#both my parents are transphobic but they’re both different kinds of transphobe

[jellyshark-jester]

Currently having a breakdancing session with myself<333

[lycandrophile]

hey i know your post about your mom was mostly just a personal vent, but i have to say, do you realize that also happens with trans girls and their fathers? literally happened to one of my friends. i’m not trying to downplay your experience or something but i found it strange that you seem to think this is something that only affects transmascs

i have one question for you: so fucking what?

i don’t doubt that trans girls have experienced similar things and yeah, that’s bad too, but what the fuck does that have to do with me and the specific things i’m facing as a result of being a trans man? i never said “look at this thing that happens to ONLY trans men and NO ONE ELSE,” i just said “hey, isn’t this thing that happens to a lot of trans men, including myself, fucked up?”

i would also like to point out that what you’re talking about is in fact a different (albeit similar) thing. the way cis people treat trans people can differ dramatically based on the cis person’s gender because their commitment to gender roles is, like, a major part of problem. the specific way a cis mother reacts to her trans son’s transition is often going to be very distinct, while a cis father will likely respond to his trans daughter in a different but equally distinct way.

what i’m talking about is a very specific kind of ownership and control and self-victimization and total lack of boundaries masquerading as love and care and maternal concern that cis women (i would argue white cis women in particular) project onto their transmasc kids when we do literally anything to our bodies. i’m talking about a phenomenon which is closely related to the way moms often pass eating disorders onto their daughters (or children they view as daughters) because they see a body that looks something like theirs and project all of their insecurities and ideals onto it. i’m talking about a form of parental transphobia and projection that’s specific to the dynamic of a cis mother and her child who was “supposed to” be her daughter.

if you’ve never felt that, you’re not even remotely qualified to tell me shit about how i should be talking about that experience, and if you couldn’t recognize that experience when you read my post, i’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced it because the replies to that post made it very clear to me that anyone who has experienced it firsthand immediately knew exactly what i meant.

like, yeah, cis dads also project onto their trans daughters, but are they likely to have a reaction like running away with actual tears streaming down their face? do you expect them to passive aggressively make comments about how sad their kid’s transition makes them, how it’s such a difficult emotional time, how it’s so tragic because their kid’s body was so beautiful before? do you think their go-to transphobic reaction will be weaponizing their emotions? i’m sure there are some dads out there who are like that, but i think we can agree they’re in the minority because that’s not how cis men are taught to react and parents like this tend to be pretty damn committed to following the gender roles they were taught.

and even if i’m wrong and our experiences are exactly the same, let me reiterate that i never said this was an experience exclusive to trans men. all i said is that it happens to us. that’s just a statement of objective fact.

this started in my life when i got my hair cut short for the first time almost a decade ago and it has not stopped since. i’ve watched my mom cry over me changing my name and respond to being asked if my happiness matters more to her than my name by saying “i care about both”, i’ve watched her melt down in a mall over me getting a suit for prom and give me the silent treatment for days after, i’ve heard her plead with me to stop t because it “looks unnatural” and she’s just so “concerned for my health”, i’ve watched her stare at me post-op and say “my poor baby” over and over like she’s looking at my corpse in a casket. i’ve watched her turn herself into the victim of every single aspect of my transition. i’ve had to live with this for 9 years and spent the early years of the pandemic literally locked in a house with it. this has been my entire adolescent and adult life, and the question of if i’ll have to cut her off someday (and maybe never see my cat or my little cousins who i love more than anything in the world ever again as a result) haunts me every single day.

who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about that?

[vrisrezis]

General hcs for ur Bnha favs and a trans s/o (bonus points for trans Bnha hcs u have lol)

YASSSSSSSSS anyways I’m here for the transfem hcs I’m sorry . It’s always my preference since I have a trans gf LOL <3 I love transmasc hcs too ofc tho

Tw since I mention some .. “parental” figures being transphobic

Also when I say aka I just mean that the hc is they changed their name to whatever new name I put .

Katsuki - Aka Suki she/her transfem

She’s always supportive of a trans s/o, a lot of her support would be shown through helping you pick outfits out. She has a really good fashion sense so she’s able to help out regardless of gender, and it’s easy for her to recognize what clothes would make you the most comfortable. She’s good at a lot of fashion shit, hair, hats, etc she’s got it down.

Izuku - Aka izumi she/her transfem

Much more vocal than suki would be about being supportive. Always makes you feel valid in your identity and nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself because of it. Shes much more into positive affirmations when it comes to how you identify. She knows for some it’s hard to believe but she will do everything in her power to make sure you believe it and to make sure you’re content with yourself.

Touya - aka Dabi she/they transfem and non binary

Dabi knows what it’s like to be treated like shit for how you identify so she truly sympathizes with you. They’re always there for you though, and is also really patient when it comes to you coming out. It’s really a different experience when your both criminals, but she will burn anybody to a crisp that tries to make you feel like shit for how you identify. She knows how to do piercings, tattoos, etc so if it helps you feel more gender euphoria she’s glad to assist.

Tenko - aka tomura she/it transfem and non binary

It always listens to you when you wanna vent about anything, she understands tbh. Even her supposed caretaker isn’t the most accepting of how it identifies, but she’s at a point in her life where it could care less. However she wants you to be comfortable. Not the best with good clothing but had toga to help out with that. Really just a good listener and being a person that can truly understand you.

Himiko she/her transfem

Toga is sooo accepting and really great at helping you transition and with your fashion sense. Doesn’t matter who it is, she’s so quick to threaten if anyone makes the grave mistake of misgendering you, on purpose or not she does not take that lightly in the slightest. Especially since she knows what it was like for both her and big sis magne.

Rumi she/her transfem

If your nervous about coming out, miruko will detect it quickly and makes you wonder why you were even nervous in the first place. She can be overwhelming with her support, but she means well. Always going out her way to buy you things that she thinks would look super cute on you and would affirm your gender identity, she is patient with you for once in her life as well lmao. She’s all kinds of good when it comes to you and how you identify.

Fuyumi transfem she/her

So sweet to you, she makes you feel so comfortable and makes sure you know to take your time with things. It’s okay to not come out to everyone right away, or at all if it’s for safety reasons. She’s always there for you, and she loves you always. This simply doesn’t change a thing. Is happy to help you out if you need advice on how to transition. There’s no proper way, anyhow.

Shouto she/her transfem (I feel like she’d keep her name)

Accepting of course. I think she doesn’t see it as a big deal but she’s of course going to support you and any needs you may have. She’s not knowledgeable on a lot of gender identities outside of being trans, non binary or genderfluid so any other identity needs to be explained but she learns very quickly. She’s also a great listener when you want to vent.

Mina transfem she/her

So loving and accepting, she’s so excited to help you transition in any way you want. But please tell her if she’s rushing you, she gets in over her head and gets wayyy too excited about helping you out. It’s just that transitioning made her so happy and made her into a person she likes, and she wants you to have that confidence about yourself too!

Ejirou transmasc he/him

Very supportive as always, no surprise there. He’s loving and does everything in his power to help you transition and feel more confident in yourself. Will refrain from calling you manly if it makes you uncomfortable because he loves you so much and never wants you to feel bad about yourself.

Denki non binary he/they

Such a supportive boyfriend wow, always there to lift your confidence up. More masculine, they will match with you. More feminine? Same deal. You’re always supportive of their dresses and skirts, of course he’s supportive of you and every choice you make. Pretty bad fashion sense though, only reason they have it decent is because of their mother lol.

Kyoka transmasc non binary he/him

He is supportive and has a sick fashion sense so he can always help you out. Always there for good support, and he and momo help you out a lot. Denki too tbh lol. He’s also good at listening and helping you get your frustrations out through scream singing lol.

Fumikage transmasc non binary they/them

They’re good at listening, as well as giving banger ass advice on dealing with people and dealing with some “inner demons” and they’re always a good person to vent to about things. They like picking out goth clothes for you.

Hanta he/they/it genderfluid

So helpful, the kinda guy to make jokes about you both being trans too LOL they can’t help it… it’s funny … but other than jokes from time to time sero does take your identity seriously, but man it’s just not good at fashion. Or even good at advice really. But a good person to lean on when you have nobody else.

Hawks she/her transfem

She’s a good support system, and rich enough to get you any surgery, any clothes, any estrogen (I forget the male version but that too LOL) she’s extremely helpful and kind about it. And so very patient with you about it cause she knows how hard it is being trans. But she will always protect you, in the end.

Neito transmasc he/him

He may be the worst but he’s still good enough to support his love, he’s not transphobic and has always been so supportive with you about things even when he’s not vocal about it. Has a horrible fashion sense but insists he can help you with it and he has better taste in fashion than you do, lol,

Shouta transfem non binary they/she

Aizawa is supportive obviously. Tries to help you and be there for you, they typically will opt for others helping you fashion wise since she’s not the best, but other than that is actually really helpful and gives good advice.

Tamaki non binary transfem they/she

Tries to support you but has horrible fashion sense, leaves that to nejire and mirio. They help out with your transition with other things. Whether it he listening to you vent or trying to make you feel affirmed in your identity.

Nejire transfem she/her

So loudly openly supportive . She has good intentions tho. She just love you a lot and she’s so happy you’ve come out and she wants to help you any way that she can help you even if it’s only a little bit lol.

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

personally i kind of think that trying to squash out gender bending is what’s transphobic. it’s a key form of self-expression for a LOT of eggs, especially when they’re kids, and especially if they don’t/didn’t have access to media that represented genderqueer characters, whether that’s because that media largely didn’t exist for kids at the time (as for myself and many other trans people my age and older), or because their parents limit(ed) their media access to avoid exposure to trans and queer characters, be they canon or coded. before i watched soul eater and had crona rock my world with their gender ambiguous swag, i was obsessed with genderbending and characters crossdressing. the fiona and cake episode of adventure time? yeah i was staring at prince gumball and marshall lee both and forming so many brain cells around this concept at 10 years old, 3 years before i would properly start trying to explore and figure out my gender. while crona having some undeniable genderfuckery going on was definitely what actually broke my egg open, fiona and cake probably made the first crack, to be honest. i think i would be a very different person if i had never been exposed to the concept of genderbending as a kid. i would still be trans, certainly, but it would’ve taken me probably quite a while longer before i’d have figured it out, and i don’t think i’d be as confident in my identity today.

as op stated, you’d have to come at genderbending from the most bad faith angle possible to see it as transphobic, but also you’d have to be seeing it from a purely theoretical standpoint. the fact is, it doesn’t exist in a vacuum, just like any other kind of art. the experiences of the artist will inform the art, and the experiences of the person viewing the art will inform their interpretation of it. do you think a trans artist designing a genderbent version of a character they identified heavily with in their youth, to express how they feel after transitioning, is transphobic? or, even if the artist is a transphobe making a male character into a female character or vice versa so they feel more comfortable thinking they’re hot because they’re So So Straight, does that change the fact that some trans egg kid looking at genderbent art of a character they identify with is going to set off a lightbulb in their head and lead to a journey of self-discovery? no matter what, genderbending characters is still experimenting and playing with the very idea of gender, which is a huge part of what being trans is about for many trans people, and frequently the key to discovering transness for even more trans people than that. trying to police that self-expression is not going to benefit anyone. knowingly trying to twist it and present it as transphobic, though? that’s fucking vile. there are people who only say it’s transphobic because they’re parroting others, and that’s like, not good still, but whatever they aren’t thinking about it enough. but i really think that whoever first decided that genderbending is transphobic knew exactly what they were doing

Sorry to set discourse on your doorstep, but I’m curious: How do you feel about genderbending characters? I’ve seen some people say it’s transphobic but tbh I’m not totally sure if I agree. What do you think, if you don’t mind my asking?

Genuinely don't think gender bending is transphobic and I think coming at the idea of gender bending in the most bad faith way possible is the only way u can really say it's transphobic. Gender bending characters is like....a time honored tradition among fans and it's fun to design someone with the opposite presentation in mind. Like, what stays the same? What changes? How can I keep this recognizable while still showing the character is different in some way or another? These are fun design ideas and goals and it's only if you rigidly subscribe to the idea that gender and sex are the same does that become an issue. like, I guess I can see how it can potentially be transphobic, but like? I feel like it does far more good in terms of making people wonder about gender expression and playing with it? Like, does my Big Macintosh comic count as gender bending? I took a pre-established character and designed her to be a trans woman, and I thought about what that might look like should the character go in that direction. And I've gotten tons and tons of heartwarming comments talking about how much that comic helped them! I'm a trans person, I think we should be doing more fun play with gender and shit.

