#because somebody HAS to have something
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I heard my mom speaking in the background of a video and it just
It hit me so hard that I had just completely forgotten what she sounded like. I heard her speak and at first I didn't know who she was.
I searched for hours and all I have are sparse videos with her speaking in the background. The only recording I have taken of her with purpose was when she was on a rampage while she was high.
I have nothing to genuinely remember her by except one of the shittiest days of my entire life.
#cas talks#this is really Fucking Me Up this fine evening#I am really fucking sad#I was half tempted to post on fb to see if any family members/friends have videos#because somebody HAS to have something#right???#anyway I've been crying on and off for the past 2 hours#this started because I'm trying to get holiday cards written for my loved ones and started looking through old pictures#it was a video of me doing the ice bucket challenge. my dad dumped the water on me and i handed my phone to my mom to record.#she speaks in the video before you can see her face and I genuinely just didn't fucking realize it was her until I saw her face#and I actually felt my heart crack#how can you hear someone pretty much every day for the first 18 years of your life and completely forget what it sounds like within 4 years
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I think it's so relatable to see trans women and transfem and generally people who no longer have a testosterone-dominant system describing what it was like to have a testosterone-dominant system. I find that often, when they talk about being angry, depressed, irate, or just irritable, I relate because that was me before I went on testosterone. I was so fucking angry and irate and genuinely unpleasant to exist around because I didn't have testosterone.
See, I think instead of estrogen or testosterone being the "bad, angry" hormone, it's more like... of course trans people who need hormones are going to be unpleasant before getting hormones - both your body and your brain require that you have a certain level of hormone balance. Of course somebody like me was fucking furious all the time, the brain does weird shit when its needs aren't fulfilled!
This isn't about criticizing any one group of trans people, rather, I encourage people to remember that ascribing inherent qualities to certain traits (e.g., saying "estrogen is such a horrible hormone!") isn't necessarily good. It's absolutely fine to talk about personal experiences with pre-transition, I do that all the time! The only issue is bioessentializing hormones, in essence, ascribing inherentness to traits we often share.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#this is not to discourage people from expressing negative things about their being pre-transition - again that's not what i mean#i talk very negatively about my experiences being pre-transition because it WAS negative. i suffered every day pre-transition...#...but i still look at people going in the direction i ran away from like a man on fire and i find peace in it...#...because that means my experiences weren't horrible for *everyone*. there is something worth it to other folks...#...so i feel as though i have less personal responsibility for Upkeeping Order or whatever...#...somebody has HAPPILY taken over my shifts and i have perhaps taken theirs with similar enthusiasm...#...and that doesn't mean any of it is Inherently Bad
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skyboudn was peak everybody is just weak (ignore how i forgot nadakhan's little beard and his stupid hook hand half the time)
#ninjago#ninjago skybound#ninjago nya#ninjago jay#ninjago cyren#ninjago echo zane#ninjago tai-d#ninjago nadakhan#ninjago clancee#ninjago dogshank#i unironically think skybound is one of the best seasons. i get the hate but its also such a fun season#one of the 3 seasons where i couldnt think of how the ninja would win in the end#. ALL i hope for this post is that somebody gets the proton joke.#the one with the filter index menu has it because i was so frustrated with how it came out i just wanted to give it SOMETHING so i included#-the menu thing so that it could have that something#my art
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Prompt 119
Another divine twitch chat Au? Another divine twitch chat Au. With a bit of a twist.
Billy would like to say it is in fact not his fault. It’s really not. Who hits someone with magic they obviously don’t know how to use? Well okay maybe he had done that before, but it’s not like he ever did it around other people where they could get hit!
But someone was an idiot and now he’s here, as his normal ten-year old self kicking his legs while sitting in the Watchtower as the others argued. Apparently the League thinks he’s been de-aged, which is good as his secret isn’t out.
The uh, issue is that something about the spell might have um, partially manifested the gods- or as he called them the Mediterranean Magic Men, if only because of how annoyed it made Zeus. Now everyone can see the chat that’s usually only visible to him and apparently it’s concerning.
