#bro i wanna be crowley so bad

[fearandhatred]

i hate david tennant how the hell does he just look like that... genuinely in distress

[beebopboom]

I will never get over the way Aziraphale says,

“Godfathers”

like bro stfu you wanna be married so fucking bad

(this includes Crowley, the mfer brought the idea up, as well)

[eyneyke]

Sam simps

Pairing: Max Verstappen x PewDiePie!sibling Summary: What if Felix had a genius brother who works as a RedBull's engineer and is also secretly dating Max part 2 of A Calm to my Storm Masterlist

Sam develops a fan base

During another one of PewDiePie’s famous Q&A live streams, just a week after the last one, a question popped up that made Felix chuckle. He leaned forward in his chair, reading the comment aloud.

“Pewds, how did your brother even end up editing your videos?”

Felix laughed. “Oh, you guys don’t know the half of it. My brother, Sam, didn't even watch my videos. Like, at all. He knew I was doing YouTube, but he didn’t care enough to watch��until one day, he randomly clicked on one of my videos and just—he called me and he wouldn’t stop going on and on about how bad the quality of my videos was.”

Felix rolled his eyes dramatically, leaning back in his chair. “He wouldn’t shut up about the lighting, the editing, the camera angles. Everything. He kept saying, ‘Felix, how can you have millions of subscribers, but your videos look like this?’ So I dared him—I straight up told him, ‘Fine, if you think you can do better, then go ahead.’”

He smirked at the camera. “And the guy went full-on into it. Like, he gave me a new camera, set it all up, even agreed to be my cameraman when I needed one. He edited a few videos for me, and honestly, they were good. So I had to admit, he did a great job, and I decided to, you know... keep him around.”

Felix winked at the camera. “Best decision I’ve ever made.”

As he finished explaining, the chat began spamming requests for another appearance from Sam. People were practically begging for another sneak peek.

“Show Sam again!” Felix read aloud, rolling his eyes with a grin. “Please, we need more Sam." Alright, alright… you guys are ridiculous.

With that, he stood up, the livestream still running, and bolted out of his chair, just like the last time. “Let’s go see what Sam’s up to.”

The camera jostled as Felix rushed out of his apartment and sprinted down the street toward Sam’s place again. Thank God he had keys to Sam's apartment. He pushed open Sam’s door like he owned the place, not even bothering to knock.

“Sam! The bros wanna see you again!” Felix called out as he wandered inside.

From down the hallway, a muffled voice replied, “I’m in the bathroom, Felix. Don’t—”

Felix, of course, didn’t listen. He headed straight for the bathroom, swinging the door open. And there was Sam, caught red-handed in front of the mirror, his hair full of dark red dye ready to be washed off. Sam turned, glaring at Felix.

“Dude!” Sam groaned, shoving his brother out of the bathroom. “Can you not? I’m busy.”

Felix freaked out, still recording. “Why are you dying your hair? What are you doing?!”

Sam just rolled his eyes, smirked and pushed Felix back into the hallway. “Either wait in the living room or go back to your place, alright? I’ll be out in a minute.” Then he closed the bathroom door into Felix's face. 

Felix stood there in mock shock, but eventually headed to the living room, still chatting with his fans. “You see how he treats me, right? This is the thanks I get for boosting his editing career.”

He sat down on Sam’s couch, answering a few more questions while waiting. The comments were already going wild, talking about how Pewds just casually let himself into Sam’s flat without a second thought.

After a few minutes, Sam finally emerged from the bathroom, his hair now dark red(see- Crowley from Good Omens or that Caleb teenager from his sister's iNstagram, iykyk). Felix looked up, giving him a once-over before nodding in approval.

“Okay, I’m not gonna lie,” Felix admitted, “that actually doesn’t look bad. You kind of rock the red hair.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, shrugging. “Thanks, I guess.”

But Felix noticed the comments flooding in again, this time more intense than ever.

The chat was in full freak-out mode:

User1: “OMG SAM IS SO HOT WITH RED HAIR!!”

User2: “Sam >>> Felix, sorry not sorry.”

User3: “Felix, we love you but… your brother is kinda chef’s kiss.”

Felix gave the camera a look of fake betrayal. “Wow, you guys are just here for Sam now, huh? What am I, chopped liver?”

He stood up dramatically, still holding the camera, and headed for the door. “I see how it is. Fine, I’ll just leave. You can all have Sam.”

Sam, standing there completely confused, watched as Felix walked out of his apartment without another word.

“Wait, what just happened?” Sam called after him, but Felix was already out the door, heading back to his place. “Okay, then. I guess I'll see you for dinner.”

As Felix ended the stream back in his own apartment, the comments continued to roll in, people laughing about how he just let himself into Sam’s flat like it was no big deal. And, of course, how Sam had suddenly become everyone’s favourite.

Felix glanced at the chat one last time, shaking his head with a grin. “You guys really know how to betray a guy, huh?”

[hazbin-critique-place]

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE THE APOLOGY TOUR (part 1)

Blitzo just randomly walks in. AND DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE HIM, HE'S LITERALLY THE CLOSES THING TO MY COPING MECHANISMS IRL AND PEOPLE HAVE DESCRIBED ME THE SAME WAY AS HIM, I'M NOT SHITTING ON HIM, but rather the storytelling... Like... What??? Like, make it make sense.

So he just randomly comes and goes, as he wishes??? And we saw he didn't have any problems with stealing (maybe just felt bad a bit but come on he kills ppl for living and we see how sadistic he can be he's NOT gonna have problem with that) why doesn't just steal from Stolas' house and sell that shit????? Like - he could fucking quit his job or find a better one!!!

And then he wouldn't need the grimoire, and... Boom.

Then, why is he even there??? Like - did he use his brains at all?? Like - bruv, you got rhe crystal already, so if you wanna act like you don't give a shit... Just don't come pleading to him (bird dick guy) and basically annoy the shit out of him for next 10 minutes even if you're right. Trust me, that's not how you feign nonshalance. I would know.

Stolas being sassy at him, then??? Like - if you have the guts to be sassy, why don't even have the whole conversation wuth him and sit and talk the relationship out with each other already??? Are you THAT stubborn?! That's not normal.

