#because what is grief except for love that has no outlet

[megarywrites]

it's interesting to go back to the start of Seafoam and see Thala before she heads down the long, winding path of vengeance. Her personality at the start leans more towards her being a lover, not a fighter, and she only eventually becomes a fighter because she's a lover.

Because, where I'm at in Part I, she's sweet and she's grieving and she's scared. She's just trying to take care of the people she loves (namely her mother, but when she heads to the capitol in Part II and befriends the other Stoli and gets close to Solera they're included in that category, too). But, that being said, it's not like the anger that fuels her later on comes out of nowhere in her personality. There's like an underlying current of it that she occasionally taps into when the situation calls for it--which is when someone she loves is being hurt.

I guess, now that i'm thinking about it, she's already on the path to vengeance, she's just not aware of it yet.

[thefirstknife]

The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.

This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.

The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.

Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.

A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.

Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.

Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.

[mhsdatgo]

Do you think the show is biased against the Greens vs. Team Black? If so, how should the show have demonstrated that both teams are awful, in your opinion?

Hello anon!

I've got a lot to say on this one.

First of all, yes. I totally think that the show had some obvious kind of bias towards the Blacks. Not necessarily with the way the Greens were treated as devils with no likeable qualities except for Alicent (even if there are several instances of them doing so) but more because of the way the Blacks were whitewashed.

Rhaenyra.

Look, you'll never catch me not expressing my contempt for this woman, no matter the fact she was brought up by a man who did nothing but spoil, enable and indulge her in everything and anything she says and does. I can see the path they're taking in the show by adapting her as an irresponsible woman who flees at the minimal inconvenience and cowers to her dad at any minor inconvenience, but literally everything that makes her Rhaenyra Targaryen, Rhaenyra Targaryen, is removed.

She just looks like the next girlboss Targ Dragonrider queen after Daenerys. They basically made GOT season 8 and sent show!Rhaenyra as an apology. But in doing so they basically made her... Boring. Her and her children, which I don't love or hate. (The closest one I am to "liking" is Jace, I guess, but the leaks are just making me rethink everything again.)

I would've loved it if they had given us ONE pre-Dance book!Rhaenyra scene that would've made her appear more ruthless than what we have on the show, and not just the time when she offered 10 year old Aemond to be tortured. Make her ask Daemon to go after Vaemond (sorry pookie) like she did in the books, make her feed his corpse to her dragon. Sure that wouldn't have made me change my mind about how much I dislike her bUt it WOULD'VE made me go "damn she stands on business."

I wanted her to act out of grief and insist on going to war when she miscarried Visenya and lost her father, because although I don't think that the Greens did kill that poor little girl (she had dragon features and was likely going to die anyway) I do think that Rhaenyra should've been allowed her pain and the irrational and impulsive thinking that comes with it.

Alicent.

OH BOY.

Where do I even begin with this one?

Olivia Cooke SLAYED. Lemme just start with that. She took the whole cake and ate it too and left no crumbs. The direction they've taken with her is a realistic one, at least for the actions and decisions she's taking. Reckless, for sure. Risky, deathly even. Her fear is realistic, even for someone as Alicent Hightower no matter how much determination had protected her from dread.

What I don't like is the way she was treated as everyone's object and her shutting up about it. From Rhaenyra to Larys, everyone uses her for their own disgusting pleasures or outlet of frustration. And she's made to take it without fighting back even once. The one time she does, bless her, she's treated as a woman who's gone mad.

Now, I would've been fine with her taking all these hits if only they knew how to make Alicent change properly and completely from there. If it was me, the incident at Driftmark would be my start to revenge. No longer would I look at Rhaenyra with hope to reconcile with her. No longer would I bear any more of Viserys' shit when it's clear his first daughter (the image of his first wife) bears way more importance to him than me and all the four kids he forced me to have combined.

They'd have to nightly talk me out of suffocating him with my pillow a minute more for every wince and ache my now eyeless son suffers, for a month straight if not more. I wouldn't eagerly stand by his side and listen to his last words only to mistake them for permission to go along with my plans. I'd stand there passively at best, waiting for him to be done, before leaving the room.

Everything else can just be left the same way it was. Her fear when she realizes the effect Viserys' death has on her and her children is realistic. I'd break down for a moment too. I'd act as soon as I could too. I'd cry tears of relief, dread, grief (depends on how you interpret that scene) too. After letting his stinky ass rot for a fortnight. I would've preferred this to be a "there was a plan, but we weren't ready to act it out" situation more than a "what the fuck is going on" situation.

I'd also slap that "you toil in service of other men" dialogue from Rhaenys right back in her face (sorry grandma) since if we're talking about the show, it's literally the only thing she has done throughout the season.

House Velaryon.

HEAVY on this one. They have been done so wrong on so many levels. Every single one of them.

Laena was made to "pursue" Daemon, she changes from a precious, small and shy little girl to a confident, seductive young woman (teenager for fuck's sake, screw everyone who thought making her change this way would've been good) and later on a side piece, "the one Daemon settles for because he can't have Rhaenyra" even if it was known that she was the only one he was never unfaithful to, "she's made her peace" (WTF???????).

It apparently never hits Corlys that the bitch who he believes has made him childless (I AM TALKING ABOUT DAEMON) deserves no support from him and his house or that Luke should actually become a ward there at Driftmark if he's so adamant on keeping this farce that he's a Velaryon and the next Lord of the Tides.

Vaemond is seen as the odd, evil and power hungry one for pointing out that his house is falling into an OBVIOUS bastard's hands whether this kid likes it or not (even as my support for this claim goes as far as questioning Luke's parentage) and to add insult to injury he's made to say Rhaenyra is a whore, which never happened in the books.

The Silent Five are removed completely, Vaemond's sons as well (@redrosesandcharmingsouls knows I was FROTHING at the mouth waiting for Daemion Velaryon to make an appearance but the motherfuckers couldn't even give me that) so that we don't have any kind of reason to believe an execution so brutal and unjust had any repercussions on the support House Velaryon has on the Blacks overall. They are made into Rhaenyra's cheering squad through and thorough, even if they have every reason to be anything but.

The Laenor situation is actually really fucking funny. They made him leave instead of killing him to not bury the gays and they aren't aware that this has totally fucked everything up. Like thanks for telling me ALL of Rhaenyra's children are bastards. Cool, HOW THE FUCK TO YOU HANDLE SEASMOKE NOW?

Aegon II.

No this isn't an apologist post. I'm actually slithering on the ground on my knees for TGC daily but Aegon is a clusterfuck right now, no matter how you look at it. They tell us he's a psycho drunken rapist and he likes to watch children fighting every Sunday and when you actually see his adult version he's a crying love starved bitch of a man and he winces and frowns when Vaemond's head is cut off.

Instead of taking the throne to protect his children, he takes it because he's forced. And that makes Alicent the villain in everything once again. Now it doesn't matter if you look at the book version or what we see of the show version, everywhere you look this is just out of character.

It's inconsistent. He's made the worst thing ever so people can say "See??? They believe a rapist is better to put to the throne than our girlboss virtuous heir!!!" you either make him a psycho or a touch starved baby, why make both?

So yeah, I think this is all. For now. We'll have to see how this show progresses to see if I change my mind in any way.

