#quite honestly i was feeling perfectly fine the entire time i was at work but then the second

[poughkeepsies]

hey girl! I just wanted to let you know I took my sadness down to the river and threw it away but then I was still left with my hands I guess??? so yeah. That happened 😅

[suguwife]

Executive Tensions. (one)

tags: exbf!Gojo Satoru x f!reader, CEO x secretary, porn with plot, 18+ explicit sexual content, mdni, masturbating, slow burn, mentions of cheating, forced proximity, mini series

- 9.7k wc

a/n: this is the backstory to reader x gojo - angry heated one shot for this is in part two !!

(part two)

You had just posted a story on your Instagram, a picture of flowers that your new boyfriend gave you. Baby pink peonies, a big bouquet of them in the shape of a heart.

Only a few minutes after posting the photo, your phone vibrated, and your heart skipped a beat seeing your ex boyfriend’s name appear on your screen, Satoru. The message was simple and yet it made your heart beat faster. You shouldn’t be feeling like this, you hate him.

“He doesn't know that you prefer actual luxury gifts?” Was the first message he sent you in months, four months since the breakup. Why is he viewing your story?

You respond after a couple minutes with “I like flowers now.” Its an obvious lie. You knew he’d know. You had always been materialistic, you found gifts and money more efficient over flowers that would die anyway.

“You're lying.” He replied within seconds, obsessed much.

He had to admit, after stalking your socials for a little while, your new boyfriend seemed to make you happy, or at least that's the image you projected.

It was annoying, it made him feel sick to think that someone else could make you smile like that, or even more.

You reply after a couple minutes again, “Well I like flowers now. Stop texting me I already removed you as a follower.”

His jaw clenched and his grip on his phone tightened, seeing your reply, he wasn't expecting you to be so cold with him. But of course you would be, in a way he deserved that. “You didn't remove me, stop lying.”

“I just did.”

“Why? did your new boyfriend tell you to do that?”

He double texts another message, “Is he that insecure? Does he not want you interacting with your ex ‘cause he’s scared?”

You scoff a laugh in disbelief at his accusations, ironic coming from him. He seems to be the insecure one here. “No, I decided to remove you. Stop being so irritating.”

He doesn’t respond to that, he just re-reads over the conversation on his phone a couple times like an obsessive freak before throwing his phone on the bed and running his hand through his hair, “Fuck..”

Laying on his bed, he stared up at the ceiling and clenching his jaw as the image of you with your new boyfriend danced in his head.

The next day, Satoru sat in a black seat behind a long desk, a few of his assistants on either side. In front of him, the candidates for the new position that had just been opened in his company were standing before him, one after the other. The interviews had already been going on for quite some time, he was just beginning to get bored, until you walked in.

Honestly, you had no idea that Satoru would be here, until you saw him sitting on the main seat. The seat for the CEO of the building. You knew he was a CEO, but he had worked in a different building whilst you were dating. Despite the sudden shock running through, you remain calm and composed.

Your parents were bugging you to do something with your life and that you can’t live in their luxury for the rest of your days without working towards anything so, here you are. Applying for a boring office job, just so your parents would see you as a hard working woman. A useless thing, you believe. You’re fine as you are, perfectly financially stable.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw you, you were even more beautiful than the last time. He had only seen you off your socials since the breakup, but in real life your beauty glistened the entire room from boring and dull to bright and refreshing. He blinked a few times to recover from his surprise, before straightening up in his seat and looking at the papers in front of him.

Trying to ignore the hammering in his heart as he focused on the papers, he couldn't deny it now. He hadn't forgotten you, not at all. He never could. No amount of hookups would get his mind off you. In fact, during all those times he’d have sex with other women after the breakup, he’d only see your face despite how bratty and argumentative you became with him.

Little did he know that the only reason you became so hostile towards him was because he had cheated on you with a prostitute. He doesn't know you know. You didn’t bother to explain, wanted him to realise himself. But he clearly didn’t.

He was just about to say something when one of his assistants spoke up. "Excuse me sir, this is the last candidate to be interviewed, y/n l/n.”

Nodding in acknowledgment, he eyed you up and down. He tried to control his emotions and remain stoic, but in reality, it took all his self-control to stay that way.

He gestured for you to sit in the chair in front of him, his expression bored.

You keep your poker face plastered on as you take your seat, questioning yourself. When did he start working here? This building is #1 in Tokyo, he had been working a little lower before. Unless he owned this building too and just never told you?

God, this is so embarrassing, interviewing to be a low class assistant for your ex boyfriend just to please your parents.

You furrow your brows ever so slightly but regain your composure again, you needed this job. You needed to show your parents that you can do anything, you just choose not to. And it’s true, you can do anything, because now everyone beside him is smiling and whispering with amused expressions as they tick all the boxes near your name. Only Satoru had been staring into your eyes, like a staring contest between the two of you.

He cleared his throat before finally speaking up, his tone neutral. “Alright then, you may leave for now.”

After politely saying your goodbyes you make your exit, his pupils stalked you until you left the room and the door closed behind you. Letting out a slow sigh once you were gone, he felt his heart rate calm down to a normal pace once more.

“I think she did pretty well, sir.”

“One of the best from today, sir.”

He nods at his assistants, trying to play it off like he was unfazed by your presence. But deep down, seeing you again after so long in real time was like an electric shock to his heart. A reminder that he never got over you at all. Ugh, what was he thinking? You became a bitch, you broke up, the decision was mutual.

The assistant's voice pierced his thoughts. “So, what do you think sir? Should we hire her?”

He hesitates for a moment, his mind torn between his emotions and his rationality. He wanted to say no, to reject your application, but he couldn't seem to do that either, he knew you were qualified.

After some deliberation, he finally spoke up in a firm tone. “...Hire her for my secretary position. She has the necessary qualifications.”

As he spoke, a few of the people around him looked at him and each other with surprise visible on their face, but they immediately tried to mask it. They all knew that his position as CEO required a secretary, but they had been under the impression that he would never agree to hire someone for that position. Every time a candidate came in for the role, he’d always deny them. Clearly, you always got what you wanted and Satoru was willing to give you that, despite the fact you only interviewed for a low assistant role.

He could sense their surprise and knew that they had expected him to reject the idea of a secretary once again, but he didn't care. This time, he had a very selfish reason. He wanted you to be his secretary, so he could see you every day. Even if it was just for work.

He continued to look at the papers in front of him, pretending not to care about their reactions, his heart still pounding from the idea of you being his secretary.

Would you even accept the job? And if you did, what would happen between you two?

He didn't know and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out either.

“I expect one of you to alert her for her position and the expectations for it too.” He says coldly, standing up from his seat and fixing himself to head back to his main office. “Have her start her shift from tomorrow morning.”

He nodded to his assistants, indicating that he was done for today and didn't want to be disturbed, before leaving the room and walking down the long corridors to his main office. The thought of you working for him now excited him as much as it worried him. He would see you every day, but would he be able to control himself and remain professional...?

He arrived at his main office and closed the door behind him, heading to his desk and sitting down on the big leather chair. He placed his elbows on the desk and let his face rest in his hands, sighing deeply as he stared at the desk in front of him. This wasn't going to be easy at all.

Well, you knew you always got what you wanted, but you didn’t expect to be given the secretary role. You never even applied for that? Were the people around him just overly pleased by you so they convinced him or was he doing it out of the fact you're his ex?

Whatever the reason, you took it. You didn’t want to bother with anymore of those fuckass interviews. But you can’t believe he’s making you start the next morning, what a dick, as always.

Your black heels click as you enter his office dressed in dark tights, a dark grey pencil skirt and a sleeved white button up shirt, hair up in a French twist, just normal business attire. Oh but to him, oh fuck. As he sat on his seat, his dick sprung up to the sight of you, all dressed up like a hard working woman.

He mentally cursed himself, placing his hand casually as possible on his boner trying to hide the evidence even though you weren’t able to see anyway from his desk blocking your view.

He swallowed hard and quickly tried to compose himself, not wanting to let his surprise show.

Clearing his throat, he spoke up in a professional tone, “You're early, good. Have a seat in front of my desk.”

You want to mentally roll your eyes at him, of course you were going to take a seat. Did he just expect you to stand there until he told you what to do?

You keep your expression neutral as you take your seat and stare at him.

He couldn't help but study your features, the way your eyes landed on his, your hands folded on your knees as you crossed them over. Everything about you was exactly like he remembered.

He took a deep breath to recompose himself before speaking “You may be wondering why I hired you as my personal secretary.”

He leaned back, resting his arms on the armrests of his chair as he continued speaking. “I was going to pass on hiring one, but stocks have been rising lately so it’s been getting busy. And after the interview, I felt you were more than qualified for the job.”

His tone was professional, as if he were speaking to any other employee, but his dick was pulsing with its own heartbeat, faster than ever. It was painful, but he managed to remain stoic. He couldn't tear his eyes away from your face despite how hard it was making him. Would it be so bad if he wanked off to your pictures once you left? Maybe he shouldn’t do that. He carries on speaking. “But I'd better warn you, working as my secretary isn't easy. I have high expectations and demands-“

You cut him off, your tone blank and your expression still neutral. “I'm sure.”

God, he was infuriating to look at. You wanted to grit your teeth and roll your eyes or kick him but you remained professional and calm.

He was slightly amused by your response, your short, simple answer somehow satisfying him.

Leaning forward a bit in his chair, his eyes remained on you as he continued. “I have no doubt you can handle it.”

He paused for a moment before adding, “I hope you're up for the challenge.”

Tch, what challenge? The only challenge will have to be serving him for the next couple of months before you choose to quit.

His eyes lingered on your face for a few more moments, his heart still racing and the beat in his dick pulsing despite his calm demeanour. He tried to push the thoughts of your past relationship to the back of his mind, but being so close to you now was making it difficult. He wanted to reach out and touch you, but he knew he wasn't allowed to. He was your boss now, and he had to maintain a professional relationship with you.

“What do I have to do?” You question.

He sat back in his chair and picked up a folder on his desk, opening it and looking through the contents. You can’t deny how handsome he looks in his suit and his professional manner, it made you throb even though you despised him.

“Your primary job is to take and pass on my instructions, organise my schedule, arrange my meetings, prepare and take notes during business meetings, prepare reports, among other things.”

He glances up at you as he continues listing the duties of the position. “You will be in charge of handling my business calls and emails as well. Which means being available to me at all times.”

His eyes roam over your face, pausing for a moment on your lips before quickly looking back at the folder in front of him.

He closed the folder and placed it back on his desk, his eyes still on you. “Do you think you can handle this job? It can be demanding and time-consuming, not everyone is cut out for it...”

You inhale, exhale, and speak. “It's not that hard, just a lot of simple tasks to complete.” Really, it sounds like I’d be doing all his work for his lazy ass.

A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, seemingly entertained by your confident response. “You seem pretty confident in your abilities...” His arms across his chest, his voice suddenly more firm and serious. “But let me warn you, l have no patience for mistakes or incompetence. I expect everything to be done in a timely, accurate and professional manner. I'm not an easy boss to please, I demand the best of the best.”

“Yeah. I'm aware.” I state, a hint of irritating sarcasm in my tone. During our relationship, he'd always be toxic and impatient. Never understood the true meaning.. or even tried to understand the true meaning as to why you had become such a bitch towards him. Never came to the realisation that you were aware of his cheating.

He cleared his throat and sat up a bit straighter in his chair, trying to push those memories from his mind...

He kept his cool demeanour and spoke in a calm but strict tone.

“Good. As long as we're clear on that.” He paused for a moment, observing you closely as if trying to read your thoughts. He leaned forward a bit in his chair, his hands folded neatly in front of him on his desk.

“You start your first day of work today. I know that I’ve got a few meetings that need preparation and I need you to take on some duties today as well.”

He studied your face closely, taking in your reaction. He was still trying to figure you out, trying to figure out if you were hiding anything behind your neutral expression, but it was too hard. He always found it hard to understand you behind that expression.

“Okay. Do I get a written list or anything on what I need to do for each day?”

“Yeah, I have a list of assignments for you ready. But I'm also expecting you to keep up with daily tasks and schedules.”

He gestures to the laptop on the desk in front of you.

“There's a new file there. It's for all of the assignments and tasks you need to do, it's constantly updated and you'll find everything in it that you need to do for today and the future.”

You slide the laptop in front of you as you speak, breaking eye contact, “Okay.”

“Any questions?”

“Hm.. I’ll ask you when they come.”

“Can I ask a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“Why are you applying for jobs? You don’t even need to work.”

You sigh, of course he’d ask that. You didn’t want to let him in on too much. “Why do you care?”

“Don’t get that tone with me, I’m just wandering.” He glared at you with a firm and cold expression.

You roll your eyes at him, finally. Your eyes were begging to do that from the moment you entered this room. “My parents wanted me to do something.”

“Ah.. They doing okay?” He questions, a little smile on his face.

You don’t respond, just stare at him with a bored expression because, why the fuck is he asking how your family is?

He nodded with a small smirk playing on his lips, the fuck is he smiling for now? God you just wanted to get up and kick his dick, make sure he’s unable to fuck any other woman.

“Alright then. I have a meeting in about an hour. Get started on those tasks. And do a good job. I'll be watching you.” He cuts off your intrusive thoughts as he speaks.

You grab your laptop and say your goodbyes, you can’t help but be irritated with the way he’s speaking to you. No please, no thank you?

“She's still as cold as ever...” He mumbled to himself, his brain replaying the look on your face, the sound of your voice. He knew you were intentionally hiding your emotions, putting up a professional front, but he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the game of trying to figure you out.

He leaned back in his chair, sighing deeply as he tried to clear his mind. But he couldn't focus on his work, his thoughts still lingering on you.

You make your way to a smaller office designed for the secretary, small yet simple and spacious. You browse through your laptop which had a detailed list of assignments and tasks, some assigned to you that day and some that you would be handling in the days to come. “Jesus. I'm basically doing his work for him. Tch.” You whisper to yourself as you prepare the meetings and documents for today.

Meanwhile, in his office, his dick was still hard. Punching through his pants aching for release, he had to place his sweating forehead on his desk to control his breathing. But it was futile. He contemplated whether it would be harassment to touch himself to you but fuck, he needed to.

He stood up, walked heavily with ragged breathing and locked his office door then made his way back to his seat, immediately unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants and boxers down so he’d have access.

His mind ran back to the times he’d pound into you, the wet, filthy noises that would escape from your entrance and your tongue. His hands glided up and down at the thought. The words you’d say to him as he fucked you raw in his bed.

“Just like that toru.. mh…”

“Yeah? Like this?” And he’d slam into you balls deep, making you scream his name as he panted like a dog in heat “That feel good, princess?”

“So.. so g-goo- oh!” You were so drunk off his dick you were never able to form full words. He loved the way your soaked walls would clench him even though you’d whine, “T-too much.. no more!!” But no amount of your whining would make him stop, your pussy begged for him despite your words.

“Tell me how it feels.” He’d say through panting gasps as his fingers would rub over your clit rapidly whilst his dick hit your G-spot then pulled back out, then back in again, making sure to hit you well. He wanted to know how you felt as his dick would speed into you, wanted to raise his ego.

Then he’d push down on your abdomen, just where he’d bulge through your sweaty skin, “You feel that? You take me so well, baby..”

And the way you’d cry out in pleasure, weakly trying to push his hand away from pushing down but he’d just chuckle, pushing down harder as the sound of squelching wetness filled the room.

He can’t help it, mid-wank he picks up his phone from his desk, scrolls through his hidden images in his gallery and rewatches the clips he’d take of you moaning and whimpering his name as he played with your clit. He never deleted anything of you.

He panted heavily once he reached his climax, his hands filthy. Shit. He headed to the bathroom connected to his office and cleaned himself up. Was it harassment to touch himself to you.. without permission? I mean it’s not like you knew.. Shit, maybe he fucked up. Nobody will know anyway.

