#because she dreams about this a lot
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I didn't see anyone giffing the adorable headshake Four does before kissing Wa for the first time.
#reverse 4 you#my program sucks#but i had to gif it#anyone with clearer res feel free to do a set like this one#fourwa#knowing from later episodes that she literally didn't realize this wasn't a dream#because she dreams about this a lot#changes everything
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waiting for marvel to take you up as their comic artist so that we can have amazing art with cherik official storyline
marvel hire me to draw professor x and magneto making out sloppy style for forty issues straight you will get a BAJILLION dollars i promise
#fave#snap chats#'professor x' what are you a cop. moving on#vjeLKVJEALKV thank you much my friend one can only dream .....#you know whats so funny tho this just reminds me how like. My Number One Cheerleader was my highschool english teacher#she also ran the comic club in case thats relevant. because i was a part of that club OBVIOUSLY#i used to want to be a comic book artist but now i dont but anyway as a part of this club we'd have to draw comics sometimes#and alllll the time my teach would be so happy to get my stuff and she'd always be like#'[Snap] please promise me you'll never give up comics i want to read a comic from you one day' and stuff like that#i think id throw up laughing if i got to email her one day like 'omg hey teach 1.) im not a moody teenager anymore#2.) i got to work for marvel check it out <3' and i have to send her old man yaoi JLVKEJLKAEVJE#FUNNIEST TIMELINE IN THE WORLD I'D ACTUALLY DIE LIKE PLEAAAASSEE THATS ALL I COULD EVER WANT IN LIFE#on the realest note tho i didnt appreciate her enthusiasm enough. i wish i could tell her thank you someday#i think of her a lot whenever im in the dumps about my work she really is one of my biggest motivators#like i guess i COULD just shoot an email. maybe if i actually do something cool with comics or something#i dont even know if she remembers me so it'd just be bizarre wouldnt it#ANYWAYS. sappy story time's over theres a matcha crepe cake with my name on it BYYYYYEEEEE
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redraw of this drawing of emmie dying her hair because i get jumpscared from time to time by how bad it is ❤️
#nates drawings#i was really bothered by the anatomy and the coloring and the background and kinda everything about the old drawing.#i like this one a lot better#emmie i will love you forever and ever shes so cutesy#i gave her the hello kitty like sleeping pants because i CAN#be more chill#jeremy heere#transfem jeremy heere#emmie heere#bmc#bmc musical#be more chill musical#i like you so much emmie#i was listening to ramona (the girl of my dreams) on repeat while drawing this
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CORRECT TAGS‼️‼️‼️‼️ @rn0na-lizard you are so so so correct….. my favorite ‘Normal Girl’ in hmds…….i almost never see anyone talk about these aspects of her let alone also love her for them as they should.
i feel like Leona/ DS lumina gets mischaracterized super often which is understandable bc out of all the DS candidates leona is the least like her ancestor (who i also love, for different reasons).
in AWL lumina was the only kid in the valley for a very long time, but many of the DS residents have lived in the valley their whole lives. while lumina had accepted her role as a proper young heiress by chapter 3 of AWL— and when DS begins Leona already at this point of her life— lumina still had a lingering sense of uncertainty and angst and loneliness and doubt, and unresolved worries about her parents. absolutely none of this is present with leona
in this world leona starts with Lumina’s 22 year old appearance, she’s just rich as hell and living her best life (as she deserves), she’s unabashedly shallow, puts herself first always, speaks so politely and affably yet she can be so casually cruel in the most genuine cute way and out of touch with reality and and i fucking love her and i’d die for her. my beloved girlboss girlkeep girlypop
more iconic Leona Moments
when muu/muffy asks for beauty advice leona’s recommendation is “this brand of mail order beauty cream is simply divine! and it was quite inexpensive too, just 100,000 G 🥰” everyone else looks uncomfortable and muu is like “you’re as frivolous as always….”
