickey did, but it scares ian away.

season seven is pretty obvious, also. trevor wants a relationship and that also scares him away, and there were definitely other levels to it, but i’ve always viewed his hesitance for another relationship as a part of that. trevor wants commitment, ian isn’t good at that; and it shows when he runs off with mickey (after saying he’s staying and won’t do that). when ian and mickey talk while stargazing the night before mickey goes over the border, i could tell ian wasn’t going to go with him. mickey asks if ian ever thought of him, and ian says he did, but his demeanor to me always still seemed anxious. he realizes this is a big decision, and while he’s already made a lot of big commitments doing this whole thing with mickey, i feel like that’s when he realized. mickey’s leaving behind nothing, but ian’s leaving behind everything. his family, his job, trevor, probably even his stability. i don’t think i even need to talk about him leaving mickey at the border, because again, it was unsurprising and caused by fear and fear only. love was never a factor, and i think mickey must’ve known that.

there’s other examples within the next two seasons, like how he grieved, him hiding from the cops and running away after dyeing his hair black, but it’s always the most obvious when he’s in a relationship with mickey, because their attachment styles contradict each other. knowing he’s getting released on parole was a big thing, because to me, it was apparent he didn’t want to leave but also couldn’t wait to. his whole thing with mickey where he screams “i wanna be where you are!” and mickey responds with, “you don’t get to be.” was a big thing and showed a change in ian’s relationship with attachment. he was willing to throw his whole parole for mickey. it was growth. the marriage license is a whole other thing.

10x08/10x09 are pretty important episodes to me looking at it from ian’s perspective. he does love mickey and that should never be questioned, in fact, it irritates me when people imply he doesn’t, but he was afraid. the way his hand hovered over the paper was fear, and in 10x09 it all goes back to 5x12. ian’s bipolar, he doesn’t want mickey stuck with him. i think in the courthouse he did a good job of explaining why he didn’t want that. frank and monica had so many weddings and he’s watched so much shit go down, and he’s no stranger to being compared to monica. in season nine he states he doesn’t know who he is anymore, and i feel like he’s struggled with that for a while. he ends up marrying mickey, but there was so much trauma and fear he had to push past to do so. he asks mickey how he knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with ian and everything that comes with ian, and obviously mickey is fine with all of that, he loves ian, but ian isn’t sure. like i said, he’s been left so many times and he’s seen what his disorder did to his mother, he’s seen frank and monica’s relationship, and he’s scared. debbie even tells him this. that’s why i felt like his whole promise thing made sense, it symbolized commitment, he tells mickey he can commit, but mickey doesn’t buy it (and i don’t blame him). he learns he has to marry mickey, he has to commit, he has to say vows. and he does, and the whole monogamy conversation further proves he’s still learning and trying to overcome everything.

i dont know if i even answered that question or not and just rambled, lol, but i tried😭😭