bejoomi

[bejoomi]

the familiar-looking stranger expresses concern for him, and it gives joomi pause. are you okay? like, i get it, total strangers here, but if you're not feeling well are you sure you should be alone? well, he's already nicer than jinyoung. there's something very pathetic about that realization, and the fact that he isn't sure his ex not-quite-boyfriend would be nearly as worried in the same situation.

he lets out a long exhale. he doesn't know how to answer, honestly. he's not really okay, but he's not okay for a dumb reason – at least in this moment. well, it's not that dumb to be sad over memories at lotte world with your ex. it's the freaking out because a stranger looks similar to him part that's weird.

thankfully, said stranger speaks again, amending his statement and absolving joomi of the obligation to answer if he's okay or not. instead, he can stupidly say, "i have a cat," like that'll be at all reassuring to someone worried about him being alone. "and a roommate," he quickly adds, though he isn't sure if sua will be home if he heads back now, considering she was also part of the concert here.

"it's the kind of...unwell...that's conducive to being alone anyway," he attempts to reassure him, likely still to no avail. at least it's better than what he was considering saying: i'm always alone. "i have friends...around...anyway," he says to counteract his own thought. he suspects they're all busy though. "but i just want to go home. i'll be fine."

he watches as the stranger adjusts and props up his leg. joomi shakes his head, a silent you don't need to apologize that may or may not be communicated effectively. he frowns, though – not due to losing his spot, but out of his own concern.

he should probably just leave now, but he wouldn't do that to any stranger who didn't look like jinyoung. it's ultimately not really fair to treat him differently for something he can't help, right?

"do you need a tylenol?" he offers in the end. "or advil. i have some." nevermind the fact that it will bring back memories of giving jinyoung pain meds for his stupid broken finger on halloween if the stranger accepts. he thinks it's only fair to return concern with concern, so he'll live.

his greeting and attempts at idle conversation are only met with silence and a far away stare from a man who looks like he's not really seeing the world in front of him, rather a different, far away place filled with horrors beyond human comprehension. still, jiu doesn't find himself all that worried that he's placed himself next to a dangerous crazy person or anything like that. he fancies himself as someone with pretty good intuition and the universe isn't sending him watch out, that's a serial killer vibes right now, so it should be fine, right?

still, the quiet is a little unnerving. it's not like jiu needs to fill the space with endless yammering but surely all humans innately crave connection, don't they? is this man so averse to forming relationships that he won't even entertain the frail and forgettable bond between two strangers sharing a moment of rest in a theme park? jiu was probably right when he assumed that this guy is fighting demons no one else can see. he finds himself feeling sorry for the guy; it's no fun to be so alone around the holidays that even chatting with a stranger is too big of a task.

it's not a huge shock when the guy stands abruptly, announcing he needs to go. really, jiu should just let him. he's a stranger, he doesn't know anything about him, and yet he finds himself concerned. "oh, yeah, i get it," he accepts the apology easily, mentally counting the victory that is knowing a guy with decent manners like this can't possibly be a psychopath. "are you okay? like, i get it, total strangers here, but if you're not feeling well are you sure you should be alone?" his brow furrows, but only for a moment before he realizes something else. "oh shit, sorry, i shouldn't assume you're, like, living alone just because you were sitting alone here. that's my bad." he doesn't know anything about the guy but he shouldn't be making baseless assumptions that help no one in the long run.

ultimately, it's a good thing if the guy just leaves. it would give jiu the space to put his leg up on the bench, elevating the old injury to hopefully get some of that swelling and irritation down before wobbling home whenever sungwoo is ready to go. but he's also not trying to be rude, so when the guy doesn't leave as quickly as jiu thought he might, he apologizes too. "sorry, i wasn't like... waiting for you to leave or trying to kick out out or anything, i just really need to..." he twists himself to rest his leg across the bench more comfortably, a long, contented sigh escaping him as some of the pain instantly eases up. "bad knee." he explains, if the guy is even still there to care.

[bejoomi]

JEONGIN | HOP COUNTDOWN LIVE

[bejoomi]

joomi doesn't really know how long he sits there staring off into space. he doesn't realize that he might be just zombie-esque enough to scare children and for parents to steer clear of – until someone intentionally addresses him. he snaps back to reality, at least a little.

when he looks to the source of the voice, it feels like getting slapped in the face. of course his ex boyfriend's doppleganger would find him here. part of joomi wonders if he's detached so far from reality that he's hallucinating now. it is decidedly not jinyoung in front of him now, but the resemblance is uncanny.

he surely just stares, blinking in surprise, for several moments too long. to be honest, yes, he does mind. he does not want to share his bench, let alone with this man who resembles someone he is starting to believe is destined to haunt him forever. this reminder of jinyoung is particularly cruel. something breathing. something alive. someone. someone who feels familiar but isn't. someone he does not want, anywhere near him, especially on his bench.

he really considers just saying no. but that would be rude, and to joomi's knowledge, this man has done nothing to deserve that – yet. then again, hopefully they will never see each other again. what does it matter if he's a little rude?

joomi can stll not find it in his heart to be cruel to people for no reason. granted, he does have his reasons, but the stranger asking to share his seat can't help the fact that he looks like his ex. it's unfair to punish him for it.

so he just nods, small, and a moment later, mutters, "i was just leaving anyway. or, going to leave," and he does want to get out of here.

he very much needs to escape this situation, especially as jinyoung's doppleganger takes a seat beside him. it's all lighthearted – familiar. but wrong. it's all wrong.

he realizes, moments before he stands up suddenly to leave, that this is really stupid. really? a guy shows up looking like his ex, and joomi has a meltdown? it's not like it was a terrible breakup. it's not like he's dead. for any normal person this situation would be strange. maybe funny, even. but it would ultimately be nothing. right?

it's been a long day, hasn't it? the stranger asks, almost knowingly. maybe joomi is just imagining that. or maybe this is some weird guardian angel coming to dig him out of the hole he somehow keeps finding himself in. i don't want it. i can climb out myself, he informs the universe, or whatever higher power might be in charge of such a thing.

or maybe he's just some normal, unsuspecting guy who is either fearless or stupid enough to talk to someone who surely doesn't look remotely approachable.

he's left the man's question hanging in the air for too long. it's probably best to decide it's rhetorical now, and not answer at all. he doesn't want to talk. he feels too vulnerable. he doesn't know what he'll say to someone who looks like that, and joomi knows better than to think the world will show him the mercy of never seeing him again at this point. with his luck they probably...go to the same grocery store.

maybe joomi is part of some time loop anime, where he is destined to relive the relationship that fundamentally altered his life trajectory, just with slight alterations each time. he is doomed to love and lose in similar ways 5 billion times until he eventually, finally, finds a way to break the cycle and get a happy ending. probably when he's 102 years old, so he gets about 5 days to enjoy it before he kicks the bucket.

or, more realistically, he's being ridiculous and crazy and needs to chill the fuck out. this is just some guy. the resemblance is an unfortunate coincidence.

so, what does he do? the solution is probably still to just go home. this place is loud and he feels miserable and he really just wants to lay on the couch and pet his cat.

he stands up, perhaps a little too suddenly.

he turns to the stranger then, feeling the need to offer some explanation. "i'm sorry. i don't mean to be rude. i just...don't feel very well, and should probably get home. as soon as i can."

