#theres nothing like a really stupid bit paying off

[sunkillerlovechild]

the worm segment was actually the most exciting thing ever

i actually saw the worm, with my own eyes, on the surface PHENOMENAL

[romana-after-dark]

Dirty Old Man

Dark!Old Man!Logan x fem!reader

Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist

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Summary: Logan is your driver, and one day he gets tired of keeping his hands to himself. Logan's POV.

Warnings: NON CON! DDDNE!!!!! Alcohol consumption, breeding kink but reader is on birth control. slapping. big, girthy, throbbing, rock hard age gap. crying, dirty talk. Absolutely wild slut shaming and misogyny in Logan's head. Seriously yall he's bad here. Theres nothing redeeming about him.

1.5 K words

Minors DNI, DEAD DOVE!!!

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He’d been watching you for longer than you realized.

Logan was used to taking odd jobs, having just enough to get by and when he tires of one place or another, he quits and finds somewhere else. But this right here? Yeah, he was sticking around for a bit.

You were a stupid little thing, silly and bubble head with a great pair of tits and a niave view of the world. He was your driver, taking you all around the streets of New York, anywhere from fancy gala’s to Sex and the City style luncheons -wait no it’s called brunch-, Sex and the City style brunches, to sleepovers with friends. Every time you hoped in the pretentious car, you slid in the back with a hello, and hopped out with a goodbye and a thank you. Today was no different.

A little crisp out for such a small dress, don’t you think?

Fall was coming, even if it grew later and later every year for the leaves to turn yellow and the wind to cool around you. Still, it never stopped dumb girls like you from dressing in the skimpiest little things, just tempting nasty old men like him, testing, teasing, until there was a consequence. You really needed to learn a lesson, didn’t you? One by one, Logan dropped off your slutty little friends, all dressed in an aray of orange and red and black and all the fall colors that were fashionable for bimbo’s like them to pay attention to. This wasn’t all your friend he’d driven to the club, some of them probably went off to get railed by some horny college student who just had to compliment them once or twice and they were sliding their underwear to the side.

You weren’t like them. You were wearing white, as pure as the day you were born, your sweet little head too filled up with thoughts of sunshine and flowers to be someone who’d let a man touch you like that. That’s why Logan wasn’t going to be ‘let’, he was going to take.

Drunk like your father every evening trying to drown out your nagging mother, you babbled on about the evening to him after your last friend left, filling him in on all the innocent fun you had at the club. You weren’t like the others, you didn’t grind on men or kiss your friends for attention or snort coke, you were happy with a several drinks and a good time.

“Back home, bub?” He asks you, looking through the rearview mirror.

“Yes, please, Mr. Smith.” You replied with his alias. He wanted to make you scream Logan, Logan, Logan. A pause. “Where are we?”

Logan had pulled into an empty alley, smirking at the knit of your eyebrows in confusion. “Gotta check the back tire, bub. Seems off.”

You were too drunk and stupid to question him. Naive girl, so trusting. He went to the back right tire, near wear you sat, and bent over pretending to look, knowing you well enough to know you’d open the door and peek out.

“Wha- *hiccup* what is it, Mr. Smiff?” 

He chuckles at you slurring his faux name. 

“You can just call me Logan, kid, I told yuh that.” Logan stands, bracing his arm over the car frame, leaning over you. “Everything, I’m afraid.”

You blink up at him in confusion. “Everything?”

“Yeah baby, looks like we’re gonna have to kill some time.” He makes his move, pushing you onto the leather seats and shoving you down. For a moment, you don’t struggle, just a yelp of surprise but Logan can see the realization of what's happening dawn in your eyes. Then, you slap him.

“Big mistake, kid.” Two slaps, one after the other in quick succession, are delivered to your sweet face, letting you know that however you fight, you’ll be punished. “Won’t help yuh to fight, sweetcheeks, only gonna make it worse.” He watches the tears well up in your eyes, your pretty lip quivering, but you don’t fight. You give in. He chuckles. “Well that was easy.”

Logan spreads your legs, grinding his clothed erection over your white underwear, making you whimper. “P-please don’t… I’m sorry, I-I I don’t-”

“Shhhhh, princess…” Logan wipes a tear from your face, nuzzling his beard against your neck. “Just be good for me, this will all be over soon, okay? But be that sweet girl I know you are.”

A dizzy, tired ‘okay’ and Logan leaned back to undo his pants where his crisp white shirt was tucked in. As expected, you simply stayed laid back and didn’t fight or try to get away. Such a good girl. “Take your panties off for me.”

You shake your head. “Don’t make me…”

All he had to do was narrow his eyes at you and you were scrambling to do as he said, making you complicite. 

“See? I knew you wanted this.”

Sliding into you was heaven, feeling you clench around him in fear, the tension of your body manifesting in squeezing him cock even as you got wet around him. He was your first, he knew that. Inside himself, he knew that, even if you hadn’t said. Because of course you hadn’t? Who would share that with her driver?

“Fuck princess, look at you…” Logan grunted as he began to thrust, watching your tits in that braless dress bounce. “Taking this old man cock so good, aren’t’cha? Yeah, just look at you…” He grabbed your hair harshly, yanking you up so you were bent over. You scream in pain, but quickly quiet yourself with little sobs instead as he forces you to watch him violating you, entering and withdrawing and entering again until he lets go, letting you flop back once more.

Logan’s cock slams inside you, and Logan bets you can feel him inside you, feel him prodigy at your womb, ready to be bred like a good girl like your deserves. 

“Are you on birth control?”

“Y-yes” You cry, covering your face in embarrassment. Are you lying? No, no he can see the little rod in your arm. He grab your tender flesh, and you cry out briefly again as he feels the stupid fucking implant in you, thumbing over it as he growls in frustration. He wanted to get you knocked up, make sure you were the stupid girl who got herself pregnant after he ditched town, but there was nothing he could do about it now. 

He gropes your tits through the dress, slapping at the side to make you yelp before moving on downward. You were awfully wet for someone who was crying. 

“Poor girl… is the mean old man taking your virginity? I know, I know, I’m the worst.” He swirls a finger over your slicked up clit, making your body jolt. “Fuck, such a sensative girl around you. Been years since I fucked someone so sweet and innocent, you’re -fuuuuuck, princess- you’re every dirty old man’s dream, you know that?”

He felt your cunt tighten at that, and he barks a laugh. “Ha! Don’t think I didn’t feel that, sweet cheeks. That make you hot? You like knowing old creeps think of our naked body while fisting their cocks?”

You cover your face. “No!”

“Princess, don’t fucking lie to me. Come on.” Logan touched your body, knowing he could bring you pleasure, wanting to feel your first orgasm gushing on his cock. “Give it to me, come on this old man cock, be the dirty whore I know you wanna be.” 

Your cry into your hands as your body betrays you, orgasming hard enough it pulled his own climax out of him. Even though he knew you wouldn’t get pregnant, Logan loved knowing that he was pumping load after load of his hot seed into your virgin pussy, knowing it would leak out of your for days. Morning after morning you wake up to his cum sliding out of your, reminding you that you’re nothing but a dirty old man's whore.

The whole ride to your penthouse, you laid in the back of the car, never moving from where he left you. When Logan pulled up to the building, he put his arm on the other backrest, looking down at you. “You tell anyone about this,” He let his claws fly out of his fisted hand. You could only flinch, your eyes drooping heavily. “I’ll end you, and whoever you tell. Got it?” Logan waits until you nod. “Good. Now get the fuck out of my car.”

Later…

You lay in bed, staring at your phone though the tears in your eyes. A shower couldn’t wash off the feeling of him in and on you, so you just gave up, stumbling into bed with your most comfortable clothes.

Your screen showed a message your forgot to respond to before getting drunk.

Remy Boo <3: Bon soir, cher. Text me when you’re home so I know you’re safe.

 You couldn’t tell him. Logan said he’d kill you and whoever you told… but if you didn’t respond, Remy would pull up to the penthouse and check on you. You did give him a key, and you owed him a response. He was your boyfriend, after all.

You: I’m home!!!! Had a great night with the girls. Im tired. Ttyl.

*************

Thanks so so so much for reading!!!! I might do a part 2 IDK. I kinda wanna see remy finding out what happened and that it was logan of all people.

If you like dark logan, check out my masterlist!

Our Gentle Sins is my logan series rn! I also wrote a lot of joel miller if thats your thing!!!!

Every single like, reblog, and comment means the world o me!

if you want to be tagged in my dark logan, check out my tag list!

If you want more logan bt not dark, check out @romanarose for my normal stuff.

@del-ightfulling @miraclesabound @oldloganslittleslut @shybluebirdninja @hornystan

[24kmar]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 (A. Donaldson, T. Duncan)

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Tashi Duncan x Fem! Reader, Art Donaldson x Fem! Reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Tashi hating on art 😭, Angst, Dialogue from "YOU", Language, College! Art and tashi, let me know if theres more!!

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Tashi argues with you about whos more important, her or art. Art overhears and thats when you are forced to make a painful choice.

𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝑰'𝒎 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒖𝒕, 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑰'𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇

You really wish tashi didnt chose to have this argument in the middle of stanfords tennis court. Such a stupid argument too, one that started because of telling tashi you couldnt practice because you had plans with art.

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝑨 𝒕𝒐 𝑩, 𝑰𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 '𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑬𝒚𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒚𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝑰 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒐

"Tashi i dont understand why you're making such a big deal out of this." You pause mid serve due to tashi chewing your ear off cause of you saying no to practice tomorrow.

What you didnt know was that art was over hearing all of it. He was just going to practice, when he heard his name in the sound of tashis voice.

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈'𝐦 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭, 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐀 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭, 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞

"Im making a big deal because lately it seems art is occupying way too much of your time." She yells at you

"Whatever tash." You scoff rolling your eyes

"No, not whatever. Have you even been paying attention to tennis? At all? Cause right now is NOT the time for mistakes."

There it was.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐈 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐬 𝐚����𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐈, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈-𝐈-𝐈

"Of course this is about fucking tennis" you scoff "get a fucking grip tash! My whole life isnt gonna revolve around tennis!"

"This isnt just about tennis y/n!"

"Then what is it about!?"

"About you ditching me for art!"

What? Now this is where you were stuck.

And so was art.

"Like you dont ditch me for tennis? And plus, im not even ditching you. You're always busy, so what is there to ditch?" You scoff stepping closer to her

You do admit you had been getting closer to art, but he was kind, caring, and actually made effort to spend time with you.

"You cant leave me and expect me to follow behind you! You cant have your cake and eat it too!" You yell, angry tears brimming "Atleast art is actually there!"

𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭, 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫, 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐣𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐚 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐟 '𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭

"Art is nothing!" She says stepping up to you "Im your family, i would kill for you! Would art?"

'In a heartbeat.', art thinks.

"Fuck this" you scoff, walking to get your stuff and leave the court.

"No y/n, you cant just walk away from this." She grabs your wrist turning you around "Whos it gonna be?" She asks

"What?" You breath out, baffled that shes even asking this question.

"You know what i mean y/n, whos it gonna be. Me or art?"

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐈

Arts heart was beating faster than it ever has in his life. Who would you pick? His thoughts were cut short as you shoved past him while wiping your tears. Bumping in to him, you looked up to apologize.

"Fuck sorry- oh, art" you look at him, your eyes being full of nervousness and sadness. "Did you hear that?" You ask nervously, fidgetting with the ends of your tennis skirt.

He nods softly, confirming your worries. The silence that followed, making you uneasy. Breaking the silence he spoke up.

"I would do anything for you, you know that right?" He spoke, hoping you would believe him. He would do anything for you. He couldnt let tashi get in the way of you guys. Not now, not after everything.

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈'𝐦 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭, 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐀 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭, 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨-𝐥𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞

Slowly, you nod sniffling.

"Ill see you around art." You try to smile, walking away. Left alone with your thoughts. Now you were faced with the hardest choice you'd ever had to make. Art or tashi?

[trophyposting]

wait no i got it. its because he doesnt have a gimmick

does anyone ever get the vibe that trophy belongs in a different show or is that just me being weird

[buwheal]

Anon that was probably saying sorry, I said sorry because I find what clown roll was saying judgy, it's not easy being broke and not being able to afford food, the last thing a poor person needs is a lecture on how unhealthy their lifestyle is. Like of course it's not healthy, you think someone would CHOOSE to live like that? To eat nothing but trash? Pretty sure if spamton could be eating something not out of the trash he WOULD, he doesn't need someone rubbing how awful his life is in his face when he doesn't really have a way to make it better, like "oh yeah just get some food not in the trash" for free??? Or if you're expecting him to pay, with what money??? I swear financially well off people seem to just forget you need money to do almost anything because of how much they have. If clowny roll really cared so much they should give him some damn money to buy something, granted maybe they can't because of askbox rules, but still.

THAAANKK YOU DUDE arrghhhhh,, frustrates me a little because theres some people in this box talking to him like he has a choice!!! HE DOESNT!!! I already did a WHOLE nasty thing with a whole bunch of the asks rubbing that shit in his face as if it were an apology,, reminding CONSTANTLY with stuff like "I had trouble finding sucess once!" sorry but that doesnt help guys... This isnt some one time thing where hes down in the dumps cause he got fired or smth HES HOMELESS... thankfully ive stopped getting those, but now its THESE ones about how unhealthy his lifestyle is............... like yeah......... hes not fucking stupid he knows....... they talk to him like hes a child waaghhh /lh Like, heres some examples, sorry to these anons, but if i had chosen your ask you'd get yelled at by Spamton AND the audience anyways,, so heres some that i think maybe... they forgot he cant really do a whole lot....

