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ten reasons i love you
pairing: gojo x fem reader tags/warnings: angst, angst, angst, light fluff, smut, death, divider by @cafekitsune
word count: 2459
Reason #1: you’re patient
Sometimes, I get a little jealous. I wish I were like you, and I try to be, but no one could ever be like you. You handled every situation, every wrongdoing, every argument, every fight, with grace. A simple and natural elegance.
Every time, it proved why I fell in love with you.
But, I love when you’re patient with me. I know I can be hard to handle sometimes, annoying, or an “ass”, whichever name you decided to grace me with that day. You stayed with me, even when sometimes I wished you hadn’t. Because I knew you deserved, deserve, better.
“Can’t you just tell me all the reasons now?”
“Nope, that would ruin the surprise. You get your next reason next week.”
A gentle kiss to the forehead, followed by one to your cheeks, nose, and then lips.
Reason #2: the way you laugh
I know it’s getting hard to do that now, but when you finally do, it’s the most pleasant sound my ears have ever heard, that my body has ever felt when you giggle against my neck. It sounds like a sweet melody, one that makes you warm. One that makes you smile, without noticing.
I don’t think anyone could ever have as beautiful as laugh as you do. Even then, it wouldn’t compete.
The way you laugh sounds so natural like you don’t care who hears. I miss your laughs so much. Whenever I hear it, in that moment, everything is okay. Everything is perfect. Because you’re perfect.
It’s the sound of joy that fills up a room and my heart. I wish I could listen to it forever.
“I didn’t take you for a poet.”
Satoru laughs, dimple more prominent. “I can be cute when I want to.”
You smile, followed by your oh-so-precious laugh. He practically melts on the spot. He can hear the rattling in your chest he’s unfortunately become familiar with. But his face doesn’t fall, instead, he holds you closer and presses a kiss to your hairline.
It feels like just yesterday when you both got the news, when your lives changed. It’s the second week, but he just prays for time to slow down. For he’s not ready for the future.
Reason #3: your determination
It’s so beautiful to see. The way you try and try, even after failure. The way you never give up. Maybe it’s because you’re a bit stubborn, but you never back down. It’s a quiet strength about you that I hope you can make loud one day.
You’re fierce, but quiet. Determinated, but timid. I’ve never seen those combinations before, but now that I have, I love it.
“I wish I was still strong enough.”
His heart breaks at the sight before him, along with your resigned tone of voice. Pushing some strands of hair out of your eyes. “Listen,” he murmurs, head titling. “You are strong, then and now. You will always be strong. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I know you. And I know you’re not ready to give up, just like I’m not giving up on you. We’ll both fight this. In the end, I’ll buy you that ice cream you really like.”
Tears fill your eyes, a sad smile playing on your lips. “Okay, I can’t wait.”
Reason #4: your creativity
I know you’re trying to find ways to take your mind off the now, I am too. I didn’t think someone was capable of picking up on hobbies so fast, but the gloves you knitted me say otherwise. Oh, and the cute little crotchet animals that now take residency on my side of the bed. But I’ll let that slide, just for you. (The little gray bunny is my enemy, btw.)
I wish I was as creative as you. It’s like your juices just get flowing and once you start, you don’t stop. I love seeing it happen in real-time. It makes you happy, I know that. So it makes me happy too.
I’ve been getting more yarn now when I’m out, it’s kind of just like second nature now, I guess. They’re starting to pile up, but I hope one day they’ll all be gone.
“Keep her off her feet more.” The doctor tells Satoru, who currently stands with a pensive expression, fingers curling around your own. “Your wife needs all the rest she can get, so if you can, keep her on bedrest with less strenuous activities.”
Bedrest.
That word alone shakes you to your core, a prime example of your deteriorating condition. You can hear your weakened heart pound in your ears, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. If you’re being advised to be put on bed rest, what hope is left for you?
Almost none.
Reason #5: how you care about people
“That’s ironic, isn’t it?” You huff out, a wince soon taking over.
Satoru’s comforting hand places itself on your pale one, smiling. “Just keep reading.”
With one final breath out, your eyes travel down to the small journal, reading today’s entry.
