#but also i want to tell them that even tho it get’s worse it gets better too like you’ll fall in love and have a family and one day you’ll
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Why did Law break the heart of poor Chopper? 😭🥺
Did he tho? :D I assume you mean the infamous "shut up" scene at the end of Wano. Did you know this is actually not the first time Law tells Chopper to shut up? But let's start from the beginning!
"See you around, Torao!", "Shut up!". In the anime it comes off much harsher than in the manga, in which the flow is completely different, because it happens immediately after or even in same time as Law's conversation with Luffy:
Law is trying to draw the line here, they've been in an alliance, but now it's over, so they had to know this would be the result, now they're back to being enemies. But since Law kinda expects Strawhats to forget about that (he was with them in that alliance long enough to know how "uneccessarily emotional" they are most of the time, lol), he reminds them about that, making it a very "manly" and "cool" goodbye in the end.
Except, it would stay that way, if not for Chopper destroying it all with his affectionate "see you around, Torao!" because he understands they became friends, and you say that to friends when you're parting ways, right? Chopper isn't really known for being able to "read the room", so he totally missed the vibe Law was going for. In the end Law has to shut him up before Chopper goes on to say even worse emotional stuff.
(btw Kid is not having any of this, just look at his grossed out reaction there... "set sail", it's like he's trying to make them leave faster so he doesn't have to hear their sobby pretentious goodbye lol)
You might have missed it, but it wasn't the first time Law told Chopper to shut up. The very first time it happened was in Punk Hazard, on their duo mission in the lab. Law, slightly aware they might be heard or watched, insists on Chopper hiding already because they're almost at the door. He wouldn't say it in a nice way. Don't get me wrong, I believe he is rather tamely mannered, but I can't deny there are a few things he indeed is rather rude about (though definitely still tame in comparison to other pirates): never saying greetings, for example, and also never saying "please". Apparently he uses "shut up" instead now, lol. Anyway here he told Chopper to shut up because he is worried they will be spotted and he won't say "please stay in the bag" lol.
(Law doesn't say "please" anymore, not after his last request was to Vergo and he got betrayed and Cora-san suffered as the result. Law didn't say the word "please" not even once ever since.)
Chopper is actually the first out of Strawhats crew that Law kinda bonded with. Despite Law telling him to hide, they actually talk for a bit in this scene and Law is really open with him too (telling him he can't deal with Caesar on his own and that's why he needs the help of Strawhats - a rare moment of honesty and something he didn't tell anyone else, not even Luffy). In a way, you can look at their goodbye in Wano as a callback to Punk Hazard :D
We know already Law is bad with greetings (which means also saying goodbyes). The best you can get from him is silence instead of "hi" or "bye", the worst you can get is "shut up". In Law's novel we also could see Law saying goodbye to Wolf and he struggled soooo much with it. If you thought Sanji's goodbye with Zeff was awkward, Law's goodbye with Wolf is like ten times that, haha. I will use some quotes here from the end of the novel, so if you want to skip it, now would be your cue :D (you can skip to the next image from manga!)
*cough cough* yes, it's Law saying that line: "stop, you'll make me cry". Young Law is a mood, I swear. In a way you can take it as a clue, Chopper got silenced so he won't blabble out emotional monologue like Wolf up there, melting Law's heart and pretense of toughness away.
"I have to say goodbye to the locals, as well only to those who have treated me particularly well. I think that includes the doctor and Rad".
It's worth noting that he says that as well in the novel, despite the fact we never see Law saying goodbye to practically no one in the manga. Not to Strawhats, not to Kin, not to Bartolomeo, and he was indebted to them to various degrees as well (not counting Kin, that was actually reversed). Young Law could stand goodbyes slightly better than adult Law, it seems.
A tearful goodbye between Wolf and Hearts. This is how his goodbye with Strawhats could have looked like as well, I guess? But keep in mind, when Law said his goodbye to Wolf it was pretty much the same situation like when Sanji said it to Zeff. Both were indebted to their mentors and didn't know if they will ever see each other again (and if they will, then when). Novel's ending suggests Wolf and Hearts didn't meet again and after Law announced them leaving for the Grand Line, you can be sure they never had occassion to go back to North Blue ever since. This goodbye is pretty much definitive, they won't see each other for more than a decade. The casual goodbye with Strawhats might mean they will see each other sooner than not! Especially with Chopper's foreshadowing "see you around!". Though I still think Law doesn't plan on meeting them again.