...do you see the irony in this one......

guuuyyyysss do you see the freaking issue here???? "EAT HEALTHER!"

huh.

what.....

WITH WHAT FOOD????? WITH WHAT OPTIONS???? sorry lmfaoo... but like. "doesn't mean you shouldnt try to do better!" WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUSAYING RIGHT NOW... HES NOT CHOOSING TO????? HES ALWAYS "TRYING TO DO BETTER"... DID YOU GUYS MISS THE POST POINTING OUT THAT HE EVEN HAS TROUBLE FINDING SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT /REGULARLY/??? pleeaaseeee dude save me pleese wauughh

But. Dont go after anyone,, esp Clowny Roll!!!!! I think a lot of them dont ....really think about it. I also have a tinge of a feeling that Clowny Roll has a bit of bait intention with theirs!! nothing wrong with that!

[crguang]

I like paying Genshin…🫣 but I suppose you and I can’t have all the same opinions. Speaking of which, I don’t understand why people like Natasha…I’m sorry in advance. I can understand liking most of the others, like I get the appeal but idk….can u explain? now that I’ve told you all my bad opinions…I still haven’t gotten all the messages from Kafka, very upset, I got yanqing from standard the same day AND HE KEEPS MESSAGING ME, I need him to stfu. I was rewatching kafkas story quest and umm, I haven’t looked at that photo in a bit….ngl I kinda want to rip open that slit in her shirt and—yk I need to sleep, ik when I start being less shy I need more sleep I haven’t sleep for like two days. also my friend just said that I probably don’t like nat bc she’s a doctor…my mommy issues strike again.

-🌠

i loved genshin i played it for over 3 years but by sumeru their characters stopped appealing to me, arlecchino saved me from boredom in fontaine and that archon quest was also really good but character wise she’s the only one i care about. with natlan and those white ass characters i just cant like logging in and seeing white people with latin indigenous/african inspired clothing, names and history pisses me off to no end, they lost me forever with that one bc yelan reran and i still didn’t log in consistently to get her cons… shes c3 forever now. i get mad seeing any natlan character atp like im so over this stupid game

not liking natasha is insane… if you like himeko theres no reason to not be as crazy about nat because they’re so similar personality wise and we actually know more about nat than we do about hsr himeko rn😭 i don’t see why you don’t see the appeal honestly, she’s a sweetheart who’s upheld an entire city basically on her own. not to diminish wildfire members but she literally created that too. only doctor in an impoverished and disorganized city, runs an orphanage, leader of the sole organization meant to keep the peace… she’s willingly taking on all of that responsibility because she can and wants to help. shes not even from the underworld, she was adopted by a couple in the overworld and did her studies there. not to mention that before she was a doctor in the underworld she went on expeditions to heal those fighting against/researching the fragmentum…she’s literally the most “morally good” aligned person ever. disliking her is kinda unimaginable to me bc all shes done is save people’s lives and be pretty. kafka’s nothing compared to my natty. i get it if she’s just not your kind of character but disliking her is insane to me when himeko is the same kind of kind-hearted, diplomatic, intelligent, courageous, ruthless-when-need-be person😭 natasha stepped up and saw people dying all around her for over a decade, she gave kids like Seele a future and a purpose in life and has spent every day fighting for them, she’s even condemned her own brother because the methods he was using for his research/goals were hurting others. hasnt talked to her parents in years and didnt know her dad had died because of it so she wasn’t allowed a moment to grieve like im sorry shes a hero of the people, no one has worked harder than she has— i’ll die defending natasha she’s incredibly admirable and inspiring to me. she thanks her patients for surviving gruesome surgeries, imagine the amount of people she’s lost because of the underworld’s lack of supplies yet she CARRIES ON! the strongest person ever. and she’s so gorgeous like that’s my baby fr. plus her voice is really nice. she’s the whole package, i take her so seriously if theres only one natasha fan in the galaxy its me!!! thee only healer for months before lynx came out, let’s all remember our roots (i wasn’t there but wtv) for a second. everyone’s used natty she’s an OG!

i thought kafka had only 2 messages and was getting moze/jiaoqiu’s for days then saw that anonymous “hi, nyx” and lost my mind at 6am on tuesday. hope u get them soon theyre so pathetic… she cares so bad. like soooo bad i cant believe she exposes herself like this do we think it’s because texting is easier or bc she’s intrinsically linked to the tb or both?… because those texts (+ the fact that it’s her reaching out) are just insane.

i love how yall never go all the way with thirsting when i literally write smut like i promise you can say you wanna fuck her 😭😭 everyone’s gonna agree. the things i’d do to her would have me in the hospital for dislocated joints like it’s okay theres no shame in being horny

and you definitely need to go to bed!!!!!!!! now!!!! try taking some melatonin/tea if you can or getting off your phone an hour before going to sleep, it might help a little. but you should be sleeping it’s dangerous to go too long without it, how are you even functioning right now

[karasflowers]

closing night closing thoughts: it sucked

acrobat was rude and ugly and annoying and stupid and i feel no sympathy towards him whatsoever. having his attention drawn to the fact that everyone around him was suffering for years and he knew and saw it happening but didnt care or even pay attention to it made him suddenly "go crazy" and turn into a hunter for some fucking reason even though nothing really happened To Him despite the fact that LITERALLY everyone went through wayyyyyy more than him and he was even the Cause of some of their suffering.

weeping clown did.. All of that shit and instead of the other guys doing anything tangible about it they staged a Gotcha confrontation while giving him easy access to a weapon and all it ended up doing was killing dancer off. dancer killed herself because of acrobats stupid fucking selfish plan. acrobat actively triggered her just to epically own weeping clown. and then weeping clown escapes. nothing was satisfying or vindicating he just freaked out a bit, killed dancer, and then ran away. his fate is left unknown. there is a real chance that the only person to fully escape and survive and live on is him.

dancer was only there to have ptsd and be creeped on and then die. theres nothing whatsoever added to her to give her more substance than just Victim Girl unless you count being addicted to drugs.

violettas character. sucks. everything about her was bad. she truly was only there to be mocked and insulted and dismissed and attacked and die. a one dimensional helpless uwu precious innocent victim that gets forgotten about immediately.

murro was only there to have one character that acrobat wasnt actively being a dickhead to. he did nothing. he served no purpose. i literally like him but he added zero and was terribly miscast. he was just a sidekick to acrobat.

[sharusjournal]

what i am learning about love 💌

I had always thought love was supposed to be passionate and intense. selfless consuming all or nothing. never faltering. never questioning. that it had to last forever. no mistakes no wrongdoings. just rainbows and sunshine. just the silver lining part. that everything could be overcome and forgiven. always go back to each other. I read a lot of wattpad books if that helps explain things.

But I'm learning that love in simple terms is really and truly just about consideration. That is the highest form of it and the purest form of it. The passion dies down a little. Everyday life carries on despite it. The bad stuff comes into the picture. The flaws of yourself and another person. What’s left is The patience. The prioritising. In the most seemingly insignificant and smallest of things. In the things that you can do yourself or things you would’ve never thought to do but things that… make you feel seen. Make your life easier. Make you feel cared for. Taking care of you in those small moments is so intimate and tender.

It’s my dad driving hours and hours because I’m sick just to hand deliver my mum’s special soup that she woke up early to make for me. It’s him never telling me about his struggles never complaining about the hard work he does solely for his family. It’s him making sure I have enough spending money and nothing to worry about, when hes not even sure if theres enough to pay the bills. Its him feeding me a peeled orange without me ever even saying I wanted an orange. It’s him being kind to me believing in me even when I let him down. Its him in the background making sure Im okay without ever explicitly calling me or asking me.

It's my mum crying every time I have to go back for uni. It’s her discovering royal mail special delivery and cooking a month’s worth of food to send to me. It’s her buying new clothes for us when her coat has a zipper that’s long been broken and pockets coming off the seams. It’s her coming to my flat and washing my dishes and sweeping the floor before her shoes are even off. It’s her asking every night if I ate. How Im feeling. That I should sleep early. Her endless stories and advice and wisdom. It’s her making me feel so safe and cared for everytime I come home. Her making me feel like im still her loved daughter even if im miles away.

It’s my sister that would make hand written letters and drawings for me everytime I came home to comfort me. Its her making me laugh and being silly so we forget about the hard stuff. Her letting me share her bed. Her things. Her telling her friends about me. Being proud of me. Her copying me. Stealing my clothes. Her coming to me and telling me all the little details of her day. Calling me ugly and stupid but never really meaning it. I think.

 It’s my brother that seems so aloof and unbothered, but would secretly pay attention to everytime my mum cried. Who would secretly tell me. Who would be a little nicer to her that day. Who would offer his savings money when I’m joking about being a broke student. It’s him carrying the bottom of my saree when it was in a puddle without me realising. Him working extra hard just so he can beat my grades. ( Because he thinks so highly of me obviously)

It’s my friends being so invested and supportive of my exams and my studies that they would cry on my behalf. My friends that believed in me more than I believed in myself. My friends that would dress up and show up for my first holiday alone… even when they don’t even celebrate it. Who would drive for hours just to make my life a bit easier. My friends that wouldn’t let me pay for things… just because. Them wanting to spend time with me. Wanting to see me to do nothing together. It’s my friends who show up with flowers and tiramisu because they know I love them. My friends who run to buy me plasters when I say my shoes hurt. My friends that walk me home. My friends that wait for me to get home. My friends that would call me and let me cry. That would just listen. That would understand why I’m not replying. My friends that would defend me to the death. The absences that I feel so deeply.

I’m reflecting a lot on all these people in my life. It makes me cry my eyes out. Obviously, its not all great and we argue and disagree and do hurtful things. We’re completely different people, its almost inevitable that there will be things that don’t go so well. But I’m learning that doesn’t automatically means that’s not love. It might be a difference in how you communicate. How you show things. How you grew up. It might not be. But itt might. I don’t know that part is still a little complicated for me. I think the essence of it is that I cannot be more grateful for them.

That’s not to say I don’t still believe in a passionate consuming forever love. I do because I think I do. But Ive just grown to appreciate that theres different types of love. And some of them are stronger and long standing and more important to me than romantic love could ever come close to.

Anyway. Im going to hold these people a little bit tighter. Reminisce on the memories a bit harder. And try more and more to show up and show love and always always be mindful about how I act. I have always found it hard to be expressive. I compliment them I say supportive things. I try to spend more time with them and be present in the time I spend with them. I buy them presents. A lot of presents. Yeah never mind actually the only way I show love is by giving people things I think. I need to work on being more physically affectionate. Ive never really been comfortable with it but I don’t want it to be something I regret not doing enough of. I have also never told my family or friends that I love them. Not properly anyway. Maybe written on a birthday card. I want to get better at it. This whole love thing. I want to be someone who gives out love freely and generously. Without being offended when it doesn’t come back. I want to be like all those people I talked about.

[avo-kat]

its so strange…. this game didnt change me. it was like…. normal. natural. i was able to kinda play myself. be silly and crazy and stupid and pathetic. and kim stood by. and ppl were a bit weirded out or thought i was stupid or even made fun of me, but? it was still fine! i still solved the case. i still connected to people. i even laughed w ppl i thought were jerks. i managed to befriend ppl who wanted to beat me up. this game allowed me to be my pathetic self and still do my thing. its so awesome i wanna cry. nothing is gonna compare now no other rpg can do that. damn. im not a hero… not a saviour of the world…. nope, just a pathetic, sad guy who gets high and drunk and threatens to kill himself but who can also help people. in small ways. its so…. real. i really like how they did the characters.

even compl jerks. you cant hate all of them completely. they are people. some of them are stupid fucking racist people. some of them are very nice and v lowkey racist people. some of them are huge jerks but justified cuz they care about one thing a lot. this game is a love letter to humanity

spoilery below

and i LOVE how basically EVERYTHING i did mattered. every thing! every single thing! even if it seemed stupid and pointless and like a waste of time! talking to those two old guys playing boule? it mattered!

and i loved how.... real the people were. all of them. they really were. i think a lot of people would have written a lot of these characters very, very, very differently. i was mad that evrart was that way. but he was real. and that made... everything, every conversation, every decision more real, because everything was complicated, just like in real life. theres ideology and political theory and theres reality. theres a really, REALLY nice old lady. but shes racist. lowkey. but she is. and thats.... its disappointing, but its real, you know? what are you gonna do? stop talking to her? but shes so nice. and theres an interesting quest. these conflicting feelings - so real! just like in real life. do you stop talking to your nice neighbour because she made a racist comment? its messy. and then you meet complete jerks and you already write them off, you are basically waiting for your chance to "pay them back", but hey, look, they are actually decent.

the secret is like.... getting to know them and learning about the one thing they care about the most.

and you can go and try to build communism (wooo, 0.0002%!!) and you meet these young guys, its just. yeah. thats exactly how it is. fucking beans.

and the thing is: you gotta work with them. all of them. even the jerks. even the corrupt assholes.

because you cant burn bridges with every bad person. because they are all part of society, whether we like it or not. and its not like you are without fault. ur a fucking pig, as some love to point out. thats done. cant change that, no matter how much u want to, lol. the past is the past and u gotta move on.

and u can talk all u want all day long. what matters is what u do.

i keep thinking about cindy. standing on the outside hallway, looking at the city, at the people - people she hates. right below the radical youth hangout. thinking about the perfect, perfect slogan. and the two communist students, judging her for not being educated. in the end, shes the one who does something.

anyway. its nice to play a game where u are the literal incarnation of karl marx. (its canon, okay?)

