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#because she Wants to escape being compared to her father in every single way and she CANT and she is forever Haunted by him
sinisterness · 5 days
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thinks of how katarina cannot escape the 'never a self-made woman' and 'lineage comes from the father' tropes. crushes the can in my hand.
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tjalexandernyc · 4 months
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Not sure why so many people are getting nostalgic over Claire's at the moment but if you'd like to hear my personal Claire's ear piercing story here it is.
I'm 40 years old so I grew up in peak '90s mall culture. Claire's was a standard stop on any mall visit along with The Rave, Auntie Anne's, and the sketchy arcade. Despite the ubiquity of Claire's and its cheap ear piercing, I never got my ears pierced until I was... probably 15 or maybe 14. I don't know how I escaped it for so long; most of my girl friends had their ears pierced either as an infant or at least before they were tweens. I suspect it was a combination of me being a little nonbinary baby who didn't want to wear earrings in both ears but couldn't articulate why, so I never asked for them; the fact that my mom was thrifty and never offered; and my grandmother's penchant for clip-on earrings, since she'd also never gotten her ears pierced. I think when she was growing up in the 1920s it was seen as slutty? Anyway IF I was required to wear earrings for a fancy occasion there were plenty of grandma's sitting around the place.
But when I was 14 or 15, I was at the mall with my father. I don't remember why we were at the mall together. We rarely did anything together, and even now are not especially close. I vaguely remember my childhood best friend being there too. We must have been waiting for someone or something (maybe a movie at the attached theater?) and had some time to kill.
I think my dad must have offered to buy us some earrings we were examining at one of the kiosks, because I remember having to explain to him that I didn't have pierced ears. My dad famously misremembered things about me, like thinking I'd had braces when it was my older brother, not me, who needed them. He was shocked. He must have assumed I'd gotten them pierced at some point, but I told him no, it never happened. He offered to pay for the piercing at Claire's right then and there.
I don't know if I can explain how it felt, that offer. I was largely ambivalent about piercings. I knew, as most '90s kids did, that there was a Gay Ear that some guys wore earrings in, but no one seemed to agree which one it was. I have a visceral memory, down to knowing exactly which seat I was in, when a kid in the elementary school lunchroom got a cheap clip on pirate earring stuck on his earlobe and was mercilessly taunted for it being on the Gay Ear. I both wanted piercings so I could figure out which of my ears, if any, were gay. I simultaneously didn't want anyone putting holes in me. I craved visibility and invisibility in equal measure. I wanted to do something with my dad, since we never did things together. I didn't want to spend my own money on ear piercing, which my father spoke of like some inevitable event. I wanted to talk to my best friend about all this alone even though I knew she would not understand.
I ended up getting my ears pierced at Claire's that day. The 18 year old cashier who was manning the piercing gun made one puncture slightly off center compared to the other. I picked out a pair of cubic zirconia studs, which I thought weren't as girly as the others. After the piercings healed I started wearing earrings pretty much every day and amassed a huge collection of them. I did that up until I came out a few years ago.
I don't wear earrings often anymore but when I do it's usually just one dangly transguy-esque piece or a single hoop. I put it in the same ear that the kid in the lunchroom did. I haven't thought about my father in relation to my piercings for a very long time, until recently, when the Claire's memes reminded me. I think there's probably a lot of pop psychology mud to dig through there if someone cared to. I don't.
My father and I talk a couple times a year now, usually brokered by my mom. He has pierced ears, by the way, three in each ear. I don't remember when that happened. I'd like to think it was around the time my parents got divorced. I'd like to think it was circa 1997. I'd like to think it happened the way I know it didn't, in a way that even our combined shit memories couldn't conjure: that we both got gunned at the Claire's at the mall, ears red and puffy, before getting a cinnamon sugar pretzel to split. It didn't happen that way, but god I wish it had.
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ladyhindsight · 5 months
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Team Good summons Azazel. As far as Clare’s foresight goes, the story also introduces the mystery of Magnus’ father, since it will be also revealed in the next and final book. considering Magnus originally wasn't a son of a Greater Demon
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We can always trust Simon to narrate Alec and Magnus’ relationship issues. We can also trust Alec to have such cartoonish reactions since more is more and less is not enough for you to get it.
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What is up with these ancient and/or centuries old beings harassing Alec about his relationship with Magnus. Well, in Azazel's case, probably millions or billions of years or something.
Azazel wants one happy memory from each of the participants in exchange of his plan proposition. Not the solution but an idea for one. Eventually Magnus banishes him, because they will need time to think about what Azazel said. Jordan and Maia then arrive at Magnus’ place.
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Like it’s worth enough to start? Like it means necessarily anything?
→ Their cheeks were red from the cold, and Maia was wearing Jordan’s leather jacket. (I'm just bored of even the smallest things being dramatized to the max)
We cut to Jace and Clary’s grand escape from the Italian police for stealing the boat.
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Related to a message I received a bit ago. Implying Jace held Clary while they escaped, because why would Clary know how to do any of that herself? It’s not like she has been trained by Jace to do anything.
They eventually return to the moving house of Sebastian who is entertained by two scantily dressed girls, one of which is a vampire. They talk shit, then Jace and Clary go up the get ready for bed. Clary goes to get a nightgown.
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The idea of dressing yourself with something you father bought for your mother in hopes of her wearing something sexy. The writing doesn’t really acknowledge that so let’s not either.
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I’m getting Not Like Other Girls vibes, but also far less than say, in City of Bones. This seems more good-natured musing rather than putting other girls down because you aren’t that feminine yourself.
Clary goes back to Jace, and things get hot and heavy like with every other scene with them in this book. The honestly do nothing but heavily make out whenever they are together. Which is ironic considering that Clare herself has said that Clary didn’t have a relationship with Jace in this book because Jace here was not himself but controlled by Sebastian. Which makes me question why there is so much physicality written between them then.
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Plenty of reasons to stop. Mainly the one mentioned above: Jace not being Jace but one controlled by Sebastian. A reason of which Clary constantly reminds herself of, to the absolute point of being tiringly repetitive. How many times and ways you can write about Jace not being Jace because this book sure does utilize it all and then some.
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Vulnerable as in for an attack with a weapon? A sharp one perhaps? :)
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Glad we agree, not that it changes Clary’s behavior. It’s insane that Clare thinks that as long as she keeps writing and reminding everyone how Jace is not Jace and Clary is conflicted, it changes absolutely nothing of worth in Clary’s behavior because they keep canoodling to the end. So we enter the repetitive narrative every single time and scene they get physically close.
We cut to Simon sitting on the bed in one of the spare rooms at Magnus’. Isabelle comes to him to gossip about Maia and Jordan, because everything needs and audience and gossiping over for it to be worth something.
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Why is Simon happy for Jordan? Fuck Jordan.
→ “Oh. No. No, not at all. I’m glad for Maia. This will make her really happy.” Because fuck Jordan and Jordan’s happiness. Simon was Maia’s friend first.
Then we cut to Alec visiting Camille again. In this scene, the idea that Alec visits Camille to learn more about Magnus (because Magnus is unwilling to disclose any of that information himself) becomes apparent.
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This also feeds into the mystery of Magnus’ parentage and how cool and great of a demon his dad is. Compare this insistency on Magnus’ father now to the original version City of Ashes where Magnus wasn’t part Greater Demon at all.
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While actively screwing up everything.
Magnus told Alec not to trust Camille but blindly trust Magnus. And then people were somehow surprised that these sucky adults both played into Alec’s insecurities and the end result was what it was? And then accountability was on no one else than Alec. I hate this storyline more so for the fact that no one acknowledges their shortcoming towards Alec but it is for Alec to carry the heavy load of his own culpability.
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→ I don’t think Clare ever realized how bad it is to constantly underline Alec’s youth and age.
→ Also why are we taking relationship advice from Camille? Also consider how screwed up a situation is when the only person you can go to ask advice is someone like Camille. Do we acknowledge at least that much in the story? Nope.
→ Also sad.
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I don’t believe Clare agrees with this because it is the narrative she distances herself from the further the series go, and effectively abandons it in City of Heavenly Fire. And she writes Camille, an antagonist, spouting this. But let’s not pretend that this isn’t exactly how she has written and keeps writing Clary and Jace’s relationship. They would survive every death except each other’s.
The rest is just nonsense as usual but that part stuck out. Cut to Clary dreaming her dreams.
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I can’t with the scars. This book out of all the other books so far is absolutely obsessed (relative to each other) with the “ugliness” of scars that heavenly warriors as the Nephilim have and whether other HEAVENLY WARRIORS as the NEPHILIM may find them ugly. It’s such a weird mentality to have when their source of power and skill and ability is rooted in the very thing that gives them scars and makes them different from the mundanes.
This should be a nonissue, but it’s beginning to feel like obsession over how hot these specific scars actually are—the ones created by faded runes. Since unless you’re Sophie and have an actual ugly one right on your face, then the writing will go above and beyond to tell the readers how it isn’t really that ugly and she is so pretty you barely notice this big-ass thing on her face.
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Her spine. Neck would suffice, especially since “her spine” is used so many times instead just ‘back’ or ‘neck’.
→ “Jace’s arms were around her, his fingers tracing a slow line up and down her spine.” → “The two of them fit together, as always, her head under his chin, her spine against the hard muscles of his chest and stomach…”
And then just two paragraphs over:
→ “She slept like that, her head tucked under Jace’s chin, her spine fitted to his body, their legs intertwined.”
Then there’s plenty more to come such as: “from the base of her spine”, “pressing against her spine”, another “heart beating against her spine”, “shudder go down her spine” and another “base of her spine”.
Which in some cases it’s fine and descriptive but mostly “her back” would suffice.
Clary wakes up and leaves Jace to sleep. She goes downstairs and sits with Sebastian.
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Really, I thought he poured both for himself.
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Obviously he is lying and all, but Clary was there to hear him in City of Glass and knows how it couldn’t have been accident in any way.
They talk some more, have once again the whole argument who is more like who and who is really not anything like each other (meaning either of them) which they manage to regurgitate plenty more times during the story with the exact same way and result.
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chloe-caulfield94 · 6 months
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Max's and Brooke's drone date
Max: Now that you've entrusted me with your drone's remote, do you mind me asking you for a little bit of personal advice?
Brooke: Not at all, Max. Go ahead!
Max: How do you attract someone? What I mean is ... Suppose you set your heart on somebody. What would you do to get them?
Brooke: Grab them! And take them!
Max: You grab them and take them?
Brooke: Take them! Like that.
Max: So ... You mean to say that I should wait until after they tell me that they wouldn't refuse if I offered to bang them, that I make them feel like they have a reason to stay in a place they've been dreaming of escaping from for years and that nobody is good enough for me except for them. And after they ask me to kiss them, proclaim to everyone they are going to be my date for today's party and quarter-jokingly propose to me, right? Only then I should grab them and take them?
Brooke: Perhaps I haven't been clear enough. Max, waiting for good things to come your way is the opposite of grabbing and taking. Now, let me give you an example. Imagine Chloe is ...
Max: [blushes red as a hibiscus flower]
Brooke: I mean, imagine a completely hypothetical person of unspecified name and gender who hasn't had a particularly easy life so far finds themself in a difficult spot. Even though they want nothing more than to be with you, they start to push you away, because that's the only thing they know when it comes to relationships - being left behind. If that happens, you should tell them they are your number one priority now, the only thing that matters to you. You grab onto them and not let go of them, no matter what. And then you take them someplace where the past has no hold over you both.
Max: That was ... helpful. I'll keep all of that in mind. Not that I doubted it before, but you really are smart, Brooke.
Brooke: Max, I'm a straight-As student. I'm not bragging, that's just stating the fact. If you are able to comprehend chemistry and physics, you can understand human beings very easily. When you think about it, every single thing happening in your mind, every thought and emotion, including love, is a result of chemical reactions and physical processes taking place in your nervous system.
Max: I'm ... not sure if what you just said is reassuring or depressing. Anyways, how do you know so much about Chloe ... Sorry, the hypothetical person I asked about?
Brooke: It may be difficult to believe now, but freshman and sophomore years Chloe was top of the class in chemistry. We would compare notes ... and sometimes smoke joints. Studying and school in general can be so stressful. That's how I used to unwind. And Chloe had much more to unwind from, with her father's death, and all that stuff going on at home ... You know, at one point I owed that creep Frank Bowers a hundred dollars for weed. He put me down in his notebook. He was pretty aggressive in collecting. I lied to my parents that I needed extra money for school supplies and I managed to quickly pay him off before he could balloon that sum into the thousands with outrageous "interest", like criminals always do. I know Chloe owed him too. But I couldn't help her. What I got from my parents was barely enough to cover my debt. And then we drifted apart. I hope he's not still bothering her.
Max: He is. It's really bad. But she has a partner now. I won't let anyone hurt her ever again.
Brooke: See, Max? You're a natural at this "grabbing and taking" thing.
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This started out as my attempt at "incorrect quotes", with the joke being that Brooke is equally as determined in pursuing love as Grace Jones's character in "Conan the Destroyer". But then it grew into a short story.
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First of all, no worries lol. It's taken me literal months to respond to people sometimes, and not for any good reason so I'd say you're fine.
Anyways, with that out of the way let me just say I find that interesting. Kiri, to me, has always come off as someone who attaches herself to one place. In my experience, there's a difference between being able to adapt/connect anywhere you go and truly being a traveler at heart, and Kiri strikes me as the former. She yearns to dig deeper into her knowledge and connections regarding her home and thrives on the familiarity of the people, plants, and animals around her whereas I feel like Lo'ak needs to travel, needs to get out from under his father and brother's shadows. To just exist and be himself, find himself and his place without all of the history surrounding his birthplace. That's not to say I think Kiri doesn't like experiencing new things, I just see her as a very nostalgic and sentimental person who finds peace in the plants and animals and people she's known her whole life.
Ikr! I don't know why I haven't seen a single fic about it yet, but rest assured I have a doc opened rn (I feel like my wip list is just getting longer and longer dude). Little fun fact about me: I took horseback riding lessons for a good 5.5 years and so I'll be leaning heavily on those experiences for how Spider approaches his own riding experiences as a human (with obvious differences). There's something to be said for the feeling of a creature so much more powerful than yourself under you, having to be conscious of its every move, every action---the flick of its ears, the position of its head, etc.---- without being able to know for sure it's true thoughts or emotions but trusting it anyways that brings you closer to it in a way I can't explain, even with the ones you don't get along with. And I want that for Spider, I want him to embrace his humanity in this.
He doesn't end up in Awa'atlu at first for the ilu racing one, no. I've got a good idea what I want from this fic in the beginning, but what happens after he escapes is something I'm still pondering. I know for a fact I wouldn't want this to be a story where he stumbles upon Awa'atlu, though, if I end up writing it. I'm thinking maybe he ends up back at that one village and goes from there?
And I figured I'd tell you about another fic I'm working on as we speak because I'd love your thoughts: a world where Paz actually died back on Earth, but per a contract she signed giving away her memories (which she logged regularly) she was revived in an avatar body and put in the newest program. In this program, males and females are paired together to have children (for less than wholesome reasons). A big part of this is Paz being haunted by her experiences on Earth and not wanting to be a mother because of it, and she struggles to come to terms with it over the course of her pregnancy and the early days after Spider is born, along with being in this alien body that doesn't feel like hers. I think that by the time she's gotten pregnant with the 2nd child (they're going for a boy and girl per pairing) and is coming out of her numb fog, she's begun to truly think about the horrific future that awaits Spider and her unborn baby (spurred on by the threat of killing it if it's not a girl) and ends up plotting their escape and running away. Throughout the story thus far she's bonded with the other women in the program and comes to learn about motherhood and what it means to her, and when she escapes she takes the others with her and they make their own little family before eventually running into the Omaticaya and slowly becoming friendly. I'm playing around with timelines and stuff because I think it'd be interesting to compare her and Neytiri's and Grace's experiences with motherhood, which would be so interesting to write about (Grace doesn't die until later in this world, don't wanna give away the death I'm leaning towards though). I'm taking inspiration from the poetry book 40 Weeks and more, and I love the concept but am still working out the kinks. Thoughts? Still very much in the early phases.
Also, I saw you briefly mention my memory-loss idea and I'd like to say that that brought me literal physical pain. Why, you may ask? Well because my one and only doc of the draft I was merrily working on (around 10+ pages of gorgeous notes/early rough-draft work, which for me is astounding since I tend to just ball) was deleted??? And I don't know the fuck how???? 1000 emotional damage points.
And I'm so happy to hear you've taken inspiration from fmdttpt's world! Your idea sounds so fun!
~ CherryApollo
Haha, thank you, and I'm sorry I've done it again. I've been so busy with my new job that I am swamped all the time, lol. I'm bad at responding anyway but my job is making it even worse.
BUT ANYWAYS. I love your interpretations of the characters, I just love when people think of or experience characters differently but in a way that still fits to me. For Kiri, I've just always seen her feeling at home anywhere that Eywa is, and wanting to experience every part of her. Every way she can feel her or be expressed, explore different plants and animals and nature and study and be a part of it the way her mom would've wanted to. And I just think Lo'ak gets bored easily lol.
I looove the horse comparison, it's shocking no one has written this fic yet! You have a ton going but it's okay because I'm excited for all of them. Humans are experts at taming and riding shit, why can't he, especially something as intelligent as an ikran.
Hmm, okay, the village makes sense. They would be able to tell Tonowari and therefore the Sully's real fucking fast through, so it would be kinda similar to him finding Awa'atlu. You coullllld have him escape in the forest and find the Sully's missing? I've always wanted one of those fics.
That's a really interesting idea! I personally don't care much for Paz as a character, or stories about her, but that is a very cool idea and I'd definitely check it out to see where it goes.
NO NO YOUR MEMORY LOSS FIC IS ONE I'VE BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT, THAT'S THE SADDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. Google doc man, I only use google docs.
And thank u for being chill with me getting inspired by/using it! I'm trying to catch up on all my asks today (answer but not post, I schedule those), so hopefully I'll be faster to answer you next time! I'm excited to hear how your works are going!
