#but it doesnt feel as natural in fic. mines at least. why.....

[sualne]

small oneshot turning into something longer than planned

[normshortfornormal]

op i'm SO glad you talked abt hextech and how he might stay away from it and also the part where martial law was declared bc i have THOUGHTS

when i was rewatching ep 3 (for steb reasons) and caitlyn was walking up to the front of the hall, the rest of the enforcers were sort of visible behind her (but small and blurry due to perspective). in that perspective, you can see everyone thumping their chest, but i'm not sure if steb is? i rewatched the small moment several times but because the rest of the enforcers (maddie, steb, etc.) are far away and blurry it's hard to see for sure, but you can sort of see how everyone is moving their arm, but steb doesn't have that same motion. then again, it's hard to see so take all this with a grain of salt please

and also on hextech and how it utilizes magic, it makes me really wonder what steb thinks of it? vastaya have a deep connection to magic (it's like water or air for them, iirc), so it makes me wonder how steb feels abt hextech and putting magic into the hands of the masses. vastaya in ionia arent very happy with how humans are utilizing magic so i wonder if steb has similar feelings, likely being a vastaya himself? (though not necessarily from ionia, though that is a personal hc of mine, but he doesnt have to be from ionia to be a vastaya and have feelings/opinions abt how magic is being utilized in hextech) (but on him being from ionia, that definitely makes him and his relationship with the noxians... interesting) (but that's neither here or there)

going off of xayah and rakan's voicelines, they seem to view magic as a sort of force of nature, something free and wild that can't be (or shouldn't be) controlled or tamed to the whims of what humans want. granted, xayah and rakan are radicals, so their words might carry a bit of bias in them, but i think there's still value to be taken from their words and opinions. it makes me wonder if steb feels the same way about magic? does he dislike hextech and the way it uses magic? is he neutral? does he just not care?

AND ON HIM POSSIBLY BEING A VASTAYA (sorry this is so many words i just have an incredible amount of thoughts), vastaya are intimately tied to magic (iirc they're magical beings ? either way magic is something that is innately part of them) and in s1 of arcane, during e2 (i think), it was said that piltover was made to get away from the mage wars. it seemed like magic was heavily criticized? which makes me wonder how vastaya are treated since they're so innately connected to magic.

given the timeline of arcane (from e4 of season 1, to when steb is introduced in s2), i dont think steb is a brand new officer at the beginning of s2. i think he was an enforcer at least in s1, and maybe even before e4 of s1 (but didnt have his debut until s2). even though piltover is more open and accepting of magic now, it's hard to say if EVERYONE is completely accepting of magic (especially magic-based species/races), which makes me wonder how steb is treated or thought of by others. idek if this last paragraph makes sense its kind of just a jumble of words

i just think steb and his relationship with magic (and the relationship the general population has with magic) is so interesting, esp since s2 focused largely on the arcane. but it's ok, that's why fics exist! so we can all explore these different parts of steb and the arcane universe

Hi! I wanted to create a collaboration of notes I had on Steb and his contribution to the plot of Arcane, also posted this on reddit, so here is everything from stuff I saw to things I hypothesized -

This is Steb:

You can look on his little fandom wiki tag for stuff that I don't touch BUT ESSENTIALLY

1 He appears in episode 1 as the silent officer who pokes Loris while Maddie talks to Vi. And from what I get from the conversation is that Steb had to have worked on the force long enough to be given Maddie as a junior officer that shadows him. An interesting combo considering he turned out to be reserved care and Maddie ended up being false cheer.

2 He's well trained in close combat and seems to prefer it on multiple occasions.

At the very beginning he holds a collapsible baton that seems to be geared more into disarming people or incapacitating them. During the attack on the memorial where he's not only the first to act but later when he reunites with Maddie and their surrounded by Shimmer mutants she seems to have given him a blade that Steb wasted no time in stabbing into the closest mutant. And it develops into him using dual single hand batons when he's enlisted on the strike team.

(We later see all mutants have spears in their head so I can't tell if he killed or not. But I do think he accidently killed the man that shot the flare because there was blood coming out, the mouth was parted open, and both Mel and Steb looked shocked.)

It isn't until episode 9 during the finale we see him shooting a gun that I think it resembles his decision that now he really doesn't have a choice other than to kill the enemy and save the platoon he was given to command (NOTE: I believe everyone he was given to command all ended up surviving) or die trying to knock people out and reduce casualties. I find it interesting especially since he's a medic in addition to being an enforcer.

3 HE IS SO AWARE OF EVERY LITTLE THING

Complete distrust to the Noxus when they arrive? Check. Wide eyed and stunned at Maddie and Caitlyn's decision to join the Noxus then literally checks out like Loris for a long while? Check. He's literally the person to see everything go down and just decides to assumably remove himself from the equation for the next few episodes before being called upon again AND I WISH I KNEW WHERE HE WENT (which has now led to me writing a fic but anyways)

4 Interesting things that I need to point out

-In the end of episode 1 where the strike team is introduced, Steb is the only one to not get a Hextech upgrade to his weaponry,

I assume this is from some type of moral code he continues to have where he refuses extreme force. Additionally, and its probably a stretch, the screen glitches over Maddie and Loris but focuses on him symbolizing he's the only one out of the three of them to live.

-His ears and his little cheek fin frills respond to EVERYTHING. Kind of reminding me of a fish's lateral line when it responds to vibrations in the water and stuff but anyways-

Considering he's some type of Vastya fishfolk, or half of cuz he has eyebrows and hair, it's interesting. I saw someone comment that the fishfolk had a connection to the Arcane and it's magic AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL TO EXPAND ON BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE. That could have been the reason why he averted to using Hextech advancements. And the more in tune senses helping him stay alive.

As well as explain why he was the first to act like in E1 and E3 when the strike team meets Heenox.

- Speaking of E3, you can literally see him not even look up at the murder dolls which includes everyone's death or injury but his coming true. And when he does treat Heenox not only does he see the effects of the Grey but when Caitlyn loads her gun to shoot the man Steb is turning to Vi like a "Get your woman???" 

He seemed to loose trust in Caitlyn there, as I noted he was the only one to look back when their group split as Vi and Caitlyn went off to face Jinx alone.

I can one hundred percent imagine Steb getting angry as a medic when he realizes he was kept in the dark about the use of the Grey as well, because he's not only the one who has to treat it but also has to live with the realization they did more harm to innocents and Jinx was in the right for rerouting all the vents they opened to release it.

- It appears that he is selectively mute, I assume that is has something to do with his biology since Jericho, the street vendor showed in S1 and later in S2, doesn't speak either but is seen being able to laugh and yell just like Steb. Personally think Steb doesn't speak much because its hard to do/hurts.

Which would have been so interesting to have been explored or at least acknowledged because it would have hit so much harder when in E9 we presumably hear him shout for his unit to get up and move when his leadership was needed most. 

-Maddie's betrayal had to have hurt so bad for him. She was his shadow, the one he was suppose to teach and in the end her ambition for power took hold of her and was the reason for her end. And for him to be someone so observant and careful and let that go right past him must have killed a part of him because he probably excused some of her behaviors. Like how Maddie had called Vi "one of the good ones" when referencing her origin from the Undercity. OR even when they were leaving and when Steb motioned for her to follow him Maddie only went when she heard another officer in the distance call for her.

It definitely could have been expanded on if the Arcane team was given a bigger budget for him to sign and Maddie to mistranslate or even ignore his authority because of his disability. Like, she cares for him but not enough to respect him.