[parkerarchive]

MR TELEPHONE MAN ୨୧ ₊˚.༄ lucas‎ sinclair x reader blurb

byr: female reader, fluff!

“there’s something wrong with my line!” lucas screeched, letting the entirety of maple street hear. he had started pacing around in his kitchen like a bullet (or well - pacing around as much as one could while holding a wall attached phone.) after punching in his thirteenth try.

yes, thats right. it was his thirteenth time trying to reach your household. you were giving the cold shoulder and for good reason too! yesterday was your ‘1 year of dating’ anniversary. and he. had. forgotten. and no calls, no planned meet-ups, no holding a boombox outside your window as it played your favourite mutual love song. this had left you feeling miserable and mopey in your room; ultimately ignoring him. of course, though, this was unbeknownst to lucas.

“lucas dear...don't you think you should give it a break? our phone bill doesn't pay it self you know." mrs sinclair leaned on the wall, watching her worried son. "no mom, you don't get it! me and y/n specifically planned to call today...but the call never goes through! there's gotta be something wrong with the telephone." lucas whined.

erica snorted while eating her chocolate sundae that she had acquired from god-knows where. "sooo...you think because y/n's not answering, our phone is broken?" "yes! when i dial y/n's number, i get a click everytime. that isn't normal." now erica laughed loudly, "for a nerd you are pretty stupid."

lucas' dark eyebrow quirked. "she obviously doesn't wanna talk to you!…t’s just the facts." erica tried to explain. "what?! no way. why wouldn't she wanna talk to me. i mean we planned to call today at 5pm! so there is no reason for her not to answer!" he started to nervously ramble. did you really not wanna speak to him? "and when exactly did you plan this?” erica questioned. "3 days ago!"

"well suprise suprise, maybe you did some typical idiotic thing to make her mad at you within those 3 days." erica sounded unamused. "what?? but i haven’t even spoken to her in the past 3 days! theres nothing i could've possibly done to..." lucas' trailed off, his eyes widening as he felt his mouth go dry. "oh god, no no no." he immediately left the family phone hanging to his mothers distaste and ran to the house calender.

and there in all its big, bold, glory with a big fat heart circled around it was 'me & y/n's 1 year anniversary! lucas bit his lip. "oh shit. oh shit fuck!” "fuck. i am such a bad boyfriend." erica sighed from behind him, reading the calender alongside. "you need to stop with the obscenities..but yeah, you are." "no.. no, no! i've still got time to make this right. i'm going to y/n's house! tell mom for me!" lucas shouted before running outside and getting onto his bike eventually following the path of your house.

"i'm not gonna tell mom that!" erica stuck her tounge out as she walked back to her ice-cream.

♡

you rolled your eyes as you flipped to the 'celebrity it couples' page from a random teen magazine you had laying around your room. there were a huge pile of books on your bed - all that you had attempted to read earlier - making it hard to move around. you figured that filling your mind with literature and celebrity drama while madonna played in the background would lift your mood and somehow distract you. spoiler alert, it didn’t.

you sighed as you realised the last time the phone rang was about 10 minutes ago.. did this mean lucas didn't care about you any more? did he forget about you just like how he forgot your anniversary? surely he knew it was your anniversary... but then why didn't he say anything about it yesterday? hell you guys didn't even see eachother yesterd-

the overthinking that clouded your brain suddenly evaporated as you heard the doorbell ring. you remained still for a second.. this was your way of checking to see who it is. then suddenly you heard more faster & obnoxious door knocks. you groaned, yep it's lucas. and you know what... this time, i am not going to ignore it!

as you left your room, you felt anew. you slammed your door like you just-had-a-fight-with-your-parents-in-a-dramatic-teen-show and you stomped into your foyer. you swung open the fromt door, prepared to give lucas a verbal ass-whooping.

"sinclair, you—!" but before you could get an insult in you were interrupted, by a pair of all too familiar lips coming contact with your own. you gasped in surprise and lucas used this as a way to deepen the kiss he started; reaching up to hold your face gently with his palm.

you felt blood rush up your neck and onto your face as you realised what was happening. you kissed back, finally relaxing. your lips moved together sweetly before lucas finally pulled away, leaving your lips & cheeks a red hue, his hand still resting on your face.

there was about a 5 second silence before lucas sheepishly smiled. "that was to shut you up." you felt your past anger surge back as you smacked lucas' hands away causing him to giggle. “y’know you’ve got a lot of nerve-“ you started,“wait – wait! let me speak first.” lucas pleaded. you gave him an unimpressed look, yet you said nothing and lucas took this as his green light to go.

“okay first of all, i know. and second of all, i am so so sorry. it was our 1 year anniversary yesterday and i completely forgot - like a total jack-ass! and you don’t need to forgive me, but just know that i promise – no - i swear that i will make it up to you. starting... right now!" and after that he immediately lunged forward and pulled you in his arms. he attacked your face with little fairy kisses ranging from your forehead to your nose to your neck.

you giggled, bathing in the kisses. "yeah, alright sinclair, but it’s gonna take a lot more than a few kisses!” “okay, deal.” he’d smile, relieved.

♡

[fwkei]

Remember...?

Draken x fem!reader (mainly fluff slight angst)

Finally got my first request yall 🥳 I couldn’t strictly follow the request like i wanted to but i hope thats alright, the gist is still there. anyways thank you sm for it and i hope you enjoy 

TW/CW: Mentions of sex, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex work

WC: 7k (omg the most ive ever written🙆🏻‍♀️)

Note: I changed my writing style a bit for this request so i hope yall don’t mind! and again i dont read my stuff over so my apologies if theres any mistakes lmao

------------------------------------

You sat on the street, overheating as you watched the ‘heat waves’ coming off the ground. You held your hair up with one of your hands since you had nothing to tie it with, while the other held a lukewarm water bottle. You sighed, you felt so anxious and frustrated.

What now?  

You thought letting your mouth part due to your heavy breathing 

You took things too fast. It had been about 3 weeks since you left your parents ‘home’ and why did you leave? Well there were a number of reasons that are a bit too much to list, but all that matters now is that you’re completely and utterly on your own. 

You only managed to scavenge small jobs here and there to get some money to buy some basic necessities but nothing more. 

“Sorry Y/n, my niece is coming down to Tokyo and I told her she could have a job here and stay at the studio above...I’m gonna have to let go. I’m sorry.” said your boss to you only a couple hours ago, with pity filled eyes 

“...No it’s fine really! I understand.Thank you for taking me in while you could.” you said bowing your head at the man, biting your inner cheek trying to keep a level head 

“I’m happy you understand. You can leave your apron and hat on the cashier. On your way out.” he said patting your shoulder as you slowly brought your head up 

“Right..” you said taking off your apron and hat as you walked slowly to the cashier, placing it down 

You brought your hands to your temples out of stress, trying to figure out what you could do now. You only had very little money, and there was a heat wave striking Japan this week. At least your boss allowed you to live and pay rent in the small studio right above his store, which had an AC, but now that was for his niece.  

This had been the first time in a while where you had no idea what to do. You had always been the type of person to be able to take care of yourself and your problems..on your own. All your life since you can remember, you always had to be the one to take care of others, not that you mind or minded...but you were only so young. You never really had a childhood, at least not that you can remember. You do remember cleaning up after your parents who lost all will just to even... parent. You remember taking jobs as a babysitter at a really young age in your apartment complex to make some money.. You remember being the reliable older kid of your school and complex, where kids would come to you asking for help with things like homework all the way to buying something for them to eat because they were hungry. Not once did you ever say no, because you really did want to be there for those kids who’s parents didn’t give them the care they needed. But it just became too much.. You ended up spending all of your saved up money on them, just so they could have something to play with or something to eat. 

Before you even realized it, you were in your last year of high school, with no money saved over, no scholarships, no one to rely on but yourself. Not even a friend. Was it really the right thing to do? Use all your money that you worked so hard for to help kids he lived next door? Or just plain stupid? You knew you couldn't support them forever...but you tried so hard to. All you wanted was to give them a childhood they never had, and someone to look up too. But now you left them. All because you were frustrated. You felt so unbearably guilty. All the work you put into your studies to get at least some type of scholarship just went to waste because you couldn't handle your life anymore. You were being so so so stupid. 

Before you even knew it, the sun was going down, and you grew even more tired and sleepy. You signed, taking a jacket out of your bag and placing it on the ground so you could rest your head on it. You brought your hands to cushion your cheek as your eyes started to close. The air finally got a little cooler making it easier to breathe and well...do anything. 

As you were falling asleep you could hear chatter and laughing, and finally a tap on your shoulder waking you up. You cringed your eyes before opening them up more to see 2 women. One had blonde hair and the other had pinkish hair. They looked older than you, maybe in their 20’s. One held a bag and the other held a bottle of wine with two glasses, they bent down so their heads could be closer to yours. After examining you for a bit they turned to each other and smiled happily before turning back their gaze to your confused face. 

“Hey?” you said sitting up more, a little startled by the intimate contact they were giving you 

“Hey there, say...what’s a pretty girl like you sleeping on the street for?” asked the girl with pinkish hair that was tied into pigtails 

“I uh..don’t have a place right now so..” you said scratching your head 

“Really? Hmmm.” said he one with blonde hair 

“How old are you? And what’s your name? I think we can help you out! Woman to woman!” said the pink haired girl smiling sweetly making you feel fuzzy at their niceness 

“18, and it’s Y/n.” you said smiling nervously 

“Nice to meet you Y/n, I’m Remi, this is Rema, my twin sister.” said the pink haired girl pointing to the blonde as she waved sweetly 

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you too..!” you said bringing your hands to your thighs smiling 

“So did you just turn 18?” asked Rema 

“Sorta, 2 months ago, why?” you asked 

“Oh good!” they both said 

“Well, it’s your choice really. One of the girls left today, and the boss sent us to scout another girl to take her place, buttt we just went to buy food with no intentions of finding someone but luckily we just found you! It’s perfect!” said Remi 

“Oh? What work?” you asked getting excited 

“Oh silly, we live in a brothel! It’s really not all that bad you know, great pay and rooms...so what do you think?” asked Rema 

“A brothel..” you said under your breath 

Your mind was in a serious state of concentration. 

It can’t be all that bad, right? You just have to please people and go on with your day so… that’s what i've been doing my whole life… plus… there's a bunch of women in those things right? I probably won't get too much attention from customers if there's sweethearts like Remi and Rema walking around...so...just for the time being… I think it could really work out in my favor. 

You thought to yourself 

You brought your head up, giving the girls a closed eyes smile before shaking your head ‘yes’ making them jump in excitement. 

“Oh good!” yelled Remi grabbing your hands 

“I’m so excited! We haven't had a new girl in years! How do you think Ken will react?” asked Rema smiling as you 3 all started to walk 

“Ken?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows at the familiar name 

“Oh right, We’ll have to introduce you to him and everyone else tomorrow. He’s the bosses foster kid..I think you two are actually the same age.” said Rema bringing her pointer finger to her chin 

“Mhm mhm! Oh and since you're new, tomorrow I will take your pictures for the board, you can borrow one of my sets till you can afford to buy one for yourself, how does that sound Y/n?” asked Remi smiling and holding your hand 

“It sounds..great! Thank you so much.” you said bowing your head slightly 

“No worries! Hopefully the boss will take you in.” said Remi patting your head 

“Yeah..” you said as you 3 continued to walk to the brothel 

You couldn't seem to get your mind off of that familiar name..Ken? You swore you knew someone named that. It definitely wasn't a popular name so it’s not like you knew it from some type of T.V program.. After thinking hard your whole way to your new home you couldn't seem to remember them. The person named Ken. And so you decided to brush it off for the time being. 

The brothel was pretty big, and consisted of 12 girls, not including yourself. It was really late so everyone was asleep. Remi and Rema showed you to your room which was much more spacious than your room at home. They told you that you were allowed to decorate it and style it however you wanted. But they told you it was important to know that this was the room where business would be done, and not to leave important things around since some of the men came into brothels for the sole purpose of stealing. Remi even told you a story about how one of her clients tried to steal one of her panites, but then the boy named Ken stopped him by knocking him out with one punch to the stomach.   

“He sounds strong-” you laughed as they gave you a small tour 

“He sure is! Like the bodyguard of this place! He’s a sweetheart!” said Remi smiling 

“I’m sure..!” you smiled 

“Alright that’s about it, you should shower now and get ready for tomorrow. The boss will probably wanna take a look at you before seeing if he wants you. But I'm sure he will! You're pretty so it’ll go smoothly!” said Remi handing you her shower stuff for you to use for tonight and a set 

“Got it, and again...thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” you said again 

“Of course! Remember..we’re neighbors so feel free to knock whenever you need something..Also I can give you some tips before your first client so you know what to do.” she said smiling 

“Right, goodnight then!..” you said feeling your face get hot at how she so easily talked about sex. 

After that, you did exactly as she said, you showered. You thoroughly washed your body, face, and hair. Getting out you looked down at the set Remi gave you. It was just a black bra and matching panties with a silk cover up which made you feel better knowing you could cover up with that.  

