#im bisexual i can relate to lesbians on attraction to girls but not on the lack of attraction to men

[wontbyers]

i mean, on one hand i agree with people saying there’s no need for discourse on gay mike vs bi mike because byler is going to be endgame either way so we don’t technically need an answer to that question, but on the other hand--what, we’re not allowed to care about mike wheeler as an individual, part of which is his sexuality and his arc of accepting himself for that identity?

while we share some experiences, there is a difference in the experience of being a gay person or a bisexual person, and there’s nothing wrong with people hoping that the story will delve into/address mike’s identity, both as it relates to his relationships with el and will (two of the main/most-focused-on relationships in the show!) and regardless of them, because mike does have an orientation no matter who he dates, and doesn’t he deserve to be known and understood the same way we’ve been granted for will and robin?

of course people shouldn’t look or speak down on others who have a different interpretation, no matter how obvious/inarguable you think yours is, but there’s nothing wrong with people discussing and presenting the evidence of their side. whether the show ends up confirming one or another or leaving it up to interpretation, it’s still never going to be a waste of time to talk about, or something that “doesn’t matter.”

it matters for mike. whether the show gives us that or not for him as a character, he as a person would still need to address that in his own life? and then, even if the answer ends up being “i’m not quite sure what my sexuality is” or “it’s fluid” or “i don’t want a label” that’s still going to be the result of mike’s internal analysis of his feelings.

so that’s still part of the very same debate about his sexuality--there is no being outside of it as long as you believe mike loves will, because you agree he is not straight, so your opinion that he'll stay unlabeled is just the 3rd possible option for the outcome of the story (confirmed gay, confirmed bi, neither being confirmed), and not actually staying neutral of the gay vs bi discourse you believe you’re above.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

@braincnancer I DO.

Im going to list them left to right and also provide names so it’s easier to search for these! For any flags stacked ontop of each other, its left, top, bottom. These first are pretty common, but it’ll get crazier as we progress. Let’s go!

Moxxie

Transmasculine: Someone who has transitioned to present as more masculine. This can apply to many people under the transgender umbrella, Moxxie however, is specifically a trans man and is comfortable in the gender binary of only a man.

Biromantic: Feeling romantic attraction to two or more genders.

Demisexual: Only feeling sexual attraction to someone after forming a deep bond with them.

Millie

Demiromantic/sexual: The same for Demisexual, however one also only feels romantic attraction after forming a bond with someone.

Straight ally: Straight, but supportive of the LGBTQ+.

Valentino

Pansexual: Feeling sexual or romantic attraction to people regardless of their sex or gender.

Masculinx: Where one feels their masculinity is xenic-neutral and nonconforming, anyone can be masc regardless of gender because this describes a type of gnc expression not a gender alignment (taken directly from the flag’s description! Coined by SkhOlstun)

Velvette

Cassgender: Where one feels their gender is unimportant, or where one is indifferent from the idea of gender. (Not to be confused with agender where people have no gender at all!)

Bisexual: Feeling sexual attraction to two or more genders. In Velvette’s case she’s also biromantic, but putting both felt a little redundant.

Vox

Bisexual: Look up at Velvette’s

Cherri Bomb

Agender: Where a person doesn't identify with any gender, or feels their gender identity is neutral or doesn't exist.

Biromantic: Look up at Moxxie’s

Pansexual: Look up at Valentino’s

Angel Dust

Boyfakegirl: Where one is 100% boy but 0% girl. Basically a boy who has a connection to the word "girl" but it’s not related to their gender at all. One might be boy/masc, androgynous, or neutral aligned, however their connection to femininity might feel as though it is fake/xenic somehow or is not the standard way usual femininity is.

MLM/Gay: A masculine person who is only romantically or sexually attracted to other masculine or non feminine identifying people.

Rosegender: A gender that is layered and thorny. Trying to hold onto the gender and pick apart every layer only causes emotional pain and stress.

Husk

Pansexual: Look up at Valentino’s

Charlie Morningstar

Biromantic: Look up at Moxxie’s

Agirligirlgender: Where someone identifies as a girl, but also simultaneously subtracted/separate from being a girl. It's not separate from being a girl by social terms, but rather distinct from it entirely, it's almost a paradox. It's not like being a girl in a fem, masc, or neutral way, it's being a girl without being a girl. (This gender was made with specifically neurodivergent people in mind so some people may just not get this one at all and that’s alright!)

Demiromantic: Look up at Moxxie’s

Evangeline/Vannie

WLW/Lesbian: A feminine person who is only romantically or sexually attracted to other feminine or non masculine identifying people.

Aroflux: Where a person who is on the aromantic spectrum experiences their romantic orientation as fluctuating between experiencing romantic attraction and not experiencing it, and/or experiencing romantic attraction to varying degrees.

Demiromantic: Only feeling romantic attraction to someone after forming a deep bond with them.

Alastor

Aroace: Experiencing little to no romantic or sexual attraction.

Forestthing: Where one’s gender feels less like a gender and more akin to a thing in a forest. What the “thing” is, is up to the person.

Humanthing: Where one feels like a human but not. As if you know you're human, but you don't feel human. You feel separated from your human identity and you feel comforted/more comfortable being seen as a thing & or non-human better.

Niffty

Straight Ally: Look up at Millie’s

Sir Pentious

Transmasculine: Look up at Moxxie’s

Non-binary: Where one identifies as a gender partially or wholly outside of the gender binary.

Straight Ally: Look up at Millie’s

————————

Hopefully this was a comprehensive list! A lot of these are a bit odd and I don’t expect everyone to get it, but as someone with a very fluid and odd idea of gender, it’s all just kinda how my head is. Have fun to anyone who enjoys this sort of thing!

[hadesoftheladies]

so i was reading a paper that someone wrote on a study they did on BL/yaoi fans and fandom (i didn't know a lot about it until like . . . this year), and it had me thinking. some years ago i made an observation on female obsession with gay romances in popular entertainment where I said that I didn't think fans were all interacting with this content from a fetishistic perspective, as much as fetishism and homophobia were common.

as much as there have been straight men that fetishize lesbian relationships, i also thought that perhaps bisexual or straight women's interaction with BL could be a bit more nuanced than entitlement to gay men and their experiences. i thought that there was an element of detachment that gay romances gave women, where men were humanized and female characters did not have the burden of humanizing him. it was an avenue where women and girls could enjoy their attraction to men or what they loved about men without being visible, without any romantic or sexual demands being put on them. it was a way to explore not only their own sexualities, but also their weird (in regard to the predator-prey situation) oftentimes tragic attraction to men. it was a projection of an ideal relationship with a man, one based on true equality in an especially semantic sense.

i think some of these fascinations can be classified as more voyeuristic than fetishistic, especially when they aren't about injecting the female experience with men into the gay experience (like making gay sex more heterosexual in descriptions) and are much more focused on fictional characters/symbols than parasocial relationships with gay influencers/celebrities. rather, some of them seem to be using the (sometimes idealized) gay experience to escape the female experience with men. men loving men (romantically/sexually) seems to be a purer version of male love that women hope to experience but oftentimes do not or cannot, given the homoerotic admiration and respect men hold for other men, but do not extend to women. therefore they opt to be voyeurs. not saying this is necessarily good or bad.

i'm not an avid participant in BL and won't go anywhere near yaoi, especially because of like . . . well everything about yaoi, but I do enjoy gay romance (and lesbian romance) stories, and which i gravitate to more varies according to whatever season of life I'm in on the bi-cycle XD. but i have noticed that i do enjoy these things differently, or rather, what i enjoy about them differs based on my own experiences with patriarchy. it is difficult to imagine het relationships outside the patriarchal hierarchical dynamics, even in fantasies. whereas, removing that relation feels . . . idk, safer, less stressful and more natural to me.

i'm just kind of thinking through things, like, sexuality (not orientation) can be really complex because of how much culture can influence it and the perception of self and I'm just wondering how much BL is escapism for women attracted to men.

anyway, im just thinking out loud here. just putting words out there hoping to find something concrete. but I'm curious, how many radblr users interact with bl/gl or yaoi?

and please share with me your personal opinions/experiences with bl/gl or other variations/genres of it like yaoi

[idyllic-affections]

i, for one, would love to hear your queer harbinger hcs! my personal favourite is transmasc wanderer (its practically canon to me)

side note, im not sure if ill be sending alot of asks, but can i be 🐌 anon?

