#I ALREADY NEEDED SO MUCH THERAPY BECAUSE OF MY ABUSIVE PARENTS I CAN NOT EVEN IMAGINE HOW BAD ITS GONNA BE FOR ADRIEN

[unagrancantidaddepanes]

anyways all my homies love felix fathom, mf was doing what the social services could never do ❤️❤️❤️ king shit

[earthytzipi]

I actually loved the writing of caitvi this season for a few reasons:

1. I was very fortunate to meet and consistently date my lovely wife. Having observed other adult lesbians... that shit is MESSY. It's so so so so so common for lesbians to date, break up, date again, break up again, accuse each other of abuse or of being toxic, then date again, break up another time, date another person in the friend group, and so on and so forth. This season felt very honest to me in that way. If everything had been smooth sailing for Caitlyn and Vi, I don't think I would have bought it, especially with all the conflict they set up in s1. I agree that Caitlyn is toxic to Vi in Act 1. I just also don't think that's a deal-breaker for an adult relationship as long as amends are made, and I think that Cait's decision to let Vi release Jinx is a HUGE way that she made amends. I don't think she needed to grovel (nor would that have fit her character)- it demonstrated SO much character growth for her and so much trust in, and love for, Vi.

2. I've seen a lot of displeasure with Vi's writing this season, mostly centered around Vi's loss of agency and relative passivity. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so, you know, grain of salt. It's just that, in my experience with trauma, you hit a breaking point where nothing matters to you anymore. You can't be resilient anymore. You've lost everything and you're grieving literally everything about the life you thought you had. (For the record, my trauma didn't even involve anyone dying, just abusive friendships, people cutting me off, and conversion therapy, and I *still* got there in my early 20s.) Vi shows a remarkable ability to push forward for Powder in s1, but by the first episode of s2, her resiliency is already breaking down. To me, it made complete sense that she showed more and more passivity and alcoholism as the season went on.

I think there's a misconception that trauma causes people to become strong. That is NOT what it does. It builds these insidious negative pathways of thought in your mind that wear you down over time. Eventually, it's too much. You can't take anything in stride. Everything becomes part of this pattern of hurt.

I think Jinx firing that missile was the breaking point for Vi. She lost her parents, she lost Vander, she lost her formative teenage years to prison, and the only reason she was still going at all was for Powder. That moment is the moment she decided Powder was gone, too. Imagine the grief of losing the last person you thought you had from your old life and not even being able to share that, because that person just killed a lot of people. In that light, the decision to join with the person who still cares about her and has been there for her makes sense, even though she hates the enforcers. I think that decision causes her a lot of pain and self-hatred which is reinforced when Cait leaves her, pushing her into the absolute pit of her trauma. Then all the events at the commune happen. Throughout the season she gains and loses hope about Jinx again and again, but when she's in that prison cell, from her point of view, she's just lost Jinx all over again after finally having her back for a while, and now Caitlyn, who she loves, for good.

In the end, when Cait says she engineered the whole thing to let Jinx escape? She gives Vi hope again in that moment. If Jinx isn't tried, she's still out there and Vi can still find her and try again. If Cait knew she would let Jinx escape and still be there for her, Cait still loves her more than she cares about revenge. Given how Cait almost killed a child to get to Jinx before, I think for Vi, this represents almost a complete 180 and demonstrates that Cait is sorry. I think their actions in that moment make perfect sense.

Anyways! To me, while I think s2 was definitely rushed as hell and had some other pacing issues, I loved the storyline for Cait and Vi.

[disconox]

Why Jean is so important to me

Welcome to my insane ramblings, enjoy your stay (or don't). Most of this is also very self-indulgent, by the way. Warning: Mentions of abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, self-destructive thoughts I'd also like to remind you that this isn't me justifying Jean's behavior in any way, he's a fucking asshole and doesn't know how to handle Harry, or himself. They're both flawed individuals and that's okay. This is just me talking about my own experiences. Now that we got that out of the way, let's get to the actual thing.

I'm not even sure where to start. When I first found out Jean had clinical depression, I immediately felt a connection. It's relatable. Very relatable, in fact. I myself have been depressed for years. It all started at a young age, I was about 13, but due to trauma it could be very much earlier than that. I don't remember much from my childhood because most of it are bad memories. I'm 21 now and still going through a lot of shit, so it's been about 8 years. Jean strikes me as a guy who has been fucked over his entire life, no matter where he goes or what he does. It always comes back to him. After I have finished DE for the first time and looked more into the lore of Jean and Harry, I started to notice the similarities between the relationship with him and Harry, and the relationship with me and my own parents.

I know what alcohol does to people, I've seen it all. And it's not great for either parties. I'm stuck in a repetitive cycle of wanting to help someone to get better, only to realize that they don't want to get better and then I start building hope again. Rinse and repeat. I know I cannot change them. But I keep hoping for a change anyway, and get upset when it never comes. Of course it doesn't. No matter what I've tried. I have tried so many times. I'm a fucking hypocrite because I sometimes drink as well. I don't want to become like them. I drink for fun every once in a while and try to not over-do it, because every time I touch alcohol, something in the back of my mind tells me I'm becoming like my father. I thought about smoking a few times, but I don't want to destroy myself like my mother does. I'm really fucking scared of smoking and its consequences. Which is funny, because I should be as scared when it comes to alcohol, but I'm not. They both drink every day at 3 pm, after work. Every single day.

And it has been like this for years. Nothing has ever changed. A few months ago I had an actual discussion with my parents. We usually never have these sort of conversations (That's the issue, by the way. A very big lack of communication. Does that ring any bells?) and I was actually surprised when they told me they wanted to lay off the alcohol. I tried to approach the topic carefully and even offered them help (therapy etc.) but.. they also didn't want that. They straight up told me they don't need help. Which is really fucking frustrating because I want them to understand that they do, but they don't care.

I know change is really fucking hard and I've been there, but my parents had so many opportunities to change and never took them. Nothing has changed for so many years and I'm tired of it. I'm waiting for a change to happen but I know it's never coming anyway. I'm tired, mad, disappointed. That's how Jean feels about Harry, he just doesn't know how to help him and is an ass about it. And I'm just letting it happen, because there's nothing else I can do. I'm watching them destroy themselves every day and it fucking hurts. Something in me still feels a tiny flame of hope, when in reality that flame is already extinguished. I want people to understand, my father really fucking reminds me of Harry. The emotional abusive, the physical abuse, the alcoholism, the sexist remarks.. It just screams Harry. Especially given with how he had been around people Pre-Martinaise, which I have read in the game inside the damaged ledger. The fact that I love Harry to a certain degree says a lot of things.

The marriage between my parents is like if Dora never left Harry, and it's fucking awful.

-

That is mostly why I can relate to Jean so much. There's also some smaller things and I'll get to those now.

He fucking sucks at feelings. You can see it with the way he's trying to handle Harry, and it's not working.. Which, yeah. I suck at those too.

He likes to hide his sadness underneath a layer of cynicism and sarcasm as a coping method.. I do this all the fucking time.

Let's face it, this man is a fucking nervous wreck. He picks at his facial hair and displays a lot more habits like that, like him fixing his clothes (even though they look clean, according to one of the skills in the game), running his hand through his hair.. I do this without even realizing it.

He's depressed and fucking empty on the inside. He most likely hasn't felt real love from anyone or for himself in years. He needs therapy (lots of it), anti-depressants and a hug.. And I know what that feels like. I know it too well.

Lastly, he's a fucking mess. Like in every single way imaginable.. Again, very relatable.

Jean is such an amazing character for me to project on, to relate to and to find comfort in. I'm glad they made him fucked up, because that's what I love about him. He has so many flaws and I love every single one of them. He's in the game for like 15 minutes or less, but the impact he's had on me is insane. I've had a fair share of characters I would obsess over, but Jean hits different.

I'm so glad Jean-Heron Vicquemare exists, because I wouldn't know where I would be if I never met him. I want to thank my lovely friend (who is not on here, but I'm still saying it because I care about him a lot) for gifting me this amazing game.