sungwoo is seventeen, just a year away from being considered an adult, and yet their mother can't seem to stop treating the baby of the family like a child. jiu gets it, to some extent. sungwoo is, officially, her last child. han sooah, well over the age of 45, is too old to adopt another young child and raise him into another fine young adult after four successful sons. sungwoo will always be her baby, mostly due to age, but jiu knows better than to assume that his disability doesn't play any part in their mother's smothering of worried affection. she knows better, and yet a mother can't help but fret. so when sangwoo wanted to use one of his days of winter break to go to lotte world with his friends, of course she didn't say no, but she did ask her next youngest son to go too, not to follow the kids around but to just be there in case they need anything. and, of course, jiu said yes.

all that said, jiu is decidedly not sangwoo's babysitter anymore. the kid and his friends are somewhere in the park, hopefully not causing a scene, and enjoying the day amongst themselves. jiu takes the day at his own pace, still a beat slower than he would have before the accident. that's the thing about fucking up your knee, it doesn't just fuck over the knee. soon the hip starts to act out, thanks to the altered gait from the injury and recovery. then, of course, the ache travels up the spine. he feels like he's at least twice his own age some mornings and he finds himself grateful that he's not trying to keep up with the teenagers; they'd probably be bored out of their minds waiting for jiu to keep up with their never ending energy. ah, well, it's been fun anyway. the rides aren't as fun as they used to be when he was a kid but the atmosphere is nice enough. the ambient loop of christmas music, the red and green decor around the park. it's definitely starting to put jiu in the holiday spirit.

he is getting tired again though, his leg a little achier than he'd like it to be, so finding a seat to take the pressure off for a few minutes has become top priority. of course, finding a open bench in a crowded theme park full of families is no easy task. most within eyeshot are fully occupied by mothers wrangling young children and too many gift bags from the souvenir stores, grandparents taking a break from trying to keep up with the grandparents, and groups of teens taking a break to chatter away. jiu doesn't really want to bother any of them if he doesn't have to, but there's another option. people seem to move around him, like they don't want to catch his attention. and jiu can see why, the young man has a sort of faraway look in his eyes, like he's fighting some battle that only he can see. while it might be unnerving to some, it's not wholly unfamiliar to jiu, who has faced down his own demons and helped tackle those of so many other lost kids. it's nothing that scares him.

maybe this is a win-win situation. jiu needs a seat, and the stranger on the bench might need some company. so he approaches, calling out a greeting as he nears the stranger.

"hey," he tries to catch the young man's attention, "do you mind if i share your bench for a bit? i have the body of an 80-year-old and i think i might fall apart if i have to walk another step." he keeps it lighthearted, nonthreatening, and waits for a confirmation before he sits himself down next to the stranger. "oh, that feels good," he stretches out his bad leg, unable to truly elevate it but at least taking the pressure off helps. "it's been a long day, hasn't it?"

[bejoomi]

* ♪ – shine

joomi is a little overwhelmed.

it's mostly in a good way, but he's feeling a similar in over his head that he did during his early days on next gen's first season. that ugly imposter syndrome rears its head, if only a little.

delta's staff just assigned them their parts for their performance at the christmas concert. joomi gets to introduce the group as a whole. he also starts the song, with a rap, and ends the song. not only that – but he shares the harmonized high note with ren.

part of joomi feels drastically unqualified for these responsibilities. part of him, however – and a far larger part than he expects – thinks, is there really anyone better for this? the delta and axis staff didn't seem to think so, so he figures he should trust their decisions, and trust in his own ability to perform well.

there is one problem: their instructors didn't assign who gets the lower and higher harmony between him and ren. one of them will get to hold out the note in a proper high note, and the other will just be there to compliment the moment. and they get to decide, apparently.

part of joomi wonders if the staff is aware ren occasionally has a weird inferiority complex with him. maybe this is a test to see if they can overcome it, and come to a compromise without any strange resentment, or anything similar.

of course joomi wants the high note. it would be a great accomplishment and showcase of his skills to open the song with a rap, sing the high note, and close the song. it's odd for him to want something that will garner him so much attention, but he's worked so hard for the past year. it's fine to want to show it off a little, isn't it?

at the same time, he doesn't want the performance to become the joomi show. he wants all of the other boys to shine too. and he also doesn't want to give ren more reason to envy him or resent him than he apparently already has.

ultimately the best thing to do is talk about it. he isn't sure how hard he'll push for his own desires, if at all – but they'll come to a decision one way or another.

"so, what do you think about the high note?" he asks ren, once they're given time to practice the song independently. "what do you want to do?"

– @renxbe

[bejoomi]

🎄 event plotcall + tracker

hiii everyone!! u know what time it is! time to ramble about how joomi, @benayoung and @rihabe are feeling about the new event(s) and some ideas under the cut and ask you to like this post if you'd like to plot! i'm looking mainly for christmas event stuff but i'm also down for general plotting if we can come up with anything fun ☺️ as always, i'll use this post as a tracker too. let's gooooo

JOOMI

CHRISTMAS ON ICE

christmas is always a bit of a rough time for joomi because it is so Family-Oriented and he has no family </3 he thought this year would be better because he had jinyoung but because jinyoung enlisted he feels quite lonely. his instinct is to just Ignore everything related to christmas and Survive but i for one think it would be nice for him to have some festive fun. his savings are dwindling so he is probably not buying christmas gifts this year and just doing cards or something...but he likes window shopping. he is telling me he only ever went ice skating with his evil ex so it would be nice if a friend or few dragged him out to make better memories! i think he'll like the garden too, and he's always fascinated by wish walls and related things so getting Introspective about that is always an option, i'm sure he will do that at some point. or just people watch. then of course he will be performing at the christmas concert!

CHRISTMAS CONCERT

joomi has the honor of introducing delta boys for the concert and he is Terrified. he's like. "i'm just some guy nobody cares who i am why do i have this responsibility" but he IS HONORED and is taking it very seriously. in his mind it's his First Act Of Real Leadership and he is going to try to embody that more i think, so upgraded dad mode for delta boys perhaps. he really wants to do a good job and represent them well in general. he also opens and closes their song, and has a rap part And the high note so he's like. what the hell. guy who used to never get attention in his life and wanted to disappear suddenly getting to do a bunch of cool shit. joomi loves rapping but somehow never considered that he would have to do so in a professional capacity he was always just learning it For Fun so he thinks this is crazy JLSDFSLKD but despite his Fear he is also very excited. i think he will ultimately have a lot of fun! as a fun bonus he used to work at lotte world so it's a very Full Circle moment for him. i do think he will be a bit emo and wish his trainee friends that left could be part of the concert, but he will live, as always <3

TRACKER

CHRISTMAS ON ICE: thread 1: @bejiu (4/4) thread 2: @beyeseul (0/4) wish solo: pending CHRISTMAS CONCERT prep thread 1: @bejaeyoung (1/4) prep thread 2: @renxbe (2/4) bonus prep thread: @bexstevie (1/4) performance solo: pending

NAYOUNG

CHRISTMAS ON ICE

now. this will be fun because nayoung is a former competitive figure skater. her parents got divorced and she wasn't able to continue lessons and competing so that dream of hers died at around age 16. part of her still misses it a lot and wonders where she would be if she could've kept skating. so!! lots of mixed emotions here!! but i think she's dealt with enough of her baggage by now that she will be happy to ice skate. she probably won't open up about Her Past (at least without someone asking) but she would skate if invited and honestly probably by herself, so lots of opportunities there! she will probably hate the ice show tho like smh they aren't even that good i could've done better!! just nayoung things JKLDKLLKSDG i could use someone to make my life easier and drag her to the wish wall also bc she will not do that by herself. she thinks it's stupid LMAO but she can probably be convinced to do most things, but as usual will probably not ask anyone to do anything with her

