#bitch what home? the car!?
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i do think peak comedy is a steve who is absolutely aware of the effect he has on people, but has never felt that way towards anyone else-- the closest he got was with nancy and robin, because he loved them both in different ways, and sometimes he felt like he was going to go insane if he didn't talk to them or touch them right now, but it was never like he had seen other people act about him. robin and nancy made him a better person. they didn't drive him to ridiculous levels of violence and obsession. maybe people in hawkins were just fucking weird.
and then he meets eddie, falls in love with eddie, and he's like... yeah, okay. alright. no, i get it. if anything happened to this guy i would steal the nuclear launch codes.
#steddie#jgkfldgj separate fic idea where everyone is talking about their best murder ideas as like a joke#nancy has a gun she's been thinking about longingly eddie's is dramatic argyle's is disturbingly competent etc#and steve is just like how many of the government officials that we know do you think i would have to fuck to get access to the nukes#idk steve is the epitome of go big or go home To Me#like he's always the one put in situations and then he commits to the bit a thousand percent and is way more extra about it than everybody#he hit billy with a fucking car . do u get that#nancy was like im gonna shoot at him like a normal person in an action film#and steve was like oh the vehicle im currently in? before airbags were invented? im gonna send it full speed into that guy#as you fucking do#the only one in the upside down mostly naked and shoeless btw#like ???? do u think this is die hard u bitch bc that hasnt come out yet#what was i talking about its 2 am
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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I take it back, I'm back to hating my neighbor for the car idling/slamming the door thing again. They came home last night at 11:53pm. You know how I know that? They woke me up out of a deep fucking sleep bc the sound of their car door slamming, in my mind, sounded like someone slamming a door in our HOUSE. So in my sleep addled brain I thought someone like broke our door down.
Nope just my neighbor whose elderly mother apparently never fucking taught her to not slam the car doors, coming home :)
#marquilla#idgaf what time you get home but for the love of god be quiet ab it past 10pm#i was so fucking mad man like bitch i was ASLEEP like sound asleep and i woke up thinking the worst#it's just i dont get how someone can be so fucking loud every goddamn time they get in or out of a car
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wheres that post about how its hard to have like a fucking depression spiral or whatever while knitting bc lemme tell u im sitting here fighting back tears while actively crocheting and its not fucking working
#toy txt post#depression spiral self worth spiral the world sucks and everything is bad and stupid spiral#whatever you want to call it. im fucking miserable and my eyes keep watering and making it kinda hard to see the fucking stitches#guess thatd be less of an issue if i was doing a standard moss stitch instead if a modified variant w half doubles and working into the#stitch under the space instead of in the chain space which is a little more annoying and fiddly to find than the chain space#whatever. its all the same stupid fucking shit anyway. whatever whatever whatever whatever#nothing matters everything is stupid and sucks and whats the fucking point! god#and then dad will just get home and sternly scold me for not looking for a job anyway#as if i could currently fucking handle being asked what my fucking strengths are or whatever#and i bet fucking period is not fucking helping cos hormone fluctuations do weird shit to emotions i fucking guess. whatever#i feel like my head is going to explode#'just let yourself cry let it out!' no. its fucking inconvenient and doesnt even release all the stupid fucking feelings it just leaves me#exhausted and wasting a bunch of fucking tissues. whatever#im a stupid lazy bitch whatever and im Not. but i am#what does it matter#i cant even deal with the fucking ants in my bedroom im just hiding from them in my brothers empty room#i washed all my bedding but havent remade the bed bc im like oh i should wait for the ants to be gone#cant do anything. cant do fucking anything at all ever#i should get out of the house and touch grass and that would be good for me but like. where#i shouldnt even leave the house bc im not insured and what if i get into a car crash? i hate everything#negative#whining
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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cw // unsettling imagery, slight animal gore
“I think im starting to lose my mind in this city.”