Time ticked by as you worked on the tasks for the rest of the week, diligently typing away on the keys of the laptop and sipping on the frappe you had bought. Whilst Satoru attended his meetings and completed his work in his office. Although, every time he’d walk around the building, he’d always steal glances of you in your office working. And god, you always looked as beautiful as ever to him.

His father, the former CEO, strolls into the building, his presence immediately commanding respect from all the employees as he walks by. He was a tall and dignified man, his presence alone enough to make everyone take notice. Every employee, including you bowed to him, paying respects.

Shit, this must have been the building he would talk about to you in the past. He’d always complain to you how his father wanted him to overtake his business, but he never told you the name of the building. Well, to be fair, you never asked. And now here you are, working as a corporate slave for your ex boyfriend of a dick.

“It's nice to see you again, y/n.” He says to you, standing before your desk, probably confused.

“Ah... you too sir.”

“I wasn't expecting to see you working here, it's been a while.” His tone was gentle, but there was an undertone of curiosity and concern in his voice.

You nod and offer an awkward smile, “Yeah... I didn't know Satoru was the CEO of this building.”

“Yes, he took over as CEO two months after you both... ended.” He pauses for a moment before speaking again, his tone slightly wary. “And you're working as his secretary now...?” He questioned, looking around the office.

Oh fuck, embarrassing. It sounds as if you’re desperate to be seen by Satoru. “Yes. I am.”

He nods again, his expression still neutral as he continues to observe you, “I see...”

Awkward as fuck. Not because he’s Satoru’s father, you and his family had a good relationship when you were dating. It’s more awkward that your specifically working for his son now.

“How are things between you and Satoru? You two are on... good terms?”

“...I guess.” You fiddle with your hands slightly, wanting to let out a long, deep sigh.

“You guess...?” He lets out a small sigh and continues, his tone slightly gentler this time. “Are you getting along with Satoru fine? No... issues, or arguments?”

“No, not at all sir. We’re okay now.” True, you aren’t. It’s more boring talk. But maybe it’s because you haven’t lashed out on him yet.

He studies your face as you speak, trying to read your expression. He can tell you're not being completely honest, but your words are spoken in a polite and professional tone. “I see..”

“So are you... enjoying working here? You're not feeling uncomfortable or anything?”

“No not at all, it's good working here. The building is amazing.”

“I'm glad to hear that. The building is quite impressive, isn't it? And I hope Satoru isn't... giving you too much work to do?”

You chuckle in response,”Well, I am working on tasks for next week so..”

“Ah, I see. So he’s already making you work ahead of time..”

As his father leaves your office, he makes his way to Satoru’s office, his eyes narrowing slightly as he sees him lazing around in his chair.

“Satoru...” His voice is a low, almost a disapproving grumble as he enters the room, closing the door behind him.

Satoru, hearing his father's voice, looks up with a slight expression of annoyance on his face. “Ugh... what is it?”

He lazily spins around in his chair, his body language oozing nonchalance and boredom.

His father doesn't look amused as he walks up to his son’s desk, a stern expression on his face. “We need to talk.” He crosses his arms over his chest, his gaze fixed on Satoru as he continues. “I was just in your secretary's office, and you know who I saw?”

He raises an eyebrow at his father's words, a mixture of annoyance in his eyes. “Y/n?” He says in a bored tone, as if he's already expecting some sort of lecture from his father.

“Yes, why?”

“Oh, yeah. I hired her.” He responds casually, as if it’s normal to have your ex girlfriend work for you.

His father lets out a sigh, his expression becoming more agitated. “Anyway, you need to get married soon. You're already 28.”

Satoru groans and rolls his eyes at his father's words. He's heard this lecture from his father numerous times, and it always irritates him. “You're still on about that?”

His father remains stern and insistent, his arms crossed over his chest. “Yes, I am. You're at the age where you should be looking for a suitable partner. You can't just keep playing around forever and hooking up with random whores. It's time for you to settle down.”

Satoru lets out an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Ugh, can we not have this conversation right now? I'm busy.”

His father's expression hardens even more at his dismissive attitude. “No, we're having this conversation now. And you're not going to use the ‘I'm busy' excuse this time. You've been putting this off for far too long, Satoru. It's embarrassing to have a son who has sex with prostitutes. You need a wife to put you in your place. You need to have kids so you remain a good man.”

Satoru's eyes narrow at his father's words. He knew it was pointless to argue at this point, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of irritation at being lectured like a child.

“And who do you expect me to marry? Do you have someone in mind?”

“Well, if you're asking for my opinion, yes I do have someone in mind. But knowing how stubborn you are, you're probably not going to like it.”

He raises an eyebrow again at his father's words, curious. He lets out a sigh, resigned to having this conversation. “Fine, spit it out. Who is it?”

His father takes a deep breath, bracing himself for Satoru's reaction. He knows what he's about to say will probably not go over well with him.

“Even though she’s your ex now.. y/n. She's a good girl and she comes from a respectable background and we liked her. You two were together for a while. Who better knows you? She'd be able to keep you in line. You're still hung up on her anyway, just stop fucking around and treat her well, then she'll be happy with you.”

His face immediately darkens at his father's words, his eyes narrowing in disbelief. “You can't be serious. You actually want me to marry y/n?”

His father lets out a small chuckle at Satoru's protest, not taking his words seriously at all. He's clearly amused by his son's denial. “Oh please, I know you're still into her. And she doesn't hate you, she's just mad at you because you messed up. And her boyfriend? Pfft, I saw him, he's a pathetic waste of space. She deserves someone better, someone like you. Just stop being a coward and admit you still like her.”

He lets out a scoff at his father's words. He can't believe his father is talking about y/n like this, as if he knows better than him. It's pissing him off, even though he’s right.

“You're seriously overstepping your boundaries, old man. I'm not a damn teenager who can't make decisions for themselves. I'm the CEO of this company, and I have a private life. No, I'm not marrying y/n. It's not happening.”

“You're acting like a child, Satoru. And don't give me that CEO bullshit, it won't work on me. You're still my son and I'm still your father, and I'm telling you to marry her. End of story. I'll arrange the marriage even if I have to force it, I'll get y/n to agree.”

Satoru's jaw clenches, his patience reaching its limit. He can feel anger coursing through him, and he has to force himself to stay calm. “You'll what? Arrange a marriage?! Dad, you're out of your damn mind. You know damn well y/n and I didn't end on good terms. We were constantly at each other's throats, it was a disaster. And forcing her to marry me? That's insane.”

His father scoffs, “Who else would you marry?”

“Anyone but y/n. Literally anyone. I’ll marry a stranger, I don't care. Just don’t push y/n onto me.” Satoru's voice is firm and unrelenting, but there's a hint of desperation in his eyes as he stares at his father.

His father lets out a frustrated sigh, seeing that his son is in no mood to listen to reason. He takes a deep breath and tries a different approach. “Alright then. I'll have a few respectable women, or girls your mother and I know come over to the family estate. They'll talk to you and you talk to them. Then come to me and tell me which one you prefer. Deal?”

Satoru’s expression softens slightly, his anger slowly subsiding. He doesn't like the idea of being set up with women he's never met, but it's better than being forced to marry his ex. “... Fine. But I'm not promising anything.”

His father smiles slightly, glad that he's finally getting through to Satoru. If he doesn’t prefer any of them, then he’ll definitely arrange you both. But he won’t mention that yet.

“Good. I'll arrange it then. And I better see you talking properly to these girls, got it? No snide comments or sarcasm. Just behave well. Don't embarrass me son.”

He rolls his eyes but nods reluctantly. “Yeah, yeah I'll be on my best behaviour. Don't worry.” He mutters, still not thrilled about the entire situation of marriage.

“Today, tomorrow, next week? When?”

“Next week. This coming Saturday. I'll have them head to your study room in the estate, not your apartment, so make sure you come over in the morning. Be ready.”

Satoru nods again, resigned to his fate. He knows his father is not backing down. “Alright, I'll be there.. Whatever.”

The next day, Satoru is bored in his office, idly scrolling through his social media feeds when he receives an email from you. He opens it up and reads through his schedule for the day, letting out a small sigh.

It's then that he suddenly remembers the conversation between him and his father, and the arrangement to bring the women over to their estate next week. He groans inwardly, not looking forward to it at all.

He could just do as his father's says and marry you instead. but you're his ex and you hate him because he's apparently toxic. and he doesn't even like you anymore since you became so bratty. At least, that what he tells himself.

As his thoughts swirl through his head, an idea starts to form. He glances at the door to his office, considering it for a moment. then he calls out to you through the phone speaker. “Hey, come in here for a moment.”

You hear his voice over the alert system in your office room and head over, once inside you speak, “Is something the matter?”

He motions for you to close the door behind you and sit down. “No, everything's fine. Just sit down.”

He waits for you to sit down on the chair opposite him, his eyes studying your face as you do so. He's not sure how you're going to react to what he's about to say.

“I need to ask you something. And I want you to be completely honest with me.”

Okay, you can do that.

He leans forward slightly, his hands resting on the desk in front of him as he looks you in the eye. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

You respond immediately, “No.” Did he expect you to be open considering our history? What an idiot.

He chuckles as he looks down, “Damn, you're still as bratty as ever.”

He leans back in his chair and looks at you again. “You still hate me, huh?”

You stare back at him, a bored expression on your face, “Obviously.” You hated his guts and he knows that.

“Yeah, I figured. We did end on bad terms after all, didn't we?” He speaks with a hint of arrogant irritation in his voice.

You sigh before you speak, “What do you want?”

He leans forward again, resting his elbows on the desk and entwining his fingers in front of him. His gaze is steady and intense as he looks at you. “I need you to listen closely to what I'm about to say and try to keep an open mind. Can you do that?”

“What?”

Inhaling deeply, he prepares himself for your reaction. He knows this is going to be a difficult conversation. But he should at least ask before closing off the option.

“I'm going to ask you something... a little... hm. I don't know what's the word but, don't get all mad at me. It's just an offer from my father. it's not that I want to but I'm just letting you know.”

You groan in irritation at him, “Okay, so what is it?” He’s taking too long and you’re becoming impatient.

He almost chuckles at the frustration on your face. But he knows better than to make any dumb comments if he wants to even have a chance to explain himself.

“Alright, alright. I'll get to the point.” He clears his throat, preparing himself for your reaction. “My father wants me to get married. He gave me the first option to marry you but I denied it because, well I thought you'd say no anyway. So instead he arranged some women for me to meet next week at our estate.”

“Okay? What do you want me to do about that?”

He sighs, “You're really making it difficult for me to talk to you." He rubs his temple with his fingers, getting annoyed with your stubbornness. “Alright, I'm just gonna say it then.”

He takes a deep breath and looks at you straight in the eye. “I'm gonna ask you again. Do you still hate me, yes or no?”

“Yes. I hate you.”

“You really are damn stubborn, you know that?” He sits back in his chair, studying your face for any signs of weakness or doubt. But your expression remains icy and impenetrable, just like it always was before you broke up with him..

He leans forward again, his gaze never leaving your face. “Fine, you hate me. But that's not the question I'm asking.”

But that was the question he just asked?

“My father was going to arrange our marriage forcibly, but I told him not to because I thought you'd disagree. If you could, would you agree to the marriage?”

You contemplate for a moment, would you? You hate him, you can’t trust him anymore. Not when he cheated with some random prostitute. “It depends.”

He quirked an eyebrow at your answer, intrigued and slightly amused that you're actually considering the possibility. “Depends on what?”

“Money.” You say blankly. Hypothetically, at least. You weren’t being serious but if it were to happen you’d marry him for money. Because only money could make you get back with a cheating ex like Satoru.

He scoff at your response. It's so typical of you to think of the financial aspect first. But he doesn't seem too surprised. “Oh, you're such a greedy little gold digger. I'd be paying you to be married to me, huh?”

“What's the problem with that? I have money and come from wealth too, it’s only obvious I’d still want more. If I married you I’d want to be paid weekly.”

You watch him shake his head and chuckle, both amused and annoyed at your audacity. He never expected you to actually admit to being a gold digger so shamelessly. “Damn. You really have no shame, do you?”

He looks at you as he considers your proposition for a moment, “Weekly payments, huh? How much are you thinking?”

“Hm. To get married to you and leave my boyfriend... £100k to get married to you, then £2k weekly sent to my bank. I'm only saying that because it's not gonna happen.” You say the last sentence firmly, standing your ground as you glare at him from your seat.

He grins at the ridiculously bold request, “£100k to marry me? And £2k weekly? You're really trying to milk me for everything I've got, huh? You're fuckin’ expensive.”

“Those are reasonable offers if your rich. You have the money to give that.”

He can't deny that you're right. Though he finds your demands amusing and frustrating at the same time. "You really have no shame to ask for that much money, don't you?” He mutters under his breath.

“And why do you want £2k weekly? wouldn't I be providing you with everything as your husband?”

Ugh, he’s asking as if I’d ever accept him as my husband.

“What do you plan to do with the £2k weekly payments?”

“For myself, obviously. You’re questioning me as if it'd actually happen. I'm not marrying you.” You chuckle as you speak. “Was just answering your question from before.”

“I know you're not gonna marry me, it's just a damn hypothetical question.” he mutters, his voice edged with frustration. “But I'm asking why you'd want that much money for yourself?”

“Why wouldn't I? Plus If I had left over money, l'd pass it down to my children for inheritance.”

“Of course you're thinking about inheritance for your children,” he says in a sarcastic tone. “You know, most people get married for love, not just for money.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn't be marrying you for love, it'd be forced if ur father went through with it for real. Anyway, good luck to the women you're meeting next week. I have work to do and this conversation is annoying. I'll be taking my leave.”

He eyes you as you stand up and head toward the door, slightly annoyed and amused at the same time by your bluntness. “Right, right," he mutters, leaning back in his chair again. “Run off to do your work. Maybe you'll find another guy to milk for money while you’re at it.”

You roll your eyes and scoff as you exit the room, shutting the door behind you.

He lets out a long, heavy sigh and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head at the crazy idea that he even considered discussing the possibility of marriage with you. “Damn it...” he mutters to himself, “What the hell am I thinking... Tch. annoying bitch.”

Saturday finally rolls around, and Satoru finds himself sitting in his family's grand estate, waiting for the women his father had invited. He's sitting in his study room, tapping his fingers on the armrest of the couch with growing irritation. He still dreads the idea of having to meet all these women, especially after the conversation he had with you a few days before.

Hours passed by, but to no surprise, all the women were either bratty, annoying, clingy, boring or ugly. He heads to his fathers study room, his frustration growing with each step.

He had hoped at least one of the women would pique his interest, but they were all lacking in one way or another. Finally, he reaches his father's study room and knocks on the door. He waits a moment before hearing his father call out from inside, “Come in.” A small smirk playing on his father face.

He steps into the room seeing his father sat smoking a cigarette, his expression a mix of irritation and disappointment. As if he knew that you wouldn’t like any the women. He closes the door behind him and stands in front of his father's desk, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Judging by your face, I'm guessing the meetings didn't go well?”

Satoru lets out a heavy sigh “You could say that. None of the women you picked out were my type. Honestly, they were all damn awful to be honest.”

His father lets out a small chuckle at Satoru's blunt assessment. He leans back in his chair and looks at his son “I see. Well, I guess that's expected, given your picky taste in women. So marry y/n. I'll arrange it.”

His eyes widened at his father's words. He hadn't expected him to bring up your name again so casually.

“What? Wait, hang on I told you we shouldn’t-“

Cutting him off, his father waves his hand dismissively. “I know what you said, but you didn't find anyone suitable so there’s no other option.. You're not that old, but you should start thinking about your future. I'm tired of you always spending your time with prostitutes. Y/n’s a good girl, and she's from a good family that I know well. It's the perfect match.”

“That's bullshit, I don't care if she’s a 'good girl' we don’t like each other anymore, and you know that.”

“You can't just rely on picking women based on your taste. You have to consider the bigger picture, Satoru. Y/n is from a wealthy family, and a good partner for the future. You can't just dismiss her because you don’t like her. You have to think about how this will benefit you and your future. And don't lie to me, you loved her until you both started arguing constantly because of your behaviour. Fix yourself up. I'll speak to her and arrange the marriage, I'm good at persuading.”