CHRISTMAS CONCERT

nayoung also gets to introduce sr media girls! "as expected," she says......she will be bossy and blunt in everything she does for this as usual LJKSDLKSLKDG her perfectionist tendencies will probably jump out for sr media girls because she Really wants their performance to be good. as far as she's concerned she had a really good showing on next gen as a coach and she insists on meeting everyone's expectations or exceeding them. so she might overwork too. she has significant rapping parts so she'll be working on that a lot, because she's not as confident there as she'd like to be. she hates asking people for help but if she knows someone is a skilled rapper she Might ask for assistance in a Roundabout way. like "would you mind listening to me rap this part and giving me honest feedback" u know how it is

TRACKER

CHRISTMAS ON ICE: thread 1: open! thread 2: @bexstevie (0/4) wish solo: pending CHRISTMAS CONCERT prep thread 1: @beyuji (1/4) prep thread 2: @bexsua (0/4) performance solo: pending

RIHA

CHRISTMAS ON ICE

ms riha is still a mere wannabe so this is the only event she can participate in! she may be more subdued than usual because this is her second christmas without her mom, who i think really liked christmas. she's generally pretty good at keeping herself busy and distracted and simply not thinking about her grief but it will be harder this month. catch her crying in the grocery store because her mom's favorite christmas song came on askldjakjlsdgl but as usual she would be happy to do just about anything! i don't think she's ice skated That Much but she is such a sporty gal i imagine she's pretty naturally good at it and she thinks it's fun. she loves christmas too tbh it's just going to be very bittersweet but this is good for me because it'll be fun to finally force her to deal with some of her grief <3 i can see her making a ton of plans early in the month to try and distract herself and just ending up exhausted because she is so drained emotionally without even realizing it. local idiot like man i am so tired and so sad....why do i feel like this...buying her therapy and self-awareness for christmas she needs it !

TRACKER

CHRISTMAS ON ICE: thread 1: @beclaudine (0/4) thread 2: @bexjo (2/4) wish solo: pending

[bejoomi]

* ♪ – it's okay, i'm okay

the christmas concert is all excitement and adrenaline and a dash of organized chaos. once it is all over he feels free.

and maybe a little stupid. optimistic, if you want to be nice about it. it's an almost-manic energy that overcomes him and compels him to think wandering around lotte world on his own after the performances would be fun.

to his credit, he has done worse thanks to the lingering adrenaline from being on stage, but it still turns out to be a bad decision.

eventually the joy fades and he is alone. he has nearly a week off of training now for the holidays and he is alone. he wasn't really thinking about the fact that the last two times he was here, it was with jinyoung. he was thinking about how he used to work here, and it would be fun to enjoy the winter festivities as someone in a far better place, allegedly.

he knows that objectively, he is still in a better place than he was this time two years ago. he is thankful, even now. he just isn't feeling the best. everywhere he looks is a memory with jinyoung – something simple he was fascinated by the first time joomi took him here, or some kind of backdrop to their slightly dysfunctional love story.

then there are the families. children with face paint and overpriced amusement park food, hand-in-hand with their loving parents with camera rolls full of pictures of them giggling on the carousel joomi used to run or screeching on the swing tree. it stopped bothering him for a while, when he had pleasant memories and a tentative promise of someone to accompany him in this theme park built for dates and family outings.

now it is once again a reminder that in a few days, these families will exchange gifts and probably have a cute little tree in their homes that they will gleefully wake up to on christmas morning. joomi has nearly a week off of training and he does not really know what he's going to do other than be alone.

he has a few lingering friends who might also have nothing better to do. in the past, he might've done something with ren and dohyun, but dohyun is gone. last year he went to the christmas market with yejun, but he's gone. he would've loved to enjoy time away from training with jinyoung and have his first good christmas, but he's gone. this year comes with a unique emptiness joomi has never felt before – emptiness like holes, or missing pieces. emptiness where something once was.

it's not like regrets anything. he wouldn't take loving any of them back. he is now of the mind that it's better to love and lose than never love at all, but it is a mentality that opens you up for more pain.

it's okay. he is strong, and he has survived worse. he will survive this too. maybe he'll have better luck next christmas, and maybe on his 24th birthday he will have more to celebrate than grieve. it's okay that it's not this year. it's okay.

this year, he'll just sit on a bench in the middle of lotte world on a saturday night and dissociate.

he should really just go home.

– @bejiu

[bejoomi]

joomi laughs a little and nods in agreement. her new empire. yeah. he has a feeling biscuit will soon run their entire apartment, at least as much as she can while being such a tiny creature.

sua mentions the upstairs neighbors, and joomi smiles a little too. "they're just...weak," joomi argues. he can understand that sua's personality may not be for everyone. she isn't the friendliest, and is probably intimidating to plenty of people, but she's not mean. she's actually very kind – to joomi, at least, in her unconventional sua way.

joomi just observes the scene in front of him, as biscuit carefully approaches sua. he's also careful not to move and startle her. he has faith that she will decide to eat the treat in the end, as long as they don't mess the opportunity up somehow.

he smiles as sua hides, and empathizes with biscuit. honestly, joomi never considered that biscuit might be shy about eating in front of people. that would definitely contribute to some of her hesitancy – or maybe it's just silly. cats don't care about stuff like that, do they?

then biscuit moves, taking a few more careful steps toward sua. she lingers once more, as if considering her next move. then, she just as gingerly leans down and takes the treat from sua's hand. joomi grins triumphantly. it's sincere, too – genuine joy in a moment in his life that has otherwise been a bit dark. maybe adopting biscuit will turn out to be just what he needed after all.

after biscuit finishes munching her treat, she just sits down, eyeing their remaining treat piles, but not moving. "yeah, she's done," joomi replies to sua. "she's sitting down now."

this time, joomi picks up a treat and holds it out to her. she doesn't grab it, but that's pretty typical. he puts it down on the ground in front of her instead as a reward for cooperating for sua, and also for being cute. she stands once more, and has no problem eating this treat off the floor.

"good girl," he praises her, but it feels a little weird to call biscuit a good girl for some reason. maybe because it seems like she couldn't care less whether they think she's good or not. "i hope you'll be happy here, but it's no rush to get used to everything," he assures her, though he doubts she cares about that either.

sua can't take her eyes off of the cat, eyes observant of her every moment in anticipation. it's a little bit exciting, the fact there's a little creature roaming around their apartment now. she giggles at the use of empress, biting her lip to muffle it, observing the cat. an empress indeed-- sua can agree with that.

"she's exploring her new empire," she mutters quietly, shutting up the moment biscuit finally deems the treat worthy of her attention, creeping up slowly towards them. she resists the urge to snort at joomi's words, resting her non-extended arm infront of her face so she can hide behind it. "just don't go asking the upstairs neighbors, biscuit," sua murmurs softly, cracking a smile behind her arm. "they'll say otherwise--oh." sua shuts up with a peep when biscuit steps forward, tensing when joomi drops the treat in her hand.

just give her a second. sua's prepared to give her hours if it means biscuit eats the treat out of her hand. sua blinks, staring back at biscuit, who stares right back at her. the stray cat in her neighborhood never minded the direct eye contact, but she's read that sometimes it can come off as threatening. with a soft exhale through her nose, she gives biscuit a slow blink, before ducking her head back into her arm.

