#beautiful kind of pain

[n4rval]

MONSTER PHYSIOLOGY: DR. WINGDINGS GASTER - Proportion studies.

because i will admit, i have been struggling. wanted to nail down something consistent. sprinkled a little form and function here and there, but i'll save more in depth drawings to another post.

[star-struck09]

I hope life is kinder to you today than yesterday.

[crustyfloor]

SUA LORE (I'm going to die one of these days fuck)

When Sua was younger, among all the sisters she had grown up with, she had one older sister, but seemingly, unlike their other sisters, that woman didn't treat Sua with hostility, in fact, she looked like she doted on Sua and looked out for her.

Translation (Creds to: @/greenbean1467 on yt in the comments section):

1/2 ?: You should take care of your hair. (Woah, careful) ?: So immature… 2/2 ?: Alright, it can’t be helped. Sua has to be punished! Tickle tickle! [ At that time, you were my only person, and for that reason, you also made me afraid. ]

"You were my only person, and for that reason, you also made me afraid" Is just...All her life, Sua had been an isolated individual, by choice, and because she had been shunned by her family, avoided due to her cold nature, and during those times she's only had two people to who she could really show herself too, this woman and Mizi, this woman being the only person Sua had in her life I can only imagine how afraid Sua was of losing her sister, and just how much her sister terrified her at times.

1/2 SUA: Mhm, so mother said, it’ll be time to leave after ten more nights. And mother seems happy, and I too… SUA: And that pink-haired kid could be there too, so… ?: Didn’t I tell you it’s uncouth to wiggle your toes like that? 2/2 SUA: Oh… I won’t then. ?: Ugh, so cute! ?: But you know, big sis is worried. ?: Worried that our immature little Sua could just up and die in that hellish place.

This woman and Sua look to be close; they are affectionate, and Sua almost seems to look up to this woman as if a sister figure, but the detail here I'm interested in is how worried this woman is about Sua and her remarks about Sua, she cares about Sua. Still, it shows that she looks down on Sua to some degree, whether this be in a teasing tone or not, I'm unsure. But there's an obvious obsessive fixation on Sua's innocence. And even in this relationship, cruelty was reinforced as a means to an end.

1/2 ?: You’re already so stupid, what if you just up and die in that place? ?: You poor thing, Sua. [They say that corpses fall from the sky in that place. When a weak kid like Sua just up and dies, They burn those kids in a hot, hot fire, And then they open the sky lid to sprinkle them over the living kids Like snow raining down. ] 2/3 ?: Even if it's not, I'm not smart, but I've gone so far ?: Pick--If you die. What should I do? ?: It's so cute Sua.

Growing up under the same guardian, Nigeh, who valued quality and beauty in her pets, it becomes obvious why Sua's sister was criticizing her appearance. She'd grown up hearing the same criticisms from the harsh and cold Nigeh who didn't care for their pets beyond their value, and what all they could bring to the plate, I could imagine just what kinds of things Nigeh would say to a pet human with "abnormalities".

Sua, however, was the perfect pet human, she was pretty, obedient, and acted obediently for Nigeh as a manicured doll to meet their expectations. She was attached to Nigeh like a daughter to a mother, looking to their validation to feel as if she was more valuable than she truly was even though the love wasn't reciprocated. For these reasons, she was treated differently from her other sisters, of course, there would be a level of envy and projection from Sua's sister.

Sua's sister is shown to be anxious about Sua, she seems to have been attached to her in the way a hurt child needs a security blanket to rest at night, Sua is so childish, naive, and stupid, it is reassuring to her sister to have someone to care for, as if there was still hope in this world, so without Sua, her sister's worries wouldn't be soothed, her sister was so scared that she even threatened Sua with fear, expressing how frightening and horrific this environment would be (Like, "Pick, if you die" I read it as "If I lose you, what should I do?)

In this way, Sua seems to parallel mirror woman because Sua had this same dependency on Mizi, again, in the way a hurt, lonely, scared child needs a security blanket to rest at night, Sua wanted Mizi to remain naive and stupid, willingly kept her in the dark so that Sua could feel a sense of peace and security through her, her sister was the same way with Sua, she wanted to keep Sua from the hell she would be subjected to very, very soon, but in the end, telling Sua ugly truths, about the snow, and all, had to have been fueled by bitter feelings, to rid Sua of that type of innocence, could have been any kind of love, perhaps in a twisted way she wanted to protect Sua.