Satoru clenches his fists, trying to keep his cool “Damn it...I can't just agree to marry her because it's convenient. What about my own feelings and preferences? I don't care if she's from a wealthy family or a 'good partner for the future.' I'm not some damn chess piece in your grand plan. Why the hell can't you just leave me alone about this? I don't want to be stuck down to one women I like my fucking prostitutes and why does that even bother you?! The public don't even know.”

His father slams his hand on the desk, his patience wearing thin at Satoru’s vulgar and immature words.

“Enough nonsense, Satoru! I'm tired of your selfish attitude. You're not a child anymore, you're 28 years old, it's time you start acting like an adult. Marriage is not just about your feelings, it's about responsibility, legacy and power. Y/n’s family status and background will bring stability benefits that will outweigh your damn personal preferences. I don't care how many damn prostitutes you sleep with, you're marrying y/n.”

“I've already spoken to her, I gave her a hypothetical question, and you want to know what she said?”

His father looks slightly surprised at his words, but he quickly regains his composure “And what did she say?”

“She said, if she did marry me it would be for money.”

His voice is laced with frustration and anger as he crosses his arms, his glare fixed on his father.

“She was only interested in the damn money. Nothing else. Told me if you forced her to marry me, she'd only go ahead with it if she was pre-paid £100k and then paid a further £2k by me weekly. then she said she's only saying that because it'd never happen and she won't marry me.”

His father's expression remains neutral, “What's so bad about that? We have wealth and so does she. it's only normal for her to want more, especially if your her ex. I don’t blame her.”

His anger reaches a boiling point at his father's nonchalant response. He leans forward, his eyes blazing with frustration, “You're goddamn right she's my ex. And that should be enough reason for you not to try to force me to marry her against my will.”

He runs a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down, but his frustration is evident in his every movement.

His father leans back in his chair, his expression still calm, “Listen, I understand that you have your reasons for not wanting to marry her. But you have to understand that I'm only thinking about what's best for you. She comes from a wealthy family, and she shares similar values to ours. She'd be a valuable addition to our family, and I'm sure you'd be able to find happiness with her if you stopped your toxic behaviour.”

Satoru's jaw clenches as he listens to his father's words. He can't believe that his father is still pushing this idea, despite his objections. “You just don't get it, do you? It's not just about your stupid values and wealth. I have my own life, my own preferences, my own damn desires.”

He shakes his head, feeling a mixture of anger and frustration. “You can't force me to marry someone, my ex, just because it's convenient for you or our family reputation.”

“Satoru, stop being so goddamn egotistical. This isn't just about pleasing me or our ideals. It's about doing what's right for your future. And let's be honest, your current lifestyle isn't exactly sustainable in the long run. You need a partner who understands and respects you, whom you can share your life with. And someone who can keep you in check. Leave my room. I'll arrange you and y/n. That's the end of it.”

“Ugh, fine! but don't expect me to treat her like a goddess wife.” He was tired of these lectures, tired of his futile defensive arguments.

“Trust me, after spending a few days with her as your wife, you'll come to appreciate her, she was always a good daughter figure when she’d visit whilst you dated.”

He leans back in his chair, folding his hands “And I expect you to be on your best behaviour. No more womanising or hookups, got it?”

He rolls his eyes, feeling frustrated but also resigned to the situation “Yeah, yeah, I got it. No more women, no more hookups. You want me to be a damn saint, I'll be a saint.”

A day later, his father calls me, telling me to visit their estate and that he has something important to discuss with me. I head over and enter the family estate, a butler leading me to his fathers study room. Am I going to get fired already? No.. if I were to be getting fired I’d be called to Satoru’s office.

Satoru sits in his father's room, staring out the window as his father sits beside him. His thoughts still swirl with anger and frustration but he knows he has no choice to argue with his father.

Suddenly, his father's butler knocks on the door and enters the room. “Excuse me. Miss l/n is here saying that you called for her?” He steps aside, revealing you standing in the doorway.

“Hello..”

His father stands up and smiles at you warmly

“Ah, y/n, please come in. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

I enter the room, closing the door behind me and glance at satoru confused, his expression neutral, only with slightly furrowed brows. Then I returned my gaze back onto his father.

His father gestures for you to take a seat across from him and Satoru. “Please, have a seat. There's something important we need to discuss with you.”

After taking your seat, His father leans forward, his tone serious “Y/n, I've called you here because Satoru and I have had a chat recently. And we both agreed that it would be beneficial for all of us if you and Satoru were to get married.”

Oh god, he can’t be serious. “Mr. Go-“

His father continues, ignoring your reaction

“I understand that this might come as a surprise, but hear me out. Satoru needs a partner who can help him grow and mature. And I believe that you are the perfect candidate for that. You come from a good family and have a strong sense of responsibility. You can provide the stability and guidance that Satoru desperately needs.”

“I... thank you for the offer but I-“

His father holds up a hand, stopping you from protesting further “You'll be given the money you want. £100k beforehand and £2k weekly by this idiot here, right?”

You part your lips slightly and your breath catches in your dry throat. You weren’t being serious with that amount, simply stating it because you didn't expect it to happen. You wave your hands in protest as you smile awkwardly “No, No I-“

His father raises an eyebrow, clearly sceptical of your protest, “You were the one who suggested the money. Don't try to back out of it now. I’m offering a significant amount of financial security. Not to mention, being married to Satoru would mean a life of luxury and comfort.”

Satoru, who had been silent until now, finally speaks up. He leans back in his chair, a mix of irritation and resignation in his voice. “Just take the damn deal, y/n.”

“Tch, don't tell me what to do.”

“Why are you being so difficult? we're offering you a once in a lifetime opportunity here. You'd be a fool to reject it.”

You roll your eyes, looking away and sighing. He's right, but it would be hell for you. Get back with the ex who cheated on you with a prostitute..? It’s crazy.

His father clasps his hands together, sensing that you're starting to give in, “If that's not enough, £200k beforehand, £3k weekly.”

“You're serious...? About this?”

“Absolutely. I've already spoken to your parents and they agreed, but do you?”

Satoru watches you intently, waiting for your answer. He's starting to feel a sense of annoyance at your hesitancy, but he tries to hide it.

His father leans forward, “Y/n, you won't have to work another day.”

"You'll have access to the best of everything, a life of luxury, and you'll be a part of a high-profile family. Think about it, you'll never have to worry about money or anything again."

“I mean I already don't... have to worry…” You’re starting to give in. Oh god this can’t be good.

“Yes, but the offer is still there. You'd have more. You know our family is #1 wealthiest in Japan, your family is #50 wealthy. Think about it.”

Satoru can't contain himself anymore, he leans forward, his irritation evident in his voice “Damn it, you're being stubborn for no reason. Just take the deal already.”

You scowl at his words and tone, giving a dirt as you furrow your brows.

Sator glares right back, his irritation at your defiant attitude growing.

“Just take the fucking deal you love money anyway!”

“Fine!” I yell back with a frustrated groan.

His father lets out a satisfied exhale, a small smile on his face.

“Excellent. I'm glad you came to your senses.”

Satoru leans back, a mix of frustration and resignation on his face. “Finally, you gave in.”

His father’s tone became more serious as he speaks, “Now that that's settled, there are a few conditions that we need to discuss.”

He pauses, looking at Satoru, “First, Satoru. You will not contact any of your former lovers or hookups. The public and our family would look down on that. You must maintain a clean image as a couple.”

You scoff a laugh. “Tch. Of course you had prostitutes right after I left you.” He really was a damn sex freak. You can’t believe he didn’t catch on to the fact you knew he cheated on you. What a dickhead.

He rolls his eyes, feeling a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment at being called out on his behavior.

“Yeah, I did. So what? I had em before you and had em after.”

The audacity for him to blatantly admit such a disgusting thing makes you stare at him in both disbelief and disgust. You hid it well, but it did hurt you. It was like as if he poured acid onto your heart.

His father shakes his head, his disapproval evident

“Satoru that's exactly the type of behaviour that needs to change, immediately. You are a part of a powerful family, and your actions reflect on us all. No more of that immature behaviour.”

He rolls his eyes as he leans back on his seat, looking away, “Yeah, I know.”

“Second, y/n, you will be expected to support Sator in every way possible. This means attending family events and public appearances with him, offering him emotional support, and generally acting as a supportive partner.”

“Of course that's basic stuff, I can do that.” You respond softly, and maturely.

“Good, I'm glad you understand.” He clears his throat,“Onto the third condition. This is the most important one.

His voice takes a firm, serious tone “It involves the matter of heirs. You'll be expected to have children within the next 2 years of the marriage. Ideally, a son and a daughter.”

You should have expected that as a condition too.

“This is non-negotiable. We want to ensure the continuing of our family line, and we expect you two to fulfil your duty.”

I smirk slightly as I look down at my lap, “Do I get paid for pregnancy too?” I ask sarcastically.

"Actually, yes. You'll receive an extra £80k for each pregnancy, and £150k for giving birth.”

Your breath hitches once more, he can’t be serious.. “What?” That amount is far too ridiculously huge, even for you.

His father smiles slightly, seeing your surprise. "That's correct. We understand that pregnancy can be a difficult and exhausting experience, both physically and mentally. That's why we're willing to offer additional compensation as a token of our appreciation for your efforts in continuing our bloodline."

“Wait I was just joking-“

His father chuckles slightly, dismissing your protest.“Oh, I know you were joking, but we take this seriously. The compensation is non-negotiable. We want to ensure that you and Satoru have all the support and resources you need to start a family.”

“But that’s not necessary I promis-“

“It is necessary. He’s our only child, it’s only right that we gift his wife and mother of his children. And you’ll be keeping him in check from his…. Behaviours.”

To think you’re actually agreeing to this is mental. If you were to speak to yourself a week ago you’d be laughing hysterically.

“Right.. right. Next two years..”

“Yes, within the next 2 years. We want to ensure that the family line is continued in a timely manner.”

Satoru remains mostly silent in his seat, a hint of irritation in his expression at the conversation's direction.

His father continues, a stern tone in his voice, “It's not solely your responsibility dear, of course. Satoru will also be expected to play an active role in the child-rearing process, but you will be the main caregiver and nurturer.”

I mean, it’s not so bad. But it’s Gojo Satoru who will be your husband and father of your children. What if he just cheated again? How does his father expect you to keep him in line?

He looks back and forth between you and Satoru

"You both will work together to raise your children, providing them with the love, care, and stability that a family should have. It won't be easy, but we believe that you're both capable of it."

Satoru bristles visibly at his father's words. The thought of having children so soon with his bitch of an ex, is far from appealing to him. Yes, he still has a few feelings for you, but not enough to want to be forced with you. Not like this. But he bites back any protest, knowing it's fruitless to argue with his father.

"Also, if you hate each other behind closed doors, expect you both to appear as a loving couple for the public.”

“Yes.. we will.”

"And Satoru, you better stay behaved. We don't want any more scandals that might embarrass the family's name.

You're lucky they haven't seen you with those whores you've met."

He grits his teeth at his father's comment, feeling a mixture of anger and embarrassment at his indiscretions being brought up time and time again. "I already told you, I'll stop those hookups. There's no need to constantly bring it up."

"I'll believe it when I see it. Just remember, your actions reflect on this family.”

His gaze shifts back to you.

"And y/n, I know you’ll keep Satoru in line. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

“I will.”

"Good. I have faith in you to keep Satoru in check."

His expression suddenly turns serious again.

“One more thing, both of you. Absolutely no infidelity after marriage. I expect absolute loyalty from both of you.”

“Say that to him not me” I mutter, rolling my eyes towards Satoru’s direction.

Satoru clicks his tongue at your words.

His father sighs, directing his gaze at Satoru. “Satoru, I expect complete loyalty from now on. No more flings or hookups with anyone else. Your marriage is solely with y/n now.”

Satoru scowls at his father's words but doesn't argue. He knows that resisting is pointless. He turns his gaze to you, his expression a mixture of irritation and resignation. “I understand.”

[autumnslance]

The worst part too about the Paladin quests is it's Heavensward that's most egregious. It honestly feels like someone had no idea what was going on, or didn't care, or left, and their colleagues left holding the bag with this mess of a story had no idea what to do with it.

ARR Gladiator quests are fine! They're along the lines of the other Class quests, intro you to the job and a complicated character dynamic, and it's a decent time.

The ARR Paladin quests...are just boring. They aren't actually even that bad, they're just...utterly predictable, bog-standard tropes and plot line where you can see everything coming malms away. But they have an internal logic to them that builds on the politics and scheming in Ul'dah. Jenlyns realizes he's an unwitting pawn of the Syndicate, and he was literally chosen for the job cuz he could be easily duped and controlled. He doesn't even get to have imposter syndrome, he's actually unfit for the job (and then strives to do better, leveraging support from Papashan and Mylla to shore up his own weaknesses, which is admirable!).

...Nevermind that traditional Paladins in general are a bad fit for Ul'dah. The heavily armored Sultansworn makes no sense in that desert environment, and looking at a world map we can even see that Southern Thanalan seems to be on the equator. Like it's not even a case of "it's cooler than it seems cuz they're further north." Because they're not. And I know the devs wanted to have Ishgard perhaps be a starter city but that was scrapped due to time and resources, fine but um.

Dragoons are still trained in Coerthas, by Coerthans. Why didn't they just...do that with Paladins? Keep Gladiator in Ul'dah, where it makes sense as presented. But then have to work with Temple Knights to get the Job. Especially since after Ul'dah's intro, the game just forgets the Sultansworn exist and they have no bearing on the MSQ the way the other factions in Ul'dah do. Not even in the finale of ARR's arc where it would make sense. Gladiators are a constant in other side quests and MSQ both.

Stormblood Paladin is also fine--because it goes back to those Gladiators, and we interact with Paladins and Knights across the realm, and deal with those complicated relationships between the Gladiator guild core members. It's internally logical in its drama about finally restoring Aldis's reputation and place in Ul'dah, against the backdrop of the tournament.

Heavensward Paladin straight up makes no sense. Solkzaygl's actions are entirely contradictory to his character and arc from ARR. There's no way for some of the actions to occur without him working with the outlaws in some way. Instead of teaching Constaint, he sends him on a merry chase across Coerthas to learn on his own, and it's only the WoL's aid that sees the boy live, let alone make progress. A random man dies, guilt-ridden, due to Solk's scheming and lies he confided to this poor guy.

And then Highlander-esque "there can be only one" nonsense. Even as a Highlander fangirl in my youth, it was insulting and awful. Papashan, Jenlyns, and Constaint all call out how nonsense, illogical, unlikely, and stupid this whole story is...all to make a sword shine.

Because there's no internal logic to events, let alone the reason for the string of happenstance that leads to the finale.

And we know it's possible; HW Blacksmith gives us a fantastic paladin story! One that fits Ishgard's storyline and HW's themes. HW Dark Knight is also a good paladin story, actually, as they are meant to be another angle on the concept of dedicated knight defenders. Samurai for the Eastern equivalent, and the concepts and tropes present in those quest chains.

But the job actually bearing the name "Paladin" is left in the dirt. As a fan of the concept across various games (video and TTRPGs both), it's quite frustrating how the devs had no idea what to do with this job, despite other members of the writing and scenario team presenting stories that would have fit perfectly well within the framework. Only some of it is misplacing where Paladins originate in the setting; the rest is not taking advantage of the themes and setting of the expansions, and just not caring enough about the characters and story to even try, compared to the rest. Or worse, they did try, and meant for more, but whatever intrigue and complex plot they wanted to create was too much for 5 quests and no guarantee the arc would continue in the future, even if it had landed perfectly.

[hana-no-seiiki]

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ FIVE STAGES OF YANDERE ࿐: IDOL EDITION

“ 𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐋𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒, 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐃. “

⟣┄��� ˑ 𝐈. ✧ yandere! idol! oc (jisoo han) x superfan/manager! reader

✧ tw/cw: yandere themes, reader is also yandere at the start, mentions of anxiety and self harm, honestly idol life is its own tw

HAPPY HANA NO SEIIKI ANNIVERSARY YA’LL!!