You have a certain way of making people feel seen. Including others in conversation, making sure no one is left out. You listen when needed, comfort when needed, and give advice when needed. Even if you’re not doing the best yourself.
You make people feel important, make me feel important. You look beyond titles and hierarchies and just see…me.
If someone’s at their lowest, you make them feel seen. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it, and I love it.
You don’t even know you’re reaching out for him until his arms wrap securely around your waist. Careful not to drop his full weight onto your frail body. But god do you wish he did, you missed how things were before.
Hot tears stain his shirt and Satoru feels his own set begin to let loose. He’s always been good at comforting you when you’re crying, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t cry with you.
Reason #6: the way you make the mundane beautiful
“Mundane.” You repeat, coughing.
“Mundane.” Satoru confirms, holding your hands. “Do you think mundane is bad?”
“I feel like I can’t even do mundane things now.”
His head shakes. “You can, and you do. Life is mundane with you, but it’s also exciting, beautiful.”
With a jut of his chin towards the journal, you take the hint and continue reading.
How you can turn something so ordinary into something magical is still beyond me. Maybe you’re a secret witch (I would like that). You look for the beauty in things.
The way the sun hits the leaves, the sound of rain, or the way our hands fit together. You see the world in a way no one else does.
I see the beauty in you too. When your nose crinkles because of my “smelly” socks, your head tilting when you’re confused, or even that look you give me when I say something stupid or funny. I like admiring you, and I like the way you admire.
Reason #7: how you make me a better person
There’s a resounding thump noise as you throw the journal into the wall. Health slowly failing along with your own mental stability. Satoru holds back a frown, feeling himself uncomfortably shift beside you.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He gently asks.
“I don’t wanna read anymore.” Your voice is bordering on unrecognizable, the rattling in your chest more prominent.
He heaves a small sigh, walking over to pick the book up and back to you. Sitting on the edge of the bed and carefully regarding you with an examining gaze. “Why not?”
Many reasons. “I-It just makes me emotional, Satoru.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Everything!” You shout, looking at him with a pitiful expression. “I’m already fucked up as it is, I don’t wanna cry anymore!”
God, is this really testing his emotional resilience. But that’s not what you need right now. “I know, I know you don’t, baby. But look at it like this,” he scoots closer, fingers intertwining with yours. “There’s nothing wrong with crying, it means we’re still human, it makes us feel….complete sometimes. And I know you’re trying hard to hold everything in, I see it. But please, just let everything out, don’t worry about the mess. Because I’m here.”
Your hands tremble, no longer fighting back your tears as you hesitantly reach for the outstretched journal and read, tears wetting the page. He holds you close.
You challenge me, in the best way. You push me to be more rational, logical, to be more punctual and caring. You push me to be the best me, you encourage my beliefs and ideas, and you’re there for me when something doesn’t fall through.
Without you, I can’t be who I am today. Without you, I’m not me.
You’ve made me the best me, by just being yourself.
Next week, you’re saying bye to your forever home. Being forced to spend your last days in an uncomfortable hospital with a scent that you hate. This is the last time you’ll walk these halls, use that stove, watch that TV, sleep in that bed.
You cling to him like a lifeline, sometimes you wish he was.
Soft cries fill the otherwise dim and quiet room, his arms wrapped around your body. Your arms are around his neck, legs opened wide enough so he can fully accommodate his body between them. The way he deliciously slides in and out, in the slowest and gentlest manner, all for your sake. Small moans and grunts fall from your guys’ lips.
The last time he’ll ever make love to you.
“Reason #8: the way you love me.”
You almost break down even more at the sound of his cracking voice, noticing the shaky inhale he does as he looks down at you, hips moving in a steady motion.
“You love me so fully, so unconditionally.” he starts off, grunting quietly as your walls squeeze around him. “It’s not about perfection with you. It’s about the way you choose me. Every day, even when we’re not at our best. I know I’m loved because you show it, every moment, in a thousand little ways.”
His lips kiss and gently suck on your pulse point, tongue darting out to lick and savor your sweaty skin. The tip of his cock hits your g-spot in a rhythm that has you whimpering out, nails digging into his shoulders. Your head tilts back slightly, he guides it back with one free hand and kisses you passionately.
