#but fuck me why would anyone watch the actual movies i guess

[storytowrite]

|You will always be mine ~ Lee Minho series|

PART 12

Paring: Minho x Y/N

Genre: smut, angst, university au

Word count: 3302

Warnings: sex, 18+, Minho is a psycho, dom!Minho, sub!reader, abuse, slight BDSM, kidnapping, violence, age gap, Minho is an university professor, Y/N can be hurt physically (and mentally too I guess).

Synopsis: Who knew that accidental fuck in the club bathroom with a handsome man will bring you to a lot of unexpected events.

Author's note: I kept this series for a really long time not sure if I want to post it or not, but I decided to do it anyway, so I hope you'll like it.

——————————

Several days have passed since the Minho incident. You have almost forgotten about his behavior, or at least pushed thoughts about it to the farthest corner of your mind. After a week's absence, you returned to the university, and your life seemed to go on. 

Admittedly, you were still dating Lee Minho, a lecturer who had “returned” to being THE Minho you had met in the beginning. You felt somewhat happy, but at the same time internally you felt fear. You feared that if you once again defied the man, you might face punishment. You didn't want to make him angry, because you knew what this could entail. Therefore, you did everything he told you to do - and his requests got weirder and weirder each time. 

“...I think it's high time I met your parents Y/N...” The man spoke up, breaking the silence in the car. You looked at him puzzled.

“'Why? My parents are busy, Minho.”

“Don't you think that as your boyfriend I should get to know them? Besides... You know, we could then test your stamina with the new toy I bought you.” He smiled in a perverse way. 

“You've got to be kidding me!” You exclaimed in surprise. “There's no option Minho, I'm not going to agree to something like that. You're crossing the line.”

“Don't exaggerate Y/N... just kidding.” He muttered, but was inconsolable. “But your parents I would actually like to meet.”

“What is the point? My parents won't accept that I'm with a guy who's fifteen years older than me anyway.”

“You don't want me to meet them because you're ashamed, right?” He started with a pouty face.

“What? No Minho, I'm not ashamed of you.” You denied.

“Great, then invite them to dinner on the weekend.” He suggested, smiling at you.

“No... I won't invite them.” 

“No? What did I tell you about disobedience?” He glanced at you, clearly displeased.

“Minho, it's non-negotiable, I apologize to you, but this time I'm not going to comply with your request.” You said with seriousness.

“We will return to this conversation.” The man replied coolly. There was silence in the car. Why did he want to meet your parents? Wasn't what was between the two of you enough for him? Your parents, although they approved of your every choice, would not have been happy with their child dating a man fifteen years older than her. And you knew it perfectly well. 

Minho stopped the car in the parking lot in front of his apartment. Since the last time you overheard his conversation, he demanded that you move in with him permanently. You had no choice but to agree to move. You were afraid that if you didn't agree to the man's terms, he would treat you the same way he treated Rheena and Lisa. After the last situation, you were sure that he was behind their deaths.

You began to form a “formal” relationship. You went on dates to the movies, restaurants, the park. Of course, you were careful, you didn't want anyone to notice you, because it could end unpleasantly, first of all for this person.

And you knew it. That's why you started to be even more careful. You moved a little away from your friends. You only saw Jeno at the university, as well as Jungwoo. Your other friends started going out without you. You watched on social media how people around you, your age, were having a great time without you. How they go to parties and spend their time the way you should spend it too - having fun. 

More than once you have wondered about the life you have begun to lead. Why did you let yourself get sucked into this “sick” arrangement with a lecturer and let the best years of your youth slip away? You became addicted to a man you weren't even sure you loved. But he was already sure - he loved you. You knew you couldn't walk away from him like that, especially after his confession. That's why you continued to play the game, to pull what was between you.

“Hello, Earth to Y/N!” Minho waved his hand in front of your eyes. “Everything ok?”

“Hm? Yes, yes... I was just thinking.” You replied after a while, sending him a gentle smile. “Did you say something?”

“Yes Y/N, I was... I asked if you were hungry, I will be making dinner.”

“Dinner? I'd love to eat something... what are you going to prepare?”

“I'm going to make chicken.” He winked at you. “I know you love it.” 

“Okay, I'll get my stuff together...” You replied and went to the living room, where your notes and laptop were waiting for you. 

The midterm was approaching. You spent more and more time studying. You neglected Minho in the process, but this is, after all, normal and the man was aware of this, right? In the end, he let you study as much as you needed, even though he knew that you would get only A's in his subject anyway. You didn't even have to try too hard. You might as well not even have come in for a final exam.

While making dinner in the kitchen, he watched you carefully. Every move you made made him smile. He saw you bending over the task, wrinkling your nose gently, trying to understand what it was about. To Minho, you looked adorable. He loved to watch you. It was a form of entertainment for him, and he appreciated every such moment. 

The apartment was relatively quiet. You were engrossed in your notes and repetitions, and Minho was making dinner. Would your lives always be like this again? Neither of you could answer that question. The man began to imagine your life together in the future, when suddenly his phone rang. He answered immediately.

“Hi Han, what's up?...Mhm, well...I'll drop by in about an hour. No, I can't go any faster. OK, I'll try.”

The man hung up. You looked at him with a questioning gaze. You were curious what it was about. 

“Han called.” He informed you. “He asked me to go and help him with something... Can you manage on your own in my absence?”

“Will you be gone for a long time? Friday is today and there may be traffic jams...”

“Don't worry, kitten. I don't know how long it will take me to help Han, but I'm sure you'll be asleep when I get back.” He said and walked over to you. “I'll be back soon.” He placed a kiss on your forehead and went to change his clothes, then left the apartment. 

You sighed quietly. Minho left more and more often as Han called him. You hadn't met his friend yet, but you knew that this whole Han thing was just as weird as your lecturer. You just hoped they didn't kill anyone else. The realization that another woman might have lost her life, in a very immoral way, just because she ran into Minho, did not give you peace of mind. 

You took several deep breaths. You couldn't concentrate on your notes anymore. Moreover, you were terribly bored, and you knew that waiting for Minho didn't make any sense at all. You knew the man wouldn't be back before five in the morning. His outings with Han always took that long. You glanced at your phone. Your friends were once again having a great time at the club. You decided it was high time to finally go out to people. So you texted Jeno.

[You]

Hi Jeno! Where are you guys? Can I join you? 

You didn't expect the boy to text you back. After all, you haven't spoken to each other much lately. You felt that Jeno might continue to be offended at you, but he texted back nonetheless. You smiled broadly at the phone. 

THE MANIAC Club. I will be waiting for you in front of the entrance, you have 30 min. 

You smiled broadly. It had been a long time since you had been to a club, and THE MANIAC was your favorite place. You were glad that Jeno hadn't cancelled your relationship yet and you could join him and his cousin. 

You showered and put on makeup at an express pace. You felt exquisite, getting ready for the party. You left your hair loose and slipped a short blue strapless dress over your body. On your feet you put silver stiletto sandals. You accessorized with a silver handbag, into which you packed your phone and keys, and left Minho's apartment. 

You were in the mood for the party. All the way to the club you were smiling broadly. You missed the dancing and the craziness, but you also missed your friends, and you knew that such an outing would do you good. You couldn't wait for the madness on the dance floor. It had been so long since you had been to a party.... 

“Y/N!” You heard your friend's familiar voice when you appeared in front of the club. Jeno immediately greeted you with a smile and hugged you. “It's been so long since we had fun together... What happened?”

“Nothing happened Jeno... I just didn't have time...” You returned the hug. 

“You didn't have time, or did the professor not allow you?” The boy asked with a wince, but inwardly he was very worried. 

“What, no, no... I was really busy.” You got a little mixed up. “ Anyway, it doesn't matter now, let's go inside, I want to dance!”

“Sure... But if something happens, speak up... Ladies ahead, Woo is probably already at the bar.”

You entered the club, and immediately smelled the distinctive aroma that wafted through THE MANIAC - cinnamon and vanilla. You smiled broadly, you loved the place. For the first time in a long time you were happy. 

You started to party. Jeno was watching over you, while you seemed to release all the brakes. You let yourself be carried away by the fun, the music, the dancing and the drinks that the bartender and Woo's new boyfriend Lucas prepared for you every now and then. 

You lost track of the time. The party with the guys lasted until the early hours of the morning. You had fun until the very end. You didn't care about the hour, as well as the fact that your boyfriend, Lee Minho, left you a mass of missed calls and messages. In a craze of fun, you completely forgot about the whole world and all the problems that had surrounded you up to that point. 

_________

While you were partying at the club Minho quickly dealt with the task Han had assigned him and returned home. When he did not find you in the apartment, panic began to overtake him. He checked every room in the apartment, even the smallest, but you were nowhere to be found. He decided to call you, but as luck would have it, you probably had your phone turned off. Panic began to grow in him more and more. Had you left him? Did you decide to run away from him? Fears began to overwhelm him, he could not let you leave him. He knew he would do anything for you. 

He quickly remembered the tracking app he had installed for you some time ago. You didn't even know about it because the app was very well hidden on your phone. He quickly checked your location on his device. Gotcha, kitten, He thought. 

Now that he knew you were at the club and had broken his ban he was overwhelmed with anger. He didn't like the fact that HIS girlfriend was partying in the company of other men. Of course, he was aware that you could break the ban. Ha! He even deep down desired it. He wanted you to show disobedience so that he could punish you. He loved to punish you... And he did it more and more often.

But now, the realization that you did not comply with his requests was unbearable. In quick succession, he found himself in his car and headed out in front of the club. He didn't have a long way to go, especially by car. He parked the car on the opposite street and watched the entrance to the club. He noticed you walking out smiling inside accompanied by your friend, Jeno.

Minho was overcome with jealousy. From the very beginning, he had not tolerated Jeno. He felt some competition in him, even though he knew that you were not interested in him. Or at least you hid it very well. However, he decided not to act too hastily. I'll give her time, I’ll let her play... As he thought, so he did. He waited outside the club until you left. He didn't expect you to spend so much time there. Once again you surprised him. 

He smiled slightly to himself, all the while watching the exit. The party had already ended, and drunk people began to roll out of the club. Some were still in a club mood, while others seemed fed up with all the hustle and bustle. 

Minho watched closely. Finally, he spotted YOU. You were dressed in a blue strapless dress that, in Minho's eyes, was far too short and too defiant. Your stilettos dangled from your hand - they must have hurt your feet a lot. Minho wasn't even surprised. 

He knew you liked to party, and your moves on the dance floor could be envied by many dancers. Your hair was gently tousled, and a wide smile was painted on your lips, highlighted with red lipstick, showing rows of white teeth. At the same time, the whole posture of your body indicated that you must have drunk a considerable amount of alcohol. He didn't like it. 

He sighed heavily. Even though he was angry at you, he had to admit that you looked very happy. Your whole appearance, the way you presented yourself, excited him to the limit. Oh kitten, what are you doing to me, He thought, for a moment imagining you writhing with pleasure under him, only to deny you an orgasm a moment later.

But life is not about imagination. He knew that if he allowed you to go with Jeno now, which you were obviously counting on, he could lose you. He got out of the car and walked through the deserted street. He stopped a few meters behind you. You burst out laughing. Jeno apparently cracked a joke.

Minho quickly looked at the boy before he spoke. Jeno definitely didn't have as much alcohol in him as you did. And he definitely didn't look at you JUST as a friend. And Minho didn't like that very much.

"Ahem!" He cleared his throat, drawing your and the boy's attention to himself.

"Minho!" You exclaimed with a smile and threw yourself around his neck. You hung on him, and the strong smell of alcohol could be felt from your lips. "What are you doing here?"

"I came for you, kitten. And what are you doing here?" The man spoke, pushing you away slightly. Minho hated the smell of alcohol.

"I'm having fun!" You smiled. You looked quite cute and innocent when you were drunk. "Do you want to join?"

"I guess I'll say no." He spoke to you and glanced at Jeno, who was watching you closely. "Come on Y/N, time to go home."

"What? But I don't want to!" You stamped your foot and made a dissatisfied face. "I want to go dancing!"

“The party's over long ago, and so is my patience, kitten... You broke our agreement, you know how this ends.”

“B-but…” Your mood changed a hundred and eighty degrees. “I don't want a punishment…” You looked at him with a pouty face.

“I don't give a damn what you want.” Minho growled, a bit harsher than he planned. He shouldn't be taking it out on you when you're drunk. It didn't make any sense, and he knew it perfectly well. You wouldn't understand anyway until you were fully sober.

“Wait, what punishment?” Jeno butted in, clearly concerned about your entire exchange.

“He'll punish me for disobedience.” You complained, moving closer to Jeno. “Jeno… I don't want punishment.” You groaned. The boy clenched his jaw and looked at Minho with a menacing expression on his face.

“What kind of punishment is she talking about? What do you want to do to her?” He began to ask, clearly nervous.

“None of your business, brat.” Minho growled. “Y/N, come on, let's go home.”

“No, she's not going anywhere with you.” Jeno hissed, hiding you behind his back. “I have no idea what you want to do to her, psycho, but I won't let you.”

“I won't do anything to her, she's drunk and probably made something up.” Minho tried to brush him off.

“Why don't I believe you? If Y/N says she doesn't want something and is clearly afraid of you, then that's how it has to be.” Jeno didn't give up.

“You don't know anything. Stop interfering!” Minho started to raise his voice, clearly irritated.

“I know enough!” Jeno raised his voice as well.

“Y/N we’re going home.” Minho walked up to you and grabbed your wrist tightly, too tightly, pulling you along. You winced a bit. Minho’s grip was really strong. Seeing your reaction, Jeno didn’t think twice and threw himself at Minho with his fists.

The men started to fight. Their fight didn’t last long, because the club’s security guards, seeing the whole situation, stepped in to separate them. Minho had a cut lip and would definitely have bruises on his stomach, where he got hit the hardest.

Jeno, on the other hand, didn’t come out of the fight in any better shape. His right eye was already starting to swell, and his ribs on the left side were throbbing. He knew that when he woke up the next day, he wouldn’t be in the best shape.

The men looked at each other with hostility. You, on the other hand, stood to the side, watching the whole thing. You were scared, but you knew that if you didn't want their conflict to end in a fight again, you had to agree to go back to the apartment with Minho. You sighed quietly. The whole situation had practically sobered you up on the spot.

"Minho..." You spoke quietly. "Let's go home, please."

“Wise decision, kitten.” Minho praised you and offered you his hand. Hesitantly, slightly reluctantly, you took it and walked with him to the car. You turned back to Jeno with an apologetic expression on your face.

You got into the car and drove away with your boyfriend a moment later. You felt bad. You knew that the fight between Jeno and Minho had happened because of you. You felt stupid. You felt that in a way you had let your friend down. You just didn't know if the boy would ever be able to forgive you. You didn't look at Minho the whole way, nor did you say a word. You knew that now you were safe, but the next day wouldn't be pleasant. 

Jeno, on the other hand, watched after the fight, shocked, as you decided to leave with Minho, whom you were clearly afraid of. He knew that you didn't feel safe in the company of a man, but he was aware that you wouldn't tell him the truth. He was worried about you. He wanted to help you at all costs. He made it his goal to do everything to make you feel safe. And that meant that he had to defeat Lee Minho in some way. He just didn't know how yet.