Now, is Chopper's heart truly broken by Law's response? He got shocked because Chopper doesn't understand why Law told him to shut up instead of telling him "see you around" or "take care" back. But Chopper often misreads the situation and that happens even in the Strawhats crew. At Jaya, Nami told him to dig for gold, only to scold him for something she told him to do mere moments later:
Chopper is simply bad at picking up those hints or realizing when someone asks of something unreasonable that's better to be ignored. He's also quite silly and naive, and ends up taken advantage of as the result. But mostly, all those social cues are beyond his understanding, because he's a reindeer. Chopper is also very emotional, always easily touched by someone's sad story or when seeing people crying. You can say his empathy levels are really high. Perhaps, but take it with a grain of salt, Chopper thought Law is a bit sad, maybe he picked up on his emotions that Law wanted to hide so well, so he said "see you around" to make it sound like their seperation isn't going to last very long, to cheer him up, and since no one else said it, Chopper thought he should (besides he also simply likes Law, why wouldn't he like him? they're both doctors and spent quite a long time together).
It didn't end the way Chopper wanted it to end (he probably didn't cheer up Law nor did he get any nice reply back), but it's hardly the first or the last time it happened to Chopper in the story. He can handle it, he's a tough reindeer :) sadly he probably won't learn any time soon, if at all. Also, this...
Some goodbyes are harsh for the sake of the person left behind. Here Hiruruk kicks out Chopper so the reindeer won't have to watch him dying with his own eyes. He thinks it's better to part ways before Chopper gets even more attached, so it hurts him a bit less. Hiruruk knows how kind and caring Chopper is and doesn't want him to lose his heart again. Sadly the only alternative he had was to break his heart a little, hoping it will heal fast, but at least *he won't lose it* completely. Could this also be seen as a parallel to Law's goodbye with Chopper? It might be, because I think Law is totally the same type of guy who would push people away for their own sake.
(Still, the next time they meet, Law might need to apologize to Chopper, hehe. After all he must know by now that Chopper's rumble balls literally saved his life)
That's it about Chopper, but let's go back to Law for a moment. Where did he get his habit of saying "shut up"? He did not have it as a kid... well. I think the novel gives us the answer indirectly to that (no spoilers, just two short quotes):
Wonder no more, it seems he learned that from Wolf, lol. Quite fitting because Wolf taught him how to be a responsible leader/captain as well :) Wolf loved those kids, like we can see from his goodbye scene. He kept telling them "shut up" mostly because he was embarrassed and also because he didn't want to get too attached to them at first (he had some poor experiences in his life before), and he wasn't used to have people around his house all the time, living together, sharing meals etc. Last time he had it, he lost it and he became quite bitter as the result. But spending time with Law, Bepo, Penguin and Shachi changed him a bit, to the point he could tell them that heartfelt goodbye instead of harsh words.
Now, is it just a habit Law picked up from him? Or is there something more to it? For starters, he doesn't really say "shut up" to anyone besides Chopper (and once to Luffy in One Piece Red, but there is sounds almost affectionate lol). Not to Usopp who is panicking (even if it slightly irritates Law), not even to Luffy who is always noisy (he does call him idiot though, but it's always deserved lol). But he does say it to his lovely Heart Pirates when they kept nagging him about going to the New World and he tells them "to stop yapping, shut up and follow his lead". And we know how much Law loves his Hearts. If Chopper deserved to be said to "shut up" then it already shows Law puts him in same category as his Hearts and thinks fondly of him. Just like Wolf was fond of his "stupid brats" he constantly shouted at to shut up.
One last thing, because context matters a lot as well. It's possible that Law said that to Chopper in that moment because he was afraid to get too attached to the Strawhats. Is it stretching it too far? I will let you all decide that for yourselves :D
#one piece#trafalgar law#chopper#tony tony chopper#wano arc#that “shut up” line to Chopper#I will be surprised if anyone besides me put that much thought into it lmao#ask#Law and Chopper are so lovely together imo#Law with strawhats#Law and friendships
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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watching the beginning of season 1 spn is so weird like this is such a different show than what spn would eventually become. like it’s so dark and serious and every episode is a monster of the week and dean and sam barely know each other at all and they havent done awful things or died for each other yet and theyve got no one but each other and they barely know anything about the monsters they hunt let alone angels and the devil and god and they just have no idea that their lives are about to get so much worse and that they’ll want to give up but they wont, they’ll sacrifice everything for the world and each other and i just watch these episodes and think they’ve got no idea what’s coming
#man really getting in my s1 feels this morning#it’s just such a different show than what it would eventually become and i love it but also i wouldnt love it so much if it hadnt evolved#into what it became in the later seasons!#they’re just such babies and i wanna protect them from what’s to come#but also i want to tell them that even tho it get’s worse it gets better too like you’ll fall in love and have a family and one day you’ll#be happy i promise!!#spn#jenna.post
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Controversial take but i watched all of jjk, in subbed, so it had my full attention 100% of the time, and i am of the opinion that it just fucking sucks.