Also, if you really don't want him there, Stolas, just teleport him out. Or yourself. Just - fucking make it make sense. You HAVE the powers, and I KNOW that in Good Omens Crowley and Az would in this situation probably forget that, Neil even speaks about it in some interview or idk, but... Come on. HE'S SMART. STOLAS LITERALLY READS. (I know this is stereotyping but there IS a reason for the stereotype - literally a majority of people who'd read in their free time (and c'mon, even I, an ao3 monster, wouldn't read after such a fight like Sto and Blitz had - my anxiety would be making scenarios and pacing through the garden already -) ARE smart.) Don't make him look all educated and priviledged and informated and shit just to act like this mean asshole, like - does he ENJOY annoying Blitzo back??? (Also, pls shut, you twitter users who "dOn'T dEaDnAmE hiM!!!1!" all over reasonable posts when you lack better arguments. It literally IS his legal name, and if he had such a problem with it, he could change it easily... Take Anthony to Angel Dust, after all. Or just nicknames could work.) Bcs I at this point honestly think he does.

Also, you dumb, dumb, hypocritical bird, why would you show him a fucking invite when you could just repeatedly tell him to at least 'go away' or just act objectively reasonable????

And if you're trying to be so polite bro, just magic him a cup of tea, or something, to match the yours. It would nicely fit to the scene and aesthetic, also it would make you seem more nice and classy... At least I could like you.

Also, are you ignoring Blitzo or fuck¥ng talking to him???

Because at the same time, you want to have an alone time, but you still throw baits to elarge the conversation at him.

He's all sassy and makes comments and aaahhh - so you're like satisfied with the situation now or what???

I mean, poor Blitzo -

Like-

If you hate him, just tell it to him already. Poor boy.

Oh god, we aren't even 3 minutes in and I have already writen a goddamn novel.

Also, I know it's supposed to be funny, but the whole party idea is honestly just dumb. Like... I would be so bored and not even excited to even go to a place designated to constantly talk about a person I hate? Lol

Like I love a good gossip but not as a theme for a goddamn concert-having function!

Also, you know that happy people live longer, right? This is kinda unhealthy - I mean, that's just basic, no? Like don't support and feed your hatred towards an individual just to feel better about yourself, or at least don't force it.

Bcs I get the guy who broke down crying at that one shot after he tried to hit the blitzi plush so much. And the other dude was hyping him up. I'd be so much confused, like him. Like - he's going through some hard stiff, like some facking serious character development right now, just let him be!

About Martha... Ehhh, I love her new design and character, but it just seems boring and soul sucking now that every character, after they're denonised, they just happened to be the same, most generic, and shitty snappy, constantly angry and always frustrated (and frustrating) characters ever. Like - does hell really that much brainwash people??? I mean, it would be interesting, but honestly I don't think that Vivzie did this intentionally at all.

Also, why would you even sleep with your nemesys... 😭 I'm a number one enemies to lovers fan and I don't ship it if they don't bite rach other but this, especially so unexplored and just randomly thrown in, does NOT make and sense.

It was funny though lol. I want more of these just to see how much Viv's one-dimensional view of her own fucking characters transforming to hell changes.

Part 2 soon.

[lemonmaid]

There is no one here.

Warnings: angst? Also this was kinda of a vent fic, I wrote down all my feelings from the past year and turned it into a fic, that's why it's corny.

(Name)/Reader is Yuu/Perfect

"I do everything, and I never get a thank you"

"I've had to take care of every mess, and my only reward is getting a pat on the back or being allowed to even go on trips as the bag carrier".

"When I complain, I just get threatened to be kicked out or reminded that there is no where for me to go. How would that make you feel?"

"I get asked to do thing, but if I don't do them then am the asshole"

"I have no one besides that damn cat to hug. How sad is that. I don't even remember when the last time someone said that they love me or gave me a genuine hug. I miss my family, I miss the people who genuinely cared about me".

"If I died here there wouldn't be anyone to care, my family probably thinks I'm already dead!"

(Name) felt like drowning, they felt like tempered glass that was dropped too hard.

'Burned out' that's the word (Name) wanted to use but who can say? Depression, burned out, anger, agony, it was the same thing in the mixing bowl, but beaten to hard.

(Name) just stared at their phone, waiting for the alarm to just go off so they could start another day, doing everyone's chores, then working a shift at Azul's lounge, then finally doing theirs and Grims homework.

*ting*

Times up. Time to get ready and be there for everyone while no one is there for you.

.....

(Name) could barely hear the arguing between Ace and Grim, then venting coming from Epel, (Name) was too zoned our to notice their food getting colder and colder. But they could feel the hundreds of eyes upon them, it was like a curse.

"(Name) are you-" before Jack could finish his sentence a swarm of needy people came to their table.

"Oohhhh (nammmmee)! Me and Jamil are going to this new restaurant, do you wanna come with?"

"Oi her-"

"Get your dirty paws off them, I was here first, so their attention should be on me".

"Shrimpy!! Can you take my shift tonighttttt?????".

The bickering slowly started fade out, (Name) couldn't focus on anything but clock ticking and their heart beating.

"IM GOING TO THE BATHROOM!" (Name) suddenly ran off.

In the bathroom, (Name) was almost hyperventilating.

'I can't keep doing this' (Name) thought as they splashed water onto their face.

(Name) looked in the mirror, their sunken face, tired eyes, their appearance was laughable.

(Name) felt angry, why are they always the bad guy, why can't they put boundaries? Why are they the one who has to do everything? Why are they the one who has to fix it?

(Name) was slowly seething.

But then their heartbreaks at the thought that no one really cares, can't anyone else see them slowly slipping away? Why won't anyone help them, why can't anyone else see what they are going through?

"Hey, you doing okay bro?"

(Name) turned around facing Duece, "Yeah, I'm fine. You know, stressed".

Deuce gave (name) a look, "are you sure? You look agitated"

(Name) thought about it, this would be a great time to just vent! "Am I? Sorry, I wouldn't know why"

Deuce hummed, "your food was getting cold, thought I would save it"

(Name) grabbed the tray from Deuce, "thanks".

A knock interrupts the two, "oh! (Name)! Perfect timing! I need your assistance!"

(Name) felt their body sink to the floor, "How can I help Crowley?".

Keys jingle, the door opens, "Perfect! I need your help! It's a dire situation! One that will cost Ramshackle!".

(Name) felt themselves age faster.

Crowley explains how he fell into a pyramid scheme, how does this involve (name)? No one knows.

"If you don't help! Who know what could happen! Those overbolts only happen around you!".

(Name) felt their heart-dropped, tears tricked down their face.

Deuce reached out for "(Name)".

"I just feel so ashamed and embarrassed? How was any of that my fault? Like don't they know how traumatizing it was for me to go through all of those damn overbolts? Why do they have the right" (Name) wailed.

Crowley and Deuce could only watch in shock.

"This is all YOUR fault!" (Name) screamed.