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volfoss · 9 months
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MT-001->MT-003: Jungle Emperor/Kimba (1950-1954)
TW: Discussion of racism (specifically anti-black racism)
Before I get into the plot and well. everything bad about this, I want to quickly explain that this is the first out of 400 volumes of Tezuka's that I will be reading/reviewing. This is absolutely the worst of his works by far and I need to very much emphasize that for anyone who wants to read the 5.5 pages of notes I took (that are under the cut, due to length).
Summary of Plot: A white male lion is known for terrorizing an African village, and they make plans to hunt and kill him. These plans end up succeeding, and his mate, who is pregnant with his son, is captured and taken onto a ship. She gives birth on the ship and pleads with her newborn son, Kimba, to escape and become the king of the jungle, like his father was. The story follows Kimba as he tries to follow in his father’s footsteps, but in his own special way.
Characters: Kimba/Jungle Emperor is a mixed bag when it comes to characters. On one hand, Kimba and his family manage to be entertaining without speech. Their motives are very clear and they are written sympathetically. Jacques the rat is a really good addition to the cast and adds a lot to Kimba as a character. The animal characters have a pretty interesting dynamic with each other, and I feel the little screen-time the villain got was pretty decent. I’m not normally a very big fan of stories centered around animals in the specific way that this does it, so the aspects of the charming animals could be better for someone who enjoys that sort of thing more.
On the other hand, the humans are not written in a super in depth manner (at least not compared to his later works that I’ve read). The protagonists quite honestly fall flat most of the time and don’t lend a ton to the story. The worst of the badly written humans are the African characters. They are horrifically reduced to the worst stereotypes possible, given how Tezuka wants to portray them as “tribes-people”. They are portrayed as stupid and are shown as rather backwards. The best example of the latter is early on, when the leader offers “the best hut” to one of the white characters and when he goes to investigate it, all the promised amenities are either broken or just there for props. They are also portrayed as overly violent and also docile towards the white characters. I cannot express enough how this ticks every single anti-black stereotype in media box.
Another horrific part of this is their treatment of Merry. Merry is one of the two children, and in Volume 1, is kidnapped by the “Jungula Tribe” (as that is what this group is referred to) and by Volume 2, has formed an alter ego (or something along those lines, it’s not really made clear but it is handled badly) named, and I kid you not, Conga (or Konga, depending on the translation) and has taken over the tribe as their leader. She does this by creating electricity (which is pretty clearly implied as something that the tribe she now leads had never seen before, and treat it as something mystical and magical) by rubbing her pen against a cheetah pelt. Her taking over the group is seen as a sad thing but only specifically in the way that the other child that was her friend, feels very disconnected to her and cannot relate to her (and not the frustration that Tezuka was leaning into yet another trope of the white person having to lead the black tribe because they just know better. This is handled in that specific manner with her being pretty abusive towards the other characters, and is only really refuted in the manner of now there’s “good” people to lead them (who are white/Japanese) and the only big difference in the leadership is it is less abusive).
There is also ritual sacrifice, regarding the Pygmy (the specific group is not specified (otherwise I would be referring to them as such, as Pygmy is seen as a derogatory term) and this is how they’re referred to in canon) and many jokes about their short stature. They are shown trying to ritually sacrifice one of the white characters, and it is treated as horrific (but also with tones of comedy, as Tezuka constantly uses slapstick to show dumb the Africans in his work are), which from as far as I could find, was not something factual for the actual groups mentioned. Most of the groups mentioned seem to either be slightly made up (Jungula is one that I could not find any proof of anything similarly named existing) or slightly spelled off (but wouldn’t make any sense geographically, such as Gura (literal translation used here, the fan translation I’m using here just refers to this group as Donga, despite the katakana being “グラ”). This detail doesn’t really factor in with the already HEINOUS amount of racism but it is very interesting to me, as I feel it’s just another excuse for him to be using many stereotypes and mash them together, instead of portraying a nuanced version of any of the groups mentioned. Quite literally, they check off every single way to NOT treat African characters and there is no way around this part of Kimba, as these characters appear in pretty much every chapter. They are absent in Chapter 1 and 2, and I state this solely to make it very clear that in 21 chapters, the racism is present in nearly every single one. Genuinely and sincerely, there is no reason to read Jungle Emperor/Kimba for the characters (or really anything other than reading all of his works, like I’m doing) as they are all pretty flat and the very obvious issues are present throughout the entire work.
Art: As always, Tezuka excels at drawing animals in a very specifically stylized way that still lends to how they would appear realistically. Kimba as a character has an instantly charming design and is drawn in such a way that all of his movements exude a lot of character. But unfortunately, the elephant in the room for the entire read through was how he chose to depict Africans. With the setting (and it being written in 1950), I did not expect it to be good but it is unfortunately a topic that is often ignored in mainstream discussions of Kimba/Jungle Emperor (often, I find what is most discussed is using Kimba/Jungle Emperor as a punchline to talk about Disney stealing the Lion King’s concept from this), and is one that I’d like to discuss in the review. They are a very prominent part of the story (given the setting) and to put it very lightly, this is the worst instance of this in his work. It appears again in (given this is the first thing I’m reading in this chronology, I’m sure that there will be more instances, but this is just from what I’ve read going into it) Black Jack and lesser known works such as Hungry Blues, but this is by far the closest to minstrelsy (with how the Black characters are drawn and portrayed, it very much leans into how older media (Hollywood specifically) tended to derive Black characters down to simple and offensive tropes). It absolutely does ruin any enjoyment, as it is VERY glaring vile and present in nearly every chapter.
Ending: The ending is very bad with how Tezuka clearly viewed Africa as a place to be mystified, with how the final words are. I feel that again, a lot of the messaging in this is stuff that appears in his later works but they are a lot more clumsily handled here (for many reasons). It was a very frustrating ending with how most of the Black characters died, and after that, the white and Japanese (implied) characters from different countries realized their differences (with no mourning for the dead, which happened when ANYTHING tragic happened to any of the non-black characters).
Misc: This was the work I was dreading the most, and reading it first has really just been a very frustrating experience due to just HOW blatantly vile it is. To get into the Lion King comparisons (as that is the typical mainstream knowledge of this manga), there are certainly some similarities. Kimba/Jungle Emperor focuses a bit more on the human side of things (in terms of being pretty blatantly anti-zoo (with the second chapter focusing a couple pages on Kimba’s mother telling him how living in a zoo would be no good life for them, and how zoos are discussed on Chapter 3 of Volume 1) and anti-poaching (most clear in the entirety of the first chapter) instead of animal life and drama there, like the Lion King covers. Honestly, a lot of the plot isn’t super similar unless you’re looking at it from a VERY broad lens (I know I see the scene of the stars forming the dead parent’s face cited a lot here, the fact he has an animal companion that watches over him (even a bird for a bit of the plot) a bit is similar (again broadly), there being an evil lion, and the dead parent plot point), as it really does just focus on different subject matter. It is more of a generational tale than Lion King.
Honestly, I think how Kimba discusses the difficulty for him to grow up for a bit in a normal household (with humans feeding and clothing him) and then having to return to the jungle is really interesting. It gets into his struggle with how he wants to be innately kind (and more “human”/domesticated) but he obviously still has those animal urges built in (a scene that really exemplifies this is in Chapter 5 of Volume 1, where the villain taunts him about the fact that Kimba is upset by a gazelle dying and won’t eat from it, like a normal lion would). It tackles a lot of topics related to how humans can be bad (specifically, the way that one of the humans (who is pretty clearly exploiting the African characters) was a guard at a Nazi camp and you are very clearly not supposed to like this character) and even how, in Chapter 5, Kimba bringing “civilization” to the jungle (he gets the animals that listen to him to build paved roads, restaurants and set up farming practices similar to what humans do) is something that makes some of the animals suffer. There is unfortunately also a lot of really poorly handled colonialism (specifically, in chapter 10, where the “good guys” take over the Jungula tribe and dress them in traditionally European clothing and it is seen as a good thing, as they are no longer under control of Conga. The way that it is handled in this is very muddled, and the way that Kimba bringing “civilization” to the jungle animals is a net positive is a very odd thing to me). It does have some of Tezuka’s trademark anti-war messaging but it honestly just really does not work well here given the rest of the topics. There are definitely glimmers of what COULD be a better manga in this but unfortunately it is buried under far far too much racism.
I want to take a small moment to analyze a section of this essay written on Kimba, as I think there is a lot to unpack.
From the section covering The Roles of Africans in Kimba:
“Fans of Kimba may have wondered why there are no Africans to be seen in Kimba’s jungle; or for that matter, why no English version of Jungle Emperor is available. The problem is ironic and must have struck hard at Tezuka: the depiction of the African tribes in Leo can only be viewed by any modern person as racist.
This takes a moment to process and absorb because so much of Tezuka’s work explores (and attacks) the tenants of racism. Indeed, works as early as Astroboy seem to focus on racism-as-an-evil with such a deliberate ferocity that we can (and must) conclude that any such accusations regarding Tezuka are false. Let’s also not forget his own slogan: “Love all creatures! Love everything that has life!”
We might then wonder how it is that Tezuka has produced these images which offend modern sensibilities and which necessitated the replacement of African natives in Kimba with white hunters and ultimately prevented the publication of Jungle Emperor in English. It must first be said that very few of Tezuka’s human caricatures are particularly flattering–even of himself. What we find offensive in these drawings however is their stereotypical nature.
It is my opinion that the resources that Tezuka first drew from for the creation of his native characters are in fact the problem. More than likely Disney is the culprit here; though one might also consider the depiction of natives in the 1933 feature film King Kong. Most telling however are the now deleted sequences involving a black centaur in Fantasia. Other works by Disney from this period along with this sequence were clearly not meant as racist, but we can only judge from the perspective of the 21st century.
One possible source for Jungle Emperor’s Africans: a censored scene from Fantasia 1940. Though this type of depiction of Africans was common in US comics and animation in this period, we know Tezuka was particularly interested in the works of Walt Disney…”
To get into my thoughts on this part of the essay, we first have to discuss the material mentioned as potential inspirations for how badly these characters are drawn, mainly Fantasia. Fantasia was released in 1940, a decade before Jungle Emperor came out, and the racism was about as bad as in Jungle Emperor. It had many racist scenes in the specific Pastoral Symphony scene of the film, that were then removed in 1969 (source). I do also want to cite a slightly lesser known Disney work from 1925 that is nearly exact to how the Africans are drawn in Jungle Emperor: Alice Cans the Cannibals. I am not saying that this is where he got the inspiration from, simply to bring up the point that there was a lot of media that would treat Africans as cannibals and prone to human sacrifice. This essay gets into a lot of the early Disney racism in a very in depth way that might be of interest in regards to this point.
In a similar way to Fantasia, Jungle Emperor also had to be redone, given how the original pages were nearly lost during the making of the anime in 1965. This led Tezuka to have to redraw a lot of it (which you can most certainly tell which parts of it were redrawn, given it was done in 1977 (for the collected Kodansha volumes)) and unfortunately, the racial caricatures are still present in this updated version. (source) I did want to make this comparison solely for media that is viewed somewhat similarly in the mainstream media (with not much discussion around the racism) that got revised later on. This is a thing however, that Tezuka would improve on in some of his works, but that fact does not even remotely begin to erase what he put in the Jungle Emperor. Even if the art was not as blatantly racist as it was, the way these characters are written is still drenched in stereotypes that obviously do still harm Africans now. In comparison to Disney doing all that they can to erase the existence of the material (and how, even in the modern day, they very clearly struggle to hold themselves accountable (specifically referring to Song of the South)), I’m not sure that I prefer the approach here with there being clearly enough fans of Kimba to fan translate it (as the version I’m reading had two different teams) and to praise it while doing so.
I feel that the insistence that it was just caricatures and not blatantly racist really falls flat when you consider how the characters in Kimba are treated. As I mentioned in the personality section, they are really just very flat stereotypes (with no names, as far as I remember, outside of the Chief) and do pretty blatantly fall into what is racist media. The various groups portrayed in Kimba are not done so with much compassion for them as characters and they are quite honestly just used as slapstick or to boost up other characters (whether by being villainous, and driving the heroes to oppose them or by, in a large panel depicting most of them dying (relatively graphically for this manga as well, with one character being shown in the jaws of an animal), which then brings the heroes together (not due to their death but because, seemingly, with them gone, the other characters realized that they (as the characters were from two unnamed countries) are not so different after all)). They are not even remotely given any compassion or depth compared to every other character and it really just falls into the old tropes of refusing to see Black characters as deserving of that depth (which quite honestly does feel like what happened here). They are shown more as a group and never really focused on them as individual people (as EVERY other character is given that).
There isn’t really a good way to handle the presence of very blatantly racist material in media, but I do think the repeated insistence of a lot of fans to insist that it wasn’t intentionally bad (or that it was just of its time) is not the way to go. Even if at that point, he had experienced the war (bringing this point up for a reason, stick with me), there are later examples of his work that deal with depicting Black characters in a caricatured way, most notably Hungry Blues. That was published in 1977 and still used similar caricatures (although the character in question leaned a lot less into stereotypes personality wise, as it was based off a real person he had met during the war). It is a very inexcusable part of his works and is something that is objectively the most prominent in Kimba (which is part of his early works). Even if a lot of his other works DO have very well handled anti-racist messages (Message to Adolf is one I can think of off the top of my head, Astro Boy also handles similar topics), this one objectively does not and I think it’s important to examine this in a critical way, instead of just brushing it under the rug. If you want to read one of his works that handles racism, anti-war, and the other messages he is known for, there are MANY that handle them better and not like this.
As a white person, I’m aware that my viewpoints on this matter may not hold as much weight as someone who would be affected by how these characters are drawn but I do believe with how little discussion of the very very blatant racism in this there is online, it is something that needs to be brought up. For further reading on the topics of stereotypes of Black characters in media, I found Donald Bogle’s book on the matter to be a very interesting read (although it does focus on Hollywood throughout the ages, some of the things in here did also apply to this) (link) and Henry T. Sampson’s book focusing on animated portrayals of Black characters (specifically, Chapter 3: Way Down in the Jungle: The Animated Safari) (link) to be very related to the topic at hand and be very excellent companions to reading about the topic of how anti-black tropes in media can be impactful and were very much part of the time period.
Overall Thoughts: I clearly had a lot to say on this one, as it is a topic that I do sincerely believe should be getting more coverage in regards to discussing this media. As a manga, it truly was one of the worst ones I’ve ever read, as the plot was pretty rough and the very obvious racism was well, obvious. On one hand, I do wish it was better and that when it was revised in the 70’s, that Tezuka took the time to show that he had grown from the mindset he pretty clearly had in 1950. On the other hand, the only value this has (in my opinion) is a very good case study on what not to do when writing African characters, as it truly fits every stereotype in different ways. I would not recommend this to a single person, it is easily by far the weakest of his works that I have read so far. The characters felt pretty flat and a lot of the moments clearly meant to be tragic fell pretty flat for me. The generational aspect was interesting but due to every other weakness of the work, just did not work for me.
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odrseasonone · 1 year
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OPHELIA FONTAINE SEASON 1
Come, let’s fly away from this place, Aurae.
THE BASICS: 
Character’s name: Ophelia Fontaine
Physical description: Lucy Griffiths
Age: 26
MBTI: ISFP-T (The Adventurer)
PLOT POINTS:
season one:
1.01: Isabella returns; clear tension between her and her sister; love triangle is established between arthur, isabella, and ophelia
1.04: Jon Valles arrives
future plots:
ophelia tries to undercut rowena’s regime on her own )not knowing about the resistance) and gets captured and puts guin and her new resistance in a bad place!!
run ins with danyl reston (they HATE each other at first, but then end up falling in love)
most likely eventually finds out about guin and possible ends up as a member of (at least) the northern resistance
at one point jesper tries to pursue her and/or isabella (love triangle x 2 except this time neither girl is interested)
TRAJECTORY:
Overall Arc: Goes from feeling unloved and unwanted to feeling appreciated and respected by not only her family, but those around her. Gains self-confidence and a sense of purpose
Season 1 Arc (Step 1 of 4): Goes from hoping for a way out of her life where she will be dependent on her cousin, to seeing her sister swoop in and steal it away from her. Ends season frustrated with her situation; her life; and just herself in general for being in this position at all.
Season 2 Arc (Step 2 of 4): Things are terrible -- goes from being a sad loner, to someone who is frustrated with life/nursing a broken heart/grieving for her dad to someone who learns to make a place for herself in the North. Because of their situation, starts to rely on her sisters more and they start to develop a better relationship. Decides to do something about the injustices around her and essentially becomes ~the night watchmen~.
Season 3 Arc (Step 3 of 4): Possibly discovers about Guin/the resistance this season and becomes a respected and valued member.
Season 4 Arc (Step 4 of 4): Finds that she is loved now by many; no longer feels like she needs to change who she is to be accepted; learns not to judge others quite so harshly thanks to her mended relationship with her sister & her relationship with Danyl Reston. Ends the series as a happy, fulfilled individual
ENGINE OF CHANGE:
Internal goal/desire: To feel loved, appreciated, and accepted
Why can’t they get it? Ophelia is ~not like other girls~. She speaks her mind with no sense of the consequences and is often seen as careless and rude instead of forthright and genuine. While beloved by her own father, it has always been clear that Isabella is his pride and Guin is his joy and Ophelia is just an afterthought. She's always been seen as ~the other Fontaine girl~ and seems to always be in competition with her sisters who she is often compared to. While Guin does nothing to foster this, Isabella has always seemed to purposefully one-up Ophelia every chance she gets. Ophelia thought she had finally found a way of becoming more independent and carving a life for herself when Arthur Arrington began to show her attentions. She never thought she would marry for love -- only to escape her situation -- but time spent with Arthur made her believe that she could love him. He was one of the few people in her life who never wanted her to be anything else than who she was and what's more -- he seemed to love her for it. This all comes crashing down, of course, when Isabella returns to town, newly single and ready to mingle.
What are they afraid of: Her greatest fear is being left in the hands of Jon Valles (second only to having to live with her sister and Arthur once/if they marry). She wants independence; she wants her own life and spending the rest of her days trapped with people who she feels do not respect her/treat her well is the worst thing she can currently imagine -- and it feels as though this future is breathing down her neck.