He swallows your moans and tastes your tears. His tears fall onto your cheeks, mixing in with everything.
This isn’t just about sex, but it’s about being one with each other. It’s about savoring each other like it’s your last breath, melting into each other’s bodies, and loving you in the most intimate way.
He commits this to memory.
Satoru stays by your side every day and every night. He doesn’t leave, even when he’s prompted by you to eat and sleep. But he can’t, not when this could be the last time he’ll ever talk to you.
You look so fragile, so out of place in the hospital bed. The gown one size too big and he just wanted to take you in his arms and into a far-away place. Away from the hospital, away from this heart condition, and just with him.
You can barely even keep your eyes fully open, multiple wires running through your body to keep you conscious. But you still hold onto his hand, tightly, as if you never want to let go.
And you don’t. Neither does Satoru,
Pale skin and dry lips. Everything about you screams illness. No matter that, you force yourself to stay coherent while he reads.
“Reason #:9”, he looks at you, “the way you feel like home.”
Satoru forces his voice to remain steady, smiling at you. “Being with you is a safe place, a shelter from this cruel and dirty world. No matter where I am, where you are, where we are, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. You make me feel seen, understood, loved. Nothing else matters but us. Your touch, your voice, your presence, that’s all home to me, and I’m so happy I finally found my home.”
Warm tears slowly trickle down your cheeks, your smile feeling like it’s too hard to handle. “You’re my home too, Satoru. I….I don’t wanna leave home.”
A shaky breath. “You won’t.” His hand squeezes you tighter, planting a chaste kiss on your cracked lips. “I’ll always be here, I’ll always follow you. Just keep holding onto me, okay?”
“O-okay.” You croak out, sniffling.
That night, he falls asleep with you. Holding you like he always does. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear, thumb tracing lazy circles on your knuckles. Your warmth keeps him going, but it also makes him sleepy.
It’s only then does he realizes something.
He’s happy. He’s so, so happy. He’s with you, you’re with him, and everything else fades away. Because it’s just you two. As much as it hurts, he wants you to go peacefully, and with him.
So, as the hours pass and when he opens his eyes. He’s met with a cold body, an unmoving form in his arms. And tears mixing in with your hair as he hugs you tight one last time.
“Reason #10.”
He sets the bouquet of white roses down on the cold stone, kneeling down before it. Your name stares back at him.
“The best one, in my opinion. You know….I really hate how I couldn’t tell you this last one in person. But you’re still listening, aren’t you?” He places his hand above your name and a small gust of wind replies back. He smiles.
“The way you taught me to live.”
“You taught me to how to live, not just in ‘big moments’, but in the small ones too. The moments that matter. The times we spent together, the quiet talks, the laughter, the shared silences. You’ve shown me that life isn’t about counting days—it’s about making days count.”
After leaving, he can’t help but cry. Fingers twitching by his sides, ears ringing. He blocks out the world. Until there’s a small rustling in the bushes beside him. He stops and looks.
He laughs.
“Guess you’re still keeping an eye on me, huh?”
Staring back, a cute little gray bunny. Its ears twitch, as if acknowledging him.
He takes a step closer, then kneels down, his voice softening. "Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. I promise."
He looks at the bunny one last time before standing up and walking away, feeling an inexplicable sense of comfort.
