#but I know that’s in response to the people that are being stupid about it
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That's because your thoughts have a real, physical basis and hyperfixation is a special circumstance
If your brain was a town, then making new thoughts and connections would be like adding in roads, pipes, plumbing, and housing in an area. Making a new road is slow and hard, but once the road and city scaffolding is in, as long as there are supplies (neurochemicals) then you can keep building, much faster and easier than when you were putting in the road. Some areas of a city pretty already much have everything ready to go (having been built years ago) and just need large amounts of the right supplies (eg don't need pipes anymore but might need wood, glass, cement, etc). Once that happens, the hyperfixation occurs and everything gets built and put into place. Eventually we might look like that really dense city, Kowloon (doesn't exist anymore).
So yes, over time you can indeed be disciplined enough theoretically to create your own hyperfixations (personally I do not believe much in doing this). That feeling of "ugh," then an excuse to dismiss or ignore the information - that's your brain admitting it doesn't have the infrastructure or supplies to make those connections. You just have to keep at it gradually to help your brain start supplying and developing that area. Sometimes people will feel a rush of histamine (scratchy, often grouchy), a neurochemical responsible for both learning and allergies and wakefulness - and the body might balance it out with adrenaline (anxiety, excitement). Often people will attribute these feelings as meaning something beyond a brain's need for hormones, eg "I'm feeling anxious therefore that means I'm stupid and I'll learn this." That isn't true - you're learning it right then by having those feelings. But breaks are also good.
Of course, brains are neuroplastic! Stuff can change and move. But there is a real physical cost to changing your mind.
Personally, I think being undisciplined is okay. I never liked chemistry but I liked medicine- now I know a lot about chemistry through the scaffolding I had already built from medical knowledge, which was way easier for my brain than trying to build a whole other area of the city for it.y brain was saying, "hey, this is a lot of effort here!" And eventually found a more efficient way to store that information.
it's so wild to me that you absolutely cannot force a hyperfixation to happen. like you'll watch the most perfectly tailor-made-for-you content that everyone says you'll love and feel absolutely nothing, and then the thing you watch on a whim to fill time will reach through the screen and put its damn fingers in your brain and start rearranging the neurons right in front of you and every single time you're like THIS??? THIS??????? and this happens like every 6-12 months forever
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Fuckery with phones: An ongoing series
-The phone ringing then IMMEDIATELY stopping before it can even finish its first ring tone. There's usually no caller ID and when there is it just says 'ringing'. So, not a caller ID. There's no number that shows up either. This is a daily occurrence.
-One day I checked the Voice MailBox to come back to NINETY-NINE BLANK VOICEMAILS all in a few seconds of length over the course of 2 hours. What in the actual fuck. How do you fuck up that badly. It stopped at 99 cause it filled the VMbox up and wouldn't accept anymore otherwise I'm sure it would have went on.
-The shop cell phone, used only for calling coworkers, used in function what would be a Walkie-Talkie but we don't have those, being bombarded with 'Spam Likely' calls 2 certain days. Only the shop cell phone, not the main landlines. Also, it's clearly not a customer who may have had that number, because all the calls show up as Spam Likely and all come from different phone numbers. The phone doesn't automatically just not ring when it is a spam like most newer phones do, thou when I go back to work I'm gonna mess with it to see if it's some sort of setting I can turn on. Pray for me that it is.
-Someone spoofing the children's hospital caller ID and it ended up being a scam caller about some bullshit.
-A robo call that purposely waits and does the confused 'hello?' thing after hearing a voice, waiting in silence then me confused says 'hello?' cause it sounds like no one's there. Then the robo says it's confused hello, I say hello again then it does it's robo speel. One time I asked it if it was a robo and it said 'while my voice may sound robotic-' I immediately hung up. But it keeps calling and I can't block calls with either landline the shop has so I'm stuck wasting my time with robo calls.
Also I can't hang up after I don't hear a response cause for some stupid reason customers don't pay attention when I say 'Good *time greeting* *business name*' then they go 'huh?' cause they weren't paying attention or ask what the business name is even thou I LITERALLY JUST SAID IT. Fuckin pay attention my god you made the call why are you surprised when I say the business name you're calling?