"Now listen here perfect! Just because-"

"NO! It is your fault! Why am I to take any of the blame?!".

"What's going on in here?".

A crowd gathered around the bathroom door, hushed voices, judgemental, sympathetic stares.

(Name) felt the stares, eyes staring at them, seething. It was all too much.

The room was spinning; the voices getting louder, more eyes appearing.

It was madness.

(Name) felt their heart race, breathing so fast like they'd run a marathon.

'I've got to get out of here'.

(Name) went to move into the crowded hallway, their steps erratic.

The hushing voices are getting louder.

"Look at them".

"How are they the perfect?"

"Can't do anything right-".

"They don't belong here-".

"Magicless-".

"Abnormal-".

"Waste of space-".

"The school's janitor-".

"Teacher's pet"-.

"Stuck up-".

"WORTHLESS-".

A hand grabs their shoulders, "(Name) are you alright?".

(Name) looks into Malleus's eyes, "no".

Darkness.

☆

(Name) finally opened their eyes.

'It's quiet'.

(Name) looked around and saw "Get Well Soon" cards decorated the room, deflated balloons.

"You're awake".

(Name) saw Crowley sitting in a chair by them, "It's been a couple of weeks you know? Personally I thought you were gone, I mean, a magicless human overbolting? Never happened before. But with you, a lot of things never happened before".

"I'm still... so tired" (Name) silently cried.

"I know. I'm sorry".

Authors note:

No part 2, this was a vent fic that I fixed up and wrote into putting characters from Twisted Wonderland.

Sometimes there is no happy endings.

[thatwildnya]

CHAPTER 4: You Now Smell Fishy

chitters:

Wild: this chapter has been the most edited and rewritten one so far. i still might go back and change some parts but we’ll get to that later. i added the last part after Nya said this made him want some eel and octopus.

Nya: i’m craving sushi now 🗿

TW: blood, but only from Floyd being the menace he is

It turned out your uncle was very happy that you had taken in the wild and stray centaurs. He had applauded your kindness, giving permission to bring back as many as you desired. He would pay for all expenses of course, as he was so gracious. In return for his kindness, he made you responsible for all the pets you brought in. You didn’t plan on taking in anymore you were fine with what you had. However sir oh so gracious fancy pants had other plans.

About half a year after Malleus and Sebek joined the growing family your uncle showed up out of the blue with three merfolk for you to care for. At the time you had been out buying groceries, so you had no idea what you were coming home to.

“Hello my beloved nepiece!” Crowley greeted you as you came into the living room. He had just finished setting up the tank and was introducing himself to your current pets. After a quick explanation he left, saying he had business to attend to. He left a letter explaining how to properly care for your merfolk.

When you walked down the stairs to see what your new pets looked like, you found that your basement was now over three acres large (according to the letter) and filled with ocean plant life. You stared bug eyed at the sight before you, how the hell did he get this done in less than an hour.

You were so preoccupied with your thoughts you failed to notice a pair of curious eels swimming over to get a closer look at you. A fin-like hand hitting the glass jolted you out of your thoughts.

The two eelmer stared at you with big eyes filled with curiosity. From how closely they resembled each other you assumed they were related. They appeared to be about a foot long each but were still tiny. Your thumb was bigger than their head.

They followed you as you began circling the tank, curious about what you would do. At some point one of them got bored and swam away. The one that stayed kept his eyes on you, continuing to follow you on your little walk. The way his eyes studied you gave you chills. It was like he was observing you for your weak points. Creepy.

Another knock on the tank caught your attention. The little mer beckoned you forward, an innocent smile on his face. You inch closer, unsure of what he would do. He points up, and you turn your face upwards just in time to see the other mer jumping out of the tank. His body collides with your face with a wet splat. You stumble backwards and fall on your butt with a yelp. Pulling him off, you hold him by his waist. He’s laughing at you, and in the background you can see his brother also laughing.

Great, a pair of troublemakers. Just what you needed.

~~~~~~

“I was told there were three of you, where’s the third?” Jade and Floyd were their names. The twins were currently flopped over your thighs while your legs were lazily kicking in the water.

“Tako-chan? He’s shy, been hiding ever since his pot was set down.” Floyd answered, curiously fumbling with the zipper of your jacket. “He’s weary of humans,” Jade spoke up, “can’t blame him though. They were the ones who snatched us from our home.” you frown, was this how all merfolk were acquired? That’s messed up bro.

“If you wanna meet Tako-chan you’ll have to go for a swim~” Floyd chirped, tugging at your shirt, “The water’s enchanted so you can breathe without having to drink a potion. Your uncle mentioned someone needed to renew the magic sometimes, why can’t you do it yourself Shrimpy? Are you that bad at magic?~” what a little shit.

“Where’s the pot?” you ask using a finger on his forehead to gently push him off. He let out a hiss of protest, trying to cling to you by digging his claws into your pants. Jade took notice of the slight change of your mood, and let out a trill. Floyd pouted at his brother, letting go after a bit of back and forth.

Taking off your jacket, you toss it to the ground. Sliding into the water you shiver. Holy shit was it cold. You probably should have expected this to be honest though. Regretting leaving you jacket behind, you follow the twins.

~~~~~~

The proclaimed octo pot was more of a cauldron rather than a pot. Squatting down, you peek inside. Two beady gray eyes stare back at you for a moment before a cloud of black ink comes shooting out at you. Thankfully you were far away enough to where it wouldn’t hit you. You make a mental note about the ink spitting, best you don’t wear any light or nice clothing when around him.

Floyd swims into the pot as soon as the cloud clears, chittering at his housemate as he tries to pull him out. Soon distressed squeaking can be heard from inside the pot, getting progressively louder. Jade has settled himself on the top of the pot, peering in with a grin.

A particular loud squeak was suddenly heard. Floyd was tossed out of the pot by a chunky tentacle. A nasty looking bite was on it and bleeding. You grab Floyd by his torso to stop him from going back in.

“Bad!” you lightly smack him on the head, “do not bite him!” Floyd lets out an angry hiss, biting your finger and thrashing in your grip. You grit your teeth, bringing him up to your face. “Do not cause any unnecessary trouble, I was already looking after six pets before the three of you arrived. If you can’t behave I will rehome you!” Floyd growls, sinking his teeth further into your flesh. Jade quickly swims up next to his twin, grabbing him by the shoulders to pull him off. He’s letting out distressed chittering the whole time, eyes blown wide with fear. Floyd eventually lets go with a growl, still glaring at you. He speeds off as soon as you release him.

