#it’s like every day she somehow finds new ways to make me dislike her more

[lesbiansanemi]

My roommate did, in fact, quit her job

[marsdql]

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘜𝘴 ✄

Synopsis: You never thought a quiet new kid, who seemed so distant and out of place, could have such an impact on you, but somehow, his presence turned everything upside down.

genre/warnings: fluff to angst, Sunghoon is really shy, stalking, miscommunication, isolation, social anxiety, self doubt, rejection, drama | Wc: 5.1k

𝒎𝒂𝒓'𝒔 note: Everything that has been going on with me and my crush, who I called Thickie, served as the basis for this. It was really embarrassing, and I still find it hard to move on from it. Everything is still in progress, so I'll turn this into a series if anything more occurs. Legit every detail in here is from my true experience so enjoy! (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

You put on a white shirt with a black skirt and mary janes. Your hair had gotten a lot longer in the summer, your bangs are finally starting to blend in with the rest of your hair length, making you feel more confident. Most people dislike you after an incident that happened in middle school, you were secretly dating the boy everyone liked and when they found out, they all ghosted you. Though you didn't care and knew that their hatred was pure jealousy. Even after everyone left you, everything was getting better, as you finally became best friends with your “friend crushes”, Rei and Tzuyu.

Because you didn't want the summer to end, you and your best friends stayed up all night yelling at each other to go to bed, saying "goodnight" several times, and then messaging again a few seconds later. It was your first day of school. Knowing that you would only be attending school today and departing on a three-day trip to Toronto the following day, however, made you glad.

You walk to school and find Rei outside the school, waving to you with a big smile greeting you.

"Hey!" Rei grins, pulling you into a hug. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "Maybe like an hour? You and Tzuyu kept sending 'one more message,' and I couldn't just leave you hanging."

Rei laughs, linking her arm with yours as you both start walking toward the school doors. "Right? I was wide awake until I wasn't. But at least we're suffering together."

As you make your way through the school hallway, you catch glimpses of your classmates, most of whom glance away when they see you. But the familiar sight doesn't bother you as much as it once did. With Rei and Tzuyu by your side, you feel more grounded, more confident.

"So, are you ready for the first day? You know, before you escape to Toronto?" Rei asks, nudging you playfully.

"Absolutely. Today’s just a warm-up before the trip," you reply, your excitement about the getaway shining through.

Rei's eyes sparkle, but she suddenly stops mid-step and lowers her voice. "Oh, did you hear about the new guy?"

You raise an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "Nope. What's the scoop?"

She leans in, lowering her voice to a dramatic whisper. "Apparently, Sohee saw him earlier, and she said he's exactly our type."

You feel a blush creep up on your cheeks, but you laugh it off. "Oh, really? Does he know my type that well?" Sohee was one of your old best friends, you and him were in a trio with another girl from 3rd grade until 8th grade when another girl joined the group and ruined everything. Although, you were never mad at Sohee for leaving you, knowing he was a really shy boy who followed whoever he was with, the second he got gaslighted by them. 

Rei smirks. "Let's just say he has the 'mysterious and smart' vibe. Sohee practically dragged me over to the library just to sneak a peek."

Your eyes widen in amusement. "And you went along with it?"

"Of course! I’m a great friend," Rei jokes, tugging you gently in the direction of the library. "Come on, let’s go check him out. You know you’re curious."

You laugh and shake your head, but you can’t help but let Rei lead you there, the anticipation bubbling up as you both head toward the library.

As you and Rei reach the library, she glances around, scanning for the guy she’s been talking about. Finally, she spots him across the room, and at first, her face lights up with excitement, but it quickly fades as she takes a closer look.

“Really?” she mutters, wrinkling her nose slightly. “I thought he’d look… I don’t know, better? My old crush was way cuter.” She shrugs, clearly unimpressed.

You glance over at him, and while he’s definitely cute—with that relaxed, friendly vibe—you don’t feel the spark that Rei probably thought you would. You chuckle, nodding along. “Yeah, he’s alright,” you say with a smile.

The rest of the school day drifts by, and soon you’re heading home to get ready for your weekend trip to Toronto. The city is as vibrant as you’d imagined, with lights and people everywhere. You spend your time trying new foods, wandering through markets, and snapping photos of everything from the towering CN Tower to the small, hidden bookstore you find tucked away in a quiet alley. The trip feels like a whirlwind, and by the time you get back, you’re bursting with stories to tell Rei and Tzuyu.

The day after you return, you walk into school excited to catch up with your friends. Between classes, you tell Rei and Tzuyu all about Toronto—the food, the shops, the endless things to see���and they laugh as you share your favorite moments. The day flies by, filled with laughter and classes, and finally, the last bell rings.

As usual, you, Rei, and Tzuyu gather your things and start walking to the bus stop. Since the bus doesn’t come directly to school, you have to walk a few blocks to the station—a small routine you’re all used to by now.

You’re halfway there, laughing at something Tzuyu said, when you notice someone familiar standing at the bus stop ahead. It’s him—the guy from the library, earbuds in, looking just as relaxed as before.

“Wait, he’s here?” you ask, stopping in surprise as you look from Rei to Tzuyu.

Rei raises an eyebrow, giving you a knowing smile. “Yeah, he takes the same bus as us. He’s been taking it since the day you left for Toronto.”

You shake your head, laughing a little. “What a coincidence.”

Since then, you've been seeing him at the bus stop every day after school and at the library at lunch. You've been feeling a little something for him, even if you wouldn't admit it. He lets himself be the last person on the bus while you watch him wait for everyone else to board. It warmed your heart to watch him use his phone on the bus and then get up swiftly when he saw an older woman.

One problem, though, was that you didn't know his name, grade, identity, or anything else. You only knew that you followed him everywhere and that you had unintentionally managed to learn his whole routine. – Period 01: PE / Period 02: Local 218 / Period 03: Portable Class / Period 04: Local 214  

You’re sitting in the back of French class, pretending to take notes but actually scribbling on a small piece of paper. Hi, you write, your pen hesitating as your heart races. I think you’re really cool, but i dont have the courage to ask for your socials :)

You look down at the note, wondering if you’re really about to do this. You've seen him on the bus almost every day, yet you don’t know his name or anything about him. But he’s got this quiet vibe, something that just makes you want to reach out.

Before you can change your mind, you fold up the note and slide it into your pocket.

You’re standing by the bus stop, heart pounding, clutching the tiny note in your hand. Just before the bus arrives, you check your reflection in your phone screen, quickly fluffing your hair and taking a shaky breath. 

When the bus pulls up, it’s packed, and as you step on, you spot him—standing near the door, one hand holding the railing, looking a bit squished by the crowd. You can barely breathe, but this is your chance.

With the bus jolting along, you inch your way closer to him, your heart thudding louder with each step. Just as the bus nears your stop, you reach out, tap his shoulder gently, and he turns, startled, his eyes widening in surprise.

You don’t say a word. You just hand him the folded piece of paper. He takes it, still looking confused, and before he can react, you dart off the bus, practically running all the way home, feeling like you’re in a scene from a movie.

Back home, you collapse onto your bed, covering your face with your hands, replaying the moment in your mind. You can’t believe you actually did it!

It was clear that he was timid because you never saw him with friends or spoke with anyone. That's the main reason you couldn't find his socials, he was never with anyone for you to go and stalk their following to see if he has them as a mutual. Until one day, you saw him leave his physical education class one day with a classmate. You had never seen this man smile until that moment. Finally, some information that might be useful to you: he was with a boy who is two years older than you and whom you have seen around since starting high school, meaning that he could be in the yearbook of the previous years.

You sigh, glancing at Rei as you place the yearbook on the lunch table. “Rei, you don’t understand—I’ve searched everywhere for this! I’ve asked everyone in our grade for a yearbook. And now… finally, here it is!” 

Rei grins, leaning closer as you take a huge bite of your sandwich, flipping through the pages, fingers smudging a bit from the crumbs. “Okay, let’s find him,” you say with a determined look, your eyes scanning the faces. You’re on a mission. The guy you like—the quiet, mysterious one you barely ever see talking to anyone—had left gym class one day with another boy. You never saw him smile until that moment. And that moment set you on a quest. 

“Wait!” You stop, finger hovering over a face in the yearbook. You lean in closer. It’s him. The boy who was with the guy you like. “Jake… that’s his name! Rei, that’s him!”

Rei’s eyes widen as she stares at the picture. “So what now?” she whispers, excitement in her voice.

“Now, we find his Instagram.” You both huddle around your phone, searching Jake’s name. A few scrolls later, you find it, click on his profile, and go straight to his following list, fingers crossed, heart racing. 

And then—there he is! The guy you’ve been trying to find for weeks, maybe months, is right there, grinning in his profile photo, holding a peace sign and doing aegyo. You and Rei scream, your excitement echoing across the cafeteria. Everyone’s staring, but you don’t care. After all this time, you’ve found him, you check his name, Park Sunghoon.

“Finally!” Rei laughs, clutching her stomach as she recovers. “He’s so cute! Look at how he's pouting in his picture awwwhhh!!!!!”

You nod, barely able to contain yourself. He’s always been so reserved and alone, never hanging out with anyone—until that day with Jake. And now you’ve got a way to find out more. This journey, all this searching, led you right to him. You can't believe you wrote that letter talking about how you're too shy to ask for his socials and there you are, finding it a week after handing him that letter.

You and Rei are on cloud nine. You both run to the school agora, barely containing yourselves, and collapse into seats, still grinning and squealing over every little detail. 

Rei, not ready to stop, grins and pulls out her phone. “Let’s see if he has a TikTok!” she says, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

A few moments later, she gasps, grabbing your arm. “Oh. My. God.”

“What?” you whisper, leaning in as she clicks on his profile. And right there, at the top of his page, there’s a slideshow video, captioned “Top 1 ways to confess without making things awkward”—in Vietnamese(you both had to translate). You squint, heart pounding, as the first slide comes up.

It’s your letter. The one you slipped on the bus.“Oh my god,” you breathe, covering your mouth as you stare at your handwriting on his screen. There’s a photo of the tiny, folded paper you handed him, with his comment right above it. It’s almost surreal. “He kept it…”

Rei is shaking your arm, eyes wide, practically bursting with excitement. “This is insane! Look at what he wrote!”

You both scream, clutching each other as the full realization hits you. You’re laughing, squealing, and just completely overwhelmed by the moment. You’ve never felt so giddy, your heart racing as everyone in the agora turns to stare. But right now, you couldn’t care less. After all the mystery and excitement, it’s as if the universe gave you the ultimate reward: he noticed, he remembered, and he thought it was amazing.

After all the excitement, you decide to follow him on Instagram. You’re still riding that high from the video he made, and the confidence surge pushes you to hit Follow. Heart pounding, you quickly put your phone down, trying not to overthink it.

Over the next few days, it feels like you’re seeing him everywhere. You’re with your friend Tzuyu in the hallway, talking and laughing, and suddenly—you spot him across the hall. You glance away quickly, but somehow, you keep bumping into him between classes, catching each other’s eye at lunch, or passing by him after gym. It’s almost like the universe is playing matchmaker, making your paths cross just enough to keep you on edge.

After school one day, you’re finally relaxing at home, replaying everything in your mind, when you get a notification. Your heart skips a beat as you see his name on your screen: Park Sunghoon sent you a message.

You open it, holding your breath as you read:

Good evening. I’m sorry to bother you, but are you the girl who gave me a letter?

The formal tone makes you smile. It’s a simple message, polite and careful, but it feels like a small victory. You can hardly believe this is real—he remembers, and he wants to talk.

You stare at the message, fingers hovering over the keyboard, your heart racing as you think of what to say. The moment you’ve been dreaming of is finally here.

You stare at the message, heart pounding, before finally typing, "Yes, I’m sorry if I bothered you with that."

A moment later, he replies: "No, it’s okay. But I have a question…"

Your heart nearly stops. "Do you like me a little bit?" he asks.

Panic sets in. You’re suddenly hyper-aware of how often you’ve been bumping into him, following him on social media, and it feels like your crush is written all over you. But the fear of rejection kicks in, and you decide to play it safe.

“Oh, no! I just wanted to be friends,” you type, trying to sound casual.

After a pause, he replies, "Oh, okay, I’m sorry hahaha. I just wasn’t sure because… I’m not really looking to like anyone right now."

Relief washes over you. You’re grateful you didn’t confess outright—dodging that bullet just saved you from heartbreak. The tension fades, and you decide to keep the conversation going with some small talk, asking him how he’s finding things at your school since he’s new.

He replies with a few polite answers, mentioning how everything is still unfamiliar, but he’s trying to get used to it. He seems a little shy, but you’re both warming up to the conversation, and it’s nice to chat without feeling nervous.

Finally, you end with, “Well, I hope everything goes well for you here!”

He likes your message, and it feels like the perfect note to end on. You close the chat, feeling both relieved and excited—no awkward confessions, no heartbreak, just a friendly connection. It’s enough for now.

It’s been a while since you last messaged Sunghoon. You’ve seen him around here and there, but lately, he’s been a little less present in your day-to-day life, and you can’t help but feel that familiar flutter every time your paths cross. You’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, and the anxiety has been building up. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

It’s 11 PM, and you’re lying in bed, staring at your phone, when you finally decide to send him a message:

“Hey, I have a question. Why did you follow me if you had a feeling I was the letter girl?”

You’re nervous, fingers hovering over the send button. You’re hoping for an answer, but you also don’t know if you’re ready for whatever might come next. You wait, your heart racing.

A few moments pass before he replies:

“Well, I saw you were following my friend Jake, and I guess I figured you might be the one who gave me the letter. I wasn’t sure, but I thought maybe it was worth a shot.”

You freeze for a second, remembering that yes, you did follow Jake after you found his account, thinking it might give you a better chance to get noticed by Sunghoon. You hadn’t mentioned that to him, but now it all makes sense. But before you can reply, your phone buzzes again.

“I’m sorry, but I think we should go back to being strangers again. It’s not your fault. I just, I’m really shy, and I’ve had people do this to me before back in my old country, and I just can’t handle it. You’ll find people who are better for you than I am, ive met alot of people at our school and I know there's better people. I hope we can unfollow each other and act like none of this happened.”

The message hits you like a punch in the gut. Your heart sinks, and you feel the sting of rejection, though he’s not exactly saying no. It’s more like he’s pushing you away for his own reasons—his own fears and insecurities.

Your mind races, unsure of how to respond, before you even go to unfollow as he said, he had already removed you. Part of you wants to reassure him, to tell him that it’s okay, that you understand. But another part of you feels hurt, confused, and unsure what to say next.

You hesitate, staring at his message for a while, before you try to gather your thoughts. But all you can think is that he’s shutting himself off, just like you feared. The shy, reserved guy who never really let anyone in—he’s doing it again. And you’re left wondering if it’s really about you… or if it’s about him. You sent him a few paragraphs back, making sure he understands that you're not upset (when you clearly were) and that you understand, you wished him a good year and that you hope he isn't mad at you for trying to become friends. You couldn't sleep that night, you weren't upset at what he did but rather at yourself, embarrassed how hard you were trying and how stupid you looked following and stalking him everywhere.

The next day, you’re in complete shock. You woke up still feeling the sting of his messages, the rejection lingering in your chest. It feels like a weight that won’t lift, and the emotions hit you all at once. Embarrassment, confusion, sadness, and even a sense of guilt for not understanding him better—it’s a whirlwind inside you. You can’t stop thinking about him and what he said. You wanted things to go differently. You never meant to make him feel uncomfortable. 

By lunch, you're sitting with Rei, and she can see it on your face. She gives you a concerned look as you sit down, trying to keep it together.

“What happened?” she asks gently, sensing something’s off.

Without thinking, you just let it out, the floodgates opening. “I messaged him last night. I asked why he followed me when he already knew I was the letter girl, and... he just kind of shut me down. He said we should be strangers again and that he’s too shy and I’ll find better people than him. He made it sound like it was my fault, like I was doing something wrong.”

Rei’s eyes widen, and she immediately reaches over, pulling you into a hug. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That’s a lot to take in.”

You break down, tears filling your eyes as you cry into her shoulder. “I just… I don’t want to make him feel bad. I didn’t mean to push him. He’s so shy, and I don’t know how to help him without making him feel even worse.”

Rei rubs your back soothingly. “Hey, listen, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being honest, and sometimes people are just too caught up in their own stuff to see things clearly. You didn’t know he felt that way. It’s not about you.”

You nod, but the guilt still eats at you. You can’t help but feel like maybe you pushed too hard or misread the situation, and now everything feels so awkward. You don’t want to make things worse for him, but you also don’t know how to fix it. He’s clearly struggling with his own fears and shyness, and that makes you feel bad for him, even if it hurts you too.

“I feel so embarrassed, Rei. I just… I thought I could talk to him. I thought maybe we could be friends, but now it’s like he’s pushing me away. I just wanted to know him better…” You sniffle, wiping your tears as if you were crying over someone you were in an actual relationship.

Rei looks at you with a reassuring smile, though it’s clear she feels for you too. “I get it. But you know what? You were brave enough to put yourself out there, and that’s something to be proud of. He’s just got his own stuff going on. It might take time, but if he sees that you’re not going anywhere, maybe he’ll come around. But for now, don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

You take a deep breath, nodding through your tears. “I guess... I just feel so bad for him. He’s probably struggling with so much, and I didn’t even know.”

Rei squeezes your hand. “Yeah, but he’s lucky to have someone like you who cares. You just have to give him time. Don’t give up on yourself or on him yet.”

You wipe away the last of your tears, feeling a little better after talking it out. *“Thanks, Rei. I needed that.”*

She grins and pats your back. “Always. And remember, you’ve got this. Whatever happens, don’t let this bring you down.”

You manage a small smile, knowing that it’s not the end. You don’t know what’s going to happen with Sunghoon, but for now, you’ll give him space and try not to overthink it. At least for today, you’re not alone in this.

The excitement you once felt is slowly turning into confusion. You had imagined that things would continue like a scene from a movie—something sweet, maybe a little awkward, but ultimately fun. But the way everything’s been unfolding lately doesn’t match the fantasy you’d built in your head.

