#but fuck this man cannot clean
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I honestly thought recovering from surgery would give me the time and disposition to try to dust off all my ao3 wips but instead I got frustrated with how messy the apartment is and tidied up while "dancing" (I still can't bend very much so imagine penguin waddles and little booty shakes) in the kitchen at 1:30 am to one song that has been stuck in my head... I will absolutely regret this when I wake up later...
#just rambling#ive recovered enough that i wasnt in pain while doing this#but im def gunna be sore#my husband is sweet and honesty has been helpful throughout this process#but fuck this man cannot clean#and it drives me fucking nuts#when counters are dirty and things are not in the place they are supposed to be#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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it's fascinating that those biphobes compare women liking astarion to women liking legolas and they mention a popular post that says "I never understood why so many straight women are into legolas. what do you think he is going to do? top you?" they bring this post up like some sort of proof "haha. so right. so true."
EXCEPT the notes on that popular post are filled with THOUSANDS of women commenting "no. I am gonna top him" and "bold of you to assume women can't top" and a lot of them are bisexual women commenting "I am bi and I only like men who look like a girl lol" honestly relatable Lmao
they act like that shitpost is pointing out some truth about how those women are silly. but the replies on that post show the stupidity of that assumption. people really don't get that feminine looking women don't just want to be rough handled by some masculine dude. and people have varied tastes and sexual desires. there is so much misogyny all tangled up in the biphobia. but it's subtle in a way that they don't notice their views on these matters are flawed because even when we point out what's wrong with these gender essentialist stereotypes, they ignore it and treat it as a joke "haha you all act like we wanted to behead bisexuals"
#my thoughts#I say this as someone who doesn't give a fuck about legolas#but acting like that post is so true is dumb#like those women don't know what they chose to like...#or like a man with pretty long hair and clean shaven face cannot possibly like women... laughing my ass off#my post#my posts#biphobia#text post#textposts#bg3 mine#misogyny#tumblr bullshit#2k#1k#lgbtq#baldur's gate 3#astarion#legolas#the lord of the rings
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sorry but do you ever think about the fact that the bernard we have today is a direct amalgamation of everything that happened in his past and i know that sound like such an obvious statement to say but it actually kills me to know that you can draw a direct line from who he is today all the way back to that sixteen year old boy who watched his best friend bleed out. like it is the defining moment in his life. it fundamentally shaped who he is and the person he's become. he is the bernard we know and love not despite the grieves shooting but because of it. because the gangs all got together and shot up his school. because tim walked out of that room with nothing but a baseball bat. because his darla got shot. because he watched her gasp and cry as she died. because he watched the blood coagulate around the wound. because he sat there and held her hand as her life drained out of her. because he walked into school that day with a joke he knew would make her laugh and her nose would scrunch up and she'd snort a little and tim would roll his eyes at him and call him ridiculous and instead he walked out with a bloody white shirt, blood under his fingernails, and two friends less. because, even now, almost half a decade out from the shooting, he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he will always be that stupid, scared little sixteen year old, holding the cooling body of dead best friend.
#there is a direct throughline from the boy we meet in robin 121 all the way to man tim reconnects with in urban legends 4#like maybe you guys have other interpretations of it but to me this is *the* defining moment in his life#and that's not to say that he perpetually bound to this traumatic event but it impacted him sooo much that his life is now divided#before shooting and after shooting#like you cannot tell me him falling into the cult was just something that happened to him#it happened bc he was in such a bad place from watching his friend die and then on top of that he loses contact with tim!!!!#this is his canon event!!!!#if you took it away from him if you made it so that he never had to go through it#the bernard we would get would not be the same bernard we got in urb leg4 and tdr#does it not make you want to chew on drywall that to get to the bear we love he has watch his darla die first????#head in hands head in hands#and it wasnt like batman came immediately after darls died!!! iirc they had to wait a little before he came#which means!!!!! alll those kids but bear esp had to sit in that room with darls' dead body until batman came!!!!!#do you think he cried and held her hand until batman came??? do you think he begged her not to go??? or do you think he told her#stories and made promises of all the things they were gonna do after they got out??? do you think he put pressure on the wound and#watched as the blood soaked through the jacket they were using as a towel??? and when she finally passed do you think he bit his lip#clean through to stop himself from wailing? bc if he's too loud the gunmen will hear them and he cannot be the reason jay from#history dies#auuuugh i cant fucking do this anymore#bernard dowd#timbern#darla aquista#louis grieve trio
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'Is this like an Alice in Wonderland thing?' Leo called out, paddling towards Sensei and trying not to swallow water as he moved. 'Did you cry all these tears?' 'The mindscape does love a good metaphor.' Sensei called back, and he sounded fucking wrecked.
