#because i didn't have time to do adequate research

[frecht]

things are going well it is currently four forty-seven a.m. (i woke up at three in a fit of worry over my anthropology project, spent a half hour on my phone trying to make myself feel better about it, spent almost an hour trying to fall back asleep while feeling vaguely ill, then decided i wouldn't be successful and got out my computer to do more work on the project)

[thicctails]

I need more info on the get better children au, especially about when Bill shows up.

*rubs hands together* I finally got some extra time to draw up some new art for this AU, so let's give it some substance >:3 Long post below the read more with extra art :D

Before Euclydia was destroyed, Euclid and Scalene Cipher were some of its most powerful members. Bill saying that everyone loved him as a baby was true for a time; children aren't born very often, and the Ciphers are considered to almost be royalty. It wasn't until Bill's mutation became apparent that people began to shun him. If he had been born to any other family, he likely would have been abandoned.

Though neither Euclid nor Scalene could really comprehend the concept of something being "up", let alone what "stars" could possibly be, both of them used their status to try and find any scrap of forbidden information, hoping that they could find an answer, could find some confirmation that their son wasn't crazy, and didn't need to be blinded by his "medicine."

It was this research that eventually saved their lives. Having the knowledge that it was possible for things to, hypothetically, exist in a three dimensional plane allowed them to pool their powers and create 3D forms for themselves when Euclydia began to burn, pulling themselves off the 2D plane like a sticker being peeled off a page. It wasn't a smooth transition in the slightest, and the flames managed to damage parts of their bodies before they managed to fully free themselves. The rest of their power went into escaping their collapsing reality, and when all was said and done, they were left near catatonic and floating in the space between time and space for many, many years.

They don't really start to recover until a certain frilly guy upstairs nudges them into a new, stable dimension. This one is almost entirely 3D, and inhabited by creatures that look completely alien to the Euclydians. Creatures called humans.

They meet Dipper and Mabel not long after, and the two triangles attach themselves to the babies, doing their best to care for them in their weakened states when their young, unprepared parents fail to be adequate caretakers. Being 2D is far easier for them, so they stick to the walls like shadows and find ways to speak to the twins, slipping into videos and pictures, music and books, their forms changing slightly to match whatever media they slipped into. They teach Dipper and Mabel their colours, shapes, ABC's, ect, comfort them when they get sad or scared, and once they're old enough, how to do basic things like getting themselves food and water when they get left alone too long.

Neither Pines parent really notices their children making grabby hands and babbling at open air at first, though they do become a bit concerned when years pass and they still stare at walls and empty corners like there's something there.

Eventually, as we all know, the Pines twins get shipped off to a sleepy town in Oregon, and Euclid and Scalene are, of course, coming along to watch over their little stars. However, they become deeply uncomfortable when they start to see visages of their son carved into every room of the twin's temporary home.

It doesn't take long for the show's antics to start, but Grunkle Stan gets involved in the twins adventures far earlier because during The Inconveniecing, Euclid uses his ability to manipulate televisions to play one of those old PSA's on loop until he gets spooked enough to actually check on the twins, only to find them missing.

Eventually, through the help of Scalene using a radio to drag up an old advert for the Dusk 2 Dawn, he figures out where they are and arrives just in time to see the tail end of their ghostly encounter. Unable to deny his knowledge of Gravity Falls' weirdness, he and the twins have their Season 1 finale talk that night, and Dipper shows Stan Journal 3, which leads to all three of them searching for Journal 2 (Stan doesn't reveal the portal yet)

Bill gets summoned by Gideon like in Canon, but things veer wildly off course when, upon entering Stan's mind, Mabel asks him if he knows Euclid or Scalene. He freezes up upon hearing the names of his parents, and he immediately calls off the deal with Gideon, ripping himself out of Stan's Dreamscape. Before he can process what happened, he comes face to face with someone he's only seen in daymares for the past trillion years

Bill dips the fuck out once he realizes he's not hallucinating, disappearing to Axolotl knows where to do fun, productive things such as: scream, cry, break shit, sob on the floor, drink until the teeth in his eye ache, stare at the space between stars for days on end, and interrogate every single one of his henchmaniacs to see if they spiked his drink.

Mans has absolutely zero clue on how to navigate this situation, eventually settling on stalking the Pines because he genuinely cannot think of any possible way to approach his (apparently alive????) parents. How do you go about atoning for the extinction of your entire species?

Bill Cipher has never been one to do things for others for any other reason than to get something back, but he figures the best place to start is by protecting these fleshy human young that his parents seem so attached to.

Wait, would that make them siblings? Axolotl, he sure hopes not.

[an-au-blog]

modern academic au where viktor just can't get his peace and quiet in the library. Because every time he tries to study, there's this damned himbo that trails him around asking him what he's researching with a big goofy smile. It's always "do you want me to carry your books" and "oh I haven't read that one yet, is it good," and so on and so forth. And in his mind, it's like "just because I'm using a cain doesn't mean I need your help, and yeah of course you haven't read it, you're probably in with some sports scholarship or whatever" but he never voices it. He's the headmaster's portage and he can't go around being rude to random people in the library. Plus, it's not like the other man stays too long, he goes to classes and secludes himself to study as well.

Around exam season, the man stopped hanging off his arm so much, they didn't cross paths in the library or in the halls, but once or twice, Viktor would see him with books about physics, electronics and other things Viktor had been researching before. He never approached him, but he was a bit amused at the seriousness in his expression while he was scribbling something in his notebooks.

If the man WAS on a sports scholarship, perhaps he was reading those books to find a way to talk to Viktor more and in all honesty, it would have been the most someone had done to get to flirt with him, so what if he thought it was a little sweet... it wasn't as if he would expect though. No. His studies were far too important to be put on the back burner for a guy who thought a bone crushing hug (that usually lasts too long for it to be just friendly) was an adequate way to greet an acquaintance.

One day, Viktor found a notebook with research that could be groundbreaking one day. It was past closing hours for the academy, but he had keys so he was left to read all the notes throughout the whole night and even into the day. The neat handwriting, the diagrams, the brilliant ideas... whoever this person was, he was flowing in potential. And when Viktor turned each page he couldn't help but smile to himself, how silly and a bit narcissistic, to sign your name on each of them. Jayce Talis, Jayce Talis, Jace Talis, Jayce Talis, each page, just Jayce Talis, Jayce-

"Hey!"

A familiar voice called for him. Out of breath and disheveled, stood the man who had been trailing him around.

"Oh, I'm so glad I found it- I mean you-" He sagged with relief. But when his eyes flickered from the notes to Viktor and back, he seemed to get a bit sheepish. "I thought I lost them." A whisper to himself before he snapped his eyes back to Viktor. "Ah, uh... you read all of them?"

And there he was, flirting with the same lame excuse, Viktor thought.

"Yes," he decided to humour him a bit. Closing the book and pulling it away from the other. "I was hoping to return it to it's owner, maybe discuss some of the ideas in it."

The man didn't seem to take the hint as he sat across from him with a small smile. "Yeah? So you don't think it's an obnoxious or ridiculous idea?"

"Ridiculous? Perhaps a bit, but it is not obnoxious to want natural resources of this quantity to produce -" He stopped himself, this random guy didn't need to hear it. "Nevermind, you don't need to hear that." Viktor was ready to stand up until he felt a hand reach for his to make him stay.

"No, no! I really want to hear it! Every professor I've tried showing my research to has told me I'm being unrealistic. But I think that with enough time, and effort, it's possible!" His face was glowing. "I mean as far as energy sources go, this could save much for both the people and companies. See- " grabbed one of the notebooks and started flipping through it, "right here, I tried to make a model of-"

"Jayce?" Viktor asked in disbelief.

The other man looked up at him with that dumb smile again. "Yes?"

"Jayce Talis...?"

Jayce tilted his head in question. "Yes?" He asked with more hesitance.

"You are Jayce Talis?" Viktor lifted up the notebook, pointing at the place where the name was signed.

"Did I not introduce myself the first time we met?"

"No!"

Jayce laughed a little awkward chuckle and it made Viktor's chest constrict. With anger, probably...

"Well, I'm sorry, um. My name is Jayce." He reached his hand out for a shake. "Nice to meet you."

"Viktor." He took it. "Likewise." And he found himself meaning it.

[infiniteglitterfall]

here, have some Official-Looking Info on Autistic Burnout

“Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew”: Defining Autistic Burnout

Although autistic adults often discuss experiencing 'autistic burnout,' and attribute serious negative outcomes to it, the concept is almost completely absent from the academic and clinical literature. Lay summary Why was this study done? Autistic burnout is talked about a lot by autistic people but has not been formally addressed by researchers. It is an important issue for the autistic community because it is described as leading to distress; loss of work, school, health, and quality of life; and even suicidal behavior.

This is one of those "WE ALL KNEW THAT" studies, where they have to study and write about Things We Already Know in order to make them part of the Official Body of Knowledge out there, and maybe even get useful research done on them.

I went digging on Google Scholar because I want to be able to send my smol child's summer day camp director something that actually explains why he's only shown up two days in the past two weeks.

I would kind of rather have something in the form of a cute handout, but I didn't think of that before I hit Google Scholar. (Also, the first thing I found in a regular Google search was kind of basic and kind of confusing; it seemed to be referring to shutdown, but was calling it burnout.)

What were the results of the study? The primary characteristics of autistic burnout were chronic exhaustion, loss of skills, and reduced tolerance to stimulus. Participants described burnout as happening because of life stressors that added to the cumulative load they experienced, and barriers to support that created an inability to obtain relief from the load. These pressures caused expectations to outweigh abilities resulting in autistic burnout. From this we created a definition:

Autistic burnout is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic life stress and a mismatch of expectations and abilities without adequate supports. It is characterized by pervasive, long-term (typically 3+ months) exhaustion, loss of function, and reduced tolerance to stimulus.

Participants described negative impacts on their lives, including health, capacity for independent living, and quality of life, including suicidal behavior. They also discussed a lack of empathy from neurotypical people. People had ideas for recovering from autistic burnout, including acceptance and social support, time off/reduced expectations, and doing things in an autistic way/unmasking.

Oh, wow, this is a good burn:

...mental health treatment/therapy as a means of remediating burnout came up, but in the context of a missing resource, a negative experience, or unrelated to burnout (e.g., for treating a co-occurring mental health condition).

Yeah. That tracks.

[buckets-and-trees]

Huffily Ever After: A CindereLloyd Story [3/?]

Chapter Three - The Panel Characters/Pairings: Lloyd Hansen x curvy Millennial Female!Reader Word Count: 4k Summary: It's the morning of the panel you've been invited to be part of and there are both friendly and unfriendly faces in the crowd.

Content/Warnings: modern Cinderella adaptation, unknown identities, enemies to lovers, toxic coworkers, eventual smut

Notes: Same as last chapter, I'm no PR or Marketing expert! I have some functional knowledge due to some aspects of my own work and I know how to Google articles, videos, and research up some stuff because I want reader's industry knowledge and experience at the conference to feel plausible and not just be completely glossed over. If you actually do anything with PR or Marketing, please just be gentle!

