#but also being autistic makes it SO FUCKING HARD

[wellofdean]

tags via @ilarual: #literally this is the thing!!#Dean has not explicitly said the words ''please stop leaving''#but he has tried very hard through his actions to express that#AND!!!! CRUCIALLY!!! BECAUSE DEAN IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD VERBAL COMMUNICATOR!!#he has ALSO!!! verbally expressed his desire for Cas to stick around using OTHER words!!!#not as explicit as ''please stop leaving and stay with me'' but absolutely conveying the same sentiment#what the hell do you think ''we're stronger together'' and the whole ''cursed or not'' speech were about????#like Cas needs it to be more clear than that to Get It bc he does not understand how his constant absence HURTS#but Dean does not want to BE more explicit than he already is#bc he feels like he's been VERY direct on the subject already#he literally told Cas he needs him. TWICE. and has prayed that he needs him there with them at least once that I can recall#Dean thinks he's been EXTREMELY explicitly clear already!!!#and that Cas is constantly leaving bc despite hearing Dean's tacit request to stay Cas is REFUSING that request and doesn't WANT to stay#he keeps asking and getting rebuffed WHY would he be louder and needier about it when he thinks all it's going to get him#is the emotional equivalent of a slap to the face?#in no universe is Dean going to ask for something louder when from his POV he's already been begging for it and being refused like????#this is one of those cases where neither of them is actually doing anything wrong#Dean is communicating perfectly fine it's just Cas is autistic and missing some subtext#Cas isn't wrong for prioritizing his missions when he doesn't understand that Dean wants him there as much as he wants to be there#they're just talking past each other and a deeper conversation or two would fix this problem for them#they just don't realize that conversation is necessary#bc Dean thinks he's been heard and understood and Cas is politely declining his request for more time together#and Cas is unaware that that's something Dean has been asking for at varying volume levels for years#and instead bc of his trauma feels compelled to ''earn'' his place in the family with feats of strength so to speak#no one is at fault for their emotional needs not being met it's just a miscommunication#unfortunately the fandom focuses super hard on only one part of that equation and thus the takes on it are so often Bad™#and ignore Cas's motivations and role as a complex actor with his own trauma and emotional issues and blind spots#anyway they're losers I adore them both <3#spn

OMG thank you. NO ONE IS AT FAULT FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL NEEDS NOT BEING MET.

I love them both so much, and they are so fucking hapless about this one particular thing: they are in love and Chuck keeps fucking with them.

And you are so right, @ilaurel, that Cas's motivations and traumas and complexities are ignored by so much of the fandom. I, an inveterate Dean enjoyer, who thinks Dean is a darling who has never committed a wrong that couldn't be forgiven if he just makes his bewildered wet eyes sad face, cannot understand why we gotta PICK ONE? Like, can't an autistic trauma survivor who's just learning the ropes on this whole 'free will' thing, and who's in love with god's favourite boytoy make a mistake here and there? Can we just give him a fucking break because his heart is the right place? By which I mean in Dean's lap?? If Dean and Cas can forgive each other, can't we just let them both be beautiful fuck ups and love them both?

Personally, I forgive them both their trespasses and hope they get to make out forever in a million beautiful hereafters.

on a realer note i do think people forget that a huge part of the destiel equation is that cas won’t stay. like yeah we focus a lot on the fact that dean won’t ask him to, but cas never sticking around is a huge factor there

[thealmightytrashdump]

Can you make some headcanon about his childhood? 🤔 i know he was manufactured so i suppose there were some "standards" he needed to follow at that time.

I like to imagine baby wesker couldn't be a child really. Like he was immediately groomed from maybe 7-8 weeks old to be "superior." Taken from his parents at a very very very young age. Raised mostly likely in a strict competitive environment all his life. No wonder this man has a ton of fucking issues.

First off. Getting chosen/kidnapped/orphaned. They had to select a child with quote unquote "superior genes." I'm halfway convinced they chose upper middle class white children, mayhaps with the 1940s Nazi Hilter Aryan race mindset. Spencer was in an older generation with older generation concepts cough RACISM cough so to speak.

So they obtain the child, in order to do whatever the fuck to him, they erase his birth identity from existence. Scrub him from the world and give him the new name they chose to fit the project. Albert Wesker.

Maybe they even went as far as given him a fake birthdate. Not birth year, but a fake birthday. (Basically canon at this point)

Wesker probably couldn't celebrate any holidays, or maybe all he would get as gifts were expensive reading materials/study guides/office supplies. Maybe the toys they gave him were secretly tests and puzzles and whatnot.

Maybe some of the other Wesker children were different ethnicities and they just didn't make it. So in a twisted sense perhaps that confirmed some prejudices that may or may not have been had by Umbrella's founders.

Of course his caretakers would encourage suitable behaviors and discourage certain idealogies. Not necessarily correcting bad behavior per say, more so correcting any undesirable traits like free will and fun. So maybe even from a young age, he was taught that being cruel was okay, maybe necessary to survive his upbringing. He didn't know better and no one was certainly teaching him good morals. Me thinks he wasn't raised religiously, but definitely could be wrong on this.