I feel like when Caitlyn woke up to see Steb sitting there that pain was shown heavily but not enough. 

Anyways!

If you made it to the end of my rant, yay, this is all the deep diving I'm using for a fic and I hope it helps, if you have any thoughts to add please do!

[kidrat]

observations* from writing that one fic, which has been like 10% writing and 90% meticulously editing for tone and characterisation:

use that uk slang. whack it on the page like ur an american girl on tumblr circa 2014 who just binged doctor who and thinks the accents are hot. like ur off ur face on harry potter fanfic. like u have a fetish for cumberband and styles. LICK the anglophile, BECOME the anglophile, HACK the anglophile’s theresa may smut rp blog-

Simon’s pov at least imo is a bit more matter of fact on page than it comes across, the humour comes from charm and even remarks that are technically comedic don’t feel Pointed. 

his sentences also tend to be shorter (than mine which may not be saying stuff) and simple. not as in he’s thick, he’s just not flowery. this feels obvious as part of his characterisation but it’s hard to remember when you’re including a pretty description of Watford bc those are also in character, and when using imagery it’s sometimes hard to remember to stay straightforward.

The last point on some level goes for the whole book, which i think is part of why it’s so easily readable while not not being boring. It’s v typical of books like harry potter imo! gives it the Vibes of smth enjoyed by kids and adults alike (tho u probably cldnt read carry on to a small one)

most characters use a lot of italics for emphasis

there’s also a lot of punctuation for flavour, which is great bc i go ham for elipsis. Simon in particular uses a lot of question marks

he also tends to phrase things with uncertainty, even if he’s not expressly saying he’s unsure or doesnt understand. ‘I guess [theory]’, and ‘i’m pretty sure [opinion]’. 

he also defers to stating what other people have told him, which is a great tool for exposition of other characters and a way to break up simon’s pov bc a lot of stuff is by nature expositional in carry on since we need to be filled in on all seven years before this on.

Speaking of, there are references to past events constantly, it’s very cute

LICK the anglophile, BECOME the anglophile-

*entirely for my own benefit,

[fullmetalscullyy]

Roy has a girlfriend and she and Riza dont get along very well, she gets jealous of how close Roy and Riza are and tells him to choose between them. Roy doesnt even need to think to answer.

(hey i’m back to answering asks i probably should’ve answered weeks ago whoops)

thank you for this ask anon!! it’s an idea i’ve kinda always wanted to tackle but kept forgetting about lmao also this has spiralled out of control and will be a multi-chapter fic i just finished the first one tonight and there will probably be three (maybe idk it might grow more arms and legs who knows at this point)

fic title: “closer” from a song by travis

rated: t | words: 3479

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

ao3 | ffnet

A knock sounded at the office door and Riza Hawkeye knewinstantly who it would be. Glancing at the clock confirmed her suspicions, andshe would have groaned if she wasn’t in such a professional environment. Plus,the Colonel was in earshot and she wouldn’t humiliate herself like that.

“Come in,” he called, not looking up from his paperwork.Apparently, he had no idea who it could be. Riza didn’t know why. Their visitorwas persistent and clingy. She arrived around this time every day, greeting himso they could both walk home together.

Riza was no stranger to jealousy, however the last time she’dexperienced it was when she was merely a child. She’d been jealous of Roybecause he’d gotten her father’s attention while she’d been left by thewayside, forgotten about once more. In hindsight, she was glad she’d been leftto her own devices. Her father was insufferable, holding her to an impossiblyhigh standard which made the fallout even worse when she inevitably fell short.Being unable to perform alchemy – his alchemy – was the last straw.After all the pressure, the tears, and the yelling, he gave up on her completely.A year later, the apprentices began to roll in, none lasting longer than a fewdays.

But Roy… He’d managed, somehow. Riza never asked because shedidn’t want to taint their conversations with the mentions of her father. RoyMustang had lit up her dark childhood with a spark of friendship and she wasloath to ruin it with her father’s darkness.

So yes, she’d been jealous once before. It wasn’t hard tosee why.

But this… They were co-workers. Sure, they’d spent most oftheir formative years together. He’d become her closest friend, her confidantin her time of need, and a great pillar of support for Riza.

Eventually, he’d become her lover.

But that all ended after Ishval. The reasons were mutual, buton nights when she felt loneliest, she would long for his touch, his deep voicewhispering in her ear, his lips on her.

It made things… difficult. Especially now.

So, it was natural to feel disheartened when his attentionwas being diverted away, she told herself, especially after they’d beentogether for so long.

And as Eve Nesbit walked through the door with her usual toosweet smile, Riza couldn’t help but feel that little niggle of jealousy in thepit of her stomach.

Only because Eve got to be with Roy in the way Riza sodesperately wanted to but couldn’t.

Damn her and her absurd emotions. If she could glare atherself for being ridiculous then she would. It was immature and none of herbusiness. He was her boss, for goodness sake. Nothing more. She was happy thathe’d met someone. She was.

Riza didn’t miss the glare Eve shot her way though, when sherealised the office was empty. The rest of the team had left for the day, Havocbeing the last one to go who left ten minutes ago. Apparently, Eve was jealousthat they worked and spent so much time together.

Riza genuinely couldn’t understand women like that.

She’d had her fair share of it. The glares and whispers shegotten from other women as she walked one step behind the Colonel.

“Why does he want to spend so much time with her?”

“What does he even see in her?”

“Maybe they don’t just work together, if you get what I mean,”followed by a catty laugh.

Jesus Christ, women, just let me live, Riza would oftenthink to herself with a roll of her eyes.

She’d heard it all. If anything, her skin was bulletproof.Of course, he was oblivious. He was the shining star who played up his part. Rizadidn’t blame him. It had all been part of their plan to keep up appearanceswhile they infiltrated the military from within, but even now after the PromisedDay, it still happened. He still had a part to play to get to the top, afterall. His work on the Promised Day put him in great standing, but that was onemilestone down. They still had a handful left to go.

“Roy,” Eve crooned in greeting, hurrying up to his desk.Riza almost frowned at the inappropriateness of it all. A civilian shouldn’t evenbe in the building anyway. However, knowing the Colonel, he’d probably charmed someoneinto getting his own way.

Or Eve had snappily asked to speak to some young officer’ssuperior for not letting her in right away.

Yeah, that was more likely.

“Hey, Eve,” he perked up, shooting her a quick grin. He rosefrom his chair and Riza had to force herself not to gag at the very obvious wayEve grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, kissing him more passionately thanwas necessary. They’d only been dating a few weeks. Even Roy was caught offguard, one hand flailing to the side at the unexpected attention. The woman wasclearly in the honeymoon period already.

Eve was a petite woman. Even in her massive and expensivebrand heels, she only just met Roy’s height. Her hair was cut short in a bob,catching the light perfectly. Every time she moved every hair fell back intoplace effortlessly. Her makeup was expertly done, not a line or an eyelash outof place. Her smart, black, suit jacket and skirt screamed wealth, the fabricshining in the fluorescent lights of the office. In fact, her whole demeanourand attitude exuded that fact that she thought she was better than everyone inthe room.

Riza wondered just how the Colonel was so blind to itall. It was truly baffling.

Men, her brain reminded her.

“Let’s go, honey,” she urged, tugging his hand to pull himout from behind his desk. “We have dinner reservations in an hour.”