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru#gojou satoru#gojo satoru angst#gojou satoru x reader#gojou satoru x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk angst#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo x you
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another painting
#because i have no self control lmao#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#digital art#this was surprisingly fun to paint#i usually prefer working in black and white because it's easier for me#but this one was fine lol#also#i just wanted to say#thank you to everyone who leaves nice comments in the tags of my posts#i read all of them and seriously i appreciate this so much you have no idea#i've been absolutely miserable recently#and reading all the nice things you guys wrote#really made me feel better#so yeah... thank you!#(i do appreciate all likes and reblogs btw and i don't want anyone to feel pressured into leaving a comment or smth)#(i just really had to say thanks lol)
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#linked universe#kinda#loz eow#echoes of wisdom#going with some of the popular ones I’ve seen floating around#wanted to post this early cause I want to see what the consensus is before it gets confusing with people calling him all sorts ghgb#anyway happy 1 week eow#v fun game would reccomend#I’ve seen a few others like abyss but not as commonly as these 4#this is just a bonus poll btw#sorry to anyone who hasn’t played or finished the game#idk if I’d count fanon names as like spoiling anything though?#but like if you don’t want spoilers maybe block the loz eow tag? lmao#personally im partial to silence cause it ties to the same sound based meaning that echo does#I do also like might tho#I think the only popular one I’m not too sold on is rift#I can’t even say why cause of spoilers ghgh#I’m sure people have several other cool name ideas for him I wanna hear
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Oughhhh okay first of all, I am SO happy to see Bucktommy back on our screens and I WILL be mass reblogging things about them soon, fair warning! I took a bit after the ep to stop jumping up and down about how good it was, but then I came across the subject of this post and so first, to get it out of my system: a rant! It's not about the episode, probably not of any interest to most people, especially Bucktommy fans trying to protect their peace, so feel absolutely free to ignore this, I'll put it under a cut, I just have to get it out. I've been holding my tongue where bobs are concerned for the most part because I don't want to be mean/have a bunch of negativity on my blog/have any of them find and come after me like they're known to do, but idc rn.
So, there's this author I follow on insta, have followed for years, have read a few of her books and had the rest on my tbr. The ones I've read weren't mind-blowing or anything tbh, but for contemporary romances (not my usual genre) I had fun with them. What I really liked about her was that she is so outspoken about all of her books having bi characters: f/f and m/f. Bi4bi m/f, bi woman x straight man, bi woman x lesbian etc. I love to see bi rep and her efforts to make bi characters visible are great, I respected her for it and I found out last season, she's also a 911 fan! A Buck fan! Cool! She ships B*ddi3 but usually idc ship and let ship, I didn't think she was a Bucktommy hater.
That is, until tonight when I went on insta and saw her post. Bee cupcakes as the first pic, I went oh cute, for 911!! But then I scroll through the post and find this bingo card, the more I looked at it, the more I was like 😬 oh so she's a bob, huh? She only cares about Buck and his bisexuality if he's with E**ie? I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but then there's this in her stories (edits by me to highlight what I'm on about):
And I've blocked a LOT of blogs to try and avoid Tommy/Bucktommy hate so getting blindsided by this when I was in such a good mood enjoying our favorite guy's scene sucked. I literally felt sick about it for a while afterwards and I've decided to unfollow her and unhaul the books I own without reading more. It's not the first time I've stopped supporting an artist I was a fan of, granted this reasoning may seem dumb or petty to other people but I just can't get over it, I mean-
You're a romance author with 5 books published, I didn't think it was a stretch to assume you at least had some decent media literacy and appreciation for a good story/a sweet, queer, rom-com inspired ship. But you hate Tommy just because he's in the way of your ship? You champion bi characters, but will hate on the gay boyfriend of one who is breaking stereotypes and making people feel represented because you think his straight best friend would be a better match? Seriously?
And it's not only these two things, I looked her up on tw*tter, which I'm never usually on, but had logged into today to look at Lou's posts, and I found that she follows multiple people who I know to be particularly nasty Tommy haters/bobs. So. Yeah. I'm out of there, I just can't look at her the same anymore, not to be parasocial or whatever but she always seemed cool, I liked her, I wanted to support her work, I HAVE supported her work personally and as someone who works as a bookseller, I've pointed people to her books and sold them.
But now I just have a bad taste in my mouth. There has been SO much hate towards Tommy, Bucktommy, and worse, the real people who ship them, Lou, and even Oliver over the last few months, because it's constantly being stirred up by this kind of B*ddi3 shipper. I would feel sorry for them for how desperate and bitter they are if not for the fact that I simply cannot stand them anymore. They are miserable and determined to make Bucktommy shippers miserable, too.
