#being forced to actually process & work on
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what-are-even-humans · 2 years ago
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So on one hand I got to participate in extubating a patient today but on the other hand I did get an E on my thesis which my advisor told us was "A or maybe B material" and that we were genuinely quite proud of.
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un-pearable · 3 months ago
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ben grimm being an air force test pilot is such a fuckin perfect character construction. he wanted to be an astronaut
he got to .
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the-everqueen · 8 months ago
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aous was...fine, imho, it was fine, but it was fundamentally white, middle-class british and i could accept that but i couldn't forgive it
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elytrafemme · 6 months ago
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i miss writing <- girl who was writing like four hours ago
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jvzebel-x · 10 months ago
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#so the hospital group that diagnosed my stroke as an anxiety attack&let me sit in their er for roughly five hours is in the news#bc body cam footage came out showing them having called the police on a patient who was 'refusing to leave'#despite the fact that he 'had no medical reason for being there'.#he had ODd&they had given in narcan. he was also homeless. so all the actual rules about watching a patient post resus#went out the window in favor of calling police&being incredibly cruel about it.#the man died at the police station. where they took him bc they looked him up&he had bench warrants.#they couldn't process him bc he was totally unresponsive. they tried tho. best believe they tried.#&when they had to explain why they were didnt try to get him medical help they released the body cam footage.#prob the only time they didnt throw tantrums over it too seeing as it successfully shifted the blame.#the hospital has had to apologize publically for the 'failure' on their part.#i cant even put my feelings into words.#ive said it once ill say it every fucking time learning medicine was not&is not hard. its not worthy of special note.#its something you do bc you care. &if thats not the case i hope you die of the medical neglect you would force onto those#who come to you for fucking help.#pathetic. absolutely fucking pathetic.#i might not ever be able to work in traditional medicine but w stories like these why the fuck would i ever want to?#why would i ever want to be associated w willful fucking murderers? bc thats what medical neglect from a medical pro at their work is.#fucking murder.
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inniave · 7 months ago
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finally got that second opinion surgery consultation scheduled. i'd thought well maybe i can get away without it but the pain is getting worse again :/ consult is mid-may so it's just a matter of pain & ptsd management until then
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imwritesometimes · 1 year ago
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wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........
#got a very sweet comment on a fic today and I was like oh my god. oh my goddddddd. ppl *still* like my stuff.#ppl still like my silly little stupid little stuff that I had stupid silly fin working on & it's dumb and silly but I shared it!#and ppl like it!#and I'm like not pushing myself anymore. like before I was kinda trying to force shit to happen#like sitting in bed with an open notebook/laptop like CREATE BITCH!#and I'm not doing that anymore lol and being on my meds has really made me feel SO much better#but also like I just don't.... have any ideas anymore. can't rotate blorbo like a rotisserie chicken anymore#I lay down to go to sleep now and because my body is not operating under severe extreme toxic anxiety levels anymore#I just fckn fall asleep. like I'm OUT. good night. sleepin. snoozin. zonked. 7+ hours.#no more blorbo thoughts at the end of the day I'm TIRED and my brain FINALLY shuts off#I hope one day I'll write again. I had so much fun with it. I have had a couple Thoughts#since I have been on my meds#but they're nothing more than a few quick sentences scrawled in a notebook.#it's like I'm doing so much other stuff and having fun in other ways and SLEEPING FINLALLY SWEET GOD ALMIGHTY#there's just like zero processing left for original blorbo ideas#this doesn't make sense and I bet you were all relieved cause I haven't ranted in tags in like months but hahaha#🤡 I STAY HONKIN'!!!! 🤡#(I'm actually really in a really good place mentally rn I promise like the best I've felt in years I'm just ahhh!! tonight lol)#erin explains it all
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vaguely-concerned · 2 years ago
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youtube
this is a great video essay that puts into words some stuff I've been trying to express for a long time around why I tend to find a lot of mainstream (English-language mainly) reinterpretations of Scandinavian folklore and Norse mythology hmm... at best tedious and at worst actively alienating and annoying, while also being fair to the realities of triple A game development and the legitimate writing reasons that the studio chose to structure the game/story the way they did. if you just want to hear some cool things about scandinavian folklore and myths and see some banging art, it's also a good time that way!
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t4tdanvis · 1 year ago
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garlaurgene polycule aaaaaaaaaaand hit post
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waywardsalt · 1 year ago
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*saloon doors burst open, i stumble in, eyes wild and frothing at the mouth* hey what if i make bellumbeck a sort of metaphor for linebeck transitioning between just lingering in survival mode and really processing and moving on from his trauma
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the-blaze-empress · 2 years ago
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ahahah what if chapter 3 of tmatimry came out like. tomorrow? or something? idk just a silly little idea i had lol.