aside from the 3 who take literally half your money (Witch💖, moi, and thomas) leona and panama (romana) take the most money from you if they carry you home when you faint. just a couple of girl bosses holding on to their girlpire (btw shout out to sebastian, the only resident in the entire valley who carries you home for free)
neither panama nor leona attend the harvest festival, they send sebastian there by himself to test the food first lmao (if you poison it like the witch they’re harboring on their property requires you to do, sebastian is just like “i can’t serve this to Mistress Panama…”)
once again sebastian attacks mukumuku for her sake, this time not to make her a paintbrush but she told him to get her the best slippers and this was apparently the easiest way. sebastian gets fucking mauled btw
leona has hands down the best romance route in hmds. all her scenes are incredible but god the slow burn friends to lovers with your DVD player….
in her purple heart event she shows up at your house because she heard you have a DVD player, asks you to show her how it works, and then just leaves after she’s done playing with it
in her yellow heart event she has sebastian fetch van so she can buy a DVD player for herself but van’s like “i’m so sorry …. Pete… bought the last one….”
leona is so unable to stomach the idea of other people having things she doesn’t that she starts to cry and the only way to placate her is to tell her she can go to your house anytime she wants just so she can use your DVD player. that’s not a setup to a budding romance that’s her final heart event
it’s the most incredible romance arc in the world like girl you have infinite money you can just. buy a DVD player somewhere else?? “i want to watch DVDs at my house just like you!” leona you have three entire bedrooms
“rich girl love interest who has everything except love, win her heart by having genuine conversation with her”: done to death, tired, i don’t have time for that
“rich girl love interest who has everything except a fucking DVD player, win her heart by giving her expensive stuff and ‘relax tea’ and access to your DVD player”: audacious, intriguing, never been done before, innovative
if you deny her god-given right to access your DVD player she is like “Is that so……………Just let me be alone for a little bit.” incredible tragedy i understand. take as much time as you need to grieve darling
oh but her first heart event asks you to pick a side in an argument she’s having with panama and the correct answer is to say “sebastian is the one who’s wrong” (sebastian has said nothing wrong this whole time and yet both of them have just been yelling at him to shut up)
and her blue heart event is “help me find this heirloom necklace… boohoo…” and when you find it she’s like “perfect! now grandma won’t get mad at me. hmm, you seem pretty dependable…♡” augh she’s way too good at this…….!!! i’ll do anything for you!
when you propose she says “of course, i always dreamed of having a romance and a wedding♡” and says nothing abt how she feels about you <3
also if you marry her, once a week she goes to hang out at her ex love interest’s place for 6 hours straight and comes home saying “whew… i had so much fun that i must have lost track of time… i’ll hurry on home”
if you marry another girl she starts flirting with you like “I’m so envious of your wife, having such a fine husband… Pete.” (or whatever your name is)
i’ve become obsessed with her and romeo’s horrible trainwreck soap opera marriage since replaying cute in jp… it’s SO… i have so much to say about them that it should be its own post but i’ll just give the cliffnotes
shotgun wedding vibes. romeo is surprised by his own wedding. they’re childhood friends but he himself has never considered marrying her. her words to him at their wedding are “Make me happy♡” (command)
she understandably can’t stand his terrible table manners or his clothes or anything about him (except that she wants to watch him surf and have his child. but he instead walks in circles all day. coward) and he’s both really good at accidentally stepping on landmines and just ever so slightly majorly terrified of her after marriage (“but surely her angry outbursts are just her way of showing love hahahahaha” you’re going to die. she’s going to kill you). the only positive things they say about their marriage are extremely shallow. they can’t communicate with each other because romeo always says the Dumbest Shit obliviously and leona always responds by cutting him out of her life forever!!!!!! (for 5 seconds) while he has no idea what happened
they are both so melodramatic and they both just do nothing except make each other worse and run away from each other and push each other away but they can’t escape each other. neither of them ever has to grow or change if they marry each other because an elderly overworked man is sustaining both of their existences and neither of them can take care of themselves and i love them your honor
also romeo’s first crush as a kid was apparently her mom, and if leona falls for YOU she flirts by mentioning that sebastian says you look like the spitting image of her dead father. dear fucking god
they’re the epitome of “You're both just enabling each other's mental illnesses. You're both perfect for each other. Never change. Just never involve anybody else in what you've got going on.”