How character views the world: Ophelia is mostly dissatisfied with the world and the people in it. It is clear that she does not belong to the society the Fontaines move in and she would rather spend her days tucked away in the corners of the house/with her horse/literally anYWhere else. That's not to say that she thinks that the world is all bad. It's not. She has a few friends (mostly consisting of the servants on the estate) and when she's with them, she feels happy and appreciated. She believes that there is good in this world, but she finds that most nobles/royals are selfish/stuck up/insincere and she's not willing to buy into their ~games~
How character views self: Generally misunderstood; but deep down she does have a lot of insecurities that stem from never, ever coming up on top and there are definitely moments when she wonders if everyone else is right and she's just not good enough. She does always try to be kind and generous to those she finds deserving and she knows she is stubborn and has a hard time forgiving those who have wronged her, but her pride won't allow her to treat them as she wishes she was being treated.
INTERNAL: THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER
What is his/her greatest fear?  A cage -- and her home already feels this way. She wants her freedom: freedom to be herself without ridicule (but also in a much more literal sense as well, Ophelia loves the forest and the trees and the calm of nature)
Inner motivation: Despite feeling betrayed by Arthur Arrington, she knows that he is still a better option for a husband than living under Jon Valles's thumb and it is this realization that keeps her ~interested~ in him, however she is now much more guarded with her heart once she sees he is also interested in Isabella.
Kryptonite: Betrayal, of any kind, but the few people she loves and trusts. She expects it from most people at this point and has learned to accept it as a hazard of life, but she's let herself be vulnerable with a few select people and honestly finding out she was wrong about them would probably break her.
What is his/her misbelief about life (to be challenged ~this season)? Having been treated unkindly by so many, she is definitely cynical about the world and most people it in. I don't think this will necessarily be challenged in this first season (in fact I think she will feel justified in theses believes) but eventually she will learn to see that the world is a better place than she gives it credit for.
Lesson he/she needs to learn (this season): Ophelia needs to be learn to forgive & not to be so stubborn. Again, I think this is a lesson she will learn later ... but there's a lot in store for her and big changes to come in her life, and she would be better served if she was able to get along better with her sisters (especially Isabella) who is suffering the same way she is!!! Also just learn that half of Isabella's motivations have been with the goal of actually protecting her sisters all along.
What is the best thing in his/her life? Honestly? Her horse! Aurae is always there for her and has never judged her once (except perhaps that one time she didn't have an apple but she will let that one slide ;D)
What is the worst thing in his/her life? Jon Valles (she thought it was Isabella once, but once you live with a murderer/rapist cousin, you rethink things a little ;D)
What does she/he most often look down on people for? Anyone who is unkind/makes other people feel inferior (especially when there seems to be no reason for it!) Ophelia is a defender of those who are mistreated, as she has felt that way for so long, herself, and will not stand to see it occur to others, if she can help it.
What makes his/her heart feel alive?  The wind in her hair! Being on her horse; riding over the fields and through the woods; sitting peacefully up a tree with a book (especially when she's escaped some awful social function to get there); laughing with her friends; staring at the stars at night; honestly just any activity she can do (typically outside) that just makes her forget about the world and her problems/any peaceful moment she can just live instead
What makes him/her feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? Feeling seen/heard/appreciated. The last time was when Guin came to her room the night after the ball to check on her. She didn't press her or ask any questions about what had (or hadn't) happened with Arthur and instead they just sat together in front of the fire and drank tea. Ophelia didn't feel like confiding in her but it was nice to know that she was there, and would listen if she wanted to speak.
Top three things he/she values most in life?  Freedom; her horse; her friends
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scottpetersen · 2 years
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Della Duck As A Host For Ion
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Ok. Here I’ll be going over why I think Della Duck would make a suitable host for Ion, the embodiment of willpower and what might happen if Ion were to choose Della to be their host. Also, Spoiler Alert for the DuckTales (2017) TV series and the Green Lantern comics. With that out of the way, let’s dive right in.
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First off, I’m gonna go over my thoughts on why Della would make a suitable host for Ion. Ion chooses their host based on how strong-willed said host is. As shown in the episode ‘What Ever Happened To Della Duck?!’, Della remained determined to find a way back to Earth and back to her family and she kept on working on rebuilding her rocket in order to get back despite the fact that it had been about 10 years since she got stranded on the moon in the first place, the fact that she lost one of her legs and thus had to use a synthetic leg made from her rocket parts, the numerous major setbacks that were caused by a creature that was on the moon with her and the 10 years of lack of direct contact with other people. That was an extremely impressive display of willpower from Della. This also reminds me of a previous host for Ion named Sodam Yat. As shown in Green Lantern Corps Vol 2 #18, Sodam Yat was determined to build a craft that would take years to make which then caused a Green Lantern Ring to select and deem him worthy to join the Green Lantern Corps. Granted, Della are also pretty different in this regard since Della wanted to return home planet and to her loving family whereas Sodam wanted to leave his home planet and his xenophobic father and people. But willpower is still willpower no matter what it motivates a person to do. So, after comparing Della and Sodam, it became pretty clear to me that Della would’ve been selected and deemed worthy to join the Green Lantern Corps by a Green Lantern Ring too for the immense willpower she displayed in trying to find a way back home and back to her family. Yes, Della’s love for her family did help fuel her will but it was still her will. But does comparing Della Duck to Sodam Yat also work when it comes to finding out whether Della would make a suitable host for Ion. After all, being a suitable host for Ion probably requires a lot more willpower than being selected by a Green Lantern Ring since Ion is the embodiment of willpower. Plus, Sodam was selected to be a host for Ion by the Guardians Of The Universe rather than Ion and it was because of Sodam’s powers that come with his daxamite biology as shown in Green Lantern Corps Vol 2 #17. But as shown in Tales Of The Sinestro Corps Presents: Ion, Sodam was able to control Ion’s power and use that to defeat Alexander Nero. Only someone who can handle Ion’s power can do something like that. So, I think this means that Della is definitely a suitable host for Ion. As horrible as Sodam’s situation on his home planet was, I think that Della’s situation was even worse. While Sodam did experience years of trauma and hardship thanks to his people’s xenophobia, Sodam didn’t have that many setbacks when it came to escaping his home planet. If anything, he had a relatively easy time escaping from his home planet thanks to the Green Lantern Ring that chose him. Della, on the other hand, had a hard time escaping the moon. On top of that, almost every single time it looked like she found a way back home, she was thwarted every time. The situation repeatedly got Della’s hopes up only to bring them crashing back down again. I honestly think that would increase the probability of someone completely succumbing to their despair. But Della still kept trying to find a way back home despite that. She still didn’t give up. That makes her willpower even more impressive. Also, I don’t think Della was just denying her trauma that was brought about by being stuck on the moon. After all, as shown in the episode ‘The Richest Duck In The World’, Della acknowledged that she got so desperate for connection with other people that she stared at a mirror for 3 weeks.
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Next, I’m gonna go over how Della and Ion would interact with each other after Ion enters Della’s body. As stated and shown in the episode ‘The Last Crash Of The Sunchaser’, Della loves adventuring to the point that, to her knowledge, she, along with her brother Donald Duck and her uncle Scrooge McDuck, adventures in every place the world had to offer. So, Della would probably be excited about encountering Ion who, according to Green Lantern Vol 4 #52, is a creature from space who existed since shortly after life first began. This combined with the fact that Ion is an entity who, as stated in the Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps Special, supports their host rather than control them, would make it so that Della and Ion are both willing to work together.
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Now, I’m gonna go over how powerful Della would get as a host for Ion. The amount of power Ion’s host gets depends on how much willpower said host has. This is because Ion is fueled just like the Green Lantern Rings. So, Della’s level of power as a host for Ion will depend on her level of willpower. Like I pointed out earlier on this post, while the willpower Della displayed on the moon was fueled by her love for her family, it was still her will. But I also think there’s other reasons why Della’s willpower helped her through her time on the moon just as much as her love for her family did. Della was already a very brave adventurer as stated and shown in the episode ‘The Last Crash Of The Sunchaser’. Plus, love can be pretty unstable and chaotic especially when the person in question is in a very emotionally taxing situation. So, I think that whether or not someone’s love gets them driven to complete madness or selfishness at least partly depends on how strong-willed that person is. Plus, in my mind, having a strong heart and having a strong will are 2 different things. Having a strong heart is about forming great and loving bonds with the people you care about whereas having a strong will is about having the mental toughness necessary to persevere through your trauma. They’re 2 different things. So, I think that Della could’ve succumbed to madness and become fixated on her love for her family to the point that she would do anything to return to them no matter whoever else must pay the price during her isolation on the moon if it weren’t for her strong will to help her persevere through the trauma of being separated from them. This combined with the fact that she persevered through losing her leg, her hopes repeatedly getting brought up only to be brought crashing back down again by the numerous major setbacks while trying to find a way back home and the 10 years of isolation would make it so that being a host for Ion will give Della an insane amount of power.
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Finally, I’m gonna go over what Della might do after Ion enters her body. If she were asked to help the Green Lantern Corps as their Torchbearer, someone who would restore the Green Lantern Corps’ Central Power Battery in the event it were to be destroyed, I think she will be hesitant to do so. As shown in the episode ‘Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!’, Della regretted ever stepping foot on the rocket that brought her to the moon in the first place and wanted to be a part of her family again now that she finally managed to reunite with them. However, after she hears about the Sinestro Corps and the kind of threat they pose to the entire universe, Della will ultimately decide to help if her family allows her. Also, if Della were to somehow encounter the Parallax-possessed Hal Jordan, I think it would be a very intense battle. After all, as shown in Green Lantern Vol 4 #51, Parallax was able to compete with and defeat a Black Lantern Spectre that had access to the real Spectre’s powers and like I said earlier, Della’s as a host for Ion would have an insane amount of power since Della’s willpower was so strong that she able to endure those 10 years stranded on the moon. But if Della were to learn about Hal Jordan’s backstory, I think that Della might try to get Hal to break free from Parallax’s control by reasoning with him and saying that he has to cherish and think about his life on Earth and about the people he loves and cares about as well as his job as a member of the Green Lantern Corps. After all, as shown in Green Lantern Vol 5 #1, Hal Jordan got so caught up with the affairs of the Green Lantern Corps that he got in financial trouble on Earth and was a bit socially awkward around Carol Ferris.
Well, that’s all for this post.
See you all next time.
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zephyrusislost · 7 months
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All the lonely people
Chapter 1. Snowfall
In his first life, Regulus Black had died alone.
And now, seventeen years into his second life, he has almost everything that he'd ever wished for last time.
In the small town of New Roselle, Adrastor Snow was the keeper for an ancient graveyard standing beside the even more ancient church. Since the ripe age of ten, Regulus Snow had been learning the trade from his father, in bite sized pieces. Newly graduated from high school now, he can take over, and Adrastor can finally rest.
Objectively, Regulus liked his second life better than his first. His parents, Lysandra and Adrastor Snow, were kind and doting. He could see his whole life planned out ahead, with people that knew and had no problems with him. All in all, very pleasant, very tame.
On the first day of his father's retirement, Regulus trekked the whole five minutes from his home to the graveyard, and unlocked the heavy ornate gates seven minutes before nine o'clock. He checked off his morning tasks at a pace comparable to a sloth: unlock the office, check the mail, water the bushes, clean up any rubbish and dead flowers, then finally, sit in his little swinging chair and stare off at nothing. Just fine and dandy.
The first few people dribble in just as he'd settled down. They don't ever talk to him, and don't usually even look at him. Regulus respects that. They're here to grieve, and sometimes, Regulus feels like he is too.
Despite passing these same people in the streets, in the shops, the church, for numerous years, he doesn't know most of their names. Doesn't feel the flash of familiarity when he sees their faces.
Niki from the bakery came by at noon. She was lovely to Regulus - his parents had even tried to set them up on a date once - but he was a shadow of a human being who was unable to form connections with anyone anymore. Niki laid pastel yellow flowers by her grandmothers grave, then came to sit next to Regulus, procuring a sourdough loaf that fit perfectly into her cupped hands.
"For you, darling. I was trying some new scoring patterns and this one didn't turn out too well. Still tastes good though." Niki was so kind, so good.
"Thank you, Niki. I'm sure mother and father would like it."
"And what about you?" Niki smiled shyly.
"Of course."
In his second life, Regulus doesn't feel as deeply, doesn't care as much.
~~
Every shift is a graveyard shift when you're in an actual graveyard. That's awful and also poetic for Regulus, because he has been missing his sun. And just about every single little fucking thing that he once had. It's become a little pathetic.
His life now is good. Picture perfect, and happy. Like something out of a novel that Regulus had randomly picked up in the muggle studies section of the Hogwarts library, and secretly enjoyed thoroughly. Maybe living in it would be perfect, if he didn't remember his life as Regulus Black. If mentally, he wasn't still back there, wishing for this mundane life as an escape.
Regulus Black had been quiet, but someone had listened to every word that he said. He was cold and untouchable, but surrounded by people who cared, who tried.
Under the fading blue sky and setting sun, Regulus Snow could speak all he wanted to an empty graveyard, and only the deceased would pretend to listen.
~~
Father Mackenzie's Sunday church services were not very popular. The old man still does his thing as usual, what else can he do anyway? By far, the most exciting things that the church ever sees are weddings, followed by funerals. But in a small town, those are few and far in between.
Regulus attends every Sunday, only for his parents. He doesn't think they'll mind much if he stops going, but doesn't really have enough resolve to break the routine. After the service, some will visit their loved ones in the graveyard. Some won't. Either way, it's usually empty when Regulus returns. This time, it's not.
Two guys, not much older than Regulus, are in his swinging couch as he arrives. They're talking, laughing, and eating baguettes. That's fine, it's a public place. Regulus heads back to his little office. Now would be a good time to write the order for some new flower seeds anyways, his father was a practical man, but this sad little corner of the world was now his pride and life's work, so it should be at least somewhat nice.
He stays in there until five twenty, and closes the gates almost half an hour late, because he lost track of time researching the meanings of different flowers, the conditions they need to grow, and what time of year they would bloom.
As sad as it sounds, Regulus doesn't think he would mind dying alone in his second life too.
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autumn-foxfire · 2 years
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Lmao @/anon specifying the hot version, I get where they’re coming from but I personally like Hawks having mommy issues be more relevant than whatever we were cooking up with Takami, the daddy issues are allll Touya, narrative foils! Also Hawks just strikes me as that kinda guy (and I want more connection with him) and also a bit of how Takami being a victim of hero society was just used in 2019 fandom to blame Hawks as a bad person. It would’ve been so annoying to read those metas about his dad + at least with his mom, well. We don’t have anybody justifying her, we just get she’s a complicated person with issues. There’s nobody blaming Hawks for anything to do with his mom either, so sweet relief there’s at least one less point of discourse for him, even if it’s the part of his story I care about the least. Also quick point towards how that story point is often compared to Twice which was def part of the blame fuel back then, and I like the differentiation of his story with others. We have yet to have anyone grow up in abject poverty with villainous parents off the map wtf- (sorry I kinda go feral over that shack, it's like a social worker's nightmare house to visit except it's not even a registered house) and have to save himself through waiting and high education and still be left without a family which is painful af, having to cut off your parents, that chase to escape through hard work, but so real to many people irl, it’s a diff depiction to Tenko’s and Touya’s, which are solidly their own family dynamics but also very real ones. Because that's what bnha does, it tries to explore every single possible one and reaction to them. No two characters really have the same story. Rei's relationship with her parents is not the same as Nao and her parents moving in with Tenko's dad, Toga's family and their thing with appearances and social status is not the same as Touya's relationship with Endeavor and EnjiRei's perception of it @their kids. Gentle Criminal and La Brava are different versions of Deku and Kirishima, but it's not the same story at all.
Yeah, I agree with you about exploring Hawks having mom issues over him having dad issues (to put it extremely lightly). Especially as Hori tends to explore problematic fathers over mothers and even with Hawks mother, much like over mothers in the series with abusive parents, she was more of an enabler.
That's not to undermine the role and the effect having an enabling parent can be as I think that's just as important to explore when discussing a victims mental state because the impact that can have (something I definitely think is underexplored in general). However Hawks mother, unlike Shigaraki's mother and Rei, was distinctly different in that she wasn't so much of a victim of Takami. We can't claim he never attacked her too because we know so little about their relationship but he definitely treated her different than he treated his son.
I do also understand where the last anon was coming from too as I think Hori should have had a lot more references to how hero society created villains in the story and he could have used Hawks father as an example of that too. I don't think they suggested it in order to defend his father either, just as a way to explore that narrative, especially as it leads to Hawks being picked up by the same people that drove his father to that point and raising him in order to be their hero puppet. But I do agree if Hori had done so, the fandom would have jumped on it to excuse Takami and throw Hawks under the bus T-T
However you also make a great point about how unique Hawks past is compared to other heroes in the series. He's one of the few who grew up in extreme poverty, with an abusive family with one being a known, if petty, villain. I don't think Takami's reasons for being a villain are all that important in the long run because he's a narrative device to explain Hawks situation.
Sorry, this reply is just me going back and forth like "I agree but I also agree with the other person" shows you how sometimes there is no correct answer XD It's just based on personal wants!
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awkwardspontaneity · 3 years
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Until The Battle Is Won
BOTW Link x GN!Sheikah!Reader
Final part of Memories of You!
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AN: Hey everyone!! This is the final chapter of this story. I wanna thank everyone for sticking around with my lousy update schedule ':). Anyways, I've loved writing this story and I'm kind of sad to see it end but also I love this ending so much- even though it hurts. So grab some water, maybe a snack, some tissues, and strap in. This is long and pretty sad.
TW: gore, reader death, descriptive injuries
Summary:  The final battle is here. Hyrule is in ruins as Ganon tears through every defense they had and now, the final champions must protect their Princess in the race to deliver them to their destinies.
It was dark.
