#but at the same time i feel really lonely

[librarycards]

do you have any advice for trying to build/find a community? i’m autistic with pretty severe social anxiety and haven’t had friends since grade 5 (i’m 29 now). i don’t work atm and didn’t go to college due to ‘mental illness’ or whatever. i’m really clueless about how to find a support system or even make a friend but it sure would be beneficial right now i think

sure! a great way to start is to get on some of your local facebook pages, or even nextdoor - it can be a shitty place for neighborhood karens, but at least my local page has people talking about free stuff they're leaving on the curb, someone whose grandma needs a ride, a bake sale at the school, and even meetups dependent on age/interest/etc.

some more ideas, starting w the obligatory: GO TO THE LIBRARY! they have so much centralized info there. there is probably a book club, there is probably some kind of volunteer sign-up sheet. there are probably bored librarians who can help you find other stuff. at least in my area, there are also fairly regular non-university-affiliated things (i live in a college town) at local bars, cafes, and art spaces/studios - check to see if there are any local IG pages posting about these events. that's how i found out about a bunch of mine. libraries have events, too, as do local bookstores, and they're almost always free.

the suggestions i'm throwing out all have basically the same goal: mix with people you haven't met before. building bonds takes time, and the process only starts when you and someone else say hello to one another. you don't have to be besties ever. you don't necessarily have to stay close. but knowing one person who maybe likes the same book as you, or shares some other interest, leads to more people, and soon you know someone who has a car, someone who has an extra ironing board, someone who can host a get-together in their yard because everyone else is a renter. support systems aren't found. they're not easy or inevitable. they're built through collective engagement and practice! and they start, generally, by happenstance, when people put themselves in each others' way.

when i moved here alone in 2020, i met some of my now-closest friends not primarily through grad school events (which didn't happen bc of lockdowns and such) but through going to the park and saying hi outdoors; stocking food in our local free fridges, and meeting tinder-friend dates masked, 6 ft apart in random public places. we kept doing that and our relationships strengthened, as they do. these days, i meet people through the friends i have - through shared classes back when i was in coursework, through organizing/union stuff and volunteering, through the occasional social event i just kinda show up at and hope for the best. there's a degree of inertia to this stuff - it gets smoother the more you do it!

you are *NOT* the only person around you who needs a friend. i promise. people are really lonely and often scared to admit it, and this is a great time to connect with people who also feel the urgency of community + anxiety around making it happen.

[lustlovehart]

Hello Ves! I was wondering about your twst monster au, how would they react if y/n tries to help stitch any wounds that the characters have! (For example ace, deuce, Trey or riddle for any open wounds that they have or limbs that fall off).

Ahhhh!! I love this question!! It perfectly encapsulates the reason all of the monsters are in love with MH!Reader, the over abundance of kindness they have!! On one hand, there is no reason you should help all these fiends, in fact, you should be doing the exact opposite! Yet you can’t help but still have that pitifully sweet human heart that must help those in need!!

Pairings: Ace, Deuce, Riddle, Trey x Reader

Warnings: Stitches, Needles, They’re all delusional for you, Imagined kissing (I said they were delusional), Some world-building in Riddes portion, Small hints of obsession (only small), Loose Limbs, a little tiny bit of blood

For Ace, he quirks an eyebrow up at you with a feigning suspicion, the thin needle causing a sight sting. Though, not too much with the way his pain receptors have diminished with time. The moment you look up at him, it’s traded for one of the cockiest looks you’ve ever seen engraved on his pale features.

“Be careful who you stitch up. Who knows, maybe I’ll drag you down the grave with me when I die a second time.” You only reply with a sigh, prompting him to defend his honor with his “it was just a joke”. He stops when you use your teeth to snap the thread, his eyes glued on the singular action. Your lips look human. Something that shouldn’t be a compliment yet it is. He wonders what would happen If his cold dead lips kissed your own warm mouth.

It was pretty. You know what you’re doing.

“Be careful, do that to anyone else and they might… fall for…” he watches as you lean over him, the needle in hand as your thumb sticks out, pulling the lid of his scarred eye down. You could take him out, you could rip his eyes out and put him in a grave disadvantage. But he wouldn’t care.

Take him. Take all of him, even if it has to be in a bag, he wouldn’t mind.

He watches with a bated breath at every seam you enact, your soft breaths landing on his cold skin. A sight he wants for himself, he won’t even share with Deuce. You snap the thread with the same method from before, your lips close to him.

“You haven’t spoken at all. Has your tongue decomposed too, Ace?” Your words are teasing, yet the way you whisper them, and the way your thumbs massages the stitches, makes any retort he has die on his tongue. “Also… could you let go…? I’m not trying to die any time soon either…”

He looks down, his hand is gripping on your waist with a grip he never knew to be capable of. That will definitely bruise, in fact, how close was he to penetrating skin...? But… at the same time, just… How enchanting can a human be?

He wonders, would it really be so bad for you to join them in the after life?

Deuce, the undead know for consistently losing his hand and/or forearm. Before you appeared, he would just go about his day, letting his limb roam free like a stray animal, but with you, he attempts to rein in its wilderness more often.

“I’m so sorry…” You watch as Deuce repeatedly apologizes for his hands invasiveness. You’re not upset at him, but you can’t deny it’s horrifying to wake up to the feeling of a lone hand intertwining itself with your own fingers. Even in the midst of begging for forgiveness, that hand of his continues to run rampant. Jumping out his hold, landing on your palm, Deuce immediately looks up. The look on his face tells you he’s about to lecture his stray body part, but you stop him with a wave.