romeo really does feel like her stupid lackey. like the karen to her regina. they even had this dynamic in the games they played as kids… she was the Harvest Goddess and he was Servant A/Minion A (they might still be playing this game as adults…he calls her lady/mistress sometimes after marriage…)
btw leona’s best friend (wife) marivia is also just as… there’s an event where they just gossip about all the mineral town ppl and marivia says ann would win a gluttony contest and they both giggle
there’s also an event where marivia casually walks into Witch’s hut and just interviews her so she can write her into a novel. witch is left completely drained by this exchange. leona and marivia both are so chill about the horrible cruel villainess living in leona’s shed who wants the town poisoned and rewards you for killing animals and hurting yourself and is putting curses on everyone (and they’re right. she’s never done anything wrong in her life)
#i also feel like leona and marivia summoned Witch (just girlypop things summoning hot evil ladies from hell)#i’m a marivia x leona x witch truther. the evidence is out there. evil yuri triad (real)#i also love to believe that witch is fucking with all the rival couples in the valley but ESPECIALLY romeo x leona#since she’s petty about her crush (leona) choosing the village idiot of all people#she can’t affect gustafa and nami because gustafa is like a garden gnome type that wards away evil#leona would make coquette edits of phantom skye/steiner#man i really have a lot of overlapping ships but i just like thinking about everyone together in some way#marivia was interviewing witch for a girls love leona x witch sequel in that series she wrote that has the main character based on leona#(this was revealed to me in a dream)#bokumono#harvest moon ds#hmds#harvest moon#story of seasons#hmds leona#hmds lumina#i’m sorry for going ham about your tags i promise i’m normal#^_−☆#hmds cute#i feel like everyone collectively forgot what hmds was like which is understandable because it’s a fever dream#or maybe we misremembered it from our childhoods#but replaying the girl and boy versions in english and japanese has really refreshed my views on the characters#i have so much to say about everyone mostly the rival couples#love the dysfunction and bad vibes in this game#poisoned water supply type of townsfolk#girls hour (meet up in the mines to beat each other up and slaughter various animals and humanoids to eat)#it’s such an evil game#haunted by natsume malware ghosts
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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man i hate job interviews. i didnt study enough for talking about myself 😩
#adddna#'whats your dream job' well its being james baxter but we cant all get what we want can we. so im here at Medical Office.#auuugghhh she just meant my ideal hopes for this position anyways but i dont have any of those either man.#i just wanna work somewhere that doesnt make me miserable i can tolerate lots idk....#i rambled about some shit but i feel like i really fumbled that question because it got me off guard
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I wonder what it is about breaking up with someone and starting new that I find so upsetting. I realize that people also find break ups heartbreaking, but I know I take it to an extreme. I've never liked the idea of having different partners throughout my life. The idea of having an ex has always been something I hated. The type of breakup didn't matter to me. That is to say whether we ended on good or bad terms didn't make the idea of ending a relationship better to me. I'm not trying to be pretentious about it, I'm just being fr about a sentiment I've held for as long as I can remember. I've never been the type of person who enjoyed the idea of hook ups or casual dating. For better or worse, I've always held the belief that romantic relationships should be all in and serious from the beginning.
I think this feeling is definitely exacerbated by the fact that I've been passed up for another person before so I know what it's like to have someone "move on" from you, and it genuinely sucks like all fucking hell lmao. So the idea of "moving on" and being with someone else has been incredibly tarnished for me.