Anyway feel free to add your own stories, I know (hope) some other people out there have had their fair share of phone fuckery too.
Posted by admin Rodney
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sometimes I do need to remember those anti voting posts are not being written about me
#‘they love it as long as they get theirs’ girl I HATE that these are the options#but not voting literally doesn’t do anything#well except 4 move politicians right#but I know that’s in response to the people that are being stupid about it#and saying shit like . ignoring or talking over the clear as fuck issues with the system#like ‘vote to save democracy’ pisses me off too cause this is hardly democratic#and actually also. the us isn’t the only democracy!#I agree that we should vote based purely on a few differences between candidates not because I think that it’ll like. Save the world#I completely agree that these choices are not some solution and in fact suck ass#but I simply don’t wanna make it harder. one of em will be elected#and voting or not voting is a choice.#if you’re gonna say one vote = complicity it goes both ways#I’m sorry that this situation sucks so bad though#oif I could vote to just destroy it with hammers I probably would
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it's sometimes so silly to look in the notes of a polyamory art/post and see people like "is this cheating art....?" when the characters in canon are all extremely close friends. i know it's not malicious because most people think of monogamy as the default and anything outside that Must be cheating, but truly i'm always like. guys. guys Please.
please think about this for like 2 seconds.
under what circumstances do we think this non-canon couple might hold hands directly in front of their canon partners. and under what circumstances do we think the canon partners might be okay with this. do we Truly think this is a secret relationship. do we Truly think these guys would sneak around behind their canon partners' backs when all of them are extremely close friends with a high level of trust and commitment to each other.
would assuming that these extremely close friends have actually communicated with one another Exactly The Same Way They Do In The Canon Source Material perhaps cause less despair.....
#and like. you guys know I LOVE RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. I LOVE EVERYONE BEING STUPID ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS#BUT SOEMTIMES WHEN THE ART IS JUST CUTE AND SWEET. WE CAN SIMPLY ASSUME. THAT IT'S CUTE AND SWEET. PLEASE...#i'm also a little sadder and more flabbergasted by how many shipping discourse lavwin posts are in the tag right now.#and how many posts i keep opening to see shipping discourse in the replies....#please guys i'm begging you. use the 'delete reply' function. It's So Good.#i've been deleting bad faith replies on my posts for YEARS and at this point it's extremely rare for me to get ANY#you simply can't give people wiggle room for bad faith arguing. you just have to not do that.#'i get this but don't like it / i'm confused and don't like this' 'okay? i don't care...?'#cuz when you reply 'aw that's okay! here's my good faith response <3' everyone else is like 'oh i see! someone i can air my grievances upon#you simply Have to say 'actually you're being rude and i don't like it.' and/or delete their response.#It Is That Simple. Please. Love Yourselves
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RAGE ! heh. yah.
To just veer off bc I have been rewatching this channels stuff lately - Batman stuff ! (x)
On to the rambles.
Yeah it just felt like every single character came out of the woodwork JUST to say 'wink wink nudge nudge we KNEW you two crazy kids would figure it out eventually!' and ?? why ??? why ?? why did you feel the need for their EXES specifically to give them the go ahead, to even shove them towards it even?? I just ?? surely they have other shit to talk about? Not to mention Rex and Eve's we are traumatized teens bonding was way more interesting then their very shitty romance!
I hate the fucking while I was dying I was thinking of you line too. Yes Mark. When you are panicking and freaked out, clearly that is when your mind is most clear. please. dear god. amid the ethics courses you should have been taking, a few ones about psychology and trauma response would also be good, yes?
lol Hannibal. Yeah. I agree. I love Mads' interview where he like Hannibal is the happiest man I have ever portrayed : ) and its like. he's right tho. That man IS having the time of his life and his falling in love, he is having a GREAT time. beautiful show. need to rewatch it soon.