old dead bones that don't get theirs (death wish sidefic by @remedyturtles) was written to kill me, specifically, personally, actually. i still think about it Constantly
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#future leo#little kid with a big death wish#death wish#tries to get back into the groove of doing art. Does This#i will say i did take some artistic liberties ajfkldsjfkldj#NOT sure how well it comes across bc this shit is Hard to draw but. points. at all the leaves fallen off the tree. teehee#i missed drawing that fucking tree btw. god#i missed doing the mindscape effects!!!!!!!!#ohh hh i just had a thought . cleaned up version of this as a tarot card#probably will not actually get around to doing that but. smth smth the tower maybe. or the hanged man idk#id have to look up the Exact meanings of each of them but#anyway. yes its been like six months yes ii still think abt it. mindscape shit my fucking beloved#i think abt the mindscape shit in firefight DAILY as well its .awuauwguaguahghgh#ok god enough ramblign. what other tags#uhhhh . uh#sibling death cw#<- implied if you know the context but just to be safe#my art#i almost. forgor thatone i cannot BELIEVE lmao#anyway. posts this at almost fuckginh midnight its ok <3
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// i've been around for most of the fandom and it's phases and i can tell you confidently that 2015 was probably the worst time
#mun talks#there was a weird phase where people wanted to 'clean up' the 2ps and remove all the edge and made them all flowery and cute#and if u made anything that wasn't cutesy people got mad#like i remember there was a LOT of drama around 'mafia AUs'#it was a weird wave of trying to be the purest and safe version but it made the MOST drama i've ever seen bc it got nitpicky as fuck#i cannot even begin to touch the shipping discourse#but yeah man it was so bad#reinventing the 2ps to be uncontroversial and safe so allen is a wholesome sweet guy was an actual nightmare for me btw
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i need to write vdm
#phase weeps#i need to write them beating the shit out of eachother and then fucking#young vdm were absolutely insane and i stand by that#yes they have their tender moments but i feel. atleast in how i perceive them that they never ever had they true acceptance of feelings#they were never lovers or husbands but they were partners and i think that they were in love in the way that people like them could be in#love. but i think theres a lot more potential to tem then the cut and clean “they are husbands” narrative#i want vdm to be as ugly and rife as every other relationship in game#and i especially want to put emphasis on their inability to let go of the past and living in this “free and wild” world#and i think this dream of dutchs deeply affects how he views relationships#as just another gust of wind. just another sunset#just another desert flower#his romaticazition of being on the run. painting the blood on his hands as holy#the rough and tumblr hospitality of the american dream#is so deeply packed into who he is as a person that he cannot see beyond his own viewpoint#and dutch is a self centered man#his viewpoint is his world. because dutch is the sun. and everything revolves around him. and everything that gets drawn in burns up#eventually#and i think hoseas trick is that you never get that close#there is a longing to vandermatthews that speaks of a chasm between them. on the cusp of deep understanding yet skirting around it#they are life partners#and they hold each others hands through the darkest parts of their self made hell#but their is nothing romantic or holy about it#they are a visage of the american man and twisted american kindness. and they are people soldered parts of themselves together but the deep#parts are left to be seen and not touched. i just. theirs so much potential for tragedy in vandermatthews i dont think we're touching
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@pilksus hands you these evil things
#the stanley parable#tspud#crows art#ohhh I def did not draw 432 good but that’s ok#I’m like sneakily drawing these while working so it’ll do for now#need you to know ur 432 design is the only way I can see him btw. he haunts my head sometimes#automatically think of ur design when it comes to them I cannot view them as anything else. evil thing#ur narrator design is so fun to draw btw I knew it would be but man. good fucking shapes on that dude#sorry these aren’t that clean looking