Jade grabs your hand. His eyes are shiny as he pleads, “please don’t be mad! I’ll talk to him, he’s really good I swear! Please don’t separate us!” he clutches your finger, tail wrapping around your arm desperately.

You sigh, bringing your other hand up to stroke his back. He shivers at your touch, tensing but doesn’t pull away. Guilt fills you as he continues to plead for you to not get rid of his brother. That was a bad move on your part, they had been essentially kidnapped before coming here. The only familiar things they had were each other, separating them would give them a one way ticket to depression land.

“I spoke in the heat of the moment,” you try to reassure him, “I won’t separate you… I promise.” Jade’s grip on your finger tightens, though he relaxed the rest of his body. After a few minutes he releases you, going to find his twin so you could both apologize.

Now you turned your attention back to Azul. Taking a seat, you lean back on your hands. After some thinking, you sigh. Taking a deep breath, you speak.

“You’re scared, I get it. You were yanked from your home suddenly and then treated as if you were an object instead of a living being. I can relate to what you went through. My parents got rid of me as soon as they found out I didn’t have a drop of magic. I was put into foster care but only people who needed physical labor would take me. They assumed I would be stronger to make up for my lack of magic. When they found the opposite was true, I was sent back. I have never stayed for more than a month in one home, they always found an excuse to send me back. At first I tried to make myself stand out, but now I know it’s pointless. A magicless human shouldn’t exist, it’s against the laws of nature. It’s best to keep your head low and out of the spotlight.” you stare at the ceiling, for if you didn’t you feared tears would flow. This was the first time you’d ever spoken these thoughts out loud. It felt… nice. Like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders.

Azul listened to you, slowly inching out of his sanctuary and closer to you as you spoke. When you were done, he was a few inches from you. He paused when you saw him, tense and ready to withdraw if needed. His face was round and body chubby, he looked quite squishy. You wanted to poke him if you were being honest.

You stay still and wait for him to make a move first. He ponders for a minute before coming to a decision. He crawls towards you, slowly making his way into your lap. You sit completely still, not wanting to spook him.