Link was running through the forest, another hand in his as Y/n led the way. Their white hair was a beacon amongst the trees as he surged to keep up with their gazelle-like pace. He was focused on keeping up with the Sheikah warrior when he felt the hand slip from his. Link skidded to a stop, shouting for Y/n over the pouring rain. He knelt in front of Zelda, watching as she dug her fists into the mud beneath her. “How did it come to this? The Divine Beasts. The Guardians. They’ve all turned against us. It was... Calamity Ganon.”
Y/n had made their way back to the pair, carefully falling to their knees beside Link. He felt their hand curl around his, sensing the turmoil in him. It was all falling apart around them. They had worked so hard, faced so many trials, and made so many friends. And it was all for nothing. The fight was stacked against them, so much so that even Link was feeling the knot in his chest. They all felt helpless.
“Mipha, Urbosa, Revali, and Daruk…trapped inside those things...” the princess let out a heart-wrenching sob. “It’s all my fault!”
As Zelda cried into her hands, Y/n reached out to pull them back down, carefully pulling away the strands curled into her fists. When watery green eyes met red, the young Sheikah gave a pained smile. They linked hands with the princess and the knight, giving them both a firm squeeze. “I know it feels like we’ve already lost, like everything we’ve done has been for nothing. But we can’t think like that. We have the power of the master sword and the sealing light of the Goddess. As long as we hold our heads high and give this fight everything we have, Hyrule will survive this.”
“But I can’t use the sealing power!” Zelda pulled her hands away, fisting them in her dress to stop the shaking. Maybe if she weren’t such a failure, Hyrule wouldn’t be in danger. Her friends wouldn’t have to give their lives to face that monster. Why couldn't she do this one thing right! “I’ve tried everything and still I keep failing. Because of me they’ll die fighting the very beasts they were meant to pilot!”
“None of us can save them!” Y/n was looking down at the ground and, even through the rain, they could feel the tears sliding down their cheeks. “We can’t go back from where we are. We don’t have the time or the ability to save them from those beasts. So we must move forward. If we give up now… everything we went through…everything they are going through... it will be for nothing. And Hyrule will fall.”
Zelda surged forward, collapsing in her friend's arms. She clung to both as a sob tore from her throat. None of them could be strong. Not strong enough. Pressing his hand against Zelda’s back, Link reached out and placed a hand on Y/n’s arm. His voice was gruff, the stress and pain of what they were about to do- what they had already done, was too much for any person to bear. “All that we can do is keep fighting for their sake. We have to keep moving or we lose. We can win. We have to.”
He met Y/n’s eyes and they gave him a soft smile. They pressed their hand against his back and the princesses shoulder drawing both pairs of eyes to them. “No matter what happens, our friends will be by our side. Their wills become ours. And when you face down Ganon, you won’t be doing it alone. You’ll have the love and support of all your friends. All of Hyrule. So save your tears until the battle is won.”
Zelda sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe at her cheek- not that it did much help with how muddy they had gotten from being on the ground. She wanted so badly to give into the crushing weight of everything that had happened. Just this morning she had held hope within her as she climbed mount Lanayru and now… she had lost everyone she loved. Her kingdom had fallen along with her father. All she had left sat here before her. Gazing at her with matching weight on their shoulders. They too felt the chains of destiny closing in around them. But they stood tall. These two bore the weight of the world without complaint and now, they placed their belief in her. The failure of a princess would not fail again. She refused to fail her friends. “Then we have no choice. We have to fight for them… and for each other.”
Y/n smiled at the princess, carefully pulling the trio together so their heads touched. “When this is over we can do as many crazy experiments as you want.”
Laughter bubbled up amongst the trio, smiles breaking through the tough exteriors they had adopted the closer Calamity had gotten. Each of them had suffered at the hands of destiny, and now they would face what could be their final battle.
Y/n choked back a sob as they thought of the sacrifices that had brought them to this point. The sacrifices they would need to make to save Hyrule. All they wanted was for their friends to be able to look over their homes with smiles. For the weights to finally be lifted from their shoulders and allow them to live their lives without the looming threats of their destinies. They knew the knight and the princess could never go forward after all that had happened since Calamity broke through but, if there was something they could do to protect those they had left, Y/n would do whatever it took.
Link watched his friends with a tightness in his chest. They were ready to face Calamity Ganon. He would protect them in the final battle and, when the time came, they would finally be free of the weight of Hyrule. He stood up, reaching a hand to the princess to pull her to her feet. Y/n placed their hand on his cheek, wiping with their thumb as he watched them. They gave a smile and he knew. They had confidence in him. He never viewed himself as a hero, no matter how many times his partner had called him one. But when Y/n looked at him it was like that pressure lifted. Like he really could defeat Ganon. And he would. No matter how long the fight lasted. To finally be able to spend his days doing what he wanted with the person he loved. To be free.
The trio took off again, heading towards the castle. Y/n stuck close this time so they could discuss battle plans with Link. They knew the most Guardians were in the fields near the castle so they would need to find a way past them. They couldn’t release the Guardians from the corruption so they would have to destroy them if they were spotted. The question was if they could destroy that many.
Y/n was starting to wish they had Robbie's anti-Guardian weaponry, even if they weren’t perfected.
------
The answer was no. They could not defeat the Guardians.
They had barely made it halfway through the fields before they were spotted. Once one Guardian had seen them, the rest followed. They were surrounded in seconds and, no matter how many Link and Y/n took down, it seemed like 5 more took their places. They were more than outnumbered. They were losing hope fast.
Y/n shot three bomb arrows into Guardians eyes, barely dodging blasts from two others. As the Guardians collapsed to the ground more followed. Mechanical limbs crushing their brethren to the ground with a deadly screech. They only cared to destroy the champions that stood below them. And it was starting to feel like they would.
Another blast echoed in Y/n’s ears and they felt the burn of the laser against their cheek. Too close! They knocked an arrow when the screech of metal sounded behind them. They barely managed to roll out of the way of a destroyed Guardian collapsing to the ground where they stood. They barely came up from the ground when they were knocked back down again.
“AHHH!”
Y/n could barely hear their scream over the shrieks of metal and the ringing in their ears. Flames crackled around them but the heat was nothing compared to the agony in their shoulder. They had been hit. Their skin still burned like thousands of needles pricking their way across their chest. They could feel nothing and everything at once. Like every nerve in their body was exposed and on fire. They couldn't focus, flames and metal blurring into one. It was over, wasn't it?
“-n… Y/n… Y/N!” Y/n felt the arms around them, a sob tearing through their throat as a hand brushed against the wound. Red eyes finally focused in on teary green orbs. It was only when their vision blurred did they realize tears were falling. The princess was crying too, shouting over the noise as the young Sheikah lay limp in her arms. Her hands slipped on the blood surrounding their shoulder and Y/n shot up with a silent gasp of agony.
“Y/N! You’re okay!”
Y/n stared at the princess in front of them. “Where’s Link?”
Zelda pointed to the center of the battle where the champion fought. Y/n shot to their feet, ignoring the pain that tore through them. They drew back their bowstring. “Whistle so he comes this way princess.”
She whistled as loud as she could and Link spun to the duo. His eyes widened as an arrow streaked past him and he took off. The champion slid behind the pile of fallen Guardians as the bomb arrow exploded. Dust and flames shot into the air creating a cloud over the battlefield.
Y/n ducked under the fallen Guardian with the others, heavy breaths escaping them all. It was only a moment. A single breath of time to plan their next move.
Link was the first to move, lunging forward to inspect his partner. He had seen them fall. Seen the princess holding them in her arms. And he had thought that was it. But here Y/n sat. Injured, but alive. And that was what mattered. That they were alive. He brushed hair away from their face with a shaky smile- honestly more of a grimace. He couldn’t find the words to explain his relief. How much he needed them and that he was happy they were okay, so he stuck with simple. “I love you.”
Y/n smiled back. They always knew what he meant, like they could read every thought in his head. They had felt it too. That moment of fear that they would never see each other again. But they were still here, giving him that goofy grin he loved so much. Despite their pain, Y/n was a rock- solid and unmovable. And they gave him hope. Y/n could smile at him and he could fight until his last breath. “I love you too.”
They sat in each other's arms, taking in the moment they had together. What could be their last moment with each other. Because Y/n had a plan.
“You have to go ahead without me.”
Y/n watched their friend’s faces morph to shock, then anger. Y/n knew they would fight the idea, but they had no choice. Even as their friends protested the idea, the Sheikah held up a hand. “If you and Zelda are to make it to the castle you need a clear path.”
“You can’t take on the Guardians alone!”
“It’s the only choice.”
“You said we fight together.” Y/n met Link’s eyes and they almost broke at the agony in them. They had never seen so much painted across his visage, the boy keeping a stoic face for the sake of his role. But here they were. There weren't enough words to describe the pain they both felt, physically and mentally. They were fighting on the losing side, and now they could lose each other? It was hard to see a point in the fight with so little left.
“Leaving you is my last choice… but I need you- both of you- to survive.”
“And what about you!?”
“I’M NOT THE CHOSEN ONE!” Y/n finally allowed the tears to fall. They didn’t matter. What mattered was guiding the chosen pair to Ganon. As long as Link and Zelda survived, they had completed their duty. Their life never mattered. It didn’t hold the same weight. Choking back their sobbing, Y/n tried to smile. They had their happy moments. Made friends. Fell in love. And now they had to fulfill their destiny. No matter how much it hurt. “Right now our destinies have to part ways… and I don’t know how long we’ll be apart. So I need you to keep fighting, even when I’m not beside you. Because together I know you can beat Ganon.”
“We shouldn’t have to leave you.” Tears were swimming in his cerulean eyes. The only thing that kept Link from crying was the promise he made. He wouldn’t cry until the battle was over. “I can’t lose you. You are my life… and I can’t live without you.”
“You can.” Y/n reached out, caressing his face in their hands. “You will… because I love you. I love you in this life, and the next, and every one that follows. I will stand by you until there isn’t a reason to fight and even then, I’ll stay with you. I. Love. You.”
Link surged forwards, pressing his lips against theirs. It was desperate. He needed to convey everything he felt in the few moments left. That they would stand together no matter what time they were in. They could be ripped apart or thrown through time, or even lose all their memories and they would still share this bond. As long as destiny brought them together, they would connect like perfect halves. They completed each other.
Link was the first to pull away, hands running through Y/n’s hair and over their face. It was like he was trying to memorize every detail about them. Like if he focused he could commit Y/n to memory. He needed to be able to find them again, even if it was only within his own thoughts.
“You need to go.” Y/n broke the trance, whispering the words neither of them wanted to hear.
They had to part ways.
Link pressed a final kiss to Y/n’s forehead before he stood up. Zelda lunged forward to hug the Sheikah, sobs escaping her. She squeezed so tightly Y/n had to bite their tongue to keep the whimper at bay as pain shot through their injuries. They would bare the pain for this moment with their friend. Pulling Zelda close to their form, Y/n whispered encouragement and thanks for their time together.
When Zelda pulled away, she wiped her tears before giving a grin. She may not hold the same belief in herself that the others did, but she would do what she could. She would hold onto the strength of her friends and use it as her weapon. Everyone had protected her for a reason. She would show them it was not in vain.
With their final goodbyes Link and Zelda took off, weaving through the corpses of Guardians. Y/n waited until they had reached the open fields before stepping out from their hiding spot and whistling. Mechanics whirred to life around them as Guardians rose to defense. Y/n drew back their arrows, white hot pain flaring as their shoulder stretched. This would be their final stand. They would give it their all, here and now, so their friends could go on.
The next few moments were a blur of exploding arrows, machines being crushed, and the blasts of lasers. Y/n couldn't keep track of how many times they had pulled back the string of their bow, loosing arrow after arrow in order to keep the masses of mechanical beasts focused on their being. They reached for their quiver once more, red eyes focused on the glowing eyes of the Guardians targeting them, only to come up empty. There were no arrows left.
There was no more hiding. All the Sheikah had left were the dual blades strapped to their side and the hope their speed would be fast enough to survive.
Y/n pulled out their blades, taking off towards the closest Guardian. They jumped up the front, thrusting their blade into its eye before flipping onto the next. The process of picking off Guardians continued as the Champion flipped and twisted their way through the masses of mechanical monsters.
Flipping off the top of a Guardian, the Sheikah noticed Guardians getting away from them. They had noticed the others! Y/n ran towards where their friends were and, in their panic, missed the giant arm heading their way.
CRUNCH
With a strangled cry, the Sheikah champion hit the ground. They tried to stand, curling in on themselves as they hit the ground again with a sob. There were too many. Y/n was exhausted. Everything hurt. So. Much.
Letting out a cough, Y/n felt a warm liquid trickle down their face. They could hear the Guardian closing in on them. The rest seemed to have lost interest when the champion fell, allowing this one to make sure it was for the last time. Propping themselves up, Y/n could see the red target on their chest. Mustering all the strength left in their body, they launched their sword at the Guardian. It struck the eye and, twitching in its failure, the beast fell. Unfortunately, this drew the rest of the Guardians back to the young Sheikah on the ground. Y/n fell back to the ground.
Thump.
Guardians picked their way over mounds of mechanical parts.
Thump.
Y/n closed their eyes.
Thump.
At least it didn’t hurt anymore.
BOOM!
Golden light erupted across the fields of Hyrule, extinguishing the flames and sucking the light from the Guardians deadly eyes.
It was warm.
Y/n smiled. Zelda had done it. She wasn’t a failure. She had unlocked her sealing powers and finally, Ganon would know defeat once more.
Y/n watched the clouds clear from the sky, stars beginning to light up the night. They supposed Ganon had pulled back from the golden aura. Maybe one day they could lay under the stars with Link. Swallowing the metallic taste of their blood the fallen warrior reached a hand up. They basked in the light of the stars twinkling above. It was like they were waving the champion up to their sides. As Y/n’s light faded, the stars grew brighter, blurring together into one light.
And with a soft breath, the Sheikah Champion allowed themselves to rest at last.
------
100 years later Link stood there watching over the fields of Hyrule. Calamity Ganon had finally been defeated. Zelda was safe as was Hyrule. The duo had made their way down from the wreckage of the castle, ready to begin their new adventure. They were free of their destiny, but the memories would follow with them forever. The Hylian Champion felt a tug and he spun back to face the castle. There above floated the spirits of his fellow Champions. Finally free from the corruption of Ganon and his malice beasts. But what stole the breath from his lungs was the spirit of the one he loved- Y/n- floating there with a grin on their face. Noticing him watching, they sent him a goofy wave, knocking their spectral arm against Revali. Link let out a snort. They never changed. Their lights began to dim as the Champions began to walk away leaving him to watch their final goodbyes. He smiled softly as he saw Y/n mouth ‘I love you’, a hand pressing against their heart, something he was quick to respond to. With one last wave, the Sheikah Champion faded away. And as Link watched the spirits of his friends- his love- fade into light, he let a tear fall quickly followed by more.
The battle was won.
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highqueenofelfhame · 3 years
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Hi I saw your post about fics being in character and I thought this could be a good opportunity to share some insight to help people who struggle with their characterization. I love your writing and ask could you share some traits you see as 'core' Rowan and Aelin traits? Maybe more valuably, would you be open to sharing your process for what you look for in the text when understanding characters, what stands out to you and what you make sure to include vs what you don't? I understand if this isn't something you want to share and I send this ask with good intentions and respect and hope this can start a productive discussion, no drama. Thanks :))
totally okay that you asked this!!
i think part of it is that i have read everything up to EoS so many times. like at least four times each and i've read heir of fire and queen of shadows probably six times each. i've only read kingdom of ash once bc it's still too painful to read again lmaoooo.
when i write i also always look for any chance i can to make parallels. i love making canon parallels to anything from small moments to bigger ones that are more recognizable. like the rowaelin qos reunion, rowan's "where is my wife" moment. rowan and aelin sparring in any capacity, like, anything like that. because i think that helps when you're pulling from the text and putting them into situations where you know how they interact with them, and it makes it easier to add in bits and pieces before and after. if that makes any kind of sense. (this also goes for legit any ship that i write. nessian, feysand, etc. pulling from the text and putting them in familiar situations will always help.)
as far as traits go, one of my major ones that i always try to keep in mind is rowaelin's loyalty to each other. rowan is like loyal to aelin almost to a fault sometimes. he will do anything and everything for her. when it comes that's why their thing is "to whatever end." they will follow each other to whatever end and beyond.
aelin has a very low opinion of herself. she thinks that she's expendable compared to those around her. she is very depressed sometimes and i think it gets overlooked a lot. (when i get my books back from my sister, i plan on doing a meta about this.) but she's been through a lot in her life and i try to keep that in mind in a lot of au's. some au's that are heavier (like iihasts and fafs) i try to pull on that. her mental health is very important to a lot of the way she handles things. post KOA, i know this girl has PTSD. it's evident in the way she handles a lot and takes a long time to warm back up to rowan in kingdom of ash. but she was tortured and manipulated for months. she's not okay.
people (in the books) also call her selfish A LOT but most of what she does she does for other people. she even spared dorian the weight of killing his father and told him she did it. like, come on.
as celaena, she does lean on the more selfish side, but as aelin she's doing everything she does for the greater good of the entire world. she didn't forge that lock for herself. she forged that lock for a better tomorrow for everyone she loved. which is incredibly selfless. she would also completely throw down to keep her loved ones safe.
the arrogant behavior is such an act. she's not really like that, it's a cover to hide everything she's truly feeling inside, to protect herself, to keep people from truly getting to know her. she can flip her personality to better suit the situation and the people she's around. she's mostly only her true self around aedion, lysandra, and rowan. i don't even think she really reveals herself to the rest of the cadre for probably a very long time. she picks fights when she's hurting the most and rowan is really the first person to see and recognize that. (very evident in hof when she sees what a good person gallan appears to be and goes and picks a bar fight immediately. or when arobynn humiliates her and she wears her nicest jewels to try to intentionally get robbed so she can start a fight.)
the reality is that she's an insanely hard worker, she keeps going and going and going to meet to meet her goals. she's a master strategist and very quick on her feet in any situation she finds herself in. she feels isolated (which goes back to her depression and ptsd) and she feels misunderstood. but she has been known to literally give the cloak off her back (with kaltain) and the money in her pocket (with yrene) and doesn't expect anything in return. literally nothing in return. she just did it out of the goodness of her own heart, yet she's constantly filled with self doubt that she's a bad person because people tell her that she is (chaol literally calls her a monster and she holds onto that and ends up asking rowan if she is one.)