"okay, biscuit. i won't look." her voice comes out muffled. her nose twitches this close to the carpet, but she ignores it. "i don't like it when people watch me eat, either."

so she waits, her hand entirely still in its extended position. it's probably not her best idea, face smushed into the carpet where cat hair is surely to have contaminated-- but she keeps her position. the allergy medicine is doing most of the work, a minor itch in her nose that she steadfastily ignores for biscuit's sake.

she doesn't count how long she waits, sua only focusing on not disrupting biscuit's peace as she decides. she's seconds away from peeking her head up to see, only to freeze at the slightest tickle on her hand. whiskers, followed by the graze of teeth and drool and sua wants to be grossed out but she's resisting the urge to kick her feet out in happiness.

"oh my god," she whispers behind her arm, too nervous to startle biscuit but also too excited to keep still. in the moment, it feels like forever, but it can only be a couple of seconds before her hand feels empty. "is she done?" she directs the question to joomi, instead.

[bejoomi]

* ♪ – rebound

joomi was, oddly, happy at first.

but as is always the case, especially for jung joomi, happiness does not last.

at least this time it makes sense. who is ever happy over a breakup they didn't want? who ever wants to lose one of the best parts of their life?

joomi was originally in his "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" era.

it took about a week for that to fade and leave absence in its wake. now, it does feel like he's missing something. where does he go when he's sad now? who does he trust to cheer him up, or keep him safe? where does he go when he needs a reminder that he isn't alone in this world?

he doesn't have answers to those questions. joomi hates not having answers. the right answer is probably himself. he should make himself happy – keep himself safe and cheer himself up. but he did that for the first 18 years of his life. he's sick of it now. he doesn't want to, especially now that he knows what it's like to not be alone – to love someone worth loving.

maybe it's bad to not want to be alone. maybe it means he's a pathetic and incompetent human being who can't function without a romantic interest to revolve around. or maybe it's normal. joomi doesn't really know. he doesn't really want to think about it so much, either.

so he decides to kill two birds with one stone, or at least try. he'll find some company and maybe drink enough to not think so much anymore.

it's a little embarrassing to drink at a bar a guy who was once in love with him owns, which just so happens to be in the restaurant jinyoung worked at, but it's also easier. at least everyone that works here knows what happened without him having to explain anything. he submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known in favor of not having to justify himself for being weird.

in some ways it's nice to be among friends, too. it also hurts a little, because there are more traces of jinyoung in this place than most, but he's pretty sure any bar would remind him of jinyoung, so whatever.

he doesn't know if he and yinuo are really friends yet. he does know she's a good bartender, that she's pretty upbeat, and that she is not attracted to men. all of those qualities make her about the best person he could spend time with right now, in joomi's opinion.

so it brings him to her bar after training on a thursday. it is, thankfully, not too crowded, so he won't feel guilty for yapping yinuo's ear off if that ends up being what he decides to do.

"how much do i have to pay you for a glass of soju?" he asks, "or can i leech a pity drink off of you for free?" he's mostly kidding. maybe half kidding. he could really use a drink and his savings are not looking too hot these days.

– @beyinuo

[bejoomi]

a soft epilogue

joomi knows something is wrong when he gets home after training and sees jinyoung's shoes by the door. he almost trips as he takes his off, too eager to find him, because jinyoung shouldn't be here. joomi would love for it to be okay for him to be here, but it's not. he has lime dorm curfew, or something.

and yet there moon jinyoung is, faceplanted on joomi's couch. he doesn't bother to move as joomi enters, aside from turning his head to face him. he looks equal parts pathetic and dead inside.

"hey," joomi says, softly, like the way he used to speak to biscuit early on in his time visiting her at the cat cafe.

speaking of biscuit – joomi has to move her off the couch so he can sit down beside jinyoung.

"i know i am committing a cardinal sin moving you right now empress biscuit, but we need dad time," he says to the cat, carefully setting her down on the ground. he knows very well that she'll jump back up on the sofa if she decides she wants to participate in the coming conversation.

when he sits down, jinyoung crawls over the remaining distance to lay his head in his lap, and joomi's fingers thread through his hair like it's instinct now.

"what happened?" he asks, voice still soft.

and jinyoung explains: dropped from project green, given the chance to stay in lime for a slim shot at another debut years in the future, or leave. he took the latter option.

"no..." joomi says, equal parts shocked and sad.

he was so close. he was so close to achieving his dream. how could lime let him get so close, just to take it away like that? how could lime not want jinyoung in their next boy group? sure, he's not the best singer – or at least he wasn't the last time joomi heard him – but he's a fantastic dancer, a better rapper than most of limes' boy groups, in joomi's opinion, and he's funny. and beautiful. how is that not everything lime could want?

"sit up for a sec, i need to hug you," joomi adds a moment later. jinyoung does, and joomi pulls him into his arms as he slumps against him. joomi holds him tight, rubs his back, and says, "i'm sorry. that's really stupid of them and you deserve better than that." he presses a soft kiss to the side of jinyoung's head.

"i don't want to let go of you," joomi mutters after several long moments like that. it's been a while, he realizes – since he's gotten to hold jinyoung like this. he feels bad for finding a small joy in jinyoung's heartbreak. i missed you, he wants to say, but he knows it's not the time.

instead, he suggests they move so they can just lay down in his bed. jinyoung just flops down on it like a beached whale, and joomi jokes about jinyoung making his bed stinky because he didn't take a shower. joomi doesn't take a shower either, though. he just changes into his pajamas and flops down right beside jinyoung.

jinyoung ends up in his arms again, head on his chest, as he mumbles sleepy complaints. joomi mostly just validates them, and runs his fingers through jinyoung's hair like always, hoping it soothes him.

eventually, joomi asks, "do you want to keep trying?" to be an idol, he means.

"i don't know," jinyoung answers. that's fair enough. it'll take time to grieve this opportunity, and the dream he was so close to achieving. joomi's heart hurts for him.

but as they fall into a comfortable silence, part of joomi wonders if he was right – if jinyoung would've been happier if he stayed in delta with him and the others. maybe they would still be happily training together now, laying on a practice room floor laughing about how bad jinyoung swears joomi still is at dancing. maybe they would debut together in a few months, and joomi would direct jinyoung on how to sing the parts of the songs he wrote specifically with him in mind. maybe they would get to fall asleep and wake up together for years, and win awards together, and everything else that comes with sharing a dream.

or maybe they wouldn't have. maybe they would've debuted in three months and broken up two months after, ruining the entire mood and vibe of the group until one of them just left and ruined everything.

he doesn't know. if he was right, he's never been so unhappy to be. if he was wrong, it still feels just as bad. none of it matters anyway, because their universe – the only one that matters – is this: jinyoung, a mere week later, telling joomi he wants to enlist in the military. jinyoung, leaving for 18 months, right when joomi was starting to catch his breath and adjust to him as a more present fixture in his life again.

jinyoung breaks the news lightheartedly: something about breaking up for 18 months so he can get his ass kicked at boot camp. it still feels a little like being gutted. it feels a lot like they're on borrowed time.

that's what it always is with them, though, isn't it? joomi never gets enough time with him, before jinyoung is moving on to the next thing, with little regard for how much it hurts him. a lot of times it isn't even jinyoung's fault, though. it's like the universe, dunking his head underwater over and over again, as soon as he gets enough air to survive the next attempted drowning.

joomi's instinct is to ask is loving me not enough to stay? he doesn't, though. he knows that's a bad thing to ask, and he doesn't want to make jinyoung's next major life change about him again. that went badly when he told him he was going to lime. he'll learn from that mistake.

he can't help but feel it, though. why can't jinyoung just stay for a while? why can't they just be happy and in love?

but he knows jinyoung wouldn't be happy. joomi would leave for training every day and jinyoung would be stuck, ruminating, reflecting on his perceived failures, with little to no direction in his life.

he wishes love was enough. he wants so badly for love to be enough.

maybe he's quiet for too long, laying beside jinyoung once again, absentmindedly tracing the lines on his palm. when he does speak, it's just to say, "you're sure?"

yeah. jinyoung is sure.

joomi rolls over so he can look at him. he wordlessly maps out the planes of his face, like jinyoung is a picture he only gets a few moments to memorize before he has to reconstruct it in some kind of stupid puzzle.

