#but neither option is one they wanna give me i can tell. just a matter of which they let me have.

[celestialmancer]

💢 //

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.

1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.

2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.

So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.

Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.

He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.

Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.

Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.

I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.

He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.

I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.

OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.

Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world

PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox

Original post

[sketchedspiders]

Cotag actually breaks my fucking heart knowing the reality of their relationship and the fact that they could never be able to truly love each other.

1. Their workplace literally steals their mind, body, and soul so they can just become machines that don’t think of or take interest in anything else.

2. It’s the 1970s and they’re both guys; being gay wasn’t allowed anywhere back then.

[Full analysis under the cut + Spoilers]

[Keep in mind some of this is my own interpretations, but it still goes off canon)

Normal Guy literally tells Protag this when he tells him that Coworker was a great help and they got along well.

He gets frustrated by this fact and worries that Coworker is a distraction for Protag. He doesn’t want them to form a relationship of any kind because it would distract them from their work. Immediately after Normal Guy tells him that, he goes on to ask this:

Maybe I’m reaching right now because this question comes up no matter what, but for this it’s important. There’s multiple reasons and aspects as to why he asked this question, but one of them could be the fact that if Protag did feel anything around Coworker, then Normal Guy would know. It’s hard to explain, but think about a racing heart for example. People’s heart rate increases when they’ve infatuated by somebody, and when they see that person do even the tiniest things it makes them flustered. If they become nervous around that person, their breathing may become weird; which is why it brings us to this question. If Normal Guy finds an abnormality in Protag’s body that would prevent him from working, he would wanna know the reason, and if that reason is Coworker, then it pushes him to think their relationship is even more of a distraction to the both of them.

Normal Guy wants all his employees to dedicate their entire lives to the company. He doesn’t want them forming any sort of relationship that’s not entirely business related. If Protag’s heart is in something else, then that would create a multitude of problems. Not even his organs belong to him anymore, so neither of them even get the option to be together fully.

I think it’s also important to note that if you do choose the option to tell Normal Guy that Protag and Coworker did get along, this can lead you to get the bad ending where he literally erases Protag’s entire identity and makes him a different person. It’s wrong for them to be together no matter the circumstance, and their entire lives would be erased, along with their original relationship.

However, if the company did allow them to have a full on relationship, it wouldn’t have worked anyways. They’d be a gay couple in the 1970s, and homophobia was not only rampant back then but it was illegal. People would get arrested, sent to conversion therapy, or even lobotomized for being homosexual.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a LONG time, and this is also what pushed me to write “I wish you were born a girl” (yes hi I’m destroymeiloveyou on ao3 I’m exposing my identity for a moment here and if you don’t know wtf I’m talking about then ignore this).

They could be together in private theoretically, but with them being gay and also working at a company that doesn’t even want their employees to have a life outside of work, it’d be near impossible. Both of them would be at a constant risk of losing everything. Although, they already have given up so much for their work, would it even be worth it?

Coworker is already a closeted person with his feelings and such. He puts up a narcissistic front because of how insecure he is. His title means everything to him because he doesn’t have much else. It gives him a sense of security, and he wants somebody else to recognize that because he wants to feel loved. That’s a whole other analysis for later, but taking this into account with everything else, would he be willing to give up the little that he has to give him security for a relationship that was doomed from the beginning?

With how desperate he tries to impress others (especially Protag), and how attached he is to his title as well as his nepotism, his life being turned upside down just like that would be a nightmare. Everybody would turn against him, and no longer would he be the star employee at the company. In reality, he would be just as in denial about his feelings as Protag would be.

Also. ALSO!!! Speaking of Protag, it is heavily implied and agreed upon that Protag has religious trauma because of floor 4. If he did grow up in a strict, christian household, he would definitely have internalized homophobia.

The sight of a cross makes him nervous, meaning he’s probably no longer christian, but it has left a longterm effect on him.

This means that despite how he left his christian past behind, the things he was taught as a kid has never left him.

If his parents wanted him to be a “good kid” and follow God, I think they would’ve taught him that homosexuality is a sin. That’s one of the lessons that have also never left him, and he still stands by it even if hiding his identity makes him miserable.

Although, no matter how hard he tries, it’ll be obvious his heart will never be in the company or christian values. He’s gonna end up hurt and hurting whether he hides his feelings or not, which is just as tragic. He’d feel terrible once he recognizes how he feels about Coworker and I don’t think he’d ever confess. Protag would just suppress his feelings and they would both suffer silently.

If either of them did end up confessing, they still wouldn’t ever be able to truly get together anyways.

So, cotag could be in love, but they would never actually be able to be romantically together or express their feelings at all. They can do the littlest acts, like spending time with each other on breaks, but it’ll never be enough.

It’s not even right person, wrong time; it’s wrong person, wrong time.

I would write WAY more and I’ll probably yap about this later too because I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long, but I have to cut this short for now.

I probably sound like matpat right now with how im reaching with some of this stuff but I don’t care I need everybody to suffer along with me LMFAOO

I would add a funny image here but I’ve reached the limit. Anyways if you have any questions PLEASE let me know I love yapping about my cotag interpretations and theories

[ifonly1]

It's been more than a month and many people are still unable to accept the fact that jimin and jungkook has enlisted together using companion system/Buddy program. They are two friends, one of the two closest friends actually for more than a decade so it actually shouldn't be that hard to accept it unless you think these two are not even friends.

There are many many taekookers and many jk solos who still belive that just because jungkook hasn't said "i do rely on jimin" means he doens't rely on jimin so for people like those let me tell you, the Buddy program itself implies that both individuals in Buddy program rely on eachother, there's no need for neither jm nor jk to say it out loud cause the main purpose of it is "RELYING ON EACHOTHER" for mental stability. Idk if y'all are actually this dumb or y'all just wanna cope with something since it's getting hard for y'all to accept it. "But jungkook hasn't said-" it actually doens't matter if he says it out loud cause the process, the name itself is enough. If he didn't need anyone to rely on or if he wanted to enlist with some other BTS members he is capable enough to do that. This man has said it multiple times that he does what HE WANTS and no one can tell him otherwise.

I read a tweet saying "if jungkook didn't get the unit he wanted then you know who held him back" this was them implying that jm begged jk to enlist with him and jk is some spinless puppy who can't do decide for his own so he went with jimin like i want y'all to go outside your shipping bubble for 10 min and say this to some people and i can guarantee you they simply gonna call you mental on your face cause that's what it's giving. See there's two options, you either Accept that jungkook is spinless human who can't think for himself or he loves jimin too much to deny him anything as lots of you people believe jm begged and jk accepted (Cause saying yes to enlist with someone for 18 months even though you don't want to means you should love that person too much) OR simply accept the fact that jimin and jungkook are two close friends who enlisted together according to their own will without anyone forcing them to do anything.

And if anyone think "jk had no option" then you're completely wrong there's many accounts who update on military service which has made it very clear that there are options for both of them to enlist individually but jimin and jungkook still decided to do it together so accept it as it is without making a fuss about it even after a whole month cause that's screaming stupidity and insecurity and nothing else.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

what's YOUR take on bully gojo x reader?

(my take is that that tag should have more diversity because it's all the same dub/non con humiliation shtick where the reader has no backbone in the slightest. you can literally speedrun ninety-nine percent of that tags content if you've read even one story from it. which like, nothing is inherently wrong that but geez get some new moves)

like that one twt that blew up said ー when it comes to being mean while suguru is passive aggressive about it, gojo is more open about it. whether that's directly calling someone weak or saying that they're personality will result in them having no friends

so most of what he'd spew your way is going to be verbal so my own personal spin on bully!gojo x reader would likely boil down to:

reader: gojou, just be honest; you want me don't you? utahime: oop

the kind of reader who takes everything in stride by being a bit of a shit starter. "you wanna kiss me so bad, man, it's okay to just say it". because as far as you're concerned, anyone putting that much effort into fucking with you on a daily basis clearly has you rent free in their mind and that's something to relish in.

as far as you're concerned, the best way to get back at the shit gojou does is letting it roll off your back. it works in your benefit in the end since your conversations with him turn into semi-joking flirty banter as you talk shit right back to him.

truly, a winner is you.

"when it comes down to it, i really don't give a shit. objectively, you are stronger than me. cool. but at the of the day, you're just some guy who got lucky being born gojou satoru the dude with the six eyes and limitless and if you didn't have that, who would you even be? so if you wanna keep talking shit about me and all go ahead. i just feel sorry for you."

you don't mean for the guy to take what you said so deep but clearly what you said got under his skin. when it came down it, dude was talking shit so you decided to talk shit right back. he could have done anything he wanted after that but considering how he doubled down on the shit he was doing before, you can argue the fact that you're the winner here

gojou really is just some guy who got dealt the world's luckiest hand at birth.

if he didn't have his limitless or his six eyes, who is he then?

absolutely no one.

the fact he is getting all in a tizzy about you saying it means he finds inherent truth in your statement and he doesn't like whatever he found in the little reflection he did on it. clearly being the strongest means a lot to him because what is he without that? unlike bro bro you actually have a life and friends outside of the world of jujutsu you're both in.

you have an out.

you have options.

you take pity on the guy when the guy gets his ass handed to him by the zenin reject though. you might not like each other but you don't want him dead. so you decided to be nice for a couple weeks; something he doesn't react well too. after all, if he hadn't almost died, you wouldn't be walking on eggshells around him.

but he mostly just resents that even if for a moment, he had solid proof of what you said.

just for a moment, he was just some guy. it didn't matter that he was gojou satoru the moment zenin toji shoved a knife through his throat. his limitless? didn't mean shit. neither did his six eyes. he was scared for the first time in his life.

so if he isn't gojou satoru, who is he?

you tell him he should take some time to branch out and find out who that it is.

[romanarose]

Darkness on the Edge of Town: Epilouge

Chapter 1 : Chapter 2 : Chapter 3: Chapter 4 Masterlist Join my taglist

Fic Summary: Right before a mandatory FEDRA lockdown, Joel saved a woman in an ally from FEDRA guards and is forced to house her for the entire lockdown. I.e theres only one bed

Chapter Summary: Joel get's you out.

Warnings: Mostly just feas of potential SA, nothing that actually happens or is anything to be afraid of, mostly in reference to women being nervous around strange men

Immersability: Reader has no age gap, is implied to be approximately Joel's age, possibly older than Tommy. Is not concerned about pregnancy.

A/N: For readers of The Wrong Way on ym alt account, theres a few not so subtle easter eggs LMFAOOOO

*************

Tommy proved a lot easier to talk to, at least compared to Joel’s initial reaction to you. Still, you didn’t feel as comfortable with Tommy as you did by the end of your time with Joel. He was nice, friendly. Tommy was given a vehicle which made the journey shorter… if you knew where you were going. You realize the insanity of traveling across the country with a man you didn’t know, but what options did you have? He was safer than Ross to be sure. You had weighed the options before you left.

Joel told you the plan, that his brother would get you out, take you with him where he was going and leave you somewhere safe. Tommy had promised Joel it was somewhere safe, but wouldn’t tell him where. That was the deal, Tommy wouldn’t be telling Joel anything. He was supposed to check in with the fireflies and they would tell him updates that he was safe, and you were safe, but that was it. Then, Tommy would come back to Boston without you, and Joel wasn’t supposed to talk to Tommy ever again. The secrecy made you nervous, but Joel trusted Tommy completely. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that Tommy would get you to safety and that Tommy wouldn’t hurt you.

The other option was Ross. Ross, and whoever Ross let at you. You couldn’t fight off a gang of men, no matter how strong you were, how physically capable. 10 men were 10 men. Even if Tommy wanted something in return for taking you, you wouldn’t be thrilled but laying there and taking it was a more desirable to the alternative of Ross. Still, for days Tommy didn’t give any indication that he had any dark plans. 

He didn’t even seem like you were of any interest to him. You never caught him sneaking a peak when you relieved yourself or bathed, he never hinted or asked any inappropriate questions. He seemed a lot like Joel in that sense. Honestly, under different circumstances, you would have initiated sex. He was attractive, he was charming, and a lot of fun to be around. Sex to you wasn’t a huge deal, especially at your age. That’s why you were so ready to sleep with Joel…

But right now, you still felt loyal to him . Joel saved you multiple times, but you genuinely connected to him. Sure, maybe he already slept with someone. You two had no pretense of being an actual couple, of any sort of loyalty. It was something to fill the time, and boy, did it fill you. You would need a little time before you went for someone else.

“Whatever you wanna know, you can just ask me.” You said Tommy one night a few days in as the two of you reclined the car seats. It was getting colder out, so you and Tommy scooted towards each other and shared a blanket. There wasn’t an air of sexual tension, even with your shoulders touching. It just felt brotherly. You had felt his eyes on you for a while as you tried to sleep. “I know you got questions.”

His voice was gravely next to you. “I think you got a few too.”

You sigh. “I’m not sure I want the answers.”

“Yeah. Me neither.”

Finally, you open your eyes and turn over to where he’s looking at you, eyes soft and brown. “C’mon. Question for question.”

“You start.”

“You’re the one staring at me with your puppy dog eyes all the fucking time. Go on, ask what I know you’re dying to.”

He rolled his eyes, sitting up and resting on his arm, but smiling gently. “Alrighty, I’ll bite. Who are you to Joel.”

A small shrug. “I’m not sure I’m anything, really. He saved me from Ross, as you know, and we got stuck in his apartment for a week.”

Tommy’s face grew more serious. “‘N he was good to yuh?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “Real good.” Teasing him, you lean in with a smile. “And we fucked, too.”

��UGH!” Tommy groans, cringing hard and making a disgusted face, shoving you away. “Sick. Awful.”

You laugh at his reaction, goading him on more. “It wasn’t awful, it was actually pretty damn great-”

“EW!” Tommy attempts to cover your mouth, laughing along now too.

You keep dodging his hand. “Got reeeeeal hot and heavy too-”

“BLEH!”

When you finally stop, you both are chuckling. You like Tommy, you’re glad he’s the one taking you if it couldn’t be Joel. As you two settle down, you both stare up at the ceiling. It was peaceful out here. South Dakota, along I-90. When you’d get to Rapid City, Tommy would radio the Fireflies to tell Joel you both were safe. If you were lucky, Joel might have given them a message to give you two, but you weren’t sure the fireflies would pass it along. You got the feeling Joel was not popular among them.

Tommy calls your name, and you look towards him again. “He make you do any of that?” It’s clear what Tommy’s asking, and you understand his concerns. 

“Oh god no.” You chuckle in response. “I brought it up. I had to tell him multiple times that i didn’t feel forced or noth’n. Like, multiple times. And then it just…”

“It's just what.”

You shrug again. “Turned into someth’n more. I dunno. But he was good to me. Don’t you worry ’bout that.”

He nods, taking it all in. “Alright, your turn.”

“Hm? Oh, right. Well… you told Joel… well, you made it sound like he did a lot of bad shit.”

Tommy sighs, sinking further in his seat. “Yeah, I did. Joel and I… we did a lot of bad shit back in the day. The things I saw him do…” He shakes his head. “I can’t even look at him now.”

“He see you do shit too?” You ask.

He huffs, but says yeah.

“He do worse than you?”

Tommy shifts in his seat. “I donno.”

You let him sit in his thoughts for a moment before speaking again. “I ain’t gonna tell you what you gotta do or who you gotta talk to. I don’t know your story. But I know we’ve all done fuck up things… and I know Joel loves you. Whatever happened, he ain’t surviving for himself. There's too much pain in his eyes for that. Joel… he survives for others. I ain’t tryna guilt trip you, Tommy… but I think we’re both alive because of him.”

Tommy didn’t say anything, simply staring ahead at the windshield until you fell asleep. You don’t think he slept much that night.

*

It had been years, your life at the QZ felt like a miserable nightmare. Life was good in Jackson.

You worked hard, but were rewarded with a bountiful life and good friends, Tommy remained one of them. When you and Tommy found the settlement of Jackson, it didn’t take long at all for the two of you to decide to abandon Tommy’s plans and loyalties with the Fireflies and settle here in Jackson. The fact he’d be caught spending every free second during your respite with the pretty and slightly scary leader may have influenced his decision. You, however, were thrilled to be somewhere with running water and electricity, especially with summer coming. You could not be happier with your choice.

Right now, however, you were grumpy.

Sick with the flu, you’d been stuck at home all day while the town had its movie night. Goddammit. You always miss the good shit. Lorenzo had told you to just go, but you didn’t want to infect anyone. A simple flu could kill much easier without modern medicine. 

Still, he was nice enough to bring you soup from the mess hall after.

“Can’t stay long. Zach wants me home early to get a good nights sleep ‘for once’.” Lorenzo rolled his eyes and did finger quotes, but with a smile. His husband loved and cared about him, as Lorenzo did Zach “I just thought I’d let you in on the hot gossip.” He said with a smile, pulling out two joints and handing one to you. 

You sniffle, sounding congested as hell as you rock in your rocking chair. “Did Jack get dumped again? I swear to god, it’s every week. Maura told me in high school he-”

“No, no, no! It’s even better!” He said with a grin, not hesitating before lighting up in your living room, a motion which you followed. “A stranger rolls into town, tall! Dark! Handsome!”

You can’t help roll your eyes. “You're married.”

“Hey, Zach called him handsome first, okay?” Lorenzo’s thick Boston accent came out even more when he was animated. “Anyway, he’s a father too. Road in with a teenager I dunno, 17? Or 10?”

“Those are wildly different ages.”

Lorenzo brushed you off. “Whatever, point is, single father. That's hot.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Are we sure that’s his daughter? Not some sicko we gotta kill?”