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<- Part 11 | Part 13 ->

-> Series Masterlist

Taglist: @yaorzu-blog, @iovecb97, @hpnsfwaddict, @syedazarintasnim, @palindrome969, @biujulia

[hollypunkers]

personal star wars opinion vent

idk why people who like old republic star wars stuff like me are so defensive of the old jedi. they werent great. thats why i like them. its ok. “the jedi were actually right” well, i have consumed more than my doctor’s recommended share of star wars movies and books and tv shows and… um, i never had THAT take. what on earth?

like, even Star Trek knows their fantasy space government isnt perfect but the authors were trying to make their best example of a responsible society where people valued being moral above all else. the authors of Star Wars were explicitly trying to show where the old republic and jedi went wrong. they lived next door to sith lords for years and didn’t even notice, like, they weren’t even good at the one thing that was their “spec-ial-ity”. also, its totally cool to separate kids from their families even if the families would want them back? even if the kids are brought to war zones and expected to fight/work? YALL. what are you defending here.

I like the old republic and the old jedi order too, but like, NEITHER one was good and both explicitly had fallen morally to such a state that a sith lord literally took over and the galaxy suffered TREMENDOUSLY as a result of their incompetence. “Slavery is outlawed in the Republic” well dude, its being openly practiced on multiple planets. if only someone could do something about it. like the galactic wide government and their highly moral magical negotiation/military force? oh, they can’t? maybe theyre not that good at doing what they say they do. maybe they say a lot of nice things but when push comes to shove the jedi commit genocides and hide the evidence (murdering those tuskens was downright jedi-like, dont you know?). maybe questioning your government and not letting them get away with shit, even to the point of direct action and even violent rebellion, is a good thing. its almost like that was always the point.

[akascow]

man yellowjackets would be so much better if it didnt keep cutting back to the present day

[gen-is-gone]

Idioteque is crawling up out of the floorboards at this point lol

[talaok]

PostOutbreak!Joel likes reader but he tries to hide it because of the age gap. To try and put us off, he can be a bit standoffish/mean but Ellie can tell it’s a facade and tells him to drop it and the age thing doesn’t matter if you really like each other. Then a fluffy confession omggg

Pairing: PostOutbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: unspecified age gap, joel being a lil insecure and scared, and Ellie being a menace, but its mostly all fluff who am i kidding

a/n: this was the cutest fucking request ever, thank you anon

You know those books or movies where it's painfully clear to everyone but the two main characters that they love each other, and you keep reading or watching thinking "How could anyone not see that he likes her?" as you increasingly get more frustrated and annoyed?

Well, this is a bit like that,

not a bit actually, completely so.

And in this metaphor, you and Joel were the two oblivious main characters, while Ellie, poor Ellie, was the unfortunate witness of your blindness.

It was so incredibly clear to her that she sometimes struggled not to laugh at your interactions.

I mean the first time Joel saw you was the very first time she'd seen him blush and forget how to speak in the span of a second- it was hilarious.

And then when he'd catch him staring at you or pretend not to purposely take the longer route home just to catch a glimpse of you outside the bakery... it was hard to only chuckle underneath her breath, but she managed... 

until today

Joel slammed the door as he got it, like really loud, not like his usual slam.

"what's wrong?" Ellie asked, her brows frowning in suspicion as he kicked his boots off his feet before halfheartedly dragging them to the kitchen where she was sitting.

"nothin'" he grumbled, 

Now that made Ellie sigh with annoyance,

he was always the one to blab about how she could always confide in him, and if that was the truth, then that meant it went both ways.

"Y'know a grumpy old man once told me that it's good to share how you're feeling" She tilted her head to the side, raising her brow as Joel rolled his eyes, filling a glass with water "Would be real hypocritical of him to not take his own advice..."

Said old man, was now rolling his eyes even harder, drowning the full glass in a second

"'s nothing, don't worry 'bout it"

"Joel" Ellie only glared at him,

and as always when it was her,

he was convinced faster than he liked to admit

He sighed, before speaking "It's stupid" he said

"I don't care" Ellie shrugged, placing her elbows on the kitchen counter where she sat and using her hands to support her head, her whole focus on Joel,

who sighed, again.

"I just-" he placed the glass in the sink before turning back to her "I just saw y/n talking to I guy I-"

"Oh my god you're jealous!" she said it with such enthusiasm and with such a smile pulling at her lips that you would have guessed she'd just won the lottery

"no" Joel frowned, shaking his head "What are you on about? I'm not jealous, I just don't like the guy"

"yeah" Ellie snorted "I'm sure you just "don't like the guy"" she air quoted as she laughed 

"Why would I be jealous?" Joel went on pretending,

perhaps lying to himself together with her, the jury was still out.

"I'm just worried for her-" he argued "she's too kind and too fucking nice and Jake's an asshole"

again, Ellie only smiled as she watched him lie so blatantly

"why would you be jealous?" she pondered his question with amusement "well I don't know... maybe 'cause you have the biggest fucking crush on her"

"What!?" he spat "I don't know what's going on with you today, where did you get all these ideas? I-"

"Oh my god please shut up Joel" she groaned, rolling her eyes "That rude asshole act you do around y/n may work with her, but you don't fool me, Miller"

Ellie could swear she saw a hint of panic in his eyes

"I know you like her, just like I know she likes you" She finally said, done with this little act "I honestly don't get why you two don't just declare your love to one another and live happily ever after or some shit"

It was like he froze,

and while Ellie thought it was because he'd just been busted by a 14-year-old, it was for a wholly different reason

"she doesn't like me" he stated

And at that, at that Ellie could just groan as her palm descended dramatically down the length of her face

God, she'd always known he wasn't the brightest, but this? This is a little too much even for him

"Are you blind or something?" she threw her hands out for emphasis "She's definitely better at hiding it than you, I'll give you that, but I mean, still... it's fucking obvious dude!"

"Ellie" Joel only shook his head "you 'don't know whatcha talkin' 'bout"

Ellie was now very close to yelling at him.

"Joel I'm serious, she likes likes you!" she argued, "why do you find that so hard to believe?"

But of course, Ellie couldn't have known what was going on in Joel's mind, how certain he was that it wasn't true,

about how he knew he didn't deserve someone like you, someone so kind and beautiful and smart,

how he had spent months trying to get the thought of you to leave his tainted mind,

how he'd decided to be mean, rough, rude to you in the hopes that you would stop being so nice to him, in the hopes that you would start to avoid him, to hate him, and he'd never have to see you or that gorgeous smile again.

And finally, Ellie didn't know about how he was too incredibly, terribly old for you, for such a pretty young woman.

Half his hair was gray for god's sake, he never had a chance

"I could be her father Ellie" he finally confessed what had been eating up at him for so long "I'm too fuckin' old"

Ellie didn't even need a moment to take that it, she listened, thought about it, and immediately rolled her eyes

"SO WHAT?" 

You don't understand how long she had to pretend not to want to give the both of you a good shake, 

it was only right for her to finally shout it out

"First of all, you're not that old" she started listing, "second of all, she obviously doesn't care" she continued "and finally Joel, if you really like her, and if she really likes you, then it doesn't matter!"

But Joel was not convinced, he'd spent too long telling himself the opposite, and he couldn't even fathom the possibility of what Ellie was saying

"you just have to tell her"

she said it like it was easy, like the mere thought of it didn't give Joel a minor heart attack, like he hadn't woken up from multiple dreams where he would confess his love and you would laugh at his face, or worse, tell him you felt the same, something Joel knew not to be the truth.

Also, Joel had no idea when exactly throughout this conversation he'd admitted to liking you, but I guess it didn't matter now, it made no sense to keep the farse on.

"I can't Ellie, I-"

"oh my god you're such a chicken" she moaned "You're the one that always tells me to be brave!"

"that's different"

"how!?" she bugged her eyes, holding her palms up in show of her frustration "I get that it's scary, but what's the worst thing that could happen?"

And that, for some reason, stuck with him,

He really had nothing to lose,

It's not like you were friends or you would talk often, it's not like he would be ruining a relationship, there wasn't one,

And yet... yet it still terrified him,

"Ellie... I don't know"

"c'mon man, but your big boy pants on" she groaned "I'm telling you, she fucking likes you"

__ __ __

Joel didn't do it.

He couldn't. He just-

You were perfect, you were perfect in a way that made him feel all the more dirty,

like being close to you, talking to you, touching you... would be like plucking a flower with torn-up hands, 

And fuck him, but Joel was scared, like he'd gone back 40 years and become 16 all over again.

He couldn't do it, he couldn't, wouldn't do it, and he'd set his mind to that, made peace with his cowardness and dread.

Until of course, Ellie's twisted mind came up with a way to force his fears to life.

"Howdy"

The kid was smiling so broadly that she looked like a child with a brand-new toy,

but Joel's eyes were somewhere else,

he was looking at you

"Hi Joel" you smiled, punching a knife into his gut

You were at his front door with his kid, who was very clearly plotting something, and Joel wondered for a moment if this was what would finally make his heart give out.

"Hi," he said, his voice sounding distant

Why is she here?

"Aren't you gonna let us in?" Ellie urged, 

Us?

"Uhm, I-"

but Ellie had already sneaked inside, dragging you behind

And now the awkward scene was even more awkward, just at the entrance of his home.

"All alright" Ellie clapped her hands, watching Joel stare at you as you tried to avoid his gaze "I'm gonna go to my room," she said, shouldering him not so subtly

"Cool down dude" she mumbled, before disappearing upstairs.

What the fuc-

"I'm sorry to barge in like this" you finally spoke, a gentle smile on your lips "Ellie said you needed to tell me something, so I just... came here I guess" you finished with an awkward laugh

Fuck-fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

"If it's too much trouble I'll just go-"

"no," Joel said, before he could stop himself, finally realizing he was still holding the door's knob, and in a spur of bravery, deciding to use it to close the door.

"Oh, ok" you mumbled, puzzled by his demeanor "so uhm, what is it you needed to tell me?"

God damn that fucking trick-playing kid of his

"do you- do you want something to drink?"

the question took you aback, but then you did something that stunned Joel even more, you laughed,

you laughed softly, quickly, like you were letting out all this stupid awkwardness in a simple gesture

because that's how you were: Magical

"Sure" you shrugged, grinning "some water would be nice"

If Joel had to watch your face for an instant more he feared he was gonna explode, so he did all he could think of, he walked to the kitchen, only glancing at you again when he handed you your drink,

to his dismay, finding a smile still drawn on your lips.

"thank you" you said, taking a sip

god, even the way your lips wrapped around the rim made him want to drop to his knees.

He needed to get a grip.

"so... are you gonna tell me or do I have to guess?" you joked, your fingers drawing patterns on the glass

Was this really happening?

Was this hell?

"I..." he trailed off, running a hand through his hair as he glanced from the counter to you on repeat "I wanted to tell you that..."

"that?"

"that- the uhm-" he shut his eyes for a second, searching for words "the...bread you gave us this week was real good"

Goddamnit

"oh"

Even you couldn't hide your disappointment

I mean, you certainly didn't expect it. A compliment from Joel Miller? What universe were you in? 

Just like you didn't expect any of this... him actually letting you in his house or offering you water...

You had half expected him to shut the door in your face,

The most he had ever given you was a half smile at a joke you told him while he was picking up bread, the rest were all rude grumbles or just a bunch of stoic looks... 

and yet... yet a part of you couldn't help but have set expectations a little higher.

What a silly fool you'd been, 

hoping for a love confession from a man who has made it very clear he despises you,

but still- a girl can dream, right?

"thank you" you mumbled, as Joel cursed himself over and over in his head "that's very nice of you," you smiled, stalling a second to see if he was gonna say something else, interrupt you at some point,

but he remained silent

"well if that's all, I'm gonna go then, thank you for the water I-"

Until he wasn't

"no-stop- I-"

Ellie was right. 

He had to do this, he had to win his fear and try at least, or he was gonna regret it for the rest of his life, and he already had too many of those.

The problem was that you looked really beautiful today, and he'd never been good with words

Fuck it- if he was gonna make a fool of himself so be it,

He had nothing to lose and everything to win,

he had you to win.

"Yes?" you asked, trying to tame your hopes down

Think Joel, think

how the fuck do you tell a woman you like her?

"There's one other thing I've been meaning to tell ya" he cleared his throat, standing up straighter as he took a step closer to you.

"'m not great at doing this type of thing" he admitted, shaking his head slightly "but Ellie... she's right, I'm always tellin' her to be brave and everythin', so... I guess it's my turn now," he said, letting out a short, anxious laugh "I don't even know- I guess what I'm tryna say is that I'm gonna be honest now, but I want you to know that- that I know what you're gonna say and it's ok" he swallowed thickly, preparing himself from your inevitable rejection "I understand, really, I just- I thought I should try at least" 

What was going on?

What the fuck was he saying?

"Joel, what are you talking about?"

This was it.

It was now or never.

"Y/n I-"

his heart was beating out of his chest, and his legs felt like jelly, but he had to do it, he had to take a leap of faith-

"Y/n I like you" he breathed like the words longed to be out of his mouth "I like you a lot, I have for a while now"

he watched your mouth part, your whole face filling with shock as you blinked over and over, trying to make sure this was really happening.

"Y-you like me?"

"yes" he nodded "And as I said, I know you don't feel the same, I know I'm old, and I've been an asshole to you all this time, so it's ok, really I-"

"stop talking Joel" you huffed a laugh, stepping closer, and then closer again, until your hand was on his arm "please just-" you bit down a smile, and he was so confused, so fucking confused, "say it again," you asked

"I like you y/n" he murmured, trying to get his mind to start working again,

but you were leaning closer,

and who cared what his name was anyway

"you were rude to me"

"I was, I'm sorry I-"

You pretended to be thinking about it, glancing upwards as you pursed your lips together

But who were you kidding?

"you're forgiven" you smiled, looking up at him as you slowly raised yourself on your tiptoes to gently, oh so gently, press your lips to his.

Joel was certain he had just died.

But then he opened his eyes again, and you were still there, beaming up at him, and he felt such a wave of happiness that he could have started crying right there,

only he took on a different route and grabbed each side of your face with his hands, crashing his lips with yours and kissing you, kissing you like he'd been dreaming of for months

exactly how you imagined he would,

better than you imagined, actually

so much better.

"Ha! I told you, Joel!"

He groaned as he leaned away, shooting Ellie an annoyed glance

"What are you doin' here?"

"just came here to gloat" she shrugged, watching you two with a grin plastered on her face

"I think you've done enough of that" he muttered, but you could only smile

"thank you, Ellie," you grinned "Thank you for doing this"

She raised her brows, looking at Joel as if saying "See, she's thanking me, why aren't you?", but then her expression got more genuine as she shot you a smile

"you're welcome" she smiled "Better having to see you kiss than having to put up with Joel being all sad 'cause you're talking to Jack or any other guy"

You gasped with amusement as Joel shut his eyes in embarrassment, his cheeks tainting with red

"Ellie-" Joel grumbled, 

A soft giggle flowed through the room as Ellie turned away and went back up to her room, seemingly satisfied with her work

"You were jealous?" you teased him, your hands on his chest, while he'd moved one of his from your face to your waist.

"maybe I was" he fessed up

You smiled even brighter 

"And you like me?" you asked for the thousandth time

"yes, sweetheart, I really fuckin' like you" he smiled too now, his lips finding yours again in a kiss that made time stand still and the world spin around

"I like you too Joel" you finally said, giving the man an actual mini-stroke.

"say it again"

[no-144444]

mi señora - f.colapinto

Day 7 of fic-tober! fic-tober masterlist

summary: you and franco barely know each other, yet he's obsessed with you. could this turn into a budding romance?

pairing: franco colapinto x fem!wolff!reader

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Franco was flirty. You’d been warned before he even joined the paddock that he was. Never did you think it would be so annoying. Day in, day out, he’s sitting there fucking with you, trying to make you laugh or swoon or, whatever. It never worked, obviously. It didn’t matter either way, you tried not to notice it. 