Thanks for the ask!!!! ^_^

[aurorasmagic]

Baldr - info, opinions and worship (long post)

I am making this post as a devotion to Baldr<3

Family Parents: Odin and Frigg Wife: Nanna Kid: Forseti Baldr has numerous half siblings, but full brother to Hodr, the blind god He is one of the Aesir

Names and epithets Ways to spell his name: Baldr, Balder, Baldur Epithets: The white, the good, the bright, father of justice

Treasures Home: Breidablik Ship: Hringhorni Horse: Gulltopp (translates to Goldtop)

Baldr is the god of beauty, light, innocence and forgiveness. He is also seen as a god of purity, joy and peace. Some also call him a god of naivity because he always see the good in everyone, even people no one else is able to see good things.

We have little knowledge about Baldr in general. The most known story about him is his death. Some who is devoted to, worship or work with Baldr might not want to work with Loki at all due to this story. Baldr had dreams about his death which gave him long awake nights. His mother, Frigg, tried to help him by making everyone and everything promise not to hurt Baldr, all materials, weapons, sickness etc. All except for the misteltoe, which she thought was too small, young and harmless to make a promise. Now that Baldr seemed absolutely immortal the other gods tried their weapons on him, as nothing would hurt him. His blind brother Hodr wanted to join in, but couldn't because he did not want to hurt anyone. Loki had found a way to know the misteltoe didn't promise to not hurt him, and made an arrow from it which he guided Hodr to shoot at his brother. Baldr died from the arrow and Loki ran away. Later in the story we get to know Baldr would be allowed to leave Helheim and go back to Asgard if the whole world would show their grief after his death, and everyone did except an old lady. It is believed this old lady is Loki to make sure Baldr couldn't return to his family.

Controversy There is controversy whether or not you can work with Baldr due to him being in Helheim. Their argument is true, those who goes to Helheim can't leave it before all gates open and chains break under Ragnarok. But again, Loki is chained and can't leave his place before Ragnarok when all chains breaks and gates open under Ragnarok. If working with Loki is valid, then working with Baldr is as well! And please do not fear having your own beliefs on this. You are free to reach out to him whatever your reason would be.

Lessons What I have gotten from working with Baldr is to forgive. Forgive but not forget, and forgiving doesn't mean to let others walk all over you, and it's also important that you learn to forgive yourself. You also learn to appreciate and find joy in the smallest things, which I personally think has bettered my life quality so much. He wants you to know your worth but still show kindness to the world, and to help others who need.

Offerings and acts of devotion Meditation around a source of light (in the sunlight, by a candle, LED candles, fireplace etc) Help others who need (he used to guide and help his blind brother) Heal and care for your inner child Create something for him Pray to him Appreciate others Enjoy calm music Enjoy your fav herbal tea, raise a glass to him Keep candles that reminds you of him (I personally love the scented ones) Practice forgiveness and compassion, especially towards yourself Devote a plushie that reminds u of him or summer Symbols of light, sunrise, summer, and things you find beautiful, keep around, decorate or keep on jewelry Decorate with fairy lights and lanterns Take notice in your progress and look at how far you got Sketch, draw, write and other creative expressions Sunbathe (Remember sunscreen) Express or decompress Take a walk on a sunny day Practice regulating emotions, and feel your emotions Find healthy emotional outlets Spend time with the ones you love Do something that makes you happy Play with your pets Donate to organizations that helps homeless, sick, disabled etc Take care of yourself Make a comfortable and safe space for yourself Celebrate achievements, even small ones Clean trash around your neighborhood or in nature (also great offering to Jord, Gaia, or other personification of Earth) Practice open-mindedness, agree to disagree Honor your ancestors, learn about your family history (family were huge in the norse society, and Balder loves his family) Flowers, especially those strongly connected to the sun(Mayweed and Sea Mayweed is both known under the name Balder's brow in Sweden and Norway, they would make a great offering as well) He is associated to the colors gold, white, yellow and sky-blue carnelian, red jasper, citrine, goldstone, sunstone -Some say misteltoe would be a nice offering, but some believes you shouldn't, would recommend asking him before you offer it

Signs -I haven't found much of set signs that Baldr is reaching out to you, which might be because of the lack of information. However I have seen these; You randomly think about him over an extented period of time The rune Dagaz/Dagr Dreams become very symbolic Dreaming about him You can always reach out to him if that feels right for you! I personally see him in the sun and 7 of swords. He could also be big in meditation and dream interpretations because of his dremas before the story of his death.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

✧ ━━ 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄? 𝚁𝙾𝙱𝙸𝙽 𝙰. 𝙱𝙰𝚄𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙰𝙸𝚁𝙴 ; 𝙻𝙴𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙴

I accidentally answered this question while writing out another ask as I got the prompts mixed up - But I wrote far too much in regards to Robin's mental state throughout his life in league to really just toss it away? Anyways tagging you @steel-and-fire because you asked for pain and I am always here to deliver. This isn't really edited, so if there's spelling mistakes do ignore them as this wasn't supposed to exist. Also trigger warning !! For everything.

━ Robin's viewpoint of himself has drastically changed over the course of his life, before the destructive events of his teenage years - Yes, he believed he was loveable, he was happy. He loved his family. He loved them enough to sacrifice his own wants because they filled the void left behind ( yet as he pushed for bettering their lives, he lost touch with them, slowly but surely ). After losing them entirely though? No. I think the trauma from the incident destroyed his psyche so badly that he never got the chance to truly and fully recover. He actively blamed himself for the incident that led to the death of his family, and since they were his only support, he drowned himself in the notion that it was impossible for him to really ... be beneficial to society? He was mixing self hatred and survivor's guilt.

Robin crashed like a train. He was going so fast and doing so much that it was impossible to stop even after he lost control of his situation. He ran home excited and eager to tell his parents about his projects and found 4 corpses waiting for him. It was, instantly, almost that things started to plummet and decline worse - his grades began to suffer, he felt more and more like an outsider since he had no true home to go to anymore, and eventually his research was tossed out entirely and denied funding. So everything he had lost didn't even amount to anything anyway ; any dream of being a renowned scientist crashed and burned. He was so happy in school, people were nice to him, and he wasn't lonely, but soon he came to realize that no one really cared about him anymore. No one cared about him once his mind wasn't able to function at its best - he was tossed aside and abandoned. Robin felt that he had no real reason left to live, and only when he, as a traumatized and scared 15 year old child, drank himself half to death did Abel show up and coerce him into a contract by using the voice of his deceased father. Granted Abel gave his grief an outlet, as a demon of companionship and love, and grief being love with nowhere to go? Yeah. He wouldn't have to be alone anymore, and Abel would help him achieve his goals. But what goals does someone with no will to live or better themselves really have? Self destructive ones, ultimately.

 He was so tired of being noble, of being a perfect student, a perfect child, a perfect Piltovan. He wanted to ruin his life and his reputation further - it was already impossible to come back from in his mind anyway. At least if he did it himself there would be some semblance of control. Robin hated himself so much at that time. He indulged in frivolous pleasures to try and fill the void, but it didn't do anything and only made it deeper. Abel did not help him either; ever still, while he was not alone, Abel was no real support system - after all he isn't a human being; he was just a reflection of Robin's own issues. The Demon didn't bother to try and stall any of this awful behavior, either, that wasn't it's job. Soo then he's left to rely on no one except himself. Over and over Robin fell back into the same destructive habits fueled by an obsessive need to prove his worthiness to still be alive over the rest of his family while hating that he was alive at all. In his head he was grappling with the need to prove to others his worth while destroying it because of his own self loathing. This all culminated in a swell and led him to his own death. Whether or not one can say this was just what he wanted is uncertain, it seems so deliberate but at the same time when it actually all came to fruition and he no longer had a way out or to escape; did he realize he did not want to die.