[feminis-tastic]

A post came up about LGBTQ+ books being banned in school libraries the UK. I am not in favour of banning books, but I am in favour of age appropriate books. There are plenty of harmless child/ young people LGBT books getting banned too. So I was curious and wanted to look. It was paywalled, however a commenter typed part of it out. Apparently one of the books being removed is ‘This Book is Gay’ by Juno Dawson. I’ve never heard of this book so I look it up and — why is this being advertised to young people? It is specifically targeted towards young people.

On its Wikipedia page it goes through the plot of each chapter. I suggest reading it yourself but here’s some examples:

- [chapter 2] this chapter outlines basic queer identities and gives definitions for each one.

- [chapter 4] … then it goes on to talk about different labels within the queer community (bear, twink, butch, etc)

-[chapter 8] …talks about concepts like gaydar, safe spaces…. …Different places or ways to meet people, including gridnr and other dating apps

-[chapter 10] discussion of relationship commitments, both monogamous and polyamorous.

This came out in 2014, has ample use of the word queer and queerphobic. There’s a chapter on gay sex which could possibly be quite educational — if written well and given at an appropriate age. (I also have a problem with ‘gay’ being used as an umbrella term)

My issue is how are these books being used in schools? Are they monitoring the ages of the students to make sure they’re reading age appropriate things?

It’s very hard to be critical of gender books because you’ll usually be accused of wanting to ban them all and you must be transphobic. When no, the problem is the books are often full of stereotypes, normalise self hatred and generally advertised to a much younger audience than they should be. That’s not to say there aren’t good books about gender, but the way gender is promoted as ‘age inclusive’ (see drag queens, literal sexual caricatures of women reading to children (which is another problem on its own)) means you’re questioned when being concerned about what children are being exposed to.

There’s so much to this and I feel you can’t say anything without being labelled as some kind of phobic. And it’s wild because I feel like I’m overreacting when I’m just concerned. And to reiterate, I do not agree with banning books. That’s dangerous territory.

Sorry if this is all over the place.

Oof yeah that is difficult. If that book is being taught I also hope that not all the chapters are taught to children of all ages. We can only hope that the parents teach them different perspectives as well as the lessons from the book and that they are not taught to hate their bodies

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

[gulfportofficial]

Not to go on and on but another thing that drives me up the fucking wall about the “lol I hate kids” contingent is how disgustingly misogynistic and sexualized it is. I for real, no fooling, not a word of a lie about it, engaged in a conversation who wrote “lol way to post a photo of your wrecked vagina” on a picture of someone’s child this week. That’s just a disgusting thing to say, no fucking excuses, and I’d like to think anyone would agree. But of course the person doubled down, and with a number of concerned allies, noted that calling them out on it was, of course, ableist of me. 

Additionally, I have had it QueerSplained to me many times that horrible, sexist, way-too-sexual language about children and their mothers (NEVER their fathers), such as “imagine being proud that someone creamed in you” etc, is a reaction to the heteronormative expectation that women and some also-targeted others are good for nothing but baring offspring and the pressure to do just that. I do not need that explanation because I am goddamned middle-aged and have heard of feminism before, but I also resent it as a lesbian who was for good while physically disabled. The pressure that one MUST have kids takes on a different inflection when people don’t want someone “like you” being a parent. 

I for one can report that the pressure from those around me changed quite dramatically once I came out, and then when I began to seem less physically able. It’s also been a feature of the LGBT history that I am aware of, as well as the disability history, that many people in both those communities have been stripped of their reproductive capabilities and/or custody of their existing children by force because of their status. There is a long and ugly history of sterilising disabled people in care services. There are many cases of lesbians being found to be unfit mothers to their children because, and only because, they were lesbians. 

It is not Cool and Woke and Extra Queer to hate children and the people who have them. Many people are still harmed in the exact ways I described. They’re in fact still pressing queer and disability rights issues. For example, currently, many people who transition must give up their reproductive capabilities in order to legally change their gender markers. This is doubly true for people in racialized populations, for whom forced sterilization, and a violent over-interest from state services, has an ugly and ongoing history. It is still shockingly unsafe for black women of any demographic to give birth in the USA, entirely because of the racist disdain with which their lives and rights to be parents are treated.   

This is not to say that it’s unreasonable to be angry about the expectation that being a women or assumed to be one means you must have children, obviously, or that one must have children to be a woman. They are misogynist expectations (and like all misogyny, transphobic too). We should be angry about them! But the constant assertion that young children, uniquely, are somehow reminders of sex (newsflashdennisreynolds.jpg, all humans are products of sex!) and that the people who have them are somehow dumb, annoying, or dupes, is just fucking gross. It is thoughtless, it is sexist, it is racist, it is trans- and homophobic, it is ableist, and it is cruel. The language used - the “mombie”, shit “crotch dropping”, “fuck trophy”, “keeping cum as a pet”, not to mention “breeder”, which is incredibly fucking racist specifically - makes that cruelty pretty plain.  I didn’t even mention class here but it’s pretty obvious why I could, I’m sure. Just fucking shut up with your “lol what a gross cum pet” you disgusting fucking assholes.  

-- ETA: I know that some of the people who say this shit are kids themselves and will grow out of it. I had all kinds of shitty opinions as a youth. But I don’t think it does them any harm to know the flipside of it, and more than that I’m not really in contact with a lot of youths with whom I swap political takes. I much more see this from Hip Queers of my own age or similar. And vegans for some reason. No diss to the many cool vegans of the world but boy do vegan groups come up with some galaxy brain shit. My opening example was in fact from a vegan recipe group. 

[bowie-boy]

Favorite LGBT+ headcanons for X-Files characters? Mine is that pretty much every main F.B.I. agent(including Krycek) is either bisexual or asexual(or both)! :)

This has been in my inbox for months and I keep forgetting about it I’m so sorry but TODAY IS THE DAY!!!! Happy TDOV Fox and @himbo-mulder (this is my response to your ask too)

LGBTQ X-Files Headcanons Because Someone Asked

Fox Mulder:

Bi and trans icon

The first person he told was Samantha

She accepted him immediately as her big brother and told him he should name himself Fox (it was her favorite animal at the time)

He was going to make his name William Mulder Jr. up until she disappeared, in which he actually decided to make his first name Fox (he misses her 🥺)

Came out to his parents sometime in high school, both took it badly

Bill was hella transphobic—he was already pretty shitty to Mulder but this added a whole new layer to it

Teena was more passive aggressive about it but still made withering comments about how she “lost two daughters now”

Some high school friends (*chants* PHOEBE AND GIMBLE PHOEBE AND GIMBLE) helped Mulder start T and change his legal name on government documents before he left for Oxford

Mulder wanted to go stealth while he was there but came out to Phoebe

When they broke up, she outed him to everyone

Things got so bad that he almost dropped out

Mulder joined the FBI, excited at the prospect of knowing no one and being able to go exclusively by his last name

He was somewhat happy of his solitude in the basement—no one really looked into him past his spooky nature, so no one could find out he was trans

Since Samantha, Scully was the first person who was truly accepting of who he really was

Got top surgery sometime before Colony

Definitely fell in love with Scully right after reading her profile skrjnwkdjwka

Mulder and Krycek were definitely an item for a hot sec until Krycek went evil

Mulder is 500% faithful to Scully but kinda had a crush on Doggett for a little bit

Mulder just wants to be a better dad than Bill 🥺🥺🥺

Mulder helped Byers realize he was trans!!! More on that later though

Dana Scully:

A bi queen

Definitely experimented in college and had a couple girlfriends there and through med school

Ending up breaking up with a girl she was really close with because Scully’s job was just putting too much strain on their relationship

It was really hard on her and made her swear off serious relationships for a long time

She thought Mulder was adorable from the moment she saw him but was really scared of actually developing feelings for him so she pushed it down

And kept pushing it down until she finally realized Mulder was never going to hurt her and actually let him in

I’m just ranting about MSR now oops

100% faithful to Mulder but thought Reyes was super hot

Scully is just a distinguished bi idk what else to say

Walter Skinner:

You can’t adopt THAT MANY LGBT agents if you’re not LGBT yourself, right?

Definitely bisexual

Grew up in a really conservative family and didn’t even consider it an option until he moved out

Skinner was attracted to a lot of guys in his squad in Vietnam but he thought it was just because there were no women around

(Spoiler alert: it wasn’t)

Skinner fell in love with John “Kitten” James and he fell hard

Absolutely did everything possible to protect that man

He was terrified of his feelings though and pushed them down, eventually starting to resent his best friend for making him feel things he couldn’t understand

When Kitten got infected by that gas, Skinner put his values over the man he loved, not just because he thought it was the right thing to do, but because he was terrified that he might be bi

He has regretted it ever since

Married his wife after the war and had a pretty good relationship until he became too consumed with his work

Their breakup was really hard on him and he delved even more into his work

Sometime after Avatar (maybe by season 5 or 6), Skinner meets a really lovely man and that man becomes his boyfriend

It’s really hard at first, but the guy helps Skinner to open up and allow himself to be okay with who he really is

They make time for each other outside of work and are really happy together!

Skinner’s boyfriend is 100% okay with the fact that Skinner has basically adopted all these agents

Skinner is everyone’s dad!!! No exceptions

John Byers:

Trans man!!!!

Discovered it pretty late in life, like he knew earlier but he Repressed it

First person he ever came out to was Mulder (as in my fic 😌)

Lots of internalized transphobia in this man but Mulder and the Lone Gunmen really helped him break out of that

Langly and Frohike obviously went with him to get his first T shot and chanted “MAN JUICE” while it happened (scaring a lot of the nurses)

Met Susanne before he transitioned so seeing her again in Three of a Kind was a little terrifying for him

She accepts him though and is a bi icon herself

Byers wears suits so much because they make him feel really validated

Ringo Langly:

Non-binary and gay!! Langly uses any pronouns (gonna stick to he/him for this list to keep things simple though)

Grew up pretty unaware about gender as a whole, just living his life

Moving away from home to a city was huge for him, he started going to gay bars and really realized that he was gay

Eventually started to experiment with his gender, using different pronouns etc., and found out he was non-binary!

Came out to Frohike shortly after learning Frohike was bi (more on that later)

Goes by Ringo because it’s somewhat gender neutral

He isn’t dysphoric very often but when he is it’s very hard for him to cope, Byers and Frohike are always there to support him and help however possible though

Langly gets way more dates than Frohike and loves to brag about it

Melvin Frohike:

We stan one funky little bi king

HE WAS AT STONEWALL I’LL DIE ON THIS HILL

Frohike had a mega crush on Mulder when he first met him and it persisted all the way until he met Scully

And then when he met Doggett he crushed on him too

Frohike is just kind of a hopeless romantic okay I love him

Absolutely bonds with Scully and they always debate which celebrity is hotter while they get more and more drunk

John Doggett

GAY MAN

Doggett was really repressed for a lot of his life, not because he thought his family would hate him for being gay but mostly because of his environment

(He was a drama kid though)

The military REALLY repressed him and thoroughly fucked him up

It wasn’t until he met Reyes that he started to accept himself more

At first Reyes being a lesbian totally freaked him out and he was really upset, leading to a huge strain on their friendship, but one night he broke down and told her he was pretty sure he was gay

Reyes really helped him through everything, especially his divorce from his wife and the loss of his son

Doggett eventually came out to his dad, who was super accepting

It took Doggett a long time to be comfortable enough to date but he started and met a really great guy, one who he’s now married to

One day he mentioned his boyfriend in passing and the rest of the Spooky Squad totally flipped out because they had no idea he was gay

Doggett just straight-faced “I didn’t think it was relevant?”

Sings musical theater songs in the office when no one else is there

Monica Reyes:

A lesbian

There isn’t a straight bone in her body have you SEEN her???

Absolutely crushed on Scully for the longest time at first, totally backed off when she realized she was involved with Mulder

Total mlm/wlw solidarity with Doggett

Reyes is super comfortable with her sexuality

I’m convinced that she’s married and she and her wife live in the same neighborhood as Doggett and his husband

Running out of brain power at this point but I just love her so much??? Mwah

Alex Krycek:

Gay rat

Everything he did against Mulder and Scully was fueled by spite at his ex-boyfriend Mulder

Daddy issues

Sometimes he breaks into TLG’s base and vibes with them for a few days

Rat (affectionate)

Deep Throat:

Gay :)

Bonus: Melissa Scully is a trans lesbian and Samantha Mulder is bisexual and they’re dating

[andyinmiddleearth]

Not to be cisphobic but like... you know what screw it, I hate cis people. And by that I don’t mean that I hate every single individual cis person that exists, I actually have several cis friends and family members that I am close to and love. I mean that I hate cis people as my oppressors, that I hate cis people as a class that oppresses gender-non-conforming, intersex, trans, and non-binary people. Here’s some examples of the systems of oppression cis people as a class have placed that still hurt us to this day:

I hate gender-reveals parties. I hate the fact that a baby’s interests, decorations, hell even their entire personality, is determined just by simply looking at the fetus’ outward genitalia. Not to mention how inaccurate it can be cause sex is a spectrum (meaning it’s much more than just genitalia, it includes hormones, chromosomes, etc, and these can be super diverse and I myself, an AFAB person, don’t naturally produce estrogen) which is why some intersex people don’t even know they’re intersex until they get checked out by a specialist in their late teens or twenties.