And I want to thank you for reading this mess of a post.

If you have made it this far, I want to show you one last thing.

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Not Aware AU exactly but kinda tangential. I always toyed with this idea of "Kagami was transferred into Adrien's class when she joined the school."

This could be in S2, or be because Tomoe saw Adrien was attending school and she's got those later season machinations & sends Kagami to make sure he's not snagged by a gold digger.

(In the former case its just in S2, while in the latter it starts after Princess Fragrance.)

This was fine and fun at first, but Kagami is more willing to start shit with Chloe & much less patient with Adrien's continued softness.

Plus, Adrien can't really explain why he's fond of Chloe cos its a mixture between he can't imagine his life without her (Sibling coded) & stuff like, "She was there for me when mom disappeared & got me into school".

This leads to her at some point losing her patience and dragging both off to a classroom and basically saying "Either she needs to improve or you need to drop her, because this cannot go on."

You'd expect it to be a two on one but Adrien's efforts to play peacemaker lead to Kagami arguing with him as well.

Then when one of Chloe's major blows lands hard against Adrien, "Our parents harm more people every day than I do in a year and you still love them, hypocrites!"

It does nothing to Kagami, because she doesn't love her mother, she respects her, obeys her and fears her wrath but she doesn't love her even a little and she assumed Adrien was the same.

He is not the same & is in fact kind of defensive of his father at such a blatant rejection of one's own family and how uncomfortable it makes him.

It basically descends from there, cos I love slow burns but sometimes its just like, "Hmm what if they all started screaming their issues that they do not realize are issues at the top of their lungs?"

None of these kids know therapy talk so their languages on it is already going to be shit even before we remember literally not a one of them has much in the way of healthy communication or good social skills outside of formal events so:

So you have Chloe defending stuff like destroying Roses' letter because "That's how Mama handles it when I give her bad gifts, she's telling me to do better and one day I'll get it right!" As well as "Why would Papa want to see me when he doesn't need me for something? He's not a lunatic control freak like your parents."

Then you have Adrien defending stuff like, "I know my dads cold and has impossible standards and barely lets me do anything I want but he is protective and just wants what's best for me!" & "My mom was always kind to me, she was perfect even if she never let me go out or have a birthday either!"

& Kagami defending Tomoe with, "It doesn't matter how I feel about Adrien, or my instructions, I act as I do because it is for the good of my family. My emotions, my life don't matter at all before that duty!"

So its just three incredibly fucked up abused kids steadily airing each others and their own families laundry list of abusive traits and experiences under the pretext of saying "No my family is normal & OK yours is the bad one" and "How dare you call 'that' bad, when your parent does this!"

(Also Chloe may think Gabriel killed Emilie or otherwise would rather have Adrien sealed in amber forever than as an actual living boy,)

With this continuing until it either gets physical or they basically collapse.

Meanwhile the class is just watching in mounting horror and disgust and discomfort. (Nino is likely especially pissed) Like even with Chloe it may not justify her behavior but it puts so much of it in a new deeply messed up context where it kind of makes sense she doesn't even know how to be nice.

To quote a friend of mine:

The rich kids have taken knives to each other. They've cut open their festering wounds. The rot is exposed, scrubbed raw. While they lie angry, bleeding, crying, and dying [inside], they have the opportunity to look upon themselves once more and apply new dressings.

I can see it, but unless Gabriel is ACTUALLY out of the country, all three get Akumatized. My thoughts are a weird mix Grimm Brothers Fairytales - Cinderella, Snow White, Hansel & Gretel, etc. Not in specific, but like. More fairytale tropes?

Adrien is the "Cinderella"-style. Rapunzel, Snow White-style, "One Day My Prince Will Come"-style. The type of character that has to sacrifice and sacrifice, and will eventually be rewarded. If he does one more photo shoot, one more public appearance, *scrubs one more floor*, his father will finally love him. He'll finally have the happy ending he wants. He just has to stick it out - cause his dad DOES love him, right? (As a possession, if at all.)

Chloé is more of the "Trials"-style. Complete this mission-style. Knit twelve sweaters from nettles, and your brothers will become human again. Find the right goose, and get set free. Defeat the evil witch, and the spell is broken. If Chloé tries hard enough, does and says the right things, her parents will love her, show her affection. She'll finally be worth something. (All of it performative and shallow, until they raise the bar to another impossible height. Always keeping her dependant on them.)

Kagami, weirdly, I see as more endurance, or contract style - like a flipped version of Adrien. She isn’t really trying to "change" her situation the way Chloé or Adrien are, (for value of "trying to change it", ie, playing along with their parents games because that’s all they know to do) she's accepted this is the way it is, and is simply trying to endure it. Go through the motions. Hold up your end of the bargain. Work within the bonds of your deal, to do as little harm as you can, while still fulfilling your end. One day, you'll be out. You'll be free. (As if her mother will ever set her free.)

[swamp-spirit]

Not a doctor, but trying to use my experience as a long term Anxiety Disorder Haver to figure out what could have happened to Jason in Gotham War. Listen, I know comic book science is made up, but let me have my 'fun'.

This is also a lot about how trauma and anxiety chemically works and Jason and Trauma in general.

(Discussing my own anxiety disorder a lot here, so don't click if that might be upsetting. Also please minimize the Bruce discourse here. I wanna talk about Jason.)

EDITS because I wrote this in a fugue state and replaced all words with homonyms

So there's two main elements to anxiety. There's the emotional element, the kind you can deal with in therapy, and the physical element, the kind you can deal with via medication.

I related a lot to Jason in Gotham War, because I have very physical anxiety. Even when I can calmly reason through a situation, my nervous system is very physically reactive to the point where I'll be holding a conversation and cracking jokes while seizing. Unmedicated, like Jason, I couldn't do light exercise without triggering a panic attack.

What Jason seems to be experiencing is an issue with his nervous system. To massively oversimplify, because I'm not a doctor, let's say the sympathetic nervous system is the gas, the parasympathetic system is the brakes, and triggers are the foot that decides when to push the pedals down.

When you're in a situation where you need to be amped up, your body hits the gas. You get adrenaline, faster heart rate, fight or flight, but this state isn't sustainable. First, it's very resource intensive. Second, it's a state designed to Do Something, and is very emotionally stressful if there's nothing to Do. This is why people with anxiety disorders can often function in actual danger, because that's what those reactions are designed for.

PTSD is pretty much 'your body hits the gas because your brain has misidentified a safe situation as a dangerous one due to previous experience'. Jason pretty consistently shows signs of PTSD, which makes sense. He has pretty much never been in a safe situation. Even before he was a vigilante and brutally murdered, being homeless, especially as a kid, requires constant vigilance. Most people of any age develop a level of PTSD after living homeless. Witnessing the death of a parent, (depending on the canon) growing up in an abusive home, and being homeless again while brain damaged and vulnerable could all cause PTSD on their own.

We see Jason be triggered a number of times. We also see him trying to self sooth and manage, to 'hit the brakes'. The 'breath deep' on his door in the new Boy Wonder, his stack of books on trauma and chronic pain management in Three Jokers, ect.

So Jason's already got his foot on the mental pedal. He's already scared, and for good reason. His world has always, always been violent. His behavior in Gotham War looks a lot less like ZEA!Bruce turned up the engine and a lot more like he cut the brakes.

As somebody who's experienced the 'lightly jog, and you have a panic attack', it's pretty much a failure of the parasympathetic side of things. You want some adrenaline for a light run. You need to take in more oxygen, but, when your nervous system isn't regulating, it goes out of control. It keeps amping up until you're breathing so fast that you aren't actually processing the oxygen you're taking in. These heightened states are rough on your whole body. When your body is running danger mode, it's not supporting things like sleep, digestion, and wound-healing.

What makes this more horrifying is ZEA!Bruce seemed to feel this would be permanent, even if Jason tried to reverse it, which means it wasn't just an injection the system would flush. To me, the most logical conclusion would be that the injection would have done permanent damage to the parts of his brain that kick in the parasympathetic nervous system.