“Now, see, I ASKED THAT!” Lorenzo waves his hands around. “But Zach asked Jack who asked Maura who asked Maria-” Deep breath. “Who was suuuuuuper fucking cryptic about it. Seems Tommy knows him, and you know how Tommy is about his past.”

You did know, actually. You lean in with a smile, happy someone is filling you in on what you missed. “What’d she say?”

“Just that the girls his kid, and she’s taken care of and” More finger quotes “‘Tell Lorenzo to mind his damn business’”

That made both of you laugh. You and Lorenzo frequently caused problems despite your age. All in good, harmless fun, but the two of you were more like teenagers sometimes, and more often than not, you dragged a few friends into it.

“Are they staying in Jackson?”

“Doesn’t seem like it. Dunno why though, nice place for a kid here. But maybe her mom is somewhere out there. Either way, I’m gonna try and talk to him tomorrow, maybe-”

A knock on the door. Lorenzo frowned. “Damn honey, you got friends other than me?”

“Oh shut the fuck up.” You giggle, kicking him. “Answer the door for me, I’m sick and dying.”

Lorenzo kicked you back, but did as you asked. You couldn’t see who was there, but watched Lorenzo. “Oh. Uh. Hello?” 

“Renzo, whose there?” You call. Lorenzo turns around, mouthing dramatically. ‘Oh my gooooood’

He turns back. “Can I help you?” You don’t hear the reply, but Lorenzo keeps a hand on the door handle and on the frame. Goofy gossip he is, he is no idiot and takes your safety seriously. He’s not just going to let anyone inside. Lorenzo turns around to face you again. “Hey, you know a Joel?”

Joel. Blood rushes through you and you stand up, wobbly. The man from Tommy’s past is Joel. Who the hell is the kid? Him and Tess have a secret daughter or something? You hadn’t told Lorenzo, or anyone for that matter, of how you escaped the QZ out of respect for Tommy and his desire to leave that life behind him, so it’s no wonder Lorenzo looked so confused. “JOEL?!” 

A tall, insanely broad body pushed past Lorenzo, and you ran to him despite your illness. Joel calls your name, breathes it out like a sigh of relief, a breath he’s been holding since you left.

*

It had been a long day for Joel. Seeing Tommy again was incredible, Gods grace, and knowing he was not only alive but thriving healed something in him.

You were the cherry on top of the sundae. 

He held out no hope that you’d remained single. It would be selfish and stupid… but he couldn’t deny to himself that he was relieved when you explained the man who opened the door to your home was not only not a husband or boyfriend, but married himself and not a threat.

Joel sat on the couch and was thrilled when you immediately scooted right next to him. You spent hours catching up, he explained it all to you, everything with Ellie, how he got here. All the loss… In turn, you told him your travels with Tommy, the life you have here now… And how you’re single. Finally, Joel explained why he came here.

Originally, when Tommy said you were here, he wasn’t going to try and find you. It’d just hurt too much to say goodbye again when he’d already to leaving Tommy… but then he decided he wasn’t leaving, that Tommy would take Ellie… then the fight with Ellie. He needed you. Joel explained the fight.

“Joel…” You said, admonishing him gently and you stroked his hair. Joel was laid out on your lap.

“I know, I know… I just… It’s like that book.”

He can feel your stomach chuckle. “White Fang, I know the one.”

“Yeah. That one. I just… I felt like I had to hurt her, to get her to let go on me. Tommy would be better. He’s younger, stronger, kinder.”

“But he’s not you.” You wait until Joel looks up at you. “You’ve protected her this far. She trusts you. She don’t know Tommy at all and baby.” You card your fingers through his curls. “He’s a man she doesn’t know. That’s a scary thing, she don’t know what kind of man he is.”

Joel starts to sit up, defensive. “Tommy ain’t no-”

“Baby, relax, I know.” You settle him down, de-ruffle his feathers. “I know, Tommy’s the sweetest piece of pie. But she don’t know that. Most importantly, she trusts you . She loves you .” You lean down to kiss his forehead. “I’d love for you to stay here with me, I really would, and if you want, I’ll be waiting here for you. But I think you know what you need to do.”

*

He did. He had to give her a choice. Unsurprisingly and illogically, Ellie chose him. Joel swore he’d come back to you, that he’d make things right with Ellie and get her where she needed to be…

When he thought he was dying, it was Ellie, Tommy, Sarah, you who ran through his head.

And months later, after all the violence and carnage and almost losing Ellie twice, when he walked into town, after seeing and hugging Tommy and meeting his little niece, Catherine Sarah, it was you he went searching for. 

Unsurprisingly, he found you at the bar with Lorenzo again, and who he later found was Lorenzo’s husband, Zach. Throughout the years, Joel would get to know your friends, and consider them friends of his own. He’d marry you, Tommy standing as his best man and your close friend both, little Catherine as your flower girl. You’d get to know and love Ellie, provide the maternal figure she needed in her life and a mediation between the two when things got tense. He’d fuck you into the mattress that night and you’d ride him for what seemed like hour the next morning, spending a day in bed until both of you were too aching a raw to go again. That would all come latter.

Right now, as he approached you from behind and Lorenzo not to subtly kicked you, to make you turn around, only one thing mattered.

“Joel!”

“Hey baby, can I have this dance?”

**********************

sweetiiiieeesssss

Anyway yall theres your happy ending you wanted!!!!

Now were all wrapped up.

if you didnt see, I'm doing commissions bc im a lil tight on finances rn, so if you like my work, consider buying a piece! they start at $5!

@trinkets01 @ninebluehearts @luciannadraven33 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @buriednurbckyrd @hiroikegawa @whatthefishh @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @koshkaj-blog @daddysfavoritesexkitten @csara615 @notesonpretty @kirsteng42 @mundivagantsoul @harriedandharassed @sofiparellel @orcasoul @noisynightmarepoetry

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 30 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | season 2 | lesson 29 | lesson 31

normal and hard

slight og lesson 16 spoilers

baby you can't cook...it's that simple

i feel like mc has to have said something about his cooking to him before and he just forgot bc there's no way he doesn't know he's actually the worst "chef" to grace all three realms and the otherworld (is that what thirteen's realm is called ???)

YOU DON'T SCARE ME BITCH ! NEITHER OF YOU ! YOU NEVER HAVE

unless we count that one scene in og season 1 where luci grabbed mc outta nowhere and threatened them when they kept being nosy. but intimidation isn't fear imo 😤

...and when belphie literally killed them, but i wasn't scared. just caught off guard and powerless bc of a lack of sorcerer training but NOT scared

also them treating beel like a kid who can't make his own decisions is both funny and frustrating from a sibling stance bc yes, he's their baby brother, but he's also a grown ass demon who absolutely can make his own decisions

satan was born like 2 days ago so i ESPECIALLY don't wanna hear nothing from him /j

i bet mammon lost bc of some dumb shit too 😭 levi probably asked him "do you look up to lucifer" and he was like "WHAAAAT no i'm only around him all the time because i like annoying him...not because i adore him and wanna be like him when i grow up or anything...what are you talking about"

BYE he's obsessed 😭 childish too

like openly trying to kill luci and mc by acting like everyone likes solomon's cooking is abominable behavior

oh...oh no :(

I FEEL SO BAD like why couldn't we just say "it's not for me...raphael might like it though" i hate the devs actually

HE LOOKED SO SAD i'm gonna kay em ess

i hate this game...why were the only two options lies ?? why did we even HAVE options ??? like he literally could've just sprinted to his room to spare himself the embarrassment or mc could've said smth like "we promised to keep it a secret so he can't show you"

WHY WOULD THEY MAKE MY SON CRY

telling solomon the truth didn't even matter atp

...so telling solomon the truth was EVEN MORE pointless than i thought i hate it here

levi :(((((((

the emotional whiplash this game is giving me is NOT good for my health

brb gonna go cry my eyes out

(i didn't have enough picture space to talk about the hard lesson, but dia and luci getting payback on mephisto by making him eat solomon's cooking was PEAK comedy)

[coconox]

certified delulu post about nocti

a.n. this'll be a compilation of thoughts from my initial reactions to sands of wrath to his voicelines to literally everything about him. THIS WILL HEAVILY BE A NOCTI X SKK!READER KIND OF THING because i'm all in for a lil self insert to feed my delulu visions. also as a heads up i did read the story using google translate so if i quote anything it's basically what google translate told me but i edited it to make some grammatical sense. and yes there will be spoilers

a lot of context will be left out so if you don't wanna be confused by names check out this lore doc that gives a summary of er-5 or pgr lore in general, this post just talks about er-5 lol

EXHIBIT A: TRIGUN AU

have you seen trigun (ESPECIALLY trimax) cause if you have this makes so much more sense

noctis is vash and nigel is knives

both are brothers and have almost opposite ideologies

i did think of wolfwood and livio as another option but nigel does fit a bit closer to resembling knives

VASHWOOD (where nocti is vash and skk is ww (or the other way round, honestly either still works)

nocti: but you must promise me that you won’t die before i come back! no…. you’re not allowed to die even after i come back! i will definitely find a way to save you!

skk: of course, partner…..

this had me in TEARS I WAS NOT READY

nocti fist bumping you just made me think of this scene with vash and meryl

HE ALSO CALLS YOU PARTNER AS HE FIST BUMPS YOU the way i had this realization so late into writing all this

sands of wrath setting literally looks like a place you’d find in no man’s land

nocti’s voiceline telling you to smile more, similar to ww telling vash to smile more (and i mean their genuine smile, not the fake one they use in front of people)

EXHIBIT B: NOCTI AND SKK ARE MARRIED

they are married and own a bar together hear me out—

you two enter a town in which neither of you are welcome because you’re both from babylonia, the mayor decides to put you two in a hotel room till the harvest festival is over

you two are in separate beds, but neither of you can sleep, so you two do what any pair of roommates would do—

—have a 6 hr "light conversation" :D

first actual convo with nocti, you both take turns to ask questions about why they’re here, what’s going on, etc

nocti asks why you trust him so easily, you respond with “it’s intuition” which is a response nocti seemed to like

you also state how you hope he returns to cerberus and fall asleep. nocti in a way states he also wishes to go back to cerberus and sleeps as well

at some point nocti leaves the hotel room to find demont, who is the reason you two ended up working together in the first place, but there was an attack by hetero creatures and nocti swiftly got rid of them

after talking to the mayor, max, about wanting to be just a resident in town, he takes you to a bar, in which that’s where you find nocti

ya know he could’ve talked about ANYTHING and his drunk ass decided to talk about HOW HE PROTECTED YOU??? COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT

you find nocti and he offers his hand out to you to dance with him, you reluctantly agreed and you two end up break dancing together

this was him proposing to you i’m just sayin—

the night passes and you two begin living your lives as residents of new oakley

when he first calls you partner, it was originally solely because temporarily they’re no longer considered members of babylonia, and so to fit in with the whole wild west type style, nocti refers to you as “partner” and you agree to do the same to him

first time it’s used outside your interaction with him was when nocti has small talk with vann

vann: you’ll only obey orders from that commandant, right? these are the rules of the sky garden

nocti: i don’t listen to anyone’s orders, but if it’s a request from my partner, that’s a different matter

NOCTI WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT LIKE WE’RE ROMANTICALLY PARTNERS?????

this isn’t the first time he does something like that he’s very consistent about it

truly a devoted man

also “MY partner” ????? he also pretty much refers to you as his partner throughout the whole story i got whiplashed when we were back to being called skk in his affection story

after you and nocti find demont there’s a small good cop bad cop scene (which i found hilarious), but at the end demont couldn’t reveal much vital information due to dying from poison

nocti realizes this poison is something only nigel can control, and stormed out into the center of town in a fit of rage trying to find nigel

calming him down and telling him to retreat to not make a big scene was practically impossible, that is till you shout “trust me— partner!!” and nocti finally calms down and retreats

HELLO??? CALLING HIS NAME HE DIDN'T BAT AN EYE BUT BEING CALLED PARTNER MADE HIM ACTUALLY LISTEN??

i'm absolutely speechless

you two cook up a plan to find out what’s really going on +bonus hand holding at the end

your part was to just do your job as a bartender while nocti handles the investigating, and eventually nigel shows up

nigel asks what’s the difference between a human and a construct, you respond in a way a bartender would explain it, but nigel wants an answer from you as a commandant rather than a bartender

he ends up poisoning you and leaves, nocti arrives a little while later after discovering what the plan is for this town in the next few days

i remembered that before we split up i told him not to be reckless, but in the end i was the one that was careless and ended up in this miserable condition. i no longer had the strength to stand, so i could only slide down to the edge of the bar. at the beginning, i said big words that would make nocti return to cerberus in an honored manner… i didn’t expect to be the one to make him sad for his companions

skk: i'm sorry…. nocti….

nocti: HEY! don’t say such depressing things to me so quickly

nocti then enters a panicked state of not knowing what to do cause skk is poisoned and there's no known cure for it

nocti gritted his teeth. he didn't even know how to give first aid. he regretted not learning more about first aid from vera before

GOT ME SOBBING, EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED, SHATTERED INTO PIECES

you tell nocti to go help the mayor cause if the mayor dies the town will fall

nocti is in pure disbelief that at a time like this you're more worried about someone else and he refused to leave you here

after some reassuring nocti goes ahead and takes care of what's going on in town and immediately after checks if you’re still ok

he hears a painful scream in his communication device and he SPRINTS back to where you are and finds both vera and 21 there attempting to take care of you

21 comments on how nocti is a lot more powerful ITS BECAUSE HIS LOVER IS DYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AND HE WANTS TO SAVE THEM BUT DOESN'T KNOW HOW

there’s an encounter with the purifying force, wanting nocti dead since they believe he’s the cause of their aircraft crashing

you tell them that it isn’t his fault and after essentially a stare down between the purifying force and cerberus, the purifying force leaves you all alone since they trust you (thank the overlords for you working with them before and gaining a good work relationship)

you, cerberus, max, and vann think of a plan on what to do next now that you all know where nigel might be located

nocti will go and fight nigel alone since it’s the reason he even came here in the first place while the rest defend the town

you establish a m.i.n.d. connection with nocti, which in turn gives him the poison as well since you’re basically almost a walking corpse at this point

the fact that nocti, with NO hesitation, established a connection with you makes it LOUD AND CLEAR that he will stick with you no matter what even if it leads to his death

cue another hand holding scene, and nocti leaves

vera and 21 get very VERY concerned over your health, yet you’re still adamant about keeping the connection with nocti

21: they want to keep a deep m.i.n.d connection w nocti

vera: DO YOU WANT TO DIE?! if you're deeply connected, your consciousness will be completely bound to him…. if he dies, you also die

skk: he… needs….. me…..

this is LITERALLY a moment where one cares more about their partner THAN THEIR OWN WELL-BEING ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

transitioning over to nocti’s side, he finally confronts nigel

nigel mentions that in order to cure the commandant he needs to be killed, but just HEARING that name come out of his mouth made nocti more full of rage than he’s ever had

this part alone SCREAMED nocti being like "you do NOT have the right to say my partner's name after what you did to them, i am no longer doing this for myself, i'm doing this FOR THEM"

so anyways nocti gets his ass beat 💀💀, nigel lecturing him that he’s still confused and is only driven by anger

the cutscene if you wanna watch it

"commandant… you must be disappointed with me…. damn it… are you mad at me? haha.. me too…. leave everything to me from now on. let’s make that bastard taste our true wrath, partner..."

“i can’t die here yet…. my partner is still waiting for me to come back.”

similar to 21's comment earlier, nigel notices how nocti's steps aren't noisy and chaotic anymore, but steady, firm, and powerful now BECAUSE HIS PARTNER IS ROOTING FOR HIM TO WIN AND HE NEEDED THAT BOOST OF ENCOURAGEMENT... THAT'S WHY YOU WERE SO ADAMANT WITH KEEPING A M.I.N.D. CONNECTION WITH NOCTI

this whole fight scene had me SCREAMING

“my partner and i will use all our strength… to beat you to pieces”

if you still haven’t gotten it DO YOU SEE IT NOW??? HIS MAN IS FULLY DRIVEN TO HIS FULL POTENTIAL BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO.. NO... NEEDS TO COME BACK TO YOU

nocti wins and nigel essentially retreats but with a new found respect for his brother

but before he retreats he asks nocti the same question he asked you: what’s the difference between humans and constructs

he gives his own answer and guesses yours (since he was rather confident enough with knowing a lot on how you think) and it boils down to them having the same answer but different font

the place nocti and nigel were fighting in collapses, forcing nocti to leave and never see nigel again

you and nocti are back in the hotel room recovering, and a few locals come in to beg nocti to stay and not go back to babylonia

“but i made a promise with my partner, i want to return to cerberus in a dignified manner…”

after more silly banter everyone leaves you and nocti alone to rest, but neither of you can sleep

nocti brings up the question nigel asked him, and you gave him your actual answer, which is pretty close to what he guessed

nocti: haha… just as i thought, i know you better

skk: but maybe i know you better. for example, what you look like when you’re drunk

nocti: WHAT?! DID I DO ANYTHING WEIRD WHEN I WAS DRUNK???

skk: forget it, stop talking, i’m sleepy

nocti: HEY!! TELL ME NOW!!!!

he’s a literal blushing mess after you told him you saw him drunk

your honor this is literally a newly wed couple

gotta of course mention his affection story so read here for a summary of that as well

the way he ONLY uses the best quality and probably most expensive ingredients to make your food

nocti giving a damn about this whole pancake thing only because YOU care

LIKE HE'S PUTTING HIS PREFERENCES ASIDE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY

MORE HAND HOLDINGGG this time in the form of you helping him mold the pancake shape +bonus nocti blushing

both literally wanting to do the whole working at a bar thing together again in the future that is like PEAK ENDGAME for their marriage

+bonus boss being supportive and naming the new drink and dish that was made after you and nocti

the whole affection story just very clearly and vividly plays out nocti and skk working together flawlessly at the bar like their chemistry was SO GOOD !!!!

very sorry for any grammar errors i'm very hyperfixated on him rn and i needed to scream about it somewhere

anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk i will now think of nocti in a wedding dress /hj

[ahyesmygoodomenssideblog]

Why Crowley leaves.

