#been thinking about them as brothers recently
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I’ve decided how Batman meets Danny Phantom.
While connecting characters between DC and DP, I came across the DC villain Pariah, who shares a name with DP villain Pariah Dark. I’ve decided that these two are the same person and fighting him will bring Danny Phantom into contact with Batman, or at least get Danny onto his radar as someone to look into further.
But first, some backstory...
Since we don’t know much about Pariah Dark, other than being sealed away a long time ago, I’ll mostly be pulling his backstory from Kell Mossa, a scientist who accidentally brought his universe to Anti-Monitor’s attention and watched it be destroyed as the only survivor, renamed Pariah by his savior, Monitor (Anti-Monitor’s “good” twin brother). He involuntarily watched Anit-Monitor destroy several other universes, blaming himself for (supposedly) releasing Anti-Monitor, though he is later assured that Anti-Monitor was just doing what he had always done and Pariah had simply diverted his path of destruction. Pariah is dropped off in a random universe, where he tried to live a normal life, though he was constantly drawn to impending disasters that he had no hope of preventing, as no one heeded his warnings (like a mix of Pokemon’s Absol and Greek’s Cassandra); he was killed and revived a few times, only to eventually fall through the cracks of reality and driven insane. Instead of being found by Flash and sent to the “paradise world” called Earth-Flash.1, Pariah became the first inhabitant of the newly formed Ghost Zone pocket dimension and declared himself the Ghost King, sometimes calling himself Pariah Dark. (He may or may not have connections to the cosmic Great Darkness, I haven’t decided)
Pariah decides to use the ghosts of the Ghost Zone to invade the living realm of Earth but now he needs a lieutenant he can trust...
After turning completely evil, Eclipso was replaced as the Wrath of God (yes, THAT God, cuz apparently He exists in DC) by Aztar, who instead calls himself the Vengeance of God, and is bound to a human host to keep him from turning evil like Eclipso did. He’s had many hosts over the millennia and his most recent host, James “Jim” Corrigan, had been the hero Spectre with Aztar since Jim’s “death” around 1940, but he was getting old and had chosen Detective Crispus Allen of the Gotham Police Department as his replacement in 2005. The ritual to transfer Aztar’s host was interrupted by Pariah Dark and Aztar was “recruited” as Pariah’s lieutenant, killing Jim and leaving Cris unpowered and in distress. Pariah convinces Aztar to join him by promising freedom to choose his own path rather than be tethered to some goodie-two-shoes human and Aztar accepts. Danny is called on to defeat Pariah by the ghosts that don’t want to serve the self-proclaimed King (most of whom end up being Danny’s various Rogues Gallery) and is thrust into leading the resistance; meanwhile Cris enlisted the help of Batman and the rest of the Batclan (and maybe some members of Justice League Dark), who join the resistance as well.
I’m thinking this will be the first big crisis Damian will participate in as Robin, though I’m not sure if I want Duke Thomas (Signal) to have been recruited yet or not; if he has been recruited already, he’s still in training and hasn’t become Signal yet. I’ll get my timeline ironed out for my next post.
Various other connections:
There is a Pandora in both continuities, so after she “accidentally” released the Crime Syndicate (evil JL) into this universe, she decided to move and found the new Ghost Zone to be acceptable, as the inhabitants amused her. She recognized the ectoplasm that saturated the pocket dimension as being related to the Fountain of Life but didn’t bother looking into it or telling anyone because she didn’t want to risk them ruining her fun. She let the Box Ghost steal her box and toyed with Danny before agreeing to help him retrieve it. She could probably take down Pariah on her own but that would be really hard and this resistance thing sounds like more fun than she’s had in ages anyways.
DC Cronus is more-or-less the same as the god from Greek mythology but has also been equated with Chronos, the Greek god of time. After Cronus was imprisoned in Tartarus by the Olympian Gods, Clockwork was given his duties as the God of Time by Hera, loosely working with the Quintessence’ Observants.
Speaking of, DP’s Observants seem to fulfill a similar role as DC’s Quintessence, so I’ve decided that the Quintessence are the gods in control but they employ the Observants to catalogue and categorize events for the Quintessence so they don’t have to do everything themselves. The Observants are the ones who decide what deserves the attention of the gods in charge. I’ll probably have the Quintessence decide the fate of the Ghost Zone after Pariah Dark is defeated.
The Guys in White are an obvious reference to the Men in Black. Looking up various government agencies in the DC Comics, the Bureau of Normalcy (formerly Bureau of Oddities) seems to serve a similar function, so I’ve decided that GiW and BoN are both departments of the larger Department of Extranormal Operations (DEO), where the GiW are specifically focused on eliminating threats from ghostly (and similarly paranormal) origins, while the BoN handles cover-ups and convincing the public that everything is “normal” and work both in the field and in cyber security. BoN people often accompany other agencies to run interference so the other agencies are able to do whatever they need to do without fear of being seen or regular people getting in the way. The GiW was beginning to investigate the uptick of paranormal activity in Amity Park and would have contacted SHADE if they ever discovered Danny Phantom was anything more than an ordinary ghost.
Other departments include Knightwatch (general military enforcement), the Suicide Squad (generally works with Knightwatch, enlisting the aid of established heroes and villains alike, the roster constantly changes), Squad K (which is specifically designed to take out Superman if he ever went rogue), the Super-Human Advanced Defense Executive or SHADE (focused on talent acquisition), Project Cadmus (technically Research and Development, but actually trying to clone heroes for SHADE), the Department of Metahuman Affairs or DMA (the public face of SHADE), and probably others I couldn’t find in my quick search.
#non undertale#Danny Phantom#Danny Fenton#DPxDC#phandom#Pariah#Pariah Dark#Spectre#Aztar#Pandora#Clockwork#Observants#Quintessence#Guys in White#GiW#Department of Extranormal Operations#DEO
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Forrest stood on the beach, barefoot in the cool sand, the sunset painting the sky in fiery streaks of orange and pink. The waves rolled in steadily, crashing against the shore before retreating back into the vast ocean. He watched them, hypnotized by the rhythm. Each surge felt like a heartbeat — steady, inevitable, alive.
It had been years since he’d let himself be this close to the ocean; years since the water had stolen something from him he could never get back. The grief had become a constant companion, silent but always there, like a shadow he couldn’t escape. Recently, though, it had risen to the surface, raw and unrelenting. The pain, the guilt… it had started bleeding into everything. The women, the drinking, the reckless choices. A desperate attempt to bury something that refused to stay buried.
A month ago, Henley had found him sitting on his apartment floor, staring at nothing. She didn’t ask questions or offer empty words of comfort. She just told him to pack a bag. They disappeared into the mountains for a while, hiking trails that stretched for miles, far from the noise of the city and the weight of his own head. It helped, but it didn’t fix anything. Henley knew it. Forrest knew it.
When he dropped her back home, the answer became clear. He had to face it.