You’ve realized that you haven’t seen Sunghoon like you used to. It started with small signs at first. He’d arrive late to the bus station, and you'd notice that the usual place you’d see him was empty. Then it got worse—he stopped coming altogether. You couldn’t help but notice his absence, a dull ache that replaced the excitement you once had when your paths crossed.

Things only got stranger from there. You’d see him around school, but it was like he was avoiding you. You’d catch glimpses of him, but he’d always take a longer route to class or find ways to avoid being near you. It was like he was deliberately keeping his distance. 

And then one day, you saw him in the hall. He was walking toward you, and your heart leapt. You waited for the familiar glance, a smile, or even the awkward moment of eye contact you’d grown used to. But when your eyes met, it wasn’t what you expected. The second he realized it was you, his gaze quickly dropped to his phone. He didn’t even acknowledge you. 

Confused, you looked back as he passed, and when you did, his head jerked up from his phone, as though he was trying to act like nothing had happened. The moment was awkward, uncomfortable, and it felt like everything you had hoped for was slipping away.

It’s hard to describe the feeling. Part of you wanted to scream, demand answers, but the other part of you felt embarrassed, unsure of how to act. Was he avoiding you? Did he regret ever following you back and having that conversation? You couldn’t understand why he was shutting you out so suddenly, especially because you both never spoke, only those small messages, he was doing too much. 

Your mind raced as you tried to piece it together. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that everything had shifted. He’d been polite, distant, and you could feel the walls going up between you two, even though you hadn’t done anything to push him away. All the movie moments—the ones that had once made you feel like something magical was happening—had turned into something awkward, cold, and uncertain.

You wanted to believe this was just a misunderstanding, but deep down, you couldn’t help but feel like you were losing him. And no matter how much you tried to convince yourself that maybe he just needed space, a small part of you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

The air is crisp with the Halloween season, and the school is buzzing with excitement as the annual Halloweenogrammes are being sold—a fundraiser where you can send a small bag of candy to someone with a little handwritten note. It feels like a sweet gesture, one that lets you send good vibes without too much fanfare. You can’t help but think of Sunghoon. He’s still on your mind, still lingering in the back of your thoughts, despite everything that’s happened.

You buy one for him, feeling a little hesitant but deciding it’s worth it. You want him to know that it’s okay to be himself, no matter how shy or reserved he might be. You’ve seen how he apologizes for being quiet, how he pulls away because he’s not sure what to do with attention. So, you write the message:

"You should never apologize for being yourself."

You add the little note at the end: "From a stranger." You don’t want to make things awkward or give him any false hope, but you want him to know that someone cares, even if you're supposed to be strangers now.

You wait all week, anticipation building, as the day to distribute the Halloweenogrammes finally arrives. Your heart skips a beat when you hear his name called. You hold your breath, waiting for him to do something, anything. You imagine he’ll smile, or maybe at least acknowledge it. But he doesn’t. The bag of candy sits in his hands as he leaves school, and you get no message, no acknowledgement, not even a glance in your direction. The silence stings more than anything. You were hoping for something, a tiny moment, just to show that it wasn’t all for nothing.

As the days pass, you can’t help but feel the weight of everything. You start to wonder if you misread the situation completely. It feels like he's slipped even further away, and that distance between you is growing more impossible to bridge.

So, you decide to send him one last message. You need closure, or at least an explanation, so you text him:

"Hey, I’ve been noticing you’ve been hiding more, and I feel like I’m making you uncomfortable. The bus situation and the way you’ve been avoiding me, I can’t help but feel like I’m the problem. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t bother you anymore, I won’t go near you again."

Your heart races as you send it, hoping that this will give you some answers, or at least some peace of mind.

A few minutes pass, and then your phone buzzes. His message comes through, and you hold your breath as you open it:

"It's not like I'm taking another bus because it's faster and closer :)"

You blink, rereading his message, confused and unsure what to make of it. He doesn’t mention anything about what you said. No apology, no explanation, just a comment about the bus. And then he adds:

"Don’t think about it too much."

Your mind is spinning. Why now? Why had he suddenly started taking a different bus when it wasn’t necessary? Why hadn’t he just done that before, when things were simpler? Why, when everything between you two was happening, did he choose this route? 

You know the answer, but it doesn’t make sense. He never gave you a reason to stop. It’s not like he suddenly found a quicker way home—he could have taken the same bus before. You knew the stop he would get off at, it was a popular stop which had its location written on other buses. So why, now, when everything with you was starting to build up, did he suddenly choose to go a different way?

It doesn’t make sense. And yet, in some painful way, it feels like the final piece to the puzzle. Everything between you and him—the shy smiles, the awkward moments, the fleeting hope that something could happen—had finally come to an end. He was telling you, in his own quiet way, that he couldn’t handle this anymore, that he couldn’t keep up the connection, not even on a simple bus ride.

His message, though polite, felt like the closing of a door. It wasn’t harsh or cruel, but it wasn’t warm either. It was just… a goodbye without the words.

You close your phone, feeling the weight of everything settle in your chest. It’s over now, and you’re left with the quiet, final reality of it all. The movie moments you imagined for so long were never going to happen. And the silence, the distance, the unanswered questions—they’ll be the things you carry with you from here on out.

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[scandinavianfairytale]

Wanting

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Reader

Warnings: Consumption of alcohol, consumption of drugs, discussion on drugs, friends with benefit (somehow?), cursing, sexual themes & smut (DUB-CON, grinding, police van sex, drugged out sex, mention of public sex, mention of rape, mention of revenge porn (not towards Reader), mention pornography, mention of non-consensual filming, fingering, one pussy slap, unprotected sex, hard sex - Walter is not gentle & sees it like a punishment, multiple orgasms, drooling, crying, squirting, chocking, creampie, little bit of praise)

Walter disliked being on call on Friday nights. Ever since the new drug, Houdini, started popping up everywhere the police has been running around in circles, trying to find the main supplier, but has repeatedly come up short.

Houdini was a mixture of ketamine and ecstasy. A party drug that is supposed to highten your senses and drive up your sex drive. Sounds like a perfect mix, but what the dealers left out was the memory loss, the dehydration that followed and complete lack of mobility.

It was a mess all over the damn country - the rape cases skyrocketed, revenge porn sites were having a field day because of all the public fucking taking place, the emergency rooms were stacked with people on gurneys and everyone had to deal with victims with memory loss.

Everyone was having a bad time - the victims which were pilling up by the minute, the police that was understaffed had to do even more over hours and the doctors that had to triage almost every Friday night.

Yet people were still taking that stupid drug.

Walter was pissed off, to say the least.

How are people this stupid?

He thought as he watched a group of drunk women giggling after just snorting the Houdini. His blood boiled knowing damn well that he couldn't do anything about it. The amount of people taking this drug was too high for everyone to get arrested or booked. Priorities his superiors loved preaching.

One of the women left the group to get some drinks. Her dress barely covered anything, leaving very little to the imagination. He shook his head as he watched several heads turn after the woman. She definitely got the attention she wanted.

"Walter!" He heard and looked around to see who was calling him. Out of all the damned people, you were the woman in that short dress. The one that just snorted the Houdini. Walter clenched his jaw and his grip on the beer he was drinking tightened.

How can you be so stupid?

"It's been a while." You smiled at him. He could see how drunk you already were and he also knew the drug will take effect soon, if it hasn't already.

"You should come meet my friends!" You grabbed his arm and pulled him towards you, stumbling a few steps back as his massive weight crashed into you. Walter let you drag him to your friends, also because he knew that whatever attention you had on you would dissipate once he was next to you.

"Girls, this is Walter! The friend I told you about!"

"Oooooh, the policeman." One of your friends slurred.

"Are you here to arrest us? We're just trying to have a good time." Another winked.

"Oh stop it! He's the nice policeman. He would never arrest us." You leaned into him.

It already started taking effect.

You weren't aware of it yet, but you started lightly grinding on his leg. He heard how your breath came out laboured, and he knew he had to get you out of there. Grabbing your arm, he started dragging you away from your friends.

"Walter, what the hell?! Let me go!" You yelled, trying to resist his grip.

"I can't believe you out of all your stupid friends are acting this way." He grumbled. "You know better than anyone what's going on these days."

"I was careful." You whined, stopping him in his tracks. He turned around to glare at you, making you shut your mouth.

"Careful? You don't even realize that the drug has started taking effect. You can barely stand and I'm pretty fucking sure that if I let you stagger back to that bar you'd get lost."

"Fuck you."

"Right." Walter started dragging you to the police van parked in the small street.

"Get out." He barked at the man that was inside, surveilling the cameras around the city. The man tried to object but one stern look from Walter sent him out. Water threw you in the van, climbing in behind you and closing the door.

"What is your problem?" You yelled at him, tugging your dress down when you realized you were much more exposed than you were comfortable with.

"Now you're trying to cover up?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're more than happy to bare your ass to strangers but with me you get shy? What the fuck were you thinking taking the Houdini?" You never realized he was so big as just now that he was towering over you. Your pussy clenched as your eyes lingered on his cock.

"Tammy took it before and she said she had the best fuck of her life. I just wanted to see how it felt like." You bit your lip as he crouched down to you.

"You're taking advice from a drug addict. Are you stupid?"

"I didn't take the full dose." You defended yourself. "Just a taste, to see how it feels."

"And? How does it feel?"

"Antsy." You swallowed, trying to decide whether or not to tell your very angry friend what you were thinking. You shifted on the floor a bit and the cold steel flooring touched your soaked pussy, making you gasp.

"I see the Houdini is in full swing." Walter observed you.

"Can you help me, please?"

"I'm not going to be nice. You need to learn a lesson, and maybe next time, you won't go around experimenting with drugs." You nodded before Walter pulled your collar down, exposing your breasts. His hand cupped one and pinched your nipple, making you moan.

"Keep tour mouth shut." He slammed a hand over your mouth, grabbed your hips with the other, spinning you around, and pushed you into the wall of the van. He kicked your feet further apart, making you stick your ass further into him. You could feel your nipples harden at the contact with the cold steel material. His hand then traveled to the center, under your dress, before finding your clit and circling it, making your hips buck.

"You're dripping." He said into your ear before he forced two of his thick fingers into your still clothed pussy, making you moan into his hand that was still clamped over your mouth.

"Completely soaked." Walter commented. "That's the Houdini doing its magic. Imagine if I left you there, you'd be grinding up on some coked up asshole that'd fuck you right in the middle of the bar. Anyone could record you and you'd end up on some porn site, where strangers would jack-off seeing such a whore like you get publicly fucked out of her mind. Maybe a coworker of yours stumbles upon it - bye-bye that stellar career of yours." His voice was low and raspy. Somehow, that made you even more aroused. Your pussy had a mind of her own as you realized you have been incessantly humping Walters fingers.

"Mmph." Moaning, your tongue licked his fingers, making Walter tsk. You could see your release, just a few more grinds.

"You're getting hornier by the second." He chuckled and withdrew his fingers, taking away that sweet feeling, making you whine. "But I'll be nice and I'll take care of you." He rasped into your ear before he spun you around and bent you over the control table, your head laying on the keyboard. Tugging your laughably short dress up, he exposed your core to him. He slapped your pussy, making you yelp. He tsked again when his hand made contact with your drenched and sticky thongs. His fingers wrapped around the string, pulling it away before releasing it back on your skin. Throwing your gead back with a loud "God" your pussy clenched at the impact and your back arched at the sensation.

Walter chuckled as he watched your cunt throb as he started unbuckling his belt. He finally pulled down your thong and ran his leaking cock up and down your puffy pussy. Your chest heaved, and you made sounds you didn't recognize. All you wanted needed was his cock in your cunt.

"Remember that I'm not being nice." He warned before he seethed himself in you with one powerful thrust, slamming your hips into the control table. It hurt, but in the most delicious way that you have never experienced before. The pace he set was brutal, the letters of the keyboard scratched your face, adding to the mix of pain and pleasure you were feeling.

Your orgasm hit you fast and hard, your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your body spasming on his cock, but Walter just continued fucking into you. He was like a man possessed, grunting and moaning above you, his pace never faltering even after you clenched around him. He immediately pushed you into your second orgasm, making you moan out loud as juices squirted out of you.

"Fuck." Walter cursed as he felt your squirt wet his thighs. "Let's see if you can do that again."

His hand moved from your hip to your stretched pussy, circling the spot where you were joined, making you gurgle. His pace switched, his cock was slowly stretching your walls and with your drugged state you could feel almost every vein on his organ.

Mindblowing.

"Stop drooling over the keyboard." He stopped his adminitrations and grabbed a fistful of your hair to push you away from any electronics before returning his hand back.

"You're completely stretched, must be painful." He commented as he circled your full hole. You choked on your words and tried to shake your head.

"No? Good, you're taking me quite well." He praised you, making your legs shake a bit. His fingers lightly stroked around your pussy, purposefully avoiding your clit, making you whine.

"Walter...please..." You choked out.

"What is it?"

It was hard to formulate words, your body was on fire and it felt like cumming was the only thing that would put it out. But in the state that you were in, all you managed to let out was a hoarse "Cum.".

"You want to cum?" He mocked your meager attempt to communicate what you need.

"Mhm."

"So, if I touch you here," Walter tapped your clit which made your hips buck and him smirk. "then you'll cum almost immediately?" You could feel him starting to prepare himself for another round. One that you knew you were losing soon, not that there was anything to complain about.

His fingers framed your clit and his other hand grabbed at your throat. "Let's see how much you can take."

His pace again hardened, his first sharp thrust made your hips slam back into the edge of the control table, but this time he kept you firmly pinned by your neck, preventing you from slipping away. His fingers were rough on your engorged clit, but that just added another layer to your rapture.

You couldn't form a sound anymore. Your body just locked when the orgasm hit you, but then when your juices squirted out, you started convulsing. But he just kept going completely overloading you, your hand fruitlessly reached for his hand, trying to shove it away from your clit, but he wasn't bothered.

You couldn't handle another orgasm, but you had no choice but to take it. Both of you could feel how close you were to another peak again.

"That's it, come on, I know you have another one in you." His grip on your throat increased, making you release a choking sound, tears welling up in your eyes, but it also made your pussy clamp down on his cock, making you squirt again. A few thrusts more and finally Walter released himself into you. Feeling the few spurts painting your womb and his cock go slack, you finally let out a relieved sigh.

It was over.

"Good girl." Walter cooed, kissing your shoulder. He carefully let go of your throat and pulled his cock out and your body finally slumped, completely exhausted. Observing your abused and puffy pussy, his cock twitched as it refused to close. It really was a sight to see how his spend oozed out of your hole and he resisted the urge to push it back in.

He buckled up his pants and carefully pulled your thongs up, sitting you on the only chair in the van. He rummaged around to find a jacket before draping it over you, before he opened the van door again and carried you out in his arms. Your head lolled as your consciousness wavered.

Walter walked past the man who was previously thrown out of the van and the man immediately knew not to comment or bring up the situation again.

"Shhh, don't worry. I got you. Just rest now." Walter shushed you as you tried speaking. Nodding weakly, you let the darkness consume you.

Thank you for reading! 🙈

The GIF belongs to the amazing creator! 😊

[itssuppertim3]

Miraak's Reaction to the LDB's Children:

ok it's been years since i adopted in this game and i forgot how cute it was to have kids

------

I'll put this plainly: Miraak has never been fond of the creatures (yeah he calls them that).

He seldomly tolerates people in general as it is, so hearing the Dragonborn mention them for the first time came as a great shock to him.

"You're saying... you just let them run around in your home?" "Yes." "Forgive me for ever calling you intelligent."

He claims he's very knowledgeable with child psychology because of the "horror stories" he's read through his duration in Apocrypha.

"Back in my day children were used as sacrifices to please the dragons. I suppose there was one good thing about their rule..."

He gets extremely uneasy at the thought of actually being introduced to them.

He also dislikes when you brag about them: "Sophie made me the prettiest bouquet one morning :)" "Can she recite the alphabet in Dovahzul?" "...No?" "Pathetic."

Keep in mind Miraak is extremely self-centered and still puts himself above anyone who isn't the LDB. But he'll get surprised when a seemingly average child can outwit him.

He becomes tense when he finally does meet them.

He's never been around children and has even forgotten what it felt like to be one.

That being said, he wasn't raised up the same way. Miraak doesn't know what it feels like to have fun or to be freely naive. He simply judges what he can't understand. Being exposed to your children does gradually start to make a change in him, though.

They're obviously frightened of him in the beginning; especially because of the ominousness of his mask. Sadly, he takes it off for no one, so they just have to get used to it.

Sophie is the first to acclimate to his presence. Somehow his demeanor sparks a tiny similarity with her father. He's abrasive, yet silent, and shows affection through actions rather than words.

She quickly grows fond of him and idolizes him as a father of her own.

The next child's personality is also very specific to the orphan you adopted, so I'll leave that for you to decide :): - (Lucia): She's awfully shy of him and prefers to strap herself against your thigh when she's near him. Unlike Sophie, it takes her a bit longer to adapt, but once she does, she's a fiery chatterbox. - (Runa Fair-Shield): She likes to bully him (constantly) and when he threatens to dispose of her she immediately tattles. She's also very good at blackmailing and makes him give her piggyback rides. - (Alesan): He can't say he likes him much; mainly because Miraak's Atmoran genes make him the size of a giant through his eyes. He avoids him more than the rest, but he's also recognized for his smarts, so every now and then Miraak will attempt to teach him something new. - (Blaise): He feels as though he has something to prove to him due to his struggles on the farm. Miraak wordlessly drives him to become more of a man, and Blaise respects him for it. - (Hroar): He has a lot of adoration for Miraak's skill as a master swordsman, and often begs for sparring lessons (perk: you get to see Miraak wave a kiddie wooden sword around).

On another note: - If you only have girls, Miraak is decorated in flower crowns galore 100% of the time and often finds himself falling asleep with the two wrapped under his arms after reading them stories. - If you only have boys, the house is always messy from roughhousing and amateur sword fights. The boys won't be nearly as spoiled as the daughters, and not even Akatosh will stop his wrath if they disrespect you.

Turns out, Miraak loves your kids more than he ever anticipated. He merely hated the idea of children, but never realized just how perfect they are.

