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sadistic-softie · 9 months ago

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LORE DUMP ABOUT ME (I'm that bored)

I've been itching to write and also to share information about myself nobody asked for, so why not kill two birds with one stone? This could be considered an autobiography.

I think there was something fundamentally wrong with me from the start. As a child, and I mean in the single digits, I, for lack of better words, didn't give a shit about anyone but me and my family, and I cared much less about my family than the average kid. I found myself constantly annoyed whenever someone was being friendly with me or expressing something I disagreed with or didn't understand. I saw everyone as an annoyance and a lesser person. I was selfish. I hid it though. I would pretend to smile and laugh. Pretend to be interested. Pretend to care. That's how I made friends and got people to give me whatever little things I wanted. Toys, school supplies, food, etc.

If I wanted something I couldn't buy or sweet-talk myself into getting, I would steal it. Only if I knew I would get away with it, though. I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel bad when my friends would cry after I stole their toys. I felt satisfied. I just felt oddly proud. I did that. I caused them to cry and they don't even know it. This likely would have gone on if not for my stepfathers suicide.

I was nine when it happened. It destroyed and traumatized my mother, giving her PTSD, as she found the body. His death made me do nearly a complete 180 in personality. I really had cared about him, and it hurt. I gained the sense of empathy I once lacked and started treating people with a more genuine kindness and appreciation. I loved my friends for real. I felt bad when I stole, so I stopped.

I stopped caring about myself and began to value all other lives over mine, to the point where I thought to myself that if I ever had to sacrifice myself for someone I didn't know, that I would and I should, because they're worth so much more than me. I would constantly put myself in everyones shoes. Constantly wanting to understand them deeply and psycologically. In my head, I was useless if I couldn't aid or protect my family, but I was still so young. This mindset has now proven to be detrimental to my mental development.

As I, my mother was changed significantly by the trauma. She was paranoid about our saftey to the point where she would angirly panic if we did not immediately respond to her or if she heard a loud sound. Over time, she slowly became more and more difficult to please. Every action I took was more and more scrutinized. I began being yelled at and scolded for a lack of intilligence. Being told over and over for years and years that I'm not using my brain, "You're not fucking stupid! I don't know why you act like you are!"

No matter how hard I tried to avoid it, I always ended up being scolded harshly for stupidity. I was doing something innefficiently, I didn't think of something I should have, I didn't know something I was supposed to, I didn't do something I should have thought to do, whatever it was, I was subjected to scoldings of at least 2 hours if clocks were right, though it felt longer, of course. It would be continually bought up again and again in later hours and days and especially in later scoldings, being told, "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you need to find a way to fucking fix it!"

I began a spiral of self-hatred and became desperate to, "get smarter," getting higher and higher grades in school, averaging Bs and As. It didn't help. Reading endless numbers of books and articles and anything I could get my hands on. It didn't help. Doing brain strengtheing activities. Mostly puzzles; solving riddles, crosswords, cryptograms, sudoku, memory games, etc. It didn't help. I contiued doing everything I could think of, obsessively, in desperation to stop being so stupid, but it never got any better. It only got worse.

I just wanted to stop failing her. Stop disappointing her. Stop being subjected to that look in her eyes that made my heart sink into my gut, the voice that stung my ears, and the words that dampened my eyes and cheeks. It was all impossible. I spent the rest of my time with her, roughly ten years, overworking myself to try and avoid it, but it only continued getting worse.

I had to learn how to shut my feelings back off. Force myself into a blank state around her. It didn't prevent what she did, but lessened the chances of it enough to be worth it. I could show nothing but calm joy or neutrality. Never get caught crying, never be sad, never be angry, be quiet, remain calm, never laugh without a good excuse to laugh, and most importantly, don't show that you're afraid. If I did any of those things, life was so so much worse.

When I turned 12, I began to develop intense and vivid intrusive thoughts that were exclusively violent and homocidal. They went against my nature of caring about others over myself and caused me so much distress that, by 13, I attempted. Tried to drown myself in the tub via waterboarding with a towel. Freaked out and quit when I got really desperate for air. Mom never found out. The strangest thing about it though, was that the more I loved a person, the more frequent and violent my intrusive thoughts about them were. My best friend was the one I though of in this way the most.

I thought of violent tricks, mutilation, stabbing, dismemberment, torture, staged accidents, cannibalism, burning alive, poisoning, drowning, and many other violent things one could do to another. I didn't understand why. Regardless, I had a mental breakdown and confessed my intrustive thoughts. Because my mom was scared for my saftey and didn't know what to do with me, I was temporarily sent away to live in a large building with other teens who had various mental illnesses.

We were on suicide watch. Constant survailance. Reinforced windows that couldn't open. Bedrooms with six beds. Staff watched us sleep. Every activity and meal was monitored. I was at peace, but after a month, I became restless. Therapy sessions were too frequent. I had no privacy. I wasn't allowed my hobbies because pencils were not allowed. There were no books to read either. Everything there was so boring. All I got to do was watch awful childrens shows, listen to clean karaoke sessions, and watch people play "Just Dance." I felt like I was getting worse.

Luckily, I got to go back home. Those days, I got about an hour alone in the house after school. I used it to cry and scream. The thoughs subsided at 15. At 18, my best friends betrayed, spread rumors about, and abandoned me. I won't go into too much about what they did because it hurts too much, but it was the most traumatic period of time in my life. One of the friends was also an ex I'm still not over. Everything with my mother continued and kept getting worse.