Of course being specifically chosen to be in the project means he naturally excelled in a boarding school learning environment. He definitely got some excellent af education.

Maybe he was on the autistism spectrum and they catered/designed his education for him specifically to succeed. Maybe they just abused him hard enough for him to learn how to survive despite any perceived learning setbacks. Either way, he did graduate at 17.

I like to think he was privately tutored but also maybe got some public university experience (where he could've met William), but canonically they supposedly met after he got his degrees and was shipped off to the arklay mountains where he worked under Dr. Marcus, right?

I like to think one of his private tutors tried to unbrainwash Albert and the trio founders of Umbrella stopped that nonsense real quick.

He has to have been raised with the other Wesker children and had to have realized their deaths/project failure was too systematic and put two and two together. For sure, Alex was the favorite of Spencer, and Albert (in terms of the wesker program) was average at best. He was superior genetically to Alex, but she was way more Intellectually advanced. Perhaps, he was an unruly child and needed a stricter lifestyle than Alex did. Either way, this is why Umbrella recuited William in, and tried to pit him and Wesker against each other. It would give Albert a goal to work towards, to strive to be better so to speak.

Albert was, of course, intelligent enough to not make enemies of his peers, Alex and William included. But that doesn't mean he liked them. Or hated them. I think he thought of them as coworkers.

His "friendship" with William (who was not raised to be a really smart sheep) definitely introduce some very interesting concepts to Wesker.

'What if not sheep but instead, a sherpard?' Which sparks his initial interest in learning about Spencer (who at this point imprinted himself on Wesker's psyche) and Umbrella. He was initally content with just getting his "dream job" as a researcher in Umbrella, but eventually begins thinking like "a sherpard" thus makes the deal with an increasingly paranoid Spencer to betray Dr. Marcus.

Of course, that means he's still under Spencer's thumb but he's starting to see the fucked up lamp in his dream bubble of a life. So schemes to get out of it by either: convincing Umbrella to let him join the military for some juicy secret B.OW. testing OR attempting to leave his predetermined life via joining the military.

(This would be around the time the virgin Wesker meets the hot dommy future Jake mommy. Mans never stood a chance.)

Either way, he must've not liked the vibes of the military because he immediately comes crawling back to being a researcher in Umbrella. Maybe due to his military experience, he gets promoted to head of security in arklay and selected to be undercover via S.T.A.R.S. Cap Wesker. Two positions, he most likely disliked heavily.

Keeping in mind, around this time, Alex was off on some island being God, William was making breakthroughs with the G virus, and now there's a new bitch(s) introduced as another rival in his life: Alexia Ashford (and her brother) who creates the T veronica Virus.

I imagine at this point, he's getting burned out, overworked, and basically the lowest asshole on the Umbrella totempole among his peers. I bet his ego was bruised and he just got tired of it.

At this point, he only had the T virus credited to him (and William), and he didn't even create it. Dr. Marcus (and co.) created it. All this man has at this point is knowledge and a ton of research and a killer body that survived one progenitor virus (this has enhanced his immune system and most likely gave him his naturally fit buff hot body.)

When the revived Queen leech Dr. Marcus starts fucking things up in the arklay mountains, this motherfucker's first thought after he realized he couldn't contain the problem (as head of security, Wesker would be the problem solver), he fucking decides to dip. "Bollocks to Umbrella." He says, and cuts a deal with some random ass organization/US military and accidentally dies trying to get some last minute B.O.W. research to sell.

Remember he had William design him a specific version of [Insert virus here](I think it was the T virus with some Wesker goop mixed in) so he probably did that as a failsafe, so he could survive. Though, it was probably untested but at this point, his career has basically imploded, and he knew it.

He literally writes that the arklay mountain and the raccoon city incident was the downfall of Umbrella and it was technically his (and William's) fault. He has nothing to lose (except his life), and everything to gain, if his gamble paid off.

And it did. He survives, and gets called a fucking loser by Chris and Jill and also sergei. Lmao. No wonder he was so smug and petty when next he sees them. Wanting to gloat and show off as much as possible.

[hanniesunshine]

I fucking hate how food obsessed society is

Like can we not have a celebration of any sort without food being the most important part??

[lesbiansanemi]

My roommate did, in fact, quit her job

[thousandyearphantombunker]

"just give them an aac device!"