I just don't get why people can't stay in their fandom lane and leave others alone?? Like, getting mad that Buck's ESTABLISHED BOYFRIEND and E**ie's FRIEND, WHO HE LIKES, was in one (1) scene, when it narratively made sense for him to be there to remind the ga of him, is pathetic. Tommy came to support E at the virtual birthday party of his estranged teenager, and make a heavy scene lighter and you're acting like he's some kind of monster. I can't even, I'm done!
I hope all the bestie boos will start to leave the fandom soon, when Tommy sticks around, because tbh they only care about one thing that's never going to happen and they don't even seem to have fun on their side of the "ship war". They're too busy being nasty all the time, can't talk about their ship without dragging ours down.
Anyway this rant is becoming more generalized than what I planned to say about that person and has already gotten sooo long, so I'm just going to post it to throw all my anger and frustration out there with it and then bury it with happy Bucktommy posts!! If any Bucktommy fan for some reason actually reads this 1. Oof. Sorry! 2. I 💙 you, Bucktommy fans are the best and I'm so glad to be in this fandom despite everything!!
#911 spoilers#911 discourse#anti tommy kinard#anti bucktommy#<-tagging those to keep this away from poor Bucktommy fans who don't want to see any negative posts rn#anti buddie#<-that one I'm just going to go ahead and say for me. Idc I'm Tired of seeing bestie boo bob BS everywhere!!#some B*ddies might be decent but they're a rare breed as far as I can tell. multi shippers who don't bash Tommy or treat him like a stepping#stone this isn't about you#I was just long overdue for a rant about *gestures to the state of the fandom* well you know everything#btw I didn't name the person who inspired this but I guess if you happened to be curious I would say who in a message#I just didn't want to put it out there to start anything unlike the bobs I don't jump down people's throats on their own socmed when I don't#agree with them. I didn't interact with her just like I never do when I block anyone. she can do whatever I'm sure I wouldn't change her#mind anyway so no point announcing my departure to her. I can just talk to myself about it then move on!
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why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip
#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all#you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles?#did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints#hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011#like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO#and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships:#no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv)#if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly#people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships#i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo):#they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it#i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes#never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever#hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay#cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself#lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide#nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side#all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all#but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man#and that's way more reylo-like. sorry.#beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc.#i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time#but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying#*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all#if done well i mean#but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps#but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective#val rambles in the tags#val speaks#txt
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OCS as OBSCURE ASSOCIATIONS
with miss winifred conway herself <3 ty for tagging me @rottengurlz!!
ANIMAL: deer !!
COLORS: dark green, blush pink
MONTH: january or february
SONGS: i know the end - phoebe bridgers, forwards beckon rebound - adrianne lenker, blues run the game - jackson c. frank
NUMBER: 7 or 12
PLANTS: dried daisies and queen anne's lace
SMELLS: books, honey, earth
GEMSTONE: bayldonite
TIME OF DAY: 7am
SEASON: late winter / early spring
PLACES: deep in a forest, a bed tucked in a corner, a rocky creek
FOOD: bichon au citron
DRINKS: peach lemonade, green tea w lemon + honey
ELEMENT: earth
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: cancer (even though she's an aquarius)
SEASONINGS: saffron
SKY: golden hour, sunset
WEATHER: chilly + light rain
MAGICAL POWER: clairvoyance
WEAPONS: fingernails
SOCIAL MEDIA: .....pinterest
MAKEUP PRODUCT: brown mascara
CANDY: tootsie roll
METHOD OF LONG DISTANCE TRAVEL: walking + hitchhiking
ART STYLE: pointillism
FEAR: fear of the unknown, fear of drowning, fear of death
MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE: ceryneian hind
PIECE OF STATIONARY: crumpled paper from a sketchbook
THREE EMOJIS: 🦷🪡🍂💽🪟 (couldn’t pick just 3)
CELESTIAL BODY: the moon
#oc.winnie#tag game#ty again for tagging me!! this was a lot of fun <33#btw anyone who wants to do this just say i tagged you !!!!!!
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i have done...an absolute deep dive into blues and folk music tonight. it was 100% one of those blink and three hours have passed type of deals. worth it though.
