#but also boys I need you to go to therapy

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[paraphwrites]

@carpediemma made a poll post about which characters would be who in an alice in wonderland au and none of the one's winning are the ones i want so i will now be justifying my thesis

alice - niko. above all else, alice must be curious and kind. she is also afraid, a lot, because she's in a wild new world - very similar of how niko is scared and in a new world (both ghost/supernatural, america, and a world without her father)

white rabbit - edwin. polite yet preoccupied, punctual yet anxious, obsessive yet unpredictable, always dressed smart... the similarities go on. and while i think some of their actions might not align entirely, i think there is a case to be made for edwin shewing someone along, insisting it must be done his own way

mad hatter - charles. playful, defiant to social norms, bit of an eccentric dress style! though charles is a bit less over the top, i feel that in the right environment, he could go totally mad. hatter has a lot of fun but there is this hint of despair to him which to me, entirely emulates charles

the dormouse - jenny. tired, confused, and underpaid, next question

the march hare - maxine. unpredictable, bizarre, reckless, excitable. not a huge character so not too much to go from but i see some loose similarities in the erratic nature - it's not that they're evil, it's that they're so invested in existence that they might stab you

please do not think of the implications of shipping the dormouse and the march hair i will not be held responsible for that

tweedledee and tweedledum - litty and kingham. petty?? childish?? looks similar??? guys come ON there is no more iconic duo in dbda! they're not very kind, they're not anti violence, they love attention- am i talking about the tweedles, or litty and kingham? you literally can't tell.

the caterpillar - tragic mick. appears when alice is uncertain and needs help, prompts her to reflect on her own identity. not particularly nice but is very helpful and kind, in his own way. calm, almost cryptic, slow manner of speech.

cheshire cat - the cat king. im not gonna explain this one

ok guys bare with me for the next two. they're kinda controversial. i could see them flipped and i did flip them many times but this is what i decided on

the duchess - esther. the duchess is abusive to her child (monty), but can be overly affectionate, as well. duchess is hella comedic in a dark way, she's got a fucked up relationship with power (duchess is a slave to the Queen, esther is a slave to the Snake), she's absurdly contradictory (like esther and her contradiction of wronging girls using lilith's gift)

the queen of hearts - the night nurse. the queen cannot see a way of life other than executions. i know she SEEMS hella emotional, but legit, i think it's more this desperate desire for feelings and sensations because she is so stuck in a loop of being listened to. the night nurse is similarly stuck in this loop of bureaucracy. neither are happy and neither have any true meaning to their lives. they both also seem to lack a nuance to empathy (nurse thinking ends justify the means so no need to feel guilty about the means, almost viewing finding the boys as a game in order to feel SOMETHING). neither would not survive a day in therapy

the king of hearts - kashi. foil to the queen of hearts, very minor character. gentle, soft spoken, trying his best, exists more in his own universe than anywhere else. the key difference is if they went to therapy, kashi's therapist would end up getting therapied, and king would just break down sobbing

the knave of hearts - monty. while if esther was the queen, maybe this would be more apt, but this is my analysis so i'll do what i want. the knave is a victim of absurd injustice, is somewhat sympathetic but ultimately a perpetuater of this same system. monty does the same thing with esther & her abuse. he is also young and handsome which, we've all seen joshua colley, i don't need to explain

the talking rose - crystal (with/pre-david.) haughty, mean, cruel, flirtatious. she's not a villain but she's definitely not on your side. she's critical, both of your looks, personality, and general vibe. but she's also just one of the many flowers, kind of how crystal was just one of the rich kids, not really doing all that much

in this version, i'd have when the flower's roots are freed be the same energy as the boy's getting rid of david. moment of self-transformation, free from curse. i will probably make a follow up post on how i'd do the plot, but i wanted to throw that bit on david out there.

[doublel27]

I know how deep we are in the Phum and Fang trauma train.

But it’s so horrifying when you consider Beer put Phum at like 4-5 if I remember correctly.

Which means at the oldest they were when Phum got sent away, they were 5 and 6 respectively.

Six is so young. And it was a six-year old Fang that made relentless international phone calls when his brother was sent away. It was a six-year old Fang that was trapped in that giant house alone, because of how focused on the business his parents were, listing to his brother cry in the middle of the night. And you can only think that he probably tried to convince his parents that Phum could stay, that he could take care of him.

According to Beer, they were inseparable before Phum was sent away. And they’re only a year or so apart, Fang has no memories that pre-date Phum’s existence at this point.

Which leaves me with how traumatic it is for your best friend, your constant companion to be ripped from you or you from them, and just trying to hold on to each other across the distance and time. And you would think, as an adult with the best intentions, that best case scenario is they sent Phum away theoretically because they were busy and that way Fang wouldn’t be responsible for him, but Fang still remained responsible for Phum with the distance between them. Fang promising both of them that everything would be alright when Phum came home.

But it wasn’t alright. And Fang spent the last 7-10 years trying to fix the things that are broken and Phum has spent the last 15 years trying to figure out why he’s not enough.

