#because I struggle with certain things and I don’t show emotions right and I have difficulty with empathy

[trashywormeateroffics]

waited my whole life (steve rogers x reader)

the gif is not mine!

no summary it’s just a little thing, fluffy and reader struggling to be open with their emotions yay:)

a/n: well, long time no see….. i hope u enjoy!

masterlist

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“they really appreciate you, you know?” he says, still facing forward. he’s being going at this for months. trying to convince you that the team sees you as part of their family. the woods seem endless, stretched out by your tiredness from the mission and aching limbs still wrapped in a tact suit, and yet, though you cannot admit it to yourself, a whisper of a wish echoes through your mind. a wish for it to continue, on and on, perhaps on a loop. a wish for his company.

“i do too.”

he looks at you.

“you might be worse than me at taking a compliment.” you raise your eyebrows and huff out a laugh.

“one would think you out of everyone would know how to take praise.” you purse your lips, trying to hide an amused smile. “i mean, since you get it all the time.”

“right.” he scoffs, though his eyes twinkle with beguilement.

“i mean, the great captain america. everything that is wonderful and magical about this country.”

“that’s how you think of me?”

“i said captain america, not steve rogers.” he tilts his head.

“are they not the same?” you shrug your shoulders.

“what do you think?”

“once in a while you could answer a question without deflecting. won’t kill you.”

“it might.” your smile is mischievous. he shakes his head with fake exasperation. he never seems truly upset at you, never acts like having you around is an effort (even though you are pretty certain that it is), so, maybe, you could return the favor and be earnest for once.

you roll your eyes and huff. you’re not annoyed at him. you’re not annoyed at how he makes you feel. you’re just annoyed that it’s so hard to say, to show.

“you alright?” the space between his brows creases with soft concern. you open your mouth, ready to tell him that yes, you are fine. just tired from walking. you feel the deflection making its way up your throat, tensing your vocal chords, but he tilts his head and your mouth closes shut.

“you are steve.” he frowns, confused, and probably worried that you are experiencing a case of sudden amnesia, but before he can ask and deviate you from your mission, you continue. “there would be no captain america without steve rogers, but there would be a steve rogers without captain america.”

his eyes soften, and for a split millisecond you wonder if something just crossed his mind, or if he saw something behind you, because there is no way he could be looking at you like that. but then he says your name, it comes out breathy, almost with wonder, and so warm. you’ve never heard your name said like that. like a prayer, a prize, a solution. something good.

“don’t get all soft on me now, you’re still wearing the suit.”

he laughs an incredulous laugh. the corners of his eyes crinkle with mirth. it’s blinding, it’s light, it’s him.

“i’m always soft on you.” he says after he sobers up, though he is still smiling softly. “just waiting for you to realize it, sweetheart.”

that pet name. god. you might love it even more than when he says your name. he never calls anyone else by anything other than their name, or perhaps a common nickname. but never that. that is only for you. nat says it’s because you are the sweet part of his heart. you think his entire heart is sweet. you don’t understand how you could have a place there; he seems to know that, and that is why he reminds you over and over again in a million different ways that while you might not believe yourself deserving of it, that does not change the fact that to him you are rooted there. you want to be. there is nowhere else you’d like to rest.

you want to tell him everything. that he not only has put down roots in your heart, but that he has merged with the veins and the vessels that pump blood to it. that without him there wouldn’t be an empty space in your heart, there would simply be no heart. you want to be the person who loves loudly, he deserves that, but some wounds are still too deep, too fresh, and they seem to clog your lungs. the declaration gets stuck somewhere in between there and your throat (and your brain). it makes you panic, the fear that he cannot read your mind, your eyes, that he does not and will never know what he means to you, and that, at some point, he will leave to find someone who can and will tell him all of it. reassure him.

“steve…” it’s pleading. you’re sure you look like a scared animal, wild eyes and frantic breathing. without pausing his walk, he side steps a bit, getting closer to you. in a second your hand is enwrapped in his. he squeezes one, two, three times. then he caresses it with his thumb. your steps falter a bit, but you gather yourself quickly. it would’ve been unnoticeable to anyone, but not to him. you never go unnoticed by him.

he leans a bit, his mouth close to your ear and whispers, almost as a secret, as if not even the trees around you should be privy of it. only you.

“i’ll wait. whenever you’re ready. you’re worth all of it.” you shut your eyes tightly, trying to stop the onslaught of tears that are forming too quickly, trusting he will not let you fall as your feet keep moving forward. you hear him chuckle softly, barely, almost just to himself. you look at him. he’s already looking at you. he gives you a lopsided smile that makes you feel like he knows something you don’t, that maybe no one else does, before speaking again. “waited my whole life for ya, what’s a bit more time?”

and for the first time in your life, you believe someone. you believe him.

[area51-escapee]

Actually still thinking about that though like. The whole fucking “I want a golden retriever ADHD bf”, “I want to meet a neurospicy alt girl”, “I like him he’s a little autistic”, I just fucking hate it. They reduce real mental illnesses and disorders down to just quirky personality traits and to me they make it obvious that they don’t want any of the real problems that comes with having those disorders, they just want the #relatable traits that make for funny TikTok’s.

They’re okay with stereotypical traits of ADHD, being hyper or having that “class clown” type of personality, but what about when their ADHD partner hyperfixates on something and ends up not responding for several hours? What about when their ADHD partner has actual symptoms of ADHD, forgetfulness, time blindness, being disorganized or easily distracted. What about when their ADHD partner forgets to do a chore or needs to be asked to do something? Are they okay with that? Can they accommodate someone who needs extra help and extra reminders? Or will they complain that it’s “too much labor” to ask for something to be done because their partner should just Know that they wanted it done. Will they help their partner when they run out of meds and struggle with daily tasks more than usual? Will they be understanding if their partner forgets things they believe they shouldn’t?

And then the “I want someone who’s a little autistic” absolutely infuriates me. It’s outright admitting they want someone that has these traits they can romanticize but they don’t want someone who’s too autistic, they don’t want someone who would be too weird to other people, they don’t want someone who actually struggles due to being autistic. They like the idea of someone who’s quirky and interesting and “not like everyone else”, but they don’t want somebody who struggles with going to new places, who only eats a handful of specific foods, who struggles with hygiene or keeping their spaces clean. They like the type of autism presented in TV, someone who’s super smart in some specific area, but only if it matters to them, they don’t want to listen to someone with an odd special interest talk about it again and again, they don’t want their partner bringing their toys or stuffed animals or collectibles and trying to display them and “ruining” the aesthetic, they don’t want to help their partner through meltdowns or be understanding when it comes to communication issues.

There’s more to ADHD than being hyperactive or impulsive in a way that comes across as “spontaneous” and interesting, having ADHD doesn’t automatically turn someone into the fun loving extroverted “golden retriever” partner of your dreams. There’s more to Autism than just having “interesting quirks” or special interests in topics considered “important” and coming across as cool and aloof. These are disorders that impact every aspect of a person’s life, that make it difficult to go through day to day life, that often come with experiencing bullying and being treated as “undesirable”. It doesn’t make it better when you pick and choose traits that YOU like and turn them into some kind of category of person you can seek out on a dating app, especially if you are not ready to understand the realities of these disabilities and be there for your partner when they need patience and understanding.

[shiningmystic]

Future Spouse (PAC) Tarot Reading

18+ Minors do not interact

PAC has: Personality, your dynamic/vibe together and how they see you while you are together

From high demand I must deliver on what I promised so here it is, you're reading. This PAC took me awhile to make, please support me to continue making more PAC’s:

Support me

This reading is for all genders and ethnicities, somethings may not resonate because of culture, or the messages are just not for you. These readings are general and for many people. Take whatever resonates with you and move along.

The focus of this reading isn't nsfw and is more towards your relationship and about them. I will probably make a nsfw reading with a twist but for now simple info about you and your spouse's relationship. Entertainment purposes only thank you. Sorry for the long wait this is for my sister who is in Greece looking for her love.

Did you vibe with this reading? Come get a personal one :)

5 piles: (I hope you enjoy my little graphic)

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Pile 1: Saturn

Zodiac signs: Aries, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius

The Tower, The Anchor (Emperor), four of coins (rx), The World, The Lovers (rx), seeker (page) of swords

Your Future spouse is unpredictable, a strong personality that knows what they want but at the same time you can't completely pin them down to something. This unpredictability is attractive but there is also a stable energy anchoring these strong traits down making them endearing to the right people. They are lots of fun and a person that enjoys a full out vacation and partying (I’m feeling with the right people).

This energy feels like ‘don’t judge a book by its cover because you really don’t know me’ vibes. The lack of water may be balanced out by you from this personality spread. Overall, when there is a lack of water energy there is a lack of fluidity so they may be extremely emotional or pretty stoic to the point they struggle expressing emotions physically like awkward hugs and no kisses; they will need time to open up with that if that is something they like.

I also get the vibe you may not like them right away and if you do, they may do things that bother you like tease and point out things they don’t need to. I just feel this silly competitive side to them as well that may be annoying, but I see this being playful and fun as well, this doesn't come from a bad place.

I feel a very intelligent/smart vibe, but with this competitive nature comes judgment. They may be really good in school or excels/is talented at something that they may pursue; there’s always this pressure on them to be better because they are already so good at whatever they do which may be why I got the energy of chaos, they wanna have fun. They are mystery with the tower but also someone you can’t ignore.

They have seen some shit so that is something that has shaped them (many people in these piles have). The tower is next to the anchor I believe they may have had a rough upbringing and have a strained relationship against authority/parents. They may come off as judgy at times, it comes from their own pressure in being better for the people they care for.

I see they are truth seekers, people who search for the right answer to the ends of the earth. Not to be right but to do what is best for them and the people they love. They love a lot deeper than they show. So, it’s clear to me that they grew up learning to not share what they feel. An energy of having to ignore certain feelings to focus on what was important.

Your dynamic together:

Judgment, Ace of swords, The Magi (Magician), The Star (rx), The Moon, Ruler of Wands, Sovereign (Queen) of Wands

Already got hints of playful sparing probably word play or cracking jokes. Playful teasing and unhinged laughter. For people who have strong personalities you both may butt heads. I see you both enjoying having someone on your level. I see a maturity in this group which is why you both can be so fun with one another; there is trust that they won’t leave you hanging out to dry. Like if they make plans with you, they stick to them unless an emergency, they are committed the moment they get a hint of potential.

If you call and ask for help 9/10 times they will be there. When either of you feel kinda off your game I see someone picking up the slack with no complaints. I believe this dynamic between you to will stay stable because of an understanding and peace you find between the other. I see you help the other shine in their own way. For people who have soft personalities you will grow unhinged along with them I say this because they are influential 😂. From my vision I see them being practical with getting you flowers but then doing something different like taking you to a place you’ve never been, or surprising you with a personal gift that may be weird but with meaning. I see both of you just getting to know one another and your quirks just work well together, that’s all I can say. Just to add as a last note, the moon card talks about mystery, so even if I tell you this information there are still huge surprises this person holds that I can’t pick up on.

Their thoughts and feelings towards you when you are together:

The Moon (rx), Ten of Swords, Seven of Coins, Sovereign (queen) of wands, Ten of wands, Ace of cups

I see they see you as something very special. Not like a prize but something precious and that should be cherished. I see them having to change for you and they grow with you which I believe is the realest form to show your love; being willing to change for another; and obviously the changes aren’t worth holding onto which is why they are willing to change. I see them always finding something to love about you even on hard days together. I believe you both have this casual understanding of ‘we’re stuck together even if this doesn’t work out’. Ok ok I see many of you are tough cookies, you’re both on the same level (I keep saying that so many strong personalities here) find you to be a pain in the best way and love you for your flaws. Wait just got a message, that they do love you for your flaws and you love theirs; 'You may be to real sometimes, but I will always be here to take it and learn.'

Again, your both chill with your quirks and they LOVE that about you, feeling accepted but also ok with changing behaviors that can be problematic is a golden person, a relatable person. I see you both love and accept deeply the other’s work (career) and time when you come together to make the most exciting life together. You are beautiful to them, someone who has struck them as their true partner in crime. You shake up their world as they do yours. I don’t see many people around you, so I think you both prefer just chillin with the other when you get married, like others don’t matter as much as you both do to the other, strong personalities for the win.

Physical traits:

Body shapes/traits: Stocky, buff, burly, skinny, limber, scars, Tall

Hair/color: Dirty blonde, brown/light brown hair, long, shoulder length, bald/buzzed head

Eye color: green, brown

Letters: L, T, W, A, I, N, X

Hope you enjoyed the reading, head over to my ko-fi if you have more questions about your future spouse!

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Pile 2: Alien Spaceship

Zodiac signs: Capricorn, libra, Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Taurus

Ace of wands (rx), five of wands (rx), justice, conqueror (knight) of swords, the anchor (emperor) (rx), ten of coins

I see your future spouse being an overthinker and too much in their head. I see them having possible control issues and pretty reserved as a person. They are a great mediator and a pretty reasonable person, but I see that they hold a lot inside and it festers and exaggerations/intense outcomes, so I see anxiety. Many of our personalities are affected by our past so this is just what I see first. I see they may have a pretty reserved family and strict upbringing, so they are very picky of their spouses, and you are definitely the one if they picked you lol. When they get to talking though, they can talk your ear off, I love seeing their energy when they open up.

I see major intelligence and book smart learner which may be why there is such a reserved feeling, like they are pretty ‘crazy/silly’ on the inside, but they keep that under wraps for the people they love and won’t judge them. It’s like they’re the type to watch their person of interest from afar and see how they live their life and from there they plan and think of ways to approach you and start things slow.