He watches with choked words, your hand placing itself on his shoulder and pushing him back into the cushioned chair behind him. He falls with a certain clumsiness, leaning back even further into the foam when you consume his personal space. “I’ll help you.” Your words are said monotonously, yet they seem so kind in the same breath. Deuce has to stop the hand he has full control of from holding you with pure admiration.

The needle in your fingers go through his skin seamlessly, as if his body was meant for your ministrations. He wonders if he was always meant to die in that case. If he is, he must’ve always been destined to meet you. He grieves over his death every day, but there’s a small part of him grateful for your meeting. It makes all those in his stomach worth the fight he fought.

He’s entranced at your diligence. You didn’t have to but you did. He wonders if you’re just an angel in disguise.

When you finish, you snap the thread poking his palm to make sure the limb is properly working. The way it holds your hand makes you question its current capabilities. The way Deuce smiles at you however tells you the limb’s back to its former state, so… why won’t it let go of your hand?

Why won’t Deuce let go?

“Deuce… With a grip that hard you might—!” Your sentence cuts off with a wince. At this point, he could take your hand and use it like it was always his. It takes a shove of his shoulder for him to break out of his enchantment, immediately letting go of you with panic. He opens his mouth to say his apologizes, but stops when your forehead falls onto his shoulder, whimpers of strained “it’s okay”’s leaving your mouth.

He feels horrible, but a small part of him, the same one that feels joy for being dead, is happy he got to see such a vulnerable side. He’ll try not to do anything like it again.

Riddle, who is always transparent and untouchable, is being punctured with steel, something that shouldn’t be possible. Yet, it’s only possible because it’s you who’s doing it. It’s one of the few rare instances where he uses his status as a great wonder to become temporarily human, he insists it’s not against any rules. Sorta.

Certain ethics come into play with monsters becoming human in their society. It’s generally looked down upon, with the consensus of “Why would you ever want to be a weak mortal?”, the 7 territories being especially regarded with this view as they’re considered the most influential. It’s quite funny, every low ranked beast praises the 7 for their power, but other than those in their group, no one else knows they abuse their power to take the temporary form of a human for a few hours.

He feels shameful at this utter lack of rule consideration, the others must be dutifully staying true to their form, unlike him. But there’s a part of him that feels grateful for it. Without it, you wouldn’t be caring for him like this would you? (He is yet to know all the other seven do the same thing, all because of you.)

“Riddle? You’re really silent…” of course he is…! How is he supposed to talk when you’re oh so close… Fingers continue to sew the gape in his larynx, deep inhales rushing through him at the feeling, not of the needle, but of your touch. When you snap the string, his hands flies up to stop the retracting of your hands. He only narrowly stops when he realizes how affectionate of an act that would be. It would be inappropriate, a scandal!

Though, was it not already improper when you practically consumed his personal space? Not only that… but, no one is around to see such rule breaking… He should behead himself at this point…! Thinking about such an obvious act of treason in a positive light. What have you done to him?

“Ah, forgive me. I assume we’re finished?” He’s pleasantly proven wrong when you trade him a smile, pointing at the giant hole in his chest. He should say no. He should refuse…! “… Try to be careful.” After you’ve finished your ministrations on him, he plans to plant himself on a guillotine and allow Trey to punish him for his transgressions.

Your hand traces down to his torso, the heart shape hole on his skin is beautiful, yet the grotesqueness tells you there’s much more behind it. He won’t ever ask you, but, he secretly wishes for your lips to breathe new air into him, let his skin flourish with opaque color, and his vacant chest boolm with a new heart.

“Riddle…? You’re staring really hard…”

Please forgive him, he doesn’t mean to become so naive with his thoughts.

Trey is the most regular reaction on here honestly. You stitch his hand and he lets you, all with a smile on his face. Your fingers will tighten the seams that were already embedded into his skin, meanwhile his tall figure doesm’t even wince at something that should be painful. It’s perfectly regular.

Until the events that come after.

You don’t want to assume, perhaps Trey is just clumsy! But the way he holds himself communicates that entirely differently… But ever since the first session, his limbs somehow always appear loose or fallen off. You swear… You tightened it well enough! Even put a secure bow with the string. While you’re fretting over how this could happen so often, Trey just shrugs it off with a light chuckle.

“Don’t laugh…” How could he not enjoy the domestic sight of you diligently fixing him up though? It’s a nice change of pace to the chaos of the hospital he has to deal with. It’s an exhausting rinse and repeat.

It makes you wonder if Trey is doing it on purpose…

… How silly he could never, he’s one of the last who would do something so clingy. Trey’s regular, the only thing that sets him apart is that green skin and height he bears.

Be careful, one day you’ll open the pantry to a pale bruised arm, picking it up with assumption of it being Treys. You’re quick to drop it when you walk in and he has all limbs intact and tightened for once.

Don’t worry! He’ll comfort you in your panic with firm hugs of consolation. The red on his fingers are from the strawberry’s he picked just for you, so come bake with him and let your fear wash away.

When you fall asleep after your fit, he brushes your face with stained fingers, crimson coating your cheek. The sweet fruit is wiped with with his thumb, his tongue darting out to lick its sweet contents.

He's sure the iron taste is drowned out by your sweet flavor intermingling with it.

