#but I can write and that too is a form of art
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PRETTY LIKE A PRINCESS â p. bueckers
pairing : paige bueckers x fem!reader
synopsis : youâre having a bad day and paige asks to do your makeup for you
warnings : none
word count : 600 (very short sorry)
note : are u guys okay with the small writing size or should i change it to the regular one so that everyone can read it easily?
âLet me do your makeup.â You heard from her familiar voice from where u sat cross-legged on the floor, facing the large mirror that you had been too lazy to hang up yet.
You didnât have to be anywhere. Quite the opposite. It was a stay at home day but you couldnât help but want to do something nice for yourself. Doing your makeup wasnât something solely reserved for outings, it was a form of expression and art to youâ something that never failed to cheer you up when having a bad day. And thatâs exactly what today was. A bad day.
It had started with you not getting enough sleep on your only day off of the week, while Paige peaceful slept beside you like a baby, the soft snores and her even breathing pattern almost taunting you as you rolled over for the umpteenth time.
Then it continued with your comfort character dying inâaccording to youâ the most unnecessary way possible. It didnât take much for your mood to sink, the slightest inconvenience was usually enough.
âYou wanna do my makeup?â You repeated with a raised brow, almost as if unsure whether you had heard her right or not.
âWell, thatâs what I just said, isnât it?â The blonde grinned from her spot, back leaned against your bed frame and her arms behind her head, unintentionally flexing those arm muscles that pushed you closer to the edge of insanity daily.
You could perfectly see her from the reflection in the mirror, but still you craned your neck to shoot her a look. âDonât get smart with me, Goldilocks. Iâm not the one today.â
That had managed to emit a full chuckle from your girlfriend, arms falling back to her sides as she straightened up. âCâmon, baby, please. You donât trust me?â
âNow youâre just making me sound bad.â You rolled your eyes with sigh, though not truly annoyed. If anything, the thought of it made you feel somewhat giddy. But you wouldnât admit that. âOkay⌠fine.â
And thatâs how you ended up sitting on the bed, cross-legged once again as you faced Paige. She started out by finishing the base that you had started, but before you knew it, you already felt her hands snaking around your hips, swiftly pulling you into her lap.
âMuch better, baby.â She mumbled, a faint smirk on her face as she adjusted you on top of her.
All you could do was look down at the girl, silently watching as her warm hands left and found your face repeatedly. occasionally cradling it for longer than needed, gently tilting it to the side as if youâd break any moment. All that and more, had you fighting for dear life to bite back a smile.
âAll done, baby.â Paige spoke again, finally breaking the comfortable silence between the two of you, her eyes gleaming in adoration and awe. Her hands instinctively found their way to your waist, holding you almost as if to steady you. âPretty like a princess.â
Your heart warmed at her words, a rosy hue creeping onto your cheeks and you couldnât help but eventually crack a smile at the girl. The affect she had on you, was anything short of healing and comforting. You tilted your head forward slightly, hands snaking up to delicately cup her face before you placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lips as she looked up at you.
A bright smile formed on her face, lighting her entire face up and you couldâve sworn that right then and there, you fell in love with Paige all over again, as if it had been the first time.
#⢠ËËË vamptizm writes ŕżŕž#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x reader#uconn wbb#uconn womenâs basketball#uconn huskies#wnba#wnba x reader#wbb x reader#wnba basketball
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can you see the stars in your dreams (and do they have a lot to say about me) - Part 8
Or: a secret Admirer AU
PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7
âI canât believe you let me fall asleep!â Chrissy complains, crowding into Steveâs space to desperately try to fix her hair in the mirror.
Steve snorts, unbelievably fond at the way her bangs are going every direction but down. âWhat am I, your mother?â he asks, fixing his own hair by standing on his tippy toes and looking over her head.
âNo, but she will be killing me for this!â Chrissy cries, finally giving up on finger-combing her bangs to dunk the strands into the sink and get them wet. âThanks for reminding me!â
âYouâre bitchy in the morning,â he mutters, grimacing when she pulls her head out of the sink abruptly enough that water droplets fling from her head and onto his shirt. âNow, hurry up, weâre already late.â
She flips him off, ignoring him entirely to continue fixing her hair.
Theyâre both late; Chrissy doesnât let him forget it for the rest of the day, as if itâs his fault.
âI remember when I thought you were nice,â Steve mutters, laughing helplessly when she elbows him in the side.
âYou love it,â she says, smiling as they sit across from each other in their usual spot in the library, feet settling together beneath the table.
The thing is, he does. Heâs always liked Chrissy, even back when she was all sunshine and rainbows, but even more so now that thereâs some grit to her.
âShut up.â
Chrissy beams, all sunshine again as she plunks her stack of books onto the table and shuffles her letter-drafting notebook to the top. Only once sheâs opened to a blank page does she bite her lip, looking up at Steve through her lashes.
âAre you sure you want to keep doing this?â she asks, voice hesitant.
âWhat do you mean?â
She breaks eye contact, fiddling with her pen anxiously. âI just donât want you to get hurt.â
Steve doesnât tell her that he already is, that a part of him, the small, squirming part he keeps hidden in his heart, wishes heâd never done this. That watching Eddie kiss Chrissyâs hand and knowing without being told that sheâs the kind of girl Eddie might want had broken something inside him. That Steve knows he could never be Eddieâs choice, and knowing that burns.
But, since the flirting started, Steve hasnât written a word, and thatâs worse, somehow. He only has the one tether to Eddie, and he wants to keep it, even if itâs through Chrissyâs handwriting, and Chrissyâs words, and Chrissyâs face.
He just wants.
Instead of saying all that, he reaches out, putting his hand gently on Chrissyâs hand and replies, âIâm sure,â even as the fluttering of his heart makes a liar of him.
Chrissyâs still biting her lip, not looking reassured at all. Steveâs gut churns with worry. âAre you, though? You didnât sign up for this, and if you donât want to do it anymore, thatâs okay.â
She smiles, her bottom lip blanched white from her teeth, as she replies, âWeâre in this together, right?â
Even with the smile, she still looks worried, but Chissy puts her pen to paper and dutifully writes out the words Steve speaks, editing and revising each thought until itâs something someone might want to hear.
They keep their voices quiet because there are more people sitting in the library than usual today: a big group working on a project, a couple of freshman scowling down at what looks like a Geometry textbook, and closest of all, a girl he recognizes as a band nerd, flipping through a magazine too fast to really be reading it.
It doesnât take them longâtheyâve done this enough times that itâs become almost an art form. Chrissy pushes the completed letter across the table for his final review before itâs signed and sealed.
âItâs good,â Steve says, pushing the letter back across to her to be dropped off in Eddieâs locker.
His heart aches; Steve wants to slap himself.
Instead, he parts ways with Chrissy at their cars, Jeff already waiting beside hers to be driven home, and goes back to his house, bereft of the noise Chrissy had brought only that morning.
***Â
Eddie had worried when there wasnât another letter after heâd started talking to Chrissy. Did she not like him anymore? Was she done writing them entirely now that she can talk to him face to face?
He worries incessantly for days about it, even as Chrissy keeps saying hi to him in the halls, keeps smiling back when they catch eyes across the cafeteria, keeps being her usual, friendly self.
Itâs just, the letters are different. Theyâre more raw, somehow, more real. And, no matter how this thing goes with Chrissy, if they stop coming, heâll miss them.
So, itâs a relief when he opens his locker the Monday after Chrissyâs eventful Hellfire induction to find a letter. He canât wait to read it, the anticipation has built up over too many days of not receiving any. So, he rushes to the same, familiar bathroom and opens it in the stall heâs starting to think of as his.
      Eddie â
      How did your show go? I bet youâve got a couple groupies already, youâve already got the look for it. Did you figure out the riff for the song you were working on?
      I tried playing the piano again, and Iâm a little rusty, but itâs like riding a bike, you know? (Do you know how to ride a bike?) Itâs nice, playing music, even if itâs all songs someone else has written, and theyâre still not coming out right.
      Iâm sorry itâs been so long since my last letter. I just didnât know what to say. Youâre so patient, and nice, and I got caught up in my head you know? But I missed you.
      I slept with your letter beneath my pillow last night, hoping for dreams of you.
      Yours, Always
      Your Secret Admirer
      P.S. I havenât read it, but maybe I will. Just to keep with the theme, put this letter in The Lord of the Rings.
He devours the words, slumping onto the toilet seat the longer he reads. Itâs perfectâjust what he was missing. He reads it once, twice, thrice, the same way he had when heâd received the first two, disbelieving that such lovely words were meant for him.
Eddie skips his second period, first already long gone by the time heâd trundled into the schoolâs parking lot, and pens a response, then and there.
He goes to the library immediately, nervous that if he doesnât drop it off right away, sheâll assume Eddie isnât going to write back at all.Â
He waffles over which book to put it in before finally tucking it into The Fellowship of the ringâitâs the first in the trilogy, and Chrissyâs probably too cool to even know itâs a trilogy.Â
Thereâs no response in his locker before Hellfire on Thursday, but thatâs okay because true to her word, Chrissy shows up again. Sheâs smiling as she bounces through the doorway, all springy curls and happy cheer.
âHi!â Chrissy says, waving as she beams her blinding smile around the room, all that cheerleader enthusiasm on display.
Doug looks struck dumb, staring at her with his mouth open. Garethâs gaze is darting back and forth from the door to Eddie, eyes growing wider and wider with each pass. Only Jeff smiles and waves back.
âI hope weâre not intruding,â Chrissy says, elbowing Harrington in the side until he finally looks up and gives his own half-hearted wave.
Because Harrington is slumped in the doorway behind her, looking like heâs trying to hide the entire bulk of his body behind Chrissyâs petite frame.
âUh, hey,â he says, ears strangely pink as his eyes dart around the room.
He never looks Eddieâs way at all.
âHey, man,â Jeff replies, the only person aside from Chrissy that is currently functioning.
âSteve, can come, right?â Chrissy asks, like heâs not already in the doorway behind her.
Eddieâs gut sinks then swoops. Harringtonâs a jockâwhat will he do locked in a room with a bunch of nerds? But, the chipped nail polish.
Eddieâs mind is full of screaming, thoughts flip flopping over each other as he tries to articulate all the things wrong with Harrington coming to Hellfire, but all that comes out of his mouth is a chipper, âsure!â
Chrissyâs smile grows teethâis she going to bite him?
Eddie resists the urge to take a step back.
Jeff pulls out the vacant seat beside him, still looking cool as a cucumber while the rest of them scramble. âCome sit down.â
And thatâs how he finds himself with a jock in Hellfire. Should they call an exterminator?
Itâs Chrissy who takes the seat beside Jeff which leaves the only other empty chair next to Eddieâs throne. Eddie glares at Gareth, gesturing wildly for his friend to move up a seat, but Garethâs too busy staring at Harrington like heâs a cobra about to strike.
Harrington is looking at the only empty seat with the exact same expression.
âSteve,â Chrissy hisses, and Harrington jumps. ��Go sit down.
The pink on his ears travels down to his cheeksâitâs unfair, really, how pretty and even his blush is. When Eddie blushes, he blotches bright red from forehead to chest.
Steveâs embarrassment suits him.
Eddie waits until heâs seated before clapping loud enough that everyone startles as they turn to him. âNow!â he starts in the grand voice he uses when heâs performing his Dungeon Master duties. âAre you two playing?â
âNo,â Harrington rushes out, the pink of his blush deepening to a red as he finally meets Eddieâs eyes. âI mean, Chrissy said she just watched last time?â
âWe didnât want to slow you down,â Chrissy cuts in.
Eddie nods, looking between the couple as awkwardness stews in the stilted silence.
âAlright,â he replies. âGird your loins, lords and lady.â
Knowing a cue when they hear one, the Hellfire boys scramble to pull out character sheets and dice.
And theyâre off!
It takes a minute to fall into the familiar minutiae of telling a story with not one but two interlopers, but Eddie manages it. This is where he thrives: a captive audience and all the power to fuck with them in the palm of his hand.
He only stumbles once, words jumbling together when he looks up and catches Harrington staring at him, eyes wide, cheeks still flushed from his earlier embarrassment as he bites his lip, ass literally on the edge of his seat as Eddie cobbles together the climactic finish to their latest encounter.
Harrington looks away quickly, but Eddie knows what he saw: Harrington is into this nerd shit. Heâd tease him if he wasnât worried that it would end in a swirlie.
Still, Eddie can feel his head puffing up like an overfilled balloon. Heâs on the top of his game, painting grand adventures with grander words, all gestures and enthusiasm. He feels electric, the way he always does when thereâs a new sheep in his flock to impress. His skinâs almost buzzing with it.
After all, even if his audience member is a jock, Eddieâs always been great at putting on a show.Â
Neither of the interlopers say anything until theyâre busy packing up. Eddie lounges back in his throne, watching Chrissy help Jeff with his dice. Sheâs smiling up at him, clearly just as interested in their nerd shit as Harrington.
Eddie turns his eyes back to Harrington to see how heâs taking his girl talking to a guy that isnât him only to find Harrington staring at him again. When Eddie meets his eyes, he ducks his head, cheeks tinting that familiar pink.
Is Steve Harrington fucking awkward?
âYouâre good at that,â Harrington says quietly.
Eddie hums, confused. Heâs shuffling his papers back together, not looking down at what heâs doing. Whatâs happening in front of him is far more interesting.
âAt what, big boy?â
âUh,â Harrington starts, darting his eyes back up to Eddieâs for a second before looking back down at his fiddling hands. âTelling a story.â
Eddie smiles, something warm and amorphous filling his stomach. âThanks,â he says, lightly kicking Harringtonâs ankle.
Harrington twitches, lets out a quick, âmmhmm,â and then turns away from Eddie to go find his girlfriend, dismissing Eddie without another word.
âReady to go, babe?â Steve asks, settling his arm around her waist and damn-near frog marching her out of the room.
âBye, Jeff! Bye, Eddie!â Chrissy calls, still cheerful even as her boyfriend controls her every move. Maybe sheâs used to itâfirst Carver and now Harrington. âSee you next week?â
Neither of them wait for a reply.
The silence is stifling in their wake. Only Jeff seems unbothered as he stuffs all of his supplies into his backpack. Doug hasnât even touched his dice.
âWhat the hell was that?â Gareth asks, whipping around to Eddie.
âHow the hell should I know?â
Jeff snorts. âYou invited them,â he says.
âI invited Chrissy,â Eddie whines. âShe invited Harrington.â
That catches Jeffâs attention. He glares at Eddie like heâs the one that had invaded their sacred space. âYouâre not this stupid,â he says, swinging his backpack onto his back and striding toward the door. âIâve got a ride home, donât wait for me.â
âWhat does that mean?â Eddie demands.
The only answer is the door swinging shut.
***Â
Once heâs walked Chrissy to her car and watched her pull out of the parking lot safe from Carverâs creepy hands, Steve collapses into his own car. He presses his face into the steering wheel and groans, long and loud, assured in his safe isolation.Â
When the passenger door opens, he jumps, neck cracking with the speed at which he turns his head, ready to fight off the trespasser.
âOh, itâs you,â Steve says, dropping his head back to the steering wheel.
âHe knows,â Jeff says, voice serious enough that Steve raises his head back up immediately, heartbeat ratcheting up.
It takes a second for the words to connect, and when they do, his heartbeat quickens further, sweat pooling on the back of his neck, hands clenched hard enough on the steering wheel to hurt as fight or flight hits him.
âWhat?â he asks, the word cracking around his suddenly parched throat.
âShit,â Jeff mutters, reaching out to pat Steveâs shoulder. âNot about you!â
Steveâs shoulders slump, breath shuddering out of him as Jeff continues to pat his shoulder, too awkward to be all that comforting. âThen, whatââ
âHe knows Chrissy is putting the notes in his locker.â
Steve sighs, slumping into his seat, uncaring of the way it crushes Jeffâs hand against the backrest. âYeah, we figured,â he says, suddenly exhausted. âDo you know how?â
Jeffâs biting his lip when Steve looks his way. âHe didnât tell me,â he mutters. âBut I know my best friend.â
Itâs Steveâs turn to reach across the car and clasp Jeffâs shoulder. âIâm sure he has a reason for not telling you,â Steve replies, trying to smile past all that exhaustion.
Jeff snorts. âA stupid one, maybe.â
Steve hums, squeezing once more before dropping his hold on Jeff, suddenly realizing how stupid they must look, leaning toward each other, hands on each otherâs shoulders like theyâre having some sort of bro moment.
Steve turns back to the front of his car, cranks the engine, and smiles across at Jeff as the other boy takes the hint and drops his own hold. âWant a ride home?â
Instead of answering, Jeff puts on his seatbelt.
Jeffâs house is surprisingly close to Steveâs own. Itâs a bit smaller than his, but thereâs already a car in the driveway, and the shadows of silhouettes moving behind the pulled curtains, warm yellow light filtering through the fabric and onto the street.
Steve wishes he could go in with a fierce sort of longing that surprises him.
Jeffâs already got his seatbelt off and the passenger door open when he sighs, turning back around and settling back in his seat.
âYou should come next week,â he says, all earnest in that way that seems to come so naturally to him and must have gotten him eaten alive in middle school.
âYou canât be serious,â Steve replies. Thereâs a tension headache growing, exasperated by the incredulous scrunching of his eyebrows. âThat was a disaster.â
âAw, it wasnât that bad,â Jeff says, but heâs grinning like heâs remembering something funny. Steveâs got a few guesses what.
âYeah, right.â
âIâm serious, man.â Jeff clasps his shoulder againâmaybe thatâs just something he does?
Steve scoffs, the roll of his eyes making his head pound. He opens his mouth to retort, something about Eddieâs reaction to Steve sitting beside him, but Jeff beats him to the punch.
âI know Eddie. And that in there?â He points back the way theyâd come, like if Steve just strains his eyes, heâll be able to catch sight of Eddieâs stupid fancy chair, and the stupid musty drama room, and the stupid look on Eddieâs face. ââis him interested.â
Steve closes his mouth, swallowing all the spit in his mouth, hoping itâs not audible to Jeff no matter how quiet the car is. âIn me?â he asks, voice cracking embarrassingly.