This also... wouldn't keep him from killing. Jason is usually a calm killer, not a passion killer. Physical excitement is what the body is supposed to do in violent situations. It's much more likely to cause a panic attack in a safe situation where there's no physical outlet. He can take a shot without nervous system excitement. It would keep him from, or at least interfere with things like: -Jogging -Having sex -Watching emotionally intense media -Handling triggers Like, he definitely wouldn't be able to operate as Red Hood because RH does intel work, extended battles, etc, but he could very much kill.

SSRI's probably would not be that helpful, a serotonin tends to help more with stopping anxiety at the 'thought spiral' part than dealing with the nervous system. SNRI's and beta blockers would be a better bet, though Bruce clearly didn't think those would be enough to let him operate at Red Hood.

So... how is he better? Well, the actual answer is 'comic are bullshit', but let's try and roll with it. The given reason is Joker Gas, which is odd because Joker Gas seems to function like... a neurotoxin? A stimulant? My best guess would be that dying or brain damage in general is kicking in some sort of residual Lazarus healing factor and repairing the physical structure that controls the parasympathetic system.

[the-lark-ascending69]

I just got an idea for whump Ronance.

What if Robin and Nancy gets captured by Brenner?

Like, they end up becoming his new lab rats. Thry get tortured and abused just like El was.

What do you think?

(Also, what kind of powers do you think they would have respectively?)

Anon I am so sorry i wrote a long asf response to this and then it got deleted and I was so mad I didn't want to do it again but now I feel inspired and motivated to give it another try.

SO. Wonderful concept! I love it! Let me share my thoughts!!

So what I came up with is:

At age 15, they both get lost in the Upside Down. They only vaguely knew about the other's existance from school but when they found each other down there, they became inseparable. This is an AU in which Will never went missing. Anyway they're terrified and starving and exhausted but at least they have each other, and they hold hands almost the entire time because they both desperately need the comfort.

Eventually, they make it out on their own after finding a gate... and it's in the Hawkins Lab. They come out on the other end before the unbelieving eyes of dozens of scientists, who were convinced no one would survive a minute in there without the proper equipment. Yet these trembling, starving young girls covered in grit survived with only the clothes on their back for a week.

Brenner recognizes them immediately - Nancy and Robin, the two girls from the missing person posters circulating through town. Everyone already thinks they're dead. They made fake bodies of them, for Christ' sake, he's not letting this opportunity go, especially after the disappearance of his only remaining test subject, 011.

This will be a new experiment. A different one. They are given different numbers for ir - A01 for Nancy and A02 for Robin. They get that tattooed in their arms. The purpose of the experiment is to study the effects of short-term exposure to the Upside Down on humans of their height, s.ex, age, health status and weight. They call themselves doctors. They give them separate rooms and run a series of tests daily on them. They try to be subtle at first as to not scare them too much - they don't want another 011 - so they call them by their real names for a while. They ask questions about their lives before the Upside Down and reassure them this is meant to test radiation levels - a standard procedure, before they can return them to their parents.

They immediatelly call bullshit. Why can't they talk to their parents now? Why can't they see them through a glass, at least, or a camera, if radiation is what they're worried about? Why won't they tell them what that place was or why it led back to the Lab? Do their families know they're safe? What is going on? They ask so many questions about every procedure ran on them, resisting in more and more extreme ways until the scientists need to tie them down and drug them whenever they want to do anything.

Brenner notices similar brain activity in them to that of his old test subjects, and he suspects the Upside Down might have given them some kind of ability. He keeps them in the rainbow room, hoping each other's company will help them develop their powers, yet for a long time nothing comes. They can't move objects with their mind, or astral project, or open gates. Even despite everything they do to them. Despite every horrible procedure they perform on them. Drugs of all kinds, leaving them delirious and weak for days. Electrocompulsive therapy. Hypnosis. Pain tests. Sensory deprivation. Solitary confinement. Brenner wants to activate their powers in one way or another, desperate after losing subject 011.

(It's terrifying each time. Nancy is invaded by pure rage while Robin is paralyzed by fear. Whenever they take one for a procedure, the other waits impatiently for her return, fully concious of what they're doing to her - or so it seems. Nancy, at least, thinks she knows what they're doing to Robin. She thinks they do the same things they do to her - tie her to a chair, put an IV in her, maybe, or stick a needle into her neck. Brenner will do this while casually telling her she'll only feel a small pinch, before doing such a monstruosity to her that she'll be woken up by seizures at night. It takes Robin some time to tell Nancy the truth).

They seem completely useless for a long time, but that changes the moment they capture a russian agent.

He was a scientist, working from an unknown location beneath Hawkins, trying to get intel from the Lab when he was caught and tortured to extract information from him. Robin wasn't usually allowed to wander the halls alone, but someone left the door unlocked and she was curious, and soon she found herself in front of a closed door, hearing panting and ragged breathing after this man received the beating of his life. He was talking to himself - curses and meanderings about death and whether or not he'd see his family again. Robin, despite having never learned Russian, understood everything, and in a perfect accent she began to talk to him. She didn't know why - she didn't even realize they weren't speaking English. For a moment he thought he was being rescued, and he shared with her a lot of information.

Brenner caught her in the act and severaly punished her. Solitary confinement for one week. She would only see other people when they ran tests on her, and even then they wouldn't speak to her at all. He ended up not living up to his threat when, not two days after the event, he noticed her brain activity going wild. He has fascinated, and he asked her what had happened, if that russian spy gave her something like a drug. "Russian?" she asks, only then understanding what had happened.

They believe her powers are related to xenoglossy, the supernatural ability to know a language without having ever learned it. Something extremely useful in that specific historical context. She'd be an incredible spy, and oh, Brenner can't wait to experiment with this. They kill the spy after she tells them everything he told her.

They begin to give her a special treatment over Nancy - not exactly for the better. Brenner wants to understand this new ability, developed not in the womb like in other subjects but when subject A02 is a teenager, possibly caused by exposure to Upside Down radiation, though that's not confirmed. Maybe it had more to do with their experiments. He thinks he hit a dead end when it's revealed Robin already knew intermediate-to-advanced French, Spanish and Italian from before being captured - she'd be just a regular poltglot in that case, a prodigious one, right, but with nothing of interest for Brenner. But he quickly realizes this is not the case. Robin didn't know a word of Russian before, and he develops a hipothesis he'll spend the following year testing. He tries her ability with different languages, escaling on rarity, complexity and distance from English. From reading a single short text, Robin becomes profient in Finnish - a non-indoeuropean language Brenner doubts she's ever had any contact with. Proficient, but not fluent. It seems like she can very easily extract a language's grammar from a short sample text, applying it to terms she's familiar with, but she can't magically "guess" vocabulary of grammatical rules not present in the material she was given. For example, by reading a text in which all 15-16 grammatical cases of Finnish are present, she will be able to apply them to any noun in nominative case she knows, but she can't do it with nouns she doesn't know, and she can't use grammatical cases not present in the sample text given to her. She also can't guess spelling or pronunciation without both text and audio samples, and she can't speak in accents she hasn't heard (though she can easily switch accents in a way native speakers of the language can't, a skill that is curiously not translated (lol) into her native English). She learns faster with audio than with text, but even faster with a real-time conversation. Brenner brings a colleague who is fluent in Japanese to test her and he's amazed by how quick her progress is. His hipothesis, seemingly now proven, was that hers was an entirely mental skill, not a supernatural one, since she doesn't magically have access to languages she never had any contact with. This would make her ability not real xenoglossy.