18 months. joomi already waited on jinyoung for a year at this point – what's another 18 months?

it's a lot, is what it is, especially for someone who can't even agree to officially be joomi's boyfriend. joomi could wait. he would wait, but...should he?

so he asks. "are you...going to want to be with me in 18 months? do you want me to wait for you to come back?"

"i don't know...i can't really predict the future," jinyoung replies. "you don't have to wait. but if we're both still single in 18 months, and we're still feeling it, then..."

maybe. can joomi be happy with that? he has to be, doesn't he? he's quiet for a long time, processing. it's better than no. it's honest, as jinyoung always is. it's enough.

"call me when you get out," joomi says. "if it's meant to work it will." he smiles, just barely.

he believes it, though. a lot can change in 18 months, but a lot can stay the same, too. maybe they'll meet again on the other side of all of this, love still lingering and easily reignited. or maybe the temporal nature of love has had its fill with them, and this is all they will ever be.

in retrospect, it's been a bit of a mess. but joomi wouldn't change anything, and in many ways...this is probably the perfect way for things to end, if this is the end. they will end off on a high note, parting on good terms – no bitterness. they can keep the good memories without any rancor. joomi will not be angry, or tormented, or terribly depressed – hopefully. he'll surely be heartbroken, and it will surely hurt, but it could also surely be a lot worse.

"how long do we have?" joomi asks next.

jinyoung wants to enlist as soon as possible, which is far too soon for joomi's liking. he tries to bargain with him, to wait until after his birthday in january, or to at least wait until christmas, or, or, or –

they get two weeks. joomi understands why. jinyoung can't justify being unemployed and leeching off of sooyoung for much longer than that, and finding a job that will be fine with him leaving in another month will be difficult. it's the practical thing to do.

but joomi doesn't want practical. he wants to love him forever.

but it doesn't really matter what joomi wants. this is jinyoung's choice to make, and life will go on, whether he wants it to or not.

it doesn't stop him from admitting, "i wanted you to keep me for a little longer," voice quiet, tucking his head against the crook of jinyoung's neck. then, he whispers, "a lot longer, if i'm honest."

jinyoung is the one to run his fingers through joomi's hair this time, and he breathes out an uncharacteristic apology. joomi hums in protest. he pulls away and kisses jinyoung's cheek.

"i'm happy," he says, even as his voice cracks with emotion. he can't help but laugh at himself as he continues, "i'm happy with – the time we got. i'm just not –" he pauses to collect himself, fights back the tears prickling at the back of his eyes. "i'm not r-ready..." his voice trails off. i'm not ready for this to be over. i'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet. "in two weeks...i'll be ready," he says, with a nod that is just as much for his own sake as it is jinyoung's.

two weeks. two weeks to finish out their whirlwind of a love story. it's not nearly enough time, but it never is, is it?

"i'm going to love you so hard and well for the next two weeks that you won't be able to stop thinking about me once you leave," he decides, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes to replace the tears there moments ago. sure, it's an innuendo, but he means it sincerely, too. he wants jinyoung to leave knowing how much he loves him. he'll risk it being scary or overwhelming, because this will all be over soon, anyway. what's the point of holding back now?

jinyoung laughs, though, and asks him if that's a promise.

joomi nods. "you're going to get a medical exemption because you won't be able to walk," he jokes. half jokes, really.

"oh, is that your plan?" jinyoung laughs again, raising an eyebrow.

"that's my plan." joomi grins, and pulls jinyoung in for a kiss.

this is how he wants them to go out: laughing. and with great sex, if they're lucky.

– 🎵 –

they spend the next two weeks trying to speedrun all the cliches of being in love.

it turns out they are not so good at cliches, though.

when joomi buys him roses, jinyoung mostly just laughs, and that's fine – he mostly just did it because of jinyoung joking about expecting more roses when joomi told him his ideal confession, anyway.

they try to do the candlelit dinner thing, but joomi is the one to laugh this time, because everything is so serious and feels so stuffy and they are surrounded by straight people, it just feels weird. so they drink a couple glasses of wine and skip out, ending up over-dressed at the shitty bar they ran into each other in on seollal last year. jinyoung steals french fries off joomi's plate even though he has his own again, and joomi lightheartedly smacks his hand away over and over to no avail. they just laugh, and god, joomi loves him. god, he's going to miss him so much.

they go to lotte world again. joomi says it's for jinyoung's birthday again – doesn't say that he would've taken him anyway. jinyoung isn't as overwhelmed by childish whimsy and joy as he was the first time they went together, but there's enough of it for joomi to feel warm and content again.

they ride joomi's favorite stupid balloon ride, and joomi holds jinyoung's hand as they stare at the rest of the park below them. joomi looks over at jinyoung, watching the way the light reflects off his face, and the glimmer of fascination in his eyes, and wonders if he will ever love someone like this again. probably not. definitely not. however he loves from now on will be different from this. maybe not better, or worse – just different. he somehow finds comfort in that, because he doesn't want to love anyone else like this. he doesn't want to love anyone else period, really, but he won't close himself off to it, if only because he knows jinyoung doesn't want him to.

jinyoung looks over at him, smiles, says, "what?" like he already knows the answer.

"trying to develop a photographic memory," joomi replies.

jinyoung poses like he would for a real picture. joomi laughs and kisses him, muttering, "you're beautiful," in between them.

"gay," jinyoung replies, but he kisses him again anyway, and joomi can't help but smile against his mouth.

they go to the club where jinyoung first heard joomi play music, back in the eat schmidt days, and sit at the same places at the bar as they did then – jinyoung didn't remember, but joomi does. of course joomi remembers.

"this is where it all started for me, i think," joomi tells him, after buying jinyoung a drink. jinyoung, still with all the animosity in the world for him, leaning into his personal space. if you want me to fuck you that badly...then that's too bad, he said then. joomi felt equal parts fear and thrill then, and jinyoung ensured that night that joomi would never stop thinking about him. much to his chagrin.

"don't lie," jinyoung replies. "you were obsessed with me as soon as you met me."

joomi laughs. "you wish." there was a time he genuinely hated moon jinyoung. it just wasn't for as long as he pretends it was.

ultimately it all worked out, though – if the situation they're in now can be considered working out. joomi tries not to think about it too much. (he still isn't ready.)

– 🎵 –

it's near the end of their days together, in the afterglow, joomi carding his fingers through jinyoung's damp hair, that he says it.

"joomi," jinyoung murmurs, in the way you only can following the best sex of your life.

joomi hums, indication that he's listening.

"i love you." it's simple. light. almost effortless, though he imagines jinyoung put a great deal of thought into this before his brain turned into the mush it is now.

joomi smiles, equal parts bright and tender. "i know," he teases, and kisses him, and his nose, and his cheeks. of course he knows – or he does most of the time, anyway. there's always room for doubt when you're jung joomi, but not anymore. jinyoung loves him.

"i love you too," he breathes, still smiling. he kisses him again, and adds, "thank you for not making me wait 50 years." he would've been sad if by the end of all of this, jinyoung still didn't tell him, he thinks. something in him would've felt empty for it. not now, though. now, his heart feels full enough to burst.