You rubbed your mouth as you started to rethink your decision. I mean...you respected sex workers..but was this life what you were willing to settle for? Aimlessly waiting around for some random horny man to choose you and do things with you just for you to get only 40% of the payment? Was this all really worth it? Leaving home to avoid your problems...to end up here? You were grateful, yes, Remi and Rema were so sweet and open with you. You could only hope that the others were just as nice. You really wanted things to go well, and that can only start with some good rest. 

You woke up to a knock on your door, to see Remi and Rema walking in with a smile 

“Morninggg!” they sang as you quickly got out of bed 

“Hi!” you said frantically 

“No need to rush! Usually men start coming in at 10, but since you don't work here officially yet you got to sleep in a bit! But the boss called for you, you should go to the set up room down the hall to get ready, remember it?” asked Rema 

“Yeah I do. Thank you for waking me-!” you said smiling and grabbing your stuff and shoes 

“Course, good luck Y/n!” they said as you quickly walked out of your room to get ready 

As you walked in, there were a few other girls getting ready. You smiled and introduced yourself to them, and them to you. They were all so nice and pretty. It made you feel a little bit better about being here, and less nervous since they complimented your looks. You got ready in about 10 minutes, letting one of the other girls help you out with your hair and stuff like that. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror before stepping out and waving to the girls ‘bye.’ 

You nervously walked to the boss's door. You took a deep breath before knocking. You heard a muffled ‘come in!’ so you walked in smiling while holding your covering close. You gave a nervous closed eyes smile before seeing his office was simple, just a desk with a bunch of papers and a chair on the other side. 

“Y/n, correct?” he asked placing down his paper and taking off his glasses to look at you

“Yes.” you said smiling 

“Pleasure-” he said leaning over the desk to shake your hand 

“Likewise.” you said smiling, shaking his hand firmly before sitting down

“Well, I’m sure Remi and Rema told you just about everything you need to know, I take 60% of your earrings, I use that stuff to pay for rent and bills for you girls and my kid… which usually takes up about 30% of that 60%, meaning you make a profit of 40, while I make only a profit of 30 per girl.” he said 

“Yeah, I was told.” you said smiling nervously fiddling with your hands

“Good good, now that that's over with..” he said getting up ad signing 

“I’m just gonna take a look at you, no need to be nervous I’m not gonna touch you or anything, so please don’t feel worried.” he said smiling 

“Right!” you said getting up 

“Alright just do a quick 360 with arms up.” he said smiling 

“Okay.” you said doing as he said 

He looked you up and down but not in a lustful way at all, it was more of like a ‘just seeing how you’ll hold up’ kinda look, almost like he was a bit worried for you. 

“Thank you-” he said sitting back down as you did the same feeling nervous

“I was also told you’re 18? Right?” he asked looking down at his papers 

“Yeah that's right.” you said 

“Well I don't usually have this talk with the other woman because they're older. I know the age of consent in Japan is 16 and blah blah, but you’re still pretty young, are you sure you wanna work like this?” he asked looked into your eyes 

“...Not entirely but it’s the best I can do right now.” you said with a determined face

“I see- we’ll then welcome, and just remember you can leave whenever you want, but give a 2 weeks notice. When Remi is done, ask her to take your picture.” he said 

“Understood, thank you!” you said said smiling and leaving   

You walked out of the room, closing the door carefully signing in relieve 

That went pretty well.

You thought 

You started to walk down the hall so that you could ask Remi to take your picture. But when you put your ear to the door, you heard lewd noises letting you know she wasn’t done just yet. It was already 5, and the brothel closes at 10. You didn’t really know what to do, so you walked over to the kitchen, sitting down at one of the stools waiting for Remi and or Rema to finish up with their work. You tapped the pen that was on the table and started to look around the kitchen. You remembered Remi told you there were snacks in the cabinets, so you got up and started to open and close them one by one to find something to eat. You finally found a cabinet filled instant ramen, you grabbed one and started to pour water into it, popping it into the microwave that was on the counter top. You stood in front of it waiting, playing with the loose strings of you covering when suddenly you heard the door open. 

“I’m home.” said the tall boy with dark hair tied back to reveal a dragon tattoo on the side of his head 

Is this Ken? 

You thought as the microwave beeped, making his eyes turn to you

You quickly shot your eyes to the microwave, hoping he didn’t notice your stare. He looked so familiar it was almost irritating how you couldn’t remember him. You took the hot cup out of the microwave, placing it down on the counter top, ignoring his presence as he walked over, placing down the plastic bag in his hand, noticing your frustrated face trying to figure out where the utensils are. 

“Left of the sink are where they are.” he said sitting down on the stool across from you after looking at your face a bit 

“Thank you.” you said smiling nervously turning around to grab a pair of chopsticks 

“Are you new here?” he asked taking out a styrofoam box from the plastic bag, opening it to reveal a hot meal of meat and rice and vegetables 

“Yeah..I was supposed to start today but I don’t have my pictures taken yet.” you said smiling turning back to mix your noodles 

“Could you grab me a pair too?” he asked realizing he forgot to take a pair of chopsticks from the restaurant 

“Sure-” you said turning back quickly to grab some for him, placing it in his hands as he gave you a soft smile making your eyes widen slightly. 

“You look familiar..” you both said at the same time making both your eyebrows raise in shock then turn into a slight scoff from the both of you 

“Glad we’re on the same page then.” he said taking a bite of his food as you did the same still standing 

“You know you can sit down, don’t feel nervous.” he said looking up you slightly 

“..yeah.” you said smiling, walking around and sitting next to him. 

“So when’d you come?” he asked turning his head slightly to see your mouth filled with noodles making him smile a bit 

“..I came by last night, really late with Remi and Rema.” you said after finishing your bite

“I see...I feel like I remember you from somewhere, can’t pinpoint it though.” he said looking back down at his food 

“Same here, and you must be Ken though, right? When I first heard your name I swore the same thing but I just can’t remember..” you said before sipping some of the broth of your soup

“Yeah, but you can call me Draken and your name?” he asked getting up to grab a napkin from across the table 

“Draken...sure! Oh right, my bad. It’s Y/n. Nice to meet you-” you said smiling holding your hand out for him to shake

He only completely shot up to look into your eyes with his wide ones. You gave him a confused look as you watched him get knocked out of his thoughts, bring his hand up to shake your hand before clearing his throat and walking back over to sit. Maybe you struck a nerve? Maybe had the same name as someone who hurt him in the past? You really didn’t know but it made you feel interested. He looked like he just had his life flash before his eyes or something. 

“Are you okay?” you asked 

“Uh yeah, I’m fine. My head just hurts a bit.” he said looking as if he was deep in thought 

“Oh? I have some tylenol in my room.. You want one? Or I can make you a cold drink, you’re probably dehydrated?” you asked smiling a bit 

Draken turned his head to look at you, his mouth was parted, and he just looked so..anxious? You couldn’t even tell, almost like congested because he wanted to say something. 

Draken felt his heartbeat quicken when he heard your name. As soon as you said it, a random memory that was buried deep in the back of his mind hit him as he quickly re-lived it. But could it really be you? The Y/n he knew from so so so long ago? Around 10 years ago? There could be no way, he remembers the girl moving to a different city..the chances were so low that it could really be you already. 

But the second you said those words.. Those words of offering to make something for him, or give him something, despite you thinking you only just met him...Made him know that it was really the Y/n he met when he was only a little boy...but how the hell did you turn up here? In a place and part of town like this? He was so confused and just wanted to ask you...but you still didn’t remember him. 

“..No I’m alright, thanks..can I ask you somethin-” said Draken before being interrupted 

“Y/n!! Come on, let's take your pictures!” yelled Remi coming out of her room waving as a man walked out too buttoning his shirt 

“Sorry, just remember what you wanted to say and tell me later.” you said smiling and standing up and walking over to Remi

Draken watched you as you walked away. He saw Remi give you a hug, and the man that was walking out checked you out to which Draken gave him a pissed off look. Making the man smile nervously, wave, and leave. 

Do you really wanna live your life like this, Y/n?

He thought to himself before packing up his trash and throwing it away

Remi took your pictures, telling you to do different poses etc, and you finally settled on one. You walked over to the front of the house to place your picture in its designated area above your name. You signed, stepping back to look at it, fixing your gaze to see Draken was walking over with his hands in his pocket, looking as he was going to leave. You saw him glance at the photo making you feel slightly embarrassed.

“Nice.” he said smiling but looking into your eyes in a way where it looked like he was concerned for you. 

Just as you were about to thank him a man walked in and started looking at you making you feel nervous. The man requested you, and so you smiled at him pointing your hand to where the showers were, as you started to walk behind him, you turned your hand giving a thumbs up to Draken with a nervously flushed face, smiling, as he he brought his hand up giving you a thumbs up with soft and concerning eyes before opening the door and leaving. It made your smile fade slightly, you’ve seen that face before from him. But not from today.. And it was all you could think about during your work. 

As you laid in your room, after work you couldn’t help but feel a little bit...stupid? You felt so unsatisfied, not because of your customers but because you just couldn’t remember. It felt like an itch you couldn’t scratch hard enough, and with every interaction you had with the boy almost felt like a tease, like the itch just became more itchy and your scratches just became more weak. Maybe if you spend more time with him, you’ll remember? 

It had been about 4 weeks, 4 weeks of saving your money, and every 4 weeks the boss collected his fair share of the cut. It wasn’t a pretty 4 weeks, it was probably the worst 4 weeks of your life. But... you and Draken would often exchange stories about your lives late at night which you enjoyed a lot. It always makes you feel better. But yet again you still couldn't figure him out. You felt as though you’ve met him before, and as though you two have had these kinds of talks before. 

Draken only grew more and more helpless, seeing how you still haven’t remembered. He was slowly watching your life crumble. He felt so angry that you settled and believed you deserved to live like this, barely scraping by. He felt so awful, and saw how you grew so tired of it all. He just so badly wanted you to remember him, so that he could once again talk to you like he did before.

You had one last customer before closing, going through your usual routine, this n that, the man offered you a drink. You stupid obliged drinking it, hoping it would make your time more enjoyable but you were wrong, so very wrong, and so very stupid for drinking that stupid drink. You remember some parts, you did your job, then it all went black.. You woke up after hearing knocking on your door. You jumped out of bed, confused. You remember seeing the man leave as you started to fall asleep but that's about it. Usually you never fall asleep after the work because you never do much, your mind started to panic. But the door opened revealing Remi smiling.

“Hey sleepy! Boss says it’s your turn, come on, get your cash!” she said smiling 

“Right let me just..it’s in my drawer..I don't know why I fell asleep so fast I think alcohol makes me sleepy.” you said getting out of bed and kneeling in front of your drawer to get the envelope of cash you had been saving.

“Heh, same here. I never accepted drinks from clients..they never had good intentions with that!” she said coming over and sitting at your bed 

“..yeah.” you said starting to feel that panic arise in your body when seeing the envelope was...gone.

“What's wrong?” asked Remi noticing you were frozen 

“I- the money..It’s gone..he took it..” you said with wide eyes feeling as though you were about to sob realizing you had just lost thousands of yen.

“Don’t say that..it..it probably just got misplaced! Come on, I'll help you look!” said Remi getting up  

You couldn't even respond because of the amount of panic you were in. Your heart was racing and you felt tears fall from your eyes. After about 15 minutes of looking, you two found nothing. Absolutely nothing. You sat on the floor with your hand over your mouth, again, trying to keep a level head. 

What now..?

You thought to yourself feeling hot tears stream from your face.

“Hey..guys? Boss is calling for you Y/n..what’s going on?” asked Rema walking in seeing you covering your face, crying 

“She was robbed by the guy who just left, he put something in her drink to knock her out while he looked around and took the money...she doesn’t have the money.” said Remi 

Rema’s mouth parted in shock and pity. 

How could you mess up something so easy? All you had to do was keep your money safe. But you even failed at that. 

“You have to tell him, Y/n.” said Rema rubbing your back

“Yea..yeah, could you two just give me a second? I’ll be right out.” you said smiling while wiping your face 

“Sure.” they said frowning and walking out 

You fisted your hands, and grabbed your covers before screaming into them to muffle your sounds..

Okay..it was a couple of thousand yen...not too bad right? I can promise the money by tomorrow..I’ll pick up some sort of street job...yeah! That’s good. Everything is fine..it’s fine.

You thought to yourself before wiping your face on more time and slapping both sides of your cheeks to wake you up.

You got up and walked to the bosses door feeling the eyes of people on your back. You knocked on the door before opening it slowly, refusing to make eye contact as you went to stand in front of the man with your arms behind your back.

“Alrighttt, let’s see here, in the last four weeks you had a total of 37 customers, so you should have around 300,000 yen, correct?” he asked looking at his paper 

“Yes.” you said still looking down

“Alright, just hand it to me so I can count and divide it, you can sit.” he said smiling holding his hand out 

“I..I don-” you said before being interrupted by a knock 

“Come in.” he said 

“Hey sorry dad, Y/n left her money with me while she went out. Thought I should bring it to her. Remember, Y/n?” said Draken walking in with an envelop in his hand smiling as he came to stand next to you, as you nodded your head ‘yes’ 

“Oh, thank you Ken.” he said smiling and taking the envelop 

Your mouth parted as you gave a confused look, Draken only smiled and gave you a thumbs up while his dad counted the money. You felt so guilty and shocked, and all you could do was just stand there, like an idiot. 