“He’s in love with you,” Alex chuckled as he leaned on your desk in the garage. 

“We met last week-”

“He’s in love with you!”

“We’ve barely spoken!” 

“You’re my race engineer,” he laughed. “You two speak all the time!” “Yeah, about racing. How could he even know what I’m like?”

“Y/n!” Franco’s voice rang out in the garage. It was late, you didn’t know why anyone would still be here except you and Alex to run some last minute checks, well, because Singapore was unforgiving at the best of times. “I was looking for you.”

He rested a hand on the back of your chair, smiling at you. “Hi,” he grinned, his eyes boring into yours. 

“Hi,” you smiled back. “Everything alright?”

Alex smirked as he watched your exchange. It was so clear that Franco had a crush on you, and you didn’t even notice. 

“When are you heading back to hospitality? I can walk with you, no?”

You rolled your eyes and laughed. “In a few minutes, just helping Alex with some last minute stuff. You can join us walking back if you want-”

“Count me out, I’m not listening to your third wheeling,” Alex smirked before leaving the garage. 

“Well, I guess it is just you and me then,” he smiled. 

“Just you and me,” you sighed, nodding. You shutdown your computer and grabbed your bag (only for him to take it off of you immediately and hold it for you), and the 3 minute walk to hospitality began. 

“So, what do you like to do outside of racing?” he asked. 

“Well, I like to read, I like to ride my dirtbike, I like playing tennis, I like mountain biking” you listed. “That’s kind of it,” you shrugged. 

“You have a dirtbike?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “Danny got it for me when I was a teenager, I was always around the paddock with my dad so he just decided to get me one, and we usually go out together. It’s a nice way to de-stress after the season,” you explained. 

“Are you and Danny close?”

“Yeah, he’s like a dad to me,” you nodded. “What about you? What do you like to do outside of racing?”

“Well, I like to hike, I like to watch movies, and I like your company,” he smirked. You laughed. 

“You need to stop doing that,” you chuckled. “People will think we’re together or something.”

“And being with me would be so bad?” he feigned hurt as you laughed. 

“No, but it would ruin your chances of getting an actual girlfriend,” you teased. 

He scoffed. “The only ‘actual girlfriend’ I want is you.”  

You were quiet for a minute. Why had he said that? Why did he feel the need to say that? Why was he so pretty and perfect and smooth and charming? Why would he put you in this awful predicament?

He turned to you and you both stopped walking. 

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but it is true, I really like you. If you want me to stop I will stop,” he told you. 

“I don't want you to stop,” you answered, your eyes stuck to his like glue. 

He broke out into his perfect smile and nodded. “Alright,” he blushed. “So you’ll go out with me?”

“I’ll go out with you,” you chuckled. 

He stared at you for a moment longer, then pressed his lips to yours in a soft, comfortable kiss.

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francocolapinto

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, and 876,938 others

francocolapinto: mi señora

comments

merecedesamgf1team: Come to my office right now- toto. -> user35: HAHAAHAAH -> fernandoalonso: he just wants to talk I'm sure

user56: WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY?

landonorris: SINCE WHEN? -> francocolapinto: last night? -> charlesleclerc: that was fast.

y/ny/l/n: ❤️

alexalbon: I FUCKING KNEW IT

lilymhe: cuties ❤️

danielriccardo: shit now i have to meet him!!!! -> y/ny/l/n: YAY DANNY COME TO THE WILLIAMS GARAGE PLEASE

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

fic-tober masterlist

taglist: @anotherapollokid @theseerbetweenus @simbaaas-stuff @5sospenguinqueen @yootvi

[munsonsmixtapes]

Does anyone have an steddie x reader requests? Can be smutty or fluffy, I have no preference.

I DOOOOOO!!!

SMUT 🥰Reader (f) is with Steve, has been for over 5 years. Moved really fast, was all good and dandy fell inlove, live together. But reader is craving the attention of another, just to feel something new, to know she’s still wanted or attractive to others. Eddie is one of Steve’s close friends / reader broke down and explained to Steve how she feels (still loves him and only wants him but craves just something more) / Steve brings this up to Eddie asking for advice, and somehow ends up with Eddie confessing that he always was attracted to reader and it goes from there….. ? Eh? 🫠

cw: MDNI (18+) smut (p in v) voyeurism, zelophilia, choking, spanking, degradation (by both reader and Eddie) masochism, Eddie calls reader a slut and whore, perv!steve

"I don't think I understand," Eddie says as he sips on his beer. Him and Steve are sitting on his couch while a movie plays in the background.

"I know it sounds weird," Steve replies. His cheeks are flushed as he thinks about you having sex with his best friend. He doesn’t know why he’s to turned on. He’s unsure if it’s creepy or hot and feels a chill run down his spine as he thinks about it more. He doesn’t want to freak you nor Eddie out, so he’s trying to play it off like he’s uncomfortable with the whole thing.

"No, just tell me again and I think I'll get it." Eddie sets his beer on the coffee table as he turns to Steve to give him his full attention.

“Y/n...she...she wants to sleep with you." So that was what Steve had said and he wasn't just hearing things. This is the exact thing that's played out in his head more times than he can count, but he never thought it'd actually happen.

“Why would she want to do that when she has you?" That's what Steve doesn't understand. He knows that what he's into is a little vanilla, but you've never complained. In fact, you've told him that you really enjoy it on multiple occasions.

“She wants something different." Steve doesn't fully understand it himself and he's just trying to not feel offended about the whole thing.

Steve unfortunately knows about all the freaky shit Eddie is into (even if he really wishes he doesnt) and he knows that's why you're so interested in fucking him. He supposes he gets the appeal to a certain extent, but not really, though.

"Are you offering me the opptortunity to fuck her or just asking for advice?" Eddie's secretly hoping it's he first one as he's been wanting to do exactly that for so long. He wants to know if you're as much as whore as he thinks you are.

"Both...I guess?" Steve's still having a hard time wrapping his head around the whole thing so he's not exactly sure certain what he's supposed to say.

“Well, if I'm being honest, man, I've always had a crush on her," Eddie admits and he feels his cheeks heat. He wasn't planning on ever telling anyone that, fully prepared to take it all to the grave, but he supposes it's too late to take it back now.

Steve doesn't know why Eddie is telling him this as it has always been so obvious, but he can see that a huge weight has been lifted from his chest. He doesn't care, though. Eddie would never do anything about it and has been nothing but respectful about the whole thing.

If anything, Steve feels bad for the guy. He's watched the two of you with longing throughout your entire relationship and said and done nothing about his feels for you. And now Steve feels like a dick for unintentionally rubbing the whole thing in his face.

"Alright," Steve sighs. "I'm gonna offer you something I've never offered any other friend. This is a one time opportunity so if you say no, that's it, I'm not offering it again. So...choose wisely, alright?"

Eddie is actually on the edge of his seat now as he leans forward, so invested in what Steve's about to offer him even though he has a pretty good idea. Steve licks his lips then takes a deep breath then speaks again. He can't believe he's about to do this, but he feels like he owes the both of you.

And because he's such a good boyfriend and best friend, he says, "I'm offering you one fuck with my girlfriend. The only condition is that it has to be tonight and it has to be right now-"

He doesn’t know what this feeling is, but the jealousy is making him feel some type of way. He can feel his cock getting hard just by the thought of it and now it’s all making sense.

"Yes," Eddie replies before Steve's even finish his sentence.

And if Steve’s being honest, imagining watching you and Eddie getting it on is making him even more hard, to the point where he has to cover his crotch with the blanket on his couch to hide the whole mess.

"Alright, let's go then." The two men rise from the couch and head to Steve's car to head to your apartment., one buzzing with excitement while the other feels a little queasy about the whole thing.

The front door to your apartment opens and there's Steve and...Eddie? What’s he doing there? Unless…no, there’s no way. Why would Eddie be there for that? And would Steve have asked him? It was very clear that he was uncomfortable by the whole thing so you dropped it, not wanting to make him feel even worse.

The two of them move into the living room and you’re quick to turn off the tv once they stand in front of the coffee table. Whatever is going on, they mean business.

“Can we talk to you?” Steve asks and you give the duo your full attention.

“Sure,” you nod, making yourself comfortable on the couch. “What’s this about?”

“Well,” Steve, sighs then turns to Eddie. “You tell her.” Now your interest is piqued. They really have you on the edge of your seat now.

“Steve has decided that he’s going to let us…” Eddie trails off, but you know exactly what he’s getting at.

“Let us what?” You know what he’s referring to, but you need to hear him say it. You actually need to hear the words come out of his mouth.

“I’ve decided to let the two of you fuck to get it out of your systems,” Steve tells you and you can see he’s still hesitant about it. You told him that you would leave it alone, but it’s become clear that he just wants to make you happy.

“You’re going to let me fuck your best friend?” You ask with a chuckle, not quite believing what’s happening.

“Yeah,” he nods. “I-I don’t know, the jealousy…turns me on.” You can see his cheeks flush and think it’s adorable. Everything’s starting to make sense now. Now you totally understand why Steve was always asking you to flirt with guys in bars beige taking you out to his car to show you that you belong to him and only him.

“And I don’t now, I also want just want to see you guys…I think I’m coming around.”

“You are?” You ask, unsure if you believe him considering that just last night, he felt uneasy. But what you didn’t know was he was just desperately trying to hide his kinks. He was just afraid that you were going to judge him.

“I am,” he nods. “I think it’ll be hot.”

“Wow, Steve, I’ve never pegged you as a perv.” You step closer to him, pressing your lips to his briefly before pulling away. “You wanna watch me fuck your friend, hm?” All he can do is nod and you find yourself stepping closer to Eddie.

You feel your heart race with excitement as you grab onto his arms, leaning forward and capturing your lips with his. They’re soft and his kisses are rough unlike Steve’s. His tongue takes no time to slide into your mouth and you moan as it tangles with yours.

His hand moves into your hair as Steve moves closer, already turned on by the whole thing. Watching his girlfriend making out with his best friend was doing something to him.

Eddie’s lips move to your jaw and he gives it a nibble, causing you to gasp and a whimper falls from Steve’s lips.

“You like that?” Eddie asks. “Does Steve do that to you?” He does sometimes, but Steve doesn’t even care what Eddie says. He’s so close to coming and he knows he can get there if you guys just fuck already.

“Mmm,” is all you respond and then Eddie’s lips are on your neck, licking and sucking in the skin as he forms a hickey on the spot right under your ear. Your moans are getting even louder and Steve is loving hearing it be caused by someone who’s not him.

“Fuck,” you whine and Steve moans, resisting the urge to get himself off right there. “More.”

Eddie’s teeth scrape along your neck and you feel your knees buckle, but he’s quick to catch you, pulling you so close to him that you can feel his rock hard cock against you.

“God, Eddie, take her top off,” Steve whines and as you moan again, Eddie’s hands moving to the buttons as his teeth slide against your skin again. Your orgasm is approaching fast and you can feel it.

Eddie pulls on your top and it opens as a couple of the buttons fly across the room. You gasp as the suddenly movement and Eddie is quick to push it from your shoulders, pulling it from your body and letting it fall to the floor in a crumpled pile.

He then moves to your bra and unhooks it as his lips find your collarbone as the thing fall to the floor between you. He then pulls away to get a look at your tits then buries his face between them.

“They’re even more beautiful than I thought they’d be,” he mumbles against your skin as his hands fumble with the button of your jeans. You help him and together, you’re able to slide your jeans off your legs before throwing them down onto the floor next to you.

He then grabs onto your ass and pulls you close to him, giving it a squeeze as his lips find yours again.

“Give it a smack, Eddie,” Steve instructs and Eddie obeys, smacking you hard, causing a gasp to fall from your lips as you fall into him from the impact. “Again,” he says. “Harder.”

Eddie smacks you even harder and you feel your cheeks stinging, but love the feeling. It feels almost euphoric having someone do these things to you.

You slide your tongue into Eddie’s mouth and push him back towards your room as his shirt comes off. He takes off his pants as Steve retrieves a condom for you, hurrying back so he doesn’t miss anything.

As soon as Eddie’s underwear comes off, you can’t help but stare at his rock hard cock, noticing immediately how much larger it is in comparison to Steve’s. You’re now wondering how it can possibly fit inside you, but you definitely want to try. You want him to fill you. You want tears to well up in his eyes as both he and Steve tell you that you can take it.

He grabs you and pushes you down onto the bed and Steve is quick to follow, sitting on the backs of his legs as he watches Eddie get on top of you after he's put on the condom, both of you moaning loudly as he enters you. He thrusts hard and deep as he pins your hands to the bed so you can't move anywhere. You're so hot underneath him like that and now he can't even blame Steve for wanting to fuck you any chance he gets.

Your moans are so loud and hot that both men swear they could both come just by hearng them. And Steve is close, God, is he close. Eddie's thrusts get harder and faster as he slowly tries to fit all of himself inside you inch by inch. He's only halfway there and you already feel tears pricking in your eyes.

"A little more, honey," Steve tells you. "You can take it." You can take it, you know you can. It hurts and you feel like you're going to be torn in half, but there's no way you're asking him to stop. You can't.

"Yeah, listen to your boyfriend, y/n," Eddie commands. "Just a little more." You can't help but notice how much more rough he is than Steve, and how much you enjoy it. You want him to degrade you, to tell you how much of a good little slut you are. But all of that comes to a stop when Eddie's hand wraps around your throat, giving it a tight squeeze.

Your eyes bug out as you stare at him in shock. You have no idea how he knows exactly what you like, but he does. He's not afraid of potentially hurting you like Steve is. And the thing is, you like the pain. You like the way his hand chokes you, the way you feel your throat closing up and how he lets up just when you feel like you're going to pass out.

And little do you know that Steve's taking notes, paying full attention to what you like and what you don't so he knows for the next time he fucks you. And he's not even upset. He knows that you never fake it, but maybe it's time to do something new.

Once you're breathing again, his movs back to your hip, pounding into you again and again sliding the whole ting in and out as you cry on his cock, feeling it stretching you out. You finally reach your orgasm and feel yourself slipping away as you go dumb.

"That's it, baby," Steve says as he encourages you through your orgasm, pushing your hair away from your sweaty forehead. "Taking Eddie so well, honey."

Eddie's pace slows down as you're fading away and he thinks it's best to call it a night, hoping, praying that you can't walk in the morning as he pulls out of you. He gathers his clothes from the floor as you tell him over and over how good he was. And as Steve walks him to the door after he's dressed, he makes sure to let his friend know that he can do that as many times as he wants as long as Steve can watch again. Eddie agrees and flees the apartment as Steve goes to take care of his fucked out girlfriend, wondering how he got to the point where he got to the point where he got off by watching her fuck his best friend.

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Some even even more little descendants incorrect quotes with mostly Glassheart/CharmingHeart

(and other ships)

Chad: Adulting is hard.

Chad: How do I quit?

Chloe: Time travel.

Red: Die.

(sheesh. Also CHAD! HIII)

---

Chad: So you’re dating Chloe?

Red: What? No! I’m just buying them an accessory since they have terrible fashion sense.

Chad: That’s literally a wedding ring.

(To be fair. Maybe they don't have wedding rings in wonderland, and Red is genuinely just buying her accessories. But not because Chloe doesn't have style. She just wants to give Chloe stuff.)

---

Cinderella: Red, when’s your birthday?

Red: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Chloe: …So we know when to wish you a happy birthday.

+

Chloe: You have some serious intimacy issues

(canon)

---

Chloe: You know, I really wish you’d just admit you made a mistake sometimes.

Chad, stirring their coffee: I prefer it with salt.