They aren’t a slow-moving person but because I see family being something on their mind, they will consider every factor and person. If you approach them, it could go either way. They just seem like the type to really take their time to feel you out before saying anything that could give away their interest. They always have to weigh their options before doing anything.

I feel like there studies and college were their life for a time or still is. They want to make their families proud and feel worthy of a comfortable life. I see a very kind hardworking personality who just wants to do the right thing. They sacrifice a lot, but I see them just shrugging it off.

Your dynamic together:

Ruler (king) of swords, seven of wands (rx), the moon, sovereign (queen) of swords, eight of wands

Uhhhhh, ok well you may be pretty compatible because the queen and the king are here, but they don’t give off romance vibes, it’s more like power couple vibes, you both are super smart together it scares people. You both understand the others mood and click charismatically, like you guys are chill and talk about everything.

Not saying you guys are sharp tongued but with each other you may have some great banter but a lot of dry stuff. The last pile was much louder with their jokes while these ones just casually hit the mark and both of you chuckle at each other's silly moments, very low-key affection but it’s sweet. I see both of you will have a lot to discover about the other and opening them up like a book to see the colors of their soul makes you appreciate them more and their complexity as a person.

I see you being there walls down and will get to see a side of them that the cards aren’t showing me (obviously all readings should only scream h the surface of what’s to come). I do see you guys having different opinions and you both give each other the space to speak up and say how you feel even if it’s illogical (which I’m getting a sense you both follow logic more than emotion). you both understand what it’s like to be shut down for having the wrong opinion then both of you will definitely get along and will never turn away.

If this is an arranged marriage, then this person is a good fit for you logically not emotionally. A lack of cups shows me that you both will learn together about true vulnerability and that kind of work will always be a rocky ride. If this is not arranged, then you both are really headed towards the unknown with how it feels to let someone in but because you chose them, they are 100% worth the struggle.

Their thoughts and feelings towards you when you are together:

Death, the star, justice, judgment, ruler (king) of wands

I'm getting a feeling like they really don’t know what to expect from you? You’re just a new person to them, I guess. They find you very attractive even a bit intimidating. This vibe is like someone observing and just not understanding what the other is thinking.

For people who will have an arranged marriage it does feel like someone you don’t know deeply but enough. They don’t know how to pin you down and when they eventually talk the tension gets better but they still get super nervous around you; they may act out of character.

Ok so they are just struck by you, attracted but unsure of what to do or even approach that situation so they are super passive 😂 they may get hard on themselves feeling unworthy but obviously there is a point that you both get married.

For the people who don’t think they will have an arranged marriage they will see you and know something is up. Death and the star? Intense. Love at first sight energy or coincidental meeting.

Physical Traits:

Body shapes/traits: skinny, limber, lithe, slim/slender

Hair color: black, brown/light brown, straight hair

Eye color: blue, green, brown

Letters: E, D, Y, W, Q, R, D

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Pile 3: Stars (warning: nsfw messages)

Zodiac signs: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Leo

The World, The Queen of swords, Judgement, knight of wands, knight of pentacles (rx), the king of swords

I instantly got that you guys are the traveler pile, the sound of going around the world is at least appealing to some with the world card representing your spouse. I sense a public speaker or someone who has to get Infront of people to explain a plan. Could be a company leader or even a manager, someone with responsibility. I see they have a friends in many places, all different types of people.

Doesn't really matter your spouse has a tongue (wink wink) strong charisma but in a subtle way with minimal words (sorry I can't ignore their lips, they enjoy giving oral and or receiving, the messages come at random lol). So, with the queen of swords being beside the judgment card they may have a serious personality. They have to make big choices a lot, so they have no sweat when it comes to smoothing convincing and talking people out of things. A bit of sneaky energy, they enjoy a bit of playful energy.

I see from there serious persona that they had to be strong a lot through heartache, from family and the way they were treated. this isn't a bad thing because they are who they are now, but I get a feeling that they accept it because they don't like causing the issues, they like solving them. They have a habit of never being alone because they don't like it, they can take care of themselves and take care of others but they def have a problem with avoiding their heart ache and acknowledging they aren't ok on the inside when they were always having to take care of everything for people, major taurus vibes.

I see they are very well respected where they work but they are relied on too much. I don't see them as a push over, but I see them having to give up a lot in situations or manipulate people to keep the peace probably in the home or workplace. The last thing I see from them is ambition, even though they are quiet they have determination unlike any other and finish everything that they do. I sense they do a lot of things by themselves; I can see when they find something that interests them, they go full force focus on it. They are bad with patients sometimes and will be top of their job one day. Job motivated.

Your dynamic together:

The king of wands, The hierophant, the two of pentacles, death, page of cups, page of swords

I see they travel so you guys call a lot, txt a lot, facetime. When you two are together this doesn't have to be the case though. I see them asking to marry you early on in the dating game or even hinting at their devotion which I see being overwhelming for some so you'll probs set boundaries and they will respect them, they care for your comfort. So, most of the time they are the ones stoic and relaxing beside you like they kinda belong there. Your spouse is learning to communicate properly (maybe language barrier? or broken English? you just connect) I see you both exploring the world and enjoying each other's presence even when silent they seem to always be looking at you.

I keep getting a scene in my head just being in a coffee shop, getting your tea or coffee and you both just relaxing and enjoying the beauty and pleasant scenery, good libra energy. I see them determined to win your heart, but I don't see them stopping the admiration. but they are also distant lol. Sucha lonely person I can see them lighting up and really becoming who they desire to be with you. Not saying you're the reason, you're just a huge help for them to get to their goals because they have always taken care of other people's problems.

Their thoughts and feelings towards you when you are together:

The hanged man, nine of swords, 4 of pentacles, knight of cups reversed, emperor reversed, seven of cups reversed

You make them lose their minds. They don't know how to approach or talk to you, and this may put them in a cycle of failed attempts to ask you out or even just talk to you; you make them so nervous they have moments in bed hunched over embarrassed that you saw them being weird or something like that but they still feel compelled to try and talk to you. I see them falling for you quickly, but you may not know their interest until later because of their mask. They get all giddy with you and that horrifies them. (I never expected to get a reading like this? vibes that fill my stomach with butterflies, first time falling in love vibes.) Again, I'm getting real conservative or at least just not expressive person or doesn't share much emotionally which admittedly is a lot of people. They do this for a while, thinking you adorable and admiring you from afar until finally they ask you out.

High sexual tension after that, some of you built a slow friendship but for others I don't think they were friends with you beforehand so this person just kind of comes out of nowhere asking you out even if you are friends, it just pops out of nowhere mid convo. I see your future spouse instantly apologizing and repairing things with you if they freak you out (lol). You see they are genuine, and I felt that before I pulled the fool reversed, they are just really bad at social stuff but that's ok and its pretty charming on my end at least but you obviously both get comfy and are happy you have met one another. This eventually grows into a great communicative relationship (like wow 180 in personality, you help them grow into the person they really are and that make my heart so happy!)

Physcial traits;

Body shapes/traits: Tattoos, skinny, Limber, belly, burly, beauty marks, short

Hair color/type: Dreads, Brown/light brown hair, Long, bald/buzzed

Eye color: Amber, grey, brown

Letters: C, M, G, O, B, U, K

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Pile 4: Earth (warning: nsfw messages)

Zodiac signs: Aquarius, Taurus, Sagittarius, Pices, Cancer, Leo

4 of pentacles (rx), The Artist (from the ethereal visions tarot deck), knight of swords (rx), eight of cups, 9 of swords, three of swords (rx)

I can see that your person is a carefree individual who is also searching for their love. I see they are a wounded spirit feeling unsecure and making it their personality when really, they are seeking a place to find and release their love. They are a dreamer, and I bet a creator of some type: writer, artist, dancer, musician you name it they have many talents.

I see that there view of the world is a bit skewed from this rejection energy they have towards themselves and others. maybe goth or rebel vibes but I don't feel that for everyone. Besides that, I see they are great with people and can be quite social, but they don’t broadcast it. I see through their art they release a lot of their pain and that is their life, but I see that they have much more potential to explore. Big visionary energy, they are ahead of their time. Aquarius vibes and many types of friends.

I can also see hyperactive energy from the knight of wands but that doesn’t have to be the case, they can come off as arrogant and a little pretentious but it’s because of this huge insecurity they hold over themselves and try to hide their weaknesses by being silly or making fun of themselves.

I can see harsh criticism on their art and have high expectations for themselves, possibly a perfectionist. I can see their art is really good, but they doubt it (big sad). From the 8 of cups their path is a healing one, that’s pretty awesome so I see them meeting you in a good state of being. I see it’s really helping them learn how to be themselves again. They can get bored easily, but I see that they are taking good steps in trusting themselves and really putting themselves out there, lots of bravery energy.

Your dynamic together:

Knight of pentacles, 9 of pentacles (rx), two of pentacles, Temperance, 9 of cups (rx), five of cups. (rx)

You both consistently bring yourself up to the plate for one another and are full of surprises. I see you bring a sense of stability to them and for you they bring a sense of wonder. I see both of you spend time basically complimenting one another, I even see both of you helping each other out with picking outfits and colors. This is equal partner energy it’s so sweet. I see a balance of give and take, a sweet exchange of love and genuine interest in the same things but not forced or different just comfortable.

Both of you give into the other emotionally and I see tight hugs and lots and lots of cuddling, healing energy. I feel like you both hold onto each other in fear of letting the other go, both of you have been hurt but talking it out helps as you both open up and really connect, lots of Scorpio energy here and sharing secrets.

There is an energy of cutting off family or not interacting with past people who have both let you down. They are a mess of tears either way you and it’s really sweet to see. I can hear them just thanking you for existing.

Their thoughts and feelings towards you when you are together:

The star, eight of pentacles (rx), two of swords, Ace of wands, seven of swords

Effortlessly chilling and enjoying each other’s presence. I’m getting that you both don’t need to talk to just enjoy one another cause energy speaks which make you both forget to speak up sometimes. They see you as a star and I believe you return their sentiment. I see it feels natural for them to be with you and just work with you. I believe they also like to show you off and admire you like a weirdo (hehe).

I see that it’s not a hard decision when it comes to getting freaky, it could be random times, but I see you both always ready for it haha and they can’t help themselves. There may be moments that you gotta lay down boundaries because you both get to into the zone and distracted. I see a lot of physical connection. You may not completely understand their feelings and you there but you both understand other aspects of each other that others don’t see. From the two of swords, I see that they understand you best in the sheets (they are so funny, funniest pile.) They always get away with cheesy things like pecking your cheek when you least expect it or scaring you (Halloween vibes aye) and just teasing.

If you would like to ask more go to my ko-fi!

Physical traits:

Body shapes/traits: curvy, burly, buff, limber, petite, big eyes

Hair color/type: Afro, dye, dreads, straight, wavy, orange/red

Eye color: Hazel, brown

Letters: N, O, P, Y, K, H, F

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Pile 5: Moon

Zodiac signs: Leo, Libra, Pisces, Virgo,

Seven of pentacles (rx), knight of swords (rx), five of pentacles (rx), five of cups, nine of wands (rx), the sun, the hanged man (rx), the world

I see your person is hardened by constant patients and having to compromise being the higher person. They are smart, smarter than a lot of people. I sense genius vibes/come up vibes. A lot of underlining motivation/ambition. Your spouse is cold and distant but there is much more to them (obviously) they just don’t like sharing themselves which I see changing it’s just a part of them that sticks out in their energy.

They take a lot of responsibility for their actions which is why they seem to be reserved, they don’t see a need to over say. Otherwise, they seem pretty chill and happy person beneath there mask. I see they are a hard worker and have a lot of determination to help others and themselves. They could help many people, getting wounded knight vibes from your spouse. I see that your spouse created a space where they can be themselves and have their own soul/chosen family. Their friends and allies are people they cherish, and I see they enjoy celebrating after a long hard-earned day.

I don’t know why there’s a huge focus of energy on their job so it’s something they are passionate about. Maybe it isn’t their job but something they are compelled to do. Star vibes. They know what they bring to the table and take their time to pick you. So, a slow burn. I also see they have a few close friends.

Your Dynamic Together:

King of wands (rx), 9 of cups, the fool (rx), 6 of swords (rx), four of cups, page of pentacles (rx), Ace of cups, 9 of pentacles (rx)

I sense you both find each other at a strange time and so you both bond over certain opinions and passive conversations. I don’t think you guys realize you start to fall for one another, a pleasing fulfillment whenever you both discuss an interest. I see with your dynamic you help one another out. Maybe you hired them for something at first and you both just hit it off to easily, but it does take a few times for you both to talk. I see similar mirroring energies so you both may notice something from the other that vibes. I see them giving you a lot of comfort in moments that feel like they were wasted.

I see there is a lot that you both work on together and one of those things is confidence. You both compliment and build each other up to the point that you both feel unstoppable. They may put too much logic in certain conversations but you both can joke with one another pretty easily. Dry humor, I also feel you both find each other’s quirks pretty charming glad to see more of that in these piles. I think you both when in the dating phase, take naps together.

Their thoughts and feelings towards when you are together:

Page of swords (rx) eight of cups (rx), six of cups (rx), six of swords, page of wands, eight of swords (rx), eight of wands (rx), 2 of wands (rx), queen of wands

They feel like they don’t need to monitor their words around you and they lose the time just spending it with you. They may see you as a loner and they desire to open that up within you as they spend time with you. I feel like they notice right away that you remind them of themselves. You’re growing and focusing on your goals, finding a safe place with them and they love this. I see they want to treat you right and take things slow even though I see a little bit of a rush as you both finally reach a point where it’s obvious and is an unspoken truth.