Still had to hide all my feelings. You have no excuse to be sad! I give you everything and you have nothing to worry about! Being blamed for things out of my control, never being able to be enough, overworking myself, feeling guilty for resting, being insulted, talked down to, and threatened. So tired. I noticed my pet rabbit lost a significant and dangerous ammount of weight when I was away on vacation with my father. When I came back and saw her, I had to shut the door because I had started to cry. She was noticably lighter and I could feel all her bones. Yeah, I told the kids to take care of her. I did notice this morning she'd lost some weight. It had never been so hard to hold back my anger.

This mental pain went on and on until I reached a breaking point. My mom had had one of her breakdowns due to work stress and my innability to help her well enough and ran away from home for the night. I thought, This is my only chance. She's never away. If I don't do something now, I'm going to kill myself later. I couldn't take it any more. I felt trapped. I just couldn't let my family suffer through another suicide. I called several crisis lines over and over. I called 988 as well.

All they wanted besides to talk me down was get DCF involved. Fucking mandated reporters, of course. They don't understand nuance. They see only "good" and "bad". The see my mom as some evil, irrideemable monster, and me as some sort of damsel in distress. From experience with a close call, I knew better. The day DCF called my mother was a terrifying day. It was't even about her. It was about a neighborhood case, yet she still lashed out. DCF rarely ever helps anybody, I've heard. It makes things worse, if anything. It's a dangerous trap that would destroy my family. I wouldn't let them do that. I didn't let myself share too much.

I gave up on 988 and the crisis lines and called my father instead. I told him everything. He said he knew this was coming. That she was always like that. That it was why they divorced. I didn't know what to believe, but I felt safe every time I was over there, and they treat me with respect and humanity. I took the chance, packed my shit, and I'm living with him now. Safe. Healing slowly. And I took my best friend with me. The one I trust more than anyone. My beloved rabbit. I will see to it that she never starves again.

#tw violent imagery #tw violent thoughts #tw violence #tw violent language #family trauma #trauma #tw trauma #tw sui ideation #tw sui talk #tw sui attempt #tw sucidal ideation #tw intrusive thoughts #mental illness #tw mental illness #animal neglect #tw animal neglect

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adara-of-the-flame · 11 months ago

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the-name-is-hoggle

You’d think the concept of a mother nature” having a child would be what really throws the dwarf off. But no, that made sense to him.

“How could the flaws of one of a group mess up a-a traveling spell? Portal crossing? So much! That they -they- all fragment? I assume you mean split as in their essences were halved in some way?”

He questions further, leaning forward now as he drawn in by the truly buck wild story Mars was attempting to tell.

“All of them must have been faulted in some way for that sort of result…”

adara-of-the-flame

"I..." There was a long a pause as the half-Urru processed what Hoggle had to say. "I guess that's true.

"But, the thing about Urskek society is that its...ultra-conformist. Like, they look alike, they walk alike, they talk alike. It's sorta as if they have a hive mind, but don't? I dunno how else to explain it. Having your own identity, speaking for yourself, being just you is just...wrong." Another pause. "I wonder if that's the 'heresy' they were exciled for? Just...wanting to be themselves? Maybe they all had that problem? I dunno. I'll have to ask Dad next time I see him."

Mars settled back into her sheets. "Anyway...yeah, they were split. Into two separate people. But, still one soul. And, they could only ever share each other's pain after that. But, not me and my sister. We share lots of stuff." The half-Urru's wide snoot grew widder with a proud, playful grin. Seems she was grateful for the link she and her sister shared.

"So, a lot of people think they were split between good and evil, but..I took psycology, and I don't think so. I think it was more like...Id and Ego? I dunno if I need to explain that. Anyway, when they split, the first half were the Skeksis. And, they look like these dinosaur-birds, and they were really, really selfish, like, they wanted everything, wanted to rule everything, couldn't be patient for anything. They got to work ruling the Gelfling and being like these collective Lords of the Crystal and took over the Castle and everything. The other half...were so quiet!" It almost seemed as though Mars was a little frustrated by this. "And, slow, and seemed to really like the color brown, but they were sweet and gentle and called themselves Urrus. But, lots of people in Thra called them Mystics, because they were so mystical, and spiritual. And, they had long hair and long snoots and four arms, but would never stand upright for some reason. And, they wandered off and hid in a valley and sort of just...hung out there, doing their own spiritual thing away from the rest of the world."

Mars seemed thoughtful now, as she propped one of her four arms up on her chin. "I think...I think the Urskeks weren't so much split between 'Good' versus 'Evil' as they were split between 'want and drive' vs 'slow down and restraint'. Because the Skeksis seemed to be the ones who got things done. They were bad things, but they did them, and they just kept wanting more, and not knowing when to stop. The Urrus just stayed in one place, not doing much but meditating and being spiritual. They could connect with the harmony of Thra, but they never did anything to stop their other halves. They would get stuck doing the same, slow thing for days. Like trees just...vibing in the ground.

"Both sides were broken and...neither one of them wanted to be put back together again..."

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the stench of this terrible blog…bleck!”

#the-name-is-hoggle #Hoggle #Mars #RP #Mars the Free Spirit #Bards are not boring #A kingdom for a kiss: or why you should really read the fine print before handing out real estate #Sleepover and camp stories in the Emerald Palace #Backstory Time!#The History of Thra According to Mars: Part 3 #In which Mars does her best to describe Urru and Skeksis #Dark Crystal Lore #Some of this is taken from The Dark Crystal: Creation Myths comics #Good read

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chromatophorium · 10 months ago

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Psycological-ish eldritch(?) horror concept under cut. (Was dissatisfied with the horror content I have watched recently* and decided to put like a combination of ideas I Iike into a blender here to create something cool-ish)

(tense? what tense? What are you talking about??? pfft...)