I hate cis people assuming pronouns, ESPECIALLY when it comes to people like me that are visibly queer. I hate going to a doctor’s office and having to listen to nurses and even doctors call me sis, girl, ma’am, lady, she, her, when over here I’m standing with a ‘men’s’ haircut and wearing entirely ‘men’s’ clothes. But as a whole, I just hate assuming people’s pronouns in general because gender is so much more than gender expression. Men can be feminine, women can be masculine, non-binary people can be as femme or masc as they want. Our bodies and our clothes don’t determine our gender. We do.

I also hate cis people not respecting pronouns on purpose, like that time at Einstein Bagels where I was wearing my he/him pin and the cashier kept repeatedly calling me ‘ma’am’ despite me wearing this 2.25 inch long button WITH MY PRONOUNS ON IT. I hate how I have family members that purposefully misgender me every single fucking day despite me being out as trans to them for YEARS because they just think ‘being transgender is a choice, like being vegan.’ I hate how one of these said family members does everything they fucking can to trigger my dysphoria and constant remind me that they see me as a woman.

I hate cissexism. I hate words like ‘lady parts’ and ‘boy parts’ and ‘girl parts.’ Boys and girls (and all genders) can have whatever private parts they have and still be their gender AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, and frankly very creepy to want to know what’s in someone’s pants. I hate how instead of using terms like afab or amab it’s just ‘male parts’ and ‘female parts,’ ‘male body,’ ‘female body,’ which also blatantly erases intersex people that may have both, or something else entirely different.

I hate how cis people have made this concept about the ‘the perfect trans person’ that people in the trans community (yes, I’m talking about transmeds) will shit on our non-binary and non-dysphoric trans siblings because ‘they make us look like a joke.’ Spoiler alert, cis people as a class hate trans people because they’re transphobic, period, not because some random non-binary sixteen year old uses ze/hir pronouns and is non-dysphoric. I hate how I was harassed on this platform FOR YEARS and sent hate on and off anon by transmeds simply because I, a dysphoric trans guy, think you don’t need dysphoria to be trans. Because I think being trans is so much more about being uncomfortable in your body, because I think you can have gender euphoria and not gender dysphoria. And I hate how the transmeds that bullied me also called me all kinds of slurs (both referring to my ethnicity as a Latino and also just homophobic ones like the f-slur) and perpetuated exactly the behavior they see white cishet men perform because they think that way maybe they will accept them. Spoiler alert; they won’t.

I hate how intersex babies are mutilated every day around the world simply because of how they are born while trans children and young adults are still being denied access to LIFE-SAVING resources like hormone blockers, HRT, surgery, etc. I hate how long the waitlists are for trans people in places like the UK and Canada are to transition, and I hate how monetarily expensive it can be even with insurance in the USA, since this is the main reason why I can’t start T right now (that and the fact that I live with family members that wouldn’t support me transitioning).

I hate how anything can be a ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ thing. Things as simple as drinks for fuck’s sake. Why is a beer a ‘man’s drink’ and a fruity cocktail a ‘lady’s drink?’ Same goes for everything... clothing, movies, certain games, even basic chores like cooking and cleaning. Hell, even interests can be a ‘girl or boy’ thing. One time I was reading a thick book and this cis man (he knew I’m AFAB cause my parents misgendered me to him obviously) went ‘oh yeah us guys don’t read that much.’ EXCUSE ME SIR BUT I AM A GUY, AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU!

I hate how when a trans person comes out as a child they are ‘too young to know,’ and when a trans person comes out as a teen they are ‘just going through a phase/copying trends,’ and when a trans person comes out as an adult then ‘they can’t really be trans because they never shoWeD thE siGns.’ There’s no age to realize you’re trans, everyone accepts their identity at different rates and that’s valid. And there’s no age to transition either.

I hate how when you come out as trans cis people magically expect you to suddenly not look trans anymore. How they expect trans men after coming out to have perfectly flat chests and no curves, how they expect trans women to suddenly grow boobs and look feminine af, and how they expect non-binary people to look as androgynous as possible. All kinds of bodies are trans, and you don’t need to medically transition to be trans. Some trans folks don’t have surgery or HRT or anything at all for whatever reason, and they’re still valid.

I hate how some cis people will misgender us trans people no matter how well we pass the minute they find out we’re trans. A trans man can have a flat chest, a full grown beard and a deep voice and the minute someone finds out he’s trans he’s suddenly ‘really a woman.’ I hate how this misgendering of trans people is one of the reasons why so many of us (41%) have attempted suicide, myself included. And I hate how badly cis people deteriorate our mental health just by refusing to use our pronouns and real name instead of our deadnames.

I hate all of these things, and there are so many more... but yeah, that’s what I mean when I say I hate cis people. I don’t hate cis people individually, I hate cis people because as a class they are complicit in my oppression and the way they keep upholding society contributes to our extremely high rates of mental illness, depression, and suicide. I’ve tried to kill myself too many times to count exactly because of all of these things. So yeah, call me a cisphobe if you want. I’m just a trans person that’s fed up with the transphobia, cisnormativity and cissexism that is shoved down my throat every day.

[finnissilly]

Hi! Okay so this is 10 pages worth of lore. So please don’t feel obligated to read all of it. (Yes this is what I sent my dm)

Miles Moonshine

Shadar-kai elf

Ranger

Criminal (smuggler)

Chaotic neutral

381

6”

he/him

Gay, aroace, trans man

Occasional attraction to non-women but it’s very rare for him.

Always kinda knew he was a boy

Kilo(meters) Moonshine

Drow elf

Paladin

Soldier (scout)

Lawful good(?)

282

5”5

he/they

Aroace, trans man

No attraction to anyone, but loves his friends and family

ex girl

Fern Mossborne

Firbolg

Warlock

Outlander

Chaotic good

341

8”

he/any

Non binary, ace, bi

Doesn’t exactly identify with any specific gender, but does feel more masculine than feminine and mainly goes by he/him but will not care if you call him by they/she/it or any other pronouns you can come up with.

Likes people, but usually doesn’t get sexual attraction.

Maryweather Wildcard

Fairy

Archfey patron

Hermit

Chaotic Good

Old as fuck

4”1

Any pronouns except he/him

Trans woman, aroace

No attraction towards anyone

Always kinda knew she was female

Other people/groups:

Gabriel Steelwood

Human

Ranger

???

Neutral good

42 (is dead)

5”10

He/him

Cis man, Unlabeled

Simply doesn’t like labels for sexuality

Metric and Sys(tem) Moonshine

Drow

???

???

Terrible people.

Old.

Just he/him and she/her

They’re both cis and heterosexual

They aren’t transphobic or homophobic in any means/sense but they are terrible parents and people in general.

Firbolg group

There's like 10 of them

Very small community

All in good alignments

Typically either outlanders or hermits

Wide ranges of age between each one

A mixed bag of genders and queers.

Each individual one typically came from another firbolg group or from different areas in general- Fern was born into it as a kid.

Ravenqueen cult

There’s like, 15 of them at least

Mixed bag o people

Worship ravenqueen- hate shadar kai who don’t do the same as they see it as “wasting an opportunity” and would even take them and use them as sacrifices and such, they’re not good people.

Underdark task/military force

At the very least there are 20 of them

Mixed bag o people from/in underdark

Big power abusers

They aren’t good folks

Hurt and imprison innocent people- and also bad people but they still don’t treat them correctly.

Relations:

Kilo and Miles:

Very silly siblings, some goobers. However the two have very different and separate ideals and often don’t agree on things. But they still care about each other nonetheless.

I imagine them kinda like Jessica and Trish from Jessica Jones.

Kilo and Fern:

Good pals, good friends. They get along pretty well.

Could not come up with a fictional character relationship/dynamic for these two.

Fern and Miles:

History will remember them as “best friends”, (granted, they are)

they would probably kiss if either were mentally stable. (Neither are mentally stable)

They’re a lot like Crowley and Aziraphel from Good omens but if Aziraphel wasn’t against crime.

Maryweather and Fern:

Maryweather sees Fern as her grandson, and Fern accepts this, he calls her “granny”

Kilo and his parents:

Not a great relationship as Kilo constantly tries to prove himself to them.

Miles and his parents:

Lliterally no relationship as they never even got to know Miles and immediately gave him up the second he was born, he doesn’t care about them though and they don’t care for him and may even have potentially forgotten he existed.

Gabriel and Miles:

Father and son type relationship, Miles accidentally called him “dad” a few times as a kid and was a lil embarrassed but Gabriel thought this was cute and let him know it was okay if he saw him that way or called him that.

Fern and the Firbolgs:

He loves them! They love him! Very accepting and kind community and he was happy to be in it and grew up with them.

Literally everything, I’m so sorry there’s so much.

Everything’s gotta start somewhere: The raven queen was promised the Moonshine’s first born child in exchange for money/power. The Moonshines probably could’ve given up miles to anyone for money but they specifically chose the raven queen.

The moonshine parents: Metric and Sys(tem) started a cult called “The cult of the raven queen” whose name itself is explanatory on its own and we will get back to this later.

Miles was born in the underdark and almost immediately taken and put into shadowfell, which made him a shadar kai.

Miles grew up in shadowfell and never knew his birth parents, he was raised by various groups or people but the only one he really truly remembers and felt a deep connection with was a human man named Gabriel Steelwood.

Gabriel was a human ranger adventurer who traveled shadowfell alone but when he met Miles he had basically adopted and raised him as his own.

The two had a father/son relationship, my best way of explaining them and what happened is: Imagine the story of Marceline and Simon from Adventure Time except there is no happy ending.

Gabriel taught Miles how to be a ranger so that’s how he became one in the first place.

His most notable skill would be his skill in animal handling- Gabriel taught Miles not to be afraid of other creatures, beasts and animalistic monstrosities, etc not to be afraid of what he couldn’t yet understand.

Miles became quite fond of creatures from a very young age and genuinely had found them easier to understand than other people as Miles struggles socially a lot.

Gabriel was genuinely a good influence and father figure for Miles as he grew up.

Unfortunately since Gabriel wasn’t native to Shadowfell and wasn’t made for the world- unlike Miles.

Gabriel began to slowly lose touch of himself until a point of no return when he attempted to kill Miles, kind of in a “there’s no point, so die with me” type deal, in return Miles was forced into a position where he had to kill this man.

He didn’t want to, but had to, and he remembers this in graphic detail as Gabriel was really the first person he’d ever killed and it really haunts him.

Miles was like, whatever the elf equivalent of 12 is at the time so this really fucked him up- after this he became a very independent individual as he already knew how to take care of himself and was taught basically everything he needed to know by Gabriel.

Miles didn’t wanna be near many people anymore due to this event, often pushing others away- and sure, sometimes people would stick around with him but they’d always leave him, die or meet some other unfortunate end.

It was hard for him and still is hard for him to really get attached to others and trust others due to this repeating occurrence that seems to follow him. Sometimes even thinking maybe he was the problem, and the reason all of these things were happening.

Somewhere along the way in his mid 200’s of living, he was setting traps to catch something he could eat, eventually hearing one of them go off and upon checking them- he found a Drow elf boy, after being confused and hitting him with a “You aren’t from here” as he cut the trap and let him go, not planning to interact with him or tag along with him or anything- the drow followed him and bombarded him with questions, and talked Miles’ ear off- until eventually mentioning his name being Kilo(meters) Moonshine, Miles clearly taken aback by this- being confused with this information- thinking this guy was screwing with him. The two had a moment of realization and pieced things together amongst the two of them before starting to travel together in hopes of getting out of the shadowfell.

This is where we talk about Kilo and how he ties into Miles:

Kilo was born 100 years (and a few months) after Miles- however, was not meant to be born as he was a mistake, and due to this his parents resented him and he faced extreme neglect.

Kilo was a person who unfortunately was fairly easy to manipulate- not necessarily because he’s dumb but because he puts so much trust in others.

His parents never paid much attention to him and only saw him as a burden or as an extra helping hand sometimes. (as my dad would say “spare parts”) But not ever seen as their child, because of this Kilo thought he was the one who’s fault it was for everything.

Kilo had a hard time accepting that his parents clearly don’t love or care for him, as he was led to believe that parents are supposed to care for and love their children so if they didn’t love him then clearly he was doing something wrong. (also he was never told about the existence of Miles up until he met him)

Over the years he made many attempts to impress or make his parents proud of him in some form or way, in his many attempts he joined an underdark task force militia within his city- and he figured this could be a way that could make his parents proud of him.