#be warned if you go into the tags i will explain how this all came up. educational but long!#so it started with two questions. mostly because i live in the ozarks i wanted to know and secondly i like music if you haven't caught on#(btw i am so giving you guys the quick and easy version if you are reading this at all)#anyway. the first question was 'why does the ozarks have such a country influence but also bluegrass but also blues but also folk but al-'#because while i grew up in stl i am now like. living living in the ozarks right? right. and i for sure can see how we are the like...#the little sibling of the appalachian mountains. and i thought it was just cause aw cute mini mountains (highlands people)#but instead its cause there were settlers from appalachia! which makes a ton of sense now seeing influences and culture etc etc#so we cleared up that. we know why the ozarks is the way it is (or at least part of it)#btw anyone who says branson is a “true reflection” of the ozarks is out of their damn minds.#that shit is tourist central and just drives me up the wall. they are playing a parody of themselves is the best way to describe it#caricature maybe??? point is. “h'yuck h'yuck we're the country jubilee!” is not uhhhh ozarks and never was?#like it was but they took it a step further. so. anyway#can you tell i'm fixated on this right now? moving on! question 2 was quite literally 'what genre is this song'#it's 'fault line' by black rebel motorcycle club (which i highly suggest everyone listen to)#but i was like hmmm very bluesy harmonica but just fingerpicking guitar so that's more folksy#so! i went on a deep dive of what technically considers blues blues and what folk is. and guess what! the ozarks play into this too#because! the thing is that the ozarks is weird. st louis is technically not in the ozarks but on the outskirts. and stl is influenced by...#the mississippi delta! therefore blues music which led to rock and roll etc#(that's a whole other tangent for another day on stl and blues and rock and roll)#but anyway it makes sense that once you have folks from stl area coming down to the ozarks then you also have that combo of...#mississippi delta and appalachia music. so then we go back to “fault line” right?#i have declared it folk mostly because it definitely doesn't follow traditional blues progression or call and response.#so anyway. deep dive tonight was basically what is this song's genre and how does that wrap into where i live!#which also. brmc is like...usually listed as a “rock” band from san francisco which hey! awesome.#but like. from the songs i've heard and especially causing me to do this deep dive...they do not strike me as a californian band#music is cool! regions are cool! culture is cool! i just like to see how it's all spread out ya know?#if you've read this far gold star! i hope you've learned something tonight from reading the ramblings of a fixated person#i'm rambling again aren't i
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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Ya know, I'm starting to think a certain chunk of the OBX fandom just hates women lol
#yall fucking hate kiara and act like shes the worst person ever for... being confused about her own feelings#act like sarah is somehow worse because shes a fictional character who cheated on her shitty manipulative ex and is a bit impulsive#and somehow also hate sofia's guts even though she's barely had any screentime???? because she's rafes girlfriend??#like please chill about fictional women and their complicated love lives lol#like i get being annoyed or angry at the character choices (eg: having sarah 'flirt' with topper to 'get back' at john b- kiara's strange +#+ relationships with the male pogues or her 'stringing pope along' because she was confused about her own feelings about him- sofia kinda +#+ just showing up and not adding much to the plot other than having a lil talk with rafe about maybe not killing his dad lol) but like????#acting like these characters are inherently horrible for being complicated and making bad choices or being badly written is just weird#like people act like the only reason anyone would ever want kiara to be shipped with any of the guys is because they cant handle +#+ male/female friendships when like??????? she just has good chemistry with the guys and the only other good female character is sarah whic#like- if you just dont think theyd do good romantically but still wanna ship her then its not like you have much of a choice lol#RAMBLES IN TAGS#JESUS#sorry :)#some of yall just hate women lol- like just say it lol#THIS ISNT EVERYONE BTW.#some people just dont like the characters and thats fine#but like- violent hatred for these female characters for basically no reason is a bit MUCH#🪲#yall dont get tags- i dont wanna get jumped lol
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qatar 2007 catalunya 2007 laguna 2008 prop on the latest paddock pass ep.... everyone picking casey/vale races as their 800cc picks iktr
#i will say i don't think the 800cc era was AS bad as they're saying. like to be clear it was bad but#i would say on average you had about half a dozen watchable races per season#the lows were definitely way lower than the current era but the highs (about three races) phewwww#really making a good case here huh. anyway if anyone does want to watch a full 800cc season then go 2007 or 2008 yeah#//#brr brr#race rec tag#vaguely#btw anon who sent me the jorge + dani race recs ask - I will get to you but it might take a while. they did do a lot of races#it has prompted me to flick through the wikipedia pages season by season. and looking at 2011 you do go 'wow all of this was worthless'#unless you are literally a casey super fan (me) i would not recommend it. just go watch the laguna 2011 overtake fifty times#or maybe you're looking for something to fall asleep to ig#also i did say i'd do the laguna 2008 long post first and after listening to the podcast ep i am once again Thinking about them#what the podcast bros were saying about valentino's “ruthlessness”........... how they both would've rather died than finished second......#vale knowing he needed to do it!! he needed to do something insane to stop perfect little casey stoner with all the raw talent in the WORLD#they make me so gahhhh#heretic tag
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hi hi from your pavitr bracelet art headcanon - am i allowed to make a little one shot about it? i would credit you behind it if so bc i just think it’s a cute idea !