"figured i could express ship it, considering the circumstances," jinyoung jokes, smiling himself.

joomi kisses him again, and again, and again, all soft and tender. "i love you," he repeats, and after another kiss, adds, "so much." there's a jolt of anxiety in him, then – habitual fear that compels him to say, "sorry," eyes wide, in case it's too much.

jinyoung just grabs his face and kisses him again, harder – and says "don't think too much," when they pull away to breathe.

jinyoung knows kissing him makes joomi's brain short-circuit, surely. if he wanted to empty joomi's skull of every coherent thought for a few moments, mission accomplished.

when he recovers, joomi's first instinct is to apologize again. instead, he takes a moment to breathe. he looks at jinyoung, and the warmth in his sleepy eyes. you love me, he thinks in awe. these final days and moments are too precious to waste stuck in his own head. "okay," he agrees softly, smile on his face just as soft to match.

– 🎵 –

it's their last night together, jinyoung's freshly-shaven head resting on joomi's chest again, that it's joomi's turn to talk.

he doesn't know what to do with his hands when they aren't in jinyoung's hair, but he supposes it's time to learn. he wraps his arms around him instead, using one hand to rub jinyoung's back.

"are you still awake?" he whispers after a while.

"no," jinyoung replies, and joomi smiles.

"i...just wanted to say, before i can't anymore, that, um..." he probably should've practiced or something. maybe written what he wanted to say on his arm so he wouldn't forget anything. he knows no matter what he says now, he will think of things he wishes he could say to jinyoung after he's gone.

he'll do his best to cover it all now, though.

"even though you didn't always make it easy," he laughs lightly, "i, um...i've loved loving you. some of the happiest moments of my life...are with you now. so, i wanted to say thank you, for everything. for letting me love you, and for loving me too. i'm going to miss you so much. but even if this is the end for us, i'm going to remember this time of my life really fondly. forever, i think. so...yeah. i just...wanted you to know."

jinyoung is quiet for a long moment, then chuckles, "you talk so much." he lifts his head, though, and closes the distance between them so he can kiss him. joomi laughs softly in between kisses that are just as soft.

when jinyoung lays his head back down, joomi reaches for his hair on instinct. nothing is there, so he just gently scratches jinyoung's weird buzzcut scalp. jinyoung hums contentedly, not so unlike a cat purring, so he takes that as a sign that it feels good.

"i love you, moon jinyoung," he whispers.

"me too," he replies.

– 🎵 –

when it comes time to see jinyoung off, joomi is still not ready to say goodbye, but he's as ready as he'll ever be.

he holds onto jinyoung's hands, sure his boyfriend-or-whatever-he-is-or-was can feel how sweaty his own are.

it's fine. he still clears his throat, and tries to look at jinyoung very earnestly when he says, "jinyoung, i'm afraid it's not going to work. we have to break up. you just look too ugly with a buzzcut."

joomi has always been a bad actor, though, so when jinyoung laughs, he does too.

"that's not what you said last night," jinyoung jokes in response, and joomi laughs again, in the way you do when you're approximately two seconds away from bawling like a little baby.

joomi kisses him, quickly, one last time, though his hands linger on his face. he stares at him for a few long moments, trying to memorize him again.

he decides, then, that he doesn't have to. 18 months is not that long. he knows he'll see him again when he returns, if only because he can hear sooyoung sniffling beside him and joomi couldn't possibly leave her alone while jinyoung is away. jinyoung will definitely come back for his sister, even if he doesn't come back for joomi.

"okay," he says, with a decisive nod. he lets his hands fall back to his sides. "do your best. don't get kicked out. and call me when you're done. i mean it, okay?"

jinyoung grins – the smile where his eyes turn into perfect little crescents – and nods, and joomi can't help the way his heart clenches anyway.

joomi pulls him into a hug one last time, but lets sooyoung get the final hug and final words.

when it's time for jinyoung to go – to really go – joomi salutes him in farewell, just for fun.

as he walks away, joomi reaches his hand out for sooyoung, who is quick to grab it. he squeezes her hand.

18 months isn't that long. he could wait. he would wait, but he won't try to. if new love comes for him between now and jinyoung's return, he'll try to open his heart and mind to it, because sure, love is temporary – but it might be worth it. it was with jinyoung, in the end.

or maybe 18 months will pass at lightning speed, jinyoung will call him, and they'll fall right back into each other's arms like nothing has changed. maybe distance will make the heart grow fonder, as they say.

joomi doesn't know. jinyoung was right – they can't predict the future. but he realizes, with relief, that he's excited to see what theirs looks like.

[bejoomi]

"i get that," joomi answers with a nod. "that's a good attitude to approach everything with. there are definitely a lot of different things to learn and explore. you never know how you'll feel about some stuff unless you try, so," he laughs a little. "i figure all idols have to act a little eventually, so it's good to not suck."

it's still kind fo bizarre for him to be thinking about being an idol, and doing what it takes to be a good one. that's his problem, though. most people who get signed to an entertainment company and become a trainee are trying to become a good idol to begin with. joomi kind of just joined at first because he didn't have anything better to do, and having a job related to music sounded cool. he was right about that much, but over time, he's grown to accept his fate and want to live up to the reason why he's really here: to debut as a kpop idol. he still feels far from ready, but he trusts in the fact that the company and their ceo knows what they're doing. if they decide he's ready, he probably is.

"action would be fun," joomi agrees, nodding again. be would probably prefer that too – much better than any romantic drama, or something of the like. "i doubt we'll learn any stunts, but maybe they'll talk about how they work a little bit? that would be cool." he figures eunbin would be a lot better at the stunts than him, anyway. "you focus mainly on dancing right now, right? i imagine it would be easier for dancers to do stunts – or people that are more athletic in general." so, not joomi. he's been working out more lately, though. maybe he would surprise himself if given the chance.

"really, huh?" she's not fully convinced that she's getting his full reasoning for agreeing to participate in the workshop, but it isn't her position to keep pushing either. from a first look, eunbin wouldn't have guessed that joomi was very interested in acting to begin with—he always seemed much more invested in songwriting—but even she knew that idols had to be good at everything, so it wouldn't be surprising if he was trying to improve.

she let out a hum, before giving his question a thought. "well, i just wanted to try everything. i'm a new trainee, and i don't even know what i'm interested in right now other than choreographing. maybe this workshop will open my eyes to a new interest! or just prove that i should never act for as long as i'm alive," she said with a snort.

eunbin had never imagined herself as an actor. if anything, she probably saw herself more as a backstage person. she loved the spotlight and loved to perform, but acting seemed like a completely different skill set, and one that she didn't even know if she had. "i've watched enough dramas in my life though that, if i were to act, i think i'd love to be in like one of those action thriller films. the action stunts look like a bunch of fun. do you think they'd go into something like that with this workshop?"

[bejoomi]

you'd think, for as long as joomi has been going to therapy, he would've learned how to say no by now.

you would also never guess joomi is gay based on the difficulty he has turning down a cute girl.

it's a combination of things, really – eunbin is new, he wants to be a good senior, and she just seems so excited about everything. chances are she wouldn't have minded if he said he wasn't interested, or lied about having something else to do at this time, but...he didn't do that. so here he is, stuck in an acting workshop again – a hell of his own making.

"ehhhh..." joomi responds to her question automatically, uncharacteristically thoughtless of him. okay, how does he say this?

"i participated. i'm honestly just really bad," he admits with a sheepish smile. "so your enthusiasm...inspired me to take the opportunity to improve." it's not like it's a lie. joomi doesn't particularly like being bad at things, even if he isn't interested in them. he usually learns fast, but acting, strangely, did not come to him naturally whatsoever.

maybe having a different instructor will help? he has no intentions of being in a drama anytime soon, but he can recognize the benefit of knowing how to act for other reasons, too. chances are he'll be in a music video with some kind of plot eventually, and he doesn't want to ruin it by being a shitty actor. he'll try and make the most of it.