A few more fun facts about her "power":

Her pre-existing skill with Spanish, French and Italian didn't improve until she was exposed to these languages again after being captured. She becomes incredibly skilled at solving puzzles and cracking codes. Brenner believes her power developed thanks to her intensive studies in languages through her childhood. Her brain activity is similar to that of non-native speakers of a language during the few first minutes of having contact with a new language, but in less than an hour, it will be the same as with native speakers. She's confused by some reconstructed languages, but not others (Proto-Indoeuropean was easy for her to learn, Proto-Uralic took her some time before learning more finno-ugric languages than just Finnish. If this were happening in the 2000s, when the Dené-Caucasian theory was already formalized, then Proto-Dené-Caucasian would have sounded like absolute gibberish to her).Some of Brenner's colleages hipothesize that her knowledge of living languages help inform her of the grammar and syntax of proto-languages in an extremely accurate way, to the point she subconciously knows when a reconstruction is wrong. This would make her an amazing paleolinguist. Brenner is less interested in the reconstruction of ancient turkic languages in Siberia and more interested her use as a spy and code-breaker - though it wouldn't have hurt him to take a second look at the idea of turkic languages, because that Russian agent, he was from a region of Russia called Tartary, and he spoke another language aside from Russian, the Tartar language, though he never got to speak it in Robin's presence. Brenner and his colleagues, not familiar with the vast diversity of languages on Earth, spend a long time working with an incorrect hypothesis because they couldn't notice Robin speaking Tartar to herself as a distinct language from all the others they were teaching her. A year and a a half passes before someone spent enough time listening to her to notice the difference. It's a discovery that shatters completely Brenner's first hypothesis on the absence of a supernatural element in Robin's ablity, and he's once again fascinated when he discovers it. His new hypothesis: Robin's power grants her access to a person's mind through speaking to them in a strange, confusing way, and he can't wait to destroy her, pick her brain apart and figure out how it works even if he kills her in the process.

In fact, he does. Literally. He does it over and over and over again, and Nancy has to watch it happen time and time again.

Because here's the thing: Robin wasn't the only one to develop powers, and in fact, she wasn't even the first one.

If you've heard of the videogame Life is Strange, anon, then you'll understand Nancy's power here: she can rewind time. Her power is pretty much the same as Max's in LiS - she can rewind time up to a certain point, though it causes a great mental strain, and eventually, she will discover she can time travel to specific points in time through photographs she's present in, as her younger self.

She discovers her powers the first time Robin is killed.

Misbehavior got her punished - solitary confinement after a long testing session. She had an overdose in her cell, and no one noticed in time. Nancy barely remembers what happened then, other than the horror she felt, before the events of the day flashed backwards before her eyes and she was brought back to Robin - warm, alive, breathing - in the rainbow room.

She begged her to do as they said, to behave, to not fight back. Robin is confused but Nancy is in tears and she agrees to do as she says.

This time, when she has an overdose, they treat her on time. She was in a comma for a week, but soon she was back on her feet and back in Nancy's arms.

It keeps happening - over and over again. The time she swallowed her own tongue during a seizure because Nancy didn't hold her right, and she had to try over four times (and watch her choke and die four times) before she got it right. The time she didn't die - but she lost her ability to speak after hours of electroculpulsive therapy, and she had her fake an illness so they would submit her to less aggressive procedures. It happened again when, after a similar trial, she forgot her own parents and thought the scientists were her parents. But she mostly just died. Over, and over, and over again. Mostly from overdose or brain damage during seizures, but one time, she was purposely asphixiated during a test. To this point Nancy still isn't sure what was it that they wanted to test with that. She suspects it was just torture for the sake of torture. To break her, somehow.

Nancy is terrified of long-term effects of all of this on Robin's health. She's scared the damage will cross the point of no return too early, to a point she can't go back to, a point in which she can't stop it. She can hold Robin's head during a seizure but she can't stop the seizures, and the lasting damage they leave.

Robin is aware of Nancy's powers. Nancy didn't even have to prove them to her - she believed her immediately whe she told her, and she trusts her judgment completely. If Nancy tells her it's better to do X, you can bet Robin will be doing X. Robin doesn't tell Nancy about her newfound ability immediately - she doesn't want her to worry about something she can do nothing about. But she does share it with her, after some time. She felt the need to explain to Nancy why the sudden interest on her. Nancy worries about her Robin so much, so so much, because she's just become Brenner's favorite new toy, and he'll do anything and everything to exploit her. She's in much more danger than Nancy is, and Nancy wishes she could take her place, make herself into Brenner's toy, draw attention away from Robin, but they both know the best they can do for their safety is to keep Nancy's invisible power secret. Nancy hates herself for not being able to take Robin's pain for her.

They escape one day. It's a complicated plan including short-distance time travel, manipulating russian spies through a stolen radio, several forms of treason and going out the same way they came in - through the portal. Nancy does her best to keep them safe with her power as they search for the other gate, the one they first crossed three years ago. And then, they're out. They're found unconcious on the side of the road.

They wake up a few days later in the hospital, surrounded by their families. Nancy's brother, Mike, has a new friend - a quiet girl with long brown hair and a 011 tattoed on her wrist, and she knows she needs to speak to her desperately, but she's exhausted, so for the time being, she'll sleep for some time, feeling almost at peace now, knowing Robin is safe and in the good hands of doctors.

[stackofpossums]

Could I get a Hc for how the M6 would react to finding out Mc's past is worse than they thought? Like finding the shop is the point their life goes from awful to okay to eventually great. Before then? You can leave it as vague as you'd like.

(I have an Mc who was an executioner/pet similar but different from Muriels executioner/gladiator role being Their scars are from the person in charge and all their opponents were never given a chance. Another Mc who tried to live up to others expectations for him. Eventually forced to leave his home or die at 10 because his sister tried to murder him for a power he didn't even want. My third Mc who had abusive parents and learned from a passing by sparrow that they need to run away to save themselves.

What if before the shop Mc's life was actually horrible? So like to the point they never told anyone, not even Asra. Only telling stories about after they had moved to the shop to live with their aunt.)

I just finished a big assignment so Mc who has a dark past let's go:

Asra: He already knew MC past was dark and was kind of glad they didn't have to remember that when they lost their memories. Then they got their memory back. And oh. OH. He never knew it was this bad. At first, he's a little upset that MC never felt safe enough to confide in him. He quickly realizes, "No, it wasn't him." He's grateful MC chose to confide in him now, and he's going to do everything in his power to support them. He'll hold them and comfort them while they talk if MC is comfortable with that. The salamander has already lit the stove so he can brew some calming tea. Therapy has been scheduled. He is fully committed to helping MC heal as much as possible, mostly out of love, but there's a tiny part of him that feels guilty for not knowing sooner.

Julian: He thought he had it bad. He didn't know it could be this bad. He may be a doctor, but... for quite possibly the first time in his life, he knows he isn't qualified to fix this. He's gonna set MC up with the best mental health care. Until then, he's going to attempt to theraptize them himself. He encourages MC to talk not only about their past but also about how it made them feel, how they're feeling now, what challenges they are having, and anything and everything else they want to share. He's going to respond with hella words of affirmation, making sure MC knows how much he cares about them and that their safe now.

Nadia: Patiently listens to MC's story, no matter how gruesome the details are. She'll hold them tightly when it becomes too much for them to bear. There are no words to describe the hurt she feels for them to her very core. Afterward, she is setting them up with the best mental health support money can buy. Only the best therapists, medications, if MC wants to try them, or anything else. Anything MC thinks will help them is theirs. No expense is too great for her beloved MC. She's pretty venengeful, though. It'll be tough to convince her not to make the lives of anyone who's made MC suffer hell. She'll relent eventually, though, because she's knows if MC doesn't want that, it won't be helpful.

Muriel: Out everyone here, he understands it the most. It's a little hard for him to listen sometimes because he remembers times in his life where he felt just as hopeless as MC. He's here for MC, though, and makes it his mission to make sure MC NEVER feels that way again. He shares the techniques he's found for dealing with trauma, as well as helps MC find what works for them. He pushes them to keep going when he notices they are struggling. He comforts them when it's too much. He celebrates with them for every challenge they overcome, no matter how "small." It's the least he can do for them after everything they've done for him.

Portia: When MC first opens up about their past, their a bit afraid they're going to get squeezed to death by Portia's hugs. She's the other LI mostly likey to try to go after the people's who hurt her precious MC, she solves problems with fists flying. But that's okay. She's sneaky. She's going to make sure anyone who hurt MC wakes up to a fun surprise. Other than that, MC can always count on Portia for a listening ear. She will comfort MC through any story they need to tell and wants to help them find closure however she can.