Upon joining, his parents were semi-proud of him and did actually talk to him, but more in a sense of talking at him and not with him and just using kilo as a bragging point within conversations.

They didn’t care so much for his individual and well being as a person at all.

Unfortunately for Kilo he would have to quit the force as he had found out that this group was very power hungry and power abusive as they’d take, enslave, sell, torture, etc innocent people or people they fought in battles or convicts, etc.

which still isn’t great, and Kilo was very conflicted with this as he was taught to believe that these people were the good guys, so all of this was incredibly conflicting for him.

What really led him to quit was when he’d accidentally led his force to a completely defenseless and innocent town- what he thought was a dangerous town and told it was their enemies- was completely false.

He actively tried to stop anything bad from happening- but was severely unsuccessful as he was only one person- so whoever couldn’t get out in time was mercilessly killed.

Kilo couldn’t live with that and the guilt on him and his conscience so he had quit which made his parents bully him with dialogue along the lines of “oh you couldn’t handle a little bit of blood? Coward.”

Etc.

To cope with his trauma and guilt, he had to figure out something new to do, so hee took up a job as a delivery/messenger for his city.

This had made him feel somewhat useful, and helped him cope, or at least was a good distraction.

One day, his parents had asked him to deliver a package to a far off location- Kilo knew this prior, so he wasn’t afraid, gearing up to be safe and protected within the underdark.

It took a few days before realizing, the path and location this was leading him to was progressively getting more dangerous and confusing to get to.

He made his way to a beaten up looking wooden door at the end of a cave-in, knocking as the door creaked open, spotting blood on the ground.

Kilo awkwardly set down his package and was about to leave before hearing a voice call out for help- upon further investigation he spotted a fresh humanoid corpse next to a hungry sorrowsworn and a portal leading to shadowfell.

Kilo attempted to fight the creature as it was actively trying to kill and eat him, but it ended in him losing vision in one of his eyes as the hungry sorrowswarm scratched it out.

He slipped and fell on the blood and into the portal where he spent (at least) a few months in before accidentally stumbling into Miles.

For Kilo, this was the first actual person he’s seen in ages so ofc he’s excited and gonna bombard him with questions. And as it states the two figure out they’re bros and find their way out.

Now Miles and Kilo aren’t always traveling together as the two have very different ideals, personalities, morals, motives and bonds.

Kilo’s immediate reaction when he got back to the material world is finding his parents- as to which Miles couldn’t care less about as he knows what they had done to him as a kid via going on a quest for the raven queen and her being like “surprise!! Your parents suck!! That's the secret bestie!!” uh.

Kilo makes his way back to his old house and it is completely empty, there's no note or anything- almost like no one has ever lived here.

So Kilo’s whole deal is wanting to find his parents and figure out what’s happened with them, and Miles just does whatever the fuck he wants now that he’s here on the matierial plane.

Kilo did initially try to teach Miles how to fit in and whatnot but Miles couldn’t really wrap his head around that whole concept and idea.

So he became a criminal as he genuinely found it easier than fitting into society norms and whatnot, but this did lead him into a lot of trouble with other groups of people, criminal or governmental usually.

Along this period of Miles’ life- he met a person who started asking him weirdly invasive and personal questions about being a shadar kai, his stance on the raven queen and shadowfell. Miles is usually a very honest individual though, despite the strangeness of the questions and how out of pocket they were. Who starts a conversation like this?

However, Miles was at a bar at the time and this person was paying for his drinks, so he couldn’t complain too much at the time.

That was until he blacked out and woke up in a very unfamiliar location- turns out the person he was chatting it up with was one of the people a part of the raven queen cult and was actively drugging his drinks to make him pass out and make him weak.

Now fun facts about this cult now that we’re on this:

This cult as stated- was made by Miles’ and Kilo’s parents, they worship the raven queen and think shadowfell is some god like entity of existence and actively go out trying to find this realm and people from it.

BUT(T) their views on anyone native to shadowfell purely is based on what their stance on the raven queen is, so for instance- how shadar kai are supposed to be kinda her loyal subjects and whatnot- if they find out a shadar kai isn’t 100% devoted to the raven queen they are more than willing to use them as sacrifices as they see that as being a golden opportunity let down and see these shadar kai as inferior and see them as a waste of space basically.

Now Miles- isn’t really 100% devoted to her, sure he’s one of her subjects but he doesn’t have super incredibly strong opinions or ties to her. He just does what he wants and doesn’t let things tie him down.

This becomes problematic when you run into a cult that sees you as inferior if you’re not a dedicated subject to their deity they worship.

Upon waking up and being confused and wondering what the fuck happened and what he drank, he had overheard a conversation that his parents were the ones who started this cult (he started connecting dots with the first and last names and how he’s a shadar kai and all that. He

hadn’t shared this with Fern or Kilo, but Fern probably guessed due to the names.)

What he remembers from what he heard was that the moonshines had something big planned, but they weren’t there and the cult was eagerly awaiting their return.

After this he soon met an 8ft tall firbolg who seems to get bossed around by the others here and seems real quiet, Miles yells at him to ask what his deal is and the firbolg seems shy as Miles attempts speaking to him, he eventually writes on a note that says “My name’s Fern” and this is where Fern is first introduced and a side tangent on Fern just like I did with Kilo earlier:

Fern was born into a firbolg community with 10 other firbolgs and primarily had grown up there, he lived a quiet and peaceful life amongst his community as they taught him how to help, protect, and maintain the forest and its beauty. Fern was notably very kind but also was kinda the most daring and adventurous out of his entire group, which wasn’t really saying a lot as often none of them dreamt of doing the things Fern would do or speak of.

Everything was fine, until a town slowly started to build itself nearby their home, at first they weren’t problematic or doing anything harmful. But as the town began to expand is where their problems began.

At first the group subtly tried to hint at the town that they shouldn’t build or live here- using their abilities to change the outline and terrain of the forest to make it look not as appealing, which didn’t really seem to work as they still tried expanding and wanting to expand.

As to which Fern began to play pranks and place (non lethal) traps around in attempts to scare the townspeople and trying to teach his fellow firbolgs the ways of his mischievous nature.

Which had kinda worked as most people living within the town seemed against the idea of building into the forest as most believed it to be haunted now or some form of bad omen to continue building. However the mayor was a bard. This was very bad.

The mayor used his wordplay in order to convince his fellow townspeople that this would be beneficial and help them, etc. and most people had gotten kinda riled from this and now actively wanted to build into this forest.

Fern found out about this and went to one of the mayor's speeches in order to hopefully get a word in and convince him otherwise- instead when he raised his concern he began to mess up his words as Fern’s intense social anxiety kicked in around these people he didn’t know well. While the mayor had made fun of him in front of the people and they all bullied Fern, saying things along the lines of “these people are what we’re up against! What a joke.” and then later began to burn down his forest as a “faster way” to get this shit started.

His group tried to evacuate the forest and gave Fern the task and duty of taking a compass and protecting it no matter what, informing him that this is what the mayor is most likely after for alternative motives.

Despite Fern wanting to stay and help- they pushed him away and Fern obeyed. (he does not know why this mayor wants this compass at the time or why it’s so important)

Upon his journeys he stumbled across a really icky adventuring party who took Fern and sold him black market style, which Fern was auctioned off and the people who bought him were the cult of raven queen.

The cult took him in acting as if they’d saved him from the rest of the “cruel world” etc cult manipulative shit.

The cult however actively used Fern for their sacrificial ceremonies as he was used as a sorta “pure blood” type etc.

He’d been manipulated into thinking this behavior was okay and being fed propaganda about shadar kai as he was told the cult was “saving them from a fate worse than death” and them sacrificing the undevoted shadar kai was a good thing etc. which- yes this cult did actively believe that was the case that they were saving these people.

Fern being in the cult was awful, as everyday was just painful in one way or another but he didn’t know what else to do or where else to go, and it’s not like he could just leave- they’d know. (or at least he was afraid to leave as he was scared something bad would happen)

So the day he met Miles was an interesting one as Miles seemed to shatter all of Ferns views on shadar kai within a few moments. As the two chatted and Fern doubted the cult and what they were telling him, which really messed with him, Miles had snapped him out of it giving him a basic “listen you can stay here and get hurt everyday, or you can team with me and we can escape'' which Fern eventually agreed to, not knowing how trustworthy this guy was and to be fair Miles had the same viewpoint of Fern, but what else did he have to lose? Not like Miles could stay here as he suspected the worst.

(Later when Fern and Miles actually started traveling together though Miles asked some vague questions like if he’d ever met them and such and Fern never really recalled meeting them but only hearing of them and how the cult sees them as some form of saints.)

After the two went their separate ways, Fern finally took a look at his compass and figured out- it wasn’t pointing north at all. So he followed it, hoping it’s lead him back to his old firbolg group. It didn't. Instead it led him into the feywild and into a cottage of a archfey warlock patron fairy named Maryweather and as the two chatted- Maryweather confessed that the compass led straight to her and that she passed it down to an old firbolg community years ago because she liked firbolgs, that simple. But admitted she hadn’t seen any of her warlocks within years.

Fern broke down and told her everything as to which Maryweather said she’d grant him powers in order to help him find his group again but in return- he has to give her a shoutout at the end of whenever he uses his spells like a fucking ad sponsorship. And it’s every time. The twist to this is that he never speaks it in common, always in giant as not many others speak that language and he doesn’t wanna explain why he has to do this and social anxiety etc. but every. Single. Time. its: “hey guys, just wanted to give a big shoutout and thanks to today’s patron: Maryweather, without them, this faerie fire wouldn’t be possible-” because I always have to have some stupid twist to my characters because I think it’s funny.

He spends a bit more time within the feywild and goes around having many different encounters and interactions with different types of fey, before making his way back out into the material plane and in search for his firbolg group, along the way he DOES find where his old forest was but when he gets there, the entire forest is burnt down and the town is completely empty.

He doesn’t know what the fuck happened but this looks like it’s all been abandoned for years.

He hopes he’ll find them again, trying his best to track them down as he wanders countless forests.

And one day, he’s just chilling, doing laundry in the forest at his little campsite. Before Kilo and Miles accidentally ran into him, he didn’t recognize Miles at the time as Miles was unconscious and looking incredibly beaten and bruised.

Fern just so happened at the time to have a health potion on him, (he most definitely stole it from a town over) he gave it to the two and wasn’t planning on traveling with the two or anything but as Miles was recovering-

Kilo trauma dumped on Fern and via trauma dump, Fern found out Miles was a smuggler and Kilo an ex scout- both things that rely on tracking people or getting people place to place, etc. (also that Miles was tortured prior to this and that’s why he was so banged up) So he figured maybe they could help him find his group again. He began traveling with the two and was usually with one or the other as Miles and Kilo, do sometimes travel together and hang out but due to their drastically different ideologies and such, usually aren't.

Kilo and Miles haven’t seen Fern in about five years prior to the current campaign as Fern’s powers started getting unpredictable and tricky, and his communication with Maryweather was completely cut. Also his compass started acting weird too. So he went off on his own to figure out what was happening.

Kilo and Miles have not seen each other a year and a half prior to the campaign- as a year and a half ago the two got into a huge argument over their parents. Kinda like Kilo not understanding why they left him behind with no note and Miles being like “Easy they're shit parents” and Kilo still defending them as a victim of neglect and it being hard for him to accept the truth. (Kilo also was told by Miles during this that they’re cultists and Kilo was in deep disbelief and didn’t get why Miles didn’t tell him sooner)

Miles left the conversation and went off to smuggle shit, and Miles was gone for quite some time so Kilo went to the assumption either something happened or Miles abandoned him.

He went out and tracked him down and Kilo found that Miles got in trouble and was physically paying the price of his actions- as Kilo tried to intervene, he had also gotten hurt. Miles blacked out after this and was left on the side of the road- incredibly banged up and left for dead. He’s been trying to find Kilo ever since. Reason why he was getting beaten up was because he accidentally smuggled a mimic instead of like I dunno some alcohol or something.

Oh yeah Fern is Irish and Kilo is British.

(Firbolgs come from Irish folklore originally and Kilo is British because.. kilometers… I think I’m funny.)

Also Fern’s main use of communication is writing, nodding or shaking his head, using small hand gestures or if he’s with someone he trusts he’ll usually whisper something to them to tell another person they’re talking with.

Kilo also prefers speaking through a situation and trying to resolve it rather than getting physical but he can and will beat someone up if needed.

Here’s some drawings of them:

Yes the painting in the back is actually Maryweather

Alr that’s all, bye tumblr people.

