#binge eating disorder recovery

[sophisticatedgia]

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

doing laundry. need to do dishes and make bed all nice. mom texted me her and dad are getting hair cuts today. kewl. I want to take more selfies lol. I happy about my lace socks. also some cool new ppl followed me. exciting! thank you🐾

edit: after taking out the trash. I've always taken out the trash and recycling at my parents and wherever else Ive lived. I enjoy it. my boyfriend thinks I just want guys to check me out. that's not true, his whole apartment complex is thirsty for him! one or two guys in this apartment area have come onto me and it's no trouble as I have strong boundaries and very abrupt with men. but anyway he told me blond neighbor goes to take out trash all the time like one single milk jug all the way to dumpster while he's working outside just to interact with him. so I think it's fair and fine for me to take out trash. I love doing duties and chores. and my man is mine!

I feel like maybe I looked too skinny in the goth photos. so here see im healthy 🐾

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

What made you want to recover. I have anorexia and I don't want to recover I just want to get worse and worse until I'm sick enough. I'm in forced recovery but faking it as I just want to starve is there any reason to recover?

Hello anon, this is a difficult question to answer because for me, personally, it wasn't any one thing that made me want to recover. The truth is that when I started, I didn't understand the long-term effects of what I was doing to myself. I sort of knew about them, but the importance of being thin had been stressed to me all of my life and so I was in a self-destructive place where I was willing to make that choice again and again and risk throwing away my health for thinness. That's pretty fucked up, true, but again, I didn't understand the full extent of the damage I might be doing to myself.

I think it's also worth mentioning that I had an undiagnosed chronic illness and some trauma that I was quietly sitting on because I doubted my own perspective and my ability to access real help for these things. Because of this, I didn't have a frame of reference for mental and physical wellness, because I hadn't felt mentally or physically well for a very long time. Even now, looking back at symptoms I was experiencing, it is hard to know if I was experiencing these things due to my eating disorder or something else. I think it was all cumulative damage, to be honest. The eating disorder didn't help.

But looking back, I think I actually had an eating disorder long before I "decided" to start restricting food. I remember going through a growth spurt during puberty around age twelve and being hungry all the time, but we frequently had the kind of foods people call "junk food" in the house because that's what my parents bought. So that's what I ate a lot of, constantly, and my mother was constantly remarking on it in a negative way and trying to stop me. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother, and she raised me with a complicated relationship to food and body image. I remember doing fucked-up things like sneaking food into the bathroom with me so I could eat snacks in the shower unobserved, or hiding snacks under my bed, and just absolutely gorging on food at other times while knowing I was eating way past the point of being full and not knowing why I wanted to. So I officially decided to start restricting when I was fifteen, but the truth is that I had a fucked up relationship with food way earlier than that.

When I was nearing my seventeenth birthday, I experienced a breakdown in health due to chronic illness. I was suffering terribly. At the time I had this hippie friend who believed everything could be cured with the right diet and supplements. As I mentioned before, I was raised in a household where we didn't fully understand proper nutrition, and I had been raised eating a lot of low-nutrition meals. Because I had a stronger relationship with this friend than with my family, I bought into the mindset that if I got the right nutrients, I would be cured. And, in my mind, I had to get as many of those nutrients as possible as quickly as possible, so I immediately turned back to bingeing. But I was bingeing on a lot of high-nutrient hippie foods, so I didn't see a problem with this. I didn't understand that my relationship to the food wasn't fixed. I wasn't enjoying it, I was gorging on it, and between meals I was desperately anticipating the time I could gorge again. And because it was hippie food, I thought that this would cure me.

The thing was, after over a year of severe restriction, my GI system was wildly unprepared to handle the level of food-stuffing I was about to put it through - even though it was super-healthy hippie food. So I actually got sicker, experiencing the symptoms that come along with suddenly eating real portions after restriction. This led to me alternating between not understanding why the food wasn't working to cure me, to not understanding why I felt so addicted to eating. And this kick-started a violent binge-restrict cycle where I'd force myself to go hungry until certain times a day, at which point I'd unleash myself upon food and be unable to stop. Then I'd restrict again the next day to make up for it, get increasingly desperate for food, and you see the pattern. The binge-restrict cycle is so real.