YAY omg... okay i will gladly share my queer harbinger hcs because i have a hard time believing that any of those people are both cis and het! and yes of course... hello 🐌 anon <3 also @zeldadou, i know you were also interested in seeing my hcs!

this doesn't include all the harbingers. as of right now, these are just my major and more detailed lgbt+ headcanons. slight nsfw but not really? just brief discussions of sexual attraction and how it relates to the harbingers' identities.

dottore never paid any thought to his identity, since it didn't benefit or affect him at all (especially back in his akademiya days), but he is very very much attracted exclusively to men in my brain. yeah he went on a date with a girl, but... you know. he also murdered her. so. yeah... also he's demisexual; he just does not feel any sexual desire unless it is directed towards someone he deeply cares about and has a strong bond with. he and pantalone are married, trust me fr /j /lh

columbina is genderless (she/it pronoun user) and lesbian. her angel motifs make me feel like it has no gender at all. after all... angels are eldritch. demons are reflections of human sin, but angels? they were never human. that is how i, as a writer, see the differences between angels and demons. so columbina, in my silly little brain, is genderless. or agender. or voidgender/gendervoid. who knows? but it has not a single ounce of gender in her body.

arlecchino is non-binary & lesbian. she likes women. who can blame her tbh.... she also has no pronoun preference and just presents in a more masc way to her underlings & her orphans (hence why they call her father, and why her underlings call her lord rather than lady if i recall correctly. also yes i am a short hair arlecchino enthusiast).

scara is transmasc & asexual. i know, i'm bold for saying that he's ace LMAO but fr, as of right now, i see him as asexual. i don't know why. i don't have a real reason for this one. however, i can explain him being trans--ei modeled him after herself, so... yeah. you guys see where i'm going with that one? yeahh he's transmasc i just know it 💥💥💥

pantalone is transmasc, demisexual, & demiromantic. why is he transmasc? i don't know. i don't have a real reason. i just feel it in my heart! his gender presentation is very androgynous and can be either masc or fem leaning--he's just secure in his identity like that yknow.... but i can explain why he is demi. being the richest man in teyvat, he obviously has to worry about being used for his mora. his attraction to people he doesn't have a very deep conmection with has generally faded since he's gotten to where he is in life.

childe is bisexual, but he doesn't 100% realize it yet! he's still in the closet. all his coworkers can tell, though. they know.

[surpriserose]

i gotta be a cunt about something hold on

So like listened to Chappell roans music 👍 thought she was bisexual considering her album but shes a lesbian 👍

So heres where the bitching comes in with some people calling her latest single good luck babe biphobic and i just cant see it like the song is just Chappell roan being like this girls missed her chance with me because she cant face her feelings but its biphobic because she mentions this woman ending up in a loveless marriage with a guy. And like its kind of mean about it but. All of her music is?

But nothing about this song even mentions this girl being bisexual? And like. I feel like no one would say this if chappell roan still identified as bisexual so it would be fine because they share an identity? and people seem incapable of understanding lesbians and bi women have a lot of overlap in experiences? Still??? Like a lot of lesbians identify as bisexual at some point and vice versa just like roan and thats because its a really similar experience thats influenced more by other life factors like a homophobic family and whether you have a gay community around you? So a lot of lesbians date men and are unsatisfied but so are bisexual women.... a lot of lesbians never date a man so do a lot of bisexual women.....a lot of lesbians have issues with their attraction to women and suffer romantically because of it and so do a lot of bisexual women....like nothing about this song necessitates that the subject roan is singing about is bisexual or lesbian or fuck could even identify as straight with an exception get what im saying? And a lot of lesbian and bi women can relate to the song either way like i dont get the fucking biphobia accusations

[icetobes]

my favourite bits and things i noticed when watching heartstopper 🍂

9th time watching notes but most are my first reaction opinions too

this is from april 28 2022 in my notes app but i wanted to put it here because i keep going back to read all my notes i wanna hear other peoples notes ahh !! (it’s long i’m sorry)

EPISODE 1

- the first time they look at eachother, charlie sees nick is attractive.

- as much as i hate b*n h*pe, “you’re so cute” charlie’s smile after

- nick and charlie literally just saying “hi” to eachother everyday even tho they hardly know eachother or have never interacted

- the smiley face on charlie’s hand stays there until the next day

- tao buying elles drink because he forgets she’s not hanging out with them

- charlie staring at nick “golden

- retriever”

- just them in the bathroom while nick washed pen off him, charlie didn’t NEED to be there but he was

- “… and likes being with me” - charlie to tori when she asks what type of guy hed like

episode 1

> “i like being with you” - nick,

episode 6

- nick when he looks at charlie

- *asks about charlie playing the drums* “that’s so cool” he’s so ahh

- isaacs face or snicker when tao says something funny

- “ where is your can do attitude” “oh she left, long ago”

- rugby lads cheering when he catches the ball

- charlie getting along with most of the rugby lads eventually

- 1 2 3 squeeze

- tao and elle looking at everyone after school wondering where the other is

- nicks concern watching charlie go to the music block instead of leaving

- nick following just to check he was okay, he didn’t even know if something was actually up he just wanted to know he was okay

- “you say sorry a lot” “don’t”

- nick smiling at thank you x

EPISODE 2

- nick literally stalking charlie’s insta

- the way they both can’t decide what the fuck to text eachother

- nick making sure charlie is really okay

- “but i am your friend and i do care”

- charlie actually telling someone about everything

- nick upset for charlie and angry at ben for what he did

- “please don’t ever talk to him again” PROTECTIVE

- ❤️

- nicks smile at the ❤️ then the realisation of “fuck im smiling at this”

- elles teacher is so sweet

- “bisexual people exist” charlie you’ll never guess what

- art teachers and art classrooms being safety - relatable

- elle painting on her pencil case !! she’s just like me ahh

- “monster munch” DARCY MY BELOVED

- “chin length or above rule” thinks about taos hair

- “best gal pals”

- “you should come round my house and hang out with me meet her”

- charlie checking his hair

- “you look… it looks great” no he looks great ? right…

- nick “you’re just good at everything” babe you like him

- charlie wearing nicks jumper that’s definitely too big “that one looks fine”

- THE SNOW ALL OF THE SNOW SCENES AHHHH

- lying on the floor together

- nick taking pictures of them both

- them just talking

- nicks mum “you seem more yourself around him” and nick hiding an excited/happy face “do i?”

- nick wanting to hang out again

- tao watching the boys play rugby because charlie plays now

- “we’ve been hanging out non stop”

- “he’s been acting a little bit flirty sometimes” homies

- “nick likes a girl” literally where bitch ?

- tao protective bestie ily

- “her names tara jones” charlie i have something to tell you

- nick shouting charlie just to wave at him

- “i wanna believe in romance” me too isaac me too

- “straightest person i’ve ever seen” i don’t think elle has seen straight people before…

- the group hug

- darcy and tara giggling “do you have a boyfriend” “yes i have a girlfriend” “oh whoops”

- “what, what’s up” he just leans closer he wants to be a good friend ahhhhh

- THEYRE LESBIANS !