Crowley walks out of multiple fights and the reason why matters.

In the bandstand scene, Crowley and Aziraphale are unable to reach agreement about what they're going to do once they find the Antichrist. Aziraphale by that point knows exactly where the Antichrist is, but he chooses to hide it from Crowley. The crux of their disagreement is not about whether to kill the Antichrist - Azriaphale is on board with that much - but he thinks he's too good to be the one getting his hands dirty:

A: And then what? We eliminate him? C: Someone does. I'm not personally up for killing kids. A: You're the demon. I'm the nice one. I don't have to kill children. C: Uh-uh-uh- A: If you kill him, then the world gets a reprieve and Heaven does not have blood on its hands. C: Oh, no blood on your hands? That's a bit holier-than-thou, isn't it? A: I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point.

That is when Crowley first tries to leave. But Aziraphale asks him not to, so he doesn't.

C: This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you. A: Well, frankly, neither do I. C: Enough, I'm leaving. A: You can't leave, Crowley. There isn't anywhere to go. C: It's a big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can go off together.

Crowley tries to talk to Aziraphale. He tries to communicate. Aziraphale refuses to listen. He doubles down. He says terribly hurtful things to Crowley and he is the one to end things. That is when Crowley leaves for real:

A: Go off together? Listen to yourself. C: How long have we been friends? Six thousand years! A: Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common, I don't even like you! C: You do! A: Even if I did know where the Antichrist was, I wouldn't tell you, we're on opposite sides! C: We're on our side! A: There is no "our side", Crowley! Not anymore. It's over. C: Right. Well, then. Have a nice doomsday.

Crowley was 100% in the right. He stays as long as Aziraphale is willing to talk. Right up until "It's over."

This is a direct parallel to their fight over Gabriel in s2e1. Crowley imo is once again being far more reasonable about it than Aziraphale.

Angel, this is the supreme archangel of all Heaven, your former boss, who tried very hard to cast you into hellfire and destroy you. He is not our friend.

There are similarities where Aziraphale wants to keep trying to help others while Crowley prioritizes protecting himself and Aziraphale. It's more murky here than in the bandstand scene because at the bandstand, Azriaphale is withholding crucial information from Crowley. Crowley thinks they're out of options because it's the night before the apocalypse and he's left waiting for Shadwell to find the Antichrist. The setup with the Gabriel situation is more even about their different approaches.

But in the end it still comes down to the fact that what Crowley wants just doesn't matter.

A: Well, he doesn't have any friends, so he needs us. C: What I need is for him to be nowhere near me, and the precious, peaceful, fragile existence that I have carved out for myself here. A: I thought we carved it out for ourselves. C: So did I!

Aziraphale sees this as them working together, but it's not, and Crowley knows it. It's just Aziraphale's way or the highway. The way this fight ends, and the reason Crowley leaves this time is:

A: Very well. If you refuse to help me, then of course... you're at liberty to go. C: To go? Oh, right, this is how you wanna do it? A: No, I would love you to help me. I'm asking you to help me take care of him. But if you won't, you won't. C: Yeah, I won't. You're on your own with this one.

Once again, it isn't just Crowley unilaterally deciding to leave. Just like at the bandstand, Aziraphale is the one drawing the line in the sand. Crowley can either give Aziraphale exactly what Aziraphale wants, or there's no point in talking about it at all. What Crowley wants just is not a factor to Aziraphale.

And Crowley recognizes this pattern. They've done this before! "This is how you wanna do it?" Aziraphale comes off so sleazy here. I don't think he means to be manipulative, but he really is. He would ~love~ for Crowley to help him; he would love for Crowley to help him take care of Gabriel. But if Crowley doesn't give Aziraphale what he wants, then Crowley is the one choosing not to help. Right? If Crowley "refuses to help", he is "at liberty to go".

Crowley's concerns about their safety aren't worth discussing at all. Aziraphale won't budge. Crowley leaves.

(And Aziraphale is arguably straight-up taking advantage of the fact that Crowley likes to help him here. He knows how much Crowley wants to help him. "Rescuing me makes him so happy.")

Anyway, they then continue to play out the same pattern as before.

After the bandstand fight, Crowley kills time at the movies. Hastur and Ligur confronts him about losing the Antichrist. They are out of time. Crowley goes back to Aziraphale.

C: Angel! I'm sorry. I apologise. Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. Work with me, I'm apologising here. Yes? Good. Get in the car. A: What? No. C: The forces of Hell have figured out it was my fault. But we can run away together. Alpha Centauri. Lots of spare planets up there. Nobody would even notice us. A: Crowley, you're being ridiculous. Look, I-I-I'm quite sure if I can just– just reach the right people, then I can get all this sorted out. C: There aren't any right people. There's just God, moving in mysterious ways and not talking to any of us. A: Well, yes, and that is why I'm going to have a word with the Almighty, and then the Almighty will fix it.

Once again, Crowley's concerns about safety don't matter. He tells Aziraphale "The forces of Hell have figured out it was my fault" and Aziraphale does not address that at all. Aziraphale is too preoccupied with his deeply flawed perspective. Crowley can't convince him, so he leaves again:

C: That won't happen. You're so clever. How can somebody as clever as you be so stupid? A: I forgive you. C: Oh… I'm going home, Angel. I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving. And when I'm off in the stars, I won't even think about you.

Now with s2, I am extremely curious to know how often Aziraphale has tried to weaponize forgiveness against Crowley. Like, Crowley is completely in the right about this. And it is such a shitty thing to say, it reinforces the idea that Aziraphale thinks he's better than Crowley. Crowley is a demon and Aziraphale is an angel and that power differential matters. It affects their relationship.

Anyway, the Gabriel fight. Things change when Beelzebub talks to Crowley. One difference is that Crowley is in a better position this time. Beelzebub makes him an offer: "You find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires. You could be a Duke of Hell." And Crowley doesn't even consider it, which is correct and the best approach because Hell and Heaven both suck. It is also extremely sad fresh off the heels of Crowley trying to protect the fragile existence he carved out for himself because he can't even seem to convince himself that him and Aziraphale are on their side at this point. Crowley is just going it alone.

That's beside the point. The point is, once again, the stakes raise. "Anyone found involved in Gabriel's disappearance will be erased from the Book of Life. They won't just be gone, they will never have existed." Crowley, naturally immediately rushes back to Aziraphale.

This difference in framing is notable, that this isn't Hell coming out after Crowley again. More of the danger is on Aziraphale this time. Crowley could, in theory, stay out of it and let Aziraphale deal with the consequences of his actions. But instead, Crowley does the same thing as last time. He apologizes when he doesn't mean it, now complete with dance. Aziraphale doesn't concede an inch. There's another difference here in that Crowley doesn't try to explain his perspective this time. He doesn't tell Aziraphale about the Book of Life and I don't blame him. He has zero reason to believe that it would sway Aziraphale.

Crowley adapts to Aziraphale's plan and tries to come up with the best way to protect Gabriel since they can't just get rid of him. Once again, Aziraphale won. They're doing it Aziraphale's way. We all saw last time how that went up in literal flames and the trauma this approach caused Crowley specifically.

S2 digs in on this problem with their relationship. After this, that Aziraphale commandeers the Bentley, again overriding Crowley's wishes. They aren't tackling the problem together. At some point, to whatever extent, it's just Aziraphale using Crowley. He takes Crowley for granted.

And Crowley enables this dynamic. He can't stay away. Aziraphale is his only friend and the loneliness seems to bother him more than it bothers Aziraphale. So Aziraphale takes advantage and is never forced to reflect on how he treats Crowley because it never really affects him in the end. Aziraphale gets what he wants and Crowley is the one to suffer for it.

At the end of the season, this same fight plays out only worse. Crowley is told to ~just communicate better~. This approach makes sense to an extent with the framing that they had to hide their relationship for millennia, so it's only relatively recently that they really could have communicated openly. But it also stings when the things Crowley is trying to communicate here are fundamentally the same things that he said before at the bandstand.

And the framing of this one really drives home the fact that Aziraphale is in the wrong. It starts with Aziraphale dismissing Crowley right off the bat:

C: It's probably best if I start off doing all the talking, you do all the listening, 'cause if I don't start talking now, I won't ever start talking, right? Yes, so... A: What's that lovely human expression? Oh, yes! Hold that thought. You see, I… I have some incredibly good news to give you. C: Really?

The look on Crowley's face when he says "Really?" gives me life, he is legit so fed up. Anyway, Aziraphale explains Metatron's offer. The Metatron is blatantly lying to him, but Aziraphale has a consistent and disturbing lack of self awareness: "You're a leader, you're honest, you don't just tell people what they want to hear." Bet. But he eats it up.

Then this happens:

A: You could come back to Heaven and... and everything, like the old times. Only, even nicer. C: Right. And you told him just where he could stick it, then? A: Not at all. C: Oh, we're better than that, you're better than that, Angel!

This time, Aziraphale is in favor of "our side". Why wouldn't he be? He got Heaven's seal of approval for it - under the condition that Crowley joins him. And Aziraphale doesn't even think about it. It isn't just that he's brainwashed and convinced that this is for the best. It's that it doesn't even seem to occur to him that Crowley wouldn't be happy. They've been arguing about their different perspectives for millennia. Aziraphale should at least be aware that Crowley wouldn't want this. Crowley has made his feelings about it all very clear, but for whatever reason, Aziraphale assumes that Crowley is going to see this as a good thing.

They rehash the bandstand fight:

C: You don't need them. I certainly don't need them! Look, they asked me back to Hell, I said no. I'm not gonna be joining their team. Neither should you. A: But... Well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys. But Heaven… Well, it's the side of truth, of light, of good.

(Once again, Heaven is superior. Heaven never has blood on its hands.)

C: When Heaven ends life here on Earth, it'll be just as dead as if Hell ended it. Tell me you said no. A: [silence] C: Tell me you said no. A: If I'm in charge… I can make a difference.

They are beat-for-beat rehashing the bandstand fight. This is something s2 makes clear about Aziraphale with the flashbacks: Aziraphale backslides. He learns better, then he backtracks. He sees a bit of gray in his black-and-white world, but he can't hold onto it. He polarizes problems and deludes himself into living in this rose-colored fantasy world. Whatever Aziraphale learned during the apocalypse about their side, him and Crowley being fundamentally the same, Heaven being just as bad as Hell - none of it sticks. So they have to go through it again.

It's at this point that Crowley makes his love confession. He doesn't seem to think it'll work, but he tries anyway. He tries to communicate. He says a lot of things, and they aren't all true. He's still trying to see this relationship as better than it is I think. This is some of what he says:

I didn't get a chance to say what I was going to say, I think I'd better say it now. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We're a team, a group. Group of the two of us. And we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't. I mean, the last few years, not really. We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell, they're toxic. We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say?

Crowley spills his heart. They don't have the apocalypse looming over them this time. He isn't being pushed to latch onto Aziraphale out of fear as the world ends. He knows what he wants and he says it.

Aziraphale's counteroffer is:

Come with me... to Heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference.

This time, Aziraphale is more on board. This time, they can be together, on their side - but on under Aziraphale's terms. Only under the delusion that Heaven is the "right" side. And even then, Crowley will never be Aziraphale's equal in this. He will always have to defer to Azriaphale's orders when it comes down to it.

At the bandstand, Aziraphale says: "You can't leave. There isn't anywhere to go." That's when Crowley first suggests running away to the stars, first proposes their side. This time, Crowley is the one who wants Aziraphale to stay.

C: You can't leave this bookshop. A: Oh, Crowley. Nothing lasts forever.

The way this next bit plays out is so important to me, so I'm adding cues and editorializing a bit:

C: No. No, I don't suppose it does. [puts on glasses] Good luck. [walks towards the door] A: Good luck? Crowley! Crowley, come back - [Crowley stops, turns to face him] - to Heaven! A: Work with me! We can be together! Angels... doing good! C: [says nothing. doesn't leave] A: [getting desperate] I... I need you! C: [doesn't react. doesn't believe him? still doesn't leave. hears him out] A: [switches tactics] I don't think you understand what I'm offering you! C: I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do. A: Well... then there's nothing more to say.

Crowley gives Aziraphale every single chance. Crowley is a flawed, fucked up individual with his own biases, but he does see reality a whole lot better than Aziraphale. Aziraphale deludes himself and Crowley is the one who suffers for it. And once again, it isn't just Crowley deciding to leave. It's Aziraphale telling him to go. From "There is no "our side", not anymore, it's over" to "Well then there's nothing more to say."

But it still doesn't end there. Crowley doesn't just leave. This is how it ends:

C: Listen. Do you hear that? A: I don't hear anything. C: That's the point. No nightingales. You idiot. We could have been... us. [kisses Aziraphale] A: I… I forgive you. C: Don't bother.

That's when Crowley finally leaves.

Before, he ended it with: "I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving. And when I'm off in the stars, I won't even think about you." He then did not leave for the stars. He stayed on Earth and confronted Hastur and Ligur with Holy Water and bought Aziraphale just a little bit more time to come around. Crowley never followed through on his own plans for what he thought was best. He always stayed, always waited for Aziraphale, at any cost.

At the end of s2, Aziraphale leaves Earth without Crowley.

The point of all of this that, yes, Crowley is always the one who walks out of their fights. But it isn't a problem of him being too stubborn about his beliefs, or not communicating his feelings well enough, or giving up too easily. The problem is that Aziraphale doesn't listen to him and doesn't respect him.

The last time they talk in season 2, they fight. Crowley leaves. I think and hope he'll stay away this time. Aziraphale can be the one to face the consequences of his actions this time.

[nehswritesstuffs]

So, um, it's time for Nehs to go off again on One Piece bc my gears are turning thanks to Lore Piece being solid as per usual. Spoilers for chapter 1097 are under the cut, as well as talk of some of the basis of Crocomom, a fanon theory I do not ascribe to but don't necessarily dismiss, so if you do dismiss it then don't read I guess.

Okay, um... so I've been kind of thinking that Bonney isn't really twenty-four years old for a while and something more like a middle schooler (10-14), but this chapter to me sort of soft-confirmed it, as well as set things up for this other crazy-ass fucking thing I didn't think was even possible.

'Cause the end of the chapter puts things fourteen years ago, right? No mention so far of a kid despite Ginny's enthusiasm to get into Kuma's pants. Oda would have mentioned a kid, especially if it was already ten years old. Kuma is too cute to have been a dad and NOT gotten a moment with his baby. (LORD ALMIGHTY why is Kuma so adorable in this edition of Lore Piece I just wanna smush his cheeks and tell him he's doing a fantastic job at caring for his flock and being a rebel.) This means that Bonney is one of a few things:

Kuma and Ginny's daughter they had after rescuing her, giving her a different family name to distance her from the Buccaneer race, ala Ace going by Portgas

Ginny's rescued relative we don't know exists yet

Kuma's adoptive daughter that he takes in bc she looks hauntingly like Ginny

Ginny's daughter from things happening while she was kidnapped

Ginny's clone in the Clone Trooper sense, taken and prematurely aged

Ginny's clone in the Boba Fett sense, taken w/o being aged

No matter how you shake it, unless Bonney is some until-now-unknown child waiting to be rescued, all of these options point to her actually being somewhere around tween/young teen in actuality but presenting like an adult in order to get taken seriously. The anti-eyebrow piercing would even play into that, being a potential way for a kid to prove they're so big and tough and able to run with the big kids take me with you Shanks I'm no anchor. So, we're getting to her true origins soon, also where Vegapunk comes into play, whether he is a cause or a secret-keeper or whatever.

Now, remember how I said something about Crocomom? As it turns out, I feel like if we get any confirmation for the trans!Crocodile fan theory, it's gonna be within the next two or three chapters. Why? I think Croc is potentially connected to whomever captured Ginny. Iva, being their fabulous self, is not above using their power to disorient opponents. While this could mean that Crocodile is a cis man but got temporarily femme'd and turned back after humiliation, it also leaves open the possibility for Iva putting Croc through permanent HRT for either punishment purposes (so unwitting ftm not changing you back candy you've been bad now go learn a lesson) or for negotiation purposes (already afab ftm but give us our Ginny back and I can make you grow a dick and lose your tit fat). While I don't think that Crocodile was necessarily designed to be transgender from the beginning, I also feel like Oda has to know about the Crocomom/trans!Croc fanon and he is specifically the kind of author who just shrugs and goes with shit fans make up. That's how he got almost all, if not every single, birthday for the cast, so why not this twist? Like, I wasn't sold on it the first time I encountered this theory, but like I said: I never discounted it because we never know what's going on in Oda's brain. He really gave us a good potential set up here, so it'd be weird if he didn't use it.

(I still think that Crocomom specifically is a long shot since Luffy's five at this point, so unless Dragon is going to potentially wage war on his ex/babymama and neither of them mention Luffy, it leaves even more parts of the puzzle that don't quite fit (and Croc wouldn't already be ftm bc that's a lost chance at a new character design, which we all know Oda is shit at resisting). There's a lot of them that already don't fit to me, but that's neither here nor there. I'm just concerned that even if we do have ftm!Crocodile thanks to Iva's Devil Fruit, that a lack of Crocomom would mean that One Piece has its own version of the Blaise Zabini Debacle in the works (apologies for bringing HP into it but it's true) and we as a fandom are better than that.)