[ series masterlist ]

⟣┄─ ˑ STAGE ONE. ✧ DENIAL

“Oh gosh (oh gosh) this is so crazy. I’ve fallen in love again.

I trip so easily.

Adore new things, they sparkle.”

“Why are you so obsessed with him?”

“Dunno, just am.”

Your entire life revolved around Yesterday’s Dawn’s ace, Eve. The idol who had been in everyone’s lips. Whose name had been heard throughout nations you’ve never even heard of.

He was your sun, the reason you had the energy to wake up every single day, the light of your life.

Every waking moment you spent it either thinking of him or offering your services for name.

It was normal for you to spend hours looking at his schedule, knowing where he was, being around him most times, or staring at media of him.

Somehow, you were able to land a job as his manager.

You were finally closer to your god.

But you swiftly find out that no man should be likened to one for only disappointment can be found in such a path.

Eve was a lot more . . . burnt out than you expected. A lot less passionate and energetic than he was in camera if not irritable.

It was normal for him to harass workers when they didn’t meet a standard he imposed, as such, after the first few weeks of your employment everyone that you were with have already been fired, quit, and/or paid to keep their silence on the matter.

Yet your feelings for him only stayed; as your employment with the company. Your meticulous and proactive nature as a fan site owner allowed you to take much of the workload he threw at you.

The little admiration you have left for the man kept you standing.

And if only you were a little less stressed you’d notice his scarlet eyes providing stares of amusement, bewilderment, and growing affection.

You never complained (at least, in a place where he could hear you).

Whenever he asked for impossible items or schedules you’ll simply grin and work things out in your little way.

You adjusted to his turbulent temperament as quickly as an experienced pilot in a stormy sky, a sailor of uncharted, dangerous waters.

You were brilliant. Reminiscent of his times as a trainee.

Bit by bit he started lessening your workload. Allowing you to rest. Hell, even giving you his coffee if he didn’t want it. He never gives away his coffee.

You acquiesced to many of his whims but were never a pushover. Always doing your job perfectly. Keeping him in line.

He would have fallen for you already, had he not been in love with someone else.

⟣┄─ ˑ STAGE TWO. ✧ ANGER

“Peek-a-boo! It’s only love when my heart quivers.

All my friends yell at me, they say I have a problem.

I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine!”

“ For this comeback period, [L/N] will be assigned to Hayate instead. Eve will have his senior’s manager work with him instead.”

“Understood.”

You were assigned to another member around Spring.

Yesterday Dawn’s most hectic time of the year aside from fall as the group’s concept was as the name suggested, focused more on nostalgia and times of youth.

You were relieved.

You never thought you would have been able to say that after being separated from Eve, but now it was the only thing you had on your mind.

No more late night calls about wanting coffee but throwing the leftovers at you the moment he was sick of the taste, no more work being thrown at you and taken away at random moments, no more working around his schedule so that he’ll have time to meet that dear senior of his in private.

You were free.

Hayate was known to be the harsher one in the fandom, but much like Eve his image was a bit different from his actual self.

Sure he was demanding, but he was fair. He wasn’t controlled by whims and impulse. You were finally able to do your job properly til the end, and you didn’t always feel a judging stare from him like Jisoo would always throw at you.

You were finally able to smile.

However, you see, being a manager for another member did not mean you would completely be free of your original client.

Hayate and Eve worked quite closely, and as such, you’d often help with Jisoo’s requests even if you weren’t obligated to.

Eve immediately saw the change in you.

You were, a lot more bright. Less haggard. Your voice less hoarse. Relaxed.

You were already getting along better with his group member than you ever did with him.

Eve wasn’t really the type to show his anger actively. He was always more, passive.

The senior he was head over heels for was slowly forgotten as he’d spent countless of hours pouring his feelings into his music. What was supposed to be a bittersweet spring album turned out to be one of sour regret and frustration.

Of course, it was still a hit. It even scored him a collaboration with the senior he oh so wanted to have their eyes on him. But all he could think of as he went to bed early in the morning was the way you’d laugh whenever Hayate spoke to you.

Hmph, the guy wasn’t even funny.

⟣┄─ ˑ STAGE THREE. ✧ BARGAINING

“Hey you, do you wanna play a game? I already know what you want.

Close your eyes and count to 10. Don’t matter anyways

Cause I am going to find you.”

“Did you hear? Jisoo got his first scandal. Apparently he bullied a bunch of students during high-school.”

“Wasn’t he . . . homeschooled?”

Causing scandals was easy. Dealing with scandals was not.

All Eve had to do was talk to some people, had a few pictures edited and voila, chaos.

It was amusing really, his company superiors would ply him with reassurances and sweet words; telling him that everything will be fine and dealt with while his pr managers dropped down like flies trying to prevent the flames of hatred from spreading too far.

All of them, hopelessly unaware.

All but his stupid senior.

“Why are you doing this now, Ji?”

They always looked down at him almost. Like he was a petulant child that needed to be coddled or scolded depending on their mood.

“We should focus on the track.”

And like he expected, you were brought right back to him. As you should be.

The heads figured out that you were the only one capable of handling the shitstorm without falling into the hands of alcohol or other substances in grief.

And as they expected you did.

After all, you had a timeline of his entire life in a canva document. Even if it was only mentioned once in a concert interview before they went famous. You were an Eve superfan.

All you did was confirm the fact that Jisoo got homeschooled by contacting his parents and teachers, and the rest was easy. You even reactivated your fansite for such an occasion.

If only you hadn’t.

Maybe then Jisoo wouldn’t have a definite reason to pursue you.

⟣┄─ ˑ STAGE FOUR. ✧ DEPRESSION

“You’ll never get this concept, you might as well forget it

Just play again, bet it all, roll the dice

BLANCA”

Eve thought he was doing well in terms of romancing you.

Ever since he found out about your fansite instead of feeling disgust and horror he felt . . . great, amazing even. A high the stage could never give him.

Of course, you two were destined.

It was only his duty to protect you as your partner, to spoil you, dote on you.

Even if you don’t realize your intertwined fates yet.

. . .

Eve always hovered over you.

Usually managers took shifts with watching over the idols. Half of your time was supposed to be spent planning rather than overseeing his activities.

Yet you seemed to have a never ending babysitting responsibility.

Your past self would have committed several war crimes for the sake of this opportunity. But after a year or so under his ‘care’ you found yourself slowly veering off into the type of insanity you didn’t like falling in.

You felt a bit like Andy from the original Devil Wears Prada book, only that your resentment simmered slowly. Forming into a hideous red sludge of exasperation whenever he randomly wanted to take a vacation. Forcing only you to come with him. Which meant an even bigger workload, and even more people to talk to for flights, schedule conflicts, reservations and all that.

You snapped.

It was a calm afternoon.

The sun was burning you alive as Eve insisted you two would go on a ‘beach date’ for some summer fun.

He shoved a drink in your hand.

And you just broke down.

Tears fell from your eyes, your breath shallow.

You asked him if this amused him. If your suffering was funny to him. If making you fall over just to get his demands on time made him feel fulfilled as a person.

And before he could answer you ran.

A week after that your schedule was finally normal.

Eve kept his distance. Not just from you but from everyone.

You knew of his anxiety attacks and depression before. But seeing those up close and personal scared you.

Things only get worse from here.

⟣┄─ ˑ STAGE FIVE. ✧ ACCEPTANCE

“So it’s too late you’re in the game now. If you keep up might not lose it.

The jungle gym of fun, like hell yeah

Makin the moon fall down down down.”

Eve spent most of his ‘hiatus’ watching your posts of him. Edits, fanfictions, photography, fancams.

Of course, it wasn’t to see himself perform again. He already did that on a regular basis to make sure he kept himself up to the standards of an idol.

It was to see your captions.

Your fanatic raving made him feel . . . loved.

Your previous thoughts on his performances made him feel complete. Like he found a missing piece of a puzzle he kept trying to put something else to fill it in.

Another part of his hiatus was spent preparing for his graduation. The termination of his contract.

It was clear you didn’t love him as an idol anymore. It was his fault really. He couldn’t see how he was hurting you with his work and desires.

If there was another thing he can thank his idol work for was the amount of money he had saved.

Now, he had a new home built far away from civilization. It was completely soundproof. The bed he ordered was custom made, tailored to your preferences this time rather than his. Food stocked to the nines. A few instruments here and there so he could compose even while retired.

He can always make a new song, a new life for you two to enjoy together.

“My voice, my body, my soul. It had always been yours. I just didn’t realize it.”

✧ [AUTHOR’S NOTE]:

For more EVE content check out the #hns.eve tag 🩵

Lyrics are a mix of translations from the og song and Mitch Joseph’s cover.

OFFICIAL EVE CHARACTER AI

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2024

[hamiltonaf]

Ferrari Fangirl | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader

Requested: Anonymous

Word Count: 1.3K

Warnings: Jealousy / Possesive

A/N: Being a F1 girly, I thought colliding my 2 favourite worlds would be fun. Should I do more F1 x Football oneshots like this in future ? Let me know. Hope you babes enjoy .xoxo

Summer break was finally here and I couldn’t be more happy right now to spend more time with Kylian. The past month has been hard being away from Kylian for so long and only seeing him about once or twice a week, but it’s okay because hard work pays off and luckily my summer break synchronised perfectly with Kylian’s.

The start of the summer break couldn’t have been more surreal when Kylian had told me about 2 weeks ago that we have an opportunity to attend the Spanish GP. Internally I screamed, actually remembering back to that moment I believe I started screaming over the phone. Kylian knows about my love for F1 from when I was much younger. I became so used to multitasking for so many years that attending Kylian’s matches and watching F1 on my phone was normal, or even on days when I never attended, I’d have both the match and race playing simultaneously.

I have been to a race before, but with my family. Attending a race with Kylian and having paddock passes made it all the more special. Kylian specially mentioning that we were going because of me literally melted my heart, I’m very very lucky. I love this man so much.

This morning we started off on the wrong foot when Kylian saw my very obvious Ferrari fan outfit. “You look amazing especially in that skirt, but you have to change” he said as he eyes me from head to toe. “What ! Why ? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing ?” I asked confused. “First of all, that skirt is very dangerous. Secondly, if you were lost in that paddock, they’ll return you to Charles or Carlos rather than me” he said as he stared me down. “And how is that a bad thing ?” I teased. “Babe don’t even start” he said. “Ky I literally don’t have anything else to wear right now because this was all I had left here at your place. Besides that, we’re running late” I said as I grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled him along with me.

“You’re doing this on purpose” he said as he placed his hands on my waist. “Am not. Now please don’t start otherwise we’re not going to leave here anytime soon” I warned and just then he nuzzled his face into my neck to place soft kisses. “Ky you can’t, we have to go” I giggled as I then ran away from him to get to the car. I wasn’t prepared for the amount of media that was at the airport or in the paddock. The large crowd was actually giving me anxiety but thank god Kylian held my hand the entire time and gave it a squeeze from time to time to reassure me. I honestly haven’t seen the paddock this busy in a while, I guess due to so many other footballers attending fans are going crazy. Don’t blame them.

My heart was actually racing and I felt the sweat start in the palm of my hands when we were getting closer to the Ferrari hospitality. Oh my days. “Are you okay ?” He asked as we entered the hospitality. “Yep I’m fine” I smiled and huffed. We were guided by staff to meet both Carlos and Charles. Deep down I was freaking out and my inner fangirl was screaming.

Kylian greeted both Charles and Carlos before I did by shaking their hands. Just as I greeted Charles first, he took me by surprise to kiss both sides of my cheek. French greetings. Carlos had done the same. I swear I was on Cloud 9. I could just tell by Kylian’s body language that he was jealous but was trying not to show it. Even through those sunglasses, I could feel his gaze burning into me.

Both Charles and Carlos were so sweet, just as I imagined, as they gave us a tour through the garage, explained their steering wheel and allowed us to jump into the car. I was quite smitten by Charles since I’ve been a fan since he was in Sauber.

Carlos was busy talking to Kylian whilst Charles helped me step into his car with the help of his hand. I stole a glance at Kylian and might I say he did not look very happy. I didn’t mind him because this all still felt unreal and I was trying to take everything in as much as I possibly can, it’s not everyday that I get to experience the life in the paddock.

Eventually Carlos and Kylian had joined our conversation since Charles was explaining the chassis. When it was time for me to hop out of the car, it only then occurred to me that it was not going to be easy considering I had heels on and a skirt. Well shit. Charles had first offered his hand for me to stand up, the difficult part was jumping out of the car with a skirt. I guess Charles had put two and two together as he placed his hands on my waist whilst I placed my hands on his shoulders, carrying me out of the car before settling me down.

“Merci beaucoup” I said to Charles, as Kylian then wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me beside him. He smiled in reply. Eventually we had to leave the hospitality to go to the paddock lounge to wait ahead of the race. Kylian still hasn’t said a word to me but his grip was still firm on my waist until we were seated in the paddock lounge. “What’s gotten into you ?” I asked during the few minutes we had alone. “I- nothing” he brushed it off since Neymar walked over to join us. Perfect timing Ney. I sat for a while opposite them, occasionally Kylian and I stealing glances at each other, eventually I got up and walked over to the balcony.

After some time Kylian and Ney stepped onto the balcony and stood beside me. Kylian stood close beside me whilst leaning on the glass. I continued looking ahead at the track as if I was studying it whilst Kylian was looking at me. “It’s rude to stare” I said whilst not looking at him. “What happened earlier…jealous ?” I teased as I turned to look at him. “Me ? Jealous ? No” he laughed. “I think everyone in that whole room knew, especially Carlos and Charles” I crossed my arms over my chest. “If I’m being honest, I was just thinking how did I let you leave the house with that skirt on. I wasn’t ready to fight” he joked.

“You know what’s the joke here ? You bought it for me” I stifled a laugh. “So that means you wear it when we’re alone” he said as he leaned in closer to say lower. “I doubt anyone cared to notice what I wore today” I shrugged. “Trust me, they noticed” he rolled his eyes. “Aww but babes theirs nothing for you to be jealous about. If it makes you feel better, Charles and Carlos aren’t my crushes for today” I smiled proudly. “Hmm I wonder who is” he grinned. “It’s Lewis silly” I said seriously. His face dropped into a straight line as he looked away. “Ky you’re literally so cute and funny when you get jealous” I said as I cupped his cheeks and made him look at me.

“Lighten up babe, I’m joking. I only have eyes for you, it would take a lot for you to get rid of me because I’m not going anywhere” he stood up straight as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “That’s what I like to hear” he grinned as he closed the gap and connected his lips with mine.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Hello bro, I came to request again about yandere Puella Magi Madoka Magica platonically of course, with stoic reader yet gentle and mature who is always get hurt, it's either hurt badly or just a little so the reader need a bandage. And the reader was like "Oh this? It's fine." Its up to you if you want the reader became magical like them or not. Thank you for hearing my request. You can refuse it if you want.Oh and Thanks for making my day became good. Sorry if my English sound weird, it's not my first language. (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠) take your time!

Stoic, gentle and mature darling doesn't mind getting hurt

[ YANDERE HEADCANONS ] [ Mami, Madoka, Sayaka, Kyoko & Homura ]

[ Puella Magi Madoka Magica ]

⚠️ Yandere, I don't support nor try to romanticize this toxic behaivor, is just for entretaiment

This was quite interesting to write! Aaaand I finally stoped procrastinating haha

I don't think this is my best work but I still hope you like it!!