Jeff doesnât break eye contact, but his mouth twists uncomfortably. âLike youâre interested in him?â Jeff asks, continuing before Steve can reply. âI donât know, man.â
Steve droops, the hope blooming in his chest curdling and sinking down into his stomach like old milk. He wants, desperately, to go home, turn out all the lights, and curl up alone in his bed to sleep away the rest of the day. But, Jeffâs still in his car, so he clenches the wheel between his fingers and says, âokay.â
âBut, he doesnât get you,â Jeff continues, voice gentling further. âAnd that intrigues him.â
Jeffâs still smiling like that should be some sort of boon to Steveâs ego, but itâs not. It lands like a brick. No one ever gets him, and whether he intrigues them or not, it always ends the same: him, alone in his big, empty house, waiting for a phone call that will never come, a doorbell that will never ring, a window that will never be snuck through.
Heâd been through it before, with Donna in sixth grade, Nancy in tenth, hell, even Carol and Tommy for more years than he can count.
Intrigue has never gotten him anywhere. But, Jeffâs smiling, small and real, so Steve replies, âthanks, man,â smiling back until the other boy gets out of the car and he can safely drive away.
Heâs got a dark house and a chilled bed waiting for him.
For the first time since this whole thing started, Steve writes the first draft of one of his secret admirer letters alone.
PART 9
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The Fine Art of Rejection - h.rj
3/4 diary of the heartbreakers
summary ⸠⥠Huang Renjun, the sweetie of the year, is one hard star to catch. Not as easy as his other friends, he's quite difficult to have. Although he has a fair share of affairs with girls, it is considered to be a rare occurence. But you? Oh boy were you something. You were quite head over heels over him. His friends could never understand, but you were persistent to get the boy. No matter how much he refuses your advances, Its like you found art in rejection. But to what degree can you hold it out?
"I can be everything I want, but fuck, I only wanted to be yours. Even though you couldn't be mine."
GENRE: Unrequited love, Humour, Fluff, Angst, Smut
WARNINGS: Minors DNI, Language, Explicit sexual content, Violence, Alcohol Usage, cheerleader!reader, asshole!renjun
AUTHOR's NOTE: This has gone way too angst-y than I planned but hey, i thrive for angst. Longer than what I expected but it's not gonna be a ryo fic if I stuck with the expected wc lmao. also i cried while writing this fic lol
WC: 19k (told ya)
DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fanfiction. Only the names of the Idols are used, and does not reflect on them in real life. There's no way in any shape of form that they are like this in person, because I MADE IT UP. I don't personally know them. DO NOT STEAL / TRANSLATE / MODIFY. This is my work and I don't appreciate people stealing it. Thank you.
Enjoy reading! -ryo
My dearest Renjun,
I hope you had a wonderful day! I heard you have an exam today. Donât forget to eat on time, okay? Hereâs some brownies, I know you love them xoxo
-y/n
You clicked your pen after writing the letter, spraying a bit of your perfume on the note. You put it nicely on top of the box of brownies before putting it on your bag.
You checked the time, and you nod when it says exactly 7am.
âSeriously, a handwritten letter? Youâre crazy,â your roommate, Julie, sassed at your small box of sweets.
You tighten your shoe laces, before turning around to get your bag. You smiled at Julie, âItâs a habit,â You hear her scoff, but before she argues again, you are fast on your feet.Â
As soon as you entered the school premises, you were greeted by some of the freshmen, waving at you. You of course, waved back and gave them a good morning back. It was nice to greet people, even if you donât know them. You donât know when a simple greeting could make someoneâs day. It sure makes your day better at least.
Youâre supposed to go left at the gym because you have practice at 7:30 sharp and youâve used up all your chances to be late. However, if you run fast enough, youâre sure youâll get there in time.Â
âHey, y/n! Be careful!â One student says as you run through the hallway. You still manage to respond with a smile.Â
You look at your watch, and you silently curse. 7:15.
Once you made it at the school garden, you hover your eyes at the entire field and sure enough, you see who youâve been looking for.Â
There he was. He sat with his three other friends, which you knew of. Usually, itâs only him and Jeno, but this time, thereâs Jaemin and Haechan with him at the picnic table. Haechan slumped in the table, Jaemin mindlessly watching something on his phone and Jeno, along with Renjun, seemingly studying for their upcoming exam.
You put on your best smile, and dust off your cheer uniform.Â
Once you reach their table, you clear your throat. It was Jaemin who granted you attention first, and as soon as he looked at you, his smile beamed brighter than the sun. Heâs good at that, a charmer, really. Too bad it doesnât affect you in any way.
âRenjun, someoneâs here for you,â He says through his smile and nudging Renjun.
You hear the boy grunt, and let out an exasperated sigh. Finally, he turns to you, and even if you swore you had a big smile, seeing him made it even bigger.
âHi, Renjun! Uh,â you waved at him, and then brought the box of brownies out your bag, glad to see it's still in pristine condition. â--I brought brownies.. For you and your friends,âÂ
Thatâs when Jeno and Haechan, who suddenly woke up from his sleep, looked up at you.
Renjun rubs his forehead, and sighed again. He puts down his pen that he was holding from earlier. âY/n, I told you, stop making these for me.âÂ
You gulp in nervousness. âDo.. do you not like them?â you canât help sound dismayed, with the end of your sentence getting quieter.
âI like brownies. I just donât like when it comes from you. Donât you get that?âÂ
Honestly, you were expecting this. Renjun was always harsh, however, you like to think heâs just brutally honest. But you would be lying if you say that it doesnât sting.
âOh-kay,â Jaemin joins the conversation, attempting to dilute the tension. Your smile falters for a second but you try your best to smile again. Jaemin continues, âSorry, birdie, heâs just extra grumpy today âcause of the big exam later.. Iâll get that,â he grabs the brownies out of your hold.Â
You whisper a small thank you to Jaemin. âRenjun, if you change your mind, I guess Jaemin has the brownies..â you still tried to sound cheerful.
Renjun, however, didnât say anything.Â
âIâll shove it down his throat if I have to. Go on now, Birdie, I heard you guys have cheer practice at 7:30.â Jaemin answers for him again, sweet as ever.Â
That piqued your interest. You raised your brows, âHowâd you know?âÂ
âI have a friend in your squad. Now, shoo! Donât wanna be late! Renjun says fighting!â He grabs Renjunâs hand and waved it forcefully, but Renjun just pulls away from his hold.
âOkay. Uh, bye everybody! Bye, Renjun.â Your eyes glanced at him with hope, but came to no avail when he just continued reading his book. Jeno waved a little bit and Haechan just gave you a fake smile. Haechan, for reasons unbeknownst to you, doesnât seem to like you either. But you donât dwell on it too much because frankly, you donât care.
Jaemin smiles, waving at you. You turn your heels and start to run. You have two minutes to get to the gymnasium. It was worth it tho, you like to start your day seeing him.Â
âđâËâšâĄ
After a few hours of practice, you were dismissed due to the classes you have later on the day.
âWhy were you late this morning?â Sunghoon, one of your spotters on the squad, asks as you walk to your class.
You didnât have a chance to answer, when Minnie spoke. âDuh, she did her daily rejection therapy, of course.âÂ
You shook your head and chuckled at her. âItâs not rejection therapy, Minnie.âÂ
âOh please, Huang Renjun could literally stomp at your feet and youâll still show up with freshly baked cookies the next day.â Minnie was annoyed more than anything, but you still smile at her. You know she means well.
You chose not to answer because really, whatâs there to say? Minnie might sound mean, but sheâs just telling the truth.Â
Huang Renjun has rejected you more times than you can remember. Honestly, you think youâre immune to it now. Sometimes, you find it really interesting that he just wonât budge, at all. He hates your guts, but as long as he doesnât have a girlfriend, and he doesnât verbally say to your face that he hates you, technically, thereâs nothing wrong with what youâre doing.
Much more women do worse, actually. Renjunâs really popular with women, despite the attitude and sass he possessed. Some girls are intrigued, curious as to how they could get with Renjun. Going further as to literally kneeling in front of him just to sleep with him. Poor Kim Chaeyon.
Youâre not at that level of extremities yet, thank god.
Although he was picky, he did kind of have a fair share of girls. Some students call the girls heâs been with the chosen ones, making you laugh. Renjun has a standard, and he likes to abide by it.
Unlike his friends, Renjun can count in his fingers how many girls he was with. And boy, were they special.
Renjun is picky. Heâs not someone you can just get together with just because youâre pretty. His standards are sky high, but hey, they donât call you Birdie for no reason.Â
âI donât get why you keep on pursuing Renjun, to be honest. Yeah, I heard heâs hot shit, but come on. Youâre Y/n. NCU Cheersquad Captain, Thee Bird, and not to mention, a Mathematics Olympiad runner up. Youâre like.. Einsteinâs hot little sister.â Minnie didnât stop, even after class she blabbered about your undying admiration for Renjun, claiming it doesnât make sense to her.
It doesnât really matter how many times Minnie likes to remind you that Renjun isn't worth your time, your answer stays the same.
âI just like him. It doesnât have to make sense to you, Minnie.â You say casually as you bite into your apple.
âUgh! Youâre insufferable,â She says before standing up and stomping her way out. You just laughed at her reaction. Minnieâs easily pissed, and it amuses you.
Itâs past five when you finished your day, ready to head back to your apartment. Your routine was consistent, it sometimes just differs depending on your practice and classes. You never really enjoyed going out with your friends, not a party-goer, and most especially, youâre not really amused by other boys, much to your friendâs dismay.
There have been attempts, here and there, of trying to pursue you. You just donât feel like giving attention to any of them, when you already set your eyes on someone. It feels like a waste of time.Â
When you enter your dorm, you see Julie, all dressed up and ready to go out. You eye her up and down and give her a smile. âGoing on a date?â
âYeah, uh,â You notice sheâs struggling to clasp her bracelet, so you try and help her with it.Â
âThat dress looks cute on you,â you compliment her.Â
Julie never really dresses up for dates, well, at least you donât see her getting this dolled up for a date. You have always questioned that, because sheâs always out on dates and she looks good in dresses as well. But hey, each to their own.Â
âThanks, y/n.â She replies with a forced smile, but you assumed itâs because sheâs nervous.Â
You walk inside further, leaving her in the doorway putting her shoes. âHey, donât forget your keys.â You remind her.
âUhm, I think I wonât need them.â Your smirk got even wider at her response, understanding exactly what she meant.Â
âYou go, girl. Enjoy your date.â You giggled before you entered your room.Â
You sigh as soon as your back hits the soft mattress, relieved that youâre now in the comfort of your own home. You donât let your eyes rest for more than three minutes because you have papers to finish tonight and you donât intend to accidentally pass out earlier than what youâve planned.
You did your basic night routine, ready to turn on netflix before drowning yourself in papers.
Your last step was to put your phone on Do Not Disturb, but before that, you shoot a text to the one who matters to you the most.Â
[8:01] to: renjun <3Â
just got home! i hope u ate some of the brownies from earlier, itâs really good! enjoy your night and see you tomorrow, renjunnie!Â
xoxo -y/n
[9:05 read]
âđâËâšâĄ
âJust go talk to him, y/n. Get your mind off that Renjun boy.â You roll your eyes at Minnie who nudges you.Â
You donât know why people even attempt to ask you out. Youâve made it clear that you only have eyes for Renjun, and the fact that you never went out with anyone shouldâve made it obvious. Do you have to write it across your forehead?Â
Sungchanâs nice. Really tall, not bad with the eyes either, and from what youâve heard heâs a real sweetheart. Not a bad bone on his body. A perfect man, maybe, but not for you. Nobody really is for you unless itâs... well, you get it.
âListen, atleast I tried, right?â He snickers, but you can tell itâs unenthusiastic.Â
âIâm sorry, Sungchan.âÂ
âShouldâve listened to Jeno,â He whispers, one you canât make out but you didnât push. He then bids you goodbye, but before leaving, he asks you if you two could be friends.Â
âOf course, we can be friends, Sungchan.â Youâre glad he offered to be one, at least you donât turn him down in every possible way. Thereâs still something there.Â
He smiles at you again and now fully walks away. You also stood up and turned around, but when you do, you see Renjun, on the sidelines talking to Jeno and Yangyang.
Speak of the Angel.
You widen your eyes in great surprise, smiling ear to ear as you see him, hands folded in his chest. Seeing him instantly brightens your moodâ even looking like the most intimidating person ever.
You silently run back, putting an extra hop in every step. You stop where Renjun is, and waved at him.
âGood morning,â you smile at him. You always give your best smile towards him, and not that you put an extra effort to, but he just brings it out of you. A magic pull, in some ways.
He takes a deep breath, âMorning,â he muttered, not even sparing you a glance before going back to whatever they were talking about.
You donât know why, but you still stood there. Youâre waiting for something, but you donât exactly know what it is. Maybe, itâs just an excuse to look at him longer.
âWhat time is your lunch? Wanna grab lunch later?â You ask and you hear Jeno snorts on his side..
âIâm in the middle of a conversation, do you mind?â Renjun says, again with his usual cold tone towards you. In some twisted way, it made your chest flutter.
âYouâre really cute,â you say, making both Jeno and Yangyang laugh. You donât know what they find so funny. Youâre just telling the truth. Renjunâs cute when he gets grumpy. Tho, sometimes you wish itâs not directly at you.
Renjun closes his eyes in frustration and grunts, you can tell thereâs another strong statement thatâs boiling in his mind. Before he could though, you heard Minnieâs voice from afar.
âBirdie! Practice back on!âÂ
âOh, gotta go. Bye Renjun!â You say in your most cheerful voice, throwing him a wink before running back to your squad.
You giggle as you run through the field. You got to talk to Renjun!Â
���đâËâšâĄ
Today, youâre opening auditions for the squad, to prepare for the upcoming cheerdance.Â
Pulling up your phone to track the time, 6:54am.Â
You carefully place the cupcake on the box, getting rid of your pink mittens and finally, a perfectly tied bow to finish it off.Â
A glimmer of a smile appears on your face as you admire the box.
Packing it safely, you made your way out of your apartment, looking at your wrist watch, 8:32am.
"Just on time." You whispered to yourself.
"Hi, y/n!" A junior student greeted you as you passed by, which you bowed back. "Hello!"
"Good morning, y/n." You waved back to another student.
Finally, reaching up to the fourth floor, you strutted yourself to the empty hallways until you reached the abandoned elementary library.Â
"Do Not Entry" It says on the door.
Knocking three times, finally, someone opened.
"Oh, hi, y/n-ie. I'm guessing this is for Renjun?" Jaemin, with his sweet smile, asked as his eyes fixed on the box you were holding.
"Hi, Jaemin. Yeah. Is he here yet?" You tried looking pass Jaemin,into the room, but to no avail, as he was literally blocking everything inside.
"No but I'll make sure he got this, alright?" Jaemin grabbed the lunchbox from you, not missing the opportunity to wink at you.
"Oh. I guess he's late. Okay, Jaemin. Thanks." Disappointed that you didn't get to see your Renjun, you turned around bitterly.
You decided to just get to your first class early. Only a few people was in the room, because its quite early for the class to start. You crossed your arms over the desk and rest your head.Â
You're sure Renjun's just running late. Biting your lip,Â
You pulled out your phone, texting Renjun.Â
[9:01am] to: renjun
hi goodmorning! i brought u a cupcakes today. are u running late? be safe! xoxo -y/n
You didnât see him the entire day, and even though you tried to focus on other things, your day didnât seem complete without seeing his face. But you didnât let it ruin your day, of course. Youâre sure tomorrow, youâll get to see him again.Â
You hop your way back to your apartment, with your laptop bag on hand. Itâs getting chilly, you notice. You thought about what youâll eat for dinner when you exit the elevator.
You were about to take a step out, when you see someone in front of your apartment, hugging whom you assume is your roommate.
You canât be mistaken. Youâre sure it was Renjun. You can never mistake him for someone else.
Renjunâs hugging Julie, before smiling at her and letting her enter the apartment.Â
Your lips fall ajar, baffled at what you saw. Your clutch in your bag tightens, and you feel sick. Renjun and Julie? Since when?
You immediately step back into the elevator, pushing the button desperately, just to get it to close. You donât know if you can look Renjun in the eyes, at least not right now.Â
When it slowly closes, you still stand there frozen. In a split second, in the tiny gap of the elevator, you see his face. And there, you see the shock on his eyes. But before anything else happens, the elevator closes.
âđâËâšâĄ
That night, you slept at Minnieâs apartment. You were lucky that her roommateâs nice enough to let you, although Minnie says that you donât ever need any permission to sleep over at hers. You smiled at the thought that at least, you have Minnie.
It was rough, to say the least. You weren't a stranger to heartbreak, especially when it comes to Renjun. Youâve literally liked him for so long, and youâve witnessed him with girls before. This oneâs just special because itâs your roommate. Itâs Julie, for christ sake.Â
She witnessed your Renjun shenanigans for months. She would even laugh at you for waking up early just to prepare food for Renjun. God, you sure looked stupid.Â
Despite Minnieâs disapproval, you still sent a text to Julie, informing her that you wouldnât be going home tonight. You still apologize for making her wait, if she ever did wait for you. You never received a reply back, but sheâs just probably asleep by now.
The next morning was tough. You donât know if you should still bring snacks to Renjun, maybe you should respect his relationship with Julie. So you didnât.Â
You went to the campus half asleep, Minnie offering to buy you a drink from the cafe. You seriously canât thank her enough.
Sunghoon was the first one to greet you at the gymnasium.Â
âHey, captain!â He waves, completely oblivious to your bad mood. However, you still waved back and gave him a smile.
âHow many are auditioning?â You ask as you sit in one of the chairs that's laid out.
âThirty? I donât know, but I recall seeing your roommate on the list tho? You never told me that your roommateâs interested in Cheerleading?âÂ
You froze. Julieâs auditioning? You might just pull your hair out. You really cannot catch a break, huh?
You scan the paper he held out, and much to your dismay, her nameâs listed. Han Julie.Â
You mentally curse at yourself.Â
And in some effedâ up timing, you hear a couple of steps coming in the gymnasium. You assumed it was your other teammates, or one of the students that's auditioning, but you were dead wrong.
Sunghoon stood up, looking at your back since youâre seated facing back at the hall.Â
âOh? Renjun, Haechan and Jaeminâs here.â He says in a casual tone, you, on the other hand, just wanted the floor to eat you alive. Thereâs no way this is happening to you right now.
âCan you deal with them for a bit? I have a headache,â You rub your temples to up your acting, Sunghoon obediently nodding and walking towards them.
But before you can even catch a breather, Sunghoon returns.Â
âThey want to talk to the captain, Birdie,â He says carefully, afraid to piss you off. But you can never be pissed off, silly Sunghoon.