Right. So a Swedish village. Pretty out there in the woods. Only has one small convenience store that also works as a post office. Protag comes there with their partner to visit their partners parents and stay there on vacation for a week, camping and stuff, getting away from the city stress.

First they go to the partner's parent's house. When the protag's partner introduces them to their parents in person (they have seen each other on like the partners weekly video calls to them before) the elderly parents were surprised that they came so early in the summer, "it's so close to the beginning of June! You could have come later in the month, for midsummer you know. We would have loved to have you two here over midsummer. The whole village gets together to celebrate, something you may have not seen before, protag, since you grew up in the city. And so far north too! You have a different midsummer pole up there, don't you?" and they go on a bit about different traditions.

Then the partner says that the two couldn't get any vacation days around midsummer, since at their jobs people with children often really want the days around midsummer and they took the fall of having two separate vacation spans in the beginning and end of the summer this year. "And it works out pretty well, since we have enough travel time to see the village birthday like this! I haven't been here for your birthday celebration in ages dad, I miss it!"

The protag asks what that is about. "'The village birthday'? Did the village get founded on the same day as your birth or something?" The partners dad shakes his head and laughs it off, maybe a bit too forcefully. "No, no. We're just a tightly knit community, so we do a bit of a collective birthday party for the people born in early summer. We do it early in the summer to not clash with midsummer, you know. And one later for the late summer kids. Same thing with the winter birthdays, we celebrate them early to not clash with christmas, and in spring before Easter. The fall birthdays get a bit split up, but in the last years we've been doing a thing on the 31st October for them, with a spooky theme. The kids around here love it, it means they can celebrate halloween here too. Before they had to drive into the city to do trick-or-treating, but now they can do it here."

The protag is like "Wow, that really is a tight knit community." Then they talk some more and stuff. And then the parents go like, "ah we gotta prepare dinner." turn to partner "why don't you go show protag around while we do? It'll probably be done in just about an hour, so you two go enjoy yourselves." and partner goes "Yeah, that sound good, right?" Protag agrees and they go outside. Just when they're about to go the mom comes out and asks the partner if they can just come help with something really quick in their old room, which is now the guest room. The partner agrees and tells the protag to hold on.

So the protag is left standing outside, looking around. They look around at the nature and the houses. There are some houses, most of them are wooden, painted the classical red with white corners, but some are more yellow with white corners and two-three more modern ones with stucco exterior. Some have old barns next to them, but most are just well maintained lawns and such. You can't see far beyond them because the land is flat. One can tell that there is some open more open space to the south and west, but otherwise the conifer trees grow tall right by the border of the gardens.

The protag sees some garden birds fly up toward the top of the trees and follows their journey up. Their partner is still not there, even though it's been a minute. The protag isn't worried though, their gaze stays on the top of the trees where the birds flew. Soon, they see the birds fly the east, almost hopping from tree top to tree top. Their follow their journey once again with their gaze.

But as they start to veer north east on the trees that border the city, the protagonists eyes catch on something... something. They can't really tell what it is, something in-between the gaps of just the tippy-tops of the trees.

They squint.

The birds move on, continuing to circle the town from the tops of the trees and eventually flying down, presumably to another garden. But the protag doesn't see that. They keep staring at that one spot.

Above and between the tops of a handful of trees, in the gaps where the sky should be- no is visible, there is something. The edges of some... you couldn't call it a building, could you? No. There was too little visible to make out what it was. The only thing visibly different to the other gaps between the trees was... Was what? Wait, what was different about that spot of sky behind those particular trees? It just looked like sky. It was just sky. Right?

Yeah, it had to be. It looked no different that any other parts of spikey peaks of conifer tips bordering the sky. There was nothing there.

But why did their eyes always catch there when sweeping over the high horizon...?

The protag was startled out of their thoughts by their partner putting an arm around them ans asking them if they were ready to go. Protag puts it out of their mind and says yeah.

The two walk and their partner introduces them to all the neighbors they meet on their way. The little time the protag thought it would take to get back to the main road from where they came is gradually lengthened to a whole 20 minutes with all the small talk and introductions. The neighbors are all pleasant and happy to see partner back in town and are happy to see the person that they have heard the mother and father talk about.

They eventually make it to the village center, where the main road runs through. On the opposite of the road, there are the only two light up signs in the whole village. One for the unmanned gasstation and the other for the convenience store/post office, the only real reasons to ever stop in the village, if you do not live here.

There are two main crosswalks made into speed bumps to slow down the occasional cars that pass through about once every five minutes.

On the side of the main road closer to the parents house there is a playground and a kind of big paved open space that looks perfect for a small farmers market. A part of it that borders a long one-story building has roof over the paved area with benches and picknic tables. The partner points the building and the plaza out and says that's where they'll celebrate the village birthday in a week. Then they point to the west and say that over there is the old Fredrikssons garden, where they put up the midsummer pole.

Out further west and south west, there are some different agricultural fields, but otherwise the little village is tightly closed in by the conifer trees.

As they go past the playground they see three children playing there with a heavily pregnant woman watching after them. She waves at the two and greets them. The partner introduces the protag to her the same as she does everyone, and it goes as smoothly as the other times. When they get on the topic of the pregnancy the partner asks how long it's gonna be until birth, the woman answers that they're not sure yet, maybe before midsummer or maybe later. She would want to be able to really celebrate and dance on midsummer with her grandmother, since this might be her last, but... Then the topic turns to the grandmother instead and how she's doing and if they're going to want any help doing something for her midsummer. The woman thanks her for their concern but they don't know yet, and if they need help they're sure the village will do their best and asks if the two are planing to stay until midsummer and the chat turns into pleasantries once again.