[bisnes-socks]

i love kot kot. i've always loved kot kot. and i'm gonna tell you why.

i think it's a beautiful song, i think it's a banger, i think it's a nostalgic sound, and i think it's an incredibly sad song.

musically, i think kot kot sounds like a summer night in finland. the contrast between the melodic, soaring chorus and the darker, harder verses sounds like walking back and forth between the bright light midnight and the dark clubs or bars or restaurants or something. going from the first verse into the chorus again feels like stepping out from a dark venue and it's 2 am but the light outside is the same as it was when you went in hours ago. it's actually super eerie the way time doesn't seem to move at all during the height of summer in finland. it's a sort of a liminal space that can feel either like never ending horror or an addictive state of true living, depening on how you deal with endless light. 

this is a summer song to me.

i love love love the free flying chorus.

i love love love the old school sound of the verses.

the chorus is beautiful with it's long soaring vowels and lines. the verses are mega bangers that remind of early 2000's music. the echoes of like old school drum and bass, breakbeat etc. are super nostalgic to me and have sent me down the rabbit hole of music from my childhood multiple times since the song came out. and i personally love the contrasts and different sections in the song. i think they go together well, i don't think they clash.

i think jurek and allu have composed a clever song. and honestly allu deserves more recognition across the board i am sorry i've been slipping in that department.

now. to the sad part.

i always felt like the chorus was sort of... wistful and melancholic. but the album puts all of that in a different context. he's not just mr. lonely. he's fucking terrified of being alone. 

"pelottaa, ettei jatkopläänit ehkä osukkaa, kuumottaa tosissaan, osote ois saatava, poket tos jo hoputta siis vastatkaa nyt saatana" meaning "i'm scared that after party plans will fall through, seriously getting jittery about it, i need an address, bouncers are on my case, somebody pick up the phone" like with the context of the full album now, it's really painting a picture of someone who does not want to go home and face being alone with his thoughts.

i remember when the song came out and people had all sorts of headcanons and ideas as to why the second time round the voice on the phone is in english - things like maybe he's making an international call or something. well, the truth is that in finland, that message is always played in three languages: finnish, swedish and english. so why is it in english the second time? honestly in all seriousness i think it's just a little nod to his international fans or something, like i don't think there is a real story reason for it. but if there was.. well, if anything, to me it suggests that he must have stayed on the phone, listening through the whole litany: valitsemaanne numeroon ei juuri nyt saada yhteyttä, kontakt med numret ni har valt fås ej, the number you have dialed cannot be reached. to get to the english part he has already been told twice in two languages that there is no one there, nobody is picking up, but he's still there.

honestly this song more than anything feels like the true pair of autiomaa, because to me, this song is someone trying to avoid feeling exactly the way autiomaa describes. feeling empty, feeling nothing, feeling alone. he says as much: "tää klubi on yht tyhjä ku sen katsoja" meaning this club is as empty as he who is looking at it. he's empty and finding other people to party and hang out with is the only way out of feeling empty, the only way to distract himself from the fact that he is lost.

and so for skit and autiomaa to come right after this? he has reached a breaking point and realised he has to face the nothingness inside.

and again, like with takavoltti, i think this song represents that long standing finnish tradition of writing funny lyrics about difficult subjects. it's also very very typical in finnish culture to make songs that seem to be about drinking on the surface level but are actually not about that. this song builds a lot of very comedic images: him vibing to celine dion alone in a club and refusing to leave, fighting with bouncers etc. and then of course there is the whole chicken thing with kot kot kot. it's funny - except it's not funny at all.

but the thing is, it's okay to find things funny in the song. they both are and are not funny at the same time, because isn't that what life is. i don't think the intention of these songs is to make you feel one specific way, it's just a matter of perspective. and that can change from day to day. so i think it's okay if one day the song breaks your heart on behalf of the käärijä in the story of the song, and on another day you just want to belt out the chorus and dance through the verses. it's all okay, it's all good.

and that's pretty skilled song writing.

[aesthetictarlos]

Tbh I tried not to let the negativity get to me but I'm a big lone star fan and I'm unfortunately familiar with the way Tim Minear handles things sometimes.

Tommy and Trevor broke up out of nowhere and it was (in my opinion) not a great storyline. Mateo and Nancy barely have scenes together, and the same goes for Paul and Asha, and for Marjan and her boyfriend (we literally saw him just once so I can't really remember his name). Not even talking about Owen's relationships.

And yeah, I love tarlos and they're one of my favourite couples EVER but I'm still mad for the way Tim ended their break up in season three, and I'm still mad because I feel like there are a few plot holes in their story.

All this to say that yeah, I was convinced that Buck and Tommy could be endgame, I wanted them to be endgame but when I read the synopsis for this episode a part of me was scared because sometimes I trust Tim, but sometimes I don't. Turns out I shouldn't have trusted him this time.

I'm really feeling fooled. I said this a few months ago: I didn't want to watch season 7 because I was so pissed for Buck and Natalia's storyline but then I decided to do it and they brought Tommy back, they gave me BuckTommy and I was like: okay, maybe this time they're writing Buck's storyline the way he deserves.

And now? All gone.

Well, I'm not having this. I'm sorry.

(don't mind mistakes, I'm just rambling over breakfast before work)

[mizuki-foreshadowing]

Kamiyama High Festival, Episodes 6 & 7

Feeling hurt from the two students from earlier, Mizuki retreats to the rooftop, an old habit. There she sees Rui. Their middle school days were defined by these lonely impromptu hangouts. Rui knew Mizuki before she became Mizuki, and he had been the one to help her back then.

We learn that the context of the flashback to Mizuki and Rui with Mizuki in the boys uniform, is that it's the first time the two had met.

Their first introduction is very worth delving into. Rui introduces himself and asks Mizuki's name. She refuses to give it, but Rui already knew it. He says the reason he asked anyway was to hear what Mizuki would say. Under the reading that Mizuki is a closetted trans girl, this interaction makes perfect sense; Rui picked up on Mizuki's self-loathing and wanted to be considerate and kind to a fellow loner. It was an invitation for Mizuki to give him her real name [Mizuki].