Additional Note: Please do imagine/channel Angelica Huston as Baroness Rodmilla de Ghent in Ever After as your toxic boss Amilla Tremaine. I fully did. Wicked step-work-mother-boss.

Previous Chapter | Series

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

On the second day of the conference, you woke early, a mix of excitement and nerves fluttering in your stomach. You spent extra time getting ready, wanting to look polished and professional for the panel. After a quick breakfast and the pre-panel meeting with Claude and the other speakers, you found yourself with a few minutes to spare before the big event.

You slipped into the women's restroom near the conference hall, wanting one last chance to check your appearance. The restroom was a luxurious affair, all gleaming marble and soft lighting. You approached one of the ornate mirrors, taking in your reflection. Your hair was neatly styled, your makeup subtle but flattering. You had gone with your navy blue blazer again, but it was the most professional piece you’d brought with you and it looked crisp and paired perfectly over your cream silk blouse.

As you did whenever you needed a little steadying, you touched a finger to your mother’s necklace for good luck. The pendant briefly caught the light - it was only sometimes visible with the length of the chain and where your blouse buttoned up to today. Now seeing it also reminded you of your mystery man from the masquerade. But you pushed the thought aside, focusing on the task at hand.

The sound of a stall door opening and the click of heels behind you drew your attention. You looked up in the mirror and your heart sank as you recognized the familiar figure of Amilla Tremaine emerging behind you. Your boss looked immaculate as always, her sleek black hair pulled into a tight chignon, her crisp white blouse and tailored charcoal suit speaking of effortless power. Her blood-red stilettos clicked against the marble floor as she approached the sinks.

"Well, well," Amilla drawled, her voice dripping with false sweetness. "If it isn't our little rising star."

You forced a polite smile. "Good morning, Amilla. How was your flight from Shanghai?"

Amilla waved a perfectly manicured hand dismissively. "Oh, you know how it is. First class makes everything tolerable." She turned to the mirror, touching up her already flawless lipstick. "I hear you’ve been incredibly busy, and of course there’s your very important panel coming up.”

You felt a chill run down your spine at Amilla's words. Her tone was casual, but you could sense the underlying tension. "Yes," you replied carefully. "It was an unexpected opportunity. I hope my email explained the situation adequately."

Amilla's eyes met yours in the mirror, her gaze sharp and calculating. "Oh, it explained plenty. Though I must say, I'm surprised you didn't consult me before accepting such a high-profile engagement."

You bristled slightly at her implication. "I apologize if I overstepped. I assure you, I didn't seek this out. Claude Dumont and Professor Mortimer offered it to me-"

"Of course they did," Amilla cut in smoothly. "And I'm sure you were just thrilled to accept, weren't you? Never mind that you're representing our firm without any proper vetting or preparation."

You took a deep breath, trying to keep your composure. "I understand your concern, Amilla. I assure you I've been preparing diligently and will represent Nexus to the best of my abilities. This is an incredible opportunity not just for me, but for our team and the firm as a whole."

Amilla's eyes narrowed slightly. "Is that so? And I suppose you think this little panel appearance makes you qualified to speak on behalf of our entire organization?"

You felt a flicker of hurt at her dismissive tone. "That's not what I meant at all. I'm honored to have been asked and I plan to share insights from our work, not speak for the whole firm."

"Hmm," Amilla hummed, her tone dripping with skepticism. "Well, I certainly hope you don't embarrass us up there. Remember, you're still quite junior. Perhaps it would serve you well for me to clarify the reality of the situation. You work for me, and by extension, for Nexus. Your little moment in the spotlight is all well and good, but don't forget where you’ll be this time next week."

You felt a surge of anger at her words, but before you could respond, the restroom door swung open. Maggie Mortimer bustled in, her face lighting up when she saw you.

"There you are!" she exclaimed. "I was just looking for you. They’re wanting to get us mic’d up and do a quick sound check.”

You felt a wave of relief at Maggie's interruption. "Of course, I'll be right there," you replied, grateful for the excuse to exit this tense encounter with Amilla.

Maggie's eyes flicked between you and Amilla, clearly sensing the tension. "I don't believe we've met," she said, extending a hand to Amilla. "I'm Maggie Mortimer."

Amilla's smile didn't quite reach her eyes as she shook Maggie's hand. "Amilla Tremaine, Nexus PR. I'm her director and supervisor," she said, nodding towards you.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Maggie said, her tone warm but her eyes sharp. "You must be so proud of her getting to participate on this panel. She was one of my star students, you know. Her insights are always so fresh and innovative."

You felt a rush of gratitude towards Maggie for her words of support. Amilla's smile tightened almost imperceptibly.

"Yes, well," Amilla said, her tone clipped, "we certainly encourage our team members to... stretch themselves."

"How lovely," Maggie replied, her voice sweet but with a hint of steel beneath. "Well, we really must be going. Can't keep everyone waiting." She linked her arm through yours, gently but firmly steering you towards the door.

Amilla waved a hand dismissively. "By all means. Break a leg, darling. And do remember what we discussed.”

As you left the restroom, you caught a glimpse of Amilla's reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were narrowed, her lips pressed into a thin line. You suppressed a shudder, realizing this encounter was far from over.

"Thank you," you murmured to Maggie as she led you away from the restroom. "I really appreciate your timing back there."

Maggie patted your arm reassuringly. "Of course, dear. I could sense the tension from a mile away. That woman seems... challenging to work with."

You let out a soft, humorless laugh. "That's one way to put it. She wasn't exactly thrilled about me being on this panel."

Maggie's eyes narrowed slightly. "Hmm. Well, don't let her get in your head. A large part of this field is navigating the difficult personalities that it’s teeming with. You're here because you deserve to be, and you're going to do brilliantly."

As you approached the conference room where the panel would take place, you took a deep breath, trying to push thoughts of Amilla from your mind. The encounter in the bathroom had rattled you, but you were determined not to let it affect your performance.

The room was already buzzing with activity when you entered. Technicians were bustling about, adjusting lighting and checking microphones. Claude spotted you and waved you over to where the other panelists were gathered.

"There you are!" he said warmly. "We were just about to start the sound check. Are you ready?"

You nodded, mustering a confident smile. "As ready as I can be."

Stepping onto the stage, you felt a mix of nervous energy and excitement coursing through your veins. The spotlights above cast a warm glow over the panel setup, illuminating the sleek black chairs arranged in a gentle curve. The audience area before you was still mostly empty, but you could hear the growing murmur of attendees filing into the room.

Victor Chen took the seat to your left, flashing you a reassuring smile as he settled in. "Nervous?" he asked in a low voice, leaning in slightly.

You gave a small nod, appreciating his perceptiveness. "A little," you admitted.

"Don't be," Victor said, his eyes twinkling. "You're going to knock their socks off. Just pretend we're back at dinner, having another riveting discussion."

His words, coupled with the warmth in his expression, helped ease some of the tension in your shoulders. You took a deep breath, settling into your chair as the technicians approached to clip on your microphone.

As the final preparations were made, you scanned the rapidly filling audience. Your heart skipped a beat as you spotted Amilla taking a seat near the back, her posture rigid and her gaze fixed on you. You quickly averted your eyes, not wanting to dwell on her presence.

Your eyes widened as you spotted Gus near the front, giving you an enthusiastic thumbs up. Next to him sat Anya and Holly, their expressions a mix of curiosity and barely concealed disdain, but you could handle them.

Just then, a flash of movement near the side entrance caught your attention. Lloyd Hansen slipped into the room, his tall frame unmistakable even from a distance. He leaned against the wall at the back, arms crossed, his piercing blue eyes scanning the stage. When his gaze met yours, you felt an unexpected jolt of electricity.

You quickly looked away, focusing on Claude as he stepped up to the podium, his presence immediately commanding attention. "Good afternoon, everyone," he began, his voice carrying easily through the room. "Welcome to our panel discussion on 'Blending Audience Insights and Brand Expertise to Build Trust and Social Relevance.' We have an exceptional group of experts with us today, each bringing a unique perspective to our discussion on building trust and social relevance in today's rapidly evolving digital landscape."

He gestured to his left. "First, we have Victor Chen, renowned crisis management specialist and author of 'Navigating the Storm: Crisis Communication in the Digital Age.' Victor's innovative strategies have helped countless organizations weather public relations challenges and emerge stronger than ever."

Victor gave a modest nod, his salt-and-pepper hair catching the stage lights as he smiled at the audience.

"Next, we have an emerging star in our field," Claude continued, gesturing towards you, and you fought the urge to squirm and sat up a little straighter as he announced your name despite the butterflies raging in your stomach. "She brings fresh insights and innovative approaches to audience engagement and brand authenticity from the work she’s done at Nexus PR.

"Dr. Seth Rossi joins us from the London School of Economics, where he leads groundbreaking research on consumer psychology and brand perception.”

Claude then gestured to the man seated next to Dr. Rossi. "To his right, we have Aaron Lang, Chief Marketing Officer of Tidewater Industries. Aaron has spearheaded some of the most successful rebranding campaigns of the past decade, transforming staid corporate images into vibrant, socially conscious brands that resonate with modern consumers."

Aaron Lang, a man in his late forties with a neatly trimmed ginger beard and wire-rimmed glasses, gave a friendly wave to the audience. His casual demeanor belied the sharp intelligence in his eyes as he scanned the crowd.

"And last but certainly not least," Claude continued, his voice warm with affection, "we have Professor Maggie Mortimer who now lectures at Johns Hopkins, Purdue, and Columbia University's School of Journalism. Maggie's groundbreaking research on the intersection of social media, journalism, and public opinion led her to quite literally wrote the book on social media's impact on brand perception with her bestseller 'The Digital Mirror.’”

Claude paused, letting his introduction sink in before continuing. "Now, let's dive into our first question. In today's hyper-connected world, brands are under constant scrutiny. How can companies effectively build and maintain trust with their audiences while staying true to their core values?"

Dr. Rossi led out on the first question. As the professor began to speak about the psychological foundations of trust in brand relationships, you felt yourself relaxing slightly, absorbing the insights and mentally preparing your own thoughts.

When it was your turn to speak, you leaned forward slightly, your voice clear and steady as you addressed the audience. "Building on what Dr. Rossi said about psychological trust, I think it's crucial for brands to understand that trust is not just about what they say, but what they do. In my work with smaller, emerging brands, we've found that consistency and transparency are key. This means not just being open about successes, but also owning up to mistakes and showing how you're working to rectify them."

You paused, gathering your thoughts before continuing. "For example, we worked with a sustainable fashion startup that faced criticism over some of their manufacturing processes. Instead of getting defensive or trying to sweep it under the rug, we advised them to acknowledge the issue publicly, explain the steps they were taking to improve, and invite their audience to be part of the solution. This approach not only mitigated the potential damage but actually strengthened their relationship with their customer base."