 However not all is gloomy thankfully, and upon his time in this unlife he has learned quite a bit, and made some very close friends. These relationships were the catalyst that, maybe, would allow Robin to not hate himself so much - and this allowed him to explore and eventually accept his feelings with Vladimir ( @hemoplagued ) . Shockingly he's found a vast depth of understanding within the Count, and the two of them have been able to bond over their shared experiences and have given a kindness to the other that they did not receive before. He's seen him fail. And he still chooses to love him, to care for him, to nurture and keep him safe.

There's no doubt that Robin will probably always struggle with his own feelings towards himself, and while I'm not ever sure he'll believe himself to be loveable or that he truly deserves love ... He knows he is loved.

[imbiowaresbitch]

Places I'll Remember

When Jack and Dean manage to get Cas out of the Empty, Dean is swamped with emotion. More than anything, he wants to tell Cas how he feels, but since the moment they defeated Chuck, Dean hadn't managed to speak a single word in another's hearing, except for Miracle's. He wants to tell Cas that he feels the same, but panic steals his voice every time he tries, and Cas has his own grief to navigate after an eternity in the Empty's grasp.

But in the end, Dean and Cas do share a more profound bond.

~~

Dean welcomed Cas back from the Empty with a desperate hug. He'd fought his way through the darkness to find him, and when Jack hauled them out, Dean pulled Cas into his arms, shaking with fear and long-delayed grief finally given an outlet. Cas felt frail in his arms, pain etched onto his face, his blue eyes haunted. Dean tried to hold back his tears, but it had been too long. He buried his face against Cas' shoulder and cried.

Jack had promised he was going to get Cas out, but he had to rebuild and stabilise Heaven before he could expend that kind of power, God or not. Dean had waited. Not patiently, hell no. But finally, Jack had come to him at the bunker, and they went to get Sam and Eileen from California for backup. And that was all they could be. Only Dean could get Cas out. Courtesy of what Cas had called their profound bond. 

Because Dean was the one who needed him back most of all.

As Dean held onto Cas, both of them trembling, he thought back. He'd lost Cas a year and a half earlier. Eighteen months and a week, to be exact. Sometimes he wondered if he'd imagined everything Cas had said. He still didn't know what he was going to do about it all. He couldn't think about it until Cas was back. Too many what-ifs. How could he even consider the possibilities of – the potential, when he didn't know for sure that he'd get Cas back?

Cas lifted his head from Dean's shoulder and met Dean's eyes. There was so much emotion on his face, and Dean tried to speak, to say anything, but of course, found his words caught in his throat. As they stared, Jack barrelled into them, and Cas' arms shifted to wrap around his son. His eyes slipped shut, and Dean saw him start to cry.

Dean rested his hand on Cas' shoulder, fighting against the lump in his throat, but even as he opened his mouth to say something – anything – panic rose up and stole his voice. 

Cas met his gaze over Jack's shoulder, and Dean pleaded with Cas with his eyes, begging him to understand his silence wasn't by choice. He managed a low grunt, but no more, and Cas' eyes turned back to Jack.

But not before Dean saw the flash of hurt there.

~~

Read the rest on AO3.

Many thanks to @cr-noble-writes for the beta, and to @nickelkeep and @bleuzombie for helping with a sensitivity read! Much love!

[raw-law]

What I actually meant in my previous question about art and mental health issues did not exactly pertain to the positive ways in which art can influence one's state of mind, although I love it that you thought of that. I was actually more in the lines of noticing how a slightly less than optimal mental state often fuels high quality art. Depression often fuels amazing literary pieces...not to mention Van Gogh...

And I was thinking, why does either grief or mental illness unlocks creativity? Or is it the other way around, sanity and happiness lead to a more logically controlled, more inhibited behaviour?...

-- Anon 🍰

L:

ahh, that does make a lot more sense now. i remember contemplating involving that in my last answer, but i suppose i forgot about it in trying to organize my jumble of thoughts. i'm glad i get another chance to go in more depth about it now.

i think mental illness and grief don't necessarily unlock creativity, but creativity provides another outlet to express this internal hurt. i think the same goes for sanity and happiness, except you tend to see less art motivated by those emotions simply because the coping mechanism is no longer needed. if an artist solely used art to cope and nothing more, most likely you will only find art from them that was motivated by their grief. if they were perfectly content with life, they would have no reason to keep creating.

not only that, but many people latch onto art that speaks to them specifically. and if there's anything almost every person in the world has experienced to some extent, that's grief. or anger. or depression. or anxiety. it's sad to say, but stress-induced emotions are a universal language. people are going to latch onto grief-stricken pieces much more easily than art fueled through an artist's pure content for life because of that universal sadness. and when people latch onto these, those end up being the pieces that are most commonly seen. bob ross was an amazing artist, but you certainly don't hear people analyzing his art as much as van gogh. if anything, people liked bob ross for bob ross, it was never about his art. if i asked people to tell me one thing about the guy, most would probably say they remember his lines like "happy little trees" or "mistakes are just happy little accidents."

grief and mental illness can absolutely add onto creativity, but it's never what unlocks it. what "unlocks" the creativity based around this type of art are the coping mechanisms that are fueling its motivation. and even then, our audience attention skews what gets pushed more in the media, which just adds onto the cycle of art created through grief. at least that's what i think based on observing people. i'm not any actual artist, so who knows.

Light:

Ooh. Yes, I think I did want to talk about that in my answer to your last ask, but I think I only touched on it briefly?

Certainly, many artists ars famously known to be either 'tortured' or 'mad'. As you mentioned, Van Gogh is one example, whereas Sylvia Plath (author of the Bell Jar, among other works) is another.

Personally, I believe that it can go both ways, like you've detailed in your ask:

Mental disorders, such as bipolar disorder, can indeed lead to bouts of manic creativity. On the other hand, the highly stressful and packed lifestyle of an artist can also lead them to develop mental disorders as a result of that. Or, sadly, a preexisting mental disorder can lead to an artist creating works that are welcomed almost overwhelmingly by the public (as Ryuzaki goes into in more detail in his answer), which then leads to a tight, demanding schedule, which then presses down suffocatingly on the artist, creating a tightening gyre, a cycle that never seems to have any end.

And when an artist works on their work, it can possibly get to the point where they're compulsively churning out one work after the other---the 'flow' state, as it's known to some people. This can also, I suppose, be interpreted as a sort of 'mental disorder' by onlookers.

I guess art often springs out of a kind of 'flaw', though---whether it be a flaw in your mental state, or something else. Art often focuses more on emotions (which can't really be said for other things like the sciences), so it would make sense that people who feel too much, who sometimes can't stop themselves from feeling so much all the time, would turn to art to express their feelings. It similarly also makes sense that the creation of art would possibly lead to further sinking in those feelings as the artist enters a state of 'flow'.

I'm not sure if I've really provided the answers to your question, Anon. But my view is that art and mental illness go hand-in-hand. You can't really find any cause-and-effect relationship between the two. Though, yes, you can create art without having any kind of mental disorder at all---art is borne out of simple feelings, after all. And I don't really think that happy people can't create art, either---isn't happiness a kind of emotion, after all? And you can choose to create art for the simple reason that it's beautiful. And that's the beauty of it all, I guess---that there are different kinds of art, that you don't exactly have to feel a certain kind of way to create. As Ryuzaki so suggested, Bob Ross. You don't have to be a 'tortured artist' to create wonderful art.

Well, I'm not very satisfied with my answer, but this is all I've got for you, Anon. Feel free to ask more questions if you're not satisfied, too.

[arcplaysgames]

whbat in the absolute fuck

look at her fucking pose in the gameplay, what is this.