Likewise, the metacontext is that Colorful Palette wants to be kind and considerate to people like Mizuki; they're telling her story in a sincere way. The first and easiest way they do this, made even easier by Japanese grammar, is to not refer to her with a masculine pronoun. Japanese allows the omission of a pronoun if it's clear from context, which combines well with the depth that can be conveyed with [name]-honorific, as well as simply using either the first or the last name. Akito, for instance, who's heard the rumors about Mizuki, exclusively calls her Akiyama in this event story.

It's a little harder to do this in English, which requires a subject for its sentences, and only really offers the use of first name or a pronoun. In English, students who know Mizuki's secret, at worst, refer to her in the text of the game with 'they'. The dialogue of N25 members, at least from what I've seen, is careful to only use 'Mizuki' or some other wording to refer to Mizuki. (as a trans woman, I'm very sensitive to when 'they' is used for us) They don't know her secret after all, and would otherwise use 'she'.

A more difficult way than pronoun usage, for the team to be respectful of Mizuki and players who they want to reach out to with her story, is to not deadname her. If they ever gave a birth name for her, it could be used by hurtful fans as a more correct way to refer to her, doing only harm. Rui and Mizuki's introduction is meant to be read as Rui asking for a different name from Mizuki. She refuses to give any name. This would otherwise signal the conversation as being over, so Rui skips the introduction for her, saying he already knows her name.

Is this all enough evidence to support that 'Mizuki' when used in flashbacks of her in a boys uniform is a way to respectfully censor out her deadname? Maybe, but there is one more piece of evidence, in the next episode. Episode 7 opens with a timeskipped flashback. Mizuki and Rui have been having their loner hangouts on the school roof for a while now.

It's not something I can capture in a screenshot, but Rui refers to Mizuki in this line with "Mizuki-kun". This is clearly still Mizuki before she transitioned, and she's still just as icy and bitter in the way that she talks as she'd been in Episode 6. But more than that, [I checked and] Mizuki is an unambiguously feminine name. It means 'hope', and the only suggested spelling for it is with the kanji that Mizuki's name officially uses. Conversely, -kun is typically reserved for a male addressee. While Rui also uses -kun for Emu and other members of the cast younger than him as part of how he talks, he no longer uses -kun for Mizuki. At the end of Episode 5 and all throughout Episodes 6 and 7, Rui in the present uses just Mizuki to address her, which acts to respect her in the same way friends avoid using 'dude' or 'guys' when addressing a trans girl. Rui using -kun in the flashback may reflect that the name in-universe it's spoken with was not actually 'Mizuki' and that we the players read it as 'Mizuki' as part of the writers respecting her character.

This is the Mizuki who Mizuki talks about when she tells people about how she used to feel confined by people's expectations, always wondering how much she should change herself not to inconvenience those around her. That Mizuki can't understand why Rui refuses to act more normal and try to fit in, even as herself doing so is the source of her own misery.

Rui's response is there are many things that are very much worth finding in solidude. Among them, Mizuki herself, with the silent hope that Rui is also that for Mizuki.

Mizuki understanding that getting rejected by the other people around her isn't the end of the world, and that she can still find meaning even if she does so alone, is the first step toward the person she'll become, of somebody who does things her way and is so much happier for it.

[bjornshouldvelivedddd]

18+caged

A/n: obviously NONE of the stuff in this fic is good to do, this is inspired from the movie fresh completely so if you haven't watched fresh don't read this maybe, I’m bringing Tyler into this so just for some verification Bjorns the one who sells the body parts and eats them(maybe just sometimes) but Tyler only sells them because he needs money or just because he’s trying to be a supportive cousin😭 I don’t like this at all so I might delete it and re do it

Tags: @spikedfearn thank you for helping me come up with the Tyler idea🙏 also thank you for matching my freak with this

Pairings: Tyler Harrison x fem!reader x Bjorn

Warnings: cannibalism mentioned, mocking, reader being held in a prison cell, cannionbalistic Tyler and Bjorn, manipulation, false hope, corrupted!Tyler, degrading and praising , dub con, oral f!receiving, lying, Tyler being desperate to just touch a girl in general, orgasm denial, p in v, non protected sex

You’ve been there for at least two weeks, of course you have no way of tracking time but it feels fitting, two weeks of being stuck in a cage with cold hard floors, you also have a small shitty mattress and a thin blanket but it doesn’t help much when it’s night time and freezing cold, the only upside to this is you still have all your limbs also Bjorn brings you food down every day, you shouldn’t really trust the food he brings you but it really does taste good and you also negotiated with him to get the chains of your ankles, another good thing.

You’ve notice that Bjorn isn’t always there, you assume he goes out to the city for groceries or something, but you don’t know.

Your laying on the mattress that hurts your back, just staring at the ceiling when you hear footsteps coming down the stairs which immediately makes you sit up, you heard Bjorns car leaving a hour ago which means he wouldn’t be back so who is that?

A fairly tall man comes down the stairs, you can’t see him front on but from the back he has short brunette hair and he’s well built, he walks over to the door of the cell and looks at you, now that you can see him front on he looks the same as he does from the back except now that your looking at him front on you notice he he has brown eyes “So your the new girl my cousin has down ere’, Bjorn wasn’t kidding when he said yer’ a pretty thing”Tyler says he smirks slightly, eyes roaming over your form before he leans against the cage.

