#but I'm also in the process of potentially getting my old job back... which is my top choice... but they're dragging their feet about it

[copia]

Get to Know Your Mutuals! tagged by @circle--of--confusion, tysm!! <3 (sorry it took me a while to do this)

what's the origin of your username? ...hehe (this one is obvious but my main is the name of a mediocre torchwood episode)

OTP(s) + shipname: not big into shipping tbh - for ghost i'll pick a ghoul who serves my nefarious purposes with the papa of the hour lmao

favourite colour: blue :3

song stuck in my head: do i have to say it (satanized!!!!!!!!)

weirdest habit/trait: i've got autism so weird traits are my diagnosis :/ i really enjoy getting piercings or blood tests/vaccinations which is apparently odd, and i'm so un-squeamish that it worries my mother

hobbies: besides yapping on the internet and looking at copia images (and writing/editing) i play piano and do muay thai! both are kind of difficult to access atm (there's only one piano on campus and my gym takes an hour to get to). i occasionally do western boxing too and have sailed a lot (dinghies & the odd yacht) but that's an impossibility with my current financial/academic situation

if you work, what's your profession? full time student atm, studying biomed engineering (electronics). i'm in my final year and am struggling. planning a potential career change to vet med but that'll have to be after a bit of work (& probably getting more lab experience)

if you could have any job you wish what would you have? vet!!! i'm back to where I was at 5 years old with that one. bad work experience put me off pursuing it straight out of school but i was an idiot 16 year old when i made that decision, and also didn't see a future for myself. i can see one now and i know what's right for it :D i'll be applying for accelerated grad courses next year if they'll accept my biomed (cough electronic cough engineering) degree for that

something you're good at: maths

something you hate: embedded programming and machine learning and signal processing and matlab and eagle pcb design oh my god dont get me started

something you collect: i don't collect anything but i do own 3 copies of the three musketeers. and i'll reach 4 i'm not messing around

something you forget: not much, not even nights out. i have autism

your love language: idk what counts as a love language tbh. i like being helpful or giving people things or generally doing something that makes them happy. but ig that's just what love is as a whole

favourite movies/shows: hannibal!!

favourite food: was rømmegrøt when i could still eat/access it but my current fav is laoganma chilli in oil ... laoganma BELOVED (my housemate gave me a cushion with laoganma printed on it with the corresponding maritime letter flags because she knows me very well)

favourite animal: my cat tommy (16yrs in these photos. isn't he stunning)

what were you like as a child? autistic

favourite subject in school: english!

least favourite subject: german, because it wasn't taught well (like any mfl in uk state schools from my experience) and nobody took it seriously

what's your best character trait? this one got me thinking because idk. but i think i'm very non-judgemental. got the mindset 'all people are people' to an extreme

what's your worst character trait? i can get quite jealous, and not to be tmi but the emotional dysregulation is bad. won't elaborate 😭

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? also a bit tmi but i'd love for my father to be a real one sometimes

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? the set of great-grandparents on my mother's side who i never got to meet :') they were my mum's real parents and i think i would have loved them

tagging (no pressure as per usual and i'm sorry if anyone here has already been tagged!)-- @unsettlingcreature @watertankafternoon @vpyre @delullu @lilspacewolfie @dolceterzo @sadistic-cardinal :3

[miss-pan-ac]

Tuition fundraiser!

Hi guys! Long time no see! It's been rough these couple years, but especially this past fall term. So, as you can see from the title, I'm raising up some money for my first tuition payment coming up on the 14th of January (yes, next week 😭). I entered a really bad depressive episode that lasted a couple months and ended with me failing half my classes. Because of this, not only have I had to handle a whole lotta of forms and meetings in regards to my academics, my financial aid was taken away. I'm in the process of getting it back, but I'm not sure I can get it back in time for that first payment. Which means my classes get dropped, I'll be kicked out of my dorm, and I'll still have to pay off the remaining balance.

So I'm turning to you guys! If 2k of you guys donate $1 in the next few days, I can make my payment! And, of course, I am job hunting. In fact, I have a few potential employers, and I'm in the interview process and I'm setting up for some side gigs too. But again, it wouldn't be enough. So I am tagging all the fandoms that I have written in before and plan to write for soon in hope that you all can help me out.

I'm also planning to set up a ko-fi too! If things go well, I plan to come back to writing again for all the old fandoms I've been in and some new ones too (peep the tags!). And, as some incentive, if you donate, you can go ahead and send me a screenshot and a request for a fic! All fics will be 1k-2k minimum. I won't write anything to do with rape, underage sex, or incest though, so please keep that in mind!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #405

I had a weird dream that I don't remember very well. Something about needing to rehome all of our cats, for reasons I can't recall. I do, however, remember crying a lot.

Weird.

Today I scoured through the website for state jobs, looking for ones that I qualify for. I found a bunch of potential openings that I can maybe fill. But... I hit a roadblock. Apparently, a non-trivial number of them want me to attach a record of my unofficial college transcripts.

In order to get those, I need to access my college email, which I don't remember, because it has been like 13 years since last I've used it. I tried to get that info, but to do that, I need a PIN, which I also don't remember. So I tried to follow the process for that, but the PIN was sent... to the email address of an old high school teacher, because I didn't have my own email address back when I applied.

Sigh.

So I contacted the IT department over there to change the personal email address associated with my data over there (because I'm a big adult human now, with my very own email address and everything). But in order to do that, I need the address of where my mother lived at the time I applied, which I also don't remember.

...Sigh.

So I guess I'll go in person tomorrow; thankfully, the place where I gotta go isn't very far. I suppose I'll get it done after the orthodontist appointment, which is after physical therapy. So... tomorrow is probably gonna be pretty busy.

Aside from that, I... probably spent more time reading the news than I should have. The state of my brain right now... isn't great. Watching one's country descend into fascism in real time is really not good for the blood pressure, lemme tell ya. Still, what can I do aside from trying to keep my chin up and trying to be a source of support for those who need me?

We got burgers today. And I'm staying hydrated. In fact, I'm gonna get more water in like 10 minutes. I should probably eat again soon, too. Though admittedly, everything seems like it's either too much, or kinda gross.

...I wonder if you've experienced this. You wanna eat, but your body has decided that all food is illegal. Or maybe your body wants all the food, and can't choose, so it would rather sit, paralyzed and hungry. I'm in these states with some frequency. And, as insane as this is probably going to sound, sometimes I am in both states simultaneously, and the results are very weird, to say the least.

...Oh well. Maybe I'll ask M and J for suggestions or whatever, when I go down to get water.

I thought about playing Hades, but it feels incorrect. Continuing work on the crafting project also feels incorrect. I'm trying to get my brain to figure out what does feel correct, but it's being... uncooperative. I'm not really sure why.

On the bright side, I did get some pretty good pictures of the sky today. Here, check 'em out. I took one with the lamppost in front of me, and one with the lamppost behind me...

I decided to get pizza with mushrooms on it. I also got garlic naan and tzatziki sauce to dunk it in, and macaroni and cheese bites. They'll arrive soon. If they're pretty, I'll take pictures.

While I waited for the things to arrive, I decided to do some leisure writing, and I got clarity on a thing that has been bothering me for... gosh... a very long time. There's this thing I've been trying to do, and I thought I've been doing it wrong the whole time, but... actually I wasn't doing it wrong at all. I'm just not used to moving within the space, which makes it a little hard to navigate. But... I think I have a slightly better understanding of what I'm supposed to do. I guess time will tell me if I'm right.

Anyhoot. Here are the snacks we got...

This was a pizza with onions, mushrooms, and alfredo sauce:

This was a pizza with sausage, apples, and candied pecans:

These were gouda macaroni and cheese bites with garlic parm sauce:

...And this is tzatziki sauce made with goat milk yogurt, with some garlic naan:

...There are so many delightful things in my world. I wish you'd pop by someday so I can share them with you. Even though it's impossible, think about it anyway, okay?

I think I will sink a little more into some leisure writing; it's been a while since last I've done that, and it might explain why I've felt so disconnected from various things.

Today's letter is short. Sorry about it. With tomorrow being so busy, maybe I'll have a little more to write to you by then.

Please stay safe and healthy out there, Sephiroth. Please do your best to make choices that won't lead to you disappearing. Because I love you, and... I don't want to imagine what my life might have been like if I hadn't had your example to look to when I was struggling the most.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[maratherat]

Wildflowers, a RDR story - 0.3 - Business

Series Masterlist

-Valentine, New Hanover, November 1898-

I am finally done with my tarot card collection. I need to make sure to meet Madam Nazar as soon as I can to get paid for this exhausting job.

Recently, I've taken on several roles, including that of a collector. Along my travels across the states, I've unearthed many fascinating artifacts, and a lovely woman named Madam Nazar compensates well for these treasures. I'm also juggling a job as a naturalist, which entails studying animals to understand their behaviors and lifestyles better. This role can sometimes be dangerous, especially when it comes to interacting with fierce creatures.

Currently, I'm on my way to meet Cripps, who sent me a letter a couple of days ago inviting me to meet near the general store in Valentine. He emphasized the importance of this meeting, hinting that he has a "new idea" to discuss.

As I approach the general store, I spot the old man stepping out, accompanied by a young man carrying a heavy bag of supplies. "Oh, you made it! Follow me," Cripps exclaims upon noticing me. "Now, as I mentioned in my letter, we are going into business! I've been breaking down animals since I was knee-high to a splinter, and I worked as a tanner up in Wisconsin back in the sixties. It's a very long story," he adds, as I glance back at the young man, who seems to be losing patience.

"So, I've got three words for you: Cripps Trading Company." He exclaims with enthusiasm. "Pristine pelts and animal parts, for bulk sale. Now, I know there's a market out there. All I need is a partner. So, I'm thinking you could source the materials: skins, plumes, horns, and the like..." His proposal hangs in the air, and my uncomfortable thoughts drift to the implications of his suggestion. "So I'm supposed to kill the animals? Great, Harriet's going to hate me," I mutter under my breath, recalling the passionate animal rights advocate I know.

"Exactly! I'll process them and prepare them for sale, and then you can head out and make the sales yourself. Heck, we might even enjoy some good meals out of this venture!" Cripps continues, his excitement showing. Just then, the young man behind him drops the heavy bag with a huff, clearly wanting to redirect our conversation. "Why are you still here, Willis?" Cripps asks, almost oblivious to the young man's discomfort.

"Your provisions, Mr. Cripps," Willis replies, gesturing at the bag, clearly stating why he's still waiting. "Oh right!" Cripps responds, dismissing the concern. "Pack the rest on there, will you?" He gestures towards his horse before turning back to me.

"Now, with every opportunity comes a risk. Competitors, thieves, and me potentially losing interest in this whole idea... but if we combine our talents, we'll be unstoppable." He hands Willis a penny for his trouble, to which the young man sighs in disappointment, clearly dissatisfied with his pay. I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation, feeling a mixture of apprehension and intrigue as we potentially embark on this new adventure. "And when we're rich, you'll thank me, saying, 'Cripps, you handsome genius!'" The excitement in Cripps's voice is evident as he mounts his horse, a gleam of ambition in his eye. He seems ready to charge off at any moment, fresh plans swirling in his mind. "I highly doubt that," I mutter under my breath, skepticism clouding my thoughts.