They find you gorgeous, something that they needed to discover as they got to see you for you. Lots of respect and energy put into connecting with you and what they see makes their whole world. You may seem out of reach to them in some ways because of your similar anxieties but they are patient. I see you both discussing the future and then just staring at you adoringly as you talk.

Physical traits:

Body type/traits: belly/pauchy, curvy, fat, slim/slender, short, stocky

Hair color/type: dreads, wavy, curly, buzzed/bald, black, long

Eye color: blue, grey, brown

Letters: G, Z, J, L, S, N

[8thhousekat]

🩷Moon sign observations🩷

Aries moons: I’ve noticed that a lot of Aries moon people tend to have a certain interest that they are very very passionate about🙏 they also are very protective over their loved ones if you think no one has your back that one Aries moon family member or friend does they also may be addicted to drama❤️❤️

Taurus moons: the most loyal and caring people I’ve ever met they always find a way to make you comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations haha they also can get irritable when they are hungry or when they are stressed they may over indulge in food or things that may be comforting to them.

Gemini moons: a lot of them tend to always need to be doing something to keep them from overthinking and spiraling. They always know everything about everyone even people that are just acquaintances. They overindulge in media haha and they might have multiple things they are interested in or were at one point and it is the most random hobby ever they also may struggle with being anxious or having a lot of anxiety due to always asking why or making hypothetical situations in their head(this is my moon sign😭)

Cancer moons: they are always so caring they might accidentally parent their friends and family but it’s because they care about them so much. I’ve noticed that a lot of cancer moons that I’ve met are old souls they could appreciate antiques and older music🙏they are very practical at times and they always seem to know the right thing to say when you are upset

Leo moons: Leo moons just light up rooms when they smile their humor is immaculate. They also might have a tendency to hold grudges on certain people. A lot of Leo moons I’ve met have a very chill demeanor but once they get comfortable they really show their personality❤️ they are surprisingly stubborn too and have leader characteristics people just listen to them

Virgo moons: they are so anxious :( but very stable a lot of them might get stomach issues due to anxiety they also could stress clean😭 they get stressed out in unclean environments. Also might have a tendency to want to fix people or give solutions when someone is upset (this isn’t because they don’t care it’s because they want to help) virgo moons tend to be stuck in-between their head and their heart they also have very beautiful skin they take very good care of themselves and others.

Libra moons: you guys are so diplomatic and conflict adverse at the same time haha I’ve never met a libra moon who didn’t want to keep the peace. They are so sweet and they always seem to know what to say to make people feel better. They also might get stuck in situations due to getting attached easily. Libra moons also might have a hard time being alone because they just want to be loved😔 I love you guys sm

Scorpio moons: you guys are detectives on a monocular level you always seem to know how to get things out of people a lot of my friends are Scorpio moons and their dark humor is so fucking funny. They also are emotional even if they try to hide it they have huge hearts and care about their people. They love horror movies/games and When they are mad they might struggle with revenge fantasies and explosive anger. Very secretive about non important things like their playlists or their favorite food but non the less they are extremely loyal people so don’t hurt them or you will never get back in.

Sagittarius moons: they have so much energy and knowledge they are little adventurers they always have some funny story to pull out of nowhere you know when a Sagittarius moon loves you is when they take you on their little trips even to the gas station haha they love to express themselves through their style and they are so accepting. A lot of Sagittarius moons teach themselves about things they absorb information very quickly and could easily understand how things work

Capricorn moons: they are very hard working and prone to burn out very loyal they might have a tendency to be pessimistic and go through depressive episodes:( they all need hugs haha some of them might be a bit grouchy at times and get frustrated when there’s lack of effort from the people they love. They really like food that reminds them of home. The cap moons that I know are very good at saving their money. But when they are stressed they over spend. Kids also really like them for some reason haha same with cancer moons

Aquarius moons: these people aren’t afraid to be themselves they are they are very much you see is what you get type energy. they are logical and intelligent but they also are very goofy at times they might have a hard time making friends due to fear of letting people in but once they let you in they are amazing friends and people to be around. They also could have a hard time with being emotional around others can be stoic at times.

Pisces moons: they are so sweet and delusional haha pisces moons love romance and daydream a lot they also could have very vivid dreams. They are kind and caring and also have a savior complex like Virgo moons😭 a lot of Pisces moons I know have this ability to get people to open up to them they can be too trusting. Some of them might say white lies 😭😭 but at the end of the day they just want to be accepted the same way that they accept others

these are just my observations on the moon signs if they aren’t accurate to you then that’s okay🩷🩷 Thank you for reading 🩷🩷 if you would like a free natal chart reading just comment

[marysfics]

Shifting Glances 3

Week after week, you see her in the waiting room.

Part 1, Part 2

Angst, EMDR, but lot's of Comfort and Fluff in this part

Note: In this story, you'll find references to EMDR therapy. I’ve undergone EMDR therapy myself for several years, and while it has been challenging, it has also brought me relief. It's important to note that EMDR can be a unique experience for everyone. The way it's depicted here reflects my personal journey. If your experience with EMDR is different, that's completely okay. Feel free to share your thoughts, but let's all remember to approach these discussions with kindness and respect for one another's experiences.

The quiet in Alexia’s apartment feels comfortable now, a cocoon where the weight of the world doesn't feel quite as heavy. The soft hum of a show in the background provides a sense of normalcy, but you’re barely paying attention to it. Instead, all you can focus on is the warmth of Alexia behind you, her presence like an anchor that’s keeping you grounded in the present. Her arm remains wrapped around your waist, steady and reassuring.

You’re not used to this—being this close to someone, letting them in even a little. And yet, with her, it feels… right. There’s no pressure, no expectations. Just quiet understanding and the silent promise that she’s here for you, even when you’re not sure how to let her be.

After a long stretch of silence, Alexia’s voice cuts through, soft but certain. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Your breath catches for a second, and you feel that familiar instinct to withdraw, to retreat behind the walls that have kept you safe for so long. But something in the way she asked—no judgment, just curiosity and care—makes it harder to hide.

“I don’t know,” you admit quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s just… a lot.”

Her hand, resting lightly on your stomach, tightens just slightly, a wordless encouragement to continue if you’re ready. You feel her nose graze the back of your neck, her lips just brushing your skin as she murmurs, “You don’t have to share everything right now. But I’m here when you’re ready.”

There’s a pause, and you let out a shaky breath. “I’m scared, Alexia,” you finally confess, your voice trembling. “I’ve been scared for a long time.”

You feel her shift slightly behind you, her chest pressing a little closer to your back as if she wants to shield you from whatever it is that’s haunting you. Her breath is steady, a contrast to the storm of emotions swirling inside you.

“I get that,” she says softly. “I’m scared too… about a lot of things.”

You feel a jolt of surprise. Alexia always seems so strong, so confident—whether she’s on the pitch or facing down her own struggles. But her admission makes her feel more real, more vulnerable, and you realize that maybe you’re not as alone in this as you thought.

“I don’t know how to…” You falter, struggling to find the right words. “How to let someone in. I’m used to keeping everything bottled up, but with you, I want to try. I just don’t know if I can.”

Alexia doesn’t respond right away. Instead, she shifts again, this time pulling you even closer, until you’re tucked firmly against her. Her chin rests on your shoulder, and her voice, when she finally speaks, is filled with warmth. “I’m not asking you to let me in all at once. Just one step at a time. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

Your heart clenches at the sincerity in her voice, the quiet reassurance that she’s not going anywhere, even if it takes time for you to let her in fully.

“I’m not used to someone caring this much,” you admit, your voice small and fragile. “It’s hard.”

Alexia presses a soft kiss to the side of your head, and you close your eyes at the tenderness of it. “I care about you a lot,” she says, her lips lingering near your ear. “And I know it’s hard. But I’m not going to leave. Not because things get complicated or because it’s messy. I want to be here. For you. Whatever that means.”

The lump in your throat grows, and you bite your lip to keep from crying. It’s not sadness—it’s relief, it’s the overwhelming realization that someone is truly here for you, that you’re not alone in this battle you’ve been fighting for so long.

You tilt your head slightly to look at her, your eyes meeting hers in the dim light of her apartment. Her expression is so open, so filled with quiet determination and care, that it takes your breath away.

“Alexia…” You don’t know what you’re going to say, but the way she’s looking at you makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to hide forever.

“Yeah?” she prompts gently, her hand moving up to brush a stray hair behind your ear.

You don’t have the words to express what you’re feeling, so instead, you lean forward, your forehead resting against hers. The intimacy of the moment wraps around you like a blanket, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you allow yourself to just be. To exist in this space with her, without the need to put up walls or pretend like you’re fine when you’re not.

“I’m really trying,” you whisper, your voice breaking slightly.

“I know,” she whispers back, her nose nuzzling yours in the softest of touches. “And that’s enough for me. For now.”

You close your eyes, breathing in the scent of her—something faintly floral and comforting. And in that moment, you realize that maybe you don’t have to figure it all out right now. Maybe it’s okay to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, with her by your side.

As you both settle back into the quiet, her arms still wrapped securely around you, you feel something shift inside you. It’s not a dramatic breakthrough, but a small crack in the walls you’ve built—enough to let a little light in.

And maybe that’s enough. For now, with Alexia holding you close, it feels like it is.

The next time you see Alexia, it’s unexpected.

You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, still groggy from the weight of another restless night. The morning light filters through your curtains, casting soft shadows across the room, when your phone buzzes on the nightstand. You glance at the screen, and your heart skips a beat when you see her name.

Alexia: Can we meet? I’ve got some news.

You’re still processing everything from your last encounter, the way she held you, the closeness you hadn’t even realized you craved until it was there, warm and steady against you. You’ve been replaying that moment in your mind ever since. The walls you’ve built are still standing, but they’ve begun to crack.

You text her back, agreeing to meet at the café down the street. The same place where she first opened up to you about her knee, where you struggled to find the words to comfort her. But this time, there’s something different in the tone of her message—something lighter.

When you walk in, you spot her instantly, sitting by the window. She’s drumming her fingers on the table, a nervous energy in the air around her, but the moment she sees you, her face lights up with a smile that makes your chest tighten. It’s contagious. You find yourself smiling back, though the knot of tension in your stomach reminds you how much is still unspoken between the two of you.

“Hey,” she greets you, standing up as you approach. She’s always been casual, laid-back in her body language, but today there’s a noticeable excitement behind her eyes. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you say, sliding into the seat across from her. “What’s going on? You sounded… excited.”

She sits back down, and for a moment, she looks down at the table, fidgeting with her coffee cup. Then she looks up at you, her eyes shining with a mixture of relief and anticipation.

“I had my session today,” she starts, her voice soft but steady. “For my knee.”

You nod, heart pounding a little faster now. The last time you talked about her knee, it was raw, painful. She’d been afraid—afraid of losing everything she’d worked for, of not being able to return to football at the level she once was. You remember the weight of that fear in her voice, the vulnerability she showed you.

“And?” you prompt gently.

Her smile grows, brighter this time. “The doctor said it’s healing better than expected. I might be able to get back on the field sooner than I thought.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, and before you can stop yourself, a laugh of relief escapes you. “Alexia, that’s amazing!”

She beams at your reaction, and for a moment, the two of you just sit there, grinning at each other like everything is simple and perfect. And maybe, for this brief moment, it is.

“I wanted to tell you first,” she admits, her voice quieter now. “I don’t know… I just felt like you should be the first person to know.”

Her words catch you off guard. The significance of them hangs in the air between you, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of how much she’s let you into her world. How much she’s trusted you with her fears, her pain, and now, her relief.

You try to respond, but before you can find the words, she speaks again, her eyes searching yours.

“I don’t know why,” she continues, her voice softer now, almost hesitant, “but… I feel like I can’t keep things from you. Like I want to share them with you, no matter how small or big they are.”

Her gaze holds yours, and for a split second, you forget how to breathe. There’s a vulnerability in her eyes that mirrors your own, a silent admission that whatever is happening between you is bigger than either of you have allowed yourselves to acknowledge.

Your heart pounds, and the walls you’ve so carefully constructed feel fragile, like they could crumble at any moment under the weight of the unspoken feelings between you.

“I…” You hesitate, suddenly unsure of what to say. You want to reach across the table, take her hand, tell her that you feel it too—the pull between you, the way being around her makes everything else fade away. But you’re still afraid. Afraid of what happens if you let her in completely.

Alexia’s eyes soften, and she gives you a small, understanding smile, as if she knows the internal battle you’re fighting. She doesn’t push, doesn’t ask for more than you’re ready to give. Instead, she leans back slightly in her chair, letting out a quiet breath.

“I’m really happy,” she says after a beat, her voice gentle. “For the first time in a long time, I feel like maybe everything’s going to be okay.”

You nod, your throat tight. “You deserve that. You’ve worked so hard.”

She smiles, but there’s a flicker of something deeper in her expression—something that feels like it’s about more than football, more than her knee.

“I’m just glad you’re here,” she adds quietly, her gaze lingering on yours.

And in that moment, something shifts.

You can feel it—this unspoken understanding passing between you. It’s not just about her knee anymore, or the fear of losing what she loves. It’s about you, about her, and the feelings you’ve both been dancing around for weeks now. She’s looking at you differently, like she’s seeing you not just as someone she leans on, but as someone she cares about deeply—maybe even more than she’s willing to admit out loud.