Lucio: Oh. Oh no. No one gets to hurt his MC. No one. Who shall he defeat in battle for you? That won't help? Oh... well... what can he do? Lucio would do ANYTHING to make things better for MC. Just say the word. Hugs, he's here. No hugs? That's fine, too. He's here to listen. He knows a thing or two about unpleasant pasts. But you have each other now. MC has had his back despite everything he's done. It would be criminal not to do the same.

[beatingtheouijaboardallegations]

do think we have some important perspective to say about the ‘all nonspeaking / nonverbal people can read minds & literal send secret message to each other across time & space. and access so much spiritual better connect to g-d in ways speaking people can’t ever’ bullshit. thta becoming so so so popular even among people we respect in nonspeaking space cause that fucking podcast being promoted everyone un escapable if in S2C etc center space. but so scared of responses because is one of my most needed communities , already thin ice don’t want to completely make people hate me who could be only bridge to connect people like me.

as dissociative person / collective , who different alters have gone through diffrent stages of thinking can read minds. and who thought could all read minds and talk to people not there before realize there is people in my brain. thinking of that one girl in head. formed because trauma from growing up thought of not human treated as worse than alien worse than object as nonthinking nonfeeling. believes will return to “ her world” where we are powerful and understood and don’t have body that needs this much care can exist as a self not need others so sheerly. believes is telepathic with that world a d also that can hear thoughts of all other nonspeakers and talk back n forth.

we dont have good enough communication for me to. ‘interview’ her for an article or do back and forth discussion debate. but she has been dormant and then sudden took over while listening to That Fucking podcast ( for ‘research’ purpose) because of course she would. and now has so much more ‘evidence’ for the trauma beliefs (is whole web of belief have barely scratch surface here) act so smug about it so annoying, know is a part of me but hate what she does to us

and think that even though many nonspeakers who have these beliefs (and their parents and professionals around them also do) not plural and not have DID OSDD ect. 1. so few of us given language understand experience of selfves experience of dissociation & multipleness & substitute beliefs & fear and trauma. so few of us get any type therapy at all good or bad , or just therapy that follows parent religion , or just behavior and ‘ skill build’ therapy and maybe psych meds and few coping strategies taught but no pne to actually explore depths of how we feel, cause not seen as able feel only able to act. i mean only reason selfves found out language of DID exists is because being on tumblr , have access to internet and informatijom not pre approve by authority & the motor plans n cognitive ease of looking through information freely was something that cultivated and early supported after learning to type. and also immersed in queer trans communities through partner and local places , where have met some other systems who willing compare notes on experience. which most nonspeaking nonverbal people dont get.

and 2. any traumatized people especially people face specifc kind trauma of grow up full life nonspeaking presume incompetent. more likely build up all kinds ideas necessary to surviving and can see exactly how when you spend life just as fly on the wall observinf the world not affecting it, no one is teaching you how to communicate in the most full most easy way possible for body mind , being abused in the big and small ways in special ed and by staff and doctors and talked about in most awful ways while you are right there. “i am telepathic” can be belief that so so so needed to survive that hell. so can “i can talk to everyone else going through this and we can fight together with just our minds from miles away.” and do relate so deeply to nonspeakers who talk about these things.

the problem lies when peope who are not us. parents or doctors or spiritual healing bio med podcaster people. take those trauma beliefs and make them so very literal, as part of their ( usually fundamental Christian or heavy based on that) beliefs that they want nonspeakers to also hold. will turn us into these prophetic creatures when we are very young instead if just letting us be people. which is terrible for thos of us who actually hold these beliefs and experience. we not getting chance to explore what means for us, in all the depths in all the ways we need to. just taken as “holy shit my kid can read my mind” broadcast everywhere like party trick treated like something other than human. which is same place trauma lies in first place, is two sides of same coin. it is all so anger making and not what any of us deserve.

[fictionkinfessions]

Genuinely can't tell if you're serious in the tags about watching a playthrough of tCoAaL, MPC, but if you are... I recommend the 5 hour walkthrough of all endings as they get all the special/secret dialogue.

Also, absolutely screaming and crying because if I accidentally turn you or anyone else on this blog into sourcemates, I'll know I just have the power to infect people with splitting off into fictives or even kinning. Because I've kinda already accidentally did that. 😅

Anyway, good luck, and I hope you have fun and enjoy the psychological horror visual novel with puzzle solving and RPG elements.

-your favorite goth cannibal who is only a little messed up in the head. #🩷🖤

Your timing is hilarious because I just finished a let's play, went to bed, and saw this while checking the inbox one last time.

I did just finish a no commentary let's play, but it's only 4 hours so I'll have to go back and find a proper walkthrough with all the secrets. 'full game playthrough' my ass!! I do wish I got into this sooner. It's a very cool and basically up my alley as a horror fan.

[also your choker is so cute? the lil bell? precious goth!!!]

Anyways, I can see why tumblr, et al likes you and Andy/drew so much. You're very sympathetic. Like yeah you're an asshole but there's definitely some nature vs nuture thing going on. You absolutely needed therapy as a kid / young adult and well. That didn't happen for various reasons. Capitalism, general neglect, life experience, etc. Two neglected kids / teens, lots of drama, much fodder for speculating what coulda woulda happened? That's some good 'hindsight is 20/20' that a lot can related to.

And I can see there's a decent amount of incestuous undertones. Very gothic genre, very Flower in the Attic albeit way less confinement and overt child abuse. Again, therapy might've helped but that meant more proactive parenting and less capitalism interference. [bc a person might care more about their kids if they're not burned out by working 80 hours a week] Also for you [canon you, not you necessarily] to realize your behavior was kinda unacceptable. Which imo therapy might've done, who knows.

Also for Andrew who kinda got stuck in that situation in his own shitty way. Anyone else grow up in an apartment building with no other kids, and the park was too far to walk to on your own, and there's just nothing to do but school, come home to homework, and that's it? Like really, the Graves kids have their ProblemsTM but the real villain? Capitalism.

Though I don't think I can blame children for learning from their parents. The parent Graves are very similar in dynamic, albeit without the incest [I'd assume???]. Yeah there's mental illness but that doesn't come out of nowhere. Again, nature vs nuture themes here. Also that your parents fucked him over by forcing him out of college and preventing him from even getting employment? He's legally dead. How does he even get a new identity at that point? Yeah he does some messed up things but what choices does he have? Prison? Getting sent back to the fucked up medical torture corporation? Andrew, buddy, you have all my sympathy.

Absolutely wild ride. Still trying to figure out the apartment thing, but I think I got it. Your parents sold you to a corporation who were doing medical experimentation on all of you. I think. I wonder if there really is parasites in you--from that one nurse scene-- and that's why you survived that long in the apartment? Kinda like some Resident Evil shit. Except you did not turn into a flesh monster [Birkin!?] or start monologing while being a super human [Wesker…!]. Unless those were tracking tags the nurse injected…. I guess it'll be answered in the next chapter(s?). You're both very badass to survive that shit. I think I would've simply laid down and died. [gasp what if you go to the corporation next, and it becomes a Psycho Yuppie crossover….? /jk]

Also TAR SOUL?? Slurs? Girl slurs?? I guess that's a Demon of Misogyny in addition to Flea Market Trinkets. I'm going to beat that dollar store spongebob text strain talking knock off's ass. [that the demon has no commentary on Andrew is kinda funny. 'oh it's the bro. mm. well bai.']

ok also disclaimer. Yes incest is bad and I don't support that in this life. [what happened in canons / past lives I don't judge either. You can't change the past imo.] I can appreciate that in this game it, at least, has some credence to be present within the material. It's a unhealthy situation that leads to unhealthy behavior. I didn't get the feeling it was, you know, intentionally eroticized media like some things found on a3o. Tumblr, et al, saying it's incest bait is really weird. Like, it's a visual medium, yes it's going to portray it visually? The curtains are a [color] for a reason, and this time it's not erotica. I don't think tumblr is good at shades of grey morality or subtlety.