she gives a lot of forgiveness and second chances, except to abusers. she pulls no punches with them. yet even with arboynn, she made sure there were no redeeming qualities left before letting lysandra kill him. instead of seeing it as a victory, though, she just felt hollow. she doesn't take joy in killing these people. she is not a bad person.
she feels a lot of guilt when she feels she could have stopped things. i think she carries those moments with her. which is why she helped those people the king wanted dead to escape in com. she has no problem ending people that deserve the punishment, but when they don't, she does what she can to help them.
rowan is so respectful. he finally gets his mate and his wife and his love back and he's consistently giving her the space she requires when it's so hard for him to not just touch her. he puts his own needs aside consistently based on what aelin needs.
he's a complete and total hardass to other people but is so soft for her. but he's also territorial about her. he's protective of her. but never at the cost of what she needs and wants. however, he will put his foot down and make people swallow their own tongues if they're disrespectful toward her. but he's also respectful toward everyone, not just aelin. he can prove his points without physical violence even if he would want to.
in that same vein, if you're doing enemies to lovers, he doesn't understand her at first. he think's she's spoiled and doesn't have a single clue about the trauma she's been through and he's very hard on her. he treats her like another warrior in their training. he doesn't go easy on her just because she's a woman (which also still comes from a place of respect) but the second he finds out about her trauma the way he treats her shifts. he becomes protective because he doesn't put up with that kind of shit. he isn't torturing her in their training, in fact aelin in hof says that he's brilliant even if he beats the shit out of her every damn day. a lot of people try to twist that into a thing of abuse, but again, he's training her like a warrior. he doesn't coddle her and she doesn't want to be coddled. again, this comes from a place of respect.
he also learns from his mistakes and tries to right them, and takes action to better himself from it as soon as he can. this is important. he has the humility to apologize, whether it be by actions or words. he doesn't ask for credit in the things he does and ends up kind of making jokes about it. i think he has a lot of humility at the end of the day. he is quick to forgive others when it's deserved but has a lot of trouble forgiving himself. this is also important.
but rowan also has a playful side with aelin. they have witty banter that they exchange even when they're not totally on board with the other. he's funny in subtle ways, and toward the end of the series we see that he's so wholly comfortable with her that he even gets a little silly.
after his own trauma, he also falls into a very deep depression. for centuries. it took aelin coming along for him to come back out of his shell. everyone gave up on him, but aelin never did. just like he never gave up on her, and they were able to walk out of that darkness together. i also think he feels a lot of guilt when innocent lives get put in danger and risk or die at his hands when he felt he could have stop it, much like aelin.
rowan is also very calm in most situations. he's able to work out solutions like the warrior that he is even when other people are losing their minds, which makes him a very good soldier and eventually king.
i could keep going but this is getting wildly long lol. i hope this helps even a little. thank you to @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @punkassbookjockey26 for helping me with my thoughts as i'm still exhausted from surgery and healing.
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Text
Gladiolus.
Description: Jihyun Kim knew what he had to do to protect both Saeran and Saeyoung, but what happens when he realizes that he needs to help himself and change the course of his life to accomplish it? Will he have the strength to be the Dad that he needs to be for them in the face of his mistakes and victories?
Photographer Saeran AU
Word Count: 10500
Based on this idea and thanks to @dailysaeran​ for drawing baby Saeran!
[Read on AO3]
Jihyun had heard that the winds of change could come into your life and dismantle everything that you thought would last forever. Life wasn’t always a constant stream where the water would twist and turn around the rocks the same way. The weather would change, the temperature would change, the currents would change, and even the animals that lived in the water would change as the seasons passed. 
It had been something that he had gone through twice before, but this change wasn’t one that he ever expected to come. It had been a realization that had been a long time coming, but he hadn’t allowed himself to see just how much he needed to stop and reflect on the man that he became as his life shifted to much more mature adulthood. 
The first time things changed, he lost his dear mother and it changed the way that he believed in love. Her adoration and commitment to him had made him believe that he needed to care for the people he loved no matter what, without fail, even if it meant that he would sacrifice himself. In hindsight, now he was able to see how this extreme wasn’t the right way to handle his feelings towards others. 
His mother had always loved him and wanted the best for him. But, at that time,  he had been a stubborn young man who had layered issues with his mother. It wasn’t her fault that his father had taught him to feel complicated about his mother, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that V had come to realize too late that his father had manipulated him to believe in his lies. He had been so afraid as a child of his father seeing his true passion. 
His fears and insecurities forced him into pushing his mother away over and over again, but she kept believing in him and pushing for him to find his dream. Her sacrifice for him during the fire that claimed her life had been what changed Jihyun forever. He thought that to love someone, he had to give everything for the rest of his life, even if that meant trying to help someone by being too pushy. 
His mistake here had nearly cost him everything. 
It had almost destroyed him, in the same way, that his mother had been destroyed by her love and compassion for her son whom she loved dearly. He had learned the wrong lesson and it was only recently that he was able to understand that. 
The second time things changed, he had met Rika, and by extension, he would eventually come into contact with Saeyoung. His love life with Rika had always been intense, blinding as the sun as the two of them tangled their broken hearts looking for a savior to believe in. But, their love wasn’t right for one another at the end of the day, and the more they argued the less idyllic their reality became. 
He wanted to help Rika escape from her nightmares and trauma, but he had no idea how to help her in the way that she needed him to. He thought that allowing her to fixate on her darkest and scariest thoughts by subjecting him to them instead of herself, would help her to break free of the chain. She was a star that was on the brink of exploding when he met her, and every single day, he idealized this and found a muse within it. 
It hadn’t been a healthy relationship once their feelings became tangled with the fruits of poison but as that realization grew to a fever pitch, V couldn’t ignore the cycle that had been created. Even if they ignored it and tried to make things work, it was never going to work and they were needless in the way that they continued to subject themselves to something that would never make them feel the love that they deserved. 
Everyone thought that their love was perfect, but it was far from the truth. This was realized just as they began to help the twins. Saeyoung and Saeran Choi were two young boys who had been living in hell their entire lives, and they were trapped in a cycle of abuse that they could not get out of on their own. Rika had been taking care of Saeyoung for a while, gaining his trust through the church and trying to help him bring more food and clothes home to his sickly twin. 
She’d known him for quite some time before Jihyun met him. But, Rika had been upfront with him about the life that this young boy lived, and it didn’t take much consideration for him to so badly want to help. Saeyoung was willing to do anything, try something, or beg if it meant that his brother could be safe and sound away from harm. Their mother was using them to blackmail their father into getting whatever she wanted, and without them, she wouldn’t be able to assert that control. 
Rika, at first, wanted to simply remove the boys in the dead of night and run. V thought that wasn’t a bad idea, but when Saeyoung admitted the identity of his father, they both knew in their hearts that running wasn’t going to be a viable option. 
It was in their hunt to find a way to get the older twin an escape that V met someone from the agency. A fan of his that loved to buy up so many of his photographs happened to be working for an underground facility that took any intelligent young people under their wings. The man spun it to him like being an escape from reality, an action movie suddenly came to life that would give the budding Choi a place to learn how to use his skills to protect himself. 
As Saeyoung had proven to be quite skillful with programming, the books that he had been studying that had been given to him by Rika had come in handy. He was able to prove that his skill was worth the trouble it would take to train him properly to the man, and Jihyun was able to make a deal through that, giving Saeyoung safety within the confines of secret protection where his hacking skills could eventually help him hide everything about himself and his brother. 
For the time being, Saeyoung would have to let go of his twin to go into the agency to study and become what they wanted him to be. There was no telling how long he would owe the agency his life and skill, it could’ve been years or it could’ve lasted his entire life. But, the deal would give him time to figure out how to become the strongest person that he could be. It would allow him to protect his brother, which is all he wanted.
In making this deal with the agency, he made a second deal with V for it. Saeyoung was a very firm negotiator when he wanted to be. The promise was that as long as Saeyoung was in the care of the agency, V and/or Rika would have to care for his brother and keep him hidden. It was this large promise to make that meant that everything in their lives would change, but V took this deal because he knew it was the right thing to do. He wanted nothing more than to protect those boys with his entire heart. 
He had never been this committed to the idea of protecting children before, but he supposed that he saw his pain in their eyes. He never wanted to see another child hurt from whatever they lived through, no matter how deep the pain buried itself into their bodies. This deal was made and the older twin had to leave without warning. His heart ached to know that he couldn’t tell his twin where he was going. 
People in the agency weren’t allowed to have connections with family or loved ones. If they did, people would use them as collateral and the agency couldn’t have their members breaking down every time someone wound up kidnapped or used a prop. Saeyoung couldn’t stomach the idea of knowing that his brother would get hurt when this was to protect him, so when the day came and he had to leave? 
He hugged his brother tightly as he was still resting and apologized, leaving during the time before the sun rose with just the clothes on his back. Saeran would be okay, but he had to break his heart into pieces to do it. His little brother was everything to him and just knowing that he could taste some kind of freedom was all he needed to choose to leave. Saeyoung had tears in his eyes that day, but he never stopped smiling. 
Those words that Saeyoung spoke still haunted him somewhat, as the undaunted expression in his eyes grew; “Saeran will have a good life. I know he will. He’ll be free to look at the grounds and get any kind of ice cream that he wants after dinner from now on. He’ll get to experience all kinds of firsts… he can read, draw, and try all kinds of things with you, V. He’ll make friends, he’ll fall in love, he’ll have everything that he could ever want. Thank you.” 
That hung heavy on V’s shoulders as it was a tall order to fulfill. But, he took that promise and he kept it deeply interwoven inside of his heart. Even as his and Rika’s relationship came to an end in a matter of seconds. Rika realized after just a short time being around Saeran that his pain was too great compared to her own, and it reminded her too much of her mother and the pain that she had suffered. 
She wanted to protect Saeran, but this realization had given her the ugly truth. She couldn’t give him the love that he needed alongside V… because her heart was still wounded, and she wanted to heal herself in the right way before she tried to help someone in need in the way that he truly needed. His pain was like her own, and in seeing that, she knew that she needed to end things with V to be able to help herself. 
As they had been growing apart over some time, V understood why she chose to do this and he knew that it was coming no matter what happened. They had never been perfect for each other and trying to force themselves to stay together to take care of Saeran simply wasn’t going to help that child in need. 
Rika dedicated herself back to going to therapy consistently and decided to put all her energy into creating the RFA so she could help Saeran and other children like him that way, removed from the situation but still close enough to provide help.
She loved V but their love couldn’t ever be more than what it had always been, mere infatuation and trying to cover their wounds with a meager bandaid that couldn’t heal the problem. He cared for her greatly but at the end of the day, love could not bloom and prosper in a garden without a drop of water in the intense heat of the sun. 
V understood his failing in their relationship as well, and through her insistence, as well as the urging of Jumin, he decided that he needed to get help for himself as well. Even if getting help was such a taboo in his culture, he knew that he needed it. He knew that his heart was wounded and to be a better man, he had to acknowledge what he had gone through. After all, if he was to be Saeran’s father, he wanted to be worthy of the title. 
He wanted to be able to prove to not only himself but everyone around him that he could do the right thing. It wasn’t easy for him to face his demons but it was a process that he wanted to start for his heath. While that started and he and Rika separated, he slowly took the time to lure Saeran away from his mother’s grasp day by day. It started with Rika convincing the woman to let him come to the cathedral every so often. 
But, in due time, the longer that Saeran was gone, the less time that his mother was aware of her surroundings and the people around herself. 
She had been drinking often since Saeyoung had left and it left her out of her mind for lengthy periods. When she was too dazed to even process what her name was, much less where her child was, that’s when V and Rika snuck in during the dead of night when she was passed out and there was no sign of any watchful eyes from Saejoong Choi. 
Saeran was removed from her household and brought to V’s house in the secluded mountains, far from the city but just close enough that they wouldn’t have a lengthy drive if push came to shove and they needed something. 
That woman was left in her despair but her fate hung in the balance the minute that she was left alone. They took extreme measures to make it look like the boys hadn’t even lived there in the first place, but whatever Saejoong Choi decided to do with that woman… it would be the price of her sins to face alone now that she no longer could use the boys as puppets. Neither V nor Rika would look back or try to discern her true fate. 
It would be up to fate in that case and they would shield Saeran from that reality as much as they could. He might have cared for the idea of his mother as he craved a family where he was wanted and loved, but she wasn’t someone who truly loved her sons. They couldn’t be properly called her sons because she never treated them the way a mother should treat their child. She simply did not deserve that title. 
Regardless, with Saeran under his care, he was finally able to wake up one morning and know that he had a bed that couldn’t be taken away from him. He’d been given his bedroom with anything that he could desire. Saeyoung had told them about some of the things that he liked and it helped them figure out what to gift him to make him feel more at home. 
It was a lot for Saeran all at once, though. 
His eyes flooded with tears that day as he realized that he had a bed for the first time in his life. He looked back at V and asked him, “Is that mine?” The twins had slept on a mat on the floor with only a single blanket to share between them. Saeran often wound up wearing the blanket after he fell asleep because Saeyoung would refuse to take it. So, a bed was like the biggest gift this child had ever seen. 
Saeran’s eyes flooded with tears as he hugged V without thinking, looking at him with the most joyful expression in his eyes. V felt his heart jump when he did, and a lump grew in his throat as he ruffled the boy’s hair and smiled in return. This was what Saeyoung wanted, his twin to be able to have the very thing that they had been denied from their birth, a home with a family that would protect him.
He had been barely fourteen years old, but the way his donated clothes clung to his body and how short he was, he could’ve passed easily as a ten-year-old, at best. He was small and barely able to hold himself up most days but that had been a happy moment for him. Saeran had only let go of V to race to the bed, flopping onto the soft mattress and rolling onto his back, laughing and giggling with glee. 
His room was a paradise of pinks and blues, very gentle pastels that would cloak him with the sunshine that he had been denied. His room had a large window that he could open if he wanted to see the sky or feel the fresh breeze on his face once again. 
There was a view of the garden in the back and the massive trees that lead into the forest further behind that. He could see all of the things that he never could have locked away in his mother’s house.
There were plushies and toys carefully tucked into the room as well since Saeyoung had been firmly adamant that his twin loved to color and all the picture books that he had received made him long for toys and soft things to hold onto. 
There was one gift in that room that hadn’t been chosen by V… and it was a ginger tabby cat plushie, something that Saeyoung picked out for him after he snuck out to go shopping with V one day. 
If Saeran were to flip the tag around its neck, he would see his brother’s handwriting on the back plain as day. It didn’t say his brother’s name on it but it did say, “For Saeran,” and that would be the only clue his twin needed to understand that it was a gift from Saeyoung. He would discover it when V left him to acclimate to his new room by himself, eyes laced with happy tears as he’d realize his twin had given him a gift. 
It meant that his brother was alive and this was where he wanted him to be.
Saeran was hopeful after that, his eyes sparkling with relief and joy. V couldn’t tell him where his twin was or anything about him, but the gift was enough. It was a gesture that would be able to tide him over and keep his heart happy, knowing that he hadn’t been abandoned and his twin hadn’t been killed by their father. 
It was a simple gesture but it was the only thing that he could think of to bypass the agency before they even knew it was a problem. 
Of course, this opened up another can of worms that V had to deal with. The fact of the matter was, Saeran couldn’t keep his red hair. Even if he was hidden away from the rest of the world and safe with him, they couldn’t trust that his father wasn’t still looking. He would be hunting around for boys with red hair and golden eyes. 
V had to explain this to Saeran, who felt a little dejected about not being able to keep his hair but after he learned why he had to change it, he was okay with it. After all, he knew that he could be able to dye it back someday if he wanted. But, for the time being, he had to dye his hair to look like V’s did. This was for a very good reason and it worked with the backstory that he was going to tell people if they asked about him having a child. 
Through the false documentation that he was able to create thanks to the channel he had created with his informants, he was able to create an entire fabricated life for Saeran. It took a lot of time to look into his mother’s side, but he was able to make it seem as though Saeran was just a very distant cousin of his from the states that had no other family to turn to. It meant he wouldn’t be in the family registry since it was distant. 
It was close enough that a doctored birth certificate and some basic paperwork could give him a new identity overall. It took a lot of money to make it as perfect and legal as possible, but it was well worth the price he paid. To the South Korean government as far as they were concerned in the matter, Saeran would simply be known as Ray Kim, the adopted child of Jihyun Kim. It was as simple as that. 
Saeran had been adamant about the name since he got to pick what people would call him. He thought about it for a while until he stumbled upon an interesting idiom. He noticed that nice people were called a Ray of Sunshine. Saeran felt connected with that idea, he wanted so badly to be happy enough that people would never think he was lonely and pathetic. 
He wanted to be that person that looked so happy they glowed. 
If Saeyoung was watching over him now, he wanted his brother to know that he was happy. So, his new name should’ve been happy. V agreed and let him pick that name since he was giving up a lot to be able to have this freedom in the first place. He was a child that had been saved but he still had limitations on what he could do. Being able to choose his name was one of the small luxuries. 
Of course, as soon as the paperwork was ready, V had to dye his hair himself. It took a while to lighten his red locks to a color that would accept the mint dye, but Saeran was a good sport for the entire time that he had to sit there at the table, letting V do his hair in layers as everything started to process. It took a few hours but by the end of it, Saeran’s red was washed away and replaced with a color that was no different than V’s. 
The child looked into the mirror once his hair had dried out, blinking a few times at his reflection since he didn’t recognize it at first. His golden eyes stared back at him so he knew that it was his face in the mirror but it felt weird not to see his twin’s face reflected with his own. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t okay. 
It was okay. 
He knew it would be okay. 
In a quiet voice, he asked, “Do you think Saeyoung would be upset because I don’t look like him anymore?” 