(yeah it’s happening i wrote another chapter in a night it hasnt even been 20 days since i started this fic and ive got 13.6k words already)
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datwinky · 1 year ago
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Reasons I'll like but not reblog an artist's art:
1. I am, it's just in a queue
2. It's art I really like, I just don't want it on my blog (which is just an archive for posts I want to go back and look at later)
3. It's something I like but don't really understand the context of like a fandom I'm unfamiliar with or OCs and don't want to reblog because it makes tagging difficult which messes up my organization
4. It would go on a blog (either main or side) where I have no followers and don't have the blog TO gain followers or communicate with and it literally would not spread to anyone for that reason
5. I've been on this site for 8 years and even then have memory issues and use likes as a way to mark what posts I have and haven't already seen/reblogged
6. And the one you want to hear the least: yeah. Sometimes art is nice enough for a like but not a reblog. It's called preferences. It's not a matter of technical skill or effort put into the piece or fandom they're not in or whatever. Sometimes you just don't vibe with something that much. That is NORMAL. A like and no reblog there shows, at least for me, "hey I can appreciate the concept behind it/technical skill/etc" but I won't reblog because for some other reason I just don't like it enough to have it on my blog. If the idea that not everyone will like your art enough to show it around to your friends is that big of a blow to your ego then you need to stop posting it because that is EXTREMELY unhealthy. It does you no good and only serves to ruin your relationship with your art. Stop
I have had it with this likescolding. “Tumblr doesn’t have an algorithm so likes don’t actually do anything” motherfucker I am not clicking that heart to give some post better ~algorithmic visibility~ I am clicking that heart to help my internet friend microdose on serotonin as god fucking intended
#saying this on a blog where i specifically have tried to let go on tagging things and dont comment on stuff#but this is how ive operated for the past 8 years#if an artist says reblogs > likes even if it's something i really like i wont actually click like#if you want to beg for less engagement thats on you. i wont engage then lol#some of the above reasons other than 'i just don't like it that much' i will leave replies on the art complimenting it like#i support artists#but this mindset you've all got is deeply unhealthy lmaooo#and the whole argument of 'but spreading my art gets people to commission me etc etc' is a big ol conversation about capitalism#and forced monetization of everything to determine it's value#but to cut all that short: if you're trying to survive off of commissions only and you're struggling to get an audience#the solution is to cater to an audience. that's it. yeah you'll probably lose a lot of passion and shit in the process which sucks but if#your complaint is a lack of engagement because you absolutely desperately need commission money#find a group of people and give them what they want. if its about surviving then SURVIVE#just posting your ocs or landscapes often wont do that on tumblr#not unless you're really lucky#all this is assuming you've got a style people find interesting etc etc#basically the reality is you're better off changing yourself than unreasonably asking other people to change in that situation#if you want customers you have to work to get them#(all that is directed specifically at people who dont just want attention and use the argument they need commission money)#not even covering a past reason i would like and not reblog: being raised in a cult and having queer art on my blog being a fight to not get#sent to conversion therapy
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probablyasocialecologist · 10 days ago
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All the takes are correct and yet they also miss the point. Yes, it was insane for the Democrats to think they could win by running a soulless candidate, without a shred of progressive policy vision, pursuing endorsements from neocon war-hawks everybody hates, while arming and funding a genocide, and belittling and crushing those who have enough morality to protest it. It is enraging that the Democrats are so smug and blind to this. But these are all just symptoms. The deeper reality is that liberalism has failed, liberalism is dead, and people urgently need to wake up to this fact and respond accordingly. It is a defunct ideology that cannot offer any meaningful solutions to our social and ecological crises and it must be abandoned. Democrats have proven over and over again that they cannot accept even basic steps like public healthcare, affordable housing, and a public job guarantee - things that would dramatically improve the material, social and political conditions of the working classes. And they cannot accept a public finance strategy that would steer production away from fossil fuels and toward green transition to give us a shot at a liveable future. Why? Because these things run against the objectives of capital accumulation. And for liberals capital is sacrosanct. They will do whatever it takes to ensure elite accumulation, it is their only consistent commitment. At home, they suppress and demonize progressive and socialist tendencies. Abroad, they engage in endless wars and violence to suppress input prices in the global South and prevent any possibility of sovereign economic development. The Democrats have done all this purposefully and knowingly, for my whole life, not as some kind of "mistake" but in full consciousness that it is in the interests of capital. And because liberalism cannot address our crises, and because it crushes socialist alternatives, it inevitably paves the way for right-wing populism. They know this pattern, and yet they risk it every time - this election being only the most recent example. They did it in 2016, when they actively crushed the Sanders campaign and sent Trump to the White House. They do it because ultimately they (and I mean the liberal ruling class here) don't really mind if fascists take power, so long as the latter too ensure the conditions for capital accumulation. They 100% prefer this to the possibility of a socialist alternative. So, progressives have to face reality. The dream of "converting" the Democratic party is dead. This is now a fact and it must be accepted. The only option is to build a mass-based movement that can reclaim the working classes and mobilize a political vehicle that can integrate disparate progressive struggles into a unified and formidable political force and achieve substantive transformation. This will take real work, actual organizing, but it must be done and that process must begin now.