Even when your relationship with them probably just started as a friendship the craving need to have you around at all times grow slowly in their hearts

Honestly, their live became a complete caotic mess after just getting to know Kubey, even before making a contracts just by knowing about the witches was enough to bring troubles to their lives. For everyone is dificult, all of them try to deal with it in their own diferent ways but when you came to their lifes, even if you were just friends with one of them, is going to be imposible to don't end up involved with the rest of them

While Mami and Madoka wanted to give you a warm welcome to their friends group Kyoko and Homura wanted you away from them, it was a quite rough start (specially for your more serious and stoic attitude), but at the moment you start to showing them your maturity and showering them with care and gentleness, all of them quickly become more dependent and needy of you

Once they got involved with Kubey they entire life become a mess, constantly having to fight against the witches and having to take care of their soul gem, making sure none of them get corrupted by the despair, there is too much stress in their lifes and Kubey's annoying insistance doesn't help, so when you came and treats them with gentleness and care, being aware enough to actually undestand the seriousness of the matter and trying to bring them comfort (directly or indirectly), recognizing their hard work and treating them as what they are, poor young girls that are forced to fight to death, and even so you never treat them with pity, truly caring for them, is just imposible to don't want you around all the time

It goes to the point where your presence alone is comforting enough, as if at your side were the safest and most comforting place in the entire world, as if at your side nothing else exist aside from just you and them, your arms are made to perfectly match them, holding them with the gentleness the world have forgotten and your voice is like a soft lullaby, even if your expression is stoic they can feel the warm and soft love you have for the in every word and actions of yours

That is why the panic take over them when they found out that you actually don't mind if you ever get hurt, small cut or a serious injury, it doesn't matter for you, insisting that you can just treat the wound later, the problem is that even if you don't mind they do

They live putting their lifes at risk everytime they go out fighting witches, they constantly get injured and have to suffer from the battles and all of that is worthy because they now have you, now they have a reason to continue fighting if that reason one day dissapear non of them will be able to continue, that is why even the smallest scratch makes them get alert, but if you don't mind getting hurt that just make their work of keeping you safe more difficult

Mami is the one who tries to have a calm talk with you about you actually shouldn't ignore this kind of things (but is obvious how her worry grows with each word), Madoka and Sayaka tries to convince you by telling you the risk you are putting yourself into, while Kyoko and Homura are more aggressive, almost willing to force you to promise to tell them whenever you get hurt, even when you only get the smallest scratch

Your safety is one of their top priorities, so you don't taking it seriously puts them at the edge; the more you insist on ignore your safety the more controling and possessive they become, not wanting to take the risk of something happening to you

[the-final-sif]

c!Dream is off on a mission, to a location he does not know, for a purpose he does not know, but it’s probably not dangerous, and he also brought snacks so it should work out in the end. Honestly, given his poor map reading skills, the lack of direction isn’t that different from normal.

When Dream started his mission to… somewhere, he hadn’t been expecting it to feel so different.

Unlike his usual adventures, full of sidetracks and distractions, he found his feet pulled forward. His body almost moved as if it had a mind of his own as something called for him. Faintly but desperately. Like a ghost screaming and clawing at his skin, but only coming across as a gust of wind.

He couldn’t say how long he walked for. Time faded away, the light stopped mattering, the sights and sounds blended together until-

Until he reached it.

The entrance to a cave, made of rock he’d never seen before. It was perfectly smooth, like river rocks, but it shimmered like crystals. Every time he looked, it was a different color. Refracting and reflecting light until you lost yourself looking at it.

It was huge. It was narrow. It was more than big enough to fit him. It felt like it might consume him.

The call was coming from the cave, but equally just looking at the cave felt like he was doing something wrong. Like he wasn’t really supposed to be here, even though he’d been called.

Taking a deep breath, Dream strode forward. Holding his head high and hoping his mask would keep him safe, like XD had promised it would.

Inside the cave, there was no air. Inside the cave, Dream didn’t need to breathe. He forgot how to.

The only thing he could remember was how to put one foot in front of the other.

There was no sound, not even his own footsteps. There was no light. He could see just fine. He could not understand what he was seeing.

Whatever was under his feet was no longer rock. Maybe it never had been. He still didn’t know what color it was.

Deeper and deeper into the cave he went, nothing changing but the feeling in his chest of something approaching. Something watching him. Something was waiting for him. He didn’t know if he wanted it to find him.

Dream was pretty sure he didn’t have a choice.

Finally, he stopped. Unable to walk any further. He was here.

In front of him was…

Well it looked like a pond. But it wasn’t full of water.

It was full of void, deadly still and frozen.

Without thinking, he knelt at its shore.

The room felt stagnant, empty, neglected.

And then..

He felt- not one but two somethings join him in the room. No- they had been there the entire time.

Is this it? The one we’ve been waiting for.

Yes. It feels strange, but it is the one.

It does not feel like the ones that came before. Something’s different.

It is meant to be this way. It is the one. It is meant to be different. It would not survive if it were the same.

This one has survived. It has come to us at last. We’ve been waiting a very long time for it.

I told you it would come, eventually.

I know. The waiting was still long. But it has come. It is here now. It’s time to begin again.

It can hear us. Let���s not make it wait. It has not yet won. It has so much to do.

I know. I wish it were easier. It has already come so far.

It has come far, and we will watch where it goes. We cannot make it easier, but we will be there to witness its story unfold.

“Um, my name is Dream.”

Dream wasn’t quite how he managed to speak, but he did. He could feel- surprise? shock? delight? Silence from the voices reverberating through his skull. Only for a moment though.

Our apologies, little Dream. You’ve come very far. You have much farther to go.

“I know. XD told me. He said this was the first step. Can I ask a question?”

You seem to be able to. Although our answers may not satisfy you. We must speak carefully. We are not here to shape you.

Never. We are here to watch, we are here to witness. So that you know the universe is with you.

“Okay, well, I know I was supposed to come here. I assume there’s something I’m supposed to do, like a task or something? But uh, before that, you guys seem to know a lot. Like about everything.”

We are everything. Everything you see, everything you feel, everything reaching out and holding you close.

We have been here a very long time. We will be here for a very long tmie, here to witness you, little Dream.

“Okay, well if you know a lot about everything, do you have any ideas about what I could get XD for Christmas? I really wanted to try to get him something, but he seems to be able to conjure anything. There has to be something that he wants though! Any ideas?”

There was a long pause, Dream almost thought the voices were gone, and then he felt something like laughter, like a breeze ruffling his hair, like a baby bird’s first awkward attempt at flight. Not cruel, soft, but chaotic.

We could-

Shush, Dream can still hear us. Speak with care.

I know. But he has asked. Can we not share this much?

XD would love any gift you brought him, he loves you. He can create any material, but only you give him something that communicates your love.

If he’d been able to, Dream would’ve rolled his eyes.

“I know, but I want it to actually be special. There has to be something that I could get that he can’t get on his own. I know it must exist!”

The voices paused again, only for a moment this time.

There is something you could get him, little Dream. But it is a very difficult task. It is very dangerous.

He is still small. The challenge is great.

That is not our choice to make.

“Wait, what is it? I can handle it! XD has been training me for years! Also I'm not that small! I'm a whole foot taller than Sapnap!”

If we tell him, we have made his choice.

What about a story then?

We could try a story. They are safer. Not entirely safe, nothing can be entirely safe. But safer.

Yes, let’s try.

The story starts with a boy. Young, small, but very brave. He was made of love, of new ideas. Dangerous new ideas.

The boy set out on a quest, dreams had haunted him at night, driving him forward until he found a dying world.

The world was dying because it was being poisoned by a monster. A great beast that had lost itself, that was in pain, that had already told its story but hadn’t yet been freed. It wasn’t allowed to wake up, to start a new dream.

The boy was very small, but very brave. Full of love for the world. Made of that love. He couldn’t stand to see the world hurt. So he set out to free the monster.

He used a weapon made of teeth, found deep in a strange place outside of the universe most people know. Given to him when he started his quest. Teeth and bone from the emptiness that stretches from one universe to the next. The maw of the nothing that binds everything. The only thing that could wake up the monster.

It was a long and hard fight. The monster was hurt, it was lashing out, it was too lost to understand that the boy was doing what it needed. But the boy managed to strike a final blow, sunk the teeth of the nothing in between everything into the monster and set it free. So it’s dream could start anew.

This was not the boy’s final quest, it was his first. It changed him. He was still made of love, but a new kind of love. Changed, as all things are by their experiences. He was something new.

The boy completed his quests, and each changed him more. At the end, he came out victorious, a brave monsterslayer. Feared and revered for his skill. He had everything he could ever want.

Almost.

Almost, you see, he was full of love, surrounded by others, but he felt alone. Nobody else could slay a monster like he had. His accomplishment isolated him. He wanted very badly to find someone else that could slay monsters like him. That could do what he could do. Someone else who was full of love and dangerous new ideas.

The universe felt sad for him, but it could not take his sadness. It could only witness the boy in his loneliness.

“What was his name?” Dream asked, trying to puzzle out the story he was being told. He thought he might understand, but he wanted to be sure.

You would need to ask him.

It is not our place to name others. Only to know their name. Only to witness them.

“Did the boy find someone else? Someone else who could slay monsters?”

That is your choice, little Dream. The story isn’t over yet.

We are almost out of time.

“Will I meet you again?”

We are the universe, and you are part of it. You will never be apart from us.

We might speak again, one day. But for now, it’s time for you to return to your story.

Wake up, little Dream.

[erinelliotc]

I watched the Eene movie and teared up at the end. I'm totally normal and fine

I wasn't ready for Eddy to be humilated in front of everyone, even after he had been such a little rat for so long

The movie was so goodddd

Yeees! I looove Big Picture Show and every time I make edits of it I want to watch it all over again. This movie literally gives me goosebumps in pretty much every scene (I get goosebumps just rewatching the scenes while making my edits). It was the most perfect way to end the show and I'm so glad we got it because it was originally going to end in season 4 with "Take This Ed and Shove It" and I think it would've been kinda lame and even scary.

Personally, I find the inevitable aging and loss of youth to be a rather heavy topic, so I thought it was bold to bring it up in a kid's cartoon, especially the way they did it. I think the way the episode approached the subject wasn't the best because it didn't end well, Eddy woke up and he was still old and depressed about it (I appreciate that at least they removed the part that shows that they would be married to the Kankers). I think it was supposed to be a tragicomic ending and not necessarily real (to me it was definitely Eddy having a hallucination caused by his anxiety and fear of getting old, even though the ending suggests that it was actually real, but to me that was exclusively for comedic purposes), but I honestly wouldn't have been happy with that, and I think it's kinda hard for a kid to process what happened (maybe I'm exaggerating here, maybe I'm just too sensitive). I don't get a good feeling from this episode and I think making it the finale would've been too creepy. I also think about all the moments we got after this, and thank goodness we got them! The specials, season 5, season 6, Big Picture Show, Raven Molisee working on the show... Imagine if we hadn't got all these things? I even get a little nervous thinking we almost didn't get them!

I think they nailed it by giving the show a more serious and mature tone. As time went by, Eddy's backstory became more apparent, and this seemingly confident and unwavering character began to reveal more of his secret insecurities, low self-esteem and poor self-image. Giving him a redemption arc and character development was the cherry on top of the show's cake. I think the movie is the most serious and mature moment of the entire show, and that's perfect since it's the end. It's when our beloved characters get more development, when they talk and open up about things that have been bottled up and hidden for a long time. Even if it wasn't their initial intention, adding the whole context of Eddy's brother and the abuse Eddy suffered fit perfectly as if it had been planned, and everything Eddy said about his brother in the first seasons made perfect sense in the ending. I'm quite fascinated by the themes of family issues and abuse, so this movie adds a lot to me and I love analyzing it. Big Picture Show is without a doubt the part that completes and ends the story.

I think it's great that we have a comedy cartoon here that also addresses serious issues, which, although they're not the focus, end up being important topics that convey some messages and lessons, and don't make it just another show just to have a few laughs.

Ed, Edd n Eddy is very remarkable in many different aspects.

[lonelyroommp3]

honestly could you just straight up review every song on brat

deal

360 - functions perfectly as an album opener (and i appreciate the work it puts in to set up the far superior 365 at the end) but doesn't do much for me as a standalone song. i'm not sure if this is actually a problem with the song itself or if i just dislike the post-ironic nyc it girl culture featured in the music video so much that i now have beef with the song as a consequence

club classics - i have not heard this song while off my face in a grotty warehouse club in an east london industrial estate and as a result i don't feel i can truly give it the impartial ranking it deserves just yet. this is not a song that reaches its full potential in any other setting

sympathy is a knife - i don't find myself returning to this song often but i do objectively think it bangs hugely. i just have surprisingly little to say about it honestly

i might say something stupid - huge song, and yet so small at the same time. it is very rare that i call a sub-2 minute song perfect because i'm 5minutesongfucker420 but it comes in, says what it needs to, and rips your heart out in the process. i go back and forth comparing brat and melodrama quite often (SORRY CHARLI, I KNOW YOU HAVE A SONG ABOUT THIS COMING UP) because they're both Party Girl Concept Albums and to me this is brat's "liability" in terms of early album moment of complete braking-hard-and-hitting-the-wall vulnerability.

talk talk - SOOOO fun. absolutely love the production on this one, right up my alley, i am also a huge sucker for a big fun song about having a crush. i would also like to shout out this song for ruining any international sporting event where france and spain face off because all i can ever think is TALK TO ME IN FRENCH TALK TO ME IN SPANISH TALK TO ME IN YOUR OWN MADE UP LANGUAGE

von dutch - absolutely gigantic and a perfect opening single to set the tone of the era. those massive revving synths encapsulate the sound of what i thought clubbing would be like when i was about 13 years old. also a perfect confidence boost song - i have strutted at olympic racewalker speed down the street with this blasting in my airpods more times than i would care to admit

BONUS: the various von dutch remixes - i don't always subscribe to the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" rule of remixes (for example, to go on a complete tangent, i adore both deadmau5's original raise your weapon and the madeon extended remix because they do entirely different things equally well) but nothing in the von dutch remixes make me think yeah, this is worthy of existing alongside the original and adds something cool and interesting and different to the track that i wasn't already getting from the og. the one exception i'd make is, of course, addison rae's extremely cunty scream in the a.g. cook remix but i'm not going to keep returning to an entire remix for just one fun moment that's already been oversaturated on tiktok

everything is romantic - i will confess, for all i claim to be an open minded enjoyer of music and a fan of Insane Tracks For The Club, initially the jagged production was a bit jarring to me and i thought yeah, i probably won't be coming back to this song. and now i'm obsessed with it. however it does make the children (me) yearn for the mediterranean and as a result i will be invoicing charli for the damage to my bank account when the day inevitably comes that i listen to this song too many times after half a bottle of wine and immediately book myself an italian weekend getaway

rewind - first time i heard this i was like oh okay we're getting into the slightly more fillery second third of the album, it's a fine song but not quite on the level of all that has come before it. and now it is one of my absolute favourites. i also LOVE how direct and specific the lyrics are on this track, which is something i normally beef with when it comes to a lot of contemporary pop music but the difference is 1) charli is good at it 2) her delivery is so direct that it sort of dares you to sit still and listen without criticising it. incredibly strong song

so i - a genuinely beautiful song that i rarely listen to because it makes me feel like i am intruding on something. i think the fact that it exists out in the world on this album is a wonderful thing and the most perfect tribute to sophie & full circle moment when it comes to charli's insecurities around working with her - "when i make songs i remember things you'd suggest... would you like this one? maybe just a little bit?" - but at the same time i'm always like. i kind of feel like i shouldn't be listening to this

girl, so confusing - the original is a lovely little paradox. i enjoyed it enough on my first listen and the lorde version quite simply would not exist, let alone be as impactful as it is, without it, but now that the lorde version exists i don't want to listen to any other version. the remix is almost certainly going to be my top brat track of the year

apple - initially a skip, then i had a moment of realisation that it is in fact the best marina and the diamonds song written in years (that froot looks familiar, i suppose), and then it rapidly became overplayed as the result of, to be fair, the very good and fun tiktok dance that i still do on instinct every time i hear the song. i think instead of riding the wave of its virality by releasing it to radio as a single etc charli should lock this one in a vault for about three months so nobody can listen to it and then when it comes back we'll all be like oh yeah wait this is a really good little song

b2b - love it, was my immediate fave out of the club classics/b2b double single release, but once again i feel like i've not yet heard it at its full potential (inside a cramped and small and extremely sweaty basement club when i'm 8 shots deep planning a terribly ill advised pulling mission)

mean girls - the thing is i think it's a fun enough song as a storytelling concept if you view it as Just A Little Fun Song, also i love the production, a little bit of house-y piano is always going to hit for me. the issue is i've already told you what i think about the post-ironic it girl subculture this song is about and i think if you actively listen to this song and go wowwwww she gets me then you need to have your internet access forcibly removed for at least six months until you calm down and develop a personality outside of the red scare podcast and pretentious "overrated vs underrated" columns hosted by wannabe substack celebrities. also the thing is this song is going to be dated within the year, which is a shame bc it does, musically, go

i think about it all the time - this song should NOT hit as hard as it does considering i staunchly plan on never having children. i cannot relate to the sentiment behind it at all but charli paints such a beautiful and vivid picture with her lyrics (all perfectly intertwined with that understated, quietly pulsating production) that you can't help but have an emotional connection to it. beautiful and vulnerable and a really perfect moment of quiet towards the end of the album