Then the woman says it's about time for her and the kids to go, to which the kids are a bit sad. One of the kids says they want to go back after dinner. The woman says that the kid's parents wanted them back for dinner at their own home for once this week, they can play more tomorrow. The kids sigh but then accept. The one kid waves goodbye to the other two and runs off to the west, while the woman and the other two walk across the road to the north.

The protag and their partner decide to go the convenience store/post office to show 'the real gathering place of the village'. They walk in and meet plenty of people there, not only the two owners/employees but others there to shop and hang out. It's all more pleasantries and niceties that the protagonist feels a bit left out of because they don't know the inside jokes.

Before they leave one of the owners asks if they need to buy any more birthday preparations now that the protagonist is here. The partner answers and says that they probably have everything they need already, but they'll check with their parents and thanks for reminding them. Then the two leave.

The partner sees that the protagonist is pretty exhausted from all the talking with what are strangers to them and suggest they walk out to the water tower, it's probably pretty chill around there. The protagonist immediately whips their head in the direction of the weird something or nothing in the gaps of the trees they noticed before.

The partner says like "Oh? You've already noticed it, huh? Yep. That's the water tower."

The protag is a bit weirded out but says "Yeah, I think I saw it through the trees before, but didn't know what it was. When I heard you say there was a water tower here, the pieces just snapped into place..."

The partner "Mhm, yeah. It's like the only other thing to see around here, so when we've seen it you've seen all of the village. C'mon, I think we can get there and back to my parents place by the time they're done with dinner."

The protag agrees and the two go down a road that leads to the water tower. The protag keeps looking up at the gaps in the trees, expecting to see the exterior of some brick or cement building as they get closer, but find themselves only seeing sky or just more forest. But they still feel like there is something there, but they don't really see it.

When they cross the border into the forest onto a path that leads straight north east the protag expects to catch sight of it, but doesn't and does. They joke "Haha, the water tower near where I grew up was always getting filled up with graffiti art pieces, you guys must have landscape painters as vandals instead of gangster wannabee's." The partner doesn't catch their joke and only hums questioningly. The protag continues awkwardly "I mean with how much it blends in with its surroundings, it's gotta have been painted camo or something. We should have caught sight of it by now, right? It's as tall as the trees..." The partner answers simply "We don't have any vandals around here. We'll be there soon, just hold on a bit." They grab the protags hand and leads them further down the path. The protag stays silent the rest of the way. Their partner does too.

The path is still straight, but it stops as they arrive in a clearing. In the clearings middle the ground dips down one or two meters.

They approach the dip and in its exact center is the water tower.

Its handhewn stone brick walls stand at an impressive circa half a meter tall, and its roof is open to let it be filled easily. With its about one meter diameter it looked like it could hold almost infinite amounts of water. The protagonist stood there looking up- down? into the water storage tank. It's dark. You can't see the bottom of it. Not even the surface of the water. It's...

The protag looks up- down? At the sky above the water tower. Nothing. Just sky, slowly darkening sky. Or something? Somethings up- down? there. Or...?

The protagonist reaches above- below- into- above- below- into- No. No, their hand. Is. No. It looks like and it feels like it's ABOVE the tall walls of the water tower.

They are holding their hand at a 90 degree angle above the water tower. There is nothing there. Just air. It feels like just air. They wiggle their fingers. Just air. They move their hand further up, arm at a 140 degrees, and move their forearm around. Just air. They move it lower, 45 degrees, wiggle it around. Nothing. Just air.

They move their hand away. They say "W-"

They say nothing. Their partner has their hand on their mouth that was jus about to speak. Their partner looks them in the eyes and shakes their head.

No.

The protag slowly puts their hand over their partners, to show understanding. They use their other to point out of the dip.

...When had they gone down it? They could have fallen up- down? into. Into the tall wall of the water tower. Why had they not been careful?

Their partner slipped their hand out from under their own. They used it to point out of the dip too, and nodded.

Their trek up the wet slippery moss of the slope was slow. They stayed silent as they walked down the straight path to the southwest.

When they finally crossed the border, from the realm of the tall conifer trees into the village proper, the protagonist spoke up. "What was that?"

Their partner answered "The water tower."

"I know that, but why was it- Why did it look like that?"

"...I don't know. It's the water tower."

"But it's so- It's tall, yes, but just... so tall but- It's half a meter tall. Why could I see it from your house?"

"It's tall."

"I know, but why could I reach- reach- reach--- Why could I reach --- The word, it's... The word I mean is a bit like beside but on the, you know, the thing that is not horisontal?"

"I don't know. I don't know what's up with that."

"Up, yes. Beside but... No it wasn't up, right? It couldn't be..."

"I don't know. It was chill place though, wasn't it?"

"...I guess it wasn't not chill!?!? What the fuck? And why wasn't I supposed to spe-"

"Shh. The village could hear you."

The protag shuts up.

"Let's just head home, alright? If we jog a bit we'll make it there before dark."

Then they head home, have a nice dinner and shit and niceties. They don't bring it up.

Anyway a few days later it's the first monday of june and they wake up hearing a siren sound that is seven seconds long and has a fourteen second pause and then repeats is heard. But not through the normal way, of air vibrations affecting the eardrum and all that stuff, but through bone conduction and vibrations in the ground.

Then during that day shit goes down and stuff. The woman that's pregnant births her child, and it can't stop screaming. Maybe the protag tries to leave by the main road and then appears at the other side of the village. Uhm.