OR I COULD BE WRONG ABOUT ALL OF THIS AND GINNY WAS CAPTURED BY MARINES, GIVING HER TO VEGAPUNK FOR EXPERIMENTS, WHICH WOULD LEAD INTO OTHER STUFF but yeah

None of this theorizing I think could have been possible, like, ten/fifteen years ago, because part of me feels like Oda has been putting his foot down a lot based on what it is we've been getting. Some stuff could have, yeah, been sort of meddled with by the editors/SJ at this point, but it feels like he's been able to get away with a lot more than he did before. Being such an important asset can do that.

...but yeah, if none of this happens (or is at least more firmly kickstarted) by chapter 1100, chances are that we're not getting it.

[punkscowardschampions]

JC pt.1

Janis: Has your brother talked to you too?

Casey: ‘Course

Janis: I don’t know what I’m meant to do with him

Casey: you ain’t meant to do owt, he weren’t meant to be your problem

Janis: It was stupid to think he wouldn’t end up my problem when your dad left for good

Janis: not saying I wish he’d gone with but Jesus

Casey: I dunno what you’re coming to us with it for, he’s after me going

Janis: I was after knowing how much of a rage he got in with you

Janis: Where does he think you’re going?

Casey: enough to where if our dad moved us further he’d be shooting up a school

Janis: Yeah, I didn’t think it were just me that was treated to the incel manifesto of it all

Janis: I’m worried about him, lack of a gun an’ all

Casey: he’s fucked, no massive surprise, lack of a club an’ all

Janis: Neither of you are like that

Janis: sure, no prizes but I’m serious, do I have to search his tech and hope he doesn’t push me down the stairs in the meantime

Casey: he’d say different except he can’t hack me and him being even a bit alike

Janis: Of course, you’re the bad guy, us both in this one

Janis: but when he doesn’t get his way then where is all this energy going

Casey: probably a list of his other targets somewhere when you crack on with your search

Janis: Don’t act like you think it’s a laugh

Casey: no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job to be and as the twat’s pointed out, mine’s minimum wage customer service bollocks

Janis: I know you can’t fix it, I weren’t asking, just

Casey: just what?

Casey: here’s the chats you save up to fill the awkward silences between you and your husband, have him fix it, he’s the one who reckons he can

Janis: Well he obviously can’t

Janis: I’m talking to you because it involves you, far as Bobby is concerned

Casey: far as our kid’s concerned my room’s his new gym and I can piss off and die, like

Janis: He talks like a sociopath

Janis: that’s not happening because he didn’t see anything and even if he did, he doesn’t get to make demands, what the fuck

Casey: under the same roof or not, it don’t involve me

Casey: and you don’t fancy me putting myself in the middle either, you know what’ll happen

Janis: That’s all you’ve got to say on it?

Casey: what else is there

Janis: Sure

Casey: I get it, you’re in over your head and it ain’t big enough this time to sort you a way out

Janis: I just thought you might have an opinion, give a shit

Casey: bit late in the day for all that, mate

Janis: Not like you could be homeless or anything, why would you bother

Casey: I wouldn’t for long, I don’t go ‘round burning every bridge like them pair

Janis: I’m thrilled you have options but that’s not really the point

Casey: you’ve not got a proper point

Janis: You’re being a brick wall, I get it, you had to be so he tired himself out smashing his head against it but can we not fucking talk

Casey: I don’t wanna talk about Bob

Casey: I’d have to say I can’t fucking help you

Janis: Yeah and you were right I don’t have a single clue but you were wrong because it is my problem still

Casey: *all of ours

Janis: Too right

Janis: don’t let me feel useless alone, you prick

Casey: alright, look

Casey: I’d be fuming to give right into the spoiled little gits demands but

Casey: if moving out causes you less problems, tell us to

Janis: He only thinks that’s a solution

Janis: what’s next, when that don’t do what he wants it to

Janis: it’s not fair

Casey: letting him think he’s won’ll stop you losing sleep over what a bloody nutter he is, chuck you breathing room before his next strop

Casey: feels a fair trade to me, my room for you to have that

Janis: I guess, maybe it might

Janis: and you’ll really be alright?

Casey: I’ve mates to crash with, a girlfriend now

Janis: Yeah

Janis: It doesn’t need to be long, he just doesn’t want us spending time together, he doesn’t really want you gone for you to be gone, you know

Casey: he does, but that don’t matter

Casey: as I told him, ‘til she’s out he’s stuck sharing this town, I’ll not be rushed for nobody, least of all a crying kid

Janis: Have you heard anything lately?

Casey: nah, you heard, no dickhead’s no use when it’s their job

Janis: Sorry, depressing ‘round here lately

Casey: lately, try the last [however old Bobby is in years]

Janis: I’m not taking credit nor blame for that though, tah

Casey: no need, you know where and when to take yours off

Janis: Have spent the last [however long, even if we’re exaggerating for how it felt lol] being told exactly what I’ve done wrong, yeah

Janis: even got my sister involved, prolong the telling off

Casey: Gracie? Good on the lad, that’s funny

Janis: That would’ve been

Janis: Mags, obviously, they’re in the same year

Casey: gutted for her, bet he’s a right laugh in class

Janis: Probably why he’s so angry, can’t have this go effectively in person, really

Janis: far as excuses go, alright but still, taking the piss now

Casey: even the foreign kids could make themselves understood by chucking a desk at Lucas, he’s got no excuses, why he’s actually so wound up

Casey: life ain’t half as shit as he wishes it were, not his

Janis: Teenage prerogative, being an unbearable dickhead

Casey: shame he’ll never grow out of it

Janis: He’s not got the best role models there

Casey: what he’s got’s you and Jim playing happy families, decent roof over his head and that lass who gives him a hand at school, never mind the lasses his own age who won’t care about talking

Casey: don’t know his luck

Janis: You know he’s not interested in that stuff

Janis: but yeah, providing I stay in line and don’t fuck the former up for him, he’ll not start setting fires or murdering puppies

Casey: no pressure

Janis: Thanks, like

Casey: sort of mate I am

Casey: I’ll stay at hers tonight and come in for my stuff [a day that is irrelevant but is giving he’s off work so he can do it when Bobby and Jimothy aren’t there]

Janis: Thought her parents didn’t like you

Casey: they’ll be asleep

Janis: Sure, ‘course you behave better at other people’s

Casey: nowt to do with the earplugs and sleeping tablets

Janis: Maybe an incel kid isn’t that bad after all 

Casey: too right, sod all’s worse than the middle classes

Janis: I’m so glad our meeting was brief

Casey: might as well have been an intro, how much she’s gone on and on about you

Janis: Posh girls are always obsessed with me

Casey: tends to be ugly girls which she’s not

Janis: Do you want me to be flattered?

Casey: what you’re used to, not gonna be

Janis: What?

Casey: jealousy of how fit you are, standard to you by now

Janis: Oh, yeah

Janis: it’s a hazard of the occupation but I happen to be a cunt anyway 

Casey: yeah, she’d have a job competing with that an’ all

Janis: It’s okay, both of those sound like compliments, she’ll not know

Casey: can make anything sound like a compliment if you try and we’ve both said we would

Janis: I don’t remember that

Janis: nowhere near enough blood to make anything binding

Casey: it’s alright, I do

Janis: I forgot that too, you’re boring now, my bad

Casey: oi, don’t chat shit

Janis: No, it’s handy, like you said

Janis: can prove him wrong, you’re a non-threat now

Casey: piss off, take back that I’m boring

Janis: Why? It’s what you want, makes it a good thing

Casey: why would I want to beat you to the scrapheap

Janis: I dunno, that’s your business

Casey: I’ve no business with none of that, tah

Janis: Whatever you say, mate

Casey: she’ll do for the minute, I’m not marrying her

Janis: ‘Cos that makes it real, just paperwork ain’t it

Casey: whatever you say, you who signed yourself away to the first dickhead bothered by the paperwork

Janis: He asked, I weren’t putting out ads for myself

Casey: I remember

Janis: Try not to, I get it

Casey: unforgettable day, can only try so hard

Janis: You don’t need to tell me

Janis: Thank God for the free bar

Casey: speaking of, I’ve drinks to pour

Janis: Very tactful, okay

Casey: in a bit

Casey: [the stuff collecting day he said] maybe

Janis: Do you want me to be there or not

Janis: because neither of them will be, as you’d worked out

Casey: you know how I am with goodbyes

Janis: But it’s not one

Casey: it’s as good as

Janis: Then I’ll be there, even though it’s not

Casey: I’ll not be catching you with a brew and a blanket no more, acting 90 if you’re a day, it’s an end to that

Casey: to all sorts

Janis: You who made said brew and threw the blanket at me 

Janis: nothing happened, how much more wholesome and boring could you get

Casey: can’t have you catch your death of cold, dunno when flu season is but your nan would the dangers

Janis: Our lung damage is on a par, she should be concerned meanwhile

Casey: you’ll not be tempted when I’m not there to tempt you 🚭

Janis: How heroic

Casey: what you’re after, some dickhead to play the hero before our kid goes villain

Janis: is it

Casey: nearly on your knees for my help, you

Janis: I know who you are, and what

Casey: don’t forget

Janis: don’t try to bullshit me

Casey: I’ve never been able to, no use trying

Janis: It’s one of my favourite things about you

Janis: wouldn’t want that to change for no reason

Casey: I need you to remember it weren’t all bad, it won’t be

Janis: I know what you need me to do

Janis: the same as Bob wants

Casey: there’s gotta be some hope left even for the likes of us

Janis: ‘course, no pressure

Casey: reminded me how young he is, the chat we had

Janis: Still a kid, even if a fucked up one, yeah

Casey: if someone had cared when I were, tried more

Janis: don’t

Casey: don’t need to be too late again

Janis: You know this is the party line I get from him as is

Janis: the kid is not a Hail Mary to fix what was done to you two

Casey: nah, he’s another fucked up kid

Casey: but now we’re the adults

Janis: it’s going to destroy him, if Bobby keeps down this path, we all can see that coming from a mile away

Janis: so not only do I need to save him, I need to save Jim from ever knowing

Casey: you can’t, he’s gotta know to get involved

Janis: He has been, these whole [however old Bobby is] and the kid is still walking around like a new and improved version of your dad

Janis: I’m supposed to throw that blame at his door because you know he’ll feel solely responsible even though it’s clearly DNA with the rest

Casey: the kid needs his head seen to, how would you sort that behind his back

Janis: I don’t know

Janis: I don’t know that he’d agree to that, what’s he do, take his fucking translator so she gets to know all his deepest darkest secrets

Janis: would you? I wouldn’t

Casey: might be they can do it in writing or whatever, I don’t know

Janis: I’ll chuck him a diary, that’s really lending itself to the school shooter 

Casey: fuck’s sake

Janis: is right

Janis: I’m not freaking out because I’m a big head who reckons she can solve everything, I know I can’t so don’t you join in giving me these easy fixes, please

Casey: I just want to give you something other than another massive headache

Janis: It isn’t you, it’s the state we find ourselves in

Janis: I’ll be grand

Casey: what, you’re allowed to bullshit me

Janis: Felt like I had to

Casey: I’m not them

Janis: Don’t be

Janis: not to play pass the parcel with this bullshit but I might lose it myself if you go to the dark side

Casey: I’m going nowhere

Casey: only [whatever dublin numbers his friends and gf live in because we can deffo say hers is different when her parents are trying to be posh and his friends could live everywhere he has many is the vibe of this era]

Janis: 🌍📍

Janis: Alright, world traveller 

Casey: and you’ll be there [the day we specified]

Janis: I’m really going nowhere

Janis: promise

Casey: then I’ll be alright

Janis: promise too, dickhead

Casey: I’ll do it in front of you

Janis: alright

Janis: I better let you get back to it ‘til then

Casey: getting sacked’d be as typical at the minute as it’s avoidable, like

Janis: Nah, you’re too good at your job

Janis: you should make the [sherry drink he made her that was somehow bomb], well impressive stuff

Casey: nobody here I feel the need to impress, but I’m buzzing you liked it

Casey: secret’s [and drop the full recipe] if you wanna make it

Janis: I might try

Janis: felt like drowning in a good way

Casey: long as you won’t

Janis: Was ambushed by that pair before I could even leave the tub, no chance

Casey: you’d go before I could even save you, chances are

Casey: slow night’s still a paid shift and you reckon I’m alright at this job

Janis: I know how to hold my breath

Janis: and you’re not my hero, I heard, don’t worry

Casey: how long for

Janis: [tell him because of course you have a personal best]

Casey: they teach you at lifeguard training or what

Janis: Ha, you do have to be able to swim a certain amount without coming up for air, yeah but I’ve trained myself to do it longer than that

Casey: [tell her the amount of swimming and time you know it to be because she was doing that job in peak crush era so ofc he knows cos he’d have wanted to do it to had he been older]

Janis: Well remembered

Janis: you could do it easy, I’ll teach you, probs not in the bath though

Casey: steady on, fucked as we are, we ain’t so cursed I should worry about getting myself prepped for a great flood

Janis: You don’t need to be embarrassed by how easily I can lap you

Casey: never been when we run, same difference

Casey: and I already said how fit you are, works that way too

Janis: Technically you said your girlfriend thinks I’m fit

Casey: more of the same difference, she’s my missus, obviously she can’t have her own opinion

Janis: Hmm, you’re a less convincing sexist than your brother these days

Janis: still take it

Casey: I’d say your influence, but since you’ve not convinced him

Janis: I’m that shit a woman I’ve ruined it for all the rest?

Janis: whoops

Casey: do ruin loads for the rest, you, yeah

Casey: ‘course they’re lying it’s cos you’re shit

Janis: long as you’re still my mate, can’t pretend I care about having a girl gang

Casey: you’re the only mate I really want an’ all

Janis: can say you’ve ruined that for anyone else too

Casey: *you’ve

Janis: I’ll take that blame

Casey: I’ll miss you [+ whatever the most ridiculous pet name is from the ones they were throwing around when they were in the previous convo]

Janis: 😁😁😁

Janis: I’ll miss you so much more [and throw your own wild pet name out too]

Casey: I’ll take that challenge, aced your last

Janis: There’s still some in the fridge

Casey: will it keep alright ‘til [the day] or you gonna have to finish it in your bath

Janis: if I say no now, looks like I just want to keep it all for myself but

Janis: would be pushing it

Casey: have it, I told you

Janis: ‘cos you feel bad for how much more I’ll miss you

Casey: ‘cause you deserve to feel good and I want you to

Janis: I want it for you too, I’m only being a twat and teasing you because, you know

Casey: yeah

Janis: dunno if you do, doesn’t even make sense

Janis: but you being happy is what matters

Casey: nah, you

Janis: I’ll keep you happy and you keep me happy, how’s that?

Casey: how’s it to know I miss you loads more now

Janis: hard but like I can’t bear how much harder it’d be not knowing

Casey: harder for me

Janis: You’ve got so many distractions

Casey: everybody ordering can see how hard it is, I haven’t enough distractions

Janis: I owed you

Janis: you did it first at lunch, remember

Casey: you that forgets, I can’t

Janis: I haven’t

Janis: it’s everything else I wish I could

Casey: I’d let you with everything else, make you

Casey: you’re owed that

Janis: I know

Janis: but we’re trying

Casey: start [the day he’s picking his stuff up aka saying his goodbyes, love that we’re giving this is bants and like a diet she doesn’t need to go on cos that dessert she’s gotta eat, when it’s SO serious]

Janis: You couldn’t make me dread seeing you if you tried

Casey: I don’t want you to dread me

Janis: Too sentimental how much I look forward to seeing you

Casey: too easy to just say fuck it and come see you now

Janis: yeah

Janis: have to remember the whole list of reasons why you can’t

Casey: but I’m that ready to forget them all when I remember you’re waiting

Janis: I’ll still be waiting [on this day]

Janis: swear

Casey: you left work for us, I could do for you

Janis: Your girlfriend will be there, right

Casey: mates before the missus

Janis: good one, give you that

Casey: I’ll tell her and my boss I’ve got a headache

Janis: stealing my excuse, the cheek

Casey: cheek for the night to be this slow after the day I’ve had

Janis: seriously

Janis: could convince the kid to have another go, well easy

Casey: he already is I’m scum

Janis: It’s self-loathing, you know that

Janis: anything he can call you is how he feels about himself

Casey: owt he accuses me of I might as well do

Janis: That’s why you want to

Casey: you know why I want to’s fuck all to do with him

Janis: I can’t have this be some fuck you reaction, even if I feel the same way about the shit that was said

Casey: how I feel never has done nor will change, for him, her, not for nobody

Janis: It can’t, not for me

Casey: I wouldn’t ever treat you like that, he don’t believe you’re special to me but you are

Janis: If it was as easy as he thinks, to get it out of our systems or whatever

Janis: could have years ago

Casey: he don’t know what to think, he’s not felt it

Casey: and how he’s going, he won’t

Janis: reckon there’s a lot of people who never have

Janis: can’t do, seems like no one else is kept awake wondering

Casey: wouldn’t be special then

Janis: You are

Janis: you’re my every other thought, that you’d like something, or hate it too, how much better something would be if you were here

Casey: you’re my every, not just saying it to top you

Janis: feels like a win for me too so 

Janis: you can say it again

Casey: been years since I’ve thought of anything else

Casey: Bob asked if I was planning on taking her to meet dad and I had to laugh, ‘cause ‘course I’m not

Janis: couldn’t hate her as much as he does me

Janis: that’s what you meant, that I’d ruined loads of things

Casey: I don’t feel ruined by you, whatever I said

Janis: Maggie thinks it’s selfish, but I’m just trying to be honest because that’s what’s most important with us

Janis: you’d rather know how I really feel, wouldn’t you?