And then the line that killed me was Fang asking Tan not to just disappear on him. If Fang wasn’t enough, to tell him straight, instead of disappearing into the ether. And while Tan reassured Fang how madly in love he is and how he’d never be the one to break up with Fang, my mind flipped back to episode 2, where Fang looks at Tan and observes that Tan isn’t dead. And Tan responded with you haven’t been around either.

And we can assume it’s because neither of them knew what to do with their feelings unsure of how the other one felt…but Fang has already felt Tan disappeared on him once and I…remain not okay.

I need to continue the TanFang fic I started last week that meditated on this particular thought of Fang’s psyche and that line from ep 2.

[potatobugz]

i feel as if im going mad so im going to just put this out here. real quick. movieunleashers starters ramble.

i cant stop thinking about how mudkip broke down in that one scene in "Typomaniac," when Chespin called him mean. for a second he lets his mask slip a little bit and to me he just... acts his age. he starts crying and calls chespin mean back. maybe im just hyperfocusing on this one detail but mudkip is about 12 years old.

and that just makes me wonder what happened in this guys life that brought him to where he is now. and it makes it all the more tragic how his whole world revolves around chespin, but he is the one bringing him the most pain. and how young he was when he died.

there is a large theme of growing up in "Rare Candy." the characters ages are emphasized in that particular episode, and one of the main conflicts is fennekin wanting to evolve faster.

the thing about characters in these stories is that they're not allowed to just be kids, to have a childhood. so many bad things happen to them. like. mudkips whole, Everything. fennekin when she was famous in typomaniac, or dealing with her own insecurities/pressure from society about her relationship w chespin. and chespin always having to shoulder his friends problems & always somehow managing to stay positive despite everything.

why cant they just. play video games. eat ice cream or something. go to the movies

at the end of the day, i think both mudkip and fennekin are characters who grew up too fast. by distancing himself from them, chespin refused to follow in their footsteps and just wanted to stay a kid.

good for him.

[oddly-casual]

Mutant Mayhem Spoilers

(Donnie appreciation post, he’s a little instigator)

Okay I’m being a little Dramatic abt the instigator thing, but I think I’m mostly right.

Before MM was released and all we had were trailers I heard a lot of people talking about the potential dynamics of all the brothers, mainly that Raph was going to be the Rebel older brother that Donnie and Mikey follow with Leo being a wet blanket.

And while they were right about Leo being a wet blanket sometimes (it’s the anxiety), I think Donnie takes the mantle for a lot of the rule breaking and planning in this movie.

In the very beginning when Raph suggests staying out longer, Donnie instantly pulled out his phone and put the idea of the Movie in everyone’s heads. Didn’t even wait for Leo to response before he was off and Raph and Mikey followed. Almost like he already had it locked and loaded.

Donnie is the first one to come up with the plan to gain acceptance through catching Superfly, which all his brothers are immediately on board.

In almost every scene when Donnie is driving he’s always pulling some NASCAR, Mario cart, movie logical racing that gets them out of all pinches, and-

Donnie was the one who snapped out of it the quickest when Superfly was threatening to grind them into powder- able to divert attention and make the whole ‘we don’t like this plan’ seem like a joke and even offering to drive by himself so they could be closer to the machine piece.

He’s also the first one who yells at Cynthia when they’re put in the milking machine, which requires some guts ngl-

Almost every plan or outspoken moment or even quick save is done by Donnie. (With Raph coming in second for those quick saves)

I’m just super happy that Donnie got a ton to do in this movie and we can really see his potential.

And Donnie is still the smartest! He wasn’t the smartest because he was a tech master, he was the smartest because he could drive and he’s straight up the biggest opportunist in the film, with his smarts being more subtle then outright. It’s a different take on Donnie’s intelligence and I’m really glad they did it.

[theology101]

For a party where literally half the group has been adopted by a Werewolf Therapist, these kids are REMARKABLY mentally ill.

[razzle-zazzle]

Ok tell us about imposter au bc 👀👀👀

OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE.

Okay so. without looking through my old stuff for it. What can I remember off the top of my head.... there were clones, I know that, and the clone the story focused on, #424, mainly had an arc about realizing he's not Cole but Cole's clone and then having an existential crisis + becoming his own person.

And then I think the OG Cole destroyed the facility making the clones and then fucked off to be a hermit in the woods because.... OH YEAH he found a BABY in the rubble and needed to protect it! I can't recall if the baby was a clone of all the ninja or just some of them.... I think they were called Coffee though?