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When you figure out have to characterise Gale Dekarios without getting a headache lmk
honestly soothing to know this is a Universal Experience
#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#bg3#oakweave#I think it's also when you put him next to Halsin that it becomes so much harder#because a lot of popular fic including Gale is Bloodweave and then you can easily fall back onto a bouba/kiki dynamic#but these two are some bouba/bouba motherfuckers#so you have to define them beyond that but ALSO beyond their magical capabilities#because both of their characters are so rooted in having a complicated relationship with being defined by their abilities#while at the same time allowing them to be coloured by their experiences?#which is INSANE because I don't have a 17 intelligence!!!!#I'm not even a native speaker!!! how the fuck am I supposed to emulate Gale's speech pattern in a SECOND LANGUAGE smh#at least halsin has the fucking decency to have an 8 intelligence. thank you good sir#but yeah no this rarepair is a puzzle that I cannot figure out#compels me though#(in other words I've veeerrrrry slowly been working on something while procrastinating all the cleaning I have to do in my house)#(it is deeply self-indulgent and so far Gale has been Entirely Too Quiet to be in character)#(and honestly? I am going to try and Care Less because hey man. come on.)#(do try to let your hobbies be FUN)#flipcitrus#sorry i forgot to tag you i am Bad at Tagging
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i want to crawl under my desk and go to sleep
#that is not possible because i cannot fit under there#damn it#i want a nest man#somewhere nice and cozy and just for me where i can stare at the wall for hours#that sounds.. good#btw i'm really tired of not being a pretty boy like what the fuck#lol the mental illness really shining through tonight#but i opened pinterest and almost burst into tears because there was a pretty guy and i am not him#sigh i guess i have to be this horrible thing until i die#unfair really#i need to be medicated i think it would help#i just haven't felt great the last few days#wait. couple of weeks?#i can't remember.#but i don't feel like me.#at least i have my stupid otome soundtrack to keep me company sing at me pretty anime boys.#lol watch me delete this in 9 minutes or smth#unless i forget#idk i just wanted to vent i guess don't read this shit#i'm happy nice aerie really. just not right now#god it's only 7:45#at least my hair is clean i guess#sigh#diaerie#delete later
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Look, if you've encountered a disabled person's life or living standards and you personally don't like it, the least you can do is not saying "I'm so grateful I don't like like that" or worse "I'm so glad I'm not you"
It is actually incredibly simple to simultaneously not center yourself and the way you aren't disabled or the way your disabilities don't impact your life like others and to not shame and humiliate others. It's sometimes okay to keep comments like that inside your mind, where it won't hurt that person.
#disability#disability advocacy#ableism#ableism tw#especially applies to disabled people who physically cannot clean or mentally ill people#like at a certain point you don't choose to live in a certain way. especially if it is a situation you do not like.#like for instance a depressed person often might get so unwell they don't take care of ANYTHING...#...and when you want to quite literally die... it's hard to be clean and tidy and presentable#but like that's just a wild example that obviously never happens (sarcasm)#i'm just so fucking tired of seeing this shit and seeing the people saying that shit facing no challenge...#...because i think a lot of people agree with the general idea of 'if i wouldn't live like you...#...'maybe your life isn't worth living (because i have deemed it so)' and like. holy shit man it's bleak and depressing#i understand the impulse to judge and that is neither good nor bad. what IS bad is doing THAT shit#if you're judging somebody that isn't always a terrible response. but if you're kicking somebody while they're down that...#...says something about you i think
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steve dangle, talking about michael bunting choosing peace at one point during his leafs tenure: he should have kept being a shithead. he should have kept seeing red mist. no, don’t improve queen! get more toxic! he should have been an even worse version of himself.
and no, i’m not joking. he really did say that.