- hanging out at charlie’s whoooooo

- the drums. the way nick looks at charlie, the way charlie holds nicks hands, they’re sitting so close

- charlie fell asleep watching a film

- the way nick looks at him, the wanting to hold his hand

- the spark animations when their hands are close

- they both didn’t want nick to leave

- “you look so cuddly like that” THE HUG

- *leaves in bi panic”

- nick looking at insta again

- why am i like this

- he’s just looking at their pictures together

- “am i gay” it’s funny because i did the same. the feeling of probably knowing but wanting confirmation from literally anything

EPISODE 3

- the conversion therapy and homophobia pages, the “if this is me my life is gonna change so much”

- imogen my beloved idk why people hate you, you’re just living your life

- the hearts on her head are so cute

- they’re talking about girls, and he’s like “but charlie tho”

- “do you wanna go to harry’s party… with me” WITH HIM, go together

- “IM SCREAMING AJDBSJSBSISBF” me too

- isaac completely ignoring the messsges lmao

- “ive been looking for you”

- the way they just stand in the middle not moving

- “she loves you more than me” do all parents like their kids friends more than their own kids lmao

- “well it’s not old times anymore” she’s so cute

- “i don’t think he’s there to see harry to be honest” true

- tara coming out to nick is so special to me

- “he’s probably my best friend right now”

- “that’s homophobic harry”

- “and i really don’t like you” HAHAHAH L FOR HARRY

- taos bedroom is my favourite, the polaroids on the wall are so cute

- tao and elle holding hands ahh

- nick frantically searching for charlie mans is down bad

- charlie sticking up for himself to ben

- tao and elle deep chat :D

- imogen’s dancing is so cute

- i actually like her she just has a boy crush

- “i’m gonna go find my friend” nick lmao

- nick being proud at harrys party when he sees darcy and tara kissing , also having a moment of realisation that he wants that for himself

- the subtle pride flag overlay on tara and darcy

- he looks so relieved to find charlie

- “ben?” he’s so concerned

- “i’m so proud” HAND HOLDING

- theyre still holding hands

- “wanna race”

- running through the corridor feels romantic and i don’t know why

- “you just going to assume they’re a she” he’s so inclusive

- charlie’s realisation that nick may not be straight

- nicks questioning his identity rn, it’s crisis time

- S H O E S

- their fingers touching

- “would you kiss me”

- “yeah” fuck

- they both look so unsure but ready and i just can’t

- properly holding hands

- they just lean in again

- the flower animations are so cute

- nick panicking when harry calls for him

- bAnTuH i hate him

- nick going back for charlie and he’s not there

- charlie’s dad telling him it’s okay “i’ve got you” he’s the best

- he ran. in the rain. to talk in person

EPISODE 4

- idiot endearing

- nicks smile at charlie in his pyjamas

- charlie blurting out everything’s while nick stands there like “bitch”

- NICKS HURT FACE “i shouldn’t have kisses you”

- the way he holds his face and they kiss again

- they’re both confusing eachother

- “full on gay-crisis” same

- the hug. they just hug and they look safe

- charlie smiling at him

- he just cries

- secret

- the borrowing the umbrella

- charlie just runs out in his pyjamas

- “did i forget something” yeah a kiss

- nicks so happy

- imogen messing with his hair is so cute

- his hair sicking up on the side bro please fix it

- <imogen3

- they’re so happy looking at eachother they look like their hearts are about to explode

- tara and darcy kiss

- “there’s a boy in there waiting for you”

- hand holding under the table

- “you’re nothing like him”

- “a lot of gay people are good at sports charlie” comic teacher reference

- charlie really trying to tackle

- “maybe you’re a lesbian and you have no idea” protect these children

- “i’m not like homophobic, im an ally” she’s so funny

- “it’s not even like they’re dating” “unless they are “ isaac you’re so right

- nicks so nice he hangs around with the wrong people im sad

- “i won’t say anything about us” nick looks kinda sad

- charlie and elle

- darcy and charlie friendship

- she just guessed

- “nothing but my gay intuition”

- nick looking kinda sad about not telling people

- isaacs giggle in the background

- nick wanting to help and not looks suspicious

- he goes to check on him

- you got mud on your face, he’s so cute

- the pink tint and leaves

- isaac just knows

- he looks really confused ahh

EPISODE 5

- isaac flipping the board lmao

- tao and elle pillow fight

- i assumed he was coming anyway

- “you don’t have to” “no i am” about charlie’s present

- nick sticking up for them

- “you came” “of course i did”

- nick not questioning anything about elle

- the fact they all suck at bowling apart from nick and elle is my favourite

- they went to hug but didn’t

- nick won

- “you have strong rugby arms”

- “i thought you liked me arms”

- F L I R T I N G

- “tao, tao no it’s his birthday” she doesn’t want charlie upset ahh

- nick paying

- “i’ll ask so accept a can of coke, if your paying” the way he said it is so funny

- nick hearing the argument

- bi lighting

- “hes, hes, hes my… friend” nick looks so sad

- he wants to be out so bad but he doesn’t even know as what yet

- the. hug

- nick and tao talking is so awkward lmao

- tao and elle running to machines

- nick trying to get donut teddies

- “i didn’t know how to say no… and then her dog died” charlie why are you smiling

- “i wish i’d known then what i know now”

- the stickers and the photo ahh charlie’s smile

- “i really like you” “you like me” “wasn’t that obvious”

- WAWLT

- “i wanna kiss you so bad right now” “okay”

- this scene is just so incredibly cute

- tao and elle playing games together

- isaac on the coin machines is so relatable

- charlie and nick racing

- “you wanna get slushies” “god yes”

- the stars for elles realisation she really likes tao, the game noises too

- the talk with imogen

- “do you ever feel like you’re only doing things just because everyone else is”

- he is so special to me

- they’re besties now i decided that

- “you’re proper thick about girls sometimes” harry guess what he’s daring a boy

EPISODE 6

- “best lgbt movies”

- the fact he’s watched mamma mia 4 times this year already says something lmao

- the realisation from the film

- “girlfriends 🏳️‍🌈” they’re cute

- “i think i have a crush on tao” bestie tell him

- “i think you hurt his feelings” “good” lmao

- tara reading the mean comments is so sad

- tara and darcy just sitting together is my favourite

- “sit and gossip with your friends” bestie

- anti-homophobia cheese

- nick and charlie lying on the blanket together

- the subtle hand hold

- “it’s a good suggestion”

- nick sitting up looking like he’s about to cry

- charlie still not wanting to force nick to spend time with him

- NICK TELLING TARA ! HE LOOKS SO RELIEVED

- darcy actually scaring tara lmao

- nick waving at charlie he looks so proud of his bf

- “we’ve found another one” another queer lets goo

- “im waiting for your mum actually”

- D O U B L E D A T E

- milkshakes whooo

- “kissing you was one of the things that made me realise i don’t like kissing guys” “happy to help”

- it feels good to have told someone he wants to be public so badly

- “i didn’t realise you were in a committed relationship” tori

- s i p

- nick catching charlie staring

- “i told her we’re going out”

- TACKLE HUG

- “that’s amazing” “you’re amazing”

- “i wanted to tell them”

- the way nick rolls them over

- “i’ve never been on a date” “me neither… wanna go on one”

- happy charlie stims

- darcys bedroom is my favourite

- “we are such meddling gays”

- “you’re just here for the milkshakes then” i would too

- a second round

- bubble gum i’d definitely not a crime charlie

- chocolate is also good tho

- “we can share, we are on a date” he’s so cute

- “we should go on a date just us”

- charlie nervous rambling

- “we should”

- “what do you mean” darcy is so cute i can’t

- “sort of no boys allowed conversation”

- “we though it would be fun to go on a triple date”

- “you and charlie”

- “charlie im SO happy for you”

- isaac definitely guessed

- elle and tao sharing headphones

- “i really love you” “i love you too” they’re so cute

- charlie letting nick play the drums again ahh

- telling charlie about his bisexual research “i think that might be me”

- tHe DoOr… oopsie

- darcys stickers on her phone

- “talk to me” the way they can just talk to eachother

- “i just wanna live my life” “we can do that” THEM AND ALWAYS THEM

- “you seem gay enough to me”

- it’s like hide and seek

- homophobiaaaa

- something about how nick crashes through the door…

- HAND HOLDING

- “you know i can’t run l relatable

- “thanks boy i kissed one time” “no problem girl i kissed one time” besties

- nick looks so proud of charlie

- the hearts when elle looks at tao

EPISODE 7

- “older sister magic”

- tori just knew

- charlie telling tori ahhhh

- you know you know

- charlie’s dad is a hero he just is

- HUGS

- they look so safe together

- “you kind of are a gay nerd” “shut up rugby lad” flirting

- they look so sad when they see ben and harry

- c h a r

- “uh, wow that just slipped out”

- “it’s cute” “now im never calling you it again” teasing

- L they jumped

- H A N D H O L D I N G

- their pinkies locked

- “you’re a dork”