So I was super trapped in that life and I wanted out. I knew I wanted to get out long before I actually started getting out. Because every time I binged, my immediate response was to hate myself and restrict. That was all I knew. By the time I even started to make a bit of progress on breaking that pattern, I had achieved enough real healing to understand that my restriction days had been a part of what led me down this hellish path and I didn't want to go back to that. To tell you the truth, in order to truly stay away from it - because I'll be real, I do get tempted to go back to restriction from time to time - I have to remind myself that while restricting feels like it would save me, it would only be a stepping stone back into that horrible pattern that kept me so sick and felt impossible to break. And I have to choose wanting better for myself.

Now, your story may not look like mine. So I'm not sure your motivation will end up looking like mine. But what do you need for yourself in order to want better for yourself?

You say you want to do this until you are sick enough. Can I just ask you to take a moment to ask yourself, what do you think is "sick enough?" Would you really stop when you got there, or would you just keep moving the goalpost until your body gave out? Because if you're stuck thinking "I have to do this till I'm sick enough" then believe me - you are sick enough. Your struggle counts. You don't have to wait until the damage is irreversible.

Because the thing is, when you start experiencing long-term sickness as a result - GI disorders, internal organ failure, etc - your suffering will be out of your control. Eating disorders feel like you're taking control, but you're not. And as someone who suffered with chronic illness for years, let me tell you, you don't want "sick enough." I can't tell you for sure what you do want, but allow me to take a guess. Maybe you want the validation that comes from being sick enough. Maybe you want to showcase how awful it got because you want people to care, to be concerned, to validate you. You want indisputable proof that you are well and truly fucked up, that you truly were hurt by whatever it is that hurt you.

The fact is, even some people who are sick enough to be on death's door, from some chronic illness or another, never get that validation or support. Our system is fucked up like that. But understanding that also means you don't have to wait for someone else to validate how hard you struggled and how much you've suffered. You're already sick enough. You don't have to wait for it to get worse in order to deserve better. So what do you need? What do you need in order to affirm to yourself that what you've been through is real? What do you need in order to feel you deserve to get better for real? What do you need in order to keep seeking out that desire to heal even when you're triggered as hell and struggling and forget all the breakthroughs you had once made and all you want to do is say "fuck it then, I'll self-destruct" because that's addicting in its own way?

I hope you're able to seek those answers in your treatment, anon. I hope you're able to affirm to yourself that you deserve to be more well than this, and to love yourself enough to fight for it?

[fitforestfairy]

Feeling unworthy and self sabotage while trying to achieve fitness goals

Do you ever feel like you don’t deserve to succeed in your fitness goals?

Like it’s just a “vanity” thing or simply you don’t deserve good things or to feel good about yourself. Maybe you spent so long feeling bad about yourself that is all you know and you think there’s no point in changing or you feel it’s impossible to change.

And as soon you start to see progress you unconsciously (or sometimes more consciously) sabotage your progress. It could all be due to an underlying feeling of unworthiness, apart from different mental health conditions that may be going on. In my case, my BPD plays a huge role in the perception I have of myself and my black and white thinking can lead to feeling like a failure if I don’t do things perfectly. Depression and anxiety are big issues for me, and body dysmorphia as well.

I think it’s one of those mental aspects of fitness and weight loss that can lead to self sabotage and it’s nowhere nearly talked about enough.

This is a gentle reminder that no matter how you’ve felt your whole life or the whole past week or day, you deserve good things. You deserve happiness and success. You deserve to be healthy and to feel good in your own skin. And you deserve to be at peace with yourself and take care of your mental health as well.

[growandrecover]

ed recovery and the holidays

This time of year can be very stressful, especially for those with eating disorders! Most gatherings are centered around food, or at least have some kind of food there, and a lot of the time, that’s overwhelming to us, understandably so. 

So here are some things that have helped me get through it :)

Allow yourself to have the food you enjoy if you can. It doesn’t have to be anything that will cause you intense fear, maybe just a bite to start off! I have a massive sweet tooth, and while I was in my eating disorder, any kind of sweets were a no no, but I missed them so much! I found that when I let myself have (and enjoy) the foods I loved, especially around Christmas when there are so many good sweets, it made the events more pleasant and also helped me step out of my ed shell. 

If you gain any weight this month, please, please try not to let it get to you. I think most people know that around the holidays, people gain weight. It’s a fact well known by our society, and while the people you may be around could have unhealthy coping skills for this, please don’t let yourself succumb to them. 

