#biden x reader

[chronicsilliness]

mr. president.. i think you’re gonna want to see this..

*pulls up a joe biden x reader tumblr post and he dies instantly*

[frenchcoucou]

kfc breakup 💔

[bokunoheros]

ཐིཋྀ KINKTOBER - day 12 squirting : shouta aizawa/eraserhead

warnings : afab reader, reader and aizawa are married, y’all have a cat, pussy slapping (pun probably intended), this is doo-doo dog shit, like this actually sucks, doo doo fart ass, dookie, poo poo fart, smegma, this fic reads like what sharting yourself feels like, this fic smells like the family bathroom at walmart, we’re fucking twelve (not literally), don’t expect anything else genuinely, butt, pretend this was never posted, PLEASE, day 12 is NOT REAL, THEY HIT THE PENTAGON— MR PRESIDENT GET DOW— bill gates did it, bill cypher is canon, squirting, fingering idk, eating ass, butthole rimming, 2024 election, ellen digestive did 9/11, Trump x Biden, 9/11, hilary emails included, proof of aliens existence, video footage of the area 51 raid, UFOs, alien butt sex, wrong usage of condoms, anal probing, biological dna harboring, sickle cell anemia, KLANCE is canon, Steven universe, major character death, gem fusions, love children, feel like cinderella naega byeonhae, NETFLIX ORIGIONAL, only on Hulu, Elsa x Jackfrost smut, playdough, me x YOU, tiana x nanami au, your mom x me, sarcamouche x kazuha, xiao x venti, improper use of crack cocaine, making herion, mentions of drug mules, dead dove: do eat, improper use of magic, meth making, cocaine balloons bursting, Harry Potter x Snape, hermoine x the whomping willow, herobrine x steve, unfortunate uses of pixels, bakudeku slime, hnnng harder daddy, mmhppgh— yeah yeah right there, cum consumption, cumflation, feeder fetish, oh yeah, koolaid man x me, very improper use of koolaid packets, nickacaco avocado weight loss journey, apology videos (tears included), , banjos, jake paul dcead body in forest footage (NOT CLICKBAIT), live leak posts, webtoon origional, anal stretching, did you know the human anus can stretch to the size of a raccoon?, now you know that, and also, the sun will explode June 17th, 3028, character flaws, bodily anatomy, your balls will explode on october 21st at 7:99am, my gleeby deeby ass, futurama, Micheal Angelo, improper use of abortions, medical surgery on a grape, plastic surgery, baby killing, tampon usage, description of endangered animal poaching, Mario Kart, tuberculosis, ima get it donnnne oh aye oh aye oh, butt stuff, dazai x chuuya, atsushi x akutagawa, mpreg, mad cow disease, omegaverse, ranpo x me, Dream SMP, matpat x scott cowthan, michael afton x freddy fazbear, aggressive typing, bath salts, bath salt inhalation, whippets, galaxy gas, all might is a bottom, skinny men, carrington x shigaraki, anorexia anorexia anorexia, afo x nana shimura, BLOODY MARY, BLOODY MARY, BLOODY MARY, TW gun law debates, tenko x mon, Amazon delivery, school shootings, talk of gun laws, bad dragon toys, silicon, aoyama belly button leaking, lego ninjago r34, ninja turtles r34, bloody mary r34, kamala harris r34, tenya iida x tensei iida, jesus x judas, luigi x bowser, sonic and shadow makeout sesh, i fuck your dad, suck his dick reallll nice, penis sounding with dirty twig, orgasm denial, overstimulation, xenotransplants, oviposition, diaper Taco Bell, people die, revival, dark magic, ecoterrorism, global warming, chemical warfare, wanda x the winter soldier, haruhi x tamaki suoh, cosmo x wanda, comicon, bronies, pegasisters, mentions of twilight sparkle dying, twiilight sparkle x mordecai, air planes, shootings stars, night skies, NLE Choppa, we could really use a wish bro, TuPac is back, floppa carts: plompy haze, death of a platform known as tumblr, twitter referred to as X, elon musk creates sex robot that specializes in butthole sex, Tesla sex robot, androids that FUCK, necrophilia, android phone usage, pheromones, premonitions and words of Jesus, divine intution, potion making, heavenly visions, satan, satanic visions, the heavenly principles, celestia is above mondstadt, spiritual healing, veganism, white washing, canon hispanic hanta sero, futanari, blasian mina ashido, bovine spongiforms, Tenya Iida virginity loss, bakugo is a fucking faggot, handjobs, footjobs, peaceful protests, the government is controlling you through vaccines, asian fishing,