- interlocked h a n d h o l d i n g

- “nicks not even my type” HE LOOKED SO SAD

- he ran after himmmmmmmm

- “im used it it” NICK LOOKS SO SAD FOR HIM

- charlie’s dad to the rescue

- nick back to F I G H T

- nick defending his bf

- h o t

- “probably used to it by now”

- s l u r throws up

- BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM

- GET HIMMM

- “he just used a really bad word”

- “charlie’s a really special friend isn’t he” SHE KNOWS

- “yeah he is” he really is

- not tired playing rn

- charlie ignoring his alarm

- “you clearly didn’t get hugged much as a child” im dead

- charlie is so concerned noo

- they both look so sad

- “you shouldn’t have to be” (used to it)

- he’s so angry about the boys bullying charlie

- “you’re not allowed to say the s word

- nicks head on charlie’s shoulder, my head in my hands

- any other way sobs

- charlie’s lunch… flashes of volume 3

- “is there something actually going on between nick and charlie” uh oh

- everyone but tao knows

- tao noooo

- charlie’s draft messsges break my heart

- the way tao stands on the stairs gets me every time

- nick looks so sad when charlie’s talking about how things are his fault

- the way they both instantly knew it would be tao

- the lads booing nick for breaking up the fight

EPISODE 8

- he tried to apologise

- man’s angry banging on the drums

- tori best big sister ever

- “both my fault by the way” charlie nooo

- charlie telling tori about ben

- “maybe i do just ruin peoples lives, and it would be better if i didn’t exist” CHARLIE BABY NO

- “you’re not ruining my life” they just sit and hug ahh

- nick wants to have lunch together

- he said nooo

- nick sitting with tao cause he thought charlie would be there

- tao and nick talks >>>>>>

- nicks concerned about charlie

- darcys “fake injury to get out of this” relatable

- surely nobody is actually this excited about sports daycinematic

- setup lmao

- charlie still avoiding nick my heart hurts

- “i haven’t signed up for an event” bestie same

- “there aren’t any sports day events on in the art block” that’s sad

- “don’t let anyone make you disappear”

- charlie switching bibs, running for him

- he apologised

- charlie winning lets go bestie

- he stuck up for himself

- charlie and tao besties again

- tara and darcys kiss

- go isaac !

- charlie holding isaacs book for him

- the butterflies for taos realisation he likes elle

- nicks face when he can’t find charlie

- charlie sitting with isaac besties

- when he sees charlie

- the flower animations

- walking to him

- HES RUNNING

- go get him

- HAND HOLDING

- IN

- PUBLIC

- imogen’s smile

- isaac isn’t phased lmao

- “i don’t wanna break up”

- “my life is way better because i met you”

- “kindest, most thoughtful, caring and amazing in the whole world”

- “i want us to be together”

- “you’re my favourite person”

- “i need you to believe me”

- “i believe you”

- K I S S

- they’re so cute

- they’re on their date

- ALICE CAMEO

- he’s so happy they’re at the beach

- hands on the face when they kiss is my favourite

- THE PHOTOBOOTH

- he teases throwing him off

- “what if i came out” baby

- “im definitely bisexual” bi king ily

- platonic bffs lmao

- “i wanna tell the people who matter”

- “oh my god i like you so much, and i love liking you”

- “I LIKE CHARLIE SPRING INAROMANTICWAYNOTJUSTAFRIENDWAY”

- they’re literally perfect

- his shoes are wet wtf

- he carried him all the way back

- charlie lying on nicks chest is so cute

- he’s home

- thinks about telling her

- he’s ahhhh

- “you know charlie’s my best friend”

- “he’s my boyfriend, charlie’s my boyfriend” he said it

- his mums reaction is my favourite

- she’s so sweet

- “it’s called bisexuality” sir

- he’s crying

- THE MONTAGE KILLS ME

- THEYRE ADORABLE

- CRYING

- SOBBING

- FAVES

- WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY

- “we’re gonna tell people”

- HAPPINESS

- they deserve all the happiness ever and nothing bad

EXTRAS / THROUGHOUT

- nick wearing his blue jumper more when he sees charlie after charlie wears it at his house

- [gay panic]

- taos insults are the best

- nellie always lying on nicks bed with him

- the way nick sits with his arms crossed

- darcys rainbow tie dye jumper is EVERYTHING

[butch-bakugo]

lmao im lesbian and i get you on the blog title but like. they’re just kinsey 5s trying to find a label for it. kinsey 5 (and kinsey 1) where people are “mostly gay/mostly straight with a few exceptions” type of people will always exist, they don’t have a choice about it any more than we do, and throwing a fit about it doesn’t change that.

1st off, the Kinsley scale is incredibly homophobic and biphobic. Like this is the same man who believed in conversion shock therapy so I don't value any Kinsley shit. This man did not respect that people could be gay or bisexual so don't bring his homophobic ass scale into conversations about bisexuality and lesbianism.

2ndly... Have you heard of preferences? Did you know that bisexuals have historically identified with and without preferences? Like you can be bi with a preference. Not to mention that if you think someone who is a whole ass lesbian is the same as a bisexual with a heavy preference for women then that's lesbophobic as fuck. Lesbians don't like men and masculine aligned people. Period. That's what lesbianism is. I was a lesbian for 5+ years, I know lesbianism.

Lesbians don't like men inherently, bisexuals do. Bi wlw used to be considered both straight and lesbian because the lesbian label used to only mean you fucked women. Bi women were called lesbians when they were with women and straight when they were with men and idk how to explain to you, as a bisexual myself, that that removes my autonomy as a bisexual to have to flow between other labels when we labels ourselves. Bisexuals and lesbians fought to separate bisexuals from the lesbian label because they are more than their sexual acts. Bisexuals have been reduced and forced to "choose a side" since our conception. We are not lesbians and we are not gays and we are not straights because we like everyone sexually.

"Bi lesbians" don't just hurt lesbians by forcing attraction to men Into their identity but it also forces bisexuals back into the pressure to 'pick a side' which IS INCREDIBLY BIPHOBIC. Gender and monosexuality is a complex topic but saying you can be genderfluid or bigender and still be a lesbian aka exclusively attracted to women and related enbies and not men is not the same as telling every lesbian their sexuality must include full cisgender men, male aligned enbies and trans men. One is a fluctuation of gender that is super unsteady in our society and the other is changing a fundamental of the only oppressed identity to not include men and forcing them to include men.

It should throw hints in your direction that that label is invalid when straight men who learn about it immediately go to the argument that "well some lesbians like men, you just arnt progressive enough" when they hit on lesbians. As if lesbians aren't told daily by pansexuals and certain bi people that being gay is regressive. Ik because when I was a lesbian, I was told that.

Now this was pretty scattered but imma go fuck my gf whose also a bf now as someone who is a boy and girl and we are gonna have full blown bisexual sex cause guess what? A preference is not the same as exclusivity, that's why bi and lesbian aren't the same thing anymore and bisexuals are owed their own autonomy.

[wiggles-mcgee]

hey, first off the bat, im just gonna say: don't worry. Sounds stupid to say and like senseless advice, but I want to reassure you that in the end, things will turn out ok.

Secondly, I relate to this experience hard, because I've been through it. I identified as pansexual from the age of 11/12 (part of a queer friend group in an "all girls" school, like 50% of people in the school were not straight) because in my case, I had never had a crush on anyone yet, which must mean I felt the same level of attraction towards everyone. Like background radiation. My logic was flawed (but i was 11 give me a break) and i eventually refined my explanation, and kept identifying as pan.

But something didn't sit right with me, and so by 16 I'd learnt that sexual and romantic attraction were two different things. I'd had my share of crushes, or what I thought were those, so i considered myself demisexual (I told myself I'd feel it when i met "the right one") and panromantic, then later identifying as ace and demiromantic. Now? I'm settled on asexual, though some things still make me question that, and am on the aromantic spectrum, being myrromantic, demiromantic, and aroflux.

Like you, I also did a fair bit of research!!! I still have a document listing every aspec identity and microlabel i could find online and their definitions and flags, which rates them out of 5 based on how much they fitted me. I'd recommend checking out the LGBTQIA+ wiki, if you haven't already, but just generally having a look online at various aspec identities. You probably don't have to make a google doc and a powerpoint like I did, but if it helps, it helps!