“Here you are...120,000 back..” he said, patting the money on the table to make it flat, putting it back into the envelope and handing it to you

You hesitantly brought your hand to grab it, glancing over at Draken who gave you small smile

“Thank you-” you said to him seeing Draken was already opening the door to leave 

You quickly followed after him as he walked into his room. Before entering his room he turned around and looked down at you 

You felt your eyes soften as you felt as though you were about to cry again, you tilted your head and neck down biting the inside of your cheek to keep in your cry. 

“I promise I’ll pay all of it back by tomorrow, all 300,000.” you said 

“Do you ever give yourself a break?” he asked as you brought your head up to look at him seeing he looked almost irritated 

“You didn’t even ask why I did it, you just immediately jumped to feeling guilty. And you don’t need to pay me back. Really.” he said bringing his hand to close to the door, but you stopped him by grabbing his wrist making his breath hitch 

“Why?” you asked looking into his eyes 

“You still don’t remember? Even after all this time we’ve spent together?” he asked smiling as you took your hand off his wrist 

“Remember...?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, but then it suddenly hit you

“I swear it wasn’t me! I didn't steal!” yelled a little boy with blonde hair as two cops stood in front of him 

You tilted your head and walked closer, but still keeping your distance to hear. It was a winter day and you were on your way to the corner store to buy some snacks, but you were met with an interesting scene. You kept your hands in your pockets as you listened over to the boy screaming and pleading his innocence 

“I wouldn’t steal something so stupid! What would a kid like me need a lighter for!! I don’t know how it ended up in my pocket! Lay off!” he yelled as the officer dangled the lighter in front of his face

A lighter?

“Keep it down! We know how troubled you kids are here! Especially with those tattoos!” yelled back the cop as the boy grew angry and fisted his hands, ready to punch the cop

“Hey!!!” he heard a voice yelled 

“Hey wait a minute!” you yelled waving your hand smiling as you ran to the scene 

“Can we help you?” asked one of the cops in a soft tone 

The blonde boy grew quiet, and you saw his hands loosen as he looked at your smiling face 

“Yeah, why are you two yelling at my brother?” you asked furrowing your brows at the two grown man 

“...Your so-called brother stole a lighter from the corner store right behind you, where are your parents? We would like to have a word with them.” he said standing up straight 

“Yeah, and talk about how they let their son tattoo himself already..” said one under his breath making the other laugh 

You looked over at the boy growing angry, you gave him a smile..making him calm down.

“He said it was just an accident, I asked him to pick up a lighter from the store so that we could light a candle at our father’s grave! See!” you said digging into your bag to pull out a candle 

“He probably felt pressured because I asked him to get it, so if you’re gonna get mad at someone, get mad at me!” you said as you started to fake cry 

“It’s our father's death anniversary, and you're yelling at kids for making a mistake.” you faked cried

“Yeah!!” yelled the boy making you smile under your hands as the two officers became anxious, feeling bad for what they had just done.

“..we’re sorry. Please let us apologize.” they said slightly bowing at you two 

“I don’t think we can accept it...you two also made fun of the dragon tattoo on his head!...dragons were our dads favorite animal. He risked his life fighting for Japan and you two are laughing at him! Is that how your mother taught you how to behave?” you asked pretending to wipe you tears as the blonde boy watched you in awe seeing you toy with grown men 

“Please let us treat you both to whatever you’d like from the corner store as an apology!” they both said bowing lower making you smile and look back at the boy. You gave him a thumbs up as a smile grew on his face 

“Fine..come on then?” you said as both the officers raised their heads, opening the doors of the corner store for you both 

You and the blonde boy walked around the store, filling your baskets with all types of things. The blonde boy watched you in just pure awe as you walked around picking your favorite snacks, as he did the same, glancing at you every now and then. 

“Here.” you said smiling at the cops 

“Right!” they said frantically taking out their wallets as the boy placed down his stuff nervously, still watching you

“Oh and-” you said reaching your hand to grab the lighter from the officer and placing it into the bunch of snacks 

You smiled, your hands were behind your back as you watched the officers pay for yours and the boys' food, placing them into bags for you guys too. You grabbed the lighter and your bag, as the boy did the same 

“Mom told us to meet her at the cemetery steps, remember?” you said looking into the boys eyes

“..yeah, I remember.” he said smiling feeling his face become hot 

“Let’s go then.” you said smiling and taking his hand as you two ran out of the store 

After a bit you two stopped and sat on the curbside while you both chose a snack to eat.  

“Here’s your lighter, you don’t have to stay with me by the way.” you said handing him the steel lighter 

“..Thanks” he said 

“Sure- what do you need it for anyway?” you asked smiling 

“My boss asked for it.” he said putting it in his pocket

“Oh, are you in some type of delinquent group?” you asked looking at him 

“Yeah..” he said smiling 

“That's cool, what do you guys do?” you asked taking a sip of your drink 

“We kinda just...like...do stupid stuff and fight..” he said 

“Sounds fun, but...stupid.” you said laughing making him scoff 

“Why’d you do it?” he asked 

“Do what?” you asked back turning you gaze to him 

“Come in to cover me. You could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble because of me.” he said with a frustrated face 

“You’re right, I just wanted to, that's all.” you said smiling making his mouth part and cheeks redden

“You seem pretty fun too so I thought we could be friends or something..” you said nervously 

“Yeah! Sure- We can be friends!” he said happily making you feel flustered 

“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, my name is Y/n, yours?” you asked holding over your hand 

“Ken, but you can call me Draken-” he said taking ahold of your hand gently as you gave him a closed eyed smile blushing 

“where the hell did you find that candle and com up with that whole sob story Y/n?”

“Dunno, I saw the candle on the ground by a newspaper, I kinda just winged it- “

After that day you remember hanging out with Draken almost every other day. You remember him telling you how he and his close friends started their own gang and needed some sort of funding, and so you gave it to him, on his birthday.

“I saved up! You said that you and your friends needed some money to start off so that you guys could buy a flag or banner? Right? Well, here’s 30,000 yen for your birthday!” you said handing him an envelope and a small balloon.

“Are-are you serious right now Y/n?” he asked taking the gifts, opening the envelope to look inside to see the money as his eyes lit up 

“Yeah, I babysit more kids now so I was able to put some aside for you.” you said smiling satisfied with his reaction 

He didn’t even say anything, all he did was bring his arms around you upper body, hugging you tight making you laugh as you brought yours to hug him back 

“Thank you- you’re the best! The guys will be so happy!” he said smiling while grasping your wrists in excitement. Your eyes traced over his face as they soften. You smiled. 

“Likewise.” 

And- after that, you remember the day you 2 separated as friends. You both sat on the curbside, you remembered you called him to come and see you. It was a winter night and the sun was going down. 

“I uh..well I don’t really know how to say this without sounding cliche but-”

“What? Are you gonna confess that you’re madly in love with me or something?” he asked grinning, making you sweat drop 

“Jeez be quiet...I’m trying to make this a memorable moment-” you signed smiling, placing your palms on the cold cement 

“Alright let’s hear it then Y/n-!” he said bringing his hands to the back of his head as he laid down looking up at the stars 

You only frowned slightly, you shifted your position so that you could sit beside him and have a good look at his face. 

“You’re scaring me..” he said jokingly making you smile 

“It was really fun the past year.” you said smiling as Draken shot his head up to look at you face to face 

“The hell are you talking like that for?” he asked furrowing his brows 

“My parents can’t afford living in any districts in Tokyo anymore, so we’re moving to another city… about 4 hours train ride from Tokyo so-” you said looking down at your hands on the floor

“So? You act like I won't be able to come and see you or you come and see me..” he said ducking his head a bit so that you could look at him 

“Draken, train tickets are about 220 yen per person, I can't afford it, and if you came by to see me I'd feel guilty because you’d be wasting your money just to only see me for like an hour.” you said 

“How can I be wasting my money on you? It’s not wasting if I wanna do it and see you, plus what makes you think it'll only be a couple hours?” he asked 

“I’ll have to start working once we get there, so I wouldn’t have anytime...I wanna start saving so that one day I can come back to Tokyo and live here, so that I can see your dream come true of helping your friend create a ‘new era of delinquents’ you know? I’ll even help you guys if you want with financial stuff or something.” you said smiling at him 

Draken bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to tell you so bad how he felt but..

“Look, I have a feeling I know what you’re gonna say..just remember what you wanted to say and tell me later, okay?” you said placing your hand on top of his causing his eyes to widen 

“...You’ll remember me, right?” he asked looking into your eyes deeply making your mouth part 

“Yeah, I’ll remember you as long as you remember what you wanted to tell me. Cause I feel the same” you said smiling as a tear fell from your eyes 

“good...I will.” he said smiling back and tilting his head and wiping it off your face

After the memories hit you, you stood there with wide eyes and tears, with your wrist covering your quivering mouth. You had completely suppressed your memories of Draken, and your feelings because you knew you wouldn't be able handle being apart from him for so long. And he did the same. You couldn’t imagine how unbearable it was for him to be waiting up like this. You looked up at him seeing his eyes were softly looking at you. You could do nothing but bring your arms around him hugging him, as he brought his arms around you to do the same. You were still such in shock. 

“I never thought you’d end up in a place like this, living a life like this.” he said against your ear 

“I don’t wanna see you like this, please let me take care of you like you did for me..” he said said tightening his grip slightly  

You could only cry at his words, you didn’t even wanna try to speak because you knew it would only come out as a sob. Was it really alright for you to rely on someone so much?

He pulled back from the hug and looked at your face, seeing you were still crying as you nodded your head ‘yes’, he smiled and wiped them away with his thumb. The smile on his face...he looked so satisfied...and happy...happy that you finally remembered. Finally remembered him.

[clockworkrobotic]

I saw bullet train today and im gonna preface this by saying I did really enjoy it and I think it's a very well put together movie: lots of narrative threads that pay off completely plus I'm a sucker for creative, experimental, "cartoony" editing and this made good use of it. I would fully recommend it if you like action/dark comedies.

Anyway now I'm gonna criticise it because it's a great example of an excellent movie from a storytelling perspective while also being emblematic of a lot of problems with Hollywood filmmaking. Spoilers incoming

If theres a reverse of the bechdel test this is it. It fails the bechdel test so hard that there isn't a scene where two women even have a conversation, let alone one that isn't about a man

Every female character save one dies. The one who doesn't die is a voice on the phone and only gets 5 minutes on screen right at the end

About half of the female characters are Dead Wives who get no dialogue and die in flashbacks

One black female character is introduced like she's about to be a major player and then dies in the same scene. She dies because of her own stupid mistake for reasons I can't fathom outside of "we couldn't fit this character in the rest of the movie" (I don't know if the character exists in the book. I don't see any mention of them however their assassination method comes up so maybe they are?). It's a crying shame because the character is alluded to earlier in the film, including very fun Chekhov's Gun moment which made me go AH I BET THAT'S GONNA COME BACK LATER (and it does!), and she seems like she's gonna be cool as shit. Nah, dead after like maybe 7 minutes of screentime

Despite being set in Japan and based on a Japanese book, both the MC and the main antagonist are played by white actors (while I haven't read the book, from reading summaries it does divert from the book a fair bit; however both these characters exist in the book and are Japanese)

I do want to acknowledge that the movie changed the gender of (at least) one character to female, which I'm here for. However when this happens it does beg the question as to why it wasn't done more, in the very least to level the cast gender split. I feel like too often the reason is "this character wouldn't work as X gender" which I overwhelmingly don't find a convincing argument

To be clear I know that diversity alone does not a good movie make, and like I said I did enjoy it immensely despite my criticisms. But it was an element of the film that I found very difficult to ignore, to the point that it broke my immersion a few times because after it established a pattern I was like "right, how/when is this person gonna die then".

As I mentioned above, the script does divert a fair bit from the book (again, to the best of my knowledge. I may go and read the book then come back and review these criticisms in that light). In part, yes, because it's being marketed to a primarily western/English-speaking audience, but there are clear conscious efforts to diversify the cast alongside that in ways that worked really well. For example, I think the choice to make the Prince a woman was a good one that they made effective use of.

If nothing else it demonstrates why gender flipping characters when translating to screen requires more thought than just that — it begs considering if changing a character that way will result in playing into overused or unfortunate tropes. I came away thinking — why couldn't Ladybug have been a woman? Why couldn't one of the twins have been a woman — given a running joke is that they don't look like twins at all? Why couldn't the Wolf have been a woman, still motivated by the assassination of her wife and cartel?

One of the plot threads is that the Prince plays up being an innocent girl to get people off her trail, while actually being a brutal remorseless assassin; and I was living a fantasy where she put on this hyperfeminine front to conceal her true identity as masc nonbinary person — maybe there's a scene where she goes to the bathroom and takes off her wig and makeup and dresses down, and comes out completely unrecognisable as another way to evade suspicion. That's not something I expect to see in a mainstream film any time soon, but it's fun to think about

This ended up being way longer than I intended but I wanted to get this off my chest. I do recommend this movie, especially if you like stuff like In Bruges and Guns Akimbo, or if you liked Murder on the Orient Express but thought it didn't have enough explosions. The storytelling is very tidy and pretty much everything, including some completely random stuff, has a payoff — it's one of those movies that makes you feel smart for noticing things early on. I am also curious as to whether anyone else who's seen it has similar criticisms as me!

[manonblaqkbeak]

Complicated

Fking finally lol. I’ve had absolutely no motivation to read or write these last few days, but I finally started this last night and finished it now. Here’s Day 15--a bad day, and part 3 of the mini-series i have going for this month.

Part 1  Part 2

cw: none that i can think of, but if theres anything, pls dont hesitate to let me know!

