#because how much hours do you waste your time with self care and hate to get dirty

[raisedbydirew0lves]

the thought of eber and darius starting out with a mutual dislike for each other only then to become found family is just a concept that's so funny to me actually

[xxsabitoxx]

Ryomen Sukuna NSFW A-Z

Part of my 20k follower celebration (past due)

Warnings: if it isn’t abundantly clear, this is smut :)

A/N: in honor of hitting 20k followers a while back, I’m going to be posting 10 NSFW alphabets for JJK men — scheduled post 11 :) - I've developed an unhealthy obsession with true form Sukuna... he is all I think about now. Forgive me because this one is for sure a bit OOC since he like... loves you

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

If you managed to break the hollow icy shell that is Sukuna’s heart and make yourself someone important to him… Sukuna is pretty damn good with aftercare. He’ll clean you up, even ordering someone to get numbing salves because he tore you the fuck up and he know’s you’ll be sore and aching within a few hours if you aren’t already. He’ll use two arms to cradle you gently while his other set works on cleaning you up and making sure you’re okay. He’ll wait until you’re sleeping to whisper praises to you, telling you that you did so well for him and that he adores you. He’ll never really say these things to you when you’re awake though. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Sukuna loves your legs and thighs, he loves your hips and your stomach too. He loves having things to hold and your body provides so much softness for him. He loves to kneel before you – that’s right the king of curses kneeling before you – to lick all the way from the top of your foot up to your inner thigh. He’ll cover your legs in bruises and bites, making sure everyone is well aware that you are his property and nobody else can have you. He adores your stomach, often resting his head against it and letting you pet his hair lovingly. Sukuna will only show this level of vulnerability to you, letting down some – not all – of his walls. 

Sukuna loves his entire body, four arms, two mouths, two dicks, and all. He considers it his masterpiece and it deserves to be worshiped. He has no shame in proclaiming this either. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

If he’s not dumping several loads into your cunt/ass then what’s the point? Sukuna treats his cum just as he treats the rest of his body… It's sacred and a privilege to have it. He toys with the idea of painting your face or chest in it but ultimately doesn’t see the point in letting something so valuable go to waste. So creampies are the only way in Sukuna’s eyes. And trust me when I say this man cums a fucking boat-load. I don’t care if it’s realistic or not, he’s making you look bloated by the time he’s done with you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sukuna would let you do anything you wanted to him… he just hasn’t found the strength to give you that knowledge yet. He hates the idea of someone holding power over him, which is why he’s ever so mildly terrified of you. You may not realize it, but you have Sukuna wrapped around your finger… that man would kill the entire planet for you if it meant seeing you smile. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Sukuna is very experienced, having tens if not hundreds of harlots laying around for his use. But that was before you. You changed his view on that sort of thing and he got rid of every single one of them… you are all he needs to remain satisfied and that is a feeling Sukuna never thought he'd experience in his existence. Sukuna knows what he’s doing and he knows what he’s doing well.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Sukuna’s favorite position is holding you up so your back is pressed to his chest. He has a hand hooked under each of your knees and he’s holding you up that way, spreading you apart further than your legs really allow. Sukuna is either sitting or standing and honestly he prefers when a mirror is present so he can watch your face contort in a mix of pain and pleasure. He has you impaled on his cock, easily able to trust in and out of you as you fall apart. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not even a hint of goofiness in this man when he fucks you. He is all about business… I mean for real it was actually kind of terrifying at first but now you’re used to it. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Sukuna doesn’t really give a shit about his hair down there… and yes it’s pink like the rest of his hair. It may sound fucking bizarre but if you want to trim and clean him up down there? He’ll let you do it. You bathe him often so it’s not necessarily out of your comfort zone to sit there and groom his nether region. He doesn’t really care what you do down there either. You can simply trim him to your liking or shave him bald. Whatever you’re into, he truly doesn’t care. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Sukuna is… romantic in his own way. He’s not detached from the situation at hand and he’s not focused entirely on himself. Sukuna shows his “romantic” side by letting you cum, maybe sparing you a few kisses, rubbing his thumb across the nail marks he left on your legs… he’s not one to say “I love you” or really express how much you mean to him. But it’s the small, subtle little things that hint towards his affection for you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s got four hands, you’d think he’d use one of them to get himself off but he simply doesn’t see a need for that when he can have a random whore come do it for him. When it comes to you though? You never leave him, like Uraume, you’ve earned your spot by his side. He has you to assist him with those kinds of needs when they arise (heh). Though, he’s amused you once or twice by jerking himself off for your own enjoyment. Making a show of using two hands to jerk off his two cocks but stopping just before he comes because – as i’ve said – he doesn’t like to waste any of it, not a single drop can be spared. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Slave/Master kink for one… he just likes the feeling of being superior even though he doesn't need to “roleplay” to get that feeling. BDSM… or whatever equivalent there is for the Heian period. He likes it rough, messy, even a little bloody. Sukuna has a massive breeding kink but doesn’t want kids, he just likes the idea of filling you over and over again (regardless if you have the ability to get pregnant or not). Dacryphilia for sure, your tears turn him on. Orgasm control (both denying and overstimulation) are just another aspect that plays into his love of power. Sukuna loves restraints in any form, not him, though. He will for sure try and fist you. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere. Sukuna will fuck you where ever the fuck he wants too with no shame. He’ll fuck you on his bed, ruin the luxurious sheets and break the bedframe over and over. It’s gotten to the point where he actually got rid of it all together because he was sick of the wood splintering and nearly hurting you. Sukuna can and will fuck you on a raised platform in front of his petrified subjects. He wants everyone to know who you belong too – even if you don’t need to be fucked stupid in front of hundreds of people for them to know. It’s quite obvious. To be totally honest, Sukuna loves the mess and mayhem of fucking you in the tub. Watching the water slosh everywhere then ordering a maid to come clean up the damage, it makes him laugh. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

There is an innocence to you that really gets Sukuna going. You’ve done the most downright filthy things with him, you’ve stood beside him as he makes a bloody mess of someone… but somehow you still retain this sort of innocence to you that he loves to try and taint. It’s not to say you’re oblivious… you’re very smart in Sukuna’s eyes and he knows you have a mean streak. But when you’re with him… there is something about you that he wants to break so badly and he has such fun trying to do so… you’re resilient which would usually piss him off to no end… but with you it’s endearing and he can’t figure out why he can’t get enough (you’re in love dumb ass) 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Shit. Yeah no that’s the one thing he can not and will not deal with. He’s had his fair share of bodily fluids – to say the least without going into detail. But he draws the line at anything to do with vomit or scat. It disturbs him… which is saying a lot. He’s had women offered to him as sacrifice that have done several things in fear and he can say he truthfully cannot handle it. Also, no threesomes ever. He’s not sharing you. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s a healthy combination of both (shocking). Sukuna loves watching you struggle to even take one of his cocks in your mouth nevermind both. But your mouth feels so damn good even though you struggle to get more than the tip past your lips. Sukuna loves to go down on you though, keeping your thighs spread apart so he can eat you as he pleases. Your arousal just tastes so good to him, he can’t get enough and he will not stop until he’s satisfied. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Rough and cruel for the most part. But he can be even meaner when he goes unbearably slow, splitting you open agonizingly with two cocks opposed to one just to see those pretty tears slip down your cheeks as you beg and plead for mercy (mercy he never gives). Sukuna will fuck you stupid with one cock most of the time, that’s his little bit of kindness towards you, but you’ll get fucked twice at least… ya know… gotta get the second cock off too. He’ll give you a choice, get fucked twice with one cock each time or get fucked once with two… mind you it’s never just once even if it’s two cocks at the same time or one each. You’re smart enough to take one cock multiple times unless you want to be bedridden because you can’t walk. Both options have happened to you many times though… so you really can’t tell why he offers you a choice. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Sex can take up a whole day when it comes to Sukuna. So, no, he despises quickies. He doesn’t like to be rushed, he doesn’t care if he gets caught, he’ll make people watch. What is there that would really appeal to him??? It seems more annoying than anything really. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He will experiment but only on his own accord. He won’t say it outright but Sukuna is at least a bit mindful of the experiments he does… he doesn’t want to really hurt you or scare you away. So he picks and chooses what he wants to try on you. If there is something very intriguing to him that he worries will make you uncomfortable? He’ll force two other people to play it out while he watches and decides from there… he’s oddly considerate of you in that sense. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

As you saw above… sex can be an all-day process for Sukuna. He can last as long as he wants to… and I mean that seriously. His stamina is infinite, nothing will stop him but himself. He can go multiple rounds until you’re so fucked out you’ve lost count. He can last anywhere from 15-25 minutes per round, he could last much longer but his goal is inevitably to cum so why bother… praying for you honestly. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Toys like we know today don’t exist within his era (the Heian period) and honestly?? Sukuna is a fucking jungle gym in his own right so you really don’t need toys… and even if they did exist and were at his disposal? Sukuna isn’t using them. Why the hell would he rely on a stupid little toy to get you off when he’s more than capable?? He’s not intimidated by them, he just would think they’re absolutely useless… modern day though… if you begged him for a vibrator he would probably cave and get you one. He may even find amusement in it. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Sukuna and fair do not belong in the same sentence so it should shock nobody that this man will tease you until you are nearly dry heaving with how hard you’re crying. He will tease you for hours, to the point it feels like genuine torture, before he feels like getting you off. Then, the unfair attitude continues because he will not stop even when you start begging him to. He likes how quickly he can make you regret your words, seeing those pretty fat globs of tears leaking down your cheeks only makes the experience better for him. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Sukuna will curse and groan but that’s about it. He won’t try and hide his noises, either, but he will try and make sure he’s not too loud. It’s rare to get a moan, whine, or whimper out of him. Especially since he has such good control over himself. But he will not hesitate to groan about how good his cock is feeling because of you… he has to give you a little something to get you to stick around, ya know? Not that you have a choice… and not that you’d really want to leave him anyways… giving up your luxurious lifestyle and being on the king of curses’ good side isn’t something just anyone can obtain, you know. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Sukuna hates your family, ever since you were dropped off to him to be a sacrifice. He doesn’t care about his donors and their sacrifices since all of them are mediocre pieces of shit at best. Though he knows a scumbag like him is not one to talk. But you? You arrived to him nearly beaten to death, half naked, with little to no emotion left in you. What the hell was he supposed to do with that? Where was the fun in playing with something that was already half dead. Though, as he was about to kill you, something in your expression moved his icy heart. That truly petrified him but he’d never let anyone know it. He kept you instead of killing you, ordering for the immediate execution of your rotten family instead. He likes to joke that he had the perfect specimen nursed back to health, in his eyes you really were perfect. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Sukuna is a tall man… while we don’t know his exact height in true form… he’s been guesstimated to be anywhere from 7.5 feet to 9.8 feet. A tall man is going to have a monstrous cock… or cocks in his case. When he’s soft he’s about 8.5 inches in length, and when he’s hard he’s just over 11 inches. He’s monstrous, girthy and sticks straight out… both of them do. He will hurt… he will make you feel like you’re getting ripped in half and he will often try and fist you to prepare you for him. He cannot fit all the way inside of you, as much as he’d love to, he's not trying to kill you by rupturing your organs. He’s a tan color, one dick is circumcised, the other is not… he was feeling quirky,  and has a deep rosy pink tip… or tips… you know what I mean. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sukuna has to fuck you at least twice a day, if he doesn’t, he’s extremely irritable. He has at least 5 hours of his day set aside just for you. But really he makes his own schedule so he can do whatever the fuck he wants when he wants to. His sex drive is pretty damn high and he does absolutely nothing to deal with it or hold off. He will get off the moment he wants too. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sukuna prefers falling asleep after you do, which can be pretty instant considering how long he may have been fucking you. So the answer is anywhere between 30 seconds and 10 minutes. 

[aurae-rori]

DR RATIO ANALYSIS

SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT!

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, Oh No! and Are You Satisfied? are much too basic songs to analyze Dr. Ratio to! Just because he's a scholar doesn't mean that he has academic trauma!" WRONG! Before we start, I have been researching psychology for approximately six years and I plan to go into it professionally. HOWEVER, that said, I am NOT a professional (YET. One day I will be. Yay for Aurae!) so understand that everything I come to conclusions about has been analyzed with some personal judgement, personal interpretations, and this is just what I have concluded with the info that I have deconstructed from his brain. If you disagree, that's fine!

I will be pulling from my own experiences with being a "golden" and "gifted" child, as well as the experiences I've had speaking to other people who were those. I will also be pulling from my experiences of researching and seeing how people with superiority complexes work, as well as diving into how those work (from what I've seen, as well as how they conceal a lack of self-esteem).

OKAY, NOW THAT THAT LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, ALLOW ME TO WORK MY PSYCH ENJOYER MAGIC! Let's deconstruct Dr. Ratio like a lego toy.

Let's start off with how Dr. Ratio presents himself. When you first meet him, he seems like a haughty, arrogant asshole. He likes to PRESENT himself as a stoic, superior scholar who is purely in it to win it, and I got total "*stares down at your tiny body and laughs at how you lack knowledge*" vibes at the very start, due to how he goes around calling people idiots all the time. However, he DOES lose the idgaf war, and we can very quickly see that he does care for other people, even if in his own, strange way. Dr Ratio presentation: An asshole. The reality?

His entire character is based around the idea of helping the masses. He wishes to spread knowledge through the cosmos and give people who didn't have access to it, access. He's a harsh teacher, and calling people 'idiots' is NOT the way to motivate them, but he's doing his best™.

Actually, no, I'm going to go full psych into this. Okay, so here starts the Dr. Ratio and my FATHER COMPARISONS. My father is a professor and he is often called a harsh grader by his students. However, I've spoken to him multiple times because I was curious - why is he so harsh and diligent with his grading system? The answer is - he wants them to actually learn. When he's grading, he gives them harsh marks because he wants them to know exactly where they messed up, and he's always willing to stay after hours to help students understand where they can't. My father also is an enjoyer of knowledge, and for as long as I've remembered, he has prioritized teaching me how to think critically. He wants me to be able to think for myself - and I think that's what Dr. Ratio wants, too. He wants for his students to be able to fully comprehend and absorb the information that he teaches, and although his methods are harsh, he genuinely wants to help. My father's like this too - he hates students that waste his time or aren't here because their hearts are in it. Dr. Ratio hates people who aren't taking their education seriously because knowledge is important. Knowledge is a tool, and to disregard it completely is lowkey kind of insulting - especially when there are people who weren't privileged enough to actually get it, so this isn't something that you should take for granted. Dr. Ratio despises people who take knowledge for granted.

Also, I disagree with the claims that say that Dr. Ratio hates the genius society. He shows open respect for them in his voice lines. Just check them if you need proof. Also, I'll delve into the idea of Aeons and recognition later.

Now that we’ve established that Dr. Ratio kins my dad, let’s let's tackle the 'stoic' allegations. He is LOSING the idgaf war. Like, really badly. He has a temper of a thousand suns and snaps at people frequently, despite his 'impassive' face, his tone holds a LOT of emotion. He seems to feel very deeply and has a shit ton of empathy for others - why else would he be dedicating his entire career to helping others? Of course, he doesn't express this in 'typical' ways of being openly kind - but it doesn't mean that he doesn't care for other people. In fact, he seems to be pretty good at putting himself in the shoes of others and understanding them - expressed in the 2.1 quest where he tells Aventurine to tell him if he can't hold on any longer. Also, he loses the IDGAF war because he is actively trying to help people who want to learn and trying to spread logic and knowledge across the cosmos to those who didn't have it before. Would a man who didn't GAF do that? No!

Now that we've covered his view on knowledge and the way that he presents himself, let's turn to the way that he SEES himself. Now, this is where we get into the nitty gritty of gifted child trauma & academic trauma as well as crippling expectations. It's literally explicitly said in his character stories that he sees himself as mediocre, and it's canon that he doesn't have a good view of himself. His self-esteem is down in the fucking trenches along with my sanity as I write this analysis. The reality is - being called a genius your whole life doesn't really make you feel better about yourself. I'd know. I was. In fact, it makes you feel fucking worse when you can't live up to an expectation. We all fail in life. It's part of being human. But when you're held to such high standards - idolized for your knowledge and the way that you're 'gifted' - the crash comes really fucking hard. Failure is inevitable, and when people who are held on that pedestal experience it, they take it really bad.

The reality is that nobody - not even geniuses - are perfect, but you grow up believing that you are. Then, when you fail for the first time, it all comes tumbling down. The first time I came home with a bad grade was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I hadn't studied because I was arrogant and I thought that I was smart enough to pass without putting any extra effort into it - because I was a 'gifted' child, right? I should've been able to do it without studying like the other kids. And that's the thing with gifted children – you grow reliant on that title. You cling onto it for dear life for motivation, as well as self-perception. Little by little, the person you are falls apart as you slave away to the perception other people have of you. I think basically every gifted child that I've ever spoken to is a victim of this – and of course, you can heal from this mindset - but it's a hard one to shake.

Ratio's way of presenting himself as being a 'genius' and 'arrogant' also seems to contradict the way that he calls himself 'mundane' at the same time. However, these are two mindsets that can coexist. One part of you believes that you are a genius and that you are perfect, while the other part is crumbling and calling yourself good-for-nothing every time you make a mistake. It's a tiring cycle to live in. This usually leads to people shutting themselves out and closing themselves off after living like that, pushing back your own feelings in favour of being the perfect child. However, we don't know the exact details of Dr. Ratio's childhood, but we can infer that he was held to a pedestal, and this is a very harmful mindset for a child to have.

His superiority complex comes both from how other people view him, but it's a way to cope with his crippling lack of self-esteem. I'm sorry my guy. Also helping others probably helps him feel like he's worth something and makes him feel better because he bases his entire worth off of what he can do and how he can help others. However, this is just my personal interpretation backed by what I have already deconstructed. 

In general, this is an easy way to crush self-esteem. You spend your whole life working to meet the image of what other people think you are. In fact, another reason why Dr. Ratio might be so harsh is because that’s the kind of attitude he holds towards himself when conducting research – he’s as hard on himself as he is to others. You end up hating the idea of failure, instead of seeing it as it should be - a way to improve and grow. Actually, I think this could be a reason that he went out of his way to break that illusion of 'worshipping geniuses' in the Space Station. Maybe some sort of childhood connection? Personal connection? In his endeavour to spread more knowledge and make people think for themselves and not blindly follow geniuses, to wake them up and let them think for themselves - maybe, somewhere, in there, he's helping that little child that was almost dehumanized for his intelligence. TLDR: Conflicting mindsets due to trauma, brain vs heart almost - his knowledge that he is a genius vs the crippling lack of his self worth.