HC that Link sleeps in his car and it’s messy
#I tried looking up references for sleeping in cars and everything that came up was omggg aesthetic !! 🤩🤩🤩#these bitches romanticizing homelessness …. ☠️☠️☠️☠️#omg I moved out of my suburban home to live in my car that I’ve glamorized !! 🤩#counterpoint- what if i slashed your tires and shattered your windows#ok im done now#traditional art#my art#sketches#nopixel 4.0#gta nopixel#nopixel link winters#gta rp#link winters brainworms
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hey girl! I just wanted to let you know I took my sadness down to the river and threw it away but then I was still left with my hands I guess??? so yeah. That happened 😅
#this is legitimately what i sound like in my head rn im sick of this bitch yapping in my ear all day#quite honestly i was feeling perfectly fine the entire time i was at work but then the second#i was alone at home or in my car the horrors crept back in. so GUESS whos got two thumbs and is the only common denominator here
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J: Going to kill the host (/joke) because scrolling through @/smash-or-pass-objects at the previous polls she voted in, I keep having the opposite responses to her smashes/passes
#what do you MEAN you would smash that goopy ass sandwich and the plain ass wooden table#what do you FUCKING MEAN you passed that car and the record playing machine#'oh the table oh so simple and homely and charming' you are talking about plain white bread. girl...#j grumbles#objectum#since that's. the topic of the post ig but im not like. trying to clutter that side of tumblr with my ramblings uhh sorry#she wouldn't fuck that old naval boat. it's a kickass boat. i need to stop talking but. bitch the ENGINE ROOM
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hi please please please do not immediately press the accelerator after putting your car in gear.
#one of my daycare moms ran over one of our dogs today i want to kms what the actual fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK#how the FUCK do you even get in the car without looking around. why at a fucking daycare do you just slam on the gas. you fucking roll first#im going to have nightmares what the FUCK#putting a lock on bitchass little dog's crate so no one can take him out when im not home#since i apparently cant trust these minivan bitches to not run small things over#what if that had been a baby. what if that had been a goddamn child#says kenna#i do the same thing in parking lots. let my car shift out of its parked position so people around me know im about to move
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it’s crazy how people don’t think their death will affect people around them even if you aren’t close to them, or even if they were just semi passing encounters like no, others feel it. my neighbor died and as I park my car and look up at her dark little house it makes me so sad - I wanna go inside and turn on the lights she always has on. People notice and will feel it even if you don’t believe it.
#and I feel so bad because I saw her a couple of days ago and she was trying to give me flowers but I was rushing back to work#they’ve been on her porch she said take some and I haven’t and ew I feel bad#she was always trying to give me flowers and stuff because knows I like em#she was a lot but had a lot of issues going on#she use to come over crying all the time I knew so much about her life#and she genuinely cared about all of us over here#been like 16 years#I use to walk and also be chased by her dog way back in the day#stood in between her and her husband in a fighting match#one time she slid a picture of an owl under my door and we were so fucking creeped out because what#turned out it was her and she gave it to me because I love animals and photography hahah#l'd hide from her but feel bad and end up listening haha#she’d give me birthday cards because I share a birthday with one of her daughters#definitely an end to a era#I feel bad for her daughter she was sitting in her car while medical examiners were in the house#a bunch of ominious black vans outside for a bit#I should've taken the flowers 😕#I felt crazy guilty afterwards to the point I kept mentioning it and now I’m wondering if my spooky bitch body knew something#it's me and I wouldn't be that surprised I am all knowing even if I don't know you know?#seems odd#anyways I was thinking of leaving something for her daughter but I’m not sure when#she wasn’t home today#I’m not surprised by that#the flowers are still on her steps and it makes me really 😖#anyways life is short and weird and sad and ppl care
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Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either
Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.
Is it:
Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family
|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.
Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.
Long covid?
Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.
Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?
All of the above??