I was talking to someone else and they compared the whole Eve and her parents situation to 'I wont be gay in the house but you can't stop me from being gay outside' and like. ugh. it really is tho. WHY are you still there. WHY are you so determined to make THESE people your family. You know you were (unknowingly adopted) they AREN'T your only option anymore. You aren't 12. You had TT ! (supposedly) You have NEW friends now!! Stop going back to these people!!
The UTTERLY SILENT (I do like the choice but it is also funny that all that happens is literally without a voice) and completely undiscussed by the main 'moral' force of the show maybe villains have REASONS for what they do opening ??? yeah it was great but it also feels so 'lol look at whats going on in the background! no one will ever realize how complex these situations can be!!' anyway here's Oliver being fucking stupid.
Like yeah, I loved the GoG breakdown/breakup in ep 3, as like a we all need to discuss autonomy and accountability and the messed up world we live and people are both right and wrong- but any of the personal-ness to it is ABSENT bc again.. we have rarely seen these people do anything. Stop calling them your family Samson! NONE of you know each other !! Also him calling out Rudy for playing the odds and then acting like he's all fond of him is wild. Amanda being so thrilled this 19 year old girl is marrying her boss is insane. AND Immortal just invited his own ass back, that shit is hilarious. You know that fucker would make anyone asking to come back jump through hoops.
I have played a bit with the idea of danger blind Debbie and it just.. it makes enough sense to me. Her response to terrible shit happening just being like 'well this is annoying : /' while everyone else is freaking out. I feel like Nolan would have been like ??? squishy human not afraid ??? and Debbie's response like ?? you think you're special bc you can kill me?? literally anything could kill me ! Why should I be afraid of you just bc you're fast and strong? A slow person with an air filled needle could get me !! and Nolan just having to be like : / Okay. I guess I see your point.
Look I find the over all narrative and some of the characters fascinating enough that I WANT to engage with and talk about this media, but honestly, I am such a hater and I don't even try not to be xD Invincible is my BUT YOU COULD BE GOOD IF YOU WERE GOOD fandom fr. 'star wars would be great if it wasn't star wars' is a thing I've seen half-jokingly get thrown around and for me its 'Invincible could be good if they weren't adhering it to the comic' lol
TBH I started a 'Cecil basically becomes Mark's parental figure' story that would take place in my Liar Liar/Man Who Played Wolf AU, but I ended up disliking it so I never really went back to salvage it. Maybe I just need to refocus and honestly just make it about Cecil : /
Honestly given a number of the dumb things the GDA gets up to I wonder how good they are at strategizing lol Like.. I really hoped they would leave out the 'we knew Nolan was lying FROM THE START!' thing, bc.. okay... he's a viltrumite. You have only just recently barely found anything that could hurt them... but... like... 20 years on the planet... and not only did you find nothing you didn't WARN anyone ? like ? where's the contingencies ??? Also I will never get over them not giving that astronaut a medical check up, just so he could go puke up more aliens into his sink. Sometimes I also think they deliberately prevent heroes from getting access to education bc the moment one of those fuckers learns how to strategize then you're ACTUALLY fucked, bc they really do make some dumb decisions in battles. constantly.
Yapping bug ! time for the yappings !!
While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom
OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.
I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.
I love thinking about these, omg.
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I think acting like Jimmy’s struggles on Earth were like legal or related to being a criminal are so odd. Not in a bad way but just odd.
Like don’t get me wrong, I personally believe he’s had a run in with the law but I feel like it’d be minor, not even something that would get him a record. It could’ve, but it was dropped, not worth the time to pursue someone that down on their luck, probably not a dime to his name.
He’s a bad guy don’t get me wrong but it’s seems like his issues were with not being well-adjusted? In the whole sense, he’s snarky and unnecessary rude. He’s quick to anger and says things to pit people against each other. He likely doesn’t have many friends and we know he’s not financially well. I think tacking on bad traits diminishes the fact of what he did. Trying to fit him to that obviously evil arch type is a little bland to what he actually is. He’s normal enough to be a minor blip on the radar and that’s how he gets away with what he does.
Jimmy is ultimately scared of being in trouble. He gets into it but panics. He hates being confronted and he just doesn’t do things were he knows or perceives a bad outcome will happen to him.