She obviously had to have been mentally unstable (understandably) to say these kinds of things to a child, no less, the way she stares at Sua like she's desperate and broken, really, it's not loving, it's just desperate and cruel. Really, the fact that Alien stage can bring a person to this kind of insanity is a horrifying concept. Still, I believe she was trying to teach a lesson to Sua at this time in her life when she was growing up, making attachments and being susceptible to impressions, it was purposely harsh to frighten her, to project her fears onto Sua, and those words from her sister stuck with Sua for the rest of her life.

From that day on, all Sua could think about was death, all she could do was worry and worry until she met Mizi again.

Meeting Mizi, in all her optimism and bright smiles, was like a healing balm on Sua's wounds, or in other words, her "Cure" .

1/2 SUA: Big sister, your words then made me, as young as I was, all the more afraid. I imagined “just up and dying” so many times, even more than before… 2/2 SUA: But if I meet you again, I want to tell you this. That you were wrong. The one to be pitied was probably you.

1/2 SUA: If this is hell… 2/2 MIZI: Found you! You're that snow doll!

Interestingly enough, Mizi calling Sua a "snow doll" may be a foreshadowing of Sua's death, as now it's semi-confirmed that dead children are cremated and sprinkled down onto the Anakt children's faces, but they only think it's snow. (THAT IS JUST FUCKING SICK. someone kill me)

And a parallel to the MIZISUA video, their first meeting. (The nickname is just--telling of how Sua is perceived, as a little dressed-up doll.)

(And that fact just gives this piece a wholeeee darker meaning. of course. It somewhat disproves the theory that the dead are instead fed to the Wagyein, but I don't know which is worse. Then again Sua's sister could've been going off on a psychotic rant, so I'm not taking it too seriously. It's a weird coincidence though)

1/2 SUA: Where else could you find such a paradise so wonderful? 2/2 SUA: So you're wrong.

(Some nuance may be lost in translation. I died)

So this comic, like Ivan's comic after ROUND 6, Cure, Heavenly Garden, was Sua's reminiscing during her final moments, and her only thoughts were the words of her sister, her face, haunting as it was, and Mizi, her universe.

Sua's sister pitied her for her inevitable fate, she had known the life of being a pet-human, used, abused, and hurt, she feared death and still had her instincts intact. Knowing Sua would go through the same cycle and then meet a terrible fate on that hellish stage...tasted bitter. It was frightening, but it was one small liberty for Sua to make it something of her own.

But for Sua, it was far from hell. Sua's sister references Anakt garden and Alien stage as a whole as hell because it's a one-way ticket to your demise, there is no true life once you're in, that's why it's so frightening, but being found by Mizi in that garden--Mizi was wonderful, Mizi made Sua feel like a child, to feel warm in her bright, gentle light, feeling the tranquility of feeling freed and loved in the comfort of Mizi's gentle song, Sua didn't want to be pitied, she didn't even regret making it this far, she didn't care about death as long as she wasn't without Mizi, Because to be able to be with her, and sing with her...everything was all worth it to meet Mizi. For Sua, there is no fate more miserable than living a life without Mizi and dying that way. Living a life of loneliness and anxiety was pitiful.

Side note, the title of this comic, Heavenly Garden, maybe a religious reference and, more specifically, a reference to the Garden of Eden. The themes here that connect to "Return to the Great Anakt", all children, in ashes and all will eventually return to the great Anakt, it gives me the idea that after Sua's death, her "Heaven", was returning to Anakt Garden and returning to her paradise, Mizi.

[woozapooza]

😍🫶🥰👏👸🏻🌟💖 Dr. Melfi 💖🌟👸🏻👏🥰🫶😍 in season 1

[ashrayus]

:’))

[hetalian-veteran]

Art Styles I Personally Think the Hetalia Characters Looked Their Best In (and Why) Part 1

Link to Part 2

I'm making this at 3am because my back hurts and I can't sleep. But the art styles have been on my mind for a while and I wanted to talk about it. Or at least express which ones I think were best for certain characters and why.

I will also be omitting characters who have only appeared in one season.

Also, please note that I am referring to the show and not the webcomic. This is primarily because I didn't always have access to the webcomic and thus the show is what I've always been most familiar with.