That night, he drove until the road disappeared into the horizon. Myrtle Beach wasn’t the closest option, but something about the name felt right. The long drive gave him time to think, or try not to think. He pulled into a beachside motel as the sun was rising and booked a room with a balcony overlooking the ocean.
The first day, he couldn’t even step onto the sand. The sound of the waves crashing made his chest tighten, and the smell of salt in the air felt suffocating, but he didn’t leave. He kept the balcony door open, let the sounds of the ocean fill the room, even when it brought tears he couldn’t stop.
By the second day, the crying had turned to something else. He sat on the balcony, gripping the armrests of the cheap plastic chair, whispering to no one. “I’m sorry.”
He said it over and over again. To Carson. To himself. To the 16-year-old boy who had tried so hard to fight the current, who had screamed for help until his voice broke, who had watched helplessly as his little brother was swallowed by the ocean.
On the third day, he stepped onto the sand.
Now, standing here at sunset, Forrest felt like the water was staring back at him, as if it were alive, as if it remembered everything.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” he said quietly, his voice lost in the crash of the waves. But, he stayed.
The tide rolled closer, licking at Forrest’s feet. The cold sting startled him, but he didn’t move. He closed his eyes, letting the salt air burn in his lungs, letting the sounds pull him under. He thought about Carson’s laugh, his stubbornness, the way he used to dive headfirst into the waves without fear. He thought about Henley on the beach that day, building a sandcastle, unaware of the tragedy about to unfold in front of her. He thought about how he’d tried, how hard he’d tried, and how it still hadn’t been enough.
The tears came again, slow and quiet this time. He let them fall.
“I wish I could go back,” he whispered. “I’d trade anything. Everything.”
The ocean didn’t answer. It just kept moving, pulling away, coming back.
Forrest wiped his face with the back of his hand and looked out at the horizon. He didn’t know if he could forgive himself, but standing here, he felt something new. Not peace, exactly, but maybe the start of it.
For the first time in years, he didn’t turn away from the waves.
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Selfish Wishing
TLDR: Canon Divergence; Marinette ends up making the wish. She wakes up in a world where she lives alone in New York, isn't Ladybug, and still isn't dating Adrien!! When she decides to check her phone to see what's going on in Paris, she sees that more changed than she realized. She thought this was her wish, her dream come true, so why did it feel like, besides the whole New York thing, nothing changed??
Marinette knew the dangers of making the wish. That there would be a cost. That Chat Noir trusted her to use his miraculous to end Monarch.
But...she can't help but want to make a wish herself.
Rewrite the universe to be how she wanted.
She'd have loyal friends who backed her up no matter what.
She'd be less clumsy and late to things.
She'd be amongst the youngest fashion designers known.
She'd have everything her way.
No Chloe or Lila in her way.
No Chat Noir to coddle.
No Monarch to fight.
The next moment went by quickly, before she could stop herself, before Plagg and Tikki could talk her out of it, she did it.
She made her wish.
"I wish...I wish to live the life I want!! The life of a normal girl who had her dream come true!!!"
The world goes dark and with it, Marinette collapses.
-----------------
Marinette groans as she wakes up. She can't remember going to sleep.
As she wakes up more, she panics. This isn't her room. Her earrings are gone. She's...not in Paris??
Confused, Marinette grabs her phone.
She spends the next hour scrolling and scrolling as what happened returns to her. She made the wish, but she thought she would be in Paris, with her family and friends and Adrien...
A sigh. More scrolling.
Her parents posted something recently about closing the bakery at a certain date in order to visit Marinette in New York, thanking the Style Queen for helping her reach her dreams.
The Ladyblog isn't around, rather the MiracuLog was being run. And it wasn't being run Alya, but... Adrien and Felix?!
She went to the blog's bio, which simply said: Welcome to the MiracuLog!! We're here to keep you informed on all things MIRACULOUS!! From our heroes, Carmine and Jinx, to our big bad, and self proclaimed king, Emperor!!
This blog is run by me and my older twin brother!! Thank you for supporting us, and we will continue to keep you updated!! - Adrien GdV :3
Marinette blinked and looked through the blog.
She recognized some Akumas, but not all of them. Lady Wifi, Evillustrator, Princess Fragrance, Dark Cupid were amongst the ones she recognized.
But...who was Blood Beetle? Phantom? Miss Anonymous? Porcelain Doll? Puppeteer? Scary Godmother? Lilith?
She didn't recognize any of them, and there were no names attached!! How was she supposed to know who was akumatized if their names aren't there?!
Marinette looked at an earlier Q&A post, which answered her own question.
Hi, Adrien! Hi, Felix! I wanted to know why you don't name people who were akumatized!! Don't you think it'd be better if we knew in case they get akumatized again? Thank you for answering!! -inamedmykittenjinx
Hello!! While, yes, it might be better, I don't believe we should put that onto anyone's shoulders. I want everyone to go by as normally as they can without someone leading them to this blog just to ask them about their akumatization. We all deserve some privacy. - adrien.
What my brother means is, we think it could do more damage if we out akuma victims. I say this as someone who's been akumatized before. I wish for no one to know who I was as an akuma. Remember, anyone can be akumatized. Anyone. Gender, age, citizen or tourist, none of that matters to Emperor. We don't need the reminder that we got taken advantage of by that man. - felix
thank you for answering!! I think I understand. some akumas have seemed to be pretty young, so I can see why you decided to keep Akuma victims anonymous. -inamedmykittenjinx
No problem!! :) Sometimes people will still recognize the akumatized victim and spam our inbox with their name and job or school and other info that we just don't need. It's why we don't accept anonymous questions and submissions anymore. - adrien
PEOPLE ARE DOXXING AKUMA VICTIMS?! -carminered98
Why?? Do people not have anything better to do??? -emperorshouldofusedmonarchtbh
like, I get it if the akuma victim is still an asshole. but the majority of akuma victims are people who lost their jobs, are or were grieving, kids who've been bullied, etc. It makes me so mad!!! -emperorshouldofusedmonarchtbh
Marinette rolled her eyes as she moved past the thread. Back when she was Ladybug, no one cared about privacy. It was stupid of Adrien and Felix to prioritize the akumas anonymity. It would be better to just name them.
She eventually saw a post dedicated to Carmine and Jinx.
She had no idea who they were.
Carmine was the current ladybug. He was a male with deep red, almost black, hair. His outfit reminded her somewhat of Mister Bug's. But that might just because that's the only male ladybug costume she's seen.
Jinx was the current black cat. She was a female. Her hair was long and in a low ponytail. Her costume didn't look like hers when she was Lady Noire or like Kitty Noire's.
She was surprised to read that the two knew each others identity and were still going strong as a team. They were family as well.
Why would they do that?? Did Master Fu know?! So what if they're family!! If she were the Guardian still, she'd take their miraculous.
Frustrated, Marinette kept scrolling.
The temp. heroes caught her eyes.