((((((he really wants to make a baby now))))))

-----------

I'm melting

[nomoreusername]

You're My Home (Part 1)

Pairing:Teresa x female reader

Summary:Just as you think you're done with everyone, you meet a girl who shows you the world doesn't have to be all bad.

You're one of the head doctors at WCKD. While you weren't well liked, you were highly respected, something you found much more useful. You were constantly there, working to find a cure for the disease that had stolen your family from you. Hence, why you were the way you are.

Cold. You were completely cold and closed off from everyone. So much so that you would get called heartless. However, you just knew if you let someone in they would find a way to leave so you just didn't. You locked every single person out of your mind and heart. You focused on the cure and the cure alone. The thing that could have saved your family which would have saved you.

On one of her first days there, Teresa heard people talking about the moody Y/N. While she pushed it out of her mind at first, she couldn't help but wonder why your name kept coming up in conversations for days after. She had never met you, or even seen you, but you wouldn't leave her mind. No matter how badly she wanted you to, you always popped into her life somehow. Even without physically being there.

One day she was just looking at a new formula she put together when she heard arguing. Glancing up, she saw a girl snapping at someone who was asking her a million questions. While she couldn't hear them, she could tell the girl was obviously done with whatever this was about.

"Go ask someone who cares!"She finally yelled, storming into the room that was supposed to have nobody in it. Slamming the door shut, she stared out the one sided glass before closing her eyes and wiping her tears with her lab jacket sleeve.

“Are you okay?”Teresa asked hesitantly, startling the girl. Quickly turning around, she stared at her as Teresa read her name tag.

Y/N

This was the one everyone had so much dislike for? The one crying in front of here where she thought nobody would see? The one close to breaking down after practically being chased?

“Sorry. I didn't know you were here,”You apologize, wiping more of your tears.

“It's fine. You just needed somewhere to be,”She assured you.

“Still, I just, I didn't mean to barge in when you're working. Work is important and all. It's uh, it's all I do. It's all I can do since I lost . . . them,”You trailed off.

“I’m really sorry for who you lost,”She said softly.

“Thanks,”You mumble. “I’ve um, I’ve heard about you. People have a lot of good things to say about you.”

“I’ve heard of you too. It was just . . . “She stops.

“Bad,”You finish.

“Yeah. It's a lot different than you actually are.”

“How do you know that? You’ve barely just met me.”

“Well, I’m sure I’d be upset if someone kept following me when I said stop too.”

“You’d probably be nicer though. You seem nice.”

“Sometimes. I’m still only human though. Just like you,”She shrugs, giving you a smile that you unconsciously find yourself returning.

“Your necklace is pretty,”You compliment. Looking down at the gold jewelry on her neck, she smiles as she takes it in her hands. Pulling it off, she hands it to you.

“I don't need it. I was just telling you it looked nice,”You said quickly.

“I know, but it seems like it's been a while since someone's given you something,”She smiles.

“Are you sure?”You check.

“I wouldn't give it to you if I wasn't,”She shrugs again. Putting it over your neck, you struggle with it for a moment until she steps behind you. Taking the chain, she clips it around your neck. While it should hit you that she was the closest to you anyone had been in years, you couldn't help but feel as though this was natural.

“Thank you. This really is the nicest thing someone's done for me in I don't even know how long,”You admit, holding the charm between your fingers.

“It suits you,”She points out, making your heart flutter in your chest.

“Would you like to come over tonight? I’m not really doing anything, but we could just have takeout?”You suggest, already prepared for the rejection but giving in to the idea that just maybe someone would understand you.

“Yeah. That sounds really nice,”She agrees.

“Great. I’ll meet you outside of work in two hours?”

“Looking forward to it,”She smiles. Managing to return one again, you then both just stand there, feeling something different than you ever had before.

Stronger than Teresa even had for Thomas.

Something that might fix the broken pieces you both hid.

[miudi]

The Rotting Sandwiches

The sandwiches her mother packed for her would rot in her lunch box, uneaten. She refused to eat them. The sandwich would sit in her lunch box, growing soggy as the hours passed, suffocated by the plastic bag it came in. The school introduced a ban stating that kids were forbidden to throw away their lunches. It was supposed to teach them the value of food, to stop waste. But it only made things harder for her. Day after day, she edged closer and closer to the bin, making sure no one saw her. Wrapping the sandwich in tissue paper, she disguised it as finished and casually tossed it into the trash. Her mother would surely change the sandwich, any day now.

Recess starts, kids run to the playground, sitting in circles pulling out their prepared lunches. She sits further away before joining her classmates. She checks her bag; she knows what’s waiting for her, but hopes for a different sandwich anyway. It’s the same sandwich, her mother had made it that morning, just like she always did, waking up early to prepare it. The effort was clear in the way it was carefully packed, as though her mother’s hands had gone through the motions so many times they could do it without thinking. She knows her mother wakes up early for the sake of her lunches, the effort obvious in the careful way it’s packed. But no matter how much care went into it, the daughter can’t stomach it. The only thing left to do is dispose of it.

On days she failed to throw it away, she kept the sandwiches in her bag, sometimes forgetting to dispose of them. They began to rot, the smell seeping through the fabric. Eventually, her mother caught her. Disappointment flickered in her mother’s eyes as she asked, “Why are you wasting food?” Deciding that disliking the sandwiches wasn’t a good enough reason, she stayed silent, shame washing over her and dissipating coldly over her skin as she stared at the sandwich, unable to meet her mother’s eyes. She disliked it, but saying that out loud felt wrong, dangerous somehow. What kind of daughter complains when her mother wakes up early just to pack her lunch? So, she said nothing and accepted the sandwich anyway. But the worst had already happened—she had disappointed her mother, and now the feelings of shame rot inside of her.

The next day, she opened her lunch box to find another type of sandwich, one she liked. She smiled, but her smile faded quickly, realizing she still felt a flush of humiliation. The sandwiches may have changed that day, but they’re still rotting.

The sandwiches chase her well into her adult years. Now, as a twenty-something living abroad, she never makes her own lunches, always asking her coworkers what they should eat instead. She wakes up at 6 a.m. every day, goes to work, and is the first one in and the last to leave. She ensures her boss knows her every move, but she can feel her coworkers rolling their eyes. A slight touch of shame creeps in, but this is her trying, this is her showing up. Yet, after four years of slaving away and not complaining with no career progression, she tells herself it’s okay—her boss will notice her hard work and offer a promotion, any day now.

At home, she chats with her neighbor by the entrance, getting lost in the thought of whether his eyes are blue or green, missing parts of their conversation. He’s always helping her around the house, carrying her groceries, and their texts make her believe there’s something more between them. She drops hints of her interest. She put her hair in a ponytail, and he noticed—it looked good, he said. So, she wore it the same way all week, thinking, surely, he’ll ask me out. Any day now.

Months fly by. He’s placing her new shelf while she watches the snow fall through the window. Noticing her gaze, he lifts the blinds, revealing the vast snowy road and the bare trees, the landscape blanketed in white. She feels seen for the first time, as though he’s understood something about her that she didn’t even realize. They share a moment of quiet, and she imagines the invisible strings that bind them.

Then, casually, he tells her he’s seeing someone. The invisible strings snap. Her heart shatters. He didn’t see her at all—how could he, when all she does is bite her tongue instead of saying what she really means, what she really wants? How could she have been so wrong about the one thing she was sure of, the thing that now leaves her feeling embarrassed? She tells him she’s happy for him. She retreats into her routine, convincing herself it’s okay—focusing on work. Any day now, things will change.

But deep down, the fog of shame clears just enough for her to see the truth: her promotion isn’t coming. There haven’t been openings in years, and her loyalty, her discipline—they haven’t been noticed. Instead, they mock her. She realizes with painful clarity that she never believed she was worthy of a promotion or even a relationship. Back to checking her lunchbox, she yearns to be proven wrong, to find a new sandwich. She wants to be wrong so badly.

She had thought that being so far away from home would save her, but now she’s back in her middle school playground, still disposing of the rotting sandwiches. Her love, a sandwich; her dedication, another. She realizes she has spent her whole life running away from decisions, letting her expectations rot like the uneaten sandwiches. She can only hint at what she wants, implying her desires, but the decisions are for the decision-makers—and no one ever gave her permission to be one. Her subtle hints and passive longings are her only form of resistance. Tired of the chase, she wonders, Why has she never woken up to make her own sandwiches?

[townsenddecades]

Storyteller’s Secrets: 1320s

I decided it might be nice to share some thoughts at the conclusion of each decade – some of them fun facts, some of them just musings, all of them fueled by the fact that I like to talk about my writing and my characters.

I hope you’ll find this interesting!

Throughout the decade, it was mentioned in narration a few times that Amye doesn’t really wish to find a husband and feels content staying with her family. I did not, in fact, roll for her to remain unmarried. What I did roll is that she will only have one baby try, so I just don’t feel the pressure to have her tie the knot quickly. I have a few thoughts on what to do with her marriage, though, which could take her life in very different directions.

These practical reasons for not having set up a marriage for her yet notwithstanding, I am also leaning towards making her aromantic.

This very long decade has shown me once again how much more inclined I feel to write women’s perspectives than men’s, without even doing it consciously. Even when the men of the main bloodline marry, I somehow automatically start to write everything from the perspective of their wife rather than them (see Malika and Mariora as the most obvious examples), which is really interesting when writing about an era when society was even more patriarchal than it is nowadays. I will try to keep things equal in the future, but I make no promises.

Gwendolen Dudley’s husband, Arnulf Penrith, and the title of his earldom, Windermere, are a reference to Arthurian legend (Gwendolen -> Guinevere, Arnulf -> Arthur, Penrith -> Pendragon, Windermere -> is a lake in the Lake District). There is no literary point to that reference, Arnulf will pull no swords out of stones, I just found it funny.

Frank, on the other hand, is named after an in-joke I have with a few friends, on the request of one of them.

Re: Malcolm’s dislike of children: I was honestly thinking that he might not think too highly of marriage altogether, but his relationship to Hawise won me over with its wholesomeness. Which will make the fact that he doesn’t want to be a father all the more interesting once they marry and have children.

On the topic of Malcolm’s marriage: As I was approaching his sixteenth birthday, I kept thinking that I wasn’t ready to move on to a new generation, that he and Amye were still too young to marry, that I wasn’t done with Benjamin and Malika, etc. Developing his romance with Hawise has helped somewhat with that, and of course, Ben and Malika will remain important characters, but putting more focus on Malcolm will still feel strange.

I mentioned in another Storyteller’s Secrets that I was hesitant about having my sims make nectar again because I did that in my first attempt at an UDC. But I must say, so far, I’m glad I did it. In my first UDC, I didn’t stick to only harvesting once a season, so my sims became filthy rich too soon. With keeping to the schedule, my sims only really get an influx of fruit to make into nectar every autumn, which is every 28 sim days, so once every 7 years. And I really liked the storylines it spawned.

Unless bad rolls torpedo my plans (and even then, I have already thought of ways to work around that) one side household will move across the channel in the next decade. The Irish channel, that is.

Not exactly a fact only about this decade, but one I have been thinking about lately: the historical event I am most looking forward to at the moment is probably the Wars of the Roses (or Cousins’ Wars, as they were known at the time). My only point of contact with them before researching for the UDC was watching the second series of The Hollow Crown with a friend (excellent series, by the way, if you have no problem with Shakespeare adaptations or longer films), but…you understand why George R. R. Martin took inspiration from the events around them for AGOT. Everything about those decades is so dramatic. I don’t yet know how I’ll incorporate the events, although the nobles will certainly have to pick a faction (Probably the Yorkists just going by location, but we’ll see), but luckily, I still have about 120 in-game years to figure that one out. 

And to round this one out, some musings about the actual next big historical thing, the beginning of the Hundred Years War. I find the rolls as Morbid has laid them out fascinating, mostly because they don't really take into account when stuff actually happened. By which I mostly mean that the Battle of Crécy (1346), the first big battle of the war, takes place when per the rules, your sims are not actually fighting in it. Is that impossible? Of course not. Are there plenty of ways for people to die in (medieval) wars outside of big battles? Absolutely. But I still find it immensely funny.

Previous: 1320 - 1329 Weddings <--> Next: 1329, Day 1, Part 1/2

[stilespeters]

Hi! Please, can I request an angst for Kit Walker x female reader inside the asylum where Kit takes the fault for something she did and is severely punished in her place and then afterwards she goes check on him and comforts him and all but also confronts him why he did it and tells him she doesn't want him getting hurt on her behalf but Kit insists that it's okay and that he'd rather be hurt himself than letting someone hurt her, and then they end up like making an agreement where they both meet half way? I hope that all made sense haha... Anyway, tysm!

A proposition

pairing: kit walker x reader

a/n: i am sleepy

word count: 2484

summary: After Kit takes the blame for something you did, you and him make an agreement for the following night.

warnings: sister Jude being sister Jude

To say you were in trouble would be an understatement.

You were absolutely fucked.

You see, an hour ago you thought it was a good idea to steal the keys from a guard, but a little detail you forgot was that the guard wasn't gonna let that slide.

And now all the other patients including you were standing in a line while sister Jude was pointing accusing fingers at everyone.

“I do not care how long we're going to wait here,” she began and her voice was dangerously laced with venom. “One of you has taken it upon themselves to steal the keys that unlock your rooms. Now I don't know what the motives are, but the thief better confess now, or there will be foul consequences.”

She walked along the line, making eye contact with every patient and when she stood in front of you, it looked like she made eye contact a little too long. Longer than anyone else. It was subtle, but it was very noticeable for you.

She had taken a dislike to you ever since you had arrived because you couldn't keep your mouth shut and you were very unpredictable. She hated that you were stubborn as well, and ever since you had stepped foot inside of Briarcliff, you always managed to leave a trail of trouble.

“Now?!” she yelled and the patients looked at her in anticipation. “Anyone have anything to say?!”

It was quiet before you raised your hand and everyone turned their head to look at you. Jude had a pained expression on her face as she watched you and her lips were pressed to a thin line, but she waited for whatever you had to say nevertheless.

“Maybe it says more about the guards than the patients,” you retorted. “Maybe they lost the key somewhere and are now trying to put the blame on us for their stupidity.” Jude came face to face with you and it was as if she was staring at your soul. It made you uncomfortable but you tried not to show it as you crossed your arms.

“Listen to me, miss Y/n L/n,” she mocked. “You've only been here for about two weeks. But just because you're new doesn't mean you're an exception to punishment.”

Everyone was quiet and looked at the scene in front of them. No one talked back to sister Jude, and you began to realize there was a reason why. You somehow just vomited words and it would one day become your doom. Which is probably today.

In the meantime, you had the keys clutched behind your back in your hand.

It may not have been the smartest thing to attract attention but your mouth already opened before you even thought about what the consequences might be.

She saw that your hands were behind your back and she narrowed her eyes at you. “Search her.”

The color on your face faded as your heart sank, and a lump formed in your throat as two guards walked up to you.

This was it. They are gonna find the keys in your hands and they are going to punish you severely. You could already see the glint of satisfaction in sister Jude’s eyes as she’ll have you bend over her desk. If she chose to be cruel, she’d lock you up in solitary or worse, and your whole plan would be ruined.

You closed your eyes and as the two men grabbed your shoulders, a voice spoke up.

“It's me, I got the keys.”

You opened one eye before opening the other, and you looked at your side to see a man standing next to you. You had seen him before but you had never really talked to him. He seemed pretty normal compared to the others, but you knew everyone had a reason for being stuck in this hellhole, so you didn't let a cover judge the book.

“What?” both you and Jude say in unison.

You suddenly felt a hand creep up to yours behind your back, and before you could protest, the man had grabbed the keys out of your hand smoothly.

“I uh, he dropped them on the ground and I picked it up.”

“Why didn't you return them?�� Jude inquired.

He shrugged and he looked at you while you narrowed your eyes at him. Why was he trying to help you?

Jude walked over to the man and clicked her tongue. “Well, it seems like we found the thief. Mr Walker, come with me.”

An hour later everything was back to what here is called ‘normal’. The usual French song Dominique was playing on the radio in a loop, and it quite frankly made you feel like you were losing your mind. How fittingly.

You sat near one of the windows and you supported your head on your palm as you had a cigarette between your lips.

You had always hated the taste of cigarettes, but the way it burned your throat was intoxicating and it made your head lighter, and so you carried on with smoking.

While you inhaled deeply, you wondered what was happening in sister Jude’s room right now, but part of you knew it couldn't be any good. Sister Jude wasn't an idiot, she knew that a guard wouldn't just drop their keys on the ground. She knew the tendencies of patients trying to escape or whatnot. And so you were terrified for the man in her office. He would probably not be able to sit for a whole week, but hey, it’s sister Jude who is giving the punishment. She is unpredictable too, so who knows.

It looked like you were about to get your answer once the doors opened in the common room and the same man who saved your ass stepped foot inside the room.

A few heads turned to look at him, but eventually they shrugged it off and went on to continue doing what they were doing. You however looked at him as he made his way over to the couch. You saw that he had a funny walk, and you grimaced at the thought that an innocent man took the blame for you. He didn't even know you.

But that was about to change.

You threw the cigarette somewhere, got off your seat and made your way to the couch where the mystery man was sitting. He had an unreadable expression on his face and as you got closer, he noticed you. He gave a weak smile trying to reassure you and as you sat down next to him, it was quiet for a while.

“Thank you,” You began. “For earlier, you quite literally saved my ass.”

He let out a chuckle and he scratched the back of his neck. “It’s nothing.”

When he said that, you frowned. He made it sound like getting caned by Jude was nothing. But you knew better, because as you scanned his face, you looked him in the eyes and you saw it was pure pain. He had been through hell and back, you could read that only by looking at his eyes, and you felt sorry for the man. He genuinely didn't deserve the punishment that was given him.

All because you stole the guard’s keys.

“It’s not nothing, it’s everything,” you rubbed your eyes. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

“You wanted to get caned by Jude?” you ask and your eyebrows knitted together. He quickly shook his head and cleared his throat.