And for the first time, you start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, you’re ready to let those walls down. Even if it’s just a little. Even if it scares you.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” you finally say, your voice quiet but sincere. “I… I want to be.”

It’s not much, but it’s the most honest thing you’ve said in a long time. And by the way her smile softens, you know she understands.

For the rest of the conversation, you talk about lighter things—her recovery plan, your own struggles with therapy, the small annoyances of daily life. But the weight of what’s been left unsaid lingers in the background, a quiet reminder that something between you is changing. And when you part ways, there’s a hug that lasts just a little longer than necessary, her arms wrapping around you in a way that makes your heart ache with a mixture of longing and fear.

As you walk away, you realize that the knot in your stomach—the one that’s been there all morning—has loosened slightly. You’re still scared, still unsure of how to navigate whatever this is between you and Alexia, but for the first time, it doesn’t feel impossible.

Because maybe, just maybe, you’re ready to start letting her in.

It’s late when you end up at Alexia’s place a week later.

The night wasn’t supposed to go this way, but somehow, you’re here, curled up on her couch after hours of quiet conversation that had somehow felt both comfortable and laden with unspoken tension. You didn’t plan on staying. Neither of you acknowledged the possibility of it, but now the weight of your exhaustion and her gentle insistence that you don’t need to leave has made it inevitable.

The evening had started simply enough, with tea and talking, catching up on everything since her good news at the café. But as the hours slipped away, so did your guard, little by little. There was something about the way she looked at you, the warmth in her gaze, that made you feel safe, even though the feelings you had for her lingered in a space that was still undefined, uncertain.

Now, you're lying in her bed, tucked beneath her soft blankets, your mind still buzzing from the quiet tension that has built between you two. Alexia is beside you, close enough that you can feel her presence without touching, but the space between you feels charged, like there's a pull you’re both too nervous to give in to.

The silence is thick, but it isn’t uncomfortable. You can hear her soft breathing, the faint rustle of her sheets as she shifts slightly, and the steady rhythm begins to lull you into a calm that you don’t often allow yourself to feel.

“You okay?” she asks softly, her voice barely a whisper in the dim light of the room.

“Yeah,” you respond, though your voice betrays the uncertainty running through you.

There’s a pause, and then she moves, just a little closer, her hand finding yours beneath the covers. She squeezes lightly, offering you a wordless reassurance that feels like it carries so much more weight than just this moment.

You don’t know how long you lie there, suspended between the tension of what’s unspoken and the comfort of her presence. But eventually, you feel yourself starting to drift off, her warmth beside you becoming an anchor in the darkness.

At some point, you feel her shift again, this time slipping her arm around you, holding you just as she had the other day on the couch. You melt into her embrace, the way her body fits against yours so perfectly. Her front is pressed to your back, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest is a steady rhythm that lulls you further into a sleepy haze. It’s soothing, the way she’s holding you, her arms wrapped around you with such care, as if she knows just how fragile you are.

But then the nightmare comes.

It’s sudden, wrenching you from sleep with a suffocating intensity. The screams inside your head, the memories you’ve tried so hard to keep at bay, flood back, and you wake with a sharp gasp, your heart pounding in your chest. You can still feel it—the ghost of the words that once tore you apart, the echoes of a pain you’ve buried so deep, yet it still haunts you.

You sit up, trembling, trying to steady your breathing, but the panic clings to you. You can’t seem to shake it.

Alexia stirs behind you, instantly alert. She sits up slowly, her hand finding your back, her touch light but grounding. “Hey,” she murmurs softly, her voice heavy with sleep but full of concern. “What’s wrong?”

You try to speak, but your throat feels tight, the weight of your nightmare pressing down on your chest. The room is too quiet, too dark, and it takes everything in you to find your voice.

“In the quiet of the night,” you begin, your voice barely above a whisper, “when I’m lying here like this... I hear the screams inside my head.”

The words surprise you, even as they leave your mouth. You hadn’t planned on telling her this—this part of your past that you keep hidden from everyone, even yourself most days. But here, in the stillness of the night, with her warmth behind you, it feels like you can’t hold it back anymore.

You curl up slightly, drawing your knees closer to your chest as if that will somehow protect you from the memories. “Her words used to cut through me like a knife,” you murmur, your voice trembling with the weight of the confession.

Behind you, Alexia shifts, moving closer. She wraps her arms around you again, but this time, the hold is more deliberate, more protective. Her touch is so delicate, like she’s afraid you might shatter if she clings too tightly. She doesn’t say anything—doesn’t rush to fix it, doesn’t offer empty reassurances. She just holds you, letting the silence stretch out between you, knowing this is how you process the pain.

You take a shaky breath, the tears slipping down your cheek. She can’t see them, but somehow you know she feels them—knows they’re there.

“Sometimes,” you continue, your voice barely a breath, “the words hurt more than the blows ever did.”

You don’t know why you’re telling her this, why you’re suddenly exposing the rawest, most vulnerable parts of yourself. But the words keep coming, spilling out like a dam that’s finally broken after holding back for so long.

Alexia presses closer, her front gently meeting your back again. The warmth of her body, the soft rhythm of her breathing—it’s comforting in a way that words never could be. You feel her chest rise and fall, grounding you, and then her hand moves, resting just below your breasts, in the center of your torso.

There’s nothing sexual about the gesture—it’s pure comfort, a quiet reassurance that she’s here with you, that she understands. And for the first time in a long time, you don’t feel so alone with your pain.

Alexia breathes in deeply, her embrace tightening just slightly, as if she can pull you even closer, heart to heart. You can feel the way she’s holding you—not just physically, but emotionally too, like she’s carrying the weight of your words with you, sharing in the heaviness of it all.

She’s so grateful her knee has been healing these past few weeks, because moments like this—moments where she can comfort you, hold you as you process the hurt—make her feel whole in ways she never expected. Being able to be there for you, to share in your vulnerability, is everything to her.

“I’m here,” she whispers softly, her voice like a balm against the storm raging inside you. “I’m not going anywhere.”

And for the first time in what feels like forever, you believe her.

-

Note: One more part?

[calummss]

dating 90s/00s eminem …

masterlist 𓆩♱𓆪

kim and hailie don’t exist in this universe

start and development of relationship

i definitely imagine him to take notice of you at one of the underground rap battles roughly 1992/1993

your friend who was interested in going dragged you along one night cause they were really into rap and hip hop

and there you saw him! the one and only marshall marthers destroying every opponent that stood before him

after the battles came to an end you were already attracted to him and tried to get to him to talk to him

here’s how i think it would go:

‘hey, i just wanted to tell you that you absolutely killed it on stage. it’s my first time here so i lack certain knowledge but i know enough to know that you have an incredible talent’

‘thank you. your first time? what’s your name?’

‘y/n’

‘eminem. marshall mathers’

i imagine you to awkwardly shake hands. like i know you’re in the detroit underground scene but neither of you knew how to proceed

‘i hope this won’t be a shot in the dark but can i give you my number?’ your mind literally racing

‘sure, i’ll give you a call if i’m interested’

THIS MAN TURNS AROUND AND DIALS YOUR NUMBER AND LETS YOU ANSWER!! turning around with a smirk and just straight up low key flirting with you

he was embarrassed to bring you to his home but you eventually just showed up one day cause he wasn’t returning calls—you reassured him that you didn’t care and let slip that you loved him no matter what

marshall was definitely a bit overwhelmed at first and took him like a minute to snap out of his trance because it was most likely the first time he truly felt loved, appreciated and cared for

you supported him and his music until he was eventually signed

everyone was confused why you stayed with a man who wrote violent lyrics especially about his wife so you had to explain over and over again that the wife was fictional

and everyone that truly knew marshall knew that he would never lay a hand on you. he would rather d!e than hurt you

three years after you meet you become pregnant and were scared he was going to leave (news flash he didn’t)

he reassured you that if you wanted to keep the baby that you two would figure it out and that he would and could never ever leave your side

you married quick and definitely rushed it but it proved to be the best decision you made including keeping the baby

this lead to the birth of your beautiful daughter—for some reason the name romy jane won’t leave my mind so i’ll just leave it at that

anyway you blink and stardom surrounds marshall

a few hiccups occurred during the relationship but nothing major and you always managed to talk things trough

what the relationship would include

his hand would alway be on your waist! no matter if you’re on his lap, standing next to him or whatever, his hand will be at its rightful place

i believe he prefers cheek and jaw kisses. he loves a good forehead kiss and hand kiss when he’s emotional and talking to you about certain struggles

speaking of struggles; he would always and i mean always put on his strong persona for you but sometimes his walls would crumble and would cry into your shoulder holding you so tight like you’re about to slip from his grasp

you would make appearances in a few music videos

he would also prefer to be in the studio alone but brings you along when all demos are done to get your opinion because he values it a lot (low key more than dres)

of course you would be his main inspiration for a lot of songs, also you daughter, because he admires both of you so much

marshall is 100% a very jealous and possessive man. not overbearing but maybe a little more intense than the average man? he trusts you fully but not others. he doesn’t forbid you of anything but will always say and do stuff to let others know that you’re off limits

i imagine after you got married he got a tattoo of your face or name on his chest like right over his heart

likes holding hands in public and an occasional kiss but nothing more. he prefers his affection to be reserved for only you and not the world

ONLY refers to you as ‘my girl’. when he’s with friends he’d say stuff like ‘yo, where is my girl?’. and others would also refer to you as ‘his girl’. at one point you just got the nickname ‘slim’s girl’ or ‘shady’s girl’ depending on which you prefer

tries to keep you away from hollywood and only goes for recordings, shows etc. when he’s done you both leave for detroit to lead a somewhat quiet life

definitely will buy you a lot of gifts. sometimes expensive or cheap; something that reminds him of you or something he knows you want. he just feels like showering you with gifts. his love language is giving gifts or acts of service. he will watch your favourite show just because you like it

em will always thank you in his speeches!! something along the lines of ‘first of all thank you to dr. dre and my two beautiful girls who i love with my entire heart. you two are my world, i love you!’

but like you don’t understand he will always thank you. he could win a life time supply of soap and he would say your name with pride…he’s just so grateful to have you and to be able to call you family

would hold your bag/bags for you. marshall gives you princess treatment without realising bc he genuinely wants to do it. he will snatch those bags out of your hands before you can protest

when other artists or people take your name or your daughter’s name into their mouths with negative connotations you best believe em will rip them apart, so most people will never attack you or romy bc it’s a death sentence

people can call him lame, bad rapper, ugly, whatever they feel like but as soon as anyone mentions a hair on you or romy’s bodies…it’s over. careers are shredded…you love it though

if you are a girl who likes to get her nails done this is for you; at first you started asking him to choose a design and colour and at first he was confused but he learned to love it especially when you scratched his head or your hands around his yknow what…he even once tried to design some and you got it done

the sex is a mix of mildy rough and vanilla. sometimes you both need something a little more “agressive” but he also needs a calm session. i see it kind as a light switch: it’s either rough or vanilla, occasionally you mix it but it turns out one way or another

also the man is a sucker (pun) for head. like he loves your mouth on him. i genuinely believes it’s in his top 2 favourite sexual activities (don’t deny it i’m right)

extra: if you love marshall right and you two work, it will be both of yours best love, but if things don’t work they can quickly turn into a relationship from hell

[certifiedsexed]

hey there! i don’t mean this in bad faith at all, and i’m not trying to use a term that’s a fascist dogwhistle. i promise i’m just confused😭

so i’m not a guy, nor have i ever been perceived as one, but in one of your recent posts, you said that men can’t experience oppression solely based on the fact that they’re men. which was kind of confusing to me — i don’t think you’re wrong, i think it’s me but i don’t know how to get to how you see it like that.

because in my experience, men can experience oppression because they’re men, although i don’t know if i’m saying that right or conflating the meanings of certain terms. i’m probably wrong, and would just love some clarification?

for example, my brother and i were always held to different standards growing up — it was expected of me to always cry and be emotional, and i was a ‘stone cold bitch’ if that wasn’t the case, but if my brother wanted to show negative emotions like sadness he was treated like there was something wrong with him too. and i know it wasn’t my brother — i spend a lot of time working with my high school’s diversity team, and in a lot of the events we organise, guys talk about how they feel enormous pressure to be angry and never sad, and to have stereotypically masculine interests and never deviate from that norm.

i also know men who’ve struggled to get jobs such as teaching as those are viewed as ‘female’ jobs and it’s a common view that men who want those jobs are ‘only in it to be around kids’. i’ve heard many women around me perpetuate sentiments like that, so i know they’re not making it up, even if it isn’t equal to the systematic oppression women face in almost every aspect of their careers.

i’m not providing these examples to prove you wrong, since i do think you’re right. i’m hoping that a window into the way i’ve always thought might help you clarify this in a way that can help me to change my mind, since i just think i’m lacking some clarity or context here. i think i’m conflating abuse and stereotypes with oppression, but i’m really not sure. any advice would be really appreciated!

i’m so sorry if this comes off badly, i don’t mean it that way. i’m just trying to learn, i promise i’m not trying to promote the kind of hate and close mindedness you’ve been seeing in your inbox as of late.

Hi! As always, I do not mind answering genuine questions!

The things you're talking about growing up and seeing boys around you pressured to present only certain emotions, that's part of the patriarchy!