Going off of that last one, it seems like the holidays are huge for diet talk among loved ones. If you’re getting together with people, there’s a chance you may be exposed to some triggering topics. That’s not a reason not to attend events, it’s an opportunity to strengthen your recovery. As I’ve stated in a previous post, if anyone says anything to you about your body, what you’re eating, or how much you’re eating, do not be afraid to set boundaries. I’m a pretty non-confrontational person myself, so I know how hard this can be, but it can be as simple as changing the subject, or saying something (I put a little list below)

If you’d rather be more open, tell them as much as you’d like. Just know, it’s not your job to educate people, but you can certainly do so if you want!

If all of the people you’re around are involved in diet talk, do not feel bad about separating yourself from the conversation. Leave the room if you need to! There’s nothing wrong with that at all. 

Practice mindfulness and grounding. Remind yourself what you’ve learned throughout your recovery journey and how far you’ve come. Even if you’re on day one, that’s still an accomplishment you should be proud of! The holidays will come and go, the parties will end, the get-togethers will end, and it won’t seem so prominent anymore. You can get through this. 

Look at things as matter of factly as you can. This is something that always helps me, so I’m hoping it’ll help you, too. I start by asking myself if this is really what I want: Do I want to have all my thoughts consumed by my ed when I’m around my friends and family or do I want to try to enjoy my food and not worry (to the best of your ability, I understand that it’s very hard not to worry about something when you’re super focused on it) about the numbers, and have a nice time with the people I care about? I then go to: Your looks have nothing to do with your worth. You may be bigger or smaller than you were in the past, but you’re still beautiful! Your size does not determine your worth, nor does it define your beauty!

If you relapse: There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not a failure. The progress you’ve made is not suddenly lost. Talk to someone you trust, or if you can get out of it by yourself, please be gentle and treat yourself with love and compassion. Life is not supposed to be about numbers, food, and other disordered behaviors. You’ll make it out, you’re strong and your ed does not control you. 

Things you can do or say if someone says something to you about your body/weight/eating habits/etc

“Is it okay if we talk about this another time?”

“Let’s talk about this another time.”

“I’m not really comfortable talking about this.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“I’m not comfortable talking about diets/exercise/etc”

“Please don’t make comments about my body.” “Please don’t make comments about my eating habits.” 

“I’m in recovery from an eating disorder, please don’t make comments like that.”

“I’m in recovery from an eating disorder.” 

“So, how’s work?” 

[simply ignore them]

[change the subject]

[bed-no-more]

Binged last night on snacks and sandwiches. I think because I wa stressed about work and didn't end up following my dinner plan. I'm super tempted to restrict today, but I know I shouldn't, that it'll only make it worse.

[opal-eyed-girl]

having an eating disorder and knowing the path of recovery really well is like, one day i'm like, "ugh should i eat this? maybe not... i mean the average human gains and loses 3-5lbs every day so whatever *eats in enjoyment*" and the next day i'm like, "WHY DID I EAT THATTTTTT I FUCKED UP" lmfao

[sandramiksaauthor]

BRAIN OVER BINGE how to stop binging for good

[desultory-suggestions]

It's okay to be scraping by. Even if you would rather be doing better, even if you technically could be doing better. Sometimes the weight of things just pushes us down. Keep moving forward, even if is slow. In time you will be back where you want to be.

[pansyboybloom]

I need people to realize that binge eating disorders aren’t just ‘overeating’. this is a disability, this is a mental illness, it is a disorder, not a moral failing and people, esp fat people, with it are not pathetic or weak willed or gluttonous or disgusting. We’re people, and deserve to be treated as such.

Support your friends who binge. Don’t make assumptions. Do research and watch out for fatphobia and diet culture centered rhetoric. Respect us, regardless on how or why or when we do or do not recover. Show us love, because god knows very few people do

[sophisticatedgia]

things are good with my boyfriend. I saw my mom and gave her a cannoli (we are Italian and she loves cannoli's) she gave my my medications luvox and abilify. you can see in the background in this photo the coconut oil my wonderful boyfriend uses to give me deep tissue back massages. he is a good man, the best boyfriend I've ever had. I don't want to lose him.

I was crying earlier because I recently saw Jackie was about to delete her account. I'm so sorry and I'll remember our friendship forever. Thank you for being here with me for now. I hope you stay.

today I consumed a vegan orange dreamsicle energy drink, Lenny and Larry's big vegan protein cookie, two protein bars, 3 bananas, and I plan to have vegan enchiladas for dinner.

I don't take for granted my boyfriends and his roommates generosity. It touches my soul and gives me structure. Pantry always stocked with protein bars, bunches bananas nearly always here, big bags of toilet paper and paper towels, always stocked with laundry detergent. I have everything I need.