Man, some of my old AUs really were just. Whatever concepts I wanted. And I was so real for that kind of self-indulgence actually. I need to be sillier with it tbh

[boxwinebaddie]

heeeeello party people!~ super bacteria uncle nina here using my silly tumblr to cope again ( my culture came back and it was...suuuuper fucking bad! like i knew it would be, lol! awesome! <3 thanks, god! )

but we're not thinking about, what were gonna think about is the time that ravenstan got a little Too tipsy topsy turvy on jerseyky boxwine,

( it's the cab sav one, fyi. i can't drink on all these Fucknut Antibiotics - they prescribed me the wrong one and i took it, if you can believe it; i luv doctors - can y'all believe i did this shit Sober? unREAL, brohs! )

and was on tiktok live, the dawn spawns of the world convinced him to do the 'White Boy Of The Month' filter bc he's too impressionable and what can i say;

The Man LOVES White Boys. ;) xxx

( helpsksdj )

so, he started doing it and was like 'nooooo, is /KYLE/ on this one?!?! You're Joking.' ( everyone said 'JK <3' because they all think they're jimmy valmer stand-up sit-down comedians, smh...but no, naught joking, Actually JK bc in my ncau-niverse, cd and the blondies gang are celebrities, so naturally they’re on A Lot of social filters )

so he was GOING to save The No.1 slot...for the no.1 slut ( if you will, ) my ginger gringo king, ceo of dark academic debauchery and bottom feeding ;), new jay's finest - literally - kyley b matthew broflovski; <33 ( buuuut! he's a reformed manhoe; so watchya mowtH! )

buuuuut x2 ( and i'd say it's a big butt, but it's not, it's ravenstan, so it's flatter than the sidewalk; luh you flat stanley ) Gaydhd Won Again and tipsy ravenstan got distracted by all the FINE ASS WHITE MEN and started getting philosophical about it ( that man put a lil too much #thot into those placings; he was born for it, soz )

had about two spots left ( the top and bottom spots; i am laughing ) figured that there was almost 'No Chance!' he would get jersey...

PUT /MATTHEW! GRAY! GUBLER!/ AT ONE ( Immaculate Taste, btw! he also put jacob elordi at number two because he is a fucking genius and that...really tells you Everything you need to know about my stan. like tall, could probably be a runway model, intellectual, kind of a jackass, stays fitted, accent or eccentric manner of speaking...yeah )

-- BUT HE WANTED TO BE CLEAR, HE HAD TO SPECIFY THAT HE WAS SPECIFICALLY REFERRING TO /DR. SPENCER REID/ OF CRIMINAL MINDS. WHEN I TELL YOU HE HAS NO IDEA WHO MGG IS BUT HE HAS SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS SEVERAL TIMES. IT’S LIKE...HIS /FAVORITE/ FKN SHOW. AND HE DOES HAVE A FAT CRUSH ON REID. YES, I DOES TRACK; I KNOW. )

and RIGHT when he was rolling for the very last spot ranking on the filter ( that's the BOTTOM, i repeat, THE B/O/T/T/O/M of the tierlist )

...hE GOT KYLE

FUCKING

BROFLOVSKI

and had to place him at /TEN/.

-- riiiiiiight as Kyle /FUCKING/ Broflovski came out of the kitchen in the dorky ass star of david apron that sheila got him for hannukah, with his hair up and everything, holding a fork so stan could taste...

...T-THE PASTA HE JUST MADE HIM FOR DINNER BECAUSE HE'S A SWEET BEAUTIFUL /ANGEL/....and i'm talking The Very First Bite Of EXTREMELY DELICIOUS KYLE Pasta that he put ZUCCHINI IN JUST FOR STAN BECAUSE HE IS ( what? ) AN ANGEL!! FROM hEAVEN!!!!! AND THE WHITE BOY OF THE /YEAR/: TAKE YA JERSEY SLANDER SOMEWHERE ELSE: HE'S MY WHITE BUOY UVF FOREVA!

...proceeded to Blow On It ;-;, s-so stan wouldn't burn his mouth... ( bc rav always gets too excited and burns his mouth; nooo :c </3 ) and asked him why his phone was blowing up w/ people tagging him in thirst traps of 'That Supa Nerdy Guy From That One Crime Show' and asking him if stan tweeted something about him cooking bc people keep telling him that he's 'Cooked'. SHKDLDHLKS HEEELP.

And....

*rawr xd home mid/hschooled ravenstan vc*

Scene. <3

[m1ckeyb3rry]

GUESS WHO FINALLY CAUGHT UP W THE BLLK MANGA 🤩

[unagrancantidaddepanes]

anyways all my homies love felix fathom, mf was doing what the social services could never do ❤️❤️❤️ king shit

[silverselfshippingchaos]

the line where he asks r.yoma to spar with him is so cute

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[grinkubus]

Remind me to make a whole spreadsheet about my dmc headcannons when I forget again and when I'm not too scared that an angry mob will come to find me because oh boy do I have some hot takes

[nowendil]

i wish i was normal about that old man. instead of feeling like ripping him apart like a cat with a piece of cardboard. i'm hanging off his pantleg like a chihuahua with behavioural issues. i wanna throw him our of the window

[callixton]

like genuinely What is going on with my sexuality rn. love the idea of gay sex with you unfortunately the idea of being touched by anyone else makes me feel sick rn. i know that’s new. yeah i also can’t stop thinking abt being punched by a specific boy. no yeah he’s straight that’s a dead end.

[consulaaris]

just watched dead apple and god that was so fuckin good