Tell me about the silly men in your DnD world /nf

Reblogging over on my second blog/account to explain all of their finalized lore :]

[normal-thoughts-official]

Thots on a figure skating au??? 🅱️lease

hmmmmmmm ok so disclaimer that i know nothing about figure skating so i'm just making up whatever

you got me in a difficult position here cuz on the one hand, i'd love for magnus to be a trainer/coreographer. i think it suits him wonderfully and that while obviously he is great at dancing and loves it, i think that he's more on the creative side of things, you know? so i could imagine something like figure skater alec and trainer magnus. and like alec is a shadowhunter so of course that demands a high level of control over your body that is similar to a figure skater's

but at the same time its funny to me to try to imagine alec figure skating when hes a fucking giant like that because like hes so big?? and when ur big like that ur kind of like... mandatorily graceless and clumsy to a degree methinks (not in a like oh hes always tripping and blushing way, more like the "you're on my leg, you asshole" blooper), because things aren't made for you. like really its an actual matter of accessibility sometimes, especially if you actually have the proportions of a real person like alec does (well, except for the yaoi mcfuckhands. they look big even compared to the rest of his ridiculous body he just b standing there and im like christ edward fingerhands we get it) cuz then Everything Is Bigger Than It Should ya feel

so yeah i can't really imagine alec in like, spandex being all graceful and shit, but at the same time rationally i could imagine that for his character, but also no. so i can't really go with that idea without laughing

but also i can't imagine him as a trainer/coreographer and i don't know who the fuck else is involved with figure skating anyway so is alec like, the janitor or some shit???? some fucking basketball player who sees him at the olympics??? lord help me i have no idea

OK SO IT'S BEEN LIKE 5 MONTHS SINCE I FIRST PUT THE FIRST PART OF THIS ANSWER IN MY DRAFTS (rip anon im so sorry) and i THINK i got it!!! alec could be like, the uhh personal trainer? physical trainer? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN like the one dedicated to making sure the figure skater's body is. capable of. dancing. idk how to explain it but you do get it don't you??? ok

i'm mostly going off my dancing experience here (i had dance classes for like, 10 years of my life, and ugh i miss it) and like besides dancing you always have to train like lifting and doing localized training and stuff because you can't really dance if you don't have strength and flexibility and stamina and all that stuff. the only time i would willingly work out was for dancing lmao especially when i was in my hiphop crew. anyway

and while for me the one responsible for that part of training was the same person as my teacher/coreographer (or when i was doing hiphop it was just. on me to do that lmao but i'm not complaining) i figure when you're a professional and not just a dumb kid that's probably two different people, right? if not it is now. idc

i could go with figure skater magnus and trainer alec but also im really feeling the dynamics of coreographer magnus and trainer alec? like it'd be cute/funny to see them trying to work together for that ya know. so sorry that this feels less like a figure skating au especially since it took me so long to answer it but aaa

but also i mean as a coreographer magnus would have to know how to do it obviously so you would most definitely get a figure skating magnus. alec going to close up the gym and seeing magnus practicing by himself just for fun, anyone? and magnus looks gorgeous as ever way more gorgeous than whoever they're coaching but that's just alec's opinion and magnus kind of stops like "oh, i didn't know you were here" and alec's like "oh oops. anyway keep going you're great at this" and magnus feels a little self conscious but soon he gets lost in it again because really he loves doing this and alec is just appreciating the artwork :)

ANYWAY the dynamics of trainer and coreographer are fun. magnus showing up to alec like "hey alec so i need some heavy lifting on them arms cuz meliorn [idk i don't have any better ideas for who they could be coaching] is gonna carry an elephant onstage" and alec is like "uhh" and meliorn is like "a fake elephant" and alec is like "i mean good but i still have questions"

and magnus is like "obviously we would never use trained elephants, the way they are treated is inhumane" and alec is like "you're completely right but also that's your only worry when it comes to meliorn carrying a real elephant?" and magnus is like "i'm sure you could pull it off ;) you're the best after all" and alec gives him that amused smile

advantages of meliorn: they don't care about the flirting anyway since they are literally Like That too

also magnus and alec working out together off the clock, some ogling on both sides and just generally funny competitive shenanigans. especially cuz like magnus is hella fit but alec works in that stupid gym so he knows what he's about. and alec's all smug about it like "i can lift more than you :)" and magnus is like "oh yeah? let's see how you do in the ring" "no" "yes" "no" "why, can you not do it?" "yes. i know my limits" "well that's too bad... because you're going in anyway"

cue alec falling on his face probably but also like goddamn it he's competitive and he's not gonna let magnus have too much of a win so he tries his best rip. anyway then we probably get some hip touching bullshit when magnus tries to explain it to him and magnus is flirting the whole time and alec's laughing and it's sweet

i have half a mind to make up some angsty backstory about how magnus used to be a figure skater too and his partner was (you'll never guess it) camille and then she pulled the rug from under him and he kinda left the competitions altogether for a while. and then he came back as a coreographer (listen, he loves to dance, but creating is one of his favorite parts and he was always involved in coreographing anyway. his old coreographer and him were always having a blast and camille did not like it) and this is kinda his debut as a coreographer at some big shot competition idk and he just feels like he has so much to prove?

lol bonus camille's new coreographer is lorenzo so the hating magnus squad is in thick against him and it's a whole thing you know

OH MEGA ANGSTY camille got him out of the competition because she outed him as trans and he was declassified because something something transphobic bullcrap so he wasn't allowed anymore. i assume this was like right after they won because of course she wouldn't compromise herself, or maybe it was at the beginning/pre-stages of the championship so she had time to find a new partner. yeah that last one and then she won with the coreography that he had helped them create. im saying she did that because he broke up with her finally after years of abuse both in work and out of it so she did that as revenge or to make sure he couldn't have his passion anymore. and it took magnus years to build himself back up as a coreographer this time because transphobia (and racism) in the market but guess what? he is extremely smart and talented and creative so now he is back at the championship and he wants to show the world what they have been missing on

hmmmmm also i implied this is in pairs since magnus and camille used to be one so i think meliorn's pair would probably be izzy and maybe that's why alec's involved? like he was already a personal trainer or whatever which his parents were fine with even though it's not of course as grand as they would've liked (meaning they were total asses about it) but when izzy decided to go into sports/art they lost their shit and didn't want to support her so, you know, alec did and became her trainer. which is just as well because he is the best so like, deal with it. not saying they like kicked her out or anything (esp cuz i imagine part of alec's reasoning is that izzy stood by him when he came out and if they didn't kick him out over being gay they wouldn't kick her out over being a skater but y'know) but they definitely wouldn't support her so they both also feel like they have a lot to prove

lol me: i have half a mind to make this angsty. also me: paragraphs and paragraphs of angsty backstory

anyway they win obviously idk what to tell you they just do cuz we stan talent. camille is second for maximum drama and vengeance, the lightwoods try to get the spotlight once izzy wins and she and alec tell them to fuck off, they advocate for specific rules prohibiting ppl to declassify trans ppl over being trans and that's all i have tbh

sorry it took so long to answer daiudsauihda but i hope that outline is at least interesting for you!

[sissytobitch10seconds]

The Skirt

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Summary: Denki wears a skirt in front of her classmates for the first time. Warnings: Coming out, genderfluid character Word Count: 1,796 Ships: Kamanari Denki/Sero Hanta

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“You can do this, you can do this,” she chanted to herself over and over again. Despite the affirming words, her hands hovered over the handle to the door. She could do it, she could leave her room and go downstairs. It wouldn’t be any different than it had been the other dozens of times that she had done it. 

“Except this time it’ll be completely different,” she removed her hand from the doorknob completely and sat down heavily on her bed. “Everything’ll be different.”

Panic began to creep up from her stomach and sit heavily in her chest. She ran a hand shakily through her hair, though she was careful to avoid the cute clips that she had worked so hard to get into her hair in a way that didn’t look stupid. A couple more deep breaths had the panic simmering back down for the time being. She could tell that it was there, resting in the background and waiting to spring back up and choke her at any moment, but it was dormant for now.

“Come on, you’ve been female for a week now. You can wear a skirt in front of your classmates and ask to be called your proper pronouns,” she encouraged herself. “Kyouka promised that she’d be there for you if things go badly anyway. You can do this. It won’t be like last time. They’re heroes, they’re not going to be transphobic.”

The other voice in the back of her mind, the one that had stopped her from doing this up until now, spoke up again. It reminded her that genderfluidity wasn’t really accepted as an identity by quite a lot of queer people, and that it was a burden to ask people to remember the correct pronouns when they changed so often.

She didn’t get much of a chance to mull that over as someone knocked on the door. She sat upright as panic fluttered throughout her again, but it quickly settled down as she heard the voice of her childhood friend. “Hey, you missed breakfast. I’m heading to class now, but I’m going to force a granola bar into you during break,” she promised. 

The other teenager heard Kyouka’s hurried footsteps as her childhood friend left to go to class. Denki let out a small hiss. She was hoping that she would have been able to get some of the reaction out of the way before class started, but she had waited too long and now everyone would see her at the same time.

She stood up, a fierce determination taking over her. She flung the door to her room open and fled down the hall after making sure it was securely latched. She was going to do this, she wouldn’t chicken out. She had Kyouka by her side, and she logically couldn’t be the only trans or queer person at this school. Hopefully whoever the other queer people were would recognize that her gender and feelings were real and back her up. If they didn’t at least she had Kyouka.

The trip across the campus was quick and painless. There were very few people traveling over the green or on any of the sidewalks, and those that were didn’t recognize her and she didn’t recognize them. The nervousness that she had been feeling all morning returned to her when she reached the door. She puffed up her chest, smiling slightly as the shirt hung over her differently, giving her the illusion of being physically female like she wished she could be at the moment.

The euphoria of looking like the gender she currently was inside let her open the door and she quickly walked inside. She could feel the eyes of her classmates following her, though there were still the normal speckled conversations that usually took place before their teacher woke up and began classes.

She sat down at her desk, placing her bag next to her. Panic was heavy in her chest but she was doing her best to keep it down and away from the surface. She was doing something that scared the shit out of her, and she couldn’t let them see weakness like she had done in middle school.

Nobody said anything, though more and more of the conversations were dying down as people realized that something was up. Soon she had nearly every single person looking at her, and it was really beginning to get to her. She shifted awkwardly, staring down at her lap. Her nervous mannerisms began to pick up and she started to brush her hands over her skirt and fiddle with the loose strings of her button up shirt.

“Uh, Denki?” someone finally spoke up.

The blond responded by snapping her head up and looking directly at who had spoken. Mina was sitting closest to her and had apparently been the one to finish reeling first too.

“Are you wearing a skirt?” Izuku asked from the other side of the room.

The blond shifted again, swallowing down nothing as she tried to dampen her nerves. She caught the confident smile that Kyouka was wearing and then nodded. “Yeah, I am. I’m wearing makeup too.”

“Why?” Hitoshi asked. 

“If my boyfriend wants to wear a skirt and makeup then he can, whenever he wants to,” Hanta said from behind Denki, immediately getting defensive of her.

Dysphoria flared up in her again as she shifted in her seat. “Actually, um, I’m wearing makeup and a skirt today because I’m a girl.”

“You are?” Hanta asked, blinking. He then panicked, “Not that that’s a bad thing! I just wasn’t expecting it. I still want to be here for you if you need me.”

“Well, I’m not a girl all the time,” the blond got out before any more of the chaos in the classroom could unfold. “I just… I’m genderfluid. It means that I feel like my gender changes. Sometimes I feel like both, sometimes I feel like neither, sometimes I feel female, sometimes I feel male. I know it’s kind of an annoying thing, so I’m not going to ask any of you to change pronouns all the time, but I just want to be myself.”

“Nonsense,” Tenya called over the top of the clamoring of voices from some of the students. “Everyone will respect Denki’s pronouns no matter how often they change, and if you don’t I have some firm words for you.”

“Yeah, same! Disrespect my friend and you and I are going to have a problem,” Eijirou called. “Transphobia is so unmanly!”

To her surprise, the next person from her friend group to speak up was Katsuki. “More than a problem. You might not live to see your birthday if you decide to disrespect her. Got it, you bunch of losers?”

“None of us want to disrespect her, Kacchan!” Izuku called, having become a lot more outward now that he was comfortable around the rest of the class. There were a couple of crows in agreement, before the conversations began to pick back up and people returned to what they were doing.

Momo was up from her chair and gathering Denki up in a hug. “Thank you for coming out to us, it means a lot. I have a couple tips and tricks for this kind of dysphoria if you ever want to spend some time together,” she beamed.

“Ooh! We should invite her to girl’s night on the weeks that she’s feeling like a girl!” Tooru clapped her hands together in excitement.

“Yeah, we could do your hair and paint your nails!” Ochako chimed in, looking just as giddy and excited. “I bet that you could give us some tips on eyeshadow too, you look really good today.”