Now that we've established Dr. Ratio's self worth, let's take a look at the impact Aeons had on him. Nous, the Aeon of Knowledge itself. I think in a world where the Gods are real, tangible beings that you can reach out and talk to - it makes sense that someone with high ambition and someone who's been called a genius his whole life would seek the confirmation of Nous. When you're a man of knowledge, and you've spent your whole life working with it, being praised for it – it feels natural to look for a god to look down upon you and bless you, right? The Genius Society – it should house him, because he is a genius as well, right? Imagine this – you have been called a genius your whole life, held to that kind of pedestal for so long, and now you wait for the recognition of the Gods. Because if you truly are a genius – then surely, a higher being will recognize your intelligence, right?

The invitation never comes.

And then, comes the doubt.

What if I'm really not a genius? What if everything I've worked for is a lie? Aeons are beings that are 'absolute'. If the god of Knowledge won't accept you or even cast a glance upon you, does that mean that everything was wrong. Gods see more than humans, after all. Gods know more than humans - and that spiral... I think you can see if. (If you don't let me know. I will ramble about how a failure like that can make you spiral down into a worse mindset). 

However, the reason why Ratio was never invited to the Genius Society is simple. It’s because he LOSES THE IDGAF WAR. Now, if we look at all the people we know who are in the Genius Society - we find one thing in common. They’re in it to win it for themselves. They don’t help others using the knowledge that they’ve gotten - they use it to pursue shit for themselves. The people of the Genius Society are inherently self-serving. They WIN the idgaf war. Ratio LOSES. Do we see now? 

Ratio’s empathy is the reason why he wasn’t let in. He is too human. Nous is a computer. Herta is detached from people. Ruan Mei is literally looking at life as test subjects. Screwllum is a robot. 

OUR DOCTOR MAN LOST THE IDGAF WAR, BECAUSE HE IS HUMAN AND FEELS FOR OTHERS!!! 

Also, it’s a plausible theory that Nous’s definition of ‘genius’ is different from the human definition of ‘genius’ – it’s a computer, after all. Who knows what’s going on in that code head of its. 

However, we still love you Ratio. Never stop losing the IDGAF war. 

TLDR: Nous is a computer. It is also in it to win it. It is also self serving. It gazes upon the hoes who are here to win it for themselves. Ratio is busy serving the masses and cooking knowledge in his frying pan. To it, there is no logical reason to be doing this. Therefore, no reason to invite this guy to the Genius Society. 

Ratio’s gifted child trauma says otherwise. He wants in. Why wouldn’t he? He’s been working his whole life as a genius. 

Nous is like… nah bro, you care too much. Ratio is like, ‘what the fuck?’ And then the AEON OF KNOWLEDGE GOES FOR THE MILK. 

Okay, now, quick shoutout to Ratio wanting to help others. He is just like me fr. SO BASICALLY, RECAP OF EVERYTHING I JUST SAID:

Ratio LOSES the idgaf war because he cares about other people. Spent his whole life as the golden egg, and then turns to the gods for recognition because of the inherent trauma of being a child genius. He goes, "hey bro, can you confirm that I am in fact a genius?" and Nous goes, "no, you are too busy cheffing for the masses." Ratio goes, "what the fuck?" and then we collectively realize his attitude comes from blocking off his feelings (while failing miserably), being salty about not being recognized, being put on a pedestal for his whole life, and his crippling depression *cough* lack of self worth *cough*. 

Oh, and the "I will never be enough" thought train probably hits him every single day. He is not enough to be recognized by a God. Gods are superior to humans. Maybe nothing has worth after all. Hey, that's Nihility! Hi IX, let's hear what you have to say.

*muffled ix noises*

I see, I see.

The consensus is: HE'S TRAUMATIZED BY EXPECTATIONS! HE WILL PROBABLY SUFFER FROM BURNT OUT GIFTED CHILD IF HE HAS NOT ALREADY!

Okay, now, before I delve into song lyrics (and I KNOW this has been long, just bear with me) I want to talk a little bit (read: a lot) about his relationship with Aventurine. We all know that he cares about Aventurine in his own way. But I want to pull in another idea that I didn’t cover before: 

Ratio’s fucking emotional constipation. 

Basically, the reason why he has trouble connecting with others is because he was most likely alienated by others as a symptom of being called a genius and being put on a pedestal. This makes him seem unapproachable to his peers, most likely, and therefore, as a result, doesn’t know how to properly connect with others. This just makes his way of presenting affection and care to others even more challenging – because he just doesn’t know how to do it in a healthy and clear way. Academic trauma causing emotional problems, because he’s probably a little bit out of touch with his own. Processing? No! Research. Also, this is very important for understanding Ratio’s character in my opinion, because he’s just a little guy who doesn’t know how to articulate. Maybe he’s got a touch of the ‘tism. Tism mutuals, do we agree or disagree? 

However, in comes Aventurine. Love Aventurine, but they are both emotionally constipated. Aventurine displays his affection in ways that Ratio probably only catches after re-analyzing their time together about five times. He’s also a very closed off individual – but Ratio knows this. A cute thing is that Ratio is patient where he needs to be, even if he’s generally a pretty hot-headed guy, and I’m like… bro… that letter… “I wish you the best of luck”... I will wait for you…. GAY ASS MAN…

Sorry the Aventio demons took over. Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that they both have nonverbal communication with one another that they clearly decipher and Ratio obviously cares for him (he came back and almost jeopardized the plan just for the sake of his ‘coworker’... okay gayboy…) and they just have such a neat little dynamic… Aventurine lets Dr. Ratio do his thing… understands his emotional alienation to a degree…. they’re so neat….

Okay, Aventurine segment over. NOW, FINALLY, WE CAN GET TO THE SONG LYRICS!!! YAY!!!! We all cheered!!!

We are going to be here for two more amber eras, because I realized I actually want to analyze every single lyric from both of these songs. Brace yourself for like, 2k more words. Help. 

I think it’s only proper that we start off with ‘Oh No!’ the song that has haunted me since my childhood.

“Don’t do love, don’t do friends

I’m only after success

Don’t need a relationship

I’ll never soften my grip”

Remember when I mentioned that alienation was a big part of Ratio lore? Yeah, that manifests itself in this. When you spend your entire life chasing after knowledge and being held to that standard of untouchable genius, it makes sense that you couldn’t connect with others and that you turn your gaze only to success. Therefore, relationships that are interpersonal lose meaning for a bit – you’re just looking for answers and ways to help them, not connect with them. Also, this is what he wants to do – so he’s never going to pass down an opportunity to better himself or to help someone else. 

“Don’t want cash, don’t want card

Want it fast, want it hard 

Don’t need money, don’t need fame

I just want to make a change

I just wanna change, I just wanna change” 

This is directly alluding to his reasonings for distributing knowledge across the cosmos. Was he based on this song? Maybe he was. He’s not looking for money or fame, his ultimate goal is actually pretty selfless – to bring knowledge and give people the tools they need to think for themselves. He just wants to make a change – he just wants people to be able to have access to knowledge and help cure ‘stupidity’. He wants to do it as quickly as possible, always reaching for lofty goals that might seem impossible, but he will make them possible. 

“I know exactly what I want and who I want to be

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine

I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy

Oh! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no, oh!” 

Ratio knows his goal. He knows what he’s working towards. I do believe that he understands why he is the way that he is – he has a degree in Psychology, after all. He knows how he’s been hurt but at the same time, the trauma brain probably doesn’t want to recognize it and he hasn’t stepped into healing yet. He knows what he went through impacted him, but he’s too busy helping others to help himself. He’s becoming what he wants to be, and yet he’s not, all at the same time – which causes the idea of “oh no!” as a kind of cry for help, almost. He’s too proud to ask for it himself, of course, so he’ll fall alone until someone manages to catch him and give him the strength to continue holding on. Aventurine is that. 

“One track mind, one track heart

If I fail, I’ll fall apart

Maybe it is all a test

‘Cause I feel like I’m the worst

So I always act like I’m the best” 

Now, these are the exact lyrics that made me associate this song with Ratio in the first place. He’s got a singular goal that he will do nothing to stop at getting, that he goes so far to get to. However, as I mentioned earlier, failure is not an option for those who were deemed gifted or genius. You are perfect, so therefore you must live up to everyone’s every expectation and surpass them, too, in order to keep your perception of yourself intact. Ratio does not hold himself in high regard, but acts arrogant in order to hold himself together and not fall to the self-deprecating thoughts, even if they fall through the cracks. It gets tiring to hold yourself together like that for a long time, you know? 

“I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly

I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna die

I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly

I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna die” 

Remember how I was talking about contradictory mindsets and how they can coexist. This is them. The feeling of crippling self-hatred and lack of self esteem versus the idea that you can do it, you can make a difference – you were born a genius, this is what you’re going to do. This is the knowledge that you are a genius vs the lack of self-esteem that Ratio has. “Mediocre” vs “genius” mindset, eh? 

All the other lyrics in this song are repetitions of what I’ve analyzed before, so let’s move onto “Are you Satisfied?” 

To be honest, there are only a few lines in this song that allow me to connect it to Ratio, so therefore, I will only be analyzing them. However, if you think that other lyrics can connect to him, I’d be interested in knowing how. 

“What you’re gonna be 

It’s not my problem if you don’t see what I see

And I do not give a damn if you don’t believe

My problem, it’s my problem that I never am happy

It’s my problem, it’s my problem on how fast I will succeed”

Pretending to not care about how the world sees you is so fucking real. Sometimes, you really don’t give a shit, and sometimes it’s all you can think about. Ratio… doesn’t seem like he’s the happiest person. He works himself hard and he’s always chasing after a goal that must be exhausting. He’s always doing his best, and I think even with his empathy, it’s easy to start not giving a shit after trying for so long and so hard. Accepting help is one of the hardest things that anybody can do, especially with how much pride he has. His personal problems are his personal problems and he can deal with them on his own. 

“High achiever, don’t you see? 

Baby, nothing comes for free

They say I’m a control freak

Driven by a greed to succeed

Nobody can stop me” 

Nothing comes for free. A lot of the things Ratio has achieved is due to his own intelligence, yes, but also because of a shit ton of hard work. His goal is literally to cure the universe of ‘stupidity’ – and that’s a pretty large fucking goal. He is a high achiever who likes to know the details of every situation when he can in order to try and make things better, and he is driven by a greed to succeed. Why wouldn’t he be? Success is important, and success means helping more people. He isn’t going to allow himself to be stopped by anybody – not even anybody from the Genius society. 

Okay, and we have finally reached the end of my analysis! This caps at around 4k words, so if you stuck around for this long, thank you so much. I would love to hear any of your comments, and I hope you laughed a little bit. Thank you again! This means so much to me that you read. <3

[newkatzkafe2023]

To celebrate new monkeys, how would the Wukongs’ react to a mate who is basically like Discord? You know, teases them, has chaotic magic, probably some clingy behavior since they didn’t really have someone who cared about them. Just heaven’s nightmare meets self proclaimed god or goddess of chaos.

MY LITTLE PONY!!!!!!! DISCORD IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MLP CHARACTERS!!!!!!!🤩🤩🤩🤩

(Lmk Wukong) You are his dream girl. The chaos, the anarchy, the pranks he wouldn't be able to come up with in a million years. He just had to have you, especially when learning how sweet and caring you actually are when you're not being a bad girl🤤. Wukong wasted know time wooing you over after another day of you never making sense, he cooed and flirted all while you flirted and teased him. It wasn't hours before you were making out as exploding peaches cobblers rained down on heaven and earth.

(MKR Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh, you two are a match, and he totally feels it's meant to be, just as much as you do😉. You are so beautiful, so powerful, so Chaotic he just wants to take you home so bad🤤🤤🤤. It's safe to say that he will adore you, and you're a chaotic magic, especially when it's really sticking it to heaven and its stupid forced organization. It all started when he wasn't invited to the celestial banquet and therefore he robbed them blind but surprise surprise you weren't invited either. So you both met up and came up with a plan to get back at everyone😈. Then, hours of watching your magic at work was when he knew he was in love with you. He took full advantage of your clingy nature as he would demand unpresided cuddles from you personally.

(HIB Wukong) Your chaos actually scares him😳. the way you torture the 3 realms, specifically heaven with your Chaos magic, especially when it's supposed to be out of control. You tease him on a daily basis and perform cutesy fun party tricks for Luier and Silly Girl. Not to mention your pranks on pigsy make him laugh sometimes, which he hates how he let's that happen. The one thing that touches him is how caring and concern you would be for him, which is honestly sweet of you. Wukong may find your magic to be chaotic and unpredictable, but knowing your personality as someone who actually considers him and his emotions, it really feels nice.😊

(NR Wukong) Oh my god, this, this can't happen. Everyone would forbid you from ever meeting him because the chaos would be talked about for the rest of everybody else's life🫢🫢🫢😧😧😧. Not to mention, he can be quite clingy himself, so cuddles and hugs are a must he even except hands holding from you. He fell madly in love with you and your chaos, and especially with how caring and sweet you are to him. You've been his other half ever since you made it rain alcohol🥰🥰🥰

(Netflix Wukong) People have literally cowarded upon seeing you both together. I mean we saw the chaos that he can reign especially in a fit of rage but once he meets you it's over😨. Wukong is very fun to tease and play little pranks on because his reactions and Whines are priceless and adorable. He himself is also the clingy type so the cuddles are very Frequent as they are intimate, when he finds out that nobody cares for you either he had made a Vow to always be there for you as you started to be there for him.

(BMW Wukong) Heaven will totally sh*t themselves so hard they would actively lose weight if you both ever were to meet. You both will always be on the drawing board when it comes to planning pranks and acts of chaos. Although he would be a target to pranks and teasing as long as he does it to you, which is always fair on your part. Not to mention, your clinginess would always be something for him to poke at jokingly, even though he secretly liked that to you as he's always touching you in some way. The point is you guys will be a match made in hell for heaven and everybody else that knows you personally!!!😈😈😈

(Destined one) Ahhh, clingyness is the one thing he will never mind from you. The Destined one definitely tends to get bamboozled by you and your magic, but he definitely never minds it. It comes to be quite useful in the journey, and he loves your creativity and enthusiasm for it. Not to mention, the way you would carefully look over him and make sure your prank didn't upset him is very heartwarming to him. But you should know he can have bouts of mischief as well😉😉😉

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG💥

[reidluvs]

Wanna say that again?

𓆩♡𓆪 pairing= spencer reid x bau!reader

𓆩♡𓆪wc= 1.7k

𓆩♡𓆪cw= dom!spencer, bau!reader, overtimulation, degrading, piv, hand kink, slight breatheplay.

You were the new kid at the BAU. While you were the youngest and most afraid, you were still almost the smartest one there.

Almost...

Of course, Spencer Reid made it his mission to belittle you every time you happened to unfortunately be near him. Constantly comparing your college degrees, and asking you questions that he knew you couldn't answer. You hated the sly smirk that would appear on his face every time your face flushed red as you left another one of his ridiculous questions unanswered, and you hated even more how the entire team seemed to think it was a little joke between the two of you. He was arrogant. Cocky. Completely self-absorbed. And you didn’t want anything to do with him.

Once during a case, you and Spencer were put on the task of solving the geographical profile together. You knew it would be a nightmare, but Hotch insisted that all members of the team need to be able to work together, so you unwillingly walked towards Spencer to begin to help work out the profile. The second he sees the anger on your face, he comments in his condescending smartass voice. 

“What's wrong Y/n? Scared you won't be able to follow along with what I’m doing? Don’t worry, you just sit there and look pretty and I’ll solve the case, after all, that is at least one thing you’re good at.” The anger that you felt in your body began to mix with confusion as he made that last comment. Was Spencer Reid calling you pretty? You didn’t care, because you knew from then on it was your mission to prove that you could keep up with him.

One day after a particularly gruesome case, the entire team went out for drinks. You had grown very close to Emily, so as you saw her walk in the bar you hyped each other up immediately. You knew you looked good, and it felt good to finally be able to drink and dance and not think about the annoying man at work that you had to deal with every day. Spencer didn’t come to these events, he believed they were a waste of his time and he could be “doing better things,” and it didn’t bother you one bit, as you drank more and began to dance with Emily on the floor. 

After hours of drinking and dancing, you and the other BAU girls were all sitting at a table just talking, and Spencer happened to be brought up. You began ranting about all the things he does to you that makes your blood boil. The conversation lasted way longer than it felt, you listing everything about him that you couldn’t stand.

“He always makes me feel so inferior to him, and he tells me to just sit there and “look pretty” while he actually does the work. It’s just so unfair, I’m just as smart as him.” As you finish your sentence in an aggravated huff, you look up and see Spencer standing right next to your table. You aren’t sure when he got there, but he stood in a black suit jacket with a dark red buttoned shirt under it, a few too many buttons undone. Something about this lighting made you realize features about him that you had never taken note of before. His growing shaggy hair, his piercing eyes, and his hands. You had never noticed his hands before, but you made a mental note to start doing so. 

“Spencer… How much of that did you hear?” You asked nervously, impatiently waiting for his reply. Suddenly everything you said began to run through your mind.

“Enough.” He replied in a stern tone and you felt a shiver go down your spine. “Can you come with me please Y/n?” He asked in the same even tone, and even though your brain was saying no, your body disobeyed and followed his order. You stood up from the booth, pulling down the short dress that you were wearing to try and cover more of your body. You felt exposed as Spencer grabbed your arm and took you out of the bar. As he opened the door of his car and guided you into the passenger seat, you questioned what was going to happen, but you couldn’t deny that you were excited about whatever he was going to do to you. 

The car ride home was silent, Spencer's hands gripping the steering wheel tight while the silence filled the air, and you began to feel more antsy as time went on. You started to shift around in your seat, crossing your legs to try and ease the growing feeling in your core, but to no avail. When you finally made it back to what seemed like Spencer's apartment, he opened the door and pulled you out of the car.

Once you made it to Spencer's room, he finally began to speak again.

“So you’re telling the team about me now huh?” His voice mockingly questions you.

“Spencer I didn’t know you were there, I’m sorry, I was just angry and was trying to get some stuff off my plate”, you tried to defend, but the look on his face never lightened during your sentence. 

“I want you to prove it” He states, no context to the sentence he just uttered.

“Prove what?”

“Prove that you can keep up with me.” He begins to walk closer to you. “I’m going to fuck you senseless until you understand that you will never be able to compete with me.” He ends his sentence and dives towards your face, landing his lips on yours for a kiss.

The kiss is far from sweet, with possessiveness and dominance oozing from his lips alone. You whimper into his mouth at the sudden contact, and he uses that as an opportunity to stick his tongue down your throat, exploring your mouth with his. 

He breaks from the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, stripping you of your clothes so you’re only left in your underwear by the time you make it to his room. He throws you on the bed and continues what you were doing in the living room, his lips slowly traveling down to the base of your neck while his hand also slides up your body as he gently places it at the base of your throat. Your breath hitches, something that Spencer takes to note but doesn’t address right away.