"just teach them sign language"

"body language and facial expressions alone are good enough for communicating what you need"

Nonononono f*!k off. Stop acting like nonverbal people have easy solutions to their lack of verbality. Not everyone can use an aac device- some people struggle with spelling or can't spell at all, some people have motor skills issues that makes typing a nightmare that takes a long time, some can't articulate themselves without outside help. Learning sign is hard if you again have motor skills issues or struggle to make facial expressions that convey what your feeling (flat affect applies to more than just a person's voice- some people really struggle to make facial expressions and have stilted or strange body language- you people can understand why autistic people get burnt out from masking all day- you know often having to control their body language and make certain facial expressions etc yet you can't understand why nonverbal autistics can't just learn sign- a language very heavy on facial expressions and expressive body language?) also again spelling and motor skill issues are a pain and also a lot of families with deaf or nonverbal children refuse to learn sign for said children and I'm sorry in day to day life I haven't met many people who speak sign- yeah you can move to a community with a lot of deaf or nonverbal people that use sign but that's not always possible and its very limiting. And do I even have to explain the third one- autistic body language is confusing to neurotypicals and I hate the stereotype that its just so blunt and obvious/better than neurotypical communication- maybe that's what its like for you and your 'smart sheldon cooper/Wednesday Addams' style autism but not every autistic person 'says exactly what they mean' often times autistic people struggle with semantics and articulating sentences that make any sense! and all these misunderstandings surrounding stimming are annoying to!- spinning can be a 'happy' stim but it can also mean your overwhelmed or understimulated, a lot of people with autism have voices that lack inflections, mix that in with being unable to use words and no it does not help communicate their needs- f!*k off with acting like its easy not all autistic people who are nonverbal can spell, not all autistic people w are nonverbal have good motor skills and body language alone is never enough to convey a persons needs. Before anyone comes after me yes Sign is body language but its also actual symbols and can convey full thoughts and ideas and sentences and also body language is hard for a lot of autistic people to convey like stated above.

Not every form autistic communication is being 'logical' and unoffended because 'we're just more logical than those superfluous, shallow neurotypicals that let their feelings control them and are never direct about what they want-we value facts and logic unlike those butthurt neurotypicals' and being overly blunt- no a lot of autistic people find that communication is messy and the ways they can communicate are ineffective and your 'logical, facts dont care about your feelings' style of communication isn't as amazing as you think it is. Stop speaking over nonverbal autistics- their is no real perfect solution to them not being able to speak. And I'm gonna say it- while not all nonverbal people are low functioning or high support needs or whatever the new term is-being nonverbal is a massive disadvantage and having your disability be visible like that is scary in many situations and being unable to communicate your needs can make it impossible to meet your needs-

[gaydogmarriage]

alhaitham is such a lying liar who lies dude. acting like he and the sumeru boys gang have always been besties since forever. "that's how it's always been with the four of us" - man who has barely spoken to most of these people before he decided to team up with them to overthrow the government and regularly skips social gatherings with them. yeah right buddy ok

[docotokautism]

im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

[emiliosandozsequence]

being just Slightly 'more' autistic than the average tumblr user is fucking hard actually

[moe-broey]

Haha Yaaay 🧍 <- Guy who just got a text from his mom and the interaction seems to be going well so far but he's worried he's coming off too distant or cordial or is overly correcting that with too many exclamation marks but also like. I'm just saying words. I'm just responding accordingly. I hope this does not become an issue especially given I just straight up haven't spoken to everyone I've not been required to in months. Well,

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Wait I think I missed something in this incredible saga. Are you going on a date with the coworker??? I swear the last thing I saw was “no I would never” lmaoooo. If so, I (like the rest of snzblr) are anxious for updates about your love life. You’re one of the top snzblr couples now, enjoy 🤙

I did say I would never and I was a fucking liar apparently 😔 it's not technically a date tho bc I never told him it was bc I need to be so casual and mysterious ahdkaksk but it's a date To Me lmao. It's tomorrow tho bc we're still at work rn and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon so at least I have that to look forward to I guess lmao

[mellotronmkll]

i like literally wish i didnt feel compelled to rewatch and relisten to the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again its like actually really annoying and frustrating because i just feel like im constantly stuck in a loop doing the same things over and over but thats just literally what its like being autistic like its just frustrating cos i dont want to have to be constantly fighting with myself over it because its like okay we dont need to get stuck in the daily loop of walking in circles for hours listening to the same songs we've heard 200 times or sitting and watching things we've seen 30 times and there are better ways we could be spending our time but the compulsion is SO strong and its just Omfg like its just annoying and horrible because I have to force myself to try to break out of patterns I wish the constant compulsion I have to do the same things over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER wasnt there at all because it would make things way easier for me and it just makes me feel so dumb.

[anotherpapercut]

my best advice to anyone who's still in middle/high school is to make your teachers think you are the nicest sweetest purest little goody two shoes on the planet so that you can get away with breaking rules fairly openly bc your teachers either won't believe it or will view it as a very minor issue since you're the perfect student

[kurtcore]

cried at work today! i’m now 3/3 for crying at jobs :)

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

tbh i think one of the biggest things they could have done to make five and nine hate each other without bullying or bigotry involved would have been to lean into the thing where some adhdtistics naturally vibe, whereas others have an incompatible combination of nd traits that make them viscerally unable stand each other, and go from there

[vague-mintyboy]

The Bear has one of the best unintentional depictions of autism imo

[limnologylover]

its actually really refreshing that we have words for autistic behavior now. double edged sword but also i didnt have that growing up and it made life both significantly harder and significantly easier. its really interesting to see how neurodivergency is treated even 10 years ago compared to now and i hope it only gets easier with time to express ourselves with the right language