“No, it’s not that it’s just…” he bit his lip and fiddled with his fingers on his lap. “I’m not an atheist, but I’ve lost faith lately in the god that watches us from above. I’m tired of watching good people suffer the most excruciating pain, when they deserve the best things possible to ever exist. It makes me question if there is really someone up there who looks out for us.”

You saw the conflict in his eyes as he continued, and you felt your heart break for a stranger who carried so much weight on his shoulders.

“It’s just not fair how some people are treated. I figured that if I could help someone, to help make their day a bit less miserable, that I would make the world a bit of a better place. When I saw your face from next to me, I saw how much you had suffered and I wanted to take some of the pain for you.”

“I don't want you to do that,”

“What?”

“I don't want you to get hurt on my behalf, you didn't deserve the physical inflictions that were actually meant for me.” You placed your hand on his shoulder and although he first stiffened to your touch, he gave in quickly and he let out a shaky breath.

“I’d rather get hurt than see someone else get hurt. Especially a good person like you. I’ve seen the way you treat the others here. You're always kind to everyone. You treat them like they are not human waste, you don’t dehumanize them. You treat them like any functional person would.”

“I treat them like my equals because I am one of them.” He gave you a knowing look.

“You and I both know that is not true. Now I don't know the exact reason why you’re here, but you do not belong here.”

“So do you,” The man looked at his feet and you gave him a comforting smile. “I've seen crazy, and you're not it. You have a good heart. I owe you,” he shook his head. “It was my decision to take the blame, I’m okay.”

His lips curled upwards and he looked down again.

“You’re a Giver,” you say and he looked up at you with his eyebrows raised. “You give and give and give out of the goodness of your heart. And that is something you need to keep close to you, as close as possible, because not many people are like that these days. But you do need to realize that if you give more than what you have, it’ll crush you slowly. Too much baggage from other people, too much weight from other people’s problems, is not something that is your responsibility. It’s the best trait a person can have that you want to help everyone, but you sometimes need to put yourself first, and make sure you’re okay, to be able to be fully there for others. You can't help people when your back is broken from all of their shit.”

He let your words sink in, and his mouth hung slightly agape. Part of him knew you were right, but another part of him was conflicted, because he’d rather put himself in front of others because he deeply cared. He cared a bit too much, that was always his problem. He felt too much, and he knew that if he didn't protect himself, the world could eat him alive. Yet even with that knowledge, he let it happen.

“Hey,” he dozed off but he snapped his head back up at you and you saw that he was battling with himself. “I’m here for you, just promise me that you’ll be more kind to yourself, okay?”

“Okay I’ll try,” that answer was enough for you and you smiled once again, even though you could still see hesitation in his eyes. “Can you tell me why you stole the keys? I’m kinda curious about that because it was only the keys to unlock our rooms, not the main doors in the institution. Were you planning an escape? You really think the guards are that stupid?”

“To answer your last question, yes, I believe that they are stupid,” you say and the man snorted. “Well, stupid enough to leave their keys hanging on their pants, but I guess I didn't foresee that they would notice that their keys were gone,” you buried your face in your hands and this time the man rubbed soothingly over your back as you hunched forward. “And to answer your other question; no I didn't plan on escaping. I just wanted to see the lights tonight. From my cell room I don't have a good view. I figured that if I stole the keys and sneaked my way out to the common area, I’d be able to see the lights better.”

“The lights?” he questioned and you nodded. “The lanterns that are being released into the sky. I used to watch it every year with my mother. It should be tonight.” you sighed dreamily as you pictured the beautiful view in front of you, and you felt nostalgic. “It’s the only thing that makes me feel normal again, it's the only thing that makes me feel sane. Just thinking about it takes me back to the better days. I have to see it, but I don't have the keys anymore, and the guards will probably be more alerted.”

“Only Frank, Joe and Jude have the keys to our rooms as far as I know,” he eyed the closed door of the common area. “The keys you stole were Joe’s, he is like a hawk. Frank however sleeps 24/7, he wouldn't notice that his keys are gone.”

“What are you implying?” you ask while narrowing your eyes and he shrugged. “Maybe we could help each other out.” You tilted your head at that and snorted.

“I’m not giving you a blowj-”

“-No! That’s not what I meant.” You chuckled and nudged his shoulder as he turned red. “I’m just messing with you.”

He shrugged it off but you could see he was trying not to make eye contact with you. “What I meant was that maybe we could help each other out by me helping you take Frank’s keys so you can sneak out and watch the lanterns, and you helping me move around. Everything hurts, Jude was relentless and I think I won't be able to walk for a week or so.”

You didn't have to think long and hard about the proposition, because you already knew you set your mind to watching the lanterns. The mystery man was a bonus.

“Are you tagging along to see the lanterns with me?”

He thought about what you had said to him before. He was very self aware about how giving he could be, and your words had really affected him. He had always been the person to follow the rules and listen to what people told him, but as he looked at you, something in him told him that this was genuine. Something told him to say yes, and so he answered without hesitation.

“Yeah, If you want.”

“What’s your name?” you asked him.

“Kit, Kit Walker.”

“Well mr. Walker,” you smiled while holding out your hand. “You got yourself a deal.”

[episodeoftv]

Round 1 of 6, Group 1 of 4

propaganda is under the cut (231 words) (333 in defense) - may contain spoilers

summaries (pulled from imdb or wikis)

propaganda

Battlestar Galactica (2004) - 4.19, 4.20, 4.21 Daybreak (Parts 1-3)

Galactica launches a rescue mission to retrieve Hera Agathon from the "colony", a heavily armed and defended Cylon base located near a black hole. They manage to rescue Hera and, in the end, the fleet finds a new planet to settle on, which they come to call Earth

1) I asked my dad for his opinion on the worst finale ever and he said this one "made him feel stabby" (and then elaborated that he felt like they took every mystery from the show and came up with the worst possible explanations for them)

2) To be fair, the series had started to go downhill before this, but the finale is what turned one of the greatest scifi shows ever into something forgettable. It's kind of hard to pinpoint what was the worst part. There's the reveal that they were looking for prehistoric Earth (our Earth) all along and all humans are descendants of a human/cylon baby. The reveal that a beloved main character was dead for the whole season and possibly an angel as they disappear without a trace. Then showing two other main characters somehow walking around modern day, talking about how they know God (with a capitol G). Also, somehow, Bob Dylan was a space angel/prophet. Go figure. The series was created by mormons and in no place is more evident than in this finale as it makes an odd left turn from scifi to theology.

IN DEFENSE: OKAY, alot of people dislike the Battlestar Galactica (2004) finale but I think while odd, is still a very good way of ending the series. The series throughout subtextually has a very blatant discussion of theology, The Humans have some pantheon that seems to be loosely analogous to Greco-Roman myth and the Cylons all follow one singular god, and even within the Cylon ranks they have debates and beliefs about if faith or logic is better. When Gaius Baltar tries to found a monotheistic religion, humans from across the ship(s) begin to enact violence on his followers. Gaius Baltar has a manifestation of one of the Human-like Cylons in his head throughout the entire series basically up until the end, Often referred to as "Head 6", (though for this I'll call her "Mind 6"), it's often believed that because this manifestation knows so much about things Gaius wouldn't that she is a neural clone of some sort implanted into Gaius, but we see later that this cannot be the case, as Caprica 6, the person Mind 6 is impersonating, is alive and well(-ish), and not only is she alive, but she's got a Mind Gaius who's been doing the same stuff to her. Mind 6 and Mind Gaius are revealed in the finale to be some sort of divine entities. They simply took the form of Gaius and Caprica 6. As far as the "Bob Dylan was a prophet" thing, it's implied by the finale and a few other plot points that Humanity and similar races are bound to repeat a few similar points in identifiable history, as Mind Gaius and Mind 6 look at the rise of research into Artificial Intelligence and one asks to the other if they believe that earth, our earth, will be the one the break the cycle. I don't know what to say about Starbuck though, that shit's wild to me still and I still don't get how to wrap my head around the implications of it.

Skins - 4.08 Everyone

As Emily, Naomi, Pandora, and Thomas make up, the gang become concerned for the absent Freddie and hold his birthday party in his absence. Cook, who has read Freddie's notebook which mention's Foster's obsession with Effy, follows the psychiatric worker home and breaks into his basement, where he discovers a bag containing Freddie's blood-stained clothes. Foster comes in and attacks him but, with a cry of "I'm Cook" the youngster hits him back with the baseball bat and avenges his friend's death.

A character getting randomly brutally killed in the previous episode is the real crime, but the fact that the finale barely acknowledged it and had no emotionally satisfying conclusion or follow-up for that is a capper on it

[agirlandherquill]

the calendar project - day 1

day 1 has arrived, this is the start of something new and i'm very excited to share it with you all,

daily page count: 4 (i got invested, some may say carried away, but it was too good to stop till i wrote that final line)

time spent: 58 mins

so without further ado, here it is! the very first pages of the calendar project, and for simplicity's sake i'll stick them under the cut,

To some, Cindere was nothing more than a far-away place, a speck upon a map, permanently out of reach from the rest of the world. To her, Cindere was a living, breathing thing. To her, it was home. To her, it was death and everything else in-between. Shrouded by an eternal winter, the Kingdom resided in the midst of a mountainous valley, shielded by stone walls and mountains with snow-tipped peaks that stabbed at the heavens - Cindere was the jewel countries could only dream of, and nothing could compare. Splendour seeped out of every nook and cranny, it was unavoidable, it was everywhere.

The trouble with splendour is that a gilded cloak only hides so much, raises too many questions, and frustratingly, some more than others sought to make her thoughts a misery at every possible inconvenience.

Is Cindere an empire built upon feigned competence and bittersweet smiles, or is a prison of our own creation?

Time and time again the answer eluded her. If I could get away from all the fake smiles I just might find it, but until such a miracle comes my way I’m stuck here, the same as all of them. Appearance, worth, standing all aside, when it came down to it everyone was all equal in circumstance. Equal in that every single citizen was trapped. 

Trapped of their own volition. Trapped because of each other. But above all, trapped because of power.

Power. The word set off an itch in her mind she could never hope to scratch. It was a whisper, a curse, a futile thing. Those who had it did whatever it took to keep it. Those without were just as callous, just as capable of anything, and almost, if not more dangerous. Of that fact she lacked in proof, but she more than made up for it with observation. Of those, she had plenty.

Her observations were silent, powerful secrets tucked away in the crevices of her mind, a library of her own making, one never to be shared. 

Some words are safer to never utter aloud, that’s what this world has taught me, and I follow along. I play my hand, I abide by the unspoken rules of society and I survive. 

That in itself was an impressive feat. Social suicide was only a false step away, death was a hairsbreadth from sight outside of the castle walls, allegiances were wielded like blades, some painfully sharp. And for her, perhaps the one person in the Kingdom without, it meant survival, and life itself, was tricky. But she had learned, she had adapted, and still, she survived.

“People, people, gather round! It is a joy to see you all this glorious night!” The loudest voice she had ever known drew her from her daydreaming. She angled herself away from her carefully chosen spot, a window that isolated her from the rest of the crowd, and cast her sights upon a stage that had been erected at the far end of the room. Upon it, a man waved a tankard, somehow managing not to spill its contents everywhere. One of the strange talents of being King I suppose, just like his speeches. One of which was about to commence. 

There were very few things in the world that she disliked, but a speech was one of them. So, while the most important person in Cindere began to talk, she allowed her attention to drift once again. 

Her eyes roved over the crowd of courtiers. Lady Greer, I don’t recall a bird’s nest in one’s hair being in fashion, nor having real birds either. Lord Danvers - Will he stop staring at me? To fight a scowl she turned her face away, careful as ever, not to be noticeable. She had turned the act of observation into an art form.

Observation made her an artist, an excellent one.

She carried on her sweep of the room, only to lock eyes with someone other than Lord Danvers. She had been caught staring. And worse, her stare was returned. She was thankful for the lack of masks that night, it meant she recognised everyone in attendance, all save for him, her onlooker. Did he catch me, or was he staring first? 

The man was a stranger. 

We hardly ever get newcomers at the castle, or any court event, so the presence of this man is intriguing, no… It’s odd.

Odd, because like her, he did not appear to fit in.

Ironic, because from the state of his clothes he was one of them, but he wore the wrong thing.

Peculiar, because he could fit in, even dressed like that, but he appeared to choose not to.

All because of one thing that set him apart from the crowd, one thing that all the other guests had abandoned at the castle doors.

A coat. 

The long garment reached past his knees, woven of a sturdy, expensive navy fabric - the craftsmanship drew her in, but it was another detail that held her focus. Something jutted from just above his hip, disturbing the form of his coat. No, surely not. The longer she paid attention to it the more obvious it came to be. He’s carrying a sword. 

The stranger knew that she knew, but made no move to conceal it. She directed her observation upward, paying attention to his face - unlike the rest of the room he wore no smile, nor a powdered mask, his complexion was his own, where others had been powdered like the snow his skin held a glow to it that the light of the chandelier made golden. His hair was similar to that of straw, and equally unruly, strands fell from a central parting in unequal lengths, the longest only just brushed the edges of his jawline. During her observation his eyes hadn’t flinched, not once. They continued watching her. Even from a distance of what she judged to be around twenty paces she could make out the colour of his eyes, they were as green as the blades of grass that bloomed in spring and defied the lingering clutches of winter.

And the harsh green was fixed solely upon her. 

The intensity of his gaze tempted her to shy away, but she stood her ground, she held his stare for longer. At least someone here might be worth talking to. 

She had hardly made a motion to step away from the window when the stranger was already moving, as ignorant to the King’s words as she was, and even more ignorant of the quiet disapproving sighs that followed him as he moved through the crowd. 

She decided to be wary of the people closest to her and finally drew her eyes away, once more looking out of the window and into the night sky that glimmered with stars. Scarcely a heartbeat later, the stranger had reached her, she knew it only from the breeze his movement carried. There was a long, quiet moment before he decided to speak.

“And who might you be?” Every word was pronounced with purpose, this was not a man who toyed with words, he was straight to the point, abrupt, and it made him all the more interesting.

“Someone not in the habit of giving her name to strangers.” 

“Very wise.” She did not see it but she could hear something resembling a smile in his voice. “Dare I ask why you haven’t signalled a guard?” Her eyes lowered, turning her head just enough to catch a glimpse of his hilt peeking out from beneath his coat. It was a wise question, she could have done so easily, there were thirty men stationed along the outer walls, the closest only ten paces away. She could have alerted them, but she hadn’t.

“Why should I? You’re hardly going to point it at me.” She met his eyes, they glinted with amusement. “Aren’t I?”

She swallowed back a scoff. “You’re not here for me, that much is clear, so why come over here?”

“You don’t know who I am?” His brows raised. She shrugged almost imperceptibly. “I don’t need to, it’s none of my business.”

“And yet you’ve been staring at me.” His bluntness was refreshing, if only a little irritating. It was her turn to raise a brow. “For all I know you were the one watching me to begin with.”

“Before I say something that may prompt you to summon a guard, what’s so interesting about this window?” 

“Wise move.” She murmured, reaching to tap the window-frame. She nearly smiled, it stunned her. It had been a very long time since she had had a reason to smile while surrounded by the court. “The window?” In the reflection of the glass she saw him nod. His gaze was keen, he was interested in what she had to say.

“It’s what’s beyond it. The vastness. More than the sky. A single breath is nothing in comparison, up there, in the dark, there’s nothing. Nothing significant. Nothing that matters. It is everything and nothing all at once. It has no worries, no burdens, no hopes or dreams - nothing at all like humanity.” 

She expected ridicule when she looked at his reflection in the window, but what she found instead was a sad smile.

“For someone so reserved, you give away powerful words as though they’re nothing.”

“How so?” 

“I’ve never heard someone make the night sky sound lonely.” He reached out and pressed his palm to the window. “Can’t you see them, those lights in the dark? So far away and yet still so close? They’re all over. Those lights are purpose, direction, company, whatever you need them to be.” He seemed drawn in by the night too, pausing only to look at her, “The night isn’t lonely, not at all. You need only to look at a star to see it.”

[ermbabyel]

Hi! I just saw your submission to my matchup trade and I'm more than willing to do it with you! Here’s my half for the trade (Mystic Messenger/Stardew Valley)!

• Name/Nickname: Kaitlyn / Kit

• Age: 20

• Sexuality: Lesbian (However I don’t mind being shipped with fictional men at all!!)

• Pronouns: She/Her

• Age Range: 20-30

• Likes: Gardening, Cats, Ocean Life, Video Games, Coffee, Disney Movies (Frozen, specifically), Fall Out Boy (favorite band) || Dislikes: Fireworks, Hospitals

• Hobbies: Journaling, Writing, Reading

• Love Languages: Gift Giving

• Ideal Type: Someone to joke around with, who listens to me, who hypes me up 24/7

• Personality: I’m very shy at first and it takes some time for me to get used to new people. I tend to be very outgoing when in my friend circle and never really go out of my way to meet new friends, they always just come to me somehow. I like to believe I give good advice and am a good listener, and I back my friends up 100% of the time. I love to laugh and make jokes, and pretend arguing over stupid stuff that doesn’t matter is one of my favorite activities. I could ramble on and on about my favorite activities and I can tend to be stubborn when it comes to my favorite things.

• Astrology Sign: Scorpio

• Aesthetic/Style: My style fluctuates based on my mood of the day. Some days I will be wearing band t-shirts (usually Fall Out Boy) and ripped jeans, paired with a cat beanie, and some (silver) jewelry. Other days I could wear nothing but pastels and pink, paired with lots of sanrio and hello kitty accessories.

• Anything else you can think of: Appearance wise I wear glasses, have green eyes, blonde hair thats a little past shoulder length, and I’m 5’2.

(I’ll have your matchups posted within the next day!!)

Hello~! I’m so excited to do their matchup trade with you. I hope you enjoy your matchups~

Your Mystic Messenger Matchup is…Saeyoung~

I think this man would love you to bits~!

He would be SO flustered when he meets you, but tries to play it off by cracking jocks. But we know this man will eventually FOLD hard lol.

Seven is your #1 hype man, constant praises and compliments every single minute of every day lmaooo. This sweet boy just wants you to know how much he loves you!