You smiled, and stood up. You start walking towards the three men who stands out like a sore thumb, with Haechanâs leather jacket and Jaeminâs baggy ripped jeans. Renjun, still looks like an angel, and in your eyes, he fits wherever he goes.
âHey, hi. You guys need something?â You ask, in your usual tone. Avoiding looking at Renjun because you know you canât help but to melt in his stare.
âHi, birdie. Actually,â Jaemin smiled, grabbing Renjunâs shoulder and pushing him slightly towards you. â--Renjun here, just dragged us here. Apparently, he wants to talk to you!â He wiggles his brows excitedly.
âOh?â You act surprised, now looking at Renjun because you literally have no choice.
âYou want us to give you some space orââ Before Jaemin could even finish, Renjun interrupted him, grabbing at his friendâs forearms, to avoid him leaving.Â
âNo, thisâll be quick,â His tone was cold, nothing new to you.Â
Haechan, on the other side of him, just looks bored. Honestly, he looks like he just woke up. But when he saw the other cheerleaders walk in, his body jolted. Typical.Â
âListen, y/n.. uh,â Renjun clears his throat, âMy friend.. Julie is auditioning. I just want to let you know that sheâs really good at cheer and I want you to really consider letting her in the team.â
His friend? Oh, you want to throw up. Heâs sick. Heâs really⌠ah, heâs really done it now. You didnât know Renjun could ever ruin your day, but wow.. He just did.
âWait, what the fuck?â You hear Jaemin curse beside him, Haechan just letting out a laugh. You wanted to burst out in anger and bash his head in concrete, but thatâs not very nice.
You decide that you canât handle this kind of conversation at 9 in the freakinâ morning.Â
âRenjun, I would love to let her in the team, but she really needs to pass the auditions first. Iâm not the only one who decides if a someone gets in. Iâm sorry.âÂ
He didnât say anything, but let out a deep sigh. âAlright, I know sheâll pass the audition. Anyways, weâll watchâŚâÂ
You nod, not having the energy to keep up with him. You immediately turn your heels and you walk away. Yeah, this will be a long day.
Surprisingly, thereâs a lot of people who showed up for the auditions. Apparently, some had an info that Haechan, Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun are watching, (Jeno showing up half an hour after the other three arrived) and thatâs when a wave of students came in.Â
You didnât let your sour mood ruin your judgment, so you put on your big girl pants, and watched every audition in full professional mode. You donât want to sabotage the team, by letting just about anyone join just because youâre not in the mood.
They were good, you have to point out some hopefuls that didnât fit the criteria, in the nicest way you could. However, Minnie took her role as your âanger translatorâ seriously.
âAre you sure you know what you were auditioning for?âÂ
âOh honey, youâre really good! You should really try to be a singer.âÂ
Or sometimes, just cutting off the music mid-performance. Of course, you scolded her for that and let the girl continue, but thereâs just no coming back from that.
âBabe, Iâm sure you can work on your cartwheels a little bit better. If Iâm still here by next year, just call me out and Iâll for sure get you in the team. But for now, you can practice, okay? You can even call me for guidance, okay?â You say softly at Sofia, after her performance. She just nods eagerly, but you can tell she was about to cry.
You really want to go up there and hug her, but you canât because youâd have to do that with every single one you reject.
This is why you hate auditions.
You were still arranging the papers at your table, anticipating the next person when you heard Minnie curse.
âAre you fucking kidding me?âÂ
You whip your head up, seeing Julie walk up on the stage.
As soon as she stood in front, you knew she had knowledge in cheerleading. Her stance says it all.
She started the performance, and even if you want her to be bad, she isnât. Sheâs really good, and it annoys you so much. God, why does she have to be good?
The routine she did wasnât easy either, and she nailed it to the ground. Some of your team was actually impressed, and you canât lie and say you werenât. That back handspring was perfect, to say the least.
âYou guys know that we judge not only with skills, but with personality and attitude as well, right?â Minnie just sounded eerily like a mean girl, saying it to your team but also loud enough for Julie to hear.Â
You silently nudged her, earning a whine from Minnie but you looked at Julie instead, giving her a smile.
You donât know what to say, to be honest. Your cheerleading captain side of you, says that this girl is perfect for the team. But the y/n part of you wants nothing to do with her.Â
You roam your eyes across the bleachers and like a magnet, your eyes swiftly went to him. Surprisingly, heâs also looking at you. Or at your direction, at least.Â
His elbows are in his knees, his entire upper body leaning his height on his elbows. He looks to be anticipating your answer, because at the end of the day, what you say goes.
You took one final breath before tapping your pen. You look up at Julie, and finally, giving her a wide smile.
âWelcome to the team.â
A mix of cheers, clapping and a curse from Minnie fills your ears. You look up, back at Renjun, seeing him smiling and clapping his hands as well. You look down, ignoring the ache youâve got going on in your chest.
You hope you wonât regret this decision. You really hope so.Â
âđâËâšâĄ
âThatâs fucked up, you know. Thatâs really fucked up,â Jaemin wonât stop bitching up until they got home to their apartment, and Renjun just wants him to stop.
In his head, thereâs nothing wrong with what he did. He tried to help a friend, to get a spot she fully deserved. He just did a favor, but it seems to Jaemin that it means heâs a horrible person.
âShe passed the audition, Jaem. I didnât do anything,â Renjun says, stirring his iced americano in hand.
âYeah but dâyou really need to talk to Birdie about it? Like dude, everybody in this world knows that sheâs head over heels for you. Then you get in her face talking trying to get some other chic on her team? Thatâs messed up!âÂ
âSheâs the captain of the cheerleading squad! Who else am I supposed to talk to?â Renjun canât see where he âmessed upâ.Â
Sure, he did have a hint that you were affected with his whole situation about Julie, especially when he saw you at the elevator that night. You looked genuinely hurt, but thereâs nothing he could do about it.
He told you many times that he wasnât interested. He doesnât know what else to do. He canât just stop seeing other people because of you.
âMan, I say she deserves it.â Haechan joins in the conversation, taking a sip from Renjunâs drink.
Jaemin gives him a disgusted look, âYouâre such a hater, Lee Haechan.â
âShe deserved to be treated the way Renjun does, especially when she did those things before, right, Renjunnie?â Haechan scoots up into Renjunâs side, leaning his head onto the boyâs shoulder.Â
âCome on, that was years ago! You can see she clearly regrets it by now,â Jaemin continued to be at your defense, confusing Renjun as to why because he has never seen you two around each other. Jaemin doesnât know you like he knows you.
âDo you wanna be with her, Jaem?â Jeno joins in and smirks at Jaemin.
âNo! Of course not! I wonât do Renjunnie like that!â Jaemin quickly on the defensive state.Â
âIâm literally right here?â He states, reminding his friends of his presence because they seem to talk about him like he wasnât in the room.
âWhat Iâm saying is, canât you just put all those things behind you now? I just feel bad for the girl,âÂ
In Renjunâs head, Jaemin makes a lot of sense. And yeah, Renjun really did tried to forget all of the things that happened in the past.Â
He tried to leave it all behind and just completely start fresh. Because really, heâs got way better life now. He basically could have the world now if he wanted to.Â
Wouldnât it be better if he left all his baggage behind?
Unfortunately, all those are all easier said than done. Considering that everytime he looks at you, heâs just reminded of the fact that you made his life miserable for your own gain.
He relates your smiles to all the tears he had way back when he needed you the most.
For everyone else, you were an angel in disguise. To him, you were the devil he once loved.
âđâËâšâĄ
A few years back
Ever since you were ten, youâve dreamed of being a cheerleader.Â
The entire saga of Bring It On was your lifeline as a kid, and every part of that movie is engraved in your mind. Every dialogue, every routine and every single pose in that movie is burned in your brain.Â
Ever since then, you knew youâd be a cheerleader.
Whatever it takes.
It was summer, you remember it vividly, sophomore year when you met Renjun.Â
Your first meeting didnât go well, though. You still laugh when you think about it.
It was the first day Renjun moved to your school. The teachers announced a Chinese boy joining the class, and you were excited.Â
Then here goes a pale and soft looking boy walking into class, with a pair of glasses and a bag that looks heavier than him. You were dumb, of course, assuming that Renjun would only speak strictly Chinese.Â
So you pulled your phone out, and tried searching Chinese words to impress the boy.
You finally chose one and practiced it over and over, and when you decided you were comfortable enough, you approached him.
âSee-sow-jian zai na-lee?âÂ
You tried your best to not sound like an asshole, but you really wanted to strike a conversation with him. He looks at you oddly, blinks a couple of times before he breaks into laughter.
âYouâre asking me⌠whereâs the bathroom?âÂ
You were shocked to hear him speak your language fluently. You furrow your brows before smiling at him, as he keeps on laughing. You found it somewhat cute.
And ever since then, you became friends with Renjun.
He was timid, shy and overall an introvert but you liked that about him. You like that heâs not some cringy highschool boy trying to impress you or other girls. Heâs just unapologetically him.
âWait, what homework!?â You panicked as you try to backtrack your classes from yesterday, remembering if you did in fact had homework that you missed out on.
âGeometry, stupid. Here, copy some of mine,â Renjun pulls his notes out, allowing you to completely copy off of him.
You thanked him furiously as you tried to tweak some of the details off his homework, but ended up copying it as it is. Renjun didnât complain, he finds you cute when you cram.
The class ended and both of you got a perfect score on your homework, and you got Renjun to thank for that.Â
So the following morning, you begged your mother for a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie, and packed it carefully with a ribbon on top. This was the only thing you could think of giving him, as a thank you.
âDâyou like choco-chip cookie?â You ask, as if youâre just asking a random question. You see him furrowing his brows at your sudden question, but smiles otherwise.
âYes. I love home baked ones,â He answers, still smiling at you.
You take that chance to grab the pink container on your bag and give it to him. âMom baked those,âÂ
He was speechless at first, looking at the cookies, before looking back at you with the sweetest smile youâve ever seen. âWow. Thank you, y/n. This is like⌠the first time Iâve received a gift like this.âÂ
âWell, buckle up dude. There will be a lot coming from now on.â
You and Renjun became inseparable after that day. Having Renjun by your side swiftly became a norm for you, to a point youâre comfortable in saying that Renjunâs your person. It kind of feels that he was always meant to be with you, and youâre meant to be with him.
You never really found the need to find more friends than him, he just filled that need himself.Â
The first bump in your friendship happened three months after that day.
Renjun quickly became the talk of the school, and the longer he settled in, students started to notice just how good looking he actually is. He barely wears his glasses now, and he styled his hair differently. But Renjun never seems to realize the attention he was getting from it.
You never thought it would affect the friendship you had, when you yourself have been making efforts to make friends other than him. However, your sole reason was to just be familiar with the school, because youâre planning to audition for cheerleading this semester. Renjun was still at the top of your priority, you still think of him as your best friend.Â
You were waiting at the library for him, this has been your daily routine since youâve been friends. At first, you thought you were just early, or maybe there has been a change with his schedule so you just thought heâd be late.
But the library alerting you that theyâll close in five minutes snaps you from that thought.Â
You got hurt, yes, but not too much where you had to ask him to apologize. Naturally, you just gave him the benefit of a doubt and think that he just maybe forgot. He did apologize the morning after, and you just kind of forgave him after that.Â
However, when it happened for the second time, thatâs when you question if he really just forgot or he just never really wanted to hang out with you anymore.Â
It sucks, sure, and you wish you didnât attach yourself to him as much as you did, but you were never a confrontational person so again, you just let it happen. This time, you donât make an effort in hanging out with him, and actually try to avoid him.Â
On the evil part of your brain, you thought that maybe, you were just a stepping stone for him to climb up the status quo, and now that he was popular, he doesnât find any real use to be your friend anymore.Â
You hate to think about that, because the guilt of even thinking bad about someone as nice as Renjun eats you up inside.Â
You focused on your own, starting to work on your goals solely and completely stopped hanging out with him. It seems like he has found a new friend circle, and you assumed thatâs just how it ends.Â
You sat by yourself in the cafeteria, planning to just ditch lunch for today. You look like a complete loser, and you donât want to spend more time wallowing in your sorrows alone. Before you could stand up and leave, you saw Renjun walking in, with his friends.Â
He was drastically different than the first time you saw him, and it feels like heâs not the same person. But when he laughs at something his friend says, his smile stays the same, reminding you that heâs still somewhat your Renjun.Â
You sigh and look away, and on your second attempt at leaving the area, somebody sat across from you.
âY/n?â He asks, with his brows lifted as if genuinely curious.
âYeah?â You kind of recognize him, but nothing really pops up in your head.
âHi, Iâm Kim Sunwoo. Iâm part of the Cheerleading squad and our captain told me to speak to you.âÂ
You froze on the spot. Thatâs where you remember him from!Â
Youâve been watching the cheerleaders at the sidelines recently, in hopes to get hints and further knowledge about the team. You were fascinated, of course, because you feel like youâve always belonged in that team.Â
You loved watching them, itâs almost like youâre almost living the life youâve dreamed of. It feels like youâre on your own Bring It On movie.
Especially when you watch Uchinaga Eri, more known as Giselle, the flyer and the cheer captain.Â
Sheâs really great at what she does, and it motivates you to work even more harder to finally be on the same team as her.
âY/N, right?â Giselle is now standing in front of you, looking at you like she was judging your form. You felt nervous, of course.Â
âY-yeah.âÂ
âYou sent that audition tape?â She asks again, now looking at you from head to toe.Â
âYes,â You say, although nervous, you managed to stand still. She reminds you of a mean girl, but thatâs not always a bad thing. She just reeks of confidence, and you aspire to be that someday.
She smirks, looking back at her co-cheerleaders, and walked backwards, giving you space.
âOkay, then, y/nââ She clears her throat.
ââFront handspring, step out, back handspring, round off back handspring, step out, full twisting layout.â
Your eyes widen at her order, heart stumping off your chest. Youâre wearing denim jeans! What the hell were you thinking!
You take a deep breath, before pulling your bag over your shoulder.
This is the moment that could potentially write your future, y/n.
You shake your hands, letting your body loose before walking back to gain your momentum. That routine is a lot, and youâre gonna need a lot of space.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Youâve practiced this before. Youâre just gonna have to put them all together! Itâs easy!
Deep breaths.
Okay.
âđâËâšâĄ
You walk out of the stadium overjoyed, gripping the plastic that was given to youâ containing your own cheer uniform. You let yourself shriek quietly in excitement.Â
You made it to the team. Torrence Shipman would be proud.
Over your small celebration by yourself, you hear somebody call for your name.
âY/n.âÂ
You whip your head over to where it came from, standing there with a bouquet of tulips in his hand, is a face youâve missed dearly.
âRenjun,â you softly say, not registering that heâs now walking up to you.
He hands you the flowers, and you accept them despite your state of confusion as to why heâs approaching you now. Yellow tulips.
âDoâ uhm, do you need something?â You feel that darn butterflies fluttering in your stomach again, as he stands before you.
âNo, no. Uhm, I donâtâ ah, shit. Okay,â He inhales, âIâm sorry. Iâm sorry if I havenât hung out with you recently and If you ever felt that I abandoned you, Iâm sorry. I was just really scaredââ
âI got in,â you say to him, smiling ear to ear.
ââbecause I was a cowâ what?âÂ
âI got in the cheerleading team!â You yell excitedly, opening your arms to hug him tight. You didnât care, youâre just so happy right now. What made it better is him, being here.
It takes him a full second to hug you back, burying his face on your neck. âIâm so proud of you.â
And with that, you felt like you won twice today. Â
You got a spot on the squad, and you got your Renjun back.
âđâËâšâĄ
Today
It has been a few weeks after the auditions, and itâs safe to say that youâre not feeling well.
Back-to-back exams, training the new members of the squad and working on side projects for school credit has been killing you these days.
Being a Cheer captain is a heavy weight to carry. You need to succeed in both cheerleading and academics, and the responsibilities sometimes get overwhelming. You never once complained tho, because you wanted this. You needed this.Â
Cheer is the only thing that made your life make sense. And well.. Renjun too, of course. So there will be times like this. But youâll endure it, as you should.
Not to mention the emotional torture of having to see Renjun and Julie all the time, thanks to Julie inviting him over everytime sheâs got a chance.
Just like tonight. You were exhausted from all the school activities and you just want the comfort of your bed. So when you finally enter your apartment, to your dismay, you see Haechan, Jaemin, Renjun and Julie snuggled up in the couch of your apartment, watching some movie you didnât care to look.
Your body is sore, and so is your brain. If you have a choice, youâd take a vacation to anywhere else than your apartment right now.Â
And although you already accepted the fact that Renjun and Julie has got something going on between them, itâs still a stab in your chest everytime you see them together.
âHey, uh, Birdie, I invited them over for a movie night.. I just thought youâd be over at Minnieâs. Iâm sure you donât mind, right?âÂ
You smile at them. âOh, no. Enjoy your movie. Iâm a bit tired so.. Iâll just head in.â You say, not exactly welcoming as you want to be, but you just canât be energetic as you usually are tonight.Â
You see Jaemin waving at you, Haechan not acknowledging your presence as always, and Renjun sparing you half a second glance before focusing back on the movie.
You head straight to the kitchen, hoping to see anything that could fill your stomach. You just need to eat and then pass out for the night. You canât find time to mend your broken heart, when your entire body feels like convulsing the next minute.
âItâs been two weeks since the last brownie. Finally got tired, huh?â
You look back at whoeverâs speaking, and to your unpleasant surprise, itâs just Haechan walking over the kitchen.
âI just got busy, Haechan.â You say, managing to smile at him.
âYou and your damn cheerful attitude. Still gonna pretend like youâre the perfect little birdie?â Even tho his voice was quiet, his tone still pierced through you.Â
âIâm not quite sure how I should respond to that,âÂ
âOf course you donât. Youâre always nice. Whoever that bitch that fucked my friend over years ago is long gone, right?â His smirk splattered all over his face makes your eye twitch.
God, you know hate is a strong word to describe an emotion. Youâre not one to hate on anybody. But you give yourself a pass, because you just maybe hate Lee Haechan right now.
âHaechan, please. I just want to rest.â You say, closing your eyes frustratedly.Â
âSure. And just so you know, heâs very happy with Julie right now. She treats him better than youâ fuck it, she cheers better than you too.âÂ
He just had to hit you where it hurts the most, doesnât he?