Oh my gosh yes of course :)). I'd love it if you do ^^
#this goes for anyone and everyone btw as long as you credit and dont make weird stuff LOL#honestly i just draw bc i cant write at all so i love it when people write based off my art#ill probably say yes to any fics or edits or anything just tell me ahead of time if youre gonna do it @ anyone who wants to#not art#daiwild#ask tag
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oh my god u know the hrt is working when u get genuinely white girl drunk
#ive never been this drunk before this is crazy. the gender euphoria of not having any tolerance despite being able to drink 4 drinks a year#ago#like its that or someone Did something to this drink but it was from a housemate's stash. oh my god i wanted more of this im so glad im in#bed rn i could have made so many bad decisions#im like this close to posting one of the thirst(?) pics i took on my sideblog that i havent touched in a month#oh my god im fucking up so many words . gang im not pretending here i drank like 2 shots tops and its Fucking me somehow#WAIT I CAN EDIT TAGS#typos fixed :sunglasses:#genuinely crazy how much im feeling it tho ive literally Never felt it this much. id ask if ibuprofen or spiro interact w alcohol but i#think there was a decent amount of time between when i took both#yeah like i took spiro ~10:57 and then uh drank after. 11 hm ok this isnt as spaced out as i expected#i dont think im going to alcohol jail tho. im being responsible im In Bed im not gonna go do anything stupid (altho i do. want to ask#someone downstairs to do something stupid. but maybe thats the alcohol talking)#also shileas is downstairs and shes a bitch and i dont want to be cringy in front of her#i dont know if shes trans or just a really masc lesbian btw . shes cool but she also has some bad takes sometimes and i dont think she#likes me#im writng so many tags <3 but thats what love is. if anyones read this far idk like the post or something#you know the one post where the person puts an egg in their mouth. and then people share the tags. this is that#i was gonna be typing this out on a discord server but i thought no. this deserves to have everyone see it#man also if i went down and asked like if anyone wants to fuck like who would say yes . shileas is a super senior maeve is in a relationshi#p#i dont like riley and . man idk about griffin. but i think im a lesbian. maybe im just desperate.#bUT IM NOT GONNA. im not gonna.#i dont want to sleep tho i want to have fun :(( but my roommate is asleep#& its not like anyones gonna fuck me on this bed . with like my lovies (thats what i call my stuffed animals) and shit .#i genuinely didnt expect that i could get this drunk and whats crazy is i know i could be more drunk#can u imagine if someone reads this and goes 'well shes clearly sober and faking it' no </3 im simply very eloquent i was neglected as#a child so i read alot lol#whoops *a lot not alot#wasnt there a limit of like 26 tags. when do i hit that
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Someone asks “where is this money going and do we have any evidence of it” and suddenly they’re being negative y’all just wanna play at helping ppl without using common sense or listening to the people saying MONEY IS NOT MAKING IT IN! Like. Can we be serious for 5 fucking minutes
#I will say apparently creators clarified it’s not going to Palestine but Palestinian based charities so I’m gonna be looking into that#but ppl just using the filter and saying ‘use this or u support genocide 😍’ and don’t even know how the fuck the filter is helping#like I understand the desperation of wanting to do anything ANYTHING in the face of all this#but y’all A) are being dumb as fuck about it and KNOW it’ll come back to bite you if it turns out to be bullshit#and B) taking the opportunity to gloat 💀 thank you so much for using a filter and donating a few cents to a person who’s word ur taking at#face value. bc lemme remind you these people are calling anyone saying ‘can we get some proof ur doing what u say u are’ NEGATIVE#like if it’s going to charities and individuals who are being impacted and need help or can get some kind of help out to those being impacte#that’s