In that research, I also found out about the various types of attraction, including aesthetic and physical attraction, and also gender envy, and all that stuff. The way you can stare at someone and go damn, I'd love everything about being in a relationship with you, apart from the being in a relationship part. The fact you can look at someone and go holy hell. Thats a cool look you got there. I'd love to steal it. That and the realisation that I am nonbinary helped me with figuring this aspect of my sexual+romantic identities out. The eternal question of "do i want to be them or be with them" is still an ongoing debate in my mind sometimes. And the two aren't mutually exclusive!!! So considering the different types of attraction, if you haven't already, and reading up on how they differ, might help you figure out if what you're feeling towards people is linked to your sexuality, romantic orientation, and gender, or none of these things.

I'd definitely also recommend listening to other people's experiences on the subject and seeing if they resonate with you. For me, JaidenAnimations as a pretty big youtuber being ace and her video on the subject was absolutely massive in changing my perspective that hey, this is okay. Other people get this too. I'm not alone in feeling this way. For the sole reason of it resonated with me and I understood, and that was a step closer towards internal acceptance for me. For quite a few of my friends, I was their aspec awakening because I explained what it was for me and how I felt and they had their fanfic "Oh. Oh." moment. Its reassuring to know others have been through this but have figured it out, mostly. Sure, its worrying to wonder id you'll get there yourself, but it helps knowing you aren't alone, they've been here too.

If you're searching for the right label because of a need for an identity, for one label to be the perfect one and everything to just click beautifully into place - I can understand that, I've been there, I know so many people who have. But the real kicker/beautiful thing/pain in the ass, depending on perspective, is that our identities, our orientations, can change over time. I have come out to my friend groups as different identities on like, five occassions. One of my friends has been flipping between bisexual and lesbian identities for years, trying to figure out which feels right for her, and recently is considering if she's aspec in addition to this. Another friend figured out last year they're demiromantic in addition to being a lesbian. It's ok to not be certain, or to change your mind at a later date because you've figured out that, hey, this identity applies to me a lot better than the previous one. Its about whatever is right at the time.

And you're never "just" anything - straight asexuals are still a valid part of the aspec community, along with allosexual aromantics. Even if this ends up being the identity you settle on, you are still valid and welcome here, and anyone who tells you otherwise can go fuck themselves. Being asexual or aromantic or anywhere on those spectrums doesn't make you lesser than other queer people, either. You don't have to hit a certain quota of queer to be a part of our community. You are enough.

I'm not sure how useful or relatable any of these experiences or advices are to your situation, but I want to reassure you again: you are not alone. I've been through a similar experience, I know other friends who have been through this. Our end points were all different - I'm asexual and on the aro spectrum, some of them are also ace and aro, some of them are aroallo, some figured out they were identities other than straight, and some just didn't slap any labels on because none felt right for them - but we've all been on the same journey. Even if it takes you years, I believe you'll reach a point where you feel comfortable enough in your own skin, regardless of any identity labels. And I sincerely hope that you do find an identity that suits you, that you are comfortable with.

Question: Am I asexual?

Answer:

Im 17 years old and just (6 months ago) got out of my first relationship. The first time I was kissed too (maybe I’m late to that game I don’t really care though). The first time I kissed someone I thought “how many seconds do I have to kiss someone before pulling away seems normal and not rude because this is off, I don’t know what to do”.

I conducted some research(VERY research oriented person), and now that I’ve thought about it I can’t think of a single person I’d actually want to have sex with. Like go down on me. I thought I was pansexual but now I’m worried I’m just a straight asexual person (17 F). Because someone I know is bi and she said she was really into tits but I’m not into tits is that because I’m straight or because I’m ace???

Everyone, since I was 12, has thought I was gay. I grow up in a very queer welcoming community so it’s not condemned like in many other communities but, for example: my sister once told me that she would be very sad (I was 14) if I turned out to be bi because she wanted me to be a lesbian. Most people ask me for my pronouns, because I’m a girl with short hair (can’t be tied up) and wear man’s clothes, and I run in circles where EVERYONE is gay.

Am I Demisexual and I just haven’t found someone yet? Because I think people are pretty and even hot, but I’ve never seen ANYONE and thought “oh I’d like them to go down on me”. And I’m worried that I’ve misled everyone for years and am basically going to have to come out as straight because I like girls, but I only want to cuddle with them and be domestic, same goes with guys and everyone really.

Help, if you can, with what you think, or what I could read/watch/listen to in order to figure it out. I just feel like everyone around me knows what they are, and I still don’t.

[culminate-moved]

mikey - he/she - 20 yrs - tme- white - ic

taken by my loving wonderful bf. i love him so much he is genuinely the love of my life. he took me apart and sewed me back together. i will always include him in things that i do because he loves to follow me around like a lost dog. he is my pet faggot. i am obsessed with him. you have to follow him right now.

you also have to follow my best friend who i make fun of and beat up because he is a faggot, and his lesbian wife/my other best friend who is the best guilty gear gamer girl you will ever meet. they're a package deal so follow them both

i post things that may not be suitable for some people (nsfw, blood/minor gore and more) i sometimes forget to tag these things so if i forget just lmk. also, preferably i'd like followers to be 18+, current mutuals excluded from this ofc

more under the cut

FREE PALESTINE BOYCOTT THESE CORPS

im a transsexual bisexual he/she faggot boy. i'm only attracted to other trans people, cis people disgust me.

i have BPD, autism and schizoaffective disorder so i act weirdly sometimes and suddenly start posting about things im seeing or things im feeling. i don't really tag these posts, so be warned. my disorders also make me communicate strangely so i'm sorry if that ever bothers you.

i'm A.B.A from guilty gear and vash from trigun in the flesh, i heavily relate to these characters for my own reasons and i genuinely believe that i am them at some points. i don't post about those episodes.

my special interests are western media, bugs, poetry and trigun. i really love guilty gear, vocaloid, music (indie rock, breakcore, hardcore, metal, jpop, etc. recommend me some music if you think i'd enjoy it!) horror/survival horror (scream, saw, re games, silent hill games, cry of fear are some of my favorites), medical media, seals, fashion and other things that i can't remember. i'll add them here if i do remember them

if you ever want to be friends, reach out to me! i love talking to people and it makes me really happy when others want to talk to me as well. my dms are always open or you can add me on discord (@pushurt3mprr)

this is my spotify

this is my letterboxd

this is my pinterest

[bicultureblog]

is it common for bi girls to not relate to straight women when they talk about men? i prefer women but i know i'm attracted to men but the way I'll just be like 😐🧍‍♀️ when women are in like circle thirsting over guys bc i just can't relate to what they find attractive 😗

and when I tell men that though I'm attracted to men (its more so physically most of the time but i omit that out) its rare for me to have feelings for specific ones, they still try to get with me on a date as if they have a good chance. i don't feel comfortable saying im a lesbian bc i'm literally just, not. but for the reason i just explained saying im bi feels uncomfortable! queer feels uncomfortable too so idk what to identify as. unlabeled, I'll be pigeonholed as bi anyway and the same shit occurs lmao??

it is 100% a common thing for bi folks to experience attraction differently from straight folks! i have not a single clue why straight women like some of the men they like, it’s insane. different individuals have different tastes anyway, but bisexuality can definitely play a role, since our experience is different from straight people’s even if we share attraction to a particular gender. unfortunately i don’t really have a solution for you; unwanted advances are just kind of something that happens. if you wanted you could use the split attraction model and say you’re bisexual, but not romantically interested in men. i don’t know if that will stop them, but you could give it a shot!

[cescalr]

thalia x reyna from percy jackson for the ask (i'm pretty sure you've read heroes of olympus but if i'm wrong, ronance from stranger things)

I will answer both and this is gonna be soooo controversial (for the second) lol ack

Also; I'm on mobile, and this is going to get long, and i cant link any suppirting posts that explain my perspectives better than i can, lol. If you want, i'll dm the metas. I hope I get the keep reading thing right, but if it doesn't work... sorry. Summary:

Tl:dr; I could see reynalia working, maybe, but I'd need to read some to get a proper feel for it. It might be one of those cases where I prefer it in polyamorous form, aka reynaliabeth. Reynabethalia. Or maybe when put alongside pipabeth (idk piper/annabeth...) Idk. As for ronance, just not my cup of tea for a variety of reasons. I prefer robin crossover ships, like my tiny little dingy of tarabin. (Tara Maclay/Robin Bucley).