You wanted to curse at him, real bad. You wanted to yell, scream at him for peteâs sake. Your chest is heaving with animosity, to the point where you want to cry. But you kept your composure, at least until you werenât in the safety of your own room.
âI understand Renjun is your friend, and you want to protect him. And I also do understand that you donât know everything that went down between me and him so Iâll just try and ignore everything you say to me. Now, if you excuse me, Iâm going to bed.âÂ
You left Haechan in the kitchen, the growling of your stomach long forgotten. You donât think you could still have an appetite after that.Â
The hunger you feel was overpowered by the tears you want to let out.
âđâËâšâĄ
Youâre awoken by pounding in your head, nose stuffed and difficulty breathing. You were convulsing. You had a hunch that youâre having a fever before you even went to bedâ but chose to ignore it and just sleep on it.
Which you know to be a bad decision now that youâre drowning in your own sweat and tears.
You needed something. Advilâ whatever the fuck is available to you. You need to get up.
Dragging your feet and standing up from your bed, you immediately feel like youâre going to faint. This might be the worst fever youâve gotten so far.
You get your phone to call Minnie, sheâs only in the next building. You see that itâs not even 3 hours when you went to bed. Thereâs clattering sounds outside your room and youâre sure theyâre still out there.
Minnie didnât pick up, meaning youâd have to fend for yourself.
You close your eyes in frustration, even your eyelids burns.Â
Shit, you have practice tomorrow.
You grab your oversized hoodie and ultimately decided to just go out in the kitchen, and find the medicine kit. Thereâs one out there, you knew it for sure because you were the one who put it there.
You really donât want to look like a sick girl out there, so you just buried yourself with the hoodie.Â
You make your way to the kitchen, and to some poop luck, theyâre all there in the counter enjoying two pizza boxes. You practically salivate over the sight, but thereâs no way youâd ask for some.
They all turn their heads at you, each having an expression you canât read.Â
âWhatâs wrong with you?â Jaeminâs the only one who sounded concerned. You shake your head and smiled at him.
âIâm good. Justââ cough. ââneed to get something.âÂ
You see Renjun looking over at you with his brows furrowed, following your figure as you move around the counter. The medicine cabinet is exactly where he was standing, so you just muttered a weak âexcuse meâ.
âYou donât look good.â He says as soon as you stand next to him. You didnât respond, but you just rummaged through the cabinet just to find anything.Â
You were stunned when you felt his hands over at yours, looking up at him with your confused eyes.
âYouâre fucking burning up, y/n.âÂ
He pulls your hood down, and then proceeds to put the backside of his hand on your forehead, checking your temperature. You were baffled, at his sudden concern but you donât dwell on it, you physically think of anything but the raging headache youâre suffering from.
You gently swat his hands away, âIâm really okay⌠I justâ Julie, whereâs the Tylenol?âÂ
She looks at you, as if you were interrupting something. âDonât you keep them in your room? You didnât have to come out,âÂ
You shake your head and you almost respond, before Renjun cuts you off.
âYou should lay down, Iâll call someone,â He says strictly.
âWhat? Dude, she says sheâs fine. Sheâll live!â Haechan interjects, but Jaemin hits him on his shoulder.
âSheâs literally dying, Haechan. Are you fucking blind?â Jaemin.
Haechan rolls his eyes, whispering something about âattentionâ and Julie looking at him with a smirk.
You didnât have the energy to be offended or anything, and youâre almost sure the worldâs spinning.Â
Before you know it, you heard Renjun curse and thatâs when your vision turns absolutely pitch black.
âđâËâšâĄ
âProbably just over fatigue, just a little bit of rest and she should be okay.âÂ
Renjun rubs his temple as he sighed a thank you to Nurse Suh through the phone.Â
âI told you, sheâs just really over dramatic sometimes,â Julie says, in a comforting way, massaging Renjunâs shoulder. He was sitting in a single chair beside the couch, where you were laying on.
He bit his lip, looking over at your figure sleeping soundly. He doesnât even know why heâs still here, Jaemin and Haechan already left half an hour ago.Â
âWhyâre you even so worried, Renjunnie?â Julie chuckles.
âShe literally fainted in front of us. Why arenât you worried? Youâre her roommate,âÂ
Julie looks to the side, straightening up. âYeah, but we were never close,â Renjun frowned at her response, but still shrugged it off.
Honestly speaking, Renjun really did kind of snapped the moment you fainted. He was scared to death, he knew you werenât feeling good the moment you entered the kitchen. And when you passed out, he felt the air snatched from his lungs.
He panicked, he admits. And he hates it so much, the way he acted. He wasnât supposed to care. But what can he do when you literally faint in front of him? Every decent human being would do what he did.Â
Except maybe the part where he woke up a school nurse in the middle of the night in panic and sat beside you for three hours trying to monitor your temperature waiting for you to wake up.
When your temperature finally seemed to had gone down, thatâs when he decided to go home. And on the walk back to his car, he silently drove back to his apartment, simmering on his own thoughts, disappointed in himself.
âI hate her so much.â He says to himself, more so convincing himself. Even his body seemed to detect his lies, every word burns in his tongue.Â
Among the texts you sent him, he finally texts you first.
[12:37 am] renjun: take a break.
Why canât he just.. let you be? Why do you affect him this much? Still, after all this time?
He blames you. He blames your consistency. He blames your overconfidence, every time you look at him. He blames you for smiling at him every chance you get. He blames those stupid fucking cookies you give him everyday. He blames your entire personality, making him melt in a puddle every single time. And more importantly, he blames you for acting like youâve never done anything wrong.
You make him feel like everything that happened in the past was a mere imagination. Like the pain he felt was a pigment of his own mind. Because no normal person would act the way you do if theyâre aware of the damage they did to another person.
However, what kills him the most is the way he still wants to hold your stupid hand and kiss you in your stupid lips. He would never admit it, even to the devil himself, that after all thatâs said and done, heâd still adore you with your hands around his neck.
âI told her to take a fucking break. What in the hell is she doing?!â He muttered to himself when he saw you doing stretches on the matted floor of the gymnasium. He had gone down there in disguise of visiting Julie, but in reality, he just wanted to check if your stubborn self didnât listen to him.Â
âChill out.â He hears Haechan on his side. Haechan tagged along with him, as always, under the excuse of wanting to see Jeno practice. Whoâs he kidding? Heâs here to check out the cheerleaders.Â
Jaemin was on his side too, having no classes to attend and not much better to do, he just went along.
âYouâre so sweet, thatâs for me?â Julieâs high pitched voice slashed through his ears, and thatâs the only reason he even saw her in the first place. He caught himself staring at you and he immediately brought all his attention to Julie.
âUh, yeah.â He lied, giving Julie the gatorade that was supposed to be for you, but he felt stupid giving it out to you. Itâs embarrassing.
He watched at the sidelines, along with his two friends. His eyes were laser focused on you, and when you suddenly slipped during one of your stunts, his whole body flinched like a reflex.
âAt least try to not be so obvious, Injunnie.â Jaemin laughed beside him.
âShut up, dude. I just had a few extra cups of coffee today.â Even he, himself, cringed at his stupid excuse.
âI thought we hate her, dude? Come on, stand the fuck up! Sheâs playing you dude. I hate girls like that, acting all perfect and cheery when she literally fucked you over before.â Haechan complained, following it with a huff on his side.
âI still donât like her, at all, okay? Iâm here for Julie, and no one else.â
âSure, Injunnie.â Jaemin folds his arms on his chest, a playful smirk playing on his lips.
âSay it with me, Injun. We hate Birdie!â Haechan says with two clenched fists moving simultaneously up and down.
âYou know what, Haechan, with the way youâre bitching all the time, why donât you wear the cheer uniform and pompoms?â Jaemin snickers, earning a hit from Haechan.
âFuck you,â Haechan spits.
âSorry, honey, but I donât swing that way. And even if I do, you wouldnât even reach the list.â Jaemin and Haechan continued to bicker, with Renjun in between.Â
Heâs still deep in his own thoughts, remembering that he shouldnât even look at you right now. He has Julie, and thatâs what he should be focusing on. Not you.
But when he invited Julie back to his place, and he found your lingering eyes amidst the crowd, with a hint of pain splattered on your pretty face, he almost wanted to push Julie off of him and run to you.
And at that moment, he curses at himself.Â
He cares.
He still cares.
He will always care.
And thatâs his fucking problem.
âđâËâšâĄ
âThe gameâs in two weeks, and you all shouldâve nailed the routine by now. What is going on here?âÂ
Coach Evie goes on rampage with the squad, most of the blame pointed at you.
âY/n, I will only say this once. Youâve been chosen as the captain of this squad for a reason. Donât make me doubt you.âÂ
This was the first time you felt upset. Not because of the rage that was poured onto you, but because you knew Coach Evie was right. You have not been giving your all these past few days.Â
Thereâs something wrong with you. Emotionally and physically.
Ever since the incident that happened last practice, you find it hard to do all the routines because of your left knee. You didnât want to think about it, hoping it would just go away.Â
It never did.
Emotionally, you felt horrible as well. Renjun was still with Julie, and from what you can see, they look like theyâll be together for a while. It hurts, yes, but thereâs not much you can do about it. Itâs never your forte to force yourself onto a man thatâs spoken for.Â
So you decided to take a break. Maybe a few days without practice will do you and the squad good. You focused on your studies, your classes and other stuff.Â
Thatâs why you found yourself in the middle of a random basketball playerâs party Thursday night. You came with Minnie, and in typical Minnie fashion, she disappeared with a random stranger within twenty minutes into the party.
This wasnât whatâs on your mind at all when you say that you needed a break. But Minnie was persistent, saying everybody has been waiting for you to finally show up with one of these parties. Because again, this wasnât your scene at all.
She basically guilt tripped you into attending.Â
âOh, no, I donât like alcohol.â You politely refused, for the nth time this night. Even though some were absolutely drunk and stubborn to accept rejection, you still politely responded to every single one of them.
âShit, Birdieâs here!â You hear someone yell, and it turns out it was Sungchan, standing tall on the other side of the room pointing at where you were.Â
A small commotion breaks out, some even gasps at seeing you. You didnât expect it to be this big of a deal, you didnât know these people at all.
After Sungchanâs announcement of your attendance, people started swarming you. You didnât want to say it because it sounds so cringe in your head, but you were as if a celebrity attended a random studentâs party. It was odd.
âHi Bird,â You flinched a bit when somebody suddenly pressed on your side, a strong smell of weed filling up your nostrils.Â
âUh, hello.â You smile a little, taking a step away from the stranger. He smirks at you, biting his lip as he looks you up and down.
You press your cup of orange juice in your mouth as you look back at him.
âFancy seeing you here,âÂ
You furrow your eyes trying to remember him. You donât want to be rude and disrespectful so you did try your best but you just canât remember.
âIâm Eric, yâknow.. basketball team?â He says to spark familiarity in your head and it sure did. Thatâs where you knew him from!
âYeah! Yeah thatâs right!â You sounded so proud of remembering him now that youâre sure you looked stupid.
He laughsâ a bit too much actually before stepping again in your space. You didnât know what to do, because you donât want to confront him causing unnecessary drama. Thereâs too many people in here and the last thing you want to do is to bring attention to yourself.Â
You silently prayed that Minnie finishes up quickly. You donât know how to handle this kind of stuff.
âWanna go somewhere quiet? Some privacyââ
âReally, dude?âÂ
You prayed up above, but the devil spawned from down below. It was Haechan who showed up.
Eric rolled his eyes and looked at Haechan, muttering âwhateverâ before leaving.Â
You finally take a breather, and close your eyes in relief. Even tho you think Haechan is a pain in your butt, his interference just saved you. You have to be grateful with that.
âThanks.â You say sincerely.
âI didnât do anything. What, you got tired of chasing Renjunâs tail and now youâre trying other options?â And there he goes again. As soon as you give him the benefit of a doubt, he goes right back in with his horrible remarks.
âIâm tired of this,â You say, wearing down your guard and putting your drink down on the counter.
âFinally! What a fucking relief. We also got tired of your pathetic ass running around my friendââ
âWhat did Renjun tell you to hate me like this, Haechan?âÂ
He falls silent. Suddenly not knowing what to say, completely perplexed at your sudden change of tone.
âYou donât know what happened, Haechan. And all this time Iâm trying to understand all your hatred towards me because I know youâve been told one side of the story. And I know I was in the wrongââ
âY/n.âÂ
Your words hang in the air, swiftly looking over your shoulder seeing Renjun standing with his arms crossed along his chest, leaning his body on the counter.
Cheeks flushed, eyes droopy. Heâs intoxicated.
âRenjun,â you whisper upon looking at him.
âHaechan, please leave.â Renjun slurred a bit in his words, but strict enough for Haechan to take it seriously.
âBut sheââ
âLeave.âÂ
Haechan huffs, giving you one last glare before walking away.
You wipe away any tear that mightâve escaped your eyes, before gaining back your composure. You stand there before Renjun, not knowing what to say next. Should you leave? Should you stay?Â
âYour oven broke or something?âÂ
His question caught you off guard. Thatâs definitely not what youâre expecting him to say. Youâre confused, really, really confused.
âWhat?â You say almost breathless.Â
He smirks, letting his head fall backwards, eyes closed as he whispers something to himself, one you canât quite understand.
âItâs been weeks, no cookies, no brownies or any bullshit you used to give me. What, you give up now, Birdie?âÂ
The way your nickname falls off his lips so smoothly makes your heart thump in excitement. This is the first time he acknowledged you by the way everybody calls you. It sparked a light in your chest that maybe, just maybe, this is a step.
âN-no, I-Iâm just.. respecting your relationship with my roommate.â You donât even know why you had to mention it. You couldâve just lied and told him you were busy, but the atmosphere of being in a party fed your courage to be reckless.
âRelationâ bullshit. Me and Julie arenât together, at least yet.â
 There he goes. He brings you up just to tear you down. Itâs an endless roller coaster with him, but he would always be a ride you wonât ever regret.Â
âI thought you donât like them,âÂ
âI donât. I like the fact that youâre trying so hard.âÂ
âI donât understand Renjun. What are youâ do you want me to keep running after you?â You state, extremely nervous about what heâd say next. Every breath you take was calculated, every second mattered.
You donât even know why youâre having this conversation with him when heâs clearly drunk. However, there could be no other opportunity for him to give you attention other than this.Â
âI donât want you to do anything. I donât want you, period. Itâs just⌠why the fuck do you give up on me so easily?â His disencourage tone was evident, a slight hoarse in his throat made it obvious. Heâs drunk. He doesnât mean it.
âYouâre with Julââ
âIâm notâ fuck!â He sounds like heâs running out of patience, gripping the edge of the counter as if to hold himself back.
âIâm asking you one more time, Renjun. Do you want me to keep trying? Do you want me to keep chasing you?âÂ
This time, he looks at you with an intense gaze, saying the words that wonât come out of his lips, with a hint of resentment and despair. You know him too well.
You bite your lip as you try to hold back the tears threatening to escape again. âBecause I will, Renjun. Just tell me the words.âÂ
If anyone could hear you right now, theyâd be horrified at how desperate you sound. You, the cheerleading captain, down so bad for a man to the point of begging to let you chase him desperately. Youâre so ridiculous that itâs not even funny anymore.
Not that you would care. When it comes to Renjun, youâd do worse.
âGo home.â He spat, turning around just before your eyes started letting go of the tears youâve been dangerously holding on to.
A dagger through the heart, but you are to blame. You're willing the blade through your own heart.
And you wonât have it any other way.
âđâËâšâĄ
Ever since that party, youâve discovered new courageâ much like before.
You went back to baking sweets for Renjun, approaching him any chance you get, and smiling at him at all times. Itâs like you were motivated to do things for him again.Â
Despite the glares Julie consistently gives you, you canât find it in you to care. Renjun said it himself, theyâre not together yet. He was practically saying youâre welcome to do anything youâd like.
Well maybe you assumed that but tomato, tomĂĄto.
âOh, hi Birdie. Long time no see, huh?â Jaeminâs smile was the first to greet you as you knocked in their hangout place.
âHi, Jaemin. Renjun there?âÂ
âNo, but Iâd gladly take that cookie off your hands and give it to him.â He nicely takes the box from you.
âTell him good morning too.âÂ
Jaemin chuckles and scratches his brow, âSure thing, sugar.âÂ
You donât know what he finds funny, because you were serious. But oh well.
You happily walked back to your department, ready to take on one of your classes. A few waves to some students who greets you, stopping for some who attempt a conversation with you.
You remember what Minnie said, youâre always late because you donât like ignoring people or saying no to a conversation, it doesn't matter who it is.
But you just really donât like coming across rude. It feels wrong.Â
You were almost at your class when you stumbled upon Renjun walking in the hallway with his earphones on.Â
Smiling to yourself, you skip over to his side. All it takes was a soft tap on his shoulder before he takes off his earphones and turns around to look at whoever grabbed his attention.
âHi, Renjun.â With the sweetest smile you have to offer.Â
âYou need something?â You felt really giddy hearing his usual cold tone, his voice making you flutter.
âI brought you cookies up at your hangout place but you werenât there. Jaeminnie took it so you can just get it from him. And oh, good morning!â Â
For a quick second, you see irritation across his eyes. Creasing his brows down at you.
âSince when is he âJaeminnieâ?âÂ
Your smile faded, hinting something new at his demeanor. This is new. His tone was something different and the way he looks at you seemed far from what youâre used to.
Is he⌠no way.Â
âSince he..â You shook your head, âNevermind. Itâs freshly baked too so it would be good if you eat it as soon as possible. I donât want you skipping breakfast or any mealsââ
âJunnie.â
You snap your head back, only seeing Julie approaching you two. You almost scowl at her presence but you decide itâs not very nice to do. So you just kept the smile you had before and waved at Julie.
âI thought weâll meet at the cafe?â Renjun asks, the change in the way he talks was prominent.Â
âI figured we should walk together..â The glance Julie gave you was short lived, obviously trying to question why youâre still here.Â
And to be honest, you donât know too. You look pretty stupid standing in a conversation you donât belong in.
You were about to walk away, when your name got called.
âY/n!â You turn to see Sungchan, waving at you with a wide smile spread across his face.
âHey, Sungchan.â You wave back.
He looks at the three of you, but ultimately keeps his focus on you. He seemed to read the room, and when you thought heâd sweep you away, he stood tall.