“I thought you hated me Spencer,” you breathe out as he continues the work on your neck. 

“I hated that you were almost as smart as me” He replies, words vibrating through your throat. You realize that Spencer always beloved you were smart, but he was just too embarrassed to admit it.

Spencer finally moves his hand to where you really want it, beginning to rub you through your underwear. You begin to whimper and squirm under his touch, and he chuckles at your reacting as he continues and holds you down by applying more pressure to your neck with his other hand, which makes you writhe even more under him.

Without warning, Spencer slides your underwear to the side, and slips a finger into you with ease. He works you open as you begin to get closer to the edge, whining and begging him to continue.

“Oh my god Spencer right there, please don't stop.” Your sentences falling out of your mouth in a string of moans, and much to your dismay, your begging causes him to still inside of you. He takes his fingers out as you clench around nothing, and he brings his fingers to his mouth, sucks your arousal off of his fingers, and makes intense eye contact with you the whole time

“Do you think you’re ready for my cock baby?” His question is mixed with a simple statement, as he begins to unzip his pants and pull his cock out of its constraints. You had never thought about Spencer having a big dick, but then again you’ve never thought about him “fucking you senseless”, so you’ve been wrong in the past. Spencer pulls down your panties, and begins to tease his cock in your hole. 

“Please Spencer. Please fuck me hard! I need you inside of me.” You beg, doing anything to have Spencer fuck you right in this moment.

“You’re gonna regret asking for that,” he explains, suddenly slamming into you. You’ve never had sex with someone as big as Spencer before, and the feeling is unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced before. His pace is relentless, leaning down into your ear to degrade you as he fucks into you, ignoring your protests as he deepens even more inside you.

“You begged for me to fuck you, so now you take it like a good girl,” he panted, his words instantly adding to the feeling in your core, which is rapidly increasing. You mutter out a weak “Yes sir,’ to which you feel his cock stutter inside you.

You can feel yourself reaching an orgasm, screaming out for Spencer to allow you to come

“Spencer, yes! Right there oh my god I’m gonna cum keep going please! Please let me cum Spencer!” You begin to scream as you rock against him, and luckily he continues at the same pace and allows your orgasm. You feel the familiar warmth as you finally reach your climax, body falling even farther into the bed. 

As you try to come down from your high, you realize that Spencer id keeping up his relentless pace inside of you, showing no mercy to your overstimulated clit. You begin to feel immense pleasure mixed with slight pain, but no matter what you do or say, Spencer is continuing his slamming inside of your cunt. 

“I told you that you would never be able to keep up with me, and I’m proving that right now, aren’t I Y/n?” His question is one that needs no answer, as you know you can’t lose his stupid arrogant battle. You continue to take his large cock inside of you as you feel yourself reach a second orgasm, but again he doesn't stop. He dumps his cum inside of you and continues like your just his sex toy, a mix of his and your cum dripping down your legs.

As you reach your third orgasm, you hope that Spencer is as tired as you and might stop soon, but the second he opens his mouth again you know unfortunately not the truth

“God I could just fuck you forever. How many orgasms until you give up? 5? 12? Are you gonna pass out from being fucked so much? It’s really up to you Y/n, cause I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.” You realize that you must admit defeat, because this is a relentless battle that you’ll unfortunately never win.

“Ok Spencer, I admit it. I can’t keep up with you.” You say as calmly as you can, overstimulation overwhelming you. 

“My slut finally admits defeat, I knew you would eventually baby.” He flaunts as he pulls out of you, cum leaking all over both of your bodies and he falls on top of you. He kisses you softly and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and then he runs you a warm bath.

As he washes your hair and you think that being fucked by your hot co-worker couldn’t get any better, the thing he says next has you almost ready for round 2.

“Next time, we should see how many orgasms I can give you until you’ve passed out on my dick.” He whispers somehow sweetly in your ear, his words in complete contrast with his voice.

Yeah, this whole co-worker thing is gonna work out.

THANK U FOR READING!!! lemme know if u want a part 2 at some point with one Spencer said at the end 🤗🤗

[wholoveseggs]

hello gorgeous! i got another idea! How about reader going through a divorce where the husband is really an arrogant asshole, permanently making fun of her etc. And then she meets Elijah, and they start getting close and he helps her gain her confidence back and shows her how she should be treated. And maybe a few months later, after the divorce, she meets the ex-husband somewhere again and he tries to humiliate her again but Elijah is there and he puts him in his place. Smut is very much welcomed. 🫶🏻

Change

I hate Antoinette, but they were hot together

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

Your marriage causes you to feel trapped and worthless. Until you meet a handsome stranger at a café and he shows you how much more you can be.

♡♡ Thanks for the request lovely @msveronicag, I hope you enjoy it! ♡♡

5.8k words - Warnings: angsty, smutty, reader has low self-esteem, husband is verbally & financially abusive, cheating, car sex, Elijah being a bit of a rascal.

When you first got together with John, he was just so charming and you couldn't help but fall for him. It was hard to say no to him, and you were in a haze of love for a long time. He was such an extrovert, loud and funny, and you felt like you couldn't live without him.

But over the course of your marriage things started to change, his mask slipping and showing the real John underneath. At first it was just a comment here and there, you told yourself he was just having a bad day, but then it just kept getting worse.

The day you stopped loving him, was the day he had a bad day at work and decided to take it out on you. You cooked his favorite dinner, trying to make him feel better, and when he came home, he told you to order takeout instead. You were in the middle of making it, so you just told him it would be done soon, and tried to ignore him.

He took the food and threw it in the sink, and started yelling. You were so stunned, you just stood there and let him. He said the most terrible things, telling you how worthless and pathetic you were, that no one would ever want you if they knew you were like this.

A part of you started to believe him, because no matter how hard you tried to be a good wife, you just weren't. John was so kind and charming to everyone else, so it clearly had to be your fault.

You slowly stopped talking to your friends and family, you were probably annoying them anyways.

John eventually cheated on you, and then you found out he was cheating with multiple women. He would disappear for days at a time, off with someone else. You didn't even care, you didn't love him anymore.

Abuse is insidious like that, you become numb to it all, your brain normalizes it to help you cope, until you don't realize that you are being abused. Until you think it's your fault...

You woke to the sound of yelling, your usual alarm clock these days. John was a loud and obnoxious man, and he had no problem screaming at you whenever the mood struck him.

Today's argument was over you sleeping in. You wanted to stay in bed for a little longer, and John couldn't stand to wait another moment. So he went ahead and had to make his own breakfast, and then came upstairs to berate you.

"You really are a lazy slob! I bet you didn't do any of the laundry either. Get up and clean the house!"

You slowly got out of bed, lately your coping mechanism was ignoring him. If you didn't say anything perhaps he wouldn't yell at you. It wasn't a great coping mechanism, but it was the only thing keeping you sane.

"Are you fucking stupid? Answer me!" John yelled as you walked into the bathroom, closing the door in his face.

That didn't stop him, he yelled through the door, and you turned on the shower. Perhaps you would stand there for an hour, just to piss him off.

Just when you started to relax under the warm water he started banging on the door.

"You've been in there too long, wasting the water I pay for. Get out!"

You didn't have a job, because John told you he would take care of you. You were young and naive, you learned the hard way that being financially beholden to any man was a bad idea.

You finally turned off the shower and dried off. You put on a baggy shirt and sweats, and opened the door. He was gone, probably downstairs watching tv.

You got dressed and headed to your craft room, you spent a lot of time in there. You enjoyed painting intricate scenes on canvases, it was the only thing that gave you joy anymore.

When you painted, your mind would go completely blank, and you would lose yourself in the art. Sometimes you would paint for hours and not even notice.

You put on some music and started working on a landscape. You didn't realize how much time passed until the door opened.

John must of had a day off work because he was still home, he usually left by this time. He stood there and watched you for a moment.

"I'm bored and hungry. Make me lunch."

"I'm not your maid. Make it yourself," you mumbled, not taking your eyes off the canvas.

"Why the fuck do you even waste your time with that? Do you think anyone cares about your mediocre shit?" He snapped.

He's right, no one would care about your paintings, even if you shared them. You weren't that talented, it was purely a form of escape. But a small part of you dreamed of being able to sell your artwork and live off the income.

You set down your paintbrush and sighed.

"I don't do it to show off, I do it because I enjoy it. It calms my mind and makes me happy," you answered.

He laughed, a cruel and mocking sound. He had no appreciation for art or culture, he only cared about money and power. He stepped forward and ripped the canvas off the easel, and started tearing it to pieces.

"How's that for making you happy? Do you still want to paint? Be a famous artist? Real Picasso you are!" He sneered, laughing at his own joke.

You didn't want him to see you cry, so you just got up, grabbed your things and walked out of the house. You felt so weak, such a pushover, unable to defend yourself against his cruelty. A little voice in your head told you that you deserved it, no one knew you better than John, so if he said you were worthless and pathetic, then you must be.

There was a cafe near your house, you always went there when John was being too much for you to handle. It was a cute little spot that doubled as a vintage book store. Dark wooden bookshelves that went from floor to ceiling, plants in every corner and a cozy seating area with large comfortable couches and chairs. It also displayed paintings from local artists on its walls, you enjoyed the ambiance of the place, it made you feel at peace. You would buy a coffee and sit in there for hours reading.

You had seen the same man there a couple times, and his striking appearance caught your eye. His dark hair was perfectly styled, his brown eyes piercing, and his strong jawline was covered in stubble. There was something about him that drew you in, but you were far too shy to ever approach him. What would you even say to a man like that? Hey, I think you a stupidity beautiful? Is the book you're reading good? What do you do for fun? It all sounded so pathetic in your head, so you stayed away.

You noticed that he was always nice and polite to the waitresses and he tipped generously. You wondered if he was like John, that it was all just a facade and that he was secretly cruel underneath his mask of civility. But his face was always soft, his voice gentle, and the way he held the door open for other people gave you hope that he was a genuinely nice man.

You would never see him in anything other than a three piece suit, which was unusual for this neighborhood. His dark blue, or sometimes black suits, fit him so well and complemented his skin tone. He wore crisp white shirts and you could tell he was muscular underneath, not bulky, but lean.

You would sip on your coffee, reading, and stealing glances of him out of the corner of your eye. It was probably pathetic, but the way he looked and carried himself made you feel good, so you let yourself.

One day as you were reading your book, you noticed him reading the same book. Perhaps it was the extra espresso shot you added to your coffee or the fact that it was the first sunny day in weeks, but you found the courage to get up and introduce yourself.

"Hey, uh, I see you have excellent taste in books," you smiled at him, your heart fluttering when he made eye contact. You fought the urge to run away, his gaze was intense, but not harsh.

"It seems you do as well," he returned the smile, his voice was like velvet. He gestured to the seat across from him. "Please, join me."

You felt butterflies in your stomach as you sat down, trying your best to maintain eye contact and not blush.

"What made you choose this particular book?" He asked, gesturing at it.

"Honestly, the cover. The art style is really appealing," you told him, blushing a bit. The way he was looking at you made your breath catch in your throat.

"Interesting, I thought the same thing." He chuckled, closing his book and holding out his hand. "I'm Elijah, by the way."

"Y/N," you introduced yourself, taking his hand and shaking it.

"What do you think of it?" He asked, leaning back in his armchair, your gaze lingered on his arms as he crossed them.

"What?" You said, feeling your cheeks heating up. Why did you have to be so stupid all the time?

"The book, what do you think of the book?" He chuckled, tilting his head and smiling.

You talked about the book, the writing, the characters, and how you thought it was going to end. You ended up talking for hours, he was easy to talk to. You found yourself getting more and more relaxed around him.

Elijah had this aura about him, an air of confidence that was oddly comforting. He was polite and charming, with only a hint of a mysterious accent that intrigued you.

"I can't believe we've been sitting here for so long," you laughed. "I didn't mean to keep you, I'm sure you have other places to be."

"No, I have nowhere I need to be, I'm enjoying your company," he said softly. You noticed his gaze lingered on your lips.

You glanced down at your watch and saw that it was nearly 11pm. "Wow, I should go, my husband is probably wondering where I am." You got up and dug around in your purse to pay the bill.

"I would love to see you again," Elijah said as you pulled out your wallet. "Here, let me." He pulled out his own wallet and handed the waitress some cash.

A giddy, almost school girlish, smile spread across your face. "Oh, okay. Thank you, that would be great." You stuttered a bit, blushing and putting your wallet away.

"Have a lovely night," he said softly, getting up and kissing the back of your hand.

Your heart fluttered, and you couldn't wipe the silly grin off of your face as you left. You hadn't felt this feeling in so long, and the thought of seeing him again filled you with joy.

The next few weeks felt like a dream, every day you would go to the cafe and read. You would sit in Elijah's section, and after a while he would show up and sit across from you, drinking his coffee.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," he said the first time. "I just enjoy your company."

"You're not interrupting," you blushed, putting your book down. "I enjoy your company as well."

As time went on, the conversations got more and more personal. He asked about your job, your life, and your husband. You didn't want to talk about John, it was hard to admit you had been in a bad marriage for so long. You told him a little, about how you both fell out of love, and were basically roommates.

Elijah would listen intently, and would always ask the right questions. He was very good at drawing information out of you. But whenever he got too close to the truth you would change the subject.

It was obvious that he was a good listener and had a kind heart. You wondered why he bothered with you, a nobody, when he was clearly such a sophisticated man. He could have anyone, and yet he was sitting with you.

One day he brought you a gift, it was a tiny ornamental bird, painted a beautiful shade of green. It was just like the one in the first book you both read, and you had told him how much you liked it. You were speechless, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you.

You decided to make him a gift, and spent all day working on it. It was a bookmark with an image of a forest painted on it. You used a mix of acrylic and watercolor, the greens and browns blending together.

John walked in on you finishing up, and sneered at your painting. "Are you trying to impress somebody with that? No one's gonna want that ugly thing." He said, scoffing.

Your heart sank and you felt tears pricking the corners of your eyes. He was right, who would want it? It was nothing special.

You were going to give it to Elijah anyways, but you kept second guessing yourself. He wouldn't want it, it was a stupid idea.

He came into the cafe a little later that day, and greeted you with his usual warm smile. Your stomach twisted into knots, and you felt your palms starting to sweat.

"Hey," you said, trying to sound normal. "How are you today?"

"I'm well, how are you?" He replied, sitting across from you.

"I'm good, thank you," you nodded. You decided it was now or never. "So, I made this for you," you blurted out, holding out the bookmark. Your face was hot, and you wished you could hide under the table.

Elijah's face lit up, and he gave a wide crooked smile. "This is wonderful, thank you," he said.

You watched as he picked it up, admiring the artwork. He traced the pattern of trees with his finger and he seemed completely enamored with it.

"You are very talented, do you sell these?," he asked. He looked up and saw the expression on your face.

“Oh god no, I don't know about that, I mean, I just do it for fun, and..."

You were interrupted by your phone ringing, it was John.

"Sorry, one moment," you said, answering the call.

"Where the hell are you? It's past 8pm, and I'm starving, come home and cook dinner," he growled.

You felt your cheeks heat up under Elijah's gaze, shame and embarrassment washed over you.

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry, I'll be right home," you whispered, you felt so small.

"Hurry up, lazy ass," John snapped before hanging up.

You put your phone away, and forced a smile.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, I forgot my husband was cooking dinner," you lied.

Elijah nodded, his brow furrowing a bit. "Alright, have a lovely night," he said.

"You too," you mumbled as you quickly grabbed your things and left.

You cried all the way home, feeling like a such a loser, a complete failure. Why couldn't you have someone like Elijah in your life? Someone who listened, someone who cared, someone who didn't berate you every second of the day.

You wondered what Elijah thought of you, did he see you as pathetic and weak? A fool that let her husband walk all over her?

It didn't matter, he was so out of your league, you were just a stupid, fat nobody. He would never want you, no one would.

When you showed up to the cafe the next day you noticed a fancy sports car with tinted windows parked out front. It looked very out of place on your street, the only people around who had cars like that were old rich people, and the occasional drug dealer.

Before you reached the door you heard your name being called, and turned around. You saw Elijah waving at you from the driver's seat of the car.

You approached the passenger seat window, and he smiled, beckoning you to get in. You sat down and he handed you a cup of coffee, you smiled at the gesture, he knew your order.

"Thank you," you said, taking a sip.

"I want to show you something," he said, pulling on to the street.

"What is it?" You asked.

"It's a surprise," he said, smirking.

You had no idea where he was taking you, but you didn't mind. You were excited to spend some more time with him.

When he pulled up to the local community centre you were very confused. You couldn't imagine why Elijah wanted to bring you here, maybe it was part of the surprise.

You both got out of the car and entered the building. Inside there was a craft show going on, local artists had set up tables displaying their wares.

His thoughtfulness touched you deeply, he had taken the time to bring you here because he knew you loved art.

The next couple hours were spent perusing the aisles and admiring the paintings, sculptures and crafts. Elijah seemed to have an interest in all of it, asking lots of questions and complimenting the artists. He had a way of making everyone feel comfortable, it's something you admired about him.

"You could get a booth here, sell your art if you wanted," he suggested.

"Oh, I don't know about that, this is just a hobby," you said, brushing off his idea.

"Why not?" He pressed.

"I...well, no one would want my stuff, I mean, they're just little paintings," you sighed

"I would, I think you're very talented," he said softly.

Your heart swelled at his words.

"Thanks," you smiled.

After the craft show, he drove you home, you made him park at the end of the street. You knew how jealous John could get, and the last thing you wanted was for him to see you getting dropped off by a handsome stranger.

"Thank you, Elijah, this was fun," you said.

"The pleasure was all mine," he replied.

"You can't tell anyone about this, I mean, if John finds out, he'll..." You trailed off, feeling stupid.

"He will what?" Elijah's eyes were full of concern.

"Oh, he just, gets jealous easily," you said, fumbling over your words.

"Are you not allowed to have friends?" His brow furrowed, and his eyes hardened a bit.

"No, I mean, I can have friends, I'm just not, uh, supposed to have guy friends," you admitted.

"That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship," Elijah said, his voice sounding slightly deeper than usual. "How about business partners?"

"What?" You were confused.

"If I could help you with your art career, get you a booth at the craft fair, promote your work, would that be allowed?"

"Uh, I guess so," you said.

"Excellent, let's meet tomorrow, discuss what needs to be done," he smiled.

"Okay," you smiled, a warm feeling spreading through your body.

When you got home you decided not to tell John, the last thing you wanted was an argument. Maybe if you were successful and sold a lot, then he would be happy for you, but that was just wishful thinking.

You and Elijah had been meeting up once a week for two months, discussing your art, and ways to improve your sales. He was an expert at marketing, and had already gotten you some commissions.

It was nice to have something else to focus on, instead of constantly being reminded that you were a failure. And for the first time in your life you were making your own money, it felt good.

