#because it wouldnt leave my mind
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fukirvana · 1 year ago
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domain expansion: trial of trinity
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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mephiles-the-jester · 8 months ago
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thinking again,,
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salsflore · 1 year ago
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neobisexual · 6 months ago
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had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao
#he had like. grown me & a few other and inserted more and more mechanical parts into us through our lives#so we were mostly machine inside. but human-looking outside#and i tried to run away and got the shit kicked out of me by my sister/fellow cult member#she patched me up most of the way but for the complicated stuff dad had to help#one of my arms had been broken so he just cut the whole thing open to fuck with the wires and stuff. it felt so awful guhhhhh#and after that he started trying to finger me and asking questions about wether id slept with anyone while i had been away#and told me he knew id been touching myself and that made me disgusting and corrupt and that was why id tried to leave. and he had to fix#my mind too.#there was blood on his fingers when he pulled them out of me and he got so so pissed#i was crying and trying to explain i was on my period but he said that was a lie and id been trying to hide more injuries from him so he#couldnt finish fixing me#and he spent a solid twenty minutes beating me for it while groping me & continuing to finger me#he had a metal arm n that was the one he was using too so i kept getting cut and bleeding more and hed yell and hit me more and he just#wouldnt stop 😵‍💫😵‍💫#i was tied down by my wrists laying on my tummy but he forced me to roll over so he could punch my stomach a lot too ;-;#toward the end he got on top of me and started grinding against me#talking to me nice again and saying i was his girl and he just wanted to make me better and i only had to cooperate#i was sobbing and panicking still but he was just petting me#he tried to push his cock in me but he like. couldnt fit.#he could only get a couple inches in and he stayed sweet for a little longer but then he started getting frustrated#yelling at me to stop fighting him and slapping my face#and i was trying so so hard to relax and let him in so it could be over but i was just too small#he gave up after awhile and finished cleaning me up without saying anything then left me alone down there. still tied down and crying.#that was only one part of the dream there was a whole plotline where i had made contact with 2 people (a brother and sister) on the outside#who were trying to save me. and i was trying to talk my sister into leaving with me because i was so terrified of losing her#eventually i did get out and ended up living with the brother and sister and it was super cute and sweet#parts of the dream were from her pov too. she made us all matching hats :]
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sprinklethetangerine · 6 months ago
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I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?
#ughhhhh#you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost#if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up#so last week and the week before were spring break for me#and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons#cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying#but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family#and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK#so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to#and even there i couldnt enjoy my time#why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects#so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be#and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated#i got shouted at which was not very fun#whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying#the only free time i have is when she sleeps#and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have#its either this or fail the exams#it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT#and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT#idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point#then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying#what does she do? she wakes me up like ���alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she#STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up#i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP#i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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dockaspbrak · 9 months ago
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i have no idea how to deal with people trying to get me to stop talking to them 😵‍💫 I guess I know im annoying so i tend to be overly talkative and kind of annoying so i suppose I tend to overthink it
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months ago
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i just think Nothing's New by rio romeo could be a mine song
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venusararara · 2 years ago
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Hi :) Gatherine talk number 1000 TW for death and sad stuff She doesn't have an identity without Bresklyn, Stacy, Dawsin, Benny, whoever it be. Her life revolves around them, they are her world, the only things she thinks of. Without loved ones, she's a desperate mess. Gatherine is aimless without someone to love. She cannot be alone, she needs someone. She doesn't know who she is. If you're all she has, she'll desperately turn herself into whatever you want or need. If you admit you love her when she's too alone, Gatherine will fall in love with you right then and there, and never let you go. Even if she's in obvious danger, she's doting over you. Unless, that's not wat you want, she can change. You need a guard dog? Will do. A living meat grinder? Yes, sir. An object? Anything you need, ma'am. She'll do everything in her power to keep you near, even if it tears at her morals or physically harms her. She will change for you so, so quickly, because she knows a never-ending bender will follow closely behind if you leave.