1.5k words

enjoy!! :)

Aelin had been sitting in her car for the last twenty minutes, staring at the motel door. She had no idea what she was going to say to Sam, but she knew she had to say something.

Something like, “I'm sorry that your biological daughter calls another man daddy and papa.” Maybe Aelin should have put a stop to it once Olive had started calling Rowan that, but hearing Olive say daddy in her tiny voice with a wide smile on her face made Aelin's heart flutter, and the sweet look of joy when Rowan heard her say it made Aelin think that it wouldn't be too bad.

She had got caught up in the fantasy of it all, but it was hard not to be sucked down into. She still loved Rowan and they had been dating seriously for the last six months. They had been friends for five months after she saw him at the nursery, and things had been going so damned well. Rowan and Egan had moved into Aelin's place two months ago—the four bedroom house previously owned by Aelin's parents before they moved into a small home—and she got along fantastically with Egan; he had a bit more of an understanding that Aelin wasn't his biological mother, since Rowan still had the photos of Lyria during the pregnancy, and she was determined to never replace Lyria, but when he called her 'ma' or 'Lin', her face would break into a smile so big she thought that it would be a permanent fixture on her face.

Aelin wasn't stupid, however, she knew that people thought that she and Rowan were moving too fast—namely her parents and Aedion, but when she and Rowan talked about the future, it felt solid, like it wasn't just a fanciful notion, but something real that was only a few steps away from being able to hold in her hands.

She had never been with someone that was so loyal to her, someone that cared for her in the way that Rowan did. That looked past her outer beauty and saw Aelin for who she was, and encouraged her to go for what made her happy.

It wasn't always perfect, they had arguments for time to time, but they worked it out, and that had shocked Aelin at first, that Rowan actually wanted to work together to fix the issue, that he actually communicated instead of just letting the arguments fade away. It wasn't like that at all with Chaol, part of the reason why their relationship crashed and burned.

So she hardly thought twice about what it meant to have Olive call Rowan 'daddy', that to Aelin, she was just building a family and a future, but she was starkly reminded that her boyfriend indeed was not her daughters father when Olive called Rowan 'papa' in the middle of the lunch that Sam was invited to at their place and the silence that had descended between the three adults.

Aelin almost choked on the pizza that she was in the middle of inhaling when Olive said that, her daughter sitting on Rowan's lap because she had been fussy and didn't want to sit in her booster seat. Olive and Egan were blissfully unaware of the awkwardness that was emanating from Aelin, the brown haired boy paying attention only to the TV that was playing his favourite cartoon, and Olive had simply wanted more of Rowan's attention.

Aelin glanced at Sam and found that the look in his eyes was utterly unreadable, which was unusual since Sam was easy to read, but for the first time in the years that Aelin knew him, she had no idea how to decipher his expression.

Rowan had opened his mouth, to say what Aelin wasn't sure, when Sam waved him off, and resumed the conversation revolving around the classic car that Rowan was fixing in his rare free time. So Rowan, knowing that it wasn't the right place to have that conversation, continued where he left off before Olive uttered that word that had never felt wrong before but suddenly left Aelin wanting to sink into the floor.

And when Sam had left after lunch, Aelin had decided that temporarily avoiding the topic was the best move, and after helping Rowan clear the table, Aelin had given Olive a quick bath in order to think about anything else.

All Aelin had been able to think about was what if somehow, by letting Olive calling Rowan her dad, she had doomed her daughter into developing daddy issues, that she would grow up confused on how to feel about her biological father when all her life she had called another man dad.

Aelin banged her head against the steering wheel, wondering how a good, decent day had gone to a complicated mess in a matter of hours.

She stayed there for a while, until she realised that she needed to be the adult she was and left the car, knocking loudly on the white motel door.

The door flew open and Aelin was greeted by Sam, a small smile on his face. “I was wondering how long you were going to sit out there for.” Having no idea what to say to that, Aelin stayed silent and went inside when Sam invited her in.

Aelin worried at her lip, and sat at the tiny table by the TV. She truly had no idea what to say.

Sam sat across from her and took her hands in his. Aelin looked up and found nothing but openness in his warm brown eyes. “I'm not mad, if that's what you're thinking.”

Aelin blinked at him. While Sam wasn't a violent man, she wasn't expecting that. “How?” she managed to get out after a moment. “How could you not be mad? Your daughter is calling another man 'papa'.”

“I'm hardly Olive's father, Aelin, I'm aware that I'm not the most active dad, I've seen her only a handful of times since her birth and she's nearly two. It's clear that Rowan loves her, and that she loves him. I actually saw all four of you earlier today, at the park,” Sam added. “I was feeling nervous, like I always do before I see Olive, so I went to the park to have my breakfast. I heard your laugh and I turned, ready to call out to you, when I saw that you were having a picnic and I realised that you already had a family, that Rowan and Egan are your family, and that Rowan is Olive's father in the way that counts, in the way that matters, and that I'm just an intruder in your lives.”

Gripping his hands, Aelin shook her head. “Sam, you can't think like that, you're not an intruder. You're Olive's biological father, you're important.”

“And I'll always be grateful that I had a hand in creating her, but Aelin, I want you to look inside yourself and tell me truthfully, in ten years time, who do you see by your side, Olive's side? Because I know that it isn't me.” And it wasn't, Aelin didn't to look inside herself to know that. She was already thinking deeply about her future long before Sam's visit.

“I want you to know though,” Aelin said abruptly, “that I didn't deliberately set out to have Olive see Rowan as her father, that I did talk about you from time to time, but I-I don't think that she could make the connection that the voice on the end of the phone belongs to you. But I promise that if see ever asks about you, I'll tell her, I won't hide anything from her.”

“I know that you will,” Sam said, “just maybe tell her in a nice way that she's the result of a broken condom.”

Aelin laughed, feeling light for the first time since this whole thing started. “I will. Although I think I'll have to consult Google for that.”

Sam nodded, because even he knew that there were no books that could help with that conversation. “But if she never asks about me, then don't tell her.”

“Sam—”

“If Olive wants to believe for the rest of her life that Rowan is her biological father, then I'm okay with that. I'd rather her be happy than confused. Because when I heard Olive call Rowan 'papa', it felt right, like it made sense. And I know that's how you feel, too. And I know it makes no sense, but Olive somehow just looks like she's Rowan's daughter, you know? And I don't want to get in the way of that.”

Sam was far too nice for his own good. People as kind as him were hard to find. It was a miracle that in this life that she had met two men like that.

Aelin wiped at her eyes, the tears falling suddenly and fast. “How are you so nice when your father is a piece of shit?”

Sam snorted and handed her a tissue. “Years of therapy.” He took a deep breath, and in his brown eyes, the eyes that she had once fallen for so deeply, Aelin saw acceptance. “There's also something else...I was doing some soul searching before you came over, and I...I know that I'm not on the birth certificate and that I don't really have a say—”

“Sam, of course you have a say. Like I said earlier, you're Olive's biological father. You might not be on the birth certificate, but if you have opinions, then you can share them with me, I won't bite your head off.”

Sam gave her a tiny smile. “And I appreciate that, I do. But what I was going to say is this: if ever in the future Rowan wants to adopt Olive, then you and he have my blessing.”

Aelin stared at him for a long moment, letting the words sink in, and then the tears started again and Aelin's body shook with the force of her sobs. Because if Sam's father wasn't Arobynn, then she would have had the family that Sam was wholeheartedly accepting that she had with Rowan. And that he was willing to stand aside to let Olive have the father that she deserved.

Sam came over to her, hugging her to him as Aelin sobbed into his shoulder, running his hand up and down her back. Aelin had never let herself cry like this in front of him, she never really liked crying like that, but she couldn't help herself and couldn't stop herself for a long while. It was a good ten minutes later when the tears slowly subsided and Sam slowly pulled back, giving her a once over with his kind eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Aelin said, loudly blowing her nose with a handful of tissues. “I just...I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen here tonight. Never did I think that you would offer something like that, Sam.”

“I would be just like Arobynn if I forced you to be unhappy, and I never want to be like him.”

“You're not,” Aelin said, “you'll never be like him. I hope one day, Sam, you'll be able to have a family of your own.”

Sam kissed her cheek, the gesture sending her back to when they were teenagers. “I hope so, too.”

Aelin stayed for a little while longer, just talking and reminiscing about the old times. And when she went home, she kissed him on the cheek, thanked him again, and told him that he would always have a special place in her heart, because without him, she wouldn't have Olive.

Sam repeated the sentiment, and wished her nothing but happiness with Rowan, and that he was glad she found him.

Aelin was glad she found Rowan, too.

X X X X X X

Aelin walked into her house, and was greeted by two ecstatic children, acting like they hadn't seen her for years. Aelin smiled and gave them their hugs that they desperately wanted. She went over to the kitchen counter where Rowan was preparing dinner—grilled cheese, that she knew very well had veggies hidden within, because Egan acted like vegetables were the world's most evil thing to exist—and kissed him on the cheek. He kissed her temple in response, and Aelin breathed in the homely scent of him.

“How did everything go with Sam?” he asked, moving about the kitchen to start the side salad.

“Great, and there's something very important that I have to tell you.” Rowan raised a silver brow, but Aelin kissed his cheek again and promised to tell him later.

X X X X X X

Aelin was more than ready to climb into bed and fall asleep, but she needed to tell Rowan about her conversation with Sam, so when they got settled and comfortable, Aelin told him what her ex-partner said.

Rowan was stunned for a moment, and she hadn't even told him the best part. “Truthfully, I was mentally preparing myself for Sam to punch me in the face after lunch, but to hear what he said to you, I feel like a fool for ever thinking that he would resort to that.”

“If he was more like his father, he definitely would have. But Sam is the polar opposite of Arobynn, and truly wants nothing more than for people to be happy.” Rowan smiled and took Aelin's hand in his, and Aelin relished in the comforting touch. “And there's something else,” Aelin added, and it was ridiculous, but a tiny part of her was nervous, that told her that Rowan wouldn't want Sam's blessing, that he wouldn't want to legally be Olive's father. “Sam told me that if you ever wanted to adopt Olive, then you have his blessing, because he wants nothing more than for Olive to be loved and cared for, and he sees that you're the one that can help provide her with that.”

Rowan looked at Aelin, and her own eyes watered when she saw that his were filling up. “I would be honoured to do that, Aelin. It would make me the happiest man in the world to have that privilege. And after we're married, we can start the process, and maybe one day, when Egan's a little older and he has a better understanding, you can adopt him too, because I know you like him just as much as I love Olive.”

“I do,” Aelin said, choking up. “That would be—” Aelin stopped, her mind finally catching up with what he just said. “Did you just propose to me?”

Rowan cracked a smile and kissed her. He pulled away just so, their noses touching. “Not yet, I haven't found the right ring.”

Aelin laughed joyfully, even as her tears overflowed. “Just to let you know, I'm not helping you out this time. You'll have to figure it out on your own.”

Rowan kissed her again and again. “Don't worry, I've already got a few choices in mind.”

“Good. Make sure its sparkles.”

“I will,” Rowan said, and took her into his arms.

It wasn't too bad of a day, after all.

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Hi! Could you write hcs for poly bakusquad with a quirkless reader who has a serious independent streak but has recently been a target for villain attacks and got injured, but refuses to rely on anyone and tries to ignore their pain and take care of everyone else, please?

This is gonna be a little angsty

• First- it annoyed bakugou that you, someone /quirkless/ made it into the hero class

• On pure fucking spite and anger alone

• You didn't even particularly want to get in to UA

• It was just something you chose to prove someone wrong about

• and it fucking aggravated him- more than aggravated him

• Inspired Deku though, he hated that even more

• and he isn't surebhow- but he ended up talking to you and suddenly you're part of his friend group and he's /okay/ with that

• that irks him too.

• and a lot of things are uncovered when y'all are friendly w eachother

• and they learn pretty fucking fast about your independent streak

• and when you all started dating (crazy how they managed that) they thought it might go away- only it didn't.

• You never asked for help, regardless of what it was- you'd handle it on your own.

• You got hurt during training? Don't worry about it, I'm fine.

• Failed a test? You'd disappear for a few days to study and retake it.

• Didn't know what you were doing in a particular subject? You'd teach it to yourself.

• Aizawa had heard the words 'help' ONCE and he was limited to the help you'd allow him to give you .

• You trained your ass off everyday, you worked hard in school, you took no shit- it was obvious you felt like you had something to prove.

• Bakugou felt like he was a partial reason for that and it made him feel like shit.

• He wasn't exactly the kindest to you when classes started in first year.

• But he was concerned.

• They were all concerned.

• recently, you'd been stressed out. They could tell, even if you weren't giving them signs.

• On top of that, you'd become a big target for villains and no one knew why.

• it seemed like both you and midoryia were a magnet for assholes in masks

• And they tried talking to you about it, they do.

• Denki brings it up, he's holding your hand, Kirishima is threading his fingers through your hair and Seros behind you, holding your waist. Mina is in between your legs, resting her head on your chest and bakugou is at the end of the bed.

• And Denki asks if you need help- whether its coping with it- or dealing with it while its happening- or trying to figure out /why/ they're attacking you

• and you blow him off "it doesn't matter, i'll deal with it if it happens again."

"It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when." Bakugou glares.

"Okay, then when it happens again, I'll deal with it."

"That's fucking stupid," he growls.

Kami squeezes your hand gently. "Maybe we should have a plan-" he glares at Bakugou.

"I was fine last time. Don't do this."