vaccines might cause autism, freshwater fishing, they will, xenophobia, hentai hucows, incest, usage of slurs, starbucks coffee, lizards run the world, obama might be a lizard, inappropriate use of baby oil, gojo x getou, day twelve never existed and it was all a lie.

word count : 420k words and 69 pages

🐙 note : we are not locked in we are as loose as a ran through sorority president

🦊 note : i am. i have no words. idek what happened. we ran out of time so we went with the option we thought might make people giggle (no we didnt we did this bullshit for ourselves)(your regularly scheduled content will resume tmr!)

🪲 note : i ain’t fucking sorry

you adored your husband—shouta aizawa—so much so, that you were his dedicated housewife. he made plenty of money as a pro hero and… enough… as a teacher, so that left you to take care of the house and your shared cat. though when he did come home he was way different than he was at work, usually at work he was all nonchalant and cold but at home he was sweet and caring, sometimes even a bit rough. his students would definitely describe him as laid back and uninterested, yet when you were around they were in awe of his personality shift.

[venic-bxtch]

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ Meet-Cute ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼Joe Burrow x Ambitious!reader✼

✼pt.2✼

Joe showed up at the gym the next morning, earlier than usual. It wasn’t like he was desperate or anything—he just happened to feel like switching up his routine.

Right. Sure.

He scanned the room as he walked in, towel slung over his shoulder, trying to be casual. And there she was, back on the treadmill, jogging at that same determined pace. You were focused, earbuds in, and entirely in your own world.

Joe wandered over to the free weights, pretending to stretch while sneaking glances at her. You had no idea he was there—again. It was kind of infuriating but also weirdly endearing.

He waited until you slowed to a walk, then grabbed a bottle of water and made his way over, trying to act like he wasn’t counting every step.

“Hey,” he said casually, hopping onto the treadmill next to hers.

You glanced over, eyebrows raising in recognition. “Oh. Football guy.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “That’s one way to remember me.”

“Joe, right?” You said, wiping your forehead with her sleeve.

He grinned, absurdly pleased you remembered. “Yeah. And you are…?”

Your face lit up with a sheepish smile. “Oh. I never told you, did I? It’s Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he repeated, testing it out. “Nice to officially meet you.”

You slowed her treadmill to a stop and hopped off, grabbing your water bottle. “So, Joe, you always this friendly, or do you just make it a habit to harass strangers on treadmills?”

“Only the ones who look like they’re having a terrible time,” he shot back, smiling.

You laughed, “Fair enough. And what about you? Back for round two of your usual routine?”

“Something like that,” he said. “Thought I’d see if you got the job.”

Your smile faltered, and you shook your head. “Not this time. But there’s always next week.”

“Sorry to hear that,” he said, genuinely meaning it. “What are they, blind? They don’t know what they’re missing.”

You gave him a look, like you couldn’t tell if he was serious or just being nice. “I don’t know about that, but thanks. What about you? Big game coming up?”

He hesitated, realizing she had no idea who he really was. She didn’t know about the upcoming season, the pressure, or the fact that half the city expected him to carry the Bengals back to the playoffs.

“Yeah, something like that,” he said, keeping it vague. “But, uh, I wouldn’t want to bore you with football stuff.”

“Good call,” you said with a grin.