As you spoke, you noticed heads nodding in the audience. Even Amilla, despite her earlier hostility, seemed to be listening intently. You felt a surge of confidence and continued.

"In today's world, consumers are savvy. They can spot insincerity a mile away. So authenticity isn't just a buzzword - it’s the lifeblood of a brand.”

Victor Chen jumped in, building on your point. "Absolutely. And in today's social media landscape, that kind of authentic engagement can spread like wildfire. We've seen countless examples of brands turning potential PR nightmares into opportunities for growth and connection with their audience."

The discussion flowed smoothly from there, with each panelist building on the others' points and offering unique insights. You found yourself relaxing into the conversation, your initial nerves giving way to genuine enthusiasm for the topic.

As the panel progressed, you couldn't help but notice Lloyd Hansen still leaning against the wall at the back of the room. His piercing blue eyes seemed to follow the discussion intently, his expression unreadable. You tried not to let his presence distract you, focusing instead on the engaging dialogue unfolding on stage.

About halfway through, Claude posed a question that made your heart race: "In an era where cancel culture can make or break a brand overnight, how can companies navigate controversial issues while maintaining their integrity and audience trust?"

Aaron Lang started to answer, discussing the importance of having a clear set of values and sticking to them.

Once he finished his thoughts, you jumped in, eager to contribute on this topic. "If I may add to that," you began, "I think it's crucial for brands to recognize that staying silent on important issues is no longer an option. Consumers, especially younger generations, expect the brands they support to take a stand on social and environmental issues."

“Can you expand on that for us?” Claude asked.

You nodded. "Authenticity is key. It doesn't mean jumping on every trending hashtag or making empty statements. Brands need to carefully consider which issues align with their core values and where they can make a genuine impact. Then, they need to back up their words with concrete actions."

You noticed several heads nodding in the audience, encouraging you to elaborate, and you went on to describe what a tech company had done to address the gender gap in STEM fields by launching a comprehensive summer bridge program for female high school students in the city of their headquarters and how they were planning to expand to the other two cities where they had offices.

When you finished your example, you noticed another ripple of approval through the audience. Victor Chen leaned in, nodding enthusiastically.

"That's an excellent point," he said. "It's not just about making statements, but about taking tangible actions that align with your brand values. I've seen companies falter when they try to jump on every trending issue without a clear strategy or genuine commitment."

The discussion continued to flow, with each panelist building on the others' insights, and with fifteen minutes left , Claude opened the floor for questions from the audience. You were pleasantly surprised when several hands shot up, and even more so when some of the questions were directed at you.

One attendee, a young woman with vibrant blue hair, asked about strategies for smaller brands to compete with larger corporations in terms of social responsibility initiatives. You felt a surge of confidence as you answered, drawing on your experiences with Nexus's smaller clients.

As the panel drew to a close, you felt a mix of relief and exhilaration. The discussion had been lively and engaging, with each panelist bringing unique insights to the table. Claude expertly guided the conversation, ensuring that everyone had a chance to shine.

"And with that, we'll conclude our panel," Claude announced. "I want to thank our exceptional panelists for their invaluable insights. Let's give them a round of applause."

The panel had gone better than you could have hoped, and the positive energy in the room was palpable. As you gathered your notes, Victor Chen leaned over, a warm smile on his face.

"You were absolutely brilliant," he said, his eyes twinkling with admiration. "Your insights on brand authenticity and social responsibility were spot-on. I particularly loved your example of the tech company's STEM initiative - it perfectly illustrated the importance of backing words with actions."

You felt a flush of pride at his words. "Thank you so much," you replied, your voice filled with genuine gratitude. "It means a lot coming from you. I've admired your work for years."

Victor's smile widened, and he leaned in a bit closer. "Well, the admiration is mutual now. You know, I've been in this industry for over two decades , and it's not often I come across someone with such a fresh perspective. The way you blend theoretical knowledge with practical application is truly impressive."

His eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as he continued, "I particularly enjoyed your take on the importance of transparency in crisis management. It's a delicate balance, but you seem to have a natural intuition for it."

You felt a warmth spreading through your chest at his words, a mix of pride and something else you couldn't quite place. Victor's gaze was intense, his body angled towards you as if you were the only person in the room.

Victor was undeniably charming, with his salt-and-pepper hair and warm brown eyes that seemed to sparkle when he spoke passionately about PR strategies. But he had to be at least fifteen, maybe even twenty years your senior.

But then the moment passed, and he casually said, “We should connect again before the conference is over.”

"That would be great," you replied, keeping your tone professional.

“I’ll let you address your new adoring fans now,” he smiled and nodded off to the side of the stage where a small knot of people were waiting and looking directly at you.

And as you approached that knot, you spotted Gus pushing his way to the front, a huge grin on his face. He pulled you into a big hug.

"That was amazing!" he exclaimed, his eyes shining with pride. "You absolutely killed it up there. I knew you would, but wow!"

You laughed, feeling a mixture of relief and elation. "Thanks, Gus. I can't believe it's over already. It felt like it flew by."

As you chatted with Gus and a few other attendees who had approached to ask follow-up questions, you noticed Anya and Holly hovering nearby, their expressions a mix of surprise and something that looked almost like grudging respect. You caught Anya's eye and gave her a small, professional nod, which she returned after a moment's hesitation. Holly looked away entirely.

Gus left with your coworkers, and just as you were wrapping up a conversation with an enthusiastic marketing student, you felt a presence behind you. Turning, you found yourself face to face with Lloyd Hansen. His piercing blue eyes met yours, his expression unreadable.

"Not bad," he said, his voice low and smooth. "Your point about authenticity in crisis management was... insightful."

Coming from Lloyd Hansen, this was high praise indeed. You felt a flutter in your stomach, but kept your composure. "Thanks. I'm glad you found it valuable."

He nodded, then bent his head closer so only you would hear. “Just enjoy your flash in the pan conference fame, pumpkin, because it takes more than a couple of clever questions and answers to make it longterm in this business.”

Your jaw dropped slightly, anger flaring inside of you, but you pulled it together and responded with, “Well, not all of us have nepotism to work with.”

Lloyd's eyes flashed dangerously at your retort, a muscle in his jaw tightening. For a moment, you thought you might have pushed too far. But then, to your surprise, the corner of his mouth twitched upward, giving something not quite a sneer but certainly not a smile.

"Touché," he said, his voice low and smooth. "Maybe you've got more fire than I gave you credit for."

You held his gaze, refusing to be intimidated now. "You really don’t know me at all, Mr. Hansen."

He studied you for a moment longer, his piercing blue eyes seeming to look right through you. "So it seems," he murmured, almost to himself. Then, abruptly, he straightened up. "Enjoy your moment in the spotlight. We'll see if you can sustain it."

Before you could respond, Lloyd's attention was drawn away by someone calling his name.

To say you were put out by him was an understatement, but you didn’t linger over it as a moment later Maggie appeared at your side, beaming with pride.

"You were absolutely brilliant up there," she remarked.

"Thank you, Maggie," you replied, feeling a rush of warmth at her praise. "I was so nervous, but once we got going, it was exhilarating."

Maggie's eyes twinkled. "That's the sign of a natural, my dear. You have a real talent for this. I’m so glad we reconnected here." She glanced over your shoulder, her expression shifting slightly. "And between you and me, I think you outshone some of our more... seasoned panelists."

You felt your neck flush, loving her confirmation you’d done well, but still finding it hard to accept the compliment. "I'm just glad I didn't embarrass myself up there."

"Embarrass yourself?" Maggie chuckled. "Far from it. Now you must agree to be my plus one tonight at the awards gala!”

Your heart skipped a beat at Maggie's invitation. The awards gala was one of the most prestigious events of the conference, typically reserved for industry veterans and VIPs.

"Are you sure?" you asked, trying to contain your enthusiasm. "I wouldn't want to impose."

Maggie waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense! After that performance, you've more than earned your place there. Besides," she added with a mischievous glint in her eye, "I could use some youthful energy to keep me entertained during the stuffy speeches."

You laughed, feeling a surge of affection for your former professor. "Well, when you put it that way, how can I refuse?"

"Excellent!" Maggie clapped her hands together. "Meet me in the lobby at 6:15. Wear something fabulous, it's time to - oh,” she paused when the look on your face changed, “what’s that thought that just crossed your mind?”

"I... I don't know if I have anything suitable to wear," you admitted, thinking of the limited wardrobe you'd packed for the conference.

Maggie waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense. We'll find you something fabulous over the lunch break then. We’re in Paris! It won’t be hard. And before you say another word, it’s my treat!”

“Maggie, I couldn’t!”

“No, I really do insist. I had ulterior motives in getting you on the panel today so I wouldn’t be surrounded only by men, and I’m selfishly coercing you to play that part again tonight."

“But-”

“I have no children and my husband left me with far too much money when he passed away two years ago, so we are going to a fancy shop and getting you a gorgeous dress, and I may get another one for myself if the mood strikes me while we’re there, and I’m almost one hundred percent certain it will, so don’t spoil my fun, dear!”

Before you could protest, Maggie had linked her arm through yours and was steering you towards the exit. "Come on, we only have so two hours to get there and back before the afternoon keynote.”

next chapter: The Awards Gala

Well, lovelies, you did a good job participating in that panel! I'm as proud of you as Maggie and Gus!

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

[matan4il]

Hi Alice! All my love to you in these dark dark times. You've been instrumental to me learning more about what it's like in Israel on the ground right now, and helping me not get swept up in the vitriolic rhetoric so many of my fellow liberals are espousing. I've been horrified by some of the behavior I've seen from the pro-Palestine crowd. I quietly support both sides of the conflict, and hope to see a return of the hostages, a subsequent ceasefire, and a realistic path to a two-state solution in the near future.

I'm asking this in good faith because I trust your research and input on these things, and I'm curious about your perspective. TW for rape and torture. I've seen a report come out on one of the tumblrs I follow (who is very pro-Palestine and anti-Zionist, unfortunately, I only follow them for fandom content) stating that there's been torturous conditions inside Israeli prisons–Sde Teiman specifically–detaining Palestinians. It includes accusations of rape, beatings, and amputations due to injuries from being cuffed. I was wondering if you had seen this report and had thoughts about whether this is another anti-Israel smear campaign or a cruel reality of bad people doing bad things. I'm always inclined to believe victims, and as an American, I'm painfully aware of the atrocities that can happen in detentions centers, especially during wartime.

Please know I'm not accusing you of anything or trying to make this a gotcha thing! I'm curious about your thoughts as an Israeli who does good research and knows her country and history. Thank you again for all you do, and I'm so sorry to hear about your colleague's murder. May you and your loved ones find as much rest and peace as can be found in a time like this. Take care.