#i fucking burst out laughing i was not expecting that AT ALL… and honestly? he’s right. he should’ve kept choosing violence.#say what you will about steve you cannot deny that man is as Leafs Fan as you can get without rpf-ing#don’t judge me for my choice of podcast i was deep cleaning the bathroom it was good background noise#m speaks
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discussion topic: dean winters comes back to cameo. on a scale of 1 to 10 what is the animosity level btwn brian and elliot
#need to know if i'm alone in thinking that it wouldnt be as explosive as fics make it out to be#terminal svu brainrot#like okay yeah yeah. I Get It. but also.#what reason does elliot have to resent brian other than misplaced self-hatred#assume they see each other. Assume Elliot Knows. yes i imagine he's pissed but is all that anger not directed at himself first#the girlies love a fist fight & okay yeah it Could be fun BUT. is brian not a stand in for himself?#would elliot not be hurting brian in lieu of hurting himself#is brian's hypothetical animosity not born from feeling defensive of LIV#lasting remnants of resentment because HE was there HE was with her at her lowest and he KNEW he wasnt who#she really wanted but he did it anyway because he loved her. he really did love her!#idk. i dont think they'd be friendly exactly#but i struggle to always buy the extreme hostility#like they're meatheads but also they are standing there tense as fuck gritting their teeth trying to rein it in for liv's sake#also cannot believe im saying this but i think there is a level of maturity w brian with this specific issue.#like he lived with elliot as the third person in his relationship the same way kathy lived with olivia as the third to her marriage#this is the man who was THERE who helped clean up her apartment and sat in that court room and told her she was the love#of his life and then followed it with 'you were never going to bear your soul to me'#like. do you get it. or is my memory of 2.0 that poor that i am wildly misreading the sitch
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guh
#bro I am literally so insanely hyperfixated on the worst fucking thing known to man#I cannot stop thinking about league of legends.#riot you have such an incredible world built with so many amazing characters and yet ur game still sucks#I love it sm tho#can’t stop thinking abt mh blorbos#anyway stan Heartsteel#deleting later maybe bc I like to keep blog clean#if anyone has even an inkling of interest in league lore pls don’t be afraid to hmu
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It's disturbing how adept I am at accomplishing things while fueled by caffeine and spite.
#personal.txt#our landlord texted us at 5pm saying that there would be an insurance adjuster around tomorrow morning#which means we have to clean our whole apartment tonight after working a#(extremely stressful)#12 hour shift#husband and I are consuming all the energy drinks and coffee#and staying up most of the night to get it done#man I am so exhausted by life right now#both of us are#it's tipped over into ''this is so fucked it's funny'' territory#because otherwise I get massively depressed and shut down#which right now I Cannot Do#so funny it is
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y roommate broguht a friend over like almost entirely unannounced (sent a text 1 minute b4 they came in the door) and like normally id be like Its fine dw but i was cooking down here and i havent cleaned yet and in the middle of eating so i cant just be like . i cant just leave bc itd seem like im like ewww my roommate. but also rheyre VERY VERY loudly talking abt sex which again is fine but alsl i literally dont know the friend and im not like in the convo at all but theyre just like. talking abt it in th living room and they cn like see me they know im here so i dont wanna be like Omg can you shut up but also like. i feel creepy for listening in but also i was down here and they just came in discussing it so idk
#incredibly awkward moment#and idm jusr like yk Talkjng abt it they were like play by plays#so im just like okie . erm#AND I CANT GO UPSTAIRS BC THE KITCHEN IS A MESS BC I WAS CLEANING AND J WANTED TO DEEPCLEAN IT BUT IF MY ROOMMATES HOME I GET SCARED SIGH#like my roommates r so nice i rly wanna be friends but straight up parallel play where i Dont know the other person is the wordt thing on#fucking earth 2 me. i cannot just be doing stuff and somebody i dont know well can just see me . yk . like explodes#i love love normie parallel play i love just being in the same room as ppl i know but when i dont know ppl i get so freaked out abt the#entire way my whole body moves . and then i get so tense abt it that i start knocking things over which makes them look at mr more so ita#ll gets worse. AND ITS LITERALLY MY DAULT AND MY NEUROSES AND I NEED T GET OVER IT . BUT MAN. EXPLODES
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Message my ex sent me that has me in fucking tears
#luly talks#prison break#i cannot stress how accurate that is#I ❤️ A BISEXUAL MAN WITH DADDY ISSUES WHO WON'T FUCKING DIE AND SHOULD NOT BE LEFT AROUND CHILDREN#THEY'D 100% TRY TO CRUCIFY TEDDY BTW. THEY WOULD FUCKING DO THAT WITHOUT SECOND THOUGHT IF THE CHANCE CAME UP#AND HE'D BE JUST FIEN#i literally even joked about him getting springlocked he'd parry that easy you'd do that to him and 3 episodes after he'd be walking off#like nothing happened. 3 is a lot he got a hand cut clean off and was instantly ok w some vet help#he's so silly i love you Teddy#also Blood proposed the theory that he's literally pulling a Dave via dying and repossessing his corpse which man#I'd believe that. maybe that's why his nasty hand is rotting.
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