#book pitch

[novlr]

Lots of people have told me I should self publish, but I think I still want to try to go through traditionally publishing my book first. I've got a finished manuscript, so how do I go about querying agents to find the best fit?

Pitching your manuscript to literary agents is a length process that requires lots of dedication, and a great deal of research. To get the most out of your querying, you definitely need to go in prepared.

We've put together this walk through for how to pitch your novel to literary agents, including some helpful do's and don'ts at the link below!

[eminthegrave]

Pitch for my debut novel

When the expectations put on Princess Ivy's shoulders threatens to drag her into oblivion, her father presents an ultimatum. Distraught by this, Ivy makes an escape into the world of wonder, adventure and knowledge, leaving her responsibilities behind. But what happens when she meets a crew of unruly pirates and the king finds out about her escape.

Inspired by the works of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Monty Python and Our flag Means Death, with the whimsical vibe of Madilyn Mei's music.

Let me know if this is a book you would want to read. =)

[maxkirin]

(source: twitter)

the sexiest thing a protagonist can do is… bake some tasty bread for all his lovely friends, and maybe hold their hands as the world comes to an end, and maybe kiss them on the cheek but then look away because he's a little embarrassed~ 🙈💕

[vicshush]

[ID mostly from the alt text: An image of a webcam on top of a washed out red cylinder with a white stripe near the top, knobs and a jack port with a wire coming out of it down the center of the cylinder, while small robotic arms extend from the cylinder's sides. The robot hands hold a silver table knife and a fork, respectively.

Large text at the top reads "Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You" by TJ Klune.

Smaller text to the right of the robot reads "As technology advances, there runs the very real risk that one day, you'll come home to find your voice-connected device has grown legs and arms and will demand to be referred to as Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping).

Thankfully, I, TJ Klune, am here to provide you with all the information you'll need in order to spot the signs that your machines are getting ready to launch an offensive that will most likely mean the end of humanity. I am an expert in this, so you can trust me. I wrote a book all about it."

/end ID]

"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune

(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)

1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.

2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.

3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.

4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.

5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.

6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!

Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.

[coreglia]

A Peek

“I stopped dreaming and woke up.” Cheryl Oreglia It’s early Saturday morning. I’m peeking out of one eye because I don’t want to wake up but I have to use the facilities and if I open both eyes I’m going to fully wake up and the night, along with my dreams, will be over. Do you feel my pain? I caught a glimpse of my blurry resolve reflecting off the glass of the large French doors across from…

[francisravel]

TWISTED ASH

Book 1 of NMDM

Available here.

Synopsis:

Before and After the mysterious events of a fateful winter evening, the Odison family must contend with the ancient forces which seem intent on dragging them into an ancestral fight.

Alder, stalked by a horror unseen.

Nadia, caught between what could have been, what is, and what could be.

Theo, struggling to maintain an illusion.

Logan, caught in the crossfire, watching hopelessly.

Knowing the truth does not always make you safe.

[francisravel]

If Percy Jackson was fed to Cthulu, and then 30-year old Stephen King wrote the story of how it happened.

Twisted Ash. Available now.

sell me your book

i know how hard it is to indiepub your book

i know how it stings when all your friends tell you they’re excited to support but then no one buys a copy

i know how lonely it can be to try and pursue a dream!

reblog and pitch me your indie published novel and i’ll buy a copy + review it on amazon (or site of your choice, gonna guarantee you a 4 or 5 star rating no matter what i think) and publish a review to my website

i encourage anyone who wants to support indie artists to browse the reblogs and join me in my quest

because i want to read more books and write them off my taxes … and you deserve the love babie

[abitofboth]

rainbow rowell just casually confirming simon and baz are married with absolutely no warning 😭

[letraspal]

(This is just crack, besties)

[espeze]

It'll be the next fantasy romance phenomena, it'll take the book world by storm....please be kind he's only a little gonk

[sophfandoms53]

Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches

Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭

[ed-frankward]

Short Story Collection

As I'm sure you are all aware, my novelization of the 2013 film Ender's Game will be releasing next year. Fans of the film will finally be able to experience the story in written form. I'm also excited to announce the forthcoming (though twice delayed) release of my short story collection. Here is a brief outline of the stories you'll be able to enjoy:

Title: Big City, Big Problems Synopsis: A dramatic recounting of my experience reporting on fashion trends in New York City. I was abruptly fired after it was discovered I had fabricated my qualifications (a degree in Computational Accessorizing from the Fashion Institute of Technology), but I was the first person to report that people were wearing tapered sweatpants.

Title: A School of Learning and Secrets Synopsis: Four students from four different countries who attend four different prestigious secondary schools meet at an even more prestigious post-secondary school in yet another different country. The rest of it is as you'd expect.

Title: Star Trek but on a boat Synopsis: This is the longest short story and is really the bulk of the collection. I don't recall writing it and haven't yet read it.

Title: See Synopsis: A tragic tale in which two star-crossed lovers cross paths with a cross adversary on a crosstown bus. The adversary is complicit in compromising a component of a complex competition the lovers failed to complete. The lovers briefly confer and then confront the confounded adversary, threatening conflict unless he confesses the identity of his confederates.

Title: A New Old World Synopsis: An alternate history in which the 1919-1920 Paris Peace Conference actually takes place in Marseille. Not much changes.

[cactiunderyourfeet]

[heyitsrink]

Are you struggling to pitch your favorite 16-book fantasy series that completely took over your life and changed your brain chemistry? ME TOO! So I made a parody vintage ad to spam friends and family with.

Variations under the cut:

[biellepics]

Simon Snow trilogy x Good Omens 😂❤️

[triangular-static]

watching a video of that q&a alex did recently and pausing to read the book of bill pitch. this may be like a mini liveblog in a way

the idea that he regrets what happened with ford i think has been implied but i don't know if it had been directly stated like this yet (even if it's not fully canon) (and i've probably just forgotten if it has been said) so that's fun. because a lot of what he actually says about the situation puts the blame on ford (even though it is FULLY bill's fault), but there's obviously denial there on his part, because it's. bill.

but i wonder if he regrets what he did to hurt ford or that he got close in the first place and that ford left (because of him). because those are two very different reasons for ford to be there

that aside it's also always very fun to see the original structure of how things were planned before they got polished (because we do see a lot of these things split up into other sections! like the multiple bills in the morality pages)