Absolutely LOVES your Hello Kitty/cat accessories! He will ask you from time to time if he can wear some of your accessories and will give some fashion advice here and there.

Playful banter all day long…this man is not holding back! Sometimes Yoosung will watch you two banter and tease back and forth as a form of entertainment lol.

He’d also be the type of person to ask if he can try on your glasses lmao and have you try his on just for the fun of it.

We all know Seven likes to invent gifts and let me tell you this boy has a few ideas up his sleeve! He wants you to use his gifts as mementoes of his love for you.

I believe Saeyoung would love how much of a good listener you are. He has gone through SO much and appreciates being able to confine in you when he gets flashbacks from his past. You are his safe place~ 💜.

Your Matchup in Stardew Valley is…Abigail~

I was debating between Leah and Abigail, but ultimately chose Abigail! I just think you two would mesh really well~

You caught Abigail’s eyes the first time you walked into The Stardrop Saloon. She’d be absolutely fascinated by your piercing and would ask you so many questions about them lol.

She’s also the one to try to hide her feelings and might get annoyed when Sam or Sebastian tease her about it. But she’ll build up the courage to ask you out on a date!

This girl does not mind your ramblings at all and actually finds this trait of yours quite charming! She’ll ask you what your writing or journaling and will watch you with a gentle gaze as you get lost in your ramblings~

She can be a bit of a spit fire, but I think that’s something you can handle pretty well. I mean you’re not afraid to fire back when Abigail gets a bit sassy…all in good fun though!

You’ll be the type of couple who share each other’s clothes lmao. I think you’d be the one to get her hooked onto listening to Fall out Boy…so expect someone your band shirts “mysteriously” disappear.

I think you’d be the mom of the friend group with Sam and Sebastian. Sam is a bit of a dumb-ass and would appreciate someone to watch out for him lol. And Sebastian also needs a listening ear when he feels troubled by what he’s been dealing with at home. Abigail just appreciates how kind-hearted you are with her friends as well as with her.

I think Abigail would love your more outgoing side. I can see her trying to get caught up in some of her adventures like going to the mines, for example. She’d also would love to lay in bed, snuggled up with you and listen to your writings at the end of the day.

I hope you enjoyed doing this trade as much as I have! I hope you have a good day/night~! 🥰

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb: From internationally bestselling author JULIE JOHNSON... a bewitching new standalone romantic comedy set in magical Salem, Massachusetts!

GWENDOLYN GOODE LIVES A CHARMED LIFE.As owner of an occult shop in downtown Salem, Massachusetts she’s accustomed to all things odd and otherworldly. But when a bloody animal sacrifice is left as a warning outside her place of business, the police seem to think Gwen might be the target of some truly evil-doers. Suddenly, her sunny existence is riddled with danger in the form of crazed pagans, rogue employees, and nefarious henchmen. And there’s only one man who can protect her until the storm passes...

GRAHAM GRAVES HAS NO TIME FOR WITCHY NONSENSE.Not in his love life, and definitely not in his line of work. Despite the ever-present oddities of his hometown, the private investigator and acclaimed police consultant prides himself on staying objective in every case that comes across his desk. That all changes when Gwendolyn — a woman who gets under his skin like no other — finds herself in the crosshairs of dangerous criminals. Graham is determined to make her safe, even if her presence tests his steely resolve. But as their mutual dislike sizzles into unexpected attraction… he becomes even more determined to make her something else: HIS

BAD LUCK CHARM is a total standalone romance of 450+ pages, featuring cameos from a fortune-telling parrot, a modern day pirate, and a coven of well-meaning octogenarians. With characters that leap off the page and plenty of spooky twists and turns to keep you guessing, fans of Johnson's previous Boston Love Story series in particular will adore this blend of heat, humor, and suspense.slow burnenemies to lovers grumpy/sunshinewitchy vibes zany side characters small town charmspicysuspenseful laugh-out-loud funny 

Review:

Gwendolyn Goode is the owner of an occult shop in Salem, Massachusetts, she’s friendly, sunshine and sweetness personified.... unless it comes to Graham Graves, the attractive private investigator who Gwen had a crush on since she was 10 until she overhears him telling her best friend he thinks girls like her were freaks and didn’t want to be set up on a blind date with her and now they treat each other but ice. Gwen goes out of her way to avoid him as much as possible, but it’s kind of hard when his best friend is dating her best friend.  Graham suddenly comes into her life again when she becomes the main target in a case, and this time it seems Graham is not backing down or letting her bolt from him like she normally does. Graham is here to stay and to make her finally acknowledge the chemistry between them, if she’d just give him the time or day. Gwen believes she can’t be in a long term relationship, she can’t have a serious one after her childhood, but somehow Graham wants nothing more than to prove to her that he’s here to stay, and he’s been hers since the moment he met her... he’ll just have to find a way to not only convince and prove it to Gwen but to also help her catch whoever is killing animals and people and is targeting her. This was a really sweet romance mystery story and I liked how much Graham worked towards proving Gwen that he was going to be there for her and how serious he was about their relationship. He really won her over and I thought it was really cute how hard he tried and how he did call her out on her tendencies to push people away and withholding herself from having serious relationships because of her fear of getting hurt. He really went above and beyond in getting Gwen to realize that he was very serious about her and that he cared so much. Overall, really cute! 

*Thanks Netgalley and Johnson Ink, Inc. for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[tumbleringismycopingmechanism]

11-33, 36, 37, 40, 41

Thanks for all the asks! (Totally not using this to procrastinate learning for my next exam 🙈)

11: Best friend?

Tbh, noone really comes to mind. I'm not really good at holding contact, so I don't really talk to my school friends anymore, and I'm awful at making new friends, so I don't have any friends from uni either. The only people I consider friends currently are the handful of people that text with me on here, but I've known most of them for less than a year (heck, mostly even less than half a year) and we usually only text like once or twice a week (sometimes less), so I don't think any of them count as a best friend either.

12: Relationship status

I'm single and have been wondering for a while now if maybe I should try to remain single because I'm not sure I'm fit for a relationship rn

13: Biggest turn ons

I'm not sure how to answer that, because while I'm into wg stuff and bigger guys, I'm not sure it turns me on irl (as in, I will find it cute/sexy but I'm not sure I'd get sexually turned on, if that makes sense. I'm not really fond of the idea of having sex anyways, and the only times I kissed someone so far I disliked it as well, which is why I'm wondering if I'm somewhere on the ace spec.)

14: Biggest turn offs

Well, for one, an unlikeable personality (e.g. if someone's racist, sexist etc., doesn't matter how hot their body may be, I'm turned off). Apart from that, I'd advise you to look at the jars on my pinned post. Pretty much every one that is empty is gonna be a turn off for me.

15: Favorite movie

I'm a sucker for Sleeping Beauty (1959). (I'm a sucker for fairytales and their retellings in general, but this movie is the one dearest to me.)

16: I’ll love you if

... you spend time with me without me having to ask (or beg) you for it. Because most people don't.

17: Someone you miss

Weird as it may sound, some of my old teachers

18: Most traumatic experience

I think the one that has influenced my life the most is probably my best friend that I'd had since kindergarden deciding overnight that not only we weren't friends anymore, but to bully me through the entirety of 4th grade. (The breaking with me as friends part was well justified, the bullying feels like it was probably the over-reaction of a 10-year-old.)

19: A fact about your personality

I love being amongst people, until I realize that I'm shit at interacting and that me being there is no different to me not being there - then I get melancholic and need a break or leave entirely

20: What I hate most about myself

My social incompetence and my competitiveness as well as my eagerness to please

21: What I love most about myself

My creativity (though I'm usually not capable of expressing it in the way I want to)

22: What I want to be when I get older

Happy

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Could be better. I think both of my sisters dislike me for opposing reasons

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Could be better. I feel like neither of them was really there for me growing up, but now that I'm an adult they seem to wanna rectify that - which just feels weird because it's like two strangers suddenly want to spend time with me

25: My idea of a perfect date

I've always wanted to lie underneath the stars and stare up into the universe with someone

26: My biggest pet peeves

The only one that comes to mind rn is my sister somehow managing to drop water on half our bathroom floor when taking the two steps from the sink to the towels every single time. (I'm sure I have tons more though)

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

Edit: almost forgot this one.

Well, in general, kind men with a chubby figure

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

Okay, so the first one that comes to mind is a girl I went to school with. She was usually a huge bitch but when she was in a somewhat decent mood she'd always act super casual, like she didn't spend 99% of her day trying to find new ways to mock/insult you. I also suspect she's kind of a gold digger, because the guy she dated (and still dates) has the personality of a brick but is really fucking loaded

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

The only thing that comes to mind rn is that I was super ashamed of my crush in high school, so whenever my friends asked if there was someone I found cute, I'd lie and say there wasn't

30: What I hate the most about work/school

The pressure of it all. I usually feel like I should be ashamed when I spend even a minute on myself, because there's always something else I could/should do for uni (like right now for example...). But also, all courses make it seem like there's exactly one proper way to be a teacher, and if you don't fit into that, you fail your students (like, supposedly as a teacher you should be capable of making your students interested in your subject, make sure they don't get any mental health problems because of school, teach the subject in a way that shows the students how it connects to (their) everyday life, follow the curriculum, be close to your students but not too close, anticipate and avoid any misconceptions that may apear, etc.). Idk, it just feels like a bit much sometimes, especially when you have to have all of that in the back of your mind while standing in front of 30 people and teach.

31: What your last text message says

It's in German, but it roughly translates to "I'm leaving soon; is there anything I should take with me for you?"

32: What words upset me the most

In the recent past:

Being accused of fetishising gay people (and my sister half-agreeing with the accusation)

My mother sometimes casually refering to the time spent with me instead of working as "time wasted"

Someone telling me that a compliment I got from a teacher at the end of my school time wasn't as special as I had hoped, because it's something they say regularly to students when they graduate

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

Honestly, I'm not sure words can do anything to make me feel good about myself anymore. I'm so used to getting nice words but actions that don't match them that I think at this point my default is just smiling, thanking you for the kind words (maybe giving you some in return, if I can think of them quick enough) and feeling hollow inside

36: Where I would like to live

I like my home town and plan on moving back there when I'm done studying

37: One of my insecurities

My weight/figure

40: Who wish I could be

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I wish I were literally anyone else. Sometimes it almost feels enough to just want to be the best version of myself. Sometimes I want to be a version of me that I know will never exist. 🤷‍♀️

41: Where I want to be right now

Approximately a week in the past, actually studying for my exam instead of putting it off for so long. (Also, once the exam is over my answer might be France or Italy, or maybe somewhere I've never been before.)

[simonthechaste]

Discoveries after discoveries

Last weekend I introduced the technicue of how you make an erect penis go limp to the light of my life, by simply squeezing it hard. I do have nice big erections, but they are few and far between, and they always take place during very early hours of the day, never during sex.

She had no idea of its existence even though she had been in relationship with men the past twenty years. After all, as she put it, it is rather counter-productive, because normally the idea is to get the penis hard, not to force it to go limp.

We discussed it afterwards and she was amazed how easy it was to turn a rock hard cock into a tiny soft nub. She also mentioned how she was surprised to discover new things about her, in the light of what she likes. It was clear she had enjoyed it immensely.

I had time to think it over during the course of this week, with us living apart and all, and I came up with this elaborate theory how this was due to her increasing distaste of men, and the appreciation of femininity both in me and the women she sees on street.

The idea was that perhaps making my erection to go away was, in a way, a symbolic act, to make me a less of a man, and more like a woman. However, it turned out this well thought construct wasn't in the least bit true.

The thing is, she does like the masculinity in me, she has told it many times, and she sees me very dominating and masculine in my own way. And she does love my erections, and she gasps of delight every time I guide her hand to my hard cock, with her half asleep.

I knew all this and it was in fact the only flaw in my theory. But I figured perhaps she is going through a change, and she is starting to dislike men and masculinity even more, as she has become more comfortable opening about her bi side to me, and her lust for women.

And that is, let's make this clear, lust for women. We have recently started playing with the idea of somehow finding a woman as a third wheel in our relationship, and it has always been about just that, a unicorn, not a dragon, to put it in polyamory terms.

Conversations like this has led us, from the idea of me seeing her with another woman, which would affect me the way it does a any cuckold, with her naturally enjoying every second of it, to the idea of her seeing me with another man.

I asked what she would think of it, or feel seeing me a cock in my mouth and sucking it, or me being fucked by another man. Would she like it or even get turned on by it? She replied with a broad smile on her lips:

"Yes, I would. I would get turned on by it. I would like to see it. How would I feel seeing it? It would feel good." And yes, it would be largely because she knows I wouldn't like it, but I'd do it just to please her.

When we continued our discussion, I mentioned the existence of... let's say two men working on me, or perhaps a male and a female couple, and finally I asked would there by any chance be her sucking cock involved as well?

I still remember her surprise, shock and near repulsion: "Oh, god no! The possibility didn't even cross my mind! Good lord, no." Apparently she is crazy about my penis, no one else's. Which is something I should feel good, I guess.

So, as you can see, I did have a nice amount of data collected to suppoort my theory. She is hungry for pussy, but she has no desire for cock, only my limp little thing. My theory turned out to be false, though.

Instead, she told me that getting my erection go away was pure sadism on her part. I get erections so very rarely, so making one go away felt incredibly cruel. She was taking my manhood away from me yes, but not because she wanted to make me a woman. She just wanted to be mean to me.

Have I ever told you how much I love her?

[nwjws]

WAIT FOR YOU TO LIKE ME AGAIN - LSH

; SYNOPSIS - whether it be in the middle of the halls or during his election speech, heeseung's never passed up an opportunity to ask you out on a date. although you've always said no, that hasn't stopped the boy from trying again anyway - at least until senior year, when he suddenly stopped pursuing you, to your (and everyone's) bewilderment.

; PAIRING - heeseung x fem!reader

; TAGS - one-shot, fluff, slice of life, highschool au, stuco president!heeseung, vice president!reader, one-sided enemies to lovers ; WARNINGS - angst, mild swearing, light mentions of an abusive ex (not hee's or reader's)

; WC - 11.7k (including the bonus at the end)

; PLAYLIST ► blue butterflies (JIHN) ► line without a hook (ricky montgomery) ► making the bed (olivia rodrigo) ► comfort crowd (conan gray) ► love. (wave to earth)

; AUTHOR'S CORNER ! first fic after hiatus omg. also half the things in this fic rlly happened and the other half were google searches guess which ones are which 😝 i planned to post this on the 17th but i finished it just now and my brain is fried so here we goooo

you hated lee heeseung.

throughout the three years you've known him, he's always been the bane of your existence. the boy was constantly bugging you and pulling a new stunt to show off and get your attention. all of this just to ask you out on a date - something he's been doing practically every week since the age of fourteen.

seriously, after a hundred 'no's you'd think he'd learn to back off. and yet, he was still persistent in pursuing you.

at least, until your final year began.

see, you two had been competing against each other for the position of student council president at the end of last year. unfortunately for you, he was immensely popular; an actual threat. on top of being the captain for boys' volleyball team, he was class rep. and actively helped out teachers after school. students and teachers alike were drawn in by his hardworking yet casual nature and how easily he talked to others. despite the busy campaigns and rivalry, he still managed to somehow find time to ask you out, ending his final speech with, "and aren't all these qualities worthy of at least one date?"

of course he'd still find a way to make such an important event about asking you out. whoops and cheers echoed the hall, with almost everyone looking at you. everyone knew your history, with half the school on his side, cheering him on and urging you to say yes.

thankfully, the other half of the student body understood that no means no, and were more sympathetic towards you. after all, it's not like you were disliked or anything - you were as well known as h*es*ung.

you yourself had led the school to win several math competitions over the years, and tutored over ten students in your highschool career (get that money girl!). in addition, you were already on the council as the treasurer.

yet, it was his last sentence that one the people over and he'd been chosen as the president, with you as vice.

"just say yes. one date won't hurt," ningning had chuckled when you complained again, once she'd come back from her summer camp.

"my pride and reputation of always saying no will be."

"maybe he'll back off if you do?"

"no number of rejections has stopped him, how would a 'yes' do that?"

"maybe he'll realise you're absolutely undateable," she laughed at you, which had you throwing a pillow at her in retaliation.

you scowled at her before pulling out your phone and finding heeseung's instagram.

"thanks for meeting with us today, i'm sure you guys are excited to go home. first days are always tough." and with that, heeseung closed up the first meeting of the year.

conversation and the screeching of chairs filled the room as everyone began to pack up and leave, bidding goodbye to each other. as president and vice president, you and heeseung were left behind to clean up after the others and sort out other documents and such.

you half-heartedly expected another question of a date from him as you threw away the paper cups and teabags, but it never came.

instead, all he said was, "good job today."

you turned to look at him, with his bag slung over one shoulder and a hand stuffed into his pocket. he gave you a tight smile and left the room after that, reminding you to lock up before you left.

a little disconcerted, you continued the last few tasks while mumbling to yourself, "that ass, making me clean up and not..." you didn't finish that thought. it almost sounded like you wanted him to ask you out on another date. you thought he would though - he always did, but the first day of school passed without incident.

well, it's only the first day. he'll definitely ask you out tomorrow, or later this week. he's never missed a chance to do so during first week of school.

he hasn't asked you out at all. not in the first week, nor the second, or the third.

a whole month had gone by, and all you'd heard from heeseung was student council-related stuff. he hadn't even talked to you outside of meetings.

"did you two fight, or something?" ningning asked you curiously.

"i dunno?" you reply truthfully. you really weren't sure if what was going on between you was a fight or just a change in dynamics. it was confusing.

the rest of the school noticed too; the halls whispered when you passed by, wary and concerned looks thrown your way. someone even asked off handedly in conversation: 'are you two secretly dating, then?' everyone was walking on eggshells around you two.

"well, i guess you can rest now."

"huh?"

"you said you wanted him to stop, didn't you?" ningning raised an eyebrow at you. "who knows how many times you've complained about it to me in the past. it's made up like, half of our conversations in all our years of friendship."

"oh, right."

ningning tilted her head curiously at you. "what's with the disappointed tone?"

"what tone?" you rolled your eyes. "this is perfect! i can finally concentrate on my work without having to be afraid that i'll be distracted by heeseung trying to get me to date him again." after a moment, ningning hummed in agreement.