Reyna/Thaila (reynalia??) Is not something I've ever considered, to be honest. I'm not sure how compatible they'd be, but I do ship annabeth/thalia (I should really look up pjo ship names, huh) and I've even given thalia/percy a go, because I'm firmly in the camp that you should give most ships a chance before you write them off completely (as it stands, the most controversial pjo ship I've ever read would either be luke/percy or nico/Sadie - that was written before he was confirmed as gay, though, so it's a grey area, like pre-confirmation romantic stobin fics, or willow/oz content, though differently so for the latter*).

Given all the above, I can't say I don't ship it, but I can say I'm not sure. I think given I like thaliabeth (??) and reynabeth, it wouldn't be a stretch to ship reynalia, though!

(*willow is controversial because of a clash between people who interpret her being called a lwsbian as biphobic vs people thinking calling her bisexual as lesbiphobic, its a whole deal I don't want to her into rn but... eeh, I guess I should state that I'm in the camp that her being bisexual is the most logical reading of canon, her status as a lesbian is a self-identifier because she swore off dating men, not because she isn't attracted to them - she cheated on Oz with Xander for purely lust related reasons, her whole thing with the will be done spell, and her actions with Amy when she goes off the rails (magically forcing men to dance half naked In cages in the bronze, along with other questionable acts) is... uh, not particularly lesbian behaviour, generally speaking; imo, Willow uses being gay as a mask for her insecurities same as she does her witchy power and her choice of fashion - to distance herself from the 'pathetic' girl she used to be. Its a whole psychological thing tied up in era-typical bigotry, unfortunately. It was the 90s. She wasn't going to be addressed as bi, even though she so clearly was. There's a reason I really like 2000s doctor who - it was the first positive representation of a bisexual I'd seen on screen, and being bisexual is clearly going to affect my opinion, here. Like. Duh. Same with lesbians who interpret her as lesbian. I don't think we should be arguing- at the end of the day, we all technically want the same thing; personal representation of our own lived experiences, and that's not a bad thing. Theres a good video on youtube about the controversy, which. Theres always a good video on youtube, lol.)

Um. Oops, rambling. Anyway.

So, ronance. Oh boy.

I see Nancy as straight. I'm also not fond of how she treats Robin in the little time we see them together. Im also not a fan of robin dating the ex that broke her bestie's heart. So, ergo, I don't ship them. I'm genuinely, as much as it probably doesn't seem that way, more of a fan of friendship, at the end of the day. I would see it as a betrayal (same way I see scolia and stydia as a betrayal). I tend to use romantic/sexual relations as a way to explore character because that's easiest to get my points across, but I prefer friendship. Romance is, at the end of the day, conditional. Friends can be friends still after three years of no contact, but that's a signal for the end of a romance. So what I'm getting at here - you can be tentative friends with someone the way robin and Nancy act (as is their canon dynamic), but I wouldn't be conformable with them dating. Nancy barely tolerates Robin. She displays annoyance at pretty much everything she does, from rambling to venting to expositing her mental state, Nancy's countenance just screamed 'I'm waiting for this to stop'. I don't like that in friendship, and I like it much less in romance. Even with my most controversial ships, there's still a kind of passion. Hate is not the opposite of love - it's apathy. Nancy seems often apathetic to Robin's mental state, her worries and concerns. She dismisses a lot of what robin says and does, at least from my perspective watching them. And it must be said - and I'll freely admit - I'm not Nancy's biggest fan, but I love Robin, she's my girl. That's going to cause some problems. Even with ships that are objectively questionable, I have to like both characters for me to get behind it, or I have to like both characters when in the context of the ship. This makes little sense, so I'll extrapolate.

In the Vampire Diaries, I don't really like Stefan Salvatore, and unpopular opinion time, I hate Klaus. I really, really hate him. At this point, it's straight-up loathing. But I greatly enjoyed their dynamics, from 20s to modern day, and that they shared an ex was funny to me (same way it is with Zutara, and making jetko kinda-canon for that reason alone half the time, akfjqlfjwk) as well as being an interesting thing to happen. (I mean, what are the odds, really?). So there's that. I also liked stefan and Katherine's whole weird deal, which played an aspect. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that there's a certain respect even in my most dubious ships (jetko, steo, fuffy, spuffy, etc) that I feel is completely lacking in ronance. There's a video by Jill Bearup about enemies to lovers ships that might give a good reason to one aspect of why I like it - they take each other seriously. There's an understanding of competence, an acknowledgement of thought processes, a certain level of understanding. Nancy has none of that for Robin.

When I compare the two ships of the 'fruity four', as people have taken to calling them, steddie and ronance strike me as two very different kinds of ships. And I only half get steddie (very not fond of popular portrayal) - there's no real chance for me to get ronance. It is what it is, I suppose. People like what they're going to like. If you want me to extrapolate on any of this, I'd be happy to! My thoughts are oft all over the place and need a bit of direction to make sense, though, fair warning. I think about a lot of stuff and only rarely coherently akdhlwkfkq but I think there is a throughline. At the end of the day, mutual respect is mandatory for me, in romantix relationships especially, but not only for that. If I can't really get behind ronance platonically, there's no hope for romantically. And for the record, as stated above, I did give it a shot. Read the most popular fics and then a couple of the most recent, as I always do. They didn't agree with me, and they left me feeling distinctly... well, not so distinctly because I can't find the right word, but I couldn't help feeling the way I do about the popular portrayal of Hermione is happening to nancy? She's perfect and flawless and a girl boss and has never made a mistake ever and I just.... eeh. Also the treatment of Robin is... not always great. But that's a whole 'nother topic I've already rambled long enough, I don't need to add that.

Basically, tl:dr; ronance is kind of disquieting, probably because I'm not fond of their characterisations within ronance fics, and I'm often affected by the fanon regarding a ship. I never liked Sterek, for example, but I could've tolerated it if a) it wasn't so prevalent in fandom that it appears often untagged like an accepted part of canon when it is not and b) if it didn't so wildly misinterpret the characters, plus didn't include a character that doesn't sit right with me (Derek - Nancy) and a character I love but portrayed in a way that doesn't even remotely align with my interpretation of them 95% of the time (Stiles - Robin).

Er. Yeah. Oof.

Tl:dr; I could see reynalia working, maybe, but I'd need to read some to get a proper feel for it. It might be one of those cases where I prefer it in polyamorous form, aka reynaliabeth. Reynabethalia. Or maybe when put alongside pipabeth (idk piper/annabeth...) Idk. As for ronance, just not my cup of tea for a variety of reasons. I prefer robin crossover ships, like my tiny little dingy of tarabin. (Tara Maclay/Robin Bucley).

:).

(As you can probably tell, I have... lots of very complicated feelings about shipping Robin (and like, shipping in general, being honest) with canon ST characters. I'm much less strict abt Riordanverse characters as a whole, for reasons I'd be perfectly willing to extrapolate on/discuss if you'd like to do so!).