Certain emotions are supposed to be "feminine" and thus boys shouldn't show them, while girls are often always considered "emotional" in some fashion. That's not oppression based on those boys being men that you're talking about.

It's the backlash that the patriarchy, and by addition trans/misogyny has on men. It's boys being pressured not to show certain emotions because those emotions are "feminine" and they're supposed to associate feminimity with weakness and shit.

What you're talking about there is also trans/misogyny!

The idea that men who do things perceived as feminine are predators, the idea that specific jobs are "female" jobs [while even in those specific female jobs, men are generally paid better and find it easier to get into those jobs than women trying to get into traditionally "male" jobs"]

[Though obviously this varies based on race and whether they're trans, etc, etc.]

To be a little more clear, all of the things you're talking about don't primarily affect cis men/boys. They fuck up transfems, because it's trans/misogyny.

You're right! It's not systemic oppression.

You might wonder if it's social oppression, which is also a no. Social oppression would require a historical/systemic oppression behind it. But that doesn't exist in this case.

What it is is the common issue oppressors run into. While they benefit greatly from oppression, there is also backlash they face from their own systems of oppression.

Like white people who fall into suicide cults trying to work towards white supremacy, or TERFs who fall into groups where they slowly pick each other off as they discover they're not all exactly the same and wind up accusing each other of not being "real" women, systems of bigotry simply do not work out perfectly even for the oppressors.

They never do.

To create the patriarchy, you must establish trans/misogyny, you must establish intersexism and you must push people to conform to those ideals, even if they hurt your own.

It's similar to how white supremacy can harm white people, despite white people obviously not being oppressed racially. The backlash of oppression hits even the oppressors sometimes.

Suppression, as a term, would honestly work far better to describe what you're talking about.

So yes, it's stereotyping, yes it's abusive to tell your children not to show/feel their emotions but it's not oppression based on these guys in your life being men! It's part of how trans/misogyny, transphobia and intersexism are enforced.

I understand exactly where you're coming from! It doesn't sound bad and I genuinely don't mind answering questions! Especially since you've got some good ones!

I'm not sure if I rambled too much to explain this properly but I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions and/or need me to clarify anything here. <33

[lyculuscaelus]

Just a gentle reminder that EPIC the Musical is a musical. It’s not a movie script, not a play adaptation, but a musical itself. Which means, to talk about it with anything less is inorganic, is missing an important piece of the story itself. Because it’s not just the lyrics that display the scene—music tells its own story too.

The way the soundscape for each saga (and sometimes different songs themselves) is so unique that it creates the atmosphere for this certain event almost immediately, the experience of which you cannot go through merely by reading the script. With the Cyclops Saga we have a dark and edgy theme, with the Circe Saga we have a more tropical (mostly due to the drums) and at the same time elegant one (due to the strings), with the Underworld Saga we have this very gloomy theme which is straight up Underworld feels…this is very common for music, but it’s just something you won’t get from the script.

The way the delivery of so many lines is so good that you can feel the emotions so vividly—something lyrics alone can’t display. (Which is also the reason why there’re so many lamenting paragraphs in tragic plays and why there’re pauses between spoken lines in writings where writers describe the expression and movement of characters.) The way you can hear the anguish and desperation in the delivery of so many lines from Mutiny, the way you can feel the emotional struggle of Odysseus at the end of Thunder Bringer in the way Jay sings…there’re so many moments where you just feel the raw emotions coming from those lines that you can’t experience it by reading the lyrics and interpreting with wild guesses.

The way the reoccurring motifs and riffs tell so many things that lyrics won’t is already well-known. Danger is nearby motif already gives you the alert of what is to come; storm motif depicts a harsh encounter on sea that it captures that moment so well; that specific motif from those three songs (the beginning of the second verse of The Horse and the Infant, the first and second verse of Survive, the beginning of the second half of Mutiny) is foretelling the turning point of events (and also asking someone to kill the other being)…and then we have characters’ own motifs. Odysseus’s cunning motif shows the moment where he plots the course of action; Athena’s Warrior of the Mind motif already indicates her appearance and more; Polites’s Open Arms motif just destroys your emotions cuz why not; Eurylochus’s Luck Runs Out motif shows the development of the dynamics between him and his Captain…there’re so many to rant about that I just can’t put them all in this one post. As for the riffs, the most famous one is of course the way Athena and Odysseus and Telemachus sing “miiiiind”/“fiiiiiine”/etc. as Jay has already yapped about in his video, which just shows the dynamics between these three characters so perfectly. Hey look, another thing which the script won’t tell you.

And then we have these characters’ own instruments. I don’t even think I’ll need to elaborate on this one. Most of you have known that already and understood how genius this idea is even though it’s not Jay who came up with it. This is totally something you can only experience in the music itself, but meanwhile it says a lot about the scene already. As in Done For where Odysseus’s electric guitar continues playing under Circe’s lines which indicates he has taken hold of the situation already (even though temporarily). It might be a minor thing, but still it’s very well-thought, and sometimes even foreshadowing (like how Poseidon’s trumpets have already shown up in Storm).

…

There’re so many things to rant about this musical that a single post is far from enough to discuss them all. Here I’m only pointing out that EPIC is an organic combination of lyrics and music (and action when it comes to stage production which I believe it will eventually) that it’s impossible to treat them separately while still getting the whole story right. Once again, the piece you’re talking about is not a stage play—it’s a musical that is epic.

[2rats1gogh]

Same anon here with more- people need to stop conflating Aegon with Joffrey Baratheon.

Aegon has done some despicable things that I won’t make excuses for but he’s not the rabid dog that Joffrey was. Cersei, Tyrion and Tywin struggled to rein him in at 13 years old and once that crown was on his head a monster was let loose. Alicent can actually reason and get through to Aegon at pivotal times. Cersei could not do that with Joffrey.

Aegon above all craves Alicent’s approval and affection, he turns into a sniveling mess at Alicent’s scolding at his big age. Alicent is not afraid to tell Aegon exactly what she’s thinking. She doesn’t placate, pacify or coddle like everyone had to do with Joffrey because he was out of control, cruel AND stupid at the same time. Helaena is the most important person in the world to Alicent and Aegon is not going to harm the most precious thing in the world to Alicent. Helaena doesn’t have to fear Aegon bashing her head in with a rock or choking her after she has just had a stillbirth….

He called her an idiot at 14, yes it wasn’t nice but it was completely normal. At 14 I called my sister a cunt right across the dinner table, but I've also fought for that same sister. They are siblings and that interaction that made them seem more human as opposed to their 2 dimensional team black counterparts who always just smile and have kind words for each other- except when Jacaerys was beating the shit out of Luke on the beach, but no one is saying how miserable Luke was despite Luke actually seeming unhappy with parts of his life. He was even vocal about these things. Whereas Heleana who is a blunt speaker, has not said anything like that.

Helaena doesn’t look afraid of Aegon, she doesn’t look afraid of anyone in her immediate family (including Criston) as much as team black would like her to be. At the most Aegon ignores her, like she said. Honestly ignoring her is preferable to what Viserys was doing to Alicent. She had 3 children before she even reached 20. Aemond and Helaena are almost Irish twins. In the show Helaena and Aegon just have the twins who are maybe 4-5 years old, so Aegon is not forcing himself on Helaena.

We don’t know much about Helaena in the show because they decide to delete certain scenes and include other stupid filler scenes when they contain fan favorites…but Helaena in the book was happy. Her input towards the war was valued. She loved her children and everyone could agree she was a wonderful mother.

Her life isn’t perfect, there is no woman in that time period whose life is. Her husband is so far from perfect but that doesn’t mean Helaena lived a life of misery.

The book even says basically that Helaena died with Jaehaerys that night and Alicent didn’t kill Jaehaerys. That was Daemon Targaryen.

And when pointing the finger at Alicent, remember that she didn’t make Helaena on her own. She had a useless father who ignored her and her siblings her entire life. Viserys withheld his love from them out of some twisted loyalty to his first wife that he killed and his oldest child by this wife. These things would have a deep emotional impact on a person, it certainly has on her brothers. Stop letting Viserys off the hook.

(the way you called Joffrey a rabid dog omg I’m cryingggg😭😭😭😭 shxjskkzkvzlclwgzjpf)

but yeah, you are so so so right.

I hate it when people, mostly TB, compare Aegon to Joffrey. Like the ONLY two things they have in common is an ambitious (?) widow mother queen and also the fact that both aren’t very nice people. But that’s about it. Aegon at his worst doesn’t even come close to how horrendous Joffrey was on a regular day. Aegon never killed people for fun, he didn’t publicly humiliate Helaena like Joffey did with Sansa. And as I say, I am ignoring the fact that he’s a rapist because it was literally added out of nowhere, makes no sense, and has no relevance to the plot whatsoever. It was added purely to make Aegon and TG look bad. Canonically he is literally just a lazy alcoholic.

And I absolutely agree with what you said about Helaena. TB often say that “aLiCeNt MaDe HeR LiFe HeLl” but she literally didn’t? She would NEVER have her marry Aegon if Aegon was like Joffrey Baratheon. You can call Aegon every insult in the book, he was neglectful, he ignored her, he wasn’t really present in the lives of their kids, but he was NOT an abusive husband or father. And as you said, unlike Viserys, he never forced himself on Helaena. He wasn’t obsessed with the idea of having as many children as possible with her. Literally not at any point his nonexistent “abusive” behavior is shown, not even in the show. During the dinner scene Helaena literally jokes about her relationship with him, she seems comfortable and chill.

Sure, as you said, her life was far from perfect. In the books she does give birth at 14, in the show, since everyone is slightly older, she most likely was 16? Not that uncommon actually. She still had her mother, and her brothers, she has sir Criston. Aegon’s behavior was controlled by Alicent, so he would NEVER hurt her. If you remember how Alicent reacted to Aegon forcing himself upon Dyana (dumb scene overall but still) you can only imagine how she would react if he treated Helaena the same way.

[akrasianwords]

a few people were interested in my aspd dazai analysis but I feel like no one is seeing the reblog of the essay so it gets its own post now! yap ahead

A couple of days ago, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance about Dazai. At one point, I had offhandedly mentioned that I believe Dazai is someone who deals with ASPD. While I thought it was fairly obviously implied throughout the show, they were quick to disagree with me, offering instead the opinion of him having BPD. Now, I’m not one to start arguments over simple things like this and I could tell they were not the type of person who would enjoy a debate. So like any rational, passionate person, I decided to write a 5 page essay on it instead. In this essay I will elaborate on why I believe ASPD is a better fit diagnosis for Dazai than BPD, present evidence to support it, and talk about why I don’t think he has BPD.

Before we get into this, let’s talk about what exactly ASPD and BPD are. Disclaimer, I am not a professional, nor have I been formally diagnosed with either. So, I am not an expert. However, I do believe I’ve done enough research and have my own personal experiences with a large portion of symptoms of ASPD, as well as having several personal connections to people with BPD, to speak on this.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is a cluster B disorder characterised mostly by a frequent lack of understanding of empathy, using manipulation and/or deception to further one’s own needs or wants, and being generally apathetic towards people’s personal thoughts and feelings. People with ASPD often have a hard time discerning and comprehending morals, forming meaningful attachments with people around them, and caring about societal norms. Overall, the struggle of ASPD is mostly found with morality and empathy.

(I would like to note that just because someone may struggle with these things, it does not mean they are incapable of it. Someone with ASPD is just as able to love and be loved as the next person, they just have a more difficult time overcoming their own personal blocks in order to do so. Similarly, they may struggle with understanding morality but that does not mean they are incapable of conforming to what is widely considered right or wrong. They may have different reasons for being kind or just, such as ‘it’s too much trouble to be bad,’ ‘I like it when others tell me I’m a good person,’ or ‘it’s just what I’m supposed to do.’ This does not mean their actions are invalid, simply that they have differing motivations from the larger population.)

On the other hand, Borderline Personality Disorder, also cluster B, is most well known for intense and irregular mood swings, attachment and abandonment issues, and impulsive and self destructive behaviour. People who deal with BPD typically also struggle with mania, a warped and unstable sense of self, and intense and generally unjustified anger issues. The gist of BPD, at its core, is the inability to regulate thoughts and emotions. Someone with BPD may do a complete 180 emotionally because of something another individual may deem small or insignificant. A partner forgetting to text back could trigger emotions that have the same weight as if the partner were to break up with them. Someone who has just experienced the death of their father could suddenly the next day feel on top of the world, given the right prompting. BPD is all about the instability and insecurity regarding thoughts, feelings, or identity.

So! How does this relate to Dazai? I’m glad you asked!

Throughout the series, Dazai continuously shows signs and behavioural patterns aligning with that of someone with ASPD. He is constantly seen manipulating people and situations to get the results he desires, he’s outright stated to have no interest or understanding of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s not uncommon to see him using or mistreating certain people in his life with little to no empathy or regret. The prevalence of this behaviour changes significantly with his transfer to the Armed Detective Agency, but is definitely still something that affects Dazai to this day. If he has to threaten to torture someone to get the information he wants, as seen with Kouyou after Kyouka was taken, or sacrifice one innocent person’s life to end a villain’s, as seen with Rokuzo and Miss Sasaki in his entrance exam, he has no issue doing such.