WHY IS THIS SUCH A TROPE? Like how come out of the three Persona games I know enough to speak to, all three of them have Sexy Teacher Who Is Wildly Inappropriate With Students? What the fuck. I'm uncomfortable. How did we get rid of Mister "everyone in this room is a slut destroying our society" and have not by default gone up in the world? goddammit.

I cannot help but assume that's the point. The shadows are getting more and more rowdy in each dungeon, the news of the channel is spreading, like.... that has to be part of the point.

Naoto shows up to let everyone know there is a prime suspect that the cops are trying to apprehend, but in doing so shoves his fucking foot so far in his mouth his stomach is chewing on louis vuitton

fucking GET HIM

like for real, Naoto, dial down the condescending bullshit about 25% bruh

LITERALLY THE BEST CHARACTER. he is just-- look. you are allowed to laugh at me. go ahead. the comparison to Akihiko is very funny to me. Two lightning bruisers, but Akihiko funnels all of his energy into tending to the temple of his body until he's acting like vegetables will personally slit his throat in his sleep, vs Kanji, who has like the same power and energy profile but doesn't have an outlet for it yet so he keeps doing funny outbursts that don't make sense even to him.

Lightning boys!!!! Who is lightning in P5 and are they this good? I hope so.

also look at his facepalm while studying. best boy. Also in his social link, we met a little boy sad about losing his "friend's" rabbit doll, and Kanji went looking for it and now plans to make the boy another one. LOVE.

Maxing out Yosuke's SLink. Buddy, I don't know if punching you will fix you but if you want me to try, by golly.

PICTURED: Two fucking idiots.

OH SNAP THE ULTIMATE PERSONA IS LOCKED TO SLINKS? OH DAMN. I will miss Jiraiya and their awesome scarf. The locomotion of their spin has always brought me joy. But I'm hyped for Ultraman Buzzsaw Hulahooper.

So that was Magician! I.... am still not sold on Yosuke as the Magician honestly? I really liked his arc and the simmering anger and learning to deal with grief and coming to terms. But it's not very Magician-y at all? Eh whatever. Not everyone can be Junpei.

Sometimes, I don't have to look up these answers because I have a specific knowledge set and it includes weird card knowledge.

Rise is really compelling and funny. She's down to earth! She also will just get a translator! She's fun.

C H I E. DON'T JUST TELL PEOPLE THAT!

This game is like.... very good at portraying teenage immaturity. Like, everyone is generally a decent person until they're kind of a little shit about something or other. They're all very likeable but the maturity gap with SEES is really stark, yanno? Everyone in SEES was a traumatized kid who had already been through shit BEFORE they got their gun-shaped Superpower Launchers. the P4 team is just. dumb kids! with powers!

but really chie don't tell people kanji is queer, for fuck's sake girl

LOVERS SOCIAL LINK: GET! I ain't saying shit about how someone doesn't seem like Lovers, I learned my lesson.

However. One thing, another point of comparison from P3P-- I somehow doubt that Rise would do the Lovers thing with someone other than Reverie like Yukari did with Mitsuru. With the exception of Chie and Yukiko, it feels like everyone's most important relationship is with the MC, not with other characters.

I do feel very sad about that. Akihiko and Ken had Shinjiro, Yukari and Mitsuru had each other. Fuuka and Junpei arguably were closest to FeMC, but they weren't islands. Junpei and Akihiko were frequently in their own little scenes, and Fuuka had that with Junpei and Shinjiro as well.

With the P4 team, everyone orbits around the MC. Which isn't bad. It's fine. But it also loses something, you know?

The police still haven't actually gotten ahold of their suspect, and Nanako gets scared and runs over to sit by Reverie. God, that's crushing. Do you ever think about Nanako pre-P4? How much fucking time did she spend alone? God, I hate Dojima.

MEANWHILE, I DON'T KNOW WHY THE GAME KEEPS GIVING ME FLIRTATIOUS OPTIONS WITH ADACHI BUT I AM GOING TO KEEP CHOOSING THEM LIKE THIS IS HATOFUL BOYFRIEND AND I'M HITTING ON SHUU I GUESS? What is this. Why was I able to invite him to dinner????

anyway its FINALLY SUMMER VACATION TIME!

Everyone is making plans to go to the beach! Which leads to a very important question.

Thank you Persona 4 for giving me the best possible options.

Also, Yosuke, I'm gay. It's that simple, homeboy.

...... Kanji, are you.... related to anyone from Iwatodai? Wait no that's impossible, Akihiko is literally an orphan. But still: lightning bruiser boys who want hydrodynamic swimsuits is a Type I guess??????

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Writing Notes and 10,000 hits?!?

I know it's not CRAZY much by some people's Ao3 standards, but the fact that over 10,000 people have accessed Sweet Child is MAD crazy to me. Especially since I began writing fanfiction as a way to process grief. I haven't written in a long time and this has been an awesome outlet. To everyone who has read, shared with friends, commented, asked Q&A, and created things from Sweet Child? THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ANYWAY. Writing notes below with some spoilers from the last few chapters, so beware if you aren't up to date. This is a VERY long post. Sorry.

So we had two very different chapters before we finally get to check in with Vee.

First off, it has been mentioned that Vee has been living as a human in Gravesfield and is in a relationship with Masha (though Vee gets nervous and had a tendency to break up with them in the fear that Masha wanted to break up with Vee first. Unfounded, but it was how she handled her relationship anxiety. I imagine Hunter had similar anxiety about being with Willow and handled it differently, but that's something to examine in a future flashback or offhand comment in the story.

So I wanted to talk a bit about the outcome of the custody battle.

As I mentioned, I am not a Darius hater by any means, but I do feel that his relationship with Hunter is complicated. I know we got a shortened third season, and we haven't gotten much time to feel out their relationship or see anything from his past. I think Darius does grow to care about Hunter, but he was originally also pretty damn cold and dismissive of him, knowing that this was a child forced to take on the mantle of someone else. I imagine that in living with Darius, Hunter would still feel the need to prove himself, thus falling into old habits and militaristic thinking.

Darius in the story also as a few other things going on, but seems to realize too late that he had been misreading Hunter's desire to please and prove himself by acting okay with the things Darius was asking of him while he spiraled in private. Except it wasn't exactly in private, because nearly everyone else noticed something was not right.

The few moments Hunter and Camila had in TTT and FTF sold me on her adopting him as her son. Camila knows what it's like to fail a child (Luz) she's not perfect. She’s willing to learn from her mistakes. She’s tender and gentle with Hunter and Vee.

For Hunter, Camila treats him like a child who needs love and she has no preconceptions about who he had been in the past, because all she knows is the traumatized boy who showed up on her doorstep. She also risked her own life to save his and called him "baby."

I love the Sasha Waybright is Hunter's therapist meme. That's a character who gets self loathing and as someone who had admittedly been manipulative in the past, she probably has a good insight into the mind of someone who would twist the mind of someone else for their own needs. Sasha knows she's not perfect and she's done things she regrets. Hunter is the same. But for Sasha, she was the manipulator and wants to help others who have suffered.

One thing Sasha wanted to establish was that Hunter deserved a say in his own living situation. He owed nothing to Darius, or even Camila. The words she used what that she didn't care what they wanted. She cared what Hunter wanted. This is in direct contrast to Belos' cruel and dismissive, "I don't care what you want." during the possession scene.

Custody was not about what others want from him. It was about what he wanted and needed while helping him get to a place where he can eventually advocate for his own needs. Something he will need to learn and understand as he becomes an adult and eventually has to advocate for his own family's safety.