Azul settles down in your lap, his tentacles wrapping around your legs. He took up your whole lap space, his limbs very chunky and long. Lord you wanted to squish him so much no do not that might scare resist the urge I say RESIST IT R E S I S T.

~~~~~~

Hoisting yourself out of the tank, you pause to take a sniff of your shirt and scrunch your nose, it stank of raw fish. Dropping down you head for the stairs, thinking about what you should make for lunch. Sushi immediately comes to mind.

… yeah that’s definitely not a good idea.

[emo-protagonist]

final tag watches supernatural update for season 9: wow i am flying through these seasons, anyways here are my final thoughts, imma type a lot probably just finished it so:

i like the mark of cain stuff, i think dean has never really gotten the chance for any stuff like this to happen to him (like sam had his psychic power, then demon blood, then no soul, demon trials, etc, and dean never really got something like that) and dean becoming a demon is gonna be like 😩😩😩 even tho it’ll probably only be for like an episode since they know how to cure demons.

cas was super cool this season, he didn’t make any stupid decisions, him being human for a bit was cute and him getting laid was really fucking funny. also when metatron was all like “you did all this to save one human, dean, and i killed him” and cas starts crying like bro omg just say your in love with him like cmon 😭😭. i fucking hate his new trenchcoat though.

crowley was really cool, i hope he stays human and keeps helping out or whatever, him saving his son was really nice and the winchesters not killing him when they could’ve was really cool.

sam was like my favorite this season i’m not really sure why, i just liked how he wasn’t making any dumb decisions and ik i said i was mad earlier that he’s always getting mad at dean, but this shit was actually super valid. he was like on top of shit idk man. also his hair this season rahhhhh i wanna touch it.

here are some like miscellaneous thoughts i have that have no theme and are in no particular order. i think the first blade has a really cool design. the bloodlines episode was a stupid idea i cant believe they wanted to make a show about that like that episode was so bad 😭😭😭. crowleys son better come the fuck back. metatron should’ve died. also wtf is up with souls not being allowed in heaven like can we fix that or address it please.

overall i liked this season solid 8/10 as always :3

might take a break from watching supernatural for a bit, i’ve been watching it wayyyyy too much and kinda just wanna sit back and play some video games (you should play shin megami tensei v vengeance btw), thanks for reading and caring about my reaction!! if you wanna talk to me about my opinions on supernatural or just talk to me in general feel free to dm me lol :3.

[return-to-twisted-wonderland]

🔆anon

For once, I’m struggling more with the fluff one than the angst

— —

Disappearing Children: Dekker

—

The emotional velcro child who cries the second he thinks he’s going to be alone or not get attention? Yup, Dekker is back alright.

At first, Cater was so caught up in having his little brother back that he forgot how different he is now. From Dekker’s point of view, his brother should still be six. So when Dekker searched around and didn’t find anyone he recognized, the waterworks came on.

Luckily Cater remembered a small trick their mom always used, something Cater adopted while being the ‘protector big brother’. It was a simple rhyme for comforting children that their mom may or may not have made up, Cater isn’t sure, but he’s never heard it elsewhere.

After hearing that he seemed to calm down and believed Cater was his brother, but different. He wasn’t exactly told that he got hit by a potion and that’s why everything is different, but that didn’t matter. What did matter is he was right back to being a little magnet stuck to his older brother.

Cater did try to get Dekker to play with Ruse, and even Trinity when playing with Ruse failed, but no dice. The Headmaster was definitely right about him being back to his old self. Though that did mean they could do some brother bonding time, just the two of them!

Cater was able to find a bunch of videos Dekker loved to watch. He also got some time for photos big bro would definitely keep. And bonus, there was a recent arts and crafts trend going around on Magicam. He didn’t have many of the original materials, but he has just enough left over for Dekker to have fun and mess around with.

All Dekker wants is attention from his big brother, and Cater is perfectly happy to give it.

—

Cater: DekDek, how about we go downstairs and get some cookies from Trey and Trinity? I just got a text that they’re done.

Dekker: *shakes his head* Nuh-uh! No!

Cater: You still wanna be with me? We can just go down and grab one and then come right back up. We don’t have to stay with anyone. You’ll still be spending the whole time with me and not anyone else.

Dekker: But it’s nice here! And they’re scary!

Cater: Trey’s scary? I mean if he’s not wearing his glasses he can look scary… He’s a totally sweet guy! 100% wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Dekker: No! I don’t wanna! *hugs and clings tightly to Cater*

Cater: *sighs* How about I get them to leave some outside the door? We don’t have to go out. Then you can stay with just me.

Dekker: *nods his head*

— —

(Cater… You’re playing into this fear for your own benefit…) Who said that?

Poor Dekker. Such a sweet boy but 100% the type to cry when being dropped off for school.

(Side note, I noticed a two of the Disappearing Children’s stories, Trey and Riddle, were missing the series tag and just wanted to bring it up. And I know the first conversation one with Crowley was before the series name, but that might also be nice to have under the tag. Sorry to bother about this.)

Bad, Cater, bad!

This is not how we get past our traumas!

[sparrowsortadrawzzz]

Aight so. As we move into the summer season I have been struck with inspiration for a new AU. It is a summer camp AU. All the MCs are roughly 18/19. I’ve started enjoy the idea of Crowley as an archangel and the archangels being his siblings cuz that’s very dramatic and I’ve been exposed to a lot of that content so that’s here now too. Also I made my two favourite characters friends because of course I did that’s what I always do in every fandom I’ve ever been in.

(Featuring friends to lovers Aziracrow and enemies to lovers Ineffable Bureaucracy obviously.)

So the perspective is split between the four main characters. Gabriel Archer, his half brother Anthony J Crowley (Known mostly as Crowley) same mother (Gods human character that looks like Frances Mcdormand, most likely named Godiva or something similar) different fathers. They are constantly fighting and being general little nightmares, never seeming to be able to agree on anything and taking arguments way too far (bringing up each others fathers; Gabes died and Crowley’s was shitty, getting into actual physical altercations and getting eachother in trouble at school) so their mother decides to send them to a summer camp as councillors for bonding and teamwork purposes. She’s trying okay. Gabriel just turned 19 and Crowley is 18.

And on the other side are the head councillors, Aziraphale (known as A, Azi, Zira or variations on ‘shithead’ and the like by Beez cuz they’re a little bitch) Prince and Beelzebub (known as Beez) Hellborne. They’re 18 but have been attending this summer camp since they were 11 (they’re known as ‘legacy campers’).

This is their second year as councillors so they’ve been given a promotion bc the last head councillors left. To most people they seem like the world’s least likely friendship but they just vibe. It’s probably the undiagnosed autism. They love food and classic literature (I think Beez would like Lovecraftian horror and more horror-y stuff like Frankenstein, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde etc. while we obviously know Aziraphale has a preference for Jane Austen.) and manage to be equally terrible influences on eachother (aziraphale is that one friend who will suggest something and then be like ‘oh no don’t actually do it I was joking!’ While having a shit-eating grin on his face because he knows damn well they’ll do the thing).

Beez is better at handling activities (surprise surprise so is Gabe) while Zira is better at handling the campers themselves (surprise surprise so is Crowley) since he tends to be gentler. (Eg. Beez will try to get the campers attention by yelling ‘okay, maggots!’ And Aziraphale will literally just bop them on the head with the book he’s holding and glare at them until they say something non-aggressive. ‘Beez we talked about this you can’t yell at the 11 year olds.’ ‘Why not? My older siblings yelled at me when I was that age.’ ‘…Well we’re going to have to unpack THAT later. Also hold my book I wanna go talk to Crowley.’)