You started to feel more confident in yourself, Elijah was always saying how talented and special you were, and it was beginning to stick.

Today was the craft fair, and you were nervous, what if no one bought anything? What if they all hated it and thought it was ugly?

Elijah pulled up in his fancy car, and greeted you with his usual warm smile. You both had gotten so much closer in the last couple months, and he had become your best friend. He was the only person in your life that made you feel like you mattered.

Your feelings for him were beyond friendship, but you couldn't risk losing him. It was better to have him as a friend, than nothing at all.

The craft fair was going well, you had already sold two pieces, and were chatting with some customers.

"Oh my goodness, this is gorgeous," one of the customers, an older woman, exclaimed.

"Thank you," you beamed.

"How long have you and your husband been selling these?" She asked, gesturing to you and Elijah.

"Oh, uh, we're not married," you blushed.

"Sorry, I just assumed, your ring..." she trailed off.

You glanced down at your hand and saw your wedding band, the simple gold band John had given you so many years ago.

"I am married, just not to him, we are just business partners," you smiled awkwardly.

"Oh, my mistake," the woman said, returning your smile, her gaze lingering on Elijah.

"It's okay," you blushed, trying to busy yourself by wrapping the painting she had purchased.

"You'd make a lovely couple," the woman said, handing you her credit card.

Your face burned, and your palms began to sweat. You had tried your best to not think of him that way, it wasn't fair to him, or to John. But the thought was always in the back of your mind.

"Thank you, have a nice day," you managed, handing her the wrapped painting.

"You too dear," she said, winking.

You sold out quickly, and decided to celebrate with a drink at a nearby bar.

"I'm very proud of you," Elijah smiled. "You have a natural gift."

"Thanks," you said, feeling yourself blush.

He leaned in close and took your hand, tracing your wedding band. "This doesn't suit you," he said.

"Excuse me?" You squeaked, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering madly.

He ignored your reaction and just grinned, his fingers intertwining with yours. You stared at your hands, his thumb lightly caressing your knuckles. Your heart was pounding so loud you were sure he could hear it.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" He said, his gaze fixed on your face.

"Sure," you whispered, unable to take your eyes off of him.

"Why didn't John show up to support you?" His voice was barely a whisper.

Your heart sank. You had purposefully not told John, not wanting to hear him complain about it, or belittle you.

"Well, um, I didn't really invite him," you confessed.

"Why not?"

"Because, I knew he wouldn't care," you sighed. "And I don't want him to know I'm earning my own money,"

"Because you plan on leaving him." It wasn't a question.

"Y-yeah, eventually," you stammered.

He leaned forward and kissed the back of your hand. "Good, you deserve better," he murmured, his lips still grazing your skin.

You didn't know what to say, your head was spinning and you felt hot all over.

"You never talk about him, but I can tell you are unhappy," he said, sitting back.

"It's complicated," you whispered.

"You can talk to me," he said.

You paused for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts. You had never talked to anyone about your feelings for John, it was too difficult.

"Well, we used to be happy, when we first got married, but now he's not the same," you said, trying to keep the emotion out of your voice.

"How so?"

"He's controlling and possessive, and he yells a lot. He doesn't love me anymore, and I'm not sure he ever did," you admitted, tears welling up in your eyes. "He cheats on me regularly and controls the finances. Selling my art is the first opportunity I've had to earn money of my own, and I'm terrified of what he'll do if he finds out."

You felt yourself begin to cry, and tried to wipe the tears away, ashamed that your life had turned out this way.

"You hold all of this pain inside, it's not healthy," Elijah said, his face was unreadable.

"I know," you sobbed. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying, it's so stupid."

"It's not stupid, you're not stupid," he said, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

You looked into his eyes, his face full of concern. He cared about you, and it was a relief to finally have someone to confide in. You feared that Elijah would reject you, see you as pathetic, but he didn't. He stayed by your side, listening and offering comfort.

"If you ever decide to leave him, you are more than welcome to stay with me," he said.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course, you're my friend," he smiled.

You threw your arms around him and buried your face in his neck. "Thank you," you mumbled.

He froze for a moment, before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close. You inhaled his scent, a mixture of cologne and whiskey. He was solid and warm, and you felt safe in his embrace.

"Thank you, for everything," you repeated, beginning to pull away, but he held you in place.

You felt something stir deep inside, something primal and raw. The heat from his body, the way his strong arms felt around you, and the closeness of his face was overwhelming.

He kissed your cheek as you pulled back, and his lips lingered there for a moment. Your skin tingled where his lips had touched, and you could feel the warmth from his breath.

You sat back and looked at him, his eyes were dark and full of desire, your fingers intertwined with his. The air was thick with tension, and the electricity between the two of you was undeniable.

"I should get home," you said softly, not really wanting to leave.

"Of course," he said, his voice was deep and raspy, his grip on your hand tightening.

You paid the bill, and walked out to the parking lot. Elijah stood close beside you, and his hand brushed yours a few times as you walked to his car.  

Before you could open the passenger side door you felt his hands on your hips. He spun you around and pressed you against the car, his lips capturing yours in a heated kiss. You gasped as his tongue slipped into your mouth, exploring and tasting you.

Your arms snaked around his neck, and your fingers ran through his hair. His hands slid down your hips and grabbed your ass, pulling you flush against his body.

His kiss was passionate and needy, and he moaned softly into your mouth. The sound sent a wave of heat through your body, and you felt your panties getting wet.

After a few moments, he pulled back and rested his forehead on yours, both of you panting.

"Right, okay," he said, his breathing heavy.

"Yeah," you breathed, not really sure what to say.

He pulled away and went to open the passenger door for you, but you stopped him. You felt bold and daring, and the alcohol gave you a confidence boost. You motioned to the back door, and he smirked, pushing you up against the car and kissing you again before opening the door.

You climbed in and he followed, his hands grabbing your waist as his lips found yours again. You moaned into the kiss, the heat between your legs intensifying.

The windows fogged up as you undressed, you were grateful for the tinted windows. You moved onto his lap in just your bra and panties, running your fingers through his hair. He kissed your neck and whispered your name.

"We shouldn't do this," you murmured, closing your eyes and tilting your head back.

"I know," he replied, his lips brushing against your ear.

Elijah placed feather-light kisses down your throat, his hands running up and down your back.

"Tell me to stop," he said, his voice thick with desire

"No," you breathed, clutching him tightly.

He reached around your waist and unclasped your bra, gently removing it and tossing it into the front seat. He ran his tongue across your breasts, circling each nipple before taking them into his mouth, sucking gently.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his hands running up and down your back, cupping your ass and pulling you closer.

You blushed, your heated skin flush against his, feeling his hard cock between your legs.

"So are you," you breathed, kissing his neck and grinding against him.

Elijah groaned, his hand coming down to grip your hip and help guide your movements. You were so turned on, it had been so long since you had sex, and John was never a generous lover. You wanted Elijah so badly, you felt like you were going to combust.

His lips found yours, and you kissed him with everything you had. The heat between the two of you turning into a raging fire.

Suddenly the moment was interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing. You both tried to ignore it, but it just rang again, and again, and again.

You broke the kiss and grabbed your phone, seeing it was your husband calling. "Fuck," you cursed, and you answered it.

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?!" He demanded.

"I've been busy," you replied. Elijah began kissing your neck again, a smirk on his lips as he listened. You suppressed a moan as he began to guide your hips, helping you grind against his hard cock.

"Busy doing what?! Who are you with?!" John shouted.

"I'm just with some friends, don't worry about it," you gasped.

"You don't have any friends," he spat.

"I do," you insisted, trying not to moan as Elijah's hand dipped into your panties.

"What are their names?" John questioned angrily.

"Elijah," you moaned as his thumb brushed your clit.

"The fuck!" John yelled, going completely into a rage. The kind that always frightened you, he always had a short temper.

Elijah could see the fear on your face and took the phone from you, tucking it under his neck as he continued to pleasure you.

"John, is it?" He asked, his voice cool and calm. "This is Elijah, I'm going to need you to calm down, you are scaring your wife," he said.

"Listen, whoever the fuck you are, don't think I won't track you down and fucking kill you," John spat, his anger reaching a boiling point.

Elijah chuckled, slipping a finger inside you and making you moan, you quickly covered your mouth, but Elijah moved your hand away and gave you a wicked grin, still speaking into the phone.

"That's a little violent, don't you think?" He murmured, his eyes never leaving yours. "Besides, I'd love to see you try," he smirked.

John went silent, you could hear his ragged breathing.

"Why do you pretend like you care John? She told me you fuck other people, I mean, who would blame her for finding a real man?" Elijah goaded.

You were shocked by his words, but couldn't deny how hot it was, or how aroused they were making you.

"Listen here motherfucker," John snarled, "she's mine, and I will not allow her to be touched by anyone el-"

Elijah hung up the call and discarded your phone, his eyes dark with lust as he stared at you.

"Now, where were we?" He asked, pulling you closer and kissing you deeply.

"I can't believe that just happened," you said, panting as his lips trailed down your neck.

"You don't need to worry about him anymore," he growled. "You are mine now."

You giggled, rolling your eyes at his possessiveness. But a part of you liked it, it made you feel desired, wanted.

"And I am yours," he added, his lips finding yours again, a deep and passionate kiss.

It started to rain, you could hear the droplets hitting the roof of the car. Making everything seem more intimate, as if it were just the two of you in the entire world.

You reached down and fumbled with the zipper of his pants, he lifted his hips and helped you get them down, his cock springing free. You wrapped a hand around it and began stroking him, his moans sending a thrill through your body.

"You don't ever have to go back to him," he whispered.

"I won't," you promised, your lips finding his once more.

He guided your hips, his cock teasing your entrance, and then you slowly eased down into him. He felt so good, a rush of pleasure coursed through your body. You moaned into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck and rocking against him.

The fire between you grew, the windows completely fogged up now. Your skin slick with sweat as you rode him slowly. Foreheads pressed together, you moved in perfect unison, a steady rhythm of passion.

You knew this would change everything, and that things were about to get very complicated. But in that moment, none of that mattered. All you cared about was being with Elijah, the only man who had ever made you feel loved and worthy.

John had taken everything from you, and had made your life miserable for the last ten years. You were trapped and made to feel it was what you deserved. But not anymore.

Elijah had shown you that you were worth more, that you deserved to be loved and cherished. He gave you the tools you needed to leave John, and the strength to do it. You would have never left him without Elijah.

And as you looked into his eyes, your bodies moving together in perfect harmony, you knew this was right, what love was supposed to feel like. You could see the emotions reflected in his eyes, the intensity of his feelings for you, the same intensity you felt.

You felt his muscles tense and knew he was close, his cock swelling inside you. You moved faster, chasing your own orgasm, wanting to come together. You couldn't tear your eyes away from his, and when the waves of pleasure finally crashed over you, it was intense, and he came with you.

The sounds of your moans and heavy breathing filled the car, the rain pattering against the windows. You clung to each other, hearts racing, trying to catch your breath.

As the high slowly faded, you both started laughing, giddy and sated. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and he returned it, a smile playing at his mouth.

"I love you," he breathed.

"I love you too," you replied, kissing him again.

He held you tight, his lips finding yours in the darkness. You were finally free, and the world was yours for the taking.

♡♡ Tag-List ♡♡

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[j0kers-light]

Dear Chaos, sorry I've been so absent lately. A lot has been happening lately but I just wanted to say that the latest HL chapter is just perfection🫶

I do have another idea for a request. What if HL got in a car accident while on the phone with J? He goes out to find her but she is not at the scene anymore. Maybe because she was taken to the hospital or taken hostage by two face.

No rush my love, take all the time you need. You're the best!

His Lighthouse: Broken Promises (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Broken Promises - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi @darthjokerisyourfather 🖤✨

Never apologize for living your life! I should apologize for this crappy title. I don't like it. 🙃 I thank you so much for requesting this! You always manage to pull me out of my writer's block with your beautiful imagination! I also thank you for your patience and your kindness. Just how long did you wait for this? 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 ugh, please don't hate me love! *dodges flying tomatoes*

Chaos loves you and hopes that you enjoy! If not, you know I can go back to the drawing board and try again!

More importantly, If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message!

Joker must have forgotten. That was the only explanation you had for his absence. 

You sat in a fancy Gotham City restaurant trying not to let the pitiful glares bother you. The low murmurs of surrounding conversations and the constant clinking of chinaware did nothing to block the embarrassment you felt.  

A giant red, ‘I got stood up’ sign was painted on your forehead. The mocking snickers and pitiful looks became more obvious as time passed.  

You wanted to keep a glimmer of hope that Joker was coming, yet you sat alone at the table, nursing your favorite drink and eating too much bread to be considered healthy.  

During the second, or maybe the third basket, you came to the heartbreaking conclusion. 

Joker forgot about the date that HE organized.  

Why were you not surprised? This was Joker after all and unfortunately, this had become the norm as of late.  

You flicked breadcrumbs from your fingers before smoothing your dress down for the umpteenth time. There were probably noticeable wrinkles with how much you clenched the fabric throughout the evening. More importantly, you hated that you got all dolled up for nothing.  

The formfitting dress in your favorite color was brand new and you spent countless hours taming your natural hair into a new hairstyle to compliment your outfit.  

Your curls were defined and voluminous framing your face and pretty jewelry adorned your skin helped complete the look.  

Just thinking about the time and energy you wasted for this failure of a date made you tear up until you remembered your mascara was not waterproof. You refused to let your emotions get the better of you in public. It was already humiliating enough and a gorgeous blonde two tables away kept rubbing in your embarrassment with her sharp red lips curling into a smirk every time she laughed. 

You would bet a penny she was a true mean girl back in high school.  

You didn’t want to wallow in this misery any longer. Joker was obviously not coming, so it was time for you to leave.  

Maybe on the way home you could pick up some ice cream and perform some self-care to restore your mood. A nice warm bath with candles and a good playlist in the background would clear up the disappointment you felt.  

Oh, but leaving would take a herculean effort. You would have to put on a brave face and walk out with the entire restaurant staring at you. Alone.  

The things Joker put you through.  

You cleared your throat and plastered a fake confident smile on your face to flag down the waiter. She was already on standby. Bless her. She kept your glass following throughout the night and she didn’t judge you with each basket of bread delivered to your table. 

She been in the industry long enough to know you were stood up. It broke her heart to see you, a beautiful woman, plagued by a man and his ignorance. She and a few other waiters would foot your bill. It was the least they could do to help a fellow sister in need. 

The world needed more girls like her in it. Her supportive smile gave you the energy to stand up tall as you walked out.  

But the second you got into the driver’s seat of your SUV, the floodgates opened with no end in sight. Screw your makeup, you were holding this sob fest in for hours.  

You probably looked a hot mess crying in the car but more than anything, you were mad at Joker for not keeping his promise. Again.  

It wouldn’t be as heartbreaking if this was the first time he left you hanging. Oh no, this was a reoccurring issue.  

You were so tired of being treated like the middle child. Joker needed hear about this. It was his fault you were feeling miserable. 

Deep down, you just wanted to hear his voice. Maybe this was all some big misunderstanding!  

Despite arriving at the restaurant ten minute early, (and triple checking to make sure it was the correct one) perhaps you were in the wrong and not Joker. Any and all excuses floated inside your head to cut Joker some slack. Because if he was truly at fault, then your heart would simply shatter. 

You temporarily stopped the waterworks to find your phone and dial a number you knew by heart. It rang until Joker’s raspy voice reached your ears. “Heyy Bunny. What a uhh unexpected surprise!”  

His words made your heart develop a stress crack. You choked back a sob and Joker instantly heard it. “Bun what’s wrong?” 

“D-Did you forget about tonight?” You glanced out the window as a few cars passed by. 

“Uhhhh.. tonight?” Joker mumbled the word over and over trying to jog his memory.  

You didn’t know if he was making fun of you or if he genuinely couldn’t recall. Either way, you were fed up. “Our date night! The one that you made reservations for!” you sobbed. 

“Oh. That. I err.. lost track of time.” You couldn’t take it anymore. Joker’s nonchalant tone was your tipping point.  

“Light, are ya still there?” He asked when you didn’t reply. When you did, you had plenty to say. 

“Lost track of time? You? Lost track of... please tell me you are joking? I sat at our table for two hours waiting for you! Everyone made fun of me for being stood up while you lost track of time!”  

“Aww don’t cryy! I can be there in—” 

Your tone was sharp and firm, “Don’t bother Joker.” you started the SUV as you put your seatbelt on with your other hand. “I’m going home.”  

There was a brief delay in the phone signal as it connected to the car’s system, but you still heard Joker’s string of no’s. “Let me make it up to ya!”  

He really thought you would give him another chance? Your lips silently recited the apologizes that oozed from Joker’s lips like oil. 

“Tonight was supposed to be you making up for ditching me last week or have you forgotten? Urgh! You keep putting me off J, and it isn’t fair!”  

You pulled the car into drive and exited the car park. Joker hated to hear your accusations, but you were right.  

His line of work had recently picked up and every time he made plans with you, they were delayed or flat out cancelled to make way for something more nefarious.  

He was putting work over you, something he vowed never to do. That did not mean he would tolerate you talking back to him like you were. “Y/n, I am—” 

“Save it Joker! Your apologies mean nothing when your actions don’t follow suit.” He heard your blinker on in the background as he tried to make amends.

It wasn’t good to be driving in your current emotional state and trying to tell you what to do would only stir up more attitude from you. 

It was worth a try. He could deal with a bratty bunny later.  

“Doll, can ya pull over so we can talK about thiss? I can uhh, meet up with ya and we can do something. Just. Us.” 

That was new.  

You pondered the suggestion for a second and began turning onto a deserted backroad. It would take you straight to your apartment in a fraction of the time it would take driving on the highway. “No, Joker, I’m done listening to—” 

The unnatural sound of metal clashing and scraping against metal violently pierced through the phone’s speakers and cut you off mid sentence.  

It twisted loudly, making horrifying cracks and pops that lasted for ages—when it was just a matter of seconds. Joker’s keen ear knew what was occurring, but it didn’t seem real.  

These things shouldn’t happen to his Light. Joker made sure your vehicle was military grade. Nothing should have been able to topple it over, much less allow it to roll twice. He just sat helplessly, listening to the impossible unfold.  

As the metal settled, the phone called continued in eerie silence. Then he waited and waited, hoping this to be nothing but a dream.  

Maybe it was another car and you were stunned into silence. The only downside, he couldn’t hear you breathing.  

“Bunny. B-Bun? No… m-my Light? Y/n?” 

Joker used every nickname he had for you but none provoked a response. So, Joker flat out started to beg. “Y/n.. please..  

His pleas died out the moment he heard a new sound. Footsteps on broken glass. Two sets at that which were approaching to wherever your phone was tossed.  