“Thanks. I used to do it on my sisters and I guess I just got really good over time,” she flushed and rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment. 

Tsuyu was the next one to speak. “Also, you don’t have to be female to come to girl’s night. You can be nonbinary or agender like me and still show up. It’s mostly just for us to do girly stuff like gossip and paint each other’s nails.”

“That sounds really nice,” she grinned. “I’m pretty good at painting nails and braiding hair.”

“This is going to be so much fun!” Mina grinned. “You and I have to go shopping the next time that we get a weekend outside of school. I want to have a fashion show with you.”

“Kyouka already took me shopping when I was in middle school, I’ve got some feminine clothes. And it’s not like I have much of an allowance to spend,” she shrugged awkwardly.

The pink teenager rolled her eyes. “My dads spoil me with a big allowance, and I’m sure that they’d be more than willing to help if I told them that it was to get clothes so that you would feel more comfortable!”

“Yeah, okay,” she nodded finally after a moment of deliberation. Mina quickly got caught up in a conversation with Tooru across the aisle about which shops that they should bring their new feminine friend to.

Denki jumped as she felt someone tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see her boyfriend sitting there with that stupid smile that he always got when he was looking at her. “Hey,” she whispered. “I hope that this isn’t too weird for you. And that you’re not mad I didn’t come out to you first.”

“It’s okay,” Hanta shook his head. “I now that coming out can be really difficult. It took me three years just to be able to tell my parents that I was questioning my sexuality, and even longer to admit to them that I was bi.”

She reached out to grasp the hand that was resting on his desk, threading their fingers together. “I just wanted to get it all done and out of the way at once. Coming out is so hard, so I wanted to do it once instead of half a dozen times.”

“I get that. Thanks for sharing this with us. I’ll try my best to remember your pronouns and change around some of the pet names that I use for you,” he brightened up. “Does this mean that I can finally experiment around with some of the girly ones?”

She laughed, “Yeah, it does.”

“Awesome,” he beamed, leaning across the desk to gently give her a kiss on her lips.

“I love you so much,” she giggled. “Thank you for being so supportive of me.”

“Of course. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I wasn’t supportive?” Hanta snorted. His face softened and he rubbed the back of her knuckles with his thumb. “I love you too.”

[a-room-of-my-own]

This isn’t an easy piece to write, for reasons that will shortly become clear, but I know it’s time to explain myself on an issue surrounded by toxicity. I write this without any desire to add to that toxicity.

For people who don’t know: last December I tweeted my support for Maya Forstater, a tax specialist who’d lost her job for what were deemed ‘transphobic’ tweets. She took her case to an employment tribunal, asking the judge to rule on whether a philosophical belief that sex is determined by biology is protected in law. Judge Tayler ruled that it wasn’t.

My interest in trans issues pre-dated Maya’s case by almost two years, during which I followed the debate around the concept of gender identity closely. I’ve met trans people, and read sundry books, blogs and articles by trans people, gender specialists, intersex people, psychologists, safeguarding experts, social workers and doctors, and followed the discourse online and in traditional media. On one level, my interest in this issue has been professional, because I’m writing a crime series, set in the present day, and my fictional female detective is of an age to be interested in, and affected by, these issues herself, but on another, it’s intensely personal, as I’m about to explain.

All the time I’ve been researching and learning, accusations and threats from trans activists have been bubbling in my Twitter timeline. This was initially triggered by a ‘like’. When I started taking an interest in gender identity and transgender matters, I began screenshotting comments that interested me, as a way of reminding myself what I might want to research later. On one occasion, I absent-mindedly ‘liked’ instead of screenshotting. That single ‘like’ was deemed evidence of wrongthink, and a persistent low level of harassment began.

Months later, I compounded my accidental ‘like’ crime by following Magdalen Burns on Twitter. Magdalen was an immensely brave young feminist and lesbian who was dying of an aggressive brain tumour. I followed her because I wanted to contact her directly, which I succeeded in doing. However, as Magdalen was a great believer in the importance of biological sex, and didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises, dots were joined in the heads of twitter trans activists, and the level of social media abuse increased.

I mention all this only to explain that I knew perfectly well what was going to happen when I supported Maya. I must have been on my fourth or fifth cancellation by then. I expected the threats of violence, to be told I was literally killing trans people with my hate, to be called cunt and bitch and, of course, for my books to be burned, although one particularly abusive man told me he’d composted them.

What I didn’t expect in the aftermath of my cancellation was the avalanche of emails and letters that came showering down upon me, the overwhelming majority of which were positive, grateful and supportive. They came from a cross-section of kind, empathetic and intelligent people, some of them working in fields dealing with gender dysphoria and trans people, who’re all deeply concerned about the way a socio-political concept is influencing politics, medical practice and safeguarding. They’re worried about the dangers to young people, gay people and about the erosion of women’s and girl’s rights. Above all, they’re worried about a climate of fear that serves nobody – least of all trans youth – well.

I’d stepped back from Twitter for many months both before and after tweeting support for Maya, because I knew it was doing nothing good for my mental health. I only returned because I wanted to share a free children’s book during the pandemic. Immediately, activists who clearly believe themselves to be good, kind and progressive people swarmed back into my timeline, assuming a right to police my speech, accuse me of hatred, call me misogynistic slurs and, above all – as every woman involved in this debate will know – TERF.

If you didn’t already know – and why should you? – ‘TERF’ is an acronym coined by trans activists, which stands for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. In practice, a huge and diverse cross-section of women are currently being called TERFs and the vast majority have never been radical feminists. Examples of so-called TERFs range from the mother of a gay child who was afraid their child wanted to transition to escape homophobic bullying, to a hitherto totally unfeminist older lady who’s vowed never to visit Marks & Spencer again because they’re allowing any man who says they identify as a woman into the women’s changing rooms. Ironically, radical feminists aren’t even trans-exclusionary – they include trans men in their feminism, because they were born women.

But accusations of TERFery have been sufficient to intimidate many people, institutions and organisations I once admired, who’re cowering before the tactics of the playground. ‘They’ll call us transphobic!’ ‘They’ll say I hate trans people!’ What next, they’ll say you’ve got fleas? Speaking as a biological woman, a lot of people in positions of power really need to grow a pair (which is doubtless literally possible, according to the kind of people who argue that clownfish prove humans aren’t a dimorphic species).

So why am I doing this? Why speak up? Why not quietly do my research and keep my head down?

Well, I’ve got five reasons for being worried about the new trans activism, and deciding I need to speak up.

Firstly, I have a charitable trust that focuses on alleviating social deprivation in Scotland, with a particular emphasis on women and children. Among other things, my trust supports projects for female prisoners and for survivors of domestic and sexual abuse. I also fund medical research into MS, a disease that behaves very differently in men and women. It’s been clear to me for a while that the new trans activism is having (or is likely to have, if all its demands are met) a significant impact on many of the causes I support, because it’s pushing to erode the legal definition of sex and replace it with gender.

The second reason is that I’m an ex-teacher and the founder of a children’s charity, which gives me an interest in both education and safeguarding. Like many others, I have deep concerns about the effect the trans rights movement is having on both.

The third is that, as a much-banned author, I’m interested in freedom of speech and have publicly defended it, even unto Donald Trump.

The fourth is where things start to get truly personal. I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility. Some say they decided to transition after realising they were same-sex attracted, and that transitioning was partly driven by homophobia, either in society or in their families.

Most people probably aren’t aware – I certainly wasn’t, until I started researching this issue properly – that ten years ago, the majority of people wanting to transition to the opposite sex were male. That ratio has now reversed. The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers.

The same phenomenon has been seen in the US. In 2018, American physician and researcher Lisa Littman set out to explore it. In an interview, she said:

‘Parents online were describing a very unusual pattern of transgender-identification where multiple friends and even entire friend groups became transgender-identified at the same time. I would have been remiss had I not considered social contagion and peer influences as potential factors.’

Littman mentioned Tumblr, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube as contributing factors to Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, where she believes that in the realm of transgender identification ‘youth have created particularly insular echo chambers.’

Her paper caused a furore. She was accused of bias and of spreading misinformation about transgender people, subjected to a tsunami of abuse and a concerted campaign to discredit both her and her work. The journal took the paper offline and re-reviewed it before republishing it. However, her career took a similar hit to that suffered by Maya Forstater. Lisa Littman had dared challenge one of the central tenets of trans activism, which is that a person’s gender identity is innate, like sexual orientation. Nobody, the activists insisted, could ever be persuaded into being trans.

The argument of many current trans activists is that if you don’t let a gender dysphoric teenager transition, they will kill themselves. In an article explaining why he resigned from the Tavistock (an NHS gender clinic in England) psychiatrist Marcus Evans stated that claims that children will kill themselves if not permitted to transition do not ‘align substantially with any robust data or studies in this area. Nor do they align with the cases I have encountered over decades as a psychotherapist.’

The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people. The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred.

When I read about the theory of gender identity, I remember how mentally sexless I felt in youth. I remember Colette’s description of herself as a ‘mental hermaphrodite’ and Simone de Beauvoir’s words: ‘It is perfectly natural for the future woman to feel indignant at the limitations posed upon her by her sex. The real question is not why she should reject them: the problem is rather to understand why she accepts them.’

As I didn’t have a realistic possibility of becoming a man back in the 1980s, it had to be books and music that got me through both my mental health issues and the sexualised scrutiny and judgement that sets so many girls to war against their bodies in their teens. Fortunately for me, I found my own sense of otherness, and my ambivalence about being a woman, reflected in the work of female writers and musicians who reassured me that, in spite of everything a sexist world tries to throw at the female-bodied, it’s fine not to feel pink, frilly and compliant inside your own head; it’s OK to feel confused, dark, both sexual and non-sexual, unsure of what or who you are.

I want to be very clear here: I know transition will be a solution for some gender dysphoric people, although I’m also aware through extensive research that studies have consistently shown that between 60-90% of gender dysphoric teens will grow out of their dysphoria. Again and again I’ve been told to ‘just meet some trans people.’ I have: in addition to a few younger people, who were all adorable, I happen to know a self-described transsexual woman who’s older than I am and wonderful. Although she’s open about her past as a gay man, I’ve always found it hard to think of her as anything other than a woman, and I believe (and certainly hope) she’s completely happy to have transitioned. Being older, though, she went through a long and rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation. The current explosion of trans activism is urging a removal of almost all the robust systems through which candidates for sex reassignment were once required to pass. A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law. Many people aren’t aware of this.

We’re living through the most misogynistic period I’ve experienced. Back in the 80s, I imagined that my future daughters, should I have any, would have it far better than I ever did, but between the backlash against feminism and a porn-saturated online culture, I believe things have got significantly worse for girls. Never have I seen women denigrated and dehumanised to the extent they are now. From the leader of the free world’s long history of sexual assault accusations and his proud boast of ‘grabbing them by the pussy’, to the incel (‘involuntarily celibate’) movement that rages against women who won’t give them sex, to the trans activists who declare that TERFs need punching and re-educating, men across the political spectrum seem to agree: women are asking for trouble. Everywhere, women are being told to shut up and sit down, or else.

I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class. The hundreds of emails I’ve received in the last few days prove this erosion concerns many others just as much. It isn’t enough for women to be trans allies. Women must accept and admit that there is no material difference between trans women and themselves.

But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head. ‘Woman’ is not a pink brain, a liking for Jimmy Choos or any of the other sexist ideas now somehow touted as progressive. Moreover, the ‘inclusive’ language that calls female people ‘menstruators’ and ‘people with vulvas’ strikes many women as dehumanising and demeaning. I understand why trans activists consider this language to be appropriate and kind, but for those of us who’ve had degrading slurs spat at us by violent men, it’s not neutral, it’s hostile and alienating.

Which brings me to the fifth reason I’m deeply concerned about the consequences of the current trans activism.

I’ve been in the public eye now for over twenty years and have never talked publicly about being a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor. This isn’t because I’m ashamed those things happened to me, but because they’re traumatic to revisit and remember. I also feel protective of my daughter from my first marriage. I didn’t want to claim sole ownership of a story that belongs to her, too. However, a short while ago, I asked her how she’d feel if I were publicly honest about that part of my life, and she encouraged me to go ahead.

I’m mentioning these things now not in an attempt to garner sympathy, but out of solidarity with the huge numbers of women who have histories like mine, who’ve been slurred as bigots for having concerns around single-sex spaces.

I managed to escape my first violent marriage with some difficulty, but I’m now married to a truly good and principled man, safe and secure in ways I never in a million years expected to be. However, the scars left by violence and sexual assault don’t disappear, no matter how loved you are, and no matter how much money you’ve made. My perennial jumpiness is a family joke – and even I know it’s funny – but I pray my daughters never have the same reasons I do for hating sudden loud noises, or finding people behind me when I haven’t heard them approaching.