They were...different. They weren't her friends. Or maybe they were, but she can't tell??
Lupine, Athena, Alopex, who are these people??
She quickly left the blog, not wanting to see anymore.
-----------------
Marinette groaned as more and more of her designs were sent back to her. Audrey was a strict boss. Her notes about Marinette's designs stung.
Especially when she sees the woman expressing her disappointment because Marinette had been so good.
She was trying!! Her designs were liked in her old world. She was MDC!!! But no one cares about MDC here.
Sighing, Marinette pulled her phone out. Maybe something in Paris would inspire her?
She checks her socials. Nothing.
She had sent friend requests to her old friends, but none of them had accepted her yet.
Some, like Luka and Marc, politely asked her to not send a request. They were only accepting friend requests from people they knew in person.
She thought things would be different.
She thought she'd still have her friends.
That she'd be home.
That she'd be Adrien's girlfriend.
She wanted her dream to come true.
She glared at her phone, the MiracuLog open and staring back at her.
What happened?? Was her wish not specific enough???
She asked around, but no one's heard of Gabriel Agreste. When she looked him up, nothing came up. He didn't exist. It would explain why Adrien is a Graham de Vanilly and not an Agreste.
When she stalked looked through Adrien's socials, she saw that he had a hobby in photography, sometimes his posts had two images. One of a photo he took and the other of a sketch made by his girlfriend, Kagami.
It wasn't fair!! In both worlds, Adrien dates Kagami. And unlike the last one, here they're still dating.
She hates that the two look happy and in love. That Kagami is in her rightful spot. She should have been next to him, not her!!
To make things worse, she also checked out Luka's socials, which is where she learned he was dating Felix. Of all people, he chooses Felix?!
What about her??? She was nice when she sent sent a friend request. She'd eventually visit Paris again.
It's not fair!!
-----------------
Marinette didn't know where things went wrong.
Was her wish not specific enough?? Did it not work??
She tried so hard to make things go her way.
Her designs were rejected.
She was kept back in class and berated.
She had no friends in either school or work.
People said she changed but she didn't!!
Why??
Why did the wish give her this??
She just wanted everything she always wanted...
Additional Info:
• Carmine is Luka and Jinx is Juleka. Master Fu definitely knows they know each other. He doesn't mind that much because he knows he chose siblings. Not his intention tbh, but they work well together.
• Lupine is Adrien with the bee, Athena is the name of the horse miraculous user, haven't decided who yet, might go with Sabrina??, and Alopex is the fox miraculous user and I'm leaning towards Nathaniel for that (:
• One of the things that changes in this is Adrien and Felix's relationship. Rather than being cousins, the boys are twins. Still sentimonsters, but Emilie made both of them. To this day, the peacock miraculous and the Grimoire is still in their possession.
• Emperor is Colt Fathom in this world. He wants to use the wish to ensure Amelie marries him because she left him before he could even propose, claiming he was possessive and not the man she wanted to marry.
• Colt got the butterfly miraculous from a vendor who found it. He was going to gift it to Amelie but she ended up leaving him. He was going to chuck the brooch into the Siene when Nooroo was finally released. When he learned about the miraculous, he decided to make his wish come true.
• Emelie and "Gabriel" never met. Emilie spent most of her time caring for her sister or talking with her friends, André and Nathalie.
• As a result of getting the life she wants, Gabriel ends up losing the life he had. Rather than be a rich and famous fashion designer that's secretly a villain, he's still Gabi Grassette. He ends up as a homeless man who lost everything. He's not really relevant here, so....¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• Because part of her dream is to get with Adrien Agreste, the model, and how the wish ended up for Marinette, she doesn't end up with him.
• The MiracuLog is run by Adrien and Felix. Adrien takes photos and captures footage, while Felix writes and edits. The two strive to keep their blog safe for everyone. And unlike the Ladyblog, the MiracuLog focuses on all the miraculous and it's users. They don't chase after Carmine and/or Jinx and demand interviews, nor do they take interviews with anyone unless they specifically think it would be benificial, such as interviewing a therapist for advice on how to handle stress and anxiety, or the mayor about the free therapy for akuma victims where they can come in and talk to someone, with the reassurance they won't be outed.
• Because they got so many messages doxxing people who were Akumatized, the twins changed their system to only accept official accounts on their blog. It doesn't stop it, but it becomes less of a hassle. Accounts that continue doing it get a warning, if they continue they get suspended, and if they still continue their account gets blacklisted and blocked, if it isn't outright deleted.
• A lot of Marinette's views about akumas puts a wall between her and her old "friends." She's used to things being different, so them doing things such as keeping akumas real names private, not wanting to discover who Carmine and Jinx are, raising money in order to help akuma victims, etc., feels wrong. And when she tries to say so, she's told to back off and stay in her lane.
• While she does have a job as an intern for Audrey, she also goes to school in NY, very specifically a fashion school.
• As much as I would have liked a more dramatic take on Marinette's wish ending badly, I like the idea of "everything remained just about the same but here's what's different" just as much.
Marinette becomes a normal girl who got the opportunity she always wanted and is living in NY as the Style Queen's intern.
Audrey noticed her but she never noticed Gabi, so Gabriel Agreste doesn't exist.
Because Gabriel Agreste doesn't exist, Adrien was made alongside Felix by Emilie who is a single mother with Amelie as their aunt and Nathalie as a potential second mom. Had Gabriel Agreste still exhisted, her wish of dating Adrien would have come true.
• I mean, diverging from this prompt, ^ that relationship would have ended quickly. The wish wouldn't make Adrien her boyfriend and have him stay her boyfriend. And her new personality and obsessive behavior would be a sign to end things.
• Marinette, technically, did have friends in NY (such as Jessica and Zoe). But her sudden change in personality pushed them away. She was becoming obsessed with Paris, Adrien and the Parisian heroes, and they wanted their old friend who complained about work, but also gushed about how Audrey was considering helping her debut as a fashion designer, back. This isn't the Marinette they know.
This could have been better, but I had to get the idea out of my head, so if it's confusing, sorry? (^^;
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But Daddy I Love Him
Sebastian Sallow has been my brothers best friend since their start at Hogwarts. Since that day Ominis brought him to the Gaunt Manor I have been irrevocably in love with him. Only recently I've found out that he loves me just as deeply. Would the Gaunt family relinquish their societal positions and views in the name of love?
Sebastian x Reader
[This was based off of the song But Daddy I Love Him by Taylor Swift]
I looked down the length of the Slytherin table, spotting my brother and his best friend. It was their seventh year, the last time I will be able to casually see the love of my life in my day to day life.
"Are you with us or too busy in your la la land." Imelda said as she waved her hand in my face. She was graduating after this year as well.
"I am just thinking." I responded.
"About your future husband?" She laughed, picking some food up with her fork. "You know your family would never allow it."