So me and my wife were talking about it, and we were trying to figure out why people like it and we've come up short. I do not understand what's so appealing about this show for so many people. Can someone PLEASE tell me.
#yes the animation is phenominal and honestly i would have stopped watching after the first episode without it#MAPPA creates some beautiful art like just gorgeous#but the constant force-feeding of every minor character's backstory was hellish for me#had me rolling my eyes every time they did it (every three seconds)#the vast majority of characters are unlikable or bland or dead#often all of the above#choso is the only character i actively liked?? like i understand him i reallu do#i liked mahito? he's a freak so that's a given#i liked that one old guy with the weird still frames power#uhhh i like sukuna's weird obsession with ripoff sasuke#edit i member: i liked megumi he deserved better#oh i also REALLY liked nanamin or whatever his name was (it's been a while)#i think yuuji's suicide mission that he didn't think through is super interesting#alright heres my most controversial take of all#i don't care at ALL abt gojo. he's so mid there's like a million characters exactly like him#and he's UGLY why do people say he's attractive bro is UGLY A HELL#the intros are baller tho i sat through them every episode no skipping that shit#gorgeous animation as i'd expect from this studio#like! there's so many little drops of things that i liked about this show! which is why it pissed me off so much every time they did boring#ass exposition dumps on characters that are gonna die in five seconds. or worse-they are gonna live and continue to bore me to tears#and when i tell you i physically couldn't read the manga because of how fucking BORING it is#i got caught up and was like 'okay ill read the manga i kinda like what's currently happening n ive made it this far might as well keep goi#g' nah man i couldn't even read a whole chapter. jjk is king of exposition dumps#i do think the powers and how if you tell your opponent what it is it gets stronger is rad#and it drives me insane because i know they know how to drip-feed information about a character! and when they do that they do it SO WELL!!#but they just force feed you all this information the rest of the time like BRO ITS TOO MUCH SLOW DOWN AND JUST LET THE CHARACTERS DO THEIR#THING AND IT WILL BE MORE SATISFYING#anyways not tagging this because i don't wanna put hate in the main tags#just like. if you see this please explain to me what im missing PLEASE i want to like this show SO bad
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lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake
#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH#also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl#how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break#thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo#HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance#but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart#it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends#odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway#yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh#also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the#persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway#i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was#basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them#and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok#im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE#oops it was nothing#....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway#also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real#my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige#three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp#......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF#my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like#treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting
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thinking of. jae seeing her relationship with the rogue trader in terms of power. as a mutually beneficial business transaction. she spent all her life with people constantly holding power over her -- what makes this one, a veritable rogue trader, any different?
and even after the rogue trader finds out the truth, possibly encouraging her to be her "true self", jae pushes them and that idea away. because the idea that this world would accept her as she is, is more like a naive fairy tale to her. because that's not how the world works! if it was then she shouldn't have needed to do the things she did to get to where she is now.
and now she refuses to be naked and vulnerable with the rogue trader again because with this truth, they truly hold immense power over her like no one else had in probably a very long time.
#.txt#and the fact that she had no plans of ever telling them the truth. if it weren't for commorragh.#god. let's end it all right fucking now#is anyone surprised i latch on to the character with a charming facade? no?#i still havent finished the game shush but jae trying to break up with rt broke my heart 😭😭😭#it would've been so much worse btw if she also returned the dress rt gave her. which is my headcanon that she did#idk what ending she'll get with isolde tbh. i kinda cheated a bit with toybox bc i want them to be happy 😭#even tho realistically with both their track records it wouldn't last.