Jason Hickel
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alphalesbian · 5 months ago
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Youll just be minding your own business when all of a sudden the inherant intimacy of solo instrumental music is realized upon you. Like youre just supposed to proceed normally after
#that being said the 'ill write an ep' to 'too much songs ill make it an album' pipeline extremely utterly too real. im in too deep#sexy and hilarious of me to be so committed to letting my first Big Serious Personal musical endeavour be such a Big Serious Personal thing#like my plan about it of course will probably keep changing but im like 99% sure of what i will do to a point#a lot of fully complete songs that i love!!!!! and a lot of unfinished projects n ideas recorded snippets things written down !!!!!!!#much to consider as always but the clarity ive been able to have with shaping it and working it has been. welcome#grateful to be attracting such spaces and people to be learning and relearning whats been in front of me lately#grateful to have the space and time i have to do what i do with it and myself#extremely grateful to be inspired in an otherwise negative at best time in my life above all else.#i needed that weird painful clarity to become inspired and know i want to actually do this i guess#as sure as ive ever been and now even just. reinforced not just by the space and the world around me but the people around me as well that:#make music how you want to and music you want to hear and make it at your own pace#i know i need to trust this process in full and honest faith i need to trust it like i have been to even get this far#and then some to make my thing and put it out and keep doing that musically really#of all the facets of my own and the time i have and resources to make things happen i know in my heart of hearts really that i could do it#forever and im a whole force when it comes to it all if i let myself go in it with no inhibition. shedding years and years of these negativ#ities purposefully and exclusively and thoroughly finally leaving some understanding in my soul i can even pridefully say is there#and with enough confidence in myself to know its something i will do forever and want to be a thing i put into the world always#and to do it how i want is.... exciting and the fruits of that labor excite me and i must say i cannot wait to be sharing this with everyon#cant wait to be sharing truly myself like i do with myself with every one i know could appreciate me like i want to be
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jvzebel-x · 1 year ago
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#of all of the topics that are really touchy for me surrounding sw i think the one that always makes me uncomfortable#are the ones surrounding minors being involved w it. like dont get me wrong-- i obviously disagree w minors doing sw.#but due to my specific history i have really murky feelings surrounding how those situations are handled.#&specifically i have an almost impossible time convincing myself to discuss any of it w anyone who doesnt also have background#in specifically working to help the severely impoverished. bc it does nothing for me to hear about how terrible these situations are#w/o any history or prior knowledge of WHY these situations happen.#my stint as being FORCED didnt start that way it started bc i got caught up in nonsense after NEEDING the work. if there had been any social#safeguards for me as a child or even my mother as a thoroughly&systematically abused wife#the chances of me having met the man who would pimp me out for several years before i even hit 18 would probably have been fucking zero.#&anyone who has 0 interest in those details but insists on having an opinion they ultimately know nothing about pisses me the fuck off lmao.#v similarly to how i will not entertain discussions about electoralism w anyone who feels ballsy enough to act like voting is the best way#to make change bc it is the ONLY way theyve ever made any sort of change so obviously anyone who disagrees is just a#democracy hating monster lmao. ive done electoral work even when it felt like pulling fucking teeth to make myself-- it still only happened#w ppl who spend non-electoral time periods working to help ppl directly... so actually i do think they have a right to push other ppl to#vote. &they all managed to not be viciously condescending in the process bc some of them couldnt even vote themselves as former cons.#bc when you do the OTHER work you know better than to talk down to ppl whos situations you know nothing about.#idk i just have SO LITTLE interest in anyone who has an opinion strong enough to be loud+disrespectful to other ppl about#but doesnt have the spine or interest to do anything past shower-depth involvement if it cant be credited to them or used to talk down#to other ppl about.
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lilgynt · 1 year ago
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there’s no polite way to tell my mom i need her to stop giving me errands or leave me alone for five seconds and yes i am having a break down over it
#personal#am i crying bc my#mom told me she’s having some people come by the house to fix the cable yes yes i am#it just kinda fucks up a plan i had today which#i haven’t been able to do bc my room was a mess but now that’s it’s clean i was gonna dedicate myself to jsf relaxing and doing this#and she says they should be done before my plans with gg but how funny would it be if they ruin that too#and she always springs shit on me no warning ESPECIALLY if i have plans with gg and i doubt it’s on purpose but i’m so upset#and every night is like she needs something or we’re taking about something until bam its 11 or midnight and i have maybe a few hours b4#i have to work or even if it’s a day off it took over an hour and a half to get to my dinner after serving it#and that’s before how long it took to actually just get my dinner#or how i’ll be in a room and she won’t acknowledge me TILL i’m like hey im gonna go and i’m walking away#i had to say five times im going to use the rest room before i could actually leave and do that#and no she wasn’t forcing me there but getting up and then her needing me to come back it interrupts the process a little#and i just sent such a huge rant to gg and audrey with audio bits and im so annoying so add that to crying pile#i feel like i’m being a huge baby but also really want to tell my mom to leave me alone a bit#i don’t think i’ve even started my grieving process just cause it’s a constant motion of doing something
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