“F__k, did you have to ram her so hard? The boss wants her alive remember? See, she’s unconscious!” A gruff voice said.  

Joker honed in on the voice like a bloodhound and narrowed his eyes when another person spoke up with a much thicker Gotham accent.  

“Even better for us. Grab her feet, I’ll get her shoulders. N’hurry up before someone comes.” 

“Don’t rush me! Agh, I can’t get a good grip, she’s all bloody!” 

Joker’s heart plummeted to his stomach. You were more injured that he thought. His mind already started to visualize the worst scenario imaginable.  

The two men continued to bicker although Joker tuned out their useless chatter. He didn’t want to believe what he just heard.  

Two men deliberately rammed you off the road. Gotham City was vast and Joker had many enemies both local and abroad. Narrowing down exactly who did this would be impossible, although he had a clue who the culprit was.  

Joker was still in lala land when Frost cleared his throat.  

He didn’t care about J taking a call during the meeting, but he could tell something wasn’t right. Joker had frozen up like a statue halfway through and it took Frost kicking J’s chair to snap the clown out of whatever rabbit hole he fell in.  

Before Frost could speak, J beat him to it. “Track B’s car. I need a location, now.”  

The room went silent at the shaky tone Joker used. He could care less about showing weakness in front of his men. He would worry about optics later.  

Right now, you were the only constant on his mind.  

Frost didn’t ask for context; he did what he was told and seconds later, he voiced his findings to the room.

“That’s weird.” He tapped the keyboard again to get more accurate data. “It's on the stretch of Kane St, idle and with the engine off.” 

He looked up into the turbulent waves that made up Joker’s eyes. No words were needed. This was a full-on Nightfall procedure. You were in danger.  

Frost hoped that whoever hurt you had enjoyed their life because the wrath of Joker was coming to reap their soul.  

Not a word was spoken when the four men arrived at the scene.  

All that was left of your vehicle was a mangled wreckage still smoldering in the dead of night. Frost sought out to find any evidence while Neo and Mac took pictures. Joker was like a ghost watching it all unfold.  

He found one of your shoes lying nearby and picked it up with shaky hands.  

It was new with hardly any scuff marks on its lacquered surface despite the crash. He could only imagine the outfit you paired with the designer heel.  

That thought racked him with guilt.  

If only he made time to see you tonight and shielded you from this avoidable fate.  

How could he blow off something so precious as spending time with his Light? Work was never more important than you and Joker was faced with the consequences of not cherishing you while he had the chance.  

He had to get you back and treat you like the goddess you were.  

“Hey Boss, we found something!”  

Joker snapped himself out of his thoughts and walked over to Mac who was holding up something. A hastily written note signed off by Two Face’s gang logo. Joker was right to assume the former attorney had a hand in this.  

“Its Two Face. When do you want to retaliate, Boss?” Neo asked.  

All four men shared a look. What a loaded question. They would act now and show no mercy. Each of them would do whatever it took to get you back safe and sound.  

You woke up with a splitting headache and parched throat. Oh, and you were tied up in some dingy room.  

Honestly, you had to stop winding up in these types of situations. Ever since Joker entered your life, being kidnapped was always a possibility you had to consider occurring.  

Today just happened to be your unlucky day.  

Calming down your heart rate and taking in your surroundings took a bit of effort. It hurt to move your head, and you grumbled under your breath while trying to blink away the unwanted inertia. 

Someone was smart enough to keep you lying down, but you couldn’t move your arms or legs. Not like you wanted to. 

You were still coming to when a presence made themselves known with their loud voice. It made your head pound even worse.  

“Good, good! You’re finally awake. You are very hard to get a hold of, my dear. Always protected. Never alone..”  

You managed to turn your head enough to see Harvey Dent pacing the room, talking to himself. His alter ego, Two Face was currently talking and you heard the not so pleasant choice of words he used regarding you.  

He had quite the colorful vocabulary and it was obvious out of the two men who held a grudge against you. When he noticed your curious eyes on him, he smiled wide.  

Even his voice changed with the change in personalities.

This one was gravelly to match Dent’s grotesque burned face. “I’ve been dying to prosecute you in the court of law.” 

You did not have the mental capacity to argue with a schizophrenic psychopath. All your energy was spent on closing your eyes to block out the headache wreaking havoc on your skull. You didn’t care if you were being rude.  

It was rude to crash into people’s cars and forcibly take them to undisclosed locations so... You were matching Dent’s energy.  

‘Not today, Satan. Not today’ you mentally said.  

Or perhaps you said it aloud since you heard Harvey’s aggravated shouts followed by something being knocked over and breaking.

It seemed that even grown men could throw temper tantrums. That was not your problem. Your problem was trying to stay awake.

You were beginning to suspect you had a concussion, or worse, some kind of neck injury. The last thing you were going to receive was medical attention, so lying still was your best bet until help arrived.  

That thought put a frown on your face. You could not rely on Joker nowadays. 

Would he even notice that you were gone? You abruptly hung up the phone mid argument; he probably disregarded you and became distracted by something more important.  

A time ago, you were the only thing important to Joker. Everything else was secondary. My, have things changed.  

Now you wished that Joker would become the possessive lover you knew him to be and come save you.  

You were certain that he placed a tracker in your lighthouse necklace.. the one you removed since it clashed with your outfit for the night.  

Great. The one time you took it off!  

You felt like such an idiot despite all of this being Joker’s fault. If only he cared more, he would’ve been with you tonight to avoid this. Now you were at the mercy of Two Face and whatever motive he made up to justify abducting you.  

There was nothing you could do to escape your current predicament.  

You were just upset and disappointed in Joker, and with that, you let a single tear slip down your cheek as you fell unconscious.  

The next time you came to, you didn’t bother opening your eyes. You just groaned in defeat and let whoever pick you up and carry you off. And that was probably for the best.  

Unbeknownst to you, it was a literal war zone.  

If you did in fact open your eyes, the carnage that Joker created to rescue you, would have scared you back to sleep. You would declare Joker a monster after seeing just how far he would go for his Bunny.  

Any other day he would deny his true nature, all for the sake of being worthy enough to bask in your light. Tonight, he had no such compulsion. 

He had no shame in carrying his Light while being drenched in blood. He was a fallen angel personified.  

Even as Joker rounded a corner to leave, he helped a man take their last breath by lodging a bullet between their eyes. Quick and efficient, the punishment did not befit the crime of touching what Joker considered as his.  

The two men who initially rammed you off the road got off lucky.  

Joker struck a one-time deal with the Penguin to use the massive great white shark the Englishman kept locked up in a tank underneath the Iceberg Lounge. It was a natural garbage disposal and Joker had two pieces of trash he wanted to get rid of.  

Joker thought being fed to sharks was tame compared to the ideas still swimming in his head.  

His dark smile sent shivers down the backs of his own men and they wisely avoided their eyes as Joker passed. No one was safe from the murderous gleam in J’s eyes.  

That is, all but one. You.  

He was a completely different person tonight. The slaughter was personal, the attacks more brutal and practically inhumane, and it was all done to avenge his goddess.  

Joker was out for blood, and he most certainly collected it.  

He held your slumbering body close as he ordered Mac to detonate the bomb and reduce the building to rubble. If anyone was lucky enough to escape Joker’s initial siege into the building, there was no hope of survival now.  

Just the way he planned it.  

A shame Harvey got an anonymous tip and fled before Joker arrived. J would have loved to see the other side of Dent’s face burn to a crisp for touching his Light.  

Speaking of. Joker’s haunting green eyes looked away from the blazing inferno and down at his sleeping beauty.  

There were minor cuts and bruising forming from being caught up in your car crash, yet he was more worried about the dried blood ruining your once pristine hair.  

Your beautiful features were marred by pain that Joker could have prevented. You needed medical attention and some good old-fashioned love and affection.  

And just like that, all of Joker’s bloodlust was extinguished to devote his attention onto you.  

He had weeks of apologizing to do to earn your trust and love back, but for now, he needed you back in good health.  

Joker softly kissed your forehead and let his goons drive him to the nearest safe house where Sarai would have a look at you.  

It was high time that Joker re-appointed you back as the most important thing in his life, and it started with showing that he cared about you and only you.  

[sidekick-hero]

(steddie | explicit | 1.1k | tags: established relationship, sub!eddie, top!eddie, dom!steve, bottom!steve, porn with feelings, Good Boy Eddie | @steddielovemonth Love is liking the version of yourself you are with them the best by @tinytalkingtina | AO3)

Eddie has been called many things in his life. Some good, more bad.

He's been called a good friend, a herder of lost sheep, a dungeon master, a rock star, even a hero.

But he's also been called a pariah, a coward, a waste of space, a fuckup, trailer trash, a freak, a murderer, a monster.

But no one had ever called him a good boy. Not until Steve.

Ever since he was a little kid, Eddie had learned to fit in, to become whatever someone needed him to be.

When his ma got sick, he learned to be her sweet little boy, quiet and uncomplicated instead of loud and wild. To take up as little space as possible, one less thing for his mama to worry about.

After she died, Eddie learned to be self-reliant. An adult in a child's body, able to take care of himself because who else would. Whenever his father was around, he adopted the Munson charm, the easy smile and empty flattery. He learned how to hot-wire cars, pick locks, steal, lie.

In the process, he learned to hate himself and even more the path his father was trying to set him on.

It wasn't until he started living with his Uncle Wayne that he didn't know who to be, because his uncle never asked him to do anything but be himself. Which should have been a relief, but by then Eddie had almost forgotten who that was.

So he began to reinvent himself in ways that made sense to him.

A storyteller, like Tolkien, spinning tales through his campaigns and having his party hanging on his every word.

A rock star, like Osbourne, van Halen, or Hammett, who played his heart out and made himself heard through his music.

A rebel, like Bowie, who stood up for those who, like him, were on the fringes of society, being their shield and offering them a safe place and a community where they could be their wonderfully weird selves.

Those versions of him were all Eddie, but at the same time they weren't. Not all of him.

Not the soft parts, the sweet and sincere and quiet parts he thought he lost when his mom died. Being all that for her hadn't been enough, it hadn't saved her, so Eddie buried that part of himself with her and became someone else. Someone the world couldn't break so easily.

Until Steve.

Brave and reckless, kind and bitchy and oblivious, self-sacrificing and self-centered, vain and dorky Steve. An enigma if Eddie ever met one. One he couldn't get enough of, each layer a new but pleasant surprise.

With Steve, Eddie doesn't have to reinvent himself, doesn't have to be any of the stories or boxes or labels.

With Steve, Eddie can let go.

With Steve, Eddie can stop looking over his shoulder.

With Steve, Eddie can let down his guard and show his soft belly.

With Steve, Eddie can be a good boy, sweet and obedient and sincere.

"You're doing so good, baby, so good for me. Fucking me so well, so sweet, feeding me that thick cock of yours. Can feel it in my throat. All for me, my good boy treating me so well," Steve coos with his mouth right next to Eddie's ear. They've been at it for what seems like hours and Eddie is so far gone, trembling in Steve's arms as he keeps rocking his hips, the only thing on his mind is Steve. Being good for Steve.

He's already made Steve come down his throat, lapping up every single drop like the good boy he is, before opening Steve up with his fingers and tongue. He pulled another orgasm out of him as he kept stroking across his prostate while licking messily inside him where he had spread him open on his fingers.

Eddie thought they were done, but Steve had other plans as he gathered up his own cum to spread over Eddie's cock, intention clear. Eddie had hesitated, afraid to hurt Steve because it was too much. It was only when he told Eddie to fuck him with a smoldering look from under his lashes that he finally, carefully, pushed inside him.

He's been hard and aching ever since Steve pushed him to his knees and made him nuzzle the bulge in Steve's tight Levis.

He's been ready to come since Steve's cock hit the back of his throat, moaning so prettily as it fluttered around him.

He's been holding himself back from coming by the skin of his teeth since Steve started clinging to him, overstimulated and loving and everything Eddie could ever want, cooing the sweetest and filthiest praise as Eddie slid in and out of the hot, tight grip of his body.

"What do you want baby, tell me, I'll give you everything my sweet little thing, just tell me what you need." Steve's soothing voice washes over him and he realizes he's whimpering into the sweaty skin of Steve's neck.

"You," Eddie replies without hesitation. "Just you, wanna make you feel good, 's all I need, just you." He's babbling, too far gone to be anything close to coherent. Reduced to his soft, needy core. "Love you so much, wanna stay like this forever, never wanna leave you." Things he never thought he'd say out loud spill out of his mouth and he can feel Steve tighten around him, impossibly so and he's so close but he can't, not without -

"Eddie, baby, don't stop, 'm so close, I love you too," Steve pants before whimpering, "Oh God, you're making me come again, kiss me, please, baby, kiss me."

He can't really feel his body anymore, his mouth clumsily seeking Steve's, but he could never deny him anything. Especially not when he's begging him so sweetly.

They both come within seconds of each other, no more words needed. Steve, whose legs and arms are wrapped around Eddie so tightly that it's impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins, is the first to spill between their bellies. The fluttering of his hole, the bucking of his hips and the rhythmic way he clenches around him makes Eddie follow suit.

It almost hurts in its intensity after holding back for so long and he can't help the pitiful whimpering or the overwhelming tears.

Cradling Eddie's head in his giant hands, Steve wipes away the tears and kisses the whines from Eddie's trembling mouth. More tears follow, his love and devotion and gratitude for being loved in this way running down his cheeks as salty droplets, and Steve kisses them away as well.

"You were perfect," he whispers between his kisses, "I love you so much."

When his face is clean, the tears finally stopped, Eddie sinks back down onto the man beneath him. The man who gave him back this side of himself, a side he missed and mourned without even knowing it. A version of himself he has learned to love, to like best, thanks to Steve Harrington and his unwavering love for Eddie.

[tightjeansjavi]

Slow Hands | Chapter 6

“you're like a mirror, reflecting me”

A/N: it’s a double chapter weekend bby! Although, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing regarding the pain I’m about to cause. But hey, not everything can be butterflies and rainbows all the time, right? This chapter will take your emotions for a spin. There is violence and triggering themes. Tread carefully.

Summary: your first date in over twenty years doesn’t go as planned.

~word count: 5.2k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! reader

Warnings: angst, trauma responses, self-deprecating thoughts triggered by trauma, negative body image, trauma triggers, mentions of bodily scars, mild violence, swearing, confrontations, use of one homophobic swear from an asshat (dyke) the word rape is mentioned, panic attack, unwanted attention, hurt feelings, protective! Joel, feral! Darkish! Joel, Soft! Joel, flirting, internal thoughts, slow burn, emotional development, deep conversation, pet names, no age gap, readers nickname is beanie (coffee beans) reader has no physical descriptions (skin color/body description) +18 minors dni! Please let me know if I missed any warnings. I wanted to included the two words that can be triggering ahead of time. Please heed the warnings.

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

The last time you had ever gone on a date was a week before outbreak day. You had met the guy in line at your local grocery store and he had swooped in when you nearly dropped an entire carton of milk. That’s where you gained your catchphrase; fiddlesticks. He had taken you to a quiet cozy Italian restaurant and you remember your smile being infectious. It had been years since you dated anyone, and this guy was giving you all those warm fuzzy feelings that you so deeply yearned for. Your second date was set for September 26, 2003. You often wondered during the oddest and sudden moments if he had survived. He had called you an hour before the date informing you that he might be late because his mother was feeling ill and he was going to go check up on her. That was the last time you ever heard from him.

Now you were in your bathroom in Jackson with the comforting glow of a flickering candle on the countertop. The temperature of the shower was scalding and created a thick sheet of steam that enveloped your mirror in a dewy cloak. As the condensation began to slowly dissipate you found yourself staring into the void of your mirror. You used one hand to hold the towel wrapped around your body in place while you used your other hand to apply a bit of homemade moisturizer to your skin. A year ago you had come to Maria with the idea of creating some self-care products for the women of Jackson. From moisturizer to face wash and homemade candles. Only a handful of the women came to your home to sample the products. In the moment it had stung your heart like a thousand needles that only a few people, including Maria and Dina showed up. You just wanted to do something nice for the community. So much for trying.

You have to take the towel off eventually you know..

That inner voice that plagued your brain was fully awake now and ready to onslaught an attack on your already sensitive emotional state. You hated seeing your skin. You hated seeing all of your scars. Your body was littered in them, and while they were marks showing that you were a survivor, you still felt bile rise in your throat every time you had to look at them.

Take the towel off.

I don’t want to.

Take it off.

Joel will think you're hideous when he sees your scars.

No, he won’t. Joel isn’t like that.

No? Are you sure?

You’re ugly.

An unfinished hack job.

Stop. Please.

Please.

“Please fucking stop.” You nearly whimpered as you stared back at your broken reflection. The towel dropped from your grip and you immediately clung to the porcelain sink. Your knuckles ached from how hard you were gripping the edges of the sink.

An ugly, worthless, waste of goddamn space and air.

Tears began to freely fall as you forced yourself to look at the scars that littered your body like a torn, shredded canvas. As soon as your fingertips lightly brushed the jagged scar that curved under the swell of your left breast, you fell back into the wall, sinking down with a gut-wrenching sob that shattered you to the core.

You weren’t sure how many hours had passed but it must have been a couple hours because you could faintly hear someone knocking on your front door. Joel did say he would walk with you to The Tipsy Bison at 8pm. Had you really been sitting on the floor, naked and trembling for that long?

In a haste you scrambled to your feet despite your knees feeling like wobbling jello. You snatched the towel up from the ground and quickly wrapped it back around yourself. You dressed your body in a fury as you struggled to pull a pair of jeans over your damp thighs. You threw on whatever clean t-shirt you had along with a flannel. You paused at the mouth of your closet, staring at a dress that Maria had gifted to you during your first Christmas in Jackson. It was so beautiful, delicate, and dainty. You dreamed of having the confidence to wear it one day. It was too pretty to be collecting dust like this. Your fingers brushed across the soft material with a heavy sigh. Maybe one day, but that day was not today.

fiddlesticks.

Joel was occupying himself outside on your porch while he waited for you. He went from pacing the length of the porch, to sitting on one of the steps with his hands resting between his thighs. He went the extra mile to actually style his hair and wear a shirt that wasn’t completely faded. As much as he denied that this was in fact a date, he knew in his heart that it was, and he wanted to look his absolute best for you. He felt embarrassed with how fast he rose to his feet when he heard the lock to your front door click open. He had a small bouquet of wildflowers clutched gently in his hand. Maria had helped him pick them and use a bit of twine to hold them together.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously as his gaze landed upon your frame leaning in the open doorway.

Wow, he thought silently to himself.

She is so beautiful.