wow this got long. Well good bye, I'm going to find the 5 hour playthrough now!

wait PS there's someone on the queue mentioning they're questioning Ashley Graves because of you…! So! Britney spears voice, oops, you did it again? LOLLERSKATES

[terrys-min-catl]

abuse mention warning! if you're bad triggered by abuse mention and cant stand statements abt post victims abuse. then please ignore this post.

you've been warned

little sketch to not just there to exist my river of consious I see that many people perceive the conclusion of the arc as wrong because of Kevin's words about his father. That he wants to be better than his father, but quotes him and forgives him. And I didn't see the conclusion otherwise. lets talk abt this

"Can a victim of abuse say something like that?" Yes. They can and will say. We all see only a way where the victim of abuse becomes a healthy unit of society and doesnt repeat the mistakes of the past But these are rather exceptional cases that we always want to see. Most of the victims become tyrants themselves, without even knowing it. The desire to be better alone and therapy is not enough, the victim of abuse, whether they want to or not, will accept the habits of their abuser, especially if they spend enough time with them. Stockholm syndrome has not spared anyone as much as you whitewash characters whose synonym for their name is "trauma"

Who will a child grow up to be in an abusive family? An abuser. Kevin was brainwashed into total Stockholm syndrome and forgave his father. That's it. As much as I would like to have a different outcome, Kevin will not be a good father. This is a terrible, morally disfigured cruel character from childhood. How can he be a good father? When was the last time we heard about Donovan on a podcast? And about Charles? When Cecil, in the gaps between the news, manages to cram essay on the topic of products, mentioning how much he loves his son, his creativity, behavior, as well as his husband. And most often it's all one episode, which shows how involved he is in the family, how much he appreciates it, then Kevin… It's as if he exists in a vacuum from it. Whether he is so punctual, or idk. Remember the arc with mudstone abyss. How did Kevin feel about Charles' son? He disliked him so much, he couldn't accept his existence, that he began to doubt his relationship with Charles when he put him in front of a choice. It was only after the boy solved the problem with mudstone abyss that he decided to give him a chance to accept. Chance. We can only guess how things went further. But given Kevin's nature, his ways of solving problems, his problems in principle, I don't believe that their family is equivalent to Cecil's family. Naturally, I also want to believe that Charles is teaching him to be a good and accepting parent, that their life is beautiful in its own way, but it sounds too beautiful and unrealistic to me. sorry

The victims of abuse (in any relationship) will never come out healthy, and they will not be healthy anymore. Abuse is cyclical and not many people manage to get out of it, and even then not completely

Do you think that Kevin, who survived the abuse, will just let himself go from the past (but already in the present) and will not try to start from the beginning, but under his own supervision? I think their relationship is going to be kind of weird, but I believe in their existence. I don't think he needs to mention strexcorp every time he says something out of the ordinary. I didn't see any other outcome.

And Kevin himself?. Well, I love Kevin, I'm so happy at every au where he's mentioned. I like to joke about his silly nature, I want to hug him, my comfort character (even after such statements) and etc. But I see this character far beyond that. I see him as a person who has gone through a lot of terrible things and is still going through these terrible things. This is a brainwashed person, a victim of abuse, who is an abuser himself. This is a cruel person who goes to his goal, who sees his path as exceptionally correct and does not consider other outcomes of events. He will grow his little self up to be like himself, as any other person would do if they had a chance

I'm okay with the end of the arc, because I can't imagine a picture where Kevin just lets go of the past, where Kevin abruptly realizes all his mistakes, where Kevin will change his worldview, where Kevin won't want to repeat, but on his own behalf The character of black and gray morality moves forward, seeing only one path in front of him, and that is already trodden before him

In conclusion. I liked the arc, again, I liked the end, again, but I think it's too fast. this arc could be made as long as the arch with the university what it is, even longer. Where were we in a hurry? there was so much potential here, but like hh (pls forgive me for such analogy), we were shown only plot episodes and a very fast crumpled end. The end is fire, the way to this end is so-so let's hope that the authors will no longer mention so directly and unilaterally such conflicting topics as "family abuse"

Maybe my thoughts are not quite right, but everyone have their own pov and thats okay

[fostercare-expat]

Social worker updated that the official decision is that both boys will stay in care, not return home. No surprise there.

The case will now be transferred from Investigation to Intervention. Mom and Boyfriend will be required to attend counselling from a domestic violence centre and the boys will start attending therapy. No surprises there. I could have told you that on Day 2. No need for 2.5 months to figure that out.

I asked for a timeline and she said it will likely be another month before the new social worker in the Intervention department is assigned and then only then will they talk to Mom and boyfriend about the plan. The other foster family and I both want to hear what Mom’s attitude will be and if she says she wants to do the work to get the boys back home or if she says she is ok with them staying in the foster care system. Because the other family doesn’t want to be a long term placement for Older Brother and they figure if the plan is to him to stay in the system long term, that he may as well go to a group home now. But they might be willing to do another 6 months. We asked the current social worker how long she thinks the Intervention phase will be and she said realistically a year but ideally 6 months. But everyone is stuck in a holding pattern for another month until the new social worker is assigned. I don’t even think the therapy can start yet. But the good news is that Younger Brother is a cutie awesome kid with a delightful sense of humour who runs into my arms every day when I come home from work and loves swimming in the pool and hang out with my Younger Daughter and all her friends. Yes, parenting is stressful but he deserves it and I’m capable of doing it for another year if needed. I don’t know that I’m capable of parenting Older Brother for another year, but I definitely can do Younger Brother.

In other news, my former husband was flipping out yesterday about a loan I gave my helper from our shared money. He already knew about the loan several weeks ago and even said at the time to make sure if she needs more money that she ask us for more instead of going to loan sharks. He’s confused about how much she has borrowed vs been paid so I spent 30 minutes making him a spreadsheet on Excel because he has a degree in Finance and that’s his sort of thing. He was flipping out so much that he couldn’t even understand the spreadsheet. He kept shouting at me on the phone and I was calmly asking him not to speak to me that way and I will explain it to him, and he would apologise and take a few breaths to calm down but then a few exchanges he was back to yelling at me. He’s generally not someone who yells. I’ve known him 19 years and he’s yelled more in the last year than he has in the past 18 years. Yesterday his behaviour was so irrational that I came to several realisations:

1) Generally I say that he and I get along very well. That is not the case lately.

2) His behaviour is connected to his stress about starting a business and about money. But it’s being reflected towards me and it’s irrational. I don’t need to spend a lot of time and effort accommodating his irrational demands around 10 year old boys potentially abusing his daughters or get scolded about our shared money when I literally already asked his permission in writing.

3) For the time being, I need to just shift him to a smaller corner of my life and let him fight a battle against his own demons without letting it leak over to me. I don’t need to co-parent as closely as I have been. I won’t make any dramatic announcements about it. I’ll just communicate way less and pay less attention to the irrational stuff.

4) I’ve gently warned the girls that Daddy is having a stressful time and he might be miserable to be around sometimes and they can talk to me about anything and I’ll help. (He would never hit them, I’m confident in that. But he might shout a lot or stomp out of the house or generally lose it in front of them, which would be scary for them.)

5) He will return to his normal self eventually. He normally treats me with kindness and respect, even for most of the 7 years we have been broken up. I’ll be patient, with some healthy boundaries, and this will pass. He did apologise several times on the phone yesterday. So he’s aware that he’s losing it. And he says he’s going to therapy. He’s just struggling and I have the benefit of not needing you getting sucked into it.

[alexiethymia]

The poetic cinema that it was Mr. Ji’s inkblot he made in anger which caused Chi yeol to discover that he was the one who kidnapped Haeyi and the fact that the first episode dealt with a mostly harmless stalker while the dangerous stalker was by his side all along.

Love or hate the murder plot, I do love the twists, not necessarily with regard to the suspect or motivation, but how it’s a scathing social commentary. Because wow, it really is the adults who are the most reprehensible, huh? Because kids absorb everything around them like a sponge, but adults should know better.