He doesn’t see how it’s an issue, Zeus has been silenced for the next hour and Hercules has been dying of laughter for the last three. Oh, wait, it might be from Mercury’s constant attempted flirting with Flash. …Or the fact they’re trying to convince him to commit a crime and he’s honestly down for doing so seeing as he’s a homeless ten year old who is down for getting clairvoyance and super speed for the next thirty minutes in exchange…
#prompts#dc#dcu#divine twitch chat#Billy has gone past panicking and is just *yep this might as well happen*#The MMM have somehow convinced half the league that Marvel was made from their magic and mortal blood a couple years ago exactly#“Why yes this is their funky magic creation child isn't he great we're still trying to get him to curse someone but he's still just a baby”#The league are all sobbing and freaking out because wtf why is Marvel now a- wait he came into existence 10 years old#What do you mean No please explain#Oh god the gods are ignoring them and bothering the poor baby marvel-#M-marvel why are you listening to them- DO NOT GO BACK TO EARTH JUST TO KICK A COP#SOMEBODY GRAB THE MINI MARVEL#How did this feral gremlin become Marvel?!#The MMM: Ah yes we're raising him so well look at how they grow :)#captain marvel#shazam#justice league#mediterranean magic men#Whenever the MMM talk or do something they're partially visible like colored ghost-mists lol#It's all over once they realize they can interact with the world again#Time to pick up their funky lil dude and go on a run through the watchtower#The champion of magic has to be pure of heart to deal with the gods' shenanigans
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I know a lot of people are upset with how the Trojans are acting towards Jean's trauma, and I get that it's difficult to see when we know everything he has gone through, but it's not just that they don't know anything about Riko, the Nest, the mafia. Jean is actively hurting himself, having panic attacks, saying concerning things, the other Raven's have started commiting suicide. Jean is digging his fingers into his neck so hard he's bleeding, expecting the coaches to beat him with his racket, his notebooks are destroyed with whore traitor etc written in big black letters, his body is covered in scars, he came to them still severely injured 2ish months after the incident, has extreme disassociation moments. Like not only are they college kids who don't know what they are doing/what's even going on, they are also basically on suicide/self harm watch with Jean and are trying to prevent him from causing damage to himself mentally and physically. And by the end of TSC they have definitely changed their approach. When Jean comes back from dealing with Neil right after the Grayson attack Jeremy says to him “Tell us what you need from us.” and Jean tells them what he needs and they accept that
#and as someone that has also dealt with shit I definitely would have benefited from somebody stepping in#and not just people waiting for me to ask for help#because sometimes you can't#for a variety of reasons#sometimes you don't even know until somebody points something out to you#and does it suck? absolutely! but it's better off in the long run#aftg#tsc#all for the game#the sunshine court#jean moreau#jeremy knox#cat alvarez#laila dermott
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“i’m not sure why tommy decided to lie about me in front of his entire audience” said the guy who just spent several hours yesterday on stream attacking tommy and lying about him in front of his audience. are you hoping??? your youtube audience?? didnt see the stream?? or anything on twitter??? this guy
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#im done posting about this and if dream DOES#upload something else#i hope tommy and everyone else just ignores it because dream is without any hobbies at the moment and has enough free time to keep this wh#eel spinning for even more days than it’s already gone on for#dream smp#discourse#dream discourse#tommyinnit#yap yap yap#a 🐻 is talking#the thing he does where HE does something egregious and somebody reacts appropriately to his vile behavior#and then suddenly he doesn’t know where this could have came from !#man stfu 😭
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really don't care if women seem smug when something comes out about a misogynist and they say they always got a bad vibe or whatever. making sure those women arent being rude is not more important to me than wanting to know what made them uncomfortable. we gotta stop acting like no one ever spots these guys when a minority of women often do they just get labelled uptight for it and are made to feel they shouldn't say it. well im never going to be the one acting like women should keep it to themselves when they think something is off. specially if they're proven right
#cant point out things that make someone seem like a misogynist before he rapes anybody because you're being crazy#cant point it out after he rapes somebody because you're being rude#funny.#it's like feminism 101 quit acting like other women are bitches acting in bad faith and are your enemy and instead have an open conversation#seriously i hate the way online spaces foster the idea that every interaction has to be seen as a fight#like instead of lecturing and insulting you can say 'hey could we talk about this'#if you feel too uncomfortable approaching a stranger with that question you are also not ready to approach them any other way#it's also like. doesn't it read as weird to anyone else to be like. oh look at this woman thinking she's soooo smart what an asshole#like well maybe she did see something someone else did not. is that so crazy#thing
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Stars vs bad sanses having a fight in a pacifist au where they reached the surface but then it starts raining really hard mid-fight and they all have to go find shelter and wait for it to stop
#UTDR#UTMV#Things I want to draw but I don't think I'll have time for like another week so I'm just putting it out in text form#If somebody else wants to draw this go for it!#I'm just picturing them like#All huddled together under a bus stop or something watching it pour#Or else the rain doesn't stop for so long they decide to postpone the fight until another day#They all have to go home and change because they're soaked and cosy up together so they don't get sick#Also catch Killer just standing staring straight up so his skull fills up with water#And then he has to tip all the rain out and it washes off the determination for a minute
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The absolute biggest thing I've learned as a trans guy: there is nothing more masculine and manly than not caring about looking or acting masculine or manly. Growing your masculinity or manhood takes time and care - you have no obligation to let the world water your garden when you can do that just fine (and you can, even if it doesn't feel like you can!)