"what about you? are you interested in acting, or just trying something new?"

˙ ˖ ✧ — @bejoomi

it wasn't that eunbin was interested in acting in particular, but seeing that she was a new trainee, she wanted to sign up for everything she could. that's why when she heard about the workshops, the acting one just happened to be the first one to catch her eyes.

joomi also just happened to be right there when she was signing up. she didn't mean to convince him to join it with her, but here he was. at the workshop. with her. truthfully, it could've been anybody standing next to her at the time, and she still would've tried to get them to sign up with her. of course, she didn't think he'd actually do it, and she can't even say he's a friendly face or whatever to help calm her nerves. hell, she barely knows the guy, but this would be a great opportunity to get to know him, right?

"i heard there was actually an acting workshop held a couple of months ago. did you not participate in that one? or did you feel like getting some extra acting lessons in?" again, she couldn't see why he'd sign up for an acting workshop when one was already held in depth not too long ago. in her mind, he just appeared as someone really dedicated to acting.

[bejoomi]

as of early october, joomi has been a studio delta trainee for a year.

it's crazy to think of how different his life was before the day he signed that contract. he never really had thoughts of being an idol. he abandoned his band and took a risk on an idol company, of all things.

he thinks he made the right choice in the end. all of the dead calm members are trainees now themselves, or off doing better things that would keep them away from the band anyway. it wouldn't have lasted.

instead, he became a delta trainee, and has worked hard to improve in every area an idol could ever need to show – and he also fell in love, but that's a whole other thing.

his weakest area by far was dancing. or well – no, it was probably rapping, technically. it probably still is rapping, but it doesn't feel like as much of a weakness as dancing always did, because it isn't so vital to know.

now, he's still not the best dancer in delta by far. that would be stevie, or jinyoung while he was still here, god rest his soul. he has improved leaps and bounds, though. he likes dancing now. there's something cathartic about throwing all of yourself into something. songwriting is like that for joomi, but dancing takes it a step further, because it's so active. high quality dancing requires all of you. and then razor sharp technique on top of that. it's still hard.

he's cooling off, drinking some water when seira scoots her way over to him. he's glad, honestly. he's been wanting to say hi and properly welcome her to delta, but just hasn't gotten the chance yet. he smiles. she knows his name? that's surprising. "i know who you are," his smile only widens, and then it softens a touch. "welcome to studio delta, seira. you've worked hard."

she's asking if she can practice with him, though. dancing, of all things, and his eyes widen a little. "well – yeah, sure. i'm not the best dancer though. i used to be the worst dancer in the class, actually," he laughs lightly. "not anymore, but, you know."

are you a dancer?

it’d been quite the while since seira had last been a trainee. she’d been a trainee for two years prior to debut, then an idol until last year, then she’d been practicing by herself, until now, a trainee again. on a probationary contract though. she was thankful and happy she was a trainee again, but the word probationary haunted her, scared her. she was set on giving her all, but she’d also given her all during next gen and it still hadn’t worked out for her. she was scared, but all she could do was attempt her best and work hard.

she wants to work on her rap, but she knows that shouldn’t be all she’s focusing on, her original rap got her this probationary contract, but she needs to show she can do more than just rap. it’s been a while since she last practiced her dancing, it was probably during next gen, she’s not sure how to start again, but she looks around the practice room as she stretches, her eyes landing on joomi. she scoots her way over to the other.

“joomi, right? the name is seira, or sunah if that’s easier to pronounce” her heart beats fast, she’s not the best at approaching strangers “are you uh, busy? i wanted to hear if you’d like to practice dance together?”.

sending it to... @bejoomi

[bejoomi]

joomi honestly doesn't care about winning the unofficial signature contest. he thinks it's just cool to get the chance to talk to so many people who have walked the path he has and achieved such massive success. dressed as a stupid skeleton, of all things. it's pretty ridiculous, but it's also fun, and god knows he can always use more of that energy.

jiayi asks him if he was nervous to approach bxy, and he hums in consideration. "a little? but not too much. they were really nice when i met them on next gen. they complimented our performance a lot, so i was like, 'well, worst thing that could happen is they don't remember me and i make a fool of myself, in which case they would probably take pity on me and give me an autograph anyway,'" he replies, lighthearted by the end. he's sort of joking, but that was his thought process.

he smiles as jiayi declares the signature an official signature. she's cute, with all the spirit of someone new to this industry and determined and enthusiastic to make her mark. that sounds like joomi has been here for ages – he hasn't. he's just already seen enough of his fellow trainees grow despondent over the past year. he hopes jiayi doesn't.

"six? really?" she asks joomi incredulously, eyes scanning over his own notebook. jiayi thought four was a decent amount, the night is young anyways, but turns out she's been slacking in comparison. she huffs, determined to get at least two more autographs in the next half hour.

"did they? that's sweet," she smiles at joomi before popping another pretzel in her mouth. "were you nervous going up to them?" she asks, curious how joomi felt in the moment.

"it's official, then!" she states, giddy. "it's a signature so i'll count it."

[bejoomi]

seojun is a good sport about joomi's questionable joke, so he grins, both relieved and a little amused. "that's good," he says with a nod. when he thinks about it, seojun has been pretty busy in the past year since that fateful halloween. he was a coach on next gen, and joomi can only assume he's part of the same project jinyoung is as a lime trainee.

"it's nice that they just let us have fun for halloween," he comments, turning to look around at the rest of the trainees (and senior artists) mingling at the party, or collecting candy and signatures. everyone works so hard. they deserve to have some fun every now and then, and he's glad the entertainment companies seem to agree. it's also cool that they let the trainees take part in this massive tradition, even if it isn't a public event for them like it is for their seniors.

"you might be one of our seniors soon, huh?" he decides to make conversation. "you can pretend you don't know what i'm talking about if you're legally obligated to keep it a secret," he adds lightheartedly. "i just know someone in lime. well, a few people in lime," he laughs, because that much is obvious, isn't it? "i mean, i know someone that has blabbed to me a little about the project group."

seojun had been wandering around and trying to catch up with everyone possible.

sure it took a lot of time but he had plenty of friends he hadn't gotten the chance to speak to with all the training they had been doing. it had been mostly waving as he passed by others on his way to wherever when in the axis building.

as he looks over the different items on the table, he easily pours himself a glass of fruit punch since he had been eyeing it after everything he had to do tonight.

looking over, he give a smile to joomi. it had been a bit since he's seen the other and it seems a bit funny that they are interacting again at another halloween party. "i've been okay. much calmer than last year. so you don't need to worry about another panic attack from me." sure that happened a few times when things got to overwhelming for him but he didn't mind joking about it. he's just glad someone was there for him during that or he would have easily left the party that night.

[bejoomi]

for a moment, joomi thinks she's onto him right away, with the way she furrows her eyebrows and stares at him. he still ends up answering the question, though.

cherish. it seems like everyone loves them. he gets it. even though their music isn't really to his taste, they've done a lot for the industry, as far as his research has indicated.