“I would love to,” he began, glancing back to his desk. “ButI’ve got all this work to do still and –”

Resigning herself, Riza stood and cleared her throat, tryingto get their attention. Hesitantly, she stepped around her desk and approachedthem both. Eve narrowed her eyes at Riza. The blonde knew she hated her. It wasclear in her dismissive attitude of Riza and the sharp looks, but Riza didn’t bite.She just smiled at the woman and let her live in her petty little world. Killthem with kindness, was what Riza had drilled into herself at a young age.It wasn’t worth her time to rise to Eve’s childish challenge.

“Go, sir. I’ll take over here.”

“No, I couldn’t –”

“She just said you could, Roy,” Eve retorted, notgiving him a chance to dismiss Riza’s offer. Clearly, Eve was desperate to gethim out of the room and away from her. Riza felt amusement bubble in her chest.“So, let’s go!”

“Really?” he asked, speaking to her lowly. He sounded doubtful.Riza knew him. He felt bad about leaving her to do it all. It was clear in his concernedeyes. She ignored how it made her feel inside.

Riza nodded and smiled at them both. “Of course. Enjoy yournight. I’ve got some things to catch up on anyway and –”

“Oh, perfect,” Eve cried, grabbing Roy’s arm and attemptingto drag him out of the room there and then. He resisted, smiling at Eve, buthis gaze turned back to Riza’s.

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, go and enjoy your night. I’ll stay an extra hourand a half doing extra work – unpaid – so you can get your kicks.

Shaking those petulant thoughts, Riza nodded, plastering a convincingsmile on her face. “I’m sure, sir.”

“Let’s go then, Roy!” Eve squealed excitedly. “There is thislovely romantic restaurant on The Avenue that I’ve been dying to try. It’svery fancy, so we need to go home and get you changed. Or,” she giggled.“We could go home and get distracted if you’d prefer?”

Riza’s stomach tightened at the heavy implication that theywould be going home for sex. Not only due to her personal feelings, but it wasjust plain inappropriate. Roy seemed to think so too, because he frowned slightly,but he didn’t stop her from continuing her rambling that was no doubt a ploy totry and work up Riza.

Eve clearly suspected something was going on between the twoof them – the woman tried every minute they were together to put across themessage “He’s Mine” – but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The hada history, sure, but who didn’t? Even the boys had begun to notice her behaviour,and it irritated them as well. At least Riza had them on her side. It made her feelsomewhat pleased that she wasn’t entirely alone in this Eve shit show of tryingto get a reaction out of her.

“Have you ever been to La Taverna, Riza?” Eve asked.If a five-foot two woman could look down her nose at the taller Riza Hawkeye,then that was what she was trying to do right now. Riza smiled pleasantly ather, having none of it. Riza had worked underneath a homunculus, for goodnesssake. There wasn’t much that could shake her nowadays, especially not thiswoman’s attempt to try and tear her down.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Hm. Shame,” she replied, tone implying that it wasn’t ashame at all.

Wow. Just… Wow.

“Let’s go, Roy! We need to go and get changed if we’re goingsomewhere that fancy,” she urged, that wicked grin on her face, eyes moving totry and catch Riza’s eye.

“All right, I’m coming,” he replied, hastily grabbing hisjacket and car keys from his desk. “See you tomorrow, Hawkeye.”

“Yeah, see you,” Eve stated. Well, at least she gave her ownfarewell. It was the most insincere thing in the world, but it was a farewell,nonetheless. Usually she just ignored Riza completely.

As Eve all but dragged the Colonel out the door, Riza sighedquietly and turned to approach the Colonel’s desk.

“Hawkeye?” she heard him call. She almost jumped in fright,not expecting him to still be in the room. A panicked thought raced through herhead as she hoped he hadn’t heard her sigh. The last thing she wanted was todisrupt things, not just for him, but for her as well. She was managing Eve. Itwas easy, in truth, but she didn’t want to let on just much Riza just didn’t likeher. Not because she was with Roy, but because of her attitude.

She was even rude to the boys.

Turning, she saw him leaning backwards, a hand gripping theedge of the doorframe to keep his balance as his eyes met hers. Her stomachfluttered as she took in the sight of him. That lopsided smile, the excitementdancing in his eyes, and his dishevelled hair was causing it to do acrobatsinside her. It was grossly unfair.

Only because thatsmile and that excitement isn’t directed at you.

Oh my god, shut upbrain.

“You’re the best,” headded gratefully.

“It’s not a problem, sir.”

“Come on, Roy,” Eve giggled and Riza’s gaze moved tothe hand that had materialised by his collar, gripping it tightly to urge him awayfrom the door and into the night they had planned.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he called as Eveeventually pried him away from the door and Riza. “I owe you one!”

They left her alone in the office with only their laughterto echo back to her.

Riza’s shoulders slumped in defeat as she resigned herselfto her fate. Story of her life, at work, alone, to pick up the pieces whileeveryone left to enjoy their evening and a social life.

With one final sigh, she picked up the stack of papers,lugging them over to her desk. From the weight, this would take so much longerthan just an hour and a half. What had the Colonel been doing allafternoon to become this behind?

Her answer came in the form of a case file. Interest piquing,and forgetting about her current pathetic situation, Riza picked it up, openingthe file and skimming through it. It was for a robbery. It had ended in ashootout that incriminated one of the military’s own soldiers and it had fallenacross the Colonel’s desk today as a request to hear his thoughts on the case.On the paper next to it, there were doodles and scribbled notes covering it, linkingthe evidence in the case and notes together.

He’d been working on this, that’s why he was so behind.

Leaving the rest of the paperwork, Riza took the file overto her own desk. She could have sat in the Colonel’s chair, but that would havebeen some kind of self-torture that she wasn’t desperate enough to turn to yet.She didn’t need to feel so pathetic while his scent shrouded her entire being.No, she didn’t need that tonight.

Absentmindedly, she flicked through the file, adding her ownnotes to his, trying to make sense of everything. She should help, she toldherself. There was information on the bullets and firearms used which he’d puta large question mark next to. In a circle, were the words “ask Hawkeye”and it had been underlined twice – a reminder to himself to get her input on somethingthat most considered her speciality.

It made her stomach flutter again, a slow smile spreading acrossher face.

Goddammit.

An hour later – Riza could see why the Colonel had neglectedhis paperwork. This case was drawing her in, and she didn’t feel like stoppinganytime soon – a knock at the door broke her concentration. Looking up with afrown, she was confused as to who would be calling at the office at this hour. Theclock ticked on the wall, indicating it was half past six. She should havefinished an hour ago, but there was something about this case that kept herhere. Not to mention the fact that she still had all that paperwork to do aswell –

“General Grumman, sir,” she greeted, jumping to a sharp salute.

Grumman grinned widely at her, stepping into the office fullyrather than just having his head poking through the door. “Lieutenant Hawkeye.You’re a late one tonight.”

“Just catching up on the day, sir.”

“Mustang procrastinating again?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at all, sir. He was distracted by the case you passedover his desk this afternoon and I offered to organise it for him while he lookedit over. Unfortunately, I was distracted by other tasks and couldn’t completeit in time.”

Old habits of boosting his image in the face of the upperechelon died hard.

Grumman just stared at her for a moment, before breaking outinto a laugh. “The way you defend and cover for him. It’s admirable.”

Riza felt herself blush slightly.