Casey: yeah

Casey: nothing fucks with my head worse than when you piss about ‘round something instead of just telling us straight out, there’s too much room for bollocks to creep in

Janis: You’re the only person who gets me 100%

Janis: when that don’t feel true, I hate it

Casey: same for me, I told you

Janis: let’s tell each other everything, no secrets, no bollocks

Casey: okay

Janis: okay

Casey: from [the day] or from here on

Janis: I don’t want to wait

Casey: it’s alright, I don’t fancy keeping you waiting

Janis: I want to be close to you, how we were

Janis: don’t even know when and where we drifted

Casey: You married him

Janis: Everything started going wrong then

Casey: no shit, was the wrong thing to do

Janis: I couldn’t just not

Casey: you could, it ain’t just a piece of paper

Janis: I thought it was to him but

Janis: now I don’t know

Casey: you reckoned on using it like a plaster to stick over him, another fucking patch up job, this time to last ‘til there’s kids who can take it on

Janis: I’m not going to do that

Janis: fucking hell, I’ve not avoided all the sins of my ma but I can do that much

Casey: he’ll never do more than survive, if that

Janis: But we’ve seen him do more, it’s possible

Janis: and I’m not saying I’m the answer but I didn’t imagine the whole thing

Casey: your first honeymoon don’t count, he was a teenager and he fancied you, there’s the answer

Janis: what did you say about hope before

Casey: still limits, he’s had every chance and chucked every

Janis: Maybe

Janis: don’t mean it comes naturally to me, to stop trying

Casey: I know it don’t, girl

Janis: I know you know how it feels

Casey: I’ve avoided the sins of neither my mum nor dad, no leg to stand on chatting about mistakes

Janis: This isn’t though

Janis: I’m not gonna be told it is just because there’s plenty in my history

Casey: my favourite thing about you, you won’t be told

Janis: your favourite when you’re not trying to tell me something, yeah

Casey: always

Casey: you’ve got instincts you trust, I wish I had

Janis: use mine, I’ll keep you safe

Casey: I do and you have, be in prison or bled out ages ago without

Janis: Might be my proudest achievement 

Casey: not 90 yet, you’ve loads of time to achieve something better

Janis: shut up and take the compliment 

Casey: yours to take along with all the credit, like

Janis: not all

Janis: if you weren’t you, it wouldn’t work, not looked after anyone else as well 

Casey: and I dunno how to be anybody else, what a pair

Janis: I like you, fuck being some other twat

Casey: I love you, I won’t stop for no other twat

Janis: You’re not drunk, are you

Janis: because you sometimes say it when you are and I have to act like I didn’t hear it to play fair and not get hurt

Casey: be lying if I said I haven’t had drinks bought but

Casey: I’m mostly serving ‘em

Janis: alright

Janis: a good indicator because you’d be to gone to the state you usually are 

Casey: go on, how many sherrys have you had, nan

Janis: She’ll never let you call her that without knocking some teeth out of your head, get over it, boy

Janis: He can add driven to drink to his list of complaints, half this bottle is gone but it’s only sherry

Casey: how would I get over foreplay like that, tell her I’ll let her have all my teeth, won’t need ‘em for her turn, will I

Janis: It’s like all that wine hit at once, tah 🤮

Casey: 😏

Janis: No more offering to make you smirk on the other side of your face, you’re too distracted to care

Casey: what else you offering, [the dessert]’ll be long gone too, you’d need to soak up that sherry somehow 

Janis: a fat lush, you’re so charming, are you bringing this energy for your other customers or just me?

Casey: you’ve not been a customer of mine yet

Janis: The invite still stand or

Casey: or what, am I over you

Janis: or you don’t need to make me madly jealous now, you already know

Casey: I weren’t inviting you for that

Janis: what for then?

Casey: I just want your opinion of the place, what you like, what you don’t

Casey: for you to be with us somewhere I am that ain’t his house and to be able to make you feel something

Janis: Name another day

Casey: tomorrow

Janis: I’ll be there

Casey: don’t say that unless you’re coming

Janis: I came back when you asked, you’ve asked me to, I’m going to

Casey: you wasn’t half a bottle of wine deep pre pulling your sickie

Janis: You can ask again when I’m sober in the morning

Janis: though you know I’m not drunk and I’m not fucking about

Casey: alright

Janis: Is the drunkest you’ve ever been the wedding

Janis: it was for me

Casey: I weren’t just drunk, highest I’ve ever been too

Janis: misnomer, always reckoned

Casey: mate, I’ve never read that word before in my life, tried to, I should say

Janis: oh, just a posh way of saying the name don’t match what it is

Janis: you weren’t high, not that time, like

Casey: alright, dickhead, lowest then

Casey: what you gone posh for

Janis: Might be a side effect of the sherry

Janis: posh nan

Casey: been in the cupboard dog years if we’re talking effects it’ll have

Janis: can it go bad if that’s what it’s already done

Casey: unopened it’s doing a 1-5 stretch, opened you might get a year from it

Janis: Can’t believe you’ve poisoned me

Casey: calm down, it don’t go mouldy, just tastes even more shit

Janis: yeah let’s chat about mould, that’ll help

Casey: come on, you can trust me

Casey: drink’s what I know

Janis: I trust you

Janis: and it didn’t taste even a bit shit when you made it for me

Casey: meant to be being honest, you’ve gotta say if it tasted a bit like vinegar or dust

Janis: I don’t clean the house with my tongue

Janis: and I like vinegar anyway

Janis: I wouldn’t have lied the first time, was a really fucking good drink

Casey: shame for the kinky couple at [whatever number we’re saying for neighbours lol] 

Casey: show us the bottle label a sec

Janis: you’d never see me again, chained up in their spare room 

Janis: you gonna judge my taste if it's out of date?

Casey: let me have a look and I’ll be able to judge all sorts

Janis: alright, nerd, impress me

Janis: [send him this label]

Casey: [do be a nerd and be able to be more specific about the shelf life of this sherry cos it really do vary, how it should taste if it’s off and if it’s not etc, all the things because he genuinely wants to put her at ease that she hasn’t been poisoned]

Janis: Bloody hell

Janis: you’re a fast learner, most bar staff I know can’t pull a decent pint 

Casey: I’ve been Ian and Debs’ bar staff since I were [however old] not that fast

Casey: but who cares about none of that, you’ll be okay

Janis: I don’t believe your parents were teaching you about varietals, you did that yourself

Janis: were you worried about me

Casey: wasn’t much else about to read, why I can’t

Casey: and it don’t matter, don’t have to be now

Janis: Can too

Janis: and it matters to me

Casey: do you feel sick or owt like that

Janis: God, I love you too

Casey: you can’t distract us from you not answering, but nice try

Janis: definitely could, if I really gave it my all

Janis: talking to you is the only time I don’t feel sick in the pit of my stomach

Casey: it’s like I’ve been punched or kicked there when we don’t talk

Janis: hollow

Janis: I feel you missing like a part of me, is that weird to say

Casey: only weird ‘cause I’ve thought and felt it too without saying

Janis: You’re like the version of me I can love, all the bits worth having

Casey: nah, there ain’t no part of you not worth having

Janis: you can think so, might be I need you to 

Casey: I’d take every bit of you

Casey: the version from when we first met, you now, at 90, all of ‘em

Janis: nobody has wanted me as much as you, not proper

Casey: nobody else gets you, proper, like you said

Janis: I only want it to be you, I let you in

Casey: I only want you, whoever else I let through the door to chuck their knickers barely over the threshold of

Janis: can’t blame her but I will

Janis: violent fantasies are the only way to cope with them all

Casey: I’ll wait, he don’t have enough violent fantasies to outlive me

Janis: I hate myself for making you wait [however long you’ve known each other exactly]

Casey: you’d be on the register, you didn’t make me wait [however long ago his 16th bday was from this, I could do the maths but no I couldn’t lol]

Janis: alright, alright

Janis: suddenly you’re someone who plays by the rules

Casey: when they protect you

Janis: I would never do anything to hurt you really either

Casey: you never asked for none of this, off us, them pair

Casey: and the hurt what’s already been put there’s the bollocks that’s fucking everything up, not you

Janis: I dunno who I’d be without you lot though, or if

Janis: I wouldn’t change it, can’t but still

Casey: I didn’t reckon I’d hang about for nobody else but my mum, still have and still will count the days for you both

Janis: I never meant to give you that parallel

Janis: but knowing what she means to you, I’m honoured that it exists

Casey: nobody means to go to prison but you’re locked up the same as her

Janis: wouldn’t be a fair comparison

Casey: nah, she loves it, what I’ve heard

Janis: No responsibilities, get your meals and a bed

Janis: maybe I see the appeal, a bit

Casey: only men in a uniform you could fantasise about if you’re hard up for material, booze made to order in the bog, any gear you fancy

Casey: time of her life

Janis: ACAB, Debbie

Janis: I couldn’t be away from you

Casey: all she’s after are bastards

Casey: I should’ve tried harder to be one, might be posted a visiting order then

Janis: Could be she didn’t want kids in a place like that and then all those years are gone and she dunno how to pick it up proper

Casey: I’d maybe buy it had she not taken us as a kid with her to places worse

Janis: Didn’t say her logic was solid, nah

Janis: I dunno, I want to make shit alright for you when I can’t again

Casey: when she’s done her time she can sit down free and we’ll have all of it out

Janis: Yeah

Casey: start to finish, however many [whatever Debbie’s drink of choice was] she needs to get deep

Janis: you’re owed that, all of yous

Casey: she’ll give at least me that, I know how to ask

Casey: and I’m her favourite for it

Janis: I know you are

Casey: yours as well

Janis: my ma’s? Dunno about that, mate

Janis: say that to everyone

Casey: could be but your nan’s more my type

Casey: say it to us

Janis: I’ll say it when you can hear it

Casey: [the day] when we’re alone again

Janis: There’s so much I almost said to you

Casey: I dunno when to stop

Janis: I didn’t want you to

Janis: you do when I tell you, I weren’t

Casey: you can say what you want to me, I’ll hear you

Janis: [send him a voice note saying ‘do you feel like you can hear my thoughts like I do yours? The same way we feel each other being there and being gone’]

Janis: put that to the test 

Casey: had to play that 3 times for my heart hammering in my ears when your voice started 

Casey: but yeah, [the initial pet name he used accidentally during the blanket playfight used completely deliberately and intentionally in this moment], listening to your head with mine I get itt first go

Janis: and that’s the only reason, yeah

Janis: still not used to hearing you say words like that, without being totally sarcastic

Casey: reason’s that it’s pumping blood to where it’s most needed

Casey: not putting you to the test with ‘em, not yet

Janis: show us how loud it is there, what shit music they’re playing

Janis: yeah you were, calling her up when I was trying to enjoy [all his faves lunch]

Casey: show you tomorrow and I won’t call her up then

Janis: will she not show anyway, knows where you work, like

Casey: she’ll do as she’s told

Janis: are you reckoning on causing a scene

Janis: because I’m too old for that shit, always have been

Casey: I’m no kid, never have been

Janis: just warning you, if you think you’ll be treated to a catfight, you won’t ‘cos I don’t stop at hair-pulling

Casey: can you hear my thoughts or can’t you

Janis: I’m trusting you

Janis: fucking around with me to this level isn’t who you are

Casey: your best mate, who I am

Janis: yeah, always

Casey: Music ain’t total shit, you know

Janis: be able to dance then

Casey: [send her a song you’ve clearly heard at work that you like because it reminds you of jc for some reason which she’ll be able to also pick up on, simply must]

Janis: sorry, I had to listen twice

Janis: it’s decent

Casey: sounds like something the sherry talking would say

Janis: piss off, you like it too

Casey: you’re alright, we don’t have to like everything the same

Janis: save the gaslighting for your girlfriend

Janis: you wouldn’t send it to me else

Casey: obvious what I sent it you for

Janis: I’m still shit with words, never changing

Casey: bollocks are you

Casey: you’re the only one who knows how to talk to me

Janis: you’re the only one who gets what I mean, what I don’t

Janis: I’m never worrying we’re not on the same page, as long as we’re talking 

Casey: we’ll keep on, I’m leaving the house not you

Janis: you can’t

Janis: I’m not sorry, can’t even say it here

Casey: you’ve done sod all to be sorry for

Janis: I need you like I want you

Casey: I needed you and you showed up, be wrong to be the sort of knobhead who don’t

Janis: I could tell you were serious, it don’t matter the why or where I should be, none of it matters in comparison 

Casey: like I can tell you are about Bob and that being why I should piss off to my mate’s for a bit, no other reason

Janis: it’s the best we can do for him right now

Janis: doesn’t mean I want it for any other reason either, that I won’t miss you, or think he’s right for reckoning this’ll sort things

Casey: you don’t have to ask us twice to do anything for you

Casey: I’d sleep at the bus stop on the end of our street if it meant doing what’s best for you

Janis: I know you would, that’s why I have to look after you, so you don’t

Janis: and you can come back in the day any time, he’s not gonna be there, really only breakfast and tea he sees any of us anyway

Casey: I’ll be hearing off Grace next, you pull more sickies to see us

Janis: She loves a self-care day when she’s got a lad on the go, can’t talk

Janis: but I’ll not, only if you ask

Casey: or when she’s been dumped by him, yeah

Janis: exactly, any excuse to do her own nails instead of somebody else’s

Casey: what you do’s proper work though

Janis: didn’t get chance to fully show ya

Casey: might give you another, without taking the piss every comedown

Janis: sleeping on sofas will have you needing it

Janis: when you come back, for good

Casey: be too old for floors and baths before long

Janis: payback for taking the piss out of me, that

Casey: don’t sound like me

Janis: now you don’t remember, is it

Casey: oi, not got dementia, that’s ages away

Janis: it’s alright, you made it up to me after

Casey: sherry did, more like

Casey: you’ve developed a right taste for it now

Janis: you started being nice before then

Janis: bath to prove it, for a start

Casey: must be freezing, make sure you chuck some more hot in

Janis: [send him a pic of one of the candles he lit being dead legit]

Casey: watch what else you send, bubbles I poured gotta be ages gone too

Janis: tah for the warning

Janis: nothing quite like a drunken thirst trap to let the people know you’re TOTALLY fine

Casey: been caught out by the reflection off the taps myself

Janis: … is that a challenge to stalk your entire feed to see if I can 

Janis: ‘cos at some point I will have to leave the tub

Casey: challenge to the house staying standing if you stay there

Janis: I thought you had come back

Janis: it wasn’t you though

Casey: ask me and I will

Janis: I wouldn’t know how to stop now

Janis: like you said

Casey: stop where you are

Janis: okay, I’m not moving

Casey: weren’t challenging you to stay proper still, but it’s your bath, I ran it for you

Casey: and I know you ain’t nowhere near ready to get out

Janis: so I felt better

Casey: was your turn

Janis: and you thought it was a bigger goodbye

Casey: you’ll only get more headaches if no dickhead’s looking after you

Janis: hate you for making me want that

Janis: so not who I am

Casey: nowt wrong with being taken care of, all of us need it

Janis: easier to not, if it ain’t coming

Casey: I’ll always come

Janis: You can’t promise that

Casey: I just did

Janis: You make me high

Janis: using the word properly

Casey: you’ve no comparison, you don’t get high like that

Janis: not as a habit but I have

Janis: my dad is famously a dealer

Casey: why you won’t, you don’t fancy taking nothing off him

Janis: such a know-it-all

Casey: about you and your habits

Casey: bet you’ve forgotten to wash behind your ears for a start, all that hair in the way

Janis: are you calling me dirty?