Italy: Seasons 1-4

This was a close call between this and his design for season 5, but you can't beat the classic art style for Italy. When someone mentions Italy from Hetalia, this is what comes to mind. I also feel like there's a bit more fluff to his hair in this art style, but it's also not so flat that it looks like his hair is wet. He also just looks cuter here. I can't explain it. He just does.

Romano: Season 7

As a long-time Romano fangirl, this was a very close call between all the art styles I've seen for this character. But ultimately, season 7 won out. I like how they colored his hair. Not just because I like brown hair, but because they made it shiny, but not so shiny that it looks wet, and... Let's be real here, this outfit. It is everything my middle school self ever wanted and more. The Romano fans were blessed the day he graced our screens with this glorious fit.

Germany: Season 1-4

Part of why I love this art style for Germany is because it's the one I was first introduced to, and it's one where he looks the most like a real person (at least to me, anyway). Another reason is that the other designs for Germany either make him way too muscular for my liking, or they give him a bit of a dopey face. I think it's also worth mentioning that this design gave us some very meme-worthy facial expressions, and that should never be downplayed or forgotten. Also, I miss the black tank top look for him. Iconic.

Japan: Season 5

Japan's design in season 5 hits sort of a sweet spot between his designs for seasons 1-4 and seasons 6-7. His hair is obviously still black, but it isn't so dark that it loses any value. The shading and gradient look really good and help make his design here pop from the previous one. I also like how big and squared his eyes are here, similar to in seasons 1-4. Seasons 6-7 made his eyes too round. I also love that brown gradient within his eyes. I feel like his eyes were too small in seasons 6-7. As I said, this Japan design hits a sweet spot and balances all the best elements of his design while still maintaining the look of aph Japan.

Prussia: Season 5

It took me a while to figure out why I preferred this art style for Prussia, but I think I finally figured it out. Angles. This design utilizes sharper angles than the other designs for Prussia. The reason why this works so well is that angles in character design are often used either for older characters or for characters who have a bit of an edge to them (pun unintended). I understand that Prussia is a huge dork (affectionately), but he has always come across as a sort of rebel to me with a "do or die" attitude, which makes sharper edges and angels work well for him. Also, his eyes are pretty. And he looks hot here sue me.

Spain: Season 5

Okay, I have several notes here, because virtually everything here is an upgrade from his design from seasons 1-4. For one thing, they actually gave him tanned skin, which, in my opinion, makes sense for the personification of Spain, a country that gets a lot of sunshine. His hair is shiny and gives a sort of sunkissed look, like he's been working outside the whole day. Not to mention his hair has a bit of fluff to it, a huge upgrade from his more flat-looking hair from previous seasons. His eyes are beautiful, with a gradient from yellow-green, into avocado green, and then into a shamrock green. I also like the more casual clothing he wears this season, as well as that one cool-looking suit of armor he wore during his battle against the Netherlands. The only reason I am not putting his design for seasons 6-7 here is that, despite giving him even tanner skin in those seasons, which I like, his facial features feel too rounded to me, making him look a bit like a young child. Season 5 Spain walked in, slayed the competition, and walked out. A true king.

Belgium: Season 5

I've heard a little bit of arguing online about how Belgium's hair in season 5 should've been blonde, but honestly? In a sea of blonde characters, I don't mind her having light brown hair. If anything, I think it's beautiful and it makes her stand out more. I really like her light green eyes, as well as the cute dresses that she wears. In particular this outfit. The green bow on her dress and in her hair complement her eyes beautifully. Not to mention that the green bow on the gray and black dress makes for a really nice pop of color. I know she's not a character who shows up a ton, but for me, she looked her absolute best in season 5, and the previous and latter seasons cannot compare.

Netherlands: Seasons 5-7

I'm lumping seasons 5-7 together for the Netherlands because I honestly cannot see too many big differences between his designs there. All I can say is that they are far better than his one design in seasons 1-4. I love the whole outfit he wears, with the long coat and the scarf. I lowkey kinda want that scarf. He also has the added detail of smoking a pipe. Which, sidenote, is that a big thing in the Netherlands? I have no idea. I just found the pipe to be a unique and interesting detail. I'd talk about the design, but that would be best suited for a top ten favorite designs post.