Birthday celebrations are held and people are happy, they stop talking and singing every seven seconds to let the siren sound.

People have prepared too much cake and baked goods than what a village could possibly eat in one day. Like double the amount people could possibly eat.

People get really horse, like they've been screaming. People cry a lot, but they say it is out of happiness.

The radio is static other than some channels that are screaming.

The grandma is found screaming down the well by the protag, even though they weren't allowed to go there, causing her to fall in it.

That makes shit happen. Like something relating to screaming and the screaming of many people, like the siren sound is replaced by it.

The cake and everything edible starts melting into water.

Uh... something something. at three PM it stops.

The celebration that is held is actually not for the birthday kids, but for all the people around the world that have died screaming during that quarter year. And the people get born on one of the days know each time someone dies screaming. They don't know if the celebration does anything, but they do it anyway, to try and give the souls that died screaming a last good memory of some kind before they maybe move on. They try and make the best of it. They feel as though they, when they are born on the day, then they are obligated to do something. Because why else would they be burdened by the knowledge, if they weren't chosen to be heralds or something.

And in this universe Hesa Fredrik is inspired by this religious cult, because it was a guy named Fredrik who rediscovered this viking age well and then he became like, part of the civil defense measures government agency, to make more shelters and varning systems because he wanted less people to die screaming.

And the partner took the protag here on this day cuz... idk. They both are emergency room nurses? And the protag was stressed out over losing patients? And the partner wanted to show that all the people who die in pain get birthday cake? And the partner also believes that people who scream internally when they die also are there but you can't hear them?

Idk. Just wanted a eldritch tower/well and siren/hesa fredrik horror thing.

*So I listened to a video essay about quiet horror and then watched a movie they talked about. The beginning was kinda engaging but then the continuation of it wasn't. I also watched a video of that Junji Ito guy looking at scary pictures and he looked at sirenhead and said "Oh, I wrote some stories about sirens" and since I like the siren noise as a unsettling thing in horror stuff I checked those out but was disappointed. Also remembered the reverse tower in annihilation and that I was disappointed by how it was featured after a video essay had hyped it up a bit. So yeah.

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saramisuu · 10 months ago

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Favorite episodes from my favorite podcast - Part 3 📻

This is part 3 of my favorite episodes from "Radio Ambulante" podcast. Enjoy!

El mago. (The magician). This is also in my top 5 (maybe in the #1 spot, I love this episode so much!). I cried a lot, tears of sadness and joy. After years of effort, an Ecuadorian immigrant manages to be recognized as a magician in NY and when he finally achieves success, he loses his sight.

Luna llena sobre Chiapas. (Full moon over Chiapas). Hey, paranormal stuff (although it scares me) has fascinated me since I was little. This episode of nahuales in Mexico is super good.

Los flequilludos. (The bangs). I really didn't know how to translate the title into English. This episode is hilarious. I laughed like crazy. In Argentina in the 60s, chaos breaks out when a TV channel brings in a group of Beatles imitators and people think they are the originals hahaha great.

240 aves. (240 birds). Beautiful episode. A Uruguayan man who was born blind develops incredible hearing ability; He can recognize any bird just by listening to it. His ability makes him win a television contest where geniuses from all over Latin America participate

Las escaladoras. (The climbers). A group of Bolivian 'cholitas' challenge traditional gender roles and manage to climb the most important peaks in their country and the world. Super inspiring.

Emos vs. punks. This infamous episode is said to be one of the things that keeps Mexico humble. If you grew up in the 2000s, like me, you must be familiar with emos (you probably were one) and you'll love this episode.

¿Alguien ha visto a este muchacho? (Has anyone seen this boy?). Slavery, although abolished 200 years ago in most of the continent, still exists. As city people, we are often so foreing to the harsh realities of rurality. This is a story from Brazil.

La rata que amé. (The rat I loved)." A Colombian scientist who works in a laboratory in the United States saves the life of a rat on which he experiments and even adopts it as a pet. This experience makes him question many things and changes his life.

Las llaves. (The keys). This episode is top 5 for me. You cannot measure the anguish I felt listening to it. Kidnapping, manipulation, misogyny, slavery. A harsh story from Venezuela. One of the ones that has impacted me the most on the podcast.

Hombre busca ayuda. "Man seeks help." One of the best initiatives that the district of Bogotá has carried out in recent years (in my opinion) has been the "Calma" hotline to provide psycological help to men and deconstruct toxic masculinities typical of Latin culture.

I thought this will take me just three parts, but there are so many good episodes of the podcast that I really really like so I will include in part 4.

#América Latina #Podcast #Podcasts #Radio Ambulante #Spotify #Colombia #Venezuela #Brazil #Brasil #Mexico #Bolivia #Argentina #Uruguay #Ecuador #writing #blog #blogger #me #real life stories

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bitemeilovewaffles · 2 years ago

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I posted 21,583 times in 2022

That's 8,320 more posts than 2021!

312 posts created (1%)

21,271 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@yeetmewithachainsaw

@tiddytrashcan

@ragnarokascendant

@charterandbarter

@wizardpotions

I tagged 2,177 of my posts in 2022

#hi waffles - 342 posts

#waffles needs dopamine - 135 posts

#saved for waffles - 91 posts

#waffles blorbos - 50 posts

#important for waffles - 47 posts

#butcher bird - 40 posts

#waffles thinks - 30 posts

#positive waffles - 29 posts

#danny phantom - 27 posts

#waffles vents - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#time to psycologically torture my opponents because humans by nature search for loopholes and i fucking *count* on them to break my rules

My Top Posts in 2022:

Hi I would hire Max0r from Youtube to speak at my funeral, because his voice is killing me

30 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

Damn, y'all lesbians didn't tell me y'all could manipulate the flow of magma into a crack then solidify it as a sheet intrusion??