Aziraphales family is homophobic and Beelzebubs are generally pretty toxic and involved in some bad crimey stuff (they have six brothers, the other deadly sins) so camp is their favourite time of year and they will not tolerate these new councillors messing their safe place up.

The owner and guidance councillor of the camp, ‘Sergeant’ Shadwell and ‘Madam’ Tracy, who are definitely-not-secretly-pining love these two, Shadwell calls them and the other councillors his ‘officers’ and Tracy tells them they’re stars.

So the bros™️ show up at camp and are intoducd to the other councillors, including the buddies™️, queue an ‘oh no he’s hot’ squidward moment as the brothers realise this summer may not be so bad after all. Queue shenanigans, no one being good at feelings, matchmaking, healing relationships and found family feels.

still need to think of a name for the damn camp though.

OH MY GOSH this is an absolutely GENIUS idea!! I absolutely adore this...

(dies inside as i instantly think "OOH! Camp Armagetalong–!" I'm a sucker for puns and word play...)

[bryantspeed]

Season 2 Good Omens spoilers

Long rant incoming

Now that I’ve finished crying I wanna talk about the ending and some gut punch reactions I’ve already seen from other people. A repeated sentiment I’ve seen from Aziraphale and Crowley’s separation after the kiss is that “we don’t need more tragic queer endings” and that Our Flag Means Death and Good Omens suffer from straight writers writing queer love that fails in the end. And there are a few problems I have with those sentiments

The first being, BOTH GOOD OMENS AND OFMD AREN’T FINISHED? Like Neil Gaiman has stated in the past that he and Terry Pratchett envisioned 3 seasons in the TV adaptation of Good Omens, and we have definitely left off on a very interesting note for the third act to pick up from. This is the furthest thing from an ending as we can get.

Second, Season 2 of Good Omens very much shifted away from the idiot plot of Season 1 to truly make it a love story and emphasize that above all else. Hell, both Crowley and Aziraphale both point out romcom tropes that they find attractive and attempt to use them to make Maggie and Nina fall in love! Good Omens may be a self aware romcom, but it would be wrong to say it’s not still a romcom that subscribes to those tropes and utilizes them fully! We are ending the second act on a three act romantic story, and what typically happens then? The romantic leads, despite their mutual attraction and desire, split on ideological grounds and leave each other with regrets heavy on their lips (no matter how powerful a kiss is). Queer love stories do this too! Look at the movie “Bros”, they have this same 3 act structure, as does “But I’m a Cheerleader!” where we are screaming at Graham to please just run away with Megan but she is prioritizing her financial safety and family above her own desires.

Hell's sakes, look at the pinnacle of Romance, the brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell diamond robbery, Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice also follows this format where Elizabeth and Darcy are ideologically and emotionally split apart, and it is not until Darcy and Elizabeth grow and change for the better that they come back together in the most romantic scene to ever grace the world! "One word from you will silence me forever. [...] You have bewitched me body and soul". What I am trying to say is, Aziraphale going back to Heaven with Metatron is an extension of that common romance trope, splitting our star crossed demon and the too-trusting angel apart to prepare for the third and final act.

And ya know the funny thing that would have certainly happened even if they ended up together at the end of the second act? They would have been split apart very early into the third act. Stories are born of conflict, no story worth telling is one that culminates in "Nothing bad ever happened and we just watched our two lovebirds go on dates and explore each other's bodies for six hours!" Love stories thrive on setting up conflict, so that the romantic leads can fight and claw and work their way back to each other in a much more satisfying emotional climax than if the sloppy, rushed confession that Crowley gave Aziraphale had worked. Stories where the leads end up together in the middle of the story itself don't tend to end well for them (See Romeo and Juliet, "La La Land," "Titanic," et cetera). That is how you end up creating a romantic tragedy.

Third, while “We want queer stories that don’t end tragically” did have a place in film criticism at one time, and a time fairly recently, I feel that sticking to that now when there are a lot more stories that express queer joy and love (especially if you look beyond just major studios, support indie filmmakers, and support the SAG AFTRA and WGA strikes!!!) limits the kinds of stories we can tell. A genuine benefit of today is that there are a lot of queer stories that we can tell, and I’ve been lucky to read a lot of them. The freedom with which we can create stories about us is breathtaking. I've had the privilege to read many well written queer stories, but I've also had the strange privilege to read poorly written queer stories that I can't fathom how they made it past editing. There’s a fierce joy I carry knowing that there are a plethora of queer stories that I can read now, and that more are being created, good and bad.

My point is, there are so many queer stories to be told, and that are being told, so limiting queer media to “must end happily” is exactly that! Limiting! If we go in to every story with the foreknowledge of a happy ending, well frankly that’d be so boring! I want tragedies! I want fucked up characters not fully resolving their problems and being left in situations arguably worse than where they began!

And while I doubt that's the direction Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett wanted to take their supernatural love story, if Aziraphale and Crowley, despite all their struggles, are tragically separated because of metaphysical forces beyond our wildest imaginings, then that would be something new! It'd be interesting if done right! As painful it would be to not see Aziraphale and Crowley together gallivanting off to Alpha Centauri, I'd much rather see a story that has these sorts of stakes for both the characters and the audience!

Anyway, the reason for this rant is just to say that I'm excited for where Crowley and the new Supreme Archangel Aziraphale go in their final act, and by god will I impatiently wait and see.

PS: to those that I saw dismissing Good Omens' and OFMD's cliffhangers for coming from straight writers, Taika Waititi literally came out as queer, and Neil Gaiman had boycotts on Sandman in the 90's because of his queer characters, and his loving portrayal of Wanda, a trans woman that I will protect will all of my heart.

[snek-eyes]

Omg I LOATHE the coffee theory with all my heart.

About Maggie, I did a little deep dive into existing fan theories (the most "popular" one being that she might be demon offspring) and I'd like to reiterate. I don't think there's anything supernatural going on here. A while ago Neil confirmed that Maggie was immune to Azi's attempt at hypotizing her in the final episode to forget what was happening because he had done so much hypnotizing already and didn't have the spoons to put in the effort it would have taken to actually put her under a spell since she'd already witnessed so much that it would have been harder to change her perception, and that's not only what I initially thought, too, but what feels like the most logical thing. The spelling mistake might be just her being upset because she thinks she'll lose the shop she loves so much. Or it might be a red herring there to make us think there's something more going on but there actually isn't. Or, in addition to my first point, since Maggie is supposed to mirror Crowley, the spelling mistake might be part of that (Crowley himself isn't bad at spelling but the other demons are associated with it so it makes sense, just like Maggie living in her shop because she can't afford a flat mirrors Crowley living in the Bentley). Plus, I don't think Maggie is an important character. She was a main character in the season, much like Madame Tracy and Shadwell and Adam in the first season, but the story is centered solely around Crowley and Aziraphale and their love story and I feel big reveals like "Maggie is a demon/is offspring of supernatural beings" doesn't really fit the story. All of which to say yes I think you're right 🤣❤

-💫 (btw I love being halo anon! feels very sophisticated and ethereal 🤣)