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leatherbookmark · 1 year ago
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DEKITAAAAAAAAAAA khj kiss me
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 2 years ago
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this might sound bad but it is comforting to know that suicide is always an option
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wontbyers · 2 years ago
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i mean, on one hand i agree with people saying there’s no need for discourse on gay mike vs bi mike because byler is going to be endgame either way so we don’t technically need an answer to that question, but on the other hand--what, we’re not allowed to care about mike wheeler as an individual, part of which is his sexuality and his arc of accepting himself for that identity?
while we share some experiences, there is a difference in the experience of being a gay person or a bisexual person, and there’s nothing wrong with people hoping that the story will delve into/address mike’s identity, both as it relates to his relationships with el and will (two of the main/most-focused-on relationships in the show!) and regardless of them, because mike does have an orientation no matter who he dates, and doesn’t he deserve to be known and understood the same way we’ve been granted for will and robin?
of course people shouldn’t look or speak down on others who have a different interpretation, no matter how obvious/inarguable you think yours is, but there’s nothing wrong with people discussing and presenting the evidence of their side. whether the show ends up confirming one or another or leaving it up to interpretation, it’s still never going to be a waste of time to talk about, or something that “doesn’t matter.”
it matters for mike. whether the show gives us that or not for him as a character, he as a person would still need to address that in his own life? and then, even if the answer ends up being “i’m not quite sure what my sexuality is” or “it’s fluid” or “i don’t want a label” that’s still going to be the result of mike’s internal analysis of his feelings.
so that’s still part of the very same debate about his sexuality--there is no being outside of it as long as you believe mike loves will, because you agree he is not straight, so your opinion that he'll stay unlabeled is just the 3rd possible option for the outcome of the story (confirmed gay, confirmed bi, neither being confirmed), and not actually staying neutral of the gay vs bi discourse you believe you’re above.
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drcyan · 1 year ago
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Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy
Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.
The Diagnosis
In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience. 
Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content. 
To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.
Our Guiding Principles
To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.
Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Retain and grow our creator base.
Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.
Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.
Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up. 
We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.
Actions & Next Steps
Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.
Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.
Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.
The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.
Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant. 
Actions & Next Steps
Deliver great content each time the app is opened.
Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are. 
Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds. 
Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.
Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.
Actions & Next Steps
Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.
Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs. 
Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.
Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread. 
Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads. 
Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed. 
Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.
Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.  
Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.
The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.
It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.
Actions & Next Steps
Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it. 
Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.
Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.
Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.
Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.
Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.  
Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.  
Actions & Next Steps
Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.
Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.  
Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages. 
Test what the right daily push notification limit is. 
Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.
Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.
The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.
Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.
Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users. 
Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.
Conclusion
Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.