365 - first of all, a perfectly placed song when it comes to encapsulating those dizzy night out mood swings of "wait. should i settle down and have children.... nvm let's go back inside and do coke". second of all, as a musical theatre girlie to my core i love ANY song that reprises an earlier theme and this not only repurposes the 360 stems excellently but actively improves on the earlier track. thirdly, i think charli's "okay, OKAYYYY" at the beginning of the song is a flawless and fun way of rounding out the album - it really feels like she's bringing you back into it, going OKAY let's do this one last time, are you FUCKING READY, etc. fourthly, it's just FUN. definitely a standout track to me

hello goodbye - LOVEEEE, i do greatly enjoy and appreciate charli's more experimental music but i can't lie. sometimes she releases a fairly straightforward poppy banger and it just hits the spot. like this

guess - YOU WANNA GUESS THE COLOUR OF MY UNDERWEAR YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT GOING ON DOWN THERE IS IT PRETTY IN PINK OR ALL SEE THROUGH IS IT SHOWING OFF MY BRAND NEW LOWER BACK TATTOO. btw the billie eilish verse on the remix slays, i know this is a charli review but i love that billie has devoted her first two explicitly gay singles to being just outrageously horny with it, you go girl, i think the discourse around the song is so unbelievably daft and we need to settle down and have fun

spring breakers - i know this is a fan fave that people were begging to put on the album but i just simply do not care about it. sorry

[reveristcalicocan]

This idea has been stuck in my head for daysss anyway genshin men of your choice (bonus points if Tartaglia or Kaeya are included) with an s/o (gender neutral pls) who is alot like Kenny McCormick from South Park. If you don't know the show, he basically wears an oversized hood that covers most of his face except for his eyes and when he talks its mostly muffled but the only person who understands what she's saying are people like traveler and stuff. Anyway, daily reminder to stay hydrated <3

(More bonuses if you add their reaction when they finally see and hear reader without the hood.)

Help, this has been in my drafts for months 😭 I’m so sorry pookie here it is! Also I’m not sure to do hc or scenarios so I just did a little bit of both!

Also idk how to write for Kaeya, I honestly don’t remember his personality at all :(

Characters: Childe, Zhongli, Alhaitham X gender neutral reader

Warnings: Idk y/n without the hood or smth

CHILDE

— oh you just said ‘$;@:@:?#%>\&” ? Yeah no worries, he understood that.

— Childe likes to rest his hand or arm on top of your head, in this case, your hoodie at every chance possible.

— He doesn’t always understand what you’re saying so he sometimes depends on your body language as well.

— The first time he saw you without the hood was when you woke up at 4am to get some water and saw him there too.

Your throat had been itching for a while now, you had wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep but it’s now come to a point that the dryness was making you uncomfortable.

Rubbing your eyes in frustration, you got out of bed, not noticing the absence of your boyfriend next to you. Still partially tired, you ran your hand along the wall to turn the lights on.

Taking a cup, you were oblivious to the statue in the corner with his mouth slightly parted. Clearing his throat, you almost died on the spot of a jump scare.

“Well well, isn’t this a rare sight?” You looked at him in shock, taking your time to register his words.

Upon realising, you reached for the hood. “Oh no, it’s quite alright, I don’t mind seeing you like this ever so often!” With a few quick strides Childe was already standing next to you, stopping you from pulling the hood over your head.

Now it was your turn to clear your throat, “oh right, okay” you mumbled, turning back to your cup of water.

Childe tried his best to not look surprised upon hearing your actual voice and not the muffled responses he was used to.

“Like music to my ears, you should drop the hood more often.” Putting a hand under your chin, he tilted your head up to get a better look at your face.

ZHONGLI

— No, I don’t know why but I just feel like he already knew how you’d look and sound.

— Not that surprised and all, it’s not that big of a deal to him whether you choose to wear the hood or not.

— But!! Compared to when you are wearing the hood, he will definitely steal glances at you more often. Y’know, just a peek here and there.

— He’s fine with it either way, if you feel more comfortable with the hood he’s perfectly fine with that.

The two of you were taking a stroll through wuwang hill, enjoying the peace and quiet after a long week of work. It’s not unusual to come across monsters in Liyue, so when a group of anemo slimes bounced your way you were well prepared to take them out.

Though you were not prepared for the strong gust of wind from the big slime that blew your hood of. On top of that, you also lost your balance for a split second, falling back on your butt.

Zhongli made quick work of the rest, getting rid of them with an easy blow. Walking towards you, he extended a hand and pulled you up.

Still preoccupied with smoothening your clothes and getting rid of the dirt, Zhongli kept his gaze on your face the entire time.

You looked exactly like how he thought you would, maybe even better.

“Thanks, let’s get going now.” You made eye contact with him, a small smile on your face.

“What’s wrong? Why are you staring at me like that?”

Shaking his head, Zhongli acted as if everything was perfectly normal and continued walking in front of you. Well, that was until he heard you gasp.

Pulling the hood back over your head, you tightened it quickly, catching up to him.

“You know, you don’t always have to wear the hood. It must be stuffy and warm.”

Truth was, he just like seeing your face and hearing your voice.

ALHAITHAM

— Once again, kinda monotone and just like “oh so this is you without the hood, I see.”

— That’s it. Literally.

— He doesn’t care enough to say anything else. If you wear your hood, you wear your hood. If you don’t, you don’t.

— No reaction to anything, just ‘ok, cool’ attitude.

You fell asleep on your table while staying up late to work on a project. That’s how Alhaitham even saw you without the hood on.

He had spent the entire morning looking for you. He even went out of his way to ask his roommate about your whereabouts.

When alhaitham finally found you in your office, you were sleeping with stacks of paper surrounding you. A few of them even made its way onto the floor.

But whatever, it didn’t exactly faze him. He just tapped you a few times before you woke up in a panic.

“!! Huh, what?” You asked, confused.

“Nothing, just waking you up. Did you enjoy your nap?” Taking a piece of paper that had been plastered onto your cheek off, you suddenly realised what happened.

“Oh, I must’ve fallen asleep…” You sighed at the realisation.

Thanking alhaitham for waking you up, you quickly picked up the stray papers and arranged them neatly onto different stacks.

You would have expected him to leave by now, I mean he was a busy person after all. But by the time you were done tidying up, alhaitham was still standing at your doorway.

Giving him a questioning look, he simply gestured to your hood before leaving you in another state of panic.

[justagalwhowrites]

It’s interesting how people see things so differently. Like with Tommy, to me their wedge isn’t because Joel wanted control to protect Tommy. To me it was because Tommy had a bit of a hero complex and thought joining the fireflies would make him feel like the hero again. (He was a soldier which can say a lot, also the reason he was in jail that night was bc he punched a guy to help a waitress and it also wasn’t his first time in jail either. Joel had to bail him out multiple times.)

Tommy did hate what they had to do to survive and they did have a big fight but he left because he wanted more than “just” survival and Marlene made the fireflies look good, like the good guys. so he joined them. But then he just ended up killing people with the fireflies and once he realised that he left again lol

Seeing as Joel had to bail Tommy out multiple times, it definitely gives you the feeling that Joel had to take care of Tommy a lot. Plus Tommy works for/with him so he took care of him in that way too. Obviously nobody knows because nothing was ever shown but i can imagine Joel did shitty things to make sure his little brother is okay, just like he did for Ellie. Joel does anything for the people he cares about.

Obviously having that thrown in his face and Tommy running off to join a terrorist group is gonna cause a wedge between them.

And then Tommy dropping off the face of the earth, not contacting him again and Joel later finding out he’s been safe and perfectly fine in Jackson? Yeah that’s a slap to the face. There’s definitely ways Tommy could’ve let Joel know that he’s safe and in Jackson but he just didn’t. And then obviously bad talking Joel to Maria while Tommy himself has done terrible things? Tommy didn’t want Joel to be in his life anymore and definitely not in Jackson.

Anyway this is my long Tommy is actually an asshole rant lmao

Also, with Tess. I honestly don’t think Joel wanted to love her. In the game the only indication was that they had some tiny flirty dialogue and that’s it. I know everyone now takes the show as canon but in the game, tess doesn’t even say that “I never asked you to feel like that” or whatever. They survived together, they trusted each other, they were partners and friends. It doesn’t always have to mean or be more than that. obviously the show tried to do some dramatic romance and feelings shit but it just wasn’t there lol

Plus we know Joel didn’t really date much before the world ended either, he was a single dad for Sarahs entire life and heavily focused on work and his daughter. Clearly romance wasn’t a huge part of his life, so why would it be after the end of the world and losing his entire family?

Thanks for coming to my ted talk about unpopular the last of us opinions lmao

Hi Bestie!

I love this interpretation! It's actually not really off from what I think of Tommy, too, actually! I just think his hero complex really clashes with Joel's drive to protect him. I don't think Joel CONSCIOUSLY wants to control Tommy, I just think he feels safest when he has control and/or has a good lock on someone's motivations. Tommy wanting to play hero puts him at risk and I imagine Joel pushed back on that really, really hard quite a bit. But yeah, Tommy just fucking off to Wyoming made me so mad lol (which is part of the reason for the Tommy arc in Lavender) But I think can also be at least partially explained by Tommy and Joel clashing more and more as years went by in the QZ, with Tommy getting more and more pissed off by FEDRA and wanting to lean into his hero instincts and Joel not able to shake the fear of his brother getting himself killed.

I will say, my Joels are definitely a lot more based on show Joel than game Joel! I have watched game playthroughs (I am... very bad at video games lol) but HBO Joel is definitely my man. Though yeah, his relationship with Tess in the game was definitely more ambiguously flirty than an unambiguously romantic relationship of any kind. But I don't think his lack of a romantic life immediately pre-outbreak is a fair indication of what he wants in general. Single fatherhood and working a ton of hours means you're going to limit your social life. He was clearly interested in romantic - or at least sexual - attachment at one time because Sarah exists.

That being said, I certainly don't think he'd show up to the QZ and be like "priority one: find a girlfriend." But I do think it's reasonable that he'd stumble into it eventually, either through a smuggling contact he got closer to than he intended or just a woman he was sleeping with because hey, sex!, that became something more.

This has been so fun! I hope this has shed some light on how I write Joel because I've thought a lot about this stuff over the last year. I love hearing your thoughts, thank you so much for sharing!!

Love you!

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 195 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: mowing the lawn.

I heard this episode (and MAG 198) have been perceived as fillers. But while it feels like the final stretch  has already begun 3 episodes or so ago, there's still 5 episodes left and there have been episodes after cliff hangers, which had nothing to do with the cliff hanger before. Especially in S3 when we bounced back and forth between Jon and the Archives. But I understand that this can feel tedious when you already had to wait an entire week for the new episode and then it’s not resolving anything yet.

[EXTENDED SOUNDS OF TIRED ROWING] Lol...

JON: "The one time I’m on my own, and it’s a domain where –" What? Where your boyfriend could finally show off his rowing arms?

I have a friend who has serious thalassophobia. Needless to say, she did not enjoy this statement xD Especially when the leviathan thing showed up, before that she thought she could stomach it pretty well. I think I have already spoken about her in my a mag a day posts, she sends me spider stuff and I send her thalassophobia stuff, perfectly balanced.

"An icy, liquid chill that surrounds you, embraces you, pierces every inch of your naked gooseflesh skin with its needling touch, and gets inside your bones" I know, after 195 episodes this is a bit late to point out, but anyone else got the feeling Jonny likes the word "bones"?

"You can feel its titanic bulk moving past, just below you. Or perhaps above. It almost brushes against you and, despite the pressure of the water all around you, you cannot fight the frantic instinct to run." I find the idea of huge monsters in the water particularly fascinating! I always had a soft spot for creature features!

"There is nothing else. No boat to save you, no land to make your escape, not even another lost soul who shares your torments." I do think the idea of being lost in open water is horrifying. But I don't live near the sea, I don't go on boat rides in waters so vast that there are stretches where I can't see land no matter which direction I turn. So it's something I'm not particularly worried about. (I do like kayaking on lakes though^^)

"You choke it down, and slip once again below the surface. Into the concealing darkness of the freezing waters below, and you leave behind the nothing that waits above." TW Suicide .......I don't know if I already mentioned this in one of my earlier a mag a day posts, but I know people who worked on a submarine or on boats (divers cleaning the underside). The actual recommendation when getting lost in the water is to dive down and take a big breath, basically killing yourself. That is super scary...

JON: "Well, not quite nothing. Not for me." Awww!

BASIRA: "Thanks." JON: "Oh, uh, you’re welcome?" BASIRA: "What?" JON: "No-Nothing. I-I just… I was worried you might be upset if I interrupted your whole ‘solo reflection’ thing." BASIRA: "It’s fine. I mean, I would have at first but… honestly? There are a bunch more hells between me and London than I thought." [JON KINDA CHUCKLES] BASIRA: "I’ve been hoping for a friendly face for a while now." Oh, how the turns have tabled! Seriously though, it does make sense that Basira underwent some changes. She had quite some time alone to process.

JON: "Annabelle Cane has Martin." BASIRA: "Shit." I love how everybody immediately gets that this is serious for Jon.

BASIRA: "Can you, y’know, ‘see’ him?" JON: "No. A-Annabelle has a – Sh-She can block The Eye. There’s a, a camera. It’s an artefact that was protecting Salesa’s – Right. So, um, shortly after we left you we found –" BASIRA: "Magic camera that keeps them hidden. Got it." Ahhhhaha, I do this as well. I go above and beyond when trying to summarize stuff. I can't help it, I think certain details can’t be left out to understand the subject unmistakably. And then there are people who can just put it together in one sentence xD

BASIRA: "So I’m guessing it represents academic isolation or something? Maybe something to do with ‘the dangerous unknown’, skimming to the surface, that kind of thing?" JON: [Weary] "Maybe it just represents the feeling of sore arms." Lol, Basira theorizing about the domains like we do. And there's Jon, who's just tired of it all and especially tired from rowing xD Kind of reminds me of art school. When someone went immensely into detail why the color blue was chosen and what it represents and what is the deeper meaning of it etc. And then someone comes along and is just "Maybe the artist just likes blue?" xD

JON: "I’d be more than happy to let you take over, if you’d like?" BASIRA: "No, I wouldn’t want to cramp your style." JON: "At this point, that’s just about the only part of me that isn’t cramping." BASIRA: "Alright, give ‘em here." God I love humor like this! Basira probably gets them in no time across the lake now, having been with the police and defending the Archives probably makes her a lot more fit than cellar dweller Jon with his stick figure arms.

JON: "Well, hopefully this one will go a bit better." BASIRA: "Would be hard for it to go worse." OMG, can people pls stop jinxing it, you're fictional characters, you can't say that! xD

BASIRA: "So does this mean there are others?" JON: "What do you mean?" BASIRA: "Like, they can’t be the only ones like that, right? Maybe there are other people out there, naturally immune, wandering around or hunkered down?" JON: "Uh, maybe. I mean, probably. But, y’know, well, I can’t see them, can I?" I know there are people who think the gang should have waited longer with their decision. Looking for other artefacts, other people who are immune. Trying to find a solution circling around their existence. So, basically this was the only time this got mentioned, right? I don't think it comes up in MAG 198 anymore. So it's dismissed as "I can't find them anyway and if they want to stay hidden, they most likely will."