42 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

Vinci Commission!

AN AMAZING COMMISSION BY @pokemon-ash-aus!!!

I'M SCREAMING!!!! This is so good! It perfectly captures his gremlin energy- and that smug grin!! It's great!! Y'all should check them out!

See the full post

45 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

If you have psychosis do you ever fuck with yourself a little bit?

"Maybe I'll engage with a little paranoia, as a treat."

82 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

🦀🦀🦀🦀

123 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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l0velyh4rbinger · 6 years ago

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So, my dash is pretty dead.

Please rb if you enjoy/post any of the following!

Welcome to night vale

Supernatural

One day at a time

The office

Parks and rec

Junjo romantica

Love stage

Moon girl and the devil dinosaur

Moonstruck

Psycology

Theories

Sherlock

Ncis

Criminal minds

Saiki k

Soul eater

Bird box

Love, Simon

The unbecoming of mara dyer

Lucifer

Alexa and katie

Poetry

#junjo romantica #soul eater #lucifer #psycology #alexa and katie #saiki k #love stage #the unbecoming of mara dyer #poetry #bird box #criminal minds #ncis #moonstruck #moon girl and the devil dinasaur #welcome to night vale #wtnv #one day at a time

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pigeoncomics · 7 years ago

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Pigeon Comic 79 - You Should Smile More

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voidselfshipp · 2 years ago

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K-science ocs! (Pacific.Rim)

Abigail Gonzalez

Profession: Kaiju Biologist

Age: 22

Place of birth: Cartagena,Colombia

Biography:

Born and raised in Colombia, Abigail decided to join in the ranger academy, though she didnt pass the physical tests, she did have a great mind for remembering and comprehending texts.

She was sent to the kaiju science field, since González insisted on helping the cause.

Abigail is an only child and though her parents dread every time there is an attack near the pacific latin cities, they know their child is out there fighting the good fight.

Psicological Report/Personality:

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

MBTI: ENFP

Positive traits: Outgoing, fearless, curious, unorthodox, attentive, observant

Negative traits: reckless,inpatient, can get caught up in the details.

Likes:

Her mom's food, napping, old sitcoms, Reading,succulents, early morning birds singing.

Dislikes:

Loud noises, "authorities with sticks up their asses", untidy workplace, close minded people

Verónica Rodríguez

Profession: Physicist

Age:32

Place of birth: Santiago de Cuba, Cuba

Biography:

Oldest of two kids, Verónica wanted to join the fight with the jaegers after her friend almost got Killed by a kaiju in mexico where she was spending her holidays.

She passed all of the exams, but ultimately decided that she wanted to work on the science part, since drift simulations drained her a lot more than they are supposed to. Making her choose to study in a field that could give her the answer to closing the breach.

With a scolarship payed by the PPDC to all the cadets that would specialize in k-science, she studied physics, and soon moved to the Lima shatterdome once the marshall saw her above average test results.

Psycological Report/Personality:

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

MBTI: INFJ

Positive Traits: insightfull, dedicated,loyal,passionate, cooperative,stubborn

Negative Traits: stubborn, overthinker, cant think outside of the box (only when math or Rational explanations arent involved).

Likes:

Latin music and culture, dancing, picking flowers, writing poetry, cuddling

Dislikes:

Certain textures (Dry wall, pasta that is too easy to chew on), bright lights, when she runs out of chalk.

-> Has ADHD that manifests with fatigue, RSD, difficulty concentrating if theres more than two background noises.

Carmen Antezana

Profession: Senior Kaiju scientist

Age:42

Place of birth:Potosí, Bolivia

Biography:

Only child, raised in Potosí by her mother, who always pushed her to be the best version of herself.

When the kaiju attacks started, she wanted to help, but given that she had some nerve damage on her leg (caused by her diabetes,type one) she was unable to pilot, so she was assigned to k-science, where she quickly learnt all there was to learn about the kaiju, and to this date she keeps up with break throughs and makes sure her team has the best equipment.

Given how fast she ascended through the ranks, she was assigned as chief k-scientist of the Lima shatterdome, at the marshalls request she was given a service animal, a golden retriever named Jengibre, given that some days, Carmen's nerve damage makes it imposible for her to pick up objects from the ground without help.

Psicological Report/Personality:

Zodiac Sign: capricorn

MBTI: ENFP

Positive Traits: caretaker, compassionate, loving, motherly, natural born leader, charismatic, passionate

Negative Traits: overthinker, cares too much, can be overbearing.

Likes:

Going out for morning walks, proving people wrong, cooking, being surrounded by loved ones

Dislikes:

Certain noises(car alarms, sirens), waking up early, forgetting to take her insulin.

João Dos Santos

Profession:kaiju behavioral studies, has a phd in psicology

Age:36

Place of birth: Arraial Do Cabo, Brazil

Biography:

Youngest of three, João was always the child that lived in a bubble, often finding himself in situations that he could handle but wasnt allowed to.

He enlisted in the jaeger academy out of spite as soon as he Turned eighteen, passed all the exams with flying colors, but he wasnt confortable with drifting, so he moved to k-science when the scholarshipps were given.

Dos Santos had a PHD in psycology, and soon discovered that he could apply his knowledge to the behaviour of kaijus, when he communicated this to his superiors, he was moved to the Lima shatterdome, where he was placed under the command of chief scientist Carmen Antezana, who he grew close with, seeing her as a second mother.