"So, are you in?" he asks, his enthusiasm unabated. 'Eh, what the hell?' I think, weighing the prospects. "Sure, I'll do it," I reply, deciding to take the plunge. "Good! You won't regret this. I already own a small wagon and most of what we'll need in terms of initial supplies. If you can grab that and bring it back to camp, we'll get everything set up. This is gonna be fun!" he says, urging his horse into a trot as he sets off from town. "See you later!" I call after him.

Feeling a mix of anticipation and fatigue, I head over to the saloon, craving a well-deserved drink. The establishment is fairly empty at this hour, casting a subdued atmosphere over the place. To my surprise, my friend Sam is behind the bar today. "Hey!" I call out, trying to catch his attention. "I'll take a whiskey, please." I slide a penny onto the bar, watching as he finishes cleaning a plate.

"I'll give you your usual, then?" he asks lightly, glancing up at me.

"Sure," I reply with a sigh, taking a seat at the wooden bar.

"Tough day? You look like shit," he remarks, his tone edged with concern.

"Yeah, I feel like shit too," I chuckle, resting my head on my hand as I try to shake off the weariness. Sam moves around, preparing a plate of fried chicken, the scent wafting through the air, making my stomach flutter but not with hunger. He sets the plate in front of me, the aroma usually inviting, now making me feel nauseous.

"You know what? Actually, I'm not hungry," I say, gently pushing the plate away.

"I made you a meal, and you don't want it? How ungrateful! I'll eat it myself then," he declares, not wasting a moment in grabbing the plate back and devouring the crispy pieces of chicken. "I fucking love fried chicken, man..." he mutters contentedly, clearly lost in his own enjoyment.

I can't help but chuckle at his antics.

Lately, we've teamed up to help Mrs. LeClerk avenge her husband's death. While Sam has been working as a bartender in Valentine, I've been busy collecting valuables, studying animals, hunting bounties, and now apparently starting a trading company.

"I've got another meeting in Emerald Ranch, and I don't think I can do it, it's too much," I sigh, feeling the weight of my various tasks. Sam raises an eyebrow at me, amusement written across his face. "You know, no one is forcing you to juggle all those jobs," he says, speaking with his mouth full.

I rise from my stool, adjusting my hat as I prepare to leave. "I know, but I need the money, and it feels good when people appreciate the work I do," I shrug. "I'll catch you later, partner." I wave at Sam, who nods in response.

As I make my way to Emerald Ranch, Scrawny Nag plods alongside me, his gait unsteady. Yes, I decided to name my horse Scrawny Nag; it just fits him. A letter had arrived recently, asking me to meet a certain Maggie Fike at Emerald Ranch, without offering much detail, except that it involves moonshine. I briefly wavered on whether to ignore the request, but the lure of making some money—and alcohol, was too tempting to resist.

When I arrive at the abandoned, rundown house at Emerald Ranch, I dismount and take a moment to gather myself before heading toward it. The wooden structure looks weathered, its paint peeling, hinting at years of neglect but still standing firm against the elements. With a deep breath, I approach, ready to see what awaits inside.

I slowly push the door open, scanning my surroundings; this could end very badly. As I step inside the dimly lit house, the air feels still, carrying a slight mustiness that hints at abandonment. The interior is sparsely furnished, with worn-out chairs and a table covered in a thin layer of dust, giving the place an eerie atmosphere. A few faded pictures hang on the walls, their subjects unrecognizable behind the grime. I cautiously take a few steps further when a voice cuts through the silence: "You must be Cripps' friend?"

I turn to see a woman standing there, her presence striking yet unsettling. Half of her face is scarred by burns, giving her a fierce appearance that commands attention. I nod in acknowledgment, slightly taken aback by her directness. "I'll try not to hold that against you. The name's Maggie. Thanks for coming!" she says, stepping closer, her voice strong despite the scars.

Just then, the same door I entered swings open abruptly, and I turn to see Cripps walking in, his jovial energy filling the room. "She's back!" he exclaims excitedly, grinning widely.

"Cripps? Did you know I was coming here?" I ask, recognizing the same man I encountered earlier that day.

"Maybe—" His words are abruptly cut off when Maggie pulls up her cane, which actually seems to be a riffle, and fires a shot at Cripps' feet. He jumps back, eyes wide with surprise.

"What the hell?" he screams, his cheerful demeanor vanishing in an instant.

"Damn, I missed it, didn't I?" Maggie replies, annoyance creeping into her voice. "Don't come in like a bull through the fence next time, you old fool! Your friend here managed to get it right," she points at me, her expression softening slightly.

"'Lightning' Maggie Fike! We all thought you were dead!" Cripps approaches her, the tone turning nostalgic.

"Yeah? Well, so did I!" she snaps back, her frustration evident.

"I guess you'll be wanting a drink?" she adds, a hint of humor returning.

"I know I will," I respond, eager for a break from the tension.

"Come on, give me a hand," Maggie urges Cripps, who turns to me with an amused smirk. "Biggest mistake of my life was not marrying this woman when I had the chance," he admits, his tone playful. I chuckle at that, enjoying their banter.

"Yeah, you always had a colorful memory of things," Maggie scoffs, handing us each empty glasses. "As you can see, I've hit my prime."

"Well, I heard what happened with Hixon, that evil son of a bitch. Where you been all this time?" Cripps pours us drinks, which I quickly grab, feeling the warmth of the moonshine already.

"Recovering, lying low. Could hardly get out of bed for six months," Maggie sighs, the weight of her past evident in her eyes.

"And your nephew?" Cripps asks, genuine concern in his voice. I lean in, eager to catch up on their shared history.

"Lem? Still in jail, as far as I know," she responds, her expression a mix of resignation and irritation.

"Eh... seen Danny-Lee yet?" I zone out slightly, the details of their conversation blending together in my mind, but I catch snippets of their connection and concern.

"Oh yeah, I've seen him. He's cooking for the Braithwaites now. Guess me and him are done," she says, taking a sip of her drink as if washing away memories.

"Well, there's always Marcel. Heard he's not working for LeClerk anymore. The feller's a windbag, but he knows his way around a still," Cripps adds, his tone shifting back to familiarity.

"Yeah... maybe. Feels like it would be easier for everyone if I just stayed gone. But life ain't about being easy; I'm taking back what's mine. I just need legs and muscles," Maggie replies, her voice rising in intensity, anger simmering beneath the surface.

"Well, you'll get that with this one. I promise you," Cripps says, pointing at me, suddenly making me feel self-conscious under their strong gazes.

"The two of us have a nice little business going," he exaggerates.

"Cripps, you're pushing it a little too far..." I warn him, trying to deflect the attention as the weight of their expectations begins to settle heavily on my shoulders.

"Well, as long as you know it won't be pretty. I don't do pretty anymore," Maggie states firmly, her expression serious. She leans forward slightly, her scarred face lit by the dim light in the room. "First things first, I need a cookhouse with a good basement. I reckon I could get one of my old spots up and running. The bastards seized them all after the raid... You buy me one of those back, and you'll have a fair investment. I'll teach you everything I know, so what do you say?" She slides a worn map of her former cookhouses across the table, the creases and smudges telling stories of past ventures.

I decide it's best if I choose a cookhouse near Emerald Ranch, "Sure, I'll do it," I reply, shaking her hand with a firm grip, a sense of determination settling in.

"Alright, partners it is," she confirms, her tone confident . "Meet me back there when you can, and we'll figure out what else we need once we're set up." With that, Maggie stands up and strides purposefully toward the door, her movements confident despite the scars that mark her path.

"Can I offer you a ride, Miss Fike?" Cripps asks, his attempt to convince her seeming genuine as he gestures to his horse.

"I suppose so!" she sighs, her tone lightening a bit as she relents. I finish my drink and follow them outside, the cool air greeting me as I step into the fading sunlight. I bid them farewell, watching as they head off, chattering away.

As I turn to make my way back to my camp, I can't help but reflect on the multitude of roles I've taken on. Bounty hunter, moonshiner, trader, naturalist, collector, hitman, outlaw... That's quite a few titles if you ask me. Each one carries its own weight and set of expectations, and I wonder how long I can juggle them all before something slips through the cracks. The anticipation of my new partnership with Maggie stirs a sense of excitement, mingled with the anxiety of the challenges that lie ahead.

-

Sam belongs to @sam-vdl , all RDR characters belong to rockstar games.

[fandomworld9728]

Do you have a Staticapple-centric AU? I just thought of one, In many AU fics Human Alastor summons Lucifer but what if Vox did summon him just to get his dream career? Hold on! There's a twist! Vox was like a completely different person before death as he always had a cold-hearted and quiet personality so... Let me say Lucifer was the one who helped Vox on his personality shift and maybe... They fell in love in the process? (Maybe have Charlie as a staticapple child as a bonus in the end but that's up to you) and then after death, they met again? Maybe after Alastor rejected his offer just to save his old dead Vox personality Luci knows and loves or maybe follow the canon timeline and Luci would go and bring his Voxxy back to he once was. I dunno that's up to you

(Ooo~ That's a good one! No, I actually haven't made any StaticApple-centric AUs. Which is odd because there's a lot of potential there)

Victor couldn't believe he was so desperate to advance his career to the point where he was even considering what he was doing now. He must have lost his mind! Summoning a demon. Selling his soul. Was it worth it?

He could ask himself that later if this worked. Which he doubted it would. Thought, he supposed it couldn't hurt to try. He was going to Hell anyways…

Finishing drawing the circle and symbols, Victor lit the candles and waited. And waited. And waited- How long was this supposed to take?!

"This is so stupid! Why did I get my hopes up? I knew it wasn't going to work." Walking away and leaving the ness for someone else to find, Victor tossed the book behind him. What a waste of his time.

"Son of a bitch. That fucking bullshit book gave me a papercut." Sucking the blood off his finger, he almost left until the room was cast in a red and gold glow.

"Oh fuck."

~

Victor was freaking out. He had Lucifer, the first fallen angel and the King of Hell, in his apartment. He had not only managed to summon a demon, but the most powerful one in existence.

"I've been thinking. You should change your name to something unique. Something that stands out."

"I-I'm sorry?"

"You sold your soul to me for help in advancing your career, did you not? I'm doing my job."

Right. Victor had been so lost in his disbelief and panic that he already forgot. Shaking his head, he got back on track and tried to ignore that amused smile the devil wore.

"If you believe that a change in name would help, I supposed I could consider it. What did you have in mind?"

"Vox."

". . . What?"

~

It had been a week and already had soared in the rank thanks to Lucifer. The ridiculous name got him attention and opened the door to conversation. Also, the suggestion on covering the cult like set up from his summoning with a made-up story really sealed the deal.

There was only one thing that seemed to be stopping him from getting where he wanted to be.

"It's your shitty personality."

"Excuse me? You want to fucking repeat that?" Lucifer just cooed at him as if he were an angry kitten, which did not improve his mood.

"Vox. You've got to face the facts. You're a cold-hearted asshole who keeps to himself. You need to at least pretend to be a charmer in this line of work."

"Oh please. What would you know about faking charm?"