If you could come inside my head and understand what I feel when I read about a trans woman dying at the hands of a violent man, you’d find solidarity and kinship. I have a visceral sense of the terror in which those trans women will have spent their last seconds on earth, because I too have known moments of blind fear when I realised that the only thing keeping me alive was the shaky self-restraint of my attacker.

I believe the majority of trans-identified people not only pose zero threat to others, but are vulnerable for all the reasons I’ve outlined. Trans people need and deserve protection. Like women, they’re most likely to be killed by sexual partners. Trans women who work in the sex industry, particularly trans women of colour, are at particular risk. Like every other domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor I know, I feel nothing but empathy and solidarity with trans women who’ve been abused by men.

So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth.

On Saturday morning, I read that the Scottish government is proceeding with its controversial gender recognition plans, which will in effect mean that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one. To use a very contemporary word, I was ‘triggered’. Ground down by the relentless attacks from trans activists on social media, when I was only there to give children feedback about pictures they’d drawn for my book under lockdown, I spent much of Saturday in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my twenties recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity. I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with womens and girls’ safety.

Late on Saturday evening, scrolling through children’s pictures before I went to bed, I forgot the first rule of Twitter – never, ever expect a nuanced conversation – and reacted to what I felt was degrading language about women. I spoke up about the importance of sex and have been paying the price ever since. I was transphobic, I was a cunt, a bitch, a TERF, I deserved cancelling, punching and death. You are Voldemort said one person, clearly feeling this was the only language I’d understand.

It would be so much easier to tweet the approved hashtags – because of course trans rights are human rights and of course trans lives matter – scoop up the woke cookies and bask in a virtue-signalling afterglow. There’s joy, relief and safety in conformity. As Simone de Beauvoir also wrote, “… without a doubt it is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one’s liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.”

Huge numbers of women are justifiably terrified by the trans activists; I know this because so many have got in touch with me to tell their stories. They’re afraid of doxxing, of losing their jobs or their livelihoods, and of violence.

But endlessly unpleasant as its constant targeting of me has been, I refuse to bow down to a movement that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it. I stand alongside the brave women and men, gay, straight and trans, who’re standing up for freedom of speech and thought, and for the rights and safety of some of the most vulnerable in our society: young gay kids, fragile teenagers, and women who’re reliant on and wish to retain their single sex spaces. Polls show those women are in the vast majority, and exclude only those privileged or lucky enough never to have come up against male violence or sexual assault, and who’ve never troubled to educate themselves on how prevalent it is.

The one thing that gives me hope is that the women who can protest and organise, are doing so, and they have some truly decent men and trans people alongside them. Political parties seeking to appease the loudest voices in this debate are ignoring women’s concerns at their peril. In the UK, women are reaching out to each other across party lines, concerned about the erosion of their hard-won rights and widespread intimidation. None of the gender critical women I’ve talked to hates trans people; on the contrary. Many of them became interested in this issue in the first place out of concern for trans youth, and they’re hugely sympathetic towards trans adults who simply want to live their lives, but who’re facing a backlash for a brand of activism they don’t endorse. The supreme irony is that the attempt to silence women with the word ‘TERF’ may have pushed more young women towards radical feminism than the movement’s seen in decades.

The last thing I want to say is this. I haven’t written this essay in the hope that anybody will get out a violin for me, not even a teeny-weeny one. I’m extraordinarily fortunate; I’m a survivor, certainly not a victim. I’ve only mentioned my past because, like every other human being on this planet, I have a complex backstory, which shapes my fears, my interests and my opinions. I never forget that inner complexity when I’m creating a fictional character and I certainly never forget it when it comes to trans people.

All I’m asking – all I want – is for similar empathy, similar understanding, to be extended to the many millions of women whose sole crime is wanting their concerns to be heard without receiving threats and abuse.

[emy-loves-you]

Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 19

The Confrontation

Chapter 18 | Masterlist | Chapter 20

Warnings: Crying, shouting, accidental dead naming, alcohol

“REMUS! WAIT!” Virgil shouted, running after him. It took a lot of restraint for Janus to not immediately follow. He turned to Talyn, who looked extremely confused (not that Janus blamed them).

“Talyn, please escort the other two… guests to my room once they’ve exited the bathroom.” He turned to Roman. “Follow me.” He began speed walking in the direction Remus had run, not stopping to wait for Roman. Sure enough, Roman ran after him, soon speed walking right next to him. Janus ignored him for the moment, heading in a specific direction. Even though Remus liked to say otherwise, he was extremely predictable for Janus. Whenever Remus was trying to avoid people, he would try and lose them in the East Wing before hiding in the boiler room, which was located in the West Wing. Virgil never knew where Remus hid (mostly because Remus was usually running after pranking Virgil, so Virgil would give chase until he gave up and went to give up) but Janus had discovered his hiding spot the first time they performed here. He had never brought it up, simply because he had no reason to. Now, it would prove useful. As he headed to the boiler room, Roman spoke up.

“So,” Janus forced himself to not flinch; he’d forgotten that Roman was there. “Ree didn’t give a very good explanation. Did you know who she-”

“He.” Janus cut in, never breaking his stride. “He left because your parents didn’t accept him as their son. Virgil and I met him when he was 18. Before now, he assumed you were a transphobe and homophobe, just like your parents.” He let his tone grow emotionless. “I assume that’s not the case?”

Roman shook his head. “I stopped believing what my parents told me the day Ree left. I didn’t even realize how much I depended on her- him- fuck. It’s gonna take a minute to break that habit.”

Soon enough, they reached the boiler room, and just in the nick of time. Janus and Roman walked up to the door just as Virgil ran down the hallway, tears in his eyes. “I lost him. I’ve searched everywhere and-” Janus raised his hand, shutting Virgil up. He gestured towards the boiler room. Virgil’s eyes lit up as he approached the door. He pushed open the door without knocking, knowing that Remus would try and hide if he knocked.

The room was large, filled with different machines and pipes. Remus sat in the corner, his knees pressed to his chest, tears streaming down his face. Roman whimpered, “Oh, ReeRee.” Remus’ eyes shot up to meet Roman’s, and he instinctively curled in on himself. Roman whimpered again, and Janus spoke up.

“I believe it would be best if Anxiety stayed to act as mediator. I will go check on our other guests.” With that, Janus turned on his heel and walked out. While Janus wanted nothing more than to stay and comfort Remus, he knew that he was too overprotective to stay. The twins needed to get this off their chests without interruption, and Janus knew he would snap at Roman the second he said something that could offend Remus. Virgil had always been good at keeping silent when necessary, and Janus trusted him to stop them if things got too... intense.

Janus hurried back to his room, where he found Talyn, Patton and Logan. Patton shot up off the couch and started asking about Roman and Remus. Logan stared at Janus like he was a puzzle he was trying to solve. Even with the heavy makeup on his face, Janus had never felt more exposed. Logan suddenly scowled at Janus, as if he was the bane of Logan’s existence. Before Janus could process what that meant, the scowl was gone, and Logan had his hand on Patton’s shoulder.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Logan assured him, rubbing small circles into his shoulders. Patton turned into putty in his hands. “Deceit wouldn’t have left Roman unattended if the situation wasn’t fully under control.” If Talyn or Patton noticed the ice in Logan’s tone when he said Deceit, they didn’t show it. Janus quickly put up a mask of cool indifference.

“Yess.” Deceit practically hissed out. “I left Anxiety to act as a mediator. Your boyfriend will be fine.” Deceit hoped that they’d be fine. Lying to Virgil’s crushes didn’t seem like a good idea.

Logan suddenly spun Patton around so he was facing Logan. “Why don’t you and Talyn go and get the Uno cards out of the car? I suspect that it might be a while before they’ve finished talking.” Deceit had a feeling that Logan just wanted the two of them alone.

“Alright, Lolo!” Patton said, giving Logan a quick kiss before grabbing Talyn’s hand. “C’mon, Kiddo! I’ve got a tupperware of snickerdoodles in the car that I think you’ll love!” With that, they were gone.

Logan immediately turned on Deceit, his face showing no emotion. “Was he ever going to tell us?”

Deceit walked to the corner of the room, where a bottle of scotch sat. He poured two glasses. “I have absolutely no idea as to what you are referring to.” He held out the glass, hoping that the subtle shaking of his hand didn’t give him away.

Logan scoffed, grabbing the glass and drinking it in one go. He winced at the burning sensation. “C’mon, Janus, don’t play coy with me.”

Janus sighed, taking a small sip before sitting on the sofa. “As far as I’m aware, he was planning on showing up on the 20th in his favorite hoodie. I believe Patton made it for him? If that didn’t give it away, I don’t know what would.” He took another sip. “I was hoping you would figure it out the day I gave you that CD. I mean, why would I of all people give you it? And before you ask, that was the same day Virgil realized that the three people he was flirting with were you three. Before that, he had used the sickeningly sweet nicknames.”

Logan sighed, slouching in a way that looked almost painful. “I don’t know what to think anymore. While I understand why he would keep this,” he gestured around vaguely, “a secret, it still feels like he… betrayed us.” He laughed harshly. “And here I was, feeling awful for having feelings for both Anxiety and Virgil, when they’re the same person!” He laughed again, but this time he didn’t stop. Tears started streaming down his face. “And the worst part is, I still love him! I should feel angry, and want nothing to do with him, but I don’t! I want to hold him, and kiss him, and reassure him that this won’t change my opinion of him. I want to love him like I pray he loves me!” He started sobbing by this point, and Janus quickly pulled him into a hug. They sat there for several minutes, his sobs being the only sound in the quiet room. When he was done, Janus silently offered the rest of his glass. Logan turned it down, opting instead to curl his knees up to his chest, rocking slowly back and forth.

Janus sighed, downing the rest of his scotch. “While I cannot speak for Virgil, I believe in what I told you the first time we met: Virgil has no intention of ever harming you. He deeply cares about the three of you, enough to be willing to share some of his most secretive parts of himself. He’s constantly talking about at least one of you. And he would do anything to make the three of you happy. There’s no object too valuable, no request too obscene. He would give you three the world if he could.” Janus sighed. “But he’s scared. Remus and I have been Virgil’s only family. We kept this a secret so that our relatives never found out. Up until now, Remus believed that all of his relatives were transphobic and homophobic assholes. And my family has never been known for their kindness.” His hand went to touch his makeup, where his scar lied underneath. “Virgil has kept us safe for so long, and he didn’t want to throw it away to a bunch of strangers. But soon it stopped being fear of you exposing us. Now it’s fear of you rejecting Virgil for keeping this a secret.”

Logan sighed, his legs slowly lowering to touch the ground. “I understand, but it’s still so…”

“Much?” Logan nodded. “Then I advise you to go home and think about it. Virgil is still planning on revealing himself to you in 3 days. Until then, use this time to let it fully sink in. Don’t tell Virgil that you know; he needs to tell you on his own.”

Before they could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. “We’re back!” Patton popped in with a large container of snickerdoodles. Talyn tagged along with a large pack of Uno cards. “Now let’s play!”

Janus smiled at Patton, moving to sit on the floor. He saw Logan do the same. Janus internally sighed. He hoped that the twins resolved their issues soon. For everyone’s sake.

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Virgil sighed, taking in the sight. Remus sat still, his back facing Roman. Roman stood there, apparently unable to speak. Virgil decided to speak up. “Would it be easier if I explain the situation, so that way everyone’s on the same page?” Remus flinched but didn’t object. Roman nodded helplessly. “Alright. Here’s what I know: Remus realized that he was a guy in late Middle School/early High School. He started portraying himself in a more masculine way, such as attempting to join the football team and getting a more masculine haircut. Your parents are transphobic assholes, so they belittled Remus for acting similar to Roman. Roman’s desire to please your parents combined with his low self-esteem caused him to believe that acting like Roman was the issue, not acting masculine. On the night that Remus was going to come out to Roman, all of Roman’s insecurities boiled over and he snapped at Remus. Once he realized that he had gone too far, Roman decided to go away and cool off. But it was too late. Remus came out to your parents and they kicked him out. So, Remus ran away. Remus found me and Deceit and we formed The Dark Sides. Roman, not knowing that Remus had transitioned and believing that he was the reason that Remus left, started acting out against his parents. He broke up with his girlfriend, got together with Patton and Logan, and moved away as soon as he graduated. Any questions?”

They stood there in silence for several minutes. Virgil started to feel uncomfortable. Did it usually take this long to process information? Or maybe they were using that freaky twin thing where you can communicate without speaking?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Roman said, his voice cracking slightly.