Psycological Report/Personality

Zodiac Sign: piscis

MBTI:ISFJ

Positive Traits: warm, considerate, responsible, observant, caretaker

Negative traits: slightly naive, takes on more responsabilities that he can handle, can be reckless.

Likes:

His dad's food, spending time with his siblings, watching football, dancing, learning

Dislikes:

Overtly crowded spaces, loud noises, eating his food cold, when he sleeps through his alarm.

Luis Hernández

Profession: senior kaiju scientist, Carmen's second in command

Age: 50

Place of Birth: Puntarenas, Costa Rica

Biography:

Luis was born to a middle class family, oldest of two, he helped his mom out with finances, showing skill at sorting through data and making calculations quickly and accurately.

When the kaiju attacks started, he soon enlisted knowing that the jaeger proyect would need people to sort out data and other paperwork.

He was taken in almost instantly, making him take basic psicological and physical tests.

Luis met Carmen during a meeting, both showed incredible afinity togheter,and while the Lima shatterdome was being built, Antezana requested for Hernandez's skills at sorting incoming data analysis and help sort out the finances of the dome.

Soon his place at the Lima shatterdome was made permanent, and some years later he was moved into the k-science branch as Carmen's second in command.

Psicological Report/Personality

Zodiac Sign: virgo.

MBTI: ISTJ

Positive Traits: hard working, sincere, analytical, realistic

Negative Traits: overtly cold, blunt, focuses on facts rather than feelings.

Likes:

Feeling useful, spending time with his family and Friends, cleaning and watching documentals with Carmen.

Dislikes: mess, unclear instructions, insubordination, injustice.

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Finally! A whole list for my k-science ocs! There was going to be a chilean guy but I didnt like his design. Maybe Next time!

->Only mutuals allowed to reblog.

-> these ocs exist in the context of Guillermo del toro's Pacific Rim, but they belong to me, Also the pictures in the moodboards dont belong to me but the moodboard in it of itself does.

-> Taglist: @tex-treasures @mercuryships @80sboyfriends @malewifepatrickbateman

#k-science oc: abigail Gonzalez #k-science oc: veronica rodriguez #k-science oc: carmen antezana #k-science oc: joão dos santos #k-science oc: luis hernandez

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gentlebirds-blog1 · 7 years ago

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#gentle birds #support #psycology

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hannah-deserved-better · 6 years ago

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My Fan fiction blog

I want to invite everyone to follow my fan fiction/art blog: @hanstielprompts It’s where I will be posting all my Fan fictions and art work from now on, specifically my Hanstiel stuff. I would appreciate you reblogging my work and commenting on it as I would like to have feed back. There are four stories on there now that I am slowly transferring over from AO3. Here’s some summaries and snippets:

Angel’s Day Out (Contents)

After saving Dean from being a demon, Castiel decides to teach Hannah a little more about humanity. The two leave on a weekend of exploration and intimacy. Just a cute little fluff about two angels falling in love.

“Yes,” Castiel said as he got out of the car and moved around to open the passenger door for her. “I don’t quite understand it either, but Dean informed me that we would not be allowed entry to this restaurant if we were dressed like douchebags, as he called it. He said we had to look sharp.”

Hannah felt confused. “Sharp?” she repeated. “Like a blade?” She looked down at herself. She wore a slimming black dress with a short hemline, square neckline, and thin spaghetti straps crisscrossing her bare back. Her hair was pulled back from her shoulders, spilling in wavy tresses against her back. She wore a light blue pendant that Sam had said brought out her eyes.

Castiel offered her his hand and, hesitantly, she took it, and he hoisted her to her feet. “Do I look sharp then? Sam Winchester claimed this was appropriate.” Castiel looked at what she wore, his eyes studying her slim form closely.

“Yes,” he responded. She felt her cheeks turn a little warm as she took in his appearance. He wore a dark navy blue tuxedo with coat and white dress shirt. His appearance certainly made her vessel flush slightly; she didn’t quite understand this sort of reaction. “You look smashing.”

Hannah hoped that smashing was a good thing.

Grace Exchange (Contents)

Hannah gives Castiel her grace and then is captured by a local serial killer. When she is at her most vulnerable- an angel on Earth without grace- she is held captive and tortured by this killer and Castiel is desperate to find her. Warning: Torture, gore, attempted sexual assault, and sexual assault of a side character.

After that sickening presentation, Castiel could hardly walk. He followed Sam and Dean out into the hallway, and when they turned to him, he collapsed against the wall, bending over, gripping his head in his hands. He felt waves and waves of dizziness, his head pulsated and throbbed. He gasped in a few breaths. The emotions threatened to strangle him.

“Hey, hey,” Dean’s voice seemed distant, like an echo in Castiel’s mind. He felt both Winchesters gripping him on the shoulders, holding him up. He tried to let himself slump to the floor, but the firm grips on his shoulders held him up. As he blinked, his vision blackened, but he saw Dean and Sam sandwiching him between them, both supporting him. Dean patted him on the chin in an attempt to get him to snap out of it.

“Come on Cas,” Sam urged. “It’s going to be okay.” But it wasn’t okay. What he had just seen, the thought Hannah could be suffering like this; this human could be hurting her, it triggered emotions so overwhelming, it was if his body shorted out.