"I'm the least charismatic personal you'll ever meet, but I sure as hell can fake it. You know who I actually am? I'm an awkward man obsessed with ducks and who locks himself away for days. Weeks, months... sometimes even years at a time because he has no concept of the passing of time."

Vox was silent for a moment. Trying to process what the fallen angel had just told him. "That's just sad."

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up you dick. When you're ready, I'll teach you how to charm the pants off of anyone you come across."

~

Vox didn't like this. Not one bit. Over the past couple of months, Lucifer's lessons had paid off. He had gotten a promotion that came with a nice pay raise and decided to move the two of them into a nice house closer to his job.

The hours had become longer though, what with meetings and late nights out with his coworkers. Though, no matter what, Vox always came home to a hot meal and Lucifer there to greet him.

Sometimes he'd come home to the demon fast asleep on the couch, trying and failing to wait up for him. Every time he'd wake him up, he was greeted with a sleepy smile and a welcome home.

They spend so much time together, learning about each other and growing closer. Vox is the one who earned those soft, beautiful smiles and those tinkling laughs. He did. Not those useless wannabes surrounding his angel and trying to touch him.

It wasn't even the women piss him off. It was the men. They thought that they were being sneaky. But the more those bastards had to drink, the ballsier they became.

Hands on Lucifer's hip or lower back, lips too close to his ears, and he put up with it for Vox. To help him with is career, get him connections. Not only because of their deal either. The demon had confessed to him one night that he had grown to care for him.

It had been a pleasant surprise to know that someone, especially someone like Lucifer, cared about him. That he wasn't alone.

A growl slipped passed Vox's lips as he saw a hand go to his angel's ass and squeeze it. That paired with the look on Lucifer's face had him downing his drink and slamming it down hard enough he was surprised it hadn't shattered. Making his way over, he grabbed Lucifer's hand and dragged him away without a single word.

"Whoa! Vox? What's wrong? I-If it's about that guy, don't worry. I can protect myself. It was just harmless flirting on his part."

"Oh? So, you just let any man grab you like that? Do you enjoy it? Having their disgusting, unworthy hands all over you."

"What? Where is this- wait. Are you jealous?"

Once in private, Vox crowded the other man against a wall. He wanted to keep him close, make sure he couldn't just run away.

"Jealous? Jealous?! Of course I'm jealous! How can you just let some nobody like him touch you that way so freely?! He doesn't deserve the honor... all he wants from you is your body. He doesn't care about you or love you like I- ..."

Ah fuck. Vox had gotten so worked up that he let his feelings for the fallen angel slip out. Vox waited and braced himself for the rejection. After all, even if they were separated, Lucifer was still very much devoted to his wife when it came to his heart.

However, instead of rejecting him, all Lucifer did was give Vox that soft small smile he loved so much. A golden blush settled on his cheeks as he reached up to hold his face.

"You love me?"

~

Why was he remembering all of this now? Remembering all that he had lost the day he died? Vox hadn't been able to find Lucifer and the king never reached out to him.

So, of course, at his lowest the sinner was reminded of the only other man he had ever loved. Right after he had been rejected and almost died in a fight with the man who had broken his heart.

Sitting up in a bed he'd never seen before, Vox took a moment to gather himself before he went back to Valentino. He had no desire to go back to the moth demon, but he was the only one he had left.

"Yay! You're awake!"

Lifting his head, Vox was surprised to see the most adorable little girl climbing into his bed. She reminded him of someone.

Like, if Lucifer had strikes of black in his hair and swirls of blue in his red eyes. Was... was this girl his daughter? Did the king not wait for him and that's why he never reached out or tried to find him? If so, why was his kid smiling at him like this?

"Daddy! He's awake!"

"Okay Charlie. Let's not yell, duckie. He's still recovering."

Walking into the room was a worried looking but smiling Lucifer. It was that soft smile he loved so much, the one he hadn't seen in so many years... He looked the same as when they last saw each other, only with exhaustion clear on his face. Though, he was still the most beautiful creature Vox had ever seen.

"Well, look who it is. I finally found you. Actually, Charlie did."

A proud smile on her lips, Charlie stood on the bed and put her hands on her hips. "Yes! Charlie is amazing! She found papa!"

". . . Papa?!"

[growling]

Hey I saw you followed me and then I saw your profile mentioning outwardly egotistical characters with messed up sense of self and thought processes, and it made me curious which characters in particular you thought of because some characters I love definitely fall into that and I would be interested potentially in getting into whatever media you are referring to.

Oh hi :3

Okay so. Basically this whole archetype of character, and why I love it so much, is just to me very similiar to how I experience my narcissistic personality disorder and the sheer similiarity between me and those characters (though I'm much less. Outward then them) just makes me latch onto them so much. Though a significant amount of times, their entire personality is just so indistinguishable from literal symptoms of NPD that I have genuinely no idea how one could accidentially just write that -- I'm saying accidential cause, let's be real, not many people would intentionally write a narcissist in any sort of sympathetic light unfortunately. Other than that, they are simply just really fun and often very complex for anyone who wants to examine them a bit more than just their surface level traits. I do have quite a few that specifically fit this character type >:3

The guy on my profile picture is Edogawa Ranpo from the Bungou Stray Dogs anime/manga. He is, surprisingly, written in a completely sympathetic light and treated with respect and kindness by the other characters despite him being really hard to get along with sometimes and literally being a textbook narcissist which is rare. He's a major character and the ace detective of the agency he belongs to, and he's very outwardly grandiose and confident in being the "greatest detective in the world" (which he's not wrong about), and often brags about it to obnoxious degrees. He's not very tactful and does not seem to really consider the feelings of other people, frequently unintentionally (or just that he doesn't care) insulting them or just acting rude. He's actually a pretty childish and sometimes immature person, despite being 26 years old (which is older than most of the agency members and just characters in general), often acting way younger than he is, teasing people and sometimes refusing to work out of either laziness or spite or just not taking many things seriously, really excited about taking his rubber duckies to a public bath in the WAN series and just generally having very silly mannerisms. Straight up loves praise and would do things he was initially reluctant to if you even promise it to him afterwards. He is also unable to do more simpler tasks unrelated to detective work, ex. he can't ride a train or find his way back home which is real as hell

(backstory section not Really a spoiler) As a child he had absolutely zero social awareness and was not aware that other people aren't geniuses like him, and I'll paste this excerpt on the wiki from what his pre-14 yrs old life looked like:

"Ranpo was born somewhere outside Yokohama to two genius parents, namely the legendary detective known as the Clairvoyant and an equally intelligent housewife. [...] He soon attended the Yokohama Police Academy and lived in a dorm, where he found the strict rules to be a hassle. He soon ended up getting into an argument with the warden and exposed his past exploits with women, causing Ranpo to get kicked out of the academy.

Since then, Ranpo wandered around Yokohama, including living and landing a job at a military post, working at a construction site, and delivering mail. However, he eventually got expelled, as he exposed the military post chief's embezzlement and disposed an unnecessary letter in the postal delivery; or left of his own accord, since he found the construction site's corporate hierarchy to be quite bothersome."

He was very distressed over being so different from other people, to the point that in the manga (though it was toned down in the anime apparently) he had genuine meltdown over a play he was watching being too obvious and nobody else seeing it, saying "there's something everyone else gets that I don't. i don't get it. i'm scared. it's like the world is filled with monsters, monsters that only I don't understand. im all alone, living in a world of monsters". He was very stressed over knowing more than anyone else but also not knowing why, or that he even was smarter than other people anyway and for a good chunk of his life he actually thought that everybody else was acting that way on purpose. It's kind of hard to describe Ranpo in a concise way to be honest but he's a very cool guy. Bungou Stray Dogs is good. Oh and also he adopts all the other narcissists into his gay polycule but that's a spoiler methinks.

Uhhhhh second and the one that's most prominent to me and fucking me up the most is Ichinose Kazuma from Tribe Nine. I don't even know where I BEGIN with this fucker so I'll just link these few posts of mine. Tribe Nine ruined me and he's 50% of the entire reason why. Also few people are into it at all thanks to it being overshadowed by Kodaka's other new game currently. I can see why the gameplay would be challenging to people (and it was for me initially until I kinda got used to it more and more), and so I just recommend watching no commentary youtube playthroughs of the game just for the story and the Ichinose. Please I just want to drag literally anybody else into this I got no one I know to talk about Ichinose with........... Such an actually unironically great and complex character that literally so little people take as seriously as me............................ Pain

Next up is Yomi Hellsmile from Master Detective Archives: Rain Code which I am a little bit biased against as one of us is a Yomi fictionkind/holothere aka literally Yomi in every way that matters. But anyway. Also got no fucking idea how to describe him but. Master Detective Archives: Rain Code is a genuinely great game that changed my life and irreparably reconstructed my brain ever since I experienced it (I literally stopped dying/resetting regularly after that) like it's good. It's so good. Will appeal to a select niche but that's what so beautiful about it. Look out for nefarious red guy called Yomi. Every scene he's in is instantly made 10x better by his stupid silly yet completely serious Yomi-isms like "that's more impossible than a chance meeting between an umbrella and a sewing machine on an operating table!!!". Canonical prettyboy. Tortures people. Inappropriate attachment to the cube shape. Really complex for anyone that bothers analyzing him. Everyone is so adamant on mischaracterizing him as a one-note evil devil incarnate and I'm fighting for my fucking life in here

Also Damon Maitsu but that he's from like, a fangame (Project: Eden's Garden) of danganronpa so like. Shrug idk how much people are really interested in fangames these days

Would have wrote more but I'm real close to falling asleep at the table so :3 that's it for now also if I sat there for any more time I would start obsessing over not including enough details and we'll be here forever then ..

[furiousgoldfish]

Hey goldfish :) It's 🌟 anon again (previous ask for reference: https://furiousgoldfish.tumblr.com/post/730639643605876736/hey-anon-from-this-post)

So things have changed quite a bit since the last time we spoke. Turns out we are in fact a system for one, and the host who was sending those asks has stepped down due to being extremely overwhelmed by being trapped in the situation we're in after realising just how bad things are. Bun still comes around to talk to our friends, and plans to return to being host once we get out of here, it's just too much for bun to be aware of how bad things are and still be stuck in this environment. In the meantime myself (the new host) and a couple of other alters are pushing forward with the plans to get out of here and holding down the fort, so to speak, until the day comes that we can get out of here. It's been a couple of months since this host change, and we've been doing alright so far.

Right now we're actually in the process of looking for a job! It's pretty hard, admittedly, considering that we don't actually have any qualifications (we were taken out of school when we were 9 years old) but we're hoping that something simple like just stacking shelves at the local supermarket won't require something like that. We're looking into it at the moment, hopefully it works out. Our long-term plan is to be able to learn to drive at least, so we can have more freedom, then start saving up to try and get our own place. One of the other alters here managed to reach out to social services to attempt to get help with finding housing, and we're just waiting on a reply from them. Assuming that works out, we might even be out of here in a year, which is really exciting!

Of course, with the potential escape so soon, it's starting to sink in that we...have no idea how to do a lot of things. Our mother refused to teach us anything because she was always "too busy", so we barely know how to make a simple sandwich (and even that's from one of our friends telling us!), let alone actually cook anything, and she has outright refused to teach us how to wash dishes, do laundry, or anything of the sort. That coupled with the fact we never got chores growing up means we have basically no life skills on top of the lack of qualifications, so there's a few of us who are terrified that we're going to fail.