(he would never admit he's wrong. He'd just word his way around it)

---

Chloe: How stupid do you think I am?!

Dizzy: You really want an honest answer to that?

(Chloe is oblivious to her attraction to Red. Their fighting is actually flirting)

---

Chad: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Chloe: ...We're on the ground floor.

Chad: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

(Go off drama king ✨)

---

Chad: Ow!

Dizzy: What’s wrong?

Chad: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.

Dizzy: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

(canon. Also oof)

---

Computer: Please enter a password.

Chad: *types in Chloe*

Computer: Your password is too weak.

Chad: How fucking DARE YOU-

(Slay big brother. He knows what's up)

---

Audrey: Hey!

Chad: What do you want?

Audrey: Remember what we were talking about yesterday?

Chad: Nope.

(Yes king. Stand your ground. keep away from her)

---

Audrey: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.

Chad: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Audrey: They're not.

Chad: Haha, very funny.

Audrey: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Chad: No... what happened?

Audrey: ...Why would you fall for this again-

(I think that's what they were talking about. And he's mad)

---

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Audrey: Would never stab anyone.

Chloe: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Dizzy: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Celia: Would stab without warning.

Red: Would stab as a warning.

+

Chad: It depends, I guess

(the charming siblings +cousin and their girlfriends)

---

Chloe, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Red: A family.

Audrey: A better love life.

Celia: Mental stability.

Dizzy: Money

Chad: *clueless* Bagels?

(... yeah-)

---

Chloe: Go to hell!

Red: Where do you think I come from?

(Wonderland basically is Hell with The Queen of Hearts)

---

Dizzy: You got a date yet Celia?

Celia: No...

Dizzy: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

(Slay ✨🙏. Which I had that confidence)

---

Dizzy: Hey Chloe, wanna third wheel on my date with Celia tomorrow?

Chloe: Sure.

Dizzy: Red! Wanna third wheel on my date with Celia tomorrow?

Red: ..sure, I gues-

Dizzy: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Red & Chloe: ...

Chloe: Dizzy...

(You'll thank her later, Chloe.)

---

Dizzy: I honestly feel like some of our conversations here are almost word-for-word accurate to the generator.

Celia: Yup.

Red: Maybe the generator is watching us.

Chloe: Wouldn't that imply this conversation will be added?

Dizzy: ...

Dizzy: Wait—

(Oh no. They found out! Got to run!)

---

Hope you liked it!

I ship Chad and Audrey as Exes

Also I want Chad and Chloe interactions in the next movie. Would love it if Dizzy was also there.

Anyway

Byeeee

[sharpth1ng]

how do you envision billy and stu’s bedrooms? cause every scene in my head it’s completely different to how it was in the last and i need to have the same thought whenever a scene comes across in one of their bedrooms

^^Alright so I have actually drawn Billy's room! this is the background of a piece that will be on my patreon once i feel like i have enough content to actually launch it. I wouldn't say this is exactly canon, I started working on it before I started writing Debaser and there's some stuff i would switch up, like some of the movie posters. There's also the non-canon Maureen VHS which they obv don't have because they didn't film that. But yeah this is a basic idea of what Billy's room looks like to me.

As best as I can tell this is the bedroom they shot as Stu's room.

^^As you can see it has a ridiculous number of doors, and we know the door to the attic is behind the camera because that's where Sidney goes during the chase. We also know the two doors on the left side lead into the hallway, again because of the chase scene. The door on the right I'm going to guess leads into a bathroom, because another door leading to the hallway or into another room would be sheer insanity. This one bedroom has four fucking doors and none of them seem to lead to a closet.

^^^From the movie we can see more of the right side of the room. There appears to be a fireplace mantel, likely bricked off and not functional. Stu is using it as a shelf, it looks like there's some tapes and maybe a trophy there. We can also see his TV and some posters on the wall- someone has made a post where they identified these posters but I can't find it rn (thank you tumblr's broken search function). If anyone knows the post I'm talking about please feel free to link it!

^^^There's also at least three things that look like they could be one of Billy's flannels in this room. We never see Stu wearing blue or plaid in the movie and imo from his costuming it doesn't seem like his style so this detail is pretty funny to me. Billy is just leaving his repetitive wardrobe all over Stu's room. Gee I wonder why.

So that's basically Stu's room in the movie. The way I see it in Debaser is a little bit different, but in many ways the same. First big difference: a maximum of three doors. One to the hall, one to the bathroom and one to the attic storage space. Two doors to the hallway just feels homophobic. Another difference is that I imagine his TV somewhere at the foot of the bed, just makes for a much more comfortable watching experience.

I also imagine him with a lot more on the walls.

^^^Chip Sutphin's (also a Matthew lillard character) room from Serial Mom is a good example with all the Fangoria posters and stuff. Imo Stu is definitely reading fangoria.

(Unrelated side note can I just say i can’t see Chip's girlfriend Birdie without seeing pre-transition Billy. The Blue plaid, the short brown hair, the horror obsession) ⬇️

Like, this is Chips girlfriend and best friend. This movie came out in 1994. I can't. ⬇️

Ok, side note adjourned, back to Stu's bedroom.

Overall I see it as a lot more packed and messy than Billy's. There's more on the walls and more on the floor. I also think he's got a big ass shelf of tapes and video games, and probably some leftover action figures from when he was a kid. I think he kept more of his childhood stuff like that than Billy did. He doesn't play with his action figures anymore obv, but he hasn't thrown them out.

So yeah, that's sort of an idea what their rooms look like in my mind! I do plan on drawing Stu's room at some point but these kinds of detailed room drawings take me so much time, I'm not sure exactly when that will happen.

Edit: Ps you can read what’s written in the notebook in Billys room, please do

[restinslices]

.

Can I request a scenario where the lin kuei brothers, after rescuing the reader from an enemy who was torturing the reader, react to the hijacked!reader(idk, if you read/watched the hunger games especially mockingjay, if you didn't then hijacking in hunger games is a form brainwashing involving the venom of tracker-jackers(mutated wasps whose venom can cause hallucinations and can painfully kill a person) to alter the memories of a person in a negative manner), who reacts violently towards them and bring afraid of them, calling them a monster and verbally berating them.

I haven’t seen those movies in years but I watched some videos and looked at the wiki so I hope I got it right! I also added a Drabble for everyone as a “my bad” cause I took so long.

Also it is 5:09pm. The danger time (look at previous post. Weather shit) is until 7pm. I’m hoping we stay fine but bitch it’s raining and I hear thunder and saw lightning. Send help😭

Bitch I’m proof reading and my lights flickered-

Anger is much easier and better to feel than sadness or grief, so he forces himself to feel that instead 

The second he realizes that you've been taken by enemies, he's in a rage 

He's visibly more angry and harsh towards everyone 

He hardly sleeps or lets himself relax because that means he's not looking for you 

Someone could take a break to sit and he's asking why they aren't doing anything to help 

Once you're found he's relieved and wants to see you immediately 

All that stress slips from his shoulders when he sees that you're alive and safe 

That stress is immediately dumped back on his shoulders when instead of pulling him into a hug, you run at him and wrap your hands around his throat 

As you can imagine, he has no problem pushing you off, but he's thrown so off guard because why would he ever expect you to attack him?

You don't come to your senses and his confusion rises when you attack him again by jumping on him and trying to strangle him again 

If you weren't trying to murder him, he'd be impressed with how you hang on despite how many times he's hit you 

Having to knock you out takes a lot out of him mentally. I mean, come on y'all. You were missing for so long and instead of hugging and loving each other when you finally saw each other, you attacked him like a wild animal and he actually had to defend himself 

When he's told what Hijacking is, all that anger comes back 

Some sick fuck took you from him, tortured you in various ways and managed to change your memories to something negative. How could he not be angry? They destroyed you with such precision. It was sick. 

Bi-Han is advised not to see you again. Anyone could guess that he wouldn't listen 

He had hope that maybe you just needed rest, but that didn't seem to work 

You forgot you were strapped down and tried to run at him again. You fussed with your straps in an attempt to get free and yelled in frustration 

Bi-Han doesn't know what to say. In an attempt to comfort you, he says “we'll fix you”

“There's always something wrong with me, isn't there?” You sneered with resentment. 

He kept talking to you and it seemed like no memory was left safe. Every single memory was tainted. The image of him was tainted. Why? Why did this have to happen to someone as kind as you? Why not to him? Or, as dick head-ish it sounded, a random Lin Kuei member?

All his efforts go to finding a way to reverse it. And I can see him being angry at Liu Kang because he can't reverse it. It fuels a resentment he already holds for him

“Grandmaster, I have been instructed to not let you in this room” a Lin Kuei member said in his best stern voice. Bi-Han didn't have time for this. He had just been informed that somehow Liu Kang couldn't save you, which made absolutely no sense to him. Liu Kang, this powerful god that created the universe itself couldn't fix this one person in the universe? Someone who deserved to be saved the most out of everyone?

“Your Grandmaster didn't give you this order, did I?”. The Lin Kuei swallowed hard and tried to stammer something out, but Bi-Han pushed him out the way and went inside the formally blocked room. 

You looked over at him, still with hate in your eyes. Your brows were low, your mouth in a deep frown, your arms and legs strapped to the bed. Your face was less bruised than it was when you first arrived, so he guessed he was thankful for that. 

“You look like shit” you said. 

“I've been worried about you” he answered honestly.

“Bullshit. You lie. You always lie”

“Who told you that?” he stepped closer to you although he knew he shouldn't. “Our enemies made you think this. They lied to you. They tortured you because they knew it'd hurt me. Because I love you”. He wasn't sure he's loved anyone as much as he loves you. But you wouldn't believe him. You kept saying he was lying and you had no idea how much it killed him to see you, but not have you. 

You stared at him blankly while thinking. You smirked at him and motioned for him to come even closer. He didn't though. The various wounds he had kept him from keeping hope of you changing. 

“Do you think your father let out a sigh of relief when he realized he was dying and getting away from you? Your mother as well? Being around you is the worst torture imaginable and I can't wait until I'm set free too”. 

Kuai Liang vows that he'll find and bring you back home no matter what 

He's also uneasy and on edge the entire time 

No stone is left unturned. He's checking every possible area and is suspicious of everyone 

He knows you'll have some sort of trauma, so when you're found, he tries to give you space 

Just enough time for doctors to look you over 

When he visits you the last thing he expects is for you to do is scream and try to get away from him 

He tries to get closer to you and comfort you but you keep screaming and accusing him of trying to hurt you 

He's confused. He would never do such a thing to you. He hardly even play fought with you because he was so worried about him accidentally hurting you 

You keep clinging to the doctors and yelling at him to stay away 

He just doesn't understand how something like this can happen. He keeps trying to comfort you but you're terrified of him

He has to be dragged out because he doesn't wanna leave at all 

When he's told what's happened to you he's confused how this is even possible and he wonders if he can ever get you back 

It's not necessarily just “I want my partner back”. It's also “they didn't deserve to have their light taken away”

You stay terrified of him so he tries to stay away from you 

He checks in when you're sleep and he peeks at you when you're not paying attention 

A two way mirror is a way to watch you as well 

Honestly he'd rather have you angry at him than afraid of him

You look so broken and shaken and it's killing him 

The same way he vowed to find you is the same way he vows to save you 

Meanwhile he has other people talk to you for him. He's trying to see if maybe someone else can make you realize that he's not some monster that you've been brainwashed to believe 

It doesn't seem to work, but he keeps trying. He refuses to give up on you. 

Kuai Liang was warned that this could possibly be a bad idea, but he didn't care. What was he supposed to do? Not try? Just let you sit and rot? No. Maybe he didn't have any magical abilities that could cure you, but he could still try. 

He watched through the 2 way mirror as Tomas approached you. You were a lot nicer to him and more comfortable around him. As bad as it sounded, it made him feel awful that Tomas was your comfort instead of him. 

Tomas tried to ease you into a conversation about Kuai Liang and he watched you tense and sit up. Did you think he was going to rush in and attack you? No. There had to be some parts of you still in there. 

“Kuai Liang isn't a bad person. You've been lied to-”

“He killed your family”. 

Tomas cleared his throat, uncomfortable. “Kuai Liang was too young to-”

“They’re all killers!” You snapped. “They'll kill me! He'll kill me! Did he send you in here to weaken me?!” You looked around the room in fear and Kuai Liang stupidly ran in there to comfort you as a reflex.. He realized his mistake when he caught your eye and you fell out of your bed trying to get away. 

“HE'S HERE!” You screeched like a banshee and crawled to the farthest wall. “HE'S HERE! HE'S HERE!”. Tomas gripped Kuai Liang’s shoulders and pushed him away. He knew he shouldn't have been in there, but a part of him still fought back against the younger man. 

“GET AWAY! GET AWAY FAST! HE'S HERE! HE'S HERE! HE'LL HURT ME!” You kept screaming and clawed at your face. 

Tomas closed the door in Kuai Liang’s face with a remorseful look. The man stayed there and listened to you scream and destroy things around you. He didn't move or cover his ears. He deserved to listen. It was his punishment for not finding you in time. 

This is gonna sound bad, but when you go missing, he already assumes you're dead 

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst type shit 

He's no stranger to death and obviously he doesn't WANT you to be dead, but he prepares himself for if that's the case 

Don't think he's not searching tho. He’s always looking for you. He's not even eating 

When they find you he's so relieved 

He has the doctors tell him how you are because as much as he wants to see you, he knows he gotta let them do their job 

He feels so bad because all the reports he's getting are terrible. Each bruise he's told about shatters him 

He brings flowers when he's finally allowed to visit you 

When you attack him he's thrown completely off guard 

He doesn't even really defend himself at first because he's never had to defend himself from you 

At first he thinks you're angry with him because he failed to protect you. When he's told what really happened, he wished it was the first one instead 

He blames himself for not protecting you, so he'd understand that 

You being tortured and your memories being toyed with? It was terrible. He'd say he wished the tables were turned and he was tortured, but he'd never want you to feel how he feels 

He keeps trying to communicate with you but you keep screaming and trying to kill him 

Honestly he'd deal with all of that without any complaints. He just keeps being told it's not a good idea and not good for your recovery 

The insults, the foul language, the physical attacks, none of it hurts as much as the knowledge that there's a possibility he won't get you back 

He has gifts sent to you but never says it's from him 

He has old pictures sent to you too hoping that it'll spark something 

He'll keep trying to save you even if it kills him 

Tomas’ heart thumped hard and rapidly in his chest as he walked to your room, bouquet in hand. He knew flowers wouldn't solve whatever happened to you, but he hoped it'd cheer you up somewhat. He had finally been allowed to visit you after what felt like forever and while he wasn't happy to see how bad you looked, he was happy to see you alive. 

He pushed the door open and your frame came into view. Bandages covered the bruises on your face and body, but thankfully you had showered since you arrived. He hoped feeling clean gave you a sense of relief or peace. He just hoped you felt better. 

You saw Tomas and your brows furrowed- no. That couldn't be. You wouldn't look at him like… nah. 

“Tomas?” You said. 

“It's me”. He turned to set the flowers down and immediately heard people yelling your name. He turned, scared he'd see you having some sort of medical complication. What he didn't expect was to feel you shove him against the wall then onto the ground. 

“MUTT! POISONOUS MUTT!”. He screamed as he felt something pierce his shoulder. It was a scissor. He hadn't even seen you grab it. How were you that fast and why were you doing this?

“Stop!” he shouted. You stared at him with loathing and hatred, which was something he couldn't wrap his head around. He winced when you pulled the scissor out. 

He blocked you from stabbing him in the chest. You looked angered and pushed on your hand to try and stab him. “What's wrong with you?” he��whispered, his eyes wide in fright. 