BASIRA: "Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. How did Melanie take it?" JON: "Melanie?" BASIRA: "Yeah. She and… She and Helen were pretty tight back when, uh…" Of course Helen latched onto Melanie, subtly nudging her more and more towards the Slaughter.

BASIRA: “So anyway, run this by me again, they’re like a proper cult, cult?” JON: "Ish. They all seemed fairly normal given the circumstances. Bit of a let-down in some ways." Excuse me Jon, you have heard Arun's poem! They are hope and good and holy and hope!

BASIRA: "Must have been funny though –" [STATIC CRACKLE AS THEY PASS THROUGH AN UNSEEN DIVIDER] [FOOTSTEPS ARE NOW ON PAVED GROUND AND BIRDS ARE TWEETING IN OXFORD] BASIRA: "Huh. Hang on, is that – ? That’s the real sun isn’t it?" Actually I just realized... If the sun can be seen from Earth, than this whole affair probably isn't stretching far into space. If there's a moon visible at night it doesn't even reach that far! Because I don't think the effect of the camera stretches upwards infinitely like a Eye-repellent column (or downwards for that matter or is the world actually flat now?). A spherical area of effect would make a lot more sense. It feels a bit weird considering the whole thing about altering the fabric of reality and such, but stopping beyond the stratosphere. (Like Weirdmageddon only affected Gravity Falls! Was there ever an explanation for this? I can’t remember...)

The episode ending on "Mr. Spider wants more" sure is something! Jon will finally knock on the Spider's door. And this time he even does it willingly! More or less.

@a-mag-a-day

[madlysanecatlady]

Light reading

On AO3

-

It had been just over three weeks since Frank had fallen into a hole and then set himself about falling again in an entirely different sort of way over the gruff but adorable survivalist who’d dug it. He'd been a bit, understandably, distracted in the moment, and had been a little vague about what a “few days” meant, but he knew three weeks was probably beyond that threshold.

Ok, fine, he amended more honestly with himself as he smiled, watching Bill concentrate on whatever wild chemistry he was doing to keep the generators running. He'd been very deliberately vague about it because he was damn well aware of the fact that he was already stupidly smitten with Bill before he’d even tasted his cooking. And after that, well, Frank knew he was probably a goner.

Besides. Bill didn't seem all that bothered by Frank's continued presence. In fact, in the evenings after all the chores and perimeter checks were done, Bill seemed quite enthusiastic about Frank's being here. It was clear the poor man had been lonely for far too long. He was just as starved for touch as he was someone to show off his truly remarkable cooking talents to. Still, Frank wasn't about to coast along, trading sex for room and board. He’d meant what he said, and he had some pride left to protect.

So after careful, meticulous observation that didn't at all involve any inappropriate staring or flirtatious smiles when Bill caught him looking, Frank was confident he knew enough of the garage’s organizational layout to be of some help in picking up after Bill while he worked. It was simple enough for the most part, tools on their neat little racks, the leftover bits and bobs in their own containers in their own drawers, and the plethora of smelly and dangerous looking acids all carefully labelled went into the fridge. Frank could tell Bill was of a meticulous sort; it was likely how he’d survived and even thrived on his own for so long. Everything had its use and its place, and everything made perfect sense.

So it was odd, to say the least, to spy a toppled stack, more a mess really, of comics and magazines in the back seat of Bill’s otherwise pristine truck. It must have been something Bill had grabbed quickly on an earlier venture out of his safe compound and simply forgotten about in lieu of more important survival things. Seeing his opportunity to be truly helpful, Frank pulled open the door and leaned into the cab to sweep the dog eared and yellowed packets of pages towards himself.

The first small stack he grabbed contained mostly light reading about country living and farming, smart choices if you needed to learn how to survive out here. But of course, Frank couldn't fathom a time where Bill didn't know everything about survival, so he couldn't quite place why he'd pause in his efficient preparations to grab these. It only took a second, but Frank realised with a frown. It was probably quite lonely out here all by himself; he could easily see Bill grabbing these, hoping to spend a few minutes reading, pretending everything was normal, that everything was ok. Frank often wanted to do the same.

‘Don't bother with those,’ Bill’s gruff yet somehow still sweet voice startled Frank as he dove back in for another stack. He paused, a glossy feeling magazine in his hand and half sat in the seat to turn and look at Bill.

‘They’ll probably be fire kindling in winter,’ Bill shrugged. ‘Don’t even know why I grabbed ’em.’

Frank smiled at the careful way Bill always tried to seem so fully above it all. It was a self defense mechanism, he recognised, but Frank was hoping he could worm his way past those iron defenses and let him know it was perfectly ok to care about things every once in a while. He turned to sit fully, facing Bill properly, the magazine in his hand moving into his lap without even a glance in its direction.

‘Everyone can do with some light reading every so often, Bill,’ he told him quietly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with getting lost in an article about fruit conserves or whatever and just forgetting that everything’s gone to hell for a minute.’

Bill didn’t appear to have an answer to that. Actually, Frank couldn’t tell if he was even really paying attention. Bill’s gaze was transfixed on the magazine in Frank’s lap as if it were personally insulting him. As he watched him, Frank noticed a violent shade of red rising up over Bill’s beard and into his cheeks. Curious, he lowered his gaze and eyed the chiseled hunk of a man standing scantily clad and alluring on the cover and instantly understood.

‘Light reading,’ Frank repeated gently with a kind smile. He wasn't judging in the slightest, especially not thinking back to the rather impressive lewd collection of his own he’d had stashed away back in Baltimore. The hard part would be convincing Bill of that fact though.

He put the magazine on the seat behind him, as though to say give that thing no further thought. With a reassuring smile, he reached out and clasped long hands around slightly trembling wrists. ‘Bill, neither of us are Puritans here. I get it. It gets lonely out here.’

Bill pulled himself free, and Frank was worried he was about to turn away and flee. He was readying himself to hold Bill back, to reassure him, but froze when instead Bill reached out to him, cupping the back of his head gently, an odd, wry smile on his face.

‘Not anymore,’ he said so quietly Frank couldn’t be sure he’d heard him say it.

‘What?’ Frank blinked, somewhat stupidly, as Bill moved closer, ducking into the truck with him.

‘It’s not lonely here anymore,’ he repeated before closing the distance between them.

Frank allowed himself to be gently pushed back into the seat, shoving aside the magazines in the way, probably flinging a few of them under the seats. Frank didn’t care, not with the way Bill was kissing him. Actually, he was pretty sure he’d be having a hard time getting himself to care about anything other than this again.

-

It was about a week later when Bill shooed Frank out of the kitchen while he finished up the dishes that he slipped out into the garage to look in the back seat for the magazine. He didn’t bother looking very hard for the original one under the seats – there were others to choose from after all. He simply grabbed the most promising looking one and stole back inside.

He waited patiently on the sofa, cuddling into Bill’s side when he finally joined him. He grinned sideways at him and held up the magazine. ‘Up for some light reading?’

The look Bill shot him told Frank there would likely not be much reading involved.

He was right. They barely made it to page two.

[inazumaeveryday]

Day 12

At home

Kidou: Good morning, mar.

Today’s the match between Raimon and Mikage Sennou. Let’s go see the results of Raimon’s special training at the Inabikari training center.

As for the winner… This time, I can honestly say I have no idea how this match will turn out.

Option 1

mar: I’m rooting for Raimon!

Kidou: So you want Raimon to win, huh…?

Option 2

mar: I’m rooting for Mikage Sennou!

Kidou: Right. We do need them to crush Raimon, after all.

Kidou: Heh… I’m personally very curious to see which philosophy will come out on top—Mikage’s data or Raimon’s stupidity.

The commander’s already got his eye on Mikage… And they’re also likely to end up as our opponent in the finals.

It wouldn’t hurt to watch the match.

*

Kidou: I forgot to set my alarm last night…

Thankfully I woke up in time, but I’ll have to be more careful from now on.

Breakfast

Kidou: We’re having salad this morning. …Woah, there’s over forty items in there.

Let’s see…

Kidou’s room

Kidou: mar, is that bed hair…?

Go check in the mirror, just to be sure.

In the car

Kidou: The match is at 11:30, so we’ll leave school in the morning.

Morning practice

Doumen: The commander sure doesn’t show up to practice a lot, does he~

Narukami: But we can take it easy and practice whatever we want when he’s not there, so it’s kind of nice~

Sakiyama: Right? He’s always watching us so closely when he’s there… I can’t help but feel nervous the whole time.

Kidou: What’s this? You think practice is too easy with me? You should have told me sooner. I’d be happy to work you to death if that’s what you want.

Sakiyama: N-no, it’s perfectly fine!

At school

Class (social studies)

Kidou: The best people in their fields often have a certain philosophy of life.

I’ve been impressed quite a few times by things pro soccer players said.

Break

Henmi: Kidou-san, you’re going to Mikage Sennou to collect info today, right?

Kidou: Yeah, I’m going to watch the match.

Henmi: You know, I haven’t really done much of that myself! I’ve been thinking I should start scouting out other schools like you do~ (glance)

Kidou: Really? Then how about checking out Biyuutei, for a start?

Henmi: Ah, um… Biyuutei, huh? Alright…

Class (science)

Kidou: I wonder if my wanting to kick the ball when I see it is something like a Pavlovian response?

…I’m not a dog, though.

In the car

Kidou: I’m looking forward to seeing if Mikage’s data can beat Raimon’s idiocy.

Now then… I should spend the rest of the ride studying.

Mikage Sennou

Kidou: That move by Mikage Sennou… Sugimori isn’t the only amazing one here.

Those players who executed his command immediately are just as excellent.

They’re undoubtedly skilled… but Raimon’s movements have also drastically improved since last time.

So this is what they gained from training at the Inabikari center, eh?

…………

mar: (Hm? Yuuto-kun’s staring pretty hard at something over there…)

Option 1

mar: Are you interested in Raimon’s reserve players?

Kidou: …No, that’s not it. I was just thinking about something.

Option 2

mar: Are you interested in Raimon’s managers?

Kidou: …No. I was just thinking about something.

In the car

Kidou: It was a good match.

Mikage were better than Raimon in terms of both power and speed, but… of course they never expected the goalkeeper to shoot, with how much they rely on data.

Kidou: It was completely unexpected for me too, haha. He really is the biggest idiot I’ve ever seen.

Oh, right. I brought sandwiches for lunch. Here’s yours.

Back to school

Class (Japanese)

Kidou: “One pitch, one soul” is a saying meaning to devote your entire being to something… but it originated from baseball.

If we had something like that in soccer, I wonder what it would be? …”One kick, one soul”, maybe?

Break

Kidou: I’ll go pick up the reports for the classes we missed later.

Don’t forget yours too, mar.

Class (math)

Kidou: There was no zero until that concept was developed in India…

A world without zeros… I just can’t imagine it.

Break

Doumen: Kidou-san, welcome baaack! I heard it was Raimon’s win~

Kidou: Yeah. They proved stupidity wins over data.

Doumen: H-huh? What about stupidity?

Class (music)

Kidou: mar, are you familiar with the Triumphal March?

Hold on, I’ll play it for you on the violin. I’m sure you’ll recognize it once you hear it.

Club activities

Kidou: With Raimon’s victory against Mikage Sennou, our possible opponents in the finals have been narrowed down to three schools: Raimon, Shuuyou Meito or Occult.

Henmi: Tch! Raimon again?

Narukami: Did the guys from Mikage all get a stomach ache before the match or something~?

Jimon: No, they couldn’t have gotten this far on pure luck. It’s about time we give them some credit.

Gojou: Kukuku… You say that, but our opponent in the finals will surely be Occult, no…?

Kidou: No, we can’t say for sure.

I’ve been reading the data we got from Domon, and Raimon’s growth rate is astounding.

They keep coming up with new special moves, too. They’ve become a force to be reckoned with.

Henmi: Huh? No way. Kidou-san, are you scared of them?

Kidou: I’m just stating facts.

Sakuma: Got it, Kidou. You’re warning us to not let our guards down like Mikage Sennou because it’s just Raimon, right?

Genda: But we’re still going to win no matter who advances to the finals!

Sakuma: We’re the invincible Teikoku Gakuen, after all.

Kidou: Yeah, you guys are exactly right. We’ll crush anyone who stands in our way…!

In the car

Kidou: I do feel like walking home, occasionally…

I hear that walking stimulates the brain, so it’s easier to come up with new ideas.

At home

Kidou: …I got the class report.

Here, I’ll send it to you too.

In the bath

Kidou: Sigh… Raimon’s victory…

Maybe that’s what I was hoping for…

Dinner

Kidou: In Japan, you should always clean your plate, but it’s considered good manners to leave a little bit of food in some other countries.

That differences between different parts of the world when it comes to good manners is fascinating.

Kingcraft lessons

Kyougoku: If there is one mistake that leaders most commonly make…

That would be assuming that their instructions will be followed unconditionally.

Kidou: So a leader should stay humble, and never let their position get to their head… Right?

Kyougoku: Precisely. Forgetting that will lead them to ruin.

You will be just fine so long as you remember that, Yuuto-san.

Kidou: I’ll keep it in mind.

Later

Kidou: So the injury’s pretty serious, huh… I had a feeling it might be bad.

Hm-mh… Okay, got it.

Let me know if anything else happens. With the Inabikari training center too.

Kidou: Oh, mar. What’s wrong? Can’t sleep?

mar: (Did someone get hurt…?)

Option 1

mar: What’s going on? You said something about a serious injury…

Kidou: Don’t worry. It’s not anyone from Teikoku.

Option 2

mar: Was that Domon?

Kidou: Yeah, he was reporting to me like usual.

Kidou: Gouenji hurt his leg during the match against Mikage Sennou today.

It was when that forward from Mikage blocked his shot, remember?

Well, if Gouenji’s absence is all it takes for Raimon to self-destruct, then they weren’t worth our attention anyway.

Tomorrow’s our match against Biyuutei. We’ll advance to the finals if we win.

Kidou: I have no intention of going easy on them, no matter what kind of team they are.

I’ll watch the recording of their previous match now.

*

Kidou: Hmm. I should have a talk about how to prevent injuries with the rest of the team.

I’ve got just the book on taping…

*

Kidou: Alright, time to sleep.

Goodnight, mar.

At night…

Kidou: …………

…Gouenji…leg…

[cassyapper]

"I believe we did."

"you dont get to commit the sin and then ask us all to feel sorry for you when there are consequences"

uh okay minor oppenheimer thought dump. it's not gonna be super long cause im still musing i think

in terms of what it is, well made film. the script had really powerful lines and they were delivered very well by really good actors. and the score...jesus fuck. i think it might jsut be me hearing things but the film ending with the final note of a song that sounds like an air raid siren oughhg

there's definitely room for criticism (both historical--accuracy-wise and film-making wise) but i do like the movie for what it is. i didnt find it enlightening per se cause i already knew a lot of the basic facts going in (or at least, the facts presented in this movie), but the presentation of it was so harrowing it's hard not to be affected. and that being said, i do think the film does a good job of presenting the impact of the atomic bomb in a way (ie, a (white) americentric way) so that certain groups of americans can finally understand why dropping the bomb was a bad fucking idea but only time will tell if that was successful. it'd be nice if i could stop seeing people say "well we had to" as if it was fucking america's hands tied behind its back. anyway

one thing i want to say but unfortunately i'm still not quite sure how to phrase is how i feel/what i got out of this movie as a white american soon-to-be-scientist. like, some details really gathered my attention, particularly about compartmentalism (an idea very anti-modern science...hiding your work like that from your countryman colleagues/the entire world of science at large would not fly today. clarity is very important. and especially in america, the events of the mid 20th century are really why it became proper etiquette to be absolutely transparent and i just think this film did a good job of explaining that even if unintentionally), how science and politics and ethics go hand in hand despite many white american scientists pretending so so hard otherwise for so long, and how oppenheimer was perfectly fine stealing native people's burial grounds from them to gain his own glory, but only grew a conscience about it later when it was clear the government would not give the land back and would build an h bomb with or without his assistance (so no glory for him there) and how that's reflective of well...modern colonialism honestly. it's a very "it's not about control it's about science!" excuse right now (see the mauna kea incident for example). speaking of, i really like the breakdown of the like mythical figure of oppenheimer. he is presented as the coward he 100 percent was in this film and you're not supposed to feel bad for him really -- maybe just kinda somber because of the greater whole (that being said i do wish they cemented this a bit more...)

it's definitely tonally a horror movie to be quite frank. which i think is only appropriate considering its subject matter

hm. yeah that's all i can say rn. it's late and i'm tired so im sorry if some of this is worded weird, i def have some runon sentences. i hope my points are apparent nonetheless

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I didn’t do one of these last week because honestly, I had a shit week and didn’t want to do anything except passively consume this media so it could serve as a fleeting distraction. But good news! This week’s been less terrible and I am excited for the new episode.