"Don't worry, I don’t usually come down ‘ere" He says "just wanted to check you out, see if tha’ dick head cousin of mine was telling the truth" He mutters, you just look at him, your even more confused now, is this some kind of fucked up family business? “What do you want.”You ask bluntly, Tyler chuckles “No need to snap a’ me luv, it’s jus’ such a shame, a pretty girl like you down here all by yer’self..”He trails off, noticing how scared you look "ya' gonna keep looking at me like that luv’?.. You look terrified..." he chuckles softly "I could make ya' a deal" he offers, noticing the way your eyes light up with what seems like hope “how bout’ ya’ let me touch and and I’ll let ya’ walk straight outta’ ere’?”he asks, tilting his head to the side “c’mon I’m sure you wanna’ be touched, hm? It must get lonely down ere’..”he mocks, taking keys out of his pocket and opening the cell door and stepping inside, walking over to you.

“I can distract you for a bit, take your mind of all this.”He mutters, placing a hand on your chin and pushing it up so your looking at him “and I’ll get something outta’ it too of course, but so will you and tha’ will be gettin’ outta’ ere’, so?..”He asks, you clench your jaw, if you say no you stay in here for who knows how long, if you say yes you’ll get out of there, it’s a no brainer really. “Fine.”You huff out stubbornly, just like that and he’s kissing you, tongue probing at your bottom lip asking for access, left hand sliding up your shirt to lightly grope at your breast through your bra, other hand is busy sliding down your shorts, thumb pushing your panties to the side so he can sink two fingers knuckle deep into your wet core, you moan quietly and buck your hips against his hand, he moves his fingers in and out of you at a torturous pace.

Tyler presses kisses down your neck, stopping on a certain spot to lightly bite at it, he continues kissing down your body until he gets to your thighs, he pulls your panties down and he pulls his fingers out of you just as you were on the edge of orgasm, he brings his fingers up to his mouth and maintains eye contact as he sucks them clean “taste so sweet, so good..”He mutters before leaning down, his warm mouth wrapping around your core, your hand immediately going to his hair, fisting at it slightly to bring him closer. He’s eating you out like he’s been craving to eat someone out, his jaw is flexing as his tongue works over your slit, going from little licks to gentle sucks “Mh, Bjorn was right, such pathetic noises comin’ from ya’, you we’re jus’ sittin’ ere’ beggin’ ta’ be touched, pathetic almost..”He hums against your core, sending jolts of pleasure through your body “taste so sweet though, sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted thats f’sure..”He sucks on your clit, your on the brink of orgasm once again, just like before Tyler pulls away from you, licking his lips, you think he’s gonna just walk out now but instead he undoes his belt and thrusts into you, no warning at all for you, he rocks his hips eagerly against you, his rock hard cock aching for release inside of you. “Feel s’ good too, fuck Bjorn wasn’t lying bout’ how tight you are..”He groans. You whimper under him, clenching around him tightly. Tyler burys his face into your neck as he cums inside you, the head of his cock pressing against your insides, your about to cum around him but before you have the chance he pulls out, it’s just cruel at this point. Tyler smirks at you before standing up “well-“he tucks himself back into his pants and does his belt up along with brushing his clothing off “a deals a deal.”he motions to the door, walking out of the cage himself.

you quickly pull your underwear and shorts on, your so relieved you can finally leave, as soon as your about to walk out Tyler slams the door on your face. “C’mon, you really thought you were gonna’ get out tha’ easily?”He mocks, smirking at the anger on your face “sorry luv. Can’t let ya’ out, ma’ cousin clearly has ya’ in ere’ for business reasons.”he says casually before locking the door again and walking back upstairs.

[lefaystrent]

One random day, Patton declares he is going on vacation. He will be leaving the mindscape for awhile, and it's up to the rest of the gang to hold down the fort while he's gone.

"You're Thomas's sense of Morality; you can't just go on vacation," Logan points out.

Patton's grin goes a little too wide, his eyes a little too intense. "Watch me."

Remus bobs his head up and down to check him out. "Since when do you do the ominous thing? I thought that was my thing. Are we playing around with each other's thingies?"

"No–thing wrong with switching things up now and then," Patton says cheerfully.

Virgil squints. "Are you Deceit in disguise?"

"I am sitting right next to you, Virgil," Janus points out. "Also, I wouldn't be caught dead in a floral print."

"Are you going to Hawaii? Without me?!" Roman demands, eyeing Patton's– well, Hawaiian shirt he's donned on rather than his usual polo.

"Now, now Roman, this is nothing personal kiddo. I'm just taking some much needed me-time. So I'll need to take this journey alone."

"Oh thank God," Janus mutters while Logan blinks rapidly, flabbergasted. Logan spits out, "We are all personified pieces of one man's personality. By the nature of our existence, you can't be alone."

"That's quitter talk," Remus butts in. He literally turns and shows them his butt for some reason, though thankfully with pants still on. "Want me to yeet you out the door, Daddy-o? See how far you can go? Or maybe load you into a ballista and send you hurtling to a beautiful bludgeoning death?"

"No thanks, bud," Patton says far too good-naturedly. "Our dear lord in Heaven gave me two perfectly good legs to walk with. I think I'll be fine."

"You're serious? Just– what, gonna walk out the door?" Virgil questions sharply. Skeptical he may be, he seems somewhat interested in seeing how far Patton will take this bit.

"Absolutely! There's a whole big wide world out there! So much to do! So much to see!"

"So what's wrong with taking the back steets," both Remus and Roman sing at the same time.

"You guys will be fine for a while without me. But just in case you miss me, I have provided each of you with your very own Patton Pal."

They each look down into their hands where a small, stuffed version of Patton materializes. It has stitched in glasses, a removable Cardigan, and its mouth is in the shape of a heart.

"What," they all respond collectively.

"If you feel lonely or need a hug, you just give your Patton Pal there a good ole squeeze! That should tide you over until I get back. Anyways, I'm gonna skeddadle now. Bye! Love you!"

And Patton walks out the front door.

Dad has left the building.