And Mr. Ji, as much as I would love to hate him, I really can’t because he is far too tragic. He’s no mastermind. All of his crimes have been sloppy. Even his choice of weapon - a slingshot and not a gun - show that a part of him is still that abused kid, like his anger and his impulses and the way he can change his devotion to hatred at the betrayal he feels toward Chiyeol. The adults around him really screwed him and his sister over. Even when his sister wanted to do the right thing, all she got from it was abuse. And it’s really dangerous that this kind of abuse is being normalized when justified that it’s for grades or the future of the kid. The adults screwed him up so badly that he could only trust a single adult, and fixated on him in a way to have a connection with his sister. I’m sure he became obsessively protective because of the residual guilt he felt at not being able to save his sister on time. If he had gotten therapy or the support he needed back then, even after he had killed his parent, would he have had a chance to heal alongside Chiyeol now?

The parallels are heavy with Mr. Ji, Seung-jae, and Su-a, and again it is a tragedy that the adults around them pushed them to the brink. Although there was still an element of choice because Mr. Ji still chose to kill his mother and others, I guess Seung-jae had what Mr. Ji and even his sister didn’t have at the time. Seung-jae would have gone the same route if he wasn’t pulled back.

And it’s really refreshing to me this emphasis on found family. It’s not necessarily that blood family is automatically bad, but you shouldn’t let preconceived notions and moral superiority cloud your judgment to the point that you’re already seriously damaging your child because you think you’re doing what’s ‘best’ for them. It’s refreshing to me that Haeng-seon wasn’t submissive towards her sister and was rightly mad because Haeyi is her daughter not anyone else’s. Same with Jaewoo. I’m glad they’re not going to push the redemption arc for their eldest sister just because she’s ‘blood’.

Another refreshing thing about this episode which I didn’t expect but really loved is the communication between Haeng-seon and Chiyeol. Chiyeol takes her concerns seriously because of course she would know Haeyi best. And I really didn’t expect it because most kdramas would have the lead keep it as a secret (another source of danger and misunderstanding), but I love, love, that Chiyeol was genuinely honest about the proof he found about Mr. Ji. I’m sure that even if Haeng-seon thought that Mr. Ji hated her, she didn’t expect him to go that far.

Another reason why I like the murder plot is because I prefer this as a source of tension rather than the usual break-up, miscommunication, long-distance, timeskip plots that usually happen during these final episodes. I would prefer my ship to be communicating as they hurdle outside obstacles together.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I know, I know it might be the algorithm and all but I'm actually disturbed by how much content I see on places like Instagram, reels of couples talking about how your partner is toxic if they're not letting you have access to their phone, don't give you the code to their devices (Clearly they have something to hide!!!!) if they're spending time with (respectively) male/female friends on their own or if they're going out - and I don't think it's a coincidence that the vast majority are explicitly or implicitly about women being 'toxic' if they don't give their boyfriend access to their social media or have male friends or go out on parties or have female friends (!) (because apparently female friends will sabotage the relationship aka tell her that her boyfriend is a controlling manipulative knob). One woman bragged about how her boyfriend sends her photos and locations every several minutes on vacation to show her that he's just with the boys and that this is beautiful and normal and 'see, your relationship can be this healthy, too! Don't take less!' <3<3<3<3<3<3 Yesterday I saw a guy talking about how if he pays more for stuff like rent or food or sth, he has a right that his girlfriend delete her social media presence entirely.

it's 'they read my message at 10:15 am and haven't responded!!!!!'/'they were online on social media A but didn't respond to me on social media B!!!'/'they received so-and-so many snaps!!!' culture meeting toxic relationship meeting heteronormative stereotypes and relationship models meeting using therapy language for manipulation meeting 'men and women cannot be friends' meeting you have to be online and available 24/7 meeting parental child-tracking devices NOW FOR ADULTS meeting abusive partners hiding AirTags in your car (but now guilt-tripping you into taking them with you) meeting women are a passive resource that is accessible to any man talking to her for long enough.

It's basically turning relationships into a dystopia of their own where you can track your s/o like a fuckin Tamagotchi (and if they don't let you, they are the evil wrongdoers who are hurting you!). You cannot escape work anymore, you grow up controlled by your family, you're under constant supervision of whatever loser tiktoker happens to walk by you - and now even your relationship is being turned into a hyper-controlled space. Not to be dramatic, but that's another space - the most private and most intimate space for most people's lives - that is no longer private or personal and no longer in their hands.

And I think most of us adults are still analogue enough to see how toxic it is (except abusers will definitely see how useful it is to tell their SO that this is normal) - but you also have kids growing up and bombarded with this content telling them that this is normal and healthy and that they have a right to track their partner like they purchased GirlFriend Premium PlusPlusPlus and are now owed (and it's so healthy and normal and good!) access to their partner 24/7.

And there is also the simply matter of what it does to relationships if the demon of 'cheating' is constantly, constantly, constantly in the room without reason. It's pushing a culture where you treat your partner like they've already cheated - for no reason. Where the default of your relationship is treating your partner like that. Which is something that hurts you and hurts them. This is like becoming randomly obsessed with the idea that your partner might be stealing money from your purse or has a second family hidden away somewhere. It's basically setting yourself up to look for something that doesn't match up or feeling betrayed if your partner simply...wants a moment of privacy. Privacy and some alone-time is a very central human need. One that in our current time is losing a lot of ground which means that most of our secrecy is now happening in our private lives (someone made a post on here about how young people e.g. are more likely to shut their curtains and stuff). But if you now hivemind the kids into the belief that every person is per default a cheater and under constant obligation to prove otherwise (guilty unless proving innocent at all times), that's another piece of privacy disappearing and it's putting a giant strain on your relationship - basically setting it up to fail and do you both a lot of mental damage.

[doodlepede]

We dont really interact much but you usually interact with my posts about whipping girl and i just need to get this out to someone because I'm going crazy you don't have to respond or anything I'm just ranting "Of course, feminine traits that arise from our adult hormonal makeup are relatively easy to categorize as biological, as one can experience the corresponding changes firsthand via hormone therapy. In contrast, other feminine traits that have biological input —such as those that may be hardwired into our brains from birth—are more difficult to discern. Two possible examples of this include feminine aesthetic preferences and ways of expressing oneself. Evidence that these tendencies may be hardwired comes from the fact that they typically appear very early in childhood and often in contradiction to one’s socialization (both for children whose parents attempt to raise them in a unisex or gender-neutral fashion, and for boys whose families actively and aggressively steer them away from feminine expression). This indicates that some aspects of feminine verbal and aesthetic expression precede and/or supersede gender socialization" And I have so much to say this is fucking wild it feels like she sees masculine expression as the default and so feminine expression is automatically different and must have some explanation Its weird to be that she thinks gender expression is hardwired into brains when it can and does change for people its not just a static thing she ignores trans men/masc and gnc women only mentioning boys also weird to me that she puts kids being raised gender neutral or gender free on basically the same level as literal abuse like it just seems like more enbyphobia like she expects everyone to fit in masculine and feminine and man or woman and people who don't are somehow bad and contributing to transphobia and transmisogyny its so weird to me and not at all seemingly based in the material reality that many people face

i saw a massive text wall in my inbox and got Scared for a second LOLOLOL okay my thoughts as i read

yeah i would say that traits which are affected by hormonal changes are biological. its a biological process occurring in a biological organism. its the way we (are compelled to) label them that is sociocultural. breasts happen because estrogen, female is just a useful functional label, and when you remember that intersex people exist, you will find it less and less functional for anything outside zoology and even then, masisve fucking asterisk im not gonna get into right now. ah well theres your issue, there are no feminine traits hardwired into the brain. youre prescribing a sociocultural label to a biological system. that's "brain gender", flawed and borderlike hack science and cornerstone to most transmeds of old (2018). "motherly instincts" are the same, applying sociocultural labels where they don't belong. many many many many mothers outright kill their children through neglect or abuse, so wheres the hardwired instinct gone? single fathers exist and are often superior parents than the mothers so wheres the femaleness gone? we are already doing a LOT of conflation between "female" and "feminine" and biology vs sociology but im getting a little ahead of her....