The scissor was ripped from your hand and you were pulled off him by multiple doctors and others who heard the commotion. He got to his feet and watched as you kept trying to break free from their grip. 

“MUTT! POISONOUS MUTT!” You repeated. “HE KILLED HIS FAMILY! HE'LL LEAD US TO OUR DEMISE! POISON! TOXIC!I HAVE TO KILL HIM!” You screeched and kept struggling. He held his bloodied shoulder in disbelief. 

What had happened to you?

Once again, apologies it took so long. My writing break was timed POORLY

[cityofmeliora]

What do you think about Copia’s childhood? I saw your post about Terzo’s, so I started wondering. Where do you think he was raised, who do you think he was raised by, how did it contribute to who he is today?

YESSSSSS YES YES YES YES THIS IS THE ASK I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR RAAAAHHHH–

ok so first, i just wanna be clear that this post isn't gonna include anything about Cardi's twin because i'm still waiting to see what happens next in the lore before i try to write anything involving him.

with that out of the way,

like all my Ghost headcanons, my headcanons about Cardi are built on the foundation that the band Ghost lore is about 1) an evil satanic cult, and 2) a dysfunctional showbiz family from Los Angeles.

basically, i think Cardi had a very lonely childhood. and he has psychological issues caused by a lifetime of Sister Imperator's insane parenting. his anxiety in Rite Here Rite Now, about how being Papa is all he wants to do and all he thinks he could do, SCREAMS of "unethical Hollywood parent who molded her child to be a star" to me.

i do think Sister 'raised' him, or was at least present in his life since he was a child ("You'll always be my little Cardi.") and she just... didn't him she was his mom / Nihil was his dad. (i guess it's quite similar to children of catholic clergy IRL, who are sometimes raised by family but never told about their true parentage, or know the truth and are told to hide it.)

Cardi is autistic, obviously, but i also think his awkwardness is him being socially underdeveloped because he comes from an isolated cult environment. he was a weird satanic homeschool kid who almost never interacted with anyone outside the Ministry, and he was basically left to watch movies and listen to music and play video games all day. i like the idea that Cardi had dance training when he was young, though. that was probably the only time he really got to interact with others. and because he grew up in the Los Angeles area, on the occasions he did get to go out, he was always surrounded by the entertainment industry and people trying to rise to stardom.

anyway, i think this was all somewhat intentional, or at least worked in Sister Imperator's favor, to mold him into a neurotic showbiz baby in service of her evil satanic death cult. (though i don't think he cares about the cult aspect of Ghost at all. he's been in it his whole life because he didn't have a choice and has never known anything else. he really just wants to be a rock star.) growing up without the love of friends + family, Cardi filled that void with games / music / film. so... of course he wanted to be an entertainer when he grew up– that was his only avenue for human connection.

and i think Cardi kinda knew Sister Imperator was giving him special treatment and pulling strings to put him in position to become Papa, though he never understood why.

a major point in my Terzo character analysis post is that he was very ambitious and he loved being an entertainer and a showman, but he was frustrated because he wasn't allowed to express his full potential. i wrote that his mindset was "i know i'm good enough. and i could prove it if they would just let me."

and ever since i wrote that, i can't stop thinking about how Cardi feels the exact same way.

he's super talented. he's worked very hard. he's proud of his accomplishments. he's proven he's capable! but Sister Imperator doesn't respect him. she infantilizes him. she keeps the training wheels on. she doesn't want him to be capable!

Sister Imperator does not allow Cardi to have independent thoughts or make real decisions for himself. she allows him the illusion of autonomy when she needs to, but every time he shows a little bit of awareness of how fucked up his life actually is, she shuts him down to keep him under control. she purposefully hides information from him so he won't know anything she doesn't want him to know. she intrudes on his privacy because his bedroom doesn't have a door.

i think their relationship has been like this his whole life.

you can see examples of this manipulation / obfuscation throughout the Chapters, and you can see a lot of it in Rite Here Rite Now.

first off, the opening narration gives the context / background information that sometime in late 2021, when Cardi was 51 years old, he found out his two bosses are actually his parents, and his mother kept this a secret from both him and his father his whole life. which is. wild. to say the least.

(i think when he found out, he was disappointed by the realization that he got to where he is because he was secretly a nepo baby and not because he was doing a good job on his own.)

moving on. in Rite Here Rite Now, Cardi's main source of stress was that he fully believed his parents were going to murder him and then put his body on display to sell VIP tickets for his successor's concerts. this was genuine fear, and he had a legitimate reason to believe they would do that to him because they actually did that to his three older brothers! and in the later Chapters, Sister Imperator and Mr. Psaltarian were totally fucking with his head and making him think he was going to die!

he asks Sister why he can't continue being Papa for longer –because he doesn't want his parents to kill him when they're done with him– and she just brushes him off and tells him to keep playing his show. then in the Miasma scene, Cardi has a critical moment of awareness and asks what the hell is actually going on in his life and who's in control.

PAPA EMERITUS IV: One thing I do not understand… All these things… here, all of this stuff, and all of these things we're doing, where we go, and when, and to where… Who decides these things? I mean, who's calling the shots?

this is totally fair! he has a right to know this information!

in response, his parents completely avoid answering the question. they shut him down and basically tell him he sounds ungrateful for the life he has.

SISTER IMPERATOR: You waste so much time and energy worrying about what's been and what's next, who's next and whatnot. As with all things in life, it circulates. Everything that has a beginning has an ending. There just has to be an orderly transition.

she never tells him the truth. she just tells him to stop worrying. stop thinking.

they never tell him they're not going to kill him. They Never Tell Him They're Not Going To Kill Him. THEY NEVER TELL HIM THEY'RE NOT GOING TO KILL HIM.

Cardi spends the last third of the movie making peace with the idea that he is going to die soon and his parents will be the ones to kill him. after Respite On The Spitalfields, he seems resigned to his fate. he tells the Nameless Ghouls they're not doing an encore. he says "Fuck it." but Sister Imperator, still explaining nothing, tells him to do the encore and he unenthusiastically gets back on stage.

SISTER IMPERATOR: Even though you don't understand right now, sooner or later, you will know what I'm talking about. Things –events– are unavoidable. Now you go back out there and give them one hell of an encore. And that's all you have to worry about. PAPA EMERITUS IV: Okay. SISTER IMPERATOR: Off you go.

by the beginning of Square Hammer, he decides he is actually happy with the life he has and he's okay with whatever's coming. and he still expects he's going to die... only for them to totally fake him out.

Sister Imperator dies instead. in the letter she leaves him, she tells him, "My son, I'm sorry I could not find it in my heart to tell you about my condition. I was afraid you might lose your sometimes frail concentration." more obfuscation. more infantilization.

at the end of the letter, she promotes him to head of the Clergy. he takes on his new job assignment as Frater Imperator and he seems to think he'll have more power now that Sister Imperator is "not in charge anymore." i'm not so sure about that.

and this isn't even getting into all the other weird shit going on between them in that movie! why was Cardi literally unable to see her wheelchair and medicine until the Spoksonat scene? why couldn't he remember his twin brother who he spent time with as a child? either Cardi is even more mentally unwell than we know, or Sister is messing with his head in even more ways than we know. maybe both. probably both.

i do believe Sister Imperator loves Cardi. that does not negate the fact that she is also manipulative and dishonest and has no respect for him, and that made her a terrible parent. she caused him a lifetime of unnecessary confusion and suffering in furtherance of her goals. yes, he is often childish and irresponsible. but i think the way she treated him didn't allow him to mature on his own.

the worst part about all this? i think he's convinced himself that he loves her, too. (he doesn't actually know how to feel about her. it would be too painful to think about.)

in summary, to me, Cardi's life is like The Truman Show, except it's the bad ending where the producer (Sister Imperator) successfully convinces him to stay in the bubble.

this was supposed to be a headcanons post and it totally turned into an analysis post, but i cannot help it. i just love Cardi so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT CARDI TO BE SAFE AND HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw i think his actual legal given name is Cardinal Copia Imperator. yeah. i believe Sister Imperator actually named him that.

[xxsquiddkiddxx]

~John Bender x Reader (in the form of "headcanons")~

Relationship type: Mostly Platonic (breifly romantic), Strangers to Friends to Lovers

Content Warnings: Fem Y/N, Swearing, John being a lil bit of a douche.

(I took some inspiration from the outtakes of the movie... and if you've never watched them? You should. They're HILARIOUS.)

Y'all definitely met in detention. You were brought in for some stupid reason, like accidentally back-sassing a substitute teacher or something like that.

He first got your attention in detention (hehe I rhymed) by blabbering nonsense in a ridiculous tone, to the point of screaming "AHH" over and over. You end up slowly turning to tell him to shut up. His response?

"Take a photo, it'll last longer, sweets."

If you think he made fun of you.... You're 100% right. He RELENTLESSLY made fun of you. Like... that shit brought you to tears at one point.

He felt like an asshole afterwards though. After you're done crying and you ignore him for an hour or so, he did apologize... in the most John Bender like fashion: punching your shoulder lightly and mumbling a "sorry".

Near the end of detention, you two look at each other and pretty much tell one another that y'all would never be friends out of that library. It was pretty much a mutual agreement that you two would NEVER interact again, even if you had mutual friends.

Months later, you're invited to a party by Claire. She's been a friend of yours for a few years now, and she, and I quote, told you: "You need to get your ass out of the house and actually talk to people."

You didn't WANT to... but you did.

She gave you the location and the time, pretty much making it so you hs no choice but TO go to this stupid party. But eh, you'd probably chill for a few, then bounce.

You didn't get 20 steps in when- what do you know? Guess who was leaning against the wall, cigarette resting in his mouth as he fished around in his pocket for a lighter?

John-Fucking-Bender.

You try your best to stay out of his gaze. Staying at least 20 feet away from where he was. Pretty much hoping and praying to whatever God was out there that Bender didn't see you.

Yeah he saw you.

He surprisingly talked to you, mostly small talk. But then y'all talk more and more and more and suddenly you both are so deep in conversation that you hardly notice the lack of people around you two.

So maybe you two were able to be friends :)

When the next school day hit, a lot of people were shocked to see you two in the hallways together, laughing about a joke that he'd made.

A lot of people thought y'all were dating.

When I say "thought", I mean "they pretty much assumed and spread it around the whole school."

You had to fight dating allegations for MONTHS on end. It was always "No, we're not dating." "No, I don't have feelings for Bender."

Chat, you're a LIAR.

You were starting to have feelings, but you weren't gonna talk about it of course. Talking about FEELINGS? Fuckin weird, man.

The same was on his end. He wasn't gonna say NUTHIN. He literally was head over heels for you, but the day he admits that is the day he regurgitates a shoe and bakes it in the oven.

He confessed first... in an argument.

He started to distance himself a little bit from you. I mean, come on, John Bender? In a RELATIONSHIP? Get fuckin' real.

This goes on for about a month until you finally confront him about it. Like the premise of the whole argument was a span of:

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Cuz."

"Cuz why? Do you hate me or something?"

"Cuz."

Then y'all squabble more and more until he finally cracks and says he's avoiding you cuz he wants this stupid feeling to go away.

You have a heart-to-heart chat with one another and end up getting into a relationship.

You two agree to start slow, not really telling anyone and just staying friends to the public eye. Nothing too fast.

Yeah, that lasted like 2 hours.

It wasn't nessicarily John's fault. The dude trying to flirt with you just happened to have his face in the way of where John's fist wanted to be.

Take a wild guess who ended up in detention that Saturday?

Yep, he did.

A/N: I haven't actually written fanfiction in YEARS. The sad lack of John fanfiction made me finally come back XDDDDD It's dogwater and I wrote it in an Applebee's. Have this ig

~Squeed

[3rachasdomesticbanana]

Side Effects III | Han + Chan

You're onto whatever it is that Jisung and Chan are hiding. You just have to prove it. With a hidden camera set up in your room you're ready to catch the two science nerds in the act. However it just doesn't work out that way.

•Pairing: nerdy Jisung + Chan x Female Reader

•Content Includes: smut, unprotected sex, fingering, kitchen sex, feelings of guilt, jealousy and betrayal, animal testing no rats were harmed in this work of fiction

an: sorry this one took so long. writers block was kicking my ass. slightly edited so if something doesn't make sense or needs to be fixed let me know ♡

The link to the song Amortentia that's referenced is included. For a more understanding of Jisung's feelings towards y/n give it a listen. Completely optional of course but it's truly a good song. Amortentia By, Let's Lumos ft. Oliver Boyd & The Remembralls

Want more smut? Follow the banana 🍌

Part I • Part II

You had everything planned out. You knew exactly what you were going to do. Or so you liked to tell yourself. In reality, you were clueless and nervous as hell. What should I do? Seduce the two men and see who spills the beans first? Nah, that'd never work. Confront them with my suspicions about both of them being invisible? Without concrete evidence, they would only deny it.

“Ugh, damn it. Guess I'll just wing it,” you mutter to yourself behind the register, just as a customer walks up wanting some eccentric type of coffee.

You’ve felt Chan more than Jisung lately, so you figure it would be easier to get to him. You know he seems to like places where it's easy to get caught, like the balcony, the kitchen, or the couch. If Jisung were to ever walk out of his bedroom, he’d see you two immediately. Your eyes light up as you pass the recycled paper cup full of fresh coffee. Each time you were fucked by someone you couldn't see, it was an instinct to be as quiet as possible to not get caught… but what if you weren’t? Your mind starts running through scenarios of Jisung finding you as you come undone around some unseen man.

You argued with yourself your whole shift at the small coffee shop you work at. What if Jisung catches his best friend invisible and balls deep inside his roommate, causing a fight? Why would it, when Jisung doesn't see me that way? What if Jisung kicks you out? I'd be homeless and miserable. The cons were looking pretty convincing. You were all out of ideas, having talked yourself out of every one. It was starting to look like you'd never know what they were up to in Jisung's room, if they were actually invisible or if you were insane.

When you step into the apartment and slip off your shoes, you’re surprised to see Jisung in the kitchen. What surprises you the most is that he says something to you as you walk past the kitchen to your room. You freeze and look at him, almost wondering if you imagined him saying, “Hello” to you. Looking around, you see it's just the two of you.

“H-hey, Ji,” you respond, feeling timid and a little scared that he’ll just start ignoring you again.

He gives you a shy smile and retreats to his bedroom. Weird. He never fails to be weird, and you never expect it either. It's not like how you expect to have a visitor in your room waiting for you. You could smell the sweetness in the air the moment you stepped inside your room. To anyone else, they probably wouldn't be able to smell the difference between the vanilla of Chan and the caramel apple scent of your current favorite body lotion. Where he was in your room though, you had no idea.

Chan sat on the floor in the corner of your room by your bed, watching you. He had to find another spot to observe you from after you almost stepped on his balls two weeks ago. He discovered this corner was one you didn't go near, and it provided the best view to watch you undress. Much like right now. You meticulously removed each piece of clothing, and Chan was engrossed in the action as if it were his favorite show or movie. He didn't suspect that the way you moved had anything to do with the fact that you knew he was there. Slowly, you put on a show for Chan while still wondering how to catch them.

Does Ji know Chan is in my room? He must.

You were certain that Jisung's greeting to you was some sort of signal for Chan. It amused you, and you almost laughed out loud, but you remembered that you had eyes on you. That might not be enough to convince someone like Jisung or Chan, but it was enough for you. Nothing would get past you now that you knew you weren't crazy. Now, if only you could expose one or the other while they were invisible. Where are you? you wondered once you were completely nude. You stood there, chewing on your lip, pretending that you'd forgotten what you were supposed to be doing. A slow turn and, with a gasp, you moved to grab your towel.