Hi Nonnie,

thank you so much for your kind words (especially regarding Alex), your humaneness and willingness to listen to Jews and Israelis! Absolutely, there is no contradiction in supporting regular people on both sides of this conflict. This is NOT a zero-sum game. Both sides can thrive, if we all choose and are just allowed to coexist.

Okay, the Sde Teiman accusations...

Let me start with the history of this army base, because it is relevant to how it was used.

In 1942, the Nazis landed in northern Africa, and were headed eastwards, toward the Land of Israel. As a part of getting ready for that, The British (who ruled Israel at the time) paved a strip of asphalt in the desert, not too far from the expected direction of the Nazis' invasion, and used it as an airfield. They also built a few hangars next to the runway, and this is what in the 1950's became the military base called Sde Teiman ("Field of Yemen," in honor of the Israeli's air force operation of airlifting the Jews of Yemen, and bringing them to Israel. Along with the operation to bring the Ethiopian and Indian Jews to Israel, these mark the only times when a "first world" country brought people from "third world" countries - with the goal of making them citizens with equal rights). I'm sharing this info, so everyone can get an idea of how small and insufficient this army base is for the purpose of detaining prisoners. And indeed, under normal circumstances, it is NOT used for that purpose.

However, when Hamas launches surprise attacks from Gaza, it has been used for temporary detention (until arrested terrorists can be transferred to more adequate facilities) simply because of its proximity to Israel's border with Gaza.

That's how it was used following the Oct 7 Hamas invasion of Israel, too. Things to note about this: Israel did not initiate the massacre and following war, so it didn't have time to prepare a better temporary detention center with personnel properly trained to be jailors, and also, while Sde Teiman had been used temporarily for terrorist detention before, it was never used for as many arrested terrorists as after Oct 7. Consider that on the day itself alone, around 3,500 terrorists invaded Israel, and that was just the first day of the war.

When it comes to general accusations of awful conditions there, which might lead to terrible consequences, a big part of it is probably down to the fact that this base was not meant for this purpose (and the fact that it was used this way is because of the nature of Hamas' attack rather than any intended maliciousness).

The conditions were all wrong as a result of the chaos of war regarding the sexual assault case, too. The guards were not trained to be jailors, they didn't have the right tools to deal with arrested terrorists, especially these terrorists, who belonged to the Nukhba, a Hamas "elite" unit and the main perpetrator of the massacre (the Nukhba to Hamas are like the Waffen SS to the Nazis, imagine what Israelis feel when they hear "Nukhba"). Think of the atrocities committed by these men: the rapes, the beheadings, the mutilations, the murder of children, the burning down of homes with people inside, the extermination of entire families, the destruction of Israel's southern communities, and the psychological trauma caused to the entire country, when many are already dealing with lots of trauma, including of the inter-generational kind. Now imagine being an ordinary reservist, a regular civilian, not someone who has chosen the army as a way of life, not someone who has seen the horrors off war recently (or maybe ever), someone with a family that could have easily been targeted on Oct 7, someone who isn't trained for how to jail the vilest of criminals, then tasked with guarding in over-crowded and extremely close settings such monsters while being psychologically affected by their terrorism (which is the main goal of terrorism! To terrorize even those not directly harmed!)...

Initially, 10 soldiers, who are all reservists, were arrested. Since then, it turns out only 5 of them will be indicted (indicating that there is no substantial evidence against the other 5) for supposedly sexually assaulting a Nukhba terrorist. Specifically, the Nukhba company commander of Jabalya. He's not any regular terrorist, he's someone who was a commander that partook in the Oct 7 massacre, he oversaw the committed atrocities, he didn't only commit crimes, he gave the orders. At least one of the suspected soldiers testified that this Nukhba commander was going haywire, and had to be physically subdued. According to reporters, a doctor initially checked this Nukhba commander and found no signs of abuse. Only later did the terrorist start bleeding from his behind. According to a submitted report by Prof. Alon Pikarsky, a senior doctor at Hadassah, the civilian hospital this terrorist was later admitted into, the harm to the terrorist's behind is most likely self-inflicted. Based on accounts from reporters, the overall medical and forensic testimonies submitted cannot confirm nor refute the claims of the Nukhba terrorist.

So when it comes to the case itself, I can't say much. The accusations are serious, the question marks are serious, and I don't have the professional tools to figure out where the truth lies. There will be a trial, more qualified people than me will decide.

Obviously, as an Israeli, I hope the accusations are false. Not because I think there is ANY society out there which is perfect, and in which no crimes ever take place, especially where extreme circumstances are involved, but because I think it's natural to hope for the best for one's people.

Where it comes to the people who tried to stop the arrest of the suspected soldiers, I believe they're in the wrong for multiple reasons: for the sake of justice, for the state of the Israeli justice system, and even for the sake of the soldiers, if it turns out they're innocent. At the same time, while I am NOT okay with the arrests being stopped, I can understand the sentiment. In Israel, especially post Oct 7, soldiers are our most immediate heroes. They risk themselves, they save countless lives, (even the ones "only" guarding terrorists know they could be killed doing this, and they're saving people by keeping the terrorists locked up), they're dealt shitty hands sometimes (like having to guard Nukhba terrorists when they're not even trained for it), and they do all this for us, as a collective, men and women, adults and kids, Jews and Arabs. We ALL owe them, every Israeli. So the sentiment is that there is something difficult to process about a situation where the word of a massacre-committing terrorist commander is believed over that of people who are perceived as heroes. It makes a protective side of people come out, even people who at the end accept that the justice system must do its thing.

And when it comes to the justice system, I think it matters SO MUCH that it will do its thing. No army can prevent every single one of its soldiers, as individuals, from committing crimes. But there are armies that, as a system, commit crimes. The justice system that prosecutes individual crimes is a part of the difference.

Still, even if the accusations are true, even while I'm happy they're investigated, I went into the details of the case, because I do believe that even at worst, there are extenuating circumstances. Those don't turn a wrong act into a right one, but they acknowledge that, under extreme circumstances, and without the right tools, many normative people without criminal intent might end up doing the wrong thing. The psychological burden of guarding extremist terrorists who have traumatized an entire society, including their guards, in close quarters and without the right training, it could be one that would make a lot of regular people crack. I'm glad I've never been tested like that. I'd like to believe I wouldn't have done the wrong thing, but who knows. We're all human, we all have our triggers. Especially in the face of complete evil that harmed our loved ones or threatens to. I feel lucky that I was never put in an extreme situation, like those soldiers, I hope they did the right thing, but I find it hard to morally judge them if they didn't, even where I recognize that if they did what they're accused of, they should be legally judged.

IDK if this helped, but I hope it at least reflects the fact that for quite a few Israelis ('coz I can't speak or all of us, but I think this probably represents a fair number of people), it is complicated, and not a clear-cut case of black and white, good vs evil...

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[certifiedsexed]

hey so i am a Rambler so i'm going to elaborate on why i'm asking but, what would you say is the adequate age to have partnered sex with someone of your age you're in a serious relationship with and trust very much?

i'm going to try to like, tldr it a Lot but basically my girlfriend and i have been dating for nearly 7 months (anniversary tomorrow! let's go), she currently lives to the city next to mine (like, 50 minutes away or so?) and while we've seen each other a good few times and our parents are friends with each other she's recently told me that her and her family is moving to my city, and fortunately actually pretty close to my house too (yay!). we're very good with communication (at least i think so 😭) so we've talked a bit about sexuality-related stuff and we both agree we'd like to try something like that when we both live near each other. both of our families are very sex positive and open about letting us do our thing if it's in private and we do research first but then my doubting comes in because what if we're like... not prepared enough? or not mature enough? though i don't actually know what exactly i think could happen (i think it's generally "what if we're not mature enough to consent" or "what if we get hurt somehow" but mostly it's just a strong Anxiety about, if i may say, fucking it up) i don't want any of us to be like, affected in any way because of that so i'm a little scared LOL. you're the best resource i have for this that isn't my parents (thought that'd be an awkward conversation) so i thought i'd try to ask you about it! :0

also since i just realized i didn't even specify on this at the start (😭), i am 13 and she's 14 with only a few months of difference, tho i'm pretty sure that when she moves here it'll be after my 14th birthday? (we are also both afab, i assume that doesn't really matter but just in case you wanna give any specific advice?)

thank you SO SO much in advance just typing this out has eased my thoughts a little bit

Hi! I'm a fellow rambler, so welcome. ^_^

My simple answer? There is no specific "age" that is "adequate" for you to have sex. There's also no specific age as a child where you "can't" consent to having sex with someone in your age-range.

If you both want to have sex and decide to have sex, that's great! That's an adequate time to have sex!

If you're not prepared enough, let me tell you what happens: you stop and you talk about it.

It sounds like y'all are doing well and there's no reason for your communication to suddenly die the moment sex becomes part of the equation.

If y'all can talk about having sex, then you can try to have sex and talk about it as you try. Not being prepared enough does not have to be a nightmare situation, Anon.

Realizing "oh hey I don't know how to do this" can be fixed simply by saying that to your girl and asking, "Do you know? Should we do some research?"

It's not a failure and its perfectly okay to realize you don't know what you're doing! You haven't done this before! In fact, your girlfriend might not be prepared and not know what she's doing! In that situation, you should be kind and explain if you know or say, "Let's do some research" if not.

If she wouldn't respond in a similar manner or would be mean about it, then that's a sign not to be having sex with her and that y'all need to have a conversation about respect. Still not a failure on your part.

As for maturity…Maturity is such a bullshit line to draw in the sand, Anon.

There's no specific "maturity level" you have to reach to have sex. If you guys try to have sex and suddenly stop communicating, or don't know what you're doing and just get mad at each other, that would be an issue but its literally just a communication issue, there's no actual "maturity" level you need to reach.

If you get hurt somehow, y'all are actually in a great space for that to happen! You have supportive parents, you have a girlfriend who communicates with you! It sounds like y'all will be okay even if you DO get hurt. That's actually great.

Much like fucking up, its possible but it doesn't have to be a nightmare situation or a relationship end. It's okay. People make mistakes, it happens. Sometimes that actually makes it better and/or more memorable.

Just keep communication in mind. If you decide on having sex, talk to your girlfriend about your worries! Let her know you're scared of fucking up. She might be too and that's a good conversation to have!

So is asking her if she has any boundaries or anything specific she does or does not want to try! This is a great chance to improve y'alls communication skills, frankly.

Certain websites [like Scarleteen or even Teen Vogue] have good information if you're trying to do research on sex, just for a starter. Also HUGE congrats on that anniversary. <3

I'm not sure how much this helps but let me know if you have any other questions, Anon. Wishing y'all luck. <333

[ex-foster]

So much of the literature on former foster kids who age out of care are written for audiences that are outsiders looking in: social workers, foster parents, therapists, etc. It is SO rare for any literature to be aimed at US as the primary audience. There's scientific literature written on why former foster kids have attachment issues, the effects of trauma, or statistical outcomes for former foster kids (homelessness, housing insecurity, poverty, unemployment, underemployment, ptsd, addictions, relationship problems, sex trafficking, etc). We are constantly viewed as data points and societal problems rather than an audience that society can interact WITH.