In the Dark Ages, Oda tells Dazai outright that he doesn’t care about morality. Dazai is as Dazai does, and he has no reservations doing things deemed evil to further his (or Mori’s) own goals. His list of crimes is extensive. His personal relationships are messy and toxic. He has no issue with lying, stealing, or killing. The only reason he decides to pursue the life of a good man is because someone he grew to care for, Oda, had requested it as his dying wish. It’s likely that in stating his understanding of Dazai’s views, or lack thereof, on good and evil, he proved to Dazai that he understood him. This is one of the main factors that convinced Dazai to take his wish into consideration. Knowing that Oda understood his true apathetic nature and still requested this of him convinced Dazai to give Oda’s ideologies a chance. Had Oda not asked it of Dazai, he likely would have stayed with the Port Mafia without much thought to it.

Manipulation is perhaps one of Dazai’s most well known traits. He’s famous for his schemes, his tricks, his ability to transform any person or situation into what he wants them to be. Take Akutagawa for example. Dazai is cruel to him with the interest of moulding him into something the Port Mafia (or himself, later on) can use. He has little to no regard for Akutagawa’s safety or emotions. This is something that, for the most part, follows him into his new life at the Armed Detective Agency. He says and does things to manipulate Akutagawa’s emotions to play in Dazai’s favour. He makes comments about Akutagawa being inferior to Atsushi (‘my new apprentice is superior to you in every way imaginable’), he uses Akutagawa’s admiration against him (ex. The Moby Dick, when Dazai has Atsushi throw the cellphone in order to distract Akutagawa), and he holds the promise of approval over his head in order to get Akutagawa to do things he typically wouldn’t (‘I hope to see you a little more competent now’ during the Cannibalism Arc as he’s told to work with Atsushi).

During the prison arc, Dazai is shown to play a game of chess with Fyodor. It’s obvious what the pieces on the board represent: each piece is a character. Every character plays a role in Dazai’s chess match against the Demon. He’s got his Queen, his Knights, his Bishop, etc. and he’ll manipulate them and the situation as he sees fit in order to win the match. One of the main components to his relationship with Fyodor is how similar they think. Dazai has stated on several occasions that the reason he’s able to predict Fyodor’s actions and plans is because ‘it’s what he would do.’ They share ideas, strategies, and behaviours. Both are prone to manipulation and deception in order to get what they want.

Some other noticeable examples that I’m too lazy to elaborate on but speak for themselves are the scene with the nurse and the phone, the scene where Dazai sends Atsushi to go investigate his own abuser’s death, and when Dazai manipulates Chuuya into joining the Port Mafia.

I’ve touched on deception a few times so far, but I felt it was significant enough to deserve its own paragraph. It’s not uncommon for Dazai to leave out important details, or tell outright lies in order to get what he wants. He lied to most of the members of the Agency about his past for years in order to keep his place there, assuming that they would shun them had they known. His entire personality is mostly a facade, putting up the mask of a silly detective man to avoid being taken too seriously.

He’s prone to apathy, and doesn’t really ever show any characters empathy throughout the series. When Atsushi is having a panic attack, Dazai’s instinct is to slap him back to reality rather than cater to his emotional needs. When Kunikida is upset by the results of his and Dazai’s actions in Dazai’s Entrance Exam, Dazai simply tells him that reality won’t conform to his ideals. After Chuuya is betrayed by the Sheep, Dazai uses his vulnerability to recruit him into the Port Mafia. It’s rare to see him act sympathetic with characters. This does not mean he doesn’t show kindness to them, but he clearly has difficulties empathising with people going through crises.

Along with others, he’s rather uncaring towards himself. Most of the times we’ve seen him in dangerous situations, he’s continued to act carefree and unbothered. When he was captured by the Port Mafia he had no reservations about provoking Akutagawa even though he knew it would cause himself harm. He also has consistently proven that he doesn’t care about his own life. Via attempts and jokes alike, he’s prone to suicide in a way that makes it obvious he holds very little value to himself. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he has a low sense of self, or that he’s insecure. He’s got a very solid opinion of himself. He just doesn’t care whether he’s dead or alive.

While Dazai struggles with all of these, it doesn’t mean he is incapable of doing good. His relationship with Oda was clearly genuine, and he obviously cared for him a great deal. He’s also the only reason Atsushi is alive right now, and he’s taken great care to give Atsushi a decent life. He’s a sufficient mentor for him, and he’s done a lot of good for Yokohama with the Armed Detective Agency. He’s come clean about his past to his friends, and overall has improved his way of life. Dazai has grown from the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia into a respectable man of justice. He still has moments where his apathetic side will shine through, but he’s clearly healed and developed quite a bit since joining the ADA.

‘Okay cool. So… what about BPD? He could share some symptoms. You haven’t talked about that since the intro paragraphs. Wasn’t this about ASPD and BPD? You suck. Loser.’

I’m getting there! Control yourself. It’s taken 14 paragraphs to get to this point. God forbid I be thorough with my analysis. SMH. Anyways.

Now that we’ve talked significantly enough about Dazai having ASPD, let’s touch on why I don’t think he has BPD. This is a headcanon I’ve seen frequently enough that I’ve formed an opinion on it. Obviously. That’s why I’m writing this essay.

The thing is, BPD relies on emotional instability and a disorganised attachment and sense of self. I don’t see any of that in Dazai. He has a fairly concrete opinion of himself and his identity. His emotional state is consistent throughout the show, excluding a few specific scenarios, and while he seems reckless and impulsive, he’s not. All of his actions are always carefully planned out, even if it doesn’t seem so.

Dazai is well known for his carefree and jokester persona. When he’s not playfully dumping his work on Atsushi or Kunikida, he’s cracking jokes and poking fun at the members of the Detective Agency. It’s not often that we see the mask slip off. When it does, though, it’s almost always when he’s reminiscing over Oda. That, or actively plotting against a formidable opponent he takes seriously. These are pretty normal situations to not be joking around in. The guy is grieving his dead best friend. Not exactly a drastic mood swing. Fairly run of the mill. Outside of this, we don’t ever see him react severely and unjustifiedly. His emotions are always carefully balanced.

(Note, I am aware of the scene with Akutagawa during the Dark Ages. Have patience. I’ll get to that eventually.)

We also don’t see him struggle with abandonment/attachment issues. He has the ‘everything worth wanting is lost the moment I obtain it’ mentality, but that doesn’t exactly prohibit him from forming bonds with the people around him. He’s fairly normal about everyone at the Armed Detective Agency. He obviously cares for Atsushi, and he doesn’t make any moves to push him or anyone else away—or become unhealthily attached, on the contrary—both of which are very common behaviours in people with BPD. He goes to their parties (I can’t exactly remember when, but I’m fairly certain he was there when Poe visited Ranpo during the ADA party, and on the yacht with the infamous ‘to the Stray Dogs’ scene), runs errands and completes chores with them (the Wan episode where he and Atsushi are cleaning lockers together), and makes a point to hang out with them outside of work (the fireworks festival we all know and love/hate).

He doesn’t struggle with his self image. It’s never implied that Dazai doesn’t know who he is or where he belongs. He doesn’t have any internal conflict about whether he’s Port Mafia or Armed Detective Agency; he’s actually quite firm on his stance. He rejects Mori’s offers and requests to return to the Mafia several times throughout the series. He’s secure in his sense of self. He has no issues admitting his strengths and flaws, and he knows who he is and what he wants.

The only time we’ve seen him become angry to the point of an extreme reaction is when Akutagawa doesn’t do as Dazai had wanted in the Dark Ages. He kills the hostages they had taken rather than prodding them for information. Dazai’s reaction, while definitely intense, was neither unprovoked nor unjustified in his point of view. Him shooting the gun at Akutagawa was both a punishment and a lesson. The pressure of a life or death situation was what provoked Akutagawa to finally grasp control over Rashomon in a way that would allow him to use Devoured Space. So while extreme, Dazai’s anger had reason to it.

I also would like to remind everyone that this scene was set during the time Dazai was in the Mafia. It’s understandable for the stakes and punishments to be intense. If a subordinate doesn’t learn a lesson quickly and efficiently, the consequences can range from a mild beating to the fall of an entire organisation. Dazai knew this as well, which is why he wasn’t going to tolerate impulsivity. Also it’s the Mafia. They’re like, known for guns and killing and shit.

Contrary to anger, mania is the state of intense highs, feeling like you’re on top of the world. People who experience mania often feel like they’re invincible, either physically or metaphorically. They may put themselves in harm’s way to prove that ‘nothing can hurt them,’ or risk all their money gambling because ‘they just can’t lose.’ They’re excitable, irrational, and impulsive. Dazai is none of these things. He puts himself in harm’s way to either attempt to destroy himself, or as a part of his plan to get things to play out the way he wants. Everything he does, while it may look impulsive, has a plan. The only thing I can think of within the series where he acts without thinking is in his entrance exam where he offers to drive the taxi for the thrill of the fact that he is actually a terrible fucking driver. If he gambles, he knows he’ll win. If he jumps, he hopes he’ll fall. His behaviour is always carefully thought out. Also he’s consistently depressed throughout the story, so. No room for that.

Now onto everyone's favourite topic, self destructive behaviour! It's pretty widely known and agreed upon that Dazai either does or has self-harmed before. Hence the bandages. He's also very loud and proud about his passion for suicide. This could count, it's definitely self destructive in the physical sense, but I don't believe it's because of BPD. I think the guy is just really fucking depressed. He just wants to die, it's not so much in an ‘I don't deserve good things or comfort’ way. I also want to touch on the more figurative methods of self destruction. He doesn't exactly go out of his way to sabotage himself in regards to his work, his relationships (he fucks with Chuuya, but he just generally enjoys riling him up), or anything like that. On the contrary, we see him actively putting effort into keeping those things stable. (Lying in order to keep his place at the ADA, being active in his social circle, working towards keeping the ADA and Yokohama in general safe.) So, not really self sabotage in a way that makes me think of BPD.

Overall, most of Dazai's struggles or traits fall under understanding empathy, morality, and manipulation. His actions throughout the series are not hard to connect to these patterns, and it doesn’t take much digging to find supporting evidence. All of his characterization leads to the conclusion of ASPD, rather than BPD. He isn't a very emotionally unregulated character, in my opinion. He’s level-headed, well managed, and secure in himself and his environment. The guy just doesn't quite know how to function as a human being with other human beings, but he's trying.

Also no you cannot change my mind. Anyways I've been writing for like 4 hours so goodbye.

[scoobydoodean]

i think even though cas was in there stealing the journal, i think he was trying to legitimately convince dean to come to his side, because he does it the Very next episode (although he doesnt seem to realize that hes being manipulative about it..im not trying to infantilize him i just remember him being confused/surprised when dean points out that crowley gave him the same line)

like i do think theres a bit of double think in how castiel acts and behaves and he doesnt seem to grasp the emotional consequences of his actions, especially in this season.

like he thinks hes saying "if you trust me (please trust me) i can get crowley to release lisa and ben, because you wont be a threat anymore to his plan"

but dean hears "if you want lisa and ben back, you'll have to fall in line"

thats not to say dean is wrong for hearing it like that, but castiel really seems to be struggling with communication because he did this all for dean (in his mind) and once it's all over everything will be fine, lucifer and michael will stay in their cage, and dean and lisa will be safe at home.

but at this point hes killed too many and hurt too many people to turn back so when dean pleads for him to back down hes hearing dean say "im fine with risking the apocalypse again, and i cant trust you to do a plan that you are certain will work" when dean is just worried about another eve slipping through

its just very delightfully complex (imho) i dont really have a conclusion

Cas definitely wanted Dean on his side. He didn't need to wake Dean up or have a conversation with him to get the journal. He chose to wake him up and have that conversation because he desperately wanted Dean not to think badly of him. It's just hilarious that at the same time, he was also like. There to steal shit. When he saw Dean sleeping on that couch, he just couldn't help himself. He wanted to talk to Dean.

Trying to get Dean on his side was important to Cas because he loves Dean and values their friendship, but it was also important to him because Cas had, to some extent, tied his self-image to everyone else's perception of him over the whole season. He lies to all of his friends—Sam, Dean, Bobby, Balthazar, Rachel. He lies to the Winchesters because he wants a place he can come to where someone still recognizes him as the person he used to be and not the person he is becoming. Crowley puts this best:

CROWLEY: The big lie -- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

This is a period where Cas was doubting everything and wrestling with moral quandaries. He sees his own actions as monstrous, but also believes that monstrosity is necessary. He and Dean have a conversation about this very early on in 6.06, after their last interaction in 6.03 had Cas causing a child excruciating pain to gain information.

DEAN What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one. CASTIEL I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

I've talked about how the title of this episode, "You Can't Handle The Truth", shows Cas's hand in that he doesn't believe anybody else can handle the dirty work. He knows it makes him look bad and that's why he lies about it—to protect his image.

The whole of 6.20, he's struggling, but he's doing it alone. To his friends, he presents his actions with surety—telling Dean insistently that Cas knows what he's doing and that there's nothing broken about his plan, while he says privately praying to his father:

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me…A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don’t…I’m gonna ju– I’m gonna do whatever I… Whatever I must.

And to himself about working with Crowley:

I asked myself, “what was I doing with this vermin?”

And while betraying Crowley briefly by killing demons Crowley sent after the Winchesters:

For a brief moment…I was me again.

Sam and Dean and Bobby's belief in Cas's goodness (that he was himself) was so important to Cas that he was spying on them all of 6.20 despite his alleged busy schedule just to check in and see what they were thinking about him. And when they did trust him again for that brief moment, he felt relief, but also knew it was all an illusion and felt shame and guilt about it:

Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. 

The same discomfort and shame seeps off Cas in 5.17 when Sam and Dean thank him for saving them, while Cas knows Astropos was only after them because of him, and that if they understood the full picture, their feelings about what he'd actually done to "save" them would be very very different. He knows he's receiving praise he doesn't deserve, so the esteem they place on him is hollow.