♡♡

[mordcore]

i'm not going to identify as a trans man lesbian because first of all i'm not a man

and also in reality i'm polysexual / abrosexual

but

i think i need to occupy that space to figure stuff out

being attracted to women makes me feel like a predator. being a transmasc relating to lesbian experiences mokes me feel like a predator. the first time i had this feeling was when i had some kind of attraction to a lesbian in school and i didn't know that i wasn't a girl yet but somehow it would have felt more okay if i'd liked the bisexual girl instead ?? it's like i've always known that i'm not a real woman and always thought that lesbians wouldn't want me in their community. but now i'm learning about dykes and butches and the overlap with transmasculinity

and i keep having to remind myself that i'm not a man because once again i forgot that i'm nonbinary (i'm not a "non-man" though im wayy to male-adjacent for that)

im not a woman though and i never will be and that makes it feel wrong somehow

but the "im a heterosexual guy who likes girls haha" lense gives me like literal dysphoria. why is it here. i'm starting to realize that mspec attraction probably really does feel different than just "straight + gay" i think im starting to understand what that means i think

hmmm being sometimes aroallo (as opposed to sometimes aroace) probably doesn't help with the predator feelings. soothing myself with the reminder that i don't want sex anyways because i'm working thru trauma is unlikely to be helpful longterm.

what does help is the fact that i ended up being attracted to the skyrim oc i made (narzissa). she's not a real person and i invented her myself so nobody can get offended that i like her even if she's a lesbian. that's really helpful actually. the only other time i could really indulge my feelings of attraction was when my sapphic friend (qpr) was there and we were watching some eurovision videos and swooning together. maybe i'll just continue doing that. i'm sure the path out of the repression is to indulge in the nice things and if i need some hand holding to do that i'll do some hand holding (holding hands with a girl? hehe gay)

You arent wrong for wanting to identify as a trans man lesbian!! Go for it <3

ive been thinking about it!

i think i dont want to identify as a trans wan lesbian

but

i kind of need the lesbian approach to my attraction to girls/women. whatever that means. the heterosexual approach does not work for me. i feel like a predator. i need to read about internalized lesbophobia or something.

[sapphos-darlings]

i wish i knew how to make the whole internalised biphobia thing evaporate quicker. i relate to the previous anon who described having almost nonexistent attraction to men and thus feeling like being bisexual is useless. im so frustrated with who i am. i believed i was lesbian for almost eight years after falling in love for the first time with a girl, and felt so happy when i managed to get to the point i could be open about it. i loved interacting with the lesbian community online and felt so at home because i could relate to many others' experiences.... only to later realise that im actually on the bisexual spectrum. i hate how bisexuals are viewed by wider society (ESPECIALLY men) so much that i haven't re come-out as bi to anybody. being a bisexual person who leans heavily towards the same sex can be very isolating and i wish it was spoken about and represented more.

nevertheless, blogs like yours that spread bi/febfem positivity have been the one thing that's helped me get through it better. so i just wanted to say thank you <3

I have to agree with you, even though this is hardly a positive perspective into it - but maybe we can have a little commiseration, as a treat?

I know a LOT of bisexual women. And all of them are with men. My partner is the only other bisexual I know who's in a same-sex relationship. It does feel so, so lonely here sometimes, like everyone else "like me" is living a life I just can't relate to. We have a lot casually in common, of course: it's so freeing to be able to discuss attraction and have fun chatting about hot people with other bisexuals, because there's no culture/language barrier there to overcome. But when it comes to lived experience... I don't have anything in common with them, on a practical level. I don't have the experience, the interest, or the (sub)cultural background to relate to their straight relationships. I just don't relate or understand them in this aspect. It's weird how bisexuality enables this kind of a cultural divide between bisexuals in opposite sex relationships and those in same sex ones. It's possible to land on three different lots in our very same orientation; the place where you're in an opposite sex relationship or have primarily experience in those, the place your history is more equally split between the two, and the place where historically, you're more aligned with gay people than others. I'm in the latter group and it often feels like I'm a foreigner here, like I have to defend my right to the community, even if I have an exclusive history of same-sex experience. And the expectation really seems to be that a bisexual will settle in an OS relationship in the end - which statistically is much more likely, of course, but far from the only reality a bisexual person can end up with. We're not just visitors here in the LGBT community, in gay relationships! We have the same ability to commit long-term to a same sex relationship as a gay person, it's just that there are so many more matches, comparatively, from the opposite, which leaves us with a tilted scale. And that's not inherently bad, but... it does make for a lonely experience for those of us in the lighter cup. Alienated from a good half of our own group, and mistrusted by the group we align with more.

Still though - there's nothing wrong with us. The best advice I really have for the situation is to build a tight-knit subgroup of your own people who understand. There's plenty of us, and those who understand us, and those we share experiences with whom will embrace us even if we differ in other aspects, and really, solidarity in diversity is never a bad thing. By raising awareness and simply existing as we are, we're building a network for others like us to connect to.

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hi... so... im a lesbian........ with major comphet (maybe) however... when i fantasise about being with a guy... i see myself as... a guy? like im- thats not a very cis this is it? like... when i daydream about having a girlfriend, i feel more like a girl but... when im thinking about, somewhat hypothetically, being with a guy or having a boyfriend i feel... more like a guy? like im gay for both men and women???????? is that a thing? am i just crazy? is it serious comphet?! idk

Okay holy shit we’ve got a lot to work through here so, let’s go ajdjajd and dw anon this is not an uncommon experience in the slightest and I’ll help you through it!!

To answer your question: yes! It is possible to be gay for both men and women! There are multiple people who are as well as multiple labels for this experience, so don’t worry man, you’re not alone. You’re not crazy.

Now before I go more into detail about this, let’s address this whole gender thing

Now, you know what I’m going to say already: imagining yourself as a guy is Not very cisgender of you there my friend!

Now, try thinking *why* do you see yourself as a guy dating a guy? Does it feel more comfy? Does it feel better? Now, imagine yourself as a girl dating a guy. How do you feel? And why?

Here’s a post on gender dysphoria you might wanna read, it might help you out and I recommend you read it, especially the links at the end—see if you relate to anything!

Now, you might be thinking something similar to: “but if I’m a trans guy, then I can’t be wlw or a girl, and I don’t want to give that up.” But here’s the thing: you don’t.

If you are a trans guy you can still be wlw, you can still be sapphic and date women as a woman if you want to.

Some trans guys are multigender, so you can have more than one gender! You can be a guy and a girl at the same time if you wanna. You can still have a connection to having a sapphic identity and date women as a woman.

Now, what I want you to do is take a deep breath, and disregard everything you’ve ever thought about your gender. All of it. Doesn’t matter. What terminology you use, pronouns, everything. And I’m going to ask you one question.

What makes you feel happy?

You don’t need to obsess over your gender. Stop asking yourself “what gender am I?” and ask yourself, “what makes me feel happiest and truest to myself?”

Does being a guy make you feel happy? Be a guy! Does being a girl make you feel true to yourself? Be a girl. Chase the happy feelings and things will fall into place. Happiness first, labels second.

My advice, try on the label. Say “I’m a guy, and I like guys,” see how it feels! Either it’ll fit, which is awesome, I’m so happy for you!! Or it won’t fit, which is cool too!! You’re one step closer to finding a label that does!!

See, there’s this thing called gender euphoria! Basically, it’s the happiness you feel, or euphoria, when you’re called the right name/pronouns, or perceived as the right gender! As I was saying earlier, it’s about what makes you happy.

So yeah, do what makes you happy!! Try on labels and pronouns and see what feels right, and prioritise your happiness.

The entire trans community is here for you and we love and support you, and if you are cis that’s awesome, you’ve learned more about yourself! And if you are trans there is a future of love and happiness and joy ahead of you and it is going to be okay.

Now we’ve covered the gender part, on to the attraction part

Imo I don’t think it’s comphet. Like obviously I cannot label it for you and it is possible you are not attracted to men, but if you are fantasising or daydreaming about dating guys you might want to consider that you might be bisexual, pansexual or some other mspec sexuality.

Here is a post on comphet attraction. I’d suggest reading it, see if you relate, and also talk to any lesbians you know about what comphet feels like, and if your attraction to men doesn’t feel like that, then it is possible you might be mspec and not a lesbian.

I would say again try it on and see how it feels, try saying “I like guys and girls” and see how it feels!

Now, here’s a label you might like:

Sapphillean (click for link to wiki page)

Sapphillean is a term for when one considers oneself sapphic and achillean due to being both male or masculine-aligned and female or feminine-aligned (fluidly or simultaneously), and being attracted to men and women.

They identify as MLM and WLW however, they do not identify as WLM or MLW, one only feels attraction to women as a woman and only feels attraction to men as a man. One does not feel attraction to women as a man, or attraction to men as a woman. A sapphic achillean individual may or may not be also attracted to other genders.

You might also wanna check out the label saphboy!