#like he has misdomeaners in my mind no doubt but running from the cops? nah he’s not stupid enough#also it’s just like I only see it being used to say Curlu knew or should’ve known how bad he was before he gave him the job and I think#that’s a cop out cause like just let him be an evil tumor that infects people like a big#point is that their was reasonable doubt in Curlys mind about Jimmy if he was just that shitty always do you really genuinely believe he’d g#get him the job like he’s surprised Jimmy adjusted well due to the responsibility they have not because he’s being a law abiding citizen#it’s just like adding on shit for the sack of adding it on and like how do I use this in discussion like I think he dodged rent#got into bar fights for catcalling and Curly like thought this was a sterile enough thing to keep Jim clean#like he’s a morally bankrupt person by the end of the game but it’s implied he was just really grey back on earth hence why he has leeway#from anyone at all like ughhhh ask me about it cause it’s like again adding facts to characterize th that just aren’t canon#and it can overshadow the symbolism or story trying to design them from points we’ll never know#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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We're never getting out of this as long as tumblr keeps trying to be Woke 4chan
#sorry but recycling the smug superiority complex and broad-strokes put-down culture of 4chan but “leftist” is never going to be viable#You have to be fucking nice. Sorry. I know y'all wanna be the bullies this time around and exact comeuppance but these are poisoned tools#The intersectional analysis folks do here is valueable but you're all so fucking bitterness-poisoned that it makes you into tar pits#too many of you think intersectionality is when oppression is the pokemon type chart but also you can be multitype and it's just as stupid#individuals are responsible for being self-aware and working not to perpetuate the oppressions their privileges enable them to#individuals are not representative avatars of your personal suffering that you get to abuse and demean because you're the Victim™#Tumblr users refuse to learn this. This is why you will all be misrable forever. It will be your fault because you will keep chosing this.#You'll continue to choose self-gratifying narratives of righteous suffering and polarized victim-abuser dichotomies of privilege#& oppression#And in doing so you will ensure misery by your own hands. It's sad and it's pathetic.#You can be right and still be an asshole. You can be correct and you can be a victim and oppressed and still hurt people unfairly#That doesn't mean you need to forgive microaggressions and oppression but you need to aproach interpersional interactions on a human level#not just as a big game of oppression yugioh#anyways i'm still on hiatus because this place is a miserable tar bit but I heard about the discourse anyways. Disappointed and unsurprised
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Transfems are not 'privileged' for being forced to live in hostile panopticons and transmascs are not 'privileged' for being forced to live at the bottom of isolated wells and any 'benefits' that either incidentally incurs are canceled out if not outweighed by the drawbacks. Are we done here. Can we all please just go home
#spitblaze says things#i cannot believe people are still talking about this ans more importantly i cannot believe im still thinking about it#99% of what we are all saying is not at all contradictory. its complimentary even#like yea it can be isolating being a transmasc even in trans spaces. it can also be isolating being a transfem in trans spaces#and it is not fucking lost on me how all of this stupid binarist discourse either glosses over nb people entirely or forces them (us even)#to 'pick a side'#we have a lot of similarities but enough differences in experiences that its worth discussing#and if your first response to hearing those discussions is 'this is exclusionism' or 'youre implying that MY group doesnt experience that'#then like! hot take! maybe YOU'RE the issue here for seeing this shit as a black and white us and them dichotomy#instead of. you know. the weird intermingled spectrum of genders and presentations and experiences and theory it really is#god. fuck
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something so beautiful about how shadow with huge demon wings is probably something that would have been widely made fun of a few years ago but the general consensus on it now is that its the coolest thing to ever happen . peace and love on the black comet
#i dont care sonic is peak when its unapologetically weird and edgy and has crazy lore#and isnt afraid to use concepts that some might think are kinda stupid when applied to an anthro hedgehog#and then turn them into the coolest thing youve ever seen#i mean i have seen Some negative responses.#and people acting like anyone whos happy about shth content being used again is singlehandedly destroying the franchise somehow#but theyre definitely drowned out by the positive reactions#sonic x shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations spoilers#sorry i know ive said it a million times but shth is one of my favorite sonic games and im actually losing my mind over sxs gens#if only it wasnt attached to a remaster i wouldnt have otherwise been interested in LMAO#no hate to generations i just . its recent enouhg for me to not see the point in a remaster of it#and i dont like it enouhg to want to buy another copy of it for full price#i skipped sonic colors ultimate for the same reasons#though. i never actually got around to playing muhc of the original sonic colors . and i Have beaten generations. so its not the exact same#but you kno#w
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like i know i'm a mean, pedantic asshole who cares too much about things that don't matter and am embarrassing myself on the regular by making a giant fuss over it but i really don't see any other way to have an inch of breathing room in fandom or creative spaces or just The World In General as an aromantic person.