Shadows of the past (Contents)

Castiel and Hannah are raising Jack and a de-aged Claire together when Hannah learns she is pregnant. Aside from what’s going on in their lives, there are some mysteries to be solved in this small Maine town in the woods where they have relocated. Nearby, Sam and Dean make themselves at home at a new bunker, and face challenges of their own. In addition, at the onset of her pregnancy, Hannah begins to have visions and see glimpses of a past she doesn’t remember or understand. Side Pairings: Sabriel+Eileen Leahy, Dean/Jo Harvelle, Charlie/Jo, Claire/Kaia. Warnings: hauntings, gore, mystery, suspense.

“Why pumpkins?” Jack asked as he glanced around at all the activities as the three of them approached the entrance to the pumpkin patch. “Well I consulted the google for appropriate Halloween related activities,” Castiel explained as he and Hannah came to a stop at the ticket booth. “Visiting a pumpkin patch is a significant ritual. We have to journey through the corn maze, eat nutritionally deficient but seasonal foods, ride the carriage, and at the conclusion, we must select some pumpkins to take home so we can carve them into faces to frighten young children on Halloween.” Hannah mimicked the confused look on Jack’s face as the Nephilim cocked his head to one side. Both looked at Castiel for clarification as the angel glanced up from reading the list off of his phone. Castiel smiled as he noticed the two of them looking at him like confused lost birds.

“I don’t understand how consuming nutritionally deficient foods is necessary for this activity, Castiel,” Hannah spoke up, trying to wrap her mind around yet another strange human concept. “And wouldn’t frightening the children cause a traumatic reaction?”

“I’ll show you both,” Castiel assured them, a soft smile spreading across his face as he took Hannah’s hand and ushered her towards the ticket booth while Jack looked on. “Three tickets please,” Hannah told the ticket booth attendant. The woman glanced at the three of them, eyes lingering slightly on Jack, who seemed preoccupied with the activities going on just beyond the gate. “How old is he?” the woman asked as Hannah handed her some cash. “He just turned one,” Castiel explained, proudly. Hannah glanced at him as he received a dumbfounded look from the woman. Now it was Castiel’s turn to be confused. “Was… that not the correct answer?”

Empty Vessels (https://hanstielprompts.tumblr.com/EmptyVessels)

Co-written with a friend, this story takes place in the current seaon 14 of Supernatural (so beware of spoilers). Nick, Lucifer’s empty vessel embarcks on a campaign of torture and murder. His target? former angel vessels. He’s tracked down one particular angel vessel, Caroline Johnson, and Castiel and Jack have come to protect her before Nick gets ahold of her. Pairings: Castiel/Caroline. Warnings: Dark themes, psycological trauma, PTSD, homelessness, mental trauma, serial killing, torture, attempted assault. This is a very VERY dark angsty fic so beware.

Caroline sighed, looking down at her hands as they rested in her lap. After a pause, she lifted her gaze and looked- actually looked- at him. "She cared about you, you know," she said. "Hannah. I shared her thoughts, and she loved you."

"I know," Castiel admitted. He hesitated. He had grown to care for Hannah. Her death had hurt him deeper than any other had. He wasn't sure if it was love, but he wondered if it could have been if they had had time. Emotions didn't come easily for angels and Castiel always admired Hannah for her ability to feel things deeply. It was her passion, her kindness, her trust in him that he admired about her.

And Caroline was not Hannah. She shared her body; it was hard for Castiel to look at her and not see Hannah. But she was not. This was a shy, withdrawn, timid woman who had been hardened by the harsh life she had been dealt. Hannah's passions seemed not to be present. She appeared almost… empty. She was merely going through the motions in life. Not really living. Had she always been that way or was this just one more broken human that the angels destroyed?

"I know you probably don't care for her," Castiel began. "But… Hannah would be devastated to know what had become of you."

Caroline inhaled sharply and quickly dropped her gaze. "I have been on survival mode for so long. I haven't really cared about living, but I suppose I am too cowardly to just let myself die. So… I've just been here… but not alive. It's been so long since…"

She trailed away, her voice becoming husky with emotion. Castiel reached over and used a finger to gently lift her chin. She gazed up at him, her eyes glistening with tears. It seemed that simple, gentle touch broke something within her. First, her face scrunched up and then suddenly, she was in his arms, propelling herself to him, planting her face into his shoulder.

#Castiel #Hannah #fan fiction #fan art #Hanstiel #angst #fluff #Sabriel #Chestervelle #Samleen #Jo/Charlie #Claire/kaia #polyamory #mystery #suspense #dark fiction #Supernatural

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nekilarry · 2 years ago

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Just finished Flightless Bird. Well written, no doubt about it, but it broke me in a million pieces. Yesterday I cried like never before for a fanfiction.

One think that left me perplexed is that Harry doesn't search for psycological help. I know that the mood is "Louis helps him to "stay his dragons"", but from my point of view is not enough.

Anyway I will never read it again. It left me with a feeling of sadness, even with a "happy ending" (if we wanna call happy ending a finale where Harry cries because he feels himself still traped in the darkness). This is not what I look for in a fanfiction. I think I will re-read Bloodsport: it is my confort fic.

P.s. my personal opinion: the tags about the biggest triggering subject for me need to be exaplained better. Those parts are really really really disturbing. I don't know if I am particularly sensitive and so it is a problem of mine, it could be.

#flightless bird

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castherebel · 6 years ago

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Hanstiel fanfic blog

Angel’s Day Out (Contents)

Hannah hoped that smashing was a good thing.

Grace Exchange (Contents)

Shadows of the past (Contents)

Empty Vessels (https://hanstielprompts.tumblr.com/EmptyVessels)

"I know you probably don't care for her," Castiel began. "But… Hannah would be devastated to know what had become of you."

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