#I've been thinking a lot about my gf and how I thought I'd get my childhood dream#Of my first serious relationship being my ONLY serious relationship#And things are fine with us#But they're JUST fine#I could handle the distance just fine if she was out to her family#And it doesn't sound like she has any plans of ever coming out#I asked her and she gave me a vague answer#And it's like#Bro#It's been 5 years#Surely you can give me something more concrete#Like#I want to be married#Is that ever going to happen?#I'm gonna go visit her soon to get a feel for how things are#But idk#I've been desiring other women a whole lot lately#Like a whole lot#I just miss having the freedom to flirt around#I'm not disloyal but I'm finding myself wondering what I'm being loyal to lmao#A woman who seems determined to not make me a priority?#And it's difficult because she tells everyone else about me#All her friends#A complete stranger was able to recognize me because of how often she posted about me on Snapchat#But I just don't feel like she cares in the way I want her to#I feel like I don't have a future with her#Like our relationship will always have kid gloves#I could talk forever about this
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au where bill realizes he's losing in the weirdmageddon and uses his newfound control over time to place himself in the twin's lives wayyyyy before they get to gravity falls in order to manipulate them into trusting him
#cyber.com#billdip#<- not mentioned above but that's where this au is headed#like i'm imaging Bill placing himself in the twins dreams about a year before they go to gravity falls--#he makes dipper dream about solving mysteries and Being A Hero and being super important and well recognized. and bill places himself in th#dreams as the wised old mentor. he's human. in his 40s. an Adventurer. and oh no! the world is going to end! and Dipper is the ONLY person#in the entire WORLD! that could possibly help him!#so dipper dreams a lot about being Needed and being the only person who could help. because he's Special.#bill makes mabel dream about being Needed and Special too--he just goes about it a different way.#she dreams about being famous and rich and in magazines. about throwing gigantic parties and having everyone fawn over her#and sometimes something will go Wrong. she'll be at a press conference or a party or something. and there's a problem only she could help w#her brother shows up or a fan or A Scientist or Bill. & she helps save the world or solve the mystery & is then bombarded with praise#wow look at mabel she's so cool and pretty and funny and brave but she's also super humble and down to earth!#i wish i could be with her/be her friend/be her. etc etc#bill doesn't put himself in mabel's dreams much (as himself anyway) bc she's WAY more skeptical than dipper is. (imo at least)#ANYWAY! the twins get to gravity falls and meet. Bill. (human. in his 40s. an Adventurer) & Bill makes something up about how it's Destiny#that brought them all together and clearly they all need to work together to Solve The Mystery of Gravity Falls#and mabel is on board bc it's exciting but she's not obsessed w it the way dipper is. it's the only thing he ever wants to think about#and ofc. bill sees this and goes wow! :) you are so young and SO easy to manipulate :) and then they fuck about it.#there's more stuff i've been thinking about in regards 2 this au. but it's pretty late. so i'll leave it here. ok bye <3
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I don't know if it's a headcanon or a theory or whatever, but I have been thinking this ever since the tragic fourth break-up of ep9.
It's like...We know that Kim has always been very clear to herself about her feelings, while Wan seems to have been a little slower to get it. And Kim also seems to be the most upfront about what she wants (exemplified by the the bathroom scene of this very same ep9). And yet, when Wan asks ''What about us ? What are we?'' she asks her back. She could have told her her feelings, because with this conversation, she had to know it was reciprocated, but she didn't and trapped herself in this marriage. And I think it's because Kim really needs to feel wanted. She doesn't want to ask Wan to love her, she doesn't want to be the one to take that step and risk it all. She needs to be CHOSEN. And I think it makes sense for her to be like that, who has been abandonned by her dad. The fact that she had seen him again recently might have reinforced this feeling and that's why she didn't tell Wan anything. It had to be Wan who confessed first. And frankly, when they came back and Wan told her mom : ''I choose her''.....I think it meant a lot for her.
#I think that's also why she agreed to date Marwin#because he showed her that he wanted her and was very honest#On the other hand I also headcanon/theorize that Wan's possessiveness might have something to do with it too#Which leaves us with the very nice thought that the two of them enjoy calling eachother ''mine'' a lot#At least that's something I include in my fics about them#Maybe that's just me tho#my marvellous dream is you#kimwan
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Do you think when Jingliu looks at Luocha she sees Jing Yuan in him
#nihil dreams#Finis analyzes#honkai star rail#I think about this a lot#Because he is very similar to Jing Yuan in aspects#To the point he outsmarted him#And like Jingliu is pretty cold and reserved but you see the indents in skin where she tried to hold on#She is resigned to her fate but that doesn't mean she also doesn't miss her friends#And I can see her sometimes needing to shake the feeling it's a young Jing Yuan standing at her elbow again#Because Jing Yuan lived to grow up#And Luocha is too much like her to ever fully embody him#luocha#jingliu
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post-s11 Tami definitely gets tired of Lip and leaves him.