“I asked him to look it over with you in mind due to the confusionover the kind of firearms and bullets used, but naturally I expected it wouldtake all his focus. I just wanted to pop my head in to see how far he’d gottenwith it.”

“Quite far, sir. I hope you don’t mind, but I added my ownnotes to it.”

“Not at all, Lieutenant. That’s why it sent it over here inthe first place.”

“I’ve managed to pick out the exact firearm that would usethat specific bullet. It’s not military issue, so it would exonerate WarrantOfficer Turner. He did nothing wrong. His gun may have been fired, but it wasn’this bullet that killed the shop owner. Another sweep on the scene may revealthe actual bullet that was fired.” She offered Grumman her notes and he scannedit eagerly while Riza stood and waited for his response.

“This is… Brilliant. Simply brilliant, Lieutenant,” he commentedafter reading, meeting her gaze with wonder in his eyes. “But how do you know Turneris innocent?”

“The bullet used is made to look and test like militarybullets, but they’re not. I saw a lot of them out east,” Riza launched into herexplanation as Grumman perched on the end of her desk, his full attention onher. “I noticed their differences early on in Ishval.” She supressed the memoryof removing it from a dying man’s body and being asked by her CO to examine itand determine if the Ishvalans were using their own weaponry against them. “Someonewas manufacturing them as a tactic to instil fear into the Amestrian soldiers.What would do it better than thinking the Ishvalans had their hands on ourweapon and ammunition stash?”

“Very true,” he murmured, gaze dropping to her notes oncemore. “So, this same person, or group, has moved onto robberies?”

“Possibly, sir, but I don’t think that’s the case. I hypothesisethat these thieves got their hands on this tech from out east and are briningit back into play to cause chaos once more.”

“Terrorism?”

Riza nodded. “I think so, sir. Make the military think that itsown soldiers are turning against the state. Not to mention, ruin lives andrelationships in the process.”

“Very good, Hawkeye. Excellent work,” he complimented inawe, an impressed smile spreading across his face. Riza shifted uncomfortablyunder his gaze, unused to someone complimenting her work. The boys did, and sodid the Colonel, but this was different.

She couldn’t remember the last time a family member had praisedher so much either.

“I would like your help further on this case, if you’rewilling?” Grumman proposed, standing from the edge of the desk.

“I would be happy to help, sir.”

“Excellent,” he grinned. “Report to my office tomorrow morningat 0800 hours. I’ll pass on the message that you’ve been temporarily assigned undermy command for the foreseeable future to Mustang tomorrow, seeing as he leftyou to pick up his slack,” he winked as he turned to take his leave. “Let thepoor boy suffer for his self-centredness, shall we?”

“I don’t –” Riza began, cringing. She didn’t want to cause ascene.

Grumman chuckled. “Not to worry, my dear. I’ll make sure it’spassed on. Leave that leftover work and go home. Mustang can do it tomorrow. Itserves him right for leaving you to do it alone.”

“He didn’t –”

“Plus, you’ve done more than make up for him not completingit in time. However,” he added, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I knowMustang well enough and I know you, Lieutenant. I know he was a lazy bumand didn’t finish his work on time, didn’t he? And you volunteered your free timeto stay late and finish it, didn’t you?”

Riza said nothing, but the uncomfortable look on her faceprobably gave her away. Grumman just laughed.

“I won’t tell, Riza, my dear. Now go home and get some rest.I look forward to finally getting stuck in with this case tomorrow,” hegrinned, leaving the office with a wave.

The silence wrapped round her as she processed what had justhappened.

Okay. New assignment. A thrill went through herstomach in anticipation of tomorrow. Not only would she get out of the officewhile the Colonel suffered with his paperwork, a small part of her was pleasedshe probably wouldn’t see Eve again for a few days. A blessing that she neededright now.

She just wanted some peace.

Glancing over to the Colonel’s desk, she eyed the paperworkthat was still untouched. Making her decision with confidence, Riza grabbed herpurse and packed up her belongings from her desk, leaving it tidy andpresentable as she wouldn’t be using it for a few days. Like Grumman implied,it served the Colonel right for being so lazy all day and leaving tasks to thelast minute, only for it to be pushed aside when something more interestingcaught his eye.

Riza tried hard not to tie that analogy to herself and Eve.Tried. But the heart is a fickle thing.

Maybe this was just what she needed. A break from him.

As she left the office, she walked with a purpose in herstep.

[fierceawakening]

Which is why I’m baffled when people who disagree with me on this like CoT, actually

Because I mean it’s not meant primarily as Messagefic, but it is expressing the point “not listening to your moral emotions is disastrous, even if your goal is to be good”

Because as I see it, that’s basically why Thanos acts immorally. (At least of we’re going by IW.)

While he presents himself as cold and rational, he has emotions, including some tender feelings about other people. In unguarded moments, usually when he’s won the day and it doesn’t matter if he looks soft, he’s weirdly gentle with them. He does the head scritching thing, he says he’s sorry, he tells them he understands how much they’ve lost (and I take that to also mean he understands why they must hate him, specifically, for taking it away.) He very rarely kills or intends to kill, and it’s usually only because someone would impede his ultimate goal if he didn’t.

But his devotion to his goal is presented as: This is necessary. If you stop feeling and start thinking, you’ll see that I’m right. Your emotional bonds with others are secondary to The Right Thing To Do. Hey, look... so are mine. I just yeeted the person I love most off a damn cliff.

Because the feelings that tell me not to hurt her are wrong. They’re distracting. They’re second to what my deliberations tell me is the only morally acceptable course of action.

So I mean, I’m gonna cry and brood and wish life was fair and all. Who wouldn’t? But I’m also going to keep going, because the fact that I hurt doesnt mean this course of action isn’t right.

Whereas where I think Endgame is going canonically, and where I’m explicitly going in CoT, is “actually, those emotions? That keep being pesky and making you and the kids both reluctant to decimate Wherever IV? They’re your brain telling you your actions are wrong, and you should listen to them and find another solution.”

The PTSD Gamora has in it? Part of it’s just that a lot of Official Badguys actually DO experience moral injury so it’s realistic. But part of what’s driving her kinda crazy is.

What her dad tells her, and her reason agrees with because she’s been trained to think it follows logically: This is necessary. My emotions may be natural, but they get in the way of doing the right thing. I can have them (hell even Dad has them!!) but I need to have them LATER and get over it NOW and keep going.

What her emotions tell her: No. Stop. Now.

At the point in her development where my fic begins, it looks irreconcilable to her and she doesn’t know what to do. She still looks up to and obeys Thanos because she thinks he’s successfully dealing with this problem and she isn’t.

But eventually she’s going to realize that her emotions have it right—that her “I can’t do this” isn’t weakness, it’s her own feelings peeking out of the cell they’re locked in, including her actual opinion, “this is morally wrong.”

Which is why, as I see it, Gamora leaves in canon and makes stopping Thanos a priority.