Casey: ask us really nicely and I might

Casey: go on, clean yourself up

Janis: 😏

Janis: fine, as you asked nicely yourself, I’ll be thorough 

Casey: you’ll feel better for it

Janis: I already do

Janis: you might have some good ideas sometimes

Casey: I’m overdue a break, say when your back wants doing

Janis: Casey

Casey: you’re right, touching yourself’s not cheating, should stick to that

Janis: we can stick to technicalities 

Janis: none of it is as simple as one label

Casey: none of it’s ever been or gonna be simple

Janis: It never was

Janis: doesn’t make it all wrong

Casey: do what feels right

Janis: not alone, not without you

Casey: I’ll do it with you

Janis: my head is full of you, that feels right

Casey: ‘cause we’re the same and it’s mutual

Janis: do you think about how many times it’s been mutual before

Casey: yeah, I try to work out when, keep count in my head

Janis: how it looks on your face feels like our own secret language, knowing is just for us and it makes everything better, every time

Casey: what you can do with just a look ain’t easy for me to keep secret

Janis: worst kept is the best though

Janis: it felt like everyone could see on my run earlier

Casey: neighbours will have heard me in the shower

Janis: you literally did it right here where I’m laid

Casey: feels right, that

Janis: the what-ifs are making me mental

Janis: what if I’d stayed at the table, what if I’d followed you upstairs

Casey: no ifs, you know what would happen

Janis: *should’ves works better

Casey: you should let the neighbours have a listen to you

Janis: fuck

Janis: heartbeats so loud in my ears now, must be hearing the two of ours together

Casey: just like that, yeah, tell ‘em how you feel

Casey: can still turn the song up if you want, get that beat as synched

Janis: your name is too easy to say, like it was waiting in my throat this entire time

Casey: maybe I put it there when I touched you

Janis: I believe that you could

Janis: how you touch me and the effect it can have

Casey: I dunno about that

Casey: but I want you to say my name

Janis: [send the voice note, which sounds so FINE so CASUAL lol not, obviously you’re trying to be quiet still with the restraint that takes being put into that and that alone here]

Casey: fuck

Janis: it feels so good to be allowed

Janis: you have to try it

Casey: [do because you’re 100% taking that break atm and using it to be feral so there’s no reason you can’t and won’t send her a voice note back, we all know there’s basically no restraint being applied to his volume or levels of indecency whether he’s in a toilet, cloakroom or wherever because no fucks remotely given]

Janis: I’m going to scream or drown

Janis: nothing else is appropriate for how that felt

Casey: something else is, you’re going to do what I did, there in the same place

Janis: I can see you, stood over me, pressing your head into the tiles

Casey: how I’m stood now, barely fucking standing, ‘cause it feels as good as you said it would

Janis: it feels like being honest for the first time, asking for what I want and being rewarded

Casey: be this honest with me all the time

Janis: we have to, this is right, it feels different

Casey: it’ll make the knot in your stomach go away

Janis: but that’s been there since [the wedding lbr]

Casey: you’ll forget what it feel like soon as you’re rid of it

Casey: and it’ll not be back, I’ll not let it

Casey: there’s your goodbye, to that

Janis: I’m forgetting what before was, that we weren’t talking like this, doing this

Janis: seems impossible already, stopping myself

Casey: you don’t need to stop, not ‘til you are screaming or reckon you might drown

Janis: You’ve got me

Casey: stay with me

Janis: You don’t have to ask

Casey: what should I ask for instead

Janis: me

Casey: I’ve got you too

Casey: right where I want

Janis: I’ve got what I want too

Janis: we’re not used to that being real

Casey: I ain’t gonna get used to this nor to you, long as I live

Casey: it’s never not been that real for me

Janis: I won’t hold you to it but you can’t yet

Janis: not when there’s so much still to happen outside of our heads

Casey: nah, do, I mean it

Casey: and I still would even if we’d already done everything in your head

Janis: oh, just my head

Janis: my mistake

Casey: I’ll not hold you to making happen what’s in mine, too massive of an ask

Janis: 1. I’m just as imaginative as you, maybe you can’t read mine if you really reckon otherwise 2. Fuck you let me

Casey: there’s fuck all I wouldn’t let you do

Janis: It’s mutual

Janis: don’t doubt that

Casey: what I’ve got my doubts in ain’t you or this, don’t need your mind reading skills on that one

Janis: the rest don’t need considering tonight

Janis: I’ll go back to worrying about everything and everyone else after, let me just think about you right now

Casey: don’t worry, I’m on about me, nobody else, be alright if we trust your instincts like you said and forget I said anything

Janis: No, tell me

Janis: I want to know what you’re thinking no matter what it is

Casey: I want too much, you can’t imagine

Casey: or probably just shouldn’t

Janis: You’re scared of scaring me away 

Casey: tomorrow when you’re shouting us drinks we can chat about what scares me

Janis: fair, alright

Janis: I do owe you one

Casey: and I can’t have you lay in the dark out of candles, you wanna see what you’re doing 

Janis: *you do

Casey: I saw you students might as well head off home ‘cause they’ve no chance of being served rest of this shift

Janis: You told us not to, I remember

Janis: their [giving WKD or something equally studenty]s are safe

Casey: warned you not to flash by accident

Janis: I’m only talking to you now the kids have pissed off

Casey: near their bedtime, like

Janis: tah for not including me to take the piss

Casey: already well past yours

Janis: there it is

Casey: walked straight into it

Janis: you can’t decide if I’m 👶 or 👩‍����

Casey: who says I’ve got to

Janis: me

Casey: why not both

Janis: you’re funny, acting like you think I’m some nun 

Casey: oi, let a lad have his fantasies

Janis: I’d not take that away from you, ‘course

[rhaenys-queenofkhyrulzz]

song that reminds me of mctna

This song gives different vibes throughout so i'm gonna try my best to explain. It's called "Without You" by Ursine Vulpine & Annaca- Extended Version. Personally, this slowed version just makes everything seem more cinematic and powerful. On to the explanation (fair warning, I got a bit carried away).

In the first verse and pre-chorus, it seems as if Seon-ho is the one speaking to Hwi in the first 4 episodes.

If it's gonna get violent tonight Tell me you gonna be alright, you gonna be It's an eye for an eye and I don't know if I want you to fight Want you to fight I'm losing my mind Don't leave me behind We need a bit more time

The first line is Seon-ho's thoughts prior to the military exam while the 2nd is when he's lying helpless on the floor and trying to reach Hwi as he's getting beaten up for calling out the examiner. The rest of the verse takes me to the burning shack confrontation. Seon-ho trying to stop Hwi from fighting further and villanising himself so that Hwi abandons him. That's all he can do. There wasn't enough time to make things better.

The chorus changes the feels a bit though.

'Cause I don't want the world to turn without you And I don't want the sun to burn without you Yeah, I don't want the world to turn without you And I don't want the sun to burn without you

The first line, Seon-ho is still thinking about Hwi but in the second (in my mind at least), he's talking to bang-won (the 'sun' is Hwi obviously). This gives way to some messy ot3 feels where there's a lot of self loathing on Seon-ho's part for wanting both of them but feeling deserving of neither.

The 2nd verse switches pov.

You don't have to be the brave one every time I know you wanna make it right, you wanna make It's a lie for a lie and I'm getting tired on the other side On the other side

I feel like either hwi (canon) or bang-won (in an est. relationship scenario) could say the first 2 lines to Seon-ho. Hwi says the 3rd and 4th lines though. This would take place during the 4 year period in canon when the Nams were using Hwi. Seon-ho keeps on lying to and hiding things from Hwi and Hwi has had enough. For Seon-ho's lies, he now returns with his own: deceiving the Nams and teaming up with bang-won.

Pre-chorus but Hwi's thoughts:

I'm losing my mind Don't leave me behind We need a bit more time Can you hear my cry, an old lullaby drifting through the sky?

The distance between them is driving Hwi insane. What happened to that kind-hearted noble person Seon-ho used to be? Now he's too far away for Hwi to even reach, gone in all the ways that matter. Can Seon-ho even hear Hwi calling out to him? The familiarity they once shared is nothing more than a memory now; an old childhood lullaby, a bedtime story of fantasy that can only be whispered at night. It is a frail thing that, under the harsh light of reality, it will shrivel and burn.

When I tell you this bridge brOKE ME.

So won't you hold me now? Hold me like I've never did anything to hurt you Don't let go Give me another minute to play here in your echo

Major time skip in explanation but bear with me. This can have multiple povs.

The first is seonhwi in the last episode. Imagine them sitting together in the Northern Punitive Force Village trying to reconcile and agreeing to smile more only to flash to Seon-ho in Hwi's arms on the palace grounds. Hwi is holding him and looking down at him with that same devotion and loyalty Seon-ho spent half his life craving again. In that moment, nothing else matters. Hwi is crying because 'don't leave me Seon-ho-ya, not when I've only just gotten you back again'. As Hwi's eyes lock with Hui-jae's, he knows that leaving- moving on- isn't an option for him anymore. He will remain close to Seon-ho in death the way he couldn't in life. Hwi smiles, taking his last minute to hold Seon-ho's limp body- the last echo of him on this earth. He remembers the way Seon-ho's eyes used to crinkle back when they'd run together in the forest, back when he'd stay over with Hwi and Yeon and they'd talk about everything and nothing, drunk on laughter and naivety. He looks now at the peacefully closed eyelids and closes his own.

The second pov is banghwi in the last 2 episodes. By killing Hwi's father, Bang-won doomed their relationship before it even began. And when Bang-won asks Hwi 'why aren't you asking me the reason why?' only to learn that Hwi has decided to disregard his actions all for Seon-ho's sake, he knows it to his core. Hwi will never be Bang-won's. But still, selfishly, he yearns. (<- first 2 lines) In the 3rd lines, Hwi pulls away from Bang-won for Seon-ho's sake and Bang-won can't stop it. In the last line, Bang-won is on the throne. "You did well." With the echo of Hwi's words ringing in his ears, he allows himself this last moment to mourn for Hwi, for losing him by his own hand.

I don't wanna live a life without you I will watch the world burn without you

The 2nd to last line can refer to any of the 3. Seon-ho pov- his life is worth nothing to himself anymore. If he can sacrifice it for Hwi's sake in the hopes that Hwi will live, he will do so in a heartbeat. Hwi pov- Seon-ho is gone and he can't go one without him anymore. Bang-won pov- never has he been one to put his wants before his ideals. He will carry on but will mourn Hwi in his heart, taking his memory with him to his grave.

The last line seems like a good choice in fic if either Hwi or Seon-ho survive and want revenge.

-----------------------------------

Well, that was my explanation. Hope it wasn't too much of me just going off on a tangent. I know it went into fic territory a couple times but hey, it was just more fun to explain like that.

[meowmeow0w]

My analysis of Spamton G. Spamton

i connect very deeply with characters, and i love looking into the depth, emotion and meaning into them. it means a lot to me when i analyze characters, because i can understand what it is that has me connecting to them. it’s comforting knowing that a character and their emotional complexity can be understood, because i relate to them.

Because of my autism i get very emotional and passionate about storytelling, and it’s usually characters that i get fixated on the most.

i keep hyper-fixating on Deltarune so i really really wanna write about it. i’m gonna be writing about one of the characters, Spamton G. Spamton.

in my analysis, i’ll be detailing his character through three talking points. His past, his present, and his impact. He has lots of depth and emotion to his character, and he embodies the themes of Deltarune. The themes in the story consist of free will and choice. Also, i’ll be talking about what he makes me feel too. i’m a Spamton fan. His biggest, fan actually.

The idea of choice is played with since the very beginning of the game, where you’re very literally shown that your choices don’t matter. in the beginning you create and name your own character, presumably to play as. Your creation is promptly discarded, and the narrator gives the opening line for the start of Deltarune’s story;

No one can choose who they are in this world. Your name is Kris.

You use the main character Kris, while they are stuck as an observer in their own body. Neither of you have any say in this.

Spamton is a relatable figure for kris as he is quite literally a puppet, just like them. He related himself to Kris, seeing someone who had no choice over their life and desired freedom. i’ll be detailing this more, but i think their friendship is vital for both of their characters.

So with Spamton, i feel very attached to him. He makes me feel a lotta stuff, and i love the complexity that invokes these emotions.

Spamton is an antagonist in the story, and he’s intrigued me in this way. The way he feels so realistic, with his motivations and his background.

He isn’t a corrupt official, trying to take over the world.

He doesn’t cause conflict and chaos for his own entertainment. He doesn’t want power over others, he doesn’t entirely fit archetypes of a recognizable antagonistic-type of character.

i’m not saying that he isn’t one, but his motivations stem from how he simply want’s to feel free. He’s definitely an antagonist, as he highlights and provides a deep obstacle within Kris.

His means of obtaining his goals themselves, are an obstacle on their own. Not only does he try to scam you, he’s also manipulative and aggressive. in his first appearance, you must fight him to proceed with the game. He appears again as a optional secret boss. He’s also just unhinged and unwavering to his goals, especially in that second boss fight.

In this second fight, He traps Kris and tells them that he wants to take their soul, to achieve a freedom he would share with them.

At the end of it, he’s unable to free himself, and Kris has to watch how he couldn’t break his strings.

Still, he lent them strength, and became of use to them.

So upon defeating the secret bosses, the enemy drops either a weapon, or a wearable armour

( unless you’re fighting spamton in Snowgrave, cuz then he just drops DEAD. LOL.)

For Spamton’s character, this act of gifting Kris his strength literally displays how he wants to help Kris and their friends in any way he can.

He does it so they’d have more of a chance of getting the ending he wanted to have for himself. He encourages them, and gives them a motivation fuelled by anguish.

So as he physically traps them and highlights how impossible their obstacles feel, he also gives them his strength and motivation for overcoming them.

Spamton being a fleeting antagonist in game, and having this impact is fascinating to me.

Just the notion of Spamton doing this for Kris, exemplifies his nature.

Spamton’s backstory.

His backstory details someone who is self centred, and holds a very unhealthy, poor image of himself. Spamton has something in him, and it makes him feel completely empty and powerless, especially when he doesn’t have his identity attached to the effort and outcome he puts into what he wants to do.

To me, his story makes me think about neurodiversity. He makes me think about how differences are seen by society, and the mistreatment people face for no other reason than their brains. People get punished for their existence, especially when they’re trying to survive.

From the very beginning he knew he wasn’t meant to live for himself, but he was solely meant to live doing what he’s expected and told.

Spamton is an addison, a type of darkner in the Cyberworld. An addison’s purpose, is to advertise and sell things to lightners. He really sucked at his job, to his dismay.

is there even a reason to why he was failing? No, there wasn’t.

Well there was, but it’s an awful reason. it’s just misfortune. Unfortunately, he’s unable to do the one thing he was made to do. This caused a sense of urgency and desperation in him, as he felt that it was more than just being bad at his job.

it’s his entire life. He felt as though he’s being bad at existing, having his purpose revolve around his career, and his own identity reliant on making these decisions for himself. That’s what he can control about himself.

Spamton’s resilient enough to keep trying through every obstacle he’s faced, but he’s getting desperate. It frustrated him how his attempts to progress did nothing. He couldn’t change the zero sense of self he had.

He started losing control over the one thing he had of his own: his patience.

i’d like to detail another pov in Spamton’s backstory; his friends/co-workers.

His fellow addisons thought he was unlucky, and bad for business. They felt bad for him because he was different. But what could they do about that?

it's his job. He’s just... Unlucky. Unlucky to be so mismatched to his life.

After work each night, they’d all drink together at their local grill. He’d talk of how he’d make it big in just a matter of time. His addison buddies hear this, and they’re all like, “Right...!! You got this, little guy…”

(spamton is significantly shorter than all of them. this is unrelated, but i headcannon him with dwarfism)

They REALLY pity him, if you can’t tell.

Suddenly, everything had changed for him. Like, really suddenly.

For so long, he’d run his mouth about how he’d soon be the top-rated salesman, he’d make the best deals when he’s a bigshot. Now he’s... Actually doing these things.

This success brought him tv commercials, luxury, and it got him a room inside Queen’s mansion. He was everything he said he’d be.

They didn’t know why, but they realized how much he was on his phone talking to someone….

Someone new, who they never got the name of.

His friend’s weren’t happy for him, or anything like that. They became super jealous, so they stopped being friends with him. They never liked him anyways.

it's important to note how the people around Spamton see him, because they make up the world he lives in. The world that wasn’t shaped for people like him. You know, people with inexplicable differences and challenges will have to suffer in a world that has no consideration for them. That’s unless there’s a shift in society.

Acting from his desperation, Spamton accepted help from a mysterious phone person?

That’s not very surprising. He wasn’t making progress in expressing what made him an individual, and he’d actually be pitied for who he is.

By now, he’s desperate to do anything to get him out of this dark pit that exaclty where he stood in society. He needed to make a choice to change his life.

Even the idea of a “quick fix” to take him out of there was something he’d be vulnerable to.

it’s very easy to obsess over yourself, and the aspects of your life that you want to change. it's easy to fold to your insecurities. That’s just what happens when someone is vulnerable.

He viewed it as his own freedom, doing everything he could for what he wanted in life. The only way he can truly feel satisfied and proud, was through making these choices for himself.

That’s exactly why he appeared to be so arrogant to his friends.

The suddenness of the success made him euphoric, all thanks to that new friend over the phone.

Spending all his time talking to them, while making BANK, he began to depend on them. Of course he would, they’re responsible for everything he’ had. None of it was actually his own hard work, skill, or talent.

He formed an unhealthy way of viewing friendships. This person helped him, while all others got jealous and left him. He felt that they saved him even though he was a pathetic nobody, desperate to feel any sense of control in life.

information about deltarune’s characters are either speculation, obvious, or stated blatantly. its obvious that he became dependant on this friend, because they’d abruptly end his career just as quickly as they made it begin. His sales dropped to zero, and he’d find that his life started crashing down before him.

He was pushed back into this pit he felt rescued from, just to realize that it had grown enough to devour him.

He was evicted from Queen's mansion, being unable to pay his rent.

Spamton would be begging to be left with anything to call his own.

The only thing he had left was himself, but even that was nothing at all. His fall from grace was noticed by his ex friends, colleges, and Cyberworld citizens with almost all of them showing no concern to his livelihood. They all told themselves that they should simply mind their own business.

it’s unfortunate. Yeah, he’d be living out of dumpsters and eating scrap food like an animal, but he was always unlucky. it’s not a surprise that nothing could change that for him.

When he was still residing in the mansion, he found a robotic body within it’s basement. When he wasn’t talking on the phone or at work, he’d sneak down there to pray to it. Once he was kicked out however, he started planning ways steal it for himself. it was symbolic with its own story being about hope, individuality, and freedom. it was created for a lightner who desired their own body, made from their own design.

He began breaking into the mansion in order to steal it. He’d get caught obviously, but wouldn’t be giving up. He’d find luck, as he eventually met the perfect person who could help him.

Present day Spamton G. Spamton

Now upon his in game introduction, you don’t get much as to who Spamton is, and you get hints to his goals and motivation.

if you already knew his backstory, you could see who he is and how his past quite explains his present self

(if you ignore the unknown force that drove him to his insanity. i’d love to elaborate on his phone friend, but i literally have no idea either.)

You could understand his actions, and why he’s so attached to Kris.

What a new player sees however, is a very shady dude who gives Kris an open invitation to visit him in his shop in the garbage dump. He instructs them to come alone.

So this shop of his provides a setting, where you’ll be seeing more to him than you would’ve initially thought. His store gives a really clear impression that when first playing, he‘s very unwell. i mean, nothing could’ve prepared me for how off put i was when i entered his shop in my playthrough.