He's got A LOT of therapy to go, and I hope it didn't read as Hunter and Willow kissing on NYE solved the selective mutism : non verbal problem. It was more just having some time, therapy (and music therapy with Raine), along with supportive family and friends, before getting to that point.

For the morning after, it was doing simple things such as preparing breakfast with Camila and singing along to Bohemian Rhapsody (with lines like"Mama, I don't want to die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all...") that were therapeutic in their own way.

I was also trying to establish during flashbacks that mutual consent was really important in Hunter's developing relationship with Willow. In many ways, yeah, he's touch starved, but touch is also a tricky thing that has been associated with pain in the past. I imagine even just affectionate non romantic touch would be invited or declined depending on how safe he feels in the moment. Romantic affection is another ballgame all together. Plus, he was raised in a cult by a Puritan despot. So there is that.

Next chapter Vee returns! I mentioned earlier in the story that Vee traveled with Masha, her Cabin 7 friends "Josh and Ryan" and the Blight twins. I am re-using Josh and Ryan's personalities from my previous fic, because I had fun writing them. Josh is the darker skinned skater boy, who is gay and a notorious flirt. Ryan is an enby, they are the friend with short hair and glasses.

Also, Odalia is still terrible. She has now acquired her lead competitor's company ... because he (Tibbles) is now running for a place in government in the name of capitalism. Yay.

Hope to have another chapter out by tomorrow morning, but some personal life stuff might hold me up until Monday. Hopefully not.

[flameohotwife]

for the fic ask game: 2, 10, and 16!

Ahhh thanks, Northern!

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place? Absolutely hands down Hopeful Again (rated E--sorry north). This fic is an exploration of Aang's grief, and in it, Aang witnesses King Bumi's death which throws him into a depressive spiral where he barely eats or talks to Katara and just kind of hides away in his pain, crumbling under his overwhelming loss. The breaking point reminds me a lot of this art by @doodlaang actually, except he's older and they're married. And yes, it's rated E because Aang is spiraling about everyone he loved from before being dead and gone, and Katara finally brings him out of his spiral by giving him hope that his people will come back one day. It's about death and rebirth. And the title comes from Aang and Katara's conversation in The Serpent's Pass, which is hands down one of my favorite kataang moments and a point at which he comes out of a similar depressive episode after losing Appa and witnessing the birth of baby Hope. Yes, there is spice but it's all emotional and healing and cathartic. Writing this fic took me to a very, very emotional/dark/hard place where I couldn't read or write anything for more than a month after I finally finished it, even though it ends on a happy note. I just felt drained and empty, because I had poured so much of my soul into that fic and it felt like I had nothing left.

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood? The obvious answer is that writing has allowed me to process my emotions and my experiences and my thoughts in a productive way, but it has also given me an intellectually stimulating outlet again. As you know, I studied creative writing as a concentration of my major in college a million years ago, but stopped writing pretty much right after graduation because I got a job that had nothing to do with creative writing and didn't have a ton of free time. Then I had kids and, well, they took up pretty much all of my time and energy. I definitely feel more balanced and refreshed on days when I have time to write, but that still isn't every day. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment when I finish a piece and hit "post," which is a necessary boost when my to-do list is miles long 😂

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to? I do! Sometimes I write to fill a void in what I wish was out there, fic-wise, and then when I want to read a story like that I know right where to go. Since I've only been writing fic for a short time, there isn't really a time I won't go back to, yet.

Thanks so much for playing the deep fic writer ask game, friend!

[lilac-melody]

I was rewatching the Southern Raiders so I can re-evaluate how I can write Zuko and Katara’s dynamic and honestly, I forgot how angry this episode makes me. I forgot how angry I get when I remember how people genuinely wished harm upon Katara as a character because of her rightful frustration.

Hers and Sokka’s mother was killed, and it’s only Katara who wants closure. Because Sokka, many episodes ago (”The Runaway”), stated that whenever he thinks about his mother, he can’t remember her face, he can only think of Katara’s. This means that he was able to get over her death, because he had someone who was there who took on all of their mother’s responsibilities.

Katara, meanwhile, had no one. She, an 8 year old girl, took on the cooking, cleaning, sewing, acting as a mother to her older brother, and always looked out for everyone in the gaang by the age of 14. And when does she ever get a “thank you” or anything? Hell, in the episode “The Desert”, she’s the only one who focuses on getting everyone out. Aang is sulking (and she’s still supportive of him), Toph can’t “see” properly and is down, and Sokka is drunk off of cactus juice.

Yet Katara was treated like shit in the episode. She not once got onto Aang for taking his frustration out on anyone, yet he screamed at her “What are you doing?!” when he yelled that he was doing his best.

Also, Water Tribes have major gender roles, and it shows us explicitly that Sokka is closer to their dad than Katara is (not to say Katara doesn’t love him of course, but Katara even lets Sokka go see Hakoda while she stayed behind in Ba Sing Se) and Katara was obviously closer with her mother.

So, pray tell, why no one except Zuko supported Katara? Why did Aang compare losing an animal and losing his culture to Katara losing her mother? None of these are the same. For one, Appa was still alive, and two, a mother is something irreplaceable. Katara losing her mother is what shaped her into who she is today, and Aang got over the loss of his culture because the plot needed him to.

For all that Katara has done for the group, one would assume that they would support her. But no- Sokka told her “she was my mother too, but Aang might be right” (which, again, I point out that Sokka was able to process and get over his grief, while Katara never had a true outlet for hers. She was able to talk about it, but that’s not the same as processing grief), and Aang got all preachy, showing he didn’t trust her not to kill him, despite supposedly “loving her” and being her “best friend”.

The lack of empathy and sympathy from Aang and Sokka is honestly infuriating. And the fandom is only worse.

Did yall also forget Katara is literally 14 years old? Can you seriously tell me that you would be emotionally stable if you were 8, lost a parent you were close with, and found out you can get closure by finding that parent’s killer after they literally reshaped your entire childhood? Everyone processes trauma differently, and it’s especially hard on a teenager.

People literally have more sympathy for Sokka losing Yue, a girl he knew for, what, two days max? Than Katara losing her mother.

The Katara lost her mother memes were never funny. And the hatred for Katara specifically for this episode is really old, tiring, and hypocritical.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Harringrove Harvest Week- Day 2

Prompt: Beetlejuice

Billy and Steve as Adam and Barbara, Max as Lydia, and the rest is pretty canon divergent.

Billy was driving too fast in his stupid car again. The papers say it was on purpose, because of his past and the rumors that followed him out of Hawkins, Indiana. The true story is something that shouldn't have been there smashed his windshield. He over-corrected, slipping into a panic attack, and lost control. Into the riverbank that beautiful Chevy went. In 1989, Billy Hargrove and his boyfriend of three years, going on four, drove off a bridge.

He and Steve had left as soon as they graduated, using combined resources from their combined summer jobs to score a shell of a house. A farmhouse, still too country for Billy’s California tastes, but cozy. They made it their home. Spent the years they had together thrifting furniture and putting up wallpaper and fixing new leaks that would pop up. And then…

Neil bought the house as soon as word got back to Old Cherry Road telling the Hargrove-Mayfields that Billy and Steve had kicked the bucket. Even in death he couldn’t let his son have anything nice.

The house they made was too frilly for Neil’s military tastes. Too comfortable maybe. Too reflective of everything Billy had earned in his short life once he finally got away from that asshole. Love, happiness, safety. Only to be holed up in the attic, where he and Steve have to watch while his father and Susan gleefully destroy the house they were supposed to get married in.