âHey, Renjun, Julie. Uh,â he turns to you, âMr. Hong canceled the class.âÂ
âOh really? Okay.â You nod, thinking where you should go. You turn to Renjun whoâs looking at Sungchan, visibly irritated by the boyâs sudden appearance.Â
âWe should go, Injunnie. The cafe could be crowded by the time we get there.â Julie clings onto his side, tugging him slightly.Â
âDream cafe? I heard theyâre giving out free croissants! Y/n, we should go with them!â Sungchan, way too enthusiastic as he put his arms around you. You flinch a bit, thinking about Renjun seeing it.Â
But when you see him and Julie, you opted to just let it be.
âI donâtââ
âLetâs go!â Sungchan pulls you with him, and you hesitantly walk with him. Renjun lets out a scoff, looking to the side before following.Â
âWhat are you doing?!â You whisper at Sungchan.
âIâm helping you, silly.â He answers quietly, and you wanted to ask for an explanation on how this is helping you, but you were greeted by a student walking by.
âWhatâs your order?â A lovely barista greeted Julie.
âSpanish Latte for me, Injunnie?â Iced Jasmine Tea. You silently whisper to yourself.
âIced Jasmine Tea.â You smirk to your triumph. Little wins matter!Â
âPsh, simp.â You heard Sungchan on your side, you immediately elbowed him on his side. How the heck did he hear you?
âShut up.â You growl at him, but quickly smile as you look ahead.
âHow about our pastries?â You look to the side and thereâs deliciously looking treats displayed. You would order one yourself, but youâd already eaten your own baked cookies.
âCheesecake for me and.. you, Injunnie?â You note the additional pitch Julie adds in her voice whenever she talks to Renjun. She sounds cute.Â
âNo thanks. I have cookies back at my place.âÂ
You hitch your breath. Is he.. Is he talking about your cookies? The one you baked for him? Widening your eyes, you look at him in disbelief. Did he just acknowledge your cookies? Oh my god!
âHi Birdie!â Your trance was cut-off by the baristaâs enthusiastic approach, even waving excitedly at you.
âJesus christ, Even outside the campus people know you?!â Sungchan asks in astonishment.Â
âOf course! I love her, sheâs like one of the reasons Iâm trying out cheerleading next year. That routine you did last summer was so perfect!â The barista gushed on and on, making your cheeks red.Â
âIâll have Iced Americano and sheâll have..â Sungchan looked back at you.
âCaramel Macchiato, please.â You say sweetly, and the barista happily put your order in. You were about to pay cash, but before you could even bring out your wallet, a ping on the cashier.
You look back and see Sungchan smiling like an idiot after tapping his phone.Â
âI got that.â You complain.
âI got it first tho.â Sungchan smirked. You open your mouth to retort back, however, Renjun starts walking awayâ probably to one of the tables. You quickly follow pursuit.
âHmm, so big game next week, huh?â Julie was the first to initiate the conversation.
âOh, yeah. Uh, heard you guys are performing at the game?â Sungchan looked at you.
âYeââ
âOf course. Weâre already almost finished with the routine. Just kind of sucks that we had to take a break for no reason.â Julie says in the most oblivious way, as if she just said something casual.
You blink thrice, processing her words. Didnât you need to take a break because she didnât do her job causing you to have knee problems?Â
 âIâm sorry about that,I just really needed to let my knee relax. But I'm alright now.â You still smiled and took a sip off your coffee.Â
âYou hurt your knee?â Renjunâs sudden concern made the three of you look at him, but he didnât even flinch. Heâs still waiting for your response.
âYeah uh, itâs just the usual⌠not that big of a deal.â You say, words stumbling upon your throat. Youâre not used to him being like this.Â
âDidnât I tell you to take a break?âÂ
âI didâŚthatâs why the practice got held back afew. But Iâm fine now!â Your tone was cheerful, hopefully to convince him that youâre really doing okay now. You donât know where this sudden concern about your well being came from but youâre not complaining either.
However, If looks could kill, Julie mightâve committed murder by now.Â
âSheâs doing fine now⌠sheâs Birdie, after all.â The sarcasm laced in her words are strong.
The tension was too much to handle, so you excused yourself.Â
As soon as you were in the bathroom, you let out a deep breath. You really donât know how to handle confrontation. When someoneâs being obviously rude towards you, you just fold.Â
Thereâs something really wrong with you. You canât seem to be comfortable with defending yourself, or just straight up calling out people for their rude behavior. Youâd rather just sit there and take it. You canât even curse, for christ sake!
âY/n.â You look at the mirror, only to see Julie entering the bathroom as well.
She looks upset. Like really, really upset.
âHey Julââ
âYou know that me and Renjun are a thing, right?â You stop whatever youâre doing, and turn around to really face her. Did she have to lie straight to your face?
âAccording to him though, thereâs nothing going on between you two.âÂ
âCome on, youâre supposed to be smart. Thereâs clearly something there.â She rolls her eyes.
âAnd unless you and him say it verbatim, thereâs nothing wrong here.â You shrug your shoulders.
âAre you hearing yourself? You sound ridiculous. Whatâs not clicking, y/n? Renjun hates you. He finds you annoying. He probably thinks youâre a desperate biââ
âJulie, get the fuck out of my face. Iâm not gonna say it twice,âÂ
She let out a small gasp. You were shocked as well. You canât believe that just came out of your mouth. You inhale and close your eyes, exhaling when you look at her.
âIâm sorry. I didnât mean to be rude. But if you could just⌠just leave, please.âÂ
âYouâre gonna regret this, Birdie.â You can see that she meant the threat, and you canât help but to feel anxious. You were about to question it but she walked out before you could do so.
When you go back to the table, Renjun and Julie are long gone. Apparently, Julie went on about feeling sick, and Renjun had to go with her.Â
âI really donât get it, y/n. You really like that man? Heâs clearly interested in Julie. And not to mention, he treats you like shit.â Sungchan was perplexed, to say the least.
You just gave him an apologetic smile and continued sipping your coffee. Youâre tired of convincing people on why youâre into him.Â
They donât need to understand. As long as it makes sense to you and Renjun, thatâs enough.
âđâËâšâĄ
Game night.
NCU vs SHU. Two universities that've been butting heads all year. Jeno leads the NCU neocats, whilst Dino leads the SCU ravens. Youâre all in for NCU, of course.Â
The gymnasium was packed. The first game was on your campus, opening its gates for both universities for tonightâs game.Â
Itâs always exciting, the marching band started playing, indicating that the game is about to start.Â
âAlright, guys! Warm up!â Coach Evie calls. You quickly sit on the grass, stretching your legs, reaching it with your fingertips.
Everybody else was stretching as well. But you canât help but feel the daggers that've been throwing at you ever since practice.Â
Julie has been glaring at you. And you canât help but feel anxious. You pull Minnie to the side.
âSwitch main base with me?â You ask nicely.
âThat would ruin the routine, Birdie. Why would you want to switch anyways?â She questions, kind of confused at your sudden request.
âI donât feel secure with some of my support. Itâs only for the toss, Minnie.â You didnât want to say Julieâs name, careful not to single her out. But you also feel bad pertaining to all your main bases when they didnât do anything at all.
âOh, is it that bitch Julie? What happened? You want me to beat the lights out of her? Because I willââ
âYou know what, nevermind. I hate that you resort to violence for anything, Minnie. Thatâs not very nice.â Â
Maybe youâre just paranoid. Julie wonât intentionally ruin your routine. She wonât.
Minnie kissed her teeth, putting her hands on her hips. âI know that you know switching main bases last minute is a horrible idea. Youâre the captain, for christ sake. So that means one thing. Julie said something that would make you want to switch. I will keep an eye on her, donât worry. If she tries shit, I will fuck her up, okay? Now go, captain. Weâre about to start.â Minnie hugged you tight, stepping away after just to fix your bow.Â
Youâre really glad you have Minnie. You wouldnât know what to do without her.
You glance around the bleachers, finding someone that would definitely soothe your overthinking brain.Â
And there he was, in the midst of the busy crowd, looking graceful as always as he sat in between Haechan and Jaemin. Itâs like seeing him made you calm down. The effect of his presence made you relax.Â
And as soon as he connects his sight to yours, he sighs. You thought heâd just look away, but he smiled. Mouthing the words, âGoodluck, Birdieâ
You felt your chest burst, instantly nodding at him. You didnât even think about it when you whispered the words you have always wanted to say.
âI love youâÂ
And then he visibly froze. But before he could react, Coach Evie called you.
You didnât have a choice but to bring your attention back to the squad.
âBirdie, lead the squad. Alright, everybody. Finish the routine safely and perfectly. This is just the beginning. The real competition is the next game, the National Cheerleading Competition executives will be here as judgesâ they will pick a winner between you and Scarlet Heart. But that doesnât mean yâall can slack on this one, alright?â Coach Evie really needs to work on her pep talk.Â
You sigh, shaking your entire body to loosen up. You were about to go into position when you noticed the entire squad looking at you.
âWhatchu wanna say, captain?â Minnie smiles at you, and you realize theyâre waiting for you to say something.Â
âOh, right, uhââ You clear your throat, âCheer like it's your last?â You were unsure, and so as everybody, but Minnie, being the ever sweetheart that she is, she clapped and cheered.Â
As the announcer yelled for the NCU Squad, the familiar feeling rushed through your body. The adrenaline starts to creep in and you get high in the feeling. Everytime you perform, you get the chills that you have always craved. Like this was your calling. Like this has always been what youâre meant to do.
The music started, and you swore you had nothing on your mind. Your body moves on its own and it somehow perfect every single step. It was more of a reflex by this point, every position, every beat tatted in your brain.Â
But then there comes the part where you get tossed in the air. And although you memorized everything in the back of your head, this particular moment was extremely dangerous. You get tossed almost nine feet up in the air, and everything goes once itâs executed. So itâs natural to get nervous, however somethingâs not right.
You donât have time to figure it out, the crowd already hyping you up. They know the climax of the routine, and thatâs when the air lifts are performed. And youâre usually the person who gets thrownâ so they know when itâs your turn.
âBirdie, Birdie, Birdie!âÂ
You take a deep inhale, before starting to climb up on a couple of bases.You glance at the bleachers, finding your courage from one person but he isnât where heâs at earlier. You didnât have time to think about it, and on two counts, the bases started to gain momentum. And just right before you get thrown, you look at a pair of eyes that made your blood run cold.
The rage behind Julieâs eyes was evident. You performed the pose in the air, executed it perfectly, but when youâre about to land, everyone went silent.
Julie stepped back from her spot, causing you to land on your injured knee immediately the pain made you lose your balance.Â
A sharp, stabbing sensation shot through your leg. A searing pain lanced through your knee, buckling your leg. You hold it in place as you process the entire situation.
Everybody was silent. It felt like a slow motion, most of your squad immediately running to you. You canât breathe. The initial shock felt like a dagger through the heart. Your jaw slacks, as you look at Julie running away from the field.Â
Minnie immediately shook you from your trance, and thatâs when you looked at her. The pain has gotten worse when you snap back to reality. You felt your entire cheerleading career crumble in your hands. The tears follow through as you look up at Minnie.
âMinnie, Iâm done..â You canât believe it. âOh my god, Iâm done.âÂ
âđâËâšâĄ
A few years back
âHuang Renjun, youâre close with him, right?â Giselle asked.
âYeah..â You hesitantly say. You saw her look back at Ningning, and they both smirked at each other.
âI was just asking.â Giselle shrugged, and even though you were sure that thereâs underlying meaning behind her question.Â
It has been about three months since you got in the cheerleading squad, and to be honest, it has been underwhelming. Giselle rarely calls for practice, but sheâs always in cheer uniform. She also only has very limited rotation between the team, mostly her, Ningning, and Yiren always in the center.Â
You? You were always at the back. Which you never complained about, because Giselle is the captain for a reason, what she says, goes. And youâre a newbie, thereâs no room for complaints, especially from you.Â
âWhat happened? Whyâd she call you?â Renjunâs soft voice instantly turns your mood up. He waited at the parking lot, leaning on his car as he watched you walk towards him.Â
As soon as you close the distance he smiles warmly, then proceeds to fix the hair that was all over your face, and tucks into your ear.
âShe just asked a question,â You didnât lie, technically. You just withhold a minor detail.
âReady for tonight?â He smiles warmly at you. You nod excitingly at him.
Renjun promised to take you out on a âfriendlyâ date tonight. Itâs one of his ways to make it up for the time he lost with you. You swear to him that he didnât need to do all this, but he insisted that you come with this âdateâ tonight.Â
You didnât want to expect anything, but itâs hard not to when youâre literally head over heels with Renjun. A little assuming wonât hurt, sometimes.
âAre you sure I donât need to change my clothes?â You pat down your pleated skirt, a bit conscious about your outfit. You were only wearing an oversized knitted sweaterâ and your everyday sneakers for this âdateâ.Â
Renjun is also rocking a casual outfit, but he still looks dashing. It's honestly not fair.
âNo, I promise you, you look good in anything.âÂ
Thereâs also a change in how Renjun talks to you. He talks to you with a bit of⌠flirting? You didnât want to assume anything, again, but being delusional naturally is registered in your system.Â
You didnât know where Renjun was taking you, but you didnât care as long as youâre with him. Nothing could make this man look bad in your books.Â
When the car stops, your hand moves to the car door, but Renjun held your wrist.Â
âCome on, you donât need to open the door for me.â You chuckle a bit, finding his chivalry cute.
âNo, we donât even need to leave the car.â You furrow your brows at him. As you turn your eyes on the front, you get suddenly blinded by a cinema sized LED screen.
You hitch your breath as the familiar movie starts.
âBring It On!â You squeal, fascinated and somewhat perplexed as to how Renjun got this drive in cinema play a movie from the 2000s.
You turn to him with, corners of your mouth going up. He smiled back, reached at the backseatâ and suddenly, a bouquet of yellow tulips separated your eyes from him.Â
You canât help but blink rapidly, trying to make sense of it all. Is this an actual date? Not a friendly one? Whatever is going on right now, one thingâs for sure, youâre loving every second of it.
The movie started, and it feels like youâre straight out of a novel. However, as you try to relax, your fingers brush against his, and you swear you felt a slight spark.Â
At this very moment, the movie is long forgotten. All your undivided attention is on the way your skin feels hot, and your focus is on how to initiate more contact with Renjun.
âWant something to eat?â He asks softly, glancing at you with the sweetest eyes you could ever imagine.
âNot exactly that,â you let out an awkward chuckle and shifted in your seat.
âWhatâs the problem?â God, heâs so oblivious, you just want to jump his bones right now. You shake your head off with the dirty thoughts.
âWhyâ whyâre we doing this? Why are you doing this, Renjun?â You gather courage to actually address the elephant in the room.
His jaw slacks but he swiftly kept his composure. âI thought youâd want to finish the movie firstââ
âIâve watched that movie 54 times. I could probably cite the next dialogue without thinking. So what is it, Renjunnie?âÂ
He gulps one time, before he starts fidgeting with his hands. âI love you, y/n. I have loved you for a long time now and I was a coward because I had thought that a loser like me didnât have the right to want you. So I gained my confidence, tried befriending other people to gain popularitââ Before he could even finish, you threw the bouquet on the back seat of his car and grabbed his collar. Next thing you know is youâre already making out with him on the passenger seat and you did not care about anything else.
You pulled away, breathless, âI love you too, Renjun.âÂ
You could not take your hands off of each other as soon as you entered his apartment. He shared it with a guy named Donghyuck, but he was out tonight, which you thanked the heavens for.
âY/n,â He whispers your name every chance he gets, which is not much since your lips are connected at every moment ever since you stepped foot in this apartment.
You didnât want to rush things with him, but you just felt like this was the right moment. This was the perfect timing. Heâs the right person to do this with.
He kissed you hard, but softly at the same time. It was like you were drowning, but you didnât mind it.Â
âShit,â curses sounded heavenly when it came from his mouth, turning you on even more.
You didnât even realize you were already in the confinement of his bedroom, until the back of your knees hit the edge of his bed. You let your balance loose, allowing yourself to lay back on the mattress.Â
He looked at you in a way that made your spine shiver, your entire body burning with desire.Â
âAre you sure about this?â He carefully asks as he lowers himself to tower over you. You look at him with the same passion and nod your head. âIâm always sure about you.â You take his lips once more.
You can tell he was hesitant to touch places you wanted his hands on. So you take the lead, grabbing his nervous hands and placing it on your breast. âPlease touch me,âÂ
His jaw slackens, a new sensation traveling down his body. âIâ-Iâm sorry, I havenât done this before.â He stuttered, but you just bit your lip.
âI havenât either. Weâll be each otherâs first,â You smile reassuringly at him, caressing his cheek as he looks at you warily.Â
He started to massage your breast, whilst his lips traveled down your neck. You can feel your stomach flutter at the feeling, never expecting such a move would make you go crazy. He then looks at you again, holding the hem of your shirt, almost as if asking permission. You gazed over at him with lust that you knew he got the message.
He lifted it up, and in every skin that gets exposed, he blessed it with his lips. The wetness of it makes your breath hitch. âRenjun, please.âÂ
He pulled your sweater up until youâre now only left with your bra. He slowly reaches at your back, which you helped by arching, and with a snap, your bra falls undone.Â
The cold breeze around your nipples did not last long because as soon as his eyes fell down, his lips attached to one of the peaks. You shudder, gripping his hair, gently pulling it. Youâre a moaning mess.
âTouch me more,â You managed to blurt out. He seemed to understand, with the way his hands traveled down your skirt. Still making out with your exposed breast, paying attention one after another, he started playing with your panties.Â
âFuck, youâre so wet already.â He felt the dampness over the cloth, directing his middle finger on the slit. You gasp in pleasure, flinching every time he explored further.Â
âJun,â You whine when he starts pulling down your skirt, along with your panties. His jaw opens slowly as he looks at you with hunger behind his eyes, but the softness of adoration still present at his expression. You clench at the sudden coldness but he didnât allow you to suffer any further as he moved fast and removed his own clothing.
âShit, baby youâre fucking gorgeous.âÂ
He parted your thighs and squished himself in between, his member hitting your core ever so slightly. But the thought of it drives you nuts, and it takes all of you to not do anything about it. He went back to making out with you as his hands do wonders.
âUh, my gosh.â You inhale once his fingers start rubbing your pussy, trying to steady your hands on his body. He pulls away just to watch you fall apart in his hands.