On the other hand, I do think Cas grasps the emotional consequences of his actions for the most part. That's why he lied the whole season—because he was afraid of the fallout among every single person he knew and even more as the lies stacked and stacked. He knew none of them would agree with what he was doing. But the consequences with Sam and Dean also extend a little deeper than Cas thought they would, and that's what wounds him the absolute most, I think. I don't think Cas expected Sam to question whether Cas intentionally left his soul in The Cage, or for Dean to question whether or not Cas was involved in the plot to kidnap Lisa and Ben in 6.21. He is genuinely and deeply wounded when his care for them is essentially questioned at the very foundation and it leaves him feeling betrayed in his own way.

The thing is, Cas's privately held doubts still do not match the picture he presents to the Winchesters even after he is exposed. Privately, Cas is starting to see the pride and hubris underlying some of his choices:

I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment…

I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool.

I see now that was arrogance…Hubris 

Privately, Cas reveals that his motives aren't as pure as he presents them to be:

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don’t know anymore.

Hiding…Lying…Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure.

Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian.

But to the Winchesters? He says "I did it all for you" and "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you" and "It's not broken". He doesn't let them see his doubts, because he might crumble under them—and because sunk cost fallacy and his own pride won't allow him to accept being questioned even by his closest friends. In other words, he continues to lie, and after the big reveal, Dean can see right through him.

CASTIEL: I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN: Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.

Cas's pride also comes out in this conversation at night in Bobby's house.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

Dean says he isn't going to logic Cas. Bobby and Sam and Dean already tried that earlier that day, Balthazar will also try later, and it doesn't register. Dean puts all of the technical arguments aside and is trying to say (coupled with his earlier assertions) "I know you think you have to do this, but all of us can see you're going off the deep end and even you know that deep down. Please trust us on this." But Cas's response is "Or what?" He turns it into a battle of wills, then adds, "You can't stop me. You're just a man", which is also a dogwhistle for Dean when dealing with angels, who repeatedly over the course of the show, have called him a monkey, a dog, a pet, and other things to express the idea that he is beneath them as a justification for using and hurting him. It immediately turns them against each other because Cas feels like Dean is basically calling him crazy and is offended by the idea that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (even though he has his own private doubts, because at this point his self-image hinges on turning out to be right). Dean is seeing the angelic sense of superiority come out—something he’s far more familiar with than he’d like to be—something common to the angels who have used and manipulated and threatened him and acted entitled to him… and coupled with all the questions about exactly how involved Cas was in using Dean to get alphas over the course of the season and how he knows Cas used him in “The French Mistake”? It doesn’t paint a pretty picture for Dean.

In addition to their profound bond, I think Dean saying, "Cas, we can fix this!" and Dean being Cas's defender the entirety of 6.20 is also why Cas comes to him at the end of the episode. Dean is the weak link in the chain at the time (that completely changes in the next episode when Lisa and Ben are kidnapped). But Dean is also so devastated about all the faith he had in Cas's honesty being crushed, and he's reliving the demon blood arc in some sense, and he's probably reevaluating what he felt when Cas used him in "The French Mistake" and what exactly was going on in "My Heart Will Go On" and how—when Crowley forced him and Sam into doing his bidding, Cas knew it and he let it happen—he let it happen because he wanted the alphas. Not only did Cas know Crowley was using them—he went to great lengths to cover up his involvement and keep them off Crowley's tail. Cas's speech in the following episode demanding Dean's trust again is not only ill-timed while Dean is worried sick about Lisa and Ben—it's full of lies and half truths and even a little shit slinging that Dean knows isn't fair and that is deeply reminiscent of Sam's speech full of falehoods about trust in 4.21.

On Cas's side, I think you're spot on about his lack of cognizance on how he comes across when he says:

CASTIEL: I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.

I don't think Cas meant to suggest that the first statement depends on the second one (we can judge as much when he heals Lisa at the end of the episode) but that's absolutely how it comes across.

[wol-fica]

-𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕀-

parings - jennaortega x singer!fem!reader

summary - you realize your relationship with jenna seems to be crumbling, so you do something about it

warnings - weird therapist, some percy diss, but that’s it :)

an - :) ————————————

“Relationships can be hard, and arguments are a normal thing all people go through.” 

You sighed, fidgeting with your fingers while searching for anything to look at besides your therapist. 

The reason for today's sudden visit was because you felt like your relationship with your girlfriend was going downhill. You understood that life can be tough sometimes, but this was much too stressful for you to keep bottled up.

“Can you tell me some specific reasons why you believe your dating life is struggling?” Your therapist asked, giving you an encouraging smile.

“Well,” You readjusted on the couch, “It just feels like I’m trying way too hard to keep us together, when I shouldn’t be.”

“I understand.”

“Having a girlfriend shouldn’t induce stress or anxiety, it should be fun and enjoyable.” You went on, now feeling like letting all your worries out, “I get that she has a job; I do too! But that isn’t an excuse to treat me terribly….”

“Yes, I agree.” Your therapist said as she jotted down some notes in her book, “You are still pursuing singing right?” 

You nodded, smiling at the thought of your recently ended tour. Traveling the world was very exciting, and you loved experiencing different cultures along the way. The only wish you had was that Jenna would have been beside you; But like always, she put work first.

“So think about this. You have a job that takes you around the world, causes you to miss out on certain things but be included in newer things like events and shows?” 

You nodded again, confirming the description of your work.

“And Jenna’s job consists of…exactly the same thing.” 

You let out a shaky breath, turning to look at the ground sadly. It was true, you both had time consuming jobs that dragged you about the globe and took your time away from family and friends.

Yet somehow, you always made sure to have time. You would always tell your manager that family was first, and no matter what you would squeeze them into your schedule just so you could see them and feel at home while traveling or working. 

Jenna’s job was similar in the aspect of yours, minus the singing and dancing, but she never seemed to be able to make any time for you. You would always plan your off days to be on her off days from filming so you could maybe go get lunch or just enjoy each other's presence, but Jenna would always have the excuse of “I’m to tired” or “I already have plans with Percy.” 

Percy. The name was distasteful to you. As much as you appreciated his skill of acting and his wonderful personality, you still didn’t like him. He would always weasel himself in between you and Jenna, whether it be during her relaxing days or at award shows, he always pushed you out and brought her in. 

“I have an idea; you may or may not like it.” Your therapist stated, setting her notebook down, “You need to pull her aside, no matter what plans she has, and talk to her.”

Your eyes widened and your nerves proceeded to spike. Pull her aside? You were not a confrontational person, and you were most likely to avoid conflicts if you were given the chance; hence why your relationship is crumbling.

“What do I say to her?” You fought back, taking a sip of water, “I have no idea how to confront her. ‘Hey Jenna! I feel forgotten and like you don’t care anymore!’” 

A small sob escaped your mouth, your head falling into your hands. God, you missed her. You missed being able to hold her, to laugh about stupid soccer plays, to enjoy sunsets together on her balcony. You never knew how much of an impact she had on you until you started going to therapy.

“Don’t get emotional about it, just politely but firmly ask.”

You sniffled, raising a hand as an acknowledgment before getting up to leave the room. As much as you wanted to stay, you knew that if you were going to confront her you would need to do it now.

Pulling out your phone, you opened your text message app and clicked on Jenna’s contact.

A chuckle involuntary left your mouth, your lip slipping in between your teeth afterwards.

Jenna always knew how to make you laugh, no matter how you were feeling. Diffusing a situation is one of her many skill sets; but you were not letting her get away this time.

“I’ll be home in 5.” You texted before shoving your phone into your pocket and heading outside to your driver.

The ride seemed long, and even though it was a 15 minute drive to your place, you still felt the small confident monster roaring inside of you. All its pleas and cries were telling you to be bigger and let your emotions out onto Jenna; but you knew you couldn’t. You would scare her, anger her, or even just annoy her that she could possibly leave you on the spot; you couldn’t let that happen.

“Miss? We are here.” Your driver said, looking at you in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, thank you.” You replied before hurrying out of the car.

As you walked to the front door, passing Jenna’s black Audi along the way, your anxiety started to overtake you and your thoughts.

What if you say something wrong and she leaves? What if you are just overreacting and this is all some stupid act you’re pulling? What if she decides that you aren’t enough for her and she confesses about Percy?

A wooden blockade hit you in the face and you realized that you walked full force into the front door.

“Ow.” You mumbled before pushing your key into the slot and walking into your luxurious living room.

A mansion was one of the very gracious things you received from being such a popular face in the music industry. Money was an easy-coming item, and spending it was just the same, so why hold it all in your bank account when you could just show up and show out with your 102,000 square foot palace.

“Y/N?” Your name was called out softly, startling you from your place by the shoe nook.

You turned your head to the left to see her, in her ever standing glory. She looked slightly confused but all together relaxed, and was clearly dressed to be heading out for a fun night.

”Hi…” You said, completely unmoving as you stared at her.

“Hi…you wanted to talk?” Jenna asked, fidgeting with her phone.

“Oh, yeah. Here.” You gestured to the kitchen island, leading to sit on a stool.

She sat opposite from you, leaned against the cool countertop as she seemed to study your body language.

“So…” You trailed off, your confidence from before completely burned out.

Jenna raised an eyebrow at you, but turned to her phone when a notification went off. She clicked it, smiled, and started giggling as she replied to whoever messaged her.

That whole interaction set you off, especially since you saw who the person was; Percy.

“Jenna put your phone down, please.” You said sternly, staring at your hands.

She looked at you with a confused expression but slowly put her phone down, retracting her hand so it sat in her lap.

“We…are not okay.” You started, playing with a ring on your finger.

Jenna watched you patiently, listening intently to your words.

“I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like we aren’t what we used to be.”

Silence from her end.

“Many times I feel like you don’t seem to care about me.” You said, the ring on your finger was now very interesting, “I go out of my way to reschedule so my off days line up with yours, but we don’t even spend any of that time together.”

More silence.

“I feel under appreciated and alone. Anytime we have free days together, you either say you are too tired to do anything or you already have plans with your friends.”

You inhale, breathing shakily and meekly.

“Am I not enough for you?” You asked, your tear clouded eyes finally looking up at Jenna.

She looked, shocked. Her mouth was hanging open while her eyebrows furrowed in confused and disbelief. She stared at you, her eyes glossing over with her own tears and her shoulders slumping sadly.

“Y/N…what?” Jenna mumbled, clearly lost for words.

You searched her face for any sign of anger or annoyance; there was none. Surprisingly, she seemed to be softening and relaxing.

“You, are more than enough for me.” She said, reaching for your hand, “Hell I don’t even deserve you.”

The weight of all your worries instantly lifted when she spoke those words, which caused an avalanche of emotions to hit you.

“Aw honey.” Jenna cooed, pulling you into her chest when you started crying profusely.

She stroked your hair, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead. Her fingers began to scratch your scalp as she coaxed you to relax.

“I love you, god I really do.” She held you close, rubbing your shoulders, “I’ll never take you for granted.”

You sniffled, leaning yourself into her as she fed you comforting words. Your stress and anxiety seemed to melt away as she held you.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you away, I didn’t mean to do it on purpose.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up at her.

“Then why did you?” You asked softly.

Jenna smiled sadly, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“Filming has been…stressful. Tim and the rest of the crew has been antsy, and my cast mates have been no help in being calm and collected.” She said, caressing your face with the pad of her thumb, “I’ll be honest, Percy and the gang have been partying to much, and HE is quite the touchy type.”

You frowned, jealousy building up in the bottom of your stomach at the thought of Percy getting to close with your girlfriend. Jenna chuckled at you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips to diminish the pout that formed on your face.

“Don’t do that, a frown doesn’t look good on you.” She said, rubbing her nose against yours as you laughed.

“Mmm, I love you.” Jenna murmured as she gazed into your eyes.

“And I love you.”

————————

tag list: @i984 @fall-08 @tundra1029 @simp4thena @king-scarlet @dreifhraniquo29 @efectoangel @annalestern @alexkolax @k1mba @i-love-u15 (comment below to join the tag list!)

i do not give anyone permission to repost or copy my work onto any platform

[laylajeffany]

Not an ask, but, I'm currently about 2/3 of the way through Chaos for the Fly, and it is truly one of the greatest things I've ever read. It has made me laugh, cry, and every emotion in between. I have spent the whole time learning alongside Wednesday to love and care for myself. You've expressed out loud feelings of my autism and anxiety that I never could before, I've never read panic attacks more accurately written, and simultaneously you've taught me how to begin coping with them. The way you so vividly separate the voices of different characters, the way you describe every emotion so perfectly that leaves me feeling like I'm right there in the moment. The depth that you add to all the canon characters without taking away from their original personalities, the way all of your OC's fit so perfectly into the story, every single one of them mattering, not a single line, character or scene is unnecessary. I long for family like Josie and Emi, but in a way, just reading about them makes me feel they're talking to and teaching ME. Somehow on top of all that you wrote one of the most beautiful and realistic slow burn romances, It never feels rushed, no intimate touch or comment feels out of place, and yet you're constantly hoping for more. Then, once they are finally together they continue to have a beautiful and ever evolving dynamic, which is where a lot of other authors fall short in my eyes. The way you show Wednesday's comfort level with every character not just Enid, combines with her autism and uniquely affects each individual dynamic shows such and intimate level of understanding, it's so incredibly impressive. I think you may have ruined season 2 for me when it does eventually come out, simply because even with Jenna Ortega as a producer, it could never be as good as what you've written. and so I thank you. Thank you for writing this beautiful, spiritual, mental, and emotional journey. I hope for nothing more than that you keep continuing this story beyond chaos for the fly because I don't think I'll ever be ready for your writing to be over.