So it’s weird to see people not like it when I say it, but think it’s really interesting when my characters play it out in their actions and inner monologues.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: i get inspired by the most insignificant little things and i have no idea where im gonna go w this fic but...... juvia is so BEAUTIFUL omfg n i literally just wanna write a fic ab gray appreciating that. that’s it lmao. enjoy my loves!!!<333

**another note: haha oh ok it turned into something kinda rly different! its fine ig! psa im ab to kinda rant so u can skip this if u want!! if u wanna read this part it might be better to do it after u read the fic???? these arent spoilers its just kinda behind the scenes of ig.. ok so i try to think of gruvia in the most realistic sense possible. i incorporated gray having crushes bc simply, i think its true. i think gray had a crush on erza and lucy. i also think gray didnt fall in love w juvia at first sight lmao. i think it took a lot of time for gray to understand what juvia meant to him. also i find it INFURIATING that gray has never commented on juvias looks lmaooo (to my knowledge). like he said lucy and erza were pretty (at least in the anime) and literally all i want is for gray to acknowledge how fuckin BEAUTIFUL juvia is ongogmgogm. ok ok yes he commented "you're mine" and said "ur body is something i care about" and a whole lot of other romantic things but he has never made a comment solely on juvias looks and ik looks dont matter and im sure its hard for gray to even think ab juvias looks considering all the personality she has but literally all i want is a "ur cute". like thats all i need lmao. my girl needs recognition for being the most beautiful person EVER!! so yeah this fic is me trying to process how gray sees juvia, and even tho he doesnt say it, i can at least tell myself this is his thought process lmaooo. ((he also prolly doesn't say shes cute cus it would be way too embarrassing for him considering he has like actual real feelings for her)) ok ignore me literally typing word vomit lol pls enjoy ilysm. (((this rant is longer than the fucking fic. i cri.))))

*

Gray always had crushes.

It was normal, but Gray never really reflected on it until now.

First, there was Erza. They were just kids. When she first joined the guild, Gray thought she was weird, but he soon found out she was much more than that. She challenged him. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. He wanted to figure her out. She had a complexity that he never experienced before, and he was intrigued by it. Soon, the curiosity of the pretty girl with the scarlet hair molded into an admiration. He admired her beauty, her ability, and her heart, and the attraction just fizzled away over time.

Then, there was Lucy. This one was far simpler, and didn't hurt Gray's brain as much to try to comprehend. She was cute. She was quirky. She was a fresh face he saw around the guild. He couldn't deny the instant attraction he felt towards her, and he didn't necessarily try to fight it either. The bond was harmless, and Gray never expected anything to come from it, nor did he try to advance it in any way. She was just Lucy. A friend, a guildmate, and a teammate. While a part of him was inclined to make some sort of move, an even larger part of him didn't feel right about it. That small part that inquired for something more seemed to die out as well, and while he wasn't sure why at first, he was finally starting to realize what it was.

Finally, there's Juvia, who he would hardly ever consider a crush. Honestly, at first, nothing really struck him. She was pretty he supposed, but had an odd look. She had a dull personality. She was nothing special. Just another enemy to take out. That was all until their first fight came to an end. A piece of her did stand out to Gray, and it stuck to him. He wasn't sure why, but it did.

Then, time went on. Juvia's personality completely flourished, and it was like she became a whole new person. While Gray at first saw her mostly as an annoyance, it transformed into something completely foreign to him. He never knew how to place this feeling, and even now he still has trouble comprehending Juvia from time to time. While he wasn't sure how to feel about her, he did always know that she was something special. She was there for him like no one else was. She supported, helped, and loved him more than anyone. He was completely overcome by all of her. He was so overwhelmed by her love, it took him a long time to realize just how much he needed and cherished it. He needed that warmth in his cold, seemingly tragic life. While the people in his past died for him, she lived for him. He only recently realized that in some ways, that was much harder, and it was certainly much more meaningful.

She did have her faults though, as all people do. She was completely neurotic, clingy, emotional, short-tempered, dramatic, and just--well-- a weirdo, but...

he loved her.

He loved her strength, her devotion, her kindness, her optimism towards life, her enthusiasm, her humor (even when she didn't mean to be funny), and well- he just loved everything about her. Even the bits mentioned earlier that seemed not so great. He loved it all.

He had a hard time even calling Juvia a crush, truthfully. The way he felt towards her was far stronger than anything he'd felt for anyone else. Erza and Lucy held a place in his heart at one point, but now, Juvia was the whole thing. She owned every last part of it. It was a feat neither of the former girls possessed, and he didn't think anyone other than Juvia ever could.

And as he sat at a table across from the three women he ever had romantic feelings for in his life: Erza, Lucy, and Juvia, and pondered on these thoughts, he decided not only did Juvia have an amazing soul, she was damn beautiful too.

The strange thing was, Juvia was always pretty. But unlike his former crushes, he never really seemed to take the time to admire Juvia's looks. It was her personality that always stuck out to Gray.

But when he did take the time to sit and just look at her... wow. Erza and Lucy couldn't even hold a candle to her.

It was remarkable, honestly. She was nothing like any girl he had ever seen before. She was totally unique. Her hair was the perfect shade of blue that accompanied her perfect waves, making her mane resemble that of a beautiful ocean that he would absolutely love to get lost in. Her bangs fell perfectly over her hooded eyes that were coated in long lashes, and in them held a deep blue escape that were her eyes. Oh god, her eyes. They could tell you a whole story those damned things. Gray never had to ask her what she was feeling, because her eyes always said it all. Natsu was sitting beside him at the time, and said something that caused Juvia to laugh. Her plump, naturally pouted lips turned into a big beautiful grin in an instant. Gray wasn't sure what Natsu said, but it must've been pretty funny, because she then covered her mouth as she began to laugh even louder, and Gray was wishing she didn't hide behind her petite hands. After the laugh fest was over, she regained her composure and tucked an unruly blue lock behind her ear, and closed her mouth as her lips parted into a content grin, and just that small gesture shamefully drove Gray crazy. She was a masterpiece.

He decided he didn't stop to think about how breathtaking she was so much, because then it would turn into this. It became Gray relishing in every little detail Juvia possessed, and every mannerism she did. He never felt the need to look at a girl like that before, with such interest in detail. The feeling that took over when he really looked at Juvia was far too strong for him to comprehend too often. It was a feeling completely unfamiliar to him until he saw her. While his emotions about her were a lot for him to handle sometimes, he was thankful for it.

He was grateful for every last part of her.

"Gray-sama, are you alright?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, causing the tides of her hair to fall in a new, but beautiful way, and her eyes were filling with harmless concern. She must've finally caught him staring.

"U-uh yeah." He stammered. "I'm good."

"You're sure?" Her eyes began to flood with more worry, and she reached her hand across the table, holding onto his. Her soft, milky skin clashed with his rough feel, but they somehow fit perfectly together. He flinched at first, but instead of throwing a fit for his hatred of PDA, he decided he'd let their hands be. He wanted to take every part of her in right now.

"Yeah." He smirked, and slightly squeezed onto her hand, not caring about Natsu, Lucy, Erza, or anyone seeing them at that moment in time. She was all his. Not only was she his, but she was it. She was really the one.

"I'm just fine."

[whispers-of-gallifrey]

As We Sit By the Fire

This is my @classicwhosecretsanta gift for @monsterfisken, who asked for Nyssa and Tegan hurt/comfort. I’m...not sure about this, but I really hope you like it! I’ve also done another fic that doesnt follow any of your prompts, but I got the idea from them so I’ll post that next. Happy Holidays!

Set after Emerald Tiger, but before Prisoners of Fate

There are approximately 17 sitting rooms in the TARDIS, all located somewhere within the vast confines of the Gallifreyan ship. Approximately because the TARDIS likes to change things up every so often and the Doctor is never entirely sure whether it’s a new room he’s stepped into or if it’s Room 3 but with a different carpet, or is it just Room 1 every time?

Anyway, this story takes place in what is probably Sitting Room 12, but it might be 18. In any case, it’s a room with sofas and armchairs and a fire.