"i really like nana," he answers himself. he liked her even before kpop was on his radar, and then he had to sing one of her songs on his season of next gen, back when kpop was barely on his radar.

when yeseul asks him why, through her little ipad as usual, joomi doesn't answer right away. instead, he narrows his eyes, searching. is anyone from cherish around? he could've sworn he saw someone not too long ago...

he grabs onto yeseul's hand and starts walking idly. he sees some of their other seniors, and maybe it's rude to just walk past them, but they're busy talking to others anyway. it should be okay.

eventually, though, he sees her: none other than nana herself, chatting with someone from...shit, he can recognize her face, but can't remember her name or the group she's from. not a delta senior...oh! she's from wonderland, isn't she? what's her name...sora, maybe. yeah, he thinks so.

he stops walking, pondering over their options. truthfully, he's a little nervous himself. it's not like it's his first time ever seeing nana in person, but he hasn't spoken to her before. if he's forcing yeseul out of her comfort zone, though, it's only fair if he does the same, right?

"let's go say hi," he decides, continuing to tug yeseul along. he's very sure she'll protest, but she'll also probably be too frozen in fear to resist him much. "or just get some candy from them, at least. and maybe their signatures."

once he's standing in front of nana and sora, his nerves really kick in. he bows respectfully, several times, then says, "i'm a big fan. i'm joomi. i'm a studio delta trainee. this is yeseul," he motions to her beside him. she doesn't have to talk if she doesn't want to. he figures it's better for him to keep talking, actually.

"we wanted to get some candy from you, if you still have any left," he smiles brightly, but a little shy simultaneously. "and! if i can get your signatures in my notebook, too...that would be really cool." he releases yeseul from his grasp so he can extend his notebook to their seniors to sign.

it isn’t that yeseul never thought she’d be joining an entertainment company, if anything they were hopeless thoughts and fantasies. she once saw herself joining as a composer, or a producer of sorts, but that was it. reality did not sink in for her until about an hour into this party, full of senior artists and fellow trainees. really, what is she doing here with all these… talented people?!

she’s overwhelmed by just about everything. fortunately for her, joomi is here! so she tags along with him as they navigate through the party. it’s comforting to stick by a familiar person’s side, and joomi is, in her terms, dadcoded. even though they’re one year apart, yeseul feels like he’s mentally at least five years older.

besides everything else, yeseul is just in bliss that they’re both delta. she sincerely enjoys the time they spend together, especially if the topic is about music!

the girl blinks at joomi repeatedly. an extremely basic question. suspicious. she furrows her eyebrows at him, pressing her lips together as she stares at him. why is he asking that question? weird. she answers him anyways, with her usual ipad:

⤷ cherish? ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻) my dad used to play their songs a lot.. so i grew up liking them!!

yeseul doesn’t connects the dots and answers. she thinks about the question very seriously. it’s rare for her to have any biases, usually she likes the group as a whole. though just this year, she started liking a certain trainee from nextgen… but she can’t say it. that guy hasn’t even debuted!

as she continues thinking about it, she smiles awkwardly and shakes her head.

⤷ just cherish!! why? abeoji, you are being very suspicious. (≖_≖ )

[bejoomi]

* ♪ – checkmate

do seohan is odd.

if joomi had to choose one work to describe him, it would be that. that's fine, though. truthfully, joomi likes odd people. they aren't as predictable as other people, and that makes for a more complex puzzle for joomi to figure out.

seohan is one of those puzzles for joomi. he seems normal on the outside, but there is something vaguely unhinged about him below the surface. sometimes it peeks out. joomi has seen enough over the course of the time he's known him, thanks to the cat cafe he frequents, and bonding over biscuit, apparently seohan's favorite cat from the cafe who joomi has now adopted.

that's why he's over at joomi's apartment now. he found out joomi adopted biscuit somehow, and wanted to come see her. joomi was like okay, fine.

what he doesn't know is why they're sitting on the floor, coffee table in joomi's living room cleared off, setting up to play checkers. seohan brought a checker board over for reasons unknown to him. joomi didn't ask why, because that felt rude, and seohan didn't explain. he did ask him to play eventually, though, after biscuit disappeared under joomi's bed and refused to come out.

she'll come out eventually, joomi assured him. then came the suggestion to play checkers and wait for biscuit to decide to grace them with her presence again.

"how good are you at checkers?" joomi asks. joomi is pretty good, but he hasn't played in a while. he doesn't really care if he wins or not, though. joomi intends to use this game as a weapon of psychological warfare – or to be more accurate, an opportunity to pick seohan's brain when he can't escape him.

– @beseohan

[bejoomi]

joomi can't help but laugh softly. jay is cute. he frequently forgets that they're actually born in the same year – even if joomi is technically older, being born in january. he just seems so young sometimes. and he calls him dad, which doesn't really help that fact. "i barely know how to play it. just basics," he clarifies. "i had an instructor that told me i needed to learn a new instrument. i don't even remember why at this point. but that was what i chose. i haven't gone back to it since those initial lessons, though. maybe i will one day? it was kinda fun." joomi would probably find playing most instruments fun, though.

he laughs again as jay tries to come up with a name for them. "jaymi...?" he tries. there is a bit of a ring to it, maybe? "i don't think i know enough to teach you. but maybe we can take an actual workshop and learn how to play it together." he wouldn't mind that. he still thinks he can improve with the instruments he currently knows, but it wouldn't hurt to learn something new for a while.

jay asks if he's a diva, and joomi does take a moment to genuinely consider it. he shakes his head before long, though. "i don't think so. you aren't like...entitled enough, to be a diva. you're a pain in the ass, but that's different." he says it affectionately and lightheartedly.

jay is right, though – for how much they talk, and for being jay's dad, they don't actually train together that much, at least when it comes to fun stuff. "yeah, we should," joomi agrees with a soft smile and a nod. "i think it would be fun to write a song together." joomi admittedly doesn't know too much about jay's creative process. it would be cool to find out. now that dohyun is gone, joomi doesn't feel as...for lack of a better term, locked in to writing with particular people. he's sure he'll still write with ren the most, but it's not the same as it was before.

"i wouldn't say i have more on my plate, but maybe more expectations?" joomi answers after thinking for a little while. "the instructors know what i'm good at and where i'm lacking pretty well now. they might still be learning about what you can do." then again, it's already been a few months since next gen ended, hasn't it? time flies.

now that jay thinks about it, he doesn't really spend that much time with joomi in relation to making music. maybe a part of him assumes that joomi is usually busy making music with his trio of producers; he doesn't really feel the desire to get in-between the flow and rhythm they probably already have as a group. sure, training in general, yes. but nothing outside of the usual day-to-day.

that probably means this is the perfect opportunity, instead. it's not that it's just the two of them, but still. it's a great start! "you can play the gayageum? why is this the first time i've heard of this!" he whines, not one to hide his playfulness around joomi ( then again, he feels even more like a brat whenever he's around joomi, maybe it's because joomi allows him to be ). "you have to teach me next time. not here, we can have our own mini workshop. a jay-joomi special. jayjoo...? jayjoo: the workshop. first agenda, gayageum." he furrows his eyebrows, wondering if that has a nice ring to it now that he has said it out loud.

he hums, blinking at joomi's next statement. "are we? divas? am i?" he never thought of it that way. divas are usually high maintenance and difficult to deal with—he supposes he fits the bill, but jay personally believes that he's easier to get along with than most! it's not like he's the normally grouchy one, despite his edit during next gen.

"you know, dad... this is making me realize we don't play together that often—if at all!" jay concludes, nodding to himself after he has mentally confirmed that in his head, on his own. "we should do this more often. again, outside of this workshop." he laughs, making plans even though joomi hadn't exactly properly agreed. "it feels kind of criminal that we haven't made at least one song together," he points out.

"i guess we are all busy though. especially you?" he wonders aloud. "as my senior trainee? do you have a lot more on your plate?"