Thoughts on Taskmaster s15e06, written as I watch it:

- I wish Ice Pie were a game you could buy and actually play.

- Mae and Kiell’s prizes this week are a perfect example of whether things should be judged on effort or achievement. Mae put a lot of thought into theirs – I assume a producer actually put it together, but still, they had to think of how it would work, what to put on it, and the creative idea itself. Kiell clearly just Googled entertaining bathroom accessories and found one. However, playing a piano mat with your feet on the toilet is definitely more fun than possibly brushing your teeth with hand cream. So which do you reward? (Kiell, you should reward the person who followed the remit, but it is unfortunate.)

- Love how consistent Frankie has been in making no effort to have his prize relate to any of the categories. He clearly just grabbed a bunch of stuff, mainly items that could function as wall art, and then found incredibly tenuous connections between that and the list of categories. In this case, the connection being that some people light candles in a bathroom and also light candles when using a Ouija board, and presumably a laminated board would be good in a room where things get wet sometimes. But it’s barely a connection, he just wanted to show people that he has a Ouija board with the Bee Gees on it.

- I expected to be able to follow up the previous point by saying “And here we have a contrast to that, seeing someone who thought long and hard about the category and found something that fits it perfectly.” I expected that because Ivo was next, and he always has something he’s carefully chosen to meet the task’s specifications. Except this time. He just wanted to show people a scale model of the Titanic. Fair enough, that’s pretty cool.

- Contestants have been accused before of using the prize tasks to get rid of stuff they don’t want. Jenny Eclair may be the first Taskmaster contestant to admit to using the prize task to get stuff she does want, not by winning it off other people, but because she can just ask the production staff to procure a prize for her and they’ll do it. The equivalent of putting it on a rider. I’m pretty sure Jenny Eclair can afford a cleaner for a mouth brace, but that’s still quite a funny idea.

- It’s a good thing Frankie Boyle is very unlikely to win this whole season, because it would be a tainted victory, by the fact that he keeps getting over-scored on these prize tasks that are cool but have no relevance at all. I’d love for him to win an episode, though, and would be just fine with it if that over-scoring leads to a win in this one.

- “Imaginary companion”. So, the best friend task from Taskmaster NZ, but in a way that will seem even creepier since they’ve left out the dummies entirely?

-

Frankie Boyle may make no effort to match prizes to categories, but he’s been pretty good so far in the pre-recorded tasks, at reading the task carefully and matching his efforts to the rules about what you’re supposed to do to win. And then getting indignant when others are rewarded despite failing to do so. I respect that, given that that would be 100% my strategy if I were on there, to the point of sacrificing entertainment for it.

- I know in Taskmaster it’s usually ideal if you see five different approaches to each task, but in this case, I find it quite funny that they were given something relatively open-ended, and Kiell, Mae, and Frankie all chose to do almost exactly the same thing.

- Good God, they are really going for it. Worth remembering that these three do know how to do that. Mae Martin’s sitcom Feel Good was a comedy-drama with a lot of legitimately dramatic – one could certainly say poignant – moments. Kiell’s primary job is as an actor rather than a stand-up. Frankie Boyle did a Beckett play last year. This was a good task to give to that group.

- Watching Mae try that hard to cry is quite amusing.

- Saving Ivo for last again, as he mentioned on last week’s podcast that they do a lot. For a variety of reasons, but few of them involve him doing well.

- I don’t know why, but I’m also finding it very funny to watch Jenny Eclair pretend to trim hedges.

It’s the way you can see several centimetres of space between the saw and the leaves. Like they told her she’s not allowed to actually touch them or it’ll ruin the bushes. And that she has to wear goggles. Health and safety.

- “I’m going to have to get an other imaginary friend now!” sobbed by a middle-aged woman wearing goggles: also very funny.

- Ivo going to the trouble of getting a tiny sponge and tiny car to add to this scene of his tiny friend cleaning cars with him is 1) respectable commitment to the task, and 2) I’m sure he does exaggerate the whole “boarding school boy who could always wanted but failed to have his father love him” persona in his stand-up, but that persona does put another layer on him helping a smaller version of himself work on a smaller version of his car and tell it “I’m so proud of you.”

- Well, Ivo was the only one to not actually kill off his imaginary friend, but may have actually been the most poignant one. Well done.

- Wrote the above point just before seeing this:

Yes, exactly, Greg, that’s what I thought.

- Frankie was over-scored in the prize task, but I think he deserved the five points this time. He really pulled out those Beckett play skills. This episode might finally be his to win.

- Right, okay. This is one of those tasks that makes me immediately want to break down what I’d be thinking about if I had to do it. Tongs, right? You’d have to go to the kitchen and get tongs so you could shake the egg next to your ear and tell which ones are real. If you find a raw egg, boil it. I would definitely involve knives and tongs. Wasn’t this a thing Bob Mortimer claimed he could do, along with the apple thing? Shell an egg in one go? Probably even he couldn’t do it without hands, though. I wonder if he could do it with gloves on.

- And Ivo has put gloves on, solid strategy.

- I’d love to say I’d have a smarter way of doing it than Jenny just cutting it in half, but I can’t really think of one.

- Ivo, not at all for the first time, bringing some Mark Watson energy to Taskmaster. Like when Mark Watson stared at the briefcase saying “I don’t know how to open it, and I don’t quite know what to do if I can’t.” Ed Gamble once commenting on the podcast that in some of Mark’s tasks, he’d just stand around with an aimless look on his face while anxiously considering and rejecting options, and you could see the look on Alex’s face that says… at this point it doesn’t really matter what you do, Mark, but we you to do something. We need you to do something because this is my TV show and it depends on you doing anything at all within this timeframe. That’s what I’m thinking of, when I see Alex tell Ivo:

- Jenny chewing on eggshells is some impressive commitment to Taskmaster. Also, I think her strategy’s not bad. A spoon might help matters, as would gloves like Ivo wore. But it’s not bad.

- Worth noting that no one said the egg had to disappear, Jenny just chose to eat it anyway. But her getting those “crunchy bits” probably helped her score, left fewer bits of shell on the table.

- Even though it turns out that egg was already hard boiled, I wonder if boiling it again would help. Would an egg come apart more easily if it’s wet and has recently been heated and then cooled a bit?

- What the fuck did Kiell find? Was that just put there for this task, or are those tools always there? If it’s the latter, why don’t they incorporate those into every task? That’s the same way I felt in the season 13 task when Sophie Duker used handcuffs – if those are in the shed or whatever all the time, they could definitely be used more often.

- Well, I thought Frankie had a good strategy, dropping them in water to see which is the most hard boiled. And then he immediately just cracked into it with his fingers.

- Kiell got stuck with the raw egg when he cracked it accidentally, but he could still have boiled it before cracking it further, right? You can boil an egg even if it has a slight crack in it. Actually, would have worked even if someone hadn’t ended up there accidentally? What if they put the egg in boiling water, and then just chipped at with a knife while it was still in the water? And then the boiling egg would break apart naturally inside? I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore, I think I’ve stopped making sense but there was an idea there at first. For some reason I’m really interested in finding a proper way to do this task, and the first four contestants have not helped.

- Frankie has made far more egg pieces than I normally would even if I were not trying to keep it together for the sake of a task. To be fair he can’t touch it with his hands, but I think I’d do better than that even with a towel on my hands, and even while not being on Taskmaster, just trying to peel an egg normally. This may not, in fact, be his episode to win.

- Okay, to be fair to Kiell, that seems to have worked a bit. Good job finding the weird tool.

- “You’re looking for a raw egg, because then you can get the egg out in one. You can make a little hole, and then you can blow the egg out in one.” Well, Alex just told me the solution to the task, but I don’t like it. I don’t even really know what he means, how do you blow the egg? This is reminding me of Mawaan thinking he could fill an egg with helium, which I believe we all agreed was bullshit.

- Oh God, Mae, what the fuck? I have suddenly remembered Rob Beckett’s thing where he can peel a banana with his feet and likes to show that off on panel shows. That’s not great. Please stop this. Mae, every other person worked out a way to manipulate the egg with their hands and just not touch it. You are smarter than this.

- And now they are using their mouth. Mae Martin has forgotten about the existence of tools, or even of cloth.

- Mae has remembered that pins exist and mentioned making a pin-sized hole in a raw egg, like Alex said. What are they talking about? Is this actually a thing?

- Okay, now that I see what happened after Mae broke the egg, I realize the raw egg probably is, in fact, better than a hard-boiled one. I was so stuck on getting the egg properly boiled because a hard-boiled egg is better than a soft-boiled egg, because the shell will come off faster. So stuck on that that I forgot how with a raw one, you can just split it once down the middle, and then pour the egg out instead of worrying about splitting it all around the egg. Which is basically what Kiell and Mae both did accidentally. Obviously.

- Ah, I see. I’d thought they’d all be different levels of hard or soft boiled, but in fact, it’s just one raw one and four boiled ones and you want the raw one. Because I forgot about the obvious thing that you can just pour a raw egg out of a shell. I think I now have less grounds for judging Taskmaster contestants for forgetting the obvious, because for some reason I got really into working out the answer on this one, and I still forgot the obvious, which is that you can just pour a raw egg. Sorry I spent so much of this post writing about my theories on egg peeling, everyone.

- Second “Do not touch the astroturf” task of the season. A classic for a reason.

- Mae has found one gold shoe and is looking for another. Pretty sure I’d just put that one on, pick up the ball, and hop on one foot to the bell. Or is that not allowed? It did say “Unless you’re wearing gold shoes”, so maybe only having one on doesn’t count as wearing “gold shoes” plural, even if the other foot never touches.

- I enjoy Jenny having “Why would you do that to someone?” as her catchphrase. Amazing that it took fifteen seasons for that to become someone’s catchphrase, really.

- Okay, now that I actually look at it, hopping on one foot all the way to that bell would be tough. Doable, but tough. Noel Fielding would be good at this. Actually, given that Noel was famously wearing golden boots when he hopped on one foot across the grass, I wonder if this is an intentional homage to him.

- Well done, Mae. Decently impressive athletic achievement.

- Jenny’s having a good time. Turns out watching someone kick a bowling ball is always amusing.

- I might try for being the slowest if I did this task, though that’s a risk. A risk either way though. Find the gold shoes and then wait until the last second of the allotted twenty minutes. At least you can control how close you are to the end; you can’t get right up to the beginning.

- Well, Frankie has the black and rainbow straps touching the green, and those are not gold shoes. And Kiell has not touched it with his hand and knee. That can’t be allowed.

- Hang on, are they just allowed Kiell? Is the argument that he only touched the underside of it and that’s not the green? But I’m pretty sure that still counts as part of it. And they debated in the studio about whether Frankie’s contraption was golden, but not about 1) the fact that the straps were not and they touched the green, or 2) the fact that they were not shoes. Yeah, I want Frankie to get his episode win, but they should both be disqualified.

- Ivo last again.

- Ivo cooking Alex breakfast is amusing, but I think it would be more consistent with his stand-up persona if he instantly took the option of throwing money at the problem.

- He put it down! He put it down on the thing! They’d better not allow that, that was definitely something besides gold shoes and the bowling ball touching the green.

- Ivo’s non-gold shoes have now also touched:

They’d better not even consider counting this one. This should be five points to Mae for doing it fastest, four to Jenny for doing it slowest, everyone else disqualified.

- Ah. I got so caught up in my litigation of this task according to the letter of the law that I forgot the word used was technically “grass” and not “green”. Putting Jenny out of contention as well. And Kiell unequivocally out. And Ivo out for like four different reasons. And in light of those gross violations, Frankie’s are looking less bad. I mean, technically you could argue that the straps are part of the golden shoes that he made.

- The contestants switching sides about Frankie’s shoes in the studio, based on when it benefitted them, was amusing. I’ve been won around, the straps could be part of the shoes. Also, Frankie’s in with a shot at an episode win.

- I’ve managed to avoid mention how hot Mae Martin is for this entire post (for some reason, I instead spent most of it trying to work out strategies for pulling shells off a boiled egg, while forgetting that you can just pour raw egg out of it), but can I throw in one mention of the extent of their focus and competitiveness as they begin the live task? Because that’s pretty good.

- Oh I am enjoying this live task so much. I think they should scrap all the other live tasks and just play this one every week.

- Stage we’re at in the battle of Charlotte Ritchie’s husbands: the look Mae instantly gives Kiell over their shoulder when he fucks up by touching a chair.

- The saga of Mae Martin turning that intense focus on a beeline for one chair, even their high levels of competitiveness not being enough to shove a middle-aged feminist pioneer off a chair, and instantly changing tactics to grab the other chair right out from under Kiell:

Kiell should have had that one based on who was closest, Mae was just quicker and better. I know who’s winning the battle of Charlotte Ritchie’s husbands.

On the other side, we have a somewhat similar story with Frankie having his closest chair taken by Ivo, but reacting quickly enough to get to the next one before Kiell. Well done.

- And Frankie Boyle shares none of Mae Martin’s hesitation about shoving middle-aged women:

I love everything about this screenshot. Taskmaster should sell a poster of it as merch.

- 

- What an image. Every face is perfect. This screenshot, subtitle included, should be printed on billboards to advertise the show.

- 

1) I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Frankie Boyle give off “befuddled old man” energy before, but he might have a bit here, as he sat on his chair and realized he sat down too early.

2) You can see Ivo’s chair move a bit, which means he definitely it on his way past, which means he should be disqualified too and Mae should win.

3) Whether this disqualify Ivo or not, Mae (who has a great facial expression here - Ivo might have been fooled in the split second of adreniline into following Frankie, but Mae was focusing very hard and is clearly aware that they’re wrong) went into this task one point ahead of Frankie, and he can’t beat them anymore, so there goes his shot at the episode.

4) What word did Frankie think got said, in the line “Right in”, that started and ended with the same letter? Or was it just Greg’s delivery, saying it so dramatic made him think he had to move, as can happen when you’re really concentrating and ready to make a split-second decision? Honestly, I love this task. Play it every week.

- To be fair, I guess the round ended the moment Frankie sat down, so hitting the chair afterward doesn’t have to count against Ivo. And a Mae vs. Ivo final sounds like fun, so let’s do this.

- How fucking quick is Mae? They and Ivo were about equally close to the front of the chair when the word “little” got said, so that wasn’t even luck, as it could have been if it had been said while one was in front of the chair and one was behind it. The two of them started with a close to equal chance, Mae was just that much quicker. Fucking hell. Before today, I don’t think I’d have counted “really good at musical chairs” on my list of things that are attractive in a person. But here we are.

- Well, I managed to get to the final task before going overboard with my “screenshotting the entire episode” and “constantly talking about how hot Mae Martin is”. Kept it fairly well in hand before that point. I still can’t believe I forgot that it’s easier to just pour liquid out of a raw egg than to crack a shell off of a hard-boiled one. Fun episode. That egg thing is going to stick in my mind, though.