"feminine aesthetic preference" that's sociocultural. "ways of expressing oneself" sociocultural. yawn. "appear early in childhood" because they are taught by parents and peers who are 100000% aware of the need to conform to society because humans are a social species. i was Very aware of the way my female peers were trying to get me to conform from as young as FIVE. and before preschool, my parents were the ones making me wear pink dresses, when I preferred blue and orange. gender performance is learned behavior. even if your parents try to bring you up gender neutrally, you still have to go to school and interact with every other kid who very much isn't. kids are way more aware than shes giving them credit for, they want to fit in, and every second of gender neutral raising is defeated the instant that child meets two members of the same sex as themself, because those others will know he is male and treat him like one of their own, and they will learn that they're a he and boys are like them. or maybe they'll decide that theyre nothing like them. who knows, but the illusion is shattered regardless. am i strange for literally remembering my thoughts and feelings from the age of 5ish? because i do. + people can change their fucking minds later in life and its no less legitimate as people who made up their minds in their single digits. who are you to fucking tell them otherwise?

(notice the way she singles out boys for being aggressively steered away from feminity without a second of consideration for girls aggressive minding to be feminine? her lack of perspective or consideration for anyone's pov but her own is showing again, it really is no wonder transradfems fucking worship this shitass book)

yeah no god she 100% sees male as default like girl stop you're reinforcing patriarchy

if she were ftm, tumblr would see her for the transmed she is and be over it. i genuinely feel as though she and authors like her are given the benefit of the doubt because of her transfem bias and female gender like be so for real with me.

[generalchelseamayhem]

Unpopular Opinion: "Men suffer from toxic (you know what goes here) and Women suffer from sexism" is a fancy way of saying women are allowed to snap from trauma, whereas men should blame themselves and make sure they're never a danger to anyone else.

And boy, does society love that last one. Victim blaming at its finest.

This ask hits kind of a personally relevant note for me, so apologies if this is longer than you expected.

I think there's some kind of logic behind this, like people will say this about a woman on the assumption that she has exhausted every possible avenue of help, and found no help forthcoming, whereas they will say the other thing about a man on the assumption that help has been offered to him and he flatly refused to take it. Men will do anything rather than go to therapy! etc. etc.

And I think what this misses is the ways that everyone, including these same people, can even unknowingly disincentivise men from actually getting help.

I haven't told anyone I know IRL about this, but yesterday, I started therapy. It's costing me money out of my own pocket because Medicare only covers about 65% of the full price of an appointment—and that's if you've already gone to a GP and paid more money to get a referral. I digress. The point is, every single one of my friends I opened up to about my problems was like "Dude. Seek help. Now." It kinda made me feel ashamed for opening up about my problems in the first place, to anyone other than a trained professional. Yes, there was also a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th place, so I can understand how it might have been hard to deal with, but the feeling remained.

Eventually, it reached the point where I could no longer justify my "self-improvement using only myself" regimen against my punishingly restrictive budget. Not only because my ability to cope reached an end, but because my budget finally got a bit more relaxed. So I listened to my friends and booked an appointment with my GP, then with a psychologist she referred me to.

First impressions are everything, and I have to be frank, I don't think I built much of a rapport with this guy. But the main issue was—

If you've ever had mental health issues, what's the one thing that always prevents you from seeking help?

Correct, that your problems are tiny and not worthy of consideration next to the grand scale of human suffering. Why should the psychologist be helping you, when there are actively suicidal people or people in prison or abuse survivors, all with way worse problems than you, whom he could be helping instead?

People around you will insist that all mental health struggles are valid, that there isn't, like, a minimum standard for how desperate you need to feel before you seek help.

I wasn't really sure how to start, so I just told him the story of what happened to me during the pandemic. The way my ex and I drifted apart, the way I sacrificed some of my needs during that time to make sure hers were met, the financial pressure I felt from my parents cajoling me into buying a house, other seemingly close friends (at least 3 of them?) ghosting me without the slightest explanation.

And all he could say at the end, when I'd run out of things to talk about, was "What do you want me to do here?"

I can understand why a question like that might be asked in therapy settings, but hearing it so bluntly like that... it genuinely made me feel like my problems were insignificant on a scale I hadn't imagined. It was said in a way that suggested there was nothing here for us to latch onto, nothing for us to improve upon, just me whining about stuff that happened ages ago. It hurt.

Obviously I didn't have much of an answer to give. If I knew what to do about the things that were making me feel sad, I would have done them myself without paying $60 for a middle-man to tell me to do them. Broadly speaking, I would like the bad feelings to go away and my awkward behaviour in certain situations to stop! Was that not obvious? You're the expert! If you listened to me talk for 40 minutes and you don't think there's a clear and obvious way forward, what does that say about the scope and severity of my problems?

I don't think I'll stick with this guy. My point here is, I think people should be a lot more careful about recommending therapy to men, because they can be so careless about dismissing men's problems out of hand with the other side of their mouth. Whether that takes the form of mocking people for male tears, or chastising them because women aren't your therapists and can't be expected to perform that kind of emotional labour, or any other of a number of subconscious biases that still insist "Your problems aren't actually real."

To be quite honest, I don't even think therapy will be a productive avenue for me. That kind of thing never factors into these conversations though, and I think that's because a lot of "men need therapy" discourse is entirely performative.

[luvhughes43]

https://www.tumblr.com/luvhughes43/762521546150526976/thinking-about-baby-blake-at-skating-competitions?source=share

OH 😃 Thanks for breaking my heart...

Now I'm thinking about her and jack being each others' best friends and how hard it must have been for them to be apart from each other 🥲 I mean, they were together from the womb (and even before that) and suddenly they're forced to be apart in order to pursue their dreams...and maybe, selfishly, they both (but mostly jack) wish that they could just be together again even though it means one of them has to give up what they love...........

BUT ALSO baby blake seems like the type to just be like "Don't worry mom and dad! I'll be fine on my own! You can just watch the boys so you don't need to travel so far!" and also "Don't worry guys! You don't even have to watch this competition! It's not even a big one!" And she says it every time because she doesn't want anyone staying up late for her or worrying when/if she falls during a jump.....and it kills her to say it because deep down all she wants is for her family to be there with her or to watch her skate her program even if it's not live....

im sorry😭😭

its hard because the split happens as soon as the family moves back to the usa. so not only are they being separated but now theyre in a new country and neither of them really know anybody. jack definitely wishes that one of them quit their sport so it wasn't so hard but at the end of the day they both love what they're doing so it was never really a question. they try to stay in contact as much as they can but blake was already competing in major competitions (ISU juniors, etc.) that it was so hard for them to be as close as they were.

they were definitely separated from age 13 till basically blakes injury (do we think she quarantined with her family? because if she was living with other family members so she could skate theres a high possibility they didnt get reunited until their 20s (of course they visit each other - but still)). it definitely makes blakes move to nyc after she retires from skating so much fun. she goes from seeing her twin only a few times a year to basically being neighbours. blake dating nico and being a part of the team that way also helps solidify hers and jacks bond which is soo special !! they definitely spend so much time together now that theyre closer.

baby blake is sooo truly a sad girl😭 this is the time in her life where her coaches abuse was really starting to increase and build pressure and the distance from her family didnt help at all. it made it easier in a sense, because blake knew she didnt have to try so hard to hide what was happening behind the scenes (she definitely struggled with an ed, injuries, mental abuse, etc.).

it was the absolute saddest/hardest period of her life but she truly loves figure skating and would do anything for the sport !! shes also so young and without her parents around she doesnt understand the scale of the abuse she faced until shes older and starts to unpack what happened to her in therapy.

she was soo the type of kid to tell her parents/family that she didnt care whether they missed her events !! i think her family also had a hard time connecting with her figure skating so it was just easier (not saying its right) to overlook her smaller competitions. it was definitely a really hard adjustment to make but her family did watch all her live streams. she just wished they couldve showed up in person more.