I want to try and find something, at least, to help reassure those scared alters that we'll be okay, that we can make it out of here and stay out, but I have no idea where to start looking to try and learn anything, or even what to focus on first. Do you (or any of your followers) have any advice on where to start? Anything in particular I should be trying to learn now while we're still trapped here, to try and reassure the others that we'll make it?

Oh hey, glad to see you (or, the new host of your system) back!

So you are a system, god I am so sorry, that is one of the most extreme disorders you can have due to abuse and it proves that what was done to you was intensely cruel, inhumane and equal to torture. Kids don't develop something so extreme for no good reason, you had to become like this just to survive in your parents house. And they cut off our education, which sounds insane and illegal.

It makes sense for the old host to be overwhelmed, I remember when I realized how bad things are, I wanted to jump out of my own skin just not to be there anymore. I completely understand the old host's instincts to be inside where it's safer and to let others figure this out until you escape. I'm so glad you're planning to get out of there and to gain freedom, you deserve this and I believe you can make it out.

You're right that there's simple jobs that don't require much qualification, stacking shelves sounds great, I am guessing you could also do stuff like cleaning (what I do) or stuff that's easy to be trained for (I can't think of anything, I haven't done many jobs, if anyone can give recs in replies please do!)

I hope you do get out of there within a year! That does sound exciting, and even if it takes longer, as long as you keep trying you'll get there, I know sometimes it can feel impossible, especially when the abusers are onto you and work to sabotage you. Be sure to never reveal to them what you're up to!! Leave when they won't immediately notice! Don't let anyone know your location so you're safe from being discovered by them! The best safety from them you can have is them not knowing where you are or how to get to you, once these 2 things are accomplished, you are safe completely, and also you do need some income, but you already know all that.

I don't think I was even reading about survival skills back when I was living with abusers, because it just isn't the same when you can't immediately try out your new skills, the best way to learn is to try and figure it out on your own. I'd love to give you step-by-step instructions on how to cook, how to do laundry, how to clean, how to maintain your living space, how to organize and whatever else skill you want, but it's likely you wouldn't be able to try it out, and it would fade from your mind before you learned to use it. If you want I can still try and give you the instructions and you could save them for when it's useful!

There's a website I saw that gives step-by-step instructions to do any task, I want to link it here but right now I can't seem to find it, does anyone know what I'm talking about? It breaks down any activity to small steps that guide you trough the process, it was made for people who get overwhelmed by big tasks but do well with task broken down.

I do want to say that survival skills are pretty easy to learn and some of them super instinctive, and a lot is just about having confidence and the right information. I remember I got a lot of confidence from just learning how to tie a rope in different ways, I could make different knots, or create ladders or a swing using only rope, and that made me feel so smart and capable, even though I barely used it for anything except to show off.

I feel like I should do a basic instruction post about cooking, laundry, cleaning and maintaining living space and it would potentially make it easier to approach for a lot of people. I'll start on it now and you'll see it published a few hours from now.

You and your alters can definitely make it! If you can learn even skills that don't feel vital right now, like if you can sew a little pocket or make a cool knot, it will boost your confidence and give you a feeling on how exciting and rewarding it is to learn these things.

[ahundredtimesover]

Omg the mysteries have been unveiled!!!! Can't put into words how much I love this story. Thank you endlessly for putting so much effort, time, and care into it. It's amazing that we get to share the fruits of your talent! It's even crazier that you managed to build a story that just ticks all the points for me and scratches my brain just right.

I commend you for not falling into the common traps of fanfic writing by rushing into things and buying into scenarios that are just not realistic for a non-fantasy fic. As much as the characters' decisions, actions, and attitudes might frustrate us, that's what being human is like! That's real! That's life! We are so contradictory, and we say the wrong thing or the right thing at the wrong time, or we fail to say what must be said.

I will admit that I've been frustrated by both jk and oc throughout the story, and thought they made things more complicated than way they needed to be but now I understand why it's taken so long to get to this point. I get oc's desperation to break free. At first, I was so confused. Why walk away from a job that gives you a decent wage and is prestigious? Surely not everyone likes their job all the time, and would like to have more money, more free time... Now, I understand her fully, and I empathize. There's nothing worse than feeling indebted, subservient, ashamed... it's like she has been walking on eggshells all the time. Even if the family didn't see her in a negative light or looked down on her, sometimes your insecurities get the best of you and your brain convinces you that the worst case scenario is indeed happening right under your nose.

I'm excited to see her heal, grow, and THRIVE! I want to see her comfortable in her own skin, to believe and KNOW she deserves positive things in her life, to feel invigorated by her job, to feel more relaxed, to have time for herself, to find hobbies and passions. Who knows... maybe she dabbles in writing in the future? 👀👀 (She did mention she loves storytelling and the creative process). Of course, healing is complicated and I predict she might have hard times ahead, wondering if she did the right thing, if walking away from jk means losing him forever...

I hope the time apart (hopefully not too long 🙏, although it makes the most sense) allows them both to see things more clearly and approach their feelings in a new light, without the baggage of power dynamics. Starting a relationship with your boss is just yucky, BIG no. For the people saying that's what should've happened... how would that have made her look like? Oh, yall helped my mom and I escape domestic violence, pay for my uni education, gave me an internship and a job (although my girl earned this, but yk negative self talk), AND then I start sleeping and dating one of the company heirs whilst still working as his assistant? Absolutely not.

Also, jumping right into the relationship after her resignation seems too rushed as well, oc more than jk (imo) needs to sort herself out and find herself, find her identity away from the shadows of her past and jk's family and company. How can she be in her first actual relationship if she feels like she can't stand on her own two feet? How can she do good by her and jk if she feels insecure, lost, and unfulfilled? Love and intimacy don't solve all your life problems. That's the heartbreaking realization they both are starting to have. I will say that seeing the more romantic side of jk and oc was soooo cute. His reasoning (although flawed) of wanting to keep her in the company in order to ensure her being respected and safe warmed my heart. I agree with that other anon that jk might not take the separation too well, and might revert back to his old ways, which could potentially put off oc? She might be at a point where she wants to reconnect, and he's just not there yet (I won't mind this possibility because I, too, LOVE angst 😭)

Also Mr. Ri's backstory :( Bless his heart. He has done so so good by oc and her mom. He deserves ultimate happiness, as well. Also, what about Mr YOONGI! I can't wait to read his opinion about all this and how he will try to help out both of them.

Overall, what a chapter. It has been my favorite yet (hard choice cause you have a goldmine here). I can't wait (I can and I will) for chapter 12!! Much love ❤️

(I'm usually an anonymous fan, but this story is just so good I'm powering through my shyness and panic to send this message off anon 🫣)

HIII oh wow, so much to absorb here and I love it! 🥹Which is also why I took a while to respond. I loved reading through this and knowing what you thought. This story took months of frustration and stress to come together haha but I'm glad it’s able to resonate with readers and you guys can see what I was trying to say through the characters. 😌😌

It's a slowburn for the reason that it's important to get to fully know them, from their pains to their hopes because it's how we understand why they do what they do; it's how we connect with them, too. Bc these very flawed humans have bits and pieces of us in them. Especially with OC - no matter how 'good' a job seems to be, if it doesn't fulfil your desires, if it makes you doubt what you've achieved, it's gonna constantly eat at you, and it finally became too much for her once she realized that her feelings for JK would keep her in a place that she's not happy in, even if the man who makes her happy is right there. Obviously there are the hindrances given their positions, but ultimately it's OC making a decision for herself.

It's also interesting to note what you and other readers propose or believe must be the way forward. They both need healing, but clearly all the years they've spent alone and on their own haven't really done anything good to them. And also, they didn't go through a breakup. It's more like a rejection of requited feelings, and like I said to another reader, they don't know what happiness with each other feels like, and they may not exactly need healing from each other. As we've seen, they find comfort in each other. But I totally get what you're saying about needing time away. Much of OC's feelings of being lost and insecure and unfulfilled are tied to her job, and now that she no longer feels bound by it... it's a good thing! This is actually what I was hoping that people would see because echoing what you're also saying, being apart isn't always a bad thing. 😉

We love Mr. Ri! He's such a comforting character, so is Yoongi. And together with Jimin, we see that OC still has good men around her despite the other assholes she dated. 😌 and also, if u think this JK is romantic... AWW WAIT UNTIL rich boyfriend jk happens 🤭🤭 hahaha but anyway. I loved this. Thank you so much for coming out of the shadows and dropping by. I super appreciate it. It makes me feel fulfilled that I could give you something to ponder and hope about. 💕

I hope you're well! Stay safe always! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[bambirex]

It's A Game We Play: Chapter 5

Pairings: Geraskier, Yennskier, Radskier

Characters: Jaskier, Geralt of Rivia, Yennefer of Vengerberg, Radovid, original female characters, Essi Daven, Priscilla, Ciri of Cintra, Valdo Marx

Additional tags: inspired by Mamma Mia! (movies), crack, alpha/omega/beta dynamics, omega jaskier, alpha geralt, alpha yennefer, beta radovid, awkwardness, jaskier is a good parent, protective jaskier, weddings, found family, post mpreg, fluff and humor, alternate universe-modern setting, jaskier is having the worst time of his life, valdo is here to make everything worse, confusion, banter, insecure jaskier, internalized slut shaming

Rating: teen and up audiences

Full word count: 13,761 words

Chapter word count: 3,051 words

Chapters: 5/?

Summary: Jaskier's daughter is about to marry the love of her life, and she decides she wants both her parents at her wedding. Only problem is that Jaskier has slept with a little too many people in his youth, so the identity of the other parent is a mystery. That does not stop the bride-to-be from inviting three potential daddy candidates and unleashing absolute chaos in the process.

*

Otherwise known as Jaskier's terrible horrible no good past decisions leading to terrible horrible no good outcomes. Also known as the Mamma Mia! AU nobody asked for, but I wrote it anyway.

Chapter summary: In which Jaskier has to deal with PVSD (post-Valdo Stress Disorder), feral goats, and three people from his past that he thought would never ever see again.

Author's notes: Jaskier deserves a break, but he isn't getting one. Sorry, my poor son. I'm continuing my stride of inflicting more emotional turmoil on these poor, unfortunate souls.

Read on Ao3

*

By the time Jaskier got home, he managed to calm down a little bit. Well, he wasn't ready to commit gruesome murder anymore, but his brain was still ticking like a bomb just imagining Valdo Marx's smug grin. Why was this happening to him? What has he done to deserve this? It must have been a cruel, sick play of fate that Sara's mother happened to be best friends with the manager of Valdo's annoying theater band. Jaskier would have to sit down with her and beg her to pick someone else- surely there were other bands that wouldn't ask for millions just to play at a small wedding!

Worst case scenario, he would ask Priscilla and Essi to back him up and play some Sandpipers songs. Amaryllis specifically asked him not to play, because she wanted Jaskier there as a father, not as an employee, but desperate times called for dramatic measures. Either way, Jaskier needed to figure out a way to get rid of his rival before he ruined his beloved baby's big day.