"I know, but I can't help that I've loved him for years." I sighed, placing my head in my hands as I balanced my elbows on the table. "He'll never notice though, and I'll die if he ever dates anyone."
"It is a shock that he's never even asked anyone out. He's the finest guy in school, almost every girl has gone for him at some point."
"No need to remind me Imelda."
She laughed as she put more food in her mouth, my gaze focusing back down to the end of the table. Sebastian turned his head while talking with Ominis, looking directly at me. I moved my gaze away, staring at the food in front of me.
~
Classes ended later that day, the last of the summer air lingering before fall came in made it perfect to study outside while the quidditch tryouts happened. Ominis ended up joining me, stating that he couldn't have any of these Slytherin boys trying to win my affections in their sweaty uniforms. I neglected to inform him that one of them had already caught my eye.
I hardly focused on my homework that I had pulled out to work on. Ominis chatted next to me, about how he got accepted into the law school in America, how his girlfriend would be going with him. I loved his girlfriend, she was a pureblood but didn't share the same views as our parents, which made her a perfect addition to the family. Our parents were perfectly fine with Ominis marrying her, as she would fit the perfect Gaunt and produce Gaunt heirs that would be of their approval.
Would they think that about Sebastian? Approve of him and I? He was a half-blood, his mother being a muggleborn, but they didn't need to know that- did they?
I focused back at the practice as a bludger came directly towards us, a panic rising in me as I feared Ominis and I would be slammed with it. Sebastian raced the ball, beating it to the punch and batting it away.
"IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT IT, DON'T KILL THE PEOPLE ROOTING FOR YOU!" He yelled out to the kid who was trying out to be the second Slytherin beater. Ominis laughed as if we couldn't have just died, and Sebastian flew a bit closer to us. "You two alright?"
"Of course Sebastian." Ominis said without a second difference. Sebastian's eyes lingered on me for a moment before he smiled.
"I'm- yes I'm okay." I said, trying to keep the red away from my cheeks.
"Good, I'll talk to you both after practice." Sebastian said, shooting a wink in my direction.
Oh.
My.
Merlin.
I think I may have died and come back to life. In my shocked state Ominis simply leaned back into the stands.
Maybe my feelings aren't so unrequited as I thought before.
~
As the snow began to fall, ushering the end of the autumn season, I was seen with Ominis, Sebastian, and Ominis's girlfriend more often then not. At first I thought it was a one off thing, I so happened to be in Hogsmeade at the same time the three of them were, but then I was getting invited to join them whenever they wanted to get out of the castle. Ominis and Raven, Ominis's girlfriend were natural partners who clicked together like two puzzle pieces, and she understood him in a way nobody else could. Which left me and Sebastian to hang out with each other while they were off being love birds.
I grew to know him closely, figuring out that we honestly had so much more in common then I thought.
"So you've been friends with Ominis since you were eleven, right?" I asked one day as we walked the snowy village, trailing behind Raven who was leading Ominis about.
"You are correct. I met him on the train ride to Hogwarts, with my sister." His laughter filled the air, and filled my body with warmth. "He was like a small kitten, curled up close to a window in one of the compartments. He was timid as all hell, but he eventually warmed up to us."
"That's so sweet, I was worried for him when he left." I smiled toward my brother, who was smiling lovingly at Raven who hadn't seemed to notice yet. "I'm glad he found friends, and someone who loves him like he should be loved."
"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
"Have you found someone who loves you in the way you deserve?"
The question hit me like a train. Of course I have, and he happened to be standing right next to me, tall and lean, the absolute beauty of a man. I couldn't tell him that though.
"Well, no. I wouldn't say I have yet." I looked down to avoid eye contact, and avoid him seeing my red cheeks. "I guess I haven't found the right one yet."
"A shame," he paused, "you'd be a lovely girl to be with."
~
"SLYTHERIN CATCHES THE SNITCH, WINNING THEM THE GAME!"
The crowd burst into cheers, Ominis and I screaming with the crowd. Sebastian and Raven met in the middle of the field, high fiving with the snitch firmly in her grasp. I led Ominis and I down with the rest of Slytherin house, Raven slamming Ominis with a kiss, which he gladly accepted.
"WE DID IT!" I felt two hand pick me up by my waist and spin me. I laughed and met his eyes, those gorgeous brown doe eyes. He set me down and brought me closer to him, our faces mere inches apart. "Can I kiss you?"
"Wh-huh?!"
His lip pressed needily into my own. They were sweeter than anything at Honeydukes, soft and slightly cracked, his musk filling every portion of my head. He pulled away, looking directly into my eyes, the biggest smile on his face.
"You won the game!" I said stupidly, my eyes wide in shock of what just happened.
"This was a bigger win in my book." He grinned, pulling me in again.
Heaven couldn't get better then this.
"SEBASTIAN ARE YOU SNOGGING MY SISTER?"
~
"Father! Why don't you give him a chance!" I yelled, tears flooding my eyes as I walked about Gaunt Manor, trailing my father.
"He is a half-blood, and no daughter of mine will be with someone less then what the Gaunt name is worth." He spoke sternly.
"But I love him! Doesn't that mean anything to you!" I cried out. "Doesn't love mean anything to your cold heart?"
"This cold heart will not have this family be disgraced by your foolish idea of love." He yelled. "You will leave this boy at once!"
The door of his study slammed shut. I dropped to my knees, my sobs echoing the elegantly decorated home. Ominis found me later, a wreck of a girl, helping me up and trying to make me feel better.
~
Returning back after the break was hard. Attempting to be happy while knowing you were going to be forced to leave the one person you've loved I had barely spoken to Sebastian since we've all returned.
"Hey! Love, wait up!" Sebastian shouted as I walked quickly out the Slytherin common room. "Please I need to talk to you!"
"What Sebastian?!" I snapped. My coldness caused him to be a little shocked, which saddened me to do this to him.
"I need to talk to you." He said softly. "You've barely spoken a word to me since you've returned, and even Ominis won't tell me what's going on. He deemed it a conversation me and you should have alone. So please, tell me what happened?"
I felt tears well into my eyes, his arms immediately wrapping around me.
"My father won't allow it. He says that I cannot be with someone who tarnishes the Gaunt name." I cried into his chest, he squeezed me tighter. "He wants me to leave you, but I can't and I don't want too."
He didn't speak at first, only holding me tighter. Small whispers were passed about as people walked by, ones that were particularly loud enough for me to hear.
What a mess.
Over a Half-blood, a Gaunt should be better then that.
Sebastian Sallow is hardly a boy to cry over.
Would've been better if he stayed away from that Gaunt.
He pulled me away, dragging us into the boys dorm.
"Sebastian I can't be in here-"
"I don't care, listen to me love." He said, holding my face gently. My cheeks cupped in his large calloused hands. "I am not, letting you go. They will have to pry you away with dark magic, because I am not letting you go."
"Sebastian, they will hurt you."