Max does too. Her whole life has turned into a dark room. One big dark room. And even though Billy is just a floor above her, he’s terrified to reach out to her when she’s like that. They didn’t leave things on the best of terms when he skipped out on Hawkins, but Steve convinces him that it’s the only way to do something about the destruction of the house.

He gets Billy to do the sheet ghost shtick to prove to Max they aren’t just a grief induced hallucination, and she starts spending a lot of time with them, scheming ways to scare Neil and Susan off so she can have the house since she’s almost eighteen. (They consider taking the easy route and murdering them but the idea is shot down when they realize they’ll have two more ghosts in the house they’ll never be able to get rid of.)

Neil catches wind that Max has been talking to her dead brother, and thinks she’s lost her mind. He steals the handbook from her room, there because she wanted to read it and this time understand what Billy was going through. But once Neil has his hands on it, he doesn’t mistake the séance actually, he does the exorcism on purpose to prove a point.

Max being scared out of her mind to lose Billy and Steve again summons Beetlejuice (Vecna?), the plan backfires, she’s only seventeen and she’s marrying a corpse? Ew.

Susan grows a heart when her daughter is imprisoned in a crimson red wedding dress, and her stepson is half decomposed in front of her. She defies Neil and closes the book, Billy and Steve are saved, so Billy can save his little sister and kill his dad in one go à la sand worm.

The end sequence of Max passing her test and dancing and floating and everyone finally being happy is the same, except Billy definitely plays angry rock music for her to float around to instead of Harry Belafonte, because that’s their mutual outlet.

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Caleb has, verbally, shown so little bloodthirst regarding the people who wronged him. He doesn’t know how he feels. He doesn’t know what he wants. He wants them to change, he wants the pain to stop. He wants to rehabilitate all these murderers under Ikithon because he was one of them and he wants to believe he’s not alone in this, he wants them to get better.

He also takes three steps into the place where he was sealed away like some kind of animal, full of simple (if skilled) guards who are so much lower on the food chain than the assassins Caleb knows... and for the first time ever he starts crushing people to death. Gone is the soft talk and hesitant hope. He asserts that they knew what they were doing. That they were not innocents.

He spent eleven years there. He can’t remember it. He also can’t think of the people who did that to him as people, whether they were actually the ones that guarded him or not.

I think Caleb’s trauma and his ability to react with extreme prejudice when confronted with it often gets underestimated both by the audience and Caleb himself. There’s a really interesting dichotomy that seems to go on with him, in that we’re constantly taken somewhat aback by these breathtaking displays of violence of his, even though they keep happening.

I realised it when we first met Astrid, actually. I don't know about anyone else, but the revelation that Caleb’s reaction to watching his parents die wasn’t running in to help them, or screaming himself, or even dissociating, but was instead attacking his peers? It surprised the heck out of me.

I don’t think anyone thought that would have been his reaction. All the pieces of fiction or art or meta about that moment that I saw assumed he had a much more passive or help oriented reaction. Even the cast themselves animated that moment as Astrid and Eodwulf stoically walking away from a silent Caleb on his knees in their own animated title sequence.

The fact that we all accepted the image of Caleb, on his knees, silently watching his family burn, is interesting to me. Because I do get why.

When Caleb is forcefully reminded of that moment of extreme grief, he dissociates. He doesn’t react violently when lost in his trauma in that particular way. Add to that that Caleb brushes over the immediate aftermath of his parent’s deaths, which makes it seem like his foggy, clouded state in the Asylum was the instant result of his trauma, and the idea that Caleb reacted passively to his parent’s deaths is a very easy assumption to make.

At this point I believe it’s also indicative of how Caleb sees himself. Caleb hates (hated?) himself, yes, but he doesn’t actually seem to see himself as a violent person. When asked to impress a high level mage from an alien culture, he chose the versatile reskinned Bigby’s Hand, Cat’s Ire. When trying to be intimidating, he uses his words, or points to his friends as threats, or uses Frumpkin as a prop.

He doesn’t seem to give his ease with violence much thought or weight in his own view of himself. I think he assumed he was passive during his years at the Sanitarium, and so therefore assumed that his “breaking” was similar. And if that’s what Caleb thought of himself, why would we think any different?

People don’t tend to think of Caleb as a fighter, least of all Caleb himself. The common view of him is that he’s a hesitant support character. He’s not someone who fans or other characters alike would easily call “bloodthirsty,” especially with him confronting and discussing the man who ruined his life and refusing to commit to killing him.

Everything about how Caleb verbally approaches these traumas shows that he’s not vengeance driven. Revenge has never been part of his game plan, never been something he cared enough to pursue. And because of that palpable lack of bloodthirsty vengeance, because of his soft spoken, cautious demeanor, Caleb is not someone who would generally be picked as having extreme, unrelenting violence as his knee-jerk reaction.

Except that’s exactly what Caleb does when backed into a corner. That’s like his biggest move. Wall of Fire and Fireballing Avantika and her crew on a hair trigger? Bleeding, on the verge of unconsciousness, out of spells, and still managing to deal the killing blow on Lorenzo because he chose violence over any other action? Opening the final fight against Obann by smashing through the window and burning half the cultists to death, because they were that desperate to get Yasha back after two failed attempts?

He woke up after eleven years of being addled, confused and not himself, and immediately killed a guard and broke out of the Assembly’s own Saitarium in the heart of Rexxentrum. He unexpectedly got stabbed by a full-fledged Scourger, and his instant reaction was to beat her over the head with a rock. 

And now, he’s infiltrated that same Sanitarium where he was kept only to flip from his desire to redeem those under the Assembly’s thumb to murdering half the people he came across in there with extreme prejudice.

His lack of interest in long-term vengeance is interestingly balanced by his frequent choices to pursue short-term retribution. It’s both his way of protecting his friends and himself, removing the threat and discouraging other threats, but it’s also, in my view, frequently an outlet for his heavily suppressed anger at the people who hurt him and his friends.

Caleb can be a good diplomat, but Caleb rarely chooses to be a diplomat. Caleb can be charming, but Caleb doesn’t like being charming. Caleb can be a good support caster, and Caleb is a support caster! But when he’s too compromised for strategy, when he stops thinking, he starts burning everything in his way. Because Caleb? He likes the way fire feels.

Caleb spent his formative years training to respond to conflict, physical or political, with lethality, and on a much more fundamental level, he is and always has been a man of action. 

He took action to get out of the Sanitarium as soon as he was capable. He took action in the Bright Queen’s throne room, made a risky ploy instead of letting them be arrested. He wanted to take action retroactively against his parent’s deaths the second he regained coherency.

Despite what we all assumed, doing nothing in the face of his parent’s deaths was never an option for Caleb, and he wasn’t taught anything that was going to help his parents once the house was on fire and the screams started. So what else was he going to do, after two years of growing into the Scourger mould? When he loses his mind, his ability to think, two of his reasons to care?

Of course it was violence. Of course it was lashing out at the people he must have thought, on some level, as being in his way. Of course it was fire. What else would it be?

And though these circumstances here aren’t the same... there are enough similarities. He’s once again in those familiar halls (in that familiar mindset) where he was treated as a weapon, nothing more. He’s with the people he loves and he knows they’re in danger, again. In fact, they’re in danger from the same people he spent eleven years feeling threatened by, that he viewed as obstacles, whether consciously or not.