Engaging in such a random strange mini-boss fight with him, you’d be interested and excited when he tells you to meet him in his shop site, right?

i know i was!!! Dear god!!! What is this? it's just so fitting, because it perfectly encapsulates his mental state. it seriously caught me off guard, because this just looks so personal for him. I didn’t know anything about his character.

The way he’s found through a pile of garbage, with the interior containing a bright blue sky painted on the walls, his weird little phone in the background, and Spamton himself sat directly in the middle the screen staring directly at you… Like, doesn’t it feel like you’re looking at what he made for himself? What he put together for his own eyes?

After accumulating everything that’s meaningful to him, he brings them all together.

With the blue sky he painted, i feel is what represents how he hopes for a better future for himself. When i look at our sky, i feel like it symbolizes freedom as it’s sublime, not having any restriction. it’s naturally beautiful, vast, and intense.

About the phone, its pretty on the nose with why that’s there for Spamton. He has a motif, being phones. That was the only way of communicating with you know, that person we don’t know. That bastard

(he has really heartbreaking dialogue about using the phone that i kinda wanna mention somewhere but you get what i mean, phones are so reoccurring for him!)

it's jarring how its set up, seeing this try to resemble anything of personal value to himself, in his shop where he can make his own deals and call his own shots.

He’s right there spouting nonsense, glitching out, randomly being lucid and aware of himself, with the track “dialtone” playing in time with that ringing phone behind him.

it sounds a bit odd but it's very intimate, like you know the person in front of you is deeply not alright, but you have no idea how you can support them.

Honestly he stood out to me so much, and i was drawn to his character just based on what he made me feel in this moment.

i didn’t anticipate the impact he had on me.

Spamton’s impact

i know for a fact others relate to him in the way i do, but i wanna talk about myself for a bit here.

i resonated with his experiences, and his place in the world and the way he responded to all of it.

i can relate to how much it means to him to be himself, for himself.

i’ve felt that i have little no autonomy over my life thus far, being that i’m also inexplicably different than my peers and the world around me. its not that i was expected to do one certain thing with my life, but i was expected to be the one thing i couldn’t be.

i relate to how he feels that he has such little identity, but is always trying to justify himself and his existence to others.

it pains me how he had no idea that his friends never liked him, and that alone altered how he felt about the people around him.

None of his relationships were genuine. instead of recognizing friendship as mutual respect and warmth, he felt that friendship was simply a transaction of sorts. He didn’t see that friendship meant you’d be liked and cared for because of who you are, he felt that it was about what could be exchanged.

He also didn’t like that he became dependant on the connections he felt he bad, because they provided him with things he didn’t have in their transaction.

i actually don’t wanna detail how i find this relatable, but you can understand why i do.

i find it so comforting how i relate to him, and how i wanna protect what i have in common with him.

it’s precious to have the desire for personal freedom, with an impact on the world and others.

With everything in me that holds empathy towards him, i feel a lot of emptiness and resentment but i can really feel for others and be motivated express myself because of that.

i put value onto what i want for myself, so that has me my time to listen and empathize with the people in my life simply because that’s just what i’d hope someone would do for me. i want to respect others as equals because thats all i’d like for myself.

Spamton makes me wanna live with hope and perseverance!!

its very inspiring relating to him, and seeing how badly he wants to fight for his future. He has a lot of empathy to people like him.

He’s never given up anything for himself, so he wouldn’t want me to do that either. He didn’t want that for Kris or their friends.

Now with Kris and Spamton’s friendship, they’ve both inspired and impacted each other. i love to think about their dynamic.

Spamton made Kris realize that they weren’t alone, they weren’t bad for being defiant to the force controlling them. He gave them strength, and his encouragement to keep pursuing their own personal goal no matter what.

Kris made spamton realize that he must give up, in the most hopeful way possible. He’s been so alone in his goal, having developed such little trust in others while he’s wanting to have someone see him, and connect with him as an equal. it meant a lot for Spamton, to see himself in Kris and root for them as he wants then to be different.

He was hoping that his ending would make all of his choices matter. He was devastated that he didn’t get his desired outcome, but he wasn’t thinking about his future anymore.

He felt that he’d be better off putting the rest of his effort into Kris’s fate, than his own.

This ties into his impact on deltarune, with his themes. He did that because he just knew that was an option he could make based on his own feelings and morals. He held so much faith in kris. He felt this choice mattered because believes they will be free, and he would be an avid supporter of theirs in that journey.

The choices the player can make purely self indulgent, and they have no impact on the story. The player picks whatever they feel, and the game allows this to entertain the idea that their decision matters.

it really doesn’t feel like this is what’s happening, but it is.

The player must go out of their way to pursue Spamton’s secret boss fight, to see his character arc play out.

You don’t really know this for the first time, so you have a curiosity about whether or not doing his fight matters, what’s up with his character, and what other content/details exist in deltarune.

Once completed though, you are meant to continue as though nothing happened.

So many players have the realization that he’s tried so hard to matter, and DIDN’T. not just for himself, but in general. Kris isn’t the only one who realizes how little control they have over the direction of their story, because the player shares the same realization that literally nothing matters.

You have to see that he accepts his fate, than you than resume playing as though nothing happened.

This obviously disturbing to realize, and it sticks with the players. i’ve seen so many people experience this and react in their own ways to his character.

conclusion

i’d like to further express that Spamton means so much to me, and i’m very autistic about his character. He makes me so passionate. Bro means so much to me.

i find him to be the best character for me to hyperfixate on. He’s so detailed, interesting, and mysterious. Also, he’s just like me and makes me emotional.

like, focusing on a storytelling aspect, he embodies the themes of deltarune. This is very literal with his character, i don’t know how to detail it.

He’s a puppet who wanted to live life for himself, but couldn’t be himself without strings. He held such little control over anything, and he had his circumstances shape who he became.

i’d really like to elaborate on certain parts of his character, but i just cant. Like, who is the person over the phone?

i love how complete his character feels, even though he holds so much mystery. He had had his own character arc, with such a mysterious ending for it?

He isn’t dead, but he had his ending.

to summarize his arc, he grew to accept that he can’t change his future, but he can at least impact someone else’s. to do so, he let himself relate to another and consider them as his equal. not a superior or a colleague, but akin of his. a valued friend which he’d wanna see light in, and give strength to. He can watch them grow, and have a future he wanted. He doesn’t need to fight for himself any longer.

He’s a very charming character! He quickly became a fan favourite in deltarune for many reasons. i just love the intensity and depth he has.

i really enjoyed writing about him! thank you for reading about my very autistic analysis of Spamton G. Spamton. lol.

“I’M A SALESMAN ,

I WAS NEVER IN IT FOR THE MONEY!!!

I WAS ONLY EVER IN IT FOR THE [Freedom.]

TO MAKE YOUR OWN [Deals]

TO CALL YOUR OWN [Shots]”

- Spamton G. Spamton.

(i just wanted to put this quote of his bc he’s so honest with this and i didnt know where to put it shhhh. thanks for reading again.)

[lightkrets312]

More under the cut but the poll's closed. But in summary-

-this is the kind of character y'all have been voting on.

Alright so we're gonna go over the options in the order of my choosing. Idk who all voted, but there's 45 votes here, so a bunch of people saw this.

First off, proud of all 45 of you for not choosing this one- ABSOLUTELY is not what I'm planning.

These two kinda go hand-in-hand for me- as fascinating as a cop-out option (wish / giving up) would be to explore, I don't plan on just leaving her to wallow in her own misery. And neither would her brother, so that's off the table.

("Whoa back up, she has a brother?" ye, Ace is another beloved blorbo and they're as close to a reporter as I can build a character :] )

This is the Aunn option - aka the option she would most likely pick, because as someone who knows their own deal, they see no downsides to this.

(can you tell what narrative trope I don't like btw?)

Hilariously enough, another hand-in-hand option potentially- though "someone else" could range anywhere from her god (Tempus) to her brother, so it depends on how much more trauma/wrath you wanna inflict on her.

(The second option's the Laurel option- or "in another place and time, perhaps another face would fuck around and find out through dealmaking". This is how we get warlocks, folks.)

This one honestly tickles me, because technically no matter what way you slice the situation, she will be getting worse one way or another. But y'all probably were thinking "let her become unhinged".

The ACTUAL answer I'm planning on is "you get back here and cope with your trauma, damn it!!"

(Which is the Ace option, my preferred option, and is gonna require an extra long recovery period if the deal is off. Because she has like. 30+ years of deaths to unpack as well as the backstory trauma.)

(Which would also make her worse until she processes everything, so... Lots of therapy.)

*holds up aunn in "DND Blorbo"*

so this is my ever-dying Paladin who made a fucked-up deal with her own god: every time she dies she gets back up again, but as a new face and without memories that aren't job-essential. this fucking Changeling Paladin has died 376 times (and counting) in three decades and is the reason why Cherrie (beloved) exists.

(if you don't know who she is just vote anyways, I wanna see what y'all think I'm doing. you can ask questions but get specific and do it in the replies please.)

[marvelatthetwilight]

Can you do a Bucky and reader please !!

Reader is a independent, snarky, lovable person

The team is always hanging out with her and always wanting to do things with her

Bucky being Bucky won’t say anything and will go to his room

One day reader follows and tells him you know they only do that to tease you they like to see you walk away like a little sad puppy

Bucky gets mad and walks to the living room where the team is and tells them she’s mine stop taking her from me “gives them a winter soldier death stare” and goes back to reader to hang out with her the rest of the night

I think it would be cute ! Having the team fight over her lol

A/N: First Bucky request! I made a couple of changes to the request, but I hope you like it! I do actually have a series I am planning for Bucky which will potentially be out in December but want to get my two Twilight ones finished first before I release it. So, until then…be kind to me Marvel fandom!

You lean into Bucky’s arm, rubbing your face against the fabric of his sweatshirt, taking in his warm musky scent as you flick through the options on Netflix. He chuckles as he looks down at you.

“What ya doing there kitten?” He whispers against your hair before pressing a kiss to your forehead and lifting his arm for you to snuggle closer.

You and Bucky had always been this way, whether it was cuddling on the couch, or calling each other cute pet names. You acted like a couple…and yet you weren’t. You knew it frustrated your friends, you knew that they were desperate for one of you to finally admit how you felt, but you couldn’t. Bucky was your person. The one person who you could rely on for everything and anything, the person who just made everything better. Your heart hurt to think that he didn’t feel the same way, and you couldn’t be persuaded by any of your friends to think differently. Natasha had made several attempts to push the two of you together, and you had both happily complied as you both enjoyed spending time together, yet neither of you were willing to take the leap and confess.

“You smell good.” You reply matter of factly, breathing him in again, nuzzling him with your nose. “What do you wanna watch?” Bucky smiles at you again before turning to pay better attention to the options on the TV, humming in thought.

“How about…”

Before Bucky can finish his thought the door to the social space flies opens, crashing against the wall, followed by a bickering Sam and Natasha.

“Why would I have done that?” Sam interrupts, throwing himself down on the couch next to you.

“Because that’s definitely a you thing to do.” Natasha replies as she grabs the blanket hanging on the back of your couch and gets comfy in the armchair.

“Y/N, who do you think picked all the chocolate out the cereal?” Sam turns to you and asks, pulling your hand away from Bucky’s to hold to his chest as he looked in your eyes, pleading with you to take his side.

“Er…that definitely seems like a Thor thing to do. He’s always talking about how chocolate should be used as currency.” You offer, glancing between Sam and Natasha, the latter sighing at you taking Sam’s side.

Sam turns to face you, pulling your arm towards to his face as he presses kisses to the back of your hand until you giggle and pull your hand away. Bucky sighs from your side in what you assume is impatience at wanting to watch something on TV.

“What did you decide Buck?” You try to pull your hand away from Sam to turn your attention back to Bucky, your hands desperate to hold his again.

“Dunno. Didn’t get a chance to look.”

“Oo let’s watch that new serial killer series, I love those!” Natasha gestures for you to throw her the remote control which you do, and within minutes you are all settling to watch the show she has chosen.

Bucky huffs from beside you, you pull your hand away from where Sam left it in his lap to hold Bucky’s hand that is resting on your shoulder. Turning to look at him you realise he’s pouting, again. You give his hand a quick squeeze to get his attention, and as he turns to look at you, you can’t help but laugh at the look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You whisper, reaching a hand out to gently stroke his cheek, attempting to wipe away his pout.

“Nothing.” He mutters, a frow deepening on his forehead when you both hear a scoff from the other side of the room which you choose to ignore.

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Just tired. I’m gonna head back to my room…night.” Before you are able to respond he unwraps his arm from around your shoulder, drops a kiss to your head and rushes out of the room.

You watch him as he leaves before turning to face Sam, your eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“What?” Sam asks innocently.

“Just enjoy the show Y/N.” Natasha calls out from her armchair.

“What are you two plotting?”

Sam and Natasha share a look. “Nothing.” They both say in unison.

You decide to not press any further, leaning your head on Sam as you try to get comfy again on the couch. Every now and again you find yourself glancing back at the door Bucky stormed out of earlier, quietly hoping he would miss you too and come back.

“Ready to tell him yet?” Sam whispers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, you don’t.” He smirks in reply.

The next night the team are gathered in the social space for what Sam had described as ‘Film School’. Once he had discovered that not only was he surrounded by 100-year-olds who had serious gaps in their film knowledge, but that you had also not seen what he deemed to be ‘must see’ films, he decided that Thursday nights were team film nights. Missions organised by Fury himself were the only excuses he accepted, and so you found yourself again snuggled into Bucky’s side for the second night in a row.

Across the room you can see Wanda and Natasha whispering, glancing over at the two of you before gesturing for Sam to join them. He shakes his head, pointing at the TV, calling for Steve to come over as he goes back to setting up the movie. Steve rolls his eyes before nodding, taking a deep breath before heading in your direction.

“Evening beautiful.”

You adjust your seating position so Steve can sit the other side of you, body still leaning against Bucky but sat upright. Bucky awkwardly moves arm away from you, staring straight ahead and ignoring his best friend.

“What are we predicting?” Steve gestures to where Sam is setting up the sound bar, shooing Tony away when he tries to offer help.

“I overheard him saying that this one was ‘cinematic genius’” You motion with your fingers and Steve laughs, his infectious chuckle drawing a smile to your face. You’re sure you hear Bucky scoff from your other side but as Steve leans down towards your ear and whispers to you, you’re suddenly distracted. “I give Tony two minutes before he just takes the remote out of Sam’s hand and takes over entirely.” You laugh in response. “You’re on. I have faith in Sam’s tech skills, he’ll get it sorted, just wait and see.”

“What are we betting?” You ask, after a moment of watching Sam frown between the remote in his hand and the television in front of him.

“You’ll let me take you to dinner.” Steve whispers, your face suddenly feeling hot knowing that Bucky can hear everything Steve is saying.

“As friends?”

“If you like.”

Steve doesn’t move, his face still inches from yours as you both continue watching the interaction between Sam and Tony. After picking up a third remote, pointing it in every direction towards the television and sound bar, with still having no luck, Sam accepts defeat, holding his collection of remotes towards Tony. Steve looks at you in triumph, holding his hand out to take yours. Rolling your eyes at his corniness you put your hand in his, letting him drop a kiss to the top of your hand.

“It’s a date.” He whispers, and winks causing you to laugh and pull away your hand.

You’re suddenly jostled from your seat into Steve’s lap as Bucky abruptly stands up, making excuses about feeling tired and he leaves the room. Steve helps you settle back in your seat before looking over at you sheepishly.

“You should probably follow him…” He starts.

“What’s going on Steve?”

“It wasn’t my idea, honest. I just owed Nat big time and she called in her favour…”

“Steve…”

“She’s just trying to get Bucky to just own up to how he feels about you. We all are if I’m honest…” He looks sheepish as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re both being incredibly frustrating about it though!”

You throw your hands to your sides in frustration, shooting daggers across the room as you look at Natasha, your ‘friend’ refusing to make eye contact as she feels your eyes on her.

“How many times do I have to say that Buck and I are just friends!?” Steve scoffs in response, causing you to questioningly raise your eyebrows.

“That boy is in love with you Y/N. Madly, deeply. I’ve known him all my life, know him better than the back of my hand and he is mad for you. He just needs a push to admit it to himself…and you.”

“And then you can admit it back.” Sam whispers as he appears behind the two of you at the back of the couch.

“Oh god, you’re not gonna give up are you?”

“Not until you two idiots are at it like rabbits.” Sam jokes, laughing at Steve as he groans at the mental image.

“I’ll just be happy if you kiss.” He complains.

“Fine.” You stand up from your seat, your friends all snapping their heads in your direction.

“Fine?” Steve asks.

“Yeah fine.” And with that, you walk out of the room towards Bucky’s bedroom.

“Buck?” You call out as you knock, smiling to yourself as you hear him desperately tidying on the other side of the door.

“Coming!” He calls.

“Hey Y/N.” He tries to look casual as he opens the door but he’s clearly out of breath, and in the corner of the room behind him there is a pile of laundry he’s obviously tried to hide.

“Are you coming back to the movie?”

“No…I’m…tired, so I’m just going to bed. Sorry didn’t want to interrupt you to say g’night.”

“You sure? We can have our own movie night here?”

“No, you get back to the others, enjoy your night.” He motions to close the door, but you stick out your foot to stop him.

“But I wanna spend time with you Buck.”

“You do? I thought you wanted to talk to Steve about your ‘date’.” He can’t help but roll his eyes thinking of Steve flirting with you, his face flushing with frustration as he kicks at the doorframe.

“It wasn’t a date, Buck.”

“Yeah, right.” He runs his hands through his hair in frustration, moving to sit at the end of his bed.