"Do what? Offer fucking help?" Bakugou snaps and Mina cringes. She grips your shirt. She knows what's going to happen, she knows you're going to stomp off to think- it could be a few hours or it could be days. Sometimes, if she held something on you, you'd stay. She hoped this was the case.

"Your fucking pity." You seeth. "I don't need it. I can take care of myself."

"Baby we didn't-" kiri starts but you're already sliding off the bed.

"Babe," Sero looks at you. "please come talk about it,"

You say nothing, and let the door close behind you.

"Fuck." Mina sighs

• Its 2 days.

• 2 days before you resurface, calm and collected, like nothing happened.

• but you're busy- you're training harder. Much harder, you're pushing yourself past your limits and its obvious

• they were already impressed. Theg already knew you could take care of yourself. Why couldn't you see that?

• you push and push and push

• and they don't see as much of you

• when they do see you at the end of the night, you always look exhausted

• and you put on the same fucking front each time

• you smile and laugh and kiss them goodnight but they can see you're in pain

• they don't even get a chance to talk about it with you

• because the next thing they know

• theyre in another attack and youre in the center of it

• You're fighting and you're holding him off but you aren't going to last much longer

• You were tired from the day before- you hadn't gotten proper sleep- and he was strong

• It's all kind of a blur, really, you're thrown a lot, youre bleeding

• he had you by the neck at the end, you were clawing at his hands and he was laughing

• your mates weren't exactly in the best shape either- after all, the attack had happened in the middle of the night

• A strong kick to the center of his nose seemed to do the trick. There was a sickening crack and his hand loosened and he fell back.

• When you regained youre senses you froze- he wasn't breathing.

• you /killed/ him.

• Your stomach churned and suddenly all the pain you felt increased ten fold.

• You scrambled to stand up, Mina was the first one you saw and you fell to your knees in front of her, cupping her cheeks. "Baby? Baby you okay?"

"M fine, but you're not, that's a lot of blood." She looked up at you her eyes wide. "Baby that's a lot-"

"I'm okay, I promise."

• She wanted to yell and scream and you, she wanted to hit you and telling to just accept help but you'd already stood up, moving to look around for the others.

• Denki was next, you met him with a hug and a short but desperate kiss. "You okay?" You whisper, brushing your thumb over his bruised cheek. Mina was behind you now, gently brushing her fingers through the blondes hair, but she stepped away when she saw Kiri and Bakugou.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he smiked softly.

"Eiji? Katsu?" You mumbled.

"They're okay, they're fine. You don't look so good though."

"M- M okay.." you mutter. Youre tired now. Standing here is nice. You're dizzy- Ashido was right. That was a lot of blood.

Your eyes close and your weight falls.

"Hey- Hey- Jesus! Guys! Katsuki! I don't- I can't tell if she's breathing-"

• You wake up in the hospital 2 days later.

• Mina's in the bed with you, hand thrown gently over your thighs. Sero and Denki are on the left side, heads down, eye's closed and arms over your shin.

• Kiris got your left hand in his, another hand in Minas hip.

• Bakugous on the right side, arms crossed and head down.

• and youre confused because why the fuck are you here?

• what happened?

• you miss Katsukis voice next to you when it all comes back

• and you can't help but scramble to sit up and suddenly you can't breathe

• youre not sure how long you zoned out, but when you finally get back, there's two nurses

• ones replacing and IV bag

• and the other is checking your tempature, you think.

• theres another needle stick in your arm but you can't pay mind to it right now.

• the warmth around you was gone and you desperately wanted it back.

• they weren't in the room anymore

• and when the nurses cleared the room, the tears spilled over.

• your brought your hands to cover your face and your head fell back.

• five minutes? 10 minures? Later there was a gentle tap on your shoulder

• it was ashido

• your arms were around in her seconds

• "You okay?" She whispered as the others took their spots around the bed.

"No," you shook your head. "I killed him- and and I could've gotten you guys hurt because I didn't listen," your breathing had started to get faster again.

"Hey, it's okay. Just breathe," she soothes, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

"I can't- I- fuck /help me/-" you gasp out

• It takes awhile, but they managed to calm you down.

• Ashido just holds you, she lets you cry, and Kiri reminds you that you're okay

• they do most of the comforting usually

• when you're breath has finally started to even out, and you can feel the pain again, you know you'll be asleep soon from the pain meds.

"How bad was it?" You whisper, hands still gripling Minas shirt.

"Bad." Katsuki spoke. "You stopped breathing when we got you here."

Sero rubbed his face. "You needed a blood transfusion. They weren't entirely sure how it was going to end."

"You were...you were just standing in my arms and then you weren't moving. And then you weren't answering-" denki breathed. "There was blood everywhere."

"What about you guys?"

"Can you just stop?" Katsuki groaned. "Can you just let us worry about /you/? Let us help. Don't ask about us. You almost /died/ and your only fucking thought is us. Why?" He was crying, head down, hands gripping his pants.

"He's got a point. It's okay to ask for help," kirishima whispers. "So why don't you?"

• you're quiet for a few moments.

• do you go into detail.

• or do you dodge the question.

• ultimately, the fear of losing them outweighed any shame you would have felt

• "its hard not having a quirk." You mumble, eyes down. "Quirks are practically currency. And power is highly valued. I don't have that. I don't have any of that. I'm in a constant risk of being replaced and if I ask for help, they know I'm weak. I can't ask for help."

• And they all feel their hearts shatter a little bit.

• Bakugou had poked fun at you for quite some time in first year for not having a quirk.

• and Denki wasn't much better- neither was Sero. They'd make jokes about how fast you'd drop out.

• Bakugou would break a little bit, reminding you that you weren't weak. You still being alive was proof of that.

• and slowly

• slowly you get accustomed to ask for help.

• its not necessarily with words- sometimes they ask and you just nod

• or you ask in your own way.

• youre independent streak remains- but its not as bad.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Stu Macher

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- You met Stu when you were both in middle school. The two of you became friends purely because Stu wouldn’t let you not become his friend.

- So the two of you grew up and entered highschool together. You had a bit of a crush on him but never said anything about it, thinking that he only liked you as a friend. Oh how wrong you were....

- It’s sophomore year when you get your first real boyfriend. Stu isn’t happy about it.

- It’s obvious to see that he disapproves when you tell him that you’re going on a date. He treats you coldly throughout the entire day, not as bubbly as he usually is. While it does seem odd, you chalk it up to him feeling protective of you and not knowing how to articulate his worries.

- The next day, it’s as though nothing has happened. He nonchalantly asks you about your date but doesn’t seem all too happy to hear that it went well. You figure you’re looking into it too much.

- As time goes on, on the outside, it seems like he’s warmed up to the idea of you dating the boy, though you’re sure it’s mainly because you weren’t planning on getting rid of him anytime soon. But on the inside, it’s driving him crazy.

- Theres an obvious yet subtle rivalry between your boyfriend and him, whether one sided; at first, or not. Sometimes you wouldn’t even notice but your boyfriend sure did.

- The certain way Stu would pop up when you were hanging out, the way he called you over to him when you were trying to talk, the way he touched you; it was like he was sending a message behind his cheerful smile. Can’t you see who’s more important to her.

- He hugs you for too long, enjoys it too much. You thought your boyfriend was going crazy. You’d assure him that you were just friends, that you’d been friends for a long time and that he was just reading into it too much. That that was just Stu being, well, Stu.

- But your boyfriend wasn’t too far off. Stu had feelings for you. He had a big crush that hadn’t let up for years, one which was slowly eating away at him. He hadn’t wanted to ruin your friendship, especially when he didn’t even know if you wanted to date anyone.

- Though, regardless of whether or not you thought your boyfriend was being silly; you talked to Stu about it. He makes jokes, teasingly promising to be on his best behavior. You aren’t even aware that you’ve given him all he needs to know. He is getting to the boy and everything is working out perfectly.

- In the following days, Stu ups his antics and your boyfriend finally loses it, starting an argument which evolves into a full on fight and ends in you breaking up with him. Single once more.

- The next day at school, Stu approaches you like normal and immediately notes how tired and bothered you look. Without even thinking, you relinquish the details and he comforts you, saying that he could tell he wasn’t good for you. He does feel bad, seeing you so upset, but at the same time, he’s happy that you’re finally done with the other boy.

- It’s a week or so later that he confesses his feelings to you, wanting to give you enough time to get over the jerk. Having waited this long, he didn’t want his plan to be foiled by post breakup confusion.

- His parents are out of town so you’re staying the night, the two of you laying side by side on his bed, dressed in your comfiest clothes. You’re watching some lousy made for TV movie when he shoves your shoulder lightly, prompting you to look at him. He’s now leaning on his elbow and facing you. You shoot him a curious look and he speaks.

“We’ve known each other for a long time, right? And you know that I care about you a lot. Well, the thing is.... I care about you a lot more than you think and I want us to be even closer than we are now, ya know? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I... I love you and I want to know if you feel the same.” He rambles nervously, eyes focused on his fingers which are tracing along the blanket beneath the two of you.

- It certainly comes as a shock though you can’t say you’re completely surprised. You don’t know what to say so you let your actions speak for you. You move closer to him, hands grasping his cheeks as his own hands find your hips, pulling you closer as he tilts his head up and let’s you press your lips to his.

- He pulls you closer until you’re practically on top of him, eagerly kissing you until you both need to break apart for air. When you do, you’re both panting yet he smiles, pecking your lips and saying he’ll “take that as a yes”.

- Congratulations, you’ve earned yourself an adorable goofball who also kills people.

- He hangs all over you in public. You can never get him off of you although, would you ever really want to?

- Hand kisses. He presses his lips to your knuckles whenever he grabs your hand.

- You arent allowed to walk to class alone; he won’t let you. It is his duty to walk you and he will fulfill it.

- He rarely says your full name. Instead, he’ll either call you a pet name; usually babe or darling, or whatever nickname comes from your full name. Even if your names short, he’ll wind up making it longer just because he can.

- Long makeout sessions.

- He always gets this lovestruck look on his face whenever you show up; no matter what was going on before you arrived. His day instantly becomes like ten times better at the sight of you.

- Getting to borrow his Walkman. He makes a very strategically constructed mixtape, filled with songs that the two of you love so that both of you can listen and enjoy.

- Tasteful groping and butt smacks.

- Going to all his parties.

- He is such a baby when he gets sick. He completely overreacts, whining, moaning and acting like he’s dying even though he’s just got a mild cold.

- He tries to make your hugs last for as long as they can, especially when you’re saying goodbye.

- He’s constantly trying to make you laugh, mostly through bad jokes that will either get you to laugh through their stupidity or have you rolling your eyes.

- Teasing you is his favorite hobby. He likes doing what he’s good at and what he’s good at is being a little shit.

- Sometimes he just randomly approaches you with little gifts; mainly flowers he’s picked you or something similar. It’s usually either because you look like you need some cheering up or because he’s trying to apologize for a “stupidity leak”.

- Big boy likes being a big spoon. He’s tall so the two of you fit together perfectly.

- Gettting randomly thrown over his shoulder. Sometimes he’ll just carry you off as though you weren’t going somewhere or having a conversation with someone. Or he’ll act like nothings out of the ordinary while talking to the person you were talking to.

- You always have a seat ready for you ...on his lap.

- He leans on you all the time, whether it be him resting his chin or arm against your shoulder or him full on laying between your legs with his head against your stomach.

- Getting... the tongue. The man is constantly flashing it at you. A part of you thinks he’s trying to send a message, the other part of you just thinks he’s a dog.

- On that note, he’s probably licked the entire side of your face before, especially when you aren’t paying attention to him.

- He craves attention; it’s like a drug to him. He loves having your eyes on him, and when they aren’t? He’ll give them a reason to be.

- He’s sort of insecure so you fawning over or complimenting someone else immediately makes him uneasy. His ex girlfriend dumped him for a football player and he’s kinda scared that you’ll do the same.

- He tries to reassure you whenever you seem nervous or apprehensive, usually through jokes. Not sure about an idea of his? Well, what if he makes some action movie reference and promises to protect you as he makes karate motions with his hands?

- The boy has no subtly. He’s always blunt and upfront with what he’s trying to say so you’re never confused by any “insinuations” that he makes.

- Getting random, unexpected visits from him, usually when you’re at work or home alone.

- This man is a cheerleader when it comes to you. He’s always hyping you up and complimenting everything you do.

- He’s constantly bragging about you; he’s so proud.

- Movie dates. He’s not as completely obsessed with horror as Billy is but he still enjoys sitting with his girl, watching a film and trying to “subtly” feel you up.

- Getting close to Billy by default. The two of them are constantly together so you wind up being costantly around him as well.

- Hanging out at the fountain with him and his friends.

- His parents are out of town a lot so you have the whole house to yourselves most of the time.

- He’s got a farmhouse on the outskirts of town with the perfect view of the sunset/sunrise. You don’t know how many times you and him have laid out on the grass, cozied up next to each other and watching the sky change colors.

- Stealing his sweaters when it gets cold. You should see his face when he sees you wearing them, it’s the perfect example of a lovestruck expression.

- Jaw and neck kisses. He doesn’t care if he’s giving or receiving; he loves them either way.

- Inside jokes.

- Having to stifle a laugh when he mocks or makes fun of someone. It’s so stupid that you can’t help but chuckle.

- He may not seem like a very jealous person but whew boy. For someone who is constantly bragging about how great you are, he hates other people actually seeing it and admitting that he’s right.