“Hey, I hope I didn’t rush ya or anythin.’ I didn’t wanna be late either, although time doesn’t really exist anymore, huh?” He stammered as his palms began to sweat. “You–look beautiful. I hope that’s not too straightforward, but what kinda gentleman would I be if I didn’t compliment ya. Sorry, i’m ramblin’ off the fuckin’ walls.” He shook his head to the side with a nervous chuckle. “Brought these for ya. Maria helped me pick ‘em. Tried to be careful n’not smash ‘em.”

You almost felt a sense of relief over the realization that Joel was just as nervous as you were. He looked like he was about to combust as he held the bouquet of flowers towards you.

“Joel, you didn’t rush me. I just..lost track of time.” You softly spoke with a reassuring smile as you gently removed the bouquet from his grasp. “Thank you, you don’t clean up so bad either. Did you do something different with your hair? I like it. These are beautiful.” You brought the flowers up to your face as you inhaled their sweet floral scent.

Joel could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah, I uh–jus’ wanted to look nice for the occasion. The Tipsy Bison is quite the high end establishment y’know.” He teased. It felt nice to crack a joke through his brewing nerves.

“Oh? Well, I hope I am dressed for the occasion. Let me just go put these in some water and then we can head out.”

“Darlin.’” He breathed softly like the gentle warm breeze, “You are most definitely dressed for the occasion.”

You mustered up a convincing smile before quietly slipping behind the door to the kitchen. You grabbed a spare vase from the cabinet and filled it up with a bit of water before gently placing the bouquet inside the vase. You left it on the center of the counter before you met Joel outside on the porch once more. After locking your door, he had offered you his elbow which you gratefully took. Your hand gently wrapped around his bare bicep as you walked down the steps together. The sun had just begun to set as the buzzards sang their tune, and the fireflies twinkled luminously, dancing on either side of your heads.

Joel was counting the amount of steps to the Tipsy Bison silently inside of his mind while you were counting out-loud all of the fireflies that you could see.

The bar was rowdy, but that was expected. It was the one establishment in Jackson where people could let their hair down and have fun. It was a slice of normalcy that both the young and old could enjoy.

Joel could sense your hesitation as he went to reach for the heavy-set door handle. He turned to you with a gentle expression on his weathered features. “Hey, we ain’t gotta stay for long, okay? S’okay with me. If you’re not havin’ a good time, we can leave.” He murmured. Joel wanted to make sure that you were aware that he wouldn’t be offended if you did want to leave. He just wanted you to feel comfortable and most importantly, safe.”

You responded by gently squeezing his bicep as you looked over at him. “Joel, thank you, but I'll be alright. Let's just go in and have a good time, okay? You still owe me that dance.” Your voice floated sweetly to his ears like a song.

“Don’t think I've gone and forgotten that darlin.’ I’m very much lookin’ forward to it.” He grinned.

Me too.

His hand grasped around the handle as he pushed it open, allowing you to step inside first before he followed suit behind you. You could feel the pads of his fingertips brush across your covered lower back as he maneuvered you past a group of people. His close proximity was nearly intoxicating your senses as you got a proper inducing whiff of his scent. Pine, gunsmoke, and soap with a hint of..cologne? He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to look nice for the occasion.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in!” Tommy remarked from behind the bar as he slipped past one of the patrol guys. He hugged his brother first, giving him a light clap on the shoulder before he turned to you. “Ain’t you lookin’ like such a peach this evenin’ Beanie. Can I getcha guys somethin’ to drink?”

Joel hugged his brother back with a light slap to his back before he pulled back one of the bar stools for you. “I’ll jus’ take a beer, and for you darlin?’ Y’want anythin?’” Joel asked you as you quietly thanked him for pulling the stool out before you sat down.

“I’ll have a beer as well.”

“You betcha. Two beers comin’ right up!” Tommy spoke an octave louder so he could hear over the music and chatter.

Two full, nearly overflowing glasses of beer were placed in front of you and Joel as he took the unoccupied seat beside you. He lifted his glass towards yours, gently clinking them together before he brought his lips to the rim of the glass and took a sip.

You mirrored his actions before setting the glass down in front of you. The beer was decent, better than you had expected it to taste. Then again, did anyone really ever drink beer for the taste? You were more of a wine person yourself. “So, this is the infamous Tipsy Bison?” You mused as you looked over at Joel as he set his glass down.

“Yep, she ain’t much, but it’s nice t’see people get together and have fun. A taste of normalcy, y’know? How’s the beer tastin?’”

“Definitely a taste of normalcy. It’s actually..pretty good? I wasn’t a big beer person before the outbreak, but maybe this is me turning over a new leaf?” You shrugged as you glanced up at him over the rim of your glass.

“Tommy perfected the recipe for it pretty well. The whiskey ain’t too shabby either. Glad that you’re enjoyin’ it darlin.’” He nodded in your direction as he took another sip from his glass. He leaned in close then so that it would be easier for you to hear him. “So, while I was out on patrol today, I finally wrote a letter to Tess. Ripped the bandaid off and everythin.’”

“Joel, that’s wonderful. How do you feel after writing it? Does it feel like there’s a weight that has been lifted from your shoulders?” He had your full and undivided attention as you gently rested your palm on the top of his hand for a gesture of comfort.

“I feel..better? Like I ain’t carryin’ all this heavy burden with me. I poured my heart out on the paper, just like ya told me to. It was hard. Like, really fuckin’ hard. I felt like I was forgivin’ myself in the process, n’lettin’ her go. That’s the main reason why I wanted ya to accompany me tonight. I was seekin’ some comfort.” He admitted softly as his eyes glanced down to where your hand rested upon his.

“Of course it was hard, it’s never easy to be vulnerable like that. I’m really proud of you for takin’ that step, Joel.” You softly responded with a small lopsided smile. “Well, you know I'm here for you regardless of the circumstances. I have to thank you.”

“For what?” He was leaned in so close now, you could nearly feel his warm breath fanning your cheeks.

“For encouraging me to go out and have a good time. I wanted to say no to your offer earlier. I was thinking of every possible way that I could get out of having to socialize like this. Joel, you’re that extra push that I didn’t realize I really fucking needed.” It wasn’t easy for you to be vulnerable like this either. You were practically throwing your heart into Joel’s weathered palms, hoping that he would hold it tenderly. There was that nagging voice trying to convince you that this was all good to be true. It poked and prodded at you, but for the first time in a long-time, you drowned the voice out.

“You ain’t gotta thank me for that darlin.’ I’ve encouraged you yeah, but at the end of the day, you’re in control of your own actions, ain’t ya? Let's make a toast to you, Beanie. Undeniably the most beautiful woman in this whole goddamn town, with a heart made of pure fuckin’ gold. I’m so happy that you exist, darlin.’ You make my life jus’ a little bit brighter.”

His eyes were twinkling dazzingly under the warm glow of the dangling fairy lights. He had no idea just how terribly you needed to hear that.

He was so happy that you exist.

You made his life brighter.

You did that.

You threw your arms around his neck gently, hugging him so tightly he felt like you were stealing the oxygen from his lungs. His arms were looping around your waist, hands splayed out across your back as he hugged you back. He got a whiff of your sweet syrupy fragrance. You smelled of saccharine peaches and honey. You smelled of home.

I could kiss him right now. I could press my lips to his and pretend that every breath that I take, I feel like I'm dying. If I kiss him now, maybe breathing won’t feel like a chore. Maybe then I'll be okay. Maybe the voices will stop, and the curtain will fall. If I kiss him now, maybe everything will fall into place. You thought to yourself as you felt the wiry patches of his beard gently scrape across your cheek as his grip around you tightened.

If I kiss her now..everything changes. If I kiss her, that means I have to keep my promise to do better. If I kiss her now, my thoughts will be consumed with her. If I kiss her now, I'll always protect her. I’ll keep her safe. If I kiss her now, I won’t be able to stop.

His eyes fluttered shut as the sounds of laughter and chatter were drowned out by his thoughts. He pressed the faintest kiss to the side of your head, just nearly grazing your temple before he slowly pulled away. You both were looking at each other like you were the only two people in the room.

He gestured towards the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the bar with a tilt of his chin. “Still wanna have that dance with me?” He rasped softly.

You were already reaching for his hand once more as you slipped off the stool. “Show me your moves, Texas.” You shot him a bold, mildly flirtatious wink as you pulled him to the dance floor. Some country folk song was being played by the live band made up of 3 men and 1 woman. You didn’t know the words to the song, but that didn’t matter. Not when Joel was delicately holding hand in his and twirling you playfully. His eyes crinkled in the corners like creases on a well-loved book. His dimples were even peeking through and making an appearance.

You both made one another feel effortlessly young again.

By the fifth song, your feet were beginning to ache and you desperately needed to pee, so Joel gently released you from his grip as he was left to his own devices. He finished off his beer when he noticed Ellie and Dina slowly swaying together. From where he was standing, he could see his kiddo blush under the fairylights as Dina whispered something in her ear. When Dina kissed Ellie for the first time, his heart felt warm. Ellie and him might not be on the best of terms, but he just wanted to see her happy and loved. It all came to a crashing halt when Seth intervened on their moment with a harsh hateful tongue.

“Jus’ what this town needs, another loud mouth dyke.” The older man spat with disgust.

Ellie had whipped around in a fury, storming right up to Seth with her finger pointed at his chest in an accusing manner. “The fuck did you just say?”

Dina was already stepping in front of her, trying to talk her down when Joel sprung into action. He couldn’t help it. His blood was absolutely boiling as he shoved Seth roughly. “Get the hell outta here. Don’t you fuckin’ talk to my kid like that. Y’hear me?!” Joel wasn’t fucking around, not in the slighest.

“Y’get your hands off me!” Seth spat back as he stumbled from the force of Joel shoving him. Maria ultimately had to step in between the two of them as she led Seth outside to cool it off.

Joel’s fists were clenched tightly at his sides and his jaw was as sharp as glass. His face softened when his gaze landed upon Dina and Ellie as he approached. “Y’alright kiddo?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ellie hissed as she faced him with a disappointed look etched across her face.

Joel struggled to hold his composure as Ellie’s words stung like a poisoned blade piercing his gut. “He had no right. He had no fuckin’ right Ellie.” He tried to reason with her.

“And you do?!” Ellie responded exasperatedly as Dina was trying yet again to pull her away from the confrontation. “I don’t need your fuckin’ help, Joel.” Ellie knew her words were harsh, and she knew they would hurt him, but she was exhausted and frustrated that he lied to her for so long.

Joel’s face fell as he slowly looked around the bar to find faces staring back at him. He cleared his throat as he slowly backed off, “right.” He mumbled quietly.

He wasn’t able to mourn his hurt feelings for very long when he heard a scream. Not just any scream, your scream. A frightened, blood curdling scream that rattled his bones and sent hot blood rushing through his veins as he took off towards the bathrooms.

His pulse rose to a high level as he shoved open the women’s bathroom door in a haste. The last thing he expected was to find you violently thrashing on the ground while Tommy was desperately trying to calm you down.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” You cried out desperately as you clawed at Tommy’s arms.

DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME!” You wailed as Tommy was gently yet firmly holding your wrist in his grasp.

“BEANIE!” Tommy yelled equally as desperate. “It’s me. It’s Tommy. You’re safe–”

Joel was on his knees in an instant as he physically pushed his brother out of the way, forcing Tommy to release his grip on your wrists as you scrambled back towards the sinks, fear laced in your irises as you tried to tuck yourself into the corner.

“Tommy, what the fuck happened?!” Joel whispered harshly. He didn’t want to yell and freak you out any further than you already were. He knew that he needed to remain calm for your sake.

“Fuck if I know Joel! I heard her screamin’ and came in here and she was just thrashing on the ground. She was mumblin’ to herself about someone touchin’ her.” Tommy responded with a harsh breath as he raked his fingers through his hair.

“Who touched her, Tommy.” Joel’s voice dropped an octave. He sounded calm, and menacing all at once. His pupils were already turning a shade darker as his jaw clenched so tightly, Tommy was afraid it would break.

“She said that Lucas stopped her on the way to the bathroom. They were chatting and when she tried to leave, he–”

“He what. What the fuck did he do to her Tommy.” His face trembled with burning rage as he struggled to keep his yelling at bay.

“He grabbed her. I don’t know if it was in a suggestive way or what. All I know is she flipped out after the fact and then this is how I found her.”

Joel released a shuddered breath as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment. His nostrils flared as he exhaled. He could feel the adrenaline pumping in his veins already as he stood back up. His heart shattered when he saw your entire body facing away from him as he quietly and hesitantly approached.

You heard the creak in his knees as he crouched down a few feet away from you.

“Beanie, hey. Honey, it’s Joel. Can you..look at me please darlin?’” His tone was lengths softer than it previously was with Tommy. He made no attempt to try and touch you in your vulnerable state.

You slowly turned your chin over your shoulder, struggling to make eye contact with him as your eyes nervously darted around the room. You were desperately trying to find something to focus on in an attempt to ground yourself.

“Beanie, focus on me honey. You’re okay. You’re safe now. It’s jus’ me and Tommy in here. No one else is comin’ in, okay? I promise.” He murmured reassuringly.

When your gaze finally landed upon him, his heart shattered right down the middle. Splintered off into a million tiny fucking pieces. You looked terrified.

“Please don’t touch me, Joel.” You croaked out above a whisper.

“I ain’t gonna touch you without your permission Beanie. You have my word.” His eyes stayed locked on yours in a softened look as he waited for you to give him permission to approach further.

When I get my hands on this motherfucker, I'm gonna kill him. Gonna make him wish he was never born.

A total of ten minutes had passed by before you were slowly and hesitantly scooting from your makeshift hiding spot between the sinks. Your face was puffy and blotchy with tears as you reached for Joel’s hands. “I’m–I'm sorry. I–I didn’t mean to cause such a scene.” You mumbled as he gently grasped your hands in his.

“Beanie, you did nothin’ wrong at all, honey. This is not your fault.” Joel was careful with his word choice.

“He didn’t–he didn’t even–we were just talking and–” fresh tears were beginning to brew along your waterline as you struggled to form a coherent sentence.

Joel released your hands for a brief moment before you felt his skin make contact with yours once more. His calloused palms came to gently rest around your cheeks as he held your face in his hands so delicately. “You listen to me, alright? I don’t care if y’all were jus’ talkin.’ Hell, I don’t care if y’all were flirtin.’ He had no right to touch you Beanie. No right at all. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances were, he put his hands on ya, and that ain’t right.” He whispered firmly as you leaned into his soft touch subconsciously. “I need you..to stay in here with Tommy, okay? He’s gonna take care of ya for a minute and i’ll be right back, okay? I’ll be right back for ya baby.”

Baby.

He pressed a featherlight kiss to your temple before he slowly dropped his hands from your face as he stood up. Tommy placed his hand along his shoulder to try and stop him. Tommy knew his brother well enough to know what he was about to go do. As a mediator, he couldn’t let that happen.

“Joel..” Tommy warned him under his breath as he tightened his grip around his shoulder.

“Don’t Tommy. Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do. I need you to get her a glass of water, and then just sit here with her. Don’t leave her alone, y’hear me? I will go take care of this.” It wasn’t a suggestion, it was a demand from the older Miller brother.

“Joel, y’know I can’t let you go’n do that.” Tommy sighed.

“Don’t care. Goin’ to do it anyway.” Joel bit back as he yanked his shoulder from his brother's grip and slipped past the bathroom door that was left ajar.

Most of the bar-goers had gone home for the evening, including Dina and Ellie. The patrol guys were still out, and Joel was seeing red when he saw Lucas laughing with Cody and the rest of the guys. His footsteps were heavy along the wooden floors as he approached. He loomed over the table as his calloused hands came to rest along the back of the chair Lucas was presently sitting in. “Get the fuck up.” Joel hissed behind him.

“Joel? What the hell man, what’s the problem?” Lucas craned his head upwards towards the older man.

“I said, GET THE FUCK UP!” Joel’s voice boomed as Lucas’s face fell.

“Hey man, no need for a’that–” He was caught off guard when Joel yanked him up from the lapels of his jacket. “When I fuckin’ tell you to do somethin’, you do it. You don’t fuckin’ question my orders ever. Y’hear me boy?!” his voice was laced with venom as he dragged the younger man away from the table.

“Joel, get the fuck off of me! What the hell is the meanin’ of this?!” Lucas barked back as he was dragged out the door and into the alley. His shoulder ached painfully when Joel shoved him with all of his force against the stone wall.

“Y’fuckin’ touch her?! HUH?! Answer me!” Joel demanded as he yanked him by his jacket once more.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT JOEL!” Lucas bit back as he attempted to push Joel off of him. Despite the older man's age, he still overpowered Lucas without breaking a sweat as he flipped him around with his arms painfully twisted behind his back, and the side of his face scraping against the wall, drawing beads of blood to the wounded surface.

“Don’t make me fuckin’ ask you again. Did you fuckin’ touch Beanie?!” He growled as he twisted his arms further. “Fuckin’ answer me, Lucas!”

“Are you fuckin’ insinuatin’ that I raped her?! For fuck sakes Joel! I grabbed her fuckin’ arm and she flipped! That’s all I did!” He cried out as he thrashed against the wall. “That’s all I did man, I swear!” He pleaded.

“Y’grabbed her arm?! That’s it?!” Joel bellowed threateningly.

“I swear, that’s all I did man! She was walkin’ away and I grabbed her arm to tell ‘er that she looked nice, and she freaked out! She’s fuckin–” His voice was caught in his throat when Joel had twisted his right wrist at such an unnatural angle, the bone had snapped from the pressure and sent the younger man buckling over in pain as he sank down into the wall.

“You never fuckin’ lay your hands on her again. Y’hear me?! Fuckin’ touch her again, and i’ll break the other one.” Joel hissed as he grabbed ahold of the back of his head and yanked it harshly. “Y’touch her again, and i'll kill you with my bare hands. Do I make myself clear?” He growled against the younger man’s ear before releasing his head with a firm shove forward. “Go the fuck home before I change my mind.” He spat with disgust.

Lucas was scrambling to his feet in a hurry as he cradled his broken wrist in his good hand. He took one look at Joel before he shoved past him.

Joel waited until he could no longer see his shadowy silhouette in the distance before he returned to the bar. Inside he found you sitting on one of the stools with a cup of water held in your trembling hands, and a light blanket resting along your shoulders. Maria was on your left, and Tommy was on your right.

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe.” Joel announced as he approached with his hand outstretched towards you.

You slowly lifted your chin upwards to look at him. Your lower lip wobbled as you slowly slipped off the stool and placed your clammy palm in his. If only you had known what he had just done to Lucas in the alley minutes ago. Would you be afraid?

Joel acknowledged Tommy and Maria with a tight nod as he laced his fingers through yours. He whispered softly to you that everything was going to be okay, but you didn’t hear him.