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choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her
#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me#and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front#always always bowl me over#like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time#like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that#when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair#but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard#so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment?#and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's#even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with#bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc#i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum#BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart#like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me#it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE#and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry#and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls#that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good#and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her#that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension#and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone#but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her#i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me#but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her#girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH#hella goes home
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i want ike to be in three houses
for science
#DCB RD Run#y'all know what i'm talking abt if u follow me lmao#ike rly does say all the most perfect shit but most ppl don't even get to see it these days#bc intsys won't make the games accessible and they cost hundreds of dollars for a used copy jfhsagjdg#BUT ALSO this line? REALLY fuckin wish they said to zelgius too with someone anyone even if it wasn't ike#would've been really awesome tho for it to be ike who said it so that zelgius couldn't uwu my teacher his way out of being a villain#what is it with them making ppl be like uwu my teacher and that suddenly make them not a villain fhajgdgsj#like WHERE WAS THIS LINE WHEN IN REBIRTH 2#we had tibarn with us! ranulf! shinon! oscar! SOMEONE could've said it!!!#hecky schemcky if OSCAR said it? that would be like DAMN u fucked UP tho#if OSCAR couldn't forgive you for something? d a m n sonny that one would cut d e e p#but also?! shinon! being calm about it! and just telling him outright! look! nah! you did all that shit! and now you want to uwu us to death#nah! what you did was unforgiveable and you kept doing unforgiveable things!#i mean come on there's a line out the door of ppl who wanted to get or deserved to get revenge on that guy#YES I HAD TO LET IT OUT AGAIN I'M STILL MAD THAT SEPH GOT THE WHOLE NO U DID BAD#BUT ZELGIUS DID ARGUABLY WORSE BC HE DIDN'T DO IT AFTER LOSING HIS ENTIRE FUCKING MIND#AND HAVING HIS ENTIRE FAMILY SLAIN AND HIS FOREST HOME BURNT TO DEATH#LIKE. COME ON. SEPH AT LEAST HAS A LEGIT REASON TO HAVE LOST HIS MIND BUT ZELG?#siiiiiiiiigh. anyway put ike in three houses so he can teach all the dumb stans how to be a proper mc#yeah that's right i said it A PROPER MC#blorbo is in the corner hiding bc he doesn't like these tags. see his bow? see it? it's poking into the pic#ALSO HOW COME REYSON DOESN'T GET ANY LINES WITH SEPH ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED POST BATTLE#this post has gone in three entirely different directions in the tags good for me good for me
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#one thing that has remained consistent throughout my entire life#is that everyone and i mean EVERYONE assumes i am an avid reader#my classmates teachers friends family tumblrmutuals#everyone#and when i tell them i dont they get soooooo confused#(ngl ill read anything except for fiction 💀💀💀 i just physically cannot)#i never had the patience for long books and then my writing DEGREE kinda made things worse and now i cannot read for pleasure like before#ive probably barely finished 20 novels in my entire life sry to disappoint#the one assigned novel i actually enjoyed in hs tho was the handmaids tale ->#(i read more than was assigned each week AND this was before the tv series was even announced)#i did read some books when my fav hs english teacher had d.e.a.r. for like 15-20 mins in the beginning of every class everyday ->#(Drop Everything And Read)#i also dont rly read selfhelp books (as much as everyone in my life rly wants me to <33333) bc ->#i dont trust a random stranger to tell me what to do#idk u#for all i know u could be a horrible person in secret ??!?#i have more opinions on reading but ill stop it here#oh also yes i consider myself a writer in MANY mediums (just not traditional novel-style fiction)#mehrtalks
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What do you mean only Kai can experience parentification??