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#trans advice#got a stereotypically 'feminine/woman' piercing and. i feel like a man *inverted shania twain riff from man! i feel like a woman*#nothing affirms my manhood more than not caring about the genuinely toxic imaginings that the world has about manhood and men like me 👍#yes it can be a struggle ESPECIALLY if you're somebody who actively has to defend your masculinity/manhood...#...it's hard for me too sometimes. i had to not only build my manhood but jealously defend it from the 'phobes...#...but i am all the better for it because this is MINE. i have never truly owned something in this way...#...i don't own other people nor my cats nor even my material possessions - not in the way i own my manhood...#...i own it like a tiger owns his territory and i defend it similarly...#...i do not WANT to own my loved ones or possessions the same as i own my manhood and masculinity. this is special to me#my manhood was *made* for me to be owned anyway. i feel that applies to every trans person who hasn't felt able to own themselves#this is in the same vein as learning to cast aside the cissexist views of bodies&experiences that can make dysphoria worae
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Day 355 | id in alt
I was out here just "Wow I should color this so they know I'm gonna put air Jordans on Kugisaki Nobara fortnite tomorrow" then I didn't and just slapped some random shit on. She looks nice though.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#tsukumo yuki#god I MISS HERRRR#Kugisaki looks good in most things because shes just fashion like that y'know#she could nuke tokyo and i would agree because shes one of the few jjk characters that actually know how to serve#no im definitely not referencing akira (i am)#i genuinely think Kugisaki and Tsukumo would've been a wonderful duo#its not just because Gojo cant teach for shit its also because hes clearly fucking picky with his students#Gojo has favorites and its fucking obvious and i hate him#there's people he deems as strong and others he deems as...normal i guess??? idk#shes crazy but she dosent have the inherited strong bullshit that gojo leans so much on. which makes her lesser to him in a way#i am going to bash that mans head in with a rock#but anyway yuki would be so fucking good for Kugisaki because well their ideals clash but also mix so well#two people with boundless rage and yuki actually having the time and the love to accompany that rage to see somebody through to the end y'no#imagine putting two people so violently both okay and not okay with dying together and maximizing their joint slay#ALSO LIKE THE SYMBOLISM They both create something that cannot simply be undone so easily#a permanent wound a permanent mass. something that is both fleeting but can change everything in an instant#grge clearly dont think so but since when have we given a flying fuck what that bitch thinks abt women at this point LMAO#Motherfucking one eyed white freak needs to stick to yaoi#never trust a mf who wiped shit on they pee hole for shits n giggles to write#BUTCH? FUTCH? FEMME? KUGISAKI CAN DO ALL OF IT#but im mostly leaning with the butchification of Kugisaki post everything
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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okay, so do the Simon Thorn books actually exist??? Because I have searched every piece of media, every platform for the fandom, but it's just?? not there??
Animox, are you just a fever dream or do you actually just hide from me?
#you're telling me I just hallucinated eight books that shaped my entire personality in fifth grade???#there has to be SOMETHING#like???#i cannot possibly be the only one#the books are ny times bestsellers#somebody find them#because HUH???#I have to do everything in this house#do I have to create this fandom from scratch or what??#lol#relatable#help#animox#simon thorn#books#random#stories#nolan thorn#nonsense#lia rambles#thoughts that keep me up at night
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If you’ve played Far Cry 3, you’ve probably seen its “prequel”, a promotional web series called The Far Cry Experience starring Michael Mando as Vaas and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as himself.