The inn was bustling with guests at this time of the year. Each of them greeted Jaskier happily when he walked through the door. It made Jaskier smile. He had many guests who returned each year, and he saw new faces as well all the time. It was a small business, but people loved the Dandelion Inn, and its owner. Jaskier just wished the costs of holding up a place like that would be cheaper. He's been struggling with paying the bills on time lately, and since the inn was a mostly seasonal business, he had trouble scraping enough money together in the quieter months. But Jaskier promised Auntie he wouldn't let the inn fall apart, no matter what happened.

"Have you seen Amaryllis today?" Jaskier asked Angela, his receptionist. She was a sweet old lady who was hired by Auntie, and Jaskier refused to kick her out, even though she worked slowly and kept mixing up the room numbers. In fact, Jaskier refused to fire anyone from the old staff. There weren't many job opportunities on the island, and even though Jaskier struggled with the costs of keeping all the staff, he didn't want to put them out on the street.

"She had to go to the library, emergency call," Angela explained, not even looking up from her magazine. Jaskier raised an eyebrow.

"Emergency? In a library?"

"The pipes started leaking and she was called in for emergency inventory. But before that, she dropped off a girl here and said something about the goat shed, but I couldn't hear her, you know my ear isn't that good anymore, dear."

"Okay," Jaskier concluded with a sigh. "Wait, what girl? Sara?"

"No, not Sara! I would recognize her! No, it's that one, sitting at that table!"

Jaskier turned to where Angela pointed. A teenage girl with ashen blonde hair was sitting at a table in the lobby, doodling in the guest book. Jaskier didn't recognize her as one of the guests, but with his head being all over the place lately, it was entirely possible he just forgot he's seen her before.

The girl looked up from the guest book and caught Jaskier staring. She grinned and waved at him. Jaskier waved back with a smile. Yeah, must have been one of the guests. He needed to keep better track of these things.

Amaryllis did help him out at the inn when she could, but she had a job at the library and couldn't always be there. Which was a shame, because her memory was much better than Jaskier's. Unfortunately, Jaskier was getting old, he needed to accept it.

"Did Amaryllis say if she fed the goats?" He asked Angela. She didn't react.

"Angela!"

"What was that, dear? You know my hearing isn't great!"

"The goats," Jaskier said louder, articulating each word, "did Amaryllis feed them?"

"I don't know, I don't think so."

Jaskier sighed, slumping against the reception desk. "Great. I'll have to deal with those stinky beasts again."

Another thing Auntie entrusted him with before she died was taking care of her herd of goats. As much as Jaskier loved his aunt, he did curse her sometimes for leaving those animals in his care. He inherited the whole place: not just the inn, but the small flat connected to it where he now lived, and that godforsaken goat shed in the yard.

Jaskier was pretty sure those goats had a personal agenda against him. They were so sweet with the guests, patiently letting small children pet them. They even posed for photos. And they absolutely adored Amaryllis, who, for some reason Jaskier couldn't comprehend, loved those monsters back. Jaskier still remembered the headache when his five years old daughter toddled inside the house with a baby goat in her arms and asked Jaskier if the goat could sleep in her bed. When Jaskier said no, Amaryllis managed to smuggle it in anyway, causing Jaskier a near heart attack when he pulled back the covers one day, and found a goat in the bed instead of his child.

Despite their otherwise sweet behavior, the goats acted completely feral around Jaskier. They bit him and knocked him over constantly, and Jaskier was sure his eardrums would give in one day with how loud they kept screaming. Maybe they sensed he wasn't exactly fond of them. All the same, they were a necessary evil that came with his inheritance.

He changed his clothes quickly, because he was sure his pretty floral shirt would be ripped apart by the goats. He changed it to a simple white shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts before he grabbed a bucket, cursing under his breath all the way to the shed.

"First Valdo Marx, then these fucking goats," Jaskier huffed, "what's next? The aliens will come to abduct me? Fuck's sake. Emergency inventory, my god. As if they don't have several copies of War and Peace. No, let's save the books, it's all fine, who cares that I will be murdered by these monsters?"

He came to a halt before the shed, taking several deep breaths. Alright, he needed to calm down a little bit. He experienced too much stress lately with the wedding planning. Deep breaths, positive thoughts, he told himself. Everything was gonna be okay.

He opened the door and slipped inside the shed, holding the bucket out in front of him like a shield. Just like that, one of the goats, an old, black one that Jaskier was convinced was Satan himself in disguise, knocked into it, sending vegetables flying.

"Asshole," Jaskier huffed, entangling the goat's horns that got twisted in the handle of the bucket. "I brought you lunch, and that's how you thank me!?"

He heard something stir in the corner. One of the baby goats kept sniffing at a large haystack, craning its neck to look behind it. It started stomping on the floor with its hooves, the sound not helping Jaskier's impending headache.

"The hell are you doing there...?"

Jaskier's face went pale when he noticed something that looked like a human leg, pulling back behind the haystack. The blood ran cold in his veins. Someone was in his shed.

"Amaryllis?" He tried. No response came. Jaskier's heart pounded like a hammer inside his chest. He slowly approached the haystack, the hairs on his arms standing on end. When he said he was gonna be abducted, he meant it as a joke!

"Who's there?" Jaskier called again, trying to will his voice not to tremble. "I have a metal bucket in my hands, it hits hard! And I have pepper spray in my pocket! And a rape whistle! I would reveal myself if I were you before it was too late, because I'm... I'm feral!"

A hand emerged from behind the haystack, palm up, as if signaling they came with peace. Jaskier still held onto the bucket, just in case.

The rest of the stranger's body was revealed. Jaskier's eyes widened, and his mouth fell agape. He wobbled on his feet, white noise filling his head. His vision started to swim as amber eyes looked into his own. Familiar white hair, with a few pieces of hay stuck into it. A painfully sharp jawline, now covered with a beard. A tall, broad built, that didn't seem to change all that much since Jaskier last saw him. And he still wore black, from head to toe.

Before Jaskier had a chance to say or do anything, another figure emerged from behind the hay. Jaskier's jaw somehow dropped even lower as he spotted that reddish-blond hair, and those always inquiring blue eyes. Sharp features with thicker stubble than last time. That lean body, clad in expensive clothes. That careful little smile.

Jaskier dropped the bucket, the sound like a gunshot when the third figure came in sight. Black hair, not reaching the middle of her back anymore, just falling past her shoulders. Intense violet eyes. Plump lips, a little chapped. Warm skin and a black dress that hugged her still perfect body.

They all changed here and there, but they mostly looked the same. There was no mistaking them for anyone else. Now, Jaskier only had one question.

"What in the fucking fuck of a fucking hell you all are doing here!?"

"Jaskier," Radovid spoke first, his voice dripping with fake confidence, even though his eyes looked alarmed at Jaskier's outburst. "It's so good to see you, again."

"What are you doing in my goat shed," Jaskier wasn't proud of the way his voice came out as a whimper. But, excuse his French, he was shocked as all hell. Three figures from his past, three people he's romanced literal decades ago, the three people in the sea of his one-night stands that left the biggest mark on him, now stood in front of him. He blinked several times, but the vision didn't pass. They remained standing there, confused, as if they weren't the ones who showed up here for no reason.

"That's a long story," Yennefer sighed. She wrapped her arms around herself as she blinked up at Jaskier. "Shit, it's been a while. I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"Me neither," Geralt chimed in. He gave Jaskier a small, uncertain smile. Jaskier did his best to ignore the feeling it gave him. "You look..."

"No, no, you're not getting out of this without an explanation," Jaskier scoffed. He put his hands on his hips, glaring at them with all the anger he could muster. "Why are you even on the island? What do you want?"

"What do you mean," Radovid chuckled, a little bitterly, "what do we want? Is this a joke?"

"If it is, it's not funny," Yennefer scoffed. She gently pushed a baby goat away that tried to chew on her dress. "We didn't travel hours on a fucking ferry for you to pretend like you don't know why we're here."

"What!?" Jaskier could feel himself getting hysterical. "What kind of sick prank is this? Which one of you came up with this? How do you even know each other!?"

"Jaskier, we came as quickly as we could," Geralt said. "We dropped everything at home just to come here. It's been... a very weird and exhausting couple of hours. Would you tell us what's going on?"

"Me? You tell me what's going on! I haven't seen your faces in twenty years, and now you suddenly pop up in my freaking goat shed!? And I'm the one who owes YOU an explanation!?"

"You were the one who wrote to us!" Radovid said, pointing a finger at Jaskier and making him raise an eyebrow.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You sent us all an ominous letter, about some life and death situation and how we needed to come see you in person," Yennefer explained. "And that we should pack enough clothes for a few weeks. You promised you would be at the dock, but it was actually your..."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Jaskier interrupted her, holding his hands up. He looked over all of them, his confusion growing with each passing second. "Hold your goddamn horses. I did not write you a letter. I didn't write a letter to anyone, let alone the three of you."

"Okay, then what is this?" Geralt asked, reaching into his pocket. He handed Jaskier a crumpled piece of paper. Jaskier skimmed it. The lines blurred together in front of his eyes as he realized what happened.

"That's not my handwriting," he whispered to mostly himself, "that's Amaryllis's."

Oh, holy sweet cow. It all started to make sense. Amaryllis asking about her other parent. Her expressing the need to find out who it is, so they could be there at her wedding. His diary mysteriously switching places in his drawer. He did not misplace that diary. Amaryllis must've taken it out and read it. And she was a smart girl, and a very determined one, as well... if she read it all, if she read about Jaskier's affairs, she put the pieces together - the pieces that Jaskier never dared to.

He nearly collapsed. He only managed to stay on his feet because Geralt caught him around the waist, holding him up.

"You okay?" He asked, his eyes full of concern. The other two moved closer, hovering at his side anxiously. He was surrounded by them in his anguish. It triggered an old dream, a wish he had made a long time ago. Memories flooded his brain, memories of the most intense pain he has ever felt in his life. Pathetically sobbing for someone to come and hold him - Geralt, Radovid, Yennefer, someone, please. I can't do this alone. I wish you were here and held my hand. Auntie, why did you have to leave me so soon? Hell, Mum, I hate you for what you did to me, but I would settle for even you. I just don't wanna give birth alone, don't wanna raise this baby alone, I'm scared, I can't do this...

"My daughter wrote to you," Jaskier whispered. He tore himself away from them, stumbling on his feet. "She pretended to be me to lure you here."

"Fuck," Yennefer whispered, "we've met her."

Jaskier snorted. "You did, huh? I guess she was the one waiting on the docks, then."

"Indeed," Radovid sighed. "She said something about how we should get to know each other better before her wedding, and that one of us should be there for some reason. Then, she practically shoved us back in our cars and told us to drive here. She made us hide out here and she promised she would explain everything, but she got a phone call and left."

"This isn't real," Jaskier laughed hysterically, shaking his head. "This is a nightmare. No, actually, I think I'm dead. And now I'm in hell. Oh, I might be burning soon!"

"Why did Amaryllis write to us?" Geralt asked. "And why does she want us to be there at her wedding?"

"Oh, that's gonna be great. Just absolutely gorgeous. I'm going to strangle her."

"Jaskier," Yennefer hissed, "would you calm down and tell us what's going on!?"