“It wasn’t. And even if Steve meant it as a date, I wouldn’t go.”

“You wouldn’t? But Steve’s Steve. He’s Captain America for god’s sake. Have you seen him?”

“Not my type. I like them a bit more…brooding.” You laugh at your lack of subtlety, but Bucky just nods in thought.

He turns to look at you as you take a seat next to him on the bed. “So why did Steve ask you if it wasn’t a date?”

“It was a joke, it’s all been a joke, Sam yesterday, Clint bringing me coffee in the morning, Thor calling me his ‘Asgardian Queen’…all of them, they’re doing it to antagonise you.”

“Antagonise me?”

“They’ve got it in their head that you have feelings for me, and I have feelings for you. They’re just trying to get you to breaking point so one of us will admit it. Crazy right?” You can feel your face heating up, as you laugh nervously, trying hard not to show any disappointment at Bucky’s lack of love declarations.

“Oh…” Bucky looks deep in thought, a deep frown forming between his eyebrows.

“…We could just both tell them to stop. You know the Winter Soldier death stare will put the fear of god in them and they’ll just shut up?” Bucky nods along to your plan, following you out of his room back to the social space.

Bucky stops to stand in the doorway, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention as he glares around the room at your friends.

“This is your official notice that you’re no longer allowed to: ask Y/N out on dates, flirt with Y/N, or take her away from me.” Bucky starts, a small smirk pulling at his lips, and you turn to look at him in shock, mouth open and heart thumping out of your chest.

“Yes, I love Y/N. I’m an idiot for not saying anything to her, BUT you are all also idiots for spending the last couple of weeks trying to antagonise me to breaking point.” Mouth still open you look around at your friends; Steve openly smiling and feeling proud of his best friend, Sam about to burst if he has to wait any longer to say ‘I told you so’ and Natasha’s face smug as she smiles widely at the two of you.

“You…love…me?” You stutter.

Bucky nods, walking towards you slowly. “I love you…and I don’t think my confidence is misplaced to say you love me too?”

You hesitate, but when Bucky is standing close enough for you to feel his breath on your face you nod back, whispering an “I love you” back to him, his face breaking out into a grin.

“You wanna me my girl?” He asks, his earlier confidence suddenly waning, his bright blue eyes searching yours for an indication of your answer. When you finally nod at him, still not feeling confident in finding your voice to reply to him properly he steps closer again, his hand brushing against yours.

He stops to reach a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek gently and stroking his thumb across the soft skin on your cheek. He leans in, then pauses, causing you to whine quietly in frustration. “Hold on kitten.” He whispers, grabbing your hand and leading you out of the room, shooting a final death glare back at the group. “Don’t need an audience for this bit.”

A chorus of groans and “unfair” are thrown towards you both as you leave, but you don’t care. He loves you. Bucky loves you and you love him too.

In the privacy of his room, he can’t wait any longer, the moment the door closes behind you he pulls you back towards him, desperately pressing his lips to yours.

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

I don't have a Bucky taglist yet, so if you would like to be added when I make one, please click here.

[mindofharry]

Be My Baby

In which Prince harry and Princess Y/N are set to marry and are more than happy about it. They celebrate in more ways than one.

AHHHH!!! ITS HERE!!! FINALLY! Prince harry is my guilty pleasure. pls treat him with the respect he deserves. these two are officially my favourite people ever.

fluff & FILTHY SMUT!!!!!! feedback is welcome as always! <3

“Princess Y/N is arriving soon, Harry” Anne, the queen of england said putting down her tea. Harry is the prince, next in line for the throne - Marriage is very important to the throne and for the throne. Anne has been very strict about that, preparing Harry for marriage. Princess Y/N of wales, is who Harry is meeting with today. Hopefully, to settle a deal. Harry has never cared for marriage or for a partner. He’s a lone wolf as his family would describe. But if he wants to be king, he needs to marry. And Y/N is looking like the only option at the moment.

Harry nodded putting the paper down and looking up at his mother. He pursed his lips leaning back in his seat.

“Is something the matter, dear?”

Harry shook his head “No, mother. Just tired” he lied, reassuring his mother. Anne didn’t press any further just got one of the servants to pour her more tea. She could read harry very well, she knew her son better than he knew himself. Y/N is perfect for him. Even if they do not marry, she will be a life long friend. But anne is sure they will marry within the year.

And Queen Anne is never wrong.

Y/N was late.

Harry was beginning to become bored, don’t get him wrong he loves his sister and mother. But he can only take so much. All he wanted to do was to be curled up with a book in the abandoned side of the castle - no one except for the young prince had been there. It was locked up for years before harry found the key, it was like a whole new world in there. It was dirty, messy, filthy - just how harry liked it. He decorated a room in there, and it’s like his safe place from all of this. All of these stupidly important responsibilities. His safe haven.

They were meant to be meeting, talking about their futures together. If his mother thought this was what was best for the country, then harry would push through. He hadn’t see Y/N in years, meeting when they were both much younger. No pressure, just the two kids playing in the fields. Y/N was beautiful, so care free. Harry wished he was like Y/N - the only think she seemed to care about were the moon, the sun and the stars. They never saw each other again after that, they have both obviously seen each other in papers and at events. But never talked. Y/N didn’t know why, neither did harry. They weren’t on the same chapter in life. But now, they’re both willing to do what is best for their country.

And maybe it wouldn’t be too bad marrying a soon to be king.

A servant comes into the dining room bowing at the styles family. Harry waits for him to speak - except a tall girl, bumps into him making the servant fall foward. Y/N (the tall girl) giggled, before clearing her throat and bowing at the styles family. Harry smirked and leaned back. Anne was standing a smile on her face as she saw her soon beaming for the first time in months.

“Your highness” Y/N said bowing, nearly falling down again. But she grinned covering it up. Her dress was long and tight - her mother made her wear it. She would much rather be in a nice flowy dress in the woods right now. Maybe reading about the sun. But her mother needed her to do this, so Y/N would.

Y/N’s father died a couple of months back, it was sudden and no one saw it coming. So her mother needed her to marry as Y/N is the oldest of four girls. They needed a man of the house and once Y/N married, harry would be that man. Y/N didn’t like that one bit. She could be the man of the house if she wanted to. She didn’t understand why they needed a man to pay for things, to do stuff for them. Women are just as capable. But there was no fighting with Y/N’s mother. And Y/N knew she was having a rough time without her husband and Y/N’s dad.

“Princess Y/N, it’s good to have you here” Anne said, as a servant helped her back into the seat. Y/N had the same treatment but she looked rather uncomfortable. She was seated infront of harry, which was glad of. It’s a nice view, she’ll admit. He had grown into his baby face, she thought. And that hair. Fuck, that hair.

“Thank you for inviting me, your highness” Y/N said smiling softly. “Your castle is amazing” She said and Anne nodded pointing around at the paintings. “I actually just got these new paintings in from a new artist in rome. Just beautiful, right harry?” Anne said, giving harry the look. His mother is giving him that look a lot recently, Anne just wants what is best for him and harry just doesn’t seem to care at all. It’s like he’s away from reality. In another universe half of the time. Anne was hoping Y/N would be able to bring him back down to earth, but from her entrance in here - Harry and Y/N are a lot more similar than she thought.

“Yeah, they’re beautiful” Harry said staring at the girl infront of him. Y/N blushed under his stare. She had never felt anything like this before for a man. Her stomach was in knots and her cheeks were getting hotter by the second.

The dinner was nice. It was quiet with Y/N trying to keep up the small talk - Anne was impressed with that. Everyone she had invited to the palace would only talk when spoken to, but Y/N had a certain way about her. She had manners of course, the kindest soul, but she talked. She could talk all day if she was allowed. She just never ran out of things to say. But the food was really good, so Y/N was quieter than usual. Harry had one question: did they feed her in the city? The way she was eating was like she had been starved for years.

“This is amazing” Y/N said putting her fork down. Anne grinned at the girl nodding to herself. She had found a keeper.

“Harry, why do you show Y/N around? She’s going to be staying here for the next couple of weeks” Anne announced and Y/N nearly choked on her water, she tapped her chest.

“I am?-“

“she is?”

Harry and Y/N both spoke at the same time, Anne tutted and ordered the servant to fill up her wine.

“Your mother and I have arranged it. Everything you have is here already, you’ll have your own quarters too. Your horse is being transported down here as we speak” Anne said making new room for arguing. “Y/N your mother said she would be happy for us to host you here if the dinner went accordingly. And i think it went more than accordingly” Anne continued sipping her wine.

Harry and Y/N looked to each other their eyes both wide with amusement and shock. Only their parents would do this.

“Now, run along. Gemma and I have some talking to do” Anne ordered, the servants came and helped the princess and prince up following them out of the dinning room. Y/N was rather uncomfortable with the servants being everywhere, she had a lot more freedom at home.

“Hey, you wanna do something fun?” She asked and harry raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Hey! Intruder” Y/N yelled and the servants looked around quickly, harry was startled when Y/N laughed loudly taking his hand in hers and running down the hallway towards the abandoned part of the castle. Harry grinned and laughed loudly as they ran together.

This girl, he thought.

The door was locked. Harry brought a key out of his pocket and Y/N laughed loudly making harry shush her as he unlocked the door. Quickly they made themselves into the abandoned quarters and giggled to themselves when they heard the servants feet making their way to this side of the castle - but immediately they turned away, knowing that they weren’t allowed on this side of the palace.

Harry was distracted with locking the door, but Y/N was amazed. She looked around at this place and couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her. This place is really fucking amazing, she thought. It’s obviously abandoned, that man she could tell - but it was still so beautiful. Paintings, upon paintings and books at every end. There was high ceilings and stained glass windows giving a nice hew to the room. Y/N brought her hands to her hips and spinned around her dress moving as she did.

“This place is fucking amazing!”

Harry laughed and finally got the door locked popping the key back in his pocket. He moved beside the beautiful girl and didn’t say anything. But Y/N knew.

“You come here often?” She asked and Harry nodded.

“Found it a couple years ago. Think it was my fathers” He said and Y/N sighed looking around.

“It’s beautiful” you’re beautiful, he wanted to say but he bit his lip instead walking in the direction of his safe haven. Y/N quickly caught up placing a hand on his, harry flinched at the touch. This definitely wasn’t allowed. If anyone saw they’d have to marry immediately. But nobody was here, he reminded himself. And with that he squeezed Y/N’s hand a little tighter.

Harry opened the door the room he had been coming to for years now. It had a few chairs, a huge window with curtains on each side, a fire place in the middle and blankets and pillows surrounding the room. Y/N smiled to herself as she saw harry become more himself. It was like this room allowed him to be himself.

“You come in here often?”

Harry nodded making himself comfortable on one of the pillows, Y/N soon followed sitting very close to the prince. Harry had no complaints at all.

“I come here most days. When i need to take a breath, escape my mother and the stupid royal family” Harry said and Y/N giggled leaning in to harry, their lips close.

“I can think of many ways we can escape reality. Why don’t we try one of them?”

Harry let out a sigh and placed his hand on Y/N shoulder, it fell down her arm to her waist. Harry had been with people before, he had kissed and pleasured many, many people. But never did he feel like this. He felt as if she was a goddess, and she would brake it the touch of his finger. She looked almost fragile, like a painting.

“Kiss me, Harry” She ordered and harry wasted no time, placing his lips on hers.

Her lips are soft and gentle, just as harry had expected. He moved his hands up her hips to her shoulders again, Y/N moaned letting harry's tongue into her mouth. Harry groaned and pulled away smirking at that flushed look on her face. He loved it.

Y/N bit her lip standing up, unzipping her dress. She turned around, the only thing she had was a small night dress and corset. Harry cursed under his breath standing up behind her. Everything felt so intimate. They both felt a lot of things, Y/N never wanted this to stop. Harry hugged her from behind, kissing the back of her neck. After a few seconds, Y/N turned around in his hold, holding his gaze. She began to take off her corset and night dress, now bare. She felt confident in Harry's glare, he made her feel good. He sucked in a breath looking down at her perky breasts, her nipples hard from the temperature of the room. He made a mental note to put the fire on after this, Harry knew you two would be in here for as long as you possibly could. He knew his mother would be beyond pissed that they had gone off alone together.

Harry placed a hand on Y/N’s breast, teasing her nipple with his index finger. His rings were cold on her skin making her whimper. Harry smirked at the sound, lowering his head and taking her nipple in his mouth his tongue swirling the nub of it. Y/N’s hands found harrys hair and she tugged on it hard.

“Fuck” She cursed and harry let go with a pop, again he smirked at the sight of the princess. So undone and flustered. Harry absolutely loved it. Holding her gaze, he began to undress unbuttoning his shirt and pants. Heat rushed to his penis, as Y/N watched him undress.

“Want to have you in my mouth” Y/N said, getting on her knees. She knew she would have bruises by the end of this - but she knew it would be worth.

“Don’t make me cum” Harry ordered, Y/N just smirked and pulled his underwear down almost drooling at the sight of his red, cock full of pre-cum. What a sight, she thought. And it’s fucking huge. Bigger than she thought that’s for sure.

She hummed, pumping harry’s rock hard cock. His head flew back, a moan filling the room. Harry wished her hair was pinned back, he needed some to grip. He took both of his hands and gripped the side of her head. Y/N spit on his cock, keeping eye contact with harry.

“Shit”

Y/N licked the tip, running her tongue over the slit, tasting the saltiness of his pre cum. Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“You taste so good” She moaned, finally taking his full cock into her mouth. Her hands began pumping the base of the shaft, as she sucked him off. Harry moaned, but tapped the side of her head.

“Need to be in you, no more foreplay” He said and Y/N pouted whipping her lips.

“But i like having you in my mouth” Y/N argued, harry smirked pecking her lips, tasting himself on them. He hummed in agreement. “Next time, let me fuck you” He said kissing her neck, Y/N sighed and placed her lips on his before crawling over to the fireplace - there was a white sheet layed out. Y/N lay down and harry kissed down her stomach, teasingly kissing her thighs. “You’re definitely wet enough for me, aren’t you princess?” Harry said slapping her pussy, Y/N moaned and nodded.

Slowly, harry thrusted into Y/N making them both whimper. “Fuck, you feel so good” Harry said, kissing your lips. Y/N just moaned, gripping his back and putting her legs around his waist. Harry began to move faster, his hands either side of Y/N.

“Faster” Y/N said and harry complied, pounding into her. The moans coming out of the both them were enough to make them both cum within seconds. And that’s basically what happened. They both climaxed, harry falling down into Y/N’s chest. Y/N only felt pleasure and ecstasy.

Shit, her mother picked a good one.

***

“Fuck” Y/N panted into harry’s mouth as he took against the wall. They were left alone for ten minutes, and this happened. They were looking at the new paintings and architecture Anne had got, browsing around the hall. Harry had convinced the servant that his mother was calling and of course the poor servant couldn’t dismiss it, so they had a good ten minutes while the servant searched for the queen.

Harry pounded into her the paintings on the wall knocking loudly, Y/N laughed loudly making harry put a hand over her mouth.

“Don’t want to attract any attention, do we princess?”

They continued their hot and very messy quicky and then made their way to the gardens. Y/N and harry soon found that the gardens would be another safe haven. Beautiful flowers and when the sun is shining a beautiful place to sit and relax.

They couldn’t wait to marry - seen as harry wants Y/N in his bed, all the time. They fuck like bunnies, it’s amazing how they haven’t been caught as of yet. When they get their own palace, harry will christen to the whole place. They’ll fuck in every corner. Every room. Every library and garden.

Y/N looked at harry smiling as he lay on the grass. No one was around as the servant hadn’t arrived back. Y/N quickly looked around before pulling harry into what she could only assume was a place to keep all the fruit and veg away from foxes. It was closed off and you could lock it from the inside.

“Jesus christ Y/N” Harry mumbled kissing your neck as you leaned back on a bench.

“Another round?” You asked with innocent eyes.

“Another round” Harry confirmed lifting up the bottom of her dress and pushing her down so she was flat on the bench. He kissed up her legs, biting down on her thigh.

He pulled up her night gown and saw her bare pussy, wet and glistening just waiting for him. He could cum at the sight. He moaned kissing her thigh, teasing her.

Y/N tugged at harry’s hair, giving him a warning. “Stop, teasing” She pouted and harry smirked finally making his way towards your pussy.

Y/N closed her eyes when she felt harrys breath against her core. “so wet, princess” Harry said, the vibrations going right through her body making her jerk up a little. Harry loved the affect he had on her, the littlest thing would make her jolt with pleasure.

Harry spread her legs a little more, his tongue licking up her slit. Y/N’s tugged on harry’s hair, moaning loudly. Harry watched her unfold becoming so flushed, but Y/N looked so very beautiful in this light.

He pressed his lips to your clit, flicking his tongue up and down. Your hips moved with his tongue movements, harrys hands made their way to your hips trying to get them to stay in place. You wrapped your legs around his shoulders and began to shake and moan.

“Fuck me” You murmured coming down from your high.

“Oh, i will princess”

The days went on and more fucking occurred. Again they fucked like absolute bunnies. They were sure everyone knew by now, but the servants were way too afraid to say anything. Anne would have everyone’s head if she found out what they were doing.

“I can’t wait to marry you” Harry said laying down beside her in their safe haven. Y/N smirked rolling over on her side. He was so beautiful. His eyes, his freckles, that one dimple that came out when he laughed. She was so lucky to call him hers.

“You just want to have me in your bed everyday” She said and harry pretended to think about. “Hmmm, yeah” He said, making Y/N laugh loudly before pecking his lips.

“Can’t believe you’re mine” Harry said pushing her into his chest. Y/N grinned pecking his neck and looking up at him.

“Forever”