The walk back to your home was in dead silence sans the crickets chirping and the leaves along the tree branches gently swaying in the breeze. You hadn’t spoken a single word as Joel gently sat you down on the couch. He made you a cup of tea that he tirelessly tried to coax you to drink, but you wouldn’t budge. You were closing in on yourself faster than he could keep up.

He is now sitting alongside you, playing with his fingers nervously. When you finally spoke, he could barely detect your voice from how soft and timid you sounded. His face fell for the third time that night from the words you uttered.

“Please leave, Joel.” Your voice cracked as your throat was rubbed raw from how hard you had been screaming.

“Beanie..” He softly pleaded with you.

“Joel, please. I need you to leave.” You whispered.

The couch creaked from his weight lifting from the cushions. He didn’t have much fight left in him after the night's events. What was supposed to be an evening filled with fun, drastically changed in a blink of an eye. He respected your wishes as his boots padded softly to the front door. He paused as he pushed down on the door handle, praying that you’d change your mind and ask him to stay. You didn’t, so he left.

He was greeted to an empty home. No lights on. No shitty puns. No Ellie. No you.

He cried himself to ruin in the shower with the water beating down on his back like a million ice shards. His sobs wrecked through his entire being as the weight of his actions crushed into his spine like a tumultuous wave. He had failed once again.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤎

[111angelstheme111]

𝐀 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥—𝐈𝐧 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥

DEFINITION— Simply put, ‘that girl’ is who everyone wants to be. She’s healthy, knows her priorities, and most importantly, she puts herself first. She is determined and sets her goals straight, no one can distract her and she knows she’s bound to achieve whatever she wants. 

STEP 1— Set A Goal

As previously mentioned, that girl is the epitome of determination, a true girlboss and she knows exactly what she wants and stops at nothing to get it. Now, let's take a moment to envision her daily routine and lifestyle. Picture how she's always striving toward one goal or another, whether they’re academic or fitness achievements, she’s always in constant motion with an occasional break. 

Here's the exciting part: those qualities you admire so much, you can make them your own. You can turn those aspirations into your reality. It's not about copying her, but rather drawing inspiration from her and crafting your unique path to success.

So, take a list and start setting milestones. Imagine the perfect girl and write down everything you admire about her. Is it her perfect grades? Her body fitness? How she’s never procrastinating? Her time-management skills? Determination? Write it all down!

Now, with everything written down. You’re going to make these points of hers into yours. You’re going to stay committed and actively pursue these qualities until you find yourself in a place you once deemed remarkable. 

STEP 2— Plan Your Success

In this stage, you might be a little overwhelmed. There are things you want to work on but you don’t know which one to choose, or whether you have the time to do so. But don’t worry, because it’s all about choosing your priorities and having to manage your time. 

The first thing you want to do is get a journal or you can use Notion/Google Calendar if you’re lazy like me. Then, write down all of your fixed schedules (like classes, tuition, or part-time) and make out at least an hour at the end of each weekday. 

Ask yourself specific questions to clarify your priorities. Is your main goal to get fit or have an academic comeback? Or do you want to focus on both fitness and your studies?

Build your schedule around your key goals. This means you should prioritise and allocate time for the most important objectives or ambitions you have in mind. 

 !!⠀if you’re having trouble with making up a schedule, feel free to dm me/send in an ask. I’ll be more than willing to help ♡︎

STEP 3— True Competition Is Determination and Discipline

It’s not about how much you’re doing in a period of time, in the end, you’re going to be burnt out and tired. It’s more about how consistent you are. Yes, it might get tiring at one point; and that is when you slow down and cut yourself some slack while keeping the drive going.

You are really training your discipline instead of running on motivation that is bound to run out. That’s why you don’t see ‘that girl’ everywhere. Because everyone lacks discipline and commitment, they’re afraid of being in uncomfortable situations and would rather mindlessly scroll on tiktok than really challenge themselves.

Working on a goal is all about determination. It tests how badly you want it and how much you’re willing to sacrifice for it. But let me tell you, your sacrifices will never be a waste.

STEP 4— Breaks Are Part of The Process

What I hate seeing the most is how people work non-stop with no breaks. If your goal is to be burnt out within a or two week, feel free to be my guest and do what you’ve got to. Your body and mind is not a machine, because you are human and you deserve breaks. 

Whether that is self-care nights, going out with friends, or literally just laying in bed and watching Netflix. You choose your breaks and how often you get them. But be careful not to get carried away and lose sight of your milestones (because I’ve fallen into this trap once too many times).

In the end, balance is key! You want to be on the grind, and still be able to maintain connections and have fun. If you’re capable of finding your balance, let me tell you you’re just on your way to success. 

TIPS— 

ꕤ Romanticise The Hell Out of The Process 

One of the best advice I can give is literally romanticise everything. Get cute stationaries to study with, dress up all pretty just to go study at a cafe/wear your pretty pink gym outfits, listen to songs that put you into the mood, or imagine yourself as the main character of your movie to success (I use this sometimes when I’m really desperate and also bc I’m a delulu).

ꕤ Don't oversleep on weekends; wake up early to make the most of your time.

Tbh I get low-key annoyed when people sleep in during the weekends because of the time wasted you could’ve used to get ahead of others!! 

ꕤ Use Social Media To Your Advantage

I’m never one to be against social media unless you’re not using it to your advantage. For example, your tiktok feed is most probably about trendy videos and memes. But, why not make your feed about motivation, videos that educate you on certain matters and actually bring you knowledge? 

ꕤ Take Inspirations/Motivations From Others

I’m personally a pretty competitive person so looking at people who received Academic Achievers awards really pisses me off and makes me motivated to study harder lol. Try to find your tick and make use of it.

Now that you’ve finished reading this post, it’s time to set your mind on your goals and girlboss your way to it. So my angels, good luck and don’t stop working until you are her.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Wasted Time {One-Shot}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Language, High angst

Words: 1.4k

Summary: Nope.

Note: Just a likkle something that popped into my head an hour ago. I hope you like it. There might be a part 2. Might.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

As you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!! ❤️❤️

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

He scoffed and gave you that cocky smirk. "Lewis fuckin' Hamilton."

You sneered at him. He knew you hated when he okayed the cocky, self-centered role. He knew you hated it and was doing it anyway just as you knew he hated when you got disrespectful when talking to him and embracing your petty side with him.

You were both playing a dangerous game.

"Yeah? And remind me again who the fuck that is in my world because I got nothing."

Lewis sneered right back at you. It was a low blow, you knew it but you were never the one to fight fair.

"Be careful, Y/N."

"No. Fuck that! You be careful and do yourself a favor by remembering who the fuck I am. You may be Lewis fucking Hamilton, the big dick, sweet-talking star of F1 who has every man, woman, and child hanging off of every word he says but I am Y/F/N & Y/L/N. I will not just sit around and allow you or any man to disrespect or make a fool of me. That's  just not how I'm living."

Before he could respond, you swiveled and walked away, another thing you knew he hated and another thing you purposely did. You were getting extra heated and needed to move, preferably away from him or you would probably lose your shit.

"Y/N," Lewis called out his voice low and clipped, clearly in warning. A warning you ignored.

"I've told you about walking away from me."

"And I've told you about half the shit you did tonight."

"Come on. How is it the same?  Youre doing this shit to get a rise out of me. That was work," he explained.

The poke from the devil was a hard one and one you could not ignore. You stopped and spun back around to look at him. Your head reared back almost like you'd been sucker punched. As you gaped at him, the only thought was that this fool had the audacity.

"Work!!”

"Work," he repeated.

"I know you fuckin' lyin'. Work? So you cuddled up all he-he haw-haw was work? You with your arm around both of them was work? Both of their hands roaming the span of your thigh was work? You taking their numbers was work? What about dancing with them in VIP, work too? Do you take me for a fool--a joke? You think I'm stupid huh!”

Lewis pinched the bridge of his nose as if he were hanging on by a thin thread. When he opened his mouth you didn't allow him to speak.

"Unfuckinbelievable!”

"You're right it is. It's the same thing with you all the time. Aren't you tired, Y/N? I've told you if you can't handle my world then don't engage."

You didn't know if you imagined the alarms blaring around you, or the flames igniting around the room, but within 1 second and one sentence, you descended into chaos. Your entire being was scorching hot. The heat began at your face then blazed downard making you feel like Johnny fuckin' Flame himself. With your hands clenched into tight fists, you took note of their shake. You knew this was a category 7 level of anger.

For the life of you, you didn't know why this man and this man alone could bring you to this level of anger. You didn't know how he got so deep under your skin, or how he had this much power over your emotions. How had this man gotten here when you'd been so careful?

When your hearing came back to normal, he was still going.

"If you can't separate my work from my reality then remain separate from them. Don't keep doing this because it's getting old as fuck. Every time you see something you spin it and spin it until you come up with some convoluted version of what it really is then come and accuse me of being someone I am not. Do you understand how fucked that is?"

With every word you got angrier and angrier you were so angry you couldn't formulate words, couldn't make any sense of this. At one point you even began to believe that you'd convoluted the whole thing and you were at fault but the smoking gun in your bag was what flashed in your mind.

You walked to your purse that was resting on the table beside the door, opened it, and took your phone out. It only took you a moment to find what you were looking for. Seeing the picture again made you ready to throw the device in his face.

"Separate your work from your reality huh?"

You went as close to him as you dared because you knew if you got too close you could and would physically hurt this man. You raised the phone and held it in front of his face then you watched him study the picture that was sneakily taken from a distance that showed him and the twin models that he'd been surrounded by all night. One was leaning into his neck as if she were getting very familiar with one of his erogenous zones while the other was leaning into his face staring deeply into his eyes.  Lewis remained there smiling while his right hand was resting on the small of the twin's back whose face was in his neck. The whole thing looked suggestive.

"Separate your work from reality? A convoluted version of reality?"

"Where did you get this?"

"Accuse you of being someone you're not?"

When Lewis' eyes met yours his were concerned, stressed, and curious while you knew yours were cold.

"Where did you get this?"

He reached for you, but you evaded his touch.

"Remain separate from them? Do not engage?"

The worry lines between his brows deepened right then. He knew what you were going to say. You'd been spending so much time together how could he not at least know your thought process?

"Consider it done."

You turned and walked to the door. Lewis called your name over and over. Each one sounded more and more desperate. When you felt his hand wrap around your wrist, you yanked your arm but didn't manage to break the contact. Instead, Lewis managed to enclose you against the wall blocking you there with his arms.

"Let me the fuck go."

"It's not what it looks like I swear."

"Ok," your voice was low, monotoned, emotionless.

"I promise. Why would I do anything like this out in the open? Why would I take this risk?"

"Because you do all your dirt behind my back and closed doors," your monotoned voice stated. "Let me go."

"Y/N, come on," he began.

"You said you're tired right? That this is old? I'm tired too and you're right, shit is very old."

"Y/N..."

Lewis brought his face to yours, but before he could make you weak, you ducked under his arm and opened the door.

"You're just going to leave?"

"I dont know who the fuck you think you are but I know who the fuck I am and I have always been and will always be that bitch with or without you. Remember that shit."

With that, you walked out keeping your back straight, head high, and tears in. As you walked away you heard Lewis mutter one more thing.

"You're supposed to trust me, Y/N."

"And you're supposed to respect me. What's trust without it."

You stepped onto the waiting elevator and as it closed, your eyes locked onto one another's. You were both too stubborn for your own good and that stubbornness was on display right now. Both of you refusing to meet the other in the middle, refusing to appear to be the weaker one, refusing to let the other know who'd fallen harder for the other. From the look in his eyes you could tell he still wanted you, still felt for you but the lack of movement from his legs showed something else and it was all you paid attention to.

You didn't know what you wanted from him, or what you expected in this moment but he was speaking loud and clear though he was completely silent. The way he held the door with one hand and the wall with the other screamed confidence. He looked like he expected you to run back down the hall to him to kiss and make up. The longer you didn't, you watched the confident facade crumble but only slightly.

Once the doors closed and the image of him was gone, you slumped against the wall, hanging your head.

"9 months wasted," you whispered to yourself, "I'm so fucking stupid."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[rosewaterandivy]

sings like a church with a choir in it

Summary: A blurb not at all inspired by the tragic events I got myself into yesterday due to poor planning and wasting away in bed due to sad girl hours.

Pairing: Steve Harrington OR Eddie Munson (choose your lover!) x curly/coily/wavy fem!reader

WC: 1232K

Warnings/Themes: anxiety, self-care, acts of service, hair wash day & its trials, shower sex (male receiving)

A/N: Eddie and Steve have intricate haircare routines, I know this in my bones. So obviously they help us with wash-day because it's exhausting! This is for my curly/coily/wavy!girls; I see you, I love you, and my arms are tired too 😮‍💨

Please do not interact if you aren't 18+.

Nota bene: Reblogging, commenting, and liking my work is always appreciated; reposting, however, is not.

Enjoy! 💜

🎵My baby runs ten miles to win it, she moves like her body's got a fire in it🎵

Damn your shitty timing and utter laziness— the dreaded day has finally arrived, a day that will live in infamy.

Despite a schedule that mostly kept things at bay, stress and anxiety had taken over landing you in bed for an extended stay.

But you couldn’t let the precious motivation you’d saved up go to waste. And that’s how you found yourself staring down the barrel of a wash day and an everything shower.

Fuck.

The bed had been stripped and sheets were in the washer, so you couldn’t even sneak back into the bedroom and recreate a cocoon to wallow in.

With a sigh, you crouch down and grab the necessary supplies: co-wash, leave-in, body exfoliant, razor, and the body wash you’d spent far too much on, but just couldn’t pass up— the scent was otherworldly.

Shower products in place and temperature as hot as it would go, you placed the styling tools in order of use on the countertop and wrangled the hair dryer to balance on the side of the sink.

Towel on the rung close to the shower and t-shirt at the ready, you tug the hairwrap from your head and step into the steamy shower, running your fingers against your scalp to further distribute the oil you’d applied last night.

Once under the stream of water, you take a moment to let the warmth sink into your skin. Rolling your neck as the droplets skim down your neck and chest, a deep breath in and out.

Then you get to work.

Body exfoliant first, quickly followed by shaving your legs. Checking for any nicks, you smile at finding none— phase one, complete.

Music echoing through the bathroom, glass and mirrors too fogged to see through— the opening of the shower door startles you, understandably.

“The fuck?!” You yelp, scalp brush in one hand and co-wash in the other. It’s a miracle you hadn’t dropped either.

The magnetized door of the glass shower clicks open. Just a muted, dull separation that lets a fraction of cool air rush in, towing his body in with it.

He smirks, eyeing you up and down as he joins you. You shuffle over to make room, rolling your eyes. A tsk when he takes the brush from your hand, “Gotta save water babe.”

Take the brush from your hand and reaches over to adjust the temperature of the water. His body is warm and solid behind you, beckoning you to lean against him. His arm falls lazily around your hips, “Lemme help you, sugar.”

As you nod and say something about detangling, he grabs a claw clip and holds it between his teeth while his hands work to section your hair. Mumbles something that sounds like, “Think I don’t know how to take care of my girl?” But you’re not sure, the plastic in his mouth preventing an accurate translation.

Half of your hair clipped up and away, he pumps a few dollops of co-wash in his palm and distributes it through the loose sections. Through the mirror by the showerhead, you can see his brows tilt together in concentration.

Too fucking cute.

He takes it seriously, knowing how tedious the wash-day process can be. Is careful not to pull or tug, not that you’re tender-headed necessarily— just hates to hurt you, the old softie. Fingers card through the conditioned waves, the top section falling with a wet smack down your back.

“Sorry,” He murmurs, bottom lip full and red against the bite of his white teeth. 

Snaking an arm to grasp his forearm, you give a gentle squeeze, “S’okay baby.”

Diligently, he continues the process on this section— taking more time to finger curl and define the strands for more volume. 

Your heart clenches at the thought, god, how you adore him.

He’s humming along to the music under his breath, working the scalp brush gently over the crown of your head. The soft bristles are soothing, you let out a soft sigh and all but melt against the hard line of his torso.

A sonorous laugh that echoes through the stall of the shower and reverberates in his chest. He asks you to turn, voice soft and low. Grabs the retractable shower head to rinse your hair, fingers working against your scalp, a lazy smile gracing his lips.

“Hey sleepyhead,” He says, licking his lips in the hazy steam, a click when he slots the showerhead back into place. “Feelin’ better?”

“Mm,” You hum, head resting on his chest teeth bared against slick warm skin, “Almost.” Then your fingers light on his half-hard cock, which is suddenly very interested in your hand. 

His eyes roll back. “Fuck.” 

“Sorry, honey,” you say, but you’re not, because you know how he likes it. 

He hisses quietly, back hitting the tiles as you step between his legs. “Oh.” He stutters breathlessly, watching your gotcha expression.

You slide to your knees like a supplicant, mouth dropping open so prettily. You purr and lick and nuzzle into him as if you can’t get enough, like be content there between his thighs until the end of time.

Doesn’t matter what he says, half-hearted attempts to remind you about getting to your leave-in fall away in small gasps and swears. You just keep rubbing with your palm, your nimble fingers, your tight grip. 

It should be illegal for someone to be as hot as you, he swears it.

He groans when you give him a slow lick up to his throbbing tip, swirling your tongue at the end, then shoving him down until you choke yourself on it. He jerks up reflexively, getting in two quick thrusts before you pull away with a smile.

You’re looking at him like you could devour him, lower lip pinched tightly between your teeth, breath shallow and quick. His abs constrict when you put your hands on them, feeling your way up his ribs and back down, fingers dancing along planes of bone and muscle.

Lips puckered and glossy with spit and precome that doesn’t stop leaking out of him, making these obscene fucking sounds at the base of his shaft, at the curve of his balls, tugging them into your mouth, keeping them there while he prays for mercy.

“Baby,” he growls, patience gone. “I swear to god.”

He means to threaten you with something— a rough fuck, maybe—but he effectively loses his train of thought when you give him exactly what he’s fantasized about since he’s woken up.

Your candy pink mouth turned red hot and wicked. Wet and slick as you slide him down your throat. You keep your jaw slack and bob your head steadily as if suggesting that he take the lead. 

To your delight, he slowly begins rolling his hips. Experimental at first, half-hearted and worried about startling or choking you, but at the first reflex of a gag, your eyes light up before fluttering half-closed and you practically mewl.

“Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck, honey.”

Hooded dark eyes meet yours, looking down the bridge of his nose, lips parted to match. Panting. Grunting. 

“Don’t stop,” Your voice is a ragged debauched thing.

Suddenly bold because he’s at the end of his rope and about to blow—completely collapse and pour down your throat and all over your pretty little face.

And goddamn, he thinks.

He’s never loved a girl like you.

So much for saving water.

[adashoflavendermelancholy]

Pumkin Ex's

It wasn’t that Crocodile hated Dragon. No. He hated the man. Who just dumps your child on their parents because ‘I have a dangerous job. And you said you didn’t want kids.’ Without telling the other parent? A crazy man that wanted to die the next time Crocodile saw him.