In Episode 4 (spoilers), Vaas asks the audience if they want Chris to live or die. People decided he should live but, since there were two choices, they had to shoot two versions of the final episode.
Well, a few years ago, I realized that, on the Ubisoft Japan YouTube channel, both versions were available! So in case you didn’t know this video existed, here’s what would have happened if people had voted for Chris to die:
youtube
The video is dubbed in Japanese and I unfortunately don’t speak this language, so I can’t tell what they’re saying... But if you understand Japanese or are good at reading lips, maybe you can :)
#I imagine vaas tells the audience that they’re terrible people and should be ashamed#or that he has no faith in humanity anymore#I think it’s something he would say in the series#far cry 3#the far cry experience#vaas montenegro#christopher mintz-plasse#michael mando#‘prequel’ in quotation marks because of course this isn’t really canon to me#I have things to say about vaas’ characterization#most of the original videos are gone now#ubi re-release the series on your channel and upload this version too please!#anyway I suppose not a lot of people knew this existed so… now you do :)#and if somebody here understands it I (and many other people I’m sure) would be grateful if you could translate it :’)
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Mirabel Thoughts
Writing from the perspective of a villager and trying to decide how the different Madrigals look from the outside, and Mirabel is the one I’m having a hard time pinning. As usual, putting the thoughts to screen helps.
So obviously Mirabel doesn’t receive the same level of admiration as Isabela or Abuela, and she doesn’t seem to be relied upon as heavily as Luisa and Julieta. The warm color branch of the family seems to be high charisma, so they’re probably popular in the more traditional sense. And of course we know that Bruno is the least liked Madrigal. So what social niche is Mirabel fulfilling?
She doesn’t seem to be disliked, although she is shown to be pitied by the villagers (the “not special” special), she’s probably looked down upon just a little. She probably had to deal with some bullying from other kids, but not Complete Social Pariah levels. The threat of being the next Bruno is looming over her head but she’s not quite there yet.
I think, since she must fall somewhere on the middle of Popular to Pariah scale, she’s the sort of person who gets voted Everybody’s Best Friend in school. Idk if you had any one like this at your school, but when I was fifteen I had a few people who I didn’t think of as popular because they weren’t endlessly charismatic, constantly the center of attention, or noticeably cooler than the rest of us. But looking back, everyone liked them because they were just so nice. I’m picturing the girl who eventually ended up being voted Homecoming Queen for my grade specifically. I’ll name drop because it wasn’t her legal name and it’s a very common one.
So, Mary had a lot in common with Mirabel. She was intelligent, easy to talk to, and always happy to help. I didn’t think of her as being glamorously beautiful the same way Mirabel isn’t designed to be the next Disney Princess, but she was pretty and Mirabel is too. I didn’t think of her as being cool or an A-list kid or anything because she sometimes said things in an awkward way, or embarrassed herself, like Mirabel falling over stuff in the movie. While there were people that felt “cool” and who I therefore wanted to impress, Mary was just plain old pleasant to be around, I wanted to talk to her because I felt comfortable around her and enjoyed our conversations. And I thought of her as a friend because she treated me like a friend, she treated everybody like a friend, even people I thought sucked. She was very much down to earth and probably a lot more mature than I was at the time. I remember being pleasantly surprised to see her name on the ballot for homecoming queen, and even more so when she beat out the girl who fell more in line with what TV told me popular looks like. It really reframed the way I saw people. While it’s true that snobs and bullies sometimes gain social currency by convincing people they’re at the top of the ladder, being a genuine friend gets you farther than you realize.
I doubt Mirabel is a one to one comparison to this real world person I knew in high school, but I figure she probably has similar social standing. She has the social currency of being a Madrigal, then add in the fact that she would seem so much more down to earth than the other Madrigals while still being friendly and helpful, and you end up with a Mary. People probably don’t flock to her, but if I were fifteen and in the Encanto you could bet your ass I’d be happy to sit with her at lunch or see her at a party. I’m sure impressionable young me would be just as star struck as the rest of the villagers when it comes to Camilo and Isabela, and wiser adult me would of course want to hang out with Bruno, but I would be pleasantly surprised to see Mirabel’s name on the ballot for Harvest Festival Queen or whatever, and I would vote for her because “that’s my friend”.