Seeing everyone play around with theories and ideas is overall fun. That's what fandom is for! So most of the time, I don't like being like "It's Not That Deep bro." But then there are times where I'm like, welllll we might wanna just pull out Occam's razor here, the simplest explanation is probably the best one. Especially when it comes to theories that feel like they do the characters a disservice, because character motivations and flaws are what I find interesting. Most of the time, I'd rather spend time thinking about what it says about a character that they chose to do X, than there being external factors that Made Them Do It. Maggie being a demon right now is just "well of course she did that, she's a demon," I don't know anything about her as a person who would choose to do this. If S3 introduces me to her, I'm open to it! But until then, I agree with you that I just don't think she's much bigger of a character than what we saw.

[neige-leblanche]

twst characters fire emblem class headcanons:

riddle: troubadour

ace: mage. ik he should be thief but i like thinking of him as the world's least friendly merric archetype

deuce: axe bro!!

trey: priest

cater: bard, but like in the jugdral sense (either these OR trey & cater are the green & red cavaliers)

leona: berserker!! ive considered doing an au where the beast boys r all laguz but aside from that. he's a pirate in this fic i have so on a personal level i think he could absolutely promote to berserker

ruggie: thief

jack: ok listen. ik he should be something tough and fighty like an axe bro but he'd make SUCH a good navarre archetype. he doesn't have obsessed with studying the blade energy but he does have obsessed with training in general energy i swear it fits he's a myrmidon. literally a laguz though so undecided

azul: SORCERER!!!!!! i wanna draw him in the awakening sorcerer outfit so bad

jade: paladin. vibes only

floyd: berserker as well. idk why the octas all have to be promoted classes sorry

kalim: dancer ofc!! i also really like kalim and jamil as a manakete/guardian duo

jamil: ik he should be a dark mage too but his vibes fit thief so much better ToT not in general just in the fe sense yknow. like he would get along with sooo many of the fe thieves

vil: dark mage

rook: tell me this man does not have ullr holy blood. he's a sniper

epel: VILLAGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idia: dark mage as well. or like a ballistician or some shit

ortho: maybe can only describe him as a manakete?? ik they had robots in 3h but iirc they were only big things like demonic beasts. manakete fits his canon attack type best lolololol

malleus: manakete ofc. i was gonna comment that fe hasn't rlly utilized a mysterious bishie type dragon yet & then went IM SORRY KURTHNAGA TELLIUS U WILL ALWAYS PROVIDE. hell is a room with two doors & the lolis get worse after your rest time in the tellius chamber

lilia: dread fighter/mortal savant

silver: pegasus knight

sebek: wyvern knight

chenya: trickster

neige: dancer

rollo: bishop

crowley: idk man.

trein: sage

crewel: mage knight/dark knight

vargas: warrior

sam: dark mage but the fun kind like henry

[aerospectrum]

“So?” Dean was quick to counter when Madison insisted they were guests and she should cook, but he didn’t argue with her/ he didn’t have the heart to, he didn’t have the energy to. Instead he just sighed and resigned himself to watching her force her way over to him.

He could feel the cool splash of water each time she rinsed her face; but he felt his limbs tense when she stood a little closer than he expected. Maybe she was gearing up to really smack him, really drive her hatred of him home, instead she seemed stuck on the comment about the library. Dean’s expression scrunched up and he hung on the cliffhanger each time she began and stopped.

“Woah, hey, jeez!” Dean was quick to action, he stepped forward and his arms shot out easily catching Madison’s deadweight. “I feel better…” Dean mocked her voice with a girly tone and rolled his eyes “so that was a lie…” he only needed one arm to hold her up, with the other he raised his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, pressing his fingertips to the corners of his eyes and flattening his palm over his face for a moment then dragged it down.

“Please… whatever can get worse… don’t.” He pleaded with a groan to the universe then leaned down to link his free arm up under her knees carrying her across the kitchen the same way Sam had carried her in. “Sam!” He hollered up the steps… “we’ve got a problem, man.” He watched Sam come around the corner of the hall and his eyes went wide before he rushed down the steps. “She just passed out on me.. can’t tell if it was because she doesn’t wanna eat my cooking or she ate one of your vegan breakfast bars— ok, ok… temper, temper.” Dean shrugged with a raise of his brows when Sam told him it wasn’t the time to joke. At least Dean seemed a little like himself with the tacky joke, that was hopeful.

“So.. back to bed or do we leave and head back for a motel? There’s something fucked with this house.” Dean held Madison like he was holding a blanket and looked around the room. “You and Madison, huh?”

“Dude.” Sam leveled him with a deadpan stare. “I’m not you.” He started up the stairs.

“Hey… what’s that supposed to mean?” Dean watched him head up and followed after. “What’s that supposed to mean, you think I don’t honor the bro code? I always honor the code, you know who wouldn’t? Crowley… that’s who.”

Even the way Dean was talking was his old self, Sam had a bad feeling about her house… or the damage the angels had infiltrated it with anyway. He rummaged through his belongings for a bottle of ancient holy oil Cas had given them straight from Jerusalem a year earlier. He knew the power of anointing and cleansing; he figured if angels couldn’t cross the barrier of fire mixed with holy oil he could smoke them out, literally. He brushed the doorframes of each room and lit the flames. Each time the room exploded and echoed with Enochian energy- like residual grace sizzling away- scattering from the house. The weight of the house felt noticeably different and even lighter with each room Sam worked,

Dean held Madison the entire time though, he didn't want to put her in her bed if the rooms reacted that volatile. Sam considered that and had an idea. "Move her hair, I think this could protect her too." He pursed his lips together when Dean joked again, the familiar bitchy stare signaling for Dean to shut up. dipping his fingertips in the oil Sam rubbed the oil on her forehead and temples- watching the crackle of purple light along her skin sizzle and pop like fireworks before hazily smoking away... confirming his suspicions completely. The angels had marked her and her house... him and Dean were quite literally breaking the contract. Though there was no telling if Madison was ok- whether she'd fainted or if it was more angel intervention. Regardless, Dean seemed content carrying her around from room to room.

Sam was at her side & Madison held her head, “I’m okay… I’m just.. my head hurts.” When he asked about the food she shook her head, “I don’t know.” Her stomach growling again. “Head just hurts… maybe water.”

When Sam carried her Madison buried her head against his shoulder. The bounce of the walk making her head throb eventually when she sat in the kitchen, she laid her head on the table. “You don’t have to cook…. I can do it.” She said softly to Dean. “I’ll make use something…” it took her a moment but she pushed off the table still holding on for stability. “You’re guests… I should be cooking.”

Shakily she walked to the sink turning the water on & splashing her face several times. Madison stepped closer to Dean unintentionally. “I feel better.” She lied & w/ a deep breath so stood up right. Slowly she turned to finally look at him. “The library…” she started.

W/ a few blinks she noticed her vision grow blurry. “The library…” she repeated trying to gather her thoughts. “I think…” her eyes slowly rolled back & w/ no reaction she or will to stop, she fell back.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 96

Abandon All Hope/The Sontaran Strategem

We’re doing a bit of a speed run tonight because it’s 9pm and I’m just starting now. And it is usually takes me over an hour to watch each of these

“Abandon All Hope”

Plot Description: it’s a hunters reunion when Sam and Dean face off against Lucifer with the help of Castiel, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I guess so?? Wouldn’t ever be in this position

omg it’s Crowley time!!! Well he’s got great music taste

Ohhhh he’s been expecting youuuu

It’s pretty sexy of him to want to overthrow hell

Dean not being able to get out a good comeback to being called a functioning moron is extremely good and such a bad look for him lmao

…if Lucifer destroys humanity, he’s gonna destroy his own creations next?? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense

I do love when he yells

Well NOW I just wanna see a drinking contest between Castiel and Legolas

Omg THANK YOU for not continuing to push Dean/Jo, especially not with Castiel right there

Interesting that he rode into town with the Harvelles and not Sam and Dean