Roman ponders with pursed lips, "Sooo, did we just get abandoned?"

"Nah, I'm sure he's just gone out to pick up some milk."

"Thank you, Remus."

Virgil rises up from the couch and strides over to the door in a huff. "Alright Pat, you can come out now."

The door swings open. A brick wall is revealed where there once was not one.

"Uhhh, guys?" Virgil asks the group, stepping back. Unconsciously, he grips his Patton Pal a little tighter.

"What in the Chris Angel Mindfreak?" Remus questions and taps at the brick. His nail makes a scraping sound along the mortar. Curious, he examines his finger and licks it.

"Did he trap us in the Mindscape?" Roman asks, squeezing in between his brother to test the solidity of the wall. It is indeed a wall.

"Is this his villain origin story?"

Janus rolls his eyes at the twins. "Patton's just serious for a change, that's all. He doesn't want to be followed, and obviously he must be out hanging with Thomas. Really now, have some sense."

"You do know who you're talking to, right?" Virgil asks him waving at the twins, to which Janus gives a saucy, "Touche."

Logan sighs and begins ascending the stairs.

"What, you're just gonna leave too?" Virgil calls after him.

"I have work to do, as I'm sure the rest of you do. Patton will return once he tires of this stunt."

Logan is gone and now it's just the four of them.

"Someone's salty about being abandoned," Roman comments too loudly.

"FALSEHOOD!"

"Alllll byyyyy myseeeelffff," Remus sings off-key.

Virgil debates whether to follow Logan up or try a window next. He stares down into the beady, button eyes of his Patton Pal doll.

"Need a hug?" Janus asks him teasingly, watching him.

Virgil scoffs and shoves the plush into his hoodie pocket. It's bulky, but it fits.

Will it stay there?

Will Patton ever return?

Will the sides use this time to overcome their differences and bond as a true family?

Find out next time on "Episodes From The Mindscape"!

The screen flicks off.

[spotaus]

Okay. So Killer (New Age) lore post! Putting it immediately under the cut, because I get the feeling this will be longer-

Killer! He's the first one Nightmare takes in! He's the 'Average' one. The silver-tongued common street rat, literally snatched away from the gallows. He's obnoxiously loyal.

His story is going to be (hopefully) loosely based on his canon, but still follow a lot of the New Age conventions.

So, Killer was a straight up orphan. Like, abandoned as a babybones on the steps of a temple. Temples would often double as orphanages, if you dropped a kid at the right one. (Killer had a malformed soul from birth. Didn't affect him at all, just looked weird.) So Killer? He was raised religious, basically. Worshipping the deity which was most prominent at the time (which for this era, Nim was largely the one being worshipped as though a god. Like Rome worshipping the Emperor), a very strict environment, a very lonely one as there weren't many other kids, and a fairly violent upbringing. The people there were Not proper caretakers. But it was all Killer had, and running away never crossed his mind, because beyond the market, there was nothing for him that the temple couldn't give. At least, that's what he was taught. Until, of course, he met Chara (just going by the normal ut name tho I do think they're called the Player in Something New?). (Note: Killer had a different name before he left the temple.)

Killer was only 11 or 12 (he didn't really keep track) when Chara started coming with their parents to the Temple. Their parents would ditch them to talk to the adults, and Chara would try to find other things to do, to get out of their parents sight, and one day they spotted the Orphans. Killer in particular (the oldest) was their target, about their same age. And they would talk to him. At first he was hesitant, but, you know how it goes, kids are kids and they'll talk.

And over the course of several visits, Chara told Killer about the outside world. All the places and the animals (Killer told Chara that the sacrafices were all animals, very unique) and the ocean, they told him about the mountains and the towns and ships and the guard and all of it. And it got to Killer. He started wanting to go beyond the walls of the temple (he always had, but never had reason to understand that urge).

One night, Chara showed up at the temple grounds after dark, while Killer was doing his final cleaning checks, and they encouraged him to leave. to run away with them. And... well, he did. He stole a cloak from the doorway and ran off with Chara. While they were on the run, Chara from their parents and Killer from his temple, they had to do what all street-rats did. Steal, cheat, and protect themselves. Killer was the first of them to kill. it wasn't much different from sacrificing the animals on the altar, anyhow. It was just another way to get what he wanted, since the god, Nim, never had any answers to his prayers. The person he killed had recognized his name, other sects were after him now that he'd run with Chara (unbeknownst to him, Chara was meant to be a sacrifice once they were old enough). He changed his name to the skill he was good at: Killer.

And they stay like that for a long long time, never settling down, always on the move, never leaving the kingdom because doing so would make it easier to find them, two red marbles in a sea of blue ones. And Chara never got their hands dirty. it was always Killer. it was his duty to back-up Chara. he 'owed' them for getting him out of that Temple. Out of that boring life. Chara, in some way, became the center of his world, something beyond his grasp and beyond poor judgement. Beyond the flaws of any living being. And they were fine. They still did normal teenage things, they laughed, they joked, they played, they lied, they got sweet treats and split big loaves of bread. But it wasn't healthy. A parasitic relationship where Chara took and Killer gave, weighed down by an impossible debt to repay.

Then, years and years later, Killer was finally taken down by the guard. Now wanted for several counts of murder, theft, and other bad things, he was caught. This time, unlike several others, instead of breaking out like he normally did, h decided to wait and see. How long would he have to be gone for Chara to seek him out instead? And Chara left him. And left him. And didn't ever come back for him. Gone, fully, 100%. His faith broke, along with his hope. The one thing that motivated him in life had abandoned him, and he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything anymore, because he had sacrificed all he was and wasn't enough to keep his only friend around.