“Saeyoung would be happy that you’re safe here,” V said. He rested his hand against Saeran’s shoulder and they looked back at their reflections together this time. “You’ll always look like your brother, even if you don’t have the same hair color. Nobody can ever take that connection away from you, Saeran. Never forget that.” 
“Okay.” 
“Do you want to try on the contacts, too? You don’t have to use them when we’re at home, but if we leave the house for something together, I’ll need you to wear them, okay? So, it’d be nice to try to practice getting them off and on your eyes.” 
“Are they this color, too?”
“I picked a few different colors out, Saeran. What would you like to try?” 
“Um, what about green? It’s like the grass!” 
“We can try that.” 
  —
  Saeran adjusted as best he could.
Everything changed so much for him after he finally felt secure. He had room to sleep in, he had a house that could leave whenever he wanted, and he had a new member of his family who liked to listen to him talk for hours about all of the new things that he was doing. V even said that once he felt like he was ready, he could start going to school and hang out with kids his age. 
That was a little scary for Saeran to think about. He wasn’t sure about going out in the open with people… he was still scared of being caught by his father and getting his brother into trouble. It was a sad reality that he faced but the decision was ultimately left in his hands if he wanted to go to school with other kids or he simply wanted V to hire him a proper tutor to come and visit the house every week. 
Saeran was curious about school… about kids his age. Back at the cathedral, he didn’t talk much to the other kids because he had felt too shy to approach them. He had spoken to some of the kids a few times during the playtime that they had whilst the parents were in the middle of their mass, but he always got too anxious to talk to them beyond a few quiet “hello”s. 
It was hard to imagine making friends. 
It was hard to imagine going to school, too. 
But, everything he saw on the television made it seem like it might be fun. What if Saeyoung was going to a school? Would he want him to go, too? He wasn’t so sure about it, but he could think about it and try to guess what it would be like. After all, V went to a school when he’d been a kid, so that meant that it was safe, right? 
Saeran was a gentle soul that liked to learn how to do everything… every meal was spent trying to show him how to do something. Cleaning up meant that he wanted to help V every step of the way, and for the time that he wasn’t trying to learn skills, he could be found outside in the garden that was growing stronger outside. The flowers and vegetables had caught his eye, again. 
He spent a lot of time learning about them at the cathedral but he didn’t have long to study the picture book that V got him when he was stuck with his mother. He liked learning about how they drew and what they meant when you shared them with other people. Saeran thought it was interesting that people could share secrets between petals and stems. 
They were all so pretty and he liked talking to them whenever he could. They were like his friends even if they couldn’t talk back to him. He never had someone who listened so much before so he liked that about them. His flowers were everything to him, and he felt like they could be what he needed to get by instead of school! 
Even if he was curious about what it felt like to have friends that could talk back to him. His flowers were good enough, right? 
V told him that flowers grow better when you talk to them, and he took that belief inside of his heart without question. Even though there was so much that he wanted to share with the flowers, he always ran out of time when the sunset. If he could’ve spent all his time in that little garden, he would have. Though, he was always sad on rainy days when couldn’t go outside and see his friends. 
He would curl up on the couch with his plushie and stare up at the ceiling for a while, letting his mind wander with thoughts that seemed endless. He was lonely, now, even if he had a family of flowers and V with him. Maybe V was right, he wondered, maybe it would be nice to have some friends that he could talk to just as much as he loved talking to his flower friends. What if he was allowed to have both? 
After a particularly stormy day and night that hadn’t let him go outside, Saeran practically leaped at the chance to go outside again. He didn’t even think to ask if V was going to come with him, his little legs just carried him through the house and out the backdoor as fast as they could. He found his way around the puddles and beamed, leaning over with his hands on his knees to inspect his friends. 
They looked like they had gotten a lot of water overnight but after how dry it had been, he wasn’t too scared for them. He just wished that he had a chance to see them even when it was raining badly. His flower friends made his day feel a little bit brighter so seeing them made them was always a good feeling he had. He just didn’t know how to see them if it was raining so much all the time!
That’s when Jihyun appeared beside him, crouching down in the dirt next to Saeran with his camera in hand. Saeran cocked his head and looked at him, unsure why he had come to this part of their garden right away. He lifted the viewfinder to his face and pointed it at one of the flowers that he had been admiring, then he lowered the device and showed the image to Saeran. 
With curious and amazing eyes, Saeran found himself staring at a reflection of the flower. He’d known that V took photos of things that were kind of like what he saw on the walls of their little house but those were all of the sky and stars. There weren’t photos of flowers in the house, there were a few paintings, but no flower pictures. 
He didn’t realize that pictures could be taken of things that were on Earth. Technology was still kind of a fickle thing for Saeran. He had a hard time understanding how things worked, trying to figure out how televisions made their picture happen, how phones could call people if they didn’t have a connection with a string, how cameras worked, how lights functioned to off and on, how a sink made water, and more. 
The house that he lived in with his brother didn’t have a lot of things. The kitchen they had was small and he wasn’t allowed in it. His brother would have to get him food and water, and if he’d ever walked into the kitchen without his mother dragging him in there, he would get hurt in the process. He never looked around. He always looked at his feet. 
It felt like he didn’t know how anything worked. He always tried to guess how they worked, but the only answer that he could come up with was magic. It made sense in the storybook that he’d read once. Magic seemed like a really good answer, but he couldn’t ever find the fairy or witch that was making it work! 
What made V’s camera work? 
He was utterly mystified by what he was seeing on the device. He liked the photos that V took of the sky but… he never thought that this was something he could do. V always had a lot of big cameras that he would take outside during the day and night to take longer photos. He said something about exposure, but Ray didn’t know what he meant. 
He just knew that whatever magic he did made those really pretty photos of the fluffy clouds come into their living room. V had hung the photo that Saeran liked the most in his room after he asked if he could look at the photo for a while. He thought that asking meant that V would let him look at his screen for a while, but he printed the photo out and put it up when he was asleep. It was a nice surprise! 
He spoke up without knowing what he said aloud, “You… you can take pictures of flowers, too? I thought your camera only worked the sky.” 
A small smile appeared on V’s face. He paused as if an idea came to mind, and then he leaned over and pressed the camera into Saeran’s hands. Saeran was surprised and looked down at the device in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with it. He was nervous he might drop it if V let him hold it, so he tried to hand it back, but V insisted with another gentle nudge towards him to keep it. 
“Lift the camera and look at the screen,” V tapped his finger against the top of the camera where he was staring. “Notice how it shows you what you already see in the garden? 
Saeran did as he said, and he noticed the world moved much as it did on television on that small screen. Oh, so, did the cameras that took pictures to take the videos, too? That seemed to make sense to him. He could see the Gladiolus reflected on the monitor. There were a lot of buttons that did things but he didn’t know what they did. 
Saeran pursed his lips and looked back at V, “How do you make it work like that? I mean, how do you take the picture?” 
“I’d be happy to show you. Can I?” 
“Uh-huh.” 
So, V adjusted Saeran’s hold on the camera. He helped him place one firm hand on the lens and another on the side of the camera. Then, he showed him how to focus the lens and how to clear up the picture. Saeran felt a little weird about it since this was his first time holding a camera but V was patient as his uncertainty slowly washed away. 
He looked at the flower outside of the lens at first, then he looked at the screen again. Saeran thought about it. Would the picture look the same as the real thing? Would someone who saw the photo know exactly what Saeran felt when he was looking at the flower? Or, would they guess as to what he felt? Would they feel that fluttering feeling, too?
“When you want to take a photo, you hit the button. Go ahead, give it a try.” 
Saeran hit the switch on the side of the camera and waited a few seconds for the image to show itself on the screen. A wide smile appeared on his face as soon as it did. He couldn’t believe it! He’d taken a photo and it looked just like his flower! Lowering the camera soon, he looked at V who was smiling, too. 
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He wished that he could show Saeyoung! He never took a photo before and this one reminded him of his brother so much! He was happy, so happy that he had been able to try something new, that he didn’t even realize that he had begun to giggle, “I did it! Dad, I did it! I took the photo!” 
“You did a good job, Saeran. Would you like to keep trying?” 
V ruffled his hair once again, the mint locks growing messy around his eyes as it would always do whenever the man did that. The breeze was no different, further messing up his hair but he’d decided he didn’t care about that. His hair could be as messy as he wanted and nobody would get onto him for it. 
Saeran’s smile didn’t fade away this time. The prospect that he was allowed to try something more than just once was still a foreign feeling, but it was one that he wasn’t afraid of. “Do you mean it? I can take more photos? I don’t have to just take one of them? I can take anything I want?” 
“Of course, Saeran. I’d be happy to show you how to take pictures of anything you want. There is no limit to what you can take. Those flowers, those trees, the lake just beyond them, the sky, the clouds, you, me, anything you want! I remember you said that you wanted to be able to see your flowers even when it was rainy… and this way you can. You can take pictures of as many flowers as you want.” 
Saeran’s eyes sparkled with excitement. He turned away from V and began to look around the garden for anything that might catch his eye. He didn’t know where to start. He never expected to be able to do something like this! What kind of pictures would he like to see? Oh, could he take photos like V and surprise him the way that he did? 
There were so many ideas running through him and he knew that he wanted to try all of them as soon as he could. 
He was renewed with the idea that maybe, just maybe he would be able to send these photos to his brother somehow. Wouldn’t Saeyoung love to see them? He gripped the device tightly in his hands and set off into the garden leaving V as he went to take photos of everything. His eyes looking at the earth and the sky, taking photos of everything without feeling like he was being held down. 
If he could have photos with him whenever he went off what he loved, he wouldn’t be afraid to try new things anymore. It wouldn’t be scary because he wouldn’t be alone. He could have the stars, the sun, the clouds, the sky, the flowers, his house, V, himself, and anything else that he could think of with him anywhere. 
If it was printed or on this camera, he could have it any time he wanted it without having to make a fuss. He wouldn’t have to ask V if he could go outside first, he could sit at the table and see his things while he tried to do other things inside! The idea made him happy and the camera that was in his hand made him feel liberated. 
Saeran wondered as if V would let him borrow his camera all the time!
   —
 Seasons passed and life changed just as quickly as the tides could crash against the shore of your favorite beach. It had been a few years since V had adopted Ray and ever since then, his life had been on a path that was leading him upward to the stars instead of down below to where waters lay underneath his feet. 
Ray had been able to go to school and attend the same one that his dad had attended without trouble, and nobody once ever questioned him or thought twice about who he was. They all thought him to be Ray Kim, and nobody had any reason to think that he wasn’t who he said he was. They all assumed that he was who he said he was from the start and that had cleared up a lot of Ray’s fears. 
It couldn’t have worked out any better. Ray had been scared to try new things for such a long time but the reality was when V gave him his first camera… It was like a whole new world of opportunity was handed to him. V spent hours showing Ray how to use his camera and he was a faster learner, constantly taking notes and tinkering with ideas that he had just as quickly as he read on what to do.
The camera meant so much to Ray that V decided to give it to him. He had the money to afford a new one, anyway, so he wasn’t too worried about that. It meant more to him that Ray had this thing that made him happy. He loved taking pictures a lot. It reminded V of when he used to use all of his time as a child drawing and painting, and when he saw that passion in Ray’s eyes that he had once seen in himself? 
He realized what his mother had meant all those years ago. 
She hadn’t been trying to pry into his life or make him do something she wanted. She wanted him to follow his heart. Through therapy, he was able to focus on learning that fact. 
He wanted to show his mother that he could do what she did, or at least, what she tried to do. He wanted to support Ray’s dream to be an artist, to be a photographer, too. 
Ray’s photos were… breathtaking and he only got better with time and practice. His skill was astounding, he was capable of tricks and feats that had taken V years to figure out on his own so it meant everything to know that giving Ray a camera had been the right thing to do. Even as he got older and studied hard, he never let go of his passion with his camera. 
When he wasn’t doing his homework, or spending time with his gardening club, he was taking photos. 
His skills were well-admired. 
V knew that Ray had potential and he wanted to help him chase that dream even further, but he also knew that Ray’s face couldn’t be shown as the artist for now. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t worthy of a gallery with his name on it but he deserved something to prove how much his hard work meant. 
He was stubborn, polite, hard-working, and determined to pay people back for kindness. He never asked V very much if he could help it. Even Jumin had commented that his son was rather selfless time and time again, jesting that he had been spending too much time with his father. 
All and all, Ray had grown into an upstanding young man who had a bright future ahead of him, even if he couldn’t have everything. He had a family and friends that cared about him, and he was so very far from the little frightened boy that he had once been. Nobody would have ever believed that the boy with mint curls was once a redhead who lived in fear, clutching to his twin like he was a lifeline.
The RFA had prospered as well, though Ray wasn’t a member of the group. 
He was anxious around big parties and crowds so it was better for him to avoid that. But, he still spoke to the members that were in the group that his Dad belonged to. He liked talking to Jumin, as it turned out, they had a lot in common. Ray was polite and formal when he spoke, and Jumin’d been like that all his life. So, they hit it off great. 
There had been some trips V and Jumin took, bringing Ray along with them to the countryside since he couldn’t leave Korea for his safety. Ray often spent those days staring at everything he could find and asking Jumin about the history or background of the places they traveled. He loved to learn and listen, and Jumin loved to share that with someone. It humbled V to see his friend and son get along. 
Jaehee was courteous to Ray as he often was with her, though, he was the first person to ask Jumin to make fewer cat projects to quote, “not stress Miss Jaehee out.” Ray liked to talk to her because she’d always listen to whatever he was invested in. He would, in turn, listen to her talk about Zen for a while. Their friendship was built on having someone close by who knew what it felt like to want to be heard. 
Speaking of Zen, the actor spent a lot of time looking out for Ray… somehow even more so than Yoosung. It might have been because Ray was awfully small for his height and if someone tried to fight him, he’d probably lose before they breathed on him. Zen was always trying to give him advice about the world and Ray took it, but everyone would correct the advice if it turned into his dating advice.
Yoosung was the closest in age to him but they didn’t have a lot in common. They would share notes and study guides often if they shared a subject in school, even though they were going to the same school, but they talked now and again about other things. They surprisingly shared a lot of recipes together and would work to make them if the RFA was in the same place for an extended period. 
Rika was around, of course, and Ray didn’t mind her too much. They didn’t talk often but she always checked in on him whenever she got the chance. Her dedication to herself had done a lot of wonders for her, but she still struggled with the fear that she might hurt Ray without meaning to so she kept to a polite distance from him apart from this or that. 
V himself was trying his best to be a good father. He made mistakes now and again, but he was doing his best to be there for Ray when he needed someone. Ray had even started calling Dad a long time ago without thinking twice. It was an honor to be given that name, and he would be a liar if he said he didn’t cry that night after Ray went to bed. They spent a long time trying to be sure that bond was tried and true.
Ray had the life that his brother always wanted for him… with one exception to the very rule, he wasn’t in it. Saeyoung wasn’t in his life. He was trapped within the agency and the promise that he had made, but he still thought to this day that his promise was worth it. V couldn’t ever tell him anything about Ray the few fleeting times they got to talk about things on the phone, but he did know that the “cat” was doing better than ever. 
Life was different. 
But, at the same time, life was better than it had ever been. 
However, as he thought about how sad it was that the boys couldn’t see each other, the gears in his brain began to churn. He wanted the boys to have a chance for something, but to give them a chance, he would have to be careful about what he did. As he looked out the window of his kitchen to the backyard, he saw Ray taking photos again, laying in the glass as he stared at the sky once again. 
Could he give Ray and Saeyoung a gift at the same time? 
V would have to think deeply about this. 
 —
 Seven had received a simple invitation in the mail that wasn’t labeled and wasn’t decorated. It was a mint-colored letter that told him who it was from but wouldn’t reveal to Vanderwood, his handler, that it was a message from someone that he cared about. He had to wait a few days to open it because he had just moved into his new house and Vanderwood had to help him set up a lot of things. 
When he opened the letter, he’d been surprised to see that it was a decorated invitation to visit V’s upcoming art exhibition. He was supposedly showing off new works that he had done as well as the works of his new assistant that had just joined him. That didn’t strike him as odd at first, but what did stand out was the message that V penned at the bottom of the letter.
There was just one sentence. 
The cat will be there on display. — V
Seven was able to put two and two together. He realized that V was implying that his twin was going to be showing off art for the first time, underneath a pseudonym, of course, but he didn’t once think that his brother would be able to do something like that. He had no idea of the life his twin was living, what he did, what he loved, who he was now, or what it meant to be a part of his life the way that V was. 
That was just it… he wasn’t apart of Saeran’s life. He was just his brother that had to leave him, and that was it. He hadn’t seen him in years and a part of him wanted badly to know how he was doing and what he was doing with his life, and this alone should’ve been enough to make him be sure that Saeran was safe and happy. 
But, his stomach twisted in knots as he realized that he wanted to go. He wanted to go there and see Saeran in person if he could. It wasn’t a good idea, it was a dangerous idea, but the more he thought about his brother, the more he felt like he needed to see him. He didn’t want to risk any part of Saeran’s new life. 
He didn’t want to be the wrench that destroyed everything that Saeran had, because if V was able to do these kinds of things for him, then that meant he was happy. It meant that he had nice ways of living now, and that he had anything he could ever want. It seemed good to know that much, at the very least. He stared at that invitation for the longest time. 
He didn’t know what to do with himself because he was between wanting to go to see what he looked like all grown up and happy, but the other part of him warned that if he went, he would risk Saeran’s life all over again. Even if he was careful and lied about everything, it might still put a target on Saeran’s back.
Seven spent a long time thinking about it. 
The choice was his to make and V didn’t say that he had to go. He just made it an option that he could choose to come if he wanted. If he could come, anyway. V didn’t know certain things for his own protection. He only knew Seven’s new address for emergency reasons in case something went wrong with Saeran and they had to run through proper protocol. 
Should he go and risk it all? 
Or, should he stay and keep this letter as a token that Saeran was safe? 
It was a big choice to make and he didn’t know the right answer, and there was nobody to ask or talk to about the answer that he wanted to make. Nobody could make it for him and he had to do it on his own. That’s what he always had to do. He always had to decide things that were above his pay grade… it was the price of being the big brother, he always told himself. 
In the end, Seven decided to risk it.