"And I will take it all, as long as it means I get to spend every moment of me being alive with you in my arms."
That day we held each other, the sadness of the winter break washing away with each kiss he planted on me. Why would someone want to destroy such a happiness?
~
Their seventh year had come to pass, Ominis and Raven getting married that summer, and Ominis running away, just as he always wanted. I still received his letters, but it wasn't the same without him.
Sebastian rented a small home in Hogsmeade, being close enough that it wasn't suspicious when I visited him. He had gotten accepted into the Auror program, which took some convincing on my part to get him to sign up for. He was genuinely happy, and nothing could ruin what we had. As soon as I graduated I would run away, right into his arms, and never see the cruel Gaunt Manor again.
~
"By law of the Gaunt name, you will be married to Thomas Malfoy on June first of the year eighteen ninety-six." I read aloud the letter on my bed.
The feelings all came crashing down. Father had said I would be married, but I didn't think it would be so soon after graduation. I hoped it would be enough time that I could run, and not have to deal with the wrath of two angered families.
I held the letter, my tears soaking the signature of my father, and the family crest stamped below.
~
"My love, how I've missed you!" Sebastian said gleefully as he opened the door to his house. "What's wrong?"
"Seb- they... oh Sebastian!" I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight to his body. "I want you to have me! Before this foul loathsome boy can."
"Woah, what is going on my love? Why are you asking this of me?" He said softly, petting the back of my head as I cried.
"They want to marry me off," I took a breath between sobs, "to that Malfoy boy!"
"What!? You can't marry him! He's older then I am! Love we have to stop this!" Sebastian panicked.
"I can't do anything about it! My father has it planned right after school is over. I will be stuck in a loveless marriage."
"No you won't I-" He started. I held him down, looking up into the same doe eyes I fell for years ago.
"Please, stay. If I only have this year left with you, I want to make the most of it." I said to him, placing my hand on his cheek. He leaned into my touch.
"You're my girl, forever." He said leaning down to meet my lips. "That will never change."
"Never?"
"Never."
Our lips collided in a passionate embrace, his sweet lips being my addiction for centuries.
~
With graduation passed the wedding preparations started, a white gown with lacy long sleeves. Something that would show off the riches of the Gaunt family. I felt empty, a shell of myself.
Ominis returned to see me, knowing that he would be the only other family I'd willingly want here.
"How are you doing?" He asked me as the house elves prepared my dress on my big day.
"You know it's bad luck to see the bride before she walks down the isle." I said sadly, trying to get a smile out of someone today.
"Lucky for everyone here, I can't see." Ominis smiled. His hand touched my hand, trailing up the sleeve up to my shoulder. "I can only imagine how beautiful you look. I'm sorry things are going this way."
"Thank you Ominis, I suppose not all of us can be lucky enough to run away before the Gaunt name eats you whole." I said to him, placing my hand over his. His own wedding band shinned brightly. Light piano music began to play as a knock on the door let me know that it has started. "Well, let's get this over with."
"Wait." Ominis said, he was listening intently. "I- never mind. Let's go."
He held out his hand, guiding me out into the hall. Flowers cascaded across every surface, the gardens in full bloom. The entire Gaunt family, and the families of the sacred twenty-eight were all here to witness the reunion of two powerful pureblood families.
A house elf handed me my bouquet of flowers, which I held at my waist. My father held his elbow out for me, which I took reluctantly. As I walked down the isle, I felt every pair of eyes on me, their own whispers accompanying them.
Such a good Gaunt.
Marrying into a good family that one.
So civilized and perfect.
She'll produce perfect Gaunt babies.
My father released me at the end of the alter. I stepped up to meet my future husband. Ominis was nowhere in sight, and neither was Raven.
The officiant droned on while I was stuck in my own head, trying to hold myself together. My life was over, and this was the final straw. I would never see Sebastian again.
"Do you Thomas, take her to be your wife?" The officiant asked him.
"I do." He responded.
"And do you take Thomas to be your husband?"
I lingered for a moment, taking in my families gaze.
"I-"
"WAIT!"
I turned my head to the house, where Sebastian stood. He had a white button down on, and his black slacks. He ran down the steps to the back of the isle, the crowd shocked and murmuring amongst each other.
"Love I will be your husband and cherish you everyday!" Sebastian shouted. "If you love me, then run!"
I kicked off my heels, and picked up my dress, sprinting down the isle to him. The shocked shouts and gasps caused enough chaos for me to collide with Sebastian, hugging him close.
"Let's get out of here!" He said excitedly.
"I don't have anything packed?! I hav-"
"Raven and Ominis have everything covered, we are going to America with them." He smiled. "Now let's go!"
He took my hand and sprinted up the stairs as I heard my father scream. We reached the top step and I stopped for a moment.
"FATHER, HOPE YOU KNOW I'M PREGNANT WITH THIS HALF-BLOOD'S BABY!" I shouted out. He shot a curse out, which we avoided. Manically laughing we ran through the house, finding Raven and Ominis at a carriage out front.
"Hop in we don't have a lot of time!" Ominis said, ushering us both in. "We'll be right behind you, they'll take you all the way to London, where we will make our getaway. You have the money right Sebastian?"
"Right here." He responded, holding a small pouch up.
"Alight now get going!"Ominis yelled. The carriage took flight as we watched them apparate away. The crowd of people ushered out the front door, but we were to high to be stopped.
"Wait," Sebastian said breathlessly, "are you actually pregnant?"
"I had hoped it would be a more special way to find out." I smiled. His face dropped into shock, then a grin. He pulled me into his lap and kissed me deeply.
"I think finding out by giving your father a heart attack is the most memorably way you could have told me." Sebastian laughed against my lips.
~
"Do you Sebastian, in sickness, in health, in poverty, and in riches take her to be your wife?" Ominis asked. The cliffside below creating a beautifully scenery as Sebastian and I held each others hands. My dress silky and simple, how it was always meant to be. Raven stood as a witness, our baby girl in her arms.
"I do." Sebastian said, his doe eyes looking deep into my soul.
"And do you, dear sister, take this idiot to be your husband." Ominis said. "You can say no if you wish, I can always plan another escape."
"I do!" I laughed out. Ominis smiled at my acceptance.
"Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife." Ominis had a tear fall from his eye, which he quickly wiped away. "You may now kiss Mrs. Sallow."
Sebastian smiled as he cupped my face, leaning closer before pressing his lips into my own. The sweetest taste I've ever known. He pressed into me, lifting me up and spinning me, our lips still locked. We pulled away breathlessly.
"I love you Mrs. Sallow." He whispered, his stubble growing in slightly. The freckles I loved so deeply being so prominent as the sun started to set.
"I love you more Mr. Sallow." I whispered back. "Promise to never leave?"
"Never." He smiled.
"Never?"
"Never."