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your gender and sexuality journey! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

[steveandbucky]

if i say that i think “monogamy conflicts with the inherent nature of human beings” it does NOT mean that i think it’s a Bad and Unnatural thing. it literally links back to our whole, We Are Social Creatures DNA thing im always talking about. this is gonna get long but i am trying to make a point.

why is it considered “cheating” if you meet someone who gives you a little bit of that ~ butterflies~ feeling? the idea is that if u have my boygirlfriend and u meet someone who gets ur heart racing? ur not allowed to even feel that kind of physical attraction for anyone else bc it's Cheating. im sorry. WHAT. it makes no sense whatsoever. as an analogy, if u have a sex dream about whoever, would it be okay for someone to make you feel bad about it? about things your unconscious mind came up with in a dream state? no bc thats not how it works.

but this is my logic here.

when i told my friend, “it’s okay you can have a little attraction to men...as a treat....” like whats wrong with that? nothing? doesnt make you any less lesbian! bc its so not in the way str8 dudes fetishising wlw think their magic dick is whats missing from ur life. easy there mr testosterone u can be replaced by a zucchini.jpg (sigh. i have to say it im sorry. please do not put any fruit or vegetables or other edible phallic objects in your private parts. there are toys. there are many many safe to use toys). and not in the way that “sexuality is fluid” or “its a spectrum” or “everyone is a little bi” NO shut up. maybe its that ur attracted in the ‘gender envy’ way or the ‘platonic crush’ way or even the ‘your vibes are so sapphic’ way lmao. like why is half of hozier’s fanbase made up of wlw???? he has the vibes idk what to tell u its pretty soft boy syndrome thats my type anyway 😌

so if i were to say “its okay you can have a little attraction to a pretty person...as a treat..” in that youre not doing anything wrong, it doesn’t invalidate your exclusive/monogamous relationship or identity, and im not talking about it in the sense that you would act on it or are fantasising. i just mean in the way that you have eyes and you experience attraction (romantic and/or sexual) and trying to deny yourself that is only gonna result in more repression and guilt? what are you, catholic? (for legal purposes this is a joke) (or is it?)

some people just radiate the kind of energy i am drawn to. some people have the physical attributes of the people my gay ass 6 year old imprinted on. in the healthiest relationship i have ever been in, to a guy who wasn’t ever actually interested in Men, i had maintained “if you wanna go fuck a guy, im not stopping you. i have none of the physical attributes you would be looking for, hypothetically speaking,” etc etc like. it’s kind of the opposite of the Straight Fear "my bisexual SO is gonna leave me for [person of same gender as them]” and this is just me, because i dont care. there wasn’t any infidelity but i’d openly gush about girls even from the beginning and he dgaf lmao i love his apathy sometimes go girl give us nothing! we were the blueprint idc

there’s just. this idea. its the way the straights (eh, or at least, misogynistic brainwashed incel type men) have been talking about "im fucking my SO but thinking about other people" like thats just the message ive been getting. correct me if im wrong. pop culture and all. uhhh. cant.. relate? just because someone else made u HORNY???? if ur horny, look at ur right hand. now look at ur left hand. now look at the technological advancements of our time. ur welcome. sorry im not into using people to scratch the itch! if i wanna fuck someone its bc theyre hot and im into them! im not gonna be secretly thinking about getting railed by rachel weisz. and no matter what anyone says there is intimacy!

im saying that its completely normal to experience that ‘alterous attraction’ and hey maybe it is my primal-evolutionary ADHD brain but if it is, it is Correct. that you can ‘look respectfully’ and you can feel your feelings (even if said feelings last two minutes or a week or a year or two) i’ve been saying “i love too much care too much feel too much” (derogatory) but then i turned around and said “i love everybody because i love you” (affectionate)

its the “i fall in love a little ol' little bit every day with someone new” and “i love you” / “it’ll pass” and “nothin' lasts forever but this is gettin' good now” and “you are my favourite what if / you are my best i’ll never know” and “wanting was enough / for me it was enough” and my personal favourite peak lesbian brain experience “i see girls in my building / i see girls on the train / i've got the girls on my mind all the time” im sorry but have you SEEN women? exactly.

this idea that promiscuity is okay for men, but definitely not for women, and you’re not allowed to have sex or even want to have sex with people. plural. people. just. because. its fun. holy shit. we are, the entire world, fucking repressed. we can talk about it like when you're in the beginning and ur all over each other bc it's new and exciting and it's infatuation! there's something fun about that! it’s the Primal Instinct and idk why we’re meant to deny that either. because it’s not just that. its not just the dopamine.

why do we form bonds with the people we fuck when our brains are like, “fine. here, you can have a little oxytocin... i’d rather you do it in the house bla bla bla” as if we’re gonna sit here and pretend that it doesn’t get better anyway???? you become physically familiar and it's in the same way we talk about love languages “we’ve had one, yes. what about second love language?” and that’s the physical one akdgjakgh IM SORRY. we learn about each other’s love languages and sex languages. it checks out idk

but back to the main point, that We Are Social Creatures.

i mean, even if are monogamous by choice, because we evolved in the way that both parents take care of the children - but so do their neighbours and their siblings and friends like this is the ‘destroy the nuclear family norm’ essentially and its such a westernised concept. it just doesn’t make sense to me!! and im not trying to push a non-monogamous agenda or whatever, as with everything in life, it is about freedom of choice (without judgmenent, risk of physical/mental harm, etc etc)

but we’re talking about queer history and gay pride because homosexuality has existed for centuries. sorry the straights whitewashed history ig. but why is it far-fetched to say, actually, what we call now ‘queerplatonic relationships’ or ‘collectivist culture’ or that proverb about how ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ like. im pretty sure these things have also existed for centuries. we’ve just been brainwashed into thinking. that they’re unnatural, immoral, or otherwise Wrong and Bad.

but in the way i was rambling and talking about why are we going against our nature and i said “what. its like there are rules for human beings that were not created by a human being. im sure im onto smth here 👀🤭” without realising where i was going and im like. ah. yes. religion. excellent.

what can i say, im a rabid anti-christian hopeless romantic sexual deviant<3

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw// cocsa, sexuality crisis, internalised homophobia??

im looking for reassurance and some guidance

Hello. This past days i have been going crazy thinking about if im not bisexual but lesbian. I would like to explain more about my crisis: i have been sexually abused many times by boys when i was younger. But even before those times, i always have been disgusted by men.

When i was 17 i had my first kiss with a boy, and the same night i kiss another one and a girl. With the two men i have been anxious and disgusted (i even had a flashback of my first abuser while kissing the first boy). On the other hand, with the girl i have a great kiss, i really liked it and i felt safe.

The thing is that i think in my mind i would like to have a romantic relation with a man but about the sexual part im not sure. I don't know if this is because of my trauma or because i really don't like men in that way. The opposite of that is that i always (like since i have 4) have been attracted to women, in the romantic and sexual way, but I'm not sure if that is real or just me trying to convince me that i like girls because most of the people on social media are lgb. Maybe i made everything up and im just heterosexual??

But even when a boy get closer to me is too much, and that's since always. If we're friends that's okay, i dont mind hugging them or being physical closed but when i know one of my male friends is having romantic feelings for me, i start to feel uncomfortable, disgusting and i don't like it. It feels wrong. It can be possible that i convinced myself to like boys because of the heteronormative?

Can you guide me in this crisis? I know that maybe you don't want to step and tell me "yes, you're lesbian" or "no, you're still bisexual", but i'd like to clarify: i don't mind if you feel comfortable to tell me that. But if you don't want to do that because you think is over stepping, would you mind telling me something to clear everything? i would be thankful for forever

Hey there,

First thing I want you to know is that it's going to be okay. You will be okay. Your thoughts and feelings about all of this are valid.

I don't think it's likely that you're heterosexual. I think it's clear from what you've written here that you're attracted to women. I know how complicated these things are between the homophobic society we live in, the past traumas, and heteronormativity. You're not alone in being confused by all of this and unsure of what identity fits you.

This is a big document, but here is an "Am I a Lesbian" master document. It talks about compulsory heterosexuality, what attraction is, etc.

The bottom line is that you're allowed to use whatever words you are comfortable with and that feel like "you." You're allowed to change the words you use to describe yourself. None of that makes your identity any less valid. You can also use the split-attraction model and describe your romantic attraction as different from your sexual attraction. Regardless of your sexuality, you're valid to pursue the people you want to. Your attraction and sexuality is good, normal, and okay.

Take care.

- Misa