#gav gab#all of your stupid 'too weird to be just friends' 'friends would never look at each other like that'#'friends would never do this for each other' 'there is no platonic explanation for this' etc jokes#are kicking me right in the face#and when i say hey that hurt#the response is it was a JOKE can't you take a JOKE don't you understand shipping is IMPORTANT to people#and you can't POLICE WHAT PEOPLE SHIP#as if that was ever the conversation#anyways it doesn't matter. i know none of this matters#and i am being an asshole#consistently. i am Consistently being an asshole about this#but i'm fucking tired
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🥲
#just a heads up if it seems like I'm blogging and normal: I am not#have genuinely been struggling between planning either... suicide. or to run away from everything#idk all I can even say is I'm just capital t Trying. right now. for anything#so I'm distracting myself somewhat with stuff like finishing fgo stories and whatever#All I want is to be treated with a little dignity.#and I feel like lately nobody does or people just assume the worst of me and then blame me for it#or infantilize me or act like I'm some fucking animal to be observed and trained#this is on top of the amount of stress I'm going thru at work being the person who comes in clutch while Everybody calls out sick#so yeah I have been contemplating ending it all lately because I can't fix myself and I kind of don't want to#regular posting may return idk#we'll just have to see how this next week goes#I just ask people to not take out their frustration on me I am already dealing with everybody I ever known taking it out on me right now#and treating me badly and blaming things on me because they know I can 'handle it'#so I'm struggling between 'it's really me that's irrevocably bad everyone else is right' and 'everyone is taking their depression out on me'#and I just. can't. take it. anymore.#and I don't have the energy to defend myself because every day someone asks me to take responsibility for some nonsense or try to mediate#and i don't have time for my own feelings right now so I'm just driven to try and hurt myself#and I couldn't even talk about this for a week. I would hear myself or another alter telling me to shut the fuck up and stop being dramatic#I couldn't process anything#I couldn't physically or mentally even conceptualize telling anyone anything because it all just seemed so stupid to me#and it kind of is?#but I don't really know what to do about it.#so here I am. Still here for now. I don't know. I don't feel like anyone can actually help me. I'm well aware that nobody Can help me#so rose is forced to be alone once again while whatever this is passes or changes shape. idk#long tags //////92829
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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That post about guilt and shame only being effective as deterrents but not in inspiring anyone to change their behavior in any meaningful way got me thinking about those other posts about progressive circles consisting way too much of people not with a desire to do something right but instead with a fear of doing something wrong, and...
Yeah. Those two are related. Guilt and shame are the weapons of the status quo, designed to instill in everyone with a conscience a fear of failure, of hurting others, of being a bad person. And it's pretty fucked up when people are being shamed for that, since, well, shame doesn't inspire any meaningful change. So the problem persists, deepens, even. Since by shaming someone for not getting over that shame, you've now discouraged them from thinking about that instilled shame and maybe finding a solution.
It's shame and guilt all the way down. Perhaps shame and guilt could be used against people who tend to shame and guilt others in order to shame and guilt them out of shaming and guilting others? I don't know. And that's a true shame.