I was tired as I went to gym but still burned calories. I almost gave up because I was feeling sad but I kept thinking of the quote on my tumblr, "enduring" and it got me through the 30 min workout.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

For my fellow former binge eaters who now have to check in with themselves when they find themselves feeling what might be a compulsive urge, here's a self care tip that works massively for me.

Remind yourself that while you're choosing not to start in this moment, you can eat at any time if you identify feelings of hunger.

It's hard at first, because your body will find it hard to regulate how much it has compulsions, but a lot of my former compulsions came from my body's trauma around putting myself through food restriction. In the long run, reminding myself that I am only making a momentary self-reflection choice and I can choose to eat once the moment has passed can help reframe my feelings around the scarcity mindset and help me feel like food is not my enemy. I still don't need to only eat at the "right" times, or resist for a certain length of times, or ignore my body's needs because I'm scared of bingeing. I can make a temporary self-care choice and then maybe five minutes later I'll make a different choice. My self-care is based on adapting to my changing needs in the moment.

[biteofboredom]

Sick of only finding restrictive ed content on the eating disorder tags. Not just on this site, everywhere else too. If you're going to make content about eating disorders or ed recovery but you're only going to talk about restrictive eds, then specify that.

Binge eaters exist. We deserve recognition and recovery too.

[growandrecover]

ed recovery: summer body

hi everyone! where I live, it's starting to get warmer, and I know the spring/summer can bring up some really difficult challenges if you struggle with an ed. here are some things that have helped me in the past, and are helping me currently.

first of all, there is no such thing as a "beach body". there just isn't. if you have a body and you're at the beach, congratulations! you have a beach body. you do not need to lose weight, restrict, or work out extra hard to achieve the near impossible standard society has set for the warmer months (or in general).

don't beat yourself up if you don't feel confident in a swimsuit, shorts, tank tops, crop tops, going without a shirt, etc. that's okay! confidence takes time, and wearing those clothes can seem like a daunting task. it's okay if you don't feel up to it. if you don't wear those, please just make sure you don't get overheated.

please do not let anyone get you down about your body, wearing a swimsuit, or not wearing one. lots of people have the societal standards in their minds about what bodies should and should not look like. if someone comments on your body or eating habits, you can change the subject, ask them not to talk about it, or leave. don't let someone who's not living your life mess with your recovery.

listen to me when I say: your body is perfect just the way it is. you'd look amazing in anything you put on, and do not let anyone (even yourself) tell you any different.

as hard as it is, try not to compare yourself to other people you may see. when I was first starting out in recovery, it's all I ever did. but every body is different. sure, you might be comparing yourself to that person who has the exact body you want, but you have different make ups. that person doesn't have your genetics, and you don't have theirs. you look the way you're supposed to, and you're gorgeous.

last summer was my first summer in recovery, and let me tell you, I struggled, and I struggled hard. I had new dark purple stretch marks all over my body, easily seen when I wore shorts, my body looked like it never had before, and wearing revealing summer clothes made me feel terrible about myself. you're going to have hard days. you might even have hard weeks, months, or years when it comes to accepting your body. but let me tell you: it gets better. I know you may not want to hear that right now, I know I certainly didn't, but it's true. a lot of the time, things getting better can seem impossible, but guess what? this summer, I have confidence, I'm wearing shorts, and I feel great about my body. if it can happen for me, it can happen for you, and it will, just stick with your recovery.

as always, please don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to! ♡

[bed-no-more]

I didn’t have a chance to take pictures but I had a little bowl of blueberries and a hard boiled egg with Sriracha for breakfast. I wasn't super hungry and this was pretty tasty.

I had some snacks at my desk - a seaweed pack and a handful of freeze dried apple slices. The apples were my favorite.

Lunch was a bologna and gouda sandwich on a bulkie with mayo, mustard, and arugula. Very good. Will definitely eat again. I also had a little bit of a very large granny Smith apple. Tasty, but I was getting full by then.

Hopefully I'll remember to take pictures of the rest.

[fatphobiabusters]

This is such a great video for anyone who has BED. I strongly suggest watching this video even if you just want to learn more about binge eating disorder or learn how to help someone who has said disorder. This person always makes sure her videos are fat positive and anti-diet culture. She makes amazing ED recovery videos for multiple types of EDs, so check her YouTube channel for her other videos if you have a different eating disorder!

-Mod Worthy

[becomingthedreamversionofme]