He bites his lip as his fingers started moving down, where your hole is. âIâm.. Iâm gonna finger you first, okay?â He asks ever so carefully, and itâs obvious that heâs also as nervous as you are.
âOkay, baby. I trust you.âÂ
And just then, he applied pressure and eventually entered you, making you flinch a bit. He moans with you, a foreign feeling enveloping at his fingertips. This is the first time he had ever touched somebody, and he can already tell that youâre the best.
âR-Renjun.â You whine as he starts moving in and out. ]
âFuck, fuck youâre dripping, oh-â He takes a glance at your wet core, where his middle finger disappears. He pushed another finger in and you swore you almost felt like youâre coming.
You see his other hand leave your breast, moving it down his own body and you just knew what he was going to do. You swiftly take his hand away and replace it with yours. You knew enough from videos, ones that were shown to you by your former friends.Â
He muttered out a deep groan once you made contact with his cock, immediately moving your hands in the same rhythm he does with his own fingers.Â
You never knew it would feel this good. The look in his face, the way his mouth slackens and the way he falls vulnerable on your touch felt dangerously addicting.Â
There was a strange feeling on your stomach, like a thread thatâs waiting to snap. Like you were about to explode. âRenjâ oh, Iâm.. I think Iâm coming,âÂ
You cry at the feeling, making him work even harder. He licks his lips as he went faster, and you can just feel your body shake. Your hands can no longer move, and in the next moment, you felt euphoria. You were shaking, grabbing at his wrist, trapping it in between as you rode the wave of pleasure.
âThat was so fucking hot, baby.. God I can just cum right here.â He says, now trying to calm you down. He placed a kiss on your forehead and whispered âgood jobâ. Your eyes are still closed when he positioned himself on top of you, the tip of his cock aligning in your entrance.
âYou ready?â He asks, moving his tip up and down your slit. You nod, even when tired, youâre still filled with eagerness.Â
âI need to feel you now,â You say. He gave you a peck on your lips and just when you know it, he started to stretch you out.
And it hurts. It hurts so bad, but it's so good.Â
âIt hurts,â You just couldnât believe how painful it was. Yes, you knew it would sting a bit, but not like this. You almost wanted to stop right there but when you felt him shiver, and hear him moan, everything washed off.Â
âIâ-Iâm sorry baby, fuck youâre gonna make me cum.â He says, whining even louder than you. He cages your head with both his forearms, making you look up at him, and him only.Â
âI love you, I love you, I love you.â He says, tears on the edge of his eyes.Â
âI love you so much,â You whisper. Swiftly, by looking at his eyes, the pain subsided. âYou can move now, baby.âÂ
He nods and in every thrust he makes, the pain slowly turns to pleasure. Like magic, it dissipates into thin air, only replaced with the pure euphoric feeling.Â
Your tears were one of those tears that came from pleasure, and that pleasure not only derives from him fucking you, but also from the fact that itâs him youâre doing this with. The boy you love the most.
âI canât, baby. I canât last, you feel too fucking good.â He whined in your ear, embracing you so tight that you mightâve broken a rib, not that youâd care.Â
You hugged him back, âItâs okay, baby. Let go.âÂ
âAh, ahâ shit, I love you. I love you, y/n. Please tell me youâ fuck âlove me too.â
You were there with him, both your climax approaching fast, even faster when he called your name. âI love you so much, my baby, my Huang Renjun.âÂ
You both came, looking at each others eyes. He dived down to kiss you torridly, caressing your hair.Â
And with that intense state of pleasure and love, you hold him like youâve never before.Â
Everything was perfectly in place for you, and youâve never been happier.Â
Youâre achieving your dream of becoming a cheerleader, and your dream of being with your first love, Huang Renjun. It all seemed dandy, until Giselle asked you to stay behind practice.
âYou know Theo? The main base? Yeah, he likes you, y/n.â At the end of the practice, Giselle and Ningning basically cornered you. You had no idea about what they were talking aboutâ one thingâs for sure, youâre not interested.
âI donât like him like that.. and besides, I have aââ
âAnd our Ningning here likes Renjun. So I suggest giving her a chance, yeah?â Giselle crossed her arms across her chest, lifting her brows.
You were puzzled. You and Renjun just officiated your relationship last night, how can they ask you this? Your breathing quickens.
âI-Iâ Giselle, what are you saying? Heâs my boyfriend,â Your voice started to shake.Â
âDonât piss me oââ Ningning rolled her eyes at you and even attempted to lunge at you, making you flinch but Giselle blocked her.
âNings,â Giselle reprimanded before staring back at you again.
âYou know that cheerleading is all about sisterhood, right, y/n?â Her voice was ice cold, her eyes making you shiver. The Giselle you idolized was long gone, only replaced by this cold hearted person.
âIââ
âBut itâs fine. However, you canât just turn down Theo like that, right? Heâs been talking about you nonstop, and to be honest, I like him as my brother. So, be kind and meet him at the back of the gym tonight. You can do that, right?â Her attitude screamed authoritative, but also soft, as if to trick you into manipulation. She didnât let her smile fade while waiting for your answer.
You shake your head, âI will talk to him when I want to, Giselle. But I donât think its a good ideaââ
âDo you think itâs a good idea to go against the cheer captain? You'll see him after this. And you better not tell Renjun. Or else, Iâll kick you out of the team.âÂ
You were in a state of shock. You feel highly strung, why is she being like this? Threatening to kick you out because you refuse to obey her nonsense order?Â
You couldnât say anything when they left. You were conflicted on so many levels.Â
When you become Captain, you will never be like her. Youâll be better, in every conceivable way.Â
But now that youâre still starting, you canât do much. So you followed her. Convincing yourself that nothing worse will happen. You'll just have to talk with Theo, thatâs it.
[6:34pm] injunnie <3: baby are u done? meet me @ the parking lot
Your fingers shake, typing out a lie. You cannot fathom lying to him, but still, you did.Â
[6:35pm] you: hi babyy <3 uhm, not yet. i need to practice a few stunts :(( iâll just text u, ok?
[6:35pm] injunnie <3: ok baby. see u later! love u :*
You brush your hand across your hair. Not even a day in your relationship, and youâre already lying to him about meeting a guy. You felt horrible.Â
Yet, here you are, standing a few feet away from Theo.
âHi, y/n.â He was smiling at you, but you felt uncomfortable. He started walking towards you rather aggressively, to the point that your legs started to step away backwards.Â
There was a measure of anxiety spread all over your face, however, you still managed to talk.Â
âGiselle told meââ
âSheâs right, y/n. I asked her to help me. And Iâm glad you decided to talk about thisââÂ
Your brows knitted together, but you thought that maybe he had a wrong impression about you coming here to talk to him. âActually, Theo, I have a boyfriend.âÂ
He froze, smile fading, his expression accenting his confusion. You almost felt bad, but in a swift moment, his lips stretched into a smirk and leaned his head to the right. âWell, you could just give me a lilâ kiss then, right?â
Your lips ajar, brows furrowed as you try and process what youâve just heard. Deeply offended, you attempt to call him out on his brazen request, but he continues.
âGiselle would be so mad to hear that you canât even give me a single kiss, y/n. She loves me, and if I told her how selfish you are, sheâd have no problem banning you from cheerleading up until college. She has connections, y/n.âÂ
All other words suddenly fled your mind. Theoâs basically blackmailing you into cheating. Your nose wrinkled in disgust upon his words, but you canât seem to say anything. Heart beats intensely as you weigh the choice you need to make in this situation.
âGiselle wonâtââÂ
âOh she will. Youâre outshining her in the squad and sheâd be more than happy to make up a reason to ban you. Come on, y/n. Your boyfriend doesnât need to know.âÂ
Youâd be forbidden to join up until college. You wouldnât be able to cheer ever again.Â
He takes a step forward, this time, rooted in your place, you feel your stomach twist. Your eyes burned in tears. Theoâs touch burned, and you gulped as his palm laid on your cheek.Â
You couldnât move. Your skin tingles, heart rapidly beating within your chest as your breathing grows tighter.Â
He doesnât have to know. Renjun wouldnât know.
At the moment his lips touched yours, you knew you made a mistake. You felt disgusted, you canât find it in you to respond.
 âKiss me fucking properly.â He growls. You clench your fist, and tighten your eyes as you kiss him back despite the tremble of your lips due, a wave of revulsion swept through your entire body.Â
Youâre cheating on Renjun for your dream of being a cheerleader.Â
Then there was a terrifying moment when you feel someone else being present in this vile affair that youâre forced to partake in. You open your tear filled eyes and right there and then, your whole world shatters.
There he was, the love of your life, standing a few feet away. Behind him was Ningning, sporting a smirk as if sheâd won. Your mind tells you to step away, run to Renjun, and beg for forgiveness. But your fear overshadowed you, staying right where you were, slowly digging your own grave.
His eyes were poisonous to even look upon, so much hatred tainted in his mind. You knew heâd hate you, no, heâd despise you. And nothing breaks your heart even more than seeing him walk away.
You immediately pushed Theo, and landed a sharp slap across his face. Tears surged in uncontrollably as you slowly realize that youâd already lost the only person you loved.Â
Whatever it takes, huh?
You see Theo leave, and when itâs just you and the overflowing guilt alone, thatâs when your legs give out. You sat there, clutching your hand on your chest as you cried, desperately wiping your lips until they hurt.Â
In the quiet moments that followed, the only sound was the echoing resonance of guilt, regret, and shame.
âđâËâšâĄÂ
âRuptured patellar tendon on your knee, Ms. Y/N. Unfortunately youâll have to undergo physical therapy, and most likely, you'll never be able to perform in cheerleading indefinitely.âÂ
You felt like a bucket of ice cold water was just poured all over you. You stared at nothingness, hoping all of this was just a dream.Â
Why should this even happen to you? Is it karma? If it is, isnât this too much of a punishment?Â
You cried and cried until your eyes dried up, having to accept the fact that at the age of 22, your dream was snatched away from you.
Was it cruel? Yes, absolutely. Did you deserve it? Arguable.Â
Cheerleading was the only thing you know, and now itâs off the table. It was as though a veil of sadness had been draped over your eyes, distorting your perception of the world and casting everything in shades of gray. What are you supposed to do now?
A swarm of support follows you on the third day of your hospitalization, and you swear youâre grateful for all of them, however, you canât seem to find gratitude for any of them.
Most of the cards called you Birdie, and how are you supposed to live up to the name if your wings were broken off? Youâre no longer Birdie, and the only remaining sentiment that name carries is sadness and disappointment.
âI beat her up, you know?â Minnie says one time she visited you.
You look at her in shock. A laugh traveled through her, âNot âbeatâ, actually. I just landed a few on her face. Nobody in the squad snitched, because they knew she deserved it. Her boyfriend seemed mad about it tho,âÂ
For the first time in a while, you thought about Renjun. Your mind was in a different space the entire time that you forgot about him. He wasnât there when the incident occured and it would be possible if he didnât know what happened.Â
âDoes he know?â Your voice was scratched, and a glint of hope laced in your tone.
âI donât think he knew of the severity of the injury, and Iâm sure that bitch already switched up the story. Heâs a dumbass.â
âHe wasnât there, he didnât see what happened. Iâm sure heâsââ
Minnie snapped, raising her voice. âOh for fuckâs sake, Birdie. Stop defending him! You should get your mind off of him. Itâs pissing me off that despite what happened, you still find a way to give people the benefit of a doubt. And I bet you donât even blame Julie, youâd rather blame yourself,â Sheâs right. Not that youâre not mad about what Julie did, but youâre more so empty. You donât know what to feel, and even debated if you deserved it or not.
You sink more on your seat in shame. âPlease, learn to be mad. Learn to be angry, and hold people into accountability. Not everyone deserves a second chance.âÂ
That made you think, not only about this entire ordeal, but also the past. Not everyone deserves a second chance.
Does that mean you too? With what you did with Renjun? Did you not deserve a second chance?
Maybe youâre too nice because youâre overcompensating for what you did to get what you had. And now youâve had your time, it was cruelly snatched from you.Â
Maybe that dream wasnât yours to begin with.
And maybe, Renjun wasnât meant to be yours, too.
âđâËâšâĄ
Renjun felt uneasy. Thereâs something weird about the atmosphere that night of the game.Â
Before your performance that night, he had to take a call from his mom, asking him to come home for a favor. He was conflicted, because although he masked it greatly, he did liked watching you perform.Â
However, he thought that you still had a final performance in the next game, which was twice as important than that night so he just opted to leave before the game.Â
The next morning, he was overwhelmed by Julieâs tears.Â
âM-Minnie, that fucking bitch beat me up!â She screams, pointing at the slight bruising at her temple.
He heard about the incident last game, and it killed him to get the news that you were injured, again. The last time that happened, he almost wanted to take you home and take care of you properly. Yet, something in him always reminds him that you chose this career.
You chose this over him.Â
But Renjun wouldnât lie if he said that he didnât feel bad about Julie right now. From what he has heard, the entire thing was an accident. Julie did not deserve to be hurt physically, at least thatâs what he thought at first.
Julie had become a close friend of his, quickly forming a bond with shared interest in some things. Julieâs really pretty as well, and even though Renjun doesnât care about that stuff, heâs sure as hell wonât deny the truth.Â
He tried, he really did. Julie was a perfect partner, and she seemed sweet and kind, one of the qualities Renjun liked about her. So, yes. Maybe he did plan to be with her, at least sleep with her.Â
But when he saw your pain stricken face in that elevator, he was suddenly unsure.
âWhy did you have to put your hands on her?â He asks Minnie calmly. He had no intention confronting her, he just wanted to know the reason and she happened to walk past him.
She stared back at him with a cold grin, âThat bitch deserved more.âÂ
For some odd reason, Renjun didnât say anything after that. Rather, heâd questioned why Minnie did it to that extent, why is she so angry that sheâd resort to violence.
It wasnât until the day before your big performance that Renjun started to worry. It has been more than a week and he still hasnât seen you.
He snuck out from classes just to peek at the cheerleading practice and you werenât there. Not in your usual classes, hallways or cafeteria where heâs usually seen you.Â
Out of sheer desperation, he asked Julie.
âWhat happened at the last game?â
He saw a glimpse of fear run through her eyes when it widened upon hearing his question.
âI told you, It was an accident.â Julieâs tone was defensive.
Thereâs a voice inside Renjunâs head, saying to not trust her.Â
For the reason being that youâd never not show up in your classes, even with simple injury. Sure, youâd skip practice for a few days but youâd be back on your feet the next day. Especially with an event like this.
His worry grew, now stressing on why youâre still not around. Itâs the final game, and you should be here, if not to cheer, but atleast watch your squad. Youâd always done that. So why are you still not around?
He curses at himself for caring about you this much. He felt like he betrayed himself, his own morals and beliefs because he should not care about you anymore. Afterall, you cheated on him. No matter how nice you are, no matter how much you claim that youâve changed. Thereâs no way he could just forget the pain he went through.
So why is he standing outside the field, waiting on any of your friends to show up and ask them where youâve been?Â
âWhereâs your captain?â He asks the first person he saw wearing the squad uniform.
âOh, sheâs almost here, wait, there she is!â Sunghoon says pointing at the back.Â
A wave of relief washed over Renjun. Shit, youâre okay. Youâre here.Â
But when he turns around, he sees Minnie. He furrows his brow, quite perplexed as to why heâs pointing at Minnie when he knows damn well sheâs not the captain of cheerleading.
âIf youâre here to ask whereâs Julie, I kicked that bitch out. Sorry,â She sneered at him.
He almost yells that heâs not here for Julie. He couldn't care less about her. Heâs here for you.
âYouâre.. Youâre not the captain. Whereâs y/n?âÂ
Minnieâs smirk faded, as if his question shifted the mood. âYou really donât know, huh?â
He felt the first thump in his chest. âWhat?â
âBetter ask her yourself.âÂ
With that, she left Renjun hanging. He couldnât try and stop Minnie, asking her for any explanation because he felt like he was going to explode.
His lips fell ajar, as everything clicked.
You had an injury, and right after that you didnât go to any of your practice, then Julie got kicked out and now Minnieâs replaced you as the captain.
He covers his mouth in realization, adding another layer of fear. He needs to find you.
Fortunately, Renjun doesnât need to walk far. He had heard that youâre in the premises to watch the game, and the first place he had thought of was the gymnasium.
He finds you, sitting alone on the bleachers with a pair of pompoms on your side. You werenât wearing your uniform.
âY/n,â He whispers, yet the resonance of his voice echoes. He approaches you carefully, assessing the entire situation. He wants to be there for you, but he doesnât want to force you if you want to be alone.
You look up at him, and when his eyes meet yours, he can just hear his heart break. You looked defeated. You look tired.
âWhy arenât you in uniform, Birdie?â He asks softly. Deep inside Renjun, he knew why. But he canât accept it. Not when this is your life. Not when he knows itâll break you to give up.
You slowly shake your head helplessly at him, on the verge of despair. Gripping both your hands on your knees, like youâre holding yourself together.Â
âThe gameâs about to startââ
âI canât, Renjun, I canât dance anymore.â He takes a huge breath after hearing your voice break, and he takes two huge steps to reach you. He kneels before you, grabbing your cold hands.Â
âThere has got to be another way, baby. Weâll get you the best doctor out thââ
âIâm done with cheerleading, Renjun. I.. I canât even fucking walk properly!â You broke down in front of him, and he swore heâd never felt so horrible in his life. His own tears betrayed him, but he doesn't care. When you, his entire world, is falling apart in his hands.
He pulls you in a tight embrace, letting you wet his shirt completely. Caressing your hair as he attempts to calm you, but in his mind, heâs also hanging by a threadâ seeing you like this, completely giving up, breaks him to his core.
âWhat do I do now, Renjun? Whatââ you sobbed in between your words, and he bit his lip hearing you like this. It hurts him so much to see you like this. He closes his eyes, gently trying to soothe your shaking shoulders.
âIâm so sorry, my baby.â He whispers, kissing the top of your head repeatedly.Â
At this moment, Renjun swears in his grave, that he will never forgive whoever did this to you.
And if your sweet smile never comes back after this, all hell will break loose. Because heâs never afraid of his own scars, but yours? Oh, thatâs his deepest, darkest fear.
âđâËâšâĄ
Neo Culture University Newsblog
âNCUâs Top Cheerleader, the captain of NCU Squadron, the first ever cheerleader to perform the highest basket toss in NCU cheerleading history, Y/N, L/N, famously known as The Bird, announces her departure from the squad after the incident at the first game between NCU vs SHU.Â
Also known as Birdie, had suffered a career ending injury after falling whilst performing a routine last Thursday night. It was announced by the cheer committee that Hwang Youngmin will be replacing her as a captain of the squad.