He laughed again, unable to help himself. God, she was something else.

As you grabbed her stuff to leave, he blurted out, “Hey, can I get your number?”

You froze, glancing back at him with a mix of surprise and amusement. “You want my number?”

He nodded, trying to keep his cool. “You know, so I can check in on how the job hunt’s going. Strictly motivational purposes.”

“Right,” you said, biting back a smile. “Motivational.”

Joe shrugged, his grin widening. “You seem like you could use a good cheerleader.”

You paused, then reached into your bag and pulled out a scrap of paper. Scribbling something down, you handed it to him.

“Don’t make me regret this, Football Guy.”

He took the paper, feeling a rush of victory. “I won’t. Promise.”

As you walked away, he glanced down at the number, your name written neatly underneath.

This time, he knew exactly who you were. And there was no way he was letting yiu slip away again.

Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux @inmyfeelingsgnocchi @joeybsboo @funnyjb @crispppykreme @nami-swannn @tylerjeauxburreaux9 @platinumsim

@joeyfranchise @blackynsupremacy

[pixiesluver]

breaking news 😱 joe biden drops jjk 😕😔😱💔

[il-miele-che-scrive]

Hello this a long shot call, am a citizen of Palestine. I am here to request for your support to help get my insulin (Humalog), just an injection for today to save my life please I beg.I was diagnosized with type 1 diabetes and due to current situation in Gaza I'm unable to get my insulin injection as a result I'm here begging for little financial support to help me purchase insulin for this week. Am sorry if am sending you again this request, kindly donate any amount please. My donation link is in my pinned post🇵🇸

Guys please visit the donation link, I'll also repost the pinned post in a moment

[gabbytalksalot]

Im actually pissed off now its been 20 minutes get biden off my screen please. I JUST WANT TO WATCH THE ESPYS HOLY SHITT.

Like im genuinely mad.

[lcs-library]

(i really love your writing, so im very excited to see that requests are open! also, do you write the menus yourself? if so, thats so cool!! i love the aesthetic so much)

could i ask for an apple danish with tsumugi? and off of the normal menu, a black tea as well (still w tsumu), please. there's so many i wanna request lol, thanks in advance <3

AWAWAWAWA TY GOMPY I'M SO PLEASED EHEHE.... And yes! I write the menus myself, but the images and stuff I use are usually from @.saradika-graphics. That said I can assure you I spent a good two hours poring over a bunch of barista blogs and reddit threads to come up with the new menu and try to think up prompts www... Anyway! Please enjoy!!

Request rules | Cafe menu | Autumn menu

Apple Danish: They bring you/their s/o/their friend to an orchard! How does it go? 

🥚I think Tsumu would have a great time in an orchard! 

🥚He’d be so happy to be surrounded by all the pretty trees, calmly picking apples with you.

🥚“Do you think this one’s good? It’s a bit on the small side, though… but it’s cute. You think so, too? Let’s take it home, then!”

🥚He’s no Omi, but he seems like the type of guy who knows exactly what to look for when it comes to fruit, and every single thing he picks tastes incredible. 

🥚He’s also def the kind of guy who just takes leaves and rubs them between his fingers because Texture. When he thinks you’re not looking, he’ll be caressing the branch and rubbing the leaves as he loses himself in thought. 

🥚“Hm? Ah, I didn’t realize you were there! Sorry, I should be holding your hand, not the tree’s, right? …There we go. Is that better?”

🥚The next day, his phone’s camera roll is filled to the brim with a bunch of blurry photos of you wwww

🥚“Even if they don’t look the best, you have to admit, the blurred colors look nice together, right? We can call it abstract art.” 

Black Tea: How do they comfort their s/o?

🥚When you’re feeling down, I promise Tsumu knew how you felt ten seconds before you did, and is already by your side. 

🥚“Dear, did something happen, are you alrigh- Oh. Come here, sit by me.”

🥚He’s the perfect gentleman, too. 