yes, I do like them as a couple, I think it is an interesting dynamic and that Tami is good for him honestly, even though they lived completely different lives and crash so many times because of it throughout the last seasons.
fact is Lip won't ever change and will keep making the same kind of mistakes and she will get fed up with it eventually. they'll go different ways, maybe keep a somewhat friendly relationship, and she will get a new partner and Lip will have a Sean kind of relationship with Fred: that kid is the most important thing in his whole life and he's constantly hunted by the fear of drinking again and hurting Fred.
#headcanon?#its not that i desire lip to be unhappy and unlovable i just feel like he wont get his happy ending living the way he is#making the decisions hes making treating people the way he does#i feel like he is going to mature by the power of love because of fred i truly believe that#also no fucking way hes going to be poor for the rest of his life hes a genius and a southside he will get up and fix this up#i like him as a mecanic but that one s11 scene that he saves that dude a lot of money in the computer doing a super simple thing#means to me hes not done with the whole engineer thing. he just will need lots of money and labs he used to have acess at college and doesn#anymore but he will do whats necessary and turn things around definitely#maybe he thinks he can pull this off without going back to college and eventually realises he cant and then has to try to pick up his credi#and finish somewhere near? i dont know i dont understand lots about US educational system#honestly my dream is for him to work for debbie so she could be his boss it would be his life karma and make her happy#but that would never happen unfortunately#lip gallagher#tami tamietti#fred gallagher#shameless#shameless us#og.#fic idea
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the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless
#they deserve more love and discussion#saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good#alan wake 2#i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved)#but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry#the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral#the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg#the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone#the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing#and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart#AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan#but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!!#the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland#the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane#but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape#and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul.#the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing#NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however.#‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together.#such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter#anyway that’s all I had to say :)#god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im#that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are
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zavijava info PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!! PLEASEEEEE ZAVIJAVA COME HOME ... PLEASE .... umm um um ill tell you about umm . tma au im making for nastya if u tell me about her .PLEASE!!!!!!!
so she is definitely a star of some kind. i mean she is an angel but in that story in particular The Stars are kind of angels. like they’re otherworldly beings and they jus kinda hang out. cosmically. it’s a different dimension separated from the human one but like, obviously stars still exist for humans, they just don’t do anything crazy because the rules of the world dictate that their realities shouldn’t interact. angels can observe the other world from far up above yet they still exist on a different level. But tbh zavijava had never enjoyed the otherworldly ethereal whatever lifestyle—she just didn’t feel like she fit in there. she is a #1 humans fan though so she knows that’s where she’d fit in. so she does just that. she fits in perfectly :) and normally :) yay :)
#see the thing with zavijava is that there isn’t much info to share on her just on account of her being what she is#she is like a Concept trying to humanize and shove herself into a box#it’s like asking a rock what it likes. a rock can’t like anything it just sort of exists#that’s zavi babey#that’s not to say she doesn’t desperately try to like anything and everything . and that’s precisely what she ends up doing#she loves everything ! but she doesn’t really understand it or have a genuine connection to anything just by virtue of not being part of the#world. it’s like having a 6d being try to exist in a 3d space. very limiting. very incomprehensible for the 6d being#so her enjoyment of things (debatable if she’s even Capable of feeling Anytning) is artificial in a way#she