#marquilla#we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies...#so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be#i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean#everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also#got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you.#maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on#her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since#college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just#essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured#into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes#annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad)#you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise#anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up#$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too.#dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some#degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell.#so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after#and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything
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i think after almost 22 years i am legally allowed to perform one (1) intentional emotional manipulation on my mother. right?
#i just really want my cat back#but i dont have a car and im dependent on those stupid fucking trains#the deal was that i get on the train and she gets into her car and we meet halfway between our cities#but now she's like 'oh well actually i no longer have to do that thing i had to do in Poznań so it's pointless for me to come'#like GIRL. this is my fucking cat you're holding hostage. i would gladly spend 7 hours on the train to go pick her up myself but guess what#the trains fucking hate me and there's literally no way for me to manage that and come back home before tomorrow#like oh my god its not my fault your husband has cancer like get over it amiright? stop booing me.#my kitty is more important than his lame ass pet cancer#godddddddd im so mad#i miss my little bitch :(
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the absolute Karen that lives behind us...god i hope karma has its kiss ready for her
#she's a complete nutjob about her 'property' - there's a dirt footpath from our neighborhood through the ditch up to hers#and it has been there for about 20 years now - LONG before she moved into that house last year - and EVERYONE uses it#she's out there yelling at people not to use it now and talking to her lawncare worker clearly workshopping how to be more insane about it#coming from the bitch who literally has NEVER used her yard once and goes home and shuts in like a recluse every single day#what does it matter to her??? no one is up near her house messing with her cars or home! this dirt path is literally like 900 yards away#she's just a power hungry bitch and i hope to god they move out soon - that house hasn't had a longterm resident in like 8 years now#and this is the same bitch who yelled at my mom for putting their trashcan upright when it fell over in the street...
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the way that i am so smart
#the way that i could absolutely doxx my abuser 🤪✌🏻#muddi thoughts#i now know where he lives. the top apartment 120 in my building :)#he’s parked in the front now like that stopped me from seeing him come home from what looked like work this morning#and i alreayd know he’s an emt#like that will make up for what he did to me#fucking scumbag#i know what car he drives now and if he’s parking in the spot he’s supposed to be parking in then he’s in 120 1/2 (top apartment)#lol since his girly refused to even tell me the colour of the building (whoop de doo. i can walk outside and fucking look bitch)#now i actually was interested in finding out exactly where he lives#context for that last bit: i work with his girlfriend (who knows what he did to me and still associates with him)#and legit i don’t like her but she talks to me like we’re besties and it’s like girl do you not remember that i was literally the one who#kicked you out of the friend group ? like what#so yeah she’s a pos and he’s a pos and you know what i’m sure nico still talks to him too so they’re also a pos#fuck those toxic bitches they can have each other
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Well now I just feel like a freeloader 😐
i needed to read this today so im sharing it to all of you!!
#I’m not saying my age but I’m not 15 anymore that’s for sure. And yet I still don’t have a job.#i can’t decide what kinda job I wanna aim for as my first. There are two places within a short walking distance of my home and-#—they’re both pretty big coffee place chains so. Yeah.#I wanna do retail as my first job to get the experience and to finally experience a Karen story#but I’m so scared of getting a job now and I also was recommended a job by a friend and I wanna work there too but I would-#—need to drive there and I don’t have a car nor can I drive legally yet#it’s all just a mess for me rn#so yeah this just makes me feel like a bitch#AND OLD. IM FUCKING OLD.#wordz
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iiiiii think im moving in with my mommmm todayyyyy
#it has gotten so bad with my grandma i simply cant. stand being yelled at every time im awake anymore.#idc what she does once im gone either like lmao have fun in the nursing home or whatever. bitch#i told her i dont feel comfortable being in the car with her anymore because shes been having trouble#paying attention to the road and speeding without noticing and almost hitting cars multiple times#and i said that i would have my mom pick me up. and she would take me to the store instead and id do her shopping for her#and she took it as a huge insult and it blew up WAYYYY out of proportion for no reason. the past 5 hours have been#a nonstop argument#and im simply over it
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