"So, none of you have a hunch," Jaskier snorted. He sighed deeply at their confused stares. "Well, I assume you all realized I've gotten to know each of you pretty well in the past."

"Yeah, we got that," Radovid huffed. Jaskier ignored the emotion the sheer jealousy in his voice evoked in him.

"Well. I have a suggestion why Amaryllis picked you three out of my past affairs, specifically."

Geralt sent him a confused look. "Why?"

"I assume it's because she read my diary, where I wrote about you. And the entries were dated. And well, she might have done a little bit of Math. Which wasn't difficult, considering I'm unmated, so no known daddy or mommy disrupting this lovely picture."

Recognition soon started seeping into their eyes. Their faces turned pale simultaneously.

"When was Amaryllis born?" Radovid asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Jaskier rubbed at his temples, feeling his headache increase.

"May 2003. You're good at Math, aren't you?"

"Now I wish I wasn't," Radovid groaned. Yennefer's eyes widened.

"You're implying that one of us...?"

Geralt swore under his breath. Jaskier imagined the goat shed collapsing over them. He wished it would happen.

"That one of you is Amaryllis's other parent, yes. And she clearly figured that out, too. Congratulations to someone here, I guess."

The silence was deafening except for the goats bleating in the background. Jaskier's three ex lovers stood still as statues, none of them daring to say anything. Jaskier felt a tear run down his face, but he felt too exhausted to wipe it off.

He struggled so hard to forget about them, to erase their smiles, their voices from his mind. To stop remembering their warmth, the feeling of their arms around him. The thought of seeking them out was constantly on the back of his mind after he found out he was pregnant. He knew their address, but he also knew that he didn't mean anything to either of them, not the way they meant to him. They had other things to take care of, and Jaskier wasn't one of them. Would they have even come back, if they found out Jaskier was pregnant? Would they have cared at all? Geralt, with his insistence that he couldn't give Jaskier what he wanted anyway, Radovid with that giant company, and Yennefer who had better hopes than tying herself down on a tiny island - they wouldn't have come back for him, no way.

Why they were here now, Jaskier didn't understand. Why now, after so many years? How come they didn't forget about him? Why were they standing here, staring at him in confusion, after twenty years, just because of a stupid letter?

Maybe it was because they actually... no, he couldn't allow himself to go there. They didn't love him. Not like that. This was all just a giant misunderstanding.

Jaskier felt like he was going to get sick. This was just too much.

He faintly heard them calling his name as he stormed out of the shed, but he didn't turn around.

[bejoomi]

belated event + general plot call!

hi everyone! now that i'm officially off hiatus it's time to make my Official Plot Call and get back into the swing of things. i'll need threads of all kinds, both regular and event threads for all three of my muses. i'll do what i usually do and write a bit about their current states, as well as what they'll be doing and how they're feeling regarding the halloween event under the cut! and also an event tracker. but please like this post to plot and i will message you soon 💗

JOOMI

GENERAL UPDATE

with dohyun leaving delta, his songwriting trio (dorenmi) with ren and dohyun is broken. he is very sad about it because they had dreams of being The songwriting trio of delta's next bg and potentially the next generation of bgs in general. he is still movin forward though and doing his best to not be Crushed by it. he is feeling a bit aimless though, and he got so used to writing with ren and dohyun that his creative process is all out of whack now, which is p much just as frustrating for him as dohyun leaving. i think he's been trying to do more things on his own lately, both falling into his old habit of shutting down and closing in on himself when he's hurt by Other people, and because he just like...wants to make sure he's still comfortable functioning by himself, because maybe he's Not and if he Is other people leaving his life won't hurt so much. but i think he's also trying to like...do it in a healthy way, and not shut down, and he's also trying to hang out with people that aren't his closest friends because he thinks it would be good to expand his social circle a little. also out of hopes that if someone leaves again he won't feel it as much. this means there's a lot of room for plotting with new people, yay! or reconnecting with people he hasn't spoken to in a while. but he is still pretty sad and is an introvert so he will not be doing anything that requires intricate planning or orchestration on his part slkdfjglsflkf ALSO NEW DELTA PEOPLE!! PLOT W HIM! he will still do his best to be welcoming and be a good sunbae, not an emo ass bitch for them .

HALLOWEEN

joomi is in a Creative Block rn to some degree and this unfortunately is extending to halloween costumes. he would be happy to go out and do halloween stuff with people though....he just probably will not be making the plans. he might honestly go and do some stuff by himself though, like the ghost tour...so there's an opportunity for him to run into pretty much anyone there! or maybe catch him shopping for a halloween costume just Staring at them with nothing calling to him. he could probably use some help in the costume department, especially for the trainee costume contest. he does not feel the need to win it but he does want to do a decent job, if only because delta is running the contest and he doesn't want to disappoint them LMAO he also might go to lotte world and check out the discounts by himself. he used to work there and hated it but it's been a year now and he's kinda interested to see how it feels now. he will probably be weirdly introspective if u run into him there. LJKSDFKLSKLD (also update as i was typing this post: joomi decided he wants to be dead aka a skeleton for halloween. so he will be in one of those goofy ass skeleton body suits for the axis party and probably a mask too that he doesn't wear for more than 5 mins because it gets hot)

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @bexstevie (1/4) thread 2: open thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beseojun (3/4) ✓ party thread 2: @bejiayi (4/4) ✓ trick or treating thread/solo: @beyeseul (4/4) ✓

NAYOUNG

GENERAL UPDATE

nayoung's Situationship (cam) has now left sr media and she is Just A Bit sad. but she's also like wow i can finally focus without him bothering me god bless. LKJSDLKFSLKDF but she's still being pretty antisocial...though she is at least Aware now that she Should interact with people more. there are just not many people in her life she does actively want to spend time with. but she is more willing to do things with others now, though chances are she won't initiate anything unless it is with her Palz, of which there are like, two off the top of my head. KLJSDLKFS so she may need some encouragement from others to not just Work all the time. she is still gaming and working at the convenience store in her minimal free time tho so plots around that are always possible!

HALLOWEEN

she will not go out of her way to participate in anything but if the right person/people ask her to do something she will! HOWEVER she is very determined to win the axis costume contest. she is just way too competitive. she has decided she's going to be medusa and she is going all out. makeup, gray contacts, curled hair, snake staff and snake headpiece – the works. costume is something in this zone. she will probably look very unsettling and will enjoy unnerving people all night! it would be nice if she had someone to get ready with and/or help her do her makeup too so that plot is open if we can get nayoung to like someone enough for that LMAO 😭 but she will also 100% be sucking up to their seniors and getting as much candy and such from them as she can

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beyuji (2/4) thread 2: @bejaeyoung (2/4) thread 3: open AXIS HALLOWEEN EVENT: party thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) party thread 2: @beseira (2/4) trick or treating thread/solo: open

RIHA

GENERAL UPDATE

riha got a dreamwave audition callback for lime BUT she did not actually go and audition. she chickened out and decided to pretend to be sick 😭 she just felt very unprepared for everything and even though she knows auditioning could only possibly be a good experience. she scawed. it made her think about if she Really wants to become an idol or not because she's really only doing it for her late mom and she's very intimidated by it. she thinks she does tho! so she's going to try to focus up so next time an audition opportunity comes around she feels ready for it. it's all made her think of her mom more though, and if riha is good at anything it's Running From Feelings, so you bet she's been trying to fill her life with Activities so she doesn't have time to be sad! unlike the others riha Will initiate and plan things with just about anyone. she's also vaguely looking into vocal lessons on top of the dance lessons she's already taking so she can Actually Improve, so more music-related plots would be nice now! but rly anything goes with her, she's always down for something new. most of the time anyway

HALLOWEEN

riha will be very happy to do halloween related stuff with anyone! she thinks halloween is very fun even though she gets easily scared. she loves seeing everyone's costumes, especially pretty girls LMAOOO that being said she is so facking indecisive she has no idea what she wants to be. so let her tag along with your group costume(s). she is down to go do fun things multiple days in different costumes and she would honestly like to try everything that's going on in the city for halloween! she will be very good at the zombie run honestly bc she's so active. i think she will have a lot of fun w that even though she will also be Screaming. if ur muse gets scared she can probably still run with them on her back bc she is a big strong girl. LKSDJFSFLSFD but she's open for a lot and is once again down for anything most of the time

EVENT TRACKER

GENERAL HALLOWEEN EVENT: thread 1: @beclaudine (2/4) thread 2: @beyuji (2/4) thread 3: @beseira (1/4)

[stry-someone-to-remember-you]

Update... September was a Weird month for Me

2 Updates bellow come directly from my Art Twitter Account:

#STRY #webcomic I haven't posted art lately, as promised. Life kinda got me. Had a few weird days last month of random depression (I mean I know definitely why it happened has to do with something from last September... but I won't get into it)...Then other times this fixation with the novel or jobsearch. Trying to get back in routine of exercising and art. I hope next few weeks to post more. #STRY #SomeoneToRememberYou The #novel is coming together. It still will be several months and still getting everything in life, and the web comic together. But I'm honestly excited! I think I have the final Novel Summary down, -some cuts. Let me know if you want to see it.

~~~~ Sssooooo.... Lets Expand on what I mention above...

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO:

I felt more pressure as I also realized Indeed after I worked my ass off fixing my resume and my cover letter, had gone and saved the rough draft version so for the last several months I was using the poorly fixed version of both and had to fix everything again... I really don't like the side but it's one of the best for job searching. I admit my hours for art started becoming a game of job searching, going through the stressful process. I call it a game cause it was almost like an addiction. Especially after realizing I was using this whole time the wrong form of my resume and cover letter. You don't know how embarrassed that was, especially since I'm applying mostly for secretary positions. Talk about FACEPALM... I've told myself my old rule not to look at Job Apps at night, leave them be so I can focus on art... (I also watched a few new to me shows, I've been meaning to watch... got addicted lost time watching them, then came to find out they have a horrible ending *cough* Devil is a Part Timer *cough* yeah took a day to realize that has creeper predator ending) I really fell off my exercise routine which I tell myself I have to do (about for an hour) before I do art, mostly to stay healthy so I can keep doing what I love. I hope to just post some stuff and finally involve myself in the month challenge. Even if late. Stay tuned if I manage that... On my other profiles, job searching since fixing that "accident" up I have had several interviews scheduled since. Tomorrow I have a few scheduled and am so ready. Although, I admit I'm hoping for once with benefits, my last job promised it but never gave any. So I really hope to find one with such. And that will eventually help me in my potential career. If things keep not working, due to having a few friends on the force I've honestly considered going into the academy if things keep not panning out job wise. But they seem to be looking up. And I have looked into doing book reading jobs as well. So I have several avenues I'm looking at just in case. #WISHMELUCk Hopefully, you hear more from me art wise.

I want to thank the many people who've subscribed since my last few posts. Also so sorry for any art friends that think I may have dropped off all of a sudden. I'm still here. Just knd went through some odd motions..