[Raven is actually based off of @ravenwind-75 who has been so supportive and kind to me as I've been writing on here. I just want to say that I appreciate you and everyone else who interacts with my content daily. I write for me, but it's nice to know other people get some joy from it too]
[Other account I want to thank is @shyamanuensis who has followed me since the start, and each time has always been there to show support, ily sm <3]
#hogwarts legacy#ominis gaunt#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy fanfic#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry#ominis#hogwarts legacy ominis#sebastianxreader
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Hi hello I just found your writing and I LOVE IT. May I please request number 48 with the pbj duo?
‘Don’t touch me!’
(@psychologicalwarclaire - There was a more simple route I could have gone with this, I saw it and then took a hard left turn instead. Also thank you so much!!)
TW: vague medical setting, mention of needles, kidnapping
It takes two days for their brothers to find them. Normally, in these situations (or at least in the Jupiter Jim films they’d spent so long obsessing over), he would say that it felt like so much longer.
It doesn’t, it feels like two days. Two days is a lot of time when you stretch it all out.
Nothing had really happened that was unrecoverable— there'd been a lot of threats. Promises of some unbeknownst evil if they ceased to cooperate at first, and then later, more unsettlingly, the insistence that they were subjects. Not to be spoken to.
He thinks that's the part that might stay: being referred to by a species type, being reduced to a clip board and data sets. All of Mikey's little brother splendor being reduced to a column beside his.
Raph had burst down the door with dad hot on his heels to spin kick everyone in the room right into all of Leo’s conveniently placed portals before anyone had even really delved into the gruesome threats. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to matter to Don’s brain much.
Two days was plenty of time to think.
They’d strung him and Mikey up on flat tables, shone an over bright light directly at them, and asked a lot of questions mostly. Talked a lot of big talk. Pulled out medical equipment and taken blood samples here and there. A slice or two. Not worth mentioning in the grand scheme of things, they'd all had worse more recently.
There was something... writhing in the back pocket of his mind though. The moment where Bishop had bent over Mikey, back to him so Donnie couldn't see, and whispered just to him.
Don didn't know what was said to counter argue it. To point out flaws in science or loopholes, or insinuate anything about the lack of foresight. He didn't hear it. When he leaned back, Mikey looked scared.
"Enough blood samples," Bishop had said to the glass wall beside them, that barest hint of a smirk he carried every moment. "We have our findings. Perhaps, bone would be best as a next step. Speed up the research."
He hadn’t been able to stop any part of it, was the thing. Hadn’t gotten a single second of a break from the noise and the lights, and the press of metal against his wrists. And the constant threat that they could grab or stab or worse. And Mikey had been scared.
Nothing even happened, he reminds himself. His brain flashes back to Mikey trying to duck into his shell, the cattle prod the man had waved around almost playfully.
He hadn’t been able to move his arms the whole time, pinned up by his ears like a butterfly under a pane of glass. April unclicks the button with a loud shout of ‘got it!’ and he hears the hiss right as a spike of pain slams into every limb. It doesn’t matter that it hurts, it matters that it feels like a thousand tiny stabs of a thousand needles everywhere across his skin. He hates it, he hates it so much.
There’s grates under his knees and he hates that feeling too. Separated metal maws punching up in bumps and ridges — it’s all disgusting. It’s awful, he can break it all down into chemical compounds in his mind and the imaginary neutrons feel like exploding fireworks. He needs it to all stop, for a minute or. An hour.
Stop.
“Dee, are you—” That’s Raph, he knows it’s Raph. But there’s noise and touching and he can’t breathe with all of it in his face, and Mikey is scared.
“Don’t touch me!” He snaps back, pulling further into himself on instinct. He can sense Raph’s hand hovering, just by his shoulder. Hears his steady apologizing.
Noise, noise, noise.
Leo whistles across the room, “Raph, they got a lot of stuff in here. We should probably make sure they can’t use it.” Giving him an out, a breather. Thank god for twins.
He doesn’t want to think about what they’d gathered. He’d seen the vials. Just because he hadn’t felt whatever they’d done at all doesn’t mean it wasn’t his DNA. He barely represses a shudder.
Mikey had been so scared. He’d looked at Don with wide, shocked eyes. Like he’d forgotten that there were people in the world that didn’t care for sunny smiles and friendly hellos, that there were worse things than grouchy junkyard mutants and spider ladies. It felt wrong, some fundamental thing in Donnie’s mind skittering and clattering around. Science was meant to help, to study and grow from— he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t tossed a thought or two around DNA samples of his own but. They’d taken it, right from him. From his baby brother who still thought Santa was a suspiciously hairy short man who visited through TV fireplaces.
Nothing even happened.
But it could have.
The sheer fact that the phantom feeling of an itch across his skin was in his head and made up and that was a good thing. The scientists could have gotten bored. Decided they’d needed one turtle less. It could have been Mikey. But they'd circled him and stared at him, and poked and prodded, too. Why is that comparable? Why is that worth noting?
His family is here, the scientists are gone. He can hear dad's voice a few scant feet away. So why can't he---
“I’m here,” Mikey’s soft voice appears. “It’s okay, Dee. I’m okay. We’re fine.”
He’s knotted himself up in a ball so tightly, hands around his knees, shell pressed firmly against the wall. It’s dark here, for once. Don realizes he’s been repeating Mikey’s name almost mindlessly, like a white noise machine in the background.
"You with me, Don?" Their check in phrase. No touching, not too many questions.
He signs back: 'here'.
"Thanks for telling me. April's helping Dad with something. Leo and Don are in the next room. They'll come back in three minutes, I have Leo's watch."
Good. Numbers, specifics. That's good.
'Injuries?' He signs.
"No, I mean. Not big ones." He can hear Mikey's wince. "Bruised my wrist I think. Dehydrated, probably? Leo said he can check when you want him to, since nothing's bleeding."
'Okay.'
He hears rather than sees Mikey’s slide to the steel floor beside him. Hears his shaky sigh out. “Sorry I didn’t get us out.”
Donnie tenses. There’s a myriad of reasons that makes no sense, but his words have escaped somewhere in the replay.
Mikey sighs again. “I— I was thinking about using the mystic powers again, but I didn’t want it to hurt. Or leave you there. I should have been more brave.”
Don remembers the way the gold cracks had fissured up his shoulder, split all the way near to Mikey’s neck. The heat emanating even with all the bandages, and the physical therapy Leo’d tried to walk him through after. He still couldn’t close his left hand all the way on bad days.
“No,” he manages. “You were brave.”
Mikey hadn’t cried, or begged. He’d channeled some deep down snark and thrown cocky one liners back every chance he could. He was only fifteen.
Don pulls his head up, breathes out sharp through his nostrils.
"I was scared, too." He tells his knees. A quiet confessional.
He stretches his hand out. The pins and needles are awful and constant, but he needs to know—
Mikey’s hand slides instantly. It helps. It’s quieter.
He'll be braver next time, too.