Furthermore, investigations involving a former cheerleader whoâs accused of sabotaging the Cheer Captainâs career, causing her to retire from cheerleading. Foul play is suspected, and weâll be reporting more on it soon. So far, it has been confirmed that said cheerleader is now kicked out of the squad. Updates soon.â
Renjun is filled with nothing but rage.
That was your dream. That was your everything. And just for⌠a fucking bitch to ruin it all for you?
âCalm down, man. Iâm sure the school will handle it.â Jeno, ever the mediator says. This was the first time his friends saw him this fuming.
âNo. Fuck no. I want that bitch out of this school.â Renjun was adamant about kicking Julie out. Heâd do everything in his power to make sure she didnât step foot on this campus ever again.Â
âAre we even sure about what happenedââ Haechan attempts to cut in on the conversation but a sharp look from Renjun made him freeze.
âDo I look like I care? Accident or not, Iâll make sure she suffers. Iâll make up a dumb fucking reason, anything, to get her kicked out. Iâll fund the fucking investigation against her. Iâll make sure she pays for it. Whatever it takes.â His voice was dangerously calm. Every word carrying weight, every threat sounded like a promise.
It doesnât matter to him now. He could lie and tell everybody he hates you, but nobody could ever hurt you like this. Not on his watch.
You could cheat on him a million times but heâll never be angry enough to let this happen to you. Not when you were once his everything â not when youâre once his lifeline. Everyone else doesnât matter.Â
When it comes to you, heâd do worse.
Haechan, Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other, worried about what Renjun would do. They had never seen him filled with this much rage. It was horrifying, the lengths heâs willing to take for you.Â
And deep inside, they knew that behind the cold exterior he always treated you with, is a man who is still deeply in love with you.Â
Also, one common knowledge among them is never to mess with Renjun.
âđâËâšâĄ
âThank you, Ms. Lin! See you next monday,â You waved goodbye to your therapist, as you went out for your weekly physical therapy.Â
After the surgery, it was really hard to adjust. You needed to use clutches for what it feels like forever, and there were restrictions that you needed to follow. The school granted you a scholarship, which was really awesome to hear. At least that was taken care of.
âBaby,âÂ
You look up front to see Renjun waiting for you in his car. You smiled at him and waved excitedly. He runs up to you, swiftly taking your bag with him.
âRight on time, impressive.â You sneer at him. He grabs your hand and hooks it over his arm.Â
âI was here fifteen minutes early, baby.â He winks at you, giving you a light peck on the lips. You giggled, watching him open the car door for you. You put your injured knee first, before sitting with your entire body.Â
âWhere are we going?â You ask. He didnât tell you about the plans today, but you didnât bother to ask either. You just assumed he would take you back to his apartment and youâll just burn a hole in his couch watching netflix the rest of the day.
You can never really pinpoint on when you and Renjun decided to get back together, or at least you think youâre back together. Ever since that day at the gymnasium, Renjun never left your side. You didnât dare ask him whatâs going on, afraid to ruin whatever it is.
You sat there, a bit uncertain on why Renjun still hasnât started the car. You turn to him, looking for any reason as to why he just sat there gripping the steering wheel.
âGiselle called today,â He exhaled.
You widen your eyes in aghast. Thatâs a name youâve never heard before. Or more accurately, thatâs a name you wished to never hear of ever again.Â
Nonetheless, you guessed this topic should be discussed sooner or later. You canât always avoid the inevitable, hiding from the ghosts from the past. And you believe that the both of you are much more grown now to handle it maturely.
âShe saw the article, apparently. And uh, she told me.. Well, everything.â You take a deep breath.
You clear your throat and nodded, calculating on how you should go about the conversation. Youâve rehearsed begging him for forgiveness a thousand times before, however, you realize that you should just tell him what you feel at the moment. Not some rehearsed bullcrap, because Renjun deserves nothing but the raw truth from you.
âHowâs Giselle? I hope theyâre doing good,â You start with genuine curiosity.Â
Renjun furrows his brows as he looks at you. âBaby, they gave you hell and you still wish them the best? IâI donât think I can ever forgive them for ruining us, ever.â He claims, grabbing your hand, intertwining it and kissing the back of your palm.
You smile warmly at him. âItâs okay, baby. Iâll forgive them for the both of us.âÂ
He shook his head, disagreeing. âNo. Youâll have to learn how to express anger for people who deserve it. You canât let them get away every single time. Theyâd just do it all over again.âÂ
A semblance of a smile had gently flickered onto your lips as you admired him. âAlright, baby. Iâll try. But good thing youâre with me now, right? You can be the bad cop and Iâd be the good cop!âÂ
Through his serious demeanor, a small smirk threatened to sneak its way on his mouth.Â
âAnd Iâm so sorry for treating you like shit. I was deep in my own hateful charade to mask the fact that I still wanted to be with you. I guess I was a pussââ
âLanguage, baby.â You faked an angry tone, but immediately smiled after. âBesides, I understand. I wouldnât want to be seen with a person who cheated onââ
âYou didnât, baby. You quite literally had no choice.â He warned.Â
âOkay, sure but you also have to let me earn your trust. At the end of the day, I still kissed somebody else when weâre together. But at the same time, I also feel terrible because it seemed like I sacrificed our own relationship for nothing.âÂ
Everytime you remind yourself of the decision you made when you were young, hurting the person you love, for something that was taken away from you way too soon, makes you feel so stupid. So disappointed in yourself.Â
âI trust you with my life, baby. Youâre responsible for me now, so donât you dare leave me again. Okay? I love you.âÂ
Before you wallow in guilt, Renjun kissed you deeply and passionately. Your lips move in a rhythmic manner, as if it was a melody that played in the silence of your hearts, a song of tenderness and affection.Â
âShit, baby we should go. Weâre going to be late,â He pulled away too early, despite your pleas and looked at his wristwatch.Â
You turn your head in confusion. Do you have plans today? He didnât say anything and began to drive. You were sitting in your seat demented, wondering where heâd take you. You try to familiarize the road heâs taking, but you are left clueless.
He stopped at an expensive looking hall, seemingly a restaurant, or an events place, honestly youâre not sure. There's a waitress waiting at the reception. Renjun just says his name, and the woman just nodded and smiled at you. You hesitantly smiled back, and thatâs when she guided you inside.
âWhat is this?â Your heart is now pumping out your chest, as you try to figure out Renjun's plan.Â
He just turns to you and puts his index fingers on his lips. The waitress stopped at a double door, knocked five times, odd to say the least, then gestured for Renjun to open the door.Â
For a moment, Renjun unlinks your hands from his arms to open the door. And as soon as you took a step inside the dark room, a collective excitement shrieked as the lights turned on.Â
âCongratulations, Birdie!âÂ
Your eyes widened, your mouth fell open as you saw everyone who ever mattered to you greets you with the widest smile as they held their own party prop. The confetti drowns you, but it doesn't baffle you. What touched you the most is your cheer squad, Minnie leading them as she blows the small horn.Â
âCelebrating Y/N âThe Birdâ L/Nâs legacy in NCU Squadâ it says on a banner.
You covered your mouth and immediately broke down, Minnie running to you and hugging you so tight.
âBitch, youâre gonna make me cry!â She whines as she tries to wipe your tears off your face.
You clutch your chest, being overwhelmed in joy. Sniffing silently as you greet the other people.
âThere she is!â You hear Coach Evie emerging from the crowd, embracing you.
âThank you, Coach.â
âYouâre by far the best cheerleader Iâve seen in my career. But I know youâre much better than just being a cheerleader. Please remain as hopeful as you were before, Birdie.â She says, making you sob even more. You murmured more gratitude to her.
âUh-Uhm.â You look at someone clearing their throat beside you, and you see an awkward Haechan standing there looking at his feet. Renjun harshly nudges him forward to you, Jeno and Jaemin smirking behind him.
âI apologize for my behavior, and I regret everything I have said thatâs hateful towards you. I wish we could get along and be friends. And again, Iâm sorry.â He says, almost robotic, and most people would find it insincere, but you just chuckled.
âDid Renjun ask you to memorize that?âÂ
âRenjun asked more, actually. He was supposed to kneel, Birdie. Just wait for it..â Jaemin snickers, Jeno laughing at the entire thing.
âPsh. Itâs fine, Haechan. I forgive you.â You say in the middle of a laugh, finding it almost adorable how Haechan is scared of Renjun. Somehow, it just makes sense.
It was Jenoâs turn to hug you, âCongrats, Birdie.â Heâs always been soft and composed. You always appreciated that about him.
âCome here! Congratulations Birdie!!â Jaemin runs to you and embraces you, spinning you around. You yelp, not expecting it but Renjun quickly holds Jaeminâs shoulder as he pulls you from him.
âNot too much on my girl, dude!â Renjun shouts, as if Jaemin just kidnapped you in broad daylight. Jaemin carefully puts you down, pointing at Renjun with a mischievous smile splattered all over his face.
âOoh, Is our Renjun jealous?âÂ
The three of them clowned Renjun on, âItâs justâ! Sheâs injured!â He says in defense.Â
As much as you want to watch him have fun with his friends, youâre afraid whatâs on your mind canât wait any longer.
âBaby,â You gently pull at his hand. He whipped his head towards you quickly.
You caress his furrowed brows, smoothing it then caressing his cheeks. In the middle of the chaos, the noise and the sea of people, you looked at him as if you two were the only people in the room.
His eyes fill your chest with warmth, the familiarity of his touch calming your soul, and the comfort of his smile soothes your entire wellbeing. He is your solace, and you wonât ever fucking do anything to hurt him, ever again.Â
âI love you,â You say, silently, eliciting a smile from him. He leans down, kissing you with intensity, almost sparking a flame between the two of you. You hear the crowd cheering, as you two pull away.
âI love you, and you will never be unloved by me. Iâm sorry baby but youâre stuck with me. Be my girlfriend again?â He asks loud enough for just the two of you. You nod eagerly, kissing him again.
Thatâs when you felt the world cheer for your happiness. Itâs now clear to you that your happiness is with him. Not with cheerleading, not with anything else. Your dream could change, your future could give you the biggest plot twist ever known to man, but one thingâs for sure.Â
Just as long as youâre with Renjun, youâre gonna be okay.
To: My dearest Renjun,
I will love you in this lifetime, and the next, because forever doesnât seem enough. My love, youâre worth it all. xoxo
-y/n
-end-
#nct imagines#huang renjun#renjun x y/n#nct x reader#nct dream#kpop imagines#kpop au#nct aus#renjun x you#nct renjun#renjun x reader#nct fanfiction#nct smut#nct dream smut#nct angst#nct dream angst#renjun angst#kpop smut#kpop oneshots#kpop fanfic#fanfiction#smut#angst#renjun fluff#nct fluff#kpop fluff
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batboys hcs with a architect s/o and how sheâs so talented into architecture and critics places they go too for fun?? đđ your writing is so fucking amazing omg (please write more)
âTHIS PLACE COULD USE A EXTRA⌠SHINEâ ââ .⌠DOLLISH
a/n: this made me laugh so hard because IâM MAJORING IN ARCHITECTURE RN in college and itâs so funny receiving this but yeah literally tysmm and I will be like refreshing my âpageâ if it makes sense so Iâll writing more often from now on so get ready.
Tags: batboys x architect!fem!reader
DICK GRAYSON ââ .âŚ
Dick is amazed by your architectural skills and loves to hear you talk about your designs and the inspiration behind them. Heâs always asking you for design tips for his own living space in BlĂźdhaven asking if you can spice his furniture in his apartment and etc.
When the two of you go on dates or to art exhibits, Dick is the type to listen to your critiques and try to pick up on architectural details, though heâs more likely to focus on the overall vibe of the place than technical elements. He loves hearing how you appreciate places that balance form and function.
One of his favorite things is visiting old, historic buildings or new constructions with you and asking your opinion on how theyâve been designed. Heâll even take notes when you go on architectural tours. (You once joked that the ceiling of a museum looked like it was gonna topple on someone and you swear you saw him tense up so fast moving a few inches from you)
JASON TODD ââ .âŚ
Jason is the most curious about your work, wanting to know every detail about how buildings are designed and what makes them stand out. Heâll often ask about the story behind a particular structure or the challenges faced in a project (heâs just a curious boyđĽşđĽş)
When youâre out and about, Jason can be pretty critical too, especially about how places are put together. If a building seems impractical or poorly designed (like small stalls for bathrooms and just that shitty nonsense), heâll express his frustration, and youâll be right there with him offering insightful critiques. You both tend to agree on bad urban planning and laugh about it.
Heâll enjoy taking you to abandoned warehouses or old buildings in Gotham to test your architectural knowledge. Sometimes, you both challenge each other to design something better or fix up a dilapidated structure together.
TIM DRAKE ââ .âŚ
Tim is very impressed by your intellect and the level of detail you put into your architectural designs. He admires how you view the world through the lens of space, function, and beauty.
Tim loves to dive into deep architectural discussions, analyzing how places are structured. He might even pull out his phone to look up blueprints or information about buildings while you're at a location, appreciating the design choices. He enjoys debating the merits of modern architecture versus classic styles with you.
Tim would likely plan visits to art museums or landmarks that have a rich history of architectural design. Heâd love to hear your thoughts on every building and structure, and heâll probably surprise you by arranging a private tour with an expert in architecture.
BRUCE WAYNE ââ .âŚ
Bruce doesnât show much outward enthusiasm about your work, but itâs clear that he values your opinion. He appreciates your attention to detail, especially when it comes to Gothamâs urban design. Heâs likely to ask for your advice when dealing with the renovations or restoration of the Wayne estate or other properties.
Bruce is very into efficiency and functionality. When you critique a building, heâll listen intently and agree with your assessments if they make sense, especially when it comes to practicality. He appreciates your ability to separate the aesthetic from the real-world needs of a space.
Bruce might take you to visit some of Gothamâs oldest buildings, showing you around his favorite spots. He values your perspective and loves seeing the city through your eyes, especially when you point out potential improvements. Heâs also secretly proud of your talent and often encourages you to push boundaries with your designs.
@dollishbabess made by me, do not translate or copy or put on a different platform.
Second divider @cafekitsune
#batfam#batfamily#batboys s/o#different batboys#batboys#batboys fluff#dollishbabess#jason todd#jason todd x fem!reader#dick grayson#dick grayson x fem!reader#dick grayson x reader#jason todd x reader#tim drake#tim drake x reader#tim drake x fem!reader#hcs#fanfiction recommendation#incorrect quotes#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x fem!reader#bruce wayne x reader#writers on tumblr#dc robin#dc universe#architecture#architect!reader#fem!reader#dc x fem!reader#funny hcs
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Oh I LOVE the idea of memorial tattoos! That's so sweet (obviously in an incredibly sad way, but still). There was a fic I read once where Cody gave himself tattoos for people he loved who were still ALIVE, with the intention that he'd cut through them and create a scar over the tattoo if the person died as a visual representation of that memorial while also being a reminder of the people who are still with him, and that's stuck with me to this day. I have no idea which fic it was anymore off the top of my head, but it's such an interesting way to utilize tattoos because it lives somewhere in-between using tattoos to just represent people you care about who are either still alive or who have already died. But getting a tattoo for people who ARE alive but who are incredibly likely to die soon due to their circumstances and so he has a plan to sort-of... visually mar the tattoo with a different type of body modification adds so much nuance to it in a way I've never seen anywhere else.
And that's what I find most interesting about it, how the clones choose to utilize this art form to define who they are, not JUST as individuals, but as a CULTURE amongst all of them. And how is this culture different from anyone else's, how is it impacted by the experiences the clones have had and are currently having? How does this impact their approach to art, which could certainly be tattoos, especially in their early days, but might also make its way into things like songs and poetry and storytelling that are oral art forms, or things like cooking maybe that could be impacted by both the approach to their diets by the Kaminoans as well as the amount of traveling they do later and the interactions they might have with other cultures.
I just love looking at what makes the clones UNIQUE and how different aspects of their culture might be different from others specifically as a result of their incredibly unique upbringing. That's why I loved the fic with Cody's memorial tattoo because it's such a unique concept, having to build a tattoo design for people who are still alive but with the knowledge that it will very likely need to BECOME a memorial later. How many other cultures would even need something like that? The clones have such a low life expectancy because they've been built to die and they're also so often separated from each other and they probably have very few ways of keeping around things that remind them of their loved ones. So they come up with tattoos that can be a remembrance for someone still alive but separated that can be turned into a memorial for someone who has died and it doesn't actually take away from the tattoo design. What other culture would have a similar need for that kind of thing?
And of course they can have happier or sillier options, too, like putting a loved one's face on their body in tattoo form, or maybe a lot of text options later like poems or songs or recipes that mean something to them and that they want to make sure can't get lost (we don't know if they have access to PERSONAL padds of any kind where they could write things down that aren't related to work and even if they do, the possibility that it could be lost or broken is pretty high).
I feel like there's WAY more attention paid to armor than tattoos in clone culture within fandom and I think tattoos deserve more attention than they get (and armor less). Because yes, we do obviously see different armor designs and the like, but we also see a LOT of clones wearing pretty much the exact same armor design as a lot of other clones (the Doylist explanation for this is obviously that the animators weren't going to come up with separate armor designs for every single background clone, but I'm taking a Watsonian approach here), whereas any time a clone has a tattoo somewhere, it's never the same thing twice.
Armor designs are fun, they're nice, but armor breaks and gets lost while the tattoos are on their bodies FOREVER. We've also seen a few clones who have armor designs that match their tattoos, and I'm headcanoning that the tattoos came FIRST. So even some of the clones who we DON'T see have matching tattoos to their armor designs probably actually do somewhere. So like Waxer and Boil didn't just put Numa on their helmets, helmets get broken and destroyed, they got her face tattooed on their bodies somewhere, too. Rex has the shriek hawk eyes tattooed somewhere. Cody has the sunburst tattooed. If the design means something to them, it's been tattooed on their bodies, too.
I want more shared tattoos between clones who care about each other, too. Probably not the same as the one they have on their armor, but something else that's special to just the two of them. Fives and Echo could have a little domino tattoo somewhere to represent not just their bond, but their bonds to the rest of the squad they lost. Sometimes it's a memorial for someone they've lost, like maybe Jesse and Kix have a tattoo for Hardcase after Umbara, or Fox has one for Thorn after Scipio.