[harmoniouseclipse]

Heartburn is strong but they are stronger

[faaun]

the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid

[fascinationstreetmp3]

putting this all under a readmore and not tagging i just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere .. talking about marius and his fans & tw for mentioning csa / sa

personally. i understand that the marius/armand relationship has been a popular part of the book series for decades and it's fictional and yes i get it. but. i dont understand those fans who encounter people who find it purely horrifying or upsetting and then get mad at them for it. just because of how it's framed in the books as a beautiful gothic love story (filtered through both the author's intention & the skewed perspectives of the two characters involved in it) doesn't mean EVERYONE has to romanticise it and it's only babies or idiots or show only fans who "can't handle gothic fiction".

and then the people who try to convince everyone marius is armand's saviour who only ever treated him with love and kindness really confuse me. like, is it a wholesome relationship built on mutual love? or is it abusive and awful AND loving and caring at the same time? aren't the people who deny marius did anything wrong to armand really the ones who can't stomach enjoying gothic romances and have to twist it into something else?

it's a story of a fully grown man, a millenia old vampire, rescuing a teenager from sex slavery by purchasing him for himself, renaming him, showering him with affection, sexually abusing him, genuinely loving him, treating him like a child and an adult and student and son and lover all at the same time, making his entire world revolve around his master, punishing him emotionally and eventually physically whenever he gets too clingy or aggressive. and it's all done, not under just the 'guise' of love, but from a place of genuine love, and that's how both characters see it. it's entirely damaging and fucked up and the aftereffects of it on armand's mind and sense of self are present for centuries, compounded by everything else he went through. he still draws both comfort and pain from thinking about his past now and even tries to partially recreate the dynamic with someone else both in the book (with daniel, armand taking the role of the master; and keeping young 'mortal slaves' for a time) and in the show (with louis, armand taking the role of the slave)

it is a super fucked up relationship & i'm not one of those people who thinks you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy those in fiction. there's a lot of them that appeal to me obviously, and of course everyone has their own boundaries when it comes to that too. AND i know it's not all marius fans or even all marius/armand fans. i literally don't care what people like in fiction and i think we should all just mind our own business honestly

but it's the people who act like they're the only ones who get that it's just a tragic beautiful romance, that nobody else can read apparently, that 'marius haters' are just looking for things to be mad at that make me go ???????

[lenny-zesty]

biscuitbites is one of two ships to actually make me feel more than “aw they’re cute :)”

they’ve been doomed from the start. from the moment they met they were damned by the very narrative that brought them together. damned by the narrative that will try to rip them apart. how two polar opposites come together and face the very horrors that have sunken their teeth into their pasts.

and it makes me feel something.

it feels like a wound, one that you think will get better but it just keeps hurting. it’s beautiful. it’s beautiful in a painful, agonizing way.

you want them to be happy.

but you don’t know if they’ll get that.

[thegreatyin]

How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable

there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??

a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!

i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.

i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-

hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.

the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.

[mossterunderthebed]

[lale-txt]

watched look back on the train and cried uncontrollably for an hour straight

[itspileofgoodthings]

I think it’s such a lovely thought that the stuff you’re going through now is preparing you for the things you want.

[waterlinkedgirl]

Musical Touken Ranbu: Tsuwamonodomo ga Yume no Ato english sub

A passion project if there's ever been one, it's been a longstanding want of mine to finally do this! Needless to say, Tsuwamono and everything it meant is still my favourite plot from Toumyu! I love its character-driven and intricate writing, its heartrending acting choices, as well as the way it invites one to think about what characters think and why, and why they do or don't (dare to) do the things they do.

However, another important reason that I'm letting myself indulge in this, is that recent Toumyu has taken a turn away from this plot, changing the way how Mikazuki is framed, tying different characters to themes that were tied to Kogitsunemaru, and put those characters into roles that would originally have been most natural for Kogitsunemaru to follow.

In that light, then, I hope that these subtitles will allow you to see, even if it's just the smallest sliver, what I loved in Toumyu's take of Kogi and Mika up to and including Kotobuki. To see that it was beautiful. Because I think it was. 💙💛🌙🦊

Keep in mind that the files in the folder below are only the subtitle files, timed and tled to the blu-ray and DMM senshuuraku distribution. The folder also includes a pdf with translation notes, some background information where I felt it would add, and just a little bit of eager gushing about the references made.

You can find the folder with all the aforementioned files here!

Please enjoy, even if it's just with me in your thoughts.

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm so not normal about nursery songs like You Are My Sunshine... we are singing our loved ones (babies and young especially) that they are the sun in our hearts, that they warm us with their very presence and that they are so, so dear and loved. How could you hate humanity when we have this unadulterated love for each other?