#rottmnt#my fic#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#rise of the tmnt#writing prompt#like could this not have been something simple at home probably but my brain took this detour instead so here we are#psychologicalwarclaire
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Somebody posted just recently that they didn't like how Felicia's death and losing one's head over it made it all personal rather than an ideological divide.
And I get that but for my personal opinion it doesn't have to be either or. It can be a mixture of personal built in top of political (this is a recent fic that springs to mind that portrays a mixture and the old Reconciliation AU I think had a take on the scene where the Drowning spins directly out of a vicious verbal argument throwing everything from politics to insulting each other's upbringing at each other)
Yes it sucks that the show didn't actually portray that divide (alas we know the show writers believe interpersonal motivations are more relatable than political ones). But in my head I like to picture it as both. That Vander and Silco were already at odds and having arguments about it.
There are traces of it in the Felicia scene where Vander talks about raising ankle biters and Silco at this point still jovially disagrees.
There is a vibe almost as if Vander feels done/like they have already accomplished what they wanted (maybe they succeeded in taking over the mines (as we know Felicia and Connel are still working there after the kids are born), or taking over the Lanes). Or that at the very least wants them to take a breather.
Maybe they had arguments along the lines of "stop doing that/you are being reckless" before and Felicia dying to Vander just saves as proof fir all the other things they have been arguing about for a while.
And the regret, the losing your head is letting it escalate to violence. like maybe Vander thinks their ideological differences were real but he should have found a way to resolve them without violence, without hurting his brother. That that was his step to far, a 'sin' within his moral system. And he bought his way of doing things with this sin born from anger over Felicia (maybe Felicia was also kind of a peacekeeper/negotiator between them, a calming element?).
(I still the relevant but is when Viktor looks into Vander's mind and says he saw Vander's vision for Zaun and it was beautiful. I choose to read that Vander did keep dreaming but it deeply buried)
It's really interesting to me that in the sequence of Vander/Warwick's memories in S2E6, Silco vanishes once Powder and Vi are in the picture. We see Silco and Vander in the mines together, then Silco at the bar, then the scene from the flashback with Felicia... and then he's just gone. We see Vander with young Powder and Vi, but never Silco. I see a lot of people say that the Blisters and Bedrock flashback spoils Silco's character motivations, but I feel like this sequence is specifically showing us that it doesn't.
As detailed very eloquently in this post, Vander and Silco's promise to Felicia was never to look after her kids. Their promise was to keep fighting for Zaun so that her child(ren) could have a better future. And that's exactly what Silco did. His priority was always Zaun over anything else, right up until the last episode of Season 1. Meanwhile, Vander was heavily involved with the kids while Felicia was alive. Silco was presumably still a part of his life given that they started the bridge riot together, but Powder and Vi had become much more important to him, enough that his memories from that period favour them over Silco. It seems like Silco distanced himself from Felicia and her kids for the sake of pursuing his dream, while Vander tried to have both.
In Vander's apology letter, he blames his actions on Felicia's death, but I don't think he was saying that the mere fact that she died was the reason he tried to kill Silco. I think he's saying that was the catalyst for a decision that was most likely many years in the making. He tried to fight for Zaun and be a father figure at the same time, but Felicia's death was the turning point at which he realised that he couldn't have both. The cost of independence simply wasn't worth it anymore, now that he had so much to lose. So, he turned his back on the nation of Zaun for the sake of the kids.
It definitely doesn't seem like he regretted that choice in itself; but even in S1E3, he says that he has "never forgiven [him]self" for what he did to Silco, and I think that's where the "lost my head" part of the letter comes in. In the moment, he was angry and grieving, and convinced himself that killing Silco was a necessary course of action in the shift towards peace for the undercity - despite both being responsible for the destruction they had caused up to that point. He might not regret giving up on Zaun's independence, but he regrets the violent, brutal way in which he went about it. So when you look at it that way, Silco is the one whose ideology has always remained consistent, kids or no kids. Vander is the one who went rogue and broke his promise.
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cheeeese
#BEST ASSISTANT IN THE WORLD!!!!#idk what it is about them that makes me so inspired to draw#Garth’s just got a cute little face on him#been thinking about them as brothers recently#peace and love on planet earth#well not brothers something different something worse something better#garth of shayeris#arthur curry#my art#dc#dc comics#dc please write more pre DoaP stories w them☹️
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"Why doesn't John talk about Arthur that much in the epilogue?"
He admitted to Mary-Beth that although he doesn't talk about Arthur, he still thinks about him a lot, even eight years later. John was grateful for Arthur's sacrifice and tried to honour that by killing Micah, but he was determined to put the past behind them so they could focus on the new life they had built for themselves. Here, he doesn't say that he wants to forget Arthur, he just doesn't want to dwell on what was a painful time in their lives.
#hearing them talk about arthur hurts my heart but heals it at the same time#the fact that jack remembers so much of arthur <3#you need to put yourself in john's position because even though arthur would've died for us “recently” it's been a much longer time for joh#and it sets the scene for rdr1 perfectly because if john didnt talk about his brother much eight years later then imagine twelve years late#I know arthur didnt exist when rdr1 came out but what I'm saying is that it still makes sense if you look at it through a story perspective#the way rdr2 was built so cleverly around rdr1 will always fascinate me#ahhh <3#mick squeaks#mick vids#mick rants#mick thinks#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#john marston#abigail roberts#jack marston#red dead redemption community#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#oh arthur
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Pls accept my doodle annotations from the first ascendancy book v_v
(Ch. 13)
#thrawn#doodles2024#myart2024#spoiler#thrawn ascendancy#Chiss ascendancy#thalias#ascendancy spoiler#doodle annotations#Thrawn ascendancy chaos rising#I think this chapter is so fuckn funny#just bc both Thrawn and Thalias probably had to take a shit nearby each other#in the same shipping crate box#I’ve been thinking about the whole logistics of this scene; Thrawn making the box with Frangelic and them both working on designing where#to go to the bathroom#they really put their heads together and figured out where Thrawn and Thalias were going to take their shits and I think that’s funny#that’s peak to me#this scene is also fun because Thrawn talks about Vurika :) I love<3#he’s just a little brother who cares about his big sister and has always wondered where she went and I think that’s sweet and tragic#I haven’t been super confident in my art recently but I think these doodles are neat and that other ppl might wanna see them :)#Ty
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look. i know a lot of ppl prefer cyborg in titans… but i think it’s hilarious to imagine college-aged vic stone in the justice league. trying to figure out his powers AND adulting shit. all the while he’s surrounded by grown ass adult men (~25ish) who’s seen the world already. meanwhile kid is still getting used to the concept of seeing his own medical history by himself and determining whether his family has access to it
#cyborg#justice league#justice leauge unlimited#cyborg justice league#dc#dc cyborg#dc titans#dc thoughts#as someone who recently reached adulthood i think about this lots#the idea of cyborg being the baby of the group & them like. looking after him. being a mentor or someone he can look up to#he deserves that.. after everything he’s been thru#cyborg my beloved <3 i adore u#he would get annoyed by the babying bc hello recently moved out of parent’s house and is desperate to prove own independence & have choice#he wouldn’t like it but he knows deep down they mean well#if we’re using the jlu lineup i feel wally west would understand his struggle.. make him feel less alone bc that’s also a young guy…#slightly older (probably like. 22-24) but still around his age (18-20)#then he finds out shazam’s age and all hell breaks lose (he finally has someone that’s younger than him that he can baby (look after))#it fills him w/ joy… cyborg being an older brother my beloved.. it fills him with whisminess
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I spent this week drawing what felt like a million refs for various characters from my own warriors stories that have been living in my head for the past couple of years, and I feel a bit like I'm going mad lol.