🥚You want space? He’ll give you space, but not without making you a cup of tea first.

🥚You want a hug? He’s so gentle with you, as if you’ll shatter to pieces if he squeezes too hard.

🥚You’re not sure what you need? That’s alright, you can take your time, he’ll happily sit by your side and rub your back until you’re ready to talk again. 

🥚Once you are, he’ll gently guide you through your feelings, and help you cope(he’s not letting that psychology degree go to waste).

🥚“Will you tell me what happened, please? I promise I won’t laugh, and I definitely won’t be mad at you. I’m here to help, remember? We can do this together.”

🥚And of course, after everything’s over, and you’re calm at the very least, he’ll take his hand in yours, and give it a brief kiss before squeezing it tight.

🥚“I’m proud of you, dear. Never forget that, okay?”

🥚Weh……… the sweetie pie<3

[trump-multiships]

trump x elon musk❤️🇺🇸🚗

elon musk has been fighting depression and his babydaddy trump 🎺🇺🇸🦅 is trying to help him overcome his inner battles..

₊˚⊹౨ৎ ₊˚⊹────୨ৎ────₊˚⊹౨ৎ ₊˚⊹

Trump: let me tickle your toes, elon..

elon: not now kitten whiskers.. *cries*

trump: its okay babey..

[cyarskj1899]

The only breakfast club I acknowledge

[melanatedeuph0ria]

y’all im lowkey thinking ab writing for qimir but i need like a scenario 🤭 pls send requests cs idk what to do atp (i DONT do smut well not yet cs like what business do I have writing literal SEX 😭what I WILL do is fluff, comfort, & angst fics)

i luv this picture of this black dude if anyone knows his name pls lmk cs WHO IS HE LMAO LIKE DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT

[trumpvance2024]

[twinkhomicide]

Joe Biden Mind-Control Fanfic, I'm gonna be a stain on all fanfiction forums.

[blank-incident]

Joe biden tweets like he isnt the fucking president like cmon grandpa

There really isn't a site like twitter where the president of the US gets publicly fact-checked

[zombholic]

hii, what about doctor!abby x sick!reader? like fever, full on dying (not really i’m just dramatic) and abby being a sweetheart and taking care of reader(i would die for doctor!abby)🤭

SICK GIRL — abby anderson (drabble)

•you have a really good immune system so when you got sick randomly abby was very concerned.

•abby called the day off of work and drove straight to your apartment to take care of you and jeez she was in for a ride.

•you were literally rotting in your bed, trash can by your bed, napkins and boxes just everywhere.

•you looked like you came back from war after biden announced women are gonna get drafted.

•when you saw your beautiful amazing delicious girlfriend here to help you, you acted like you were dying from the plague.

•abby’s a doctor she has seen EVERYTHING so she did everything she could to make you feel better, she got a warm wet rag and softly cleaned your face from all your damn crusties.

•she made some soup for you, spoon fed you every single bite as if you didn’t have damn hands, fixed your hair, helped you brush your teeth.

•she put socks on your feet, wrapped you in a burrito because you were freezing even though your fever was BURNING.

•all day all she heard was “abbbyyy” “can you get—“ followed by some command that she happily did.

•you made that woman work more than she did at the hospital, massaged your scalp, feet, scratch your arms and back, make her help you with your skincare.

•she literally carried you to the bathroom, you were perfectly capable of going on your own.

“Do you still love me?” Your question made her raise her eyebrows confused “Baby, why wouldn’t I love you?” Abby’s larger hand came down to caress your face you basically melted into her.

“Because I’m so bossy when I’m sick.” You were fucking bossy but she couldn’t care less “You are a very bossy person sweetheart, but I would do anything for you.” She placed a sweet kiss on your temple.

“Would you hide a body for me?” She almost choked on her own spit, concern filled her freckled face.

“I will literally sedate you.” You giggled “SOMEONE SEDATE ME!” You reenacted a scene from Grey’s Anatomy.