The atmosphere of this room was warm and welcoming. The aforementioned fire crackled and flickered, casting dancing shadows across the walls. The scent of pine needles hung in the air- the source of which was a large tree in the corner. Despite its positioning, this was the centre piece of the room, adorned with sparkly tinsel and ornate baubles (in his 3rd regeneration, the Doctor tried to claim these had been given to him by a God-like creature in the Mutara Nebula, but Jo said they looked exactly like the ones she’d seen in the antiques shop last week.)

It was positively cosy, and should have been a room entirely at peace.

So naturally, an argument was taking place.

“I don’t understand, Doctor,” Turlough complained, “Why are we celebrating Christmas?”

“Because, Turlough, it’s been roughly a year- relatively speaking of course- since we last celebrated it. Besides it’s rather good fun!”

“It also means we get cake and presents!” Tegan chipped in helpfully

Turlough looked at her.

“Oh come on, Turlough! Don’t be such a Scrooge!”

“Doctor! Tegan’s using Earth culture references again!”

“Well, you should know that one- you went to school!”

“Yes, and I do not need to be reminded of the time spent listening to my English teacher droning on and on about how this guy was dead to begin with!”

The Doctor stepped between them, arms raised in defence. “Alright, alright you two. Tegan, stop winding him up- don’t argue- Turlough, we are celebrating Christmas as a group and that means getting on, okay? I’m not putting up with you two squabbling any more till this holiday is over.”

The two exchanged sullen glances (although both were on the verge of bursting into laughter at the other’s expression.)

“Right! Good that’s sorted. Now, I am going to see if there’s anywhere or time on Earth we could visit that you would enjoy.”

“Good luck actually arriving there,” Tegan muttered.

The Doctor gave her a look that told her he wasn’t even going to dignify that response with an answer, then left the room.

—

“All I wanted to know was why we only seem to celebrate Earth holidays- holidays from merely one religion at that! Why do we never do one of mine – or Nyssa’s?”

Tegan had been about to reply with ‘you barely talk about your home- it took an entire kidnapping for us to even know something!’, but the mention of Nyssa silenced her. Their companion was in the room, yet hadn’t spoken at all- which wasn’t unusual in itself- but she hadn’t even attempted to stop their bickering, which was unusual.

Glancing towards their peacemaker, they saw she sat in the armchair, gazing deeply into the fire. The soft glow reflected of something on her cheeks. Tear tracks.

Tegan and Turlough turned to face each other and, in the silence of their stare, they came to an understanding. Turlough mumbled a non-specific excuse and dashed out the door. Tegan made her way carefully over to Nyssa.

“Did Turlough really just mumble “a non-specific excuse”?” She joked.

Nyssa made no indication of having heard the quip and continued to observe the fire, as if it held all the answers.

Tegan’s demeanour changed in an instant, from sarcastic Australian, to concerned friend. She stepped closer, making to perch on the arm of the chair; slowly she reached her arm out to place it round the Trakenite’s shoulders.

At the contact, Nyssa glanced up, eyes glistening with untold sadness.

“Oh…Tegan, sorry I didn’t notice…” she trailed off, eyes returning to the fire.

“Hey, hey it’s alright,” Tegan’s usually abrasive voice was soft and soothing, “What’s the matter?”

“It’s n-nothing Tegan. I’m fine.” Nyssa dabbed at her eyes with the cuff of her jacket, carefully ignoring Tegan’s stare. It wasn’t a very convincing lie.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll be forced to guess and you know what my guesses are like!”

Nyssa let out a shaky laugh at this, hopefully remembering the last Christmas the TARDIS team celebrated together, where they’d played charades and Tegan spent 10 minutes trying to guess what Adric was acting. Suddenly that moment felt, to her, like an eternity ago, and it must have felt even longer for Nyssa. When she’d left she’d been younger than Tegan, and now she was many years older.

And we’ve swapped one annoying brat for another, Tegan thought, trying to ignore the pang of grief tugging at her memories.

Her happy memories of all the banter, the frustration of all the arguments, the calm of the private moments she shared with Nyssa. Their family had changed so much-

That’s when it clicked.

Family.

“You- you miss your family don’t you?” she asked, emotions suddenly threatening to overwhelm her.

Nyssa nodded, then whispered, her voice catching slightly, “All of them.”

Tegan wasn’t certain on how to respond, so she asked: “Do you want to talk about it?”

–

Nyssa’s first instinct was to shake her head, but she knew bottling it up would only cause it to overflow at a later date- better get it done now, then she’d be better prepared to help others later.

Taking a deep breath (and a moment to consider her words) she began:

“All this talk of mentioning Christmas, it makes me think of all the other festivals and holidays in my life- making me realise all I’ve lost. I miss everything. I miss my family. My father, my mother, Kassia.

“On Traken we had this festival of light. It would be celebrated at the completion of every orbit our planet made of the sun, to remind us…”

The sun was beginning to set for the final time in that rotation. Dying rays of dazzling orange cast dark shadows across the land. It was not a scary sight; these shadows were dancing along with their owners, to the soft melodies that hung in the air. In a few moments, the lanterns would be lit, holding the light until it was the sun’s turn to lift it again. The festival would continue until the rays began to peak above the horizon, signifying the new beginnings for the Traken Union. Despite the advancing darkness, the atmosphere was light, laughter intertwined with the music and love was at the very core. The laughter and love were at their strongest between a group of three people. A man, a woman, and a young girl. The girl was wearing a brand-new dress; flowers adorned her chestnut hair. The other two were her parents, laughing at her joy as she swayed to the music, loving with all their hearts as she came back to them for hugs. They say Utopia cannot theoretically exist, but this must be the closest ever achieved.

–

Tegan’s own eyes were glistening with tears after listening to Nyssa recount the beauty that was Traken in the twilight.

“Wow…that sounds so…perfect…”

“It was. Back then, those nights felt like they would never end. But now-” She took a shaky breath. “But now they’ll never start again.”

Tegan gazed into Nyssa’s eyes. Eyes full of so much sorry and tragedy, but Tegan knew they could shine bright with hope and intelligence, and she’d do all she could to bring that back.

—

It was a few moments before either of them spoke, and when they did, they began discussing Nyssa’s children

“They’re the most wonderful children anyone could ever ask for. Neeka is strong and brave- she’s like you Tegan. A bit sarcastic and argumentative but she always knows what’s right. Adric is intelligent like his namesake – though he definitely eats less!” The two laughed gently at that.

“And Lasarti- he’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. He’s kind and…I love him”

Tegan tried to ignore the jealousy twisting at her heart. This was about Nyssa, not her feelings.

“Tell me more about them. What holidays do you celebrate on Terminus then?”

“The last thing we celebrated together was Lasarti’s birthday…"

The girl had spent hours trying to perfect the cake. It was slightly more difficult that synthesising an enzyme, but it was manageable. It had to be perfect. Her brother was creating a distraction to prevent their father from discovering the surprise, asking him hundreds of questions about his work- a topic the boy usually showed no interest in. When the cake was finally complete, the girl presented it with a flourish. Their father laughed in delight and declared it a masterpiece, although it was a little burned in places and she'd accidentally used salt instead of sugar in the top layer. Their mother looked on, smiling softly. Her son made the cake for her birthday and it had been an interesting mess of colour. They spent the evening playing games and the boy repeatedly refused to admit he was in the least bit tired because he's a teenager now and doesn't need to be told what to do. He fell asleep curled up to his sister, who fell asleep on top of him. The parents shared an adoring glace and decided to sleep in there with them.