Furthermore, Mirabel reminds me of somebody who has some sorta neurodivergence but flies under the radar with it. Considering the Madrigals seem to have a family history of anxiety disorders, Mirabel could too, autism is also in the running since Bruno and Antonio both show signs of it. She does remind me of a guy I knew at college #2 who had an anxiety disorder that bordered on being a physical disability rather than straight neurodivergence. For the most part his anxiety didn’t bother him, then every once in a while his body would decide “Ok! It’s panic attack time!” and he would start experiencing all the physical symptoms of a panic attack with no warning. The first time it happened to him he straight up thought he was having a heart attack because it was so out of no where. He was also not cool, but very kind and friendly, so I’m going to choose to believe that’s what Mirabel has going on. This figures into the equation because I’ve noticed that neurodivergent folks that fly under the radar usually get labeled as “quirky” and it’s considered a good trait, a relatable trait, but not necessarily a cool trait.
Conclusion: I am now convinced that Mirabel is considered the least “popular” Madrigal, but everybody sees her as their friend. She probably has the most genuine connections with the other residents of Encanto, followed by Félix and Agustín, then Luisa and Pepa (who work with the villagers doing odd jobs or watering the crops), then Alma and Dolores (Alma having real friends from before she was A Big Deal, and Dolores having earned a few very loyal friends by keeping their secrets), then Camilo and Julieta each have one or two friends outside the family but are much beloved/admired in a more superficial way, then Isabela is the most popular but also technically the most lonely since not even her family gets hints at her real self until after the movie. Bruno is, of course, in a league of his own because he’s in the walls, so yeah. And Antonio is five, so it’s a little too soon to judge.
#encanto#mirabel encanto#Mirabel Madrigal#Foggy rambles#and projects traits from real people onto this fictional character#I do think being a Madrigal is a double edged sword#and that is possibly the price for the miracle (because magic always has a price)#the more involved with their magic they are the more they are admired as something other#Mirabel starts out. being very hands off with the miracle so she’s loved (even if she’s pitied)#then when she embraces the role of ‘candle holder’ she finds herself stuck up on a pedestal and wondering if it’s worth it#and dealing with the challenges that come with being on a pedestal is the price the family pays for how much power they have#can you tell I don’t believe in Utopias?#that I am suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true?#oooooooh that’d be a fun character for the Madrigals to deal with#somebody that’s convinced they got a some sort of seedy underbelly going on#cuz no way is this super influential family both good and powerful at the same time#damn it#I just came up with another OC
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The thing that gets me about history and humanity is that you never know what is immortalized, and the things that will be immortalized are things you would never think.
I saw a person sharing a new tattoo, and it was one of Onfim's drawings. A boy who lived so long ago he is barely a blip now, but his drawings meant so much to people that somebody is now permanently marked in their skin with one of those drawings. Do you ever look at the things you make and just sit there and wonder if this is the thing that future people look at? Do you ever look at your art, your writing, your schoolwork, or anything that is yours and just wonder who will find it, who will fall in love with a piece of your humanity and become overwhelmed with emotion over? It's not unlikely. It's not totally unlikely that somebody will find a piece of you in the distant future and devoid of any other context of who you were will still love you because you were here. You were here, and you are still here, even hundreds or thousands of years later. Treat yourself with the same love that so many have for dear Onfim.
#positivity#gentle reminders#if anybody has ancient children's drawings beside onfim let me know they melt my heart#i have always wanted a tattoo of that kind of thing too and i want ideas#see if archeologists dig me up or whomever else they won't find significant tattoos or other things. they will see i have loss.jpeg on me#and i think that's just as important. these people must know that people are silly and weird and don't make sense and that's IMPORTANT#i'm just. so obsessed with this because it's instantly humanizing#what little child hasn't drawn humans with twelve fingers per hand#or those kids drawings where it's only a torso/head conglomerate with stick legs and hands#i just really lived seeing how their tattoo turned out because i wasn't sure if it would look good in ink and skin#i feel the same way about archiving the internet. i was looking for the written crochet pattern for something#and the person who wrote and created it passed away and their blog has been scrubbed#their blog only exists on the archives. their pattern is only accessible on youtube because somebody made a video tutorial with the pattern#it's an eerie feeling. they've been gone for two years but their blog has been tethered by the wayback machine
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