He doesn’t want his loved ones to be in danger. He doesn’t want to be surrounded by the guards who he associates with his own helplessness. He especially doesn’t want those two things to go together. And he has never been able to sit idly by when he can act. But what kind of actions can he take? What can he do to get these guards away, away from him, away from his friends, out of his way, right now?

The tried and true method. Not burning, not here, not now, let’s not set a building on fire with his loved ones in it again (though it happened anyway). But no matter. He’s learned a lot of tricks in the last few months.

And hey, don’t worry, Caleb’s not angry. He’s not still working through his own pain and rage at these people. He really does want to heal, not hurt.

It’s just that these ones deserved it.

[sunmoonkunoichi]

Marichat/Reverse Crush AU/How-stupidly-complex-can-we-make-the-love-square-until-its-incomprehensible AU/Or whatever the fuck you call this

It starts because Chat remembers Ladybug's voicemail asking if Marinette was "cute" way back with Evillustrator and snowballs with every dodged request for Multimouse on the grounds of "keeping her safe" since her "identity was known".

And Chat, as he's want to do, puts 2+2 together and gets fucking 23.

Now Chat thinks Ladybug is not only in love with Marinette, but has been secretly pretending to be in love with the famous oTheR BOy maybe to throw Chat off her scent, or maybe because she thinks he won't accept her, oh my god does she think he's homophobic??? What should he do???

Be a good friend and support her, that's what!

Meanwhile, Ladybug has been going through the 5-stages of grief thinking Chat has been scorned by Adrien Agreste at some point since every time she mentions the model Chat's response is increasingly hostile. At first she thought Chat hated Adrien, but all his comments seem to be critical of his inability to face conflict?? Or show his true feelings?? "Pretty boy" is said with such scorn that Ladybug (who is also the Anxiety-Catastrophic-inclining Marinette who regularly declares her own death at minor inconveniences and whenever she gets hit with her long list of secondhand embarrassments) has made up a whole backstory of how Chat is secretly bisexual and is using Ladybug to get over his horrific attempt at trying to express his feelings towards Adrien oh poor Chat she totally understands where you're coming from you poor kitty.

Cue Chat trying to wheedle out Ladybug's secret relationship with Marinette by making more comments about Multimous and how nice it was to do that mission with Marinette! Can he do it again? While also making more visits to her balcony to figure out why LB fell in love with his shy, awkward, yet brilliant classmate and oh god oh no she's actually really funny and sassy and way too cool for Chat or Adrien LB has fucking TASTE!!

(he also has been really emphasising his support for gay rights every time he hangs out with Ladybug (which isn't helping his 'secret pining bi' angle LB is frothing over) to the point where even local news outlets and the LadyBlog are debating whether Chat is queer af (which has always been a pretty firm belief in Paris, what with the leather outfit and hand gestures like ✨you know✨) or just pro-LGBT+)

On the other hand, Marinette has being trying to suss out this ""secret mean side"" of Adrien's that has made Chat into such a scorned lover, resulting in her being a little cooler to Adrien, which in turn has made her actually capable of speaking to him now he isn't some perfect figure on a pedestal.

("Plagg! Marinette frowned at me when I accidentally bumped into her today and told me to 'watch it, pretty boy' before leaving!!! She didn't stutter like usual, which I thought she did because she hated me, but what does this mean now????"

"That I'm not paid enough for this")

Except Chat has also been sniffing around her balcony a lot and she can't help but feel sorry for a fellow Adrien-Lover, so now she's been spending a lot of free nights with him and wow he's actually so sweet and shy beneath the flirty attitude and oh no he's actually kind of hot, and if Ladybug was the rebound from Adrien does that make Marinette a viable love interest??? W H A T???

This got away from me, but honestly we're at the point that it'd be so much funnier to make the lovesquare even more complex like yeah fuck it up you two dumbasses.

[davyjoneslockr]

Ohh I wonder what you say about Giorno :0

I have So Many Thoughts about him and none of them are coherent let's go

favorite thing about them: Moral ambiguity in a main protagonist is always very cool and epic. I like that he's so thoroughly a combination of his dads, like he's a gentleman who aspires to make his country safer for kids, but he also. Y'know. Murders people a lot and doesn't bat an eye if it's for a greater cause. Very Machiavellian for a 15 year old lol. He's also just super weird and I really like that. My boy literally went to meet with Polpo and was like "yeah my only skill is I can put my entire ear into my head. watch this" and then proceeded to kill him. "Ohhh instead of stealing one car, I'm gonna ruin a hundred peoples' days by turning all these cars into frogs." "Yeah I'm gonna drive the car into a large body of water to escape an enemy who turns everything into ice. This is a good and sound decision." Literally impeccable

least favorite thing about them: Okay so maybe this will come as a surprise. But based on Vento Aureo alone, he is my least favorite JoJo by far. I found him really boring and overshadowed by the rest of the cast, mainly because he rarely had a real struggle. Like, in nearly every fight, I had no doubts that Giorno was going to sweep in and kill the enemy easily. Everyone in the main cast was constantly singing his praises except for Abbacchio, and even his disdain was clearly out of his own insecurities rather than actually disliking him. And like, even by JJBA standards, he just seemed a liiiittle too overpowered in general without much to balance it out. I think it's cool that he's essentially a catalyst for everyone else's lives to get overturned and for them to change as people, but at times, he really seemed like no more than a narrative device. It wasn't until I read PHF and started writing my own Vento Aureo fics that I started liking him and developing him as a character in my brain and now I can't stop thinking about him help

favorite line: Everything he says in the Solider in Love chapter in PHF. Holy shit. Everything from the stupid chicken rant to the "half a step" speech is just so interesting, and (to me at least) it all feels so deliberate characterization-wise. Like, Giorno in the PHF-verse is kind of a terrible person at times, and a lot of it has to do with him being so closed-off from everyone as a coping mechanism, but him being just like. A little silly and awkward with Fugo by complaining about chicken (and then proceeding to stuff his face with it, which is also just supremely funny), and admitting that he's grieving too, and offering to share in that grief with him, essentially prompting both of them to turn a new leaf together, etc etc I love it so much.

brOTP: Him and Mista. I love their platonic dynamic so much, even in canon/PHF timeline where they have a falling out, because that dynamic is still super super interesting to me. Just. Mista taking him under his wing and becoming the first genuine friend Giorno's ever had, Giorno looking up to him for guidance because, even though he's hyper-competent and definitely has his shit together more than Mista does, he's still an awkward teenage boy who's never really had any kind of social outlet, and he thinks Mista is cool in the way a kid thinks their older sibling is. Giorno goes to him for advice on talking to his crush and making new friends, and Mista takes him out to do silly teenager things he never got to try, and idk. Their friendship is so fun. And when shit goes down in canon and Mista hates him, I still think that a part of Giorno still looks up to him, and one of his biggest regrets is how he treated Mista because of his own inclinations to push away any potential bonds in the fear of being abandoned. Anyhow

OTP: Fugio!! Talked about them a lot already on my Fugo post, but. Man. From Giorno's end, I like to think that his feelings sort of stemmed from Fugo completely overturning his whole worldview just by existing. Like, Giorno has gone his whole life believing that suppressing emotions makes him strong and will keep him safe, and then in walks Hyper-Emotional Pannacotta Fugo and his Feelings-Based Killing Machine and he's like. What the fuck. How does he just. What. And cue Giorno Giovanna's extreme distress over this walking contradiction who can feel things and gains power through emotions and has just torn everything he believed to shreds and now he won't leave his brain what is happening??? (It's okay he just has a crush but he's really dramatic about it.) Also Fugo is a massive simp but Giorno is, too, he's just more subtle about it. 1000% he writes melodramatic love poems for him and decorates them with pressed flowers and sprays them with perfume and the whole time he's like. "Love my pathetic emo bf so very very much :) <333"

nOTP: Uhhh Giomis and that's all I'm gonna say on the matter. Also stuff like Brugio/Abbagio/whatever obviously.