PERFECT#but not only do we NOT know that y’all are using the fact that ur form of revolution is stupidity and half a prayer to feel morally superior#which is sick as fuck to do#anyways#idk if I already said this but I’m not fixing tags but apparently she has evidence that she’s being honest#-the creator of the original filter-#so duh I’ll look into that and see#BTW! there’s more than one filter. this is not a good thing to me sorry#well not that there’s more than one the fact that there’s so many#and if y’all can’t handle a question about one I know you’re not fact checking them all#and unfortunately ppl like to take advantage#and even if they’re not spreading it out across a bunch of filters with no evidence is the same as that person who had a list of shit to#boycott that reached the 30s when BDS already has shit out there#WHICH IS WHAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST#there ARE things you can do orginizations already out there literally saying ‘if ur x age in y financial situation you need to do Z’#but y’all wanna be katniss everdeen so bad that it’s impossible to handle that ur not the main character or calling the shots#and as ‘noble’ as it is to feel that ur not doing enough sometimes u do all u need to do and u still have time to kill and that sucks. but#going overboard in ways that are only not productive but harmful is so much worse#whatever tho what do I know#at least it’s sweet that ppl WANT to do so much but it’s not always the thought that counts and shit
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real demon birthday hours
#magichemist#artwork#friend art#also happy birthday bestie#i am sorry its not coloured sjsjjss it took 16 hours to get to this point and I wanted to start a different art piece I hope you dont mind#anyways#my man. the details. the design is really fucking gorgeous but you must HATE yourself to add all of those details omfg 😭😭#I could probably do a watercolour style colouring or just add some accent colours if you want btw. idm doing that just dm me lmao#idk really know what else to tag this#websmp#kinda. i mean its not websmp design but eh i hope you dont mind bestje#drawing#malifa'ar#sorry I cant stop saying that#malifar#there we go ill give you a normal one#arent i kind ☺️ xxx slash sarcasm#if anhone else is reading this i am so sorry#actually anyone who read these tags should be given compensation I think#should i perhaos stop adding tags now#omfg I was hangimg out with my friend yesterday and we didnt know what to do so i added acfivites onto a randomiser wheel and also put#organised crime on there as a joke and the first spin gave us organised crime#we cohldnt be bothered to organise a crime#so#we didnt#why am i telling u guys about this and why am i doing it in tumblr tags#rip#anyway hope u had a good day magichemist im sorry youre old now#lmao get aged idiot
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My favorite tags on the sexywoman polls so far
Bonus:
#tell me if you dont want me to includ your tags/replies btw ill take them off#tumblr sexywoman#tumblr sexywoman poll#polls#genuinely this is the kind of drama i wanted to stir >:3c#hope it ramps up in the next few rounds!#but ye like this is just for fun but ppl taste in characters is strictly their own business#it doesnt say anything about anyone if your favorite character loses#this is a very small sample size after all only a few of these polls reach over a hundred votes#i had to remove a reply earlier bc someone was complaining the morality of tumblr users have declined#bc ppl voted ianthe over malfina and this is bad bc apparently the book is 'problematic' which#i plan on reading the books and making my own judgement but ppl whose opinions i respect have praised them#which is neither here nor there i dont know the character except for tumblr osmosis bc im not part of the fandom#but like. chill please#if you wanna criticize a franchise for its problematic elements do it on your own post#and not in my poll of caricatures of popular characters who have been memed to death and back#to the point that theyre not even like. what theyre like in canon anymore#shut up pandora
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