is Uncanny Valley she reflects humans she does not really have an inner world or proper opinions of her own#so like she Does really love humans and everything about their world. but no specifics or a detailed understanding of them & it#as much as she likes humans she does not grasp their concepts like at all. Or only in a rudimentary manner#haze could explain to her why some people walk holding hands and she would be like Wow i guess that means we are married :) because we are#always together :) we can even hold hands too :) (she tries to hold his hand and he immediately starts seeing the hat man)#so yea. tldr. she’s more of a concept made character so there’s not a lot of Character Info on her#she’s more of a force#cramswering#idk if any of that is a coherent fucking explanation LOL she’s just kinda dream-like in that sense. idk#like yknow the way humans can’t truly comprehend eldritch beings or non euclidian shapes or whatever#the eldritch being in turn is not fated to understand da humans ….#& anyways for now the rest of the stars are aware that zavijava is Goofing but it’s not urgent enough to send someone after her. yetttt#tho hell dude 2 angels in the world would probably make it implode instantly so maybe that’s why they’re hesitant to do anything#also yea idk if this needs to be said but those angels arent tied to religion or humans really. they’re not guardian angels they’re just#Things that exist on a different Plane Of Existence. parallel to the human world#they watch over it but not in a guardian responsibility way#just sort of in a It’s Something To Look At way#ok yeah it’s 1:30am too by the way so i think that’s enough incomprehensible eldritch rambling#tell me about ur au boy
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i try so hard to be fine about and done with the mom thing but getting a text from her where she essentially says she’ll never stop trying to reach out to me because i’m worth trying for is so god damn psychologically upsetting after learning firsthand that the minute i give in and let her win me over, she stops trying, and she starts telling me how horrible i am for not appreciating how much she’s changed just like i asked her to & how evil i am for always seeing the worst in her.
also the entire apology text was for some reason about how she’s sorry for not listening to me???? woman that is not the problem. i mean yes that is the problem but the fact that there was NO mention of “put us on the highway during a tornado warning because she was desperate to get home and set the house up all cute for a visiting friend, refused to listen to me when i started panicking, and then when we finally got her to shelter in a target, said “i’ve gotten used to being by myself in the two years you weren’t talking to me; i would have taken this risk by myself, but forgot i have to account for you” ?????
like lol i do try to be fine!!!! about my mother saying in a moment where i was convinced i was going to die that my life just isn’t something she accounts for!!! about my mother prioritizing my life and feelings lower than setting up the guest room! but the fact that her apology text doesn’t even mention either of those things as something that could have possibly upset me makes me so fucking crazy. she’s talking about how she’ll never stop trying with me after having me in the car next to her and treating my terror like a very annoying thing keeping her from hanging out with her friends
#venting tag#shoutout to that one time in high school#lol no actually multiple times#where she would regularly tell me how hard it was on her to worry about my diagnosed anxiety#and how i was such a horrible person for not like. making more of an effort to take care of her#when she had such awful stressors in her life.#like me.#anyway this is a lot of a post after none of a post about this#but that text maybe pushed me towards my limit#and dreaming about her does not help#vital that we all know the friend didn’t even make it that day#bc their plane was grounded#Because The Weather Was That Bad#you truly cannot write this shit
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really longwinded fuckass trans oc essay
despite being trans myself i don't really think any of my trans characters actually satisfyingly explore the trans experience to me, which is fine because a trans character can just Exist, but also i do wish i had more characters who's lives and identities are affected by being trans. because my experience so far is that being transgender has affected me in a way where i feel proud to wear the label on my lapel because i've come this far. but i find that in most of my trans ocs' stories, being transgender is either a: destigmatized and/or b: not a problem (hormones and medical transition readily available, taken care of). there's that line between "do i really want to write transphobia into a world where everyone can just be happy?" and "i want a character that's had one of the genuine modern trans experiences" (i say one of and not "the" because there is no The Trans Experience).