random headcanon: When he was a kid, his mom and stepdad sort of left him to fend for himself, so he got really good at making like. Kraft mac and cheese and kid cuisines. On the other hand, he can't cook a meal from scratch to save his life. He has like no idea how the individual ingredients work, so, if left to his own devices, he just makes horrible 50s housewife jello salad type meals. He's definitely tried making alfredo sauce with melted ice cream because "ice cream is just frozen cream, isn't it? By that logic, I can melt it, and it should work." It did not. He was banned from cooking in the Bucci Gang house after that.

unpopular opinion: The fandom does him dirty just as much as Kakyoin. Seriously, I know I'm not the best Giorno writer either, but some of the stuff I've seen on AO3 is just. Yeah. Stop writing him as a sex object please thanks <3

song i associate with them: Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall by Simon and Garfunkel is more or less how I like characterizing him. I also have a little playlist for him here.

favorite picture of them: Classic image but he looks so very cool :]

[curioussubjects]

“Probably think you’re overcompensating:” Perception, Masculinity & Queer!Dean

So I’ve been wanting to write about my particular take on Dean, queerness, and masculinity because all the time I see takes, and I get into discussions, and I keep having to repeat myself. Not exactly an issue except peddling takes via hyperlink is much easier. This post is a bit of a journey, as anything I write tends to be, but the central thread here is fairly straightforward: emotional vulnerability. Most of my understanding of Dean circles around issues of emotional vulnerability and perception, which is not wholly unconnected to my reading of Cas and happiness -- that is, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, and accepting your worth is crucial to accurate perceptions of reality. 

In the beginning, we had John Winchester: after Mary died, John “was just a shell.” He became entirely closed off and focused on one thing, and one thing only: finding YED and killing monsters. John actively suppressed his grief over Mary by immersing himself in hunting, a new found mission meant to avenge and protect. The change in John is so marked that in our encounters with younger John lead to his own disgust at the parenting Dean describes, without knowing it’s himself he is censoring. Furthermore, in the Winchester motto being “saving people, hunting things, the family business,” we can see into what drove John in his mission: his guilt in not being able to save Mary, hunting as an outlet for that guilt, the imposition of that mission onto his sons. When Mary died, John’s entire philosophy and modeling of how to be Father and Husband (and Man, really) rested on his ability to be a sword and shield. A protector, unflappable, steady, focused. Someone who should always put the mission first, with little to no distractions. 

Dean, as eldest son and the natural second in command, inherited John’s mission and philosophy. While John was away, Dean was in charge of protecting the family (Sam), and was expected to that steady, unflappable protector. Someone who was in control of their vulnerability and never open to weakness. If John’s mission was to avenge Mary, Dean’s mission was to look out for Sam. Anything that caused Dean to deviate from that was a failure. It meant that Dean failed as A Father (and Husband mirror, not that he was a spouse proxy, but that John projected his own image onto Dean). Crucially, when we see Dean “fail” in the mission of looking out for Sam, they're due to Dean doing something for himself, or even doing something for Sam -- hence how he ended up at Sonny's for shoplifting. because apparently theft is wrong if it's not credit cards scams, thanks John. And in looking out for Sam, we find the first fault line in Dean being able to uphold John’s maxim of being invulnerable because to protecting Sam also meant, to Dean, to shield him from John’s abuse and expectations, it meant that Sam was nurtured, as best Dean could manage. Beyond protecting Sam, however, Dean would also inherit John’s mission should he die in the line of duty. And so Dean did. He was tasked to kill  the YED and even Sam if Sam became a threat. Anything that would make Dean deviate from that single minded mission was to be purged. Or shoved so far down that the mission would not be affected. 

In short, the baseline of duty Dean was operating on was: look out for Sam, look out for the Family, obey orders from the Father, carry out the Mission, avenge mom, kill monsters (noble and good, sure, but still immersed in the revenge mission). Whatever tool you use to carry on another day is acceptable, so long as it is ephemeral and utilitarian. If you need to drink, fuck, etc, in order to keep going so be it, but whatever you do must never impact the mission. College, relationships, picket fences, and dogs, are distractions. They are things that would necessarily take you from The Life. They can only ever be the rewards for completing the Mission. Paradise, if you will.  

Emotional vulnerability, then, that which allows the world to thing touch you that deeply is a distraction. You have to be a shell. You fight, but you also fight because the hunter life is not for others. All in the hopes that one day the mission will be done, and there’s an end of the tunnel with peace and a normal life, which is a lie. Not a lie because hunting is antithetical to happiness, but a lie because the mode of operation created and imposed by John makes it impossible for one to ever reach happiness. Happiness needs a way in. 

But what’s all this have to do with Dean being queer? Well, this has everything to do with how Dean experiences his queerness. A lot of the time I see people thinking of Dean as someone who suppresses, or, even worse, represses his sexuality when neither of those things are true (someone suppresses or represses their queerness doesn’t go around loving queer film, gushing over crushes, and making queer cultural references). Personally, I don’t think Dean represses as his go to coping mechanism (though he does repress, sometimes, like how John wasn’t a good father, actually). Dean is much more likely to suppress his feelings and his trauma: those are his to handle, and his to stow so he can Get the Job Done. But if Dean ever suppressed his bisexuality, which at some point he might have, I’d argue had much more to do unnecessary risks, than something like self-hatred.

Nevertheless, the issue when it comes to queerness, then, wouldn’t be Dean fucking men or being attracted to multiple genders. It wouldn’t wholly be an issue with masculinity either because the Masculine Values™ the Winchesters operate under a very specific to their situation, as I described above. It’s less about manly posturing, and more about being the perfect soldier (and, eventually, commanding officer). However, queerness brings with it queer & homophobia. As such, one’s sexuality could be leveraged as a weakness. It's something that can be exploited, if one allows it to hurt them. It’s also something that could draw attention to oneself, which is a bit dangerous for a hunter. So, for me, if John ever knew about Dean being bi (and with his neglect, he very well might not), his main problem would be with it being unnecessarily dangerous. Taking these issues into account, it makes sense to me that Dean would be uneasy with being perceived as queer because of it being a tactical disadvantage rather than him having an actual problem with being queer. So when we see posturing and overcompensation, when we see Dean lean particularly hard on the more overtly macho sides of his personality, it’s a mask. Incidentally, if Dean ever found himself in queer spaces he wouldn’t be so uneasy to the point of having to lean into the overcompensating mask -- which, of course, is influenced by cultural heteronormativity and all that mess. 

Ultimately, Dean wants to control how he is perceived because it gives him the upper hand. He had to learn to be a chameleon to survive, and he had to develop a thick skin because to show weakness is to fail the mission, and weakness means that you die, or, worse, the one you are meant to protect dies. It’s no wonder that Dean’s character development had little to do with him accepting his queerness (which canon, refreshingly, presents as just a fact of who he is, no fuss), but learning to be emotionally vulnerable. To let love and happiness in. To be who he is completely, without fear, without guilt, without shame, and without self-doubt. That letting himself be happy isn’t a sign of weakness or leading to failure, that it isn’t a gateway for hurt. And none of that, none of it, is about some internalized hatred of his own queerness. Finally, Dean’s freedom and lesson is that the true steadfastness is self-actualization, and really, to quote Cas:

I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are.