Tattoos are also a lot easier to hide and keep private from certain people if necessary, while armor designs are always able to be seen no matter what. So tattoos can be a LOT more personal than an armor design, too. They can represent terrible traumas or the deepest dream, something they don't dare even discuss with anyone else but don't want to forget. Clones with tattoos of coordinates to a planet they might one day want to call home, clones with tattoos of quotes that inspire them or maybe the last words spoken to them by a loved one or a promise made to someone else that they hope they can keep. Many clones have plant tattoos of some kind, the first flower or tree they ever saw, to remind them of the beauty that exists in the galaxy and what they're fighting to protect. Names are incredibly common tattoos once they've chosen it, either written out in letters or represented in an image somehow.
Over time, maybe in a happy fix-it AU where they have the ability to really let this develop, certain designs and patterns start meaning certain things to the clones and so they become shared across MANY clones as almost a shared unspoken language. A specific design might mean loss, or specific achievements in life.
Just... more about the tattoos in clone culture, they're SO underexplored.
#clones#clone culture#i just love considering what's DIFFERENT about the clones to anybody else#there already IS a culture hyperfixated on their armor and what the designs on it mean#i want the clones to have something else - something uniquely theirs that's related to their own experiences and values#as opposed to plopping some other culture's values onto the clones and calling it a day
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Hii,question for the author! Cold we see a bit of plot, maybe a few posts that lets us see the characters and settings that you made,maybe some doodle comics? I just found your blog, and wanted to ask, but there isnt a starting story yet, just characters. Or is the story somewhere else and im missing something?
Also, I adore how you draw, very cool style!
Iâve waited for MONTHS to be able to make stuff for this world. And my deepest apologies for the delay and lack of said story posted here. Though I have a document for this AU pinned on this account, I feel it is important to share the tale in case anything were to happen to the document. Keeping a record of sorts. With that said, I hope you donât mind that I indulge you with the plot here in this ask. Better to write it if I am unable to illustrate all the details.
Big thing I want to emphasize is that Frisk doesnât have the ability to restart. From what is understood on their part, the option has all but vanished. Not that they want to restart in the first place. What they have now is great! Life for them feels, well, real. Not like a video game such as before. They get to make their own decisions about what to do. Some good, some bad, and some dumb. Regardless, they have the freedom to dictate their life. Itâs been like that for 8 years and hasnât changed since. Though the idea of it turning back into a game is a big possibility (or rather inevitable). But thankfully it wonât send them all the way back into the underground. That would be hell if it did.
Another thing, Friskâs story is about settling down with one thought that they have been trying to convince themselves is wrong and evil. And that thought is that itâs okay to fight back. Because the center point of the story is them going against another human named Vance whose own soul is corrupted and means to do harm to Frisk and any life they may value and cherish. Why? Purely because heâs jealous of what Frisk is. That they, and so many other humans have magic and Vance does not.
Vance is a boy who is obsessed with magic of humans and monsters alike. Especially Friskâs. Theyâre the main one who seems to have more going on than so many others in their community. However you see it, the boy is bad news and a bit of a freak. Definitely not a kid you want to be around. But he was the one who pushed Frisk to this new game that he will become aware of and have fun playing in. Frisk wonât though and will be so stressed out.
The main goal of this thing of mine is that no one should ever be blaming Frisk for anything here. They will do whatever they can to make things better. To try see good and seek out the possibility that change is out there for Vance. But he wonât want it and bash the options because itâs not what he wants. We are the viewers of this story. And all Frisk just wants is to live their life and live it with their family. That family being:
Sans
Papyrus
Aster (Gaster)
And the Dreemurrs
Theyâre all one big family.
This is a lot of info probably, but there is so much more in my document. Iâm just paraphrasing what I wrote on their onto here so others can see. Illustrations are in order, but my best option is write the concepts and story all down. I wouldâve made this a fanfic, but Iâm not too confident in my writing skills. But this is close enough for now cause I do want to draw stuff like this out. Also! Pretty sure this is an obvious sign, yet this an AU that leans more on the kids or teens of UT with many others slowly becoming involved.
Edit: Oh, and thank you for the kind words on my artstyle! Very much appreciated :)
#answered ask#utnewfoundfamily#undertale alternate universe#undertale au#the writer is talking#yeah this is kinda long my bad#I know images wouldâve been more fun#but I can write and that too is a form of art#anonymous
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please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it
If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them
#IM NOT GONNA GET TO MAKE IT FOR LIKE A YEAR...#well.#hmmm...#9 months#BUT it won't launch for like a year#so no one will get to SEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm shooting for pride month next year#pri(demon)th#LMAO#please pleae spleaple pla psl eaplse plaese#also when I say I want to talk about them I dont mean like let me ramble I mean... its hard to explain#but I want to be able to be like omg this meme is soooo zagan#and stuff like that#like I want them to Exist for me and for other people#so that they can be like a part of our lives#I mean. I also want to talk about it#but the story is still technically at that point where anything I make right now is still possible to change#cause. like. yknow.#the way writing works#especially for webcomics#ESPECIALLY for long form webcomics#and ESPECIALLY for me#is that until I get to actually see it as thumbnails#I dont know wtf is actually gonna happen.#like. stuff I've had planned for YEARS isn't making it in the furhter I'm getting into development#and I had always had it in my mind as a canon event but it's just sorta not anymore??#so. yeah I dont want to share too much outside of just art of them#cause I don't want there to be like Wrong information out there....#anyways.#we were legion
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small oneshot turning into something longer than planned
#my art#my comic#undescribed#op vamp au#its an idea thats been in my head for a long while. actually writing it is so hard tho â| ̄|_#dialogue changed going from comic to fic form. actually dialogue are so hard in fic form im used to small short sentences (irl too lol)#but it doesnt feel as natural in fic. mines at least. why.....#i love horror im always worried i cant do it. but that first comic turned out nice so i'll have to believe i can do it in words too smh
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âFool me once, Dusknoir. Fool me twice?â Echo supplies, ice in the bite of her voice, âAnd youâll regret it.â
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ECHO : (Hero)
Abilities: Bad Dreams / Synchronization
Nature: Impish / Quiet
Moveset: Dark Void / Psychic / Alluring Voice / Moonlight
#It's her!! It's my edgy girl!! Yippee!!#mutuals pls gaze upon her final form#i am looking directly at you s1nn0h I hope you like her design...#also added note!! Echo's eyes change color to blue whenever she uses moves it's like a jumpscare#and her neck scar MIGHT look a bit like darkrai's fringe on purpose#decided to make a character sheet for Echo so I could work on her design as an Umbreon#I'm happy with how she turned out!#tbh tho I did this mostly cause I needed something solid to look at while writing#and now I can stare at her while I think up so many scenarios to force her into muwahaha#and maybe now that I've actually got a design down I could draw some more stuff wouldn't that be crazy#sheet for Sora coming sometime soon too!! I can't forget my super sweet girl I love her so much#echo/umbreon#pmd ocs#pmd eos#explorers of sky#pmd2#my art#Team Wish my beloved...
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People donât talk about MC needing to wear a magical ring to not accidentally yk cause NATURAL DISASTERS with their powers??? Not only accidentally but without realising???
Diavolo or smthn is asking too much of MC or being a bit too annoying and their other hand slowly drifts towards the ring and they hold onto it while maintaining dead eye contact. Like continue to piss me off hoe Iâll blink and blow a hole in your castle idk
Obv they never do it (or do they?) but the threat is there and itâs a risk dia (or whoever but Iâm using dia) canât take
#âMC itâs your turn to take the trash out!â#*slowly reaches for the ring*#âon second thought-â#type beat#no cause why have I not seen ANYONE talk about how MCs magic is so strong they were GETTING RID OF PONDS in the celestial realm#and CREATING SINK HOLES in the devildom#Iâve also heard they were causing Natural disasters in the human world but I donât remember if that was canon or not#imagine an MC that has sensory issues that means they struggle to wear rings to sleep#or just the DENT MC would get on their fingers from itđ#uf it was lucifers ring then it might not even fit on most fingers if your MC is small. like#new toe ring just dropped ig? gotta go on the thumb dude#obey me#obey me solmare#obey me!#obey me shall we date#btw if ur seeing this#are you guys getting tired of these low effort posts that just revise the canon in joke form#because Iâm just being lazy and I can try putting in more effort and writing more full five if u wantđ#I have a fic and some ideas in my drafts but i can never seem to put my motivation towards writing#always art#which I donât even post 99%#and when I do itâs basically never on this acc itâs my art/oc one#so this acc gets neglected#these tags are too long peace out chat
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'mori ougai is his own warning' 'mori typical creepiness' 'tw m*ri' what if i started killing people should i start killing people
#and like honestly. look. i dont care that theyre writing it. fuckin WHATEVER sure#but if you goddamn insist on this. can you at least try to rub your fucking braincells together about it#because NOBODY puts thought into it. and it is ALWAYS the same like 3 tiktoks for the reaction videos with the same 4 reactions#and im gonna be honest thats definitely stolen art and 100% not what that artist drew it for im telling you now#like if youre going to fucking do this can you commit to the idea and make it interesting#can you actually like. think about how that'd affect the characters and the relationships they form#if i ever hear the words lights camera action again it will be too soon#aethers rants
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one of my toxic traits is that i can't stand writers as a class of people WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW ONES ok some of them are also the loves of my life but. they're crucially a minority so apart from those they're all SO annoying to me. and the fact that i'm also one doesn't help. anyway if you're a writer and i don't know you personally you should die
#i should maybe leave that one server i'm in it's not helping the hater tendencies#bc it's full of that one specific type. of people who write only because it's seen as the easiest way of doing it#which on a purely resources point is not exactly wrong and in a vacuum i always support getting your story out there in any way you can BUT#the result is that they genuinely don't care about writing as an artform. no consideration for prose no sense of style not even TRYING#to do something more than a glorified script in the format of a novel. and you can say 'oh you're being mean maybe they're just new to that#but it shows in the way they talk about other stuff too. completely ignoring the potential of the form. the reality of 'words on a page'#it's always just shit like 'is this villain's redemption arc ''''good'''' đ¤đ¤đ¤' or whatever. i hate you. i'll kill you.#that being said the prose warriorpoets who write only the most boring ass stories about men cheating on their wives are just as bad BUT#i don't meet a lot of those god bless.#anyway. i hate all of you and your fuckass medfan novels so so so so much i hope we all die in a fire for the sin of bad art#.parakeet
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guys i havent written since may (for killer's birthday) but stupid silly swapinverse has been on my mind for a little bit and i threw together this silly (he has a panic attack and throws up) little short draft 4 swapinverse horror!!
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âhah⌠ah⌠oh god⌠no, no, nononoâŚâ
he ran. sprinted through the forest like a frightened deer, his demeanor that of prey, although his previous actions aligned more of a predator. panting and shaking, his mind cycled through countless variations of how to react to what just happened, what he just did.
how should he react? how could he react? it was impossible to tell for him in the panicked state. and as the trees in snowdin slowly began to surround him (but weren't they always doing that?), paranoia couldn't run anymore. he was surrounded, he was blocked off, he couldn't escape. not from horrortale, not from snowdin, not from the dusty graveyard he had just left it, and not from the blood smeared across his mouth.
âno, i- what did, what did i do? paps, snowdin, even-undick, no, it-â
paranoiaâs incoherent rambles brought his hands to wander across his face, tugging at the massive hole in his skull spanning majority of the left side of his head. picking at the chipped bone didn't help, it never did, but a nervous habit was unbreakable, and he was more than nervous in this moment. in fact, quite terrified. everything was terrifying. he was terrifying. and as the slightest hint of red blood touched his sleeve, the once red, now magenta eye quickly locked onto it, and he couldn't hold it back anymore.
âfuck- oh god, no, aliza-!â
falling to his knees, a disgustingly gorey mess of red, pink, and black spilled from his mouth. sounds of retching and hurling were all that filled the empty forest, and paranoia couldn't bear to look down and see the mess heâd made. the mess heâs caused. wasted food, he would've said. but that statement normally only applied to others. he never imagined using it on himself. choking on his spit and certainly not his blood, tears fell from his eye, joining the vomit and blood seeping into the snow. strange. paranoia didn't think he had enough magic to even shed tears anymore. just for the bare necessities. he managed to surprise even himself, after all this time.
but could it be could be considered surprise, or rather terror? he fit up to his name, certainly horrified at his own actions. forcing out as much of the grossness he could that heâd just consumed, paranoia couldn't help but look down at what heâd done.
red. a lot of red. too much red. heâd never been queasy before, never. he had to adapt to it, being the one to hunt down humans that ran or sneak up on those when times got desperate. there was no time or need to be queasy at what he even considered his job before. a duty he had to do.
but now, there was too much red. far too much red. and he didn't know why, although he totally knew, but paranoia couldn't stomach it. he just threw his guts out (shouldn't they be alizaâs guts, or no?), and here he was, wanting to throw up until his SOUL shattered. his SOUL cycled through those strange 4 shapes, unsure of which to settle on. he couldn't blame it. paranoia himself was unsure of what was even going on anymore. he wanted to run, but was frozen. he wanted to scream, but didn't know who at.
everything was contradicting. everything was going on, and not enough was given for paranoia to understand how to deal with it. and with a muttered curse, he flopped on his side onto the somehow dry snow, losing consciousness in the haze of fear now intermingled with his SOUL.
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ik theres probably grammar mistakes i wrote this on my phone,,,, but like idk. had idea for a little moment in paranoia's lore and i sure as hell didn't wanna draw it so i wrote it as an easier media! god this is so much easier compared to drawing idk why i dont do this more often (because youre lazy silly!) anyways swapinverse silly i love swapinverse. i've only thrown up like never so i dont know if this works. also never had a panic attack (i think) and AGAIN i dont know if this is accurate but whatever i dont write to be good i write for expressing my ideas. like everything i do
#i might do another 4 savior and mania??? who knows#i feel like i cannot talk about the others in swapinverse unless i fully finish viceser and crash#and also thalia and melpomene are just too intertwined with multiverse lore that if#i make stuff about them it must be after i finish the swapinverse multiverse and lore and stuff#but mst are kinda seperated from that thing. none of the murder swap trio have anything to do with multiverse#so i can write about them just in their sole universes ans itll be ok#since ive already finished everything about them and their aus#aside from figuring out how theyll join the mv wifh the rest of the swapinverse fellas#i only had swapinverse on mind because i wanted to draw mst poly#i think thats the first time i've ever uttered that phrase. mstpoly. murder swap trio poly#damn...... i really should work on swapinverse more#this is ngl sooo not so ugh i feel like idk. could be cooler could be better#just that it feels kinda like word vomit. not really anything of substance#but ngl thats kinda just how i write sooo idk what i expected#i just get myself into the mindset and mind and write everything i think#my shitty form of method acting! đđđ#guys i made a new friend are you proud of me. it wasn't in school tjo#it was in my art class. i feel like they dont use she/her but idk anything else so ill just stick to they from now#object show fan. also phighting whatever the fuck that is. like an alternate universe version of me#i really shouldnt say that when we've only been friends ish for 2 days. but like theyre kinda similar to me#i think? i dont know. ngl i havent even asked their name yet in case they have another they'd prefer#or pronouns or anything like that i just havent gotten a chance to do so#for some reason we talk like we've been friends for years which is really weird to me. is it just a them thing?#bc ive never spoken to someone like that so openly before its kinda weird ngl. i actually got to speak about my utmv interest which was coo#i think. idk they dont seem that interested which fair. but i sent a paragraph about the mtt and they said tldr and it made me feel ngl sad#because like.... idk..... i tried watching some of the object shows they recommended and they seemed to enjoy that#but then when i recommend underverse or talk about mtt they don't really match my enthusiasm.... which ok thats fair i dont mind that#but it does make me sad. whatever..... whatever ill deal with it. maybe ill keep watching some of these shows they recommended#so i can have something of interest that they like that i can bring up incase they get bored or me or something#tricule write
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the damage rupi kaur has done to modern poetry is making me feel sick
#Can't they just bring back REAL poetry?#Are these people stupid or money hungry?#there are so many rupi kaur wannabes and they all write the most generic ugly ass shit#people like kaur have done a tremendous damage not only to poetry but to every form of art (including music)#which is why i read only real poetry by real poets#sometimes i wonder if people like rupi just steal boring posts from tumblr or use ai to create their 'poems'#I'd be too embarassed to publish something so bland and generic lmao#they're like industry plants or worse#instagram poetry should should be banned#i can write better shit after CBD so shut the fuck up shut the fuck up#but if I ever publish MY poetry book then you will all see!#rambles
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do you ever think about how dancing for other animals is a mating ritual? we all find people who can dance well super attractive. back in the day, balls and dance halls were places to scope out potential suitors: formalised dresswear as well as being smooth with the moves was essential to presenting oneself and oneâs prowess and confidence to society. the nobility was taught not only political, socioeconomic, and linguistic knowledge, but how to dance as well. is dancing a human mating ritual? or, the better question: whatâs stopping humans from embracing dance more? in this essay, i will explain why i find dancers so damn attractiveâŚ
#dance#birds dance#Georgian dance#had to write this after I saw a reel on insta#no bc dancers are SOOO hot#ugh#incredibly sexy#if the birds can do it why canât we#ok so it was baton twirling not exactly dancing#STILL AN ART FORM#i want someone to court me with dance moves#dancers#they have such good style too#so sexy#Iâm literally chad from hsm2 cuz I donât dance#i wish I could tho#NOT TO MENTION SINGING#like ummmm hello???#am I secretly a bird??#Iâm just a peahen waiting for my peacock đ
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i haven't been able to write in days but i have a new oc to play dolls with my friends because i got possessed and started watching game of thrones
#that is all your honour no further comments#her form is already half-filled like i can't write but Boy do i want to engage in the art of creating#also can i share my game of thrones opinions#there are too many povs per episode snd it distracts from Every Single Storyline#each episode should have like 2 povs Max because it's hard to get invested wuth so much getting thrown at you at the same time#also the acting performances are the best part of the show. everything else is... okay#also also. why were people so obsessed with jon snow he's literally just some guy (i know the twist don't even @ me)#^ this too with daenerys except she's not just some guy she's just annoying lol. and her plot is white saviour-y which đ¤˘#literally catelyn and tywin are my favourite Only because they have given the most compelling performances#but i digress.#pia.txt
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