Research papers will note that former foster kids lack basic life skills when they age out compared to their peers (things like how to cook, drive, financial literacy, social skills are common themes in research). This skill gap can be explained by neglect, system failures to provide adequate life skill training, and the fact that inconsistent/changing caregivers may not even be aware of what skill gaps a foster kid has compared to their peers. That's how you get kids aging out of the system without even knowing how to operate a dishwasher or how to read an analog clock. But where is the literature for former foster kids to close this skill gap? We know that former foster kids lack certain skills but then we don't tell them where do go or who to ask to obtain them. You can call 211 right now and ask them about resources for former foster youth and they MIGHT list a program or two that helps with financial aid for school or life skill classes (like cooking or driving) but many of these are restrictive programs that are only available for a limited time. I learned about the 211 services when I was 24 years old! Nobody told me about it. I only found out about it when I moved to a new city and a city employee gave me a 211 pamphlet because I was a newcomer. It didn't occur to anyone I needed that at 18 when I was aging out. And when you ask 211 about resources now, they will ONLY list programs for former foster youth. They will NOT offer advice the way a parental figure would ("you may want to check out the youth employment center" or "talk to your bank about a tax free savings account").

I just wish there were more things aimed at US.

Tired of hearing things like "there's negative stigma against foster youth" but then there's no literature on how to navigate this. How do you approach that conversation with coworkers or friends? Things like that. It's non-existent.

[solacescastleglow]

How to Learn New Information

So, there's something you absolutely need to learn. An equation, a historical event, how to change the oil in your car. Not only that, but you need to prove that you've learned it, and have, if not mastered it, then at least adequately absorbed the concept. But apart from asking AI, you have no idea where to start. Well, I've got you covered.

Preface: actually learning things

Don't use ChatGPT. When you use GenAI to make study notes or explain things to you, you're depriving yourself of the ability to engage with the material in a more interactive way. This means you're less likely to actually learn things. If you went to a surgeon for life-saving surgery, but you found out that they used AI to get through medical school instead of doing the research themself, would you trust them? I personally wouldn't.

Also, when you learn something, you're also training your brain on how to learn. Learning how to learn is so worth your time and effort. Why would you pass on the opportunity to build your ability to learn in addition to the actual thing you're learning? It makes learning the next thing easier because the neural pathways for finding out new information are already there. By the way, if you're in school, that's what they're actually teaching you to do. Even though it might not seem like it, the individual thing you're learning doesn't matter as much as the fact that you are learning.

1. Figure out the scope of your learning

What do you want to learn and why? Which part of the topic is the bit you need to know, and is there any prerequisite knowledge you need to have before you start? If you want to know simple algebra, it's helpful to know how addition and multiplication work, for example.

2. Phrase it as a question

Instead of just stating what you want to learn, for example 'the quadratic formula', it's much more helpful to phrase it as a question. 'What does the quadratic formula do?' and 'why is each variable there and how does it contribute to the end result of the formula?' will result in more in-depth knowledge, because you know exactly what you're looking for.

3. Find the most basic source to learn from

Typing '(thing you're learning) explained for kids' into YouTube is one way to start. I know that for maths and science, there's a set of baby books that explain really complex things, like quantum physics, but so simply that a literal baby could understand. Start with something like that.

4. Take notes

When you're doing this, write down everything. Anything you're not sure about, something that seems like it's been simplified too much, new vocab you come across. Write your question at the top so you can remember what's relevant.

5. Further research

Take your notes, then look each thing up. The Wikipedia page for it is usually accurate, since it's been moderated heavily. Set it to Simple English if possible, that makes it a lot easier to read if you still don't know what's going on. Take notes on that and repeat.

6. The Feynman technique

You've probably heard of this a million times, but what you might not realise is that you should be taking note of what you're missing. Write down questions the other person had that you didn't know the answer to, or things you just realised don't make sense to you while you're in the middle of talking it out.

7. Further research pt. 2

Now take those notes, and research that.

You should have a pretty solid knowledge base now! Good job!!! I hope this method helps you in your life, I know it's a lot more difficult than just typing into ChatGPT but it's so worth it for how much you'll remember.

[joys-of-everyday]

The more I think about it, the cultivation world and academia are similar. High drop out rates? Reverence towards the people who 'make it to the end'? Meritocracy but not really? Age old 'talent' vs 'hard work' vs 'privilege'? Possibly just side effects of being learning institutions but yeah. Anyway, headcanons for peak lords as professors.

SQQ (SY) The chill professor everyone loves. Is often absent for months at a time doing field studies but comes back with loads of cool stories. Has a tendency to veer off course and everyone's grades may suffer because of how little time is actually spent on examinable material, but at least you'll enjoy yourself. He says he's only there for the fun and doesn't do much research, but you've spied a number of very big names going to him for advice. If you manage to make him drunk, his personality does a 180 and he complains extensively about everything, including his latest webnovel obsession.

og!SQQ (SJ) The salty professor everyone hates. Obsessed with rankings and citation counts, has a constant rivalry with LQG, and does the absolute minimum when it comes to undergrad teaching because he thinks it's a waste of time. He's convinced there's an agenda against him because he didn't get funding for the third time in a row and takes it out on the students. But damn does he know what he's talking about, and you've heard he's actually a genius, albeit one with complicated background. The few phd students he has are utterly enamored with him.

SQH Everyone forgets that he's not a student, including himself. When he teaches, it feels like he's giving a presentation and waiting for feedback. He answers questions with questions. Nobody knows what research he's doing, including the other members of department. Both Shens and LQG alike think he's a waste of space. But he seems to have some mysterious connections to a very fancy research facility up north.

LQG Absent professor. Literally cannot teach. Reads off last year's notes (written by other people) and calls it a lecture. But he's got many fancy awards under his belt for his research and the rest of the department talk about him with awe in their voice. If you take work to him, he will undoubtedly rip it to shreds, but not in a mean way. Half the students hate him. Half the students make him a meme. A few of them worship him like a god.

YQY The nice one. He teaches amazingly, heads a healthy research team, and has some banging papers under his name. The students know him as the best teacher, but behind the scenes he is literally keeping the department together. Wrangles with management and does a lot of outreach stuff on top of all of this. The students are convinced he literally lives on site because they keep seeing him at weird hours of the day. This is half true.

MQF The Professor. When you say 'professor', MQF is the person who comes to mind. The students think he is actually a robot, because they've never seen him do anything other than his job. His teaching is adequate but without personality, and he is extremely mild mannered. Unbeknownst to them, he is known as the 'mad scientist' of the department - he has a bizarre attitude to safety and often goes utterly crazy with experiments which are only just toeing regulations. A pioneer of his (somewhat niche) field.

QQQ Social justice warrior. The one who actually strikes when there's a strike on, and organises all of the diversity events. The student have mixed views on her. She struggled against a very sexist department back in her day and still gets a lot of hateful feedback, so she's learnt to take zero fucks. Which is cool but also means a lot of valid criticism gets taken as personal attacks. With all the drama, everyone seems to forget that she's actually a really big name in the field, receiving some fancy awards around the same time as LQG. Her phd group is surprisingly chill.

[katzenklavierr]

Short Review of Sonic Movie 3

Sonic Movie 3 met my expectations pretty exactly: it's a fun action movie for kids that takes inspiration from the video games while making adjustments to meet its own internal lore, just like the first two. So I can't really say I was disappointed by it, but it didn't really blow me away either. I think I liked the second one a little bit better.

If you're a Sonic fan who liked the other two, you will probably enjoy it. If you're a Sonic fan who disliked the other two because they're not faithful adaptations, you will feel the same about this one.

Rest is under the cut for those who wish to go in blind.

Let's get the negatives out of the way first.

I only really have one major complaint and it's that there is way too much Eggman in this movie, to the point where it feels like he has more screentime than Sonic does, let alone all four of the animal characters. I don't even mind stripping Gerald of his moral nuance and making him the big bad (although never mentioning Maria's illness makes his motivations really unclear), but like. Jim Carry's Eggman (now twofold) is better in small doses. At least he died at the end I guess (but if they do another death fakeout for him I'm going to be so annoyed). I feel like the themes they were exploring with him might've been better suited for Shadow so that he'd be a stronger foil to Sonic, which they did a little bit but again. Way more focus was given to Eggman.

The pacing is also really bad. Like, worse than the other two movies. Most scenes don't have any time to breathe before we're jumping to the next thing. Only a few emotional beats are allowed to actually linger long enough to sink in. I get that this is Sonic and we gotta go fast and all, but it feels like this movie being about 20 minutes longer or cutting out some of the Eggman shenanigans to make room for other characters would've benefited it.

They really struggled to find a reason for Sonic's human family to be involved or give them stuff to do. They're important for Sonic's arc, and Tom getting hurt by Shadow is meant to parallel Maria, but they just kind of failed to be relevant in any other way. I didn't really feel it this was as big of a problem in the first two movies. Maybe this film is just suffering from not knowing how to adequately juggle an ensemble cast.

I was a bit worried that they were going to take the story beats from Sonic Adventure 2 and turn it into pro-military propaganda, which thankfully didn't happen. They didn't really address any of the military criticism directly, and Maria's death was explicitly accidental rather than an act of callousness, though I think it was a smart move to have them shut down Gerald's research and imprison him only to build the WMD themselves using his plans and show that they were only interested in keeping it in their own hands. Other than being an inconvenience to Sonic and friends, though, they don't really act as a significant antagonist but rather just a third party in the matter. Again, better than turning them into a force for good, though.

Now for the stuff I did like.

Keanu Reeves killed it as Shadow. He's done other VA work in the past, which I think helps, but he has the exact right timbre for him and just enough emotion to sell the role.

Shadow's relationship with Maria is shown really effectively, and I like that Maria gets to have more of a personality than she really does in the games (though I have not yet played Shadow Generations so I can't speak to her portrayal there). I wish they had explored the tension between Shadow feeling like a monster a bit more, though, as well as my aforementioned gripe that they removed Maria being terminally ill from the story (which I feel is important to her character and her relationship with Shadow).

The fight scenes and action sequences more generally were really cool. I loved both Sonic v. Shadow fights, especially the first one with Shadow on his motorcycle and Sonic on foot zooming through traffic.

Special effects and CGI were also well done and felt very grounded. All of the characters look so soft and I want to pet them so bad. I love the glitter effect when Sonic and Shadow go super, too.

While the scene itself felt a little forced, I did enjoy the chao garden restaurant. I want to eat a chao bao.

I completely called BOTH characters in the post-credits reveal. My thought process was that if they didn't put Amy in the 4th movie (which you know they are going to be making) it would be a crime against me personally and generally a bad move to put in another male character before her, and if they're bringing in Amy it makes sense to bring in Metal as the new threat, especially since they concluded Shadow's SA2 arc in this movie and (supposedly) killed off the Eggmen. I look forward to hearing more about it.