#fwiw i dont think it would be bad for tumblr to improve hooking new users to the platform#i wouldnt mind a second tab that does the stupid algorithm bullshit that every other social media service does#but i only wouldn’t mind this because i understand the economic reality of the situation. plus i think having a rotation of new users is +++#i would actually call it necessary for US not just the website to have lots of new users#but also. christ lord jesus. dont fuck with OUR current experience. this needs to be concurrent#because what makes this website special is that it ISNT addictive like tiktok or instagram or twitter. im on here daily but not frequently#not only will they chase me and over half of the remaining userbase away if they tamper with what they have going for them#for web3.0 horseshit WE ALL HATE#but they’ll hemorrhage more users than they’ll gain. simply because the algorithmic improvements wont be ready for a long time#please. just make the ‘for you’ tab better. dont mess with how i curated my feed#yess it took me years to set this up and yes thats not a profitable model and relying on that is why new users dont stick around#but if you FUCKING put reccomended bullshit on my normal timeline. i will leave#if the app becometh too addictive. i will leave#and if you start screwing with beloved features to experiment how you improve engagement stats. i will leave#and others have more/less tolerance for all of this.#you have a tricky balancing act to play. if you’re choosing growth you need to prioritize integrating new users into USERS LIKE US#im not frightened by this post automatically. clearly there’s a new direction and probably new staff so who knows where this will go#but they’re on thin ice and i dont trust they’ll tread lightly#turn new users into old users. we like this platform. others will too#basically just give better reccomendations in the algorithmic feed so that new users can quickly start curating the content they want to see#done! simple!#and also improve comment threads you could change that and improve engagement for your fuckass portfolios if you want
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termagax · 3 months ago
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sighs. yk i dont think it was anything they were ever planning on but i do think they would at least have had a conversation like "do you ever think about getting married" and i wonder how that would go for them
#in my mind hed bring it up and word it in a vague sort of way and theyd be like. what like to you? and hed go no... just like... in general#<- big fat liar#because i dont think it was ever something he really thought he wanted from his life like at all for a lot of reasons#but mainly i just dont think he ever saw it happening because he doesnt really. care about people like that.#like i think by the time they met hes been alone for so long and he more or less likes it that way so he just kind of figured this was it#and while i think they wouldnt have been against the idea entirely its not smth they were thinking about until he brought it up#mostly because theyre just here to have a good time and piss off their parents. but once he brings it up theyre just like oh. yeah.#i do really like him and ive put so many things in my life on hold to be with him. why shouldnt i want to marry him#and clearly he wants to marry me or he wouldnt have brought it up so we're basically going to get married and its going to happen#and this is my forever guy YAAYYY. and well we saw how that went for them right#i do think they build it up in their head way more as an inevitability that theyre gonna be with him forever right. theyre young and stupid#and they like him so much its not even funny and they really do just. abandon the rest of their life. they have no plans#with hog its like. he loves them probably more than hes ever really loved anybody but in his mind this is a thing that can only ever end bad#theyre young and stupid and will get over him or worse hes gonna be the kind of man he is and fuck it up in some way. he sees hurting them#as inevitable because he just sees himself as someone who can only ever hurt people#so when he leaves it feels like the best choice. it was only a matter of time anyways right might as well rip the bandaid off and let them#go home and move on. but for them its like. the world is ending and *their* whole world just walked out on them. after years of everyone#in their life telling them they couldnt and shouldnt do this. and theyre mad as fuck about it and what are they gonna do?#go home and admit they fucked up? that they screwed over their whole future for a boy that didnt even like them?#after everything theyve done for this place? no absolutely not theyre gonna go get him and drag his ass to the altar wthr he likes it or not#🐟
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burnthybread · 3 months ago
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>tried to be ultimate good friend by never talking to ky friends abt my issues because they were too extreme
>now have no one who cares
#this is ENTIRELY my fault#even if they wouldnt have listened to me no matter what i sure couldve sussed that faster and eventually found people who would#sorryy im just after seeing debs pics from people in primary and feel awful upset now that 1) im not going#(self sabotage + insecurity + the whole suicide mindset i still have + no way in fuck would my parents. yeah)#and 2) just not supplementing it w anything ☹️☹️ my friends get to celebrate and be celebrated the world over for doing their leaving +#graduating. its just me and my dear friend not going#i made a vent art thing ages ago abt that NEVERRR to post i would never. but just how neither of us are going debs#but her family wouldve killed to have her go and now she never can. and how im not going out of choice#and how awful i am for not taking opportunity while im alive and shes not#but. nothing will ever like make me feel happy. as im learning#this summer has really been me coming to terms w the fact i do have depression and just will never be ‘happy’ as a default#will never. be able to do things#im Sick is what i am. its lit a sickness#and treating it likethat instead of fighting it might unfortunately be the realistic and rational and best way forward#which is very embarrassing for me and so hard to accept because ive always been a Fi. no i Was a fighter#and then she passed away i just crumbled lol. im still not half the person i used be#i used likeeee strive for greatness. because its all i could do and i had to fight for a better life as a gay person as someone w a rough#fam. but then she died and nooothing was ever worth it again. whats the point if people can just die so suddenly#she deserved so so so much. the world like#sorry debs just makes me think of her. of course it would like#.. can i hust be evil now and say i wish my friends wouldve. wanted me to come#THEYRE NOT MY FRIENDS ! i have this sorted. this has been established.#i need ro get over that. or rathee have them stop coming to ky mind#im talking
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