No. No I don’t remember seeing any reapers at Pompeii…I JUST watched that go down

GODDDDDD. Yes, Cas goes through so many crises of faith but he his dedication to what he does believe is so admirable

It’s been a while but please don’t tell me Jo dies. Not here. Not like this.

Oooooo, they’re bringing Death into play. He’s a fun character. Very dry. Takes zero shit, but calmly. Because…what can anyone do to him? He’s DEATH

Lucifer is so cunty here

Oh…oh god, Joooooo. RIP, girl

I take it back. They did one last push before they had Jo sacrifice herself.

Wait. Fuck. No. Not Ellen, too!!! I know this show hates women but goddamn that was too cruel

Guess you can’t kill an angel with a gun made to kill demons

Can’t believe Lucifer has to spell out the parallels between him and Sam even after Gabriel did just yesterday

It could have been ANY demon Cas threw on the fire to escape. Why did it have to be Meg?

God. A Winchester has gotten every member of that family killed

“Been On My Mind…”: one final Dean/Jo push. Guess we’re back up to 10??

“The Sontaran Stratagem”

Plot Description: Martha Jones summons the Doctor back to modern Earth, but an old enemy lies in wait

This dude is really every insufferable tech bro manchild we have to put up with these days rolled into one

Turns out THIS was the first five minutes I had to look out for tonight

Yay Martha!!!! (Yes we knew she was coming back but STILL) and her IMMEDIATELY getting along with Donna 💖

I do love how concerned Donna gets over the fate of the Doctor’s companions (smart of her to, really)

Will never be over her demanding a salute, too

800,000,000 seems like a lowball figure for how many cars there are on earth (but then again I live in the US and not in one of the places with anything even resembling passably decent public transit)

Oof the misogyny of the Sontarans

Donna using her skills she learned doing temp work to crack open ANY part of the case

Getting to hear Martha and Donna talk about how much they have/did or haven’t/didn’t tell their families about traveling with the Doctor after just how involved the Doctor was with Rose’s family. It just gives you pause to think

I wish I could watch the scene where Donna tells him she’s not going with him, that she’s going home, again for the first time. I love knowing that she’s about to call him a great big outer space dunce, but they REALLY let you believe it the first time

Seeing Wilf makes me remember that we’ll see him for the very last time later this year 😭

If this were airing today, elon would be throwing a hissyfit over this kid or smugly not seeing that he is being viscously mocked. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s said no to you, isn’t it?”

“It’s a thing, isn’t it? People don’t question things. They say ‘euewh it’s a thing’”

No because why get into a car you KNOW can be controlled by the Sontarans? Well, at least they think he’s dead now

Hahahahahahahahaha Wilf telling the Doctor stories of Donna when she was little. Gotta love it

Well, it didn’t take long for him to blow the cover of being dead

Why’s evil Martha kinda…

[sandwicz]

Twisted Wonderland as quotes me and my friends said

Kalim: "love that's easily broken is not worth it"

Azul: "but a bond of money is always worth it"

Kalim: "oh no I broke my ankles"

Jamil: "... what else will you break Kalim"

Idia: "if I die before any of you, bring my picture and draw tears, thanks"

Lilia: "peking duck should be served with blueberry"

Rook: "i remember watching you sleep"

Jack: "I got jumpscared by the pink flamingos"

Kalim: "i saw a cockroach riding a stick"

Floyd: "i saw a fish"

Trey: "look at croutons"

Ace: "i have never seen an uglier word for a food"

Trey: "it's french so"

Ace: "romance language they say. i'd rather break up than hear french"

Riddle: "real big assumption that you'd get a partner

Ace: " I will."

Ace: "you said that I look like that guy in the elevator. and he has a gf"

Ace: "and so will i"

Riddle: "appearance can be deceiving..."

Yuu: "it's about the personality, riddle"

Yuu: "actually nvm ace's personality is as dry as a tortilla"

Riddle: "and I agree"

Riddle: "thanks yuu"

Jamil: "yes except its cooked and flat"

Leona: "just like all of idia's waifus"

Kalim: "also I counted"

Kalim: "with extreme estimation"

Kalim: "the bottom is 6 onions long"

Jamil: "..."

Yuu: "MY CAT IS CARRYING A COCKROACH"

Ace: "i just passed by a man that had a bald head shinier than Crowley's"

Rook: "oh... what a tragic love story between a tan spray and a lamp..."

Epel: "i have a small beard im manly B)"

5th grader Deuce: "plastic is organic because it can be recycled later on"

Crowley: "Are you ok? Are you all fine?

Yuu: "No."

Crowley: "no? Ok." *carries on with convo as if nothing happened

Ace: "bro why are all of idia's expressions either dead or one minute away from bawling or derpy"

Epel: "Ace, you went from rizz to no rizz"

Deuce: "it's unintentional..."

Ace: "Shhh juice let me get Yuu to kill you its getting good"

Ace: "bro why are all of idia's expressions either dead or one minute away from bawling or derpy"

Epel: "holy crap who cares about diet anymore i need flavour"

Epel: "Bro honestly after seeing so much buff people I wanna try to get buff 💀"

Ace: "Bro ur built like noodles but gl"

Epel: "Screw you. Noodles good lah. Yummy yk"

Ace: "the first victim of cannibalism when we're stranded in a island"

Yuu: "Nah the tallest will be the first victim. Cough cough wonder who"

Ace: "Jack. Jack, we be eating you.

Ace: " be grateful."

Jack: "???????"

Floyd: "if you're too bored doing an assignment, ya don't do it"

Ace: "btw why are the beanfest day teams so bad"

Yuu: "they forgot me twice"

Leona: "I don't like French people..."

Ace: "yesterday i fell asleep on history and Juice here thought i was meditating"

Vil: "don't we have to use heels for our graduation???"

Epel: *quietly* "i hope you fall down the stairs"

[h4nn4hra]

Incorrect quotes

Mostly cralt

P1?

----------------------------------------------------------

Crowley: Imagine being under 5’4’’ and thinking you have rights lol couldn’t be me.

Halt: You wanna keep those kneecaps you better stfu

Crowley: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you from all the way down there, can you repeat that?

Halt: I SAID F*CK YOU B*TCH

---

Crowley: I have a knife

Halt: Put it down Crowley"

Crowley: Make me *sprints away*

---

Halt: We're getting married mfs.

Crowley: And we're about to make it everyone's problem.

---

Crowley : Hello Halt, made anyone cry today?

Halt: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30

---

Crowley: What are you eating?

Halt: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.

Crowley: I like you, don't I?

---

Halt: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

Crowley: Forty five seconds?!?

Halt: No! I said four TO five seconds.

Crowley, hugging Halt: Too late.

---

Will : Fight me!

Halt, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

---

Crowley: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Halt : Sure

Halt: Whats your favorite color?

Crowley: Triangle. Do you like men?

---

Gilan : Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Will:

Will: Why are you eating dirt?

Gilan : Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

---

Crowley: Can I bother you for a second?

Halt: You're always bothering me but go ahead.

---

Will: I'm very scary.

Halt: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Will : Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Halt: And small.

Will :

Will: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

---

Halt: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Crowley : You mean you stabbed them?

Halt: They ran into my knife.

---

Halt: Bro-

Crowley : No, no, hold up, rewind.

Crowley : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

---

Crowley: You disgust me.

Halt: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

---

Halt : Well Gilan, I have to say, I'm really disappointed.

Gilan: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

---

Will: If I run and leap at Gilan , they will most certainly catch me in their arms.

Will, running towards gilan : Coming in!

Gilan: No! I’m holding coffee!

Gilan: *Drops coffee and catches Will*

---

Crowley : You need to be more careful!

Halt, who was dragged into Crowley 's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

---

Crowley : Hand me the people opener.

Halt: ...

Halt: Pardon?

Crowley , annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me!

Halt: WHAT THE F*CK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?

Crowley : How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?

Halt: Knife. It's called a knife.

---

Crowley: Bottling up emotions is bad for your health.

Halt: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions both positive and negative so it cancels each other out.

Crowley: That's not how that works.