Maybe if I entice him enough, he'll follow me into the shower. The steam might expose him...

It was a shot in the dark, but you didn't have a whole list of ideas. There was no guarantee that Chan would follow you into the shower, and no guarantee that the steam would make an outline like in the movies. Never once had Chan followed you into the shower. It always seemed like an easy way to get caught. Not in the way you were thinking, though. He knew you'd possibly get suspicious if he just so happened to have wet hair right after you felt something. Not to mention Jisung would be more suspicious than he is now.

Jisung had yet to question Chan about the strange, creepy smile you gave them both. He noticed how Chan's body language changed that night—how shifty and nervous Chan was, no matter how calm and collected he acted. Jisung had always been good at reading people. Well, except for you, but he attributed that to his feelings for you. Jisung just couldn't understand why Chan suddenly started acting weird. Surely if he were experiencing any side effects, he'd report them so they could work on them. Chan wasn't the type to keep things like that to himself. Not with something as important as this. This elixir, once perfected, would make them billionaires. That outcome was so close Jisung could hear the announcement of him getting a Nobel Peace Prize.

Chan continuously tries to fight the urges, running tests of his own that Jisung doesn't even know about. Every night, he tries a new combination of vitamins and over-the-counter pills. In his own time, he researches anything that would lower a person's libido and, in a healthy, safe way, tries each one himself. So far, nothing has worked. The only change is that he's getting a good daily dose of vitamins and a hell of a workout with you. It's even a mental workout just trying to resist you when you choose to walk around your bedroom completely naked, like you're inviting him to fuck you. You are, but Chan doesn't have a clue.

There's no way you would ever think that he was the one that was balls deep inside whatever hole of yours he decided he needed to fill that night. But smell is such a powerful thing. You could smell something you hadn't gotten a whiff of in twenty years, but one breeze past you will bring up a whole memory you could've sworn you forgot about. You put a lot of effort into that cologne for Chan. You paid close attention to how he smelled weeks before you settled on that specific one. The smell of smoky vanilla always reminds you of his hugs. The warmth and sweetness surround you. It brought you comfort. It still does; only now it also makes you wet. Like your body knows once you smell him, he'll be fucking you into another dimension.

So while Chan would love nothing more than to fuck you hard up against the slippery, wet tiles of your shower, he remains in the same spot, all while his precum leaks heavily from his hard length. He refuses to even touch himself. It would do him no good anyway; he'd still be hard as hell and insanely horny. He even tries to resist the temptation to feel you. You were still dripping wet from your shower when you walked back with the towel wrapped around you. You half-expected Chan to have left, but the soft shuffling sound that quietly creeps closer gets louder. The smell of vanilla fills the space around you, and you struggle to pretend you're unaware. Without thinking and without any warning, you scream loudly, hysterically calling for both Jisung and Chan.

Jisung bursts into your room without hesitation, making your heart swell. The way his cheeks turn red at the sight of you gives him a cute, innocent look, all wide-eyed, wearing his round glasses and lab coat. You have to bite your tongue to hide your smile. Instead, you pout and run to him, grabbing his arm.

"Ji, oh my god! I just saw this massive spider in the corner. I… I don't know where it went, though. Where's Chan? I know he usually takes them outside." You lay the damsel-in-distress act on thick.

You cling to his arm, your breast pressing firmly into his biceps. He shifts on his feet, looking around your room, likely for Chan instead of the imaginary spider. Jisung can feel his heart thundering in his chest, and his cock rapidly growing harder. It's been a while since he's taken the elixir, and although that wasn't easy, lusting over you and desiring you seems to only grow since he already felt you under him and around him.

“Oh, uh, I'll, um. I'll look,” he stammers, moving out of your arms, though he'd rather be fucking you up against the wall behind you both.

“Thanks, Jisung. Dunno what I'd do without you,” you tell him. Your voice is soft and delicate, which only makes Jisung struggle even more.

Chan uses this opportunity to slip out of the open door before the effects wear off, while Jisung hesitantly walks toward your bed, looking for the bug, scared and horny. A loud thud startles both you and Jisung, and you both turn toward the door, seeing nothing, though you hear the faint whisper of a few curse words in a very familiar accent.

“I'm not seeing it, Y/N. Maybe it crawled away,” Jisung says loudly as a distraction from the foot of your bed.

With an amused smile, you look back at him, and his throat feels suddenly tight. With you just in a towel, hair damp, and in the same spot where he was inside of you, he feels overwhelmed. So many emotions are running rampant inside of him. He just stares at you, lost in the memory of when he first felt your walls hugging his cock tight. With his faraway stare, you wonder if he's thinking about the last time he was in your room. Back when you had no clue and seriously thought you were insane. When you can prove your suspicions, then you'll deal with the fact that they both let you believe the place was haunted or that your brain was fried from working too much. You take a couple of steps over to Jisung and gently touch his arm. He hasn't jumped away from you like before, but he does look at you with such an intense expression that you almost step away from him.

“Ji? Are you good?” you ask, looking him directly in the eyes. He swallows hard, his breathing coming out in quiet huffs.

He prays your eyes don't stray and travel any further than his face. He'd be mortified if you noticed the very prominent bulge he's got right now hidden behind his dark basketball shorts. It's painful just how hard he is, and with each angry pulsation, he fears that he might cum right here in front of you.

“Yeah, I'm... I'm alright, just tired.” He clears his throat and starts to walk to the door.

You feel panic blossom in your chest. What if he goes back to being distant? The thought makes you reach out to him, grabbing the wrinkled white lab coat. Jisung looks over his shoulder, and his heart drops seeing the fear and sadness in your eyes. He knows he's been a huge dick to you, but he figured that would make being away from you easier. Yet he was wrong. He missed your company far more than he missed your tight, wet, perfect cunt. Before his mind can drift off again, you speak up.

“U-uh… I was wondering if you wanted to order from Collision? I know how you love the food there. My treat?” He nods, and his lips perk up into a small smile.

“Sounds good, sweetie. My treat, though, okay? I'll get our usual.”

And then he leaves your room, shutting the door gently behind him. Bewildered is far too weak of a word to describe how you're feeling while you just stand there in the middle of your room with a stupid shocked expression. Jisung has gone back to how he was with you overnight, and it makes you anxious for some reason. Like something big is going to happen really, really soon…

Chan is walking out of Jisung's bathroom when he steps back into his domain. He locks the door and just stares at his friend.

“Uh, sup? Why are you looking at me so weirdly?” Chan asks, chuckling nervously.

“You did it too, didn't you?” Jisung whispers, looking at Chan, who has panic flash across his face.

“No! What? Why would…” Chan trails off, quickly accepting defeat.

“Not while she was sleeping, no.” He finally admits and watches as his best friend walks over to the bed and flops down with an oof.

“Listen Ji, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do all the things that I knew were the right things to do.” Chan continues, unmoving from his spot in front of Jisung's bathroom door.

“No, I get it. The elixir. This side effect is strange. I don't even know how to describe it, let alone study it.” Jisung inhales deeply and sighs. “On top of that, we're so close to making it last longer than twenty minutes too. I can feel it.”

Chan moves, walking over to the air mattress and carefully sitting down, feeling guilty and also proud of their hard work. He opens his mouth to apologize at least six more times, but when Jisung speaks, he's unable to find his voice.

“Did she like it? You said she was never asleep. She must've wanted it, so she must've enjoyed it. Stupid question…”

His statement hangs in the air like cigarette smoke. Heavy, lingering, suffocating. Chan, with his guilt and desires eating at him, and Jisung's heart hurting due to the unspoken love that he has for you. He wants to be mad at Chan. Shit, he is mad at Chan, but he really understands. Though the little green demon called jealousy is constantly tapping on his ear, telling him that now he's got no chance with you. All the girls love Chan, despite him being just as nerdy as Jisung. With his chiseled abs and jawline, the perfect dimpled smile and accent, the girls at school always had eyes on him. So what's to say you won't fall for Chan now that he's fucked you who knows how many times. Jisung can't bring himself to even ask for a number.

“I try to fight it, Ji. I really try. In the beginning, it was easy, but something shifted… no, cracked in me. One night, she was talking in her sleep. But that talking soon turned to moaning, and at the time, I still felt normal. Until she got… close.” His voice gets quiet, and he trails off.

“Was that the, uh, first time you and her?” Jisung asks, and Chan shakes his head in reply.

“When she, uh, finished in her sleep, she moaned your name, Ji. I know you don't think you deserve her, but you're wrong.”

It's not much, but Chan's words soothe the green-eyed demon that was festering away at Jisung's heart.

Nodding and with a loud exhale, Jisung stands up. “Alright, let's get to work. I know for sure there's a way to tackle the effects as well as lengthen it. We just need to think further out of the box,” he announces, pulling out his phone. “But first, I need to order food.”

That night after dinner, things started to look up for you. Though you don't have any proof yet, Jisung seems to be coming around. You're not back to how things were, but at least he isn't running away from your presence. You sigh and roll onto your back, hitting the yellow "buy now" button on your phone. By the time you get home from work tomorrow, you'll have a wireless discreet camera. A victorious smile spreads across your face as you think, “Gotcha.”

You set your phone aside, the screen dimming as you rise from the bed. The soft rustle of the sheets and the creak of the mattress punctuate the quiet. You can feel him watching you, his gaze almost tangible against your skin. Your heart quickens, not with fear but with excitement, the anticipation of what’s to come making your pulse race.

Slowly, you begin to undress, your movements deliberate and unhurried. The fabric of your clothes slides against your skin, a soft whisper of cotton and lace. You hear a faint, almost inaudible intake of breath, and you smile, knowing the effect you’re having on him.

The room is cool, the air from the open window sending gentle chills across your exposed skin. You can almost feel his presence drawing closer, the warmth of his body cutting through the coolness. Your breath hitches as you feel the first tentative touch – a soft, barely-there caress along your arm, trailing down to your wrist. It’s as if the air itself has come alive, brushing against you with a lover’s touch.

You don’t flinch or pull away; instead, you lean into it, letting your eyes flutter closed as you savor the sensation. His touch grows bolder, more confident, sliding up your arm to your shoulder, tracing the curve of your collarbone. You shiver, a sigh escaping your lips. The feel of his hands – warm, soft – skimming across your body with a reverence that makes you ache.

Chan moves closer, the scent of vanilla intensifying, mingling with the smell of cake batter from your body wash. You can feel his breath now, warm against your neck, goosebumps up and down your arms and legs. His lips follow, pressing soft kisses along your jaw, down to the sensitive spot just below your ear.

You tilt your head, giving him better access, your fingers threading through the air where you know his hair must be. The sensation is surreal; you've never let your hands roam too much before. You feel his hair through your fingers and his hands on your hips, pulling you closer, his body solid and real against yours despite the invisibility.

The room is filled with the sounds of your shared breaths, the quiet breeze, the faint rustle of sheets as he guides you back to the bed. You lie down, heart pounding in your chest.

His hands are on you again, sliding up your thighs, parting your legs with a gentle insistence. You gasp as his fingers find your core, slick and ready, the sensation electric. He teases you, his touch light and maddening, drawing soft whimpers from your lips.

"Please," you breathe, your voice a desperate plea. There’s a moment of stillness and then he’s on you, in you, filling you with a slow, deliberate thrust that makes you cry out.

The world narrows to the two of you, the sensation of him moving inside you, the slippery sounds of your bodies coming together, the taste of his kiss on your lips. Every touch, every caress, every thrust sends sparks of electricity through your veins.

You cling to him, your fingers digging into the air where his shoulders must be, your body arching into his. His pace quickens, the rhythm of his movements matching the frantic beating of your heart. You can feel the tension coiling inside you, tighter and tighter, threatening to snap.

With a final, desperate thrust, you come undone, your body trembling with the force of your orgasm. He follows you over the edge, his own release a silent shudder that you feel rather than hear. For a moment, you lie there, your bodies entwined, the air around you heavy with the scent of vanilla and sex.

As you catch your breath, you feel him begin to pull away, the warmth of his body retreating. You reach out, your fingers brushing against nothing but air, a wistful smile on your lips. The room settles back into its quiet stillness. You reach for your phone, the glow of the shipping tracker on the screen lighting up your face once more. For now, you’ll play their game, savoring every touch, every stolen moment. But soon, you’ll have the evidence you need to confront them, to bring their little experiment out into the open.

"Ready to come clean, boys?" you think to yourself, feeling Chan's eyes on you, waiting for the moment he can slip away. He finds that moment when you go to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Just in time too, as the effects wear off right as he steps out, coming face to face with Jisung.

“"I'm sorry," Chan whispers, letting his head fall.

There's no need to ask how long he's been standing there or if he heard your moaning. The flexing of his jaw muscle and the steady breathing to keep himself from doing anything he'd regret speak volumes. Chan suggests they should scrap everything and start over. He can't stand the hurt look on Jisung's face; he's like a little brother to him. Never in a million years would he ever hurt him.

“No. We're not far from the end; we can't give up now,” Jisung says quietly, moving away from your door and towards his own as Chan follows. “I know the feeling of not being in control, and with you taking a higher dose than I was… well, I get it. Let's just finish this up as quickly as possible.” Chan mutters a defeated-sounding agreement and trails after him like a sad puppy.

When you get home from work, you find the package containing your new camera. You retreat into your room quickly to set it up. You smile to yourself as you angle it so that it's pointing towards your bed and the bedroom door. At one point, you even thought to rig up some contraption above your door that would dump flour on them when they walked in, but you thought better of it. With your luck, you'd be the one covered in white instead of Chan or Jisung. Though… you still just might be. When you walk out of your room, you see Jisung and Chan talking in front of the door with Channie's bags in his hand.

“You leaving us, Channie?” you ask, worried that you missed the opportunity to catch him on camera and that you just set everything up for nothing.

“Don't worry, I'll be back to bug you two soon. My cousin's having a grand opening for his restaurant in Australia, so I'll be gone for the weekend.” He explains, his eyes darting to his friend nervously. “Stay out of trouble,” he tells Jisung and looks back at you. “Both of you.”

You give him a lazy salute and smile. “Yes, sir,” you respond and walk into the kitchen.

Just you and Jisung for the weekend… This could go either really well or really badly.

The first night was a bit awkward. Jisung is distant again, but not as much as before. He seems to try and talk to you more, but you can see he isn't always fully present in the conversation.

It's not that he isn't paying attention or finds what you are talking about boring. It's the flashbacks that he struggles with around you. The temptation of taking the liquid just to feel you again. He misses how you felt, the sounds he would make you make. Every time he is with you, talking about whatever, it’s almost like he can practically feel you bear hug his cock with your greedy cunt.

The second night isn't any easier, and most of the time, Jisung is in his room, tweaking and testing the elixir on more borrowed rats. Each time he hears you shuffling around the apartment, he wants to chug the whole test tube of the faint aqua liquid.

Those two days, however, you feel defeated. You keep thinking that you wasted money and time on the camera that sits hidden in your room out of sight. In a moment of frustration, you disconnect the device with an annoyed growl.

“Fuck this,” you sigh and sit on the edge of your bed. “Back to the drawing board, I guess. Maybe… maybe I could take a peek inside his room?”

The brainstorming with yourself only keeps coming to a brick wall. The camera was the answer, or so you thought. Now, without anything happening, you figure you missed your window to catch them in the act.

It's Saturday evening, and you've seen Jisung only a few times. You start to worry that he's gone back to his weird avoidance towards you again.

“Hmph. It's not like I have cooties or something,” you mumble, rolling your eyes as you walk into the kitchen, just barely catching a glimpse of your roommate before he hurries into his room.