"and! those girls can stop giving me death glares. i mean - i've already seen so many triumphant looks from them, as if they've already got him in the bag."

"uh-huh," she said sceptically.

"they'd definitely say yes if he asked them out. unlike me. he can actually go and date for once, instead of embarrassing himself with me."

"riiiight."

"good. that's good! maybe he'll have a girlfriend by next week. and-"

"okay! i get it, i get it," ningning burst out laughing. "i've never seen you overthink about heeseung this much."

"i can't help it! what would you think if some guy who's been obnoxiously pining over you for years consistently suddenly stopped out of nowhere?"

"hmm... i'd hang out with him, break my leg, therefore obliging him to bring me to the hospital, manipulate him to visit me every day as i recover, be overbearing as hell so that he'd realise he doesn't want me anymore, and poof! he's gone."

you stared at your (possibly insane) best friend (how is she your best friend?!) in alarm.

"...i think it's time for another visit to the psych ward."

"hey!"

you two laughed yourself to stitches. she might be crazy, but she definitely got your mind off heeseung, if only for a little bit.

"you guys don't like sports, do you?"

everyone in the council shook their head.

"well, luckily for you, the student council members aren't be required to participate in sports day. we're only expected to volunteer and help the teachers."

you and the others cheered, relieved you wouldn't have to run yourself to death in the cold wind like last year. you might have been gifted in almost any skill and hobby you picked up, but sports was an exception.

"make sure you do help out, as i'll be taking note of who does what." then, heeseung said in a whisper, as if sharing a secret (who in this room he's hiding it from, you don't know), "and we'll hold a little party here. just us members." that definitely got everyone murmuring excitedly.

in the two previous years you've been in the student council, you've never seen one so lively and reactive to their president. you hate to admit it, but you too could feel your mood lighten up with them whenever heeseung was leading another meeting.

not to mention, he listened intently to the others' concerns, always suggested good solutions, and greeted everyone who entered with a cup of tea. he was a lot more considerate than you'd expected.

see, you hadn't really shared that many classes before. and the one or two you ever did, you avoided him at all costs so you never actually noticed him properly until it was forced right in front of your face.

"on another note, we'd like to take in suggestions for places to visit for an upcoming school trip," you started, garnering their attention.

as you began your part of the meeting, you could feel heeseung's intense stare, but every time you looked at him, he'd turn away.

it was a little frustrating, and you didn't know why. you couldn't figure out why you felt a little more upset every time he'd look somewhere else. was he ignoring you? but, this was a totally normal thing to do, right? so it's not like you could just ask him 'hey, why do you always ignore me when i look at you?', you'd look stupid.

when the meeting ended and everyone else had left, the awkward tension between you two was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"make sure to lock up before you go-"

"did i do something wrong?"

heeseung stared at you, mouth frozen from being cut off mid-sentence.

"what? no. why?"

"i just- well, you-" you stuttered, unsure how to answer. "i guess, i'm not used to you not..."

"to me not asking you to be my girlfriend?" he laughed, but there was an odd lack of humour.

you shrunk into yourself. you should have just kept your mouth shut, now you sounded self-centered.

"nevermind," you huffed.

"i'm just doing what you asked. after the date, remember?" he left before you could say anything else.

after he'd gone, you couldn't even hear the silence he left behind - not when your thoughts rang in your ears. shame, embarrassment, rage. you hated him, heeseung.

but most of all, you hated yourself.

you avoided heeseung at all costs after that incident, at least, whenever you could.

previously, with the lack of interactions you two had, you felt like you barely ever saw him. but now that there was this weird air of tension between you, seeing him at three times a week after school for student council activities suddenly felt too often. every time you were alone with him, you were sure you were as red as a tomato; you developed a habit of letting your hair hide your red ears and hide your face.

when sports day inevitably came, you took over his responsibilities, seeing as he was still a part of the volleyball team. that made him the only one in the student council to join any sports activity, whereas the rest of you relaxed. (the privilege was all thanks to heeseung, who advocated for your guys' exemption from activities after everyone had complained, in return for volunteer work.)

"you haven't gone to the volleyball games yet?" soobin, the treasurer, asked.

"no. i planned out a route to visit all the activities, and the courts happened to be last."

he raised a sceptical eyebrow at you.

"really. it's not because you're trying to steer clear of our dear president or something?"

you cringed. "keep your nose out of our business."

"well, if it's affecting student council activities, isn't it our business too?"

"maybe, but i think your priority should be helping out mrs. shin over there," you pointed to the teacher walking across the field, carrying a bunch of equipment by herself. "'looks pretty heavy, it would look bad if our volunteer wasn't doing his work, now would it?"

soobin gave you a dirty look before leaving to help out, but not before bidding you "good luck!"

when you finally made it to the volleyball courts, you spotted him immediately.

he'd done a spike, the slap echoing so loud that it drew the attention of other students passing by. paired with the sound of feet skidding against the ground and the thumps of balls making contact with skin, you decided that you hated the courts. it felt like walking into a battle zone - always fearing you'll get hit by a ball when you're not looking. once, ningning got hit in the face by a baseball and her eye had actually been pushed inwards into her socket. of course, that wasn't on a court, but you weren't taking your chances.

unfortunately, you still had to make sure everything was going smoothly and take note of how many more rounds were left.

"excuse me! students who aren't playing aren't allowed to step into the courts," the teacher yelled at you from the other side.

"sorry, but i have to check on you guys, i'm part of the student council," you explained as you crept closer.

"but-"

"my bad, mr. jeon. i forgot to tell you to expect our vice president to come around eventually, since she's taking over my duties for the day," heeseung said as came jogging up to you two.

"ah, really? was volleyball taking up your time? you should have told me! i wouldn't want this to get in the way of your work."

"no, it's okay. i wanted to play, and she's very reliable," he gestured to you.

"if you say so."

"right," you started, finally looking at heeseung for the first time that day. you nodded your thanks to him, to which he gave a quick thumbs up to before rejoining the game.

"how many sets are left?" you asked mr. jeon, pulling out your pen to note down on your clipboard.

"two. this is our final game of the day."

"great! who won for the girl's team earlier today? i'm sorry i couldn't come earlier. i thought it might be best to come later in the day so i could get all the results at once."

"don't worry about it. the boys' games are always more interesting anyway - in the sense that it's a little more dramatic, what with all the force they put in their hits."

right at that moment, the resounding boom of the ball hitting a wall interrupted you two. geez, were these guys playing with a ball or setting off canons? why men are so aggressive, you'll never understand.

"perfect timing," mr. jeon chuckled. "well anyway, the U-16 girls won the first game, but the U-19 team won the second-"

you should have minded the ongoing game. it was the number one rule when you were on a court, but you foolishly got distracted with mr. jeon's own clipboard. of course, the moment you let your guard down, the ball flew your way, right when you were shifting your stance and was therefore a little more unstable than usual.

the volleyball hit you right in the chest, and had you falling to the ground. by instinct, you tried to catch yourself - but instead of your palms reaching out backwards to save you, it was your elbows that hit the ground.

"fuck!" you cried at the pain that seared through your arm.

"oh my god, are you alright?" the team suddenly ran up to you, with mr. jeon himself trying to help you up.

"i'm so sorry! i didn't mean to." one of the team members apologised.

"watch it next time," heeseung's stern voice came, but you were more focused on trying to minimise the pain as much as possible.

"where does it hurt? your elbow? can you try moving it for me?"

you did as mr. jeon instructed, but underestimated how much it would hurt.

"oh, that popping sound does not sound normal," heeseung commented.

"heeseung, take her to the infirmary."

he nodded and grabbed your unaffected elbow, asking if it was okay. you nodded and followed him as he started leading the way to the school nurse.

"does it still hurt?"

"if i move it, yeah."

"sorry about that."

"it's fine. it happens." a quick silence followed.

"well, you should go to the doctor later. the nurse probably won't do much, maybe just hand you an ice pack or something else useless," he joked. you laughed.

"yeah. she never really does much, does she? all those years of school just to hand us ice packs for a broken bone or twisted ankle."

"right! even the PE department is better equipped for more serious injuries."

"mhm."

another bout of silence. you were going to go crazy, either from the awkwardness of it all or the immense pain in your right arm. you looked at heeseung's back, and the sweat on his skin, soaking his shirt.

"hey, you can go back if you want to," you told him suddenly. "i can walk myself to the infirmary, it's not like i hurt my leg or anything."

"i know, but i'd feel more at ease if i saw you there myself. you're my vice president, of course i'm concerned."

well, you didn't know how to feel about that. you've been downgraded from his crush to coworker, but he still cares for you. so maybe that was a plus?

"i see."

as expected, you were given a cold pack for your elbow and sent to the local hospital. luckily, it was only a ten minute drive and the nurse accompanied you as a staff member drove you two there. heeseung watched you get in the car and leave, going back to his game.

the next time you went to school (two days later), your right arm was in a sling and you pretended like that wasn’t just the most embarrassing moment of your life.

“you’re ambidextrous?” heeseung whispered to you while everyone else was focused on the movie projected.

the council had waited for you to return before they held their (secret) party, since it just felt wrong to hold one when their vice president was suffering in pain and away. up until now, heeseung had only known you used your right hand from all those meetings.

he'd been paying attention to that?

“i’m a better writer with my right.”

“but you can still write well with your left,” he said, impressed. “you really are amazing”

you stared at him, the look of awe on his face, and the slight smile of his mouth. you really had no idea what to say, flustered by his comment.

then he seemed to realise what he was doing, and quickly turned to back to the movie.

“my mom wanted a left-handed daughter, and would always switch the pencil to my left hand when i was younger,” you told him. you had the sudden urge to spill a bit more of your life to him.

“ah, really?” he replied, still looking the other way.

“yeah, but at that point i was already used to my right. i ended up being able to write with both hands though.”

“oh, you can do that?” soobin joined in the conversation. you nodded at him with wide eyes, not expecting the sudden interruption.

“do what?” hanni asked.

“she can write using both her hands. isn’t she so cool?”

“really?” she gasped, looking at the pen in your left hand. “wow. our vice president is way cooler than the president himself.”

“hey!” heeseung exclaimed as everyone giggled.

“seriously though, she’s the whole package. smart, talented, and pretty?” soobin lowered his voice in a mock-whisper, “i can treat you way better than this guy," he joked, pointing his thumb at heeseung.

“alright, i think we need to get a new treasurer,” heeseung suddenly said. he pointed at the projection and yelled, “look! ernesto's actually the villain!” this successfully put everyone's attention back on the movie, all shocked by the plot twist. (you already knew, because coco was your favourite airplane movie.)

when the party finished up, heeseung actually stayed behind this time, and helped you clean up.

“oh, you really don’t have to,” you told him.

“it’s fine, it’s quicker like this. it’s not fair to make you clean up when you don’t have two working hands.”

you watched as he put away the heavy binders and throw out the trash, feeling a little off-put by the new scene. you thought that maybe you should just go home and leave him to lock up, but he wasn’t saying anything, so you stayed and kept him company. his presence was surprisingly comforting.

“you have the keys?”

“yeah,” you answered, trying to open your backpack.

heeseung made his way over and opened your bag for you. “here, i’ll get it. tell me where it is.”

“oh, uhhh in the pocket there. the left one.”

he found the keys and took them before closing the bag again. he waited for you to put it back on, but noticed you struggling a little with the books in your arm.

“why don’t you just put these in your bag?” he asked, taking them from your good arm and helping you slip your injured one through a strap.

“it’ll be really heavy if i do.” you then thanked him, gesturing for him to give back your textbooks.

instead, he kept them, even holding the door open and waiting for you to pass by first.

“where do you live? i’ll try to help you bring these home.”

“you really-”

“it’s fine, i promise. in fact, i insist.” at your expression, he added, “what kind of president would i be if i didn’t help out my vice?”

right. president. and vice president. not friends, not even classmates. just coworkers.

you rolled your eyes and let him help you. “i usually take the bus home. the one that goes to the museum.”

“ah, i know that one. i usually walk home, but i think there’s a stop that bus goes to that’s near my house. so let’s go.”

heeseung led the way, walking in front of you so you took the chance to observe him from behind.

recently, you noticed that although he always looked put together and clean at the beginning of the day, his hair and clothes felt more loose and casual towards the end of the day - particularly on the longer days where there were council meetings after school. you like this version of him; you feel closer to this heeseung, because it’s a side that only you (and the other members) got to see. it felt a little bit like a secret.

“sorry, looks like my stop is earlier than yours. are you fine with carrying these yourself from here?”

“yep.”

“alright. well then, okay.” when he stood up as the bus stopped, he turned to you and waved lightly. “bye bye!” it was a little endearing - the way he'd said it.

“see you.”

you immediately flopped onto your bed when you reached home (on your back side, of course). it was an… odd day, but you didn’t dislike it.

after a bit of a struggle, you finally fished your phone from your bag, sending ningning a message.

“i think you took my advice too seriously,” ningning chortled during class the next day. “when i said i’d break my leg i didn’t mean actually getting injured!”

you dragged your hand down your face, asking whatever being was listening to your pleas to make your best friend stop teasing you.

“it’s not like i sprained my elbow on purpose??”

“oh girl, you don’t have a single athletic bone do you?”

“you know what, maybe i need to learn to shut up and stop telling you things.”

“i know you won’t. when you’re with me, your attempt at a mysterious persona disappears…”

“are you saying i’m loud?” you ask in mock-offense.

“i’m saying you yap a lot,” she rolls her eyes playfully. “but seriously, who knew getting hit by a volleyball would lead you and The Heeseung finally talk. maybe that guy should’ve thrown one at you when we were fourteen.”

“when did you start rooting for him?” you raised an eyebrow at her.

“i just thought he deserved a chance,” she shrugged nonchalantly, but the way she turned away didn’t sit right with you.

“oh, okay,” was all you came up with.

“so, anyway,” she started again after a moment. “i stalked my ex’s spotify and-”

“oh my god,” you groaned at the mention of her ex. “ningning i told you before, you need to forget about him.”

“i know, i know. but i couldn’t help it! his user was just there on the side, and he was listening to memories!! by conan gray!! i had to see what playlist he was listening to.”

“you need to block his spotify.”

“but that’s so embarrassing. it’s never that deep.”

“if you can’t move on from someone who convinced you that you were nothing without him, then maybe it is that deep.”

ningning sighed. “okay, i’ll block him. but do you want to know what his latest playlist was about?”

“duh,” you laughed as ningning pulled out her phone, promising to block him after.

heeseung continued to help you on the way home every time you guys had a meeting, to your surprise. during those bus rides home, you learned way more about the boy in three weeks than you ever had in your three and a half years of knowing each other. you wondered what had made him like you so much before this if he never even really knew you.

“but i did,” he said. “i did know you.”

“did you really?” you asked, thinking he was joking.

“well, at first, i obviously didn’t. i just thought you were pretty, and fun to annoy. so i kept asking you out just to see your response. after that, i did begin to like you - on a superficial level, of course; i was fifteen!”

you listened intently, finally getting answers to a question you didn’t realise you’d been curious about for so long yourself. heeseung didn’t look at you at all during his monologue, but straight forward instead. so you were able to observe the way the gold light from the sun highlighted his features perfectly. (did he always have such a perfect nose?)

“and then there was a time where i just got tired of it. i wanted to stop, but then everyone would have thought it was out of character. so even though i didn’t even like you anymore - in fact, i hated you, i still kept asking you out. just for show. stupid, right?

“but then, one time, i accidentally ran into you at a shop with ningning. actually, more like i saw you and hid behind one of the aisles. but i heard you say you wanted to get something for your siblings too, and i was like, ‘wow, she actually cares about others?’ back then, i was convinced you only thought about yourself.

“another time, you posted one of your competition wins on your instagram, and i could see from the caption how much you adored your team, even tagging each one of them and thanking them individually. i had never seen someone put that much effort into a simple win before. i kind of felt like i wasn’t thankful enough to my own volleyball team,” he chuckled to himself.

“what really had me falling for you though was when you tutored my sister last year . before that, she'd been going through some sort of mental struggle, what with being bullied at school and coming home to our parents telling her she should be ashamed of her grades. i felt so bad that i couldn’t do anything, you know? her older brother; her protector, but couldn’t do anything against the very people who should have been protecting the both of us. when she’d been signed up with you though, she came home for the first time in a good mood - she was humming! and i asked if something good happened at school, and she told me all about her amazing tutor that assured her she wasn’t the useless being she thought she was. how she was finally beginning to understand school for once, and looked forward to your sessions. when i learned that was you, i wanted so surprised, but so grateful."

you had never felt so touched until now. somehow, heeseung’s words made you feel like you really were worth more than you believed.

“really? wait, who’s your sister?”

“lee haseul. the one with autism, remember?”

“ah yes, of course i do!” you said, the name ringing a bell in your head. “she was definitely a little harder to tutor, but once we found a way to use her fixation on cars and link it to what we were learning, it was smooth sailing from there.”

“i really have no idea how you did that, but you have no idea the impact that had on me and my family. sometimes she asks me what it’s like working with you,” he finally turned to look at you, a pretty smile on his face. your face burned at the adoration on his face, looking away yourself.

“i hope you tell her good things about me.”

“there’s not a bad thing to say.”

“really?”

“really.”

when heeseung left the bus that day, a part of him still stayed with you, as words that constantly replayed in your mind.

it made you feel a little self-conscious, knowing that he’d been watching you this closely all this time. you felt like your efforts were appreciated, and that they weren’t for nothing after all. while your admiration of him only begun after really seeing him work on the council, his respect for you had been brewing for way longer.

you went to bed thinking about him way more than you usually did (and you’ve been thinking about him more often since you sprained your elbow). you found yourself a little more excited for the next meeting day, when he’d go home with you again.

what would you guys talk about? will he tell you more of his thoughts? maybe his other interests? should you ask about his team and work? how was he handling all that? or perhaps you should ask about his sister. anything, really. you just wanted to talk. to him.

oh no, you sounded like a typical high school girl with a crush just now, didn’t you? (well, that’s exactly what you are - no shame in that, though!) if your arm wasn’t injured, you would have been punching your pillow and screaming into it right now.

oh, right - the elbow. for the first time, you really didn’t want it to heal. you wanted it to stay sprained for as long as possible, but that would be stupid, and inconvenient. but then, how else would you talk to heeseung outside of council work? it’s not like you two shared any classes, nor did you run in the same circles at school. the bus rides home were really the only times you got to really talk to heeseung, without all the eyes watching you two.

a small part of you began to dread the day your cast came off, because that would mean heeseung would stop talking to you again, right? he wouldn’t have any reason to riding home with you, and it would go back to that awkward thing you two had.

you sigh and turn over, careful with your arm, and finally fall into a fitful sleep.