#i am in an emotionally fragile state too bc I've been sick for the past two weeks (just a cold but it suuuucks)#and i recently finished playing a game with my brother that hit us both waaaayy harder than expected#so anyway the other day i was drawing this cat and thinking how sad her life is. and i just want someone to tell her it's not her fault#which led to me inventing anOTHER story in my head during work today just so she can get some closure#anyway these are all quick drawings bc i was just trying to get as many done as fast as i can#so they're not the best designs but I've been enjoying the process#it would be fun to share them but i am absurdly shy about sharing any of my own creative endeavors#part of me wants to talk about these stories but a way larger part of me knows they're not very exciting and idk what to say#sometimes cats are just sad!!! and they talk about their feelings and then they die!! such is the life of a warrior. you know how it goes#pigeon mews#OH YEAH i started saying all this just to say it's long past time for a fresh icon and i wanna use one of these but idk who yet#that's something for tomorrow me to figure out
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ALSOOOOOOO i Finally got to ride a skateboard at the skatepark with bf n friends for the first time ever yesterday and i feel so 👀👀👌👌👌💯💯💯 i managed to be able to balance and push around and stop without falling and it was fun tbh!! i can see getting muscle memory and improvement by doing it consistently 😤 i just hope this aint too short of a phase for everyone so i can hopefully get me own board soon 🙏
#i kno i said i had to take it easy but it was the 4th i had to go out n live a little shhhhh#i think i skate goofy but it might be bc im left handed so its just How Its Gunna Be lmfao hopefully i'll see#theyve been starting to go there recently and a few ppl are thinking abt getting more boards and skates and ofc i Gotta get one#its practically required of me to get one AHA#being able to use my book smarts research abt footing and pushing with the right foot/ stopping without a tragedy was rlly cool#i havent fell yet but im dreading it bc that shit will be inevitable lolol its just a matter of when#it definitely takes confidence and intent and Brother i am but a teacup chihuahua#BUT that is the beauty of progress and improvement and courage#even if its just a couple months fad thing for them it would still be nice to at least get the experience#and get a better idea of what the hell my Entire story is about lmfao#i hate that it took me this long but its what i gotta do better late than never#i think i aint got crippling anxiety for everything and then i realize i cant do like 85% of things#i want to do in life AHAaa#its just one of them things i Gotta have someone do it with me so this opportunity fell into my lap and im ESTATIC#edit looked it up again and i DO NOT skate goofy i skate regualr HELL YEAH
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew
#i dont have a problem w either of those things necessarily i just find it interesting#if i had to guess. drake and josh was a mainstream that didnt wanna touch on religion generally#but josh was kind of a dork and usually when josh's religious beliefs are implied it is in dorkish ways#such as praying and thanking the lord after he has his first kiss.#but since dan schneider is jewish perhaps he wanted to make helen have a jewish wedding in the finale?#not that there needs to be a reason. but u do notice occasional jewish-related jokes in d&j but none of them are what you could call#offensive. in good faith that is. 'eric is a pacifist' 'i thought he was jewish?' like come on#text post#i have been rewatching drake and josh recently and i have had so many thoughts#im almost done. i just have left that stupid dance episode that they premiered last for the stupid reason#of a special dance-themed premiere night in fall 2007. they premiered the third episode of icarly and a new zoey 101 on the same night#which i think is so stupid. they should've aired really big shrimp last. it messed w my understanding of the series at the time lol#i remember not really knowing that the show was ENDING. like i knew icarly was starting & miranda was doing that#i thought really big shrimp was like just another special like go hollywood.#and then like two days later they premiered the helicopter episode for some reason#and i was like why is drake not famous in this. he just had a number 1 song in a superbowl commercial#and then a month later the dance one. which. if anything is satisfying about that as a final episode it's just that#that unnamed girl from the blues brothers episode who is obsessed w drake shows up again and congratulates them#and the very final line of the series is 'who is she?' because. because really who IS she?#that's a funny enough throwback to wrap things up with i suppose#drake and josh wasn't a highly serialized show so i can see how they could air those after the intended finale and act like it didn't matte#but i have to tell you it did fuck with my brain a bit at the time. lol. i still think of those episodes as having 'happened' after#and on paramount plus those episodes are still placed after really big shrimp. the injustice#but thats kinda messy. what a weird way to end such an influential and popular sitcom#season 4 had a few lowpoints while still also having some VERY solid episodes.#idk. ill have to continue my series review another time im getting way too longwinded here#helen dubois is jewish
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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i feel like the 'i could make/do that' mindset is so invaluable to have. i don't mean in the sense of like going to a modern art museum and insisting that you, a non-artist, could have made the art just as easily. no, that is condescending assholery. the mindset i'm talking about is one more of confidence, of optimism and.. i guess the willingness to put yourself out there, to ask the right questions, to try something new. and to fail, or rather for your vision not to come to fruition. maybe you don't have the tools yet, maybe you haven't acquired all the skills. but at least you could try. and you have confidence in the level of ability you do have to start. oftentimes actually sitting down and doing something is the best way to learn, and the only thing that could stop you from starting is telling yourself 'i could never make/do that'
#there's a few songs on my playlist that are from the pov of a girl but that have a masculine voice and while that's honestly fine#and i've been living with them on there for over a year. i've also always toyed with the idea of making covers.#like hey i have a feminine voice. it may not be stellar but it would fit better. so what's stopping me??#the answer was a guitar lol#but recently my bil has been teaching my sister to play guitar... and she has a better voice than i do#and so i asked if they would be willing to record covers of these songs with me and put them on spotify just for my playlist#apparently our brother might have some layering software too#and i'm not saying like 'wow i said i could make this and now i am!' bc really it's mostly gonna be my sis and her husband#but i just had to ask#like ig what i'm saying is anything is possible. and keeping your mind and heart open can bring about beautiful things#and actually i'm realizing a better story might have been about the play i just wrapped last week. my first time acting in anything#that one was much more of a learning curve for me but it still had the same spark of 'i could do that' and the same result#something homemade and cobbled together but good.#i just happened to make this post while thinking of my sister putting music on spotify for me <3#the sibs#important
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