~~~~ Update on Last Post (about the date): Lastly, to my update on going on a date. Yeah it was fine, conversations were odd afterwords and I can't say I felt much after the fact so I don't think that's going anywhere. Took a few weeks away from social dating apps/sites as I can get addicted to focusing on them. I'm trying to control the sudden addictive phases of solely focusing on this or that. I know it's cause I've been more nervous lately not getting previously during the summer more then a few job interviews and wondering what was wrong. Now that I've solved that issue and have several lined up, I'm finally kinda taking the reigns again and switching my focus art I was working on and art for the story.

~~~~~~~~~~

STORY UPDATES:

As for S.T.R.Y... Someone TO Remember You.... I hope to work on the Initial (last valentines day) Hint Post of the main characters which has been sitting in half unfished limbo for months now. And work quickly on the Sneak peak of the characters and full Face Reveal before or Around Halloween, cause I recently was introduced to a fandoms that I really want to use for a character halloween pic. It may be posted after Halloween. But I have an idea of what I'm wanting to do. I can't promise all my plans will work My Dad's birthday is this month, and though he's busy I know we are thinking of celebrating it a month later. So some of my focus will be put to that while the long time he's off working assisting my disabled mother with her many cleaning projects. I promised to help her around the front yard, especially with Halloween coming up for the trick-or-treaters. (Since my mom has mobility issues I'm often the one in charge of answering the door or such. So course I go all out dressing up. And I know it's important to all of use that the house looks good in the areas that can be seen. I wasn't able to do much last year since I was suffering Anxiety. I want to make up for things I haven't done. So I know the many art projects I want to do this month may not occur. But I wanted you to know what plans I'm hoping to do. I know I often pile on a lot, so I'm just saying what I hope accomplish but may not be able to fully do. That's my update so far... Stay tuned. Stay Sweet. PS. Ironic but I finally am just going to work on my UPDATE Comic that Legit I put on hold Two Years almost to this day to Job Search back near the end of the pandemic and now I'm picking it up again. WHy? THe Update is just me using my Authors character, by promoting the story and saying a little about myself. It was my way of practicing making a comic while making art. But, I told myself I wouldn't use the author character to make updates till I posted the comic. I've had so many times the last four months I wanted to make updates. Had a good plan but knew it would be redundant later posting the Update Comic I still plan on. I'm finally at a point where I want to work back on in (with the extended pages to add Recent updates rather then 2 years ago updates)... Then from then on, I hope to have shorter updates where I just use my Author Character to give updates without these long paragraphs and just short tidbits.... I've mentioned it before. But finally want to announce I'm working on finishing that... I still have a art project I'm making as a present, which is Half Way to completion. I added way more elements to it then I planneda nd just had numerous computer issues or life issues that got in the way of that getting completed. I also have a few fan Henry Stickmin art pieces I ALMOST forgot about from April and May I want to get back to soon.... So to say I have alot of art on the way Is not Putting it lightly. I have alot Of future Art coming up.

[gobbluthbutagirl]

sorry if this is weird but as someone who hates their hometown and wants to leave it's very inspiring to see your posts about hating south carolina/wanting to get back to la...gives me hope that one day i will also escape lol. anyway hope you're doing well i'm rooting for you from afar

thank you! not weird at all don’t worry! and you WILL escape one day i believe in you!

also i know you didn’t ask but number one piece of advice i can give for Getting The Hell Out is once you do Get The Hell Out do NOT compromise about where you live. if there is virtually nothing you like about an apartment do NOT move in there! you will NOT magically start liking it at a later date! and it’s one thing if you hate where you work because you don’t live at your job but if you hate where you live too? you’re pretty much screwed because that’s what you have to go home to every night. that’s the main thing i did wrong because i was kind of in a beggars can’t be choosers type situation(no credit score, no rental history, no current income and my last job in sc had paid me like $4 below what LA’s minimum wage was at the time) and i didn’t want to keep airbnb hopping, i wanted to start my life in la NOW so i moved into the first place that would take me and that place was an old ugly dirty tiny shithole studio with no oven and a one-legged florida man landlord named dave who still had a “stop the obama agenda” sticker from 2010 on his wall and it cost $1,425 a month. SAD!

and then the other big thing i did wrong was, because tipped workers in LA make the same minimum wage as non-tipped workers, i applied for retail jobs instead of serving jobs. and obviously it depends on where you’re trying to go because that’s kind of an LA-specific thing and if you move somewhere where tipped workers make $2.13 an hour it obviously does not matter nearly as much. but i could have been making waaaaaay more money that whole time had i not gotten so caught up in the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of World’s Worst Target.

but yeah. live and learn! and the great thing about the way it worked out for me(getting so fed up with that apartment that i decided to go back to my hometown temporarily instead of staying there for potentially 6+ more months while i found a new job and accumulated the 3 months of paystubs i’d need to move to another place) is i still have all the money i had managed to save up while working at target. which is enough that i can literally move back at any time. and i have a temporary “job” that i’m doing right now that will probably last until mid-september (it’s a process that i’d estimate is about 65% done currently) which coincidentally happens to be the “ideal” time to look for a job according to some guy buzzfeed wrote an article about who’s worked in hr for like 20 years. so probably september/october i’ll start doing some WFH customer service job and between january and march i’ll have been at that job long enough to have 3 months of paystubs and will therefore be able to move back to LA & into a non-shithole apartment. so ultimately at the end of the day i do believe it’ll all work out for me. And also that, as a wise episode of 30 rock once said, sometimes the way back up is down

[bikepackinguk]

Day One Hundred and Four

Well rested and up at 7am this morning in a pleasantly sheltered patch of trees a little outside of Wareham, it's time for another day at it!

On to the road, it's an easy start to the day with a gentle roll over the River Frome and through the nice little town of Wareham.

The place still seems to be in the process of waking up currently, and the streets are nice and quiet as I ride through and out over the River Piddle or Trent.

Rather than getting the overpriced ferry down at Shell Bay, I'm tracking around the bay and heading up the A351, which has a nice compliment of cyclable pathways running up past the busy dual carriageway junctions and into Upton.

A bice long run of road down through Hamworthy brings me back to the waterside once more to the nice quayside down at Poole.

It's now time for a stretch of riding that I've been looking forward to since seeing its potential coming up in the map, with many decent flat miles ahead of waterside riding. Let's get to it!

Around Poole Quay and past the harbourside, the trail leada on through Baiter Park with the water lapping up right next to the paving.

The path rolls past the boating lake before a short leg through some busy roads, before dropping dowj back onto the shore road.

I follow the road out for a loop around Sandbanks and past the ferry terminal, before heading back and turning off to hit the beach.

Ahead is a beautiful long run of promenade next to the lovely sandy beach, running for miles below Bournemouth's pretty cliffsides.

The day is a little grey still which is keeping tue seaside a bit quieter so far, which means fewer pedestrians to navigate around as I enjoy a nice gentle flat ride around the beach.

It's a lovely bit of riding as I roll up and around Bournemouth Pier and onwards along the full run of promenade up to the far edge of Southbourne, where I pick back up with NCN Route 2 as it heads up over the River Stour and in through Christchurch.

The town is quite busier than the beach today, so I keep at the trail as it heads out around some nice trails through Stanpit Marsh and then up along the side of the River Mude.

Past some busy road junctions, the route does a good job of keeping out of traffic is it twists through some back roads and out into the countryside once more.

It's time for another unland diversion here with a bit that I've been looking forward to as Route 2 heads up into the beautiful woodlands and moors or the New Forest.

After meandering through the roads here, the route heads past Holmsley and hits the offroad trails through open land filled with horses and cattle roaming freely.

The terrain isn't ideal for my loaded touring bike, but I'm setting a gentle pace and ensuring the bumps and rocks aren't too much of a hazard.

The route heada down some lovely forested trails and along a lovely old rail line before swinging into Brockenhurst.

Even the more urban parts of New Forest are amazing to see, as horses and donkeys roam the streets here and do not give one single damn about the flowing traffic.

With a bemused smile on my face, I roll through and out of town and back to the trails, where I have to navigate through another herd of horses.

I also catch sight of an elusive grass snake speeding out of my way, which causes a laugh of joy. They're an animal I've loved since I was a child and seeing one is a highlight of the entire trip.

Slowly making my way along the stoney trail, the route through the forests lead out past the campsite at Denny Wood and onto the road across the wide open moors. There's a good bit of crosswind blowing along here, but the cycle route soon turns once again to set it at my back.

Past more moorlands and patches of woods, the route heads past a busy bypass and into the edges of Applemore with a convenietly placed supermarket for me to stop off at.

With the day getting in and a long urban stretch ahead, it looks like a good position to settle up for the day!

It's been a very enjoyable run today and the terrain is getting so much easier to tackle now I'm out of the real tough hills and cliffs if the West Country. A check of the map suggests that I may only be around 400 or so miles from the end of my ride now, which is a scarily short distance considering how far I've come! We'll see how the rest of the week unfurls!

TTFN!

[braveprophecycloud]

An Open Letter to Christopher Arnold of Carlisle, PA (and Philadelphia)

I recognize that there are multiple Chris Arnolds from Carlisle, PA. The one I am writing of, as of 2025, would be approximately 47 years old.

I don't know where to begin with this, other than that I have attempted to reach you over the years on a number of occasions, because you: a) stole my property (my guitars, in particular... among other things, not all of which I got back) and refused to contact me back about it. I ended up having to contact your family to move forward the process of getting it back, which was embarrassing for both them and me, b) took our cat away from me (a cat that I was not ready to have but that you forced upon me and our shared house in college), and c) at the age of 29 were a member of the somewhat local Buccaneers drum team so that you could have sex with 16 year old members of the team (who were not fully physically or emotionally developed yet). Addressing these points one by one...

A) I don't know what else to say anymore. I had to speak to your mother on the phone, looking up your family's information online (which was highly uncomfortable for me--I'm not some sort of creep, but you had stolen my property and time and again refused to speak to me about giving it back to me). I had to meet with your brother, too. It was uncomfortable for them, and it is an uncomfortable memory for me. You were a grown man in your 30s. How is this OK? I remember you hinting that you were a user of psychedelic drugs, and given that someone allegedly stole your car and you did not file a police report about it, I can't help but wonder if you actually sold it for drug money and were making an excuse for yourself. Oh, and when we made music together, you claimed to send the master demos of our projects over to me, and never did. I asked you to send them over 'again' (you never did the first time), and you laughed at me. I made sure to keep pointing out you never sent them. Why didn't you send my audio property to me, either? What did I do to deserve this, Chris...?

B) I'll never forget Meeko. I will never forget that you took him from his family too young, and how he kept meowing and running away. I'll never forget how he used to climb up trees and fall off top branches, potentially killing himself, clearly in horrible anxiety. You were constantly absent and did not do your job to take care of that cat. When the cat would run across the street, you'd go 'I lost him' and refused to chase after him. I did. You told me that he was also my cat. I never agreed to that. Our landlord, Tom, also made it very clear that cats were not allowed in our house. We had other roommates who had to deal with it, too. Why did you not respect the landlord, myself, or any of our roommates? I did my best to care for your cat, even though it should not have been my responsibility (I had never cared for a pet before. I did the best I could, though). Meeko deserved a loving home. Not what you gave him. And then you told me about how he got mauled by a raccoon and had his insides exposed and nearly died. Where were you? Why were you so insistent on not monitoring your cat? You spent so much time moping over your ex-girlfriend, Amanda Lister, breaking up with you, yet you could not show basic commitment to your young kitten in its times of need. And no, I never forgot that time that you accused me of purposely physically hurting Meeko because of your own negligence. That disgusts me, and still does today. Your cat had problems, Chris. Your cat needed a real home. I would never have purposely hurt Meeko, and you refused to apologize when it was made clear to you just how wrong you were. Would you like me to go in more detail about that incident? Because I can. I think about it every day. All because you did not take care of your own cat and had to blame another person for it.