 "...And, despite all the horrors in the outside world, it was so cosy and peaceful…” Nyssa trailed off, the warm atmosphere fading like the embers in the fire “…t-that was the last time we ever spent together as a family”

“Nys…” Tegan replied softly, her heart breaking.

Nyssa brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Tears ran anew down her cheeks.

“I lost my parents, Adric, my family. I lose everyone. I’m- I’m cursed! Don’t you see, Tegan, it’s only a matter of time till I lose you too!”

“You won’t lose me. I won’t leave you”

“You left before”

“No. You left me at Heathrow. And besides, you left too. But we both came back and that’s what matters.”

“You’ll get back to them, Nys. You’ll deliver the cure for Richters and save millions- billions of lives! You’ll become a universal hero and your children will love you more than ever!”

Nyssa lifted her head and gave a tearful smile. “I appreciate the sentiment Tegan, I wish I had your optimism.”

Tegan hugged her tightly, impulsively, “You will see your children again Nyssa. You will. They’ll be overjoyed to see you and you’ll celebrate so many holidays together” She paused, “…but at least make the most of these ones too”

Nyssa gazed up at Tegan, and returned the hug, “I will.” She pressed a kiss gently to her cheek and whispered

“Thank you”

—

“Ah, there you are,” the Doctor stepped into the room, “You know, I could have sworn this room was closer to the console room. Anyway, we’ve managed to land at a Frost Fair in London so if you…”

He trailed off as he noticed his two companions. They were curled up together like kittens in the armchair, fast asleep, expressions of peace and contentment on both of their faces.

[askullandbones]

Hi, thx so much... ugh, where do I start? I hope this doesnt seem too open or anything. Basically, Ive been having some problems with my best friend. Were both in 2nd-year uni and we go to school in diff cities. Weve been close since we started high school. And I love her, and shes usually my goto person to talk to or shoulder to cry on. But the thing is, shes much more social and Im not. She was my only friend in high school and while shes still closest with me she had others. (1/?)

Now in uni she still has tons of friends and I haven't really been able to make any. We havent rlly drifted apart but our convos are mostly limited to FB texts. Shes now rooming with another friend & I just have this crippling fear of being replaced. Bc it would be so much easier for her. And sometimes she does things that are sort of weird. I feel like im always shifting plans to suit her needs. She doesnt respond to half of what I text her. (2/3) (3 is the limit I promise, so sorry!)

Ive also begun a big Undertale fic and Im super excited about it, but even tho I've started posting it she doesnt seem to want to read it, she said she might someitme "if she has time" & "if shes bored." Which hurts. I tried to talk to her abt all this stuff last year, but she seems to have... forgotten. & I feel so bad & dont know how to deal with it, much as i ❤ her i dont always like the way she treats me. Its so hard to tell the line b/w actual worry and bein whiny. (3/4 sorry!!!!)

I know she has her own stuff going on and I try to be there for her but its so hard. Parts of me have stopped caring about her stuff as much as I should which I KNOW is awful of me as a friend, like when she told me the girl she loved didnt love her back, stuff like that, and I just dont know what to do. My loneliness has gone into hyperdrive basically, and its very confusing. Am I just being self pitying? Any advice would mean so so much to me. (4/4 I am SO SORRY for spamming you with this)

Wow this got long. Gonna put it under a cut.

Hey. Hey? First, deep breath. This might seem like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Trust me.

When you reach this point in your life your whole social dynamic is going to shift into what I’ll call ‘adult friends’. When you went to school it was super easy to make friends (or easier than it is now), because you were put in a small group of people your age and you were basically forced to interact. You might still have some of that in college, but it’s much less forced. The things that held you together with your peers isn’t really guaranteed as much to be there anymore.

First thing you need to tell yourself is that friends typically don’t get ‘replaced’ when you’re older. At least, not if you’ve stopped acting like a kid. Most of the time the friends you had in highschool are just gonna... drift apart. It happens all the time and it’s natural.

And while I can’t relate, I know a lot of people just have a large circle of friends they talk to about various things. Each friend has a different appeal. It’s not so much ‘replacing’ as it is ‘adding’.

Now I won’t speak for your friend, but from what you do mention about her not being flexible and not responding to texts, it could be a whole host of things. Maybe her schedule is just super rigid. Maybe she just forgets to respond to your texts, especially if she’s got about five different other people she’s talking to. Maybe she has nothing to say. Unfortunately these are things you’re probably going to have to talk to her about if they’re bothering you. Friendships thrive on communication.

As for her not getting into your fic... it might hurt? But try not to let it bother you.

When I was getting into Undertale and back on the writing bus I did the same thing with a friend of mine. While she’s always been supportive, she never really wanted to read it even if I asked what she thought, and after awhile I realized it just wasn’t something I could really engage with her back and forth with. She just didn’t know what to ask, didn’t really want to read a subject she knew very little about.

It hurt a little at first, but then I just realized she didn’t have the same interest in it as I did. I just sorta pushed it to the side when it came to talking to her even though it was such a big thing in my life. Instead of saying “I’m working on this Undertale fic omg you wouldn’t believe what--” I’d change how I worded what I wanted to say to be a little less restrictive. Instead I would say “I’m working on some writing and these characters are being--”

See the difference? The second is much more inclusive to someone who has no idea what the fuck Undertale is. They can still engage. I can’t force her to enjoy something I do just like she can’t force me to enjoy something she does.

And no, you are not being self-pitying. You’re worried about a friendship you cherish. You’re worried about how your friend treats you. You’re worried that things are coming between the two of you. You care enough about this friend that you don’t want to lose them, but that also means you’re going to have to work on it. You’re gonna have some awkward, intense moments coming up even if they’re scary.

You gotta be brave.

What you need to do is think. Think about your friendship. You mentioned that you think she treats you bad sometimes. Make a list of the things she does that make you feel bad. Can’t come up with an answer as to why she might do these things? Ask her. Bring it up. It’s scary, but if she values your friendship she’ll listen and you two can work things out.

But friendship is a two-way street. There are ways you can improve too. Find interests you share. Try not to feel bad when she doesn’t like the same things anymore, you’re both starting to grow up and get different interests.

Set boundaries and stick to them. You say you’re always shifting your plans and not the other way around. Stop. Put your foot down. Say no, you can’t shift these around. Don’t bend to her whims all the time. Set a hard line. She will work with you and bend her own plans too if your friendship is valued.

Most importantly though, as scary as it is, don’t be afraid that you two might just be drifting apart. A lot of friendships end after highschool and most of them aren’t because of fights. They’re just... from drifting apart. It might seem like you won’t find more friends, but you will.

I’ve been friends with the same girl since I was a teenager. She lives in Canada. I love her so, so much. When I got a divorce and she started college again we kinda just... didn’t talk much. We used to talk every single day but we didn’t anymore and that bothered the fuck out of me. I thought we were drifting apart, and in a way we kinda have.

She has a boyfriend she plays games with a lot, games that I don’t enjoy. I like to roleplay and write and play games that she doesn’t enjoy. She’s busy as fuck and I’m absolutely incompetent at conversations half the time. We don’t have all the same interests anymore and sometimes we go a full week without saying a word to each other, and we both realize things have changed a bit, but it hasn’t changed how we feel about one another. We still love each other a lot.