I'm gonna give Jay so much- *gets shot*
#been having thoughts of like#libber kept Jay and moved back home#but Libber has terrible ptsd and depression and even though she tries really hard#jay somrtimes has to take care of her#but like then she meers a guy whos good and libber gets the support she needs#and she ends up having a second kid#that triggers her to have terrible post partum depression#thats last for almost a year and it strains the relationship#to the point that the guy takes their son and leaves cause hes worried she cant take care of him#leaving libber even worse#and this whole time jays just trying to keep everythi g together#but everything is falling apart and he just wants his mom to smile again so he tries his best to help her#and then she does after a really hard year she and her ex talk things out and they sont get back together but they have joint custody of#their son and libbers an attentive mom to both her sons again#but Jay's always so worried that this might happen again that he doesnt tell her anything that might distress her#and hates his ex step dad so much#and he also gets his lightning powers early cayse he knows that they are a trigger for libber so he convinces her to pass them onto him#early and hes just so worried y'all#he loves his lil bro tho#hdusgus I dhud#have so many thoughts guys#so many thought#jay is so worried yall giving this child so much stress
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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vent in the tags
#truly astounding how my grandma was like: walking so much in your first job toughened you up like no it did not u idiot#i was so overworked and depressed and miserable. i had frequent panic attacks about going out.#im also not like her or my parents or anyone in the sense that everything is much harder for me because im audhd#even if i wasnt its just the pain i was and am feeling is very real#u can cure fatigue by walking and going outside like are u fucking serious 😭 the point is that my body is so tired it cant move#*cant#moving makes it worse#how often do i have to tell them (my family) that#i thought my grandma would understand bc of her illnesses but she has srthritis and stuff ehich does get better from moving#fatigue is very different tho (!!)#and i now realised after all this that ive struggled with fatigue my whole life. more or less. and when i worked at my first job i was#burning myself out after already having had a burnout at school before.#like im literally disabled idk why im even having a discussion about this. its not the same thing.#do they think i dont want to go outside in the summer????#im not fuvking lazy !! they need to stop thinking they know what its like for me. its not. like i have to rest after half a day of uni bc#its legit SOOO exhausting to socialise for me. the only reason i can do most things in a day and have the enrrgy for them is because i take#amphetamines for my adhd. like stop thinking that we are the same and that i can just do shit without it having a consequence for my energy#levels. im a spoonie#if theres no spoons i have to lie in bed for 2 hours until i can get up again to do sth to keep myself fed and needs met#like audhd disables me so much ON TOP OF the fatigue i accumulatef from burnout over the years AND this most recent post viral fatigue#god i was yapping so much here im sorry 😭🫶#personal#sage posting
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Thinking abt my dupe ocs again, and I'm returning to my cringe fail silly ones who exist solely for me to have fun. Basically one of the colonies is sort of a lil experimental ground dupe wise where most of the dupes get to have some fun critter biology meshed in there, with most of them being fairly stable, but a few of them having a bit of a harder time for some reason or another. Such as having no bones and the most fragile skin known to dupe kind.
#rat rambles#oni posting#this colonies ada is the no bones guy shes mixed with a void bug#she actually is able to function mostly just fine its just that she has to be like super careful all the time#it doesn't help that her insides are mostly just foamy goo so the colony doctor doesn't rly know how to treat her wounds#on the bright side shes extremely light and can jump onto other dupes shoulders for fun#she cant fly tho very sad#even if she was the lightest thing in the world her wings are on the back of her head and arent as flexible as an actual shine bugs wings#she mostly uses them to gesture with like an extra pair of arms#and to paint with since shes also an artist#she's passionate abt her art but shes also super passionate abt being an engineer and a lot of her art ties back to that#mostly because she was printed only abt a month before the pod went offline so after that her fellow dupes became a lot more protective of#her since they felt that if smth went wrong now they wouldnt know how to help her#this frustrates her a Lot especially since prior to this she was mostly left to figure out how to manage this stuff by herself#she ends up tinkering in private when no one is around since she has a lot of ideas and wants to try making them#one of her biggest goals is to find a way to fly or glide without jetpacks since she's convinced she could find a way to#if she can be knocked off her feet by a light breeze then she can totally find a way to stay in the air longer shes sure of it#in the meantime the rest of the critter squad are trying to convince liam to not eat sand because itll just make his sensitive tummy worse#he knows this conceptually but his heart tells him that he ate a meal and started to feel sick so its clearly poisoned and the cook is#sick or trying to poison him and hes going to die if he keeps eating food from the fridge and so he must eat sand#unfortunately this is a fairly common anxiety of his since his stomach rly can only half handle anything ever#I imagine he and ada have a complicated relationship as while they do get along one of them has violent anxiety and the other is fragile as#hell but hates being babied so ada often avoids liam to his dismay