- He’s a protective boy, he hates the thought of you being hurt, upset, or take advantage of. And he’s like so buff, he’s got you covered.

- Defending him whenever someone won’t let up on him. He isn’t very articulate so if someone needs to be shut down verbally, you do it yourself.

- Local sensitive baby caves under peer pressure. It’s incredibly easy to make him do what you ask; thankfully, you aren’t trying to make him do something that will get him in trouble.

- He doesn’t quite grasp the art of being tactful so you’ll oftentimes have to interrupt or stop him from saying something.

- Since he always seems to say the wrong thing or do something stupid, the two of you; most likely, have more than a few petty arguments. They usually aren’t anything worse than a little bickering.

- He always does something adorable that makes you forgive him whether it be using puppy dog eyes on you or telling bad jokes until you can’t help but warm back up to him.

- Not a day goes by where he doesn’t say he loves you. He needs you to know!!

- He doesn’t really talk about the future but he’s planning on marrying you as soon as he can and that’s a fact. The man is in love.

[arllenn]

Staring down at Ruri- no Chime is his name, before you, you can help but feel tired. None of this is making any sense it’s all too much at once.

Bonderev, one of the dickheads behind what happened at black swan bay, had apparently been alive and living well enough to the point where he could give lessons on morality in his final moments. Imagine that! HIM a man who BLEW UP an ORPHANAGE and who had personally shot you and Renata, what he persumed to be, dead! And he had the nerve to ask you to, no- TELL you to protect his son, to not let his actions get in the way of YOU PROTECTING his SON! You’re so frustrated to the point where you’re not sure if you want to burst out into maniacal laughter, break down and cry or just destroy everything in your sight the same way that dickhead had done to you and your family all those years ago.

He had gotten everything and more. A family, a happy life, power and he was freed from all the consequences of his actions. So what about you what did you get? A permanent fear of trusting anyone because “hey I’ve already been used as a genetic experiment by the man I considered a father who then proceeded to blow me, everyone and everything I’ve ever loved to kingdom come! But sure thing nice stranger who I just met let’s be besties!” Makes so much sense. Oh, oh! What about stealing years away from your life! 20 to be exact, man you could’ve been married, had a family, gone to the capital and achieved everything you had wanted to! But no instead what you’re doing is standing here, the same 18 year old who couldn’t do anything to save your friends, your family, as you watched them die in front of you. You’re the person who even in her last moments Renata had to look after and protect. And wow doesn’t that smart, doesn’t it hurt to look down at Chime to see how weak he is, with a voice that trembles and eyes that seem one glare away from overflowing with tears, doesn’t it hurt to look at him and see the worst parts of yourself reflected back at you? The parts you wanted to bury so deep down inside that they’d be forgotten by even you. But here they are, loud and angry and demanding your attention.

Your throat closes in on itself, the hand on your hip tightens. It’s a painful squeeze that’s only purpose is to remind you that, no you can’t cry here, you can’t let anyone see you like that, you cant let yourself be like that, not here. Not in front of people who you should know, who you should trust but who you don't You've spent more time running around for them then with them. It's mean and the ugly cloying feeling that rises up from your chest makes you look back at your relationship with 'your' uperclassmen. Were you even close enough to be called comrades? friends? Most of the time it felt like you were just there. A living phone running to deliver messages from one of them to another. Running errands, throwing yourself into danger or just escaping death for what? People who, people who you- people who you... what even are they to you? Right now your upperclassmen feel miles away from you, both emotionally and physically.

Your nails were starting to dig into your skin in a way that was more then painful. You could feel the moment the skin on both your hip and the palm of your other hand broke. Pulling your lip in between your teeth you try and tune back into the conversation waiting for the right words, for your upperclassmen to throw another request at you so that you can leave, preferably go outside and beat the shit out of one of the trash cans out back before running off into danger once again to fulfill their orders like you always did. And wow, isn’t that something... even now, even now, you’re still just blindly following people’s orders, never asking questions, never saying no. What... what is wrong with you? Hadn’t you learned your lesson already? Hadn't you learned after Herzog that you don't, you can't, just do that. Last time you did that you grabbed onto a rotten rope, a horribly, disgustingly, rotten rope.

"Promsing to protect somebody so recklessly is a foolish thing... nevertheless... thank you." Chime's retelling of his life comes to an end at a convient time. It's perfect really, and so you take that moment, the lull after his thanks, to leave.

You walk out into the lobby of Takamagahara the slow calming jazz music a horrible contrast to the thoughts and feelings that are swirling inside you right now. You make it two-thirds of the way to the bar when you're met with an extremely unpleasnt sight that has you cringing for more reasons then one.

Crow and Yasha are sitting the bar, resting most of their belegirantlty drunk weight on the actual contertop instead of on their chairs. They're demanding extra achoul, Crow shouting about how he can't take something anymore who knows what. And yikes heres a thought, Chime Gen is in the VIP room right behind them, those two who, even if they are drunk out of their minds, are Chisei's aides. They find Chime or even gain the smallest inkling of an idea that he may be here and you'll have more to worry about then cleaning up the counters from their drunk cry fest. Normally you'd step in here, and take over for Quinton the poor bartender on duty who always seemed to get the worst of the costumers but you really aren't feeling up to it today.

Just as you're about to turn around to give the trashcans outside the beatings of their lives Crow says something that you can't help but stop at. "You know I like Sakura don't you?" It was a question directed at Yasha who was only able to groan out what he thought was a response. You debate staying for a second. This isn't something that you particularly care about, nor is it something that really concerns you. But it just, you just want to know a little bit more about what Sakura was like before she became another one of Herzog's victims. Its with that flimsy excuse and the puppy dog look that Quinton gives you once he notices you're there that has you stepping closer, leaning against one of the pillars that trap the bar in its own seprate space.

As Crow continues to slur his feelings out Yasha seems to sober up a bit, it's not by much but its to the point where you're no longer worried about him getting into a bar fight, more just what taxi service to call for him when he inevetably passes out and where to send him afterwards.

Yasha leans over the bar apparently ready to give Crow some type of advice when the following happens. 1) he trips and stumbles over his words "Don't.. Don't worry. We are brothers. I... will never... mock you." sweet right? It would've been if not for 2) The fact that he lurches over its a face you recgonize all too well.

"Quinton get out of the-" 3) Yasha hurls all over Quinton, your words left to hang just as Yasha's icky face goop is left to hang off of Quinton. And now you're royally pissed. Sure you were pissed before but this is the type of rage that can only be quelled by you being left alone to stew in it. Its not the emotional type of rage that you felt earlier when you wanted to smash every glass surface you came across no this is the cold type of rage that leaves nothing but apathy in its wake. because as much as you've been trying to ignore it theres so much more that you had been trying to ignore, so much more that had been pushed to the wayside that you're angry about. You look up at Quinton whose looking at you like a lost kid in a mall that had mistaken you for their mother. Running a rand through your hair you harshly scratch at your scalp. "Quinton," you let out a frustrated sigh, "Take the rest of the night off, you'll be paid regularly and you can take extra pay if you wake up sick tommorrow." You turn to him and start to walk behind the counter switching places with him.

“Right thanks a bunch, manager." He rushes out. Turing towards the staff area most likely to change into his extra uniform instead of going home covered in puke. Staring down at Yasha's mess which was covering most of his area of the counter as well as the floor under his chair your annoyance hit an all new peak. It's not the chunky kind of throw up that can be easily cleaned up, its a mush that resembles watery baby food. It's obvious that this wont be a quick clean and that both mops and floor wipes are just going to push this stuff around instead of soaking it up.

Today just can't get any worse can it? Pushing your hand back into your head you aggitatedly rubbed at your scalp, pushing and pulling at the skin there. You’re pissed off. To come back after fighting against Herzog, let’s not forget HERZOG WAS THERE TOO! HE WAS THERE, HE WAS THERE LIVING AND BREATHING, AFTER ALL THAT HE HAD DONE, HE HAD THE NERVE TO GET UP ON THE PEDESTAL THAT HE HAD CONSTRUCTED, DESIGNED AND BUILT HIMSELF THROUGH EXPLOITING THE INNOCENT TO TEST HIS FREAKY DRAGON DRUGS ON, HE HAD THE NERVE TO TALK DOWN TO YOU! ACT LIKE YOU WERE STUPID OR SOME KIND OF PREDETERMINED FAILURE! You get back from that battle exhausted , emotionally drained, and wanting to destroy yourself to find Finger leisurly drinking with Humpback! After you thought that he died you thought that you had lost another person, only for him to be there and fine. It was reliving yes, but just fucking horrible at the same time. So when you stare down at that mess and the first thing you see when you look up is the VIP room that the others are in you felt like you were justified in deciding that you would be acting on your tiredness and handing off this task to one of your upperclassmen like they do to you so often.

Actually you retract your earlier statement today can in fact get worst. Crow and Yasha have apparently had enough to drink both uncoordinatedly slamming down the money to pay for their drinks, you really don't care wether or not is correct you just want them gone, they BOTH step into Yasha's puke tracking it out the door with them. Yeah, no- you're not cleaning that up nope, nu uh, never. You blow out a heated breath and start to walk towards the VIP room careful to avoid all of the face mush on the floor. Pulling on the curtains that served as the door to enter you called out to the occupants.

"Right, sorry to ruin the fun but I just had two costumers who puked and tracked the throw-up everywhere so I need one of you to go out and clean it up preferably like," You looked down at your wrist as though you wore a watch. Truthfully it was just to hide the annoyed look on your face, "right now please." You glanced up at them Before clarifying "Chime I'm not asking you to clean it up, just focus on resting." Because as much as you wanted someone to clean that nonsense up right away you were also specially tuned into just how draining it could be to meet Herzog like that. "Cool thanks guys!" You clapped your hands together and prepared to leave the room when Luminous started complaining.

"Aw, come on no way newbie, I don't wanna clean something like that up!" He put his hand to the back of his head, a tick you had noticed he did when he was complaining, nervous or worried, "Come on can't you do it? You were already out there.." And there it was normally you would excuse that tone as just being something that made Luminous, well Luminous but today the whiny tone was grating on your ears and you were two steps away from man handling him like you used to with Anton when he was being uncooperative. The thought of him hurts. Witnessing his final moments, being there when they happened, it was both the same and different then the others. Sure you had watched all the others die but Anton's had always stuck with you in a way that was far too painful for someone who you really didn't like. And now the urge to cry was back, you felt your eyes burn with unshed tears that were a culmination of too many of your emotions to name.

Caesar brought a hand to rest on his chin tapping away at it, before he even got the chance to talk your anger had already started to peak "Luminous is right newbie, theres no reason for us to do it, you were already out there and knew the areas that needed to be cleaned. This just seems like a waste of both yours and our time." Yeah, yeah, you seriously contemplated grabbing Caesar by his ponytail and using him as a mop for a second.

"You just cleaning it up would've been more efficient." Johann unhelpfully chimed in. Yeah, maybe you would use Caesar as the mop and Johann as the counter rag.

"Yeah freshie! Everyone knows that newbies do all the grunt work, you can't expect us to do it can you?" Fingers nasally voice made you want to throttle him the more he continued to talk. Sure he may have meant it as a joke but you really weren't at the point of caring. In fact you couldn't care less about anything right now. The anger that had just been building had condensed into a vengeful apathy that demanded the souls of those around you.

Once again Caesar spoke this time however you decided to cut him off. "That's right newbie, using my authority as team leader I order you to-"

"Damn I kinda don't care," You said scratching at the back of your head in an obviously exaggerated way. "Yeah actually..." you started mimicking Caesar's earlier stance, "If you're invoking your team leader rights then I'm invoking my manager rights."

"Hey wait-" Luminous tried to interject.

"Yeah as your manager I order you all to have that throw-up cleaned within the next half an hour." A bit long of a time slot, sure, but really who cares as long as it gets done.

"No way newbie team leaders out rank managers, which means my order still stands." Caesar's stubbornness in this situation could be something to praise if not for the fact that a) you don't care and b) you're two steps away from bringing your thoughts of using him as a mop to fruition.

"Team leaders outrank managers when we're out on the field sure, but right now we're in Takamagahara not battling death servitors, which means your team leader status is moot." You made a slicing motion over your neck. "You may be the leader appointed by the college but right now that means nothing, were not fighting and this isn't reconnaissance, we're working."

"That doesn't change the fact that Caesar is team leader freshman." You can always count on Johann to speak up for what he believes in. Too bad you're not here to praise your upperclassmen but instead get them to work.

"Cool! And I'm still the manager. Right now you all are technically on the clock at Takamagahara which means what I say goes. Caesar may be the team leader and you may be my upperclassmen but that doesn't change the fact that right here right now what I say takes precedence in all matters that aren't dragon related because I'm the ma.ne.ger. " You smile your best costumer service smile and speak in the same tone that you do with costumers when you say this. Then you turn on your heel and walk out calling out behind you that "I expect to not wake up to puke covered floors in the morning! I'm going to bed good night."

And well if Finger chose not to comment on your behavior because he watched you break down in the elevator through the security cameras then that will remain with him. And if Caesar and Johann chose not to speak on it because they heard you sobbing from outside your room that night then thats something that stays between them. And if Luminous caught a glimpse of the empty look in your eyes that night when you left your room for water then he definitely held that as a close secret to his heart. Choosing not to comment on it. And if you noticed that your seniors were just a bit more gentle with you or asked for your input before sending you off on recon missions when they didn't before then you don't comment on it.