I think I'm still kind of in awe that I live in a world where my favourite blue hedgehog not only gets a big screen appearance, but a whole film series -- one that doesn't suck and is actually successful, even! I feel like the cultural attitude towards Sonic has shifted much more favourably and the films are getting more people interested in the franchise as a whole. In the threatre I was at, there were other adult fans there seeing it with their kids, it was very cool. So even if I have my gripes with them as a life-long fan, I feel they are definitely a net positive and I am glad they exist.

[council-of-beetroot]

My crack AGZSC headcanon is that the group all tries to introduce Sephiroth to the concept of celebrating his birthday except their descriptions become progressively more unhinged so it starts of with Angeal discussing how birthdays were a simple but nice affair in his family with a cake.

Genesis: They were truly magnificent experiences!

Angeal: what Genesis fails to mention is that these parties were more elaborate than your average wedding and cost more than some in the village made in a year..

Sephiroth: it seems peculiar that there would be so many guests for such a function. Perhaps the partygoers were incentivized by the prospect of securing the small fortune contained in the gift bags that you said were distributed.

Genesis: Are you implying that the only reason people showed up to my birthday parties was because of the gift bags?

Sephiroth: That is a possibility!

Genesis: Excuse me! Everyone showed up because they wished to celebrate such milestones and recognize the achievements of a young blossoming prodigy!

Sephiroth: peculiar indeed.

Genesis: people came to my parties because they liked me!

Angeal: Why does it matter. You didn't even like most of the people there either!

Genesis: I suppose that's true... none of my peers had the same appreciation for the arts...

Zack interrupts: Hey! I heard we were talking birthday parties! Who are we surprising?

Angeal: No one at the moment, we were simply discussing various birthday traditions with Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: I have obtained a plethora of information regarding birthday traditions across the planet and wish to confirm if my research into the traditions of your hometown is correct and if the traditions persist today.

Zack: Birthdays in Gongaga were epic! There was music and presents, decorations, cake!

Sephiroth: I have investigated further into the matter and came across a peculiar tradition in Gongaga where the children are blindfolded and made to strike a papier-mâché creature until it releases the confections inside?

Sephiroth: that seems unwise

Zack: nah, we take precautions, that's why they aren't made out of ceramic pottery anymore!

Zack: it was the best!But to really have fun you gotta spin the person around a bunch so that they end up getting all mixed up! Once I got knocked unconscious because a kid went the wrong way! It was hilarious!

Genesis: I had theorized for ages that you must dropped on the head as an infant, and it appears that that theory isn't far off from the truth.

Zack: Hey Cloud! What do you and other people in Nibelheim do for their birthdays.

Cloud: some people had parties but I didn't, didn't think anyone would show up. Ma always made birthdays truly special, she would find the perfect gift and would bake a really good cake. It was nice just to spend time with her.

Zack: Ha! That reminds me in Gongaga, it's tradition for your friends to begin chanting before grabbing you and shoving your face into the cake! Good times!

Angeal: wouldn't that ruin the cake

Zack: Yeah that's why you get three cakes!

Sephiroth: Cloud, Your traditions appear simple yet adequate and therefore seem appealing

Cloud: hmm, what else, oh there's an ancient Nibelheim custom to slap someone's ass with a belt on their eighteenth birthday as a rite of passage.

*everyone stares at him*

*This is based on an old rural polish tradition called pasowanie. Not widely practiced and some frown upon it but nonetheless a thing. Obligatory discretionary note that some see it as hurtful while other see it as a humourous welcome into adulthood and people usually don't full on beat up someone in this tradition. People always headcanon Nibelheim to be a very rural very old fashioned place with odd traditions so I felt this fit. While I based Gongaga's on Mexican traditions Because my best friend is Mexican so her birthdays were incredibly fun always with a piñata but her family never did mordida (the cake tradition) and it makes sense as it ruins the cake often in my opinion.

[sciderman]

Reading New Mutants #98 is such a wild experience because Wade still acts as the snarky and kinda sadistic shit talking queen of mercs, but he's also like...super menacing and competent too? Especialy next to today where people fuck him up like a noob, seeing him taking out a group of mutants with gadgets and tricks, body Nathan and having to be taken out by a suprise element was a true shock...and i kinda love it? Like, Wade shows up and he's actually a threat, but a threat that doesn't even take you seriously, he insults you but is also oddly polite to his main target. What is your take on the original version of Wade?

interesting question! really really reaaaally interesting question! new mutants #98 is an issue i've read like, a million times because newer comics always always always recontextualise it - so you find out, wait - domino was vanessa in disguise, so actually, she probably had an insight on how to take down wade better than anyone else - wait, nathan knew wade as someone who saves his life so was probably pulling his punches actually - wait - the guy who sent wade to kill nate was actually nathan's SON?? like there's five million plot twists that come after new mutants #98 that get me rereading it over and over.

i do love that wade's introduced as someone who is equipped and prepared – he definitely was more competent in the earlier comics, he was perpetually a threat, and always had just the contrived weapon in his arsenal needed to take out certain mutants with certain powers.

they kind of gradually started stripping him of all that - i think when he started making the transition from minor villain to empathetic anti-hero, they started stripping him of his teleporter belt, his image inducer, his swiss-army-knife arsenal that made every fight too convenient for him. and now - now he's just a guy with two swords and maximum effort.

i'm not saying it's bad – buuuut... i love the mission impossible movies. i love impossible gadgets. it's so much more fun to see than just, you know, guys hitting and slashing at each other. give me stupid weird gadget that wade has tucked away in some pouch belt of plot convenience specifically to take down this specific guy with weird specific powers. give me a competent wade who did all the research before going into the fight. not a wade wilson who kind of coasts by with dumb luck and gumption.

but - you know, on the topic of wade being hyper-competent in new mutants #98 it's - kind of not something i believe, either. sure, he's a menace to those kids but - remember, he does still get his ass handed to him in a humiliating kind of a way. what a start to his career. and these guys aren't shaken at all. no "oh my god. this guy is someone we should worry about. we should worry about letting him free." no. wade is shipped back to his employer in a box. there's no worry that he might come back angrier. deadpool's kind of a joke.

nathan summers does often maintain a level-head in general - buuut, i just don't think there was any moment in that fight that nathan really thought he was going to lose against wade. there was no "oh no, all hope is lost" moment. wade was just quick with his punches, sure, but i don't think the cards were actually in his favour. nathan wasn't incapacitated, and would have easily taken wade down.

he kind of just didn't want to, i don't think.

i think maybe he wanted to see what wade could do. and i think if nate really thought wade was a threat to the kids, nathan would have protected them more fiercely. there's no reason at all why nathan couldn't have so, so easily just - yeeted wade out of the building. wade really, really wouldn't have stood a chance if nathan really saw him as a threat to him or (especially) to the kids. nate's training up these kids. he probably saw wade as just - adequate practice for them, but no real threat. wade is completely manageable for him.

i think later on wade gets savvy to the fact that nathan usually pulls the punches with him.

nathan could so, so easily just...

if he didn't want to deal with deadpool.

i think vanessa probably knew that too. and i think that's why she stepped in when she did - because she probably thought if wade pushed too far and trod on one of nathan's nerves, it would be the end for wade. so she neutralised him.

i write a bit about it in i love you, wade wilson - my beloved fic about deadpool's early days.

[duhragonball]

End of Evangelion: 25'

Yeah... that's...

"You don't understand!" is pretty much Neon Genesis Evangelion in a nutshell.

Or "You do (not) understand! (true²) Director's Cut" is how the franchise would put it.

Let's just get on with this.

I watched End of Evangelion last night. Well, early A.M. I took a nap and woke up at midnight and it seemed like the right time to watch a thing like this.

I did not enjoy the movie. I'll explain this, of course, but I wanted to get that out of the way up front. There are positives, sure, but I went into this thing hoping for a more satisfying conclusion than what was presented in the TV show, and I didn't get it. Both endings suck. There you go.

Let me back up a bit. So the TV series ran from 1995 to 1996. The final episodes, 25 and 26, were controversial because they were expected to wrap up the whole story, but instead they went in a bizarrely abstract direction. Both of those episodes apparently take place inside Shinji Ikari's mind as he struggles to accept being part of a collective gestalt of every human mind on Earth. This is the result of the "Human Instrumentality Project" a concept mentioned in Episodes 1 -24, but never adequately explained. The final episodes just skip past the part where Human Instrumentality was achieved and shows the result, without bothering to discuss the background or the cause, or the long-term ramifications.

From what I gather, the main reason Episodes 25 and 26 were Like That was because the studio was short on time and money, so a more satisfying conclusion was not practical. But since the series turned out to be so successful, they were able to take another crack at it with End of Evangelion. The film is very clear about its purpose as an "alternative" to Episodes 25 and 26. It's divided into two sections, numbered 25' and 26'.

I'm not sure the viewer is expected to pick one over the other. The original 25&26 take place in Shinji's mind when Human Instrumentality happens. 25' and 26' take place in the outside world, showing the events leading to Human Instrumentality and the aftermath. There may be some continuity issues to iron out, but a fan could easily accept both endings as canon.

That's not my problem here. The problem is not that there are multiple endings, or that the endings are too "abstract", or that the endings aren't "happy". Fundamentally, my gripe is that the endings are confusing. Perhaps it might be said that the endings are pathologically confusing.

I think this is one of those Big, Emotionally Raw Works, where you can't really discuss it without revealing something about yourself in the process. So let's do that. End of Evangelion makes me feel stupid. There's parts of the movie where I'm just completely confused and I have no idea what is happening or why. It feels less like entertainment and more like I'm about to take a test I didn't study for.

Except I did study, because I've literally been taking notes on this thing for the past three weeks. I was looking forward to this, and last night I'm near the end of the movie wondering what the hell I'm going to write here, because I don't understand what the hell happened in the movie.

So I poked around a fan wiki for a bit, trying to get a handle on some of the major concepts, and as I read the articles, I realized that a lot of this information just stone cold never made it into the TV show or the movie. There was one thing I looked up that had to reference a Playstation 2 game that released six years after the movie premiered.

It's not that I'm too stupid to understand Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's that the franchise appears deliberately designed to hide information from the viewer. You're just supposed to roll with it, I guess. Or spend days researching all this side material. Read the manga, read the wiki, read fan commentaries. I hate this. I hate this so much.

So maybe I'm not stupid. Maybe the anime was just badly designed. That would be comforting, except I still feel stupid for investing so much time into trying to understand this thing that seems purposely rigged to defy understanding. It's not just the ending. That's what everyone talks about, but the ending is just a symptom of a bigger problem. The beginning is really slow. Then the middle starts to get weird, and there's a lot of mysteries and subplots and lore that gets set up with the implied promise that "we'll explain later". And the ending(s) drop that ball. The surgery was a success, but the patient died.