He made a plan for it and worked himself into the ground for days ahead of time so he would have a day off. Those didn’t come very often and Vanderwood wouldn’t bother him as long as the work got done. If he didn’t, they would drop by and remind him what was at risk if they’d shirked off when they didn’t need to. When they weren’t supposed to. Their lives were on the line and that was the truth. 
The agency had never been like the movies. 
It was much, much worse.
This wasn't the kind of life or you could just hack something and get paid for it. They did expect him to be able to do things without a single question. He was expected to absorb information like a sponge and that was all he had to do. If he couldn't keep up with everything that they planned out for him, then it would just end poorly. It would end the same way that Vanderwood had been telling him… in his death. 
He didn't plan on dying anytime soon if he had anything to say about it. He was going to keep living because he needed to. There was no other choice in his heart. His brother needed him to be alive and that was the only way it had to be. It was the only way he was going to let it be. He was doing this so he could have the last bit of motivation in his heart to know that he was doing the right thing. 
He kept telling himself that if he saw Saeran just one more time… 
Just one more time. 
It would never happen again and he would never let it be that way. It was a selfish desire because he had already wasted a lot of time by waiting until late that morning with his brother all those years ago. He couldn't leave his brother in the middle of the night. His brother was afraid of being alone in the dark and he waited for sunrise because if he could do anything that day, it would be to leave his brother feeling hopeful instead of the gotten. 
He knew that it was going to take some time for them to be able to remove his twin brother from that place. It wasn't going to be easy and it wasn't going to be simple. He knew that it could take weeks for them to be able to remove him. 
To leave Saeran was to break his heart. The only thing that he could offer him that last day was the sunrise. He wanted to be able to wash it with him but if his twin knew that he was leaving, he would have tried to come along. He couldn't let that happen. He could have never told him no and that's why he left the way he did.
Seven disguised himself the day of the event. If there was one thing he learned in the agency, it was how to dress himself up and look so unlike himself that he could wander around without fearing people recognizing him. He did have a few favorite disguises that he liked to wear. Even though the agency had forced him to do this because he was young and young people were easy to blend in with the crowd, he had been able to learn that he actually really liked dressing up. He never would have known that before this.
There was just something very validating about being able to dress up. It made him feel good about himself which didn't happen very often. The fact that he had this skill was definitely a comfort because if he was going to break all of the rules, he wanted to make sure that he was going to be safe. Anything that would stop him from putting his brother in danger was going to be for the best.
The gallery show was being held at the same place that he met V. He knew exactly where it was and he knew how to get there. For him to be able to confront it, he decided that the best way for him to handle it was to drive halfway there, and then walk the rest of the distance and get a taxi if he needed it. He was already covering his appearance but he wasn't going to take any chances with someone tracking him. He could never leave any loose ends for himself. 
It took a little bit longer to get there, but he was able to get there in just the nick of time.
Seven allowed himself to catch his breath as he stood in the doorway and looked around the room. There was definitely a crowd that'd come to see the show, so it was hard to tell as to where everyone would be. He drew in this short breath and looked around again, trying to spot his brother in the sea of people. He felt dejected when he didn't see him, but he saw V after some scanning and found himself pausing to see what he would do. 
"Thank you all for coming today, I hope that you are able to enjoy the collections of work that has been displayed today. What I have been working on myself pales in comparison to my assistant, they prefer to remain out of sight for their privacy, of course, but they want you to enjoy their collection with an open mind. Every artist puts their heart and soul into what they capture, and the reflection on the canvas is just the feeling that you can define for yourself. Whatever you see is what is in front of you. The same feeling that the artist feels when they decide to convey their emotions." 
The crowd gave their gentle affirmation in response and cheered for his words. Though, Seven met his eyes and the man smiled back at him. It took away some of the anxiety that he was feeling. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take the risk? 
As the crowds dispersed and began to look around, Seven decided he would do the same thing. After all, nobody would know him underneath this long wig and costume, and since he hadn't seen Saeran, he wanted to see his photos. He managed to find where they were located in the gallery after passing what he knew to be V's unmistakable photos of the sky. He always felt really good whenever he saw those photos of the Galaxy, but he wasn't looking for that today.
The photos shifted from the stars to something else entirely, something he didn't expect to see. The first photo he saw was of the sky… unlike the stars in V's hands, this was the clouds. It was the bluest sky he had ever seen. The clouds were arranged in a pattern that looked like fruits to him, like a strawberry. Saeran had always loved the blue sky… this had to be one of his photos. 
If he stepped some more forward, he would find a photo of all kinds of scenery. There were sprawling fields of flowers, beaches filled with shells, lakes and the lily pads that bathed them, even expansive gardens that looked ripe with love and care. It was overwhelming to see all of these photos because they were places that his brother had always wanted to see. It overwhelmed him to see it. Each one of those photographs was labeled with Assistant. It was all by Saeran's hand. 
His twin had been able to capture everything that he saw. It was like standing next to his brother as he was able to experience these things for the first time. He missed out on seeing his brother's face for the first time when he got to witness all of this, but seeing all of these photos gave him a chance to have that experience firsthand. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes.
When he came to the end of the hall, he found the last photo.
It was a photo of a single red flower. He leaned over to look at the caption to see what it was called, this one was named Gladiolus. He didn't know that word. Was it the flower? Did it stand for something? It was such an intense looking flower. It made him question the feeling that he was experiencing. 
"Gladiolus, named for the Latin gladius, meaning sword. In Rome, they stood for the gladiators that fought valiantly with their brothers in arms. They symbolize strength and integrity. In some cases, they can also mean remembering a Fallen Friend, or thinking of someone who meant everything to you," a humble voice spoke from the side as Seven stood there in front of the photograph. 
"Interesting," Seven said, as he turned his head to meet V's gaze. Couldn't alright say what he was thinking. "Does that mean that this…" 
V smiled. "Gladiolus grows often in my growing garden these days. My assistant cherishes them dearly because they’re a reminder of someone who he hasn't forgotten since the day he had to move on without them. There are plenty of portraits of flowers here, some of their meanings are listed underneath the photographs. Feel free to look at them all. I'd say this one is the most striking, though." 
This flower was dedicated to his older brother… It was a photograph meant to truly symbolize Saeyoung. Saeran hadn't forgotten about him. It had been his biggest fear that his brother would move on and forget about him. Even though he tried to live without thinking about his brother in the life he was living now, he selfishly wished that his brother would still think of him fondly, if not kindly, but at most fondly. 
Despite everything, his brother still thought of him after all these years. 
V silently stepped to the side and Seven looked beyond him to see what he had been blocking. Across from him and on the other side of the room stood his twin brother, his hair now dyed a minty shade, and green contacts obscured his golden eyes, but there was no mistake. His brother was smiling and laughing alongside those closest to V, those that were in the RFA that V had told him all about. 
Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang were conversing with Saeran, while Zen and Yoosung Kim had their hands on his shoulders, being the ones in the room who made him laugh. That was the thing he could see from his vantage point as the crowds were moving in and out of the way. But, there was no doubt about what he saw. 
It looked like a family. 
Seven felt his eyes welling up with thick tears for the first time in a very long time. He knew he was crying but he couldn't stop it. Saeran looked happy and free and it was all thanks to his Dad, V. He was speechless at that moment and he didn't know what to say. He rubbed furiously at his eyes but it did nothing to quell the tears.
This was all he ever wanted for his twin brother. 
"I bought this painting for you," V broke his train of thought by saying something. "This is yours, after all. I know that you can't have any more than this, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a piece of him with you. It's very common for the people that you know to collect, isn't it? Who's to say that you weren't interested in collecting? Think of it as my gift."
Seven wanted nothing more than to hug V at that moment. He couldn't make a scene or be recognizable in any way, but he felt like the man understood what he was trying to say and convey. "Thank you, V… thank you. I don't know what to say." 
Their time had run out as an alarm began to react on Seven's phone. V pressed his hand to his shoulder and nodded at him,  "Even if the rest of the world tries hard to keep my sons separated, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they can have a piece of each other to hold onto no matter where they are in the world."
"Your assistant has a very bright future, foster his skills," he smiled back at him despite the pain. He watched as V headed back to the little group with their family. Saeran hugged V and said something that Seven couldn't hear, but the happiness on his face was telling enough. Laughter and all sorts of things spread between them. The group began to talk amongst themselves and by the time that V turned around to see where Seven was, the lonely hacker was gone again. 
Just as quickly as he had appeared. 
As was the photo of Gladiolus.
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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years
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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.
For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell
fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one
i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft
that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you
tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again
as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)
hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s
holy shit yes.
SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe
superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'
does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom
it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.
I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?
as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)
somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.
and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!
babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence
babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to
JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT
again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song
The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian
oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag
soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"
i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage
Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?
don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)
What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk
stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.
This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it
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This is canon now @nctxrejects
lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out
idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family
bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another
I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.
yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.
Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings
smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn
Duke was adopted by Bruce?
not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?
True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live
true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?
apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome
ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.
ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut
lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash
oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man
while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.
dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie
magnum hot take
hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth
thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)
why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???
what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones
oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no
I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked
yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends
"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years
i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.
BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them
lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.
I am in love with your posts your honour thank you
omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?
The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john
Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian
yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
and what about it?
when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST
oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat
Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes
lmao i do too
I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it
he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.
you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank
babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)
ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something
that's a very good vocabulary upgrade
somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”
steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.
Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious
babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks
In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97
lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)
You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.
bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers
How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?
horrible, next question.
I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid
yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time
bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)
lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)
Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje
he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'
I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??
i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way
SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed
'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'
i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam
fair enough
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ellitx · 4 years
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Chapter 13: Fidelity
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𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁
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art belongs to _suucrose
word count: 2.9k
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           In sun and clouds, the church spire reached into that every stretching blue. It was as if it spoke of the love of the community towards their god, that it too lasted in any weather and called on them to join and put their faith in him.
           When Aether and Paimon walked along the nave, the church choir was different compared to the other choirs that didn’t sing hymns. Their voice was almost like angels, high notes soaring over the clouds, graceful notes dancing on the staves, and they sang for the Anemo Archon only.
           The two waited to finish their practice before looking for a certain deaconess that might help them gather more information they needed. It wasn’t long before Barbara noticed them and approached the two with a welcoming smile.
           “Hello, Honorary Knight. What brings you here today?” 
           Paimon flew over her and leaned closer for a much better closeness to ask. 
           “We would like to ask you something about Barbatos!” She exclaimed fervently whilst she placed her small arms in front of her chest. A bright smile was then donned on the deaconess’s face, her blue eyes sparkling in delight at her words.
           “Oh! Are you two perhaps interested in serving Mondstadt’s very own Anemo archon as well?” Her tone had an obvious enthusiasm in it. Aether already felt bad that’s not what they were here for, and be that as it may, he still has to prioritize in searching for his lost sibling.
           “That’s not the case. We wanted to ask if by any chance the Anemo archon has a lover.”
           Barbara’s small pink lips parted trying to utter a single word however a short chuckle was what came from her mouth. It surprised them and was confused if they said something odd. Her delicate hands were now placed on her mouth to stifle her laughs, apologizing in between them, as small tears form from the corner of her eyes.
           “Sorry for suddenly laughing. I wasn’t expecting that’ll be your question. But to answer that, there are no stories or mentions if Barbatos had a lover or not in the past. If he did, it would’ve already been written in the books and be sung by the bards everywhere. You celebrated the Windblume Festival, right?" 
        The two gestured their heads as a yes. "Since you already know it's a festival about love and freedom, wouldn't the Windblume Festival be celebrated for both of them instead of Barbatos only? But just as I have said before, there were no tales about the God of Freedom having a lover.”
           Something clicked inside his head though it didn’t last for long as it suddenly fades away like a speckle of dust. 
           “That’s true…” He turned to look at Paimon who was all troubled and disturbed.
           He continued to listen further if there’ll be more clues but it seems like that’s the only information he’ll get for now. His companion looked at him then held her aching head to alleviate the small ringing echoing in her ears.
           “Paimon’s running out of brain juice and my head is hurting the more Paimon thinks about this…” The throbbing in her head told her it was time to rest someplace quiet, to ride out the pile of confusion within her brain.
           Aether nodded and massaged his forehead in hopes to ease the pain. Why does he suddenly feel so lightheaded? He shook his head and pushed himself forward to carry out his plan on giving the pendant back to you. Words of gratitude were what Barbara received from the blonde and she waved them a goodbye to continue her choir practice with the other members of the Favonius Church.
           “Are we going back to the lair?” Paimon asked. Aether hummed in affirmation as they stepped outside of the parish. The harsh sunlight caused him to squint his eyes and cover his face with his arm. Was it always this hot for this season? The sudden change of the climate made him so lightheaded than ever. 
           Paimon detected how pale he looks as if he’d been painted with white-wash— even his lips were barely there. It was as if his heart had suddenly stopped beating and all the blood had run down into his boots. He swayed just for a moment, then with one step backward, he crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings.
  Birds trill, sweetly high, the chorus as playful as the birds themselves. With closed eyes, Venti imagined their music to color, painting stairs in the same way grapevines grow - this way and that, in a beautiful harmony that isn't quite random. 
           Along with your soft humming, it made the ambiance much more relaxing and calm for him. In the calm of the day, his heartbeat is the steady drum to your melody and he seeps into the moment, allowing himself to drown in your beautiful voice.
           You rubbed the petals of the red flower between your fingers, watching your skin take on the sunny hue. Venti had spent the entire afternoon lying down on your lap and listening to your canorous tunes that made him forget about everything— as if you two were the only ones in this world with no one to intervene in such a peaceful moment he has with you.
           You watched the petal rotate and awed in admiration as a flower’s petal is able to spin like wind wheels. 
           “Hey, Venti,” You called out to him and peered down to peek at his sleeping face. Your lover hummed in drowsiness before opening one of his eyes to look at you. Dragging the flower close to him, he shifted to get a proper look at what you’re holding.
           “What flower is this?”
           You’ve always been a curious one. Even before you were in a coma. It’s like you have a passion in you to know every single thing about this world. From small creatures to rare species of beings in the wildlife, anything that catches your interest and you're eager to know more about it.
           Your drive to find answers is one of your unique traits he’s grown to love the more he’s with you. You create yourself in that fire of ongoing need that focuses everything that you are. And you do it because it feels as if the finding of the answer is your personal mission, your reason for being, your way of belonging and giving.
           It came to him if your curiosity will cross the line. Will it come to you that he’s been hiding his identity from you? Or will you still continue to live life with him in pure denseness? Either way, if you managed to find out he’ll find a way to have you forget what you witness. 
           For now, he has to be cautious and prevent you from exploring the outside world. Especially if that traveler is around in his land. It’s no good if you meet him. With the help of the humming winds to let him know what’s happening, it occurred to him that he has to just patiently wait and prevent you and Aether from crossing paths.
           Venti held your soft hands in his palms and took the flower from you. A small and gentle smile appeared on his face as he leaned forward and pressed his temple against yours, placing the plant close to your chest.
           “It’s Windwheel Asters.” He answered and observed how your eyes sparkled in joy when you watched the petals continue to spin.
           “I haven’t seen these before.” 
           Venti lightly chuckled and placed the flower between your hands as he returned to resting himself against you, but this time his head was now on your shoulder. “Windwheel Asters cannot grow in places with no wind nor plagued by strong storms, only where the wind is gentle and nourishing.” 
           “Really?” You laid your head against his and fiddled with the stem. If these floras are really unable to grow in harsh winds, then it means Old Mondstadt’s storms have truly vanished without any traces left. 
           Peace and harmony at last. 
           Freedom is finally with you.
           You lifted your hand up against the sunlight and marvel at how simple it is. It may not look as fancy as the cecilias nor does it resemble feathered wings of a dandelion when blown away, but you found yourself liking this more than what Venti had given you.
     ��     It’s not like you don’t appreciate his efforts for collecting every cecilias and dandelions in this region to create a wonderful garden for your eyes to fancy with, you still are grateful for it though you do wonder why did he not include these asters in the collection?
           “I kind of like this. It reminds me of you.”
           Now that made him fully awake.
           “Me?”
           The color-infused cheeks dimpled with the blossoming smile, your eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness can bring. It was the blush of roses, that peek of champagne pink. Nodding your head to him, you brought the flower close to your face to cover your flushing features.
           “You were always fighting for freedom. If it weren’t for you, we won’t be able to see the skies and birds you’ve always wished for. I really admire your perseverance and passion to fight against my father to have the city liberated from his hands. Thank you. Thank you for revolting against him. Thank you for giving everyone freedom they’ve longed for.”
           You suddenly felt your throat tightened and your breath hitching every now and then. With your shoulders shaking and chin trembling, you fear he might see you in such a vulnerable state. You lowered your head even more and let your hair cover your face. Even if you hide it from him, Venti can still see small drops of liquid falling from you until it turns into a small puddle on the back of your hand.
           “[Name]…?”
           “Even though I’m Decarabian’s daughter, you never looked or treated me differently. Even after the war has ended, you never leave me. And now father, mother, and the knight… they’re all gone and y-you survived. You still stayed with me until I woke up…  I… I was so scared that once I awoke, I won’t be able to see you.”
           You were wiping your cheeks every few seconds and gulping down the lump sitting on your throat. Sniffling quietly, the tears still threatened to spill from your eyes. Your lover gently clutched your hand and used his other hand to lift your chin up to look at him.
           Your eyes were red and swollen. It shatters his heart seeing you like this as your tears split over and flowed down your face like a river escaping a dam. Using his finger to dry your damp face, he brushed his lips on your temple and laced your fingers together.
           “I should be the one thanking you.” He muttered and brought your intertwined fingers up to his lips to kiss the back of your hand. “Without your support, I don’t know how things would end up. If he— if I hadn’t saved you back then, you’d be locked up in that tower. Things would go differently, wouldn’t they? I can’t bring myself the idea of leaving you there when they were chasing after you.”
           He pushed you until your back was leaning against the rough trunk of the tree. His other arm was propped beside your face before he rested his head on your shoulder and nuzzled closely.