#random thought of the day#shame#guilt#toxic guilt#yeah it's a pickle#i kinda feel this way of thinking is deeply ingrained in the modern hyperindividualistic worldview#which ignores everything we know about humans as a social species shaped by our social circumstances#in favor of this very catholic guilt inspired 'stop being naughty' mindset that whips people into obedience never into self-actualization#as i wrote in the tags of the other post frustration is one of the most dangerous feelings since shaming and guilting starts there#if you look at the world around you and think you see the problem and the solution but others won't listen to you#it's natural to feel frustrated#the desire to shame and guilt others in a twisted way try to make them spring into action seems like a natural response#but it's stupid and wrong#shame and guilt are primarily ways to make yourself feel good in the moment to stroke that sense of superiority#i look back at how i was raised and i understand that a lot of the hesitancy and self-doubt and other paralyzing feelings are guilt#if you were raised to always doubt yourself always assume that you're in the wrong always take others at their word#you were raised to be a perfect victim#it's really hard to push through that and the metacognitive capabilities one must have to monitor all of that are staggering#meanwhile people who were raised through inspiration and motivation can be immune to guilt and shame#so what are we even doing here why is it so easy to fall back on a method that at best has little effect at worst increases the problems#there is a lot to say about this and i wish i had an answer but alas
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detective comics #509
[ID: Bruce Wayne sleeping in his penthouse, his eyes squeezed shut as the narration reads, ‘Gordon's strained laugh sounds hollow, but it echos in the Batman's mind... and haunts his dreams...” Bruce awakens to a hand on his shoulder and before he can think, he's twisting it and holding it down. The panel expands, revealing the hand belongs to Alfred as he's almost toppling over! He cries out, “M-master Bruce—my arm!” as Bruce groggily realizes who it is. He lets go at once as Alfred moves to the end of the bed and holds his arm while stammering an apology, “S-sorry, s-sir... Sorry if I startled you.” Bruce looks at him with aghast as he cries out, “My god, Alfred—I almost broke your arm!” Alfred reasons, “You must have been having a nightmare, sir.” as Bruce sits up and puts his face in his hands. He weepily dismisses, “A nightmare—what kind of an excuse is that? Old friend... forgive me...” Alfred reassures, “Nothing to forgive, sir. Just bad nerves, sir.” END ID]
#THIS ONE !!!!#bruce and his neverending guilt complex#just immediately regretful and so apologetic as alfred is quick to reassure and dismiss it#holding his arm because of fucking course it still hurts but when bruce lifts his head he stops ....#always thinking of how he was a caretaker for bruce since he was a small child/infant and how many little things bruce does now will remind#alfred of those days#he likes his grilled cheese q certain way. he cries if he thinks he hurt someone. he blames himself for a lot. he gets bad nightmares#like so much has stayed the same as so much continues to change but the love and care thry have for each other is always there#(<- guy who is always number one in bruce is disabled and needs a caretaker but also in how the people around him know bruce loves and cares#about them. its not about not being loved its about how heavy his love is and how bruce will subconsciously use his love to harm himself#(from blaming himself to his parents murders and jason's future death to something as simple as this and how he'll beat himself up#for hurting alfred and not able to protect him as well from himself)#(like his mental illness is forever using his stupid bleeding heart against himself as a reason for why hes awful)#this is all fully sidetracked im just fucking wired today sorry lol#but while im talking and something more related to the panel itself::#after this line bruce looks up and says ‘the batman suffering from bad nerves? lets hope not. gordon can worry about the election but i#cannot afford to. still its not just the campaign. lately so many other things are pressuring me—mostly as bruce wayne’#and like !!!!#it wasn't about batman! it wasnt about his burdens and responsibilities!! alfred was telling HIM. BRUCE. that its okay#and bruce automatically ‘its not because batman cant behave like this’ like !!!!#batman is the priority in the sense of he thinks he needs it to protect people. even his family even alfred and every single stranger#he won't ever allow himself any grace even while sleeping because batman cannot afford those ‘slips’#just GOD 70s/80s batman makes me insane for forever and ever amen#c: detective comics | i: 509#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#alfred & bruce#‘awake or asleep—it scarcely matters anymore. the nightmare never seems to end.’#<- nightmare bruce tag <333
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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