That being said, there were just a few problems with hating the man. Dragon was still Luffy’s father, and there was nothing he could do to change that. It was done and now he was tied to the man for the rest of his life. Even after growing apart, and adopting two more children, Crocodile still wanted nothing to do with the man. It was only by the grace that Dragon didn’t mind taking Ace and Sabo with him. Because Luffy cried the first time he tried to take Luffy away from his brothers.

This year was different than all the others. This year Crocodile was dating someone. Sure, he was an absolute jerk, but he was funny. That his boyfriend was ever a jerk to Crocodile or his children. So Crocodile would let it slide.

That was how he ended up in this situation. Glaring at his phone in the dead of night. Pissed at some idiot. Woke him up when this could have been a tomorrow message.

“What’s wrong Crocy?” Doflamingo asked, curling up next to him. He woke up at the slight hint of bloodlust that was in the room. It was never a good idea for that to be around while he was sleeping.

“Just Luffy’s father messaging me. Apparently, he wants to take Luffy to the pumpkin patch. He would like me to go along too.” Crocodile muttered, putting the phone done. He would answer tomorrow, at a normal time, to be awake. Not 5:30 am, a truly ungrateful hour.

Crocodile fell asleep soon after that. Unbothered by the storm brewing next to him. Doflamingo hated the man that annoyed his Croco so much. It was annoying he couldn’t do anything to get him to go away, all because it was Luffy’s biological father. It wouldn’t matter for long, anyway. Doflamingo had plans to marry Croco and that ex would never have time to get him back.

The next morning Crocodile set up a day that would be best. Already annoyed at having to see Dragon again. The man was annoying to be around. Silent and watching. It was like he didn’t know how to speak. Making the already awkward situation worse. Try to start a conversation, he gives one to two word responses. Crocodile didn’t know what his younger self was thinking about sleeping with him.

“Crocy, I was thinking. If you haven’t settled on a pumpkin patch yet. I know the best one. It’s got fun things to do for kids. And I could show you where it is.” Doflamingo said, setting a plate down in front of Luffy. He didn’t cook, but he would be damned if the first people Crocodile and his family saw were anyone but family while in his home. So he had them bring the food to the door and leave it. Now they would associate the meal with him and not the waitstaff.

Crocodile looked up from just above his phone. “Oh?”

“We’re going to a pumpkin patch?” Ace asked, sounded a little excited.

Crocodile smiled at his eldest child. “Dragon wants to take Luffy.” Crocodile answered, eyes flicked back to Doflamingo.“What about your pumpkin patch will make it worth going to? Dragon is a bit… particular when it comes to strange things.”

“I will send you the details,” Doflamingo said, already putting in place his plan. It would take an hour at most to make sure the Pumpkin patch was ready.

When he felt a tug at his side. Looking down, he saw the youngest looking up at him. “Are we gonna carve the pumpkins this time?” He asked.

Doflamingo smiled back, though he was a little confused about this. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“Dragon.” Ace hissed.

Crocodile rolled his eyes. “He lets the boys pick out pumpkins, then uses them for dinner. It’s part of his no waste life style. Not that I care about that kind of thing.”

Doflamingo didn’t know how to feel about that. His family wasn’t compatible with Dragon after all. Which would make this all the more easy. Turning to Luffy, “I’ll let you boys pick out three pumpkins each. One to send with Dragon so he can make his dishes, and two to carve up here.”

The boys seemed very happy with that information. Already talking about what they wanted to carve into the pumpkins. It was going to be so much fun this year, and if Doflamingo had his way next year, too. When the alarm went off, it was time for the boys to go to their lessons. It was mostly sparing and running around with limited supervision. Not that the boys couldn’t take care of themselves; it was that Doflamingo didn’t want to find out later that they were hurt. All for his peace of mind that they were safe under his watch.

Time passed and Dragon agreed to go to the pumpkin patch Doflamingo offered. He didn’t seem angry about Doflamingo going, but said that his friend would come along. Not that Doflamingo minded it. Just gave him more time to learn about the people that he needed to know about. Now that it was the day, he was all too happy. The boys looked excited to go. So why not leave early?

The boys ran around the small rides and games. Using Doflamingo’s wallet to buy every attempt at the games they could. Crocodile being the only person telling the boys no. Doflamingo had the money and didn’t think the boys could spend everything out of one of his banks accounts even if they tried.

When a man with a black cape looking thing walked up and stood next to them. No introduction or greeting. Just stood there. Crocodile sighed. “I thought you were bringing Iva?”

“Scaring the kids.” Dragon answered, nodding over to where a person was sneaking up to the boys. Doflamingo move his hand to let the guards know not to attack. It wouldn’t do to ruin this trip so soon.

“BOO!” Iva yelled, scooping up Luffy. The boys yelled, but laughed, seeing who it was. “How are my darling little nephews?”

Luffy laughed while telling the other all about the games and such. Eventually dragging the adult with them to the next game. If Doflamingo didn’t know better, he would think they were Luffy’s bio-dad. Not the man standing here, not talking. “Boys, are you ready to pick pumpkins?” Doflamingo called, nodding at the man near them.

“YEAH!” the answer came. There were others here, but only because Doflamingo knew the boys liked to see all the people. Crocodile didn’t care about them, and he wouldn’t either.

Walking through the patch, they found a bunch of pumpkins. Dragon commenting on which out be best to eat. If you could call, “That one looks tasty.” Anything.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Doflamingo asked the two new adults.

Iva answered, “I have two jobs. Being beautiful and being a badass!” He had to admit that they weren’t bad. It was a shame to have met them next to the most annoying man in the world.

Dragon answered, “We work for the Revolution.” It was the most boring conversion in the world.

“Work for? you’re the CEO.” Iva said, elbowing him. The man didn’t even budge at the prompting.

When the boys were done, Doflamingo admitted that this was a waste of time. How Crocodile ended up with this man for any time was the man’s lucky gracious. It might have been all the man’s luck, to be honest. Dragon looked over the boys picked pumpkins. When Luffy hugged one close, “You can’t have this one! It’s for me to carve!”

“Carve?” Dragon asked, tilting his head.

“It’s my family tradition to carve pumpkins. So I told the boys they could pick one or two out to do that too,” Doflamingo said, smirking. He knew that this might cause an argument, but that wasn’t for the boys to have.

“Carved pumpkins sit out to rot. It would be better to cook and eat them.” Dragon said, sounding like he was telling a child that.

Doflamingo kept the smile on his face. “That might be, but it’s not like I’m truly wasting anything. I get memories with the boys, the people who own the pumpkin patch make more money, and the people I purchased the carving kits from make money.”

“There are staving people that could have used them.”

“Is that any different from them rotting here waiting to be picked?”

“They donate any pumpkins to the shelters to be used in cooking that haven’t been choices and are close to their date.”

“Then it sounds like there are no problems. It’s not like I’m buying the whole field. Unless Crocodile and the boys want me to?” Doflamingo winked at those he just called out. They were all watching this happen like it was a tennis match.

“No,” Crocodile said, not wanting to get into this anymore than they were.

Iva leaned over to whisper, “Seems you picked an interesting man.”

“You can say asshole.”

Iva winked. “I would, but I know you like that about him.”

Eventually, Dragon and Doflamingo stopped talking, both looking a little angry at the other. Both claiming in their heads that it’s only because of Crocodile and the boys that the other was still alive. Dragon hated how entitled he was. While Doflamingo hated how Dragon was shoving his ideals into him. A match made in hell for both of them.

In the end, Dragon made the boys pumpkin soup, and they had a good night. While Doflamingo helped them carve up the pumpkins the next night as the boys wanted. It was all ending well for them. Until Dragon asked to see the boys for another holiday, then it was another reason for the two men to fight about something. Crocodile and the boys should have hated it. But it was too entertaining watching them fight. Crocodile even brought popcorn the next time they all went out.

[nrdmssgs]

Artblock

Masterlist Hurt/comfort Pairing: Alex KellerXReader A little something, I'd like to dedicate to all the beautiful souls, suffering from the art block. It will pass.

"This is a crap." Another sheet of paper is getting ripped apart right before his eyes. Alex witnessed soldiers getting severe wounds, he still remembers seeing his own body changed by war forever.

But this hits harder.

You hating everything, that made you smile just yesterday, destroying hours, days even weeks of a hard work. Alex would prefer, if you took it out on him. Slap him in the face, scream, start a fight, anything! Just don't hurt, what he loves the most - yourself.

"Useless pile of shit. I just waste paint, paper, time and air!" Alex feels, as if something inside him curled up in a lump. He needs to stop this at any cost. Stop this, before you get to...

"Fucking waste of space!" He loves this work of yours with all his heart. Because to him, it screams your name. It is your voice, your eyes, your beautiful mind. And you destroy it.

Alex knows, it's better to give you space and time. This fire will eventually burn out, it will get better at some point. But he can't help it. When anybody hurts you, even if it is you yourself - his body reacts automatic. He scoops you up and drags you as far from your works, as it is possible.

"Listen to me, please! You are not happy with your works, I get it. You have every right to feel so. I just can't watch it, as you are hurting, and do nothing!" He presses his lips against your forehead, not caring for keeping 'friendly distance'. To hell all the formalities, when you feel that bad. Alex has to drag you away from this place, that only feeds your self-frustration.

"Let's go away, just leave this place for a while, please. Let me take you anywhere, where you won't think about your paintings for one evening, please! You need a break. Let me help!" He doesn't care anymore, how it looks from afar. A friend can carry a friend out of their atelier, hugging them so desperately as if their life depended on that.

He will do anything to shift your attention from the aching wound, that your workplace turned into. Alex will talk to you, whisper, beg, joke, lull. There is no point, at which he would stop, not a line, he won't cross, if he feels like it could help. He will reveal the most sacred secrets, he will surrender, confess. He will forget, how to breathe, sink on his knees before you. Alex will lose the sight of everything around. He will kiss your palms, that brought so much beauty to this world. Again and again, he will worship every finger, that dances around your canvas.

He won't fall asleep this night, not until he's sure, you're finally in peace.

The next time you see that last work, you destroyed that evening before him, it won't be on paper anymore - it will be on his skin. Right on the chest, where you find comfort and solace.

[zodiactalks]

EXPLOSIVE Zodiac COMBINATIONS who Rarely See Eye to Eye

Some people just can't get along, no matter how hard they try. While you can't choose your family or your coworkers, you certainly can choose your friends and romantic partners.

Looking at a person's Zodiac sign can tell you all you need to know about a person before you get too invested in your relationship with them.

If you want to live free from drama, you better steer clear from these Zodiac signs, as you'll just end up fighting pointlessly and endlessly.

Sagittarius and Taurus

Sagittarius can't wrap their heads around Taurus's fixed mindset. They can't understand how someone as reasonable and logical as Taurus can have so little desire to expand their mind.

They also can't comprehend why it takes so much and so long for Taurus to change their mind, even if all evidence is against them. Taurus, on the other hand, thinks Sagittarius is too irresponsible because they avoid settling down at all costs.

They think they are rather childish because they avoid various commitments. They see their insatiable thirst for adventure as a sign of emotional immaturity. They'll rarely see eye to eye, except perhaps for a shared appreciation of exotic cuisine.

Aquarius and Cancer

Aquarius and Cancer can't be more opposite from each other. Aquarius hates people depending on them, whereas Cancer loves for people to depend on them and need them.

Aquarius needs endless freedom, while Cancer understands the things that truly fulfill them require a commitment. Aquarius is often too logical and forgets that it's important to be kind, while Cancer is mostly emotional and kind at all times.

They just don't understand where the other is coming from. Aquarius doesn't understand why Cancer doesn't feel trapped by their choices, and Cancer doesn't understand how Aquarius can be okay without committing themselves to the people, jobs and places that are good for them. It's very rare that they agree on anything.

Gemini and Capricorn

Both of these signs are very intelligent. And that's where the similarities end. Capricorn is not the best multitasker, and Gemini can't handle the hours of concentration that Capricorn can put in when they think something is worth their attention.

Capricorn has an old soul, and Gemini seems to remain twenty years old even when they're well into their sixties. Gemini is an eternal student, whereas Capricorn loves working way more than they love studying.

I'll give them this: they can be great coworkers because of their complementary approaches, but that's pretty much it. As friends or lovers, their interactions are like a comedy of errors where two people speak two different languages and keep misunderstanding each other.

Leo and Virgo

Virgo can be a pretty judgmental sign, and Leo is so easy to judge. One of the main values of Virgo is humility. They will think that Leo is too self-centered, self-indulgent, selfish and other not-so-nice words starting with self.

On the other hand, Leo will poke fun at Virgo because of how uptight and neurotic they are. It's easy to see how that will end up in a heated argument that will make everyone else around them very uncomfortable.

Virgo will think that Leo is annoying and loud, and what's even worse, they'll criticize them, thinking they are doing it in a constructive manner, but Leo's ego has to be handled with care. They'll find Virgo's bluntness as the exact opposite of caring. Leo can learn a lesson on humility from Virgo, and Virgo can learn a thing or two on how to set boundaries from Leo.

Libra and Taurus

They both have impeccable taste. But things will start to get complicated pretty soon. Taurus is very decisive, and will find Libra's indecisiveness simply… confusing. How can someone with such good taste not know what they want? Libra, in turn, will resent Taurus's stubbornness.

How can someone have such a hard time letting go when changing your mind is the easiest thing in the world? Taurus will think Libra is wasting valuable time with their indirect style of communication, and Libra will think Taurus is too brusque in their approach to conversation.

Taurus will disapprove of Libra's inconsistency, and Libra will think poorly of Taurus's inability to think on their feet. While they both have a great sense of style, they can't see eye to eye.

Aries and Scorpio

It never goes well when two people with anger issues try to form any kind of meaningful relationship, be it platonic or romantic. The moment one of them triggers the other, it's suddenly the outbreak of World War Three, and the one who throws the biggest tantrum wins (apparently).

They both have a quick temper and, when they are mad, they like to throw salt in the other's wounds. Once they are blinded by their emotions, these two signs will have no mercy on their opponent.

Not only will interacting with each other stress them, it will also make their friends and onlookers very anxious indeed. Neither know when to stop, when to agree to disagree, or when to apologize. These two together are just a recipe for disaster.

Pisces and Gemini

Pisces is the most emotional sign of the Zodiac, and Gemini is the most rational. Talk about opposing points of view! Gemini cares about being right, not about making others feel good. Pisces, on the other hand, will utter the most false of phrases if it makes their interlocutor feel good.

The last thing they need is a Gemini behind them interjecting with “Well, actually...” An interaction between these two can easily end up in Gemini losing their very limited patience and Pisces crying in a corner and accusing Gemini of being mean. They just bring out the worst in each other.

Scorpio and Libra

Scorpio's favorite hobby is sparking up controversy, whereas Libra is an expert at being well-liked by everyone. What can't go wrong between these two? Scorpio will think Libra is weak for not sticking up to their beliefs, and Libra will think that Scorpio likes conflict a little bit too much.

If there's a sign that can anger unflappable Libra, that sign is definitely Scorpio. They will show Libra their much-feared Shadow Self, and they'll get angry at this toxic person that dares to insinuate they might be unlikable. The one thing they can find common ground in is in their tendency to play Devil's advocate.

Pisces and Aries

Pisces is all about compassion and keeping things flowing smoothly. They love it when there is a sense of peace in their interpersonal relationships. Aries, on the other hand, is not afraid of healthy confrontation when it's necessary.

They may even need to be constantly arguing and debating things to avoid boredom. They often resort to rather aggressive approaches that would make Pisces cry. Aries can also be a bit brusque and forget all about compassion and empathy, both a must in Pisces's book.

Not everything is love and light and sometimes a confrontation is necessary, so Pisces isn't always objectively right, and Aries will end up frustrated. These two signs will just inevitably keep butting heads.

Have you ever had such a turbulent relationship? What's your sign? What was the other person's sign? What signs do you usually get along with? What signs do you disagree with on everything? Tell us in the comments!

[definegodliness]

Today was crap.

I hate having to reopen old wounds. I hate being confronted with the files documenting how I gradually lost my life, and my self-evident humanity, in childhood and (early) adulthood.

I hate it because I can read how I sought help, and only got referrals; leading to new people re-diagnosing me to reach the same conclusion. It was an approximately ten year time-wasting journey stuck in a loop of reoccurence.

I got out.

Then, I got better at being ill.

But the documented past hurts, because I can read my initial trust, and patience, and how much I tried; the only differentiating factor throughout all those years in the psychological healthcare mill being me stating my symptoms at yet another intake. Crystal clear, no, utmost bluntly penned down, those texts soullessly tell I got worse, and worse, and worse, in the care of those who believe in 'the blueprint of the mind'.

Fuck 'em all.

There is no human who can be captured on paper. And there certainly is not one human who can be distilled to one paragraph, read after the word:

'Conclusion'.

I was a psychology student, and disdain and confusion took a hold of me whenever my peers would frame and DSM-label a human, so eagerly, for the sake of their own modus operandi. A single sentence was enough. Fifty words on a written test.

I aced those tests, because I knew the answers required. I mean, it's right there in the test material. But I also always added critiques. I literally added words, like: "I know you want this answer, but as a professional I would not deem this amount of information to be remotely close enough to blablabla..."

Feedback:

"You should study philosophy."

Again, fuck 'em all.

In hindsight, I know the people who I've been dealing with, and I know they will never allow any confusion to what it is to be human to be in the mix. Chaos is unwanted.

Frameworks, set to stone, allow for a playing field that can be known and controlled. But therapeutic psychology is not about knowing and controlling a stone-set playing field, it is about being mentally lenient enough to help people play their own unique playing fields.

That being said...

Today was also good. I had an epiphany: I am wired to do everything I have to do perfectly, a.s.a.p.

I rush in headlong; survive or succumb.

I am wired to rip off the bandage quickly, but in this case I find bandages wrap me like a mummy, so hours and hours of consecutive ripping does not seem like a good idea.

I was going to do this thing in two days, as the tasks set at hand could intellectually and work-ethically be managed within that time-frame, but that is without considering the emotional onslaught crippling me. So, today I decided that instead I will be taking weeks. With frequent breathers. And then, still, I will only be utilising the time, that I, myself, in fact, give me.

Conclusion:

Today is crap

Fuck 'em all

Take your time

Write poetry, if you can

Seriously, fuck 'em; you don't have to be who you think you are, let alone be someone another would prefer you to be to fit within their own frames of reference, especially not if for the sake of modus operandi

Disclaimer: a minority of psychology students will have heart and dedication enough to become compassionate and mentally lenient guides into this cesspool of grief that is life. You will know them by their hesitation to assess and judge. They will question and wonder, and so, you will reassess the world around you.