In prison he talked with other people. Prisoners aren't all bad, you know, especially when they saw Killer, a young guy, looking so downtrodden. Even though he was an objectively horrible person, hearing others try to cheer him up, expecting nothing in return, was helpful.

And then, ofc, when he met Nightmare he decided he could have a ticket out of here. A weird guy who would give him a place to stay, and pay him, and he could just go and then escape like he always did? Go live his own life for the first time ever? Yeah, sounds banger.

But then, you know, he ended up finding Nightmare's situation much too interesting, and Ccino way too handsome, and his gig just a bit too cushy. But he never had blind faith again. Nightmare is unaware, but that fake faith act Killer started with quickly morphed into a faith earned through action, and care, and kindness. Killer saw and felt that Night would be willing to risk himself just as much as Killer would. (Maybe that's why he became so loyal. maybe that's why it's important that Killer came first and set that expectation for the other Knights. Maybe that's why Killer faced off against Dream and almost died, and why Nightmare ran infront of Killer to spare him that final blow and proved exactly why Killer followed him in the firstplace-)

[s-wave-entertainment]

*BAM*

THAT WAS THE SOUND OF ME BUSTING THE DOOR DOWN. HI. Okay so first thing's first, I recently saw an animatic (??) by @/armintist on Instagram about N's perception of Tessa as of ep. 6 and it has broken the dam. Your honor I think about what must have been going through his head at that given moment So Often; some may say too often (I know my roommate definitely would, sorry Anna-). Y'all, he literally just remembered her existence and because we have no canon timeline as to how long was between eps. 5&6, I'm going to assume it was no LESS than two hours, IF EVEN. Doll could have gone straight to "Tessa" from Uzi's house, we'll never know. But like... what in the fuck was going on in his brain? This person, who he KNOWS that he knows, that he has vague, barely comprehensible memories of from a time far back into his past that he only just got back, is suddenly standing right in front of him again. And he hesitates, because OF COURSE HE DID. It looks like her (or does it? He doesn't remember his face, he never even truly saw it), it sounds like her, it feels like her... but how long has it been? And why here, why now?

Honestly, "Cyn's" pretty smart. She knew he would be willing to go along with what he told her because he's never really pressed into his memories before. He's relieved the tidbits of them, sure, but he tends to acknowledge them and move on. She knew all she had to do was act right and he would probably trust her. But what she didn't account for was him finding a love worth fighting for, and that's where her ultimate fucky-wucky was. But I'm not here to talk about "Cyn's" strategy, I'm here to talk about our beloved traumatized murder robot puppy.

What do you think happened when it hit him that that skin over Cyn's body wasn't of it's own creation? That his friend was technically still alive, if you count her preserved remains being thrown over a robot body like some sick and twisted reverse fursuit. And it can't be said that that didn't happen, because it definitely did. N's little episode in the hallway while "Cyn" hunted them down showed us that he is in fact recovering his memories. Slowly, and at very unfortunate times, but he is. And I can almost guarantee you that at some point, in some way, he must have recovered the full memory of the gala massacre. And oh me oh my, that must have been a long, hard day for him. Thank God he has Uzi now-

That aside, he must eventually realize what happened. And as he remembers more and more good times with her, his little heart probably just shattered more and more. Along with all of the other BULLSHIT he must be remembering following ep. 8.

AND ANOTHER THING ON THAT NOTE. I have so so so many emotions about N and how good he is and how,,,, Genuinely Good his heart is. Like actually. Y'all, need I remind the court that he was supposed to KILL Uzi. He had her PINNED TO THE WALL with a wing, but after watching her father turn around and ABANDON HER, he stopped. And sure, it can be reasonably said that this is because he spent some time with Uzi beforehand, but how long would they have had together, logistically? Ten minutes, maybe twenty, tops?? The fact that that was enough for him to COMPLETELY CHANGE SIDES and want to help her instead (which is also attributed to the conversation they had in the cockpit but again, TEN MINUTES)... listen, Uzi had no one before she found N, but N had no one either. J openly abused him, and V had to act like she hated him to protect him. N was lonely, just like Uzi. Somehow, someone found him who was kind to him and seemed to actually care. She was a little edgy, but she talked to him and she listened. It was more than he had at the base - and the same was true for Uzi. But again, I could talk about how much I love NUZI for hours, right now I want to talk about how good N's heart is. He was a worker, once. A worker who did everything he could to be... useful, to Tessa's parents, but a good friend to Tessa. And he loved his friends. He has,,, so much love in his heart. He always has. And he gives it so readily, and it can hurt him, but he like - he gets better about it, I believe. He can guard himself better these days, but he just. He still cares. And he cares so much and he just. GOD. GOD I LOVE HIM AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE FOR WHAT HE'S BEEN THROUGH. FUCKING HELL-

[nonbinarytoast]

Alright well if @theannoyingmosquitoinyourroom insists

Also fair warning this is gonna be like. Super long. So so so so long. Be warned.

It’s basically where after the plot of malevolent is done, Kayne transports Arthur and John to gravity falls to live out the rest of their life in peace as promised. This is of course after the plot of gravity falls is also over.

Dipper and Mabel, now 18 and able to move away, decide to visit gravity falls. Mabel with the intent of being an artist there and Dipper with the intent of having a nice visit before he goes off to college. As a surprise (and because the dynamic between Arthur and Ford is awesome) Soos decides to call Ford and Stan back as a little summer family reunion. Still deciding on whether or not to bring Wendy into this madness.