C) I don't care if what you did was (barely) legal: I still consider you a predator. I remember you laughing about it, waiting for those girls to turn 16, calling them your 'friends with benefits', and when I expressed concern about it you got mad, your conscience convicted you, and you ran over to your bedroom and slammed the door. Why did you sexually violate those young women, Chris? If your conscience did indeed convict you, why didn't it do so when you were having sex with them, too? Is this why you're no longer on social media? Did you, perhaps, actually go lower than the age of consent and are now facing liability for it? It would not surprise me, sadly...

There's a reason you're living alone in a center city apartment, Chris. You abandoned your friends in their time of need, and on top of it, you blamed them for your own personal problems...

[caranox]

I'm going to try to fully participate in pride book fair this year on bluesky, but I'll probably be queueing many of my posts to focus on revisions for FAMILIAR and writing more NOVA RICHE.

Last week was also... really rough. The week before that was my birthday, and I've disliked the event more and more as I've aged because it's like a countdown timer for me. Like there's not enough time to do everything I want to do and I'm stuck spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.

I guess I'm sort of in limbo for my third-of-life crisis in a way because I'm planning on finishing what I started in college: learning to fully read, write, and speak Japanese at a native or near native level (N1 or N2) by doing some Potentially Dumb™ money moves (in some people's opinions). I'm going to language school in Tokyo. I refuse to compromise again due to fear and family trying to keep my in this god forsaken country.

But enough about that. I need to talk about last week to sort out my thoughts, even if it's just for myself. I hadn't realized just how little was keeping me going until then.

tw/cw: suicide, (chronic) depression, anxiety, autism + rsd (rejection sensitive dysphoria) wombo combo, pcos + weight gain + health conditions

I guess the best place to start here is with the actual incident and then unravel my tangled thoughts because I don't know of any other semi-coherent way to start this.

Like a person who has finally gained some self-respect, I took the entire week of my birthday off, which, as per usual, somehow bleeds into Memorial Day (a US Holiday like Independence Day Lite™ to respect those who have served in the US military—one that's turned into an excuse to shoot off fireworks and has become a commercialized deal hellscape to sell things like mattresses).

I went back to work that tuesday, dreading the mess I might find in my email about one thing or another that'd ended up slipping under my radar before my manic escape.

But I found a different sort of email near the top of my inbox.

One with a subject line for a memorial service for a name I recognized as one of my agency's clients—a guy in his 50s or 60s that was in the process of transitioning departments within his company and I'd met with for a project I'd worked on and off with him for the past five or six years. A guy who was bubbly and boisterous and had the voice of someone meant for radio. Someone who was immensely enthusiastic about working on new things because he was a dreamer.

His name was strung together with a woman's—his wife, I assumed—and, along with that assumption, my mind went straight to the logical explanation: an accident. Probably a car accident. Something tragic and saddening because neither were that old, and I'd truly miss working with him. I do miss working with him.

That's, well... not what happened.

His wife had cancer—emphasis on had—and he couldn't live without her.

That honestly took me by surprise, despite my own struggle with chronic depression and constantly putting on a friendly facade online or coping with my dark, sarcastic, dry-ish humor in real life. To say I'd contemplated suicide at least once would be an unfortunate understatement.

After I'd learned the truth about this guy, who had adult children and a wealth of connections and friends—who had fooled me with his cheerful can-do attitude and personality, I had reality slam into me like a brick wall.

What the fuck was I doing with my life?

Was this it? Was this my fate? To trudge along at a job dishing out layoffs because I can't afford to quit and anyone that wants to interview me is either a company that scams others or touts "work-life balance" with a schedule that squeezes out 81 hours of work over two weeks instead of the standard 80?

My books only hit $100 in sales for a month this past April (2025)—the four of them breaking a record that's not much more than a drop in the bucket to allow me to cover costs to publish another. Probably another book that'll be scraped by AI and ignore my US copyright, so what's the point in paying $65-70 for it in the first place?

My side business dream, where I wanted to curate and then drum up enough business to design my own stationary, died earlier this year with the volatility of tariffs. My one hope of escaping corporate life died with it, so I'm just selling what I can to funnel that money into more books—I'm sure you're seeing the pattern here.

I've been holding out for my sister and her boyfriend, who is someone I believe matches her level of unhinged weirdo, to save as much as they can this year to find a place so I can sell my condo and maybe pull from my retirement as a last resort.

And I've been holding onto a dream to finally let myself stop compromising for everyone around me and return to Japan—for language school this time, with the plan to network and transition into a job there. (I've done my research. I know what I'm getting into, so I'm not here to argue this point.)

But even with all of these plans and thoughts in motion, I shut off. That night, I numbly put together graphics for a book event and stumbled on the rating numbers (stars and total) for the book I submitted for the event on Goodreads (likely due to giving away free books for newsletter subscriptions and sales without a reasonable foundation of support system reviews; mainly because I'm often passed over since I'm not chronically online and I'm mega weary of people's intentions on social media—plus I'm honestly not very social, in general).

I fucking spiraled.

Back in 2019, I'd finally committed to writing a damn book after a decade and a half of wild ideas I wanted to put to paper. Those books and the two I wrote after that haven't even brushed the numbers of my peers and it's been heartbreaking. I know my shit isn't for everyone. Its for those who hold my brand of weird close to their heart—those anime-inspired, JRPG-infused, sci-fi'd fantasies and fantasy'd sci-fis that don't quite fit in one section or another.

Do I believe that book is my weakest piece? Honestly, yeah. A bit. I've told myself that. I said that to someone when I found out it was scraped by AI.

I considered pulling it completely and scrapping the rest of the series. I contemplated vanishing from the internet as my author persona. I thought about the point of my life without writing, and I was suddenly in an endless, joyless void.

I would be simply existing. Working. Watching videos. Not having the energy to play games or take a walk to try to better my health. Stuck eating calorie-counting foods to try to shed PCOS and stress weight my body stubbornly holds onto and stresses me more because I worry about my health but nothing seems to fix it. (Also: don't talk to me about this. It's so much more complex than what I'm discussing here and I don't want to get into it.)

But, ultimately, for the first time in a while, I thought about ending it.

I didn't, obviously.

My sister came home from work and I trauma-dumped this tale on her in short form. Some of you might've seen me telling myself to get myself some grace and that three-star reviews are okay. I confessed this to my closest author buddy, who writes along the same lines I do for their works—one of the rare unicorns I've been lucky to write alongside or else I would've probably given up a year ago.

Things are bleak. The next installment in that series is bleak. But when I wrote the next chapter this past week, I remembered why I'd started writing the series in the first place: a challenge to myself and an exploration of my depression, anxiety, autism, limitations, and a bit of spite toward tradpub (specifically in spite of a single individual that has been suspected as an industry plant with books that make absolutely no sense and yet people read).

My writing, my books, my stupid little thoughts and characters that have held me together during adolescence and grew alongside me—that's what has kept my head above water.

"What about your family? Or your friends?"

My brain refuses to believe they'd be affected by my loss. It's hard to say that's a reason when I don't think it's true. I could blame it on the autism or something else, but I don't know why that is. They're not with me all the time. They have their own lives and experiences.

My stories are always with me, though. Stuck in my head on loop until I type THE END and lean back in my chair before pulling up another brainstorming document. It's a cycle that keeps me going.

If that fails, my brain tells me I've failed.

I've tied my worth to helping people, to making myself useful by filling in niches I wasn't meant to fill, to success in the form of money or gushing reviews—all the things that will eventually break me.

Even if it's just to publish another book to put on my own shelf, I've come this far that if I stop writing, I've given up on living. I don't care if it sounds dramatic.

I write to live. Not in the sense that the money will sustain me, but in the sense that if I stop, I'll lose a piece of myself I put on hold for everyone else.

I can't compromise anymore.

For me.

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, April 17th, 2025.

Why are you single? Various reasons. I'm dealing with mental health issues that would make a relationship difficult for both myself and my potential partner, I'm not very good at opening up or forming authentic bonds with others, there's no one in my current social circle who I'd want to date or who would want to date me, etc.

Who was the last person to hold your hand? I'm not sure.

Who was the last person you threw out of your life? I pushed a handful of people away in 2020, but I wouldn't necessarily phrase it as "throwing them out of my life." It's not like they did anything wrong. I was just spiraling and acting irrationally.

Where did you go last night? I didn't go anywhere last night, but I went to therapy in the morning and then out to lunch at Cactus Flower with my mom.

What’s your middle name? No.

Tell me about what you’re wearing? Dark blue t-shirt, gray hoodie, and gray sweatpants.

What would you change about your life right now? My life is basically fine. There's a lot for which I'm grateful. However, I have been struggling more since Jan-Feb. I've resorted to old habits which have reinforced negative thought patterns, and so on and so forth. I do also wish that our little cattery group was more supportive of one another. Some people are - they're pragmatic and fair - but others, not so much. There are "factions," I guess you could say. I could also do a better job of emotionally distancing myself from the issues; I've really been letting things get to me lately and it's affecting how I feel about and interact with everyone. I can't believe I'm saying this, but sometimes I long for good ol' days of Alex. ;D

Who was the last person to make you smile? My dad.

What’s currently bothering you? Mostly what I mentioned above. Hypervigilance, anxiety, resentment, feelings of incompetence.

Do you regret something you did recently? I mainly regret not being able to show myself the kindness and care that would undoubtedly help my overall situation feel less burdensome. Logically, I know that self-hatred is only making things worse.

Has a girl / guy put their arm around you in the past 5 days? I hugged my mom when she dropped me off after lunch.

How many windows are open on your computer? Five. Two Tumblr tabs, YouTube (a video by Seerasan - another one of my favorite Japan vloggers), Google, and the Notepad tab in which I'm taking this survey.

Are you shy? Very.

Does the thought of marriage scare you? It's not the thought of marriage that scares me, but the whole process of getting to that point. Letting my guard down, letting someone in, sharing my soul with them.

Are you close with your siblings? Not at all.

How many kids do you want? Zero.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Yeah. Sometimes people are complicated and frustrating, but like I said in a recent survey, it sure beats the hell out of the isolation I was enduring. Even though I whine about things, I would much rather navigate the petty dramas at the animal shelter than go back to rotting in bed all day.

Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past week? No.

When’s the last time you cried? Yesterday.

Do you believe in love? Yeah.

Do you miss anyone? Yeah.

Are you too forgiving? I don't think I'm overly forgiving.

Are you in a relationship? No.

Are you open about your feelings or closed off? I'm very open with my dad and therapist, moderately open with my mom and Ollie, and slightly open with Liv and Riley. Not as closed off as I was, but not willing to be an open book with just anyone.

Think of the last person you told “I love you” to, did you mean it? Yeah.

How is your hair? It's just bedhead. No particular style atm.

Did you date anyone this past summer? No.