Thank you so much for this!! Slow-burn on a realistic timeline, organic character development and a meaningful portrayal of emotional struggle in a hyper-fantastic setting are my passion. I’m glad it’s resonated with you! Writing OCs is always a gamble but people really seemed to resonate Josie and Emiliana for certain (as well as others but I hear about them the most). I’ve ruined S2 for myself, truthfully and if Gwendoline Christie really isn’t in it, I’m not sure if T. Martel and I will even be watching lmfao. (This entire fic started in a parking lot at the mall when she was lamenting about needing Larissa Weems to live and I mumbled, “I guess I could write something.” HAHAHAHAHAHA.)

The good news is that I’m still playing around in this universe, I’m almost 50k into chapter one of the sequel and I think that it might actually end up being longer than I anticipated originally (just like the other fic I’m working on goddamn it I did try to make new year’s resolutions about this but it seems like I’m breaking them). I don’t think anyone is going to be mad about it! 

Thanks for reading and for letting me know how it’s impacted you! Happy to have helped in some small way. 

[kaycode1999]

Self match up that was requested of me😂 @fusciaguardian

My personality

I am an introvert leaning ambivert. I find it hard to initiate conversations with people I don’t know unless it’s required, but I get along well with most people with the exception of those that want to be assholes just because. I’m more willing to stand up for others than myself, I tend to be quiet when it comes to standing up for myself or expressing my opinions. I will avoid conflict at all costs except for protecting or standing up for someone else. I try to be happy and positive generally, but when I’m overwhelmed with negative feelings I tend to isolate so I can get the feelings out *sometimes struggle with depression and anxiety*. I find it a lot easier to be positive for other people’s situations than my own. I get told I’m a very kind/big hearted person a lot, but really I just try to do what I feel is right. I am not diagnosed in any way, but I am fairly certain I have ADHD or Autism or some combination of both. My family means a lot to me and I love spending time with and spoiling my nieces and nephew. I’m 25 but I get told I still look like a teenager (it doesn’t help that I’m only 4’10). I am very impatient and especially with big or important things I want it to happen like that and can get very frustrated when it takes a long time. I try my best not to take out any negative emotions out on anyone else, it doesn’t always work out but I try my best and apologize when that happens. Generally speaking I’m harder on myself than anyone else; IE expectations, self esteem/confidence, etc. I don’t like extremely crowded or loud environments so clubs or other places like that aren’t exactly my thing, but I do like going out and doing things with my family like shopping, getting food, etc- I also like just hanging out at home where I’m comfortable. I make terrible jokes and puns all the time- generally a joking happy go lucky person. Sometimes I like to be teasing/a little shit but only sometimes😂. I like to think of myself as someone who is understanding and forgiving, and especially if I see actual change *probably more than I should be sometimes*

your gender and pronouns, sexuality, etc

I am a female and go by she/her. I am still kind of figuring things out in the sexuality aspect which is difficult when not having been in a long term relationship before, but at least hetero-oriented demisexual/demiromantic or aroace.

your aesthetic if you want

Kind of a mix of casual/comfortable or cute I guess. I like cute clothes but mostly I will just wear jeans and a T-shirt

your hobbies, things you like

I like reading, writing, and watching TV shows and movies. I love spending time with my family and getting to travel to new places. Love music

optionally your type

Definitely himbo or nerdy/shy sweetheart although I’m also drawn to grumps with a heart of gold. Mostly sunshine characters who’ve gone through some rough times and still maintain that positivity. I definitely like guys who are either Bi/Pan and/or just non toxic masculinity because I have no time for that BS

Demon Slayer

Giyu Tomioka

As much as I love Rengoku and I have no doubt we would be best friends, I think the being loud and yelling tasty every time he eats would startle me a little too much for there to be anything more than friendship😂

You might not think so, but I think Giyu would actually be very comforting and supportive if his SO was struggling with really anything but specifically with depression and anxiety because he experiences it himself

Would definitely act like one of the girlies😂; let me play with his hair/put bows in it, get his nails done with me, go shopping, really down for whatever

I’m more on the quiet side so I think it fits that he is also on the quiet side

LMK

Monkey King

Ok, I get that some people don’t like him - and everyone is entitled to their opinion

I think he’s very caring/nurturing towards people he cares about and yes his past is… yikes, but he truly has grown and become better because of his friends both in the past and the current Monkie Kid group

No he doesn’t always do things the right way and may not even do the right things all the time. But what he does comes from a desire to protect the people he cares about and take care of things before they even have to worry about it

Would be very fun to be a teasing shit to him because he takes it as an opportunity to do it right back

Does not like crowds and has terrible stage fright just like me😂

Transformers

Bumblebee (Just all Bumblebees. Doesn’t matter the iteration😂)

Honestly it’s hard to explain but he’s just the sweetest, most kindhearted bot and also badass

Basically I see a lot of myself in him and he also has a lot of qualities I admire and strive to have

I love him very much and we would get along very well 😂

JJK

Takuma Ino * honestly this is the best I had given that JJK doesn’t have that many adult males that aren’t evil but he is sweet and seems chill so here we are*

Don’t get me wrong I love Gojo but the arrogance would get too annoying after a while, and Nanami is way too stuffy😂

From what little we got to see of him he seems sweet, and wants to prove himself which I understand

He also seems like someone you can just chill with

My Hero Academia

Kiego Takami/ Hawks. Taishiro Toyomitsu/ Fatgum *I had to do both of them because I honestly felt I could be equally paired with both*

Both of them are kind and compassionate

Both would be gentlemanly/chivalrous towards an SO; I.E- holding doors, pulling out chairs, etc.

Both would understand how important my family is to me and I feel would actually become fully integrated into my family * and let’s be honest Hawks doesn’t exactly have family that cares about him so I think he also deserves that*

Both love joking around and teasing

Generally I think all of these would be a relationship where it is also a best friendship. They are all just generally sweet and caring towards an SO and would definitely put just as much effort and caring into the relationship as me

[i-sveikata]

Hello author, I hope you are well. While waiting for the chapter with more and more impatience, I was meditating on the fiction and a question came to me: Pete saw Vegas as vulnerable as possible in front of the pool, completely destroyed, in tears and suicidal after the death of his father. Pete has already made a break down in front of Porshe and Tankhun's eyes but Vegas has never made him emotionally vulnerable. You said that Pete will probably never make a break down in front of Vegas but will Vegas ever see Pete vulnerable and see him cry one day? Because I realized that Vegas had never once seen Pete emotionally vulnerable to this point except when Pete realized that he gave himself to him in the safe house before leaving. Can't wait for the next chapter, have you some teaser to give us while waiting ? ahah

Hey there I am thanks hope you are too! Oh interesting parallel! But what i meant was that Pete’s not going to have a full on breakdown over realising he’s in love with Vegas he’ll have a moment sure but it’s not going to mentally shatter him since he’s already been gradually making Vegas a part of his life in response to Vegas trying so hard and in so many ways to prove himself a worthy partner to pete.

That’s not to say pete will never have any emotional moments with Vegas comforting him- he’s feeling pretty raw atm following the house fire and the guilt he feels taking on the responsibility of being the cause for it (esp in how it’s blown back on his grandmother) and while Vegas might not comfort him like a normal person he’s still showing care in his own way. The more things that happen to them the more it becomes obvious that Pete is letting Vegas past his guard in certain ways and he’s letting him stay on the inside of that shield if and when he is feeling vulnerable.

I don’t currently have any emotional scenes with the two of them that will result in Pete crying and Vegas comforting him but that’s not to say it’s not possible- I don’t really plan for scenes they just come to me as the idea pops into my head and then I write around that. But yes there is definitely more and more signs of Pete treating Vegas like his confidant, whilst he’s also acting a little like Vegas trusted advisor and his sword. They fulfil a lot of different roles in each other’s lives which has a lot to do with their sense of independence and relying on themselves that they developed as abused children. They’ve had to be everything for themselves: mother, father, caretaker, protector, boss etc so it’s pretty instinctive for them to step in and shore up the areas where the other might be struggling or unable to cope.

There’s probably going to be a fair bit of Pete expressing his vulnerability through sex when he starts to slowly allow himself to share some of the control with Vegas. To trust Vegas not to hurt him. But tbh I think he’s showing his emotional vulnerability with Vegas already. He brought Vegas back into his safe space (his home and with his family) and he’s allowing the boundaries of space to erode between them (by sharing a bed with Vegas and them hardly being apart since Vegas almost died and tying their futures together in their plans to get the minor family back on top). Vegas is clinging to Pete as a lifeline atm but Pete is the one letting him!!! He’s not pulling away, he’s worrying about Vegas pulling away- that’s why he’s so concerned about Vegas’ mental state and why his thoughts are so focused on the emotions vegas might be hiding from him right now.

It’s Pete who is pushing to deepen things whilst Vegas is internally panicking and closing himself off in preparation of losing him (this is the longest anyone has ever lasted with vegas and he’s so so ready for the other shoe to drop. He’s certain he’s going to ruin it eventually and lose pete for good). So it’s especially vulnerable of Pete to be reaching out like this and trusting Vegas won’t hurt him.

They’re really tangling themselves together in a way they can’t come back from but that’s the risk of love!!

I’m at work so I can’t give an excerpt teaser from the chap but what I will say is the trip back to Bangkok has a few juicy conversations and confrontations about important things they haven’t talked about before (like Vegas’ sexual past, his suicide attempt, Pete’s love of being kissed, Pete’s previous relationship, Vegas’ need for pain and whether pete will deliver like he wants etc etc) all intermixed with cuddling and sex scenes and Pete high key stressing about messing up the car they borrowed with very particular kinds of stains that aren’t easy to wash out lmao. Plus a bit of mild strangling! Which is so on brand for them Haha

[highpriestess13]

Collective Reading!

Y’all know there’s a conjunction happening this Saturday right? On 4/20 👀👀. Let’s get into the energies happening for you guys on this day!

For starters, I see someone making a clear decisive decision to let something go and step into something new. I feel this may be between you and someone else, water and air energy… possibility of fire as well. Someone may have went into a connection with someone or gotten married and now someone may be having either doubts, there may be a lot turbulence or someone just wasn’t who they said they were. If that’s the case, I see a settlement or a divorce happening or this may be 2 people deciding to get help like a therapist or marriage counseling. However I do feel like someone is choosing to communicate that something may not be working out so there’s an ending to a relationship whether romantic or platonic. I’m not sure if someone is bipolar or constantly has mood swings, I also feel like someone has too much going on emotionally, so prioritizing the right things will help someone regain balance. So this Saturday, you may see a lot of divorces, breakups whether it’s your personal experience or others.

TRAVELING! I see some traveling for you guys, for some this may be for work. If it’s not a literal travel this could be a shift/ change of mindset. This shift will gear you towards focusing on your bag. You’re releasing the past and not letting it get to you or stop you from achieving certain goals for yourself. It’s also giving entrepreneurial energy. If this isn’t you, this is someone possibly coming towards you that have these qualities or energy. Or they may be a guide to you in some way. 666 is confirmation and I’m also getting “allow for things to happen”. This motivation is going to stem from the past like someone transmuting old energy into new energy.

On Saturday… there’s someone dealing with inner turmoil or inner demons however you may look at it if this is you. There’s still pent up anger, trauma, negativity. Someone could be feeling like a loner, this may be due to either power struggle OR abuse of power. Either way I just feel you separating yourself from anyone and anything that’s toxic and unhealthy for you or that may bring up past trauma/ triggers. If you’ve been feeling triggered a lot, it’s time to look within a figure how to maneuver around it or through it so that you don’t cause harm to others and yourself. 99 and 44 are confirmation. Heavy on keeping yourself protected and guarded from devil like energy so that your energy doesn’t get mixed up.

Someone from a spiritually gifted family or this may be meeting/ choosing your soul family or tribe. This could be your ancestors as well. I see celebrations and recognition for planting a fertile ground for your current or future family to thrive in especially on a spiritual level. The seeds took time to grow and thrive and it took a lot of hard work, dedication, ups and downs but you got it done and your ancestors/ spirit guides are celebrating you. They’re definitely happy with all of the progress you’ve made… could’ve been for the last 7 years, give or take for some. There’s still more work to do because you have such a huge responsibility and this is why they love and respect you so much because even when things get rough and tough and too much to handle you still keep going. Some of you could be catching a break or taking a much needed one so vacations are on the horizon. “Dedication” is what I’m hearing.

I see some emotions coming back to the surface. Whether it’s fears or something that’s been hidden in the subconscious for some time. I’m hearing “lying dormant”. If things begin to resurface for you at this time, it’s because you’re needing to face them so that you can properly heal and align with the energy. Be gentle with yourself and others and show some compassion.. being harsh isn’t going to do any Justice for your now anyone but being gentle will.

There’s an argument bound to happen between 2 people possibly men. We have fire and air energy. Whoever this fire sign is, they’re going to be the one to attack first while the air sign keeps themselves grounded and strong minded and not entertain the other person’s approach… if that makes sense. I feel like this fire sign is upset because a female may have chosen the air sign make. With this situation, faith is being restored. Someone is leaving behind certain rules on how something should be and just going with what they want. I’m also seeing someone being a divine messenger as well.. Moses is significant too.