then theres project moon world. where gender is and isn't important because gendered bodies and traits do exist, it's literally just the names that are subverted. but (at least as far as i personally know, i dont know anything beyond lobcorp, half of ruina, and everything up to like the lab half of yi sang's canto) we don't actually see or hear any discussion of gender or gender issues, or anything implying that a gender inequality or trans people even exist. which is fine i guess. not the main focus when people are turning into giant monsters and killing each other with giant swords. but it makes it hard to picture any sort of modern experience and relationship with gender in that world that'd match up with anything we relate to. body modification is a commodity and normalized there. you can get surgery to transfer your body into a robot body as long as your brain is intact. you can replace your head now. top and bottom surgery is ancient news, that's just normal. you can replace your head with a triangle now. do people still come out of the closet? does gender even come into play with sexuality anymore? does anyone give a fuck when people are turning into monsters and shit? it sounds like a nice world, where you don't have to constantly be on defense because someone might kill you for being a little too queer, but it also makes it really hard to visualize anything you can relate to without it seeming a little old-fashioned or silly for it to even exist
in my salem world buggy / skuggy being trans was me slapping it on them because i was trans and i wanted to connect with my ocs. i honestly havent revisited them in a while so i forgot a lot but i tried to work it into their stories but mostly ended up thinking longer on it for skuggy as kind of just him crawling out of a bad home situation and him being able to transition finally being his foot down on earth away from that old life. like shedding a shell into a new one. yeah things still suck and i'm heading for a town that's going to kill me, but i finally am on t and i can start saving up for top surgery. but after that point in his life it fades to the background and it's just normal. i think my salem folks are the closest ill get to being able to explore a genuine transgender experience
farrow is weird because the entirety of his life he's been kind of accustomed to playing this certain role and sticking with it, and losing himself in the tough guy facade of uncaring manipulative loner that he just becomes it and doesn't see another way until he's literally killed for being a prick and reduced to a speck that can't hold that facade anymore after being put into his place. as a child he was androgynous and didn't care about it but was still a boy. but the moment he's forced to stop revolving his life around the sole purpose of survival (in fact probably now the opposite) and has to be forced to face what actually lies beneath that facade he's implanted into himself , that nonbinary elephant in the room suddenly gets very very big and loud and he's forced to stare it straight down. i explored his very disorienting confused tiptoes into gender expression and identity mostly in private because i got shy being anything less than funniejokes about my ocs, but it was really just "i think i might be nonbinary but i have a job so i cant think abt that rn" "oh shit im unemployed im fighting these fucking demons" "why did being called this term awaken something in me" "oh god help me". i think i explored and pushed it the absolute most in band au where it's the most similar to modern day reality and just got to make him a little thing. but it's kind of the same thing where while i did get to explore his gender presentation and his thoughts on it and how other people close to him reacted to it or affirm it it i don't ttthink it has a lot of bearing on his character. which is fine i guess. i dont know how i feel about characters who's entire basis is being trans. but i guess that is literally just how it is irl being a stigmatized group you are just Defined by it bc it affects Everything In Your Gd Life. idk where im going with this
idk the thing that prompted this is just thinking about my lobcorp ocs because it is so. HARD. to relate to any of their trans experiences or write anything resembling a modern trans experience with them. they live in a hyperdeveloped future, why Wouldn't they have access to hrt and gender affirming surgeries. why Would it have any bearing on them what gender they are, they have to go die in a Nest or smtng tomorrow. i think a lot about eva and griffin and even like myukeu or roger/mags. i'm trying to go back and think about how it might've been for eva growing up but the most i can think is that he probably just stayed in the closet until he built up the courage and his parents were just "oh okay cool i guess. maybe you wont be limited by the glass ceiling now. finish your damn homework" like just such a anticlimatic end. (but even that response implies any sort of gender imbalance or acknowledgement of gender in this world and honestly, with all the women taking leadership and even mastermind roles in this world there is no way that's anything close to canon. also i dont want to write in fuckin misogyny. but thats the thing in a modern au His Parents Would Fucking THink Like That his identity gender and all takes a backseat to his Purpose. but its hard to write that when Everyone Is Just Like That with gender). like yeah i can write this character juggling work and arranging pharmacy prescriptions and fitting in a daily t shot into his routine and having to recover after top surgery but once he's socially transitioned even if he doesn't pass it doesn't have a bearing or effect on him because It Doesn't Matter Here You're An Employee All The Same. his identity is an afterthought in the corporation. the only time it comes up is when he befriends other trans people and has that "oh hey" feeling of solidarity or when years down the line he's getting freaky with julian and has to explain no an abnormality did not scar me those are surgery scars. im trans. and then it's fine
idk this is a very looseform ramble because in the end i don't know what my actual thoughts are. i guess i yearn for just a mundane trans experience. which is why i'm so drawn to band au / modern aus of any kind because it lets me write these people being Very Mundane Normal People. sure writing them in doomed time loops and turning into giant monsters and harnessing powers beyond comprehension is fun but also i really like writing mundane shit even if its boring to read. why do you think i spamdraw post-lobcorp so much. theyre normal. anyways time to brainrot more over band au than the actual canon
also if there have been any mentions/discussions of gender in projmoon games i would 100% be down to read an analysis or whatever. this isnt a projmoon haterpost believe it or not it's just me thrashing within the nonexistent box i've put myself in.