“you’re staring at him again.”

that sentence had you flinching away and turning back to ningning, looking at you with a knowing glint.

“i can’t help it! his hair just looks so messy, obviously i’m going to notice.”

“his hair looks the same way it always does…”

“well- look at him walking around like he owns the place! he thinks he’s the shit, doesn’t he?”

“to be fair, he’s the student body president and captain of the volleyball team. maybe he is.”

“why are you defending him?!” you cried at all her replies.

“why are you trying to hard to hate him! we both know how much you li-”

“okay, okay, shhhh,” you shut her up by covering her mouth. really, she needed to learn to shut up. it’s not like the whole world needed to know about your massive crush on the boy you previously hated.

ningning pushed your hands away. “why are you more fixated on him today than usual anyway?”

"okay, first of all," you scoffed at her. "you make it sound like i'm always fixated on him."

"you are."

you rolled your eyes, then bit your lip after a moment of thought, knowing that whatever you were about to say would sound stupid(ly in love).

“it’s just that, i finally got my cast off this past weekend, so i can carry my books home perfectly fine again.”

“ah, and so he won’t be escorting you home anymore like he had been these past five weeks,” ningning finished your train of thought.

you buried your face in your arms, flushing bright red. “god, i sound like an idiot. i hate that i even thought that.”

the girl laughed at you, but patted your back consolingly.

“don’t worry about it. i don’t think heeseung’s gonna stop taking the bus with you just because you’re healed now. trust me, he’s one of the caring people i know.” was that a bit of sadness and longing? maybe you were interpreting her tone wrong.

“he probably will! it’s not like he used to take the bus home before i got hurt.” you peeked up at her. “is it wrong to ask you to throw another ball at me?”

“girl…”

when that day’s meeting finally ended, you and heeseung worked in tandem, tidying up the room before locking up, albeit a little more slowly. it was like both of you were waiting for something, but never said it out loud,

as you finally made your way out the school, you and heeseung turned to each other, hoping the other would say something.

“well-” heeseung started at the same time you said, “are you-”

after a brief moment of awkward silence, you guys burst into soft laughter at the silliness of the situation. what were you so afraid of anyway?

“do you still want to ride with me?” you finally asked him.

“if that’s okay with you.”

“of course it is,” you rolled your eyes playfully, falling into step with him.

“honestly, i thought you were going to go back to walking home after i healed up,” you confessed to him on the bus. “it made me kind of sad.”

“you’d miss me?” he teased, but there was excitement in his tone. he was elated.

“well, these rides are kind of fun! i wish i got to know you like this sooner. and then i thought we’d go back to the way we were before after this, but ningning assured me that it’d be fine.”

“ah yeah, ningning’s cool. wish i had a close friend like her by my side.”

it didn’t click until now how they seemed to be familiar with each other. when did heeseung and ningning become friends? in fact, when did they get a chance to even talk to each other?

“are you friends with her?” you tried to ask nonchalantly, like the topic wasn’t bugging you now. if those two were friends, why didn’t ningning mention it to you?

heeseung seemed to notice the shift in your mood though. “we’re just friends, promise. there’s nothing between us.”

that eased you a little, but that wasn’t really your main concern.

“that’s nice to know. but how did you become friends? i thought you two were was close as me and you were before all this.”

“oh! we met up at summer camp. it was purely by coincidence; my parents decided to send me to one last summer, and she happened to be there. i didn’t know anyone else, so i stuck by her for most of the two weeks we were there. we got to know each other then.”

ningning’s summer camp. last summer had been her third year there, so she wasn’t new or anything. the programme usually lasted two weeks, and they’d take away their phones during that time, so you’d have no contact with her until it ended.

but you’re surprised she didn’t tell you about it when she came back. after all, she had said it was ‘just as usual’, but seeing the new face of your best friend’s (previously) most hated person didn’t seem like nothing.

“huh.”

“i swear though, there was nothing between us back then.”

“i see.”

“i hadn’t talked to her much after my date with you-”

the date. ningning had been the one to push you to go. but why? even if her and heeseung became friends during camp, you and her were still closer. so why did she switch sides? you’d thought it was odd how she was suddenly encouraging you to say yes, when she’d spent the last four years sticking her tongue out at heeseung by your side.

the date, which had gone both so bad and yet so good. when everything had gone terribly wrong, but heeseung did everything right.

“i’m so sorry for being late!” heeseung panted as he ran up to your table.

“the one time i give you a chance, and you’re an hour late, lee.”

“i know, i know. it’s just that my sister-”

“i’m not hearing out any excuses,” you huffed.

you’d felt so humiliated waiting for him. you were shaking, your hair was frizzy with stress and your make up probably a little smudged too. the staff had even given you a free cheesecake slice out of pity. a pity cake.

“whatever, you’re here now, so let’s get this over with”

the waitress came over and gave you an encouraging look (which you ignored) and took your orders. when your meals arrived, you stared at the orange slices in the sauce of your orange chicken. although you hated them, you actually loved the sauce and chicken itself, so you ordered them every time you went to a chinese restaurant.

“you don’t like the oranges?” heeseung asked after seeing you pick them out.

“not really, no. i don’t know how to explain it; i love orange chicken, but i hate actually seeing the oranges on the sauce. it’s a little bit jarring for me, fruits and savoury foods together just don’t make sense to me visually, but when i taste them, they’re so good. just like pineapples on pizza, you get me?”

“i guess,” he thinks out loud. he uses his own chopsticks and starts picking them out from your plate, placing them onto his. “mind if i take these then? i love oranges.”

“i’ve literally seen you throw out a whole orange at school before.”

“you were watching?” he smiled sheepishly, a light pink tint to his cheeks.

“n-not particularly.” you look back down at your food, focusing on your task. you need to be more careful with what you say.

after a terrible start to your date, the rest of your lunch went okay. it wasn’t too bad, and you two started discussing your next plan: watching a movie.

“i’m not even a marvel fan,” you told heeseung after he said he’d gotten two tickets for spiderman: no way home.

“don’t worry, i’ll explain everything to you during the movie.”

“really? also, isn’t a movie a terrible date idea? we wouldn’t really talk to each other.”

“well, i will. i tend to talk a lot during movies.” he turned to you with an apologetic look. “i hope you won’t mind.”

“i’ll need it, won’t i?”

turns out you didn’t need his talking during the movie because you two didn't even get to watch it. a kitchen in the food court next to the theatre had gone up in flames, with the fire spreading to it’s surroundings. thankfully, no one died, but the damage was pretty severe, with half the mall having to close down until reparations are finished. and who knows how long that’ll take…

“oh! well, it’s a good thing i was a little late then, right?” heeseung tried to lighten up this messy date as you two passed by the mall which was now in ashes.

“i guess,” you mumbled. “so what now?”

“well, how about a little bowling?” he suggested.

you nodded, and he drove you two to the local bowling alley. you hadn't done it since you were eight, so heeseung showed you how to do it on your first turn.

“swing your arm like this,” he said, holding onto your bicep and holding onto the ball for you.

“you can let go, you know. i can carry the weight, it’s only the small size after all.”

“i know, but it’s just for demonstration. i’m going to let go of the ball now, okay? make sure to hold tightly,” he looked at you intently. geez, how could someone telling you to hold a bowling ball look at you like you hung the stars?

well, you didn’t really need his help anyway. your instincts kicked in and you managed to hit nine pins all together on your first, with similar numbers for the rest of the rounds. you even got a strike twice!

“are you sure you’ve never bowled before?” heeseung chuckled in awe.

“positive.”

“it always surprises me how easily you pick up things.”

“…thanks.”

and then you hit very few pins every single round after that in the second game.

you hadn’t been able to finish your second game however, because a heavy downpour suddenly came down.

“oh my god, the water is rising so fast,” you called over to heeseung as you looked out the glass doors of the main exit. if the floor hadn’t been lifted, the water would have started flowing in by now.

“crap, should we go home before it gets worse?”

“i suggest you should, kids,” the man behind the counter gruffed. he himself was getting ready to go, with the other customers running outside to their own cars.

heeseung looked outside and then at you.

“you can’t walk outside in those shoes, they’ll get wet.”

you were wearing pointy slip ons that would definitely get wet and soaked if you took a step outside, but it’s not like you had a choice.

“it’s alright, let’s just go-woah!”

heeseung picked you up bridal style and started making his way to his car, going fast but careful not to slip.

“hey! let me down!”

“no way, we’re almost there.”

you tried to fight him off, but he just held tightly until you reached the car, and he gently set you down into the passenger seat before backing out of the parking lot.

“are you crazy?”

“are you?” he retorted. “like hell i’m letting you get all soaked on our first date.”

you wheezed. “this date was so unlucky. who imagined everything that happened could’ve happened.”

“i know! and i wanted to make a good impression so bad. it’s like the world is against me,” he whined.

as you finally reached the front of your apartment complex, heeseung turned to you one last time.

“i’m sorry for everything that went wrong. please let me make it up to you.” he sucked in a breath, and you realised what he was going to say just a moment before he did.

“will you let me take you out on another date?”

yes. absolutely. this was fun. it was terrible, but i had a great time. wait, is this him asking me to be his girlfriend? i should ask. if he says yes, would i say yes? i don’t know, i don’t know him that well. i’ve only really only talked to him today. today’s date. everything went wrong. what if that was a sign? if i say yes, will all our dates just keep going to shit? no way, today was just an anomaly. we’ll be fine. but then when i go back to school, everyone will know. they’ll all look at me like they knew this would happen. they’ll clap him on the back and whoop in the halls, that’ll be so embarrassing. i hate that. maybe i should say no. but he was so sweet. it’s not his fault. but i wouldn’t be able to handle the attention. maybe i should-

“oh… i see.”

you looked up at him in confusion. but he wasn’t looking at you anymore. just straight ahead.

had you said something out loud? your thoughts were running wild, and you really couldn’t make up your mind.

“okay, well. have a good night,” heeseung said. when did he make his way to your door? even through the heartbreak clearly displayed in his voice, he still went out and opened the door for you. or maybe he was kicking you out of his car. was ningning right? had he thought you were undateable?

too much. too much was happening; so much happened today that you couldn’t form an answer. heeseung took your silence as a no (or did you actually say no? out of instinct?), which made your mind even more befuddled. you weren’t sure if you were even forming a coherent thought.

“oh, okay.”

you somehow made it out of the car and to the entrance of the apartment. turning back, you found heeseung’s car still there, with him watching you. you gave a weak wave, one he didn’t return, and punched in your house number.

at the last moment, you wanted to say something. anything, you didn’t know what. but when you around back to him again, he was gone.

you didn’t sleep at all that night. or maybe you did? you couldn’t tell. you’d been so worried over that last moment with heeseung, and had replayed it so many times in your head.

eventually, you convinced yourself that things were fine. that maybe you just imagined it. maybe it wasn’t that bad, and things would go back to normal at school.

definitely. he’ll definitely get back to his shenanigans when school started up again. there wasn’t some sort of finality in his tone - no you just imagined it.

you were wrong.

“why didn’t you tell me you met heeseung at summer camp?”

“how’d you-”

“he told me.” you looked at ningning intently. “but it should have been you.”

“i just- i didn’t think it was worth mentioning! you hated the guy, and it’s not like him being there would have affected you in any way,” she defended herself.

“sure, but i would have appreciated hearing it from you. you knew i’ve had a crush on him for months now, and you could have mentioned it to me?? summer camp was in july; it’s already march for fuck’s sake!”

“i wanted to! i just couldn’t find the right time. you were always busy with student council stuff, and whenever you were free you always talked about heeseung,” he huffed exasperatedly. “how was i supposed to just go, ‘by the way, your crush paid me to set you guys up!’”

your head snapped towards her.

“what?”

“what do you mean wh-” when ningning saw the look on your face, she slapped her hands over her mouth. “you didn’t know about that part...”

“no. i didn’t,” you seethed. “well, i’m glad i got to hear at least something from you.”

you stormed out, ignoring ningning’s pleas of ‘wait! hear me out!’

a fool, that’s what you were. somehow, ningning’s behaviour was even more clear. your best friend had been paid to convince you to say yes. who would have thought she was easily swayed by a few bucks?

and to think that heeseung was really that desperate to take you on a date, going so far as to pay someone close to you to get you to agree? wow, he really was a grade A asshole. sports day had just been topped by ‘being played by my own best friend and crush’ on your list of most embarrassing moments.

speed walking through the halls, you couldn’t stand to look at the pictures of you and heeseung’s faces on the student council board. it hurt so bad, that your feelings could just be easily bought. that someone you considered as family could sell you out like this. that the guy you’d fallen for would go to this length to ‘get you’.

at the bus stop, you saw the man himself smile brightly at you and wave, like he didn’t pay your best friend to get you to go in a date with him. one thing that never fails to amaze you is the audacity of men.

was it all a lie? was his kind-hearted and caring personality all fake? just another thing he did to get your attention? did you truly know heeseung like you thought? or just the 'heeseung' he wanted you to see?

you pointedly looked away, and decided to go home by foot. it was twenty minutes away by walking, but that was enough time for you to at least calm down a little and think about it more. sort out your mind.

you ended up skipping the rest of the week, convincing your parents you were sick (by putting a hot pack on your face and neck before they checked). otherwise, you might have actually broken down right then at school if you saw either heeseung or ningning.

"is everything okay?" soobin asked one day.

"yeah! everything's fine," you said cheerily. "why do you ask?"

"well, it's just that you've been sitting with us instead of ningning."

looking at soobin and his friends, you finally noticed the slight awkward air in the group because of your presence. to be fair, you weren't really close with them to begin with. or anyone. you spent most of your lunch breaks with ningning, but now that you've refused to talk to her for the last two weeks, you've been floating between different groups. sometimes, you even spent lunch in the toilets or the student council room.

but who else could you spend it with? you weren't ready to face ningning yet, and it was already hard enough tolerating heeseung during meetings. you didn't miss the worried looks from him, and he's tried to talk to you several times (which you always declined).

a sigh escapes you, and you massage your forehead. obviously, you needed to confront them both eventually. but not right now. whatever the answer is, you don't think you'd be able to handle it right now.

"do you want to talk about it?" soobin asked, a low volume only for you to hear.

"maybe later," you admitted. it would be a good idea to tell an outsider all of this, especially to soobin, who's always been a great advice-giver.

"there won't be a meeting this friday; seniors are having a rehearsal for the graduation ceremony then. the school wanted to have one before finals started," heeseung told the council. he looked around and asked, "anything else?" at everyone's silence, he nodded and closed the meeting. everyone bid their goodbyes and left, except soobin.

heeseung stared at you with anticipation and uncertainty. he'd given up on asking you to talk for a while now, but still waited for you to act first. he understood that you'd come to him when you were ready.

you looked up at soobin, looking at you with a similar expression, but one that had more curiousity and less anxiety.

"let's go?" he asked. you nodded and followed him out, leaving heeseung to lock up on his own.

you started doing that ever since The Incident. of course, you didn't leave all the clean up work to him, but you rushed your own responsibilities to minimise as much time you had to spend with him as possible.

"seriously?"

you and soobin turned back, finding the voice belonging to heeseung. he was standing outside the student council room, looking at you two, fuming. you could practically see the steam coming out his ears.

"you ignore and shun me away, refusing to talk about this issue between us, but talk to soobin about it instead? why are you dragging him into this??"

you rolled your eyes and turned to him fully, blood boiling. "i'm not 'dragging him into this'. i just wanted to talk to someone, is that so wrong?" you retorted.

"yes! you seriously think getting soobin's opinion is gonna help?"

"am i not allowed to talk to him now? are you going to pay him to stop talking to me too?"

"god, i know it was wrong of me, okay?! i'm sorry, it was shitty of me."

"your apology isn't going to suddenly make everything better. it won't take back what you did."

"i know. but please, talk to me. it's driving me crazy, how you go about acting normal with everyone but me. this whole year, did you not feel anything for me at all? do you really hate me?" he asked, his voice cracking at the end. "if you do, tell me now. so i can finally move on."

you stared at the boy, and the way the late afternoon sunlight hit him from behind. you could barely make out his expression, but maybe that was for the better. you probably wouldn't have been able to turn away and stand your ground if you saw the look on his face.

"you can't say that. not when you were the one who put yourself in this situation. did you think i would never find out? that you bribed my best friend into setting me up with you?" you heard soobin's surprised gasp on the side.

although you had your back to heeseung, you could still imagine what he looked like. the scene broke your heart, but not as much as it did when you found out that ningning had even agreed to such a thing.

after it was clear he wasn't going to reply, you started walking away, with soobin tailing you.

"wow... so that's what happened," was the first thing he said after a few minutes of silence.

"yeah."

"what a dick move."

"right."

you sighed, the adrenaline leaving you and now realising how loud you two had been. there weren't many students left at school, but a teacher or two probably heard the commotion. you'll be the hot topic of the staff lounge room for sure.

when you finally explained it all to soobin, he was quiet for a moment, thoughtful.

"i honestly never expected this from heeseung. it just- it doesn't seem like him."

"that's what i thought too. a little part of me wishes it's all some misunderstanding, but i don't know how it could be twisted any other way."

soobin hummed in agreement. "but, i noticed one thing from all of this though: you still call ningning your best friend," he pointed out. "despite everything, you've already forgiven her. or at least, you've begun to."

you bit your lip, realising he was right. you were beginning to accept it. she seemed genuinely sorry, and you could never hate her forever.

"it's just that - after getting to know heeseung, i felt like a terrible person for not giving him a chance. for always turning him down harshly. maybe i drove him to bribe ningning, maybe she got fed up with me too. i couldn't help but feel guilty for causing both of them to act like this.