College is when you’re going to start to realize that, maybe, a lot of your friends you make are gonna be online. Chatrooms. Games. Writing. Roleplaying. They’re gonna scatter the globe. I have friends from Canada to the states to Indonesia and Germany. I visit the friends within an hour of me maybe... once or twice a month. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me much. I talk to one friend I had in highschool maybe... once every... three months? I don’t hate them, I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. It happens.

But I should wrap this up.

Breathe. Take a nice, deep breathe. This isn’t the end of the world even if it’s scary and you wish you didn’t have to deal with it. You’ll survive even if the outcome is the worst thing you can imagine.

Friendships change over time.

Communicate your feelings.

Evaluate your own role in the relationship and if you need to make some changes too.

Set hard boundaries.

If you need more advice, I’m here.

[hobo4lyfe11]

[ KBTBB Co-Writing Fic ] Hate At First Sight ❤ At Last Glance Part 2

Fandom: Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Rated: Drama, mystery, thriller, romance KBTBB OC: Ryoko Inui / Kyoko Nakama Main Interest: Soryu Oh Summary: A mysterious woman with impressive skills is hired under Soryu’s care, but is she all that she seems? A/N: Leave Ryosuke alone! He’s just a puppy. Also I’m so glad @hotcocosharing​ was willing to write another fic with me~ always a honour and pleasure. You can find PART 1 <-- here :) Warnings: Soryu is cute Word Count: 1354 words

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Soryu Oh’s POV

"That's impossible."

Eisuke's going off about how the security system in the hotel casino has malfunctioned but I find it hard to believe that the impregnable program, we've carefully installed, just 'malfunctioned'.

"Fine, I'll be there in 10 minutes," I guess I can indulge in his little burst of frustration once in a while.

It's not everyday you see Eisuke getting worked up like this so I wont be missing this. Heh, seeing 'The Great Eisuke Ichinomiya' lose his composure is entertainment enough for me.

"Make it 5!" He spits with irritation. Impatient as ever.

I arrive 10 minutes later, to the command room in the security ward of the casino, to find a young woman typing away at the main computer naturally. Her slender fingers fly across the keyboard at incredible speed and accuracy before restoring the corrupted server with little, to no, effort at all. Impressive. I would never have predicted an ordinary woman like her to be so useful. All signals regain a secure status and seemed to have increased in strength.

"Not bad," Eisuke says with a smirk.

I can tell he didn't expect to be so impressed by a spontaneous offer from a complete stranger, so much so, he decided to appoint her to the hotel security team, under my supervision.

Tch, now I have to take care of this woman? Probably Eisuke's ways of getting back at me for not coming within 5 minutes. Impatient prick... 

At least she's not annoyingly trying to vie for my attention by baking a cake on her face and bathing in perfume. I cant stand that. She seems reliable enough that Eisuke would offer her a job on the spot however, I cant help but find her presence unsettling.

The most secure program in the world that contains several walls of protection for our security system is broken down, and she just happens to be there to restore it back in just seconds? The progression of that was so perfect, almost as if it was planned and staged. Was this all just a coincidence or is she more than what she appears to be? I know better than to jump to conclusions without any evidence to back my theories up, so for now, I will just have to keep my eye on her.

The days go on by and she continuously surprises me, in unpredictably positive ways. Her skills are no joke when it comes to her job and, her hard work and diligence, is admirable. Reminds me of another girl I used to know.

It was back in boarding school when I first met her - she was always striving to be the best in every field, competing for the number one spot in every field- academics, physical education and even art. The way her eyes narrowed in concentration and her aim to always best herself, sparked a new feeling in my chest. How was it, that she was so different from the rest, so accomplished... So perfect.

But soon before we were meant to graduate, she dropped out of our school. The teachers said it had something to do with her family but obviously wouldn’t go into detail. I just saw her the day before and now I wasn’t going to see her ever again? I didn’t even have a chance to talk to her. To say goodbye. To tell her how i felt about her.

"Sir. Sir. Sir!" A voice yaps at me with persistence and returns me from my trip down memory lane.

"What is it Inui?" I respond as I see the woman tense up at the sound of his voice.

Strange. I guess she doesnt take too well to strangers or is easily frightened by sudden noises.

"Looks like the Black Heart gang is trying to breach our contract. What should we do?"

"I'll deal with them," I say before I get up and turn to leave. The woman seems to have stopped in her tracks and that doesn't escape me.

It doesn't take long before I return from dealing with the annoying scumbags who dared to even think they could sever the alliance in such a disgusting manner. I make sure to stop by the security ward before I head up to the penthouse to make sure everything is in order and everyone is doing their jobs accordingly, especially the new recruit. Unexpectedly, I come back to see her overseeing everyone and directing them with perfect coordination, improving efficiency all throughout the sector.

She never seems to disappoint. Perhaps its just in my nature to doubt everyone I meet but maybe, just maybe, I can rely on a woman like her for once. The slight smile that plays on my lips disappears the moment she looks at me. Her big clear eyes, so kind-looking but impossible to read, locks onto mine. I quickly look away to throw off any suspicions of me analysing her and leave to meet with the other auction managers.

"So how are you liking the new pretty lady the boss placed under your care, Sor?"

"She's surprisingly not bad -- she can hold her own and she doesn’t reek of gold digger and hooker." I reply naturally and look up to see the astounded looks on the other bidder's faces.

"Are you saying that the little Koro doesn’t make you want to kill yourself even though she's a woman?? Boooorring, I wanted a better reaction~~"

"She must have sexy collarbones."

"I heard that she was just a kid..."

"Maybe I should see what's so good about her myself."

I ignore the teasing from the peanut gallery but, Eisuke's knowing smirk pisses me off to no bounds. He knows. Is it because we've known each other for so long, or is it because he's THAT perceptive? I'll never know. The bidders panic and scramble when I pull out my gun, but to be honest, I don't actually mind.

It's late and I'm making my last rounds, with Inui and Samejima, before I go back to the Ice Dragon's Headquarters to rest. Today was a real pain in the ass, having to deal with the dirty mafia world but I'm doing the best I can to change that. I wont rest until I can use this influence on the world, for good. I won’t follow in my Grandfather’s cruel footsteps.

The three of us separate on our patrol to cover more ground in less time and by the time I’ve finished with my section, I go to look for the other two. I hear a slight thud coming from the server room, where Inui was in charge of checking, and I cautiously crack open the door.

Through the pitch-black room, decorated with thin rays of light, emitting from the LED lights of the cells, two shadows can be made out with a bit of squinting. As my pupils enlarge to allow more light to register in my brain, I tighten my clench on my trusty gun. It would seem as though the smaller figure has pinned the slightly larger one against the wall.

I can barely make out Inui's rambunctious voice which queue's my entrance. The smaller body jumps at my sudden entry and bolts out of the second exit that very few people know about. By the time I pass by the shocked-frozen Inui to pursue the mysterious shadow, it had disappeared through one of four possible escapes. Damn. I was so close.

I return to Inui and his crumpling body, whimpering like a lost puppy with abandonment issues.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Why didn't you fight back and chase after him?" I question him in frustration.

I know he is capable when he puts his mind to the task, but his mind is fickle. At that moment, Samejima bursts into the room and is utterly confused at the sight. The both of us throw puzzled glances at each other, not expecting him to look so broken. He was less of his over-exaggerated character, and had more of a tame and seriously forlorn expression.

"It's her. She's actually here.”