It's true that he's avoiding you, but at that particular moment, he just didn't want you to see that he had snuck out of the kitchen with your espresso extract. You'd kill him if you knew he was going to use all of it in the name of science. No matter how many times he told himself that it's for a “good cause,” he knows not to come between you and your coffee. Lucky for him, you already had your cup for the day and wouldn't notice that it's missing until tomorrow. Plenty of time for him to replace it.

The idea of adding a strong espresso to the elixir had immediately popped into his head at random. He could feel the light bulb over his head glowing brightly. It was such a simple idea, but he was more than positive that this was what they needed to lengthen the invisibility timeframe.

The tiny white rat squeaked from inside the metal cage that sat on his cluttered desk when he sat down. Its nose twitched curiously, sniffing the air as the strong smell of coffee filled the room. Jisung's glasses slowly slid down his nose, but he was too focused on measuring and mixing to be bothered by it or even adjust them.

“This is it,” he whispered under his breath, eyes sparkling with excitement.

With a glass dropper in his hand, he watched as the now grayish-teal elixir filled the tube. A couple of drops fed to the rat, he started the timer on his phone. Jisung could hear you outside his room singing. It was muffled, but just the sound of you working with the experiment made him hard.

“Maybe if I... No! I promised Chan.” Jisung took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the cage that seemed to be empty.

The occasional squeak and the cage bedding being kicked up was evidence that the rat was indeed still there and still doing just fine. More squeaks from the cage woke Jisung, who had dozed off, and he checked his phone. Thirty-five minutes and the rat was still invisible. He jumped up out of his chair, startling the rodent, who jumped and squeaked some more.

“I did it,” he said out loud. “I fucking did it.”

Only problem now, how will it react with something bigger? Sure, he promised Chan he would stay out of trouble, but this is important. He can't possibly wait until tomorrow when Chan gets home and then wait for him to make it to the apartment. He'd just have to fight the urges. Maybe the espresso canceled out the weird side effects anyway. He had to know how this new version of the elixir would do on a human.

He watched the dark liquid swirl in the flask, heart racing with anticipation. Taking a deep breath, he downed the elixir, the bitter taste masked slightly by the coffee. The invisibility kicked in almost immediately, but what he didn't anticipate was the overpowering surge of arousal that came with it. Every nerve in his body was tingling, his cock painfully hard. He was amazed and a little terrified by the intensity.

He paced in his room with a stopwatch in hand as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He was invisible, but the arousal was overwhelming. It had never been this intense before. He checked the mirror obsessively, waiting for any sign of the elixir wearing off, but it didn't happen. Twenty minutes passed, and he was still invisible, still hard, and it was only getting worse. He should be happy that his brilliant idea worked, only if he wasn't going mad.

Then, he heard it. Your voice, soft and innocent, singing in the kitchen. You were singing that old song from Let's Lumos, the one you were obsessed with, "Amortentia." The lyrics hit him hard, mirroring his own hidden feelings for you.

Before he could think, he was moving. The kitchen came into view, and there you were. You were lost in the song, unaware of his presence. His breath caught as he watched you from the kitchen doorway, invisible but so very present. The desire gnawed at him, rational thought slipping away. He moved silently, driven by an overwhelming need to be close to you. Suddenly, without realizing it, he was standing right behind you, the proximity making his breath hitch.

He snatched the headphones off your head, tossing them over the kitchen counter. You yelped, spinning around to face nothing.

“Ji?” you whispered, your eyes flicking around the room.

He chuckled, a deep, resonant sound, before pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was intense, searing, consuming you whole. His hands gripped your ass, pulling you close, and you moaned into his mouth, the sound muffled and desperate. When he finally pulled back, you gasped, inhaling deeply like you’d been deprived of oxygen.

“I’ve missed these lips,” he murmured against your skin. One hand slipped inside the front of your shorts, cupping your sex. “I’ve missed these lips even more.”

You gasped, feeling his middle finger slip inside you, your body arching into his touch. His name passed your lips in a hushed whisper, making him groan.

“Fuck, you’re smart. Makes you even sexier. Can I have you, Y/N? Hm? Not Chan, just me.” He slipped another finger inside you, and you cried out, clinging to him.

“Yes!” you gasped loudly. “I’m yours.”

His fingers were gone, and your pajama pants were pulled down. You barely had time to think before he was lifting you onto the counter, his mouth on your neck, your collarbone, your breasts. Every touch was electric, sending shivers down your spine.

His name fell from your lips over and over, each time like a prayer, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He kissed you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands roamed your body.

“Needed you so bad, Y/N. Needed you for so long,” he whispered against your skin. “God, you have no idea.”

You gripped his shoulders, pulling him closer, needing him as much as he needed you. “Show me,” you breathed. “Show me how much.”

You felt his hands on you again, rougher now, more insistent. His cock pressed against you, hot and demanding, and you shivered with anticipation.

“Jisung…” you whispered, your hands clutching at his shoulders, needing him closer, deeper.

He kissed you again, harder this time, his tongue tangling with yours. He entered you in one swift motion, and you cried out, the sensation overwhelming. He was everywhere, all at once, filling you completely. His thrusts were urgent, desperate, each one making you feel like putty in his arms.

“God, Y/N,” he groaned, his voice strained. “You feel so good.”

The kitchen faded away, the world narrowing down to just the two of you. You didn’t even notice the moment you could see him. Every touch, every kiss, every thrust was like a fire, burning away everything but the raw, intense connection between you.

You lost track of time, the only thing that mattered was the way he felt inside you, the way he made you feel. His whispered words of desire, his hands on your body, his lips on your skin. It was all-consuming, a perfect storm of sensation and emotion that left you breathless.

You could barely think, barely breathe, the pleasure building and building until it crashed over you in waves. You came apart in his arms, crying out his name, and he followed soon after, his body shuddering with the force of his release.

You were both panting, clinging to each other as the aftershocks of pleasure rippled through you. He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his breath warm against your skin.

He helped you off the counter, pulling you into his arms. Together, as he carried you, you made your way to the couch and wrapped yourselves in a blanket. The last thing you remembered before falling asleep was the feeling of his arms around you and his heartbeat against your ear.

Hours later, the sound of the door opening jerked you awake. You blinked groggily, realizing that Chan was standing in the doorway, his eyes wide in shock at the sight of you and Jisung, naked and in each other’s arms.

“Guys…?” he said, his voice a mix of disbelief and amusement.

The blanket slipped slightly, revealing the state of your undress, and you hurried to cover up, as if he hadn't seen you naked for the past month.

“Uh… I can explain…” Jisung started, but Chan just raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Well, this is unexpected,” Chan said, shaking his head. “Guess we need to talk about this, aye?”

You stepped into Jisung's room, your eyes scanning the cluttered space. "Okay, I need to know what you're working on," you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

Chan looked at Jisung, eyebrows raised in question. Jisung sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She found out on her own..."

"Please," you interrupted, your voice breaking. "I need to understand."

Jisung exchanged a look with Chan, who nodded slightly. "Okay," Jisung said, motioning for you to sit. "But you have to promise to keep an open mind."

You nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and apprehension. Jisung began to explain, his words technical and complicated. But the gist was clear: they'd created an elixir that grants invisibility. As he spoke, the pieces started to fall into place—the strange occurrences, the feeling of being watched, the vivid dreams.

"So, you're saying... you’ve been invisible this entire time?" you ask, disbelief coloring your tone.

Jisung nods, looking down at his hands. "Yes. We've been testing it, trying to perfect it."

"So the... dreams?" you whisper, not sure you want to hear the answer.

He hesitates, then looks up, meeting your eyes. "That was me."

Your breath catches in your throat. The room spins, and you feel a surge of anger and betrayal. "You... you lied to me, Ji. I was terrified for weeks, thinking I was haunted."

Jisung’s face crumples, and he looks away, shame evident in his posture. "I'm sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen. It started out as a joke. But the side effects… it got carried away.”

Chan stands, his face a mix of shame and disappointment. "I'm sorry too, y/n.” You turn to him, having been waiting for him to say something. “It wasn't just Jisung. I don't know what came over us, but I do know it wasn't something we could control."

Jisung buries his face in his hands. "We fucked up. I fucked up."

You stand, trembling with rage and hurt. "Et tu, Channie?" you say, your voice barely more than a whisper as you look at the curly-haired man who avoids your eye. "How could you guys lie?"

Jisung looks up, tears in his eyes. "I’m so sorry, y/n. I’ll do anything to make it right."

You shake your head, backing towards the door. "I need a moment," you say, your voice hollow. "I can't think."

You walk out of the room and leave the apartment, the weight of Chan and Jisung's betrayal crashing down on you. Outside, the night air is cool and soothing, the feeling of autumn approaching, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside you. You walk aimlessly, trying to clear your head, but the pain and confusion follow you.

Back at the apartment, Jisung sits in his room, staring at the door you just left through. Chan stands beside him, silent and disapproving. "We need to fix this," Chan says finally. "We have to make this right, man."

Jisung nods, but deep down, he knows it won’t be that simple. They crossed a line that can never be uncrossed, and the consequences of their actions are only just beginning to unfold.

When you step back into the apartment, you see the backs of Jisung and Chan out on the balcony. The glass door muffles the sounds of their conversation and your footsteps as you walk towards them. Behind the glass, you see tall flames in front of them, and you panic. They've finally done it, you think. They've finally set something on fire. Sliding the door open with speed, the two men turn around quickly, both startled by you.

“What the hell did you burn?!” you ask, looking at both of them.

“Nothing yet,” Jisung says, pointing to the table where every piece of their experiment sits. The notes, every drop of liquid, and even the failed experiments.

“We talked a lot, y/n, and we came to the mutual decision to destroy everything. It's not worth it if it means destroying anything with you,” Chan says, bringing you to tears.

“We would hug you, but the side effects have some lingering symptoms. You're very difficult to be around, let alone touch, right now. Sorry, y/n.” Chan tells you, and Jisung awkwardly coughs, which makes you laugh.

“Listen. Maybe you don't have to destroy it. Maybe you could change it to be some kind of sex enhancement drug? Doesn't sound too difficult for you two.” You appreciate that they'd actually destroy something that could make them billionaires. “How about calling it Love? That's cute, right?”

“Fuck, y/n. Your brain is so fucking sexy.” Jisung grumbles, scrubbing his hands over his face and up into his hair, making you blush and giggle.

“About time you two stop this silent mutual pining,” Chan says, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's wait for the stuff to get out of our system before that, maybe.” Jisung laughs and smiles your way. “I mean, if you want to, of course.”

“Ji, of course I do. I told you, I'm yours.” You reassure him, watching his cheeks turn red and ignoring Chan's dramatics pretending to gag.

“Okay, lovebirds, let's get this stuff back inside if we aren't getting rid of it, yeah? Gotta figure out where to store it before we start y/n’s genius idea.”

“I kinda like the side effects.” You say timidly, and both men look at you in surprise and you laugh.

You help them carry everything back inside, feeling a new sense of calm. Once everything is safely stored and locked in a crate that only you have the key to, the three of you head back into the apartment, the door sliding shut behind you. Jisung and Chan exchange a glance, both knowing that their bond with you, though strained, is far from broken.

"We’ll figure it out," Jisung says softly, taking your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Now that there are no secrets."

You nod, smiling, "No secrets."

And for the first time in weeks, you feel a glimmer of optimism. The experiment may have changed everything, but it also brought a truth to light that you and Jisung needed to face. Now, you can rebuild the trust that was lost.

As the night deepens, you find comfort in the fact that, despite everything, you're happy. And if that's a side effect, then you'll gladly endure it all.

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[igotanidea]

Heartache: Jason Todd x reader

summary: being friends with Jason never came with falling for him. and with confessing it. And with finding out he's already in love with someone else.....

*** What was the point?

What was the point of being​ nice and caring and trying and putting yourself out there when at the end of the day someone ended up alone and hurting?

And what was the point of anything, truly, if that person happened to be you?

***

Being a transfer student in the middle of the school year was as hard as it comes. New people, new town, new everything.

Felt like being torn from the ground with roots.

And to top that up Y/N had to meet the head teacher to make sure she was up to date with all the material and was not going to be left behind. So, one particularly dark and rainy autumn day, which was extreme even for Gotham, she has been sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the principal’s office, almost biting her fingernails because of the stress. Truly, she could do without being judged based on her grades from previous school and without pretending like a new kid in school in November was not a disturbance.

She knew well enough she was an event for all the kids craving some, any, attraction.  

And no amount of teachers’ feigned smiles and assurances that she would find a home in Gotham’s high school would make her feel better. Well, she had a little tour around the facility and to say the least, it was almost as depressing and dark and cold as the entire city.

So deep inside, she was hoping that the talk with principal would take as little time as possible and she would be able to get back to minding her own business and – hopefully – learning something without her classmates calling her swot.

But-

She was not the only one waiting for the audience. There was a guy, sitting by the wall on the opposite. A typical high school rebel, with his leather jacket and torn jeans and ruffled black hair with single white strand above the forehead. Seemingly not looking, but Y/N could feel his eyes on her. And it was infuriating. As if she didn’t already feel like an outsider in the school, now she’s been eyed like a freaking prey.

Apparently, he noticed her discomfort but the only sign of the amusement at the fact of making her flustered was a teasing smirk. Who the hell this guy thought himself to be? She was a second from opening her mouth and telling him to back off, but before anything could actually come out her throat another boy rushed into the room.

“Jason!” the second guy looked surprisingly similar to the first, with his dark hair and blue eyes, but his face was far more sympathetic. „What did you do this time? Why am I getting an emergency calls to pick you up from principal’s office?”

Jason didn’t even bother to answer, his eyes fixed on Y/N.

„Jason!”

„The fuck you want Dick?!” Jason yelled not caring about the place or the circumstances

Y/n couldn’t help a chuckle. Was this guy really named Dick? Like for real?

„The hell are you laughing at?” Jason finally turned to the girl, the mix of annoyance and curiosity on his face.

„At the interesting choice of word. If anyone’s a dick here, I’d say it’s you.” she smirked.

Both Dick and Jason raised eyebrows in surprise. She didn’t look like the girl with big mouth. Apparently the appearances were deceiving.

„You got an attitude princess, don’t you?”

„princess?” she scoffed and shook her head „well, I guess, given the fact that this school is a maze and we’ve got enough villains in the city I might as well be. But I’m more Merida than Sleeping beauty-”

„You’ve watched Brave?!” the other guy almost jumped with excitement

„Yeah.. um- didn’t everyone?” she stuttered a bit, but before she could say something else he was already shaking her hand eagerly. Who would have thought that the knowledge of Disney movies would help her make friends.  

„Hi! I’m Dick Grayson. I mean-” he laughed lightly „Richard is my given name, but no one calls me that.”

„Oh! Now I get it. I’m -”

„She’s the new girl. Y/N, isn’t it?” Jason teased her again, clearly hoping to get a reaction our of her.

„Hm. Have you been stalking me or something, Jason?”

„You wish!”

„i got a feeling this is a start of a very beautiful friendship” Dick’s eyes were shining as he nodded, preventing Y/N and Jason from going head to head with each other.

***

 It’s been years since the day they met as two unruly teenagers.

And even though she still thought him to be as stubborn as a mule, rude at times, crude like a freaking Australopithecus, way too teasing and sarcastic beyond limits she accepted those flaws. She was not an angel herself with her sharp tongue and straightforwardness that could match his traits and bring him down a notch at times.

To tell the whole truth, during those years they both found out that the amount of things that made them similar to each other was far bigger than those that divided them. For some crazy reason despite the far-from-prefect meeting they became great friends and made it work.