i like mundane modern trans characters. i like trans characters that look like people i would meet irl and just Exist the way we do irl. i dont care if there is no transphobia in the world i just need to see them being mildly inconvenienced by having to do advanced aerobics to take off their binder or experience gender euphoria after wearing a tank top and jeans. i wanna see them having a sleepover and getting their nails painted for the first time and just going "oh my god i can actually be pretty thats just something i can do". idk. i think i just want to write more trans joy into my stories it's just hard when there's a more prevalent ongoing plot going on (hell timeloop and melting away of identity)
#genuinely think farrow is like. the oc ive put the most Genuine Gender Thoughts into since like. dixie from opaldew. insane#skuggy and buggys gender doesn't really stand out as much to them or isnt really a source of experimentation and expression after they've#settled into their own skin i guess. they celebrate pride and do find community but it's more like Yea im trans whateva. woohoo#while farrow is just constantly fucking with it. constantly learning more shit about himself. dying his hair a different color 20 times#gender is a playground to that guy. its more like skugbug's case in like. his dnd world i guess#but even then in his 80's campaign half his plot involves an identity crisis where he realizes he cant keep pretending to be the cool#cishet jock of his dreams because thats just not who he is lol#idk. fucked up. i found a lot of joy just drawing band au eva and griffin chilling together after syncing their hrt day together#also for a long time i strayed away from drawing them pre-transition but honestly its healing.#i don't like referring to my pre-transition self as dead or anything she's still a part of me and i was her. so the feeling transfers#idk tl;dr ooga booga transgender experiences important to me. thank u trans people for having trans ocs
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which ocs in the fandom do you find the most interesting? also, which ocs do you think have the most aesthetically pleasing designs? finally, which ocs have you only heard of but would like to know more about?
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooo ha haaa noooo i can't possibly answer this because it would be soooo unfair to have favourites wouldn't it's comet knight by @kittenvirus
#sorry it's the colour scheme and the glitter and the fluff. i'm unfortunately so so weak to all these things 😭#even a little bit of pastel rainbow star theming specifically... comet really has everything i'm sorry to say#i think starstruck would faint immediately if she saw him. could they be friends?? i'm not sure i think she'd just be like this: 👁️👁️#he is also one of (if not the very) first designs i saw when i started picking around the kirby community#so i'll always have a soft spot for him no matter who else i discover.#there are also a dozen other OCs that i love and adore but the more that i list the more folks will feel that i didn't list *them*#and i really really don't want to do that! my mutuals have some absolutely banging designs as do some folks who i don't follow!#there are also a lot of REALLY cool designs that are 'semi' oc but are more like redesigns? from folks AUs or comics or so on#many great morpho-esque redesigns out there too i'm always a fan of those!!!#please understand i'm listing only ONE design that hits all these prompts (bc i also don't know the creator well hence 'only heard of')#and one that always stands out to me personally because of the sentimentality i mentioned above#but i love MANY many many. if i started listing them i would never stop!! if you have an oc or a design i probably love them!!#i realise that is a bit of a dodge of the breadth of this question but i just... yknow? haha#i'd be happy to learn more about any ocs really!! i would actually love for starstruck to start having some relationships with others too?#if folks are interested in that!! she has relationships with the dream land four but not so much with ocs; and that might be fun too!!#others ocs#asks
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