           “Thank you. Thank you for always being here with me.” Even though his voice was muffled, you can hear him loud and clear through your teary state. A shaky smile came from you as you caressed his hair lovingly before leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him.
           “I love you. I love you so much, Venti.”
           He has lived long enough to know that what you share he can’t replicate it with another. This love, this feeling, is just you and him. He could travel the world and the seven regions to create new ballads; he’d still come right back at you if he wanted true love. 
           He has protected you for years, he’s your confidant, a true friend, and even a lover. The trust he gave you, you gave him, is what keeps both of you safe in this world, in this life. So whether his heart beats another day or another hundred years— it’s always yours.
           Meeting Venti was more of a coincidence than a fate. Yet it was the first time in your life you felt like you could be yourself around him. Memories of meeting him have become the same as the dream you play time and time again. You felt good with him in a way you haven’t been before or since.
           Hearing those three eternal words from you is surreal for him. His heart would beat madly and his stomach churn in such a way excitement and happiness is filling his entire system. He wants to hear from you again.
           Just once more so he can finally have you all to himself.
           His chest was burning hot and so was his heart that rapidly beats in great euphoria. He can sense your emotions when you cry but this feeling… it’s much more different than he had felt before. A burning desire. He’s so smitten of your entire existence. All words coming from you were all his, he grasps each phrase and corresponds with his own loving and affectionate words.
           He was brought out from his trance when he felt how warm his palm is, and it’s when he became aware his hand was now placed on your cheek just like how he brings your hand to cup his face. 
           Venti felt his face heat up at such a simple gesture and when you give a short and quick chaste kiss on his lips, he recognized the first brightest and sweet smile for this day was painted on your graceful visage.
           “I love you.”
           His wish was heard when you repeated your confession at him. Is it finally working? Were his efforts finally paid off? Before Ludi Harpastum was the Windblume, a festival where they offer windblumes to their loved ones and to the Anemo Archon. Every year, every time Mondstadt celebrates Windblume, his first priority is to give you cecilias.
           He collected them for you every year. He tends them very well until they bloom— until your eyes opened. For him, windblumes are the cecilias. A symbol of elegance, purity, and just as ethereal as your gentle heart. It may be different from what that really means as interpreted by the people of Mond, but for Venti, he feels freedom when he’s with you, he feels loved when he’s with you and it’s the reason why he gathered so many flowers for you while you were asleep.
           The arrangement given to him by the former Dendro Archon— she proposed the idea to him to gather flowers for you every time they feast Windblume. He can still clearly remember her words, her voice echoing in his head saying that even she may part from this world. 
           Her predictions for her own life were accurate. As if she already expected this to happen to her and that’s why she’s planning ahead to list all the preconditions to him to keep you safe and harmless. Barbatos can’t keep relying on her on everything and that is why he put a lot of effort into maintaining the garden.
           Yesterday night was the time of the ceremony. Venti prepped everything to make it perfect, he wanted it to be successful. A mimic of a dance he once saw when he and you were together ages ago, it was a secret you both hid but he knows this. Barbatos knows what happened during that time and pretended as if he weren't there.
           But now that he was able to dance it with you, one would call him shameless for stealing you from him. The heavy weight on his shoulder was now lifted away, finally free from the guilt he’s been feeling for centuries. His inner battle with himself is fully resolved, inner conflicts vanished, a conflict between his love and longing for you.
           Your words eased Venti and made him assured you love him back as well. If you haven’t said a single word about your own feelings, he’d be living in an illusory fantasy that you were only shy to tell him you love him very much. But ever since the bond has been created, all he hears is I love you’s from you for his ears to delight in.
           “I love you,”
           You repeated once, a faint brush of your lips against his made him shudder. Soft, gentle, and shy just like your personality. Twice when you parted away, grasping how he tastes like apples before meekly leaning on him once more for a kiss but with more vigor. Your hand clutched the front of his shirt when you felt him hold you the small of your waist to pull you against him.
           “I love you.”
           Thrice was words of tenderness and desire from you to him. At that moment, you felt your body flushed warm. This was a person you wanted to be with than you’d ever felt before. 
           Venti has always been the one you could love forever.
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thedistantdusk · 3 years
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Invisible Stranger
Written for @clarensjoy‘s Hinny Fic Fest! Prompt #28: “Just... talk to me. Please.” Thanks to Ina for the quick beta :D Summary:  When Ginny Weasley is eleven years old, Tom Riddle changes the course of her life. But she’s only eleven, so she doesn’t see it at first.  TW: Coded/implied assault. Mild smut (later excerpts).  ________________________________________________________ When Ginny Weasley is eleven years old, Tom Riddle changes the course of her life. 
But she’s only eleven, so she doesn’t see it at first. 
All she knows is that Tom talks to her when she’s lonely, although to say they merely talk would be a staggering understatement. She hears his voice more than anyone else’s. She sees his face when she sleeps. She cries to him, bonds with him, pines with him. She thinks of him so often — regardless of if they’re actually talking — that it doesn’t even occur to her that some of these thoughts might not be her own. 
She doesn’t even realize he’s entered her until it’s too late. Until he’s done it. Until he’s made her do things… shameful things. Things she’d been embarrassed to report to her parents. She knows full well she’d only be met with reprimands for making herself vulnerable in the first place. 
When she tries to ask her brothers for help, a tiny part of her is happy they don’t. How can she possibly explain this without feeling a hot, aching brand of shame deep in her soul? She’d have to answer some ghastly questions, ones that would make the whole situation even harder to believe. The thought of taking Veritaserum makes her shudder; she’d have to admit — perhaps to a Ministry stranger — that she did enjoy parts of this. 
She’d have to watch even more of her agency slip away, right in front of her eyes, as her body betrayed her yet again. The mere thought of the sort of mortifying confession that might slide off her tongue is enough to shut her up… enough to keep her from being even more persistent. 
Ginny just lies awake at night and grasps at the straws in her spinning mind until her head pounds from the exertion of trying. She’s desperate to remember something — anything — from the swaths of time that just disappeared. She eventually reaches the conclusion that perhaps she’s forgetting on purpose; perhaps she’s protecting herself. 
She just hopes and prays that the memories won’t slam into her sometime in the future with the force of a freight train.
She ultimately decides it’s a blessing, really, that she doesn’t get help. After all, she’s spent eleven years trying to convince everyone that she’s not a baby. It would be the worst kind of setback to ask for help now, just as she’s gained some independence. 
When she chucks the diary in the toilet, she’s confident she’s handled it herself. Her mother wouldn’t be thrilled that her only daughter found herself in this situation, but Ginny likes to think she’d be proud of her resourcefulness. Proud of her only daughter, who’s finally taken control. 
Still, Ginny keeps her head down, keeps her face impassive, keeps her cloak pulled tightly to hide the deepest blush of regret that crawls up her chest whenever she thinks of Tom.
Then the worst possible thing happens: Harry gets ahold of the diary. The second she sees it with his books, she can almost hear the entire world crumbling beneath her feet. 
She only has a single thought: No. She can’t let him. She can’t let Harry, of all people, have open access to the thoughts that have plagued her for months. The thoughts (the lurid, inappropriate thoughts) that she’s had about him. 
So she steals up to Harry’s room and snatches it back, her heart pounding in her throat. She’s long past the point of needing the diary itself to hear Tom’s voice, but seizing it again — letting him inside of her again — doesn’t exactly help. 
Because right from the off, this time is different. The diary hums against her fingers, throbbing in her palm; Tom hasn’t said a word, but she knows he’s going to punish her. She lets out a strangled choke, her eyes rolling back in her head. He’s going to make her regret her little stunt of chucking him in the toilet, isn’t he? Yes. He’s going to make her rue the stupid, impulsive part of her that thought she’d find a way out.  
Her last thought as she loses consciousness is that maybe death will end it. Maybe in death, she’ll truly be free.
Ginny doesn’t die, though — and to her surprise, she can’t even hear Tom when she wakes in the Chamber. All she knows is that Harry’s there. And Ron. And… Lockhart? Seriously? 
Shit, maybe it would’ve been better if she died. Then she wouldn’t have to endure the remnants of this mortifying, twisted nightmare. Then maybe she wouldn’t have to sit there and sob as Dumbledore and McGonagall explain this to her parents. 
She just lets the tears flow as her father yells, as her mother makes incredulous sounds. With every intonation and raised voice, a single word thumps against her skull: Weak.
Weak. Weak. Weak. 
She’s weak. 
But at least for now, she’s alone in her own mind. At least for now, it won’t happen again… not like it has. In retrospect, she reckons she should’ve known better to think he’d ever truly left. Because Tom Riddle has already become her past, present, and future. She just doesn’t know it yet. _______________
Tom takes a different form during her second and third years at Hogwarts. He isn’t entering her or forcing her to do things or beguiling her with his charm and feigned interest, but he’s there nonetheless. He’s dancing, taunting her in the edges of her periphery… crawling in when the weather changes and everything grows cold and dark. Whenever she does poorly on an exam — especially in the winter months, the anniversaries of when things went from Vaguely Bad to Horrifically Bad — she swears she can feel his sneering lips pressed to her neck as his high-pitched cackle resonates in her brain. 
“You’re a baby,” he jeers, his face split into a predatory grin. “I can’t wait to see how else you fail.” 
When Ginny catches a glimpse of the way Harry peers at Cho, Tom only reinforces how she’ll never compare. “Look at her,” he taunts, and Ginny can almost see the leer curling his lips. “She’s poised and beautiful and perfect. She looks like a woman. Why would Harry ever want a girl?” 
And he says it so much — and Ginny thinks it so much — that she starts to believe it. He’ll never want her, will he? It’s clear Harry likes girls, women, who don’t need rescuing. Why would he want someone who’s been tainted with darkness? 
So Ginny moves on… slowly. She finds strength in other ways. She uses quidditch to regain trust in her own body, the trust she had before Tom made her question her own muscles and movements. 
She even dates, as she feels a normal teenager would. Not that she breathes a word about Tom to any of her potential suitors. She knows they couldn’t handle it; most boys couldn’t, not that she blames them. She knows untainted boys would respond like her friends have: by awkwardly clearing their throats through a whispered, “Oh” or a strangled, “I’m so sorry.” Then they’d treat her like she’s made of glass, and it would ruin things. 
Because if there’s one thing she won’t tolerate, it’s someone making her feel weak. Weak gets you in trouble; weak ruins your life and makes you undesirable. No matter how much Tom loves to bother her in winter, she’ll never let anyone see the resulting weakness.
_______________
Ginny considers herself fortunate, really, that Tom doesn’t outwardly come up when she ends things with Dean. It’s an accomplishment that she escapes from that relationship relatively unscathed. Her darkness didn’t accidentally show itself or lay there, sprawling and naked, for him to pick apart. 
It’s different with Harry, of course. She knows it will be from the second he kisses her in the common room. He’s the first one who doesn’t need to see her in a mask of normalcy and constant contentment. He’s the first one who understands that she’s not asking for an apology or reassurance when she accidentally drops a sad piece of her backstory into a casual conversation. 
On the few occasions when she does say things like that (because, again, she doesn’t have to watch her words with him) Harry just holds her closer, her ear pressed to his beating heart, as he runs his calloused fingers through her hair. 
And Ginny thinks, for once in her life, that perhaps there’s an unspoken value in sharing that sort of darkness. 
_______________
She tells Harry the full details of Tom pretty soon after they start shagging. She knows the war’s over; she knows they’ve kind of won. She also knows a well-adjusted person would have left this bit behind… but she reckons neither of them will ever be well-adjusted, really. They’re the sort of couple who cries when they hear I love you but remains stone-faced at funerals of their friends. For Harry especially, she knows that love presents as something that makes him feel uncomfortably warm, almost smothered. It can be a prickly, painful, cloying sensation… one he doesn’t always know how to respond to. With everyone else, he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing. Of seeming either too flippant or too mindful. 
But as their bodies connect, as they rock together in the dying sunlight, his fingers digging into her hips as he pulses inside her, he doesn’t have to pretend, either. 
Harry’s angry when she tells him… but not with her. He’s angry Tom ever made her feel that way. He’s especially angry with the worst of what Tom said: that on the off-chance Harry did want her, he’d only want her for sex. 
Harry brings it up several months after her initial admission.
“You know what I think about a lot?” he slurs, his finger tracing the curve of her breast as she lies naked beside him. 
She quirks a brow; no, but it doesn’t seem like a rhetorical question. 
Harry sighs, flopping over to his back. “I mean, I know it’s horrible and everything,” he allows, raising his hand in warning, “but seriously, I can’t help but be confused that Tom thought I’d be good enough at sex to use anyone for anything in the first place!”
There’s a moment of silence. 
And then Ginny cackles, shaking her head against the threadbare pillow in her bedroom. Harry joins her, pressing her against his side.
“I’m glad we’re both fucked up,” she says, when the giggles subside. “I reckon normal people are boring.” 
“Probably,” Harry agrees, his hand unconsciously toying with her hair. “Guess normal isn’t really my type, though.”
“Oh, so you prefer funny and traumatized?”
Harry smirks. “I prefer you.”
_______________
Tom doesn’t come back in full force until she falls pregnant the first time. 
Maybe it’s because they hadn’t planned on this— and regardless of how misty-eyed and excited Harry is, they definitely hadn’t planned on it. 
Maybe it’s because she’s certain it’s a boy, which carries certain burdens as the son of the Chosen One.
Maybe it’s because she’s feeling a similar loss of control, like her body isn’t her own. 
But mostly, she reckons, it’s because she’s plagued with the near-constant thought that she’s doing something wrong. 
She had a glass of wine before she found out (strike one, Bad Mum). She trips on her trainers and lands on her bum (very, very Bad Mum). She starts spotting at 12 weeks after she goes for the only jog of her entire pregnancy (horrifically Bad Mum; utterly unfit to raise a child). 
And all of this spins around in her head, faster and faster and faster, until she sees Tom’s face again one night. “You’re fat now,” he mocks, his voice a cruel whisper that slithers into the space between slumber and consciousness. “The nerve of you, thinking you’d do something so selfish as staying in shape at a time like this. I can’t wait to see Harry’s face when you tell him you’ve lost the ba—“
She bolts upright in bed, her heart pounding, and throws the blankets off to peer between her thighs. A ragged chuckle of relief escapes her lips. Nothing. There’s nothing, the baby’s fine, and—
“Ginny?” 
Shit.
She bites her lip and turns to Harry. He’s peering at her, his expression exhausted but alert. She hates that look, she really does; it reminds her too much of when he’d woken from his own dreams, right after the war. 
“A nightmare,” she whispers, brushing his hair from his eyes. “Only a nightmare. Go back to sleep.”
Harry sighs and grips her hand. He knows better. “Just... talk to me. Please. You don’t even have—“
“—It’s Tom,” she cut across, biting her lip. She feels guilty enough for waking Harry when he’s got work tomorrow; she’d better make it quick. “It’s just… stupid pregnancy shit, taking the form of Tom. Or maybe it just is Tom, somehow. I don’t really know.”
She throws her hands in the air before settling back against the headboard. And then, in a small voice: “He just… he’s so great at making me feel stupid.” 
There’s a beat. 
Harry reaches up to cup her cheek; she leans into the warmth, unsure if she’s finding more comfort in the familiarity or the gesture itself. 
“Well,” he says slowly; she can tell from his tone that he’s biting his lip, even if she can’t see it in the darkness. “You’re not stupid. But it’s also not stupid that he still makes you feel like that sometimes. Does that… make any sense?”
Her lips twitch in a soft smile. “It does. It makes sense. I just... I hate feeling weak.”
Harry chuckles and pulls her against him. She sighs into the crook of his neck, her eyelashes fluttering against his skin. 
“I could use a lot of words to describe you, darling.” His fingers dance on the gentle swell of her belly; he always sounds so pleased when he touches her, especially here, like he can’t help but feel chuffed that he’s actually knocked her up. “But I’m afraid that weak doesn’t make the cut.” 
Ginny giggles. “I’ll just have to settle for mad, I reckon,” she manages through a yawn. What is it about his bloody heartbeat that always settles her?
“Mad it is,” he agrees, kissing her forehead.
_______________
“It’s him again, isn’t it.” 
It’s not a question. But if it were, the answer would be obvious. 
Ginny’s staring out the window, her whole body poised and anxious. Every fiber of her being is taut. If she had a bit more self-awareness, she might compare herself to a hunting dog who’s just sensed a pheasant. 
But self-awareness is the furthest thing from her mind. Not when she’s worried about her babies. And she’s worried about all of her babies, yes — but there’s something especially triggering about the involvement of her little girl. Her only girl. Her girl, who’s exactly the same age as she was, right when—
“He’s here!” 
Ginny scarcely hears the words leave her lips as Pig flies through the air and into their open window. Safe. She hasn’t even read the letter yet, but she can tell from Lily’s messy scrawl across the parchment, from the agreed upon symbol of a tiny dragon, printed in the corner, that she’s safe.
Ginny has to draw a deep breath to stop herself from bawling with relief.
“Told you she’d be fine,” Harry murmurs, wrapping an arm around her waist. He rests his chin on the crown of her head as Ginny rips the letter open, nonetheless desperate for the proof she knows she’ll flnd. Desperate for confirmation that her baby’s made it to school all right. Desperate to know another little girl — her little girl — won’t find herself violated and alone. 
Ginny reads the letter through a veil of tears and presses it to her chest when she’s done. Safe. Her baby’s safe. 
A few minutes later, she turns to Harry with an apologetic shrug, brushing the tears from her eyes. “Ready for dinner?” she asks, gesturing towards the door. “Or did you want to stay inside all day and mope about having an empty house for the first time in ages?” 
Harry rolls his eyes, but a smile plays at his lips. He mutters something under his breath that distinctly sounds like not sure which of us was doing the moping, darling. 
But Ginny’s happy to ignore that as she links her arm in his. She’s pleased to go to dinner and drink too much and laugh too loudly. It’s just another reminder of what she has… and how she almost didn’t have it, at all. 
Because while Tom Riddle might be her past, present, and future, Ginny will do everything in her power to ensure he never defines another little girl’s life like that. 
Ever again.
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