Yeah--

Great friends.

***

She should have known better.

She should have just kept her mouth shut and her feelings hidden.

So why didn’t she?

Why the fuck didn’t she?!

Maybe she wanted to be fair? Or deep inside she was hoping for a happy ending?

Stupid, little pathetic girl.

One day she;s been casually hanging out with Jason after college classes. As usual, they were doing pretty much nothing, sitting on the ground on the campus, initially planning on working on some literature essay, but ended up staring at the sky and just keeping quiet. It was never weird for them.

Silence.

It just felt comfortable, spending time with a friend without the urge to fill it with words.

Y/N closed her eyes for a second, leaning on the tree trunk and when she opened them and her gaze landed on him --

What was with the sudden wave of heat encompassing her and the unexpectedly accelerated heartbeat?

Why the blush?

 Oh, no....

Oh, holy shit--

She has just became the most cliche romantic story, she always laughed at during classes.

She fell in love with her best friend.

Damn...

Out of the blue, those infuriating white strand of hair she hated, became a symbol of his edgy attitude and rough past. His eyes earned the color of the sky on the sunny day and his whole figure and muscles were screaming attractiveness. And the signature teasing smirk, forming at the moment, made her want to scream cause she started wondering what it would be like to wipe the grin off his face with multiple gentle kisses and feel his lips on hers. Poor Y/N. She’s never been in love before and there was no way she wouldn’t panic.

Something so pure and idealistic like first love, left her trembling and terrified instead of content, hopeful and in a romantic attitude.

For the love of god, she couldn’t let him know. No way. Not ever.

But Jason was perceptive (screw the vigilantes) and once he saw her distracted, there was no way he would just let it drop.

„ See something you like, princess?”

„I did until now.” she muttered

„Oh really, and what might that have been?”

„Your mouth shut.”

„That’s not what you said when I saved your ass on Monday when you forgot the presentation--”

„You’re not prince charming Todd.” Y/N pointed out.

„Of course not, sunshine.’ Jason grinned at her „I’m the anti-hero, remember?”

Oh, if only she could forget that him being Red Hood and patching him up every other night were on of her most treasured moments of the day. But now --and she knew that very well - it was going to be too awkward having Jason Todd shirtless in front of her and putting stitches and dressings on his wounds.

***

He was her friend.

Her friend.

Period.

And she was way too moral and caring and loving and honest for her own good.

No matter how hard she was trying to pretend and act normally and kept on the appearances - in the long run it was just impossible.

She broke after three months...

***

„Hey, Jason can I have a word with you?”

Okay, maybe it was a mistake to reach to him straight after his shower following the training session but in her defence - she was desperate and on the verge of breaking down emotionally. So no, she did not think about the fact, that he would came out to her covered barely by the towel hanging loosely on his hips, still a little damp from the water with those stupidly perfect black strands of hair curling because of the moisture and chest on display.

Shit.. mistake after mistake.

„What did you want to talk about?” he asked casually moving towards his bedroom and she kindly waited until he put some clothes on.

„I gotta tell you something-” she cut off unsure of how to proceed with it. She knew the guy for ages and it was quite unnerving risking the friendship, but what was she supposed to do? It was either being on the square of being a ticking time bomb that might burst out talking about feelings in the least appropriate moment.

Yeah, Y/N could imagine herself confessing her love for him in the middle of the lecture while he was looking over her shoulder at her notes. Or - while doing some homework at the crowded library. Or while hanging out with the rest of batfamily (god forbid, she would confess with Dick around! Grayson would never let her live it down.)

Hell no!

If the cat was supposed to be let out of the bag, it was going to happen on her rules.

„Yeah sure, talking to me kinda requires telling me something, right?” he smirked walking towards the kitchen, leaving her behind for a second before she rushed right after him. In any other circumstances she would probably find some nicely aimed retort that would end up in them both teasing each other and then laughing together but this? This was a serious situation. You just don;t joke when it comes to the matters of heart.

„Mhm.. sure... yeah, well I--”

„Y/n?’ he asked with concern on his face „Are you all right, princess? You look-”

„I like you.” she blurted without any more analyzing.

„Ok? And?”

„What do you mean ok, and?” Y/N’s mind was spinning at the moment. The situation probably could not be any more bizarre.

Here she was, finally speaking her mind and admitting feelings and Jason was just shrugging and being all casual about it, stupidly drinking that stupid bottled water, even though she told him a million times how detrimental plastic was for the environment and --

„Y/N? Hey, hey you there?” he put a hand on her shoulder, leaning to look into her eyes „I know that look, you’re spinning. Come down to earth.” now he was laughing at her and she blushed like a fifteen year old.

„Jason. I like you.” she emphasized the word hoping he will finally get the hint.

And oh, damn, he did.

But this was not the reaction she was hoping for when Jason chocked on his water starting coughing desperately and hitting his chest to get rid of the liquid that went down the wrong pipe.

„You- you what now? Y/N? Are you fucking joking ?”

Shit.

Her eyes were fixed on the ground, she couldn’t brace herself to look at his face, knowing well enough what she’ll see written all over it. Shock, disbelief, confusion. Maybe - in worst care - repulsion. But definitely not love and it made her want to disappear from the face of the earth in any way possible

„Y/N look at me.” god damn that deep voice full of care and concern. „Come on, just look at me.”

„Hey! Got you! Busted!” she laughed but with the amount of affectation dripping from her voice there was zero chances to convince anyone it was true.

„Y/N.” he said calmly, her name falling from her lips, given the situation becoming a curse rather than a sweet word. „Y/N, I’m sorry-”

„No.” she interrupted him „No, please, don’t be sorry.” her smile was way too sad to pull the trick „It’s okay.” Bullshit „I get it” lie „it doesn’t change a thing, right?” she punched his shoulder playfully, even while feeling less than playful. Maybe if she gave him a little more time, let the though of her loving him simmer down and -

„I like Artemis.” he confessed with the smallest voice ever. As if that was something shameful. Well maybe it was and maybe it was her fault he felt like that. Which only added to her sudden urge to cry.  Three simple words and her hopes landed six feet underground, covered with dirt, gravel, concrete and whatever else.

He liked Artemis.

„Oh......” she gasped, even though she probably should have seen this coming.

Of course he liked Artemis.

Of course he freaking liked Artemis.

This girl was fucking hot and it was everyone’s opinion.

Her figure, her hair, her face, her whole outlook - no campus social event could do without her picture being posted and commented. She might as well be a model.

But - she was not just a pretty face - her skills, her brain and rebellious attitude.... Yeah, Y/N should have probably seen it coming, but who comes prepared for a heartbreak?

„That’s um-- „ she gulped „that’s wonderful, really.” hypocrite „does she - um... does she like you back?’

Yeah, Y/n - keep stabbing the knife harder into your heart, you’re doing great work.

„Yeah... Yeah, I think she does. I mean I um - I’ve being seeing her for a while. Casually.”

Casually. Right.

And casual was the reason why he didn’t tell her a word.   

„Y/N....”

„It’s all right.”

„Y/N, please, I--”

„Stop making a fuss around it.” she chuckled, barely holding from sobbing. „just because you’re about to have a girlfriend...” it should have been me!! „... doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out, right? It;s not like some kind of Friends situation when Emily forbade Ross from seeing Rachel, right?” Y/N made a funny face trying to diffuse the tension.

„Of course not! You’re still my best friend, obviously! This little -- well, whatever it was, doesn’t change a thing right?”

„Of course not! Did you think you can get rid of me so easily” she rolled her eyes „I’ll be teasing you even in afterlife. I’ll keep haunting you forever.”

„Oh, so you’re assuming you’re gonna outdie me?”

„Wait, did you really think I’ll give you the satisfaction of you doing something first?”

She was definitely going to die before him.

Being the first person to die from a broken heart.

***

Maybe she was overreacting a bit

Maybe someone who was a casual observer would think she was crazy and there was no point in crying over split milk and she should have just got her shit together and move on.

Huh.

Easier said than done.

Ever since she found out Jason liked Artemis life became an endless cycle of struggle. She couldn’t even find the strength to get out of bed in the morning or to care about simple simplest thing.

Obviously she put on a charming smile and kept on acting like everything she said to him was just a crazy joke, nothing serious etc, etc. But at the end of the day she was left drained from all the pretending.

And the worst part?

Once the secret was out in the open and Jason didn’t feel the need to hide it from her anymore he’s been hanging with Artemis pretty much all the time. To give him justice, he’s been inviting Y/N to join every time, but being the third wheel and watching the guy she liked flirting with another, hotter, girl was just to much to handle.

So she’s been spending time by herself, swimming in the sea of misery, cursing herself for not noticing anything earlier. For not saying something earlier.

Stupid little girl.

Life was unfair, people were leaving and in the end someone always ended up hurt.

And what was the point of anything, if despite all the efforts, that person happened to be you?

Would you be willing to destroy someone’s happiness only to get what you wanted, regardless of the cost?  

Would you?

Or would you just keep on suffering in silence?

[elliespuns]

Ellie's relationship with Cat

Okay, so to start off, the relationship between these lovebirds has always seemed a bit 'rushed' to me. But maybe it was because they didn't give us more details on how long they've known each other, how long they've been friends for, or any details on how their sympathies for each other started. Ellie talked about Cat a little bit in her diary, but it was still not that much.

All we know is that when Cat was finishing another session on her tattoo, she climbed on top of Ellie and kissed her. Ellie freaked out and threw her off because she didn't know whether her 'infection' could transfer or not. She was worried about infecting her and so asked her for a walk, and then they walked and talked; Ellie lied to her, telling her that she feaked out because she has never kissed anyone, and then they ended up at Ellie's place watching a movie (they only watched the movie; stop being dirty!) and then after Cat fell asleep (I think it must have been in Ellie’s bed because her TV was in front of it - now I'm getting dirty), Ellie spent the whole night watching her, worrying about her turning. So based on this, I count on them not making out or having sex that day. Ellie wouldn't let it happen when she was unsure of the consequences.

The next day, though, when Ellie found out that Cat didn't turn, she got so happy that she couldn't transfer her 'infection'; her happiness was literally felt through the pages. Then, I think, the dating started. Ellie found out from Jesse that Cat was referring to her as her 'girlfriend' in front of her friends (which Ellie found cute). Then she was talking about some lake and how Cat would hold her hand and kiss her in front of everybody, including Dina, who has been (apparently) jealous, avoiding Ellie, and lying about being busy just so she wouldn't have to spend her time with Ellie and her new girlfriend. Ellie was trying her best to stay in contact with Dina too, but Cat and Dina never clicked.

(This only supports the theory of Dina liking Ellie right from the start, already being jealous of her in their younger years, even though she was with Jesse already.) I know that a lot of people think or say that Dina and Ellie happened suddenly and that they became a couple out of the blue. But Dina wasn't exactly someone she just met. I think Cat was more assertive and showed Ellie 'the way' so she snatched her up for herself even though they probably were less of friends than Ellie and Dina. I strongly believe that Ellie and Dina actually liked each other from the beginning, and there have been sparks all along that none of them had balls to act upon.

That's also why I think Ellie's getting together with Cat wasn't exactly act of love. Of course, Ellie liked her and cared about her. But from what we know, I don't think Ellie made herself believe that she was in love with Cat. I think she was always more mature about these things to know better. And it actually makes sense for Ellie to get into a random relationship just because she thinks she can't date the person she would like to date in the first place. I think she always knew she liked Dina more than she should, but she wouldn't speak up because—first, Dina was with Jesse—and second, she was scared of fucking their friendship. Who knows, maybe Dina being jealous of her and Cat made her heart skip a beat.

What we also know is that Ellie and Cat's relationship didn't last too long. I have no idea how long the girls have been together, but I'm guessing a few months. We never saw anything from the time Ellie was 18, so this could easily be a year full of discovering what it was with girls. Like, having her first time with a girl (I think she did have her first time with Cat because when she was about to sleep with Dina, she seemed to know what she was doing). Considering Cat's personality, I think she was probably the one to teach Ellie 'how'. Ellie has always been an adorable dork who probably needed a push here and there, especially in the beginnings of her sex life. (At least that's what I think.)

I also think that them ending their relationship must have had something to do with Dina (I dare to say it was Cat who ended it). Because I think that Cat knew all along that Ellie was already in love with Dina when she was with her. She must have noticed the way they've been looking at each other, etc. That's probably why their relationship ended on good terms, because not only did Cat always seem too cool to be a jealous pain in the ass, but she also must have felt from the start that Ellie was just 'experimenting', even though she (of course) liked her a lot too.

Note: In the original game, there was a playable winter dance scene that never made it into the game where you could go around and interact with Cat, who would indeed flirt with Ellie. I once heard that someone was even doing a mo-capture for those scenes, all excited about flirting with Ashley (Ellie's actress).

[saintjosie]

As a performer, and someone who regularly has good things to say, how have you dealt with your singing voice? I'm nonbinary, and sometimes hate how deep my voice is because it's one of the predominant reasons people misgender me. It keeps me from singing sometimes as well, even privately to songs I've loved forever (I did perform "Under the Bridge" by RHCP at a public karaoke event last year, but I can't bring myself to watch the recording of it even though everyone applauded) I guess it's a specific kind of dysphoria?

I know when it comes to voice training you've been very vocal (pun intended) about it being a choice. And I've had some voice training but as an enby I prefer my speaking voice to be either neutral or natural. But talking and singing are kinda different, so I'm just curious to get your take on feeling more confident and less bothered singing as a trans person?

when i was a kid my dad told me i sucked at singing. he was a singer and a guitar player and i looked up to him so i internalized that deeply. but i didn’t stop singing because i just loved it. it felt good to sing. i would sing along to all the disney movies. i would sing songs at church. i was that little kid who was always humming something everywhere i went because i loved music and i loved making music. i didn’t think anyone would care to hear me sing because i had been told that my singing didn’t sound good but nothing in the world was gonna stop me from enjoying it for myself.

eventually as i got older people started telling me that i actually was pretty good at it. i didn’t necessarily believe them but i at least heard it from someone else. and then i tried recording myself singing into the shitty microphone that laptops had back in 2007. and wow, it sucked. like it reaaaaally sucked. it sucked to hear myself cause i had never heard myself recorded before. it sucked to hate what i hear and feel like maybe my dad was right the whole time. and i closed the laptop and cried and went to bed.

but then the next time i opened my laptop, the recording was still there. and i realized that i had listened through about 1/4th of it before i had lost hope and on a whim, i decided to grit my teeth and listen through the whole thing. and almost all of it still sucked. BUT. for one brief moment, for only a line or two, i heard what i wanted to hear: a voice that sounded good to my ears, recorded through the shitty microphone, played through the shitty speakers.

and from that moment on, i knew that i was going to learn to sing because nothing in my life so far had compared to how i felt hearing myself for the first time sing in the way that i wanted to.

it’s been 17 years since that happened and i haven’t stopped singing because i just fuckin love it. there’s music in my soul and it’s gonna come out whether or not i want it to and whether or not it sounds good.

“but josie, this is about your love for music not about gender” no it’s about both.

when you realized that you could express your gender in the way that you already knew you felt inside, you knew it was right and you decided you were gonna fucking do it, damn whatever people say.

and that’s the thing about dysphoria and why people have such a hard time describing it to each other. dysphoria comes from when you feel like the way your gender is perceived doesn’t line up with how you want to be perceived. when i have dysphoria, it’s not because i don’t look like a woman to the people who look at me, it’s because of how i see myself.

present your gender however you want and do it for yourself. and sing your goddamn heart out because you want to. damn whatever people say.