Remus’ eyes snapped up to meet Roman’s. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Roman asked again, anger lacing his words. “I was your brother! I wouldn’t reject you just because-”

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!” Remus screamed. “You blew up in my face because I was starting to look and act like you! How was I supposed to say, ‘yeah, I also wanna have the same gender as you too!’ You wanted nothing more than to believe those assholes that you called our parents! Can you honestly say that you wouldn’t have agreed with them, if only to be put back into their good graces?” Roman remained silent. “I thought so.” Remus spat out, standing up. “Look, I’m glad that you’re finally out from under their thumbs, I really am. But VeeVee and J are my family now. They have been for years. And I’m not gonna abandon them just because you want your perfect little sister back-”

“BUT I DON’T!” Now Roman was the one screaming. “I don’t want some facade of a perfect sister! I want ReeRee back! The one that helped me face my fears. The one that held me during thunderstorms and teased me when I did something stupid. I want the person who promised that they’ll always catch me. And if that person’s now my brother, then so be it.” He took a step forward. “You can use whatever name or pronouns you want, that doesn’t change who you are. And you’re my twin. My family. And I will burn this place to the ground before I lose you again.”

They were both sobbing now, and Roman opened his arms in silent invitation. Remus ran towards him, burying his head into Roman’s chest. They stood there for several minutes, the sounds of their sobs being the only sounds in the room. Once they both stopped crying, Virgil spoke up.

“I know a lot has just happened in the past 30 minutes.” They both jumped, probably forgetting that Virgil was there. “But I think it would be best if the two of you give each other some space. Go home, get some rest, and think about what this means moving on. Why don’t you guys exchange phone numbers so you can talk later?” They nodded. “Good. You both have quite a bit of information to process. You both can have a much more in-depth conversation once you’ve both calmed down.” He opened the door, leading both of them to Janus’ room. While this wasn’t the scenario that Virgil envisioned, it wasn’t the worst one either. Hopefully the twins could fully reconcile with one another. Goodness knows the two needed it.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

[fireladybuckley]

911 Verse this or that

Indirectly tagged by @perfectlynervousbeard <3 

Buck or TK. Look I adore TK, Ronen is seriously one of the cutest guys I’ve ever seen and TK is adorable and easily my favourite LS character.  But it’s not even close when comparing him to Buck, Buck is my comfort character, my absolute favourite of just about anything, ever.  I adore Oliver and there’s not a single person you could compare to Buck that I would pick over him, lol.

Eddie or Carlos.

Again, I really do like Carlos.  I firmly believe Carlos (Rafa) doesn’t get enough screen time and his character development suffers because of it and I hate that.   But again, I love Eddie just SO much.  Comparing him and Carlos isn’t fair because they’re very different and Eddie’s storyline and character in general are SO much more developed, I feel like we’ve gotten to know him so much better and that just makes me love him more, I’m more attached.  Plus Eddie’s relationship with Christopher alone is just so precious and I love it so much.

Bobby or Owen.

Easiest question ever.  Bobby is amazing and the best dad and Owen sucks.

Chimney or Judd Not that I hate Chimney or anything (he gets on my nerves sometimes but overall he’s fine) but Judd is just wonderful.  I love his whole southern gentleman vibe while also being a bit of a mischievous little shit which makes me laugh.  And the way he loves and respects his wife is just so refreshing to see. <3

Hen or Marjan I wonder if this is kind of like how I feel about Carlos; I really like both Carlos and Marjan, but I feel like I barely know them.  Marjan is badass and awesome and everything but aside from her arranged marriage stuff, I feel like we barely know anything about her.  Whereas with Hen, I feel like we know her so well she could just be my best friend and it would be amazing.   She’s smart, compassionate, hilarious and just awesome and I adore her.  I also love her relationship with Karen and Denny and now Nia.  If they take Nia away I’m going to riot

Maddie or Grace.  This one was tougher, and REALLY close.  I really love Grace, she’s amazing and badass and I love her and Judd’s relationship.  I just like Maddie slightly more.  I love how much Maddie has overcome and how strong she is, how she took care of Buck their whole lives (which was NOT fair to her), and I love their sibling dynamic.  I love her relationships with the other 9-1-1 operators.

I will say though that they are both BADASS 9-1-1 operators and they are both queens.

Athena or Tommy Tommy’s fine but she’s very new and I feel like I don’t know her at all (though I love Gina Torres).  Not that that matters, however;  Athena is QUEEN and no matter how awesome Tommy could be, she would never surpass Athena.  Athena is just so amazing and I love her so much.  She is compassionate, badass, hard working, hilarious, terrifying when mad but at the same time so gentle and kind.  Her and Bobby are amazing together (especially earlier in their relationship), she’s such a good mom to Harry and May (and by extension Buck, and maybe even Eddie).  She’s just amazing, ok.

Albert or Mateo  I’ll be honest, I was going to choose Albert because I find him adorable and funny and I wish we knew more about him.  But this time it’s the opposite problem of the others... I feel like we barely know Albert, even though he’s been around for a while now.  The 9-1-1 writers have done a terrible job giving him meaningful backstory imo.  Like he’s been in LA for how long now?  Does he even have a job?   Is he still speaking to his parents? We know barely anything about him besides that he’s Buck’s roommate and he has been on some dates.

Mateo on the other hand is much more flushed out.  I loved the story arc where he is just SO dedicated and driven to become a firefighter despite his dyslexia and I’m so glad it was made possible for him to have allowances for the test.  I love that his crew doesn’t mock him for it or treat him like he’s stupid, they ALL help him as much as they can, and I LOVE when Marjan goes and gives the tattoo parlour who intentionally fucked up his tattoo a reaming.  He’s an earnest, eager younger brother who just wants to help and prove himself and I think he’s adorable.

Michael or Paul. I like Michael, but I like Paul a bit more.  I just wish they would give him more screen time and a storyline that doesn’t involve people being transphobic.  I’m sorry (not sorry) but the sister storyline thing still pisses me off

118 or 126.  The 118, no question.  They feel far more cohesive as a team and I love their relationships more, both with each other and with other people.  The 118 feels so much more real than the 126, and I’ve no doubt it’s because of LS’s continued sidelining of its characters that are not Owen (and, I’ll admit, TK.  I love that he gets a lot of screen time, but not if it comes at the expense of Marjan/Paul/Mateo being shunted to the side). 

Maybe the 126 will get better with time.  I’m certainly hoping that with TK in his new role, maybe they’ll bring in another firefighter to replace him (hopefully a woman!  Both shows definitely lack women in the fire-fighting department imo - but the OG is definitely worse; only Hen in 9-1-1, and only Marjan in 9-1-1 LS but at least LS has Tommy and Nancy as medics.  the 118 needs another featured woman firefighter!!)

California or Texas.  I don’t know if it’s the filming choices or if Texas is just like that (having never been there, I have no idea), but Texas doesn’t seem nearly as nice as California.  That could just be my personal preference; I love lush greenery far more than the more desert-y types of things, and I love the ocean so much.  I feel like LA has prettier settings, and LS is more gritty.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all, I just prefer pretty haha.

Buddie or Tarlos I feel like this is a bit of an unfair question, since it’s still up in the air whether Buddie even exists in canon, and Tarlos is unquestionably real.

But of course, if I’m forced to choose, it’s Buddie.  And that’s not to say Tarlos isn’t amazing, because it is... I adore BOTH ships so much.  I’m just too drawn into Buddie, and how their personalities compliment each other, and Buck’s special relationship with Chris that places him firmly into the Diaz family unit, Buddie or not.  I really do feel like they’ve set them up 100% as a potential romance and as far as slow burns go, it’s amazing so far.  Plus, even if they don’t become a couple, I am still so invested in them as best friends.

That being said, Tarlos is fucking adorable and I live for their scenes on LS <3

Tsunami episode(s) or Tornado episode.  There was just SO MUCH going on with the tsunami.  Of course the entire plot arc with Buck and Christopher is amazing and easily one of my favourites in the entire series, but I also loved that the tsunami episodes showed EVERYONE in their element, doing everything they could to help people.  I love that it brought Lena into the mix (I know the fandom is divided on her but I love her unashamedly).  The amazing scenes with Athena and May, the scenes with Maddie and that girl with the drone... it was just SUCH A GOOD ARC and I love it.  The fact that I can remember SO much about it and I barely remember what happened with the tornado tells me just how much more I enjoyed it, as well.

911 or 911 Lone Star.  Unquestionably 9-1-1.   I feel like the firefam has become part of my own extended family and I just don’t feel that with LS.  Maybe after a couple more seasons it’ll be more like that, but for now, 9-1-1 is EASILY my favourite.  I do love LS too, though.  I just wish there was less of Owen and more of everyone else.  AND I WANT MORE CROSSOVERS!!!

I have no idea who has been tagged so I’m just going to pick a few random people.  If you’re reading this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged by me!  (And tag me back so I can read yours! <3) @firemedicdiaz @that-firehouse @bicepsie @tulipsfrom-medusa @evaneddie @kittycat-cas @bvckleydiaz @ashavahishta @matan4il And anyone else!!

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I unfortunately didn’t blog-stalk you before sending that first ask or I would have known to direct myself towards that trans Nate hc, which I’d love to hear more about

Also, the notes re: Serena and Georgina reminded me of an old au I have where after Georgina outs Eric while lily is still in shock/not really responding well, Serena basically is like ‘well actually mom, both your kids are queer as in fuck you’ and then, well, remembers Georgina’s at the table so I would love to hear about your thoughts on uh. Either of them? I guess

that ask specifically is tagged atrociously, even i need to dig to find it, and this is my blog kkhdslkfdh so even if you HAD blog-stalked me it wouldn’t have made too much of a difference tbh, don’t worry! also i realised that noah’s changed their url since i made that post, so: he’s now @aceemilythorne & this is the moodboard i linked. i said in the tags of my reblog that that moodboard “gave me gender euphoria to look at” and i totally stand by that.

i am so into that AU you mentioned ft serena coming out to lily out of spite?? like that is EXACTLY the kind of content i adore so i think you should definitely dust it off and do something with it....... i have more thoughts about seregina, eric, and just what bi serena & gay eric really mean re: vdw sibling solidarity, i’ll reblog this post later and say more! for now, this is already.... a lot, haha.

nate as a character feels VERY male to me, like extremely binary male? i love nonbinary nate headcanons (i love nonbinary anybody headcanons) but they’re not really my headcanons - not at this point in time, at least. i just feel like nate identifies as male very solidly - whether he’s cis or trans. so when i talk abt trans nate, it’s always him as a trans man. anyway! 

 under the cut because this is LONG. wow. well done @ me

hmm, so. i would never have thought of any sort of trans nate headcanon on my own, mostly because anne & howard are the WORST, and the thought of nate growing up trans with parents like that does not give me a good feeling. like we just know they wouldn’t have been trans allies. but i’ve been giving it some thought, and i feel like... anne & howard are all about appearances, ultimately. they care SO much what people think about them, which sort of works in nate’s favour.

the way i see this is that nate knows he’s a boy pretty young, and his childhood is relatively miserable because his parents keep trying to convince him that he’s a girl, and he’s not! he can’t be a girl. he’s quiet and sullen and sad, and if you ask him to recount his childhood he’ll tell you that from ages of like, 5-9 he remembers trying so hard to make his parents understand and accept that he’s a boy. 

would anne and howard understand? i feel: no. but i also feel that anne and howard wouldn’t want people to think they’re transphobic. so when nate’s like, 9 or 10 and still unwavering on the fact that ‘i’m a BOY, please call me NATE’ they finally listen, only because they’re worried about their own reputation as parents. nate gets puberty blockers, gets access to medical transition stuff, doesn’t have to worry about getting top surgery, etc. all that stuff works out because his family has money. so it’s complicated for nate, because he knows that these things aren’t accessible to most trans youth, and he’s extremely privileged to have access to them. 

at the same time, anne & howard ARE anne & howard. i feel anne would keep acting like she’s lost her beloved daughter and like she’s grieving her daughter and all that icky transphobic stuff. howard would keep insinuating that nate isn’t a real man, or that nate has a long way to go before becoming a man, and other similar microaggressions. so it’s obviously not particularly comfortable or enjoyable for nate. his parents sort of accept that he’s male, in their own extremely conditional and superficial way, and they talk about him like he’s a cis man all the time. they stop acknowledging that he’s trans, even in cases when it should come up like discussion of policies that impact trans people, etc. 

by the time he’s in high school, he passes as cis, and most people at constance/st judes don’t know that he’s trans (another thing he feels some guilt about, because nate’s just..... like that.) the only people who know are his childhood friends, blair & serena & chuck i guess. he’d come out to jenny, vanessa and dan later (in that order, i think.) 

that’s all i’ve got for now. i know “passing” as a concept is complicated & messy & a bit redundant & there’s a LOT to go into if we’re talking about it - but we’re not talking about it! i just bring it up because i think it would tie in with nate’s self image in significant ways.