Now, I know Soos has been dubbed Mr. Mystery, but he’s not that good at social interactions. Not like Stan is. And since Melody is working the cash register, no one is available to give tours. So he’s looking for some extra help, when he hears about this terrifying guy with tons of scars who’s looking for a job (because no one needs a private investigator in gravity falls unless it’s paranormal and Arthur is NOT doing that again unless absolutely necessary (smell the foreshadowing)). So Soos goes to this guy and asks him if he wants a job at the mystery shack and hey? Where else is he gonna be hired? So Arthur starts working there.

When Dipper and Mabel get there, everything is the same as when they left it, except for three things. 1. The new house. 2. The new people. 3. Everything is hiding. On their way into town Dipper makes note that there are no gnomes. No vampire bats. No footprints that don’t belong to any animal ever known. Nothing strange.

Dipper is pretty weirded out by the lack of weirdness and when he goes to asks Soos about it (and Mabel goes to give Soos a hug) he sees someone knew out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh yea! That’s Arthur dude! He gives the tours for me so I can stick to handyman work.”

“Not to be rude but… Where did his scars come from?”

“Oh, no idea. He never talks about it. His roommate never talks about it either.”

“Roommate?”

The same thing happens with Ford when him and Stan get there. And so the saga begins.

Ford and Dipper borderline stalk Arthur, Arthur notices and says something really strange and cryptic in hindsight, Dipper and Ford are stumped for all eternity, you get the point. The fun part is when Kayne comes into play.

You see, Kayne was having a good time, destroying universes like he does, but it gets lonely. He has no one to watch anymore. No one to entertain him. So he stages a jailbreak. Of the Theraprism. Letting everyone out. Including Bill.

Bill and Kayne normally would match each other freak exceptionally well, but despite all odds, Bill is actually different. He doesn’t get the same rush from destruction that he used to. He doesn’t get the same happiness from killing. All he wants to do is go home. But home is gone. He’ll never be at home again. So he does the next best thing.

Gravity Falls isn’t his home, but maybe he could make it his home. If he tried. If he apologized. If he made sure he never did anything wrong ever again. He could be safe there. He could be ok. Plus, he knows from his old rival that’s it’s been done before. He almost laughed at the thought. Imagine only letting one person in the nightmare realm wear yellow. How silly he was back then.

That’s all I have for now, but I’m really excited to write this because I love it so much

Oh yea and the Kayne angst is how he feels like he can never change because it’s not in his biology or psyche even though he’s seen it time and time again and he hates not being able to do what other can. He thought it was a human thing. Then a John thing. But after Bill? Maybe it’s him that out of place.

[amoirsetpacis]

★ --;; Wolfwood cradling Vash's lone hand in both of his only serves to make the knot in Vash's chest twist impossibly tighter. Wolfwood hurt him. He doesn't want to hurt Wolfwood. He wants, desperately, to forgive him. He'd forgiven Knives, hadn't he? For acts far more heinous. So why was this so difficult? Why did it feel so much more visceral than all the other times he really had been hurt? It makes his mouth press into a thing, warbled line, makes his eyes sting all over again. Maybe the distance had been needed, after all.

"I won't leave again," he chokes. It sounds strained, even to his own ears. "I just... would you have still done it? Would you have still tried? If I had been there?" Did it even matter, at this point? It doesn't feel like it would have. He'd said himself he'd still planned to do it, had hunted Nai down of his own accord. Wolfwood had gone and done this awful thing behind his back, had gone and thrown away the entire reason Vash had watched him--

But Wolfwood had also said it mattered. That change, that sacrifice, had mattered. It had to have. It had to. He wants to believe it. Needs to. But did Wolfwood even believe it? Truly?

Vash isn't sure if he even wants the answer. If it will soothe any of the unease still clinging so stubbornly to his nerves. But at the same time he needs to know, the same way once a scab has been noticed it's impossible not to pick and pick and pick until it's bleeding again.

"I have to... before we do anything. I need to know. The truth. Please."

There isn't any forgiveness yet, and that's okay; he's been heard, Vash is still here, he's not going anywhere. Wolfwood looks at him again, meeting those tired eyes. They look dulled, the bags under his eyes stand out against paler-than-usual skin.

"Not yer fault," he says. "Don't know how much talkin' to him first woulda helped."

Now he feels more encouraged to scoot even further closer. Wolfwood swivels toward him, one leg coming up as he does, foot tucked under the opposite knee. He finds Vash's hand where it's curled close to his knees, using both of his own to scoop it up.

The ring is there, still shining. Light shining through the window glints off of the bracelet. Both these things being there a sign of his devotion, his love, his trust. Being there still a sign that Vash didn't throw that away.

"I don't know," he finally responds. Everything's been off, unnatural. They've always been a team the moment Wolfwood found him in that little backwater town. Here, too. Navigating a world full of sand, gunfire, and blood was much easier than this, somehow. There's... a lot to work on. "But not like we can't start again."

He brings Vash's hand up, forehead pressing to his knuckles. Wolfwood closes his eyes.

"...Just... don't leave like that again." Wolfwood squeezes his hand. "Not knowin' where ya were, if you were really comin' back, I..."

Shoulders hitch again, teeth bearing down on the inside of his cheek. He shakes his head.

"House is too big without you."

[zaskiaz]

my birthday’s coming up this month and i just wanna fuck off to the beach or smth but my friends are all busy with their own stuff and i don’t wanna go alone but i also really don’t want to spend it at home AGAIN SJFJSKJFK

[citrus-soda]

What if you found out that aliens had set foot on earth, multiple times in fact, but instead of establishing first contact or anything they just made ants steal batteries and coke cans for them. You go outside and find one commanding a small army to take down a chihuahua. That’s pikmin.

[ruvviks]

Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

[macabregoria]

looking at the ib tags and coming away with the thought that wow some people really need to (re)play this game and take time to actually understand what’s happening in it

[maple-leifarts]

.