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💢 //
#having to put up an argument w parents just to be allowed more freedom bc of them being overly sheltering & restrictive of where i go is.#its so exhausting that i literally am not allowed to go anywhere w/o them hovering over me or so on#not even allowed to go for walks solo in my own apartment complex at any time of day because they’re THAT overly sheltering#legit if i wanna go for a walk i HAVE to go w one of my own parents yet sometimes i LITERALLY WANNA GET A W A Y FROM THEM#WHICH IS THE POINT OF THE WALK. GET AWAY FROM THEM & THE HOUSE & YET. THEY FORCE ME TO HAVE TO WALK W ONE OF EM. or worse both.#im glad that the circumstances left it to where they HAVE no choice & HAVE to let me go w whatever is ‘more favorable’ for them except it#isnt favorable at all for em its just ‘which freedom would we rather allow you to have’#but neither option is one they wanna give me i can tell. just a matter of which they let me have.#imagine constantly anytime you wanna go out w/o em somewhere your parents whip out a whole ass talk abt how there’s robberies/crime/danger#& how its too dangerous to go out & do x or y thing#i literally cant even go walk in my own neighborhood w/o that kinda immediate commentary or them bringing up just#the most recent crimes that happened to enforce this whole reasoning why i shouldnt be allowed out#even tho im. what. fucking 27??? sucks that i have chronic illness bc ik thats what gives em so much leverage over me#not even gonna comment abt them using my disabilities against me as a way to keep me hostage#i will call it keeping me hostage bc they’ve never let me have freedom at all#even when i was in uni on campus i was expected to contact em constantly & them expecting i go home v often & shit & since im kinda.#@ their mercy a lot it was not much of a say i had in the matter esp bc i came down w health issues around then so? yeah#i wont get too much further into this bc i can say. a lot abt how obsessively overprotective they are but.#regardless.#ishtar rambles ;#ngl its this reason along w other shit thats why im afraid of what’ll happen once i FINALLY have the funds & resources to move out#which i can! also get into that!#but. another topic another time.#not even also gonna get into their backhanded ‘yknow what let them do what they want#’let them go & learn their lesson’ like excuse me???#they want me to have a bad exp so they can say ‘i told you so’ ik it. i know this bc theyve done it before#& then used it as justification to tighten the leash on me
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As she should Billy is a lucky guy (and maybe he can find another guy to admire besides jay)
ransom (pt 2) ☆ jay halstead
summary: in which y/n is rescued and jay has something to say.
warnings: language, guns, mentions of injury
a/n: I’m actually incredibly proud of this lmaooo. I love writing more light hearted pieces and am so happy so many of you loved the first part. many people requested a part two and hope you enjoy this also! - love emie <3
PART ONE
Lees verder
#of course we are the ones who call when its a life and death situation#like hi taco bell? im hungry can i get some food before i get shot#thanks deliver it closeby at some non deceript building with a very non shady car parked infront of it with very non suspicious stains#on the pavement#my guy youve been without her for what? a day or smth? dont be dramatic 😭 go save her ass#the kidnappers are either on the verge of just returning her out of annoyance or are growing fond of her and are like lets keep her#JAY SHES BEEN MISSING FOR FIVE HOURS STOP YOUR DRAMATIC ASS ACTIONS#no everyone wants to shoot her but then again thats sadly a felony#the leader is frantically going like SIR?? Why didnt you say shes horrible can we pLEASE GET RID OF HER#FIVE DAYS#Oh- i take back what i said jay#not really#theyre all like why do i have to do this#how do you remember all the ppl tho i barely remember what i had for dinner last night#kardashians shouldnt be missed thats illegal (i havent watched a single episode)#imo one of the worse things is the birth control issue like my guys unless you want me to die or kill one of you for distraction#give me the birth control#HEY if you get complimented on your ass thats a great compliment how dare he#even if humming would still be hearable just make them go insane by humming all day#mh at least they have eyes#throw in some queer guards tho spice shit up#i mean i dont blame mister 'who is he?' for listening#if you have nothing better to do at least listen (i thjnk im running out of tags)#baby face is an awesome guy tbh he probably just got dragged in#also considerate mans even offered her a cig#💀 mans only now thought up knocking her out lmao. feel sorry for babyface tho hes good and terry is a dumbass#poor billy tbh he needs some better friends and some money but hes a good guy.. i need to see them become besties ngl#TELL THEM ABOUT BILLY#BILLY BEING BESTIES YES#billy is like girl if he wasnt yours id date him
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someone i follow liking a post that has them/their corner of my following list in mind and realizing that i am perceived is truly a wonder
#also help how do i tell a mutual i want to be friends with them without being weird#i need to save the weird for after at least the first hello#and even worse?! how tf do i get people i follow but not mutuals with (tho they've reblogged some of my posts) to be my friend??#jae’s thoughts
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