I feel stupid because I got a reply to one of my liveblog posts, I think Episode 12, in response to some comment I made about all the characters having the same backstory. Ritsuko has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother. Misato has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist father. Shinji has a complicated relationship with his workaholic scientist father. Is that a theme or did they only have one idea? My point is that eventually it stops being clever and starts being redundant. Later, we learn that Asuka has... a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother.

"What, are you stupid?" asked the reply guy to my wry observation. They deleted it a few minutes after I saw it, so maybe they felt some remorse over the comment. Normally, I let these things slide. I might respond if I get legitimately hot about it. But this one got to me. "Am I stupid?" I asked myself last week. I seem to be complaining a lot about this show, but it's supposed to be a classic. Am I not giving it a chance? Am I missing something here? Am I just not smart enough to appreciate this thing? Am I just not trying hard enough?

If you're reading this, Reply Guy, please know that I didn't take it personally. I'm not upset with you at all, but I am trying to be honest with myself about this. This Neon Genesis Evangelion business has been frustrating me all month long. Now I'm at the end and it all feels very hollow, like I wasted my time.

I think that's my philosophy on life. I try to seek out new things to explore, usually stories, and sometimes they don't work out the way I wanted them to, and that's okay, because it's the journey that counts. Shinji Ikari keeps shutting down throughout his story, asking why he should bother doing anything, because he's too terrified of the possible outcomes of his actions. My thing is that bad stuff happens all the time no matter what, and you just sort of have to recover and move forward, because that's the only way to see what happens next. So I'm not sure if I can relate to Shinji or not.

Anyway, let's talk about Shinji masturbating in a hospital room over Asuka's comatose body.

I had heard about this scene, but I didn't realize how long and pathetic it is. Asuka had a nervous breakdown in Episode 23. This movie has to follow up on that, becuase Episodes 24, 25, and 26 each refused to pick up on her character arc.

Meanwhile, Shinji is wracked with guilt and dread over his battle with the 17th Angel in Episode 24. He had to kill Kaworu, but in spite of Kaworu's betrayal, he was still a friend to Shinji when he needed it the most, and he was such a good sport about getting killed, you know?

So this movie has to get us back to that moment, when Shinji and Asuka are at their lowest ebb, and I guess they decided that Shinji should go see her in the hospital because he's desperate to talk to someone about what's he's been going through. But Asuka's unresponsive, so he starts shaking her like he's trying to wake her up. Instead she just rolls over, which somehow exposes her half-naked body, and Shinji is so overcome with lust that he rubs one out right there and then. Doesn't even get a Kleenex, doesn't find a place to sit, he just whips it out and goes to town right in front of her.

I guess this is supposed to be a joke, but it doesn't land. It's not even a matter of the joke not aging well. Yeah, this is a 27 year old movie, but Shinji admits this is terrible behavior almost immediately. The "joke" didn't age at all. It was stillborn. This is like when you go to a graveyard and you see one of the tiny graves and the dates are from the same year. That's how funny this is.

The most charitable reading I can give this scene is that it represents the hypocrisy of Shinji's whole deal. He constantly insists that he can only do as he's told, because he's afraid of people not liking him if he makes a mistake or thinks for himself. But here he's doing some pretty disgraceful shit, and I sure as fuck didn't tell him to do this. did you? Did anyone? Of course not. He goes limp for most of the rest of the movie, but not here. Nossir. Seems pretty sure of himself in the minute or so it took him to finish his business.

The other aspect of Shinji on display here is that his ideal social interactions are one-sided. He's most comfortable with people when they can't see what he's doing, when they can't touch him back. That's why he wished for isolation in Episode 25. Here, with Asuka unresponsive, he's basically got the same thing.

I suppose the flip side of this is when Asuka kissed Shinji in the TV series. Her hangups are kind of the opposite of his, where she wants to be in charge of everything and everyone constantly showers her with praise for her achievements. She wants to kiss Shinji but she can't be vulnerable enough to admit that, so she orders him to just stand there and be kissed because she wants to "pass the time". And she makes him hold his nose shut because she doesn't want to be breathed on while she does it. I mean, they both have intimacy issues, but at least Shinji had a chance to consent to her weirdness.

In the NERV base, the crew wonder why they're still on alert status, since the last Angel was defeated. There should be no more threats, and it kind of makes sense for NERV to be disbanded. The only business left is the Human Instrumentality Project, and none of these ham-and-eggers know what that is.

But Misato has some information about it, which she mulls over while she's in her car. I guess? Let me explain this in more detail, because the movie never totally gets into the "why" of it all.

Okay, so the SEELE group has access to something called the "Dead Sea Scrolls". According to the NGE wiki, SEELE got it from the two angels that came to Earth, Adam and Lilith, in the distant past. SEELE has used the information contained in the scrolls to establish themselves as the secret rulers of the whole world. And they founded NERV, and its predecessor organizations, to study the Angels and figure out how to preserve the human race.

They talk a lot about Second Impact on this show, but they never explain exactly what caused it. Second Impact was not a meteorite strike or a rampaging angel who self-destructed, or even a lab accident. It was caused deliberately by SEELE, as part of an effort to contain Adam, who lay dormant in Antarctica.

If I understand correctly, this was necessary because at some point, Second Impact would occur anyway, and then Adam's children, the fifteen Angels we saw in the TV series, would come looking for Adam's body and unite with it, triggering a Third Impact that would definitely wipe out humanity. This is all supposedly explained in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So SEELE's play was to trigger Second Impact deliberately, so that they could confront the Angels on their own terms. This gave NERV time to develop the Evas to fight the Angels, and to shrink Adam down to a more manageable size so he'd be harder to find.

Once the Angels were all defeated, SEELE could then trigger Third Impact. See, the TV series made it seem like the objective was to prevent Third Impact, but that was never possible. Third Impact is inevitable, I guess, so the only way to ensure humanity's survival is to evolve humans into something that can withstand the disaster. Thus, the Human Instrumentality Project, which will combine all human minds into some sort of disembodied superorganism at the moment of Third Impact.

However, throughout the TV series, SEELE has butted heads with the NERV Director, Gendo Ikari, about how this plan is to be implemented. Gendo wants to transform humanity into something new. But SEELE seems to want to retain their human nature and just use the plan as a lifeboat until the disaster has passed. At least, I think that's the disagreement here. Like I said, I had to learn about SEELE's agenda from the description of the PS2 game. It's not exactly a shock that the cabal of worldly oligarchs should want to save themselves and hold onto their wealth and power at the same time.

Gendo, on the other hand, seems mostly fixated on reuniting with his wife, Yui Ikari, who apparently died in 2004 during an experiment with Eva Unit 01. In the TV series, it was heavily implied that Yui lives on inside of Unit 01. Since Gendo's version of Human Instrumentality involves drawing up human minds into a noncorporeal union, I guess he figures that this will include Yui's mind, even if she has no body. It's unclear in this movie if Gendo actually intends to include anyone but himself and Yui in this merger, but in Episodes 25 and 26 of the TV show, Human Instrumentality is presented like it's all humans, even dead ones, and Gendo Ikari talked about it like that's what his version of Third Impact was supposed to be.

I suppose the only thing keeping Gendo and SEELE from turning on each other was the Angel threat, but now that this is over, SEELE attacks. First they try to hack NERV's supercomputers, but this is foiled when they recruit the aid of...

...Ritsuko Akagai, who betrayed NERV in Episode 23 when she destroyed all the Rei clones they had in storage. But she's the only one smart enough with computers to block the hack, so she crawls back inside one of them and uses her dead mother's notes to build a more robust firewall or something. I think she j-pegged a RAM or something, I don't know.

Ritsuko wonders why she's even bothering, since she already turned on Gendo. They had been banging on the down-low, but she got fed up with him when she realized he loved his dead wife more than Ritsuko or her mother, who also used to bang Gendo on the down-low.

With that cyberattack fended off, NERV now has to brace for an actual attack. Admiral Clownshoes notes the irony of NERV defeating all those Angels, only for their final opponent to be the humans they were trying to save.

Tactically, the entire battle is a formality. SEELE runs the whole world, and they can send wave after wave of soldiers into the NERV facility, which is already badly weakened after months of Angel attacks and budget cuts. NERV's defenses were designed for dealing with Angels, and their greatest weapons were the Evas, except Unit-00 was destroyed in Episode 22, and Unit-02's pilot has lost the ability to sync. Nonetheless, Misato wants the pilot kids secured, since she knows SEELE's goons will try to take them out first. She orders Shinji to deploy in Unit-01, and even though Asuka's in no condition to fight, she has her put in Unit-02 and then sent to the bottom of the lake. It's not much of a hiding place, but at least she'll be safer there than inside the base.

Where's Rei? Well, no one can find her, but she's gone down to the room where they keep Lilith and she's soaking in that orange goop they have down there.

Perhaps anticipating this, Gendo excuses himself and orders Clownshoes to take over the defense of the base. Clownshoes seems to know what he's up to, and sends his regards to Gendo's dead wife.

At this point, it's basically a race to see who can trigger their version of Third Impact first. SEELE wanted to use the Lance of Longinus and Lilith somehow, but since the Lance is in space now, they now plan to use Unit-01, the only Eva created from Lilith. That's what makes it special, apparently. Units 00 and 02 were made from Adam, I guess?

Anyway, Gendo plans to do it by combining Adam and Lillith together. He's got Adam's body within his own, and he wants to join with Rei, who contains some essence of Lillith. This was Rei's main purpose all along, I think.

Meanwhile, Misato leaves her post to find Shinji, who was sulking in some corner instead of reporting to his Eva like she ordered. She saves him from some goons, but they're cut off from Unit-01, so she has to find a way to get him where he needs to go. She also has to convince him to cooperate, since Shinji's completely gone to mush in the midst of this new crisis.

As she drives him to where they need to go, she explains (most of) the necessary backstory to him. Second Impact was triggered deliberately to buy time for Human Instrumentality, and humans are descended from Lilith, just as the Angels came from Adam. So in that sence, the human species is collectively the 18th Angel, just another candidate to inherit the future of Earth. Humans, like any of the fifteen Angels spawned from Adam, have the opportunity to trigger Third Impact and secure their place as the dominant life form of Earth, but we had to beat all the Angels first to do it, and then find a way to survive Third Impact when it finally happened.

And while Gendo plans to do with with Adam and Lilith, SEELE wants to use the Eva series, somehow, so it's vital that Shinji use Unit-01 to destroy all the other Evas.

Speaking of destroying Evas, Asuka finally wakes up in Unit-02, which is currently getting battered with depth charges. She still can't control the Eva, and she just keeps whimpering that she doesn't want to die. Eventually, she hears her dead mother promising to protect Asuka, and she realizes the truth: that Asuka's mother, Kyoko Zeppelin, was absorbed into Unit-02, much the same way Shinji's mom was absorbed into Unit-01.