"and i know this sounds wrong... but somehow, i felt a little relieved that i wasn't the only person in the wrong. that i wasn't the only asshole in this story - isn't that such a twisted thought?"

soobin melted when he saw your face, and pulled you in for a hug.

"of course not. it's alright to feel like this, you know? it's what makes us human, and what are humans without complicated feelings?"

and just like that, a dam was broken. you didn't realise how much you needed to hear those words until he said them.

it wasn't until may that you finally mustered up the courage to finally talk to ningning, and it seemed she had the same idea too.

"please, can we talk?" she asked at the same time you called her name.

"i was just about to ask the same thing."

once you two found an empty classroom, ningning started immediately.

"listen," she called for your attention. "i'm so sorry. you have no idea how many times i want to say it; i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. it was such a light offer, really. i didn't realise the meaning it would have in the moment."

"what do you mean, a 'light offer'?"

"during camp, i had bought heeseung's sister some ice cream because she was being left out by the other kids. it was only like two dollars, but heeseung insisted on repaying. but the smallest bill he had was a five, so obviously i refused. but he kept asking me to take it and i told him that if i took it, i'd be the one in debt to him instead. so he made a light-hearted joke about getting you to go on a date with him, so that there'd be no hard feelings between us." she looked up at you pleadingly. "we'd been joking around, i didn't even realise the reality of his question. but when i got back from camp, i didn't think you'd actually go on one with him."

"you kept bringing it up; i trusted your opinion."

"i did, but i didn't really mean it. i was hoping you'd continue to say no, and i could just tell him something like 'sorry, i tried. here's your three dollars back.'"

"you didn't mean it?" you prodded.

ningning looked down at her hands and sighed. you could tell something was weighing on her.

"the truth is... i ended up catching feelings for heeseung. you know how i'd just broken up with my ex recently."

you thought back to her ex, who had isolated ningning from you and her other friends. how she'd come to school covered up even in the heat. the way she'd lost a worrying amount of weight. in all honesty, you should have tried to pry more; to break her out of this toxic relationship. but instead, you told yourself that there wasn't anything you could do, and left her to deal with the abuse on her own.

the guilt ate you, but you distracted yourself with work (and heeseung). god, you're so self-centred, aren't you?

"oh yeah, i remember very well."

"exactly," she says, hearing the loathing in your voice. "heeseung was the first person to show me genuine kindness after that whole affair. and so i found myself watching him over those two weeks, falling for him. and i thought to myself: if you didn't want him, then could i? i feel like the worst person ever, how could i even think that?"

her voice broke at the end, and you could see her silently crying; tears poured down her face but her sobs were inaudible. you'd noticed it was a habit she formed after getting with her ex. she'd never cried much before him, but she used to cry as loudly as you. you placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"it's okay. you're not the only one with shitty thoughts."

her wide eyes peered up at you, sparkling with tears. she wrapped her arms around you, and you reciprocated the embrace.

the way she'd hiccuped and the wet spot you could feel forming on your shirt yet the silent sobs broke your own heart, and you had to force your own tears down.

"i'm sorry too. i was too absorbed in my own life that i didn't pay enough attention to the way you were breaking. i mean, how did i not notice anything all this time?"

you wondered if her smile had ever wavered when she was with you, if she had to fake a laugh, or even force herself to talk to you this past year. dealing with her own problems on her own, while you vented to her yours. if she had, you didn't notice (someone give you a 'best friend of the year' award right now!).

as much as you wanted to hate her for liking heeseung, you didn't. you understood her feelings, especially after getting to know the boy himself. he brought a sense of safety with him wherever he went - so how could you ever hate your best friend for needing that security when no one else offered it to her?

"wait, can i ask you something?" you asked. ningning slipped from the embrace, nodding.

"if you liked heeseung, then why did you still ask me to accept his date offers? you could have just kept it from me, and told him that i said no. was it really just because of the three dollar 'debt'?"

"ah, right. well, when he'd asked me to get you to go on a date with me, it reminded me just how much he liked you. i don't think he'd ever see me the same way, not when his sights are so fixed on you. and after getting a taste of his hospitality, i felt that you deserved it too. that not only did he deserve a chance, but so did you.

"i realised that you needed someone like him. i couldn't give you the care and support he could, not when i'm too absorbed by my own problems. and i knew you were feeling guilty, and heeseung was the only one who could really understand you."

oh, you really were going to either jump off a cliff or hug her so tight her eyeballs might pop out. even when you neglected, she still thought about you through it all. heeseung was wrong, he made you out to be this caring person who thought of others, but that person was really ningning.

"but, what about you? you need care and support too."

"it wouldn't work out between us, he's not the kind of person i want. he was just the first kind person in a while. i need to heal and learn to be more independent myself."

a quiet moment followed, with the both of you lost in your thoughts and emotions. you hadn't felt this lonely in so long, and a weight had finally been lifted from your shoulders.

"so what are you going to do? have you talked to heeseung yet?"

"no, not yet. but he's waited four years now, he can wait a little longer. i just want to spend time with my best friend right now."

'a little longer' ended up being another month. when finals started, the school let the older years off on study leave to focus on exams. so you didn't end up seeing heeseung until the final graduation rehearsal.

as president and vice president, you two were expected to perform a speech and be next to each other the whole ceremony. so you decided it was the perfect time to confront him then.

"heeseung, wait," you called, grabbing onto his wrist as he walked by.

he immediately paused in his tracks, whipping around to look at you with wide eyes, surprised you'd finally decided to talk to him. you glanced at his friends behind him, all with a mix of curious and knowing looks.

"oh, uh, you guys can go ahead," he told them, and they left you two alone.

"i made up with ningning..." you told him.

"i see! that- that's good. im happy you guys did."

"...and i'm sorry. for making a big deal out of nothing. for making you wait so long. you're seriously one of the sweetest people i've ever met. you didn't deserve that."

heeseung shook his head in protest. "no, don't say that. i'd wait for you as long as you want, even if you never accept me. and it was a big deal. i'm guessing she told you?" you nodded. "it was fucked up of me to even make a joke like that. in fact, it was worse than if it was a genuine deal. and i can't just buy your love with three dollars, you're worth more than that." you tried to say something, but heeseung continued.

"i screwed up, i know. but i never lied to you. if there's one thing i've always been sure of, it was loving you. don't you ever feel like you have to love me back though, it's not something you can force. but i'll always have your back. no matter how many fights, how many fuck-ups, or if i ever lose my feelings for you - which might never happen. you can always fall back on me for support."

your eyes watered at his sincerity, feeling unworthy of his kindness.

"i don't deserve that though. ningning does."

"you both do. listen to me," he said, grabbing onto your shoulders and forcing you to look up at him. "don't you ever dare say that you're undeserving of love and support. every one does, but i know who you are; i know how hard you work and your honesty. and i want to guarantee you a home with me, if you ever need one. because i love you."

wow. you've cried so much these past few months, and you're sure you're about to start again. heeseung wiped your tears with his thumb, and your heart swelled.

a year ago, you would have never even thought of accepting heeseung's feelings. a few months ago, you thought you had just missed him, finally reciprocating his feelings right as he lost them. but now you were finally on the same page, and you didn't want to waste another moment.

"i love you, heeseung."

graduation day was a busy one. you had to start getting ready earlier than other students in order to prepare your speech and arrive before everyone else. it was stressful, yet rewarding, especially as you crossed the stage and finally received your diploma.

when you and heeseung were set to give your pre-written speeches, you almost didn't notice the way everyone looked motivated during his, being captured by his words yourself. you hoped to be able to instil that inspiration in others one day.

towards the end of his speech though, he did something you didn't expect, but shouldn't have been surprised by.

"so toward my fellow graduates and our families who've supported us all this way, let's celebrate our achievements and strive to follow our dreams," then turned to look back at you, pulling a bouquet of flowers from under podium, which he'd blocked from your view this whole time with his body. "as i will be with mine. so i'll ask one last time: would you let me have the honour of being your boyfriend?"

you rolled your eyes, but couldn't hide the smile on your face. with the cheers echoing throughout the hall, you suddenly got a sense of deja vu, remembering his election speech the previous year.

oh, how much things have changed since then.

"if only you'll let me be your girlfriend."

; BONUS

with exams over and the heatwave taking over the country, you had decided to spend the day at heeseung's house and try to cool off.

"are you and ningning going back to camp this summer?" you asked, hoping he'd say no. having zero contact with your best friends for two weeks sounded like hell. not even a good morning or good night text? shivers went down your spine at the thought.

"i think i'll be busy with college apps. not sure about ningning though."

"really?" you gasped, turning over to look at him. "so basically i get to spend the whole holiday with you."

heeseung grinned at you excitedly, thinking the same. then, his face suddenly lit up, as if remembering something.

"speaking of ningning, i just remembered how she sprained her leg last year. she spent the rest of the week in the infirmary."

"really? she was fine when she came back though."

"it was minor, so it only took one week, in the middle of those two."

suddenly, you remembered something too.

"i'd hang out with him, break my leg, therefore obliging him to bring me to the hospital, manipulate him to visit me every day as i recover, be overbearing as hell so that he'd realise he doesn't want me anymore, and poof! he's gone."

"no way..."

"what?" he questioned.

"did you have to visit her everyday?"

"oh. yeah, to give her her medicine and meals. the other kids had basically made me their makeshift nurse, since i treated them better than the nurse apparently," he laughed at the memory. "i caught the old lady glaring at me several times - maybe she thought i'd stolen her job?"

you laughed with him, but not only because of his story. you couldn't believe ningning's oddly specific solution had actually come out of experience. you were so going to bully her for this later.

"should i glare at you too, then?"

"hm?" he hummed confusedly.

"for stealing my heart."

heeseung blinked at you for a moment, before breaking into a wide smile and suddenly attacking you with tickles (a habit you learned he tended to do when he was flustered, specifically by you).

giggles escaped you, laughing so hard that it began to hurt. if this is how it's going to be with heeseung, you'll grow abs in no time.

"okay! okay, stop-" you cackled.

he obliged, helping you sit back up. then he tucked your hair behind your hear and placed a quick peck on your lips.

suddenly shy, you looked away with a smile facing the fan as it blew air onto your face, pushing your hair back. when you looked back at heeseung over your shoulder, you were surprised to find him beaming at you with awe on his face.

"you're beautiful, you know?"

"only when i'm with you."

"nope. you're always stunning."

"okay."

"you don't believe me?"

"i do."

"good. i'll keep saying it anyway, to make sure you do."

you stared at him for a moment that felt like hours, just staring into each others eyes. you then went in for a hug, toppling over the other and staying in that position - just you two cuddling on his bed.

sure, it was really hot today, but somehow the warmth from his body was more comfortable than anything else. you couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment.

; AUTHOR'S CORNER ! is it obvious i've never had a big injury before... anyway i hope u guys enjoyed this! i wrote this really quick and suddenly like it js came out of nowhere lol but for now i'm proud of it :)

; TAGLIST - @naespas @okwonyo @sleepdeprivedline @lcvclywon @llvrhee @hommyy-tommy @sumzysworld @syazzzlisa @jiawji @cjayius @desistay @dimplewonie perm. @lovelovelovebts @miyseung @babyy-bambii @haechansbbg @gweoriz @maoyueze @manooffline @yizhoutv @rikibun @wonniversity networks. @kflixnet @k-films @/k-labels

[talenlee]

Josh Lyman Sucks, Again

Josh Lyman Sucks, Again

In award-winning prestige-drama television series The West Wing, season 4, Episode 10, Arctic Radar, there’s a story about the challenges of writing a 500 word speech for the President of the United States as two speechwriters clash in their own ways, old guard and new guard; Sam Seaborn’s Senatorial campaign picks up and CJ clashes with a reporter who dislikes their seating assignment, which you know, feels kind of like the jousting with Danny from earlier seasons but whatever, am I right.

In all of this political maneuvering, there’s a minor plot dotted throughout the episode where Josh Lyman, hero of the people and voice of a political generation of frustrated fighters who just wants to get into a brawl with the other guys, soul and heart of the series and lovable everyman, takes time out of his day to stop a government worker of some level of forgettableness from wearing a Star Trek pin.

I’m not exaggerating. It’s a minor detail in the episode but it takes up two scenes, scenes in which Josh mentions to Donna – his personal assistant – that he saw a government worker in the White House wearing on her suit a Star Trek pin. Not a uniform, not an outfit, but a pin. A worker who I will remind you has a dress code for her job, a dress code she must otherwise be complying with (or they’d send her home).

The whole association is fucking gross, though, because like, the conversation also includes such lines as ‘she was wearing a pin’ and then the shocked response ‘it’s a girl?’ like there’s something dehumanised about wearing a Star Trek pin. And then, in the first scene, we get this note – Josh wants her to not wear the pin – then there’s a followup scene, where Josh finds that she is not wearing the pin any more, and thanks his personal assistant for it. She notes that the woman in question is bothered by it, so Josh goes to talk about it with her.

Now let’s be clear, Josh talking to someone is narrative antimatter. Consistently, if Josh talks to someone, he will say something that should achieve the exact opposite of what he wants it to in the narrative, but somehow it doesn’t. And Josh walks over and talks to her, and the conversation that ensues is somehow absolutely fucking ridiculous and so perfectly in keeping with The West Wing as a genre where you win if you Make A Good Speech at something, but also, what constitutes a ‘good’ speech is much more about if you command the screen for a while.

See, she tells Josh, when he comes to talk to her, that she’s appealing his request to stop wearing the pin. She is complying, but going through proper channels to appeal his instruction to stop wearing the pin (instruction he passed through his personal assistant to her superior). And he then indicates that he’s in charge of the woman who he’s appealing to, which seems to indicate there’s no point her doing the right thing and going through channels, with an appeal that has a reason, which is just a great way to assert that the rules don’t matter, what matters is his opinion.

And then she makes something of a misstep, in that rather than pointing out simply that she isn’t violating dress codes and there’s no reason to ask her not to wear the pin, she explains why it means something to her. What Star Trek means to her. And then we get Josh Lyman’s Speeching For The Win, which like almost every time an Aaron Sorkin Series Character gets speeching is really convincing and compelling until you think about it.

I’m a fan. I’m a sports fan, I’m a music fan, and I’m a Star Trek fan, all of them. But here’s what I don’t do.

Tell me if any of this sounds familiar: Let’s list our 10 favorite episodes. Let’s list our least favorite episodes. Let’s list our favorite galaxies. Let’s make a chart to see how often they appear in our favorite episodes. What Romulan would you couple with a Cardassian, and why? Let’s talk about Romulans falling in love with Cardassians and then let’s do it again.

That’s not being a fan. That’s having a fetish.

And I don’t have a problem with that except you can’t bring your hobbies into work, okay?

Josh Lyman

And she nods and accepts and relents and there’s a joke and the implication is that Josh is right and this one-scene wonder intern played by a character actor has learned her lesson about bringing her hobbies to work, which is what she did by wearing a small pin of a symbol from a classic TV show.

This speech drives me nuts. I want to argue with every part of it. I want to argue with it in particular because it’s all just so fucking disingenuous: Josh saying he’s a Star Trek fan is completely bullshit. The fact that Josh has nothing in his life except this job and complaining about baseball is a recurrent thread throughout the whole series, and you know where he complains about baseball, repeatedly? In the office in front of his coworkers, many of whom ask him to focus on his job and not on the baseball he’s mad about. And you see how by starting arguing with that first point I’m mad at another part, and it’s not even the most berserk thing in this whole fucking spiel.

Because she didn’t do any of those things! She didn’t list her ten favourite episodes, her favourite galaxies (and if you were a Star Trek fan, Josh, you’d know that’s a stupid fucking thing to say, there’s a whole movie about not being able to leave the galaxy), she didn’t start talking about Romulans and Cardassians, she wore a small piece of iconography. She wore something that meant something to her and it was unobtrusive to everyone but you. This entire exchange is about Josh telling this woman to her face she is a strawman, and her accepting his insightful assessment and no longer being a fan of one of the most mainstream things in a place where someone might see her.

One of the more horrifying things about West Wing is its eerie intersection with reality. For a start, the show is almost designed to be read as a roman a clef — a piece of fiction that should be seen as overlaid with real historical events. It’s a mulligan on the Clinton Presidency, a wish that things could have gone differently, an alternate history that drew on real people to inform the cabinet of President Bartlett, and real events to fill the sequences of narrative. Some things were timeless, some things weren’t — in both the real world and fantasy of The West Wing, the United States’ solution to international terrorism was engaging in international terrorism, for example.

Particularly what’s weird is that, like, Josh kinda exists. Josh was created inspired by some real dudes who exist, particularly Rahm Emanual, who you might not remember except as a dude from the Obama White House and then go ‘oh, was he a cool guy?’ and to get your answer to that I suggest ask a Chicago schoolteacher. But by being on TV twenty years ago when the current generation of up-and-coming 40 year old wonk dorks were geting their wheels under them, a lot of people wanted to be Josh Lyman. And now there are a bunch of Josh Lymans in the real world, who are this synthesis of real people into this unreal guy who then reached out into the real world to shape them.

And we know Josh shaped the real world because multiple times, Josh is used by the writers to express impolite or impolitic opinions about the events of the day or the opinions around the show, to the audience of that show. Famously, there’s a whole episode where Josh gets into a pissing match with a forum of his own fans and the Press Secretary informs him that he’s to never do that again (wise) because these people are mentally unwell (man, fuck you). And that’s what we get here, in this speech, again.

Josh is talking to someone about being ‘too much of a fan.’ He is lecturing someone he has never fucking talked to before this about how she’s too into Star Trek because she wore a tiny piece of iconography that he alone could recognise. He picked her out of a lineup and sat her down and gave her a talking-to at work because she’s the wrong kind of fan, the wrong kind of way. It’s really hard to not see that as the authors of the series taking a swing at people watching the series, again, especially because it’s so out of type for Josh. Suddenly, and for these two scenes only, Josh cares about Star Trek.

Maybe he’s just mad that an actor from Star Trek was fucking the girl he had a crush on a few seasons back, hell if I know.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

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