Now, at long last, Asuka can operate her Eva again, and she goes apeshit on the SEELE troops. They sever her power cable, but she doesn't care, boasting that five minutes is plenty of time to take out these creeps. This is honestly the best part of the movie, because they had reduced Asuka to a pitiful shell for so long, and now she's finally taking charge and whoopin' ass.

It won't last.

With the conventional forces beaten, SEELE sends in nine Eva Units of their own. These are units 05 through 13, but they all look the same, and I'm not even sure they have pilots. It's a pretty cool design for a "bad guy" Eva, but they don't figure into the plot very much. They're here to destroy Asuka and Unit-02, and Asuka has to destroy them to stop SEELE.

Meanwhile, Misato has almost gotten Shinji to the Unit-01 launch bay, but she got shot, so she tells Shinji he's on his own from here. Shinji continues to resist taking any responsibility here. He says he's not worthy to pilot the Eva because he hurts people. He killed Kaworu, and he "did something terrible to Asuka". So at least the movie recognizes that. I guess it was included just to show the audience that Shinji isn't exaggerating when he doubts himself like this.

Misato refuses to indulge his self-pity, and she doesn't care how much he cries or tries to use his past actions to disqualify himself. She tells him she's made plenty of her own mistakes, but she still learned something about herself anyway. Hey, I guess Misato kind of gets what I was saying earlier. I guess this makes her my favorite character?

Well, yeah, but I don't like how she gives him a long kiss goodbye, then promises they'll "do the rest" when he gets back. I mean, she dies immediately after he leaves, so I think she was just feeding him empty gestures to motivate him while she still could, but... that's kind of fucked up.

Meanwhile, Gendo and Rei reach the room where Lillith is to begin their attempt at Third Impact, but they find Ritsuko waiting for them. She pulls a gun on Gendo and tells him that she sabotaged the supercomputer while she was reprogramming it to stop SEELE's hackers. Except... when she tries to execute her plan, the computer doesn't do it. This is because it's been imprinted with the mind of its original creator, Ritsuko's mother, and apparently mom still carries a torch for Gendo, even after Gendo screwed both Akagis over. Gendo then pulls a gun on Ritsuko, and says "I truly..." but the sound cuts out as he says the rest of it, so we don't know what he wanted to tell her.

In any case, she calls him a liar after she hears it, so either he told her he loved her and she didn't buy it, or he said something really cruel and she knew he didn't mean it. Either way, Gendo shoots, her which normally would suggest his true feelings, except I think this Human Instrumentality business works on dead people too, so life and death kind of becomes meaningless in this movie. We see a ghostly apparition of Rei as Ritsuko falls into the LCL fluid. We also saw ghost Rei when Misato died, so this seems to be a thing now.

Meanwhile, Shinji makes it to Unit 01, but it's immersed in Bakelite, which Misato had ordered dispersed through the base to impede the invading goons. I'm not sure how it got here, though, unless the bad guys used Misato's own trick to secure Unit-01. So it looks like Shinji can't get in the robot, even though it's not a robot, and he doesn't even have to be inside the stupid thing to control it. He literally proved that on his first day on the job. Yo, Shinji, get in the robot, your mom loves you.

Meanwhile, Asuka seems to be doing just fine killing the bad guy Evas without Shinji, but just as she finishes the last of them off, the Lance of Longinus suddenly flies back to Earth and improbably stabs Unit 02 through the face. Uh... how? Why? What the fuck?

Also, all the Evas Asuka defeated suddenly reactivate. With her battery drained, Asuka is helpless to stop them as they crack open Unit-02 and eat it. I'm pretty sure Asuka herself is killed during this, but we don't see a body.

I guess this was the catalyst to get Unit 01 off its duff, as it finally breaks out of the Bakelite and grabs Shinji like it's gonna put him in. Unit 01 busts out to join the battle, and it's thig big impressive spectacle. It even has angel wings now.

But it doesn't actually do anything. Shinji just gets a look at what's left of Unit-02's mangled corpse and screams.

And that's the cliffhanger for 25'. There's a credits sequence, then a dedication note from the director, and then the second half starts as Episode 26'. So this is a good place to take a break.

If you're curious, the part where Eva 05-13 show up to confront Asuka is about where things ended in "Evangelion: Rebirth". But 25' is about twenty minutes longer than that, so I'm not sure what the significance of that cutoff point was supposed to be. I guess it works as a cliffhanger, but it's kind of dumb to have Asuka finally wake up and kick ass, only to get utterly destroyed a few minutes later. Then Shinji shows up to set up the real cliffhanger.

To be fair, this half of the movie is better than the second half. Mostly, it benefits from the parts where they actually show the characters recovering from Episode 24 and beginning to move to the next phase of the story. This was what the TV show failed to do with its Episode 25. Now, we get to see the SEELE vs. NERV battle that was only implied before, and we get to see how Human Instrumentality is arranged.

We also see why it needs to be done. In the original ending, it seemed completely arbitrary, like Gendo Ikari just decided this was a cool thing to try and he just did it to the whole world without asking anyone's permission. Here, it becomes clear that if Gendo doesn't pull the trigger, SEELE will, and it's just a race to see who can get their vision accomplished first.

And we actually get to see the other characters in this version. Asuka wakes up and gets her groove back, Rei's part in the drama is revealed, and Ritsuko and Misato get shot. Seeing this stuff makes me even more irritated that the TV series just jumped right past it all.

Still, this half of the movie has problems. For one thing, a lot of runtime is spent just showing troops slaughtering NERV personnel, and showing Misato leading Shinji to his Eva. Also, there's a healthy dose of Gendo and Rei just staring pensively at Lilith without actually doing anything. A lot of the footage doesn't actually progress the plot, and only Misato and Shinji's scenes are useful for providing exposition. Gendo and SEELE's words are too cryptic to be of much use.

The main point of this installment was to reinforce things we already knew: Rei's important to all of this somehow, Shinji is a sad sack, and Asuka is helpless. And maybe it needed to be reinforced in July 1997, more than a year after the TV show ended, but I don't think it needed to be hammered home this much.

And like I said from the start, this whole thing relies on a lot of ridiculous stuff that I feel like I should have been told about in the TV series. How did the Lance of Longinus come back? SEELE couldn't have arranged this, since they were the ones who were so upset about losing it in the first place. Why are there two methods to trigger Third Impact? How did Asuka's mother get sucked into the Eva and yet she remained in human form long enough to go insane and hang herself? Why did the bad guy Evas suddenly recover from their injuries when it was convenient for the plot?

Perhaps most critically: Why are they just treating Third Impact and Human Instrumentality like the same thing? Like if you do one, then the other one just automatically happens? Is that how it works? Then why were they so worried about the progress on that project? It could be done at will, right?

Oh, and how did SEELE figure out how to do all this stuff? They have their own fleet of Evas, which seem to work better than NERV's. They made their own Angel in the form of Kaworu. They seem to know how to make Third Impact happen, without Gendo's help. And however they got this far, they seemed to pull it off without anyone from NERV knowing about it. So why did SEELE even need NERV in the first place? As it currently stands, the only reason Gendo's ahead of them is because he's physically closer to what he needs to work with. SEELE could have nuked the base from orbit and hauled Eva Unit 01 from the wreckage.

Again, the whole movie just makes me feel like I missed an episode, except I didn't. I watched the whole thing, which leads me to assume that the next chapter will clarify everything, except it doesn't, as we'll see next time. See you there.

[t4lon]

I'm very conflicted.

We were recently diagnosed with DID, but this was not a new discovery for us. We have been operating under the partial assumption that we have the disorder for exactly a decade this year.

I say partial because it genuinely never stuck. The nature of our trauma and resulting anxiety prevented us from seeking any sort of mental health treatment, in any capacity, which as you can imagine, precludes any hope of diagnosis. So, from the age of 14 onward, we existed in this strange in-between state, where we gained and lost insight at different times. We lack self confidence, and though we supported the right of others to self diagnose, we (particularly Moira and myself) believed it would be silly to think any of our research could possibly be adequate. DID is a heavy diagnosis, and it's very hard to feel justified in claiming the label.

We tried many different methods to be okay with existing as more than one; and this is why the existence of endogenic systems was NECESSARY for our mental health. As someone who absolutely could not get diagnosed due to abject fear, and whose low self esteem and lack of expertise prevented them from trusting their own judgment, the idea that there are people who just allow themselves to exist without needing professional validation seemed like the only way forward for us.

Ultimately, I still think it is. I would not be this far along in my personal journey without the existence of the wider plural community, and though the rest of our system does not share my personal anti-psychiatry sentiments, it has been extremely important for them as well.

But it hasn't worked yet, and this feels a little bit like a failure on our part.

We finally hit a breaking point fairly recently, and found a therapist who then quite promptly diagnosed us. Since then, it's been night and day. Alters are more active, we switch more frequently, we are capable of leaving the house on short notice (and at all!). Our social anxiety has largely vanished, at least for the time being. It's like waking up after ten straight years of a depressive haze dominated by our repressive persecutor-host, and she is finally getting the rest she needed.

But really, after all that? The journey to self discovery, the repeated attempts to convince ourselves that we CAN just choose to be this way, that we can just act the way we naturally wish that we could... the only thing that could break through the wall was still to validate it through the framework we were trying to escape.

We tried so, so hard to truly believe that it would be okay for us to just be, but it just... didn't work. We still needed a therapist to tell us it was okay, that we really are the way we think we are, and that it is healthy to embrace. And it didn't matter how many peers also told us this; we needed a professional. We just did not believe anyone else, even though we desperately wanted to AND deeply respected their journeys and experiences.

This isn't really meant to be a Sad Post or anything, I mostly just think we have a lot more work to do. We were deeply damaged by things like fakedisordercringe AND many anti-endogenic sentiments in online system communities, and it is not nearly as easy to shake the self hatred and doubt as I'd hoped.

I do, to some extent, resent the fact that we ultimately felt that we needed someone to give us permission to exist. But. Well. We do certainly feel like we are allowed to exist, now. Perhaps even a bit vindicated.

Strange.

[the-bineapple]

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️OBVIOUSLY you're not going to be able to make a decent rainbow with an LED flashlight - it doesn't have anywhere near the range of wavelengths that the sunlight has. I KNOW what blackbody radiation is and I KNOW how light works. But apparently I forgot how flashlights work, and because I was so confident in my understanding that I didn't bother to adequately research how to make rainbows with prisms and planned an entire STEM activity to lead today at work that is impossible to do because apparently it needs actual sunlight and it's way too cloudy outside

thank goodness I tested it this morning so that I actually have time to throw together a whole new activity since I have to scrap that one

EDIT so I'm not posting factually incorrect information: you CAN make a rainbow with a flashlight and a prism. It may or may not work depending on the flashlight, and it typically won